Having a Felch with Toni Collette

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dear Chelsea – "Having a Felch with Toni Collette"

Podcast: Dear Chelsea (iHeartPodcasts)
Host: Chelsea Handler
Date: December 25, 2025
Guest: Toni Collette
Co-hosts: Kathryn Lawrence, Brad Dickert

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Episode Overview

On this special holiday episode, Chelsea Handler welcomes acclaimed actress Toni Collette for a candid, wide-ranging, and at-times hilarious conversation covering Toni’s latest projects, memorable roles, family dynamics, sexuality in film, and shared advice to listeners navigating relationships and big life changes. The episode transitions smoothly from lighthearted banter and behind-the-scenes stories to heartfelt, practical advice for listener call-ins, embodying the advice-meets-comedy vibe that defines "Dear Chelsea."

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Main Themes & Purposes

• Celebrating Toni Collette’s Career: Discussing her new projects (“Wayward” and “Goodbye June”), memorable scenes, and working relationships.
• Honest Dialogue About Sex & Family: Exploring groundbreaking depictions of sexuality in Toni’s work, and candid anecdotes from both Chelsea and Toni about their families.
• Advice With Humor: Direct responses to audience questions on step-parenting, growing independence, and sibling relationships, blending compassion, wisdom, and wit.
• Sisterly Chemistry: Chelsea and Toni bond over activism, humor, and navigating womanhood.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Holiday Chaos & Chelsea’s House

[04:33]
Chelsea details her lively, guest-filled house during the holidays, joking about her home becoming a “sex house” due to all the young couples staying over:

• “My house has turned into basically, I don’t know, I guess a sex house.” – Chelsea Handler

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2. Welcoming Toni Collette & Fangirling

[06:02]
Chelsea introduces Toni as one of her all-time favorite actors. Toni reciprocates the affection, sharing that they often DM on Instagram and align on political activism:

• “We’re both very political, too. We both are very much about posting and making sure people know how we feel.” – Chelsea Handler [07:21]
• Toni thanks Chelsea for turning her onto new Instagram accounts and laughs about their unexpected friendship.

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3. Standing Up for Paul Dano & Tarantino Critique

[07:44]
The hosts discuss Toni’s public support for actor Paul Dano amid Quentin Tarantino’s criticisms:

• “Paul is incredibly talented and the most beautiful person... Where does [the criticism] come from? It’s pretty confusing.” – Toni Collette [07:55]

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4. Behind-the-Scenes: "Little Miss Sunshine" & "The Staircase"

[08:07]

• Anniversary screening for "Little Miss Sunshine"; appreciation for Paul Dano’s performance.
• Chelsea and Toni reminisce about "The Staircase," specifically the infamous kitchen “felch” scene:
  • “My husband has some gay tendencies and he wanders in and decides to just, you know, whip my pants down and have a good old felch.” – Toni Collette [10:24]
• Discussion of filming a graphic sex scene, the lack of similar examples on TV, and prepping for physical vulnerability as an actor.
  • “Poor Kate, my costumer, had to come in and like, pack the crack of my ass with all kinds of protective stuff so Colin didn’t have to, you know, actually eat ass.” – Toni Collette [10:44]
• Laughter about learning new terms ("felching," "boofing") and Chelsea’s psychedelic stage stories.

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5. Chelsea’s Antarctica Adventure

[12:31]

• Chelsea recounts her journey to Antarctica, marveling at the vast icebergs and expressing a wish to stay there “until this administration is over.”

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6. Female Sexuality & Orgasms on TV

[13:36]

• Discussion about Toni being the first woman to have an orgasm on BBC (in “Wanderlust”).
  • “I didn’t know that either, but they made a very big deal of that.” – Toni Collette [13:40]
• The liberating nature of roles dealing with female sexuality and marriage in “Wanderlust.”

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7. Toni’s Family, Parenting, and Love for Rome

[15:05]

• Toni describes growing up in Sydney, earning her boating license with her kids, and the joys/challenges of parenting teenagers.
• Her deep connection to Italy, spending time in Rome, and working on “Mafia Mamma.”
  • “This is my place. This is where my greatest joy lives.” – Toni Collette [16:48]

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8. Toni’s New Work: "Wayward" & "Goodbye June"

Wayward [17:07]:

• Joining Mae Martin’s show “Wayward,” attracted by the writing’s originality and “profound” themes of trauma and healing.
• “It dealt with a lot of really deep shit, you know, that isn’t often addressed... The show is highly original, which is very unusual in 2025.” – Toni Collette [19:14]

Goodbye June [23:41]:

• Praise for co-stars Kate Winslet (also director), Andrea Riseborough, and Helen Mirren.
• Family dynamics, grief, and love are central: “It’s a beautiful story about family and yes, it’s about loss and yes, you will definitely need your Kleenex, but you will laugh as well. It’s so relatable and... uplifting.” – Toni Collette [26:59]

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9. Sibling Dynamics & Grief

[27:40]

• Chelsea and Toni compare being the youngest/eldest siblings, referencing Gabor Maté and books on birth order.
• Chelsea shares her family’s unique coping reactions to loss: “Men’s and women’s reactions to things are so... surprising. But once you see it, you understand.” – Chelsea Handler [30:53]
• Toni reflects on grief, Western attitudes toward death, and her own journey toward acceptance.

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10. Exploring Family History

[31:47]

• Both Chelsea and Toni appeared on "Who Do You Think You Are?" Toni shares discovering family secrets and embracing the complexity and love found in ancestry.

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Listener Advice Segment (“Dear Chelsea” Callers)

1. Step-Parenting Challenges ([37:27])

Caller Rachel asks about her growing distance with her 11-year-old stepdaughter after her own child was born:

• Toni validates feelings of loss, suggests phases are normal, and offers hope for reconnection.
  • “You can help her feel safe in the connection again... Maybe have some one-on-one time together.” – Toni Collette [40:10]
• Chelsea advises on giving space, nurturing the sibling bond, and not taking tween withdrawal personally.
  • “Sometimes when people push you away, give them double space... She’ll come back around.” – Chelsea Handler [42:02]

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2. Becoming Independent & Leaving Home ([44:30])

Caller Noah, 19, struggles with leaving his close-knit family to pursue acting dreams in L.A.:

• Chelsea reframes the move as an adventure, not abandonment.
  • “You’re not leaving your family... you can stay in touch in a million zillion ways.” – Chelsea Handler [45:59]
• Toni encourages following passion, sharing her journey from family life in Sydney to global acting.
  • “You are allowed to have your own life and your own experiences... Follow the passion.” – Toni Collette [48:02]

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3. Sibling Gratitude Issues ([55:54])

Izzy (email) laments that her younger sister rarely says thank you for gifts or support:

• Chelsea and Toni affirm that it’s okay to ask for basic manners, but suggest using gentle, non-accusatory language.
  • “Please and thank you are kind of the two most important... phrases.” – Chelsea Handler [57:46]
• Toni notes some people struggle with receiving, and context matters—clarity may come from an honest, written note.
  • “If you make it more about making her feel comfortable... and less about how disgruntled you feel...” – Toni Collette [59:58]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “I know you do, and you’ve actually turned me onto a couple of different Instagram accounts... so thank you for that.” – Chelsea Handler [07:21]
• “I can’t stop waxing poetically about you. My introduction to you is Muriel’s Wedding ... I still quote that movie as along with millions of other people.” – Chelsea Handler [06:29]
• On the infamous “The Staircase” scene: “My costumer had to come in and like, pack the crack of my ass with all kinds of protective stuff so Colin didn’t have to, you know, actually eat ass.” – Toni Collette [10:44]
• “I actually thought we were going to be together... But yeah, right back at ya. I really, really align with much of what you espouse.” – Toni Collette [07:01]
• “Chaos. Family is chaos at times and it’s gorgeously so.” – Toni Collette [29:21]

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Timestamps for Major Segments

| Segment/Event | Timestamp (MM:SS) | |-----------------------------------|--------------------| | Chelsea’s holiday household chaos | 04:33 | | Introducing Toni Collette | 06:00 | | Discussing Paul Dano & Tarantino | 07:44 | | “Little Miss Sunshine” & “The Staircase” | 08:07 | | Sex in TV: “Wanderlust” orgasm | 13:36 | | Toni on Rome & Family | 15:07 | | Discussing “Wayward” | 17:07 | | “Goodbye June” deep dive | 23:41 | | Sibling and grief discussion | 27:40 | | Ancestry revelations | 31:47 | | Listener: Step-parenting advice | 37:27 | | Listener: Leaving home/adulthood | 44:30 | | Listener: Sibling gratitude | 55:54 |

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Tone and Language

The episode maintains Chelsea Handler’s signature blend of irreverence, sharp wit, and unfiltered honesty, balanced by Toni Collette’s generous candor, emotional intelligence, and sense of fun. Both women bring vulnerability and warmth to serious subjects, making advice relatable and fostering a sense of community among listeners.

