Chelsea Handler (2:27)

Pet Parent guilt is real and completely normal. That's exactly why Hill's Pet Nutrition exists. They understand that being a pet parent means being human. Hill's science led nutrition helps you give.

Katherine (2:39)

More love than humanly possible. Whether it's those long work days or.

Chelsea Handler (2:43)

Trying to balance attention between multiple pets. Hill's Pet Nutrition gets it because you're only human.

Katherine (2:49)

There's Hills.

Chelsea Handler (2:50)

Science does more.

Katherine (2:52)

Ready to let go of the guilt?

Chelsea Handler (2:53)

Find the right food@hillspet.com iheart that's hillspet.com iheart hi guys, it's Chelsea and Katherine here.

Erin Levine (3:02)

Hi.

Katherine (3:02)

So today Katherine, we are doing one of our minisodes and so we have.

Chelsea Handler (3:06)

One couple calling in for couples counseling, correct?

Lynn (3:09)

Exactly, exactly. And for anybody else who wants to write in, please write in.

Chelsea Handler (3:13)

Yes, for sure.

Lynn (3:14)

Chelsea gives great advice for couples.

Katherine (3:16)

Yes, yes, I am just.

Chelsea Handler (3:18)

I'm flawless in my advice giving everybody.

Lynn (3:20)

I mean so far it's been four years.

Katherine (3:22)

I. Well, I mean not for four years of a hundred.

Chelsea Handler (3:25)

You know, I'm sure there's some upset customers, but that's par for the course, you know.

Kara (3:29)

Exactly.

Katherine (3:29)

It's not like I have a degree.

Lynn (3:32)

Just operating on, you know, vibes and good vibes.

Katherine (3:34)

I'm operating on good fucking vibes.

Chelsea Handler (3:36)

Okay?

Lynn (3:37)

Okay. So our question today on our couples counseling with Chelsea comes from Lynn and Kara. Dear Chelsea, we're writing in for some advice on whether or how to expand our family. My partner and I have been married for six years and we grew our family a year into marriage in a somewhat unconventional but deeply meaningful way. As two women in our prime fertility years, we considered the full range of options. Sperm donor, private or international adoption, fostering, adopting from, foster care, you name it. Ultimately we were matched with an 11 year old girl whom we fostered for 3 years before finally becoming her legal guardians. Our plan was to was always to adopt her, but the system had its own timeline. Whole story there. She's now 16 and we love her dearly. At the time we welcomed her into our home, the idea was to have more children, but we quickly realized that wouldn't be the right decision for her or for us at the time. Now with her only a few years from graduating and us Both still just 34, the question of whether to grow our family is back on the table. Here's where it gets complicated. There seem to be ethical concerns around every path. Sperm donor. Have you seen the man with a thousand Kids? Enough said. Private adoption feels uncomfortable bidding for babies while so many children in the system need homes. Foster care. I'd do it Again, my wife isn't so sure after everything we went through the first time. And beyond that, we're both aware of the broader ethical tension of bringing more people into a world that feels increasingly unwell. Add to that our many, many frustrations with society at large, especially when it comes to how we raise youth, and it's easy to feel like throwing in the towel. And yet I'm not sure I'm ready to let go of the family we once envisioned. In many ways, I'm fulfilled. I'm a mom to an incredible daughter who loves and needs us. We get the privilege of guiding her into adulthood. But I love being a mom. And there are joys of parenthood that we haven't yet experienced and still long for. So I guess we're writing in either to have you say, don't have kids, you idiots. Which honestly might be the easiest answer, or to help us untangle whether we're walking away from something too soon. Part of me thinks we should just enjoy our impending empty nest freedom. The other part wonders if we're exactly the kind of people who should be raising more kids because we get how hard and beautiful and complicated it all is. Lynn and Kara.

Katherine (5:52)

Hi, girls.

Chelsea Handler (5:53)

Lynn and Kara.

Katherine (5:55)

Hi. You guys are cute. Wow, great job fostering an 11 year old. I mean, listen, right off the bat, instinctually I would say to you, you guys were open to fostering. I mean, those are the kids that need it the most. You talk about bringing children into this world. It's a very valid point. There are so many children that need homes. So it's almost like, to me, if that's something you've done, and I know how complicated that system is, I have a cousin who's fostered and to adopt, that turned into an adoption. And I know that it is exhausting. But when you're up for it, which you two seem to be, then it's kind of like you're meant to do that. Like, if you've done it, you know the ropes, you already have an advantage going in because you've been through this system before and you're helping somebody who's already here in this world that doesn't have the guidance that the two of you can provide. And I love what you said, guiding them into adulthood, I think that is really profound and exactly what parents are meant to do. It's not like you own your children. You're just supposed to guide them into becoming, you know, big, big humans and good humans. And you both seem like, you know, just from your letter, wonderful human Beings. So I would say if you're gonna do it, to try to go down that road again, knowing that it's gonna be a difficult path, but that the outcome is going to outweigh the work that you put into it.

