Life is Goo with Rachel Bloom

Summary

Podcast Episode Summary: "Life is Goo with Rachel Bloom"

Podcast Information:

• Title: Dear Chelsea
• Host/Author: iHeartPodcasts (Hosted by Chelsea Handler)
• Description: On this weekly advice show, comedian & author Chelsea Handler answers listener questions with her signature humor and honesty. Each week, she is joined by co-host Catherine Law and celebrity guests, tackling topics from love and sex to family issues and loss. Every episode offers a blend of funny, informative, inspirational, and heartfelt moments.
• Episode: Life is Goo with Rachel Bloom
• Release Date: March 6, 2025

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Introduction

In this heartfelt and insightful episode of "Dear Chelsea," Chelsea Handler welcomes comedian, writer, and actress Rachel Bloom as her special guest. The conversation delves deep into Rachel's personal experiences, her creative endeavors, and offers compassionate advice to listeners grappling with various life challenges. Skipping over the numerous advertisements and promotional segments, the episode focuses on meaningful discussions that resonate with both Rachel and Chelsea's audiences.

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Welcome and Personal Updates ([01:53] - [05:20])

Chelsea kicks off the episode by sharing her recent activities, including a bustling weekend filled with an Oscars event and a book signing in Seattle. Despite rumors, Chelsea clarifies that she is not dating Ralph Fiennes, but recounts the excitement of party-going and celebrating her birthday amidst a hectic schedule.

Notable Quote:

• Chelsea Handler [02:00]: "I'm in Seattle. I'm in Seattle. My voice sounds fresh because of all the freshness that I've been up to."

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Rachel Bloom's Journey and New Special ([06:29] - [09:27])

Rachel Bloom is introduced as a multifaceted artist best known for creating and starring in the hit show "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend." She shares insights into her new Netflix special titled "Death. Let me do my Special," which explores themes of mortality, self-acceptance, and personal growth.

Notable Quote:

• Rachel Bloom [08:36]: "I still have, after all these years, a little bit of imposter syndrome of, like, I'm very sensitive."

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Exploring Limerence and Relationships ([09:58] - [16:28])

Rachel delves into the concept of limerence—a state of intense romantic desire and obsession. She reflects on her past relationships, highlighting how her sensitivity and imposter syndrome have influenced her interactions within the comedy industry. Rachel discusses the challenges of navigating relationships where emotional availability is limited and shares her journey toward finding a healthy and fulfilling partnership.

Notable Quotes:

• Rachel Bloom [15:07]: "Time basically became very real. That suddenly I was picturing... I'm not gonna have the same feelings that you're describing."
• Chelsea Handler [15:28]: "I want to work."

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Personal Loss and Coping Mechanisms ([16:28] - [25:35])

The conversation shifts to more profound topics as Rachel opens up about her experiences with grief, particularly focusing on her loss of a beloved dog. She candidly discusses the emotional turmoil of losing a pet and the existential reflections that accompany such a loss. Together, Chelsea and Rachel explore the raw and often uncomfortable realities of life and death, emphasizing the primal nature of these experiences.

Notable Quotes:

• Rachel Bloom [22:10]: "It is really the feeling of like you just like want to be around that person."
• Chelsea Handler [24:00]: "But that's..."

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Coping with Insensitivity and Building Confidence ([26:19] - [30:38])

Rachel shares her strategies for dealing with insensitivity, especially in male-dominated environments like stand-up comedy. She discusses the importance of building self-confidence and maintaining self-respect in the face of toxic behavior. Rachel highlights the difference between on-stage courage and off-stage sensitivity, offering insights into managing personal boundaries and fostering a positive self-image.

Notable Quotes:

• Chelsea Handler [29:48]: "You have to be talking very positively to yourself."
• Rachel Bloom [29:58]: "It's like berating yourself doesn't help."

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Listener Callers and Advice Segments ([35:28] - [60:10])

Caller: Jen ([35:28] - [39:08])

Issue: Jen and her husband are navigating a divorce and dealing with the challenge of not informing their aging in-laws. She feels conflicted about declining family interactions to avoid complicating the situation.

Advice Summary: Rachel and Chelsea advise Jen to prioritize her own emotional well-being over participating in her husband's decision to withhold information from his parents. They suggest that Jen should not feel guilty for limiting interactions that facilitate lies, emphasizing the importance of honesty and self-respect.

Notable Quotes:

• Chelsea Handler [37:18]: "But he's the victim of that lie."
• Rachel Bloom [38:23]: "They're going to find out."

Caller: Maya ([40:47] - [53:20])

Issue: Maya struggles with dating as an Israeli American who identifies as agnostic in a politically charged environment. She fears that her nationality and cultural background might lead to misdirected anger and rejection on dating apps.

Advice Summary: Rachel and Chelsea encourage Maya to reframe her dating approach by being more open-minded and not letting fear dictate her interactions. They suggest utilizing specialized dating apps like JSwipe and engaging with local Jewish community centers that cater to diverse levels of religious observance. Building a supportive network and gradually disclosing her background can help mitigate anxiety and foster genuine connections.

Notable Quotes:

• Rachel Bloom [45:14]: "J Swipe Israel is the number one Jewish dating app."
• Chelsea Handler [49:07]: "Don't catastrophize the fact that you're from Israel and that you're Jewish."

Caller: Deanna ([55:18] - [60:10])

Issue: Deanna is grieving the sudden loss of her long-term boyfriend's dog, Yama, to cancer. The bond she formed with the dog intensifies her sense of loss, leaving her feeling isolated and hesitant to adopt another pet.

Advice Summary: Rachel and Chelsea validate Deanna's grief, urging her to allow herself to mourn without shame. They recommend considering fostering or adopting another pet as a way to channel her love and begin the healing process. Emphasizing the importance of self-compassion, they highlight that forming new bonds can help mitigate the pain of loss.

Notable Quotes:

• Chelsea Handler [58:42]: "You need to give your love to another person or another thing or another animal."
• Rachel Bloom [59:53]: "Grieve all you want... think about how you could impact another dog's life with all that love."

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Conclusion and Final Remarks ([60:30] - [63:05])

As the episode draws to a close, Chelsea expresses gratitude to Rachel Bloom for her candidness and valuable insights. She promotes Rachel's upcoming Netflix special and announces her own European tour, emphasizing the excitement and anticipation surrounding these events. The episode wraps up with a reminder for listeners to submit their questions for future advice segments.

Notable Quotes:

• Chelsea Handler [61:25]: "You need to have a more optimistic outlook. Be hopeful and be optimistic."

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Key Takeaways

1. Understanding Limerence: Recognizing the signs of intense romantic obsession can help individuals navigate their relationships more healthily.
2. Grieving Process: Allowing oneself to fully experience grief is essential for healing, especially concerning the loss of beloved pets.
3. Building Confidence: Developing self-confidence and positive self-talk can significantly impact how one handles insensitivity and toxic behavior in professional settings.
4. Navigating Complex Identities in Dating: Balancing cultural and national identities in the dating scene requires strategic approaches, such as utilizing specialized platforms and engaging with supportive communities.
5. Self-Compassion: Prioritizing one's emotional well-being over external expectations fosters healthier relationships and personal growth.

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Notable Quotes

• Rachel Bloom [16:03]: "So it's the state of being infatuated or obsessed with another person. Typically experienced involuntarily and characterized by a strong desire for reciprocation of one's feelings, but not primarily for a sexual relationship."

• Rachel Bloom [21:35]: "It was one of the first times in life that I really started to think about grown-up, grown-up stuff in the future in that concrete way."

• Chelsea Handler [29:45]: "We all do. We're all aware of what's going on."

• Rachel Bloom [45:14]: "J Swipe Israel is the number one Jewish dating app."

• Rachel Bloom [58:42]: "Grieve all you want, like what Rachel said. Absolutely."

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This comprehensive summary captures the essence of the "Life is Goo with Rachel Bloom" episode of "Dear Chelsea." By focusing on personal anecdotes, expert advice, and meaningful dialogues, Chelsea Handler and Rachel Bloom provide listeners with both entertainment and valuable life lessons.

Transcript

[Chelsea Handler]

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[Chelsea Handler]

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[Rachel Bloom]

Morning brings a fresh new energy. And no matter what the day holds, we come to the Today show for all of it.

[Chelsea Handler]

We get the best start to the day because we started together. Watch the Today show weekdays at 7am on NBC.

