Arbitrarily Ruthless with Ed Helms

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dear Chelsea – "Arbitrarily Ruthless with Ed Helms"

Episode Information

• Title: Arbitrarily Ruthless with Ed Helms
• Host: Chelsea Handler
• Co-Host: Catherine Law
• Guest: Ed Helms
• Release Date: May 15, 2025

Introduction to the Episode In this engaging episode of Dear Chelsea, Chelsea Handler is joined by her co-host Catherine Law and special guest Ed Helms. The episode delves into a blend of personal anecdotes, professional insights, and heartfelt advice, all delivered with Chelsea's signature humor and candor.

Guest Introduction and Background Chelsea introduces Ed Helms, known for his roles in The Office and The Hangover series, as well as his new book, Snafu: The Definitive Guide to History's Greatest Screw Ups. Ed Helms shares his experience as a correspondent on The Daily Show from 2002 to 2006, highlighting the intense workload and dynamic interactions with fellow correspondents like Stephen Colbert and Samantha Bee.

Discussion on Mind Control and LSD A significant portion of the conversation centers around Ed Helms' exploration of historical events, particularly focusing on the CIA’s MK Ultra program.

• Ed Helms discusses the ethical implications and psychological impact of the MK Ultra experiments, stating, “They built an apartment in San Francisco with a double wall where he could sit and watch…” (09:53).
• Chelsea Handler reflects on the misuse of LSD, expressing her disapproval: “I don't like the way it besmirches LSD's reputation. Why did LSD have to be involved in this?” (09:52).
• The conversation shifts to the modern perspective on LSD, with Chelsea advocating for microdosing as a life and performance enhancement tool: “Microdosing really changes the game because then you don't ever have to feel like you're being overwhelmed…” (12:09).

Ed Helms on Personal Growth and Career Ed opens up about his academic journey at Oberlin College, initially studying geology before transitioning to film through a self-designed major. This narrative underscores the theme of adaptability and following one’s passion despite obstacles.

Personal Anecdotes and Reflections on Comedy Chelsea and Ed share stories about working with fellow comedian Zach Galifianakis, highlighting Zach's unique comedic style and heartfelt moments, such as assuring Chelsea’s safety: “I will never rape you” (06:51).

Advice Segment: Handling Workplace Friendships Chelsea and Ed tackle listener questions, starting with Sammy’s dilemma about a toxic workplace friendship.

• Chelsea Handler advises a direct but compassionate approach: “Have an in-person conversation where you express how both have grown and need to evolve professionally...” (30:14).
• Ed Helms humorously suggests sabotage tactics, which Chelsea immediately redirects back to constructive solutions.

Advice Segment: Navigating a Breakup on a Yacht Amanda seeks advice after a messy breakup while working on a yacht. Ed and Chelsea provide compassionate guidance:

• Chelsea Handler emphasizes the importance of self-care and moving forward: “Give yourself grace. Have time to heal and lean on your support system...” (40:22).
• Ed Helms echoes the sentiment, highlighting the value of maintaining integrity and seeking new opportunities: “I believe my integrity would speak for itself moving forward.” (41:44).

Advice Segment: Pursuing Acting While Caring for a Child with Special Needs Jonathan reaches out about balancing his job as a nanny with his aspirations to focus on an acting career.

• Chelsea Handler encourages full commitment to his passion, comparing it to a “bowling ball down a hallway” that must be thrown full force: “You have to go full throttle...” (49:35).
• Catherine Law suggests practical solutions like training a new caregiver to create more flexibility: “Propose bringing in another person who can be on-call...” (52:02).
• Ed Helms and Chelsea reinforce the importance of pursuing one’s dreams while maintaining meaningful relationships: “Your passion doesn’t negate the love you have for the family...” (54:13).

Conclusion and Final Thoughts The episode wraps up with reflections on resilience and the importance of embracing change. Chelsea and Ed reiterate the value of learning from history's mistakes and personal growth, leaving listeners with a sense of hope and empowerment.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Chelsea Handler (06:10): “Can I tell you something? I just turned 50...”
• Ed Helms (11:50): “Well, there was a big... can we weaponize it or use it in advantageous ways?”
• Chelsea Handler (12:38): “I don't want anybody sitting in a corner. I don't want anyone freaking out.”
• Chelsea Handler (30:14): “Have an in-person conversation where you express how both have grown and need to evolve professionally...”

Key Takeaways

• Historical Insights: Ed Helms provides a deep dive into the CIA’s MK Ultra program, drawing parallels to present-day perceptions of psychedelics.
• Personal Growth: Both hosts and their guest share personal stories that emphasize adaptability and the continuous journey of self-improvement.
• Practical Advice: The episode offers constructive strategies for managing difficult relationships and making pivotal career decisions, highlighting the importance of communication, self-care, and pursuing one's true passions.

Conclusion Dear Chelsea Episode "Arbitrarily Ruthless with Ed Helms" seamlessly blends humor, personal stories, and insightful advice, making it a compelling listen for anyone navigating personal and professional challenges. Ed Helms’ candid discussions enriched by Chelsea’s empathetic guidance create a balanced and enriching listening experience.

Transcript

[Podcast Announcer]

You're listening to an I Heart Podcast.

[Chelsea Handler]

All right, listen up people. It's Chelsea Handler and we need to talk about something really important. And they're called orgasms. If you're not making them a priority, PinkCherry.com is here to fix that. Orgasms boost your mood, lower stress and help you sleep. And let's be honest, we could all use a little release these days. From the iconic magic wand to We Vibe's couples toys to to the game changing Womanizer, pinkcherry.com has everything you need. Solo or with someone, feeling good is the goal. So go to pinkcherry.com and save up to 80% off site wide. You deserve it if you know you owe.

[Commercial Announcer]

Unlike what you're listening to, T Mobile's coverage is no joke because T Mobile helps keep you connected from the heart of Portland to right where you are on America's largest 5G network. Switch now. Keep your phone and T Mobile will pay it off at the $800 per line via prepaid card. Visit your local T Mobile location or learn more@t mobile.com keepnswitch up to 4 lines of your virtual prepaid card. Allow 15 days qualifying unlock device, credit service report in 90 plus days device ineligible carrier and timely redemption required. Card has no cash access and expires in six months.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay, let's talk about your liver. I know it's not the most glamorous organ, but it does a lot of heavy lifting from digestion to detoxification, even keeping you energized after those weekend wine nights. We all love a good cocktail, but let's be real, our liver needs a little help. And that's where LiverMD comes in. It is formulated by one MD Nutrition's team of scientists and doctors, backed by clinical research and trusted by over 3.5 million people. 80% of LiverMD users saw improvements in their liver test results, plus more energy, less bloating and better digestion. Visit OneMD.org and use code Chelsea to save 15% on your first order. Love a good deal? How about a great smelling one? Pura is giving you a free Pura plus smart home diffuser when you subscribe to 2 cents. That's right, your home gets smarter and smells amazing. Choose from over 200 cents from your favorite brands and customize every room with the touch of a button. But hurry, this offer won't last. Pura Life is better when it smells good. Snag your free [e-mail] hi Katherine, how are you?

[Catherine]

Hi Chelsea, I'm great I'm great. I just got back from a few days in Mexico with some of my girlfriends, and I love getting away with my girlfriends.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, nice. Where'd you go in Mexico?

[Catherine]

We went to Cancun. We've got, like a few hotels that we go to, and they just opened up a brand new one, so we went to their brand new one. It was fantastic.

[Chelsea Handler]

Nice. Nice. I am in Europe, you guys. I am in Paris. Grand Paris or Great Paris. I'm not really sure how you say it.

[Podcast Announcer]

Gay Paris. Gay Paris, guys.

[Catherine]

Of course my husband would get that one.

[Chelsea Handler]

And we're having a hell of a time. I'm with Molly, my cousin Yamanika, Eric, my tour manager, who we call Erica. And I have shows coming up in Brussels. I'm in Brussels on May 17, I'm in Amsterdam on May 18, and then Oslo on May 19. And I have managed to keep my shit in Europe.