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Conclusion

This lively, memorable episode is a testament to Chelsea Handler’s ability to bring out the playful, thoughtful side of her guests—here, the acclaimed Toni Collette—while guiding discussions that weave pop culture, personal storytelling, and real-world advice. Listeners come away with laughs, new perspectives on acting and family, and helpful, no-BS advice for navigating life’s messy transitions.

Transcript

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[Chelsea Handler]

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[Kathryn Lawrence]

Merry Christmas, Chelsea.

[Chelsea Handler]

So excited. Jesus was born today. Or he died today.

[Kathryn Lawrence]

He was born, so they say.

[Chelsea Handler]

I'm so excited about Christmas, guys. I am such a holiday person. I have a lot of gifts under my tree though, because I have poopsies and whoopsies and oopsies coming my way. So I've got to gift them all with their boyfriends. Now they both have boyfriends and the boyfriends have sleepovers. So my house has turned into basically, I don't know, I guess a sex house.

[Brad Dickert]

I mean, right?

[Kathryn Lawrence]

Is it like. It's obviously not separate bedrooms. Is it leave the door cracked?

[Chelsea Handler]

No, I'm not.

[Toni Collette]

You know what?

[Chelsea Handler]

I just let everybody do their thing. Everybody just. I don't. You know what? I'm not the parent. I don't make the rules. There are big girls, whatever.

[Kathryn Lawrence]

One at Chelsea's house.

[Brad Dickert]

Yeah, yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

It's not over.

[Brad Dickert]

Have a good time.

[Chelsea Handler]

By the way, I have like eight people staying at my house for like three nights.

[Brad Dickert]

I don't know.

[Chelsea Handler]

I don't have enough room. So people are going to be sleeping with strangers.

[Kathryn Lawrence]

I got to tell you, instead of an air mattress, I don't know if you have these, but Coleman makes cots that are actually very comfortable to sleep on. I will send you a link.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, I mean, I have the space. It's just that people are going to have to sleep in bunk beds that don't know each other. And, like, I don't have the double bunk. Yeah, it's.

[Brad Dickert]

I always have bunk beds.

[Chelsea Handler]

Always.

[Brad Dickert]

In every house.

[Kathryn Lawrence]

Smart.

[Chelsea Handler]

In all of my homes. So who. Who's our guest today? Oh, yes, we have another. One of my favorite actors is on today. She's an actor and a singer and a songwriter. She has two new projects that you can catch her in the show Wayward with Mae Martin and her new movie Goodbye June.

[Brad Dickert]

And they're both on Netflix.

[Chelsea Handler]

So please welcome Toni Collette. And here we are with Toni Collette. Oh, my God. One of my favorite people. Actresses. I love you.

[Caller Rachel]

I love you, too.

[Chelsea Handler]

And I hope you know how passionately I feel about your. I mean, listen, I'm not alone, so I can't claim that I discovered you or I have some special way to see you because everybody loves you since we first found out about you, I think.

[Toni Collette]

Oh, my God.

[Chelsea Handler]

I know, I know. It's such a great introduction.

[Toni Collette]

I can't stop talking. Yeah, keep going, baby.

[Chelsea Handler]

I can't stop waxing poetically about you. My introduction to you is Muriel's Wedding, which of course is, you know, I mean, I still quote that movie as along with millions of other people. But in the past few years, you.

[Brad Dickert]

Have been churning shit out, sister.

[Chelsea Handler]

You have been working your ass off.

[Toni Collette]

I've been lucky. Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, you are. Yeah. It's nice to be working and it's nice to be appreciated for the actor that you are.

[Toni Collette]

Wow, that's. That is an incredible introduction. Thank you so much. Far out.

[Chelsea Handler]

You're welcome. You're welcome. And you deserve it.

[Toni Collette]

Well, I am a fan of yours also, as you know, for those who don't know, we do DM each other on Instagram. We have a kind of a funny little friendship going on. And I'm so. I actually thought we were going to be together that. Of course, you're in Whistler because I've read your book and that's where you like to be. But yeah, right back at ya. I really, really align with much of what you espouse.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yes, we're both very political, too. We both are very much about posting and making sure people know how we feel. So I, of course, respect anyone who stands up for shit, so. And I know you do, and you've actually turned me onto a couple of different Instagram accounts that I started following when I saw you post about them, so thank you for that.

[Brad Dickert]

Yes.

[Kathryn Lawrence]

And most recently, you stood up for Paul Dano during this whole, like, weird.

[Pod 5 / 8 Sleep Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Kathryn Lawrence]

What's that thing?

[Brad Dickert]

What's this? Quentin Tarantino needs to shut the fuck up. Isn't he already in trouble from a.

[Chelsea Handler]

Couple of years ago? Like, why is he feeling free about going after people?

[Toni Collette]

It's pretty weird. And also, Paul is incredibly talented and the most beautiful person who does that. Where does it come from? It's pretty confusing, actually.

[Chelsea Handler]

What did you say about Paul Dano?

[Toni Collette]

Oh, I just. I just posted an image from that scene that I have with him in Little Miss Sunshine, which, by the way, is 20 years old. There's an anniversary screening at Sundance next month.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, that's so cool. That was a great fucking movie.

[Toni Collette]

It's a great movie, and he's wonderful in it. And there's that moment where his character is so passionate about becoming a pilot, and then when he realizes he can't realize that dream, he freaks out on our road trip, pops out of the car, runs down into a bit of a valley, and has a breakdown. And I go down to try to communicate with him, and it's completely heartbreaking. And he's wonderful. And all I did was post that image from the scene and pop a little crown on his head. That was it.

[Kathryn Lawrence]

No, he's an incredible actor. He's. He's wonderful.

[Chelsea Handler]

What was that movie that he did with Patricia or that series he did with Patricia Arc?

[Kathryn Lawrence]

Escape from Dannemora.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, God, that was amazing.

[Toni Collette]

Should I be watching that?

[Kathryn Lawrence]

Yes.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, my God, yes.

[Brad Dickert]

You need to see Paul Dano in that movie.

[Toni Collette]

Okay.

[Kathryn Lawrence]

It's about a prison escape, and there's, like, a torrid, like, love affair.

[Chelsea Handler]

Like, it's so up. It's so good. It's kind of reminds me of the staircase, Tony.

[Toni Collette]

Oh, really?

[Chelsea Handler]

It's as fucked up as the staircase.

[Toni Collette]

Oh, I know what your favorite scene is in the staircase. Are you referring to that?

[Chelsea Handler]

I think that's how we first connected.

[Toni Collette]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Because I posted a scene. Do you want to describe the scene?

[Toni Collette]

Why don't you describe it? I would love you to, actually. What's your take on it?

[Chelsea Handler]

There's a great scene in the Staircase, you guys, which is based on a true story, right? Yes, it is. Where Tony plays the wife. And what's the actor's name that plays your husband.

[Toni Collette]

Colin Firth.

[Brad Dickert]

Colin Firth, right.

[Chelsea Handler]

Colin Firth is like, accused of murdering his. Or, you know, it's up in the air. People don't know what happened. You know, it could have been him.

[Brad Dickert]

Or it could have been an attack by fucking birds.

[Toni Collette]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

So the owl attack.

[Brad Dickert]

There's a scene in this movie, it's.

[Toni Collette]

Plausible, the owl attack, for quite some time until I realized that that talon mark changes when they actually grab onto what they're aiming for. So it didn't quite match up with that mark on the back of her head.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Pod 5 / 8 Sleep Advertiser]

Right.

[Brad Dickert]

So it wasn't a bunch of birds. It was an owl. Either she got attacked by an owl that led to her, or her husband pushed her down the stairs. So you decide just by listening to.

[Chelsea Handler]

This podcast what happened.

[Brad Dickert]

But there's a scene in this movie where, first of all, it's incredible. I mean, it's a series, not a movie.

[Toni Collette]

It's a great series. Incredible series by Antonio Campos.

[Chelsea Handler]

There's a scene where Tony's in the kitchen.

[Brad Dickert]

Her character is in the kitchen, but.

[Toni Collette]

So is just cooking. Just cooking it up. And then my husband has some gay tendencies and he wanders in and decides to just, you know, whip my pants down and have a good old felch.

[Brad Dickert]

Yeah, a felch.

[Kathryn Lawrence]

That's a new one for me.

[Brad Dickert]

Yeah, it's a new one for all of us.

[Toni Collette]

I mean, I was so petrified about doing that. And poor Kate, my costumer, had to come in and like, pack the crack of my ass with like, all kinds of protective stuff. So Colin didn't have to, you know, actually eat ass.

[Brad Dickert]

You know what's so funny? It's like, I don't know of any other ass eating scene in any series.

[Chelsea Handler]

That I've ever seen. So I could.

