156: Pranks, Blackmail, and Perverts: America’s Weirdest Presidents

Summary

Dark History Episode 156: Pranks, Blackmail, and Perverts: America’s Weirdest Presidents

Release Date: January 15, 2025
Host: Bailey Sarian
Expert: Professor Luke Nichter, Chapman University

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Introduction: Deconstructing Presidential Iconography

Bailey Sarian opens the episode by challenging the traditional portrayal of U.S. presidents as untouchable heroes. She emphasizes the importance of uncovering the lesser-known, bizarre aspects of these historical figures to present a more nuanced and humanized view of their personalities and actions. Sarian sets the stage for an exploration of the "weirdest presidents," highlighting their quirks, scandals, and unprecedented behaviors that history books often overlook.

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Lyndon B. Johnson: The Eccentric Commander-in-Chief

The Johnson Treatment and Personal Quirks

Sarian delves into the complex character of President Lyndon B. Johnson (LBJ), portraying him as both a highly productive leader and a source of discomfort for those around him. She describes his infamous "Johnson treatment," a strategy where Johnson would emotionally and physically dominate his aides to ensure his directives were followed. At [02:15], Sarian recounts, “He would corner his aides, grip their hands tightly, and lean in so close that you could smell his cologne,” illustrating Johnson’s intimidating presence.

Sexual Misconduct and Public Persona

One of the most shocking aspects of Johnson’s presidency discussed is his blatant sexual misconduct. Sarian reveals that LBJ was known for exposing his genitalia to the press and other officials, famously nicknaming his penis "Jumbo." At [05:48], she narrates an incident where Johnson allegedly responded to a reporter’s inquiry about the Vietnam War by simply exposing himself and declaring, “This is why.” Sarian emphasizes the normalization of such behavior within the White House, highlighting Johnson’s disregard for personal boundaries and public decency.

Paradox of Achievements and Controversies

Despite his personal flaws, Johnson’s administration was marked by significant legislative achievements, including the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and the Voting Rights Act of 1965. Sarian acknowledges these accomplishments but contrasts them with the escalation of the Vietnam War, which ultimately tarnished his legacy. She notes, “[08:30] Johnson was productive in passing crucial laws, yet his military strategies in Vietnam led to widespread unpopularity.”

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Warren G. Harding: Scandal and Extravagance

Extramarital Affairs and Blackmail

Sarian transitions to President Warren G. Harding, focusing on his notorious extramarital affairs. Harding’s primary mistress, Carrie Phillips, successfully blackmailed him into providing generous hush money payments to keep their affair secret. At [19:10], Sarian quotes Harding’s letter to Phillips: “My home relationship is merely existence necessary for appearances sake,” revealing his blatant disregard for his marital vows.

Bootlegging and Prohibition Hypocrisy

Harding’s presidency is further scrutinized for his hypocrisy regarding Prohibition. Publicly, he supported the Anti-Saloon League, yet privately he indulged in alcohol, maintaining a secret bootlegging operation facilitated by his aide, Jess W. Smith. Sarian explains at [22:45], “President Harding had his own bootlegging service, smuggling whiskey into the White House despite the nationwide ban,” showcasing the dichotomy between his public stance and private actions.

Wild White House Parties

Harding was also infamous for hosting extravagant and raucous poker nights at the White House, often undermining his public image as a staunch prohibitionist. These gatherings, described as “downright ragers,” included the First Lady, Alice Longworth, who mingled with bottled whiskey alongside the president. Sarian notes, “[24:00] These poker nights were a stark contrast to Harding’s public persona, revealing a man who lived a double life of indulgence and secrecy.”

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Grover Cleveland: Marital Oddities and Secret Surgery

Unconventional Marriage and Personal Relationships

The episode then shifts to President Grover Cleveland, whose personal life was fraught with unconventional relationships. Cleveland married Frances Folsom when she was 21, after a close familial friendship that began when Cleveland acted as administrator for Frances's late father. At [30:50], Sarian remarks, “Frances called him ‘Uncle Cleve’ before they became husband and wife, a relationship that would later spark scandal and rumors.”

Secret Health Scandal and Surgical Prowess

A particularly intriguing story highlighted is Cleveland’s secret surgery to remove a malignant tumor while he was President. Concerned about public perception and economic stability, Cleveland entrusted the procedure to a team of surgeons aboard a yacht, ensuring the operation left no visible scars. At [34:30], Sarian describes, “They performed a six-surgeon operation on a moving yacht, meticulously avoiding any noticeable changes to his appearance, especially his signature mustache.”

Posthumous Revelations and Legacy

The secrecy surrounding Cleveland’s surgery was eventually compromised when one of the surgeons leaked the story decades later, confirming the president’s efforts to maintain a flawless public image. This revelation came long after Cleveland’s death, casting a shadow over his legacy and illustrating the lengths to which he went to protect his reputation. Sarian concludes Cleveland’s segment by reflecting on the importance of such hidden histories in understanding the full scope of presidential lives.

