Minisode: I’m Not Here to Tear Up Love with Yamaneika Saunders

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dear Chelsea – Minisode: I’m Not Here to Tear Up Love with Yamaneika Saunders

Episode Information:

• Title: Minisode: I’m Not Here to Tear Up Love with Yamaneika Saunders
• Host/Author: iHeartPodcasts (Chelsea Handler)
• Release Date: June 27, 2025

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Introduction

In this engaging minisode of “Dear Chelsea,” Chelsea Handler is joined by co-host Yamanika Saunders and Katherine Law to tackle a heartfelt listener question. The episode delves into the complexities of supporting a loved one facing career struggles and depression, providing a blend of compassionate advice and candid perspectives.

Listener's Question: Claudia's Dilemma (09:40)

Claudia, a 33-year-old from Miami, reaches out seeking guidance on how to support her boyfriend, who is unhappy with his job. Despite his applications to hundreds of positions, he remains stuck, failing to progress past interviews. Claudia is concerned about his episodes of depression and fears his career struggles might exacerbate his mental health issues. She expresses frustration over his reluctance to accept help, such as reviewing his resume or connecting with potential contacts, and feels overwhelmed by the delicate balance of being supportive without becoming a "nag."

Claudia's Quote:

"I just need an outside perspective on this." (09:40)

Yamanika's Supportive Approach (10:54)

Yamanika Saunders responds with empathy, acknowledging Claudia’s efforts and the emotional strain of witnessing a loved one struggle. She emphasizes the importance of creating a safe and supportive environment for Claudia's niece and nephew, highlighting the value of being a stable presence amidst familial tension.

Yamanika's Insight:

"Building a relationship with them so that they have a safe place to go and safe people to talk to... that's the biggest contribution you can make." (03:24)

Katherine's Blunt Perspective (10:54)

In contrast, Katherine offers a more straightforward and assertive viewpoint. She questions the sustainability of Claudia’s support if her boyfriend remains unmotivated to change. Katherine suggests that enduring long-term negativity can be detrimental, advocating for Claudia to prioritize her own well-being and consider the possibility of ending the relationship if no progress is made.

Katherine's Quote:

"He has to go. You know what you want in life? I'm telling you, don't waste your fucking time." (11:16)

Dynamic Discussion: Balancing Support and Self-Care (12:14)

The conversation evolves as both Yamanika and Katherine explore the balance between supporting a partner and maintaining personal boundaries. Yamanika advises Claudia to focus on her own growth and happiness, suggesting that while supporting her boyfriend is commendable, her own well-being should take precedence. Katherine reinforces this by highlighting the importance of not enabling negative behavior and the necessity of setting clear boundaries.

Yamanika's Advice:

"Focus on yourself. Make your life as good as it can be and see where the relationship goes." (14:10)

Katherine's Reinforcement:

"Reciprocity in this. I make you feel good, you make me feel good." (19:02)

Conclusion: Honest Female Guidance (18:34)

As the episode draws to a close, Yamanika and Katherine summarize their advice, emphasizing honesty and self-respect. They encourage Claudia to evaluate her relationship's dynamics and make decisions that foster her own happiness and growth, whether that means continuing to support her boyfriend or moving forward independently.

Yamanika's Closing Statement:

"I'm not here to tear up love." (19:25)

Katherine's Final Thoughts:

"Reciprocity in this. I make you feel good, you make me feel good." (19:02)

Key Takeaways

• Empathy vs. Assertiveness: The episode showcases a balance between empathetic support and the necessity of assertive self-care in relationships.
• Setting Boundaries: It underscores the importance of setting personal boundaries to maintain one's mental health while supporting a partner.
• Focus on Self-Growth: Encouraging listeners to prioritize their own growth and happiness when faced with a partner's stagnation.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Claudia: "I just need an outside perspective on this." (09:40)
• Yamanika Saunders: "Building a relationship with them so that they have a safe place to go and safe people to talk to... that's the biggest contribution you can make." (03:24)
• Katherine: "He has to go. You know what you want in life? I'm telling you, don't waste your fucking time." (11:16)
• Yamanika Saunders: "Focus on yourself. Make your life as good as it can be and see where the relationship goes." (14:10)
• Yamanika Saunders: "I'm not here to tear up love." (19:25)
• Katherine: "Reciprocity in this. I make you feel good, you make me feel good." (19:02)