[Brad Dickert]

Because Patrick Schwarzenegger, another person who's in this series, he and I.

[Chelsea Handler]

Cause he died when I posted that. Cause we're friends and friends with their family. And he was just like, oh, my God. I go.

[Brad Dickert]

It's just so out of the blue, all of a sudden. There's an ass eating scene in the middle of this drama about murder. And it's very unexpected and shocking.

[Toni Collette]

It was revealing about his character and what he was into and that, you know, what their relationship and what you were willing to.

[Chelsea Handler]

What your character was willing to accept in your relationship as well.

[Brad Dickert]

Or welcome, I should say.

[Toni Collette]

Yeah, I think she was into it, actually.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, I didn't know that that was called felching. I know about boofing, but I didn't know about felching, so. Okay, now I know.

[Brad Dickert]

Is it an Aussie. Is that an Aussie slang or is that vernacular?

[Toni Collette]

I think it's vernacular, but what's boofing? That's a word for the same thing.

[Chelsea Handler]

Boofing is when you stick something up somebody's butt and it's just like.

[Brad Dickert]

Like.

[Kathryn Lawrence]

Like alcohol or drugs, right? Usually, yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

I think it's like a popper or alcohol or drugs. You can just like, use your butt and it's called a booth. I only know this because I was.

[Brad Dickert]

At a conference in Antarctica recently where.

[Chelsea Handler]

I was on stage talking about my love of psychedelics, and someone said, how.

[Brad Dickert]

Do you feel about boofing?

[Toni Collette]

And you didn't know what it was.

[Kathryn Lawrence]

You like what?

[Chelsea Handler]

I actually had heard about it.

[Toni Collette]

Antarctica. Had you been there before?

[Brad Dickert]

I really.

[Toni Collette]

Was it absolutely phenomenal?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, it was.

[Toni Collette]

Did it make your heart just like.

[Chelsea Handler]

It made me want to stay there until this administration is over. I was like, you know what they said?

[Toni Collette]

Listen, at this point?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, they said, you're coming at the best time. It's two. It's light out for two months. This is our summer. But it was majestic, Tony. Like the icebergs.

[Toni Collette]

When you.

[Chelsea Handler]

When you're sailing, like, you're on this vessel, obviously you're going to. Through Antarctica from Ushua, we took this boat, and you're going. And they see the first patch of icebergs in the distance. It's like a scene out of Titanic where they see the iceberg and.

[Brad Dickert]

But it's so massive.

[Chelsea Handler]

It's like a landmass, you know, they're not like just little icebergs.

[Brad Dickert]

There are those as well.

[Chelsea Handler]

But the first one that you see when you pass, like, 60 latitude, like, jaw dropping. Yeah.

[Brad Dickert]

You're just like.

[Chelsea Handler]

And you're watching it for, like, a day because you keep getting closer and closer and closer. So it was pretty spectacular.

[Toni Collette]

How did you get invited there? How does one get invited there? You have to be psychedelics.

[Chelsea Handler]

Another one of those, you know, silly.

[Brad Dickert]

Little situations that I said.

[Toni Collette]

Silly. Bloody wonderful. Good for you.

[Brad Dickert]

Okay, so let's talk about a couple things, Toni. First, I didn't know that you were.

[Chelsea Handler]

The first person on the BBC to have an orgasm.

[Toni Collette]

What? Oh, in wanderlust. Mm. I didn't know that either, but they made a very big deal of that.

[Brad Dickert]

Well, because it was the first one.

[Toni Collette]

Hang on. Was it first female or like, motherfucker, maybe first female. Men are allowed for left and right.

[Chelsea Handler]

I'm sure men were sexual orgasms.

[Toni Collette]

Very proud of that. Wow. Yeah, I forgot about that. Well, how can you be a story?

[Chelsea Handler]

How can you be proud of it if I just told you about it and you didn't even know you were the first?

[Toni Collette]

No, I just forgot about it. I did know about it.

[Kathryn Lawrence]

As a sexy woman.

[Toni Collette]

Yeah. I don't think of it every day, but yeah, that show. Nick Payne's writing is incredible. He's kind of a bit of a prolific playwright and dabbles in TV and film. And he can write anything really. I just love. What I love about his writing is that all the space in between the words is so jam packed with all kinds of information for you to mine. He's a beautiful, beautiful writer. And that show was incredibly liberating for that character. Potentially just for women in general. She was a woman who was discontented in her marriage and wanted to explore things sexually outside of the marriage. And they decide to open up their relationship and everything that goes with it. It was really complex and beautiful. I loved it. I really hoped we'd do another season, but it didn't. Didn't quite fly. Maybe the female orgasm freaked the audience out. Who knows?

[Chelsea Handler]

They probably weren't ready for it.

[Brad Dickert]

Takes about a thousand years after a male orgasm for anyone to accept a female orgasm.

[Toni Collette]

Yeah, they exist. Sorry. Not sorry.

[Brad Dickert]

So you grew up in Australia, right?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yes, Sydney. Yeah, in Sydney. My favorite place. That's my favorite harbor in the world because there's no ship.

[Toni Collette]

It is very beautiful. Yeah, it's very pretty. Yeah. My kids and I, we all got our boating licenses recently. It was fucking brilliant. And it felt so, like freeing and adventurous. Sometimes I do things and I'm doing it for a role and this was just like, we wanna do it. And it was just the coolest. So. Yeah. Can scoot around the harbor now.

[Brad Dickert]

Oh, my God, how fun.

[Chelsea Handler]

And so is your daughter leaving for school soon?

[Toni Collette]

She's actually got the rest of year 12 to go. So you have one year to adjust.

[Brad Dickert]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

To that.

[Toni Collette]

She might not. I'm kind of. She's incredibly creative and I am supportive of anything my kids wanna do. And so I don't know whether that's the trajectory she'll follow or aim for. You know, all roads lead to Rome. At this point, it doesn't seem to be. It has to be that. Yeah, yeah, I know what you're gonna say.

[Chelsea Handler]

For you, all roads do lead to Rome.

[Toni Collette]

Yeah, they really do.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Brad Dickert]

You love Rome.

[Chelsea Handler]

You're always in Rome.

[Toni Collette]

Yeah, well, I worked there. I did a film called Mafia Mama, which kind of was mis released. It Was kind of a bummer. Cause the film's bloody brilliant. It's so funny. And we had a ball making it. And I mean, I'd always. To Italy. I think I was actually talking to someone last night. The first time I went there was on the Shaft press tour. It was one of those big junk, like press tours, where you go to all the countries and everything's laid on that just doesn't happen anymore. And then I married a guy whose family was Italian, so we would be, you know, in and out all over Italy. But then I got to live and work in Rome in 2022. And absolutely, I was like, this is my place. This is where my greatest joy lives. And I just try to get there as often as I can. I absolutely love it. I've got a life there and friends.

[Brad Dickert]

And isn't that so nice?

[Toni Collette]

Yeah, it really very. It very much is. I'm so grateful for it.

[Brad Dickert]

I can totally relate.

[Chelsea Handler]

That's how I feel about Whistler and, like, Mallorca.

[Pod 5 / 8 Sleep Advertiser]

Me too.

[Brad Dickert]

I mean, I don't really have a lot of friends in Mallorca, which I kind of like. I'm like, this is nice. This is me and myself with my.

[Chelsea Handler]

Thoughts, which I need more time with. So you. You have two projects that we're talking about, because one is Wayward, which is a show that just came out. Mae Martin stars in also.

[Toni Collette]

Mae Martin created.

[Chelsea Handler]

They are a great comedian. They do a podcast, Handsome Pod, with two friends of mine, Tig and Fortune. Tell us about how you got involved in that project.

[Toni Collette]

It was out of the blue. I just was told about this script. It was sent to me. I read it, and I was kind of blown away in a way. Maybe it was undersold to me, but I was like, this is actually really amazing. And so I was intrigued. I didn't know where it was going. And it really goes to places that you can't really assume at the beginning. So I remember having a zoom with both Mae and the other showrunner, Ryan, and I was just struck by Mae's, which is hilarious now that I know them, because they just seemed so calm and clear and articulate, and May's not.

[Brad Dickert]

Like that at all.

[Kathryn Lawrence]

Were they nervous to talk to you?

[Toni Collette]

Apparently, yes. We're thick as thieves now, so, you know, it's cool. And actually, there was another job that came up at the same time, which was somewhat coveted, and it became a bit of a dilemma. They were both on Netflix, and I was like, ooh, maybe we can, like, work it out schedule wise. And that really wasn't gonna work, which I still don't understand. But I ended up doing Wayward. And there's part of me like, okay, this is happening for a reason. Show me what this is. And it ended up being the most profound experience. Really, really fun and really meaningful. Like, it just was a good time. A good time was had by all, like, you know, a proper connected time with both the CA and that cast of, like, you know, multi generational cast. And just. It was so brave. I think Mae is this incredible unicorn who's creative in all kinds of very impressive and admirable ways. And I'm really, really, really so happy that I did it and that I know all of the people that I got to work with, including May and Sarah Gaddin. We're like the Three Musketeers.