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Conclusion: Humanizing History’s Leaders

Bailey Sarian wraps up the episode by reiterating the value of exploring the hidden, often uncomfortable truths about U.S. presidents. She argues that understanding these quirks and scandals provides a more comprehensive and relatable portrayal of these historical figures. Sarian emphasizes that presidents, despite their towering public personas, were deeply flawed and human, often engaging in behaviors that starkly contrast with their official duties and public images.

At [49:25], she asserts, “Even the highest office in the land doesn’t make someone immune to human flaws,” encouraging listeners to view history with a more critical and nuanced perspective. Sarian concludes by inviting listeners to reflect on these stories and appreciate the complex legacies of America’s leaders.

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Notable Quotes:

• Bailey Sarian [02:15]: “He would corner his aides, grip their hands tightly, and lean in so close that you could smell his cologne.”

• Bailey Sarian [05:48]: “[Johnson] would just like ride on the. Hey, like just out, just... This is why.”

• Warren G. Harding [19:10]: “My home relationship is merely existence necessary for appearances sake.”

• Bailey Sarian [24:00]: “These poker nights were a stark contrast to Harding’s public persona, revealing a man who lived a double life of indulgence and secrecy.”

• Bailey Sarian [34:30]: “They performed a six-surgeon operation on a moving yacht, meticulously avoiding any noticeable changes to his appearance, especially his signature mustache.”

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Final Thoughts

Episode 156 of Dark History offers a compelling dive into the eccentricities and scandals of some of America’s most significant presidents. By shedding light on the peculiar and often disturbing behaviors of leaders like LBJ, Harding, and Cleveland, Bailey Sarian provides listeners with a richer, more humanized understanding of historical figures. This episode underscores the importance of examining both the public achievements and private follies of those who have shaped the nation's history.

Transcript

[Bailey Sarian]

History books put presidents on a pedestal. We think of them as, like, these untouchable heroes. You know, in school, we learn about what made them good leaders, what their big achievements were, how they handled war, disasters, terrorist attacks. But, you know, like, what about the weird stuff that they did that no one talks about? You know, like, I'm talking about their quirks, their unprecedential behaviors. Well, when I looked into this, turns out there were a lot of them. So today we're paying tribute to some of the freakiest commanders in chief that the United States has ever known. From driving boat cars to whipping out their penises for the press, and, you know, so much in between, our past presidents have had a little more personality than we may have been told. So let's get into the bizarre, the beautiful, and the mind boggling dark history of weird presidents. Hi, friends. I hope you're having a wonderful day today. My name is Bailey Sarian, and I'd like to welcome you to my podcast, Dark History. Here we believe history does not have to be boring. It might be tragic, it might be happy, but either way, it's our dark history. Before we get into it, don't forget to like and subscribe because I'm always posting new content. Hi. And let me know what you think. I love hearing from you in the comment section. Now let's get into some weird presidents, huh? This is fun.

[Sponsor/Co-host]

This is fun.

[Bailey Sarian]

So in our history of 46 presidents, some shady. 46. Really? Okay, I learned something new right now. In our history of 46 presidents, some shady stuff has happened behind the doors of the White House. So let's start with one of my personal favorites, Lyndon B. Johnson. President Johnson was sometimes called lbj, and he was such an egomaniac that his wife and daughters all had the same initials as him. Kind of like giving like Kris Jenner, you know, but not. He's probably the most, like, infamous U.S. president of this episode because of his unique personality. LBJ is the guy who replaced JFK after JFK was assassinated. And maybe it was especially obvious because of how popular JFK was, but Johnson was not a popular guy with the American people. His mannerisms made people insanely uncomfortable. But, you know, he didn't care. All he cared about was, like, getting the job done. His weirdness actually became known as the Johnson treatment. Instead of, like, walking up to an aide or an intern in the White House and saying, like, hey, where's that file? Or whatever, you know, LBJ had a trademark move. He would usually corner his aides when they were alone. And sometimes he would even, like, grip their hands really tight. Then he would lean in really, really close. Like, really close. So. So, like, he's breathing on you. You can smell all of him. And LBJ was like 6 foot 4, so he was essentially towering over whoever he was talking to. And because LBJ believed that the more uncomfortable and intimidated he could make someone, the less likely they'd be to turn him down. Interesting strategy. And honestly, I could see that working. Right, if someone's, like, coming at you and talking really close, like, hey, will you. Will you house sit for me? And they're, like, really close to you, you're gonna say, yeah, well, it depends. Do you have a pool? Johnson made quite the name for himself. And his Johnson. His penis. His penis. Penis is the other Johnson. Yeah, I was talking about his penis.

