Minisode: Gold-Star Gay with Chelsea + Catherine

Summary

Dear Chelsea – Minisode: Gold-Star Gay with Chelsea + Catherine (April 10, 2026)
Podcast: Dear Chelsea | Host: Chelsea Handler with Catherine Law

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Episode Overview

This minisode centers on listener advice about relationships and insecurities, with a primary focus on queer women’s experiences. The highlight is a candid, supportive conversation with a lesbian caller grappling with insecurities while dating a bisexual woman—unpacking themes of trust, confidence, and the impact of cultural narratives. Chelsea Handler and Catherine Law bring their signature mix of compassion, realism, and humor, discussing everything from hiring women for odd jobs to the perils of men in open-toed shoes.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

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1. The Power of Women Hiring Women (04:28)

• Trend Discussion: Catherine brings up an online movement promoting women hiring women for jobs ranging from dentistry to handywork—companies like "Rent a Butch" and "Not a Man Solutions."
  • “Why would I hire a man when I can just hire a woman to do this? … Even companies that are like Rent a Butch, where you can hire a woman to come and install your shelves or whatever.” – Catherine (04:29)
• Personal Choices: Both hosts share they've shifted their own service providers to women.
  • “My dentist is a woman. My gynecologist is a woman. My dermatologist is a woman.” – Katherine (05:07)
• Spending as Activism:
  • “We’re voting with our dollars whenever we spend a dollar. So like, let’s spend it with women.” – Catherine (05:51)

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2. Listener Update: Alyssa and Dog-in-Bedroom Compromise (06:16)

• Alyssa, a previous caller, updates that after sharing the podcast with her boyfriend (who’d opposed sleeping with their dog), he realized he’d been unreasonable. They now compromise by leaving the bedroom door open for the dog.
• Alyssa feels happier with more work-from-home days to spend quality time with her pet.
  • “On top of that, I got a new job a couple of weeks ago and I’m able to work from home Mondays and Fridays, which gives me much more one-on-one time with my dog than I had before.” – Alyssa (06:38)
• Light-heartedly, Chelsea and Katherine discuss Chelsea’s dog Doug, whose coat is getting lighter due to less sun exposure in Whistler.

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3. Main Caller: Kristen’s Relationship Insecurities (10:23–26:49)

Context:
Kristen (32), a lesbian who came out at 23, seeks advice about insecurities while dating a bisexual woman. Her fears stem from being previously cheated on by a bisexual partner and from growing up gay in the South, where stigma is rife.

Key Issues Discussed:

• Fear of not being “enough” for a bisexual partner—worried she cannot offer what a man can.
• Wondering whether insecurities are rooted in trauma or real relationship “red flags.”
• The challenge of not letting professional problem-solving (as a PhD and advocate) spill into personal life.

Chelsea & Catherine’s Guidance:

• Insecurities ≠ Intuition:
  • “That negative talk in our brains… that’s not your intuition. That’s just your negative narrative.” – Katherine (12:59)
  • “There’s nothing you can do to control anybody else’s behavior. The only person’s behavior you’re in control of is your own.” – Katherine (12:39)
• Trust and Transparency:
  • A partner’s honesty in choosing you is a positive, not a negative.
    • “She was honest about being with someone else and then choosing you to be with. That’s not a negative… that’s being transparent.” – Chelsea (13:45)
• Gay Community & Internalized Negativity:
  • Kristen describes pervasive cultural messages that gay relationships are doomed to fail, which amplify insecurities.
    • “You are taught that there is no healthy relationship for us…so whenever something negative happens, you go ‘oh, it’s because of this.'” – Kristen (14:00)
• Dealing with Overthinking:
  • Journaling feelings and triggers is suggested as a way to break patterns.
    • “When you do have these thoughts, write it down… When you get up, be like, ‘I’m a fucking badass.’” – Katherine (18:58)
• Self-Fulfilling Prophecy:
  • “When you think like that and you act like that, it’s almost like you could kind of create that situation.” – Katherine (21:04)
  • “Nobody wants to be with somebody who’s insecure about being with them. It’s not a turn on.” – Katherine (19:30)
• Dating Bisexual Partners:
  • Reassurance that worries about not being “enough” for a bi partner are unfounded and comparable to arbitrary worries like “what if he meets a brunette?”
    • “The penises you can buy at the store… that’s like me dating someone and being like, what if he meets a brunette?” – Katherine (20:01; 20:27)
    • “It’s silly because he’s dated brunettes before.” – Katherine (20:29)
• Choosing What to Focus On:
  • “If I’m wasting my attention on something, it better be like marching in the street… I don’t want to waste it on something that’s not real.” – Kristen (24:38)
  • “Focus your attention and intention on the things that are good in your life and all of the things that you can control.” – Katherine (25:49)
• Memorable Motivational Advice:
  • “I’m a fucking badass. I’m in a happy relationship. I have a great job. I’m gonna go and kick ass today!” – Katherine (18:58)
  • “You have all these good things in your life, like fucking focus on them for sure.” – Katherine (26:43)

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4. Quick Listener Letter: Footwear Rage & Veterinary Microaggressions (29:25)

• Dr. Amy (a vet and small goat farmer) is disgusted by clients’ open-toed footwear, compounded by microaggressions as a female vet.