[Rachel Bloom]

Hello.

[Chelsea Handler]

Hello. Hello. Good morning.

[Rachel Bloom]

Good morning. Are you in New York?

[Chelsea Handler]

I'm in Seattle. I'm in Seattle. My voice sounds fresh because of all the freshness that I've been up to. So I had a book signing here last night. I had the Oscars the night before. Big party situation.

[Rachel Bloom]

Yes.

[Chelsea Handler]

Was out till about 4 in the morning and then got up at 8 o'clock or no, 10 o'clock to come to Seattle for my book signing here.

[Rachel Bloom]

The Internet says that you're dating Ralph Fiennes, which like I saw that hell Yeager.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, that's I'm not dating Ralph Fiennes. But that. That. Yes, I saw that.

[Rachel Bloom]

I had high hopes. I had high hopes.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yes. No, we just went to a. From one party to another together. That's simply what happened.

[Rachel Bloom]

That's so funny.

[Chelsea Handler]

But I did have a blast. I've had a blast all week.

[Rachel Bloom]

And it's been your birthday.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, yes. And I had a birthday party, too. On Friday night. No, Saturday night.

[Rachel Bloom]

Saturday night.

[Chelsea Handler]

Saturday night. I had a birthday party Saturday. I flew in from Chicago, went to my book signing at the Grove in la. Then I turned around and went back to the hotel I was staying at, where I was having my birthday party Saturday night, which was also a blast. Very fun.

[Rachel Bloom]

And then I randomly ran into you at the Grove. Let me tell you how many signs there were that I didn't put two and two together. They had an Owls Brew lemonade stand. And I was like, oh, that's Chelsea's. And, like, did not think you were doing a signing. And by the way, the Owls Brew is delicious. I had the pink lemonade.

[Chelsea Handler]

I know. I know all these girls that are coming, you know, my book signings are primary, primarily about 90% women, obviously, and they're all coming. And now we have the Owls Brew at every book signing. So that's been so fun, because now people get the message that for their book clubs, they should be pounding Owls Brew.

[Rachel Bloom]

Yes. Very tart, very delicious. But, yeah, that was so funny. And then somebody came up and said, who's doing a book signing here? And the guy behind the counter said, chelsea Handler. And I was like, oh, yeah, I know her.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah, I know.

[Chelsea Handler]

What a coinky dink.

[Rachel Bloom]

I know, I know. I'm like, I'm sure it was in there subliminally somewhere. But anyway, yes, we got to come say hi.

[Chelsea Handler]

I made two little friends, and I was reunited with Doug for this way, for the weekend. Even though my Bell started pulling her bullshit, when she brought him over to my hotel room, she's like, it's okay, Doug. It's okay. Mommy's here. I'm like, I'm the mommy. Shut up. I'm like, don't start this shit with me again. Anyway, I'm on my way back to Los Angeles this morning, and I am going to, you know, hit it. Hit it hard for the next who knows how long. I can't even look at my schedule because it's too intimidating.

[Rachel Bloom]

No, no, I know. I keep asking your assistant for things, and she says you're busy.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. And I've also run into so many. So many of the people coming to my book signings, love Dear Chelsea and our avid listeners. So that's always nice to meet our listeners in person. And I hope you guys are reaching out to each other through different groups and stuff so that you guys can connect through Dear Chelsea and read the books together.

[Rachel Bloom]

That's great. Well, any dates that we want to hit Vegas.

[Chelsea Handler]

I'm coming to Vegas. March 21st, guys. That's my next show in Vegas, March 21st. And then April 18th. And then I announced about five more dates and I announced all my European dates. So those are selling out. So if you're in Europe and you're listening to this and I'm coming to your city, go get your ticket because they're going.

[Rachel Bloom]

Excellent.

[Chelsea Handler]

And then also, anyone who's listening who has bought my book, who has listened to my book, send us excerpts or you reading your favorite parts or circle your favorite parts because I've been reposting those and I love those. I love to see them. And yes, my book has now been out for almost six days. I'll have what she's having.

[Rachel Bloom]

Amazing. And I got a copy too now, so I'm gonna find out all your secrets.

[Chelsea Handler]

Wonderful. Well, there's, you know, as we know, there are no secrets with me. I also wanna mention that based on my video, my birthday videos, which we're all familiar with, hopefully, I am doing an actual ski run bathing suit ski Run on March 14 that everyone is invited to come and register for. That means you ski with me in your bathing suit down Tahoe in the Palisades. Palisades. Tahoe, I should say. And it's. Well, it's just gonna be a blast. I mean, it's just gonna be a recreation of my birthday video. And wait till you see the bathing suit they have me wearing.

[Rachel Bloom]

Very excited.

[Chelsea Handler]

So our guest today, please welcome Rachel Bloom. Okay, we're here with. She's a comedian, she's a writer, and she's an actress. And you know her best, probably as the creator and star of Crazy Ex Girlfriend, everyone's favorite show. And she has a new special.

[Guest Speaker]

Everyone is a very lib. Please go on.

[Chelsea Handler]

Listen, we're just. We're being inclusive, okay?

[Guest Speaker]

It's very inclusive of a very small part of the population in this country.

[Chelsea Handler]

That's not true. That's not true. That was a very, hugely popular show.

[Guest Speaker]

Popular is an interesting. Sure. Yes, it was. It was. It absolutely was.

[Chelsea Handler]

It was. I think you need to embrace that. Her new special is called Death. Let me do my Special, it's on Netflix right now. Please welcome Rachel Bloom. Rachel Bloom.

[Guest Speaker]

Hi. Hi.

[Chelsea Handler]

How are you?

[Guest Speaker]

I'm good. It's always really nice to see you.

[Chelsea Handler]

Always. I love seeing you.

[Guest Speaker]

You're just a really kind person.

[Chelsea Handler]

Thank you.

[Guest Speaker]

I was just telling. Actually, our nanny was like, oh, my God, I love. She's such a fan of yours. And I was like, also, she's, like, really nice and kind to other women, which is just really wonderful.

[Chelsea Handler]

Thank you. Now I have to start being that way to men.

[Guest Speaker]

Well, no. Well, they're fine. That's a different thing.

[Chelsea Handler]

I know they can be nice to each other or whatever they are. You know, it's not really our problem. Let's talk about your special. Death is a big character in your special.

[Guest Speaker]

He is.

[Chelsea Handler]

And I.

[Guest Speaker]

He is.

[Chelsea Handler]

He is.

[Guest Speaker]

Well, I modeled kind of the sum of the character based off of, like, men I've interacted with in, like, writers rooms. And so Death, to me is a he.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yes, I like that.

[Guest Speaker]

Yes.

[Chelsea Handler]

I'd like to start thinking of it that way as well. And I'm sure many of our listeners feel the same exact way.

[Rachel Bloom]

And not to say he like a dude bro.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah, it was always like, either. I mean, there were different ways we experimented with the character that, like, there was a part of him that was in Sellie, and then there was a part of him that was just like, a dude bro. Cause, like, look, hostility from comedians comes in different forms, but either way, it's. When I'm saying bad things to myself, what is my inner voice? And my inner voice is. Is the men who I perceived as funnier being like, that's a fucking joke. Okay. I guess you could technically call that a joke. That's my inner hateful voice. Are those guys?

[Chelsea Handler]

Is being judged by those guys being.

[Guest Speaker]

Judged by those guys and them seeing that I am a fraud. Honestly, I mean, it's like I still have, after all these years, a little bit of imposter syndrome of, like, I'm very sensitive. And my first writer's room and experiences I had around that time was, like, there would be these guys who just got really, really tough and smart, and they were great joke writers, but comedy was a way to assert dominance over other people, you know? And I've just. I've never been good at, like, being insulted and coming back with an insult. I'm also not a club comic. So that's the thing is I didn't get. I haven't been hardened by. I've always been, like, an alt comic, UCB TV writer. So I haven't been hardened by, like, drunk people in clubs throwing beers at me in a way that might have made me tougher and better at, like, insults and comebacks.

[Chelsea Handler]

That's interesting. I mean, I would think that because you're assembling lots of different writers rooms because you've had multiple shows.

[Guest Speaker]

I've only had. I've only had one so far.

[Chelsea Handler]

Really?

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, you have a new show that you just announced. It's a pilot, but.