[Catherine]

So far, so good, right?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yes. We've adjusted to the time. We had three days in Reykjavik and, yeah, we're ready to rumble. So we're getting it all in. We're getting it all in. I've been reading lots of books on my flights. Yes. I'm just a happy camper. Very happy.

[Catherine]

We'll do a little minisode soon with a roundup of all the books you've been reading and can recommend.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay. Wonderful, wonderful. And our guest today, you know from the Office and the Hangover movies, he has a new book called Snafu the the Definitive Guide to History's Greatest Screw Ups. It is out now and it's very enjoyable. Please welcome actor, comedian and writer Ed Helms. Hi, Ed Helms. I ran into Ed recently. We were in. Where were we? Oh, we were in Austin, Right? South by Southwest. At the. I had. I had. Podcast Awards.

[Podcast Announcer]

Yeah, that's right.

[Chelsea Handler]

We were at the. I had Pasta. Pasta Awards.

[Podcast Announcer]

The Pasta Awards.

[Chelsea Handler]

We were talking about all of your credits, but you missed that conversation. We were talking about where all people would know you from. Places like the Hangover, the Office, the Vacation Reboot movie, the Daily Show. Were you a correspondent on the Daily Show?

[Podcast Announcer]

Yeah, I was a correspondent from 2002 to 2006.

[Chelsea Handler]

I forgot about that one. I forgot that you did that.

[Podcast Announcer]

I mean, it was. I made a huge impact and it was. No, actually, it was a pretty incredible time because it was the W years. And there was a chunk of time there where it was just Colbert, me, Cordry, and Sam B. Were the four correspondents. And it was a hell of a lot of fun and an Unbelievable amount of work. Like, it almost broke me.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. Yeah. Do you ever think that you wish you were doing that during this kind of administration?

[Podcast Announcer]

No. Never.

[Chelsea Handler]

I don't either. It's too much garbage to talk about all the time.

[Podcast Announcer]

It's too overwhelming. Jon goes on once a week now and absolutely crushes it, and I love it. And the other correspondents now also host the show for the rest of the week, which I think is a great format. Cause it, like gets the. It really builds the. I don't know, like the communal vibe of the show. They're killing it. It's so good. I'm gonna leave it to them.

[Chelsea Handler]

Ed, I don't wanna sound sexist right now, but I just wanna say, since women are allowed to talk about men in this way now. Cause you guys had your way with us. I just wanna say that you've had some sort of. And I don't want to sound condescending or patronizing in any way, but I just want to say you've burst into manhood in such a way, and I think I told you this at the I Heart Podcast Awards, but you really look very handsome. Your hair. You've taken off the glasses. Very debonair almost, I want to say. All right.

[Podcast Announcer]

All right.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Podcast Announcer]

Well, I finally went through puberty.

[Chelsea Handler]

That's what I was getting to. I was like, have you gone through. It feels like you must have hit it late and that you hit it hard.

[Podcast Announcer]

Can I tell you something? I just turned 50, first of all, I really appreciate you saying that. And I just turned 50. Well, I'm a little over a year ago, so I'm 51 now.

[Chelsea Handler]

50? Now you're 51.

[Podcast Announcer]

But I'm still in my head. I just turned 50 and I just kind of. I'm like healthier than I've ever been. I don't know, I'm eating so much better. I'm more active. I also have two little kids that keep me like very much on my toes.

[Chelsea Handler]

Have you done paternity tests for the children?

[Podcast Announcer]

No. Why should I?

[Chelsea Handler]

Just to make sure you're their father. I mean. Yeah, why wouldn't you?

[Podcast Announcer]

Why wouldn't I?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Podcast Announcer]

Cause I'm pretty sure I'm their dad.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, but that's not 100% guarantee, you know, that's.

[Podcast Announcer]

Wait, what are you doing? You're just lobbing doubt into my long term marriage.

[Chelsea Handler]

Just put things out there. I just want you to be, you know, have all the information. I don't know.

[Podcast Announcer]

That you do have an arbitrarily ruthless Thing to just like throw into a conversation. Have you had a paternity?

[Chelsea Handler]

Temporarily. Ruthless is a good. I like that. I like that combo platter. You would also know Ed Helms from his podcast because it's called Snafu. Just like his new book that's out. It's called Snafu, which is a great book to have around the house. And I would. Catherine even suggested to have in your bathroom.

[Catherine]

It's a perfect bathroom.

[Chelsea Handler]

It's a perfect bathroom book.

[Podcast Announcer]

I'm not judging. Read it anywhere you want. And you're right, actually, it is a good bathroom book because it's so episodic. Right. It's Snafu, the definitive guide to history's greatest screw ups. And each chapter is a different historical screw up. So, yeah, it's perfect. If you got five minutes here, just pick up, read a few pages, enjoy. Might even help get things moving. I don't know.

[Chelsea Handler]

Absolutely. I mean, it is. It's a very relaxing book because, I mean, and it's very interesting. I mean, you're a big history buff and you kind of take all of history's blood and talk about them. Not all of them, but I mean, who could count all of them? I mean, can you imagine what's gonna happen after this administration in 100 years when people. I mean, if there's still a planet and people can reflect. This is a great piece of. This book is comprised of lots of stuff that nobody I had. I mean, what I've read so far, none of these stories I've ever heard. So it's very interesting. I, of course, was drawn to the LSD story immediately.

[Podcast Announcer]

There you go.

[Chelsea Handler]

Let me just read the title of that chapter or the caption for that chapter. In the 1950s, a CIA scientist secretly bought the entire world's supply of LSD, embarking on a horrific attempt to discover the secrets to mind control.

[Podcast Announcer]

Mm. Yeah, that's the story of MK Ultra, which a lot of people know. It's a relatively out there incident, but yeah, Sidney Gottlieb was this CIA scientist who just started drugging people. And George White was one of his underlings who actually. This is so insane. This was all under, like official government activity. They built a apartment in San Francisco that had a double wall with a glass mirror where he could sit there and watch. And he had sex workers bring customers back and then they would drug these customers and presumably also have their sexy time. And he was just sort of taking notes and God knows what else behind this double mirror. And this was all in the name of science.

[Catherine]

Your tax dollars at work.

[Podcast Announcer]

Your tax dollars. And at the end of it, when it was all exposed, they came clean. Like, we actually gathered zero scientific data from this.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, this is just like, a guy who's, like, behind a wall.

[Podcast Announcer]

It does.

[Chelsea Handler]

I don't know why. So I don't like the way it besmirches LSD's reputation. You know what I mean? Why did LSD have to be involved in this? This guy was just trying to get his rocks off. When I read this, I was like, where does the LSD even come into play that you're able to control someone sexually via lsd?

[Podcast Announcer]

Well, there was a big. LSD was so new, and there was this sort of, like, international competition with the Soviets. Like, the Cold War was flaring up. Like, is mind control a weapon that we can use? Or is LSD maybe this crazy truth serum? Like, how. How does it affect people? And can we weaponize it or use it in. In advantageous ways? And, yes, it just devolved into, like, a guy jerking off behind a glass mirror, like, watching people. And it's so much darker than that, too. Like, they wound up drugging prisoners. They wound up drugging people that they would go into bars and drug people and then observe them for hours afterwards and just basically watch them melt down on these crazy acid trips that they had no idea that they were going on. People thought they were going insane. And this is a very weird factoid. Whitey Bulger, who is the famous Boston mob boss who recently died when he was in federal prison in Atlanta, I think in the 60s, he agreed to be experimented on in this way. And for months he was given these intense psychedelics. And he says that it gave him these, like, violent visions for the rest of his life. Like, he would have horrible nightmares and violent visions. So I don't know, maybe the CIA helped create the monster that Whitey Bulger became.

[Chelsea Handler]

I would just also like to say this is not how LSD is anymore. You don't have to take LSD like this. LSD can be microdosed. I'm a big proponent of microdosing lsd. This is not a microdose.

[Catherine]

No, those are like, mega doses.