• Chelsea & Catherine’s Solution:

  • Suggest putting a sign at the vet practice: “Full footwear required. No open-toed shoes.”
    • “There’s nothing wrong with putting that on a sign… We appreciate full foot coverage. So it’s more of a suggestion.” – Katherine (30:55–31:15)
  • Suggest letting dog owners do the “coaxing” of nervous dogs out from under chairs.

• Chelsea’s Take on Flip-Flops:

  • “Whoever came up with flip flops needs to get sued. And I should be the one.” – Katherine (32:31)
  • Witty riff on men’s willingness to wear flip-flops, no matter the climate.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “You’re voting with your dollars of what you want to see more of. So voting for women.” – Catherine (05:59)
• “Yes, I love that. First of all, if you’re a woman, you want a female doctor. I mean, that just makes more sense.” – Katherine (05:39)
• “I know I’m a catch. I have a solid career. I have a PhD and actively work on equality in Arkansas, of all places.” – Kristen (from email, 11:55)
• “I don’t want to be that—I can’t compete. … That’s like me dating someone and being like, what if he meets a brunette?” – Katherine (20:19–20:27)
• “You don’t have time for this old story. Like, that’s not helping you.” – Katherine (16:54)
• "Nobody wants to be with somebody who's insecure about being with them. It's not a turn on. Nobody likes that." – Katherine (19:30)
• "If I’m wasting my attention on something, it better be like marching in the street. You know what I mean? I don’t want to waste it on something that’s not real." – Kristen (24:38)
• "Whoever came up with flip flops needs to get sued. And I should be the one." – Katherine (32:31)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [04:28] – Women hiring women: Catherine’s anecdote on "Rent a Butch" and pro-woman service trends.
• [06:16] – Update from previous caller Alyssa (dog-in-bedroom compromise).
• [10:23] – Main advice segment: Kristen’s question on relationship insecurities with a bisexual partner.
• [12:03-26:49] – Deep-dive advice for Kristen, unpacking trauma, internalized stigma, and confidence in queer relationships.
• [29:25] – Dr. Amy’s letter about men in open-toed shoes and microaggressions in veterinary medicine.
• [32:31] – Chelsea and Catherine riff on flip-flops and societal footwear faux pas.

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Summary Takeaways

• Empowerment & Boundaries: Vote with your dollars, support women, assert your needs—whether in healthcare or relationships.
• Relationship Wisdom: Differentiate between intuition and insecurity; don't let past trauma or internalized narratives cloud present joy. Trust transparency, not obsessive overthinking.
• Practical Tools: Journal triggers, talk to yourself kindly, and practice intentionality—focus on what you can control.
• Humor & Relatability: Chelsea and Catherine’s lighthearted takes keep things grounded—even when decrying flip-flops and men’s feet.

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For further advice, the hosts encourage listeners to write in to [e-mail].

Transcript

[Chelsea Handler]

This is an I Heart podcast. Guaranteed human Find your sense of place this spring with Pura. Each scent is inspired by memory and destination, from lavender fields in bloom to coastal mornings under soft sunlight. Designed to transport, the collection brings fresh, seasonal fragrance into your home, so every room feels like somewhere you'd rather be.

[Katherine]

Shop [e-mail] It's 2026.

[Chelsea Handler]