[Guest Speaker]

But it. But it makes me look really good. Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, I feel like you need to believe that you are good, because.

[Guest Speaker]

I'm sorry, I'm. I'm underplaying things, and I don't know why. You're right.

[Chelsea Handler]

But what was there before Crazy Ex Girlfriend? You were doing something that was.

[Guest Speaker]

I was a TV writer and I was, like, auditioning and I was doing shows at UCB.

[Chelsea Handler]

Were you a star in something or on TV?

[Rachel Bloom]

No, I was doing YouTube videos.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, is that how I got to know you? It was something. Before Crazy Ex Girlfriend, it was my YouTube.

[Guest Speaker]

I was doing, like, YouTube videos.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, okay. Okay. So that's how I got to know you.

[Guest Speaker]

But I want to assemble. I have a couple of TV shows, things in the works where I would love to be able to assemble another writer's room. I love being in a writer's room.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

And I love to have another show. I have a couple shows in the works.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

It's always funny what we decide to announce and not announce because everyone, you know, everyone is working on. If our careers were judged by effort, everyone would be number one on IMDb, right. Everyone has, like a thousand things going on. It's just. Okay. Are you then fortunate to get to that next level and have it actually, like, for lack of a better term, count?

[Chelsea Handler]

Right. Because it doesn't. And I also, conversely, the. The stuff is true. Like, sometimes when you announce certain things, you know, that. That. That aren't necessarily a sure thing. It's like, oh, we're going to announce, you know, I don't like the announcements of things. I like just putting things out there, you know?

[Guest Speaker]

Me too. Me too. And this like. Like the show we just announced. So my husband and I have a. A show with abc.

[Chelsea Handler]

Congratulations on getting a husband, by the way.

[Guest Speaker]

It's so funny because I was just listening to your interview with Sharon Horgan, who I just have been obsessed with. I love her so much. Another just brilliant and also kind person and actually catastrophe. It made me realize I want to rewatch catastrophe for the show that I'm Doing right now? The fuck was I going to. Oh, you're talking about divorce. And I am so. You know, for all of my. Like, I'm fucking crazy and I talk about my asshole and dicks. I've been with the same guy. Those are the two wildest things. I've been with the same guy for about 16 years.

[Chelsea Handler]

Wow.

[Guest Speaker]

I'm a child bride.

[Rachel Bloom]

Wow.

[Chelsea Handler]

16 years. How old were you when you met him?

[Guest Speaker]

We were friends since I was 18 in the comedy community. Because the comedy community is, you know, incestuous. And then we started dating when I was 21.

[Chelsea Handler]

So you were only friends for the first few years?

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah, I mean, we met out once.

[Chelsea Handler]

And then what happened that you guys got together?

[Guest Speaker]

Well, I dated a bunch of his friends.

[Chelsea Handler]

That's always a good way to get his attention. Yes.

[Guest Speaker]

And then we just realized we really liked being together. And one day we just kissed. I mean, it was actually really. I was in la. I was born, raised in la. And so I was back visiting my parents during college before I did a theater trip to Amsterdam. And he was here for business. Cause he was already a working TV writer and. And he invited me to this barbecue at this place he was renting in Santa Monica. And we, like, made out on the beach and like, it was magical. And I went to Amsterdam and came back and we started dating for real. And we've just been together ever since.

[Chelsea Handler]

That's cute.

[Guest Speaker]

It's really square. I would have never. My emotions around love were so volatile and the people I went for were so fucking weird. Before him, I would have never thought. Thought that I would be this person in a monogamous relationship for so long, but I. Here I am.

[Chelsea Handler]

Why do you think. Why were you. Why was your relationship with other men, like, so volatile? Or why were you attracted to those types of men? I mean, I did the same thing, but curious.

[Guest Speaker]

I liked the thrill of the chase. And I liked. I mean, if I'm gonna get, like, psychological about it, I liked the feeling of the thrill of the chase. It was the greatest drug. Love was the. My first serious crush started when I was in about third grade. And I remember the emotions that I have. It's my friend Zach, he knows all about it. The emotions that I had for Zach from third through seventh grade were as real, and when I say real, they were as passionate and all consuming as anything I ever felt as an adult from a very young age. And there's a term because on Crazy Ex Girlfriend, it was a show kind of all about obsessive love. And so there's this term called limerence, which is like the science. Have you heard of this term? I love it. It's like the scientific term obsession. And it's what being in love is. And I'm a very. I was always a very limerant person. And so I would go from guy to guy who was like emotionally unavailable. And also like, I feel like I went for. I. I feel like I still like my type, you know, you hear you like go for people who are like your parents. I have two types. I have one type who kind of looks like a male version of my mom. So like very, very lanky and skinny. And then there's a type that's the male version of my dad, which is like stocky and funny and that's the guy I'm with right now. But like, really, if you broke them down, it's either I go for my mom or I go for my mom.

[Chelsea Handler]

That's funny. Cause people don't talk a lot or enough, I guess, about going for your mom. Because that's gotta be a thing too psychosomatically. Like there's gotta be something where you are drawn to the people who remind you of your mother.

[Guest Speaker]

It's the first love of your parents are the first love of your life. And I see it in my daughter now where she. This is when she was like two, she noticed our wedding rings and she said, oh, are you. What are those? We said, they're wedding rings. And she's like, what's that? We're married because we love each other. And she goes, I love you. I love mama, I want to marry mama.

[Chelsea Handler]

And I.

[Guest Speaker]

And I get it. I was like really flattered. And I was like, hopefully the laws will change. No, I didn't say that, but I get it.

[Chelsea Handler]

Hopefully the laws will go back 150 years. Yes.

[Guest Speaker]

Yes. It is weird having a kid because it is being in almost platonic love. Like I can't.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yes.

[Guest Speaker]

It's really hard to explain, but I get that feeling of like, oh, I want to marry.

[Chelsea Handler]

Like I want to be with you forever.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah. It's just the feeling of like you just like want to be around that person. And I feel like we all kind of have that a little bit DNA wise with our parents maybe. But anyway, so the other thing I've learned about limerence, which I find really interesting is so I.

[Chelsea Handler]

Is it just the act of being in love or isn't there another definite. There's. It's kind of a more.

[Guest Speaker]

It's what's happening to your Body.

[Chelsea Handler]

I was gonna look it up. Cause I wanna read it to our listeners. Cause this word keeps coming up. I was on vacation with my British girlfriend and she was used. And she used that word. And I was like, oh, yes. I remember hearing it and being like. I was fascinated by this word because it kind of has a broader meaning, but.

[Rachel Bloom]

So it's the state of being infatuated or obsessed with another person. Typically experienced involuntarily and characterized by a strong desire for reciprocation of one's feelings, but. But not primarily for a sexual relationship.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yes. Oh, that's interesting.

[Rachel Bloom]

It's like in love platonically, like you said.

[Guest Speaker]

I mean, for me, in limerence, other than like child. Platonic love is the only child. Platonic love.

[Chelsea Handler]

Child marriage is limerence.

[Guest Speaker]

To be clear, I'm not in limerence with my child. But yeah, that's interesting that it says, like, it's platonic, that it's. I mean, for me, that wasn't necessarily the. The case because I'm so fucking straight. But the interesting thing is, like, when you look at what's happening to yourself chemically. And the woman who studied this was named Helen Fisher, and she just recently died, but she studied being in love. And they, they basically scanned people's brains while they were in limerence. And what they found was a couple things. And I might be butchering this. So sorry for any love scientists out there. I believe that when you're in love, your serotonin plummets, which is like your wellbeing chemical, which also. I have generalized anxiety disorder. I already have low serotonin. That's what Prozac does. It helps my neurons transfer serotonin. So before I was on Prozac, I already have low ass serotonin. Suddenly I fall in love. Whatever serotonin is left is fucking gone. And that's like your well being. Okay, I'm good. I'm happy right now. Right. So that's fucking gone. When you think of this person, they flood you with dopamine, which is like already addictive. But if you have no serotonin, you need that person in order to feel good. And so it's close to like being on cocaine or like ocd, which I've also experienced. And so that kind of obsessive mind, that involuntary obsession of feeling like your brain is being hacked by a dark love force, is how I really lived a lot of my life. And I think it took a lot of learning from those toxic relationships and sometimes unreciprocated situations to really make me, I don't know, like, find myself in a really healthy but wonderful relationship. And I fell in love with him still, but. But luckily I fell in love with a healthy.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, that tracks. I mean, most of us when we're younger, you know, go after the wrong things. Like, we're not focused on what we want, we're focused on the way we feel. And when we, as we. I mean, it doesn't sound like you were that old, but you seem to have a good grasp on, you know, what you wanted. Cause knowing someone for several years actually is a big benefit to understanding somebody and making an educated, responsible, lie down, responsible decision. In your special, you talk a lot about your fear of losing your dog when you were pregnant, which I find so funny. Why would you. Because your dog was old. Is that why you thought he was going to die?