Kara (7:17)

Yeah, I think I'm open to that. I don't know if she is. I think what makes it difficult is that even going and taking that path, there's just so much that isn't in our control. Which I guess is true about children, regardless of how you do or don't bring them into the world, but how you raise them. But I think it's one of the things that has stuck with me in raising the child we have now is that like every step we take, and this might be at the age that she came to us too, like, there's always sadness before happiness when you go through that path, right? Because there's a loss of a family, there's a loss of so many things. And that's like really heavy. And the world already feels so heavy that a part of me is like, I don't know if I can do that again, if that makes sense. And when I think about, like broadening the family, there's like so many joyous things that I feel like we also didn't really get a chance to experience that. I feel like taking that path again. Maybe at a different age we would have a slightly different experience, but it just feels like dark and heavy to go down that road again right now. Maybe that just means we're not ready right now.

Chelsea Handler (8:33)

Maybe it does.

Katherine (8:34)

But I mean, yeah, you are. I mean, you got it. Getting a girl at 11 years old is much different than getting a baby or getting even a three year old. You know, it is. It's like. And there's no doubt that it's gonna be difficult, but that's gonna happen with any child. That even if you had a child and you got a sperm or like, that, all of that's gonna happen. What's different about the fostering system is that it's so frustrating and there's so much bureaucracy and, you know, parents have so many rights until they finally don't have the rights. The birth parents, you know, they have to fuck up so many times and there's all this stuff that can happen. And while that does sound challenging and onerous, it sounds like something that you two can handle. And I'm of the idea that if you can handle something, then you should be the people that are doing it, rather than like, you know, say you were looking at Another couple say you were looking at a six year old kid that needed a home. Okay, A six year old little boy who had been in foster care for six years. And you saw another couple that were going to foster him and you knew that they didn't have the capabilities or the capacity to love in the way that you did. Wouldn't you wanna just go snatch that kid up and do everything you can to provide the home that you've already been able to provide for someone like you've proven yourself in this arena. I really feel that when you do and have crossed all these hurdles and what you said, I hear you, there's sadness before there's happiness. I think you won't have an identical experience to the one that you had. And there's just so many children out there that need homes. And when you really care about that, then that's your answer. Go help somebody that needs a home. You don't have to do it tomorrow. But if you're on the fence about, it's like you're not on the fence about loving children and wanting to help them, you're not on the fence about that. So I think that it's a definite yes for you guys and it's just a matter of which way you decide to go. And I would say fostering is, you know, from somebody who's never done this before in my life, just let you know, I've just, from what I can.

Lynn (10:37)

Hear from you, a pretty close relationship with it compared to.

Katherine (10:40)

Yeah, I mean, now I've seen it firsthand what happens and how frustrating that is. But, you know, you guys have a lot of love to give and when you have a lot of love to give, it's kind of your. I think it's your responsibility to give.

Kara (10:53)

It sucks to be good people. People, you know.

Katherine (10:56)

That's right.

Kara (10:56)

That's right.

Chelsea Handler (11:01)

Ever been at the pharmacy counter and the pharmacist asks, do you have any questions? And suddenly your mind goes blank? That's exactly why you need to listen to beyond the Script from CVS Pharmacy and iHeartMedia. Starting January 14th, hosted by Dr. Jake Goodman, this podcast brings you real conversations with CVS pharmacists. I need to get on this. The health experts you see most answering the questions you wish you'd asked, like which medications might not mix well, which vaccines should you consider before a big trip? And even those questions you were too embarrassed to say out loud. Each episode busts myths, decodes health trends, and gives you practical, trustworthy advice straight from the people behind the counter. No white coats, no lectures. Just real talk, real answers and maybe a few laughs. Listen to beyond the script on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi guys, I have some very exciting news. I am always looking for companies to support that are ethical. And let's be honest, the phone companies we've all been stuck with are not that. You know, I travel constantly and supposedly I have international free roaming on Verizon, yet my phone bills are still 300, 400 and even 500amonth. It makes zero sense. So I switched to a company with actual ethics, Noble Mobile and they pay you for staying off your phone. The more you unplug, the more money you save each month and the most you'll ever pay is 50 bucks. Unlimited coverage when I need it, cash back when I don't. It was started by people I know and trust. So if you trust me and want to join my mission to stop being a phone addicted zombie, come along. Go to noblemobile.com Chelsea right now and try it for just 10 bucks. That's noblemobile.com Chelsea make your home smell as good as it looks with Purifor, the Smart fragrance diffuser that lets you control your scent from anywhere. Choose from hundreds of premium fragrances, schedule your favorites and set the perfect mood for every moment.