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[Bailey Sarian]

By the end of his presidential term, everyone had seen his penis, including the press, his cabinet, more than a few leaders and lawmakers. And I guess they saw it at least a couple of times. He would just like ride on the. Hey, like just out, just. He even gave it a nickname, Jumbo. I mean, it's bad. You shouldn't do that. But if it's huge and Jumbo. If I were a dude, God, I'd be in so much trouble. And I had a big wiener. I would definitely just be like plopping it everywhere. It's big. I'm just kidding. I wanted a sexual harassment Bailey dog, don't do that. That's why God made me a woman. So you're probably thinking, okay, how is this happening? He's a president. Aren't people like, you know, complaining or something? Well, first off, Johnson was notorious for taking meetings in the bathroom. Now according to him, this was to, quote, assert dominance. I don't know this guy. He's odd, right? Whenever he had to use the bathroom, he would demand that people for follow him in. Then he just keep talking, like with the door open. Yeah. So, okay, all right. I was thinking. Cause like I was in the, I was in the bathroom the other day and this girl, this girl's having a full on conversation on the phone while on the toilet. People who talk on the toilet like that to me is strange. And I know you're out there. I know a lot of you do it. Because I go to the bathroom a.

[Sponsor/Co-host]

Lot like people do.

[Bailey Sarian]