Final Remarks

This minisode of “Dear Chelsea” offers a candid exploration of the challenges in supporting a loved one through career and mental health struggles. Through the perspectives of Yamanika Saunders and Katherine Law, listeners gain valuable insights into navigating complex emotional landscapes while maintaining personal well-being.

For more advice and engaging discussions, visit Dear Chelsea’s YouTube Channel and follow Chelsea Handler on social media.

Transcript

[Chelsea Handler]

This is an I Heart Podcast.

[Yamanika Saunders]

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[Chelsea Handler]

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[Yamanika Saunders]

Create hi, we're back with a minisode and my special guest is Yamanika Saunders. She's here today.

[Katherine]

Still Teeth Lipstick.

[Yamanika Saunders]

The lipstick is not on your teeth today. It's gone. Now it's gone. So you ate it. Katherine, what's happening?

[Chelsea Handler]

Hi Chelsea. Well, we have a quick update from a previous caller. This is from Dolly. She had called in on our Christina Ricci episode. Her brother and sister in law were fighting a lot. It was sort of affecting their kids. So she was wondering how to support her niece and nephew. So she says, hi there. Since being on the show with Chelsea and Christina Ricci, my husband and I have made active strides to not interlope with my sister in law and her husband's relationship woes and distanced ourself from being in the center of their ongoing tension. As far as their relationship, there hasn't been much improvement. But on a positive note, as Chelsea recommended, my husband and I have been spending more time with our niece and nephew and building a stronger relationship with them. Thank you, Chelsea, for the reminder that it's their relationship and I should worry only about what I can control. Dolly.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Wow, that's good.

[Chelsea Handler]

Isn't that great?

[Yamanika Saunders]

That's good. I love that. I love that.

[Chelsea Handler]

And reaching out to these kids is like so great.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Yeah, Reaching out because kids are so, you know, you've got nieces and nephews and you know how important it is to connect with them and make sure they have a safe haven in you, you know?

[Dolly]

Yeah, of course.

[Katherine]

Yeah.

[Yamanika Saunders]

She was watching her in laws or her sister, what was it like? Have bad, bad relationships.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. Her sister and brother in law. Yeah.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Like really fight with each other and fight in front of the kids. Really inappropriate. And it's like she was trying to like get involved and I'm like, you can't get involved in that. All you can do is really show up with your children, with their children and just like build a relationship with them so that they have a safe, safe place to go and safe people to talk to. But I feel like that's pretty much the biggest contribution you can make if you can impact children's lives in a positive way. I feel like that is very purposeful. Yeah.

[Katherine]

I just don't. All this arguing in front of children is like crazy to me.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Did you grow up with parents that argued at all?

[Katherine]

We were just a fussy family, but we were more like funny. Fussy, funny. You know, like nobody took anything serious. I felt very loved. You know, I had growing up problems like everybody else, but I felt very loved. I was, I'm very grateful for my family, but to come from a family that had foster children, you know, my grandparents took in foster kids and seeing children coming from abusive situations and situations where they're uncomfortable and realizing how blessed I was that I didn't have to go home and worry about, is there gonna be somebody that's gonna beat me to death or do something, you know what I mean? Like the way we don't protect little human that we bring into the world is insane.

[Yamanika Saunders]

On a separate note, I just wanna point out that you're wearing a separate you're wearing a pair of sneakers today that look like they're actually your size. Because when I was out with you last night, you wear these boat sneakers that are. They seem like they're a few sizes too big. And I know we were giving you some grief about it last night. Yeah, I think we should retire those sneakers. I think.

[Katherine]

No, but they're also very comfortable. They're a part of me that at some point I will. I will retire. I will.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Yeah, maybe when you come to Europe, maybe I'll go into your suitcase and maybe I'll retire them for you.