We upgraded our phones, our cars, even our coffee. So why are we still acting like pleasure is negotiable at Pink Cherry? It's not. They've got hundreds of toys that actually deliver, and whether you know exactly what you like or you're still figuring it out, there is a wide range to explore. If you'd rather skip the guesswork, their mystery boxes make it easy. They curate a mix for you so you can discover new favorites without overthinking it. And they ship discreetly with free shipping on orders over $59, which we love. So go to pinkcherry.com. and use promo code Chelsea to save up to 80% off site wide because life is hard. Feeling good shouldn't be pinkcherry.com because everyone deserves pleasure In New Zealand, quality is an acclaim. It's the standard K9 natural baked and coated starts with premium animal ingredients from grass fed red meat to cage free poultry and sustainably sourced fish with 40% high protein and no meals, fillers or grains. Every bite delivers real nutrition. Light, crispy pieces are baked then coated in rich bone broth for incredible taste and whole body health support. Baked and coated from K9 natural use code Chelsea20 for 20% off your first [e-mail] ever been to the pharmacy counter and your mind goes blank when the pharmacist asks any questions? That's why you need to listen to beyond the Script from CVS Pharmacy and iHeartMedia. Hosted by Dr. Jake Goodman. Each episode features real conversations with CVS pharmacists, the health experts you see most, breaking down the questions you wish you'd asked, from which meds may not mix well to what vaccines you need before a big trip. They will bust myths, decode trends and share practical advice that you can actually use. Listen to beyond the script on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, for the high and mighty tour people, we are rocking and rolling. These are the shows we have coming up. Chicago April 10th I start Chicago, then I have Indianapolis on the 11th and then Louisville, Kentucky on April 12th. April 16th is Albuquerque, April 17th is Mesa, Arizona April 23rd is Kansas City, Missouri. April 24th is St. Louis, Missouri. April 25th is Minneapolis. April 30th, Nashville. May 1st, Charlotte, North Carolina. May 2nd is Durham, North Carolina. May 6th in Los Angeles at the Saban Theater for Netflix is a joke. April 15, I will be in Saratoga. April 16, Monterey. April 17, Modesto. I will be in Port Chester on June 4. June 5, I will be in Boston, Massachusetts. June 12, I will be in Portland, Oregon. And June 13, I will be in Seattle, Washington. June 27 is going to be Hyannis, Massachusetts. August 6 is Red Bank, New Jersey. August 7, I'm coming home to Montclair, New Jersey. August 15 is Calgary, Alberta, Canada. September 18, Santa Barbara. September 19, San Diego. September 25, I will be at the Beacon in New York City. September 26, I will be in Philadelphia. September 27, New Haven, Connecticut. October 2, Atlanta, Georgia. October 3, Baltimore, Maryland. October 4, Saginaw, Michigan. October 9, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. October 10, Toronto, Canada. October 16, I'm coming to Boise, Idaho. October 17, Spokane, Washington. November 7, I will be in San Francisco. And November 13, Salt Lake City. November 20, Austin. November 21, Houston, Texas. November 22, Irving, Texas. December 5, I am adding a second show in Denver for those of you who couldn't get tickets to the first one. And on December 6th, I will be coming to Vancouver, Canada. Okay, those are all my dates for

[Katherine]

the High and Mighty door.

[Chelsea Handler]

Go to Chelsea handler.com for tickets. Hi, Katherine.

[Catherine]

Hi, Chelsea.

[Guest or Caller]

You know what, Chelsea, have you seen

[Catherine]

this thing online of people only hiring women? No, I love it. I had to tell you about this because I've been seeing sort of a movement online of like, why would I hire a man when I can just hire a woman to do this? Whether it's like, you know, odd jobs around the house or, like, going to a female dentist? I thought of that. I'm like, oh, my gosh, why have I been going to a male dentist? So I'm switching immediately. But there's even these. There's like a couple little companies that are like Rent a Butch, where they. You can hire a woman to come and, like, install your shelves or whatever.

[Katherine]

Yeah.

[Catherine]

There's another one called Not a Man Solutions in the Dallas Fort Worth area. So I don't know. That's just been coming across me.

[Katherine]

I love that. Because obviously, why not just try to avoid being sexually assaulted also while you're at it? Also, I. I had six doctor's appointments, so I was in LA for 20. So I did all of my annuals and four out of six of my doctors are women. My dentist is a woman. My gynecologist is a woman. My dermatologist is a woman. The only man that I went to that is the only man that I saw is my, my internist. He's a man.

[Guest or Caller]

Great.

[Catherine]

You know what? Sometimes, sometimes a man has got to slip in there.

[Guest or Caller]

But.

[Katherine]

But. Well, sometimes they do have to slip in there. But. Yes, I love that. First of all, if you have, if you're a woman, you want a female doctor. I mean, that's just makes more sense.

[Chelsea Handler]

You just do.

[Katherine]

So sorry, guys.

[Catherine]

Yeah. And also, like, we're voting with our dollars whenever we spend a dollar. So like, let's spend it with women. I love it.

[Katherine]

Voting with our dollars. Voting with our dollars.

[Catherine]

They say like when you are spending a dollar, wherever you're spending it, that dollar is a vote for something. So whether you're spending it at Amazon or you're spending it like shopping small for Christmas or whatever, you're voting with your dollars of what you want to see more of. So. So voting for women.

[Katherine]

Yeah, I'd like to see less of Amazon, that's for sure.

[Catherine]

Same. Okay, so I have a. An update right now from Alyssa who called in on our Madeline Petch episode. She was a gal who. Her boyfriend didn't want the dog in the bedroom.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay, so she says de or no?

[Guest or Caller]

No.

[Katherine]

Derek. Yes.

[Catherine]

Okay. Hi, ladies. I wanted to update you about the situation.

[Katherine]

We.

[Catherine]

When the episode came out, I played it for my boyfriend. I don't think he realized how much of an asshole he was being about the dog free time until he heard others talk about it too. We talked about it more, and since then, I've simply left the door to our bedroom open for my dog to come in and out as he pleases. Some nights he sleeps with us and other nights he chooses to stay on the couch. On top of that, I got a new job a couple of weeks ago and I'm able to work from home Mondays and Fridays, which gives me much more one on one time with my dog than I had before. I think I was missing that. And I'm beyond happy to have more time at home with him during the week. I PS Tell Chelsea to keep posting the Doug content. He's such a light during these dark times. Much love, Alyssa.

[Katherine]

Speaking of light during dark times, Doug is getting lighter in Whistler because of the same.

[Guest or Caller]

In color.