And sometimes I'll be listening to people having full on conversations on the phone. And I'm like, dude, if I were on the phone and you're on the taking, if you, you can tell when someone's on the bathroom cause it echoes and you can hear a flush. It's just bizarre. But do your thing. So one time, allegedly, when he was speaking with a lawmaker, he turned around, dick out, and he asked like, hey, you ever seen anything this big? Yeah, but actually, I guess LBJ wasn't a big fan of bathrooms. If he wasn't within a few feet of a toilet, he was known to whip out Jumbo and just urinate wherever. One time he was driving around his ranch drinking scotch and water. His Favorite drink? Yeah, Drinking and driving. And he stopped to take a leak on the side of the road. His Secret Service were following closely behind him. And they actually walked right into the splash zone. Yeah. Apparently one of those Secret Service guys piped up and said, Excuse me, Mr. President, like, the wind is blowing your pee onto my leg. And Johnson replied, I know that's my prerogative. Yeah. Johnson didn't really, like, give a crap what anyone thought of him. Like, that is something I admire. But, like, you can't be whipping out your dick everywhere, dude. Bro. Can't be doing that. According to our expert, he. He smoked two packs a day and drank like a fish. He was even known for taking meetings completely naked. After a 1964 campaign event, he invited White House reporter Frank Cornier into the presidential plane for an interview. I guess it was a really hot day. And according to Frank, Johnson proceeded to remove all of his clothes, including his underwear, and continue the interview like nothing was happening. Everything was completely normal. Don't ask questions. Just accept my story. One time I went to a nudist colony thing, and, you know, everyone's naked and they all act completely normal. Right? It's fine. It's accepted. Love your body. Be naked. And I'm like, that's great. I had clothes on. If someone was, like, sitting and trying to. Or, like, talking to you, do you know how hard it is to not look and just try to look them in the eyes the whole time? Oh, it was such a challenge. Cause you wanna be like, you know, you can't. Anyway, so he was a nudist. He loved it. He loved to swim naked in the White House pool. And naturally, Johnson wasn't shy about his skinny dipping. Like, he would do it in front of anyone who happened to be there. He even took official meetings, no matter how important, while swimming naked. But even when he was wearing clothes, I mean, you were never safe during meetings. He was known to reach right down, like, into his pants and adjust himself. Like, move. You know, move his junk around. Maybe you've seen guys do that. I know I have. I was at Universal Studios, and this guy just out walking, full on, just didn't give. He just in his pants, adjusted, and then just put his hands on the railing. At the Harry Potter line, I was like, this is why we get the flu and stuff. It's kind of always the men. Sorry, but you guys are nasty. Apparently, Johnson would make his adjustment and his beloved Jumbo the focus of his meetings. He even used his dick to justify war verbatim, telling people that his dick was why the US Was in Vietnam. When a group of reporters once asked him why the US Was involved in the war, he literally pulled out his dick and said, this is why. Yeah, I don't know. One time, I guess, a new shower was being installed in the White House, and Johnson requested that a special jet be added to shoot water directly at his crotch. At least one of these showers, I guess, still exists. Our expert, Luke Nichter has even seen the one in LBJ's presidential library in Austin, Texas. And he said, quote, it looks unrenovated since he was alive. I don't really blame him for that. Cause, like, a lot of. I don't wanna say. I don't wanna group all men together, but, you know, I'm sure a lot of guys don't clean that area well. Probably a good thing to have, like a shower cleaning it, you know, I don't know. He obviously loved his wiener. Apparently, LBJ's staff told him it would probably be pretty expensive to do that. And he responded, if I can move 10,000 troops in a day, you can certainly fix the bathroom any way I want. I mean, touche. One of the most well known Johnson stories comes from a fateful day in August when he was trying to custom order a new pair of pants. Now, with his wiener being so big, Johnson had some special requests about how his pants should fit. Specifically, the crotch should be extra roomy. This is all a direct quote, he told the clothing makers. Quote, the crotch down where your nuts hang is always a little too tight. So when you make them up, give me an inch that I can let out there. Because they cut me. They're just like riding a wire fence. Leave me about an inch from where the zipper ends around back to my bung hole. We have a recording of this for you. Let's see if you can't leave me about an inch from where the zipper ends around under my back of my bung hole. All right, then. Johnson really took making people uncomfortable to a whole new level. I mean, he should get an award for it, really. Now, you might think we're ready to move on to our next character because there's no way President Johnson could get any more unique. I don't know if you is the word or just like a pervert. Right. I think he kind of got off on, like, showing people his dick. Are there pictures of his dick out there? I'm curious. I just wanna see what he was so impressed with. Johnson wasn't just known for his wiener. He was also known for playing potentially deadly pranks on his guests. So picture this. You're the Prime Minister of France. You're coming to meet the President of the United States. States of America. You show up, dressed nice and smart. Maybe you're wearing a beret. I don't know. You come with a loaf of bread. LBJ invites you into his bougie car for a ride, and you're like, oui, oui. And you're cruising along, and suddenly, oh, no, the car is going right into a river. You're panicking. You look at the present, you're like, what are you doing? You're driving into a river right now. Well, turns out you were just in his Amphicar, AKA his car that turns into a boat. President Johnson owned a water car that could operate on both land and water. Honestly, like, kind of ahead of his time, but one of his favorite things to do was to invite, you know, people over for a little drive and then go head first. Well, drive headfirst into a body of water, let their passenger kind of panic for a second, and then be like, lol, just kidding. It's a boat. So by the time he left office, LBJ was pretty notorious, and not just for his literal and metaphorical dick swinging. President Johnson was productive. I mean, over his four years in office, he passed a ton of important civil rights and social welfare legislation, including the Civil Rights act of 1964, which banned segregation in public places, including schools. It also banned racial discrimination in workplaces when it came to hiring. So because of lbj, you know, businesses are not allowed to hire based on race, color, religion, sex, or national origin. He also signed the Voting Rights act of 1965. So for years and years, people have been trying to prevent black people from voting by requiring stuff like property ownership, literacy tests, and poll taxes. This was at a time when discrimination against black Americans meant that they couldn't really own property or get higher education. So even though there was no law saying black Americans can't vote, they were pretty obviously intended to keep the voting population for, like, the white and Rich. And LBJ's Voting Rights act helped make that illegal. He even established the food stamp program, which gave underprivileged people access to food. But he also played a big part in escalating America's involvement in the Vietnam War. And despite everything we've learned about him today, that's what made him unpopular to the American people. Even once it was clear that we weren't gonna win the war, Johnson was asking Congress to send in more troops and to Bomb the hell out of Vietnam. So, you know, that did not look great for him. Many people, many men were dying, and those who didn't were facing serious health issues because of the war weapon, Agent Orange. Remember we covered Agent Orange in our Monsanto episode? So, you know, in conclusion, he was a pervert and a troll and weird and bizarre. He's, he's uncomfortable. But in office, he did accomplish a lot at the end of the day, good and bad. Honestly though, I kind of want to take a ride on that car boat. I would love to do that. I would do the same thing. Uh oh, we're going into the river, we're going to die. And then like, you just freak them out.

[Sponsor/Co-host]

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[Bailey Sarian]

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[Bailey Sarian]