[Chelsea Handler]

Why do you think it was such a profound experience?

[Toni Collette]

Because it dealt with a lot of really deep shit, you know, that isn't often addressed and done in a way that kind of only Mae can do. I mean, I call them a unicorn. There's a singular kind of very fascinating person there. And the show is highly original, which is very unusual in 2025.

[Brad Dickert]

Yes.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Brad Dickert]

I'm curious to know how you say yes to projects.

[Chelsea Handler]

Like, how do you discern which projects you're gonna do? Because I am assuming you get lots.

[Brad Dickert]

And lots of offers and people wanna work with you a lot. So how do you decide?

[Chelsea Handler]

Is it based on the material only or do you factor in the other things, like where it's shooting, who's it for?

[Toni Collette]

Yeah, it's a combo, I have to say. But it has to start with the material. It has to start with kind of forgetting that you're reading a script, that you get drawn into the story and that matters to you beyond your own kind of career or what you might be able to imbue it with. You know, it's just about actually finding it fascinating and that there's some meaning that I vibe with. Really. It's kind of that simple. And then when everybody else starts to become impressive or not, things can be clarified. But it's generally the script. Generally. Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Right, right. I mean, you've played every. I mean, that you're playing a cult leader, basically. Yeah, yeah.

[Toni Collette]

Fun. It's so much fun, which is fun.

[Chelsea Handler]

And I was trying to think of.

[Brad Dickert]

Like, is there a role that you.

[Chelsea Handler]

Haven'T played yet that you are dying to play? Because you've really run the gamut. You've had been in normal, healthy, family looking vibes and then very abnormal Family vibes.

[Kathryn Lawrence]

Hereditary.

[Toni Collette]

I don't have.

[Chelsea Handler]

Let me get. Get a snack for him.

[Toni Collette]

Get a biscuit.

[Chelsea Handler]

Hold on one sec.

[Toni Collette]

Get a biscuit.

[Kathryn Lawrence]

Well, while she's doing that, I wanted to ask your character in Wayward there. I mean, I'm curious where you channeled this performance from, because your responses to people, I'm thinking if I'm the other person in that conversation, whether it's like a pause that's just too long or the way you respond, I'm like, I would be so uncomfortable. And I'm wondering how you channeled that.

[Toni Collette]

At first, I really didn't quite know how to place her. She's a woman of extremes, and the scripts were great in that it wasn't clear where to place certain things, like how big or how dark or how funny. There were many options, like, many choices to be made, which is an absolute gift. So at first, I kind of was really embarrassing, if anyone ever sees it. But I did a take which was, like, way too over the top because I was just trying to figure out where she sat in the scheme of things. And it felt a little bit like, I don't know, like a Marvel character, like an actual baddie, you know?

[Kathryn Lawrence]

Sure.

[Toni Collette]

And then we were working with a brilliant director, Eros Lynn, who I actually worked with on this film called Dream Horse, this tiny little Welsh film, which is like the most moving, beautiful story. And so he was directing it, and just very quickly kind of pulled me into the right area. It became more and more delicious just being able to play with where she's fucking with people and how she enjoys unnerving them and pushing them. But, I mean, essentially it's about trauma. And I'm a great believer of, you don't deal with this stuff, then you're kind of flying blind. And it is kind of a life that's wasted. I mean, you know, we all have her own capabilities, but this woman was forcing young kids into areas which were. I mean, it's very much considered malpractice. It was just like, there was no basis in anything good. It was just lots of really great ideas, but executed very, very incorrectly and somewhat dangerously. And I think the people involved were just lovely, you know? And those Canadians, man, they're good, decent people.

[Brad Dickert]

I know. They're so civilized.

[Chelsea Handler]

They're so civilized.

[Toni Collette]

My shoulders drop when I get to Canada. I'm like, oh, I. Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Everyone's just so unwilling to help. Everyone wants to help everybody. When you do a scene like that, when you said, like, you know, your first take was over, the top or whatever you were trying to play.

[Toni Collette]

Mortified.

[Brad Dickert]

Buy me now.

[Toni Collette]

Okay, sorry. Sorry I turned up. Let me go. Yeah, it feels like that.

[Chelsea Handler]

Who is the person that identifies that?

[Kathryn Lawrence]

Is it you?

[Toni Collette]

No. Well, I ask. I'm like, have I fucked it? Am I. Am I way too. What am I doing? Where am I pitching it? Somebody tell me something because I am lost. I'm very, very collaborative, very open, very happy to take anything that will help from anybody.

[Caller Rachel]

Right.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay. So you also have a movie that I just watched. It's called Goodbye June.

[Toni Collette]

You watched it. Great.

[Brad Dickert]

Of course.

[Chelsea Handler]

Of course. I do my homework. And it's a phenomenal fucking cast of women. It's Kate Winslet, who is one of.

[Toni Collette]

My all time favorites as well, who also directs it.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, she directs it. I mean, this is her directorial debut, right?

[Toni Collette]

It is, yep. Very much so.

[Chelsea Handler]

Very exciting. She's in it.

[Brad Dickert]

Andrea Riseborough, who's fucking awesome, is in it.

[Chelsea Handler]

And Helen Mirren is in it.

[Toni Collette]

Damn Helen Mirren. I said Andrea's a firecracker. She's got some of the best lines in the movies. Like, if you don't stop clicking that fucking pen, I'm gonna punch that cock off your body.

[Kathryn Lawrence]

Like, she's so angry.

[Toni Collette]

Oh, but there's so much hurt underneath it. Which is the great thing about the writing, all the characters. It's so funny because, you know, you grow up under the same roof and you have the same experiences and then you just turn out so, so differently to each other. Siblings are just so diverse and have these similar experiences, but just like, they're so different. So I play the kind of woo woo. I guess I felt like potentially I was roped into being a third parent. Cause I was the eldest child. Everything felt too enmeshed. So I just move away. And I'm this journeying woman on a kind of, you know, an experience of searching out, seeking things and trying to become one with the cosmos. Constantly wears crystals in her bra and like, has an alternative lifestyle and is into that kind of thing, which I love because I just appreciate people who have the guts to just basically be themselves and live an authentic life. It makes my stomach feel relaxed because when you have a guessing game with people, it's too anxiety inducing. So I absolutely love my character. So colourful. I hated taking her costume off at the end. I didn't want to let go and I just didn't want to let go of it because it was an amazing experience. So Andrea's character is really, really fucking angry at Kate Winslet's character. They were really tight. Kate, all she did as Julia was grow up and leave home. And Andrea felt abandoned and has been carrying around all kinds of resentment ever since. And then Johnny Flynn, the wonderful Johnny Flynn, who plays our younger brother, the baby in the family. Connor still lives at home, kind of can't get his shit together. You know, low self esteem, not much confidence, a bit like, you know, just can't get going in life. And then Helen Mirren plays the matriarch of the family, our beautiful mother who is nearing her death. And we all come together to help her move into this next state of existence, the ultimate change, the big transition. Our dad is played by the wonderful Timothy Spall and man, it was just the best. Kate is an incredible director. I don't know, I didn't ever doubt it. First of all, let me say I had always wanted to work with her. You do interviews and always get asked who's the top of your bucket list? Who would you want to work with? And I always said Kate because I just find that her choices are incredible. You don't see her acting, it's completely honest and she has such integrity and she's so grounded and real and yeah, and I felt like I knew her. We had this mutual friend and now honestly, I feel like she's my sister. Like we were always meant to be in this kind of familial kind of relationship with each other. I absolutely adore her. And she created the most incredible atmosphere on set. It was just so freeing and full of trust and it felt so safe. I mean, they're navigating possibly. Well, maybe one of the most challenging experiences that we actually all will face. And it's, you know, there are some really big vulnerable scenes and it just felt like we could try anything and we all gave it our all. It was a very, very special experience that none of us wanted to let go of. We're still like on a family chat. You know, most of us are in New York here and we don't want, we don't want to say goodbye as the movie goes off into the world. But it's a beautiful story about family and yes, it's about loss and yes, you will definitely need your Kleenex, but you will laugh as well. It's so relatable and you know, there are some zingers in there. It's an uplifting kind of heartwarming, life affirming story. It's very, very special.

[Brad Dickert]

It is.

[Chelsea Handler]

It's funny what you say about, you know, growing up and having a different experience. I know there's Gabor mate, or.

[Toni Collette]

Yeah, I love him. He's incredible.

[Chelsea Handler]

He always talks about that. Cause I always look at. Because I'm one of six. I always look at six.

[Toni Collette]

My God.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Toni Collette]

Where do you fall? Sorry. I'm the youngest.