[Katherine]

Yeah, in color. His coat is getting lighter and lighter. And I was like, why does he have light brown streaks on him? And I asked my doggie, my person up there, who takes care of him. Yes. And she was like, oh, when these types of dogs aren't exposed to the sun, their bodies, their coats get lighter. And when they're exposed to the sun, their coats get darker. And I'm like, oh yeah. And I don't know if it's just chow chows or all dogs, but it

[Chelsea Handler]

was definitely chow chow.

[Katherine]

So I'm gonna have to follow up with that. But it was true. So his hair is like, he's got tints of red and, and blonde. I'm like, come on buddy, let's get back to basics. I got you because you were black.

[Chelsea Handler]

I need you to stay black.

[Catherine]

Well, listen, can't blame my boy for wanting highlights.

[Chelsea Handler]

Refresh the rooms you love for spring with Pura. Their collection of floral, citrus and fresh scents brings a light, airy feel to every space. Like opening the windows on the first warm day of the season. From soft blooms to bright citrus, each scent is designed to capture the energy of spring and make your home feel renewed, effortless and alive. Learn [e-mail] It's 2026. We upgraded our phones, our cars, even our coffee. So why are we still acting like pleasure is negotiable at Pink Cherry?

[Katherine]

It's not.

[Chelsea Handler]

They've got hundreds of toys that actually deliver. And if you don't know where to start, their mystery boxes make it easy. Go to pinkcherry.com and use promo code Chelsea to save up to 80% site wide. Because life is hard. Feeling good shouldn't be pinkcherry.com, because everyone deserves pleasure In New Zealand, quality is an acclaim. It's the standard K9 natural baked and coated starts with premium animal ingredients from grass fed red meat to cage free poultry and sustainably sourced fish. With 40% high protein and no meals, fillers or grains, every bite delivers real nutrition. Light, crispy pieces are baked, then coated in rich bone broth for incredible taste and whole body health support. Baked and coated from K9 Natural. Use code Chelsea20 for 20% off your first order at us K9feline natural natural.com ever been at the pharmacy counter and the pharmacist asks, do you have any questions? And suddenly your mind goes blank? That's exactly why you need to listen to beyond the Script from CVS Pharmacy and iHeartMedia. Hosted by Dr. Jake Goodman, this podcast brings you real conversations with CVS pharmacists. I need to get on this. The health experts you see most answering the questions you wish you'd asked, like which medications might not mix well, which vaccines should you consider before a big trip? And even those questions you were too embarrassed to say out loud. Each episode busts myths, decodes health trends, and gives you practical, trustworthy advice straight from the people behind the counter. No white coats, no lectures. Just real talk, real answers, and maybe a few laughs. Listen to beyond the script on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Catherine]

Okay, well, our caller today is Kristen, and she is a lesbian in love with a bisexual girl. So she says. Dear Chelsea, I'm a 32 year old gay woman and came out at 23. Since then, I've unfortunately found myself in relationships with people who weren't good for me. Because of this, I sometimes struggle with insecurities. Even now that I'm finally in a healthy, loving relationship, I'm dating an amazing woman. She's 27, has a great career, and we truly have fun together. We communicate well, we laugh a lot, and I love her deeply. For the first time, I can see myself wanting marriage because of my past. I catch myself worrying that I'll somehow sabotage the relationship with my fears. Here's where my insecurities creep in. My girlfriend is bisexual, which I fully accept. But I've been cheated on in the past by a bi partner. She cheated with a man. I sometimes spiral into thinking I'll never be able to offer what a man could, and it makes me worry she'll eventually leave. In our relationship, she also kept the door open with another woman before choosing me, which made me question whether I was really her first choice. She also tells me she finds me most attractive when I'm confident. And honestly, I get that because I feel the same way about women. Confidence is hot, and I want to show up as the confident, badass woman that I know I am. But when my insecurities creep in, I feel her attraction fade. And then I spiral even more. I know I'm a catch. I have a solid career. I have a PhD and actively work on equality in Arkansas, of all places. But sometimes my fear of being left blindsides me, and I can't tell if it's my trauma making me feel this way or if my gut is trying to warn me. I want to marry this woman. I want to trust her fully and stop doubting myself. But how do I know if these are just my insecurities and trauma talking or if they're red flags I'm ignoring? Best Kristin.

[Katherine]

Hi, Kristin. Hi. Hi. Those are insecurities. And you as a woman, this is the most important lesson we can learn is that that negative talk in our brains. It's a narrative that every single person has, and it's up to you if you're gonna decide to listen to that narrative. If you're going to decide to listen to the little voice in your head, which is your ego, telling you, ooh, maybe this isn't going to work out.

[Chelsea Handler]

Maybe you're not good enough.

[Katherine]

Maybe that person isn't. She is going to cheat on you. If, if, if, if, if, if. There's nothing you can do to control anybody else's behavior. The only person's behavior that you're in control of is your own. So you have to reshape the things, the thoughts that you react to. You know, as a woman, what is in your gut. You know, if a situation doesn't feel right, you. Right, you've had that feeling. You know that. And then there's the differentiation between the thoughts in your head that just kind of like you're lying in bed at night and you're like, oh, maybe I'm not this.