Katherine (13:00)

And right now, get yours free when.

Chelsea Handler (13:02)

You subscribe to 2 cents for 12 months. Don't wait. This limited time offer won't last. Try it risk free for 30 days now@pura.com dump skincare companies that make billions by making us feel like getting older is a bad thing. It isn't. I'm 50 years old and guess what? I love it. I have earned this face. That's why I wanted to talk to you guys about Froia Organics, a company that actually gets it. They know they're not going to magically make you look like you're 20 again. And honestly, you need acid washed jeans and crimped hair to do that anyway. And I'm not looking to look like I'm 20 again. What they will do is work with your skin to make it look and feel the healthiest for your age. They do this by using wild arctic plants that survive in some of the harshest environments on the planet. Plants like arnica and sea buckthorn are packed with antioxidants and omegas that increase collagen production while repairing the skin's natural barrier. It's like the equivalent of going vegan for your face, minus the pretension and hemp Bracelets, no fillers, no bullshit. Just natural ingredients that your face will love. Go and check out froyaorganics.com now and get 40% off.

Erin Levine (14:09)

What if divorce didn't feel so overwhelming? I'm Erin Levine. I spent 20 years as a divorce attorney and I built hello Divorce to give you the support I wish more people had. With hello Divorce, everything you need is in one place. From forms and filing to organizing your finances and building a parenting plan. Our smart technology adds transparency and speed, while real experts, lawyers, mediators, and financial pros are there just in case you need some extra help along the way. We've helped over 15,000 people move forward, 97% of them without going to court. And we're proud to be the highest rated online divorce platform on trustpilot. Divorce is hard. The process shouldn't make it harder. Start your next chapter@hellodorce.com.

Lynn (15:08)

Honestly, I don't have anything to add to that. I think my only question for you is how important is it to you to pass on your DNA? Is that a need? Like a feeling either of you have?

Kara (15:20)

Not for me, no.

Katherine (15:21)

That's a man thing. Women don't give a shit about that.

Lynn (15:24)

Hence the man with a thousand kids. Yeah, I think if that's not something that you feel a great desire for, then, you know, I think the sperm donor route is out there.

Chelsea Handler (15:33)

So it's just like this world is such a mess right now.

Katherine (15:36)

Do you really want to do that? Do you want to bring someone in the world?

Pod 5 Spokesperson (15:40)

Right.

Katherine (15:41)

You don't want to add. You want to comfort what exists.

Lynn (15:44)

Here is a question for you too, since obviously you've been researching this and looking into all the possibilities quite a bit. So between a private adoption or foster care, like, is there the ability to sort of like, be open to both of those and like, put your names in the hat for both of those and like, see if one starts to feel right or if you start getting more, you know, someone sent to you or questions from the agencies or those sorts of things. Like, just to feel it out.

Kara (16:12)

Yeah, that's an interesting question. So adoptive license, and it varies state by state, but to be licensed to adopt is separate of being licensed to foster. And the routes that those children go through are very different. Yeah.

Lynn (16:26)

And I would imagine it's like, obviously another cost to get the license to adopt.

Erin Levine (16:31)

Correct.

Kara (16:32)

Yeah. Which isn't a big. I mean, we don't care about that. And when we previously, you know, were planning to adopt, we were only licensed to adopt. And so that was our plan. Even though the child was in foster care, but they. The system did its thing and they're like, oh, after we had already, like, decided and everything, they're like, oh, you know, well, this might not go through for a little bit. And so we got licensed to foster so that she could come into our home versus being like, oh, nice to meet you. Have a good life.

Lynn (17:04)

Yeah. So you're sort of already ready on both of those counts.

Katherine (17:07)

Sorry, I don't mean just foster. I mean adopt or foster an existing kid. Just somebody who's already here. Yeah. If you go down the adoption route, I mean, it might take longer, but you're gonna get the. It's not gonna be the bureaucracy you dealt with with foster care. And that's also a way to rescue someone, you know, to get them in a.

Lynn (17:25)

So I agree with Chelsea. You two feel like people who absolutely have more parenting to give and more love to give. So, yeah, find a kid who's out there and maybe just like leave it open to both or, you know, get registered for both and see which one starts to present itself. Because I do think that the people come into our lives that should be in our lives, you know?

Katherine (17:49)

Yeah. And thank you guys for doing that. That's beautiful. You're both a beautiful couple. I know you're gonna make good decisions and provide. And I' I'm so happy to hear that you were able to get an 11 year old little girl under your wings and guide her because she's going to be, you know, her whole future has changed because of you. So you have the ability to do that for people and you should, you should do it.

Kara (18:10)

Well, I was saying this from the start, so now that you've said it.