[Brad Dickert]

Oh, of course.

[Toni Collette]

You're the baby.

[Chelsea Handler]

Exactly.

[Toni Collette]

I'm the eldest.

[Chelsea Handler]

Very different experience of how many, Tony?

[Toni Collette]

Only three. Only three.

[Chelsea Handler]

But it runs in threes. Like if you've read. Have you read Birth Order or the Sibling Effect or Birth Order?

[Toni Collette]

No, but I do subscribe to those ideas. Yeah, I will read them. Actually.

[Chelsea Handler]

It goes in threes. It's like oldest, middle, youngest, and then repeat, repeat, repeat.

[Toni Collette]

With every child. It's a sandwich, right? Sandwich, sandwich, sandwich.

[Chelsea Handler]

Because I'm always like, listen, there's nobody else in the world that knows what happened in our house besides my brothers and sisters. And we're all like, yeah. Like, we make a reference and we're like, yeah. We didn't get picked up on time either. Our car, our house was embarrassing. My dad had used cars strewn throughout the driveway. My mom never went to any, like, public facing school. Like, she wouldn't come to a play.

[Brad Dickert]

Or a softball game or a conference.

[Chelsea Handler]

She just couldn't handle the other parents.

[Toni Collette]

She was probably just overwhelmed and exhausted. Having had six children, I think she.

[Chelsea Handler]

I think she.

[Toni Collette]

I'm gonna take a bath while you're all out.

[Brad Dickert]

She needed some Lexapro, I think, and she forgot to get it.

[Chelsea Handler]

So I think that was the main ingredient. But it is interesting watching this movie. Goodbye June was very much about family dynamics and very relatable to anybody who.

[Brad Dickert]

Has brothers or sisters, especially during that.

[Chelsea Handler]

Time, because everyone has a different reaction to what's going on. And some people can deal with the reality of the situation, whereas others are in complete denial of the situation.

[Toni Collette]

Yeah, everybody handles grief differently. There are no rules. And actually, I think it's something they should teach in school. We don't know how to do it and it's going to happen to all of us. You know, chaos. Family is chaos at times and it's gorgeously so. And there are just these very real moments that are fucking completely heartbreaking. At the premiere in London, I couldn't. I've seen the movie. I was there. I know it was happening. I was the last person to leave the cinema. I was like racked. My body was convulsing. I was crying so much. It just is very, very powerful for a very intimate, very quick shoot. Very kind of probably on the page. Seemed like a small story. But it's dealing with the biggest thing. Death. Life. Life and death and love and family. Like, all of it. It's all of it.

[Chelsea Handler]

I remember his reaction in this movie reminded me when my mom passed away. My dad. We were all in the room. We were in a hospice, and my dad was sitting there. And, you know, we knew her. She had passed, and, like, we were all just kind of together. And my dad said, I gotta go show a car to a client. Like some. Some random. And, like, we all looked up at him and we just had no reaction. We were like, okay, okay. And then he goes, and I need a suit for the funeral. And so can one of you do something? And we're like, yeah. And then he left. And I was like, I wonder what happens to him when he gets in his car. And then my sister's like, he's not our problem right now. But it's so true that men's and women's reactions to things are so. It can be so surprising. But then once you see it, you.

[Toni Collette]

Understand we all process things differently, and there needs to be room for that. And maybe there needs to be bigger, more accepting, confidence, conversation around it. Because in the west, we don't really. We kind of shy away from it, almost as if it's taboo. Like, oh, no, that's, you know, pretending it's not gonna happen. It's gonna happen. Can't get out alive. Maybe this is a healing film. Maybe it'll start great conversations about being more. And actually, when I was younger, I was really angry at life. I was. I was like, this is a. This is a fucking mean joke. What is going on? What are we doing here? And it took a very long time for me to accept and appreciate the mystery of life. But I think once you have the context of life, you appreciate it more. I don't know. It helped me live more fully or something. I don't know.

[Brad Dickert]

And what do you think gave you.

[Chelsea Handler]

The context of life?

[Toni Collette]

Life itself? I think you get given everything you need eventually.

[Brad Dickert]

I like that. I know.

[Chelsea Handler]

You did that show who do youo Think youk Are?

[Brad Dickert]

Right?

[Toni Collette]

Oh, yes, I did. Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, I did that show too.

[Toni Collette]

How did you. When did you do it?

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, years ago, probably 15 years ago.

[Toni Collette]

Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah, Yeah, I did. In Australia, obviously. That's where I'm from. And I was like, oh, this is amazing. It's gonna go back generations. It went to my grandparents. It was like two generations.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, you are from Australia, so.

[Toni Collette]

But it's colonized. I mean, we're Irish and apparently, you know, there was a big journey to get there, but it was incredibly moving. It was just not what I expected, you know, really? There's a lot of trauma in there. Yeah.

[Kathryn Lawrence]

Were there any surprises?

[Toni Collette]

Well, my dad's dad is not who he was told he was. Oh.

[Kathryn Lawrence]

Oh, wow.

[Toni Collette]

My dad did a DNA test with his brother, who was alive at the time, and found out that his dad was not his dad, which he'd always kind of questioned.

[Brad Dickert]

Oh.

[Toni Collette]

We still don't know for sure who my nan had a fling with, but I kind of felt really impressed with her. Me too. Yeah. She just clearly wasn't happy and found happiness elsewhere. And my dad and I are alive because of that. I am her joy. You know, that's a good way to look at it. I'm sure it's way more complicated than.

[Chelsea Handler]

That, but that's okay. It's nice. Every story's a love story at some point.

[Toni Collette]

I agree.

[Brad Dickert]

Okay, we're gonna take a break, and then we're gonna come back with callers we have people calling in for.

[Toni Collette]

I'm so excited about this. I'm very excited.

[Chelsea Handler]

I'll be right back with Toni Collette.

[Toni Collette]

Cheers.

[Brad Dickert]

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[Chelsea Handler]

You know, I travel constantly, and supposedly.

[Brad Dickert]

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[Chelsea Handler]

And we're back with Toni Collette.

[Brad Dickert]

Okay, Katherine, what do we have going on today?

[Kathryn Lawrence]

Well, our first question comes from Rachel and I thought you might have some insight into this, having gone through the preteen ages with a couple of your kids. So she says, dear Chelsea, I'm an American living in Mexico, not those idiots who move here to avoid paying taxes or create travel Mexico Tiktoks. I moved here over 10 years ago to work at an NGO that helps low income families actually leave poverty.

[Toni Collette]

Incredible person right there.

[Kathryn Lawrence]

Anyway, about three months into living here, I met my husband and now we have two kids, an 11 year old girl and a 5 year old boy. The 11 year old. You're in it from a previous relationship. Quite the telenovela, which is a whole other story. But I have been in her life since she was three months old. His daughter and I have always been very close, but since my son was born five years ago, I feel like our relationship has drastically changed. She's becoming a tween slash teen and I know what comes with the territory, but this feels different. She hardly talks to me anymore. Even if I ask her questions, she will give me a very short answer or just shrug. She's so different with her father. She's a daddy's girl, so I don't take it personally. But when he asks the exact same questions, she tells him everything. I can't help but think she just doesn't want anything to do with me. I've tried asking her if she's mad at me or thinking about something else and she just brushes it off. I don't know what to do anymore. My husband hardly helps. Saying it's just a phase. Am I the wicked stepmother that she doesn't want in her life? Should I just blame it all on teenage hormones? What do you think I should do to keep the closeness we used to have? Hasta luego, Rachel.

[Toni Collette]

Oh, I can completely understand that concern.

[Pod 5 / 8 Sleep Advertiser]

Hi, Rachel.

[Toni Collette]

Especially if it's been close. Are you Rachel right there? Yeah.

[Caller Rachel]

Yeah. Hello.

[Pod 5 / 8 Sleep Advertiser]

Hi.

[Toni Collette]

So nice to meet you.

[Caller Rachel]

Me too.

[Toni Collette]

How long has this been going on? Sorry, I was adding the letter.

[Caller Rachel]

So when she was born, we had the very close Connection. And then my son was born five years ago. He's five years old now, she's 11. And that connection kind of dwindled, like, because I think my son was born. She kind of felt that my motherhood kind of went to him more than her. And so it's just kind of been rocky.

[Toni Collette]

I don't think this is an uncommon story. I'm just gonna say that right there. Yeah. I think when another sibling comes along, it's inevitable that you need to give that new person so much more attention. And yeah, the existing child can feel somewhat abandoned. Right. So you are everything to them and they get all your attention and then there's a split focus. I kind of tend to agree with your partner. Life keeps changing and I think potentially it really is a phase and you can help her feel safe in the connection again and maybe have some one on one time together and it will continue to change. There are so many phases.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, I have a question.

[Pod 5 / 8 Sleep Advertiser]

Is she.