[Podcast Announcer]

No, these are mega doses, and they're also involuntary and they're in terrible contexts.

[Chelsea Handler]

Torturous. Imagine being put on that.

[Podcast Announcer]

Yeah, literally torturous. So, wait, I am so curious about this. I've never done, like, a serious. I've never had, like, a serious psychedelic experience. And I want you to tell me what I should do. Like, how do I dip my toe into this. Cause I'm fascinated by it. And I kind of want to.

[Chelsea Handler]

I mean, microdosing is kind of like a whole new world, Ed. Like, it just. You could easily take one on a workday, take a microdose of lsd, you could even rip it in half. They're little paper tablets like they've always been. But I get mine from Canada. I get all the best drugs from Canada. The purest drugs, I should say, from Canada. But microdose really changes the game because then you don't ever have to feel like you're being overwhelmed or you have to go sit down in a corner while you get, you know, like, you don't feel that way.

[Podcast Announcer]

You just, like, watch the clock and you're like, I'm gonna be okay.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. I don't like that. I don't want anybody sitting in a corner. I don't want anyone freaking out. But I do think of it as like an enhancement, like a life enhancement, a performance enhancement. Especially if I'm outdoor exercising, if I'm on a big bike ride or if I'm on a big ski day, I love to take a little lsd. It just is like. It's like an upper of energy, enthusiasm, calm. Like, it makes you less nervous. If I'm going heli skiing. Like, it just really intensifies your focus in a way that is beneficial to your experience.

[Podcast Announcer]

Who are you?

[Chelsea Handler]

I actually write that down because. What did I just say? It feels like I'm on LSD right now and I'm not.

[Catherine]

Now. Would you have him start with LSD or, like, try a mushroom situation first?

[Chelsea Handler]

I think they're all different. Like, mushrooms are good, too. I'm not, you know, I'm more into the LSD right now just because it's had such a positive impact on so many people in my life. The MDMA is different. Mdma, some people can have a great reaction to that. That's also a microdose. But MDMA to me is the love drug. So that's a heart opener. And what I love, ed, about all these drugs is that they kill the ego. So there's no ego. Like, you're just, like, open. Instead of any sort of negative thoughts are just kind of eradicated. Like, even people you dislike you, like when you're on these drugs. And I think that really just says it all. So a lot of couples counseling, like, a lot of couples will have MDMA guided couples counseling. Because when you take the mdma, there's no defensiveness. You're Both just open to hearing the other person's argument. So there's been a lot of success. And the reason why I was drawn to it in the first place, and I don't really, I don't know if I have massive PTSD to anything, but is that it's helped so many people with ptsd, so many veterans, so many people who've been through bad experiences. And that's scientific. I mean, like, the data's there, so yeah, you can argue with that. And, you know, I think we're in a place where, you know, drugs come on the scene in the way that you describe in your book in this chapter. And then over this period of time, look where we've come. We've realized, okay, that's too much. This is the right amount. So it's like any other substance. You have to figure out what the right balance is.

[Podcast Announcer]

Yeah. Wow.

[Chelsea Handler]

But I'm an advocate.

[Podcast Announcer]

That's so fascinating and I'm so curious. And I have had friends do the mdma, couples counseling and had wonderful experiences. And I had a lot of friends in college just kind of having fun with various psychedelics. And I've always been a little bit, I don't know, intimidated or something, but microdosing feels like a nice, a good baby step because I do want to, I just want to kind of like, I don't know, mix it up a little bit. I like what you're saying. If it allows me to go hella skiing, then yeah, I'm hella on board.

[Chelsea Handler]

So where did you go to college, Ed?

[Podcast Announcer]

Oberlin College in Ohio.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, that used to be.

[Podcast Announcer]

Do you know it?

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, I know Oberlin. Yeah, that's a very well respected school. I thought that was a women's college. Did it used to be a women's college?

[Podcast Announcer]

No, no. In fact, it's the first college in the United States to admit women.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh.

[Podcast Announcer]

So, yeah, that's one of its claims to fame. It's always been a very progressive kind of intellectually exciting place. And it has a conservatory of music as well. The Oberlin Conservatory. That is a world renowned music study place.

[Chelsea Handler]

And what did you study there? Did you study acting?

[Podcast Announcer]

No. I mean, I did. I was in some plays and took some acting classes, but I studied. I kind of had a funny academic journey.

[Chelsea Handler]

I started out gynecology.

[Podcast Announcer]

Yeah. I was like, guys, I want to be a gynecology major. They're like, we don't have that. You can't do that. And I was like, well, here's my notes.

[Chelsea Handler]

Major in gynecology. Since when?

[Podcast Announcer]

I'm just kidding. So I said I wanted to be a geology major because I loved being outdoors. I was kind of like, I loved camping and hiking and all these things. I was like, geology, that's what geologists do for a living. And then I got into the hard science courses and I was like, this is terrible. I am not cut out for this. And I kind of did a gut check. And I really wanted to make movies and be in movies and work on movies and. And so I became a film major, but Oberlin didn't really have that at the time. They do now, but at the time they had a film minor. And so I was able to do this weird thing where you design your own major. And I cobbled together different acting classes and directing, theater directing with the film courses. And then I spent a semester at the NYU Film School 1 spring. I spent the whole semester there. That was so, so cool and eye opening. And so I graduated with a kind of made up major that was. Was a. Basically a film major.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, that's nice that they were able. You're able to do that. There's not a lot of schools that allow you to make up your own major.

[Podcast Announcer]

You really have to make it sound legit. But I was always a good kind of salesman. I could. I could like, you know, charm the committee. And then. And it worked. I got. Yeah, I graduated.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, you did. I mean, you've been entertaining us for a long time. I like that you're able to marry your careers together and do this kind of stuff that you're really interested in. Also this historical stuff while being very entertaining. I also, I worked closely with Zach Galifianakis for a while on the road. Well, not as long as you did on the Hangover, but on the road. And I have a great Zach Galifianakis story that I shared recently about him. Well, I have a couple of Zach Galifianakis stories, but I want to know about your experience working with Zach Galifianakis, because I think Zach is probably the funniest person I know.

[Podcast Announcer]

He's the same thing. I think you're right. I think he's the funniest person.

[Chelsea Handler]

He reminds me of a human snuffleuphagus. And that's what I like, because his scalp also isn't quite set to the top of his head. He doesn't have a hard scalp. He has a baby scalp. Okay, I've tugged on it. I haven't seen him in years, but when I was spending time with him, I couldn't he'd always be like, touch my scalp. And it was always soft. You know how baby scalps are soft while they're forming. And they've got that little skull. Yeah, yeah. And they've got that little spot where until it doesn't really get hard. His has never hardened, so I'm not sure what kind of creature he is.

[Podcast Announcer]

Well, he's a Snuffleupagus, like you said. He's a human snuffleuphagus. I love a Sesame street reference. Thank you for bringing that in.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, no problem. Absolutely. It's history.

[Podcast Announcer]

You know, someone I read somewhere that someone described Oscar Wilde as like, the sharpest wit they had ever known. And that he was like the fastest with a zinger or a comeback or just a kind of quip or a joke or a comment on a moment. And that's Zack. I've never seen the speed that he, like, delivers a quip off of a situation like. Or you say something dumb and he, like, instantly has the kind of zinger or comeback. And it's not always. It's not always a zinger, like a kind of mean spirited thing. Sometimes it's just a silly, ridiculous thing, but it's sharp and it's smart and it's so fast. Like, his brain is just in a different gear than everyone else's. It's sort of like when Keanu Reeves in the Matrix realizes he's the one. And all of a sudden he's like, everyone else is in slow motion because they're in reality. And he's just like, oh, this is easy. That's how I think Zach's comedy brain works. He's just ahead of everybody else. And Todd Phillips, the director on the Hangover, sometimes he'd direct from afar. Like a lot of directors. He would sort of sit at the monitors or somewhere sort of off to the side with his own little monitor, and he'd call out things to us. And then Zack would always kind of zing back at him. And Todd was just, like, always, like, unbelievable. Unbelievable. He just has the quickest way, the.