[Chelsea Handler]

Or maybe they don't like me.

[Katherine]

Or, you know, whatever your negative thought patterns are, that is not your intuition. That's just your negative narrative. And in order to change that, you kind of have to flip the script. You have to always be like, those are thoughts. Those are. That's not a reality. She's with. You take things at face value. Even if she was gonna cheat on you, even if the worst of the worst was gonna happen, there's nothing that your thoughts are gonna do to control that behavior of hers. So you have to trust in your relationship. And with this person that you feel this passionately about, you have to trust you. You have to be like, I'm making a solid decision. She's given me evidence that she wants to be with me. She was honest about being with someone else, and then choosing you to be with.

[Chelsea Handler]

That's not a negative.

[Katherine]

That's a positive. That's being transparent because she was right.

[Guest or Caller]

Yeah. And I think one of the things, too, that comes with. Of being insecure, particularly for the gay community. I feel like, as a gay woman that's openly, like, a lesbian, we from, like, coming out at, like, 30, you are taught that there is no healthy relationship for us, you know, like being in the south, which is why I do so much advocacy work with it. I think that a lot of people skip that part when it comes to why do we have insecurities? Because I think all women have insecurities. It's just the nature of it. But I think when you look into the gay community as a gay woman, it's all of these things that we've been taught, well, it's not going to work out because you're gay. And all these things coming from the south, you know, not even. I didn't even was able to come out until 23. So whenever something negative happens, you go, oh, it's because of this. And that's like, you know, like stopping channeling that negative self talk. And I think for the gay community, it's really there because we're just taught it's gonna fail. And I think when you look at our relationship and things are working. If this was in a normal, like if I was dating men and I was, you know, straight, it would be a totally different world to me. I think where you'd be like, oh, they. They're with me. You don't have as many insecurities. Cause we're taught, oh, that's gonna work out. You know, like, you can get married, which they're trying to take away from office at a rapid pace. So I think those are things that just aren't that lean into it. And surprisingly, she's now moved to New York. We're still together. She got a dream job in fashion in New York. Honestly, distance, who knew? Is much easier for me, even with insecurities, because it's like such a thing. Like, I think you get time to, like, not think about that all the time and like, work. I feel like you being. I love long distance. Not in a bad way. Like, I love being with someone at the same time and having them here. But distance is nice because I'm able to filter through my thoughts and like, work and do my own thing, but then not be focused on. Cause she's here of like, oh, she could leave. You know, for some reason, distance for me is like, oh, I can really value this person. Trust is really there. You have to lean on it. So there's no other way. But I think a lot of my insecurities come from that idea, the narrative

[Katherine]

that you've been told, which is not. Which is a story. Like, there's thoughts and then there's facts and reality. Like, your thoughts are not reality. They're just thoughts. You can always be like, oh, my God, am I gonna have. Like, am I gonna do well tonight or am I gonna do well at my job? Like, if I. If I go on. Well, actually, I don't have these thoughts because I've had this conversation with myself. I mean, I. I'm not immune to them. But I work very hard at being able to delineate the thoughts in your head from the actions on the ground. You know, what's real is not what you're thinking. That we all have insecurities around so many things. And you story and you're choosing to continue to eat that story instead of putting it aside and being like, no, actually, I'm going on to the next meal of my life, which is reality. You're in a situation, you're in love. And if something happens in that relationship to change the dynamic that you find out about, then that's a time to be like, okay, well, this is face value. This is real. This isn't your imagination getting the better of you. So I think it's just an. It's a practice, and you have to really employ it. But you, you don't have time for this old story. Like, that's not helping you.

[Guest or Caller]

Yeah, yeah. And I told Katherine, I think I had said that, like, I work where my whole job is just identifying problems, right? Like having a PhD, you're just built to identify problems, and then the problem has to be fixed. And if there's no problem, then I have no job and it's useless. Right? So I think to take that out of my work life and then it merges so much in a personal life, I. Your work identity, you don't realize it, because my brain's built to fix things, and I don't want to fix a person. You know, I'm trying to fix myself if anyone in this. And it's just one of those things that makes it hard with so many things going through. But you're exactly right. It's like, how do I shut that off when I'm done at 5 and not bring it into this relationship to be like, there's a problem, I need to fix it?

[Katherine]

I mean, you should have this conversation with yourself out loud daily. Like, you leave work and you're like, okay, I'm leaving my problem solving and problem creating and troubleshooting. Talking to yourself out loud is a powerful tool. Like, you leave work, you're like, okay,

[Chelsea Handler]

I'm done with work.