[Chelsea Handler]

Is her mother in the picture?

[Toni Collette]

Yeah, I was gonna ask that too.

[Pod 5 / 8 Sleep Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Caller Rachel]

So her mom lives like five minutes from us. We have a really good relationship. And so that's kind of it too. Like, I don't want to kind of force her to call me mom or do those things, you know, I don't want that to be an issue. But I also, like, there is one thing I was telling Katherine in the pre interview, like we had a Mother's day event at her school and all of the kids like wrote their mom's name on a heart and they like threw it up when they were singing. And she wrote her mom's name obviously because it's her mom. But I was hoping like maybe she would turn the card and it would have my name on it. And it didn't. And it was like kind of. It was, it hurt. But I'm not gonna tell her that because those are my emotions, you know.

[Brad Dickert]

No, no, no, don't put that stuff on her. She's 11 years old, so her emotions.

[Chelsea Handler]

Are just like not.

[Brad Dickert]

They're not that sophisticated.

[Chelsea Handler]

She's like coming from like, you know, there's no amygdala fear based and like, so she doesn't have abandonment issues, which is why I asked if her mom was in the picture. So one more question. Is she. What's her relationship like with your five year old?

[Caller Rachel]

They're great. Like they get along super well. She's very caring for him. Kind of like that older sibling who always wants to make sure he's okay. So they have a great relationship.

[Toni Collette]

It's really interesting. She has a great relationship with her biological mother and the younger kid. Sometimes they feel they can express all the shitty, crappy feelings and project it onto the person they actually feel the safest with.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, that is true.

[Kathryn Lawrence]

That's probably.

[Brad Dickert]

Is she disrespectful to you or just distant?

[Caller Rachel]

No, just distant. And it's like sometimes I've talked to her mom about it and her mom's like, she does it to me too. Sometimes she's just like, see, see? And I think because we have her part time when she's with us, she wants to spend as much time as she can with her dad, which makes sense. But I think I need to kind of squeeze in there and be like, okay, can I have a day or two so that her and I can come back and connect and do stuff together.

[Chelsea Handler]

I would say also, like back off a little bit and let her come to you a little bit more. But definitely exploit the relationship between your son and her. Make sure that that's a primary focus so that she's constantly feels needed, you know what I mean? And feels purposeful in your mind. Like she's probably starting to get to an age where she's like, oh, you know, I can understand her feeling competitive with a five year old, but. But she's not taking it out on him and to take it out on you is a little strange. So you should be available to her like always make sure. But sometimes when people push you away, it's like give them double space. Not to be childlike or act immature, but as a grown up, like, oh, she needs a little space right now. Let her have her space because it's an age thing. She's coming, gonna come back around when she needs something from you or she needs advice that maybe she can't go to her mother for or something, you know, something's gonna happen where she is going to need you. But I know definitely when kids that age are going through that emotion that like changing and they're coming into their hormones and puberty and all of that.

[Toni Collette]

Shit, you can't discount how effective that is. It's big.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yes.

[Toni Collette]

Things really do change for them. The whole world is like a moving circle. Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

So your job is to really just not take it personally. You're an adult and you're the adult in the situation. So you need to take it not personally, like, oh, she's not into me for this period of time in her life. It is a phase. It's always a phase. Everything in life is a phase. There's nothing permanent, but yeah, just give her extra space and be mindful of the kids relationship. It's important that she, you know, she's the big sister. She's the one that can make decisions when you're not around, you know, kind of putting some responsibility into her hands so she feels really purposeful within the family unit.

[Caller Rachel]

Okay, no, that's great advice. No, thank you so much.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, great.

[Caller Rachel]

Thanks for taking my question, you guys. It was great to meet you.

[Toni Collette]

Lovely to meet you. Love you.

[Chelsea Handler]

See you soon.

[Brad Dickert]

Take care.

[Caller Rachel]

Bye.

[Chelsea Handler]

Bye. That was cute.

[Kathryn Lawrence]

I know, she's such a cutie.

[Brad Dickert]

That was sweet.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, it's so nice, you know, mothers trying to be better mothers and stepmothers trying to be better mothers.

[Brad Dickert]

I'm out here just trying not to.

[Chelsea Handler]

Get any children, more children in my life. So to hear you're a magnet. I know, and I am.

[Brad Dickert]

For some reason, the more more you.

[Chelsea Handler]

Say no, the more they want you.

[Toni Collette]

Oh, it's very interesting, isn't it? Yeah, she, I mean, the fact that she's so mindful and caring and wants to make it great is beautiful.

[Kathryn Lawrence]

That's not wicked stepmother energy.

[Toni Collette]

She's negative.

[Kathryn Lawrence]

Yeah. So our next caller is Noah and he says, dear Chelsea, my name is Noah and I'm 19 years old. I'm not going to say I'm gay because you already know that since I listened to this podcast. You are a badass. I live in a midsized town in Maryland. I'm currently a college student studying for a Bachelor of Fine Arts in acting. I have dreams of becoming an actor and I've always seen myself living in Los Angeles. The problem is I have an incredibly close knit family with three younger siblings and two parents who I'm very close to. I'm a homebody and I've never really liked to leave home or even sleep away or really do anything on my own. So my question for you is, how do I prepare to make such a big move to another coast to fulfill my dreams? I still have a couple more years of college, so this isn't an issue that's urgent. But how do I become independent, self reliant and okay to live so far away from people I love so much? Love, Noah.

[Toni Collette]

Oh, how bloody wonderful that you love your family so much and there's that connection and support and that you feel completely cozy with them. A lot of people want to get out.

[Caller Noah]

Thank you. Thank you very much.

[Chelsea Handler]

I left home at 19 because I just couldn't wait to get the fuck out of there. So my situation is different. I was the youngest, you're the oldest. There's a sense of responsibility that you feel that I did not feel. But my drive to become, like, wanting to start my adult life and become whatever it was I was going to become was paramount to that. So it's like you kind of have to, you know, a. You're not leaving your family.

[Brad Dickert]

You're not.

[Chelsea Handler]

You're never gonna leave your family. They're here for good. They're locked in. So it's just about setting up a life where you are going to be back and visiting them and coming back. If you really are passionate about going after this dream of yours, it sounds like you are. I mean, you're getting an education for it. Then you have to kind of know that, like, there is, you know, you're gonna come back for the holidays, they're gonna come visit you in California. That's gonna be exciting for the family. And you can stay in touch in a million zillion ways. Right now, you know, on FaceTimes and social media.

[Toni Collette]

Oh, it's much easier now. So. So much easier.

[Brad Dickert]

So much easier.

[Chelsea Handler]

So it's like, look at it not as a dread, but as, like an adventure. You know, like, flip the script and be like, this is the beginning of this part of my life. And these are the sacrifices I have to make. You move to la, you're gonna meet people, you're gonna have exciting things happen there immediately because it's so new to you. And you just kind of have to get to a place where you're ready to make that transition. You don't have to do it tomorrow. But, you know, if you wanna chase your dreams, you kind of have to start chasing them.

[Kathryn Lawrence]

Yeah.

[Caller Noah]

Yes.

[Kathryn Lawrence]

And there is something that happens when you go to, you know, somewhere where you're in a creative career, especially on one of the coasts where you will find your chosen family. It takes a little doing. It takes, like, getting out there and meeting new people and taking classes and, you know, getting involved in things. But you will find a family that feels very close to you.

[Toni Collette]

We all find our tribe. Absolutely.

[Chelsea Handler]

You left home early because you went to school early, right?

[Brad Dickert]

You didn't even finish school, Tony.

[Toni Collette]

I started acting in high school. Yeah, I did. I did a. I kind of started out singing. I did a musical. And then the teachers encouraged me to go to, like, a youth theater group. So slowly my world started to open. But, I mean, I wasn't prepared when I did Muriel's Wedding, which was only my second film, and I don't come from like, they are creative in their own way, but everyone's got like, you know, what would be considered regular jobs. You know, I'm kind of like, my dad's like, this is a miracle. And everyone's still pinching themselves that it ever happened. And there is some kind of. I also felt a bit guilty for having these incredible experiences and I was constantly on the phone to my, my family, you know, trying to share the experiences I was having. I think ultimately what you come to realize at some point is that you are allowed to have your own life and your own experiences. And if you are passionate about acting and actually have that talent and that fire in you, it won't go away. You just have to follow it, you have to honor it because that's the breadcrumb on your path. It's going to lead to all kinds of growth and everything opening. And it is very much an adventure. And it's inevitable that you're gonna meet new people because you have to put yourself into. I love traveling. I think it's the best way to learn. You are put in situations that are completely unfamiliar. It makes you grow, it makes you open up. And if you're doing classes, you'll meet like minded people and creative people. They are just more, they are open. Right. They just want to connect in ways that somebody in an office may not. I'm not, I'm not generalizing, trying not to generalize, but there's just an openness to that field. So I think, you know, allow yourself to follow the passion. I think really that's all all of us can do in life. That will lead you to the right place. That will bring you to the good.