[Katherine]

Yeah, if I bring those shoes to Europe, I'm not gonna bring them. You're not coming back to Gaudicas to Europe, honey. I'm not trash.

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[Brian Bitzel]

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[Yamanika Saunders]

Know how do I deal with my health and wellness issue. How many credits am I going to get for this given class? You could talk to someone and find out some of that, but maybe it's a little bit sensitive and you don't want to do that.

[Brian Bitzel]

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[Yamanika Saunders]

We can see patterns or of how agents and assistants can help employees and customers and end users be more productive, automate workflows so they're not doing certain types of repetitive work over and over again and streamlining their lives and making data more accessible to them 24 hours a day.

[Brian Bitzel]

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[Chelsea Handler]

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[Yamanika Saunders]

Thanks.

[Zoe Saldana]

And here's my old phone to trade in.

[Chelsea Handler]

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[Yamanika Saunders]

Plus we'll help you pay off your.

[Chelsea Handler]

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[Yamanika Saunders]

There's always a trade in.

[Chelsea Handler]

Not right now. @ T Mobile.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I feel like I have to give you something in return for karma.

[Chelsea Handler]

That's okay.

[Zoe Saldana]

I don't really have much in my purse. Oh, let's see. Hand sanitizer. It's lavender.

[Chelsea Handler]

I'm good.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Seriously, Let me check this pocket.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, mints. Really, I'm fine.

[Zoe Saldana]

Oh, I have raisins.

[Yamanika Saunders]

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[Yamanika Saunders]

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[Chelsea Handler]

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[Yamanika Saunders]

Okay, what do we have next? Katherine.

[Chelsea Handler]

So Claudia is 33. She's in Miami. She says, dear Chelsea, my boyfriend and I have been together for about three years now. We live together, both in our 30s, and I'm confident in saying that we're in this for the long haul. My predicament is that he's very unhappy with his job, and I don't know the best way to be supportive anymore. He's applied to hundreds of other positions, but doesn't ever seem to make it past the interview phase. He gets defeated, frustrated, and I struggle with knowing how to help him. All I want is for him to be happy, or at least neutral at this point with his job. But it doesn't seem like he's taking the best steps or initiative to get there. He won't let me read his resume or cover letter for advice. And when I try to connect him with people, he shoots me down. He's an incredible writer and artist, and I've encouraged him to go to grad school as a different option to pursue, but he's stuck and won't make the jump. He's had episodes of depression in the past, and I fear that these career struggles might take him down that road again. We're in different industries, so I don't exactly know what resources to point him to, but I encourage him to keep applying and not lose faith. The last thing I want is to be a nag. And I know he really needs to be the one to lift himself up and tackle this on his own, but it's difficult to watch the person you love get pushed down. So many times. I think I've hit a wall, and I just need an outside perspective on this. Claudia.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Hi, Claudia.

[Dolly]

Hi. Nice to see you both. Hi.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Thank you. This is Yamanika.

[Katherine]

Hi, Claudia. I want to say I, you know, I was snickering at the top of it because. My God, you. No, you were me. You were me. I remember being you. Right. You're young. That's some young shit. You doing all. What is this, an episode of Lean on Me?

[Dolly]

Might as well be.

[Katherine]

Why the fuck are you building this dude up? Like, fuck that. And you in your 30s. You still young, bitch. And you sitting here grazing a motherfucker that's already supposed to be raised. He's got to go. You know what you want in life? I'm telling you, don't waste your fucking time.

[Yamanika Saunders]

He's gotta go.

[Katherine]

No, he gotta go. Who are you fucking? She loves him, I get it. But all of this adjusting that she's doing to try to reach a motherfucker is a waste of time. Chelsea and in the 40s and up. We can tell you because we been there. That's why I'm giggling at you. You was the bitch. I was. Please stop being this bitch. As soon as possible, let's have a.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Realistic conversation about how you say that's very realistic. I know, I know. You said your piece and now I want to talk about. So where are you at with how tolerant you are willing to be for this period or duration of time where he's kind of listless and depressed? Where are you on your relationship journey spectrum?