[Katherine]

I'm done with troubleshooting. Now I get to get into my personal life and my real life. That's my work life, and this is my real life. And I know exactly what you mean about bleeding personal life into professional life. My life is all kind of one big basket. But I do make sure that I have positive conversations with myself, constantly remind myself that I'm incredible, that I'm brave that I help people and that, you know, so you have to do that for yourself too. And you don't have to do it forever. You just kind of have to flip the channel, you know what I mean? Change the channel from the negative talk and the negative narrative that's been implanted in your brain from other people. That's not real. That's a story. And you're done with that story. You know, you can believe that story or you can move on with your life in a positive way. So I would start with saying talking to yourself in a really loving way every day. Even when you get up, like, yeah, wake up and be like, I'm a fucking badass.

[Chelsea Handler]

I'm in a happy relationship.

[Katherine]

I have a great job. I'm gonna go and kick ass today. And when you le leave work, you're like, that's over. That part of my day is over. And now I'm going into my personal life and rem and write the things down. When you do have these thoughts, write it down. And this doesn't have to be a permanent habit either. It's just kind of a transition into a more positive state of mind and like a little bit more, I don't want to say self esteem, but like self assuredness within your relationship. Because listen, nobody wants to be with somebody who's insecure about being with them. It's not a turn on. Nobody likes that.

[Chelsea Handler]

You know that.

[Katherine]

You don't like that. I don't like that. It's. It's a nick. So you have to, like when you have those moments, you have to sit with yourself and say, what is this? Is this real or is this a story I'm telling myself?

[Catherine]

And I think it's a. It is a really common question that people who are dating someone who's bisexual, whether you're a man or a woman dating someone who's bisexual is like, oh, am I gonna be enough for them? And I would argue that you're more than enough. Yeah, you're bringing more to the table than a man.

[Katherine]

The penises you can buy at the store. And we all know that.

[Guest or Caller]

I don't get it. So I'm like, it's not me. But I always wonder, you know, you're like, oh, gosh, I don't want to be that. I can't compete. And I don't. I'm like, I'm not even in that. I'm like, I'm not competing with that. Like, if that's like new, what you're

[Katherine]

saying is just, is so like vast and abs. That's like me dating someone and being like, what if he meets a brunette?

[Catherine]

Right, Exactly.

[Guest or Caller]

It's silly.

[Katherine]

It's silly because he's dated brunettes before.

[Chelsea Handler]

You know what I mean?

[Katherine]

Like, it doesn't, it doesn't matter. You have to show up to your relationship and give. Like, give what you've got to give and that's gonna be enough. And if it's not enough, then you're gonna move on to do something else. Even if the relationship were to blow up, you're gonna survive that too. Like, I'm here to tell you, everyone survives all of this stuff, you know, like, we always think it's the end of the world and. And we were so worried. I've been in that position when I've been in relationships where I've been like,

[Chelsea Handler]

she gonna cheat on me.

[Katherine]

I have to calm. You know, this is, you know, a very toxic relationship, obviously.

[Chelsea Handler]

But it's like.

[Katherine]

Yeah. Because when you think like that and you act like that, it's almost like you could kind of create that situation.

[Catherine]

It's like a self fulfilling prophecy.

[Guest or Caller]

Yeah. And it's so annoying. And I feel like I do a good job about not blowing up phones or like doing anything crazy. It's just one of those things where I'm like, what's happened? This has never happened to me before in my entire life either that most of the time I'm like, oh, whatever. It like, you know, but for the first time, like, oh, I really like somebody. Is this ever gonna happen again? And I'm like, they get along with my family. This never, you know, because being in the south, like, finally someone that is gay that you can actually go and hang out with them and it's cool and it's fun and you get to not hide or like have to be like, oh, we're just friends. Which is such. And it's. I'm in this moment where like, oh my gosh, I actually care. And I've never felt like insecure, like nervous or worried about different things. Because most of the time I'm like, oh, I'm just gonna like kick ass in. I've got stuff to do. Like under. And it's like, where is my confidence? And then I hear other people make comments and then you look at stuff and you're like, am I crazy or is this like as good as.

[Katherine]

What do you mean? You hear other people make comments when

[Guest or Caller]

we'll go, like, we've hung out with a couple of her friends and they'll Mention her being bisexual or be like, pick your. Like, we'll say something about, like, men. Or bring it up. And then I feel like I get a little bit trickier because I'm like, oh, my gosh, is that something that she still wants? And I'm like, wait, what? That? And it's not her making the comment. So I'm like, why am I making this in my head? She's literally not even doing it. And then after is just like. I. Like, that's just stupid. Like, why do we worry about it? Because she has other shit to do too, you know? So I think kind of dealing with stuff with, like, this year and everything, everything has me overthinking, looking at what's going on in the world. I'm like, this is too good to be true in these times. Which is terrible. But that's just when those feelings come up.

[Katherine]

I think it's really important in that moment if you can. Like, obviously, if you're out with her friends and they say something like that, you're not gonna go get your journal out.

[Catherine]

But

[Guest or Caller]

give me a second. Let me write this down.

[Katherine]

Excuse me. You just triggered me.

[Catherine]

Yeah.

[Guest or Caller]

I am so sorry, but I think

[Katherine]

it's important to clock those moments, especially when you're alone and your mind starts to go.