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah. And she's. She now just turned what we think. I think she turned 15. She's a rescue. So we don't know. I was just with her this morning. It made life and death. It made the cycle of life and death very real to me. And I'd had little existential crises. I'm taking off my shoes. I'd had little existential.

[Chelsea Handler]

Take your socks off too. I have some toe spacers. Do you want to put them on? I don't need. It seems like you might want to.

[Guest Speaker]

Do you put on toe spacers when you're not getting a pedicure?

[Chelsea Handler]

They're not those kinds of toe spacers. I have the start of what is a little bunionette. And so in order. I'm calling it that to make it sound more delicate than what it is. I love it. And you put on these really. Well, mine are black, so they're not, you know. And you put them in between your toes so that. So when your toes get a bunion, they start to. Your foot starts to narrow and you want to keep your toes spread out. So I put them on to keep my toes out so that my foot, it is working. It's fucking working. My cousin said to me the other day, don't wear those. They're so stupid. And you've never even spoken to a doctor about it. I'm like, I am a doctor. And they are working. My toes are starting to spread out. So I think everything's gonna be fine for my bunionette. Let me see your feet. They're very nice.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah, my very narrow feet are a little dry.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, but whose aren't? Yeah, I always. Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

What is that?

[Chelsea Handler]

Because we're walking on them.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah, that's what it is. You're right.

[Chelsea Handler]

Or in my case, rollerblading to every meeting. I have so much.

[Guest Speaker]

That's so fucking cool.

[Chelsea Handler]

I know. Thank you. So what? What? Yes.

[Guest Speaker]

So it made life and death real. There was something, first of all, like, when I was pregnant, I was really nauseous for the first four months and. And it made me depressed and I. And it's like a chicken or egg thing where, like, I can't tell if I was depressed because I was nauseous or if I was depressed anyway, but I would have these waves of nausea. And with the nausea came emotions and kind of an anxiety and depression because it's just your hormones are going fucking nuts. And there was something that happened where time, I may say it in special, but like, time basically became very real. That suddenly I was picturing, I was not only looking at these apps that was like, okay, your baby's three weeks, five weeks, you know, 10 weeks, 15 weeks, or whatever. But also I was. You know, you start to think about preschools, and then you start to go, okay, well, what. What public school district am I in? And you start thinking about your life in a concrete way that you. You don't otherwise do. And I think that being in entertainment and comedy kind of flattens out age in a real way. Like, I never really know how old anyone is because everyone kind of seems anyway, I don't know. It keeps people young.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, that's true.

[Guest Speaker]

It really does. And so it was one of the first times in life that I really started to think about grown up, grown up stuff in the future in that concrete way of, like, what school is she going to go to? How are we going to save for college? And it suddenly put time and everything to do with time. It made it, like, too real. It felt like I was suddenly on mushrooms. And then I just thought about my dog, because at a certain point, picturing my dog at age 5, at age 6, 7, 8, a certain point, the dog's not gonna be there. And it just made me so sad.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, I can imagine. It just made me think, like, what if children were only here for a short period of time? Like, that's what I just started thinking about when you started saying that about dogs. Like, what if we only had children for 10 or 15 years? I mean, can you imagine? They would. That would make the dog thing seem so easy. I don't have an end of life thing with my dogs. Like, I accept it because they're all rescues. I always get them halfway through their Life anyway. Or in Doug's case, my most recent acquisition, he was nine months. And that's the youngest dog I've ever gotten. So that's just a huge advantage for me because I know I'm going to get a good 10 years out of him, you know, but whenever my dogs have left. It's interesting that you talk about that because, you know, obviously I've never had a full term pregnancy, but to think about the thoughts that you would have about death when you. You're about to give birth. Because I find that those two things dovetail quite often in lives. Like, you lose a father or a loved one right before somebody has a baby. That always seems to be a very common occurrence. And so I could see why it would bring up all those thoughts.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah, I mean, it's primal, it's bloody, it's all. It's first breath, last breath. We're all just. We all just come from like, goo and muck and come and come. Like, it's all. I was in Atlanta because everything films in Atlanta. My husband was doing something in Atlanta and I was walking around and there was like a kind of swampy place that was teeming with life. And it also stunk. And I was like, this is life. Life is just stinky goo. And the stinkier and gooier, the more it's filled with all sorts of life. And that's what life is, right? We're all just like stinky piles of goo. And so giving birth is a stinky pile of goo. And then also like, you know, caring, you know, when you're pregnant, the stuff that starts coming out of your vagina and I mean, the smells like your vagina starts smelling and it's just.

[Chelsea Handler]

But that's.

[Guest Speaker]

It's life, you know? And like when you're ovulating, like there. Have you ever looked at, like, pictures of cervixes?

[Chelsea Handler]

I actually have seen.

[Guest Speaker]

It's really interesting, right, that, like, I.

[Chelsea Handler]

Mean, I don't know if I could pick one out of a lineup, but I have seen them.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah, they're like. It's like they look like little wet buttholes.

[Chelsea Handler]

As opposed to a dry butthole.

[Guest Speaker]

As opposed to a dry. A little dry butthole. They're like free pink. But what's interesting is when a person with a cervix is like, fertile, it's like covered in gunk. It's like gooey. It's like, meant to be gooey. And when it's like dry, it's just past your period when, like, you're not Meant to take in sperm. And so, like, it's all just, like, blood and goo and death. And I think there's a line. Oh, Summer in Smoke. I think it's the Tennessee William, the Tennessee Williams play. The lead of that show is studying to be a medical student. And he's saying to the other. To the woman in the show, Alma, he's saying, like, he's pulling down an anatomy picture, and he's like, this is what we are. And I'm paraphrasing, but he's like, we're just meat. We're just gunk. We're just disgusting on the inside. And that's like. That's what pregnancy really mired me in. And then I actually gave birth and saw. I mean, I'll never forget, like, looking across the way. There's, like, a giant mirror in the room where I gave birth and seeing the sight of, like, after I gave birth, my open vagina with the placenta at the surface and still seeing a little bit of the umbilical cord coming out of it. I remember what that looked like. It's gross. It's fucking weird.

[Chelsea Handler]

It's.

[Guest Speaker]

But it's life.

[Chelsea Handler]

My cousin just gave birth and her asshole was inside out. When she got done giving birth, like, inside out. And my cousin. Other cousin was describing it to me, and I'm like, I just can't picture exactly what that looks like. And she's like, don't worry about it. But, like, her vagina lips, her. The inside of her vagina just on the table, lying there, and it's like, oh, my God, it's so treacherous to even think about.

[Guest Speaker]

Oh, I've only had one, but my vagina.

[Chelsea Handler]

Are you gonna have more babies?

[Guest Speaker]

I think I'm just one and done, but now there's a sea monster aesthetic with my vagina now. There's like a. There's like a little bit of prolapse with it where, like, if you look at my vagina, it's like. It just looks like someone going.

[Chelsea Handler]

Is what it is.

[Guest Speaker]

And I've asked. I asked doctor. I'm like, is normal. She's like, yeah, you're fine.

[Chelsea Handler]

It's just.

[Guest Speaker]

Hey, you pushed a huge thing out of your vagina. So it's just like.

[Chelsea Handler]

So back to male comics. Speaking of blood. So what is your experience? So when you're doing. Because you do. You're doing stand up now. I mean, obviously you're special. You're doing stand up. How has your experience been dealing with men in the standup world? Really?

[Guest Speaker]

I think that they're a lot nicer. I think generally the culture's gotten a lot nicer. And also I'm coming into these spaces now with some acclaim.

[Chelsea Handler]

Right.