[Brad Dickert]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

When you know what you want to do, that is the biggest gift. I mean, I don't know how many people you've talked to that don't know what they want to do, but we have a lot of people call into.

[Brad Dickert]

The podcast that have no idea what their passion is and they're looking to find it. So that's already. You're already ahead of the game by no end.

[Pod 5 / 8 Sleep Advertiser]

Thank you.

[Caller Noah]

Thank you. You're so right.

[Brad Dickert]

Okay, great.

[Toni Collette]

Have you got plans? Where are you sitting right now? With. With Venturing out into the world away from Maryland. Good.

[Caller Noah]

I mean, I, I've always dreamed of going with kind of far away and being on my own, but I've always been someone who just is so. I'm so close to my mom and it even.

[Toni Collette]

It won't change. It won't change.

[Brad Dickert]

You'll get closer. Actually Distance makes the heart grow fonder. And that's true. Like, you know, I used to hate my parents.

[Chelsea Handler]

And then I went away and moved to California. And then the next Christmas, I'm like.

[Brad Dickert]

I think I love you guys again.

[Toni Collette]

I'll come back.

[Brad Dickert]

I just needed a break, you know what I mean? So imagine if you already have a strong relationship. It's only going to get stronger and enhance more.

[Caller Noah]

Exactly, exactly. I think the other thing that is a little hard for me is that my youngest sister is. She's five and I just. She just started in kindergarten, and it's a little hard for her, just like it was hard for me to leave. And so I'm like such a part of her experience and wanting to. And I know, obviously, like you said, Chelsea, FaceTime is so amazing, but I still just feel a little like I. I want to be here for everything.

[Toni Collette]

But for the day to dayness, I totally.

[Brad Dickert]

You're such a sweetheart.

[Toni Collette]

You're such a. I appreciate that, darling boy.

[Brad Dickert]

Yeah.

[Toni Collette]

You're gonna have the time of your bloody life. And you're gonna be a great role model for her to get out and do the same.

[Kathryn Lawrence]

Exactly. You're gonna be the cool older brother. She can come visit, like, maybe even before too long. I know. My nieces and nephews started visiting, even by themselves, when they were like seven or eight, you know, so.

[Caller Noah]

You're right.

[Toni Collette]

And if you live near Disneyland, all the better.

[Caller Noah]

Exactly. You're so right. Exactly. Exactly.

[Kathryn Lawrence]

Okay, Good luck.

[Toni Collette]

Good luck with this career, this burning passion. Don't let that flame dwindle. Go for it.

[Caller Noah]

Thank you so much.

[Kathryn Lawrence]

Keep us posted.

[Pod 5 / 8 Sleep Advertiser]

Okay.

[Toni Collette]

Total pleasure.

[Caller Noah]

I will, I will. Chelsea, you're the best. Thank you so much.

[Chelsea Handler]

Bye, Chelsea.

[Toni Collette]

You are the best.

[Brad Dickert]

Thank you.

[Chelsea Handler]

Bye, Noah.

[Toni Collette]

Good luck.

[Brad Dickert]

He had such a distinctive voice.

[Chelsea Handler]

I was like, you better, like, happier, right?

[Kathryn Lawrence]

Yeah, I love it. Good voice for himself.

[Toni Collette]

I sounded like that last week. I was doing all these radio interviews in London. I was sick. I sounded actually like a drag queen. I love that sound.

[Chelsea Handler]

I do too. I'm kind of sad that it's come back. I love it. I love that. I love that voice. I wanted to have it all the time. Sometimes you get too. Like, I get too high or chirpy, and sometimes I hear myself, I'm like, why are you screaming?

[Toni Collette]

You know? Cause you're excited. It's okay.

[Chelsea Handler]

I know. I get too excited.

[Toni Collette]

I think it's good to be excitable.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay, we'll take a break and we'll come back with one more and then we'll wrap up with Toni. Okay, we'll take a break. We'll be right back.

[Brad Dickert]

Every bit of the pharmacy counter and the pharmacist asks do you have any questions? And suddenly your mind goes blank. That's exactly why you need to listen to beyond the Script from CVS Pharmacy and iHeartMedia. Starting January 14th. Hosted by Dr. Jake Goodman, this podcast brings you real conversations with CVS pharmacists. I need to get on this the health experts you see most answering the questions you wish you'd asked, like which medications might not mix well, which vaccines should you consider before a big trip, and even those questions you were too embarrassed to say out loud. Each episode busts myths, decodes health trends, and gives you practical, trustworthy advice straight from the people behind the counter. No white coats, no lectures. Just real talk, real answers, and maybe a few laughs. Listen to beyond the script on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi guys, I have some very exciting news. I am always looking for companies to support that are ethical. And let's be honest, the phone companies we've all been stuck with are not that.

[Chelsea Handler]

You know, I travel constantly and supposedly.

[Brad Dickert]

I have international free roaming on Verizon. Yet my phone bills are still 300, 400 and even $500 a month. It makes zero sense. So I switched to a company with actual ethics, Noble Mobile and they pay you for staying off your phone. The more you unplug, the more money you save each month and the most you'll ever pay is 50 bucks. Unlimited coverage when I need it, cash back when I don't. It was started by people I know and trust. So if you trust me and want to join my mission to stop being a phone addicted zombie, come along. Go to noblemobile.com Chelsea right now and try it for just 10 bucks. That's noblemobile.com Chelsea Fleur de Mel is known as an it girl brand for luxury lingerie dresses and bodysuits with a seductive chic and elevated aesthetic. Their fabrics include real silk, refined French lace and modern stretch materials designed to feel soft, smooth and wearable. One of their most popular pieces is the flared corset knit dress worn publicly by Taylor Swift and recognized for its flattering waistline and versatility from brunch to evening events. Their bodysuits come in cotton, lace and fashion forward materials. The full collection is available at fleur de mal.com I used to wake up.

[Chelsea Handler]

At 2am drenched in my own sweat.

[Pod 5 / 8 Sleep Advertiser]

Not the cutest. Then I found pod 5 from 8 sleep and it changed everything. It's built with women's health in mind and helps with those brutal hot flashes. It is a smart mattress cover that cools your body before a hot flash hits. And when I need an instant relief, I just tap the bed to use the app to activate hot flash mode. It's clinically proven to reduce hot flashes by over 50% and it even cools each side of the bed independently.

[Chelsea Handler]

Go to eightsleep.com Chelsea use code Chelsea.

[Brad Dickert]

And get up to $700 off Pod 5.

[Chelsea Handler]

You'll thank me later. The holidays are here, which means I am stressed, over, committed, slightly buzzed and pretending I know how to cook. But at least my dog Doug is is thriving. He's eating just fresh from Just Food for Dogs. Real human grade food with none of that processed junk. It's shelf stable, which means I can toss it in my suitcase when I travel or shove it in a cabinet next to my tequila. And honestly, Doug's living his best life. His coat is shiny, he's got energy.

[Brad Dickert]

And when guests come over, he's the.

[Chelsea Handler]

Only one not complaining about their food. Meanwhile, I'm over here eating takeout and calling it festive. So this holiday season, give your dog something better than table scraps. Give them just fresh, real food. For dogs who have better taste than we do, go to justfoodfordogs.com for 50 off your first order. No code, no hassle, and thank God, no cooking required. And we're back with Toni Collette. Yay. Let's do one more. Catherine. Yeah.

[Kathryn Lawrence]

All right, well, this comes from Izzy. And this is just an email, so Izzy says. Dear Chelsea, first of all, thanks to you and Catherine for all your great advice. You're like the cool older cousin I get advice from way more than my actual family. And let's just say I made a big life decision recently, which was easier just imagining the advice he would give. Here's my issue. I'm 43. I'm the oldest of four siblings. My youngest sister is in her mid-30s. My siblings are all very close and we accept each other for who we are. That being said, there's a specific issue that has really started getting on my nerves. My youngest sister almost never says thank you. From little things like buying her dinner to not texting me to say thank you when a gift for her kid arrives. She lives kind of far away from me. Usually it's easy to let it go, but recently I made what I felt was a generous purchase for her just because I make more than her, but I didn't get so much as a thank you. I know it's not her problem how I feel, but I felt like it was just expected when what I felt, what I did was above and beyond. She's always been the classic baby of the family. I know there's gratitude in her heart and maybe her ADHD makes it harder to remember to say something. But I want to know from you, as somebody who's generous with her family, how would you handle this? Am I being too nitpicky to sit down and use an I statement and request? Just a simple thank you? Would love to hear your take, Izzy.

[Chelsea Handler]

No, I think that's general. Like, it's funny that, you know, here we go again with same families, you know, same parents. You grow up in the same family and you have different. But I think please and thank you.