Joan is a president. Any special words for the American people out there, Joan? Uh huh. Wow. I'd vote for you. And then we have Paul. Paul, this ain't it. This ain't it. You know, we never see him in pants. And I think there's a reason. You see how these pants fit. Oh my gosh. Good for you, Paul. The next weird president I want to talk about is number 29, President Warren G. Harding. What's that, Joan? Oh, he's a Scorpio. Oh, so he's a Freak. Freaky dinky. Huh? It makes sense. You'll see. Not to, like, say Scorpios are freaky or anything, but, you know, they usually are the ones talking on the toilet, too. Anyways, this guy, he was president for just two years, from 1921 to 1923, and then he, like, died of a heart attack. Too stressful, I guess. And according to Encyclopedia Britannica, his, quote, brief administration accomplished little of lasting value. Ooh. Okay. But his presidency was kind of juicy. It was like scandals just followed President Harding everywhere he went in his professional life and his personal life. And just like with lbj, one of the main characters in Harding's story was his penis. Are we surprised? The men are always kind of obsessed with the penis. Huh. What? Get over it. So, you know, he also gave his member a nickname. He named it Jerry. I don't know. Jerry was quite busy. Harding was notorious for having affairs. In fact, he even told reporters, quote, it's a good thing I'm not a woman. I would always be pregnant. I can't say no, End quote. I mean, to be fair, I literally just said, quote, I'm quoting Bailey. If I were a man, I would be pulling it out all the time, or whatever I said. I just feel like he didn't have to say that. A diary. A diary. You could write it down. You don't have to say it. You know, you're allowed to think it, but you don't have to say it as a president. Harding was married, but he and his wife, Florence, they had no children together. And as he puts it in a letter to one of his many side pieces, quote, my home relationship is merely existence necessary for appearances sake. Sounds romantic. Yeah. So Warren G. Harding's main side chick was a woman named Carrie Phillips. Now, Carrie was a close friend of the Harding family and one of the Harding's best friends. Wives. Best friends. Oh. Mm. And let me tell you, the number of letters this guy sent to Carrie, it could make a whole book. On Christmas Eve in 1910, Harding sent a photo of himself to Kerry, writing on the back, quote, my darling, there are no words at my command sufficient to say the full extent of my love for you. A mad, tender, devoted, ardent, eager passion. Wild, jealous, hungry love. It rocks in the tortures of aching hunger and glows in the bliss. Honestly, I wish someone would write me letters like that. That's steamy. Too bad it's not for his wife. Huh. Another great line from his letters to Carrie is, quote, there will never be any relief until I take a Long, deep, wild draft on your lips. And then bury my face on your pillowing breasts. Dam, daddy. Okay, one time I got an Instagram comment from some I've got like this creep. I don't block him because he's creative with his words and he told me that he wanted to maul my calcium cannons. So kind of same thing is what I'm getting at. So Harding was really popular with the American people when he was in office because he really had a way with his words. I mean, the man could write an amazing speech. I mean, based off his letters, you can tell he's good with his words. Kerry and Harding had a 15 year long affair from 1905 until 1921, when he became president. In 1920, right after the Republican Party officially nominated him, Harding came to them with his tail, but between his legs, like, hey, guys, I have something I have to tell you. And he told party officials about his affair and about all of those, like, love letters, you know, like. Cause they might come out. I mean, he'd written some of them on Senate stationary, like, literally, uh oh. He knew it was gonna come out sooner or later and wanted some help getting it under control before taking office. Obviously by this point, the affair pretty much, I guess it had been over. But Kerry, you know, she's got all these letters. She wasn't gonna let him just walk away. After he was inaugurated, Kerry threatened to release all of these super saucy letters unless he forked over an insane amount of money. Good for her. So the Republican National Convention secretly paid her $25,000 to keep her mouth shut, which today would be like $400,000. On top of that, Carrie asked for essentially an allowance of $5,000 a month to continue to keep her secret under wraps. Good for her. So Carrie, you know, she was sitting pretty. If this was happening today, that monthly allowance would be like $83,000. Oh, great. That's great. Happy for her. Happy for her.

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[Bailey Sarian]

I do.

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[Bailey Sarian]

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[Bailey Sarian]

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[Bailey Sarian]