[Chelsea Handler]

Driest and the driest. Because he's never laughing at himself.

[Podcast Announcer]

No.

[Chelsea Handler]

And he's not loud. He's quiet. Yes. It's like quiet and under the radar and sweet.

[Podcast Announcer]

There's a sweetness to all of it. You know, I feel like there's certain comedians that can get away with pretty aggressive insults or just kind of like dark, darker or things that would, on paper be extremely mean spirited, but because you know that they have such a big Heart. And they're such kind of sweet people. You're just like. It's the funniest thing. You give them so much leeway with that. And he's definitely one of those people.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, he used to. He probably still does this where he plays the piano on set. He goes on the. He'll go up to the improv and just play the piano in between jokes. So there's just like this dramatic effect for absolutely no reason. And he had this joke where he's like, I thought about killing myself today. And then plays like three bars. And he's like, so I jumped off the roof of a Pizza Hut, but I only broke my leg. And you're like, that wouldn't be funny from anyone else at all except for you and that fucking piano. He's just so ridiculous. So he used to. I had to sleep. I was really broke, and I was doing San Francisco Punchline. He was the middle. Dave Attell was the headliner. And I was opening, and I had no money. So Zach's like, you can sleep in my hotel room at the Commodore. And I was like, okay, thank you. And then. And he said, you know, I promise you're safe with me. And I was like, I promise. I believe you. I think I could take you physically, so I'm not concerned. And we would get to bed, and I had a terrible week. It was like my first week on the professional road with two big heavy hitters, and I didn't know what I was doing. And every night I'd be so upset, like, fuck, what am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? He's like, this is part of it. You got a bomb. You got a bomb. And then we'd go to bed, and we'd sleep in the same bed with our clothes on. And he would rub my hair before. Before I went to sleep, and he would whisper in my ear, I will never rape you.

[Podcast Announcer]

Oh, my God. Such a. Oh, my God.

[Chelsea Handler]

Such a sweet memory.

[Podcast Announcer]

Is it a sweet memory?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, I think it is. It is a sweet, sweet memory. I've never had anyone say that to me.

[Podcast Announcer]

You're right. That in the. In just. Yeah, that's just what I was saying before. Like, he's such a big hearted, sweet person that he can make that joke and actually make you laugh. Because anyone else who said that to somebody, it almost sounds like I'm definitely going to do that. Right?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yes. On that note, we're gonna take a break with Ed Helms, and we'll be right back.

[Catherine]

If you'd like advice from Chelsea, Write into [e-mail]. we'd love to hear your questions for any juicy story you'd like advice on, but this week we're specifically looking for questions about family issues. If you have an issue with a family member or you need advice about a specific relationship issue, please please write [e-mail] all right, listen up people.

[Chelsea Handler]

It's Chelsea Handler and we need to talk about something really important. And they're called orgasms. If you're not making them a priority, PinkCherry.com is here to fix that. Orgasms boost your mood, lower stress and help you sleep. And let's be honest, we could all use a little release these days. From the iconic magic wand to We Vibe's couples toys to the game changing Womanizer, Pink Cherry.com has everything you need. Solo or with someone. Feeling good is the goal. So go to pinkcherry.com and save up to 80% off site wide. You deserve it if you know you owe Love starts with you so celebrate your personal style with new Pandora pieces that set a shining example for the world to see. Celebrate your unique story with Pandora jewelry crafted with meaning, love and exclusive exquisite artistry. From sparkling lab grown diamonds to vibrant enamels, personalized engravings and iconic charms, Pandora offers endless ways to express what's in your heart. Style your favorites with hand finished designs and playful cuts that reflect your individuality. Each Pandora piece is your blank canvas. At the heart of every piece of Pandora jewelry is love. Captured in the beauty of exquisite craftsmanship, artfully hand painted enamel and beautiful hand finished designs. Treat yourself to a Pandora gift that shines from within. Because true love starts with you. Pandora is more than jewelry. It's a celebration of you. Shop Pandora today in store or [e-mail] every day is a chance to be love. Let Pandora Jewelry remind you that love starts with you.

[Commercial Announcer]

Unlike what you're listening to, T Mobile's coverage is no joke because T Mobile helps keep you connected from the heart of Portland to right where you are on America's largest 5G network switch. Now keep your phone and T Mobile will pay it off up to $800 per line via prepaid card. Visit your local T Mobile location or learn more@t mobile.com keepandswitch up to 4 lines of your virtual prepaid card. Allow 15 days qualifying unlock device, credit service report in 90 plus days device, knowledgeable carrier and timely redemption. Required card is no cash access and expires in six months.

[Chelsea Handler]

This episode is brought to you by opill, the first over the counter daily birth control pill available in the US I love shedding light on what's important for women's healthcare. And one thing that makes that healthcare easier is making birth control more convenient to access. Well, let me introduce Opill. Opill is a daily birth control pill that's FDA approved, full prescription strength and estrogen free. Plus there's no prescription needed. Finally, the days of needing a prescription for birth control are over. This is our moment to take control of our health and reproductive journeys. Because Opill is birth control in your control. Opill is available online and at most major retailers. Use code OP I L L O T C O P I L L O T C for 25% off your first month of [e-mail] and we're back with Ed Helm. So you have to pick up this book. It's called snafu. The Definitive Guide to History's Greatest Screw Ups. And it's all the greatest screw ups historically in this country and others. Actually, lots of it takes place on other lands. But it's a great book to have around, especially to pick up and put down when you want to get a little piece of information. And it's great. They're great talking points for conversation starters. I know a lot of people. Conversation starters.

[Podcast Announcer]

Yeah. And it'll make you like a killer at dinner parties.

[Chelsea Handler]

Absolutely.

[Podcast Announcer]

You've got a whole arsenal of great stories.

[Chelsea Handler]

And it's a great gift, by the way. It's a great gift to give to somebody.

[Catherine]

Yeah. Especially a great guy gift, I feel like. And I also like that you say in the beginning you're like, you know what, been through like shit before and like problems and like stupid mistakes before. Like, hopefully we'll survive everything that's going on now as well. Yes.

[Chelsea Handler]

It's a great reminder of that. Everybody thought that it was the end of the world many, many times in our history, especially in the 50s where some people look back at as one of the best times in America. People were scared to death of dying from a nuclear bomb during that time.

[Podcast Announcer]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

As Ed depicts in his book.

[Podcast Announcer]

Yeah. It's always like the history of human folly is so overwhelming when you look back on it. And weirdly, I find that calming because we just keep moving. Yeah. This is a scary time that we're in right now. It just, it doesn't matter what your political disposition is. Like, it feels volatile. It feels like the division is crazy, like unusual, but it isn't that unusual. We have been in very similar situations And I'm not saying don't be afraid or don't be, like, don't work to make the changes you want to see in the world. But I am saying. I'm just. There's reassurance in this, in looking back and seeing, like, oh, people did sort of fight through something or get through something, and we got to a better place.

[Chelsea Handler]

Absolutely.

[Catherine]

Well, are we ready for some advice?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yes. Ed's going to give advice. Ed, you're going to be great at this.

[Catherine]

Yeah, you actually are going to be great.

[Chelsea Handler]

We have live callers, we have written callers. People calling in. They need help. And here you are, Ed Helms. Here you are to help.

[Podcast Announcer]

All right, I'm here for it.

[Catherine]

Well, our first question has to do with having a long history with someone, since we're talking a lot about history today. The subject is office friendship gone awry. And this one's just an email. She's not calling in.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay.

[Catherine]

Dear Chelsea, I work with a friend who I've known for 12 years. She referred me to the job we work at. She trained me in everything. However, she's a gatekeeper and always wants to be the hero at work. She's also loud and obnoxious when she talks about how we used to be ratchet and all, which was so long ago. She's kind of annoying in that sense. I find myself at times asking her to keep it down because we're at work. Also, nobody wants to hear that, and frankly, it's embarrassing. I'm now avoiding her outside of work, too. I don't know how to handle her. She overshares, and I don't want to be a part of it. She also seems jealous when I hang with other managers and coworkers. I'm not kissing ass, but I'm a social person. How do I manage this situation? Since I have to see her every day? I'm becoming resentful. Ugh. Love you and take care, Sammy.