Chelsea Handler (18:14)

She'S like, that's what you have to do.

Katherine (18:17)

By the way, I'm never encouraging people to have children, so this is a first.

Chelsea Handler (18:23)

But yeah, so keep us posted. Let us know what happens, will you?

Kara (18:26)

Yeah, we will.

Lynn (18:27)

Okay. All right. By girls. Thanks so much, girls.

Kara (18:29)

Bye.

Lynn (18:30)

Bye.

Chelsea Handler (18:30)

Bye.

Katherine (18:31)

I just announced all my tour dates. It's called the High and Mighty Tour. I will be touring from February through June. So go get your tickets now if you want to come see me perform. I will be on the High and Mighty Tour.

Lynn (18:45)

Do you want advice from Chelsea? Write in to dearchelsea podcastmail.com Find full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching earchelseapod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Kathryn Law. And be sure to check out our merch@chelsea handler.com.

Chelsea Handler (19:07)

Ever been to the pharmacy counter and your mind goes blank when the pharmacist asks any questions. That's why you need to listen to beyond the Script from CVS Pharmacy and iHeartMedia starting January 14th. Hosted by Dr. Jake Goodman, each episode features real conversations with CVS pharmacists, the health experts you see most, breaking down the questions you wish you'd asked, from which meds may not mix well to what vaccines you need before a big trip. They will bust myths, decode trends, and share practical advice that you can actually use. Listen to beyond the script on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. You guys, I have some very exciting news about an ethical phone carrier I just switched to Forget about all these other phone companies. Forget about Verizon, forget about att, forget about T Mobile. There's this new carrier called Noble Mobile and they actually pay you to stay off your phone. You can earn real money, up to 20 bucks back every month just for putting your phone away. If you're like me and you're tired of feeling controlled by your phone, social media, or just disgusted by those screen time alerts, this is the answer. Go to noblemobile.com Chelsea and try it for $10. That's noblemobile.com Chelsea you know what's not fun?

Katherine (20:24)

Waking up at 2am Drenched in sweat.

Pod 5 Spokesperson (20:26)

Been there. That's why I started using pod 5 from 8 sleep and let me tell you, it is a game changer. It's designed with women's help in mind, especially for those of us dealing with hot flashes. Pod 5 is this genius smart mattress cover that fits over any bed and pulls your body before a hot flash can mess with your sleep. And when I need an extra relief, I just tap the bed or use the app to activate hot flash mode. 30 minutes of instant cooling. It's like having a personal climate concierge. It's clinically proven to reduce hot flashes by over 50% and I genuinely sleep deeper and wake up feeling way more refreshed. I love that it's a non medical solution, but it's backed by real data and it feels totally natural. Anyone who listens to this podcast knows that I would like to sleep in refrigerator and now I can. And if you sleep with a partner, Pod 5 cools each side of the bed independently. So no more kicking someone out for being a human furnace. You both get your perfect temperature from 55 degrees to 110 degrees.

Chelsea Handler (21:24)

Go to 8sleep.com Chelsea use code Chelsea and get up to $700 off Pod 5. You can try it risk free for 30 days. Trust me, better sleep starts here. From nursing and healthcare to business and it Rasmussen has a range of programs to fit your goals and passion no.

Katherine (21:40)

Matter what your day to looks like.

Chelsea Handler (21:41)

Rasmussen's programs allow you to balance school with life while you pursue your degree. So if you're ready to pursue your education goals, Rasmussen is ready to help.

Katherine (21:50)

You take that next step.

Chelsea Handler (21:52)

Head on over to Rasmussen. Edu and check out the opportunities waiting for you. Your future is a bright one. Rasmussen University can help you get there.

Katherine (22:02)

Dogs aren't just pets.

Chelsea Handler (22:03)

We know this. Doug is one of the most important, if not the most important member of my family and certainly the only man.

Katherine (22:09)

I want in my bed at the moment.

Chelsea Handler (22:11)

Since I want the absolute best for.

Katherine (22:13)

My Chow Chow Doug, I am making.

Chelsea Handler (22:15)

The switch to Ollie. They offer fresh protein packed meals made with real human grade ingredients. A win for Doug's health and they offer five tasty recipes all slow cooked for top nutrition. A win for his happiness. Your dog's well being starts with their food and that's why Ollie delivers fresh human grade food that your dog will love. So head to ollie.com Chelsea, tell them all about your dog and use code Chelsea to get 60% off your welcome.

Katherine (22:42)

Kit when you subscribe today.

Chelsea Handler (22:44)

Plus they offer a happiness guarantee on the first box so if you're not completely satisfied you'll get your money back. That's Ollie O L l I e.com Chelsea and enter code Chelsea to get 60% off your first box. This is an I heart podcast. Guaranteed human.