[Dolly]

Well, I'm not like up to here. I'm still very supportive. And it's not like he's a deadbeat either. I'm not like paying his bills or anything. He's still contributing financially. So until that changes, then I'm fine to keep supporting him. But.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Okay, so see, those are her parameters. So she's not. You have to experience these things before you get to a place where you know this.

[Katherine]

Let me. Like right, okay. So Chelsea is coming from that angle. I'm coming here to contribute something completely different and from a different angle. That's why it's not another Chelsea sitting here. I'm sitting here.

[Dolly]

I appreciate that.

[Katherine]

What I'm telling you is I love that you are doing that right. And I understand everybody has parameters. I'm not heartless. What I am telling you is somebody who's just like that, what more can I do? What? And you're doing all you're trying to resource so that you can be resource for him. Is he putting this kind of effort into his own self to get out of these pity party situations, you understand? And it only gets worse over time. That's something that he has to work on with himself. Because when things knocking you down, you're not motivated to move forward over time, life is going to do nothing but kick your ass. And if you're not able to overcome from that, you're going to want to. Bitter and stuck. I know I have friends like that every day I ask the Lord, please help me not to be bitter and stuck. It's easy.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I do the same thing. I always wake up and say, please, I Pray, like, let me not be a cunt today. You know, like, I have that. I have that thing too. And let me not be a cunt to other people. Like, he's obviously wrapped in, like, very self involved in this period of time that he's in. And whether he's depressed or he's gonna be depressed or whatever, there really is only so much you can do to help somebody, to help lift somebody up if they're not willing to lift themselves up. Like, you giving him resources and putting him in touch with and him kind of not responding to that doesn't show initiative and doesn't show ambition or a want for change. It almost is like, there are certain people that like to be in this kind of negative space. That's their oxygen, where they like to be a victim, where they like to everything. Nothing goes right for me. And it's the same old song and dance. So I think Yamaneika, what she said is poignant because when you get to be older, you'll realize, like, you don't really want to put this much effort into him. But I totally respect the fact that you still love him and you still have more tolerance for his situation and to help him. But I would really start focusing on yourself. Since you can't pick him up out of this situation. How can you make your life, you know, more meaningful for you? So you have a space to kind of exit when he's in that space, you know what I mean? That you can go and do things for yourself, that you have your own group of friends and that you have your own, like, community of whatever it is. And do you have those things? Like, do you feel like you have your own life sets?

[Dolly]

What makes it interesting is like, I'm also trying to pivot careers, and I got into grad school, like, I'm a year into grad school to try and make that transition. So if my. Thank you, if my words don't mean crap, then at least it's like my example, my action hopefully was, you know, inspires him in some way. But I also don't want to be like, hey, look at me. Like, I got my shit together. Because I really don't.

[Chelsea Handler]

I'm being like, hey, look at you. I'm like, oh, the woman in the relationship is making moves and doing shit to better herself, and the man is fucking wallowing. Shocker.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The thing is, you're gonna lose your patience for it. That's the thing that we're just. We're both in agreement on. You're gonna lose your patience for it. Cause it's not hot. And nobody just gets to be in a bad mood for a long period of time. Like, there's gotta be steps taken. And while you're demonstrating actually what it looks like to change your life and take it into your own hands, he might get the message or he might not. He might get it in five years, or he might never get it. You know, I don't know. But I would really make sure that you double down on yourself. Whatever you're doing for yourself and what your goals are, make sure that you double down on your determination and making your life as good as it can be and see where the relationship goes. You know, maybe you'll have some sort of miracle and he will have an awakening. It happens to people. I just think women are much more reliable on men in the emotional department in terms of, like, hearing news, making changes, making adjustments. Were more reliable.