So Carrie was totally set for life. I mean, all thanks to her pillowing breasts. You know what's funny though? I mean, obviously they were released, like some of them were because you can read them, so. But she didn't stop there. I mean, she really milked this for all it was worth. She got herself multiple all expense paid vacations and she was even able to like set some of her family members up with cushy government jobs. I mean, can you be mad? No. Good for her. You know, all while sitting on the secret bank account full of hush money. Which is interesting because if Harding paid up, then how do we know about all of this? Like, how do we know about these letters? I mean, eventually someone spilled the beans. Fun fact that you can share with your family at dinner. Harding was actually the only US President to be successfully blackmailed by a mistress. I mean, that we know of. I'm sure there's lots more. They're all men. I mean, come on, you know, they'd be fucking up. And you would think that Harding like learned his lesson after this, but of course he didn't, because, you know, he's a man. Sorry. Sorry, men. I'm so sorry, but sometimes you guys have a hard time keeping your penis in your pants. It's reported that Harding was still seeing Carrie secretly until at least January of 1922. You know, I guess, like, blackmail couldn't even keep them apart. Very romantic. But on top of that, the White House had to tie up some other loose ends. They got signed affidavits from at least three other women that he had an affair with. Bro, what are you doing? This document made them, like, swear that in exchange for a little bit of cash, they wouldn't spill the beans on their affairs with Harding. And, like, three. Those are just, like, the ones that we know about. But, you know, where there's a will, there's a way. Harding even made arrangements to hook up with a senate aide on the night of his inauguration. So, damn, Really, I guess his friends found out and literally, the, like threatened this poor girl with government surveillance if she didn't pack up her stuff and, like, leave town. Harding actually fathered a child with one of the women that he was seeing. Her name was Nan Britton. He was 52 at the time, and she was 21. Keep in mind, this is the same time period when he's having an affair with Carrie. And not to mention, he's married the whole time, too. Now, Nan was from Harding's hometown, and she was kind of like Harding fan group. She had been keeping up with his career since he ran for governor. After she graduated from secretary school, Nan wrote a letter to Harding asking for a job, and Harding had time. He wrote back, and he said he would try to help. He also said that he would be in New York the next week if she felt like, you know, meeting up, maybe getting together. Harding booked them a room at the Madison Hotel. And it wasn't like, just a normal room. He got the bridal suite. So Nan shows up, and pretty much as soon as she closes the door to the suite, Harding is, like, all over her, making out with her. Bright side, she did get a job out of it. And, of course, like, you know, they just. They kept their affair going strong for years. Eventually, Nan got pregnant and gave birth to a baby girl. And apparently, Harding never actually, like, met the child he had with Nan, but he did make child support payments. And I guess these payments were actually hand delivered to Nan by the Secret Service. So it's like everyone kind of knew what was up. Harding and Nan continued their affair until he died in 1923. Once he died, Nan sued his estate in order to get a trust fund for their daughter. I guess she didn't win the case, so instead, she wrote a juicy book about her affair with the president. Oh, yeah. It's called the President's Daughter. Yes. I was thinking My Date with the President's Daughter. That Disney movie. Yes. Not the same thing, though. Yeah, but that's what I was thinking, too. I'm gonna read that book. You know what I'm saying? Nan dedicated her book to, quote, all unwed mothers and to their innocent children whose fathers are usually not known to the world. The thing is, though, nobody believed her stories. The media tore her apart. You know how they. You know how they are. Especially back then. Ugh. They just called her a slut, a liar, a degenerate, a gold digger. So sad, huh? The White House itself called her book a blast from hell. But in 2015, DNA testing confirmed that Elizabeth was in fact, Harding's daughter. So according to his grand nephew, Peter Harding, the entire Harding family had believed this whole time that Nan was a total liar. You bitches. Yeah, well, guess what? DNA doesn't lie, bitch. I mean, you know, DNA test didn't exist back in the early 20s, so it's like, how can anyone be sure that Nan was telling the truth? Oh, that must have been so frustrating. Frustrating for her. They also believe that because Harding had caught the disease called mumps as a kid, he was sterile. Meaning, like, he couldn't have kids because he had the mumps. Maybe that's what Harding thought, too. And, like, you know, that's why he was just going around, sticking his Jerry and everything that moved. He thought he was sterile during his term. Nobody knew about any of this. Not the affairs. Definitely not the baby. Harding came into office as one of the most popular presidents of all time. And he won his election by the largest margin in history. But even towards the end of his second year in office, people were starting to have their doubts. And by the time he left office, he was one of the most hated. Harding was, like, a bit of a hypocrite. So, you know, prohibition, you know, the government, like, banned alcohol. So Harding was a big supporter of prohibition. He voted in support of the anti saloon League, which was the entire reason he was even elected senator way back when. He was super public with his support for the whole, like, no booze thing. But of course, of course, Harding loved, like, whiskey, you know, in private, I guess he kept, like, a fully stocked bar in the White House because he considered himself above the law. And who's gonna stop the president? So also, he was known for hosting, like, Wild poker nights. Alice Longworth, a regular at these poker nights, remembers them as, like, downright ragers. The first lady. Oh, forgot about her. Yeah, but she was there. She would mix the drinks and according to Alice, quote, trays with bottles containing every imaginable brand of whiskey stood about. He was what people called a wet dry. Sounds gross. So this is like someone who told the public that they were anti alcohol, but, you know, in the comfort of their own home, they like to drink. According to FBI reports, he was totally hammered during an important meeting with Union leaders in 1922, when Prohibition was in full effect. Now, you might be wondering, how did Harding get his hands on, like, all this liquor if it was illegal? Well, President Harding had his very own bootlegging service. So this guy named Jess W. Smith personally smuggled whiskey into the White House for the President and his buddies. Jess was the US Attorney General's personal aide, which meant that he had access to, like, all the whiskey that the government had been confiscating. So a lot of this booze. It's not funny, but, like, you know, the president took advantage of this, and it was just his. It was all his. All this booze went to the president, and some of it was kept for the, quote, lovenest. A little party house that Jess and the Attorney General shared. I don't know why it was called the love Nest. Maybe it was because this place had, like, a pink taffeta bedroom. Or it could have been because Jess and the Attorney General were rumored to use this, like, little house to have sex. God, the White House sounds wild, right? If those walls could talk. That's the only. Yeah, that would be interesting, huh? Either way, we know there were sex boos and ragers at the White House thanks to Harding. And maybe he's one of the most popular presidents because he only got to serve for two years. I bet if he stuck around longer, he wouldn't have been able to, like, cover himself so well. I bet you his secrets would have started to come out. You know, Warren G. Harding wasn't the only president who slept around. Of course not, because this next president makes Harding look like an innocent little baby angel.