[Guest Speaker]

Which changes how people treat you. Like, it's. I don't even know if the way I've interacted with certain toxic people is gendered. I think it's. Some people are just shitty to everyone. Like, I can't really parse out how much of it is because I'm a girl and how much of it is just because I was. You know, when you're low on the totem pole and you're clearly insecure, you're just an easy punching bag. So now if I come into a comedy space I have, there's a certain amount of power that I have, and maybe it's that I carry myself with more confidence or it's just people. People aren't as mean.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. I think that's an important thing to recognize as a woman. Like, for everyone who's listening, who people call in all the time asking, like, how do you get confident? Or how do you. You know, I always want to inject everybody with confidence because it is true. Like, somet. Sometimes you do have to fake it because you can smell insecurity on people and that's not a quality that you want to be putting forward. So even if you have to fake being confident, whatever you think that might be, or if you're mimicking someone else, you know, that's confident. Like, that is a worthwhile endeavor. Because I do believe in faking it until you make it. I do believe that if you act the part like, you know, I pretended I was wealthy and successful long before I was. I was waiting tables and taking people out to dinner like, I've got the tab. They're like, you're a waitress. I'm like, oh, don't worry, I've got money coming. Like, I believed that about myself and it turned out to be true. And I really do believe in faking it until you make it. I do believe that in all areas, not just confidence and not just career, but in all areas, like, I'm going to have a successful relationship, a romantic relationship, if that's what you want, you have to act like that's what's going to happen.

[Guest Speaker]

I guess what I wish I tried doing with some of these guys early in my career was I wish I would have been like, hey, can we get lunch? And then just at lunch, and this is a very female thing, been like, I think you're so funny. Like, Just, I'd love to talk to you more about it.

[Rachel Bloom]

And.

[Guest Speaker]

Because that way, then they can't bully someone, or maybe they still can, who, like, took them out to lunch and was like, yeah, you know, I'm still learning, like, anything, any help? It's a very indirect female way to deal with a problem. But, like, I wish I'd tried killing them with kindness more just to see what would have happened.

[Chelsea Handler]

I mean, it's interesting to think about that. But again, I feel like that's. That's like. That's us having to give them and to assuage their ego, to make them like us. And it's like, fuck you. I get what you're saying. But I also am like, no, no, no, I'm not going out of my way. I deserve as much as respect as anyone standing here. Even before I was successful, just because. Just because it takes so much guts to do what we do. You know, you have to be brave. It's already. You're already dealing with a live audience. Now I need people behind the scenes being assholes, too.

[Guest Speaker]

So on stage, I have that courage that you're talking about where there's something that happens when I'm on stage that I'm like, yeah, I fucking belong here. Offstage, I don't. I'm wildly more sensitive.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

It's just, like, who I am, and it's something I'm actively still working on.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, because I don't think you can change the fact that you're sensitive, but you can change your reaction to your sensitivity. Yeah, right.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah. What I'm working on, too, is beating myself up less for being sensitive. Because if not. Because that's what's bad, is when you're sensitive and then you go, why? Why the fuck are you letting this bother you? You're such an. You're such a fucking idiot. Now you're sensitive and you're calling yourself a fucking idiot.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, of course.

[Guest Speaker]

You know, it's like Internet comments being the best example of, like, don't read Internet comments. And it's like, well, great. Now I'm telling myself, don't read Internet comments. And I feel sensitive. So it's like berating yourself doesn't help.

[Chelsea Handler]

No, it does not help. You have to be talking very positively to yourself. We all do.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Especially now, you know, during this kind of period of time, we're all living in where we don't know what the fuck the world is going to come to. At least the world that we knew. You know, we grew up in America. We Thought like, democracy is a thing that is indestructible. And now we're like, oh, my God, if any of these people, you know, like these cabinet pigs go through, what happens to the FBI, what happens to all of our, you know, government agencies? And you're like, what I know to be true might not be true at all or might not be true for very much longer.

[Guest Speaker]

I mean, when. Remember when the biggest news was the President got a blowjob and stuck a cigar up someone's.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, Pichu, Yeah, I remember.

[Guest Speaker]

That was the biggest news. That's how I found out what blowjobs were.

[Chelsea Handler]

All I remember thinking about that was, I remember when that story came out and I thought, now, because every father knows their daughter is being sexually active, but they're not thinking about it. They're putting it to the back of their mind. They're like, I don't want to think about. And I'm certainly not going to envision my daughter sucking someone's dick. And then poor Monica Lewinsky's father knew for sure that his daughter was giving a blowjob and knew that about the cigar. Like, I could not get that out of my head. I think the first time I met Monica, no, I think I knew I was smart enough not to tell her that. Anyway, she's coming on the podcast soon. We can talk to her about that.

[Guest Speaker]

I'm such a fan. Also, my dad went. I don't know if it was law school. He knew someone involved in the case at the time. And at the time I was like 11, and I'd met the guy like a couple times before. I think he was really close with my dad when I was younger and he said something to my dad like, you know, I was very close with Monica's family and obviously if anything like this were to ever happen with Rachel, I'd help out. My dad was like, oh, my 11 year old. So if my 11. You're saying if my 11 year old daughter ever sucks the President's cock. I don't know why I know this story, but it's been something I've wanted to talk to Monica.

[Chelsea Handler]

I want to tell something that Monica said to me. I was at. We were at a friend's house the other night and Monica was there and she said this, and I think. I think she wouldn't mind me sharing this. She said when she had the opportunity to vote for Hillary Clinton in 2016, not only did she take it, but after she voted for her, she started to make plans to move to England because she knew that this wasn't going to be a great place for her to live with Hillary Clinton as the president. Not that Hillary Clinton was threatening her in any way, but just societally speaking, being the woman that did that in such a public way. And now Hillary Clinton was the President of the United States. She just thought she would be safer in the UK and at the same time cast her ballot for Hillary Clinton. And I got goosebumps when she told me that, because I was like, wow, what a fucking predicament. You know, what a thing to have to do and a thing to have to consider. On that note, we're gonna take a break and we're gonna be right back with Rachel Bloom.

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[Guest Speaker]

Yes.

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[Chelsea Handler]

A mother's love deserves a gift like no other. Celebrate her love, strength and style with heartfelt jewelry from Pandora. From iconic charms to sparkling necklaces, rings, earrings and more, there are so many ways to say thank you, Mom. Pandora even has in store engraving so you can treat your mom to a trip to the store and have your pieces engraved together with your own handwriting. So on Mother's Day and every day, tell her how much she means to you with a gift from Pandora. Visit Pandora in store or [e-mail] Every.

[Rachel Bloom]

Morning brings a fresh new energy.

[Guest Speaker]

This is today and no matter what.

[Rachel Bloom]

The day of, we come to the Today show for all of it.

[Chelsea Handler]

When things are tough, we talk about it. When there's something to figure out, we dig into it. And when there's joy, we celebrate it.

[Rachel Bloom]

Because today is where it's all happening. We get the best start to every morning because we start it together.

[Chelsea Handler]

Watch the Today show with Savannah Guthrie and Craig Melvin, weekdays at 7am on NBC. And we're back with Rachel Bloom.

[Rachel Bloom]

We are back and we're going to take some callers and some emails.

[Chelsea Handler]

We're giving advice.

[Rachel Bloom]

Yes.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay. Are you ready?

[Guest Speaker]

Yep.

[Rachel Bloom]

All right. We'll start with an email. This comes from Jen. Jen says, Dear Chelsea, longtime listener, first time writer. My husband and I, both in our mid-40s, have been married for 10 years. We have one son together and he has a son from a previous relationship. So two kids. We have started the divorce process and hope for it to be final in the spring. We haven't told the kids and we'll wait until we know what's happening with the house, etc. We're still living under one roof and are mostly cordial. It's never been a real outwardly affectionate relationship, so not many changes there. Here's the deal. My soon to be ex has not told his parents. They're in their 80s and his dad is not doing so great, but okay enough that he's still at home with his wife as his primary caregiver. They live close enough to us that their family gathers on short notice about once a week. I've been able to avoid these gatherings or stop by for a couple of minutes with an excuse to get out of there. Our anniversary gross was a couple of weeks ago this past weekend, and my soon to be ex asked if I would stop by their house so they could give us an anniversary card. I declined. My issue is that I'm starting to look like an asshole because their son is lying to them. My soon to be ex says he's not telling them because of their health conditions. My friend and family circle know the details of what is going on as I don't lie to those that I'm close with. Am I wrong for declining all of the family interaction? Do I go along with this lie? What sort of family acts like this? Love your show, Jen Boy, you go first.