[Katherine]

And I'm not that. I'm not. Don't look at that girl in the mirror. I am about that. Look at that girl in the mirror. So what women are always expected to, like, don't act like you have this over a man and don't did this and da, da, da, da, da. So what you. When you get into. You know how hard that is to get into graduate school and shit like that, and you trying to make a pivot and do things like that, and you can't applaud yourself and he can't be next to you go, yeah, that's my chicken. She did that. You know what I'm saying? We always expected as women to make an adjustment so that a man's ego isn't crushed. You keep being who the fuck you need to be. And then if you have to dip, go dip for a dude that's not gonna feel some kind of way about you having your star. Because he got his own star.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Maybe he is actually jealous of you too. Who knows?

[Dolly]

I. Yeah, I hope not.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I hope not too.

[Dolly]

Yeah, I think I. It did inspire him in a way. Like, he's been applying. It's just that he's, like, in a neutral, and I want him to rev up the gear and go into turbo, but he's not.

[Chelsea Handler]

I feel like you're probably being very sweet and understanding and nice and. What do you gals think? I feel like she needs to come in with a little more of Yamanika's energy of, like, okay, it's time to stop wallowing. Like, let's get shit done.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I think so. Like, push Up.

[Katherine]

I mean, also, remember, I ain't got no man. I ain't got no man. So you can rev in what you want, and you gonna have no man.

[Yamanika Saunders]

And I've got a lot of men, so I just wanna say that.

[Katherine]

No, but. And also. And to be fair, right, to your boyfriend, we are hearing your side. We like. But from the common sense things that I know in life, it's not so much about this overall relationship as much as it is about Chelsea's telling you if somebody's oxygen is negativity, and that's not what you breathe, you're gonna suffocate. That's what she just said. So you need to see if you guys are on the same planet with each other. You know, maybe he's really from Mars and you're from Venus.

[Dolly]

That's a good point.

[Yamanika Saunders]

So, I'm sorry. I mean, this isn't, you know, the greatest news, but, you know, like, it's not uplifting you in any way, but we just want to give you, like, honest female guidance.

[Dolly]

No, and I appreciate that so much. This is like, you know, the cold bucket of water that maybe I needed on my face. And I have to say, I saw you both perform in Hollywood, Florida, so I'm so happy that I get to see you today. That was, like, an amazing show. I went by myself, and it was.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Like, oh, look at you.

[Katherine]

Okay, that's what I'm talking about.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I like your style, and I think.

[Katherine]

And I think it was. Listen, I'm gonna say this. I think it was. It's fin. I don't expect you to turn around and just leave him. That wasn't the conversation I was having. I think we were having enough conversation for you to say whatever you decide, here are the certain red flags that you need to start looking for. If negativity is his oxygen and if he's not trying to grow, then when it's time for you to adios up out of there, we've given you a track. But if you wanna go in and see what you can do and maybe change things around. My blessings to doing that. I'm not here to tear up love.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Famous last words from Yamanika. I'm not here to tear up love. Okay. That would be the name of this episode.

[Dolly]

She's the hopeless romantic. I can tell.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Okay, well, good luck out there. Let us know what happens. If you have any big updates, let us know. Okay?

[Dolly]

Thank you both so much. I appreciate it.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Yeah, thank you.

[Dolly]

Bye.

[Yamanika Saunders]

She received that. Well, I mean, you were screaming at her.

[Katherine]

No, no, no. I like when I was. Cause I was that girl, right? Like, everything when it came to a guy, it's like, what can. What am I not supporting him in? Is there a way? And we always read these little Cosmo magazines and shit. 10 ways to be the bitch of his dream. 19 ways to not get on his nerve. 11 ways to whisper in the sun. And it's like, all this shit we gotta do as a woman to try to make a man okay. And it's like, is he ever concerning himself with how he makes us feel at all? Cause nobody's really asking him, like, what do you think the things you could do as a man to make you a woman? You know, I think it should be reciprocity in this. I make you feel good, you make me feel good.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Okay. And thank you for listening to our Minisode today with Yamaneika. Special guest by Yamanika.

[Katherine]

The next one, I'm going to be completely silent.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Okay.