[Chelsea Handler]

Did she say at the beginning that this person was her superior at work?

[Catherine]

No, but she got her the job.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, she. That woman got her the job, or she.

[Catherine]

Yeah, the woman got her the job.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh. Oh, I see. I see. So that's also.

[Podcast Announcer]

But we don't know if they're. We don't know if. What their status is.

[Catherine]

Yeah, we don't. We're not sure about that, but.

[Chelsea Handler]

All right, I think that's it. Easy. I think that you just add. That's a conversation, an in person conversation, one on one, where you go to lunch, know you. You go to Coffee. And you say, listen, I know we had a lot of wild times and a fun past, but I feel like I've grown up a lot. And I feel like we've both grown up a lot. Don't make it just about you being superior to her in that way. You're mature and she isn't. Be like, we've both grown up a lot. And sometimes I feel like it's a little embarrassing when I hear you talk about our past in front of our co workers. And I totally get it. Like, it's fun, and those were the best times. But I think we have to have some sort of evolution, especially professionally, in a setting where I wanna be taken seriously and I don't wanna take the fun out of it. But I also don't wanna start avoiding you. Don't act like it's already happened. Just say, I'm starting to feel like I do wanna kind of avoid you and take my own space. And I don't wanna feel that way about you at all. I wanna maintain this relationship, but also take it to the next level of, like, maturity and evolution. Like, we're all gonna have to grow up at some point. And you don't have to grow up and make it sound boring, but grow up and make it sound like, okay, now we're gonna do different stuff. And we don't have to, like, live in the past, because that's also a thing that people get stuck in, is, like, living. They wanna constantly live in the best time that they had, which is, like, that varsity high school attitude. Like, when you peak in high school, you wanna live in high school for the rest of your life.

[Podcast Announcer]

God damn, that's good, Chelsea, you're good at this.

[Catherine]

She really is.

[Podcast Announcer]

That's the real deal. That's the advice. That is good advice. The listener should definitely follow that advice. Now I'm gonna give you some bad advice.

[Chelsea Handler]

Great.

[Podcast Announcer]

I think that you should fight the woman. Start slipping, like, massive doses of LSD into their coffee.

[Catherine]

Perfect.

[Chelsea Handler]

That's also advice.

[Podcast Announcer]

Just mkultra them. And then also just subtly sabotage them at work in all kinds of different ways. You know, just, like, mess up their files. Like, if they hand something in, see if you can grab it and take it. So it's late and they get in trouble. Is that helpful? I don't know.

[Chelsea Handler]

I think so.

[Catherine]

That's perfect.

[Chelsea Handler]

I think that's gonna be very helpful, Ed.

[Podcast Announcer]

No, I. But truly, Chelsea, it's so fun hearing you just, like, jump on that with the most constructive angle. Just like, hey, jump in. And talk to this person. And just everything that you wrote in that email, that's pretty much what. That's your script. Like, you can say that to this person and find the positive topspin on it. Find the language that gives it connectivity instead of just like, accusation and frustration. But get into it. That's what I heard. That was like. The main thing was, like, just jump right into it.

[Chelsea Handler]

Get into it. Because I think avoidance is just always the. You know, that is like, nobody gets anywhere by being an avoidant.

[Podcast Announcer]

Where did you grow up?

[Chelsea Handler]

Chelsea, New Jersey.

[Podcast Announcer]

There you go. See, I grew up in Atlanta, Georgia, and my mom's from Tennessee, my dad's from Alabama. And it's a lot of, like. We don't talk about that. Yeah, it's a lot of, like, discomfort with, like. Avoidance is a. Is like almost like a policy in the south sometimes.

[Chelsea Handler]

Did you grow up Southern Baptist?

[Podcast Announcer]

No. No. My parents were pretty progressive politically and religiously, but we went to a Presbyterian church, which I liked, actually liked a lot. And I know my parents valued a lot, but they also. After church, they would always be like, this stuff is kind of made up. But we just. This is a good community institution, and we like a lot of the people, but you don't have to believe the actual. You know, they would sort of undermine.

[Chelsea Handler]

The religiosity of it, which is a great attitude. I read a quote once saying, like, you know, you're not praying. People who sit down and pray, it's not about who you're praying to. It's the act of praying that creates a better surrounding for the whole world. Yes, right. Like the fact that people are praying, you know, as long as you're praying for, like, peace and the world and love and goodness, it doesn't matter what you're saying. It's the act of. It is. Is an act in itself.

[Podcast Announcer]

Yeah. It's the articulation of thoughts and ideas that have power in you. And I kind of think of therapy as the same way. It's like, weirdly, therapy can be a sort of prayer because you're giving voice and externalizing these things that have sort of may have chewed you up inside for a long time or felt insurmountable, but as soon as they're outside of your body, literally just the words take form and leave your mouth, and then it's outside of you in a way that feels manageable or feels like you're approaching manageable of these difficult things.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. Therapy is, like, helping you be a better person in the world. Right. So that's a gift to everybody who has to come into contact with you by not internalizing all of those thoughts or things that you're going through. Also, meditation is a form of prayer. You know, if you look at it that way, it's a form of like, okay, I'm trying. You know, you're setting an intention. You're trying to calm your thoughts and actually be a more well balanced person. So that's a form of prayer, too. So all of that stuff is good as a tool to be a better person in the world.

[Catherine]

Well, our next question comes from Amanda. And before we let Amanda in, I thought this would be a perfect question for you, Ed, since you played a character who was broken up with while on a yacht. So Amanda's really going through it. Subject line is heartbreak on a yacht. Dear Chelsea, a month ago, me and my partner of four years split up. Three weeks prior, he had ended it, and I was devastated. He resigned. We work on a yacht together, and I packed my bags. I didn't want to give him an opportunity to panic and change his mind. But sure enough, he asked me to stay, and I did. Three weeks later, he hooks up with our friend and coworker. The relationship ended, and he told me he would resign. Typically on boats, as we all live and work together, when a couple splits up, there's an honor code that the one who ends it is the one to leave. I took six weeks unpaid leave so I could fly home and be with my support system and give him time to finish out his contract and not risk losing any pay. When I was leaving, he told me he was going to do everything he could to find a way forward for us. A month after the breakup, he calls to say the separation is the right thing and he won't be resigning. Neither he nor the person he hooked up with resigned. The last thing I want to do is give up my job. I. I love what I do. I just got a new contract. But the thought of being trapped on a boat together and having to see him every day feels daunting. And there is an update that happened just yesterday. She got a call that her contract was canceled and theirs was not. So Amanda's really going through it.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, I'm sorry. Hi, Amanda. Hi. Hi, honey. This is Ed Helms, our special guest today.

[Ed Helms]

Oh, my gosh. Hello. Lovely to meet you.

[Podcast Announcer]

Likewise. I'm so sorry for all this yacht shit. This hard ship. Get it.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, wow.

[Podcast Announcer]

I'm throw a punt in there. Right out of the.

[Chelsea Handler]

That was almost Zach Alifianakis territory.

[Podcast Announcer]

Matt this does sound tough. So are you with your support system now?

[Ed Helms]

Yeah, I've been with my family and my friends, so I'm very fortunate to have them. But yes, as Catherine said, as of yesterday, I've been like, go as a result. So I guess now it's a whole different ball game of how to proceed.

[Podcast Announcer]

So did you lose this, lose this contract because of the sort of messiness of the situation?

[Ed Helms]

Yes, I was told it was due to the extenuating circumstances.

[Chelsea Handler]

So has a senior position, more senior position than you do?

[Ed Helms]

Yes, he is a high ranking person, so yeah, he, I guess got priority.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay. And does a woman work on the yacht too? I was confused by who resigned and who was.