[Catherine]

Even if you're lying down at night,

[Katherine]

going to sleep, and your mind is spinning, it's important to just, like, get up, write it down, go, this is how I'm feeling. This is what triggered it. What happened? Maybe it's nothing. Maybe it's just you and you're, you know, going through your thoughts at the end of the day, but, like, identifying the times when you start to feel that way and what. What triggers it. Like, for that example, it's perfect. That girl saying that triggered you. But then you get into your real self, and you. And you know, wait, this has nothing to do with me. She didn't say it, they said it. Blah, blah. You know, like, it's not real. Again, it's part of a conversation. But I think if you write those things down and you recognize the pattern, it's easier to shift and pivot the pattern, and it's easier to remind yourself you're safe, you're in a great relationship, in a loving relationship. You have a job. Like, everything's okay. There's nothing for you to feel that way about. I mean, everything's not okay. The world's about to fucking end. But in your personal life, everything is okay, right?

[Guest or Caller]

Yeah, Things are stable. Things are stable.

[Katherine]

Stable.

[Catherine]

You know.

[Katherine]

Yeah, I mean, I have to do that all the time. I'm like, you're safe. I have this gratitude journal on my phone, and I'm like, you are safe. Like, I get so wrapped up in the news and everything that's happening, and I have to remind myself, okay, you know, you're safe, you're happy, you have people who love you, you're protected. You know, like, all of the things to remind yourself that, like, there is no point in losing your shit over something. It just takes time away from happiness and joyfulness.

[Guest or Caller]

Right now, in this climate with everything is just like, I want to be intentional about it, you know? And it's like, if I'm wasting my attention on something, it better be like marching in the street. You know what I mean? Like, I don't want to waste it on something that's not real.

[Katherine]

And it's also just differentiating the things that you can have control over and the things that you can't. I went to bed last night and I read this synopsis about AI that was so dark and so scary. And I was like, and obviously I shouldn't have read that before I go to bed, but I shouldn't do half the things I do before I go to bed. And I was like, okay, I can either choose to be freaked out about what could potentially happen that I have absolutely no control over, or I could just be present and be loving and be kind and enjoy myself while before AI kills us all. You know what I mean? Like, let's focus on the moment that you're in and remember to focus on the moment you're in. And when you get out of that moment, it's because you're not present. You know what I mean? And your thoughts are racing, and so you have to try to get back into the present moment. And if it's happening at night when you're sleeping, literally write down what you feel. Why? Like, if something triggered it. And then think about the things that do make you feel good. You know, Focus your attention and intention on the things that are good in your life and all of the things that you can control.

[Guest or Caller]

Yeah, for sure.

[Katherine]

And then, by the way, that just makes you a more attractive person all the way around.

[Guest or Caller]

Do you know what I mean? No, for sure. I don't know. It's just been a weird time. It's a weird time right now, you know? I mean, I hate to say it's just a weird time to just kind of be stuff and everything thing feels like a problem, and it's you know, there are so many good things to feel good about and be happy about.

[Katherine]

But I mean, like, you said so many positive things already. You said you have a long distance relationship that's even better than you expected. Like that's a victory that you're having a good reaction to it. That's a sign of maturity, a sign of independence, you know, like that's, that's good that you feel that way. You're in a loving relationship with someone you're in love with, that you want to spend the rest of your life with. That's a good thing. You have all these good things in your life, like, like fucking focus on them for sure.

[Catherine]

Well, thank you so much for calling in and yeah, thanks for calling in. Thanks for this, Kristen.

[Guest or Caller]

See you guys.

[Katherine]

Okay, bye.

[Chelsea Handler]

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[Catherine]

All right, Chelsea, we're gonna wrap up with a quickie that I feel like only you can answer. So Dr. Amy says Dear Chelsea, I'm endlessly impressed with your ability to bring awareness and humor to the issues which continue to oppress and annoy women, particularly men in open toed shoes. I find feet in general pretty revolting, and I think that people should wear closed toed shoes at all times. With rare exceptions, this view is not only for aesthetics, but for safety. I'm a veterinarian with a small goat farm, so nowhere in my world would expose toes be a good idea. As a female veterinarian, I'm often in situations where I'm treated with less respect than my male counterparts. It's not uncommon to enter an exam room and have a client wearing flip flops sitting down with their terrified dog hiding between their legs under the chair. This is a particular type of male client who will just sit there completely unhelpful while I'm on my hands and knees trying to coax their dog out of their crotch and concurrently gagging at the sight of their nasty exposed feet. I'm also at a point in my career where I'm often working with young veterinarians, 85 or 80% of whom are female. I try to lead by example on how to handle microaggressions and gender disparities regarding the fit situation. I have always just sucked it up, but I don't want that for the younger generations. Do you think there's anything I can do differently? Sincerely, Dr. Amy yeah, Dr. Amy, put

[Katherine]

a sign outside your office that says footwear required. Full footwear required. No open toed shoes. And while I understand a lot of

[Chelsea Handler]

people go to the vet in an

[Katherine]

emergency situation like that's okay, you're putting the message out there. You're putting the message out there. They're still going to get serviced, but we request full foot coverage. There is nothing wrong with putting that on a sign or. We appreciate full foot coverage. We appreciate full foot coverage. So it's more of a suggestion.