[Brad Dickert]

Are major criterion that are necessary for people, and that's your sister. So it shouldn't be an issue to.

[Chelsea Handler]

Go, hey, I've definitely said stuff to my family about saying please and thank you. And it's not that you're doing it to get the thank you. It's kind of just like good practice to thank people for generous things or gifts, even small things. It's nice to say thank you.

[Kathryn Lawrence]

It's good manners.

[Toni Collette]

I totally agree.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Toni Collette]

And it sounds like that you all really have great relationships. This has just kind of slowly been mounting within you. There's a fine line, right? Because if you are a generous person, I think you kind of have to give without expecting. Without expecting anything back. To be honest, giving is about giving. But I can understand that you might want to have some. Like, you also don't want to be taken advantage of. So there might be a little boundary there that needs to be set or clarified. Just a little friendly reminder.

[Chelsea Handler]

Or it's like, yeah, this is something I would put in writing rather than say to someone. But putting in writing alone just makes it feel heftier. But sometimes it gives people more room to actually digest the information because it's written down in a sweet little email. Like if you wrote her, sent her an email and said, hey, you know, you're my sister, I love you, I'm always going to be doing nice little things for you. But I've noticed a couple times where I've gone out of my way for you, and I haven't even gotten a thank you. And that kind of feels like either maybe you don't want things from me, and if it could be that I.

[Toni Collette]

Was thinking that as well Some people are uncomfortable with receiving no matter who it's from. Right. And so they don't know how to respond because it's overwhelming to be spoiled in a way. I don't know what was given. Did we talk about what was.

[Kathryn Lawrence]

She didn't say. I think she's trying to keep it anonymous.

[Toni Collette]

Yeah, of course.

[Kathryn Lawrence]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

But if you bring that up in the thing, if you say that in your email, like, listen, maybe do you.

[Toni Collette]

Want me to stop?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, maybe you don't want these things for me, it puts it off of you and the thank you more and it gives her the opportunity because maybe she doesn't want gifts from you, but it gives her the opportunity to go, oh, God.

[Brad Dickert]

A.

[Chelsea Handler]

If she does, she's gonna be like, no, I'm so sorry.

[Pod 5 / 8 Sleep Advertiser]

I do.

[Chelsea Handler]

I don't even realize I'm not speaking.

[Toni Collette]

She probably doesn't even realize it.

[Chelsea Handler]

I'm sure she does it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Toni Collette]

So she'll probably be mortified.

[Chelsea Handler]

I definitely would say something. It's your sister. You can say anything to your sister. You know, even if they get mad there. It's gonna be okay in a couple days, you know, based on the close knit relationship you have. But definitely, I mean, these are manners people need to have. Please and thank you are kind of the two most important, you know, phrases in the English language to add to.

[Toni Collette]

What you were saying. If you make it more about making her feel comfortable and it's less about how disgruntled you feel and just like, I just, I don't want to overstep the mark. Is it okay that I did that? You know, I just didn't hear back, like, just. It's kind of done in a way, a very generous way in making sure that they're okay with it.

[Kathryn Lawrence]

Yeah, yeah.

[Toni Collette]

Rather than feeling a bit jilted.

[Chelsea Handler]

I know I don't feel comfortable getting gifts. I'm always just like, oh, God, you know, like, I don't know, why don't.

[Toni Collette]

Try and compliment me, you know.

[Brad Dickert]

Right, exactly.

[Chelsea Handler]

Right, right, right, right, right. But yes, definitely say something and put it on the gift giving. And we, we sorted that problem out. Okay, well, you can see Tony's latest works on Netflix. She. Everything she's doing on Netflix is on Netflix right now. So I'm sure there's gonna be more to come. But Wayward is the series that you should watch with Mae Martin, who created.

[Toni Collette]

Created, produced, stars in, created, wrote, produced.

[Kathryn Lawrence]

Starred in everything but directed.

[Toni Collette]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

And also make sure you check out Goodbye June, which is a beautiful film.

[Brad Dickert]

Also on Netflix.

[Chelsea Handler]

Tony, thank you so much for your time today.

[Toni Collette]

Absolute pleasure.

[Chelsea Handler]

I loved hanging out with you.

[Toni Collette]

I can't wait to do it in person. I really can't.

[Brad Dickert]

I know we can't.

[Toni Collette]

I don't know why I thought that what today was gonna be, but I'm really happy to see you, and I hope you have a beautiful holiday season up there in Whistler. And I just love what you do. You make people feel great. How brilliant that people feel so comfortable and write into you about, like, these kind of personal dilemmas that they have. That really says something about you, actually.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, thank you. I love doing it. I love doing it. I love giving unsolicited advice, so I may as well be solicited.

[Toni Collette]

You know, I kind of love it as well. I think I see other people more clearly than I see myself, actually. I've grown into seeing myself more clearly, and so have you.

[Chelsea Handler]

But we all do. We all see everybody else. Like, it's.

[Toni Collette]

Everything's a mirror, right? Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

And who better to give advice than someone that has nothing to do with your problems?

[Toni Collette]

Totally objective.

[Kathryn Lawrence]

Yep.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Toni Collette]

This is a total pleasure. I'm so happy to see you and so lovely to meet you and thanks for having me and enjoy life. See you in 2026.

[Pod 5 / 8 Sleep Advertiser]

I love you, too.

[Chelsea Handler]

Happy holidays, Tony.

[Toni Collette]

Yeah, likewise. Enjoy.

[Caller Rachel]

Thank you.

[Pod 5 / 8 Sleep Advertiser]

Ciao.

[Brad Dickert]

Bye.

[Kathryn Lawrence]

Bye.

[Chelsea Handler]

I just announced all my tour dates. It's called the High and Mighty Tour. I will be touring from February through June. So go get your tickets now. If you want good seats and you want to come see me perform, I will be on the High and Mighty Tour.

[Kathryn Lawrence]

Do you want advice from Chelsea? Write in to dearchelseapodcastmail.com Find full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching earchelseapod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Kathryn Lawrence, and be sure to check out our merch@chelsea handler.com.

[Brad Dickert]

Ever been to the pharmacy counter and your mind goes blank when the pharmacist asks any questions? That's why you need to listen to beyond the script from CVS Pharmacy and iHeartMedia starting January 14th. Hosted by Dr. Jake Goodman, each episode features real conversations with CVS pharmacists, the health experts you see most, breaking down the questions you wish you'd asked from which meds may not mix well to what vaccines you need before a big trip. They will bust myths, decode trends, and share practical advice that you can actually use. Listen to beyond the script on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. You guys, I have some very exciting news about an ethical phone carrier I just switched to Forget about all these other phone companies. Forget about Verizon, forget about att, forget about T Mobile. There's this new carrier called Noble Mobile and they actually pay you to stay off your phone. You can earn real money, up to 20 bucks back every month just for.

[Chelsea Handler]

Putting your phone away.

[Brad Dickert]

If you're like me and you're tired of feeling controlled by your phone, social media or just disgusted by those screen time alerts, this is the answer. Go to noble mobile.com Chelsea and try it for $10. That's noblemobile.com Chelsea Fleur de Mal is a women owned fashion brand offering luxury lingerie, ready to wear dresses and body suits with a seductive, cool and refined design approach. They focus heavily on high end materials such as silk, French laces and modern technical fabrics designed to look elegant while remaining wearable and comfortable. One of their most popular pieces is the flared corset knit dress which has.

[Chelsea Handler]

Been worn by celebrities including Taylor Swift.

[Brad Dickert]

It is known for its soft knit.

[Chelsea Handler]

Construction and corset inspired seaming that shapes.

[Brad Dickert]

The waist, making it a versatile option for daytime social events or evening outings. Their lingerie assortment includes seamless everyday bras as well as more fashion forward lace designs. The Seduce you plunge bra has gained notable attention and is frequently described as offering a boob job in a bra effect. Due to its shaping and lift, Florida Mal is positioned as a premium luxury brand with retail locations in SoHo, Williamsburg and West Hollywood. The full assortment of lingerie dresses, bodysuits and ready to wear can be [e-mail].

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[Pod 5 / 8 Sleep Advertiser]

I used to wake up at 2am Drenched in my own sweat. Not the cutest. Then I found pod 5 from 8 sleep and it changed everything. It's built with women's health in mind and helps with those brutal hot flashes. It is a smart mattress cover that cools your body before a hot flash hits. And when I need an instant relief, I just tap the bed to use the app to activate hot flash mode. It's clinically proven to reduce hot flashes by over 50%, and it even cools each side of the bed independently.

[Chelsea Handler]

Go to eightsleep.com Chelsea use code Chelsea.

[Brad Dickert]

And get up to $700 off Pod 5.

[Chelsea Handler]

You'll thank me later.

[Brad Dickert]

This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.