[Ed Helms]

Okay, no one's resigned. But yes, the person he hooked up with, they both are still okay.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, that's. You can't go back to that situation. So it's time to find another position. Right. On a different yacht.

[Ed Helms]

Yeah.

[Podcast Announcer]

How hard is that?

[Ed Helms]

I have no doubt that I'll be able to find another job. I'm not concerned about that. I. Very capable. Yeah. So I guess with Katherine, initially I was just, I guess hoping to find a way to navigate through this, but even now people are telling me to try and appeal the termination. So, yeah, I'm just a bit of a loss right now.

[Chelsea Handler]

I honestly really wouldn't pursue that. What a waste of your time and energy. Why? Why you're.

[Podcast Announcer]

It seems like winning that appeal puts you in a worse position Right where you're on, not where you're on the boat with this sort of toxic dynamic.

[Ed Helms]

Yeah, I agree.

[Podcast Announcer]

And there's something, there is something about like having distance from. Having physical distance from the pain. The source of this pain can be incredibly healing. Just have, just not like you said, like you intuitively understood kind of being in that presence, seeing him every day, so forth that would just kind of keep you in this laundry cycle of frustration, anger, hurt, all of it. So embrace the distance.

[Chelsea Handler]

Are you okay with doing that? Like, are you ready to do that? Like, I mean, I think you need to heal and move on and go and find yourself in a completely new environment. I'm so happy to hear that you know that you're capable enough to get another job. I mean, I know this is kind of. It's a small community of people who work on boats and meetings. It can seem like a large one, but really it isn't. It's a smaller community. So like, if you're good at your job, you're going to get another job on a yacht.

[Catherine]

Yeah.

[Ed Helms]

No, I have no doubts about that. I guess it's just been. The whole process has been so devastating, just at every turn. And then. Yeah, yesterday was like. I didn't even. I don't. I didn't believe that it could get to this point where I would be fired. And I understand. I'm like, big picture wise, like you guys are saying this is the best thing to get away from it and all that. I guess I'm just still reeling from.

[Chelsea Handler]

Totally, which is totally understandable. And give yourself grace. Give yourself time. Like, you're not supposed to get over these things in a week or two weeks or even a month or two months. This is a big situation. You were with him for four years. You have every right to be upset, to feel your grief, to go through all of the emotions and all the stages of emotions that don't come in the order that people tell you that they're gonna come in. And just when you think you're out of the woods, it hits you again. But be honest about your feelings, which you are doing. You're called in here. You're having an honest conversation with people you don't know about how you're feeling and how hurtful this is and how shocking it is. Have you heard about the new Mel Robbins book, Let Them. The Let Them theory?

[Ed Helms]

Yes, I have. I actually listened to the episode with you and her yesterday on a run. I was like, I need something.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, read that book. Because you have to let him. Let her. Let them do. And be grateful that you're not in the mix to have to witness any of that.

[Podcast Announcer]

Are you concerned at all about the. About your sort of standing in this community?

[Ed Helms]

Well, that's the other thing is, I feel like, because it's such a small industry and everyone knows somebody on a boat, you know, when you're applying for something, everyone knows whoever's applying. It's a very small community. So that's the other reason why I've been trying to be as peaceful as possible through this whole process. Because I'm like. I don't want it to reflect poorly on me.

[Podcast Announcer]

Sure.

[Ed Helms]

So that's another thing with appealingness. I'm just like. I feel like it's. I hope my integrity would speak for itself moving forward.

[Catherine]

And people talk like they'll get, I think, the real story of, like, that you are the one who got the short end of the stick on this. I had a spiritual teacher once tell me, you know, God or the universe or your. Your. You know, better angels, when something's not right. For you. They'll, like, tap you on the shoulder and try to tell you. And if you don't listen, they'll, like, tap you harder. And then if you still don't listen, you get, like, the two by four across the head. And like this ending of the contract feels like this is the 2 by 4 of just like, this is not for you. There's something way better for you.

[Ed Helms]

Yeah, I believe that too.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. And it's really big picture. And listen and just. And appreciate where you are in this moment and all of that. Don't try to fast forward your healing. Go through it. The only way to get through something is to really, really feel it and be honest about your emotions. You know what I mean? Lean on the people that love and care about you. Unfortunately, this relationship is over, but you're gonna move forward in a better and a stronger sense of self. That's always what happens when we get our hearts broken. We always come out stronger, and that's not debatable. So that's what's gonna happen with you. You're capable, you're competent, you're strong. I'm so happy you have a support system that you were able to fly home to, and I'm so glad. You do need a letter of recommendation from these people. So you do need to contact him back. I'm sure that's a given. But you do, at the very minimum, they have to guarantee you for. I mean, they didn't give you any reason to fire you, so they have to give you a letter of recommendation when you go out and look for a new job. And I do know a few people who do own yachts, and I'd be happy to pass on your resume to them.

[Ed Helms]

That's incredibly.

[Chelsea Handler]

I know that comes as a huge surprise to all of our listeners.

[Catherine]

Chelsea's on the yacht row.

[Podcast Announcer]

Chelsea's so right here. It's so easy to kind of, like, intellectually understand why getting fired in this situation might be a positive thing and why, like, the math might look good on paper. Oh, we're gonna have distance now. But Chelsea's so right. The. The emotions, all the feelings, all of the pain and the. The trajectory of your grief is something to just submit to. Even when it's on paper, it feels like, oh, I'm making the right steps. It just doesn't always feel that way. And so embrace that. And, yeah, move through it. Feel it.

[Ed Helms]

Thank you so much. I agree.

[Chelsea Handler]

You're going to be just fine. You're going to be better than fine.

[Catherine]

Yeah, you are Going to be better than fine. Not right now, but very soon.

[Chelsea Handler]

Very soon. Yeah.

[Ed Helms]

Chelsea, I obviously read your book as soon as it came out. Life Will Be the Death of Me is what got me into therapy in 2019. And so I do think my ability to handle this has been because of all of that work in the last few years. And I've even been rereading little bits of your book, talking about moving through heartache, and it's been very helpful. Amongst everything else. It's been very helpful, and I. I can't express enough how much.

[Catherine]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

I'm so glad. I'm so glad. I'm glad. Well, take care of yourself and send me your resume.

[Catherine]

We'll get it passed along the chain for sure.

[Ed Helms]

That's incredibly kind. Thank you all so much. This is very. Just so lovely. Thank you so much.

[Catherine]

Thanks, Amanda. And thanks for joining us. Good luck.

[Ed Helms]

Thank you. Thank you so much. Bye.

[Catherine]

And you're really good at this, too.

[Chelsea Handler]

I know. That was very compassionate. I love how stable she is and so normal, you know, like, I love how our listeners are normal, and they're like, they can handle these situations. Like, she's gonna be just fine. She should be counseling other people going through breakups.

[Catherine]

Well, our next caller is Jonathan. Dear Chelsea, I need your help getting unstuck. I'm in a job. I have a deep bond working as a nanny to a child with special needs, one that has given me financial stability and a strong sense of purpose. But as much as I love it, I know it's time to move on, to fully commit to my acting career. The problem? I feel paralyzed by guilt over leaving something that has meant the world to me. I worry about losing a part of my identity and the people who've become my family. On top of that, there's a financial risk. I have bills to pay. And while I want to take the leap, I also don't want to put myself in a situation where I'm struggling just to. To get by. That said, I've been putting in the work. I've taken real steps to get my mental and physical health together, and I've been submitting for everything I can to open new doors. I've worked hard to build a creative life. I perform on stage. I dance. I even made a name for myself in the drag world. But I know I need to take bigger risks if I want acting to be my main focus. I moved to LA from Iowa with 250 bucks to my name, and for the last seven years, I've made it work as A gay man from a small town, I take the pride that everything I've built has been entirely on my own. I keep telling myself to be patient and trust the process, but after turning 30 this past year, I feel like I'm starting to lose my spark. I don't want to give up, but I also don't want to wake up one day and realize I played it too safe. How do I take this leap without losing myself or my rent money in the process? Best, Jonathan.