[Catherine]

For safety.

[Katherine]

Yeah, for safety.

[Catherine]

And I think with the, you know, when you have to coax the dog out, that is something like you let the owner do, just ask them straight up, like, hey, can you get your dog to come over here so we can lift him up on the table or whatever, but make that the owner's responsibility to get the dog out from where they are. And I mean, I think 99% of people will comply. They're just like, not thinking straight to like, move their dog for you. So I would just say, like, yeah, can you bring your dog out and then we can get him on the table? But yeah, I think we, we agree with Dr. Amy. I think closed toed shoes, especially on men, is. Is ideal.

[Katherine]

I had a. I was at a ski lodge, like a heli ski lodge a couple weeks ago, and there was a couple there that I was like, really? We were hanging out with and they were really cute and we had a good time with them, but the man did wear flip flops at a ski lodge. And I had to look away and I was like, all right, this guy's gonna get a pass. Cause like, you know, cause you're having a good time. We're having a good time. And I liked him. I didn't want to berate him, but you know, I try to pick and choose my moments, but it was like, we're at a heli ski lodge.

[Chelsea Handler]

This is the time you want to

[Katherine]

break out your flip flops. Yeah.

[Catherine]

There is always. There is like a weird thing where it doesn't matter how cold it is outside, even in the Midwest or the Northeast, like, there will be a white man in shorts and flip flops. Like, somewhere there will be. It doesn't matter if it's 20 below.

[Katherine]

Whoever came up with flip flops needs to get sued. And I should be the one.

[Catherine]

I. I believe in it. I believe in it. I think you should. Okay, well, that's all for this week.

[Katherine]

All right, bye, guys. See you next week.

[Catherine]

If you want advice from Chelsea, write in to dearchelsea podcastmail.com Dear Chelsea is a production of I Heart Media. Follow Chelsea on all socials elseehandler and find Catherine on TikTok. Flash Cadabra. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brandon Dickert, Executive Producer, Producer Katherine Law Find full video episodes and minisodes now on Netflix and get tickets to see Chelsea live@chelsea handler.com.

[Chelsea Handler]

It's 2026. We upgraded our phones, our cars, even our coffee. So why are we still acting like pleasure is negotiable at Pink Cherry? It's not. They've got hundreds of toys that actually deliver, and whether you know exactly what you like or you're still figuring it out, there is a wide range to explore. If you'd rather skip the guesswork, their mystery boxes make it easy. They curate a mix for you so you can discover new favorites without overthinking it. And they ship discreetly with free shipping on orders over $59, which we love. So go to pinkcherry.com and use promo code Chelsea to save up to 80% off site wide because life is hard. Feeling good shouldn't be pinkcherry.com because everyone deserves pleasure In New Zealand, quality is an acclaim. It's the standard K9 natural baked and coated starts with premium animal ingredients from grass fed red meat to cage free poultry and sustainably sourced fish with 40% high protein and no meals, fillers or grains, every bite delivers real nutrition. Light, crispy pieces are baked then coated in rich bone broth for incredible taste and whole body health support. Baked and coated from K9 natural use code Chelsea20 for 20% off your first [e-mail] this podcast is sponsored by Veracity. Welcome to an all natural way to slim down, get energized and sharpen your focus. Verasity is revolutionizing health by tackling the root cause of so many issues. With Verasity's drug free, clinically proven and doctor formulated solutions, you can support your body's needs to live your healthiest life. If your goal is weight loss, try Metabolism ignite. The number one doctor recommended GLP1 booster and GLP1 alternative. Metabolism Ignite has sold out 10 times for a reason. No side effects, no allergens. Metabolism Ignite is a natural, safe plant based aid that results in an 85% reduction in hunger and is clinically proven to lose on average nine pounds in 90 days. And metabolism ignite is safe for everyone including breastfeeding new moms and women in perimenopause. So before metabolism ignites cells out again, make the switch to GLP1s the natural way. Head to VeracityHealth Co and use code iheart for up to 65% off your order. Once again, that's V E R A C I T Y Health Co for up to 65% off and make sure you use my promo code iheart when I was a young entrepreneur opening up a lemonade stand, I realized pretty quickly I could make a lot more money if I spiked it. So that's what I did. Suddenly I was making so much money I started flying first class on family vacations while the rest of my family sat and coach. That's called leadership. Fast forward a few years. Okay, maybe more than a few. And here I am, still an entrepreneur. But this time I upgraded my spiked lemonade recipe and put it in a can just for us. Introducing my Vodka Lemonade with Owls Brew. It's made with real vodka, real lemon juice, and clean ingredients. No fake sweeteners, no weird stuff, and nothing that tastes like a science experiment. Just crisp, refreshing, not too sweet, and perfect for people who want their drinks to be grown up, but still fun. And because I care about you, you can use code DEARCELSEA for 20% off or find at a store near you at theowlsbrew.com the lemonade stand is officially open for adults. This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.