[Guest Speaker]

That's a really unfair situation to be put in.

[Chelsea Handler]

Absolutely.

[Guest Speaker]

I don't know how sick his parents are. Like there's a part of me that's like, is there a different lie he could tell so that that doesn't involve you. Cause like you can't control that he's lying. But what you can't control is like I'm not participating. So can he say that you're going through a mental health thing and he doesn't want to discuss it but you'll be. No, but I don't know.

[Chelsea Handler]

But he's the victim of that lie.

[Guest Speaker]

No, you're right, you're right. I mean, I guess he. Look, the solution is just tell his parents.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well also I would just. This is another Mel Robbins. Let them, let him, let him lie all he wants, but do not participate in his lying.

[Guest Speaker]

Fuck off like other people. They're your ex in laws now.

[Chelsea Handler]

Like people are sick all the time also by the way, like yes, I was going to, I was going to say the same thing. How sick are they? But also that's not your problem. Your marriage is ending. You need closure. Everyone needs to know about it.

[Rachel Bloom]

They're going to find out.

[Chelsea Handler]

They're going to find out. And you don't want to be an asshole for participating in the lie, you know? So I would say extricate yourself from that and let him tell them and say you're not doing anything anymore with them.

[Guest Speaker]

And if they think you're, or if he doesn't, if he's still lying and they just think you're a bitch, then like, okay, they're not your in laws anymore.

[Chelsea Handler]

Or you can also say, hey, if you don't tell them, I will. But then that puts the onus on you and you don't need that kind of onus to have to tell them. Because what if he doesn't tell them and then you do have to tell them, you can threaten to do that. And then when he doesn't tell them, just, you know, just I don't know, hopefully.

[Guest Speaker]

But her kids know, right?

[Rachel Bloom]

No, the kids don't know. Cause they're waiting to see what happens with the house. I feel like that might be the turning point here.

[Guest Speaker]

That's when you can start being like, fuck it if the kids know.

[Chelsea Handler]

But there's no obligation to participate in seeing his parents all the time. Just say you're not. Yeah, whatever. Like whatever you need to say. But you also don't have to lie for other people. And I'm sick of people wanting you to participate in their lies.

[Rachel Bloom]

I mean, at some point the parents are gonna be like, did we do something wrong that you're not coming over? And at that point it's like, we're getting a divorce.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah, but it's not tell you it's not your problem unless they call her specifically and that at which point she could be like, yeah, we're getting divorced.

[Chelsea Handler]

Exactly. I thought he told you.

[Guest Speaker]

But if they just think you're an asshole, that's not your problem.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, yeah. You won't be dealing with them for very long anyway if you're getting divorced.

[Rachel Bloom]

Yeah, I would have assumed your son would have told you. I think is the is the line.

[Chelsea Handler]

After like, oh no, we're problem solved. There you go.

[Rachel Bloom]

All right. Well, our next caller, Maya, writes Dear Chelsea, I probably don't need to explain why dating as an Israeli American has been daunting and scary this year. I barely identify as Jewish. My mom has to tell me when all the holidays are and to show up for dinner. But your nationality, of course, is something that's hard to hide. Before this year, my dual nationality was something I was more than happy to share up front because it's a core part of my upbringing. But now I feel like I have to hide it because who knows who is on the other side of these dating apps? I'm a bleeding liberal too, so it's a higher chance that the like minded liberals I'm seeking are also anti Israel. I'm fully American passing since I grew up in the us so I can of course just not mention it when chatting in an app. But honestly, it's such an emotional issue for people right now. I do not want to be the recipient of someone's misdirected rage. Dating is already brutal enough and this has tipped me over the edge toward just giving up. I have tried putting the Jewish filter on the apps, but I live in Texas, so after swiping through the five Jewish men, I see no one is left. There also isn't a Jewish organization I've been able to find to meet people in real life that's not religious. I'm agnostic. I'm really happy on my own and live close to family and great friends. So moving for the sake of dating really is of no interest to me. I don't at all feel desperate for a relationship, but I do want to find my person and it doesn't seem like the geopolitical circumstances are going to change anytime soon. I guess the gist of my question is if I don't want to shut myself off to a wider pool of non Jewish men in an already challenging dating world, how can I approach dating in an open and optimistic way that still preserves my emotional safety instead of out of fear? Any advice? Maybe your one straight single Agnostic Jewish man or his sisters are listening, Maya.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, hopefully they are listening. Hi, Maya.

[Caller]

Hi.

[Chelsea Handler]

Hi. This is our special guest. Rachel Bloom is here today.

[Caller]

Awesome.

[Guest Speaker]

Hi.

[Chelsea Handler]

Hi. You've got Jus in the house. So what dating apps are you on?

[Caller]

I've kind of. Well, currently, I'm not super active, but usually whenever I join, it's Hinge.

[Chelsea Handler]

Mm. And do you, like, present yourself as Israeli? You don't. You're just.

[Caller]

No. I used to, you know, pre. Last year, and now it's just kind of. I don't know, it's such a polarizing topic that, I don't know, I feel like it will automatically turn a lot of people away.

[Chelsea Handler]

Absolutely. Like, I don't think it's worth advertising. You know what I mean? You don't have to be like, I'm Israeli, because that almost sounds like you're only, like, you know, political. Yeah. Making a political statement also.

[Guest Speaker]

And it also centers your identity in a way that, like, might not be relevant to actually your dating life at all. For sure. It's like, if I put on a dating profile, like, I am of Ukrainian descent. Okay.

[Chelsea Handler]

Like what?

[Guest Speaker]

I mean, what?

[Caller]

Yeah, yeah. Like, I grew up in the States, and so it's like, sure, you know, I have family there, and I speak Hebrew, but it's not my current identity, I would say.

[Chelsea Handler]

And have you experienced men being, like, once they find out that you're Israeli, that they don't. They don't want to date you?

[Caller]

No, but I also honestly have just been kind of nervous to go on the apps this year. I've just been actively avoiding it. I did. I did join Hinge last month for, like, a week. I chatted with a few people, didn't mention anything, set up a few dates, and then I just ended up canceling them all because just the thought of. I don't know, it made me anxious.

[Chelsea Handler]

I know, but I don't think you should catastrophize the situation because a. That is not a boiling point for every single person in this world. It's. It's shameful that people are blaming anyone who's from Israel for Israel's policies. And listen, this conversation is an unwinnable conversation because there. This has been going on for eons and eons.

[Guest Speaker]

You can't help who you are. Like, regardless of where anyone stands. Like, this is literally just who you are.

[Chelsea Handler]

Like, and that many people in this world have no. Have no interest in that at all. The Palestinian Gaza, you know, the Gaza conflict and the Israeli Gaza conflict, many people don't even care about that. They don't understand it. They don't want to get involved. You know, I know we're dealing with this like, movement that, that everyone, you know, that we're experiencing since October 7th, but that doesn't, that's not inclusive of the whole world. So I feel like you're projecting your worst fears onto your dating situation when it's not necessary to do that. If you go on a date with a guy and you go out with him a couple of times, you're going to get a sense of who he is and what he stands for and if that's going to be something that he's staunchly against. And, and, and I would venture to guess that it won't be like it's, you're not going to be only running into people that are pro Palestinian and anti Israel. Even though you're in Texas, there are still plenty of people who are not engaged in that conflict, who are not paying attention to that conflict. We're living in America, you know what I mean? There are a million things going on that people are interested in and many people are not interested in politics. So I think you have to reframe the way that you're like, looking into things. You don't need to rep your represent yourself on the dating apps that way. I think what you need to do is be a little bit more open minded and try not to come from this place of fear and try to be like, you know, someone meets you three or four times and gets to know you. Even if they do have strong feelings about that, they're going to go, oh, well, wait, here's a perfect example of someone who's from Israel who is not, you know, whatever your position is, like, you're not a threat to that person. You don't have completely opposing views to that person. You probably would find that out sooner than three or four dates before you even reveal your personal life. And I feel like religion is personal and you're not even very religious. You said you're kind of agnostic, right? Yeah, I mean, I'm an agnostic Jew too. I relate to Jews. Absolutely. I was raised that way and I'm very proud to be a Jewish person. But that doesn't preclude me from interacting with people who have different mindsets. And so give yourself a little bit more like wiggle room in the dating area. You're gonna know someone and get to know someone a little bit before you even have to make that kind of decision or call as a fear based Jew, atheist, Jew.