[Chelsea Handler]

Hmm. Hi, Jonathan.

[Jonathan]

Hello. How are we doing?

[Chelsea Handler]

Good. We have another actor here on the show today. Ed Helms is our special guest.

[Jonathan]

Oh, wow.

[Podcast Announcer]

Hi, Jonathan.

[Jonathan]

Hi. Hello.

[Podcast Announcer]

Gosh. I know you're in a difficult spot, what feels like a crossroads, but you have already made so many tough decisions and taken so many risks. You have so much to be proud of already.

[Jonathan]

Thank you. I appreciate that. And, you know, I think that just these last couple years, I feel like I've the momentum, like something has kind of happened where I just feel like I'm in a little bit of a functional freeze right now. And, yeah, I'm just kind of thinking about, you know, I guess I was wanting to kind of ask when you guys were starting out, what kind of helped you get through to, like, take those kind of risky steps towards making your passion like your main source, you know, And I know that it's a process, but I also, like I said, I have a deep bond with this family and I. I don't necessarily want to give that up either, you know.

[Catherine]

So outside of acting, you're not feeling like there's a need to leave the job. It's more like the conflict between the two.

[Jonathan]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Is it an everyday, five day a week job?

[Jonathan]

It is, yes.

[Chelsea Handler]

I see.

[Podcast Announcer]

Does this family, they're aware of your acting ambitions or no?

[Jonathan]

No. Yes, they definitely are, for sure.

[Podcast Announcer]

And they. And this is a very positive and nurturing relationship with this family. I assume they adore you and appreciate you.

[Jonathan]

Yes, yes, they feel like family for.

[Podcast Announcer]

Sure, which is amazing and a tribute to you. And I would also encourage you to explore the possibility, dare I say likelihood, that this family wants you to thrive and this family wants what's best for you as well. Of course they depend on you in some very critical ways, but it sounds like they also would not only be understanding, but supportive. Is that a leap?

[Jonathan]

You know, I think sometimes I have to kind of get real with myself and realize that, like, you know, I'm also here for a reason. And I think that's kind of been the issue that I've been working with is, you know, I've got a couple gigs here and there and those have been fine. But I guess I really kind of, it's kind of stopped me from like pursuing something that would be like a large block of time away from them. Because I don't know if, you know, that would be the case if they'd be able to kind of keep me around. And I think more so I'm just like, okay, I know I need to take the next step and I've been really lucky with the opportunities that I've had, but I just feel like I've been kind of in this, in between now for these last couple years. And I just.

[Chelsea Handler]

It's because you are in between.

[Jonathan]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

You know what I mean? Like, I understand. And it would be great if you could work around your schedule and they could be accommodating to you, but then you're still in between. Like when you wanna go for something, especially in this business, you have to go like 155% in that direction. You can't have like other side gigs going on. You know, if you really wanna achieve this and this is your dream, you kind of have to go full throttle. It's like a fucking bowling ball down a hallway. Like nothing is gonna get in your way until you get to your goal. And then that goal leads to the next thing and that job leads to the next job. So you do kind of have to throw everything you have at what you want in order to obtain that and attain it. And so I get that part. And I think this stuff, it would be great if they could be malleable and work around you. I don't know how realistic that is. Is it realistic for them to like work with your schedule and give you the opportunities you need to go and seek auditions? Like how does that work with a child with special needs? You can't just bring them along.

[Jonathan]

So that's kind of the difficult thing. They are amazing co parenters, but they both have very high level jobs that require a lot of time away, you know, And I think they rely on me a lot more than, you know, maybe is it healthy, But I'm kind of okay with that. And I think that I, because of like the connection that I've built, I just feel like I'm torn between what's right for me, like taking those steps to advocate for myself, you know, because I feel like I'm just kind of a third parent at this point.

[Catherine]

Well, I think what happens a lot with caregivers Whether that's a hired caregiver, family caregiver is like, it feels like it's all on one person. It's on the main caregiver, which right now is, you know, so because the parents can't be someone to like take a day off and take care of the child when you're unavailable, say you have to go to an audition or you know, if you do get a longer term gig like in a play or something like that, that you can't be there every day, it may be worth sitting down with them and proposing another solution which is like, I want to be the main person, but like, let's bring in a specific other person who can be kind of on call, who we can call on, on those days when like, I know I need to go drive across town to an audition or I need to do something else. And it, it just feels like if we, if we feel that sort of missing system, then you have a little bit more freedom to do what you need to do.

[Jonathan]

Right. And you know, it's, it's funny, I actually just kind of brought that up to, to them. So I feel like I'm taking steps in the right direction, you know, but I just want to feel unstuck. You know, I think that that's kind of where I'm at right now is just feeling like, ah, like, you know, I'm, I'm really proud of how far I've come and I feel like I can recognize that. But I also want to push myself in the other direction, you know, and I want to keep the momentum going and I just feel like I've lost that. And so I think I just, I don't know, I just feel stuck right now.

[Chelsea Handler]

I think a great solution would also be for you to be the person in charge of training the new person and bringing them in. So that will free up, you know, like once you get them situated and understanding of like all of the dynamics and all of the things that need to happen each day and the relationship, like once you get that situated, then you'll have time to like kind of float in and float out of the job when needed. And how were they responsive to you when you brought this up to them?

[Jonathan]

Yeah, they were, they were responsive, but I think they really struggled. I don't, I don't think they've ever had anyone as long as they've had me and the bond that I have with their child. And I'm nervous that it's gonna be kind of hard to find somebody that can match that of Course not.

[Catherine]

You know, it will be.

[Chelsea Handler]

It will be.

[Podcast Announcer]

But also, you can be the. As Chelsea said, like, be the constructive part of this transition. You know, lay the groundwork for the transition. Be the person who's really, like, leading the search for this new person. Have a heavy overlap with them in a training, sort of almost like an apprentice process, perhaps. And then the other thing to keep in mind is that this relationship with this family and this child that clearly means so much to you and to them and the child, it doesn't go away with you thriving in another area. If you start to really get more work in the acting space and your career starts to blossom, they're still there, and they still care about you. And it's not like a breakup. It's just branches of a tree kind of maybe growing apart, but they're still attached to the trunk. And you've built so much with this family. It sounds like this is a very poignant moment, and I can sense your struggle, but just remember that the struggle you're feeling is rooted in how much love there is in this family unit that you're a part of now. And I think you keep checking, you keep saying things that make it clear that this transition feels necessary, it feels important. And then the question starts to become, so what are the steps and what are the. How do I manage it and how do I do it in a way that's responsible and loving to these people I care so much about? And that might. That's going to take some work. And it will be hard, and it'll be painful at times. There'll be the emotional pain of the separation. Eventually, whatever form it takes will be hard. But also you thriving and pursuing this thing that you literally came here to do, or at least taking that risk and taking that jump. I'm hearing that that feels very critical.

[Jonathan]

It does. It does. And I think that I feel like through the pandemic, I just kind of lost my spark a little bit. I mean, like I said, I moved here with nothing, and I just kind of made it work. And, you know, I think I'm trying to rediscover that. That part of me. Right. And understand that, like, I've been really lucky to not really kind of fall on my face. But I'm nervous, I think, right now about especially, like, with just the economy and everything the world is right now, to kind of take that leap. But I feel in, you know, my heart and my body that it's. It's ready to. I'm ready to do that, you know, Good, Right?

[Chelsea Handler]

Good.

[Jonathan]

Awesome. Well, thank you guys so much.

[Catherine]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. Thanks for calling in, Jonathan. Good job. Well done. I mean, you can always maintain that relationship. You know what I mean? Always. Regardless of whether you're their point person or his main caregiver or not, you can always create a long standing relationship and maintain a long standing relationship with that family.

[Jonathan]

Right.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Jonathan]

Well, thank you so much, Chelsea. I really appreciate it.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay.

[Jonathan]

Yeah, I just, I really. I mean, this podcast has done so much for me. Your episode with Cody Rigsby about all the body issues really kind of healed something in me, and I just appreciate the work you guys are doing.