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[Bailey Sarian]

Oh, the chunky ugg boots.

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[Bailey Sarian]

The next president I want to tell you about is President Grover Cleveland. Cleveland was president from 1885 to 1889 and then 1893 to 1897. Numbers. Numbers. Cleveland married Frances Folsom when she was 21. And he was. And you know, to make things even weirder, Grover met Frances very soon after she was born, he was like, 27. He met her. That's kind of gross, but whatever, I guess. Frances father was one of Grover's, like, old work colleagues, and the families were like, close friends. So When Frances was 11, her dad died and Grover was appointed administrator of his estate. I keep thinking about Sesame Street. As Francis grew up, Grover bought her and her family like, extravagant gifts. And she called him, like, Uncle Cleave, which is gross because that would soon be her husband. Frances started dating her quote, unquote uncle when she was in college, and they got secretly engaged when Francis Princess was 20. They didn't announce their engagement until 10 months later, exactly five days before their wedding. And his favorite nickname for her was my darling child. Yeah. Ew. I don't know. These guys are all giving me the creeps. Like, I feel like I need to take a long, hot shower now. The wildest story about Grover actually has to do with his health scandal that he dealt with. So after he became president for his second term, he noticed, like, a little rough spot on the roof of his mouth. He's like, tongue in his mouth. He's noticing, like, something kind of feels funky. Within a few months, the spot had grown and a doctor diagnosed it as a malignant tumor, basically meaning it's cancer, you know, which not great for Grover, but it might have been even worse for the American people, really. So during this time in history, we were going, like, America was going through America, she's over there. Was going through, like, some rough economic times and heading towards a depression. So Grover worried that if the public found out about his diagnosis, it would cause chaos and make the economy even worse. But the White House doctor was pretty pushy about the fact that his tumor needed to be, like, removed. So Grover decided, okay, I'll remove it in secret. We have to do it, like, low key, like, no one can know about this. So he announced to the public that he was taking a four day fishing trip on his friend's yacht. You know, just an innocent little vacation with the girls. He didn't necessarily lie. He was on a yacht, you know, and he would be gone for four days. But what the public didn't know, and the media and all that, was that he was actually on the yacht to. To get his tumor removed. Yeah, in secret, as fast as possible. Now, doctors to this day are, like, amazed by this surgery. First off, the surgeons were doing it on a moving boat. Plus they had to leave as small of a scar as possible and not change the shape of his face or jaw at all. Because people would notice, you know? And most important for his public image, they could not ruin Grover's signature mustache. I mean, to them, like, that would be a dead giveaway. People would be like, where's your. You know, where's your mustache? Like, what happened? The surgeons only had 90 minutes to execute the surgery, and it ended up taking six surgeons to finish the operation. Wow. So they put Grover under and removed the tumor, plus five teeth and a big chunk of his jaw. They somehow got the tumor out through his mouth and left almost no trace of a scar. Now, the public had no idea any of this happened. No one, really, no one did. Until Dr. Ferdinand Hasbrouck, who. He was, like, one of the guys who performed the surgery. He ended up leaking the story to the Philadelphia Press in, like, August of 1893. Probably for some money or something. Like, good for him. Honestly, if you're a doctor and you did that, I would want to brag, too. Like, check out this shit I just did on a yacht on the President. Like, I wouldn't be able to keep my mouth shut. All of the other doctors totally denied it. So did the New York Times. Everyone turned against this doctor and, like, called him crazy. Said he was making up stories that, like, who would listen to this guy? Like, what the fuck? And it basically ended his career. Career, yeah. Poor doctor. I hope he got paid for, like, that story. Cause at least, like, he would make money. And then, like, okay, fine, my career's over, but at least I got this money. It wasn't until 1917, 24 years later, that another one of the surgeons published a book detailing the entire operation. Oh, it was a bummer, though. Cause the other doctor, Ferdinand, he had been dead for almost, like 15 years by that point. So he couldn't be, like, told, you see, you know, and that's the best part about, like, these situations when you get to say, told you so. That's a nice feeling. But Grover's reputation was basically in the toilet by, like, the end of his second term. But not for any of the reasons that you would expect. People just thought of him as, like, wishy washy. They really didn't know what he stood for. But at the very least, he did go down in history as the guy who got his mouth secretly renovated on a yacht. Now, I don't know why history books have to keep things so dry. Add a little spice, I say, huh? Let him know about the affairs. Well, do we need to know that? I don't know, but it's fun. I feel like I would have remembered so much more about our presidents. If I knew