[Guest Speaker]

Two suggestions and questions. One, have you considered JSwipe or does it suck?

[Caller]

I've never actually heard of that.

[Chelsea Handler]

Me neither. What's jSwipe?

[Guest Speaker]

Okay, so this is. I've been with my husband for 16 years, so I never Internet dated. So this is mom coming in. JSwipe is what I believe what JDate now is, and it's its own app. If you're worried about. Because I get it, like you're worried about just like someone coming at you for something you truly can't change about yourself. So I wonder, I just wonder about. I've heard different things about J Swipe. Again, I apologize if I'm. Maybe I'm saying an app that is already defunct because I've never online dated. But the other thing is, see if J Swipe is. The other thing is because I'm fully like an atheist. But I don't know how much you've checked out local temples and like Jewish organizations, but like, and maybe this is like an L A thing, but there are some Reform places that are like the God is optional. This is much more about the culture that I wonder if you did a little bit of poking around and digging because there are certainly places like that in LA where you can fully like be an atheist. And it's cool. Like it's part of the culture of that place. And I wonder. I don't know what city you're at in Texas, but there are definitely places and Jewish spaces to go to that aren't just like, well, if. No, it's all about God.

[Caller]

Yeah, I think, you know, like you said you're atheist. I'm agnostic. I think it is. I've avoided that kind of thing because to me that is very religious centered. But, you know, I don't know. I think there's one synagogue here, so.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, but I mean, have you done research online and looked for any sort of like Jewish community stuff or Jewish dating stuff? Because listen, you're not like, you're not the only Jewish person in Texas. And I guarantee you there are other people who are feeling the way that you're feeling that want to be congregating like with each other or dating with each other and mixing with each other. And it doesn't have to be religious based. I'm a reformed Jew. Like, I was raised like that. And that's like, you know, it's just like the bare minimum of being a Jew. And it's very casual. You know, it's not like religious folk. It is culture focused. It's not as religious as like being a conservative or an orthodox Jewish person. And I understand that it can feel ostracizing, but I wouldn't give up hope that there are more communities that you just don't know about yet where you are.

[Guest Speaker]

I bet you there's a JCC not too far. I mean, I don't know where you're at in Texas, but like a place like that, that it's a Jewish community center. That's so. I mean, I live in the most like liberal agnostic place ever, so I'm surrounded by like Jewish spaces that are very much like God optional. But I feel like if you looked, if you did a little poking, even on like Reddit maybe, I bet there are some spaces where, because like, it's so Jewish to be agnostic. Like, that's like a very, like, that's the trick is you say to any rabbi, I'm an atheist, they go, well, that's very Jewish. So I feel like there have gotta be pockets. And also, I mean, side note, my cousin used to be a rabbi in Texas, so I could on the DL, ask him for tips.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, that's a good idea. Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah, I could text him right after this and then just separately reach out to you and see what he says.

[Caller]

Oh, I'd love that.

[Chelsea Handler]

Thank you. Yeah.

[Rachel Bloom]

And I love expanding your area. Doesn't necessarily mean you have to move. Like you could have of a long distance fun, like flingy thing or you know, somebody that you visit here and there and that's great. Or maybe somebody wants to move to where you are if it gets serious enough, you know.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, expanding your area is good too. I do like that idea because I'm a big advocate of long distance relationships. I think those are more fun anyway than having somebody up your ass all day long every day. It gives you something to look forward to and it gives you someone to communicate with and sex with and flirt with and all that fun stuff. You know that beginning period of relationship is the most fun part of the relationship where you're constantly talking on the phone, making plans to see each other. Like, that is fun.

[Rachel Bloom]

And long distance extends that.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yes, it does. It does extend that.

[Rachel Bloom]

Yeah. Also I wanted to say J Swipe Israel is the number one Jewish dating app.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh my God, look at Rachel Bloom with your finger on the pulse of all Jews.

[Caller]

I will look into that immediately after.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. And just also, just really in your head. Don't catastrophize the fact that you're from Israel and that you're Jewish. That's okay. That's okay. And most people who are reasonable will understand that you're not gonna wanna go on a second date with any guy that's not gonna understand that anyway. And also, you don't have to divulge that immediately, but be a little bit more like broad minded. Not to the point of being naive, you know, you know what's happening in the world. We all do. We're all aware of what's going on. But just to be a little bit more open minded and give people a little bit more credit, you know, if you start to understand if you go on a couple dates with somebody that doesn't know you're Israeli or they don't know you're Jewish, and after a couple dates, you're gonna know whether or not to share that information with them.

[Rachel Bloom]

That's a fair point.

[Guest Speaker]

You could also try doing it on. It's like hinge, right? You could also try doing it, see what happens. I don't know if you have a close friend that like, maybe you could give them your hinge password and they could check messages for you and just be like, so what is it? Like, so that way you don't have to read just in case you start getting bombarded with stuff again. I've never been on apps, so I don't know what apps look like really, but like, is there like a friend that you could be like, hey, could you just, I started doing this a week ago. Can you just take a look through the messages, let me know what the vibe is? And if they're like, I don't see anything and then, you know, it's like safe and that way you haven't read a ton of terrible things.

[Caller]

Yeah, yeah, that's a good point. I think my main concern is, you know, if I wait two or three dates to divulge this key part of my upbringing, even if, even if it's not, you know, my life now, to just spring it on someone a few dates in. But I get it. Like I, it is protecting myself too, you know, and getting to know someone before, if I'm feeling nervous before divulging that.

[Guest Speaker]

Do you say agnostic Jew in your profile?

[Caller]

To be honest, I don't know. I think I put just agnostic.

[Guest Speaker]

Because if you say agnostic Jew, then you're like kind of letting people know you're Jewish and anyone who's like, doesn't want to date a Jew, period, won't date you. I feel like that might help narrow some stuff down too.

[Caller]

Yeah, that's true.

[Rachel Bloom]

Something I listened to recently. The Daily just did a piece on. It's on dating over 50 online, which is not necessarily your situation, but there were some really good tips in there about. It's the haystack theory. They say, like, how do you find a needle in a haystack? Light the haystack on fire. So basically, it talks about totally reinventing your online Persona and, like, really whittling down to, like, here's actually who I do want, rather than having the broadest possible results. And a lot of people have found some success with that. Just check. Check that out. There's a bunch of good tips in.

[Chelsea Handler]

There that does make sense. You know, you are weeding people out.

[Rachel Bloom]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

I just wouldn't want her to become a target, you know, for people who are like, oh, you know, let me.

[Rachel Bloom]

Make my stance on hinge.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah. Like, that's why I'm like, is there someone who could, like, go through the.

[Chelsea Handler]

First step, you're saying, to identify herself as a Jew, as agnostic Jew, and then as someone.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah, people, like, see agnostic Jew, that means certain things to different people. And then see, like, what the type of messages that come in. And then, like, maybe you have a friend who helps you, like, whittle through that way it's not just all on you if the messages get really, like, volatile.

[Caller]

Yeah, I could probably ask my sister to do that. She'd probably love that.

[Rachel Bloom]

Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

I'm an only child. This is when I get really jealous.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah, that sounds really nice.

[Rachel Bloom]

Yeah. Sisters love this kind of stuff. All right, well, will you let us know how it goes?

[Caller]

I will, yes. Thank you all so much.

[Guest Speaker]

So I'll message my cousin. Oh, yeah, Like, I'll just ask.

[Chelsea Handler]

Exactly. Let's.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Is he single?

[Guest Speaker]

He's super not.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, okay. Well, maybe he has some Jewish friends. I think you have to have a more optimistic outlook. Be hopeful and be optimistic.

[Guest Speaker]

The whole place is godless.

[Rachel Bloom]

And also sisters like listeners. If you are those sisters who have a brother, send us an email. Thanks. Thank you so much, Maya.

[Caller]

Okay, thank you all.

[Chelsea Handler]

Bye, Maya.

[Rachel Bloom]

Good luck.

[Chelsea Handler]

I feel like we gave her eight different things to do. That's good, though.

[Rachel Bloom]

Lots of things to do.

[Guest Speaker]

I've heard of this thing called Chase Swag.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, you were right on the money on that. Someone's paying attention.