[Katherine]

And serious.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Okay, bye.

[Chelsea Handler]

And you can find Yamaneika on Instagram. Yamanika.

[Yamanika Saunders]

So I added a couple of new dates. I'm not on tour yet, but I added a couple of dates just because I felt like we need a little bit more laughter and a little bit more medicine for the end of the year. And I was wrapping things up, but I thought maybe let me do a couple more. So I'm adding three more dates. In addition to my Vegas residency, I'm doing West Hampton Beach August 21st. I'm headlining the Rochester Fringe Comedy Festival September 13th, and I will be in Napa on October 3rd. So those will be my last dates of the year.

[Chelsea Handler]

Do you want advice from Chelsea? Write into dearchelseapodcastmail.com Find full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching earechelseapod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Kathryn Law. And be sure to check out our merch@chelsea handler.com.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Listen up. You know what's better than being a jittery mess after your third coffee? Actually functioning like a normal human being? Beyond Brew by Live Conscious is a six in one mushroom blend that won't make you trip balls, but it will give you mental clarity, focus, and less bloating. Forbes called Beyond Brew a deliciously potent coffee alternative and 400,000 people can't be wrong. It comes in cacao, caramel macchiato and vanilla latte. Because we are not savages. Your mind and body will thank you later. Go to liveconscious.com and use code Chelsea for 15% off.

[Danielle Fishel]

And here we have a specimen from the early 2000s, a legacy investing platform. Please don't touch the exhibit folks.

[Zoe Saldana]

It could crash.

[Danielle Fishel]

Ready to step out of the financial history [e-mail] you can invest in almost everything. Stocks, bonds, options and more. You can even put your cash to work at an industry leading 4.1% APY. Leave your clunky, outdated platform behind. Go to public.com and fund your account in five minutes or less. Paid for by Public Investing Inc. Member FINRA and SIPC. Full [e-mail] disclosures hi, I'm Danielle Fishel.

[Zoe Saldana]

From Pod Meets World. So for my two boys, I got Samsung Galaxy Watch for kids. And I'm not saying I'm kind of jealous of my kids tech. I'm saying I am definitely jealous of my child's tech. This thing lets them call, text and explore all from their wrist. No smartphone required. And don't worry, you're still the boss. You control who they can talk to. And yes, you can totally stalk their location in real time. Get Galaxy Watch 7 on T mobile now. Kid ready with a new paired line. Visit t mobile.com to order yours today. Parent and child must have a Samsung account and Google account with family link Requires initial pairing with a compatible Samsung smartphone and qualifying wireless plan with LTE service activated. Please check with your carrier for more information. Trusted contact applies to compatible apps. It does not restrict communication through third party or other communication apps. Emergency services and contacts remain accessible. Location sharing is dependent on network connectivity and device being recently active. T mobile terms via 24 monthly bill credits when you add a qualifying paired watch line. See additional offer terms on T mobile.com.

[Danielle Fishel]

This is Bowen Yang from Las Culturista and I'm Matt Rogers and we're the.

[Chelsea Handler]

Hosts of Las Culturistas.

[Danielle Fishel]

It's Pride Month and you know what that means.

[Chelsea Handler]

Friendship Parties?

[Danielle Fishel]

Dancing. Correct. And do you know what the perfect thing to bring to any Pride event is?

[Chelsea Handler]

But when we talked about this, I'm not a thing.

[Danielle Fishel]

Oh, not you. I meant Casamigos.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay, Chic. And honestly, the only other correct answer.

[Danielle Fishel]

Casamigos Margarita during Pride. Now that's a sleigh.

[Chelsea Handler]

Ah, Casamigos. Anything is a slay.

[Danielle Fishel]

Because anything goes with my Casamigos.

[Chelsea Handler]

Anything goes with my Casamigos.

[Danielle Fishel]

Bo, you're a poet. Please drink responsibly. Imported by Casamigos Spirits Company, White Plains, New York. Casamigos Tequila. 40% alcohol by volume.

[Chelsea Handler]

This is an I Heart podcast.