about, like, the little things that made them human or like weirdos, I bet I would have remembered LBJ as a kid or a teenager in history if I knew about his swimming car, you know, or that he pranked people or that he was a major pervert. I don't know. It feels like today we have a more well rounded sense of who everyone is thanks to social media. But people 100 years ago were the same as people today. They laughed, they cried, they talked about their penises and even gave them names. They were perverts. They had affairs. They wrote. No. Well, actually no. People these days don't write steamy hot love letters about pillowing breasts. And I say bring that back. Not the affair part, but like the steamy hot letters. Write me some. Send them to me about my pillowing breasts. Listen, at the end of the day, even the president is a human being. Huh? There's so much more. There are. This was only three presidents, honey. We. How many presents have we had? 40 something. I said, I'm sure there's a lot more where that came from. But just remember, you can't put these people on a pedestal because they usually suck. Well, guys, thanks for listening. It was fun. I had a fun time. I laughed, I cried, I giggled a lot. I was disgusted. I want to take a hot shower because ew, ew. LBJ is gross. Except for his car. But. Well, our next episode is actually, nobody asked for it, but I was like, we're doing it anyways. Because I feel like everyone knows someone, or at least knows of someone who has been affected by this drug. Even though it seems like it came out of nowhere, it's actually been FDA approved since 1968, but today, it's honestly becoming like one of the deadliest killers in America. So join me next week when we talk about the dark history of fentanyl. Well, friends, thank you for hanging out with me today. I hope you learned something new that you can share at the dinner table. Did you know you can join me over on my YouTube where you can watch these episodes? Yeah. On Thursday after the podcast airs, you can see me. Hi. And while you're there, you can also catch my murder mystery and makeup on Mondays. Yay. And don't forget to subscribe. Bleep, blop, bloop. I'm here for you all the time with new content. Now my favorite part. Let's read a couple of comments you guys have left me. Malpal1213 left a comment on our pigeons episode saying every time I hear share a me, I only hear the name Jeremy. Said in a dramatic voice. Jeremy Cheramy. Sher. I know, Mel. Look, I was looking at the comments and everyone was saying. It sounded like I was saying Jeremy. And I was like, okay, I can hear it. I can hear it. There's that. You know? I don't know. At least we remember. Well, did we? I don't know. Thanks. Thank you. Do you think it's because I talk funny? I'm trying. Try it. Haha. Min. Emily. Sorry. Great username. Left us a comment on our death episode saying fun fact when spreading my grandma's ashes. A few years ago one of my uncles snorted her grammy was a partier. Lol. Love you, Bailey. Well, okay. Okay. Yeah, sure. Is your uncle okay? Was he glad he did that? Did you watch? Did you try. You know, I think. God. Was it an intervention episode where. No, no, no. I'm getting confused. It's was. I think it was my strange addiction. Like this lady had lost her husband and she had him cremated and she was addicted to eating and like snorting his ashes. Same thing. Same thing. Yeah. I don't know. But good for your uncle. Good for him. I mean, that's. If that's what grandma wanted. Thank you for sharing that with me. It was fun. Katincrunch 56682 left us an episode suggestion. Episode idea. The dark history of movie curses. Think the Omen, the old poltergeist movies, et cetera. Cap'n Crunch. First of all, I love Captain Crunch. Is that what your name is? Like kind of going after? I love Captain Crunch. I just hate that it like tears up your mouth so you can't eat multiple bowls. You can have like one or two, but you gotta max out because you got cuts all in your mouth. It's like, what is that about, right? It's like eating glass, but it's so good. Anyhoo, I love the episode idea. You know, I was thinking about that because the wizard of Oz also has like some kind of spook. Like remember the. You remember the. One of the. Remember. Do you remember the. The guy who like hung himself in the back of the movie? It's only in certain versions of the wizard of Oz. Anyhow, let me think about this. That's not a bad idea. Maybe it could be like a Halloween time episode. Yeah, okay.

[Sponsor/Co-host]

I like this.

[Bailey Sarian]

Sorry. I'm thinking about it. I'm marinating a little bit and I like this. I think that's a great idea. I'm sure there's like, a lot. We could find more too, huh? What do you think? You want to do an episode on the Birds? Oh, okay. Well, I think there isn't a. There is a story behind the Birds. Like, wasn't what's his name Hitchcock? Like fucking psycho? Like, literally. Anyways, thank you so much for leaving comments and suggestions and stuff. I love it. Don't forget to keep on commenting because maybe I'll read your comment in a future episode. And hey, if you don't know, Dark History is an audioboom original. I want to give a big special thank you to our expert, Professor Luke Nichter, history professor at Chapman University and the author of the book the Year that Broke Collusion and Chaos in the presidential election of 1968. Got to love our experts, huh? And I'm your host. Hi. Bailey Sarian. I hope you have a good day and you make good choices, and I'll be talking to you guys later. Goodbye. Rain.