[Rachel Bloom]

Well, we have one more caller. We can either take our little break and come back for our caller or.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay, we'll do that. We'll take a break and we'll be right back with Rachel Bloom.

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[Chelsea Handler]

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[Rachel Bloom]

Morning brings a fresh new energy.

[Chelsea Handler]

This is today.

[Rachel Bloom]

And no matter what the day holds, we come to the Today show for all of it.

[Chelsea Handler]

When things are tough, we talk about it. When there's something to figure out, we dig into it. And when there's joy, we celebrate it.

[Rachel Bloom]

Because today is where it's all happening. We get the best start to every morning because we start it together.

[Chelsea Handler]

Watch the Today show with Savannah Guthrie and Craig Melvin, weekdays at 7am on NBC. And we're back.

[Rachel Bloom]

We are back. Our last caller today is Deanna. She says, dear Chelsea, here's my situation. I'm in my early 40s, never married, no children. I have a long term boyfriend of almost eight years. He came with a dog, Yama. Over the years, Yama and I Created a very strong bond through Covid. Moving to different states, countless hikes and backpacking trips, and working remotely. He has been by my side, best coworker ever. In the beginning of October, his health took a turn. He went from 60 pounds to 40 in a matter of weeks. We treated him for all sorts of things. Nothing worked. My strong dog, who hiked up countless mountains with me, couldn't even get up the stairs. The vet deduced it had to be cancer. So on October 23rd, we said goodbye. It happened fast, and I have been taking it really hard. I'm not exaggerating when I say I haven't loved anyone or felt closer to anyone than I did with him. Then add the selection business, and I just feel so lost and alone. I know you're a dog mom, and I know you've suffered great loss in that arena. Any advice on how to press forward at this moment? I never want another pet again. The idea of going through this feels masochistic, but I know that's my grief talking. Appreciate any advice you can share. Love you and all that you do. Deanna.

[Chelsea Handler]

Hi. Diana. Hi, how are you? We have another dog lover here today. Rachel Bloom.

[Rachel Bloom]

Nice to meet you.

[Guest Speaker]

To meet you. I really feel you.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, I'm sorry that you lost your lover. Thank you.

[Guest Speaker]

That was really hard to listen to again.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, no, it's okay, honestly. You need to get another dog. You do. You're gonna love another dog just as much as you loved this dog. Your love is. That is not like, you know, like, it doesn't.

[Rachel Bloom]

It's not finite.

[Chelsea Handler]

You need to give your love to another person or another thing or another animal. And like, that's how it happens when as soon as I lose it, as soon as I see one of my dogs going downhill, I get another dog so that it will soften the blow when I lose my dog. Because there are so much love to be had in this world. There are so many animals that need to be loved in the way that you're discussing your love or the way that you expressed your love for your dog. You have to give that away to someone else. And you will. And that will help you heal. I promise you that will help you heal. You don't have to get a puppy. Go get a rescue dog. You know, go look. Yes, of course. And go look at. And fall in love and transfer that love that you had. You don't even have to think about it. It will happen.

[Guest Speaker]

You can also try fostering. Yeah, I thought about it as like a way station if, like, you're not ready. Also, I don't know if this is what you're feeling, but I feel like there's a certain shame sometimes over people mourning pets where they're like, I know it's just a pet. I know it's. And it's. And I think in case that's a part of you that's like, I don't know why I can't get over this. Like, just allowing yourself to feel the grief over this being that you loved, and if it were a human, what grief would you allow yourself? Rachel? That's exactly what I'm feeling now.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yep.

[Rachel Bloom]

Thank you for that validation.

[Chelsea Handler]

And also, you're saying, I don't know if I could ever go through this again. Like, you can. You're sitting right here. You're going through it. You are surviving. You can go through this again. You're gonna go find another dog. You're gonna foster it, or you're gonna rescue it, and you're gonna form a bond with it. And if it doesn't work with the first dog or you don't feel it, then great, then you'll get a different dog. If you foster a dog or if you. But. But I promise you, when you adopt a dog, it's very unlikely that you are not going to have the same feelings that you're describing. It won't be the exact same, because no two dogs are the same. You know? But your love is the same. You know, the love that you extend to a pet is not measurable. It's not like you love one dog more than the next. I've had about six dogs now in my life, and I. Whoever my favorite is always the one that's alive, you know? So, like, it's a less emotional way of looking at it. But I promise you, like, when you have that kind of love to expend, you need to expend it.

[Rachel Bloom]

Okay, that's really good to hear.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. And also, grieve. Grieve all you want, like what Rachel said. Absolutely. But also think about how you could impact another dog's life with all that love.

[Guest Speaker]

That's true.

[Rachel Bloom]

Thank you.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

Good luck.

[Rachel Bloom]

Well, thank you for having me on.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah.

[Rachel Bloom]

Send us a picture when you find your new buddy.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. Yeah. If you find your new lover, send us a picture, please.

[Rachel Bloom]

I sure will. Thank you.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay. Thanks for calling.

[Rachel Bloom]

Thank you.

[Chelsea Handler]

Bye.

[Guest Speaker]

It's.

[Chelsea Handler]

It is sad when people are debilitated by their pet's loss, which is what's going to happen to you, unfortunately.

[Guest Speaker]

I see it coming down the pike. And I mean, I joke in the special about, like, I mean, pet lot. The websites for pet loss are the most embarrassingly earnest things. Like the art around pet loss, all of it is so embarrassingly earnest. And also it makes me very emotional and I like, yeah, like, they're people. So it's okay to grieve them.

[Chelsea Handler]

Absolutely. It's okay to grieve them.

[Rachel Bloom]

Bond is so powerful with dogs, especially, I think with cats. If you're a cat person and we.

[Guest Speaker]

Have a kid and we still. I mean, it hasn't diminished our love for our dog.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, I know some people have kids and then they're like, oh, we gave our dog back. We gave our dog away. I'm like, what?

[Guest Speaker]

I don't. Also, my dog and my daughter are like, best friends. Well, I think the dog tolerates her. But my daughter calls Wylie her sister.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, that's so cool.

[Guest Speaker]

She literally says, like, other people at school be like, I have a brother, I have a sister. She'll be like, I have a sister and she is a dog. And that's what we teach her.

[Chelsea Handler]

I love that. Thank you, Rachel Bloom, for being here. Make sure you guys catch her special on Netflix. It's called Death. Let me do my special. It's on Netflix. Make sure you watch it and look out for Rachel Bloom everywhere. She's just around the corner.

[Guest Speaker]

It'll only take me 50 minutes.

[Chelsea Handler]

Thank you for being here.

[Guest Speaker]

Thank you for having me.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yes, always. We'll see you guys next week. Bye. Do do do do do do. Drum roll, Catherine, please. Chelsea Handler. Abroad. Abroad is my European tour, which I just announced. Tickets go on sale tomorrow or today or there's a pre sale code. Chelsea. So I'm coming to obviously find a husband abroad. I need to get the hell out of this fucking country. And it's not as easy as you think. So I'm coming to Reykjavik. I'm coming to Dublin. I'm coming to the uk. I'm coming to Brussels, Paris, Belfast in May and June. I'm coming to Oslo, Stockholm, to Copenhagen, Manchester, London, Glasgow, New Zurich, Vienna. I've never ever been to Vienna, Berlin, Barcelona and Lisbon. I'm coming abroad is abroad.

[Rachel Bloom]

That sounds like fun. I'm gonna go see you abroad.

[Chelsea Handler]

I know I want to go see me abroad. And there I'll be. There I'll be excellent. Okay, all upcoming Vegas dates. March 21, April 18, July 5, August 30, November 1st and 29th at the Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas.

[Rachel Bloom]

If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an [e-mail] and be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert Executive Producer Kathryn Law, and be sure to check out our merch@chelsea handler.com.

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[Chelsea Handler]

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[Rachel Bloom]

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[Rachel Bloom]

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[Rachel Bloom]

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[Chelsea Handler]

Mother'S love deserves a gift like no other. Celebrate her love, strength and style with heartfelt jewelry from Pandora. From iconic charms to sparkling necklaces, rings, earrings and more, there are so many ways to say thank you Mom. Pandora even has store engraving so you can treat your mom to a trip to the store and have your pieces engraved together with your own handwriting. So on Mother's Day and every day, tell her how much she means to you with a gift from Pandora. Visit Pandora in store or [e-mail] Unlike.

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