[Chelsea Handler]

I appreciate that. Love that, Jonathan.

[Jonathan]

Okay, thank you guys.

[Chelsea Handler]

Have a great day and good luck with everything.

[Jonathan]

Thank you.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay, and we'll be right back to wrap up with Ed Helms. Please tag me for the special because I get so many tags about my books, but I'm not getting as many about my special. And my special is the newest thing out, so I want to make sure all my ardent fans are watching it and tagging me. And I'll repost you. And yes, it's called the feeling. All right, listen up, people. It's Chelsea Handler and we need to talk about something really important. And they're called orgasms. If you're not making them a priority, PinkCherry.com is here to fix that. Orgasms boost your mood, lower stress, and help you sleep. And let's be honest, we could all use a little release these days. From the iconic magic wand to we vibes, couples toys to the game changing womanizer, pink cherry.com has everything you need. Solo or with someone, feeling good is the goal. So go to pinkcherry.com and save up to 80% off site wide. You deserve it if you know you owe. Love starts with you. So celebrate your personal style with new Pandora pieces that set a shining example for the world to see. Celebrate your unique story with Pandora jewelry. Crafted with meaning, love and express exquisite artistry. From sparkling lab grown diamonds to vibrant enamels, personalized engravings and iconic charms, Pandora offers endless ways to express what's in your heart. Style your favorites. With hand finished designs and playful cuts that reflect your individuality, each Pandora piece is your blank canvas. At the heart of every piece of Pandora jewelry is love. Captured in the beauty of exquisite craftsmanship. Artfully hand painted enamel and beautiful hand finished designs, Treat yourself to a Pandora gift that shines from within. Because true love starts with you. Pandora is more than jewelry. It's a celebration of you. Shop Pandora today in store or online. @pandora.net Every day is a chance to be love. Let Pandora jewelry remind you that love starts with you.

[Commercial Announcer]

Unlike what you're listening to, T Mobile's coverage is no joke because T Mobile helps keep you connected from the heart of Portland to right where you are on America's largest 5G network. Switch now keep your phone and T Mobile will pay it off at the $800 per line via prepaid card. Visit your local T Mobile location or learn more@t mobile.com KeepAndSwitch up to four lines of your virtual prepaid card. Allow 15 days qualifying unlock device, credit service support in 90 plus days, device and eligible carrier and timely redemption. Required card has no cash access and expires in six months.

[Chelsea Handler]

This episode is brought to you by opill, the first over the counter daily birth control pill available in the US I love shedding light on what's important for women's health care. And one thing that makes that healthcare easier is making birth control more convenient to access. Well, let me introduce opill. Opill is a daily birth control pill that's FDA approved, full prescription strength and estrogen free. Plus there's no prescription needed. Finally, the days of needing a prescription for birth control are over. This is our moment to take control of our health and reproductive journeys. Because Opill is birth control in your control. Opill is available online and at most major retailers. Use code OP I L L O T C O P I L L O T C for 25% off your first month of [e-mail] and we're back with Ed Helms, whose newest project is called Is a Book. He has a podcast by the same name. It's called snafu the Definitive Guide to History's Greatest Screw Ups. It's a great gift for all of you readers out there. It's a great book to put by your pool, put by your toilet, put on your coffee table.

[Podcast Announcer]

Anything liquid related?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yes, anytime you're around Liquid, we want you to pick up the book and read a couple of chapters. It's fascinating and entertaining. Just like Ed Helms himself. Ed, you have been an incredible guest today. You are very helpful to all of our callers and I am so grateful.

[Podcast Announcer]

Well, this has been a blast. It's really amazing to hear these people call in and just talk about how much you have affected them. Chelsea.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, I know.

[Catherine]

It's so sweet.

[Podcast Announcer]

You have some superpowers for sure.

[Chelsea Handler]

Thank you Ed. Thank you. It was such a pleasure to see you twice in like three weeks. I love this.

[Podcast Announcer]

I know. Me too. Let's do more.

[Chelsea Handler]

I'll see you by the next toilet or swimming pool that we bump into each other by.

[Podcast Announcer]

All right, thanks so much.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay, take care. Bye. Bye.

[Catherine]

Bye.

[Chelsea Handler]

Do do do, do, do, do. Drum roll. Catherine, please. And abroad Broad is my European tour. So I'm coming to obviously find a husband abroad. I need to get the health out of this fucking country. And it's not as easy as you think. So I'm coming to Reykjavik, I'm coming to Dublin, I'm coming to the uk I'm coming to Brussels, Paris, Belfast in May and June. I'm coming to Oslo, Stockholm, to Copenhagen, Manchester, London, Glasgow, New Zurich, Vienna. I've never ever been to Vienna, Berlin, Barcelona and Lisbon. I'm coming abroad is abroad.

[Catherine]

That sounds like fun. I'm going to go see you abroad.

[Chelsea Handler]

I know I want to go see me abroad. And there I'll be there I'll be excellent. Okay, my remaining dates for Vegas. There are remaining dates for this year. Summertime is coming and I will be in Vegas at the Cosmo doing my residency on July 5th will be the next date that I'm there. July 5th, August 30th. And then November 1st and 29th. November 1st and November 29th, I will be in Las Vegas at the Cosmo, performing inside myself at the Chelsea. It's called Chelsea at the Chelsea for a reason. Okay, thank you.

[Catherine]

Do you want advice from Chelsea? Write in to dearchelsea podcastmail.com find full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching earchelseapod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Kathryn Law. And be sure to check out our merch@chelsea handler.com.

[Chelsea Handler]

All right, listen up, people. It's Chelsea Handler, and we need to talk about something really important. And they're called orgasms. If you're not making them a priority, PinkCherry.com is here to fix that. Orgasms boost your mood, lower stress, and help you sleep. And let's be honest, we could all use a little release these days. From the iconic magic wand to We Vibe's couples toys to the game changing Womanizer, pinkcherry.com has everything you need. Solo or with someone. Feeling good is the goal. So go to pinkcherry.com and save up to 80% off site wide. You deserve it if you know you owe. Okay, let's talk about your liver. I know it's not the most glamorous organ, but it does a lot of heavy lifting, from digestion to detoxification, even keeping you energized after those weekend wine nights. We all love a good cocktail, but let's be real. Our liver needs a little help. And that's where LiverMD comes in. It is formulated by one MD Nutrition's team of scientists and doctors, backed by clinical research and trusted by over 3.5 million people. 80% of LiverMD users saw improvements in their liver test results, plus more energy, less bloating and better digestion. Visit OneMD.org and use code Chelsea to save 15% on your first order. Love starts with you. So celebrate your personal style with new Pandora pieces that set a shining example for the world to see. Celebrate your unique story with Pandora jewelry. Crafted with meaning, love and exquisite artistry. From sparkling lab grown diamonds to vibrant enamels, personalized engravings and iconic charms, Pandora offers endless ways to express what's in your heart. Style your favorites. With hand finished designs and playful cuts that reflect your individuality, each Pandora piece is your blank canvas. At the heart of every piece of Pandora jewelry is love. Captured in the beauty of exquisite craftsmanship, artfully hand painted enamel and beautiful hand finished designs. Treat yourself to a Pandora gift that shines from within. Because true love starts with you. Pandora is more than jewelry. It's a celebration of you. Shop Pandora today in store or [e-mail] every day is a chance to be love. Let Pandora Jewelry remind you that love starts with you. Hello LA bound thrill seekers. It's Chelsea Handler, your fearless guide to the City of Angels. From tantalizing culinary adventures to unique fashion finds, LA is a city that captivates your senses. Dive into a culinary adventure. From street tacos to rooftop sushi, explore fashion with exclusive, exclusive streetwear and high end boutiques. Whether you are strolling iconic streets or savoring rooftop dining, LA offers endless possibilities. We love LA. Find more ways to love [e-mail] Chelsea Handler signing off urging you to savor every moment.

[Podcast Announcer]

You're listening to an iHeart podcast.