Open and Ridiculous with Rob Lowe

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dear Chelsea – Episode "Open and Ridiculous with Rob Lowe"

Release Date: May 1, 2025
Guest: Rob Lowe
Hosts: Chelsea Handler and Katherine Law
Sponsor Highlights: JustFood for Dogs, Pandora, Roku, BetterHelp, Live Conscious, T-Mobile

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1. Episode Overview

In this special double episode celebrating the 200th installment of Dear Chelsea, comedian and author Chelsea Handler teams up with her co-host Katherine Law and special guest Rob Lowe. The episode delves into personal insights, relationship dynamics, and listener questions, all delivered with Chelsea's characteristic humor and honesty.

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2. Welcoming Rob Lowe (02:05 – 03:45)

Chelsea introduces Rob Lowe, describing him as "magisterial" — exuding confidence and authority in a positive way (02:12). They announce that the episode is split into two parts: the first half featuring Rob’s podcast "Literally", and the second half focusing on their joint discussion.

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3. Supernatural Beliefs and Personal Insights (04:10 – 12:53)

Supernatural Interests: Rob shares his fascination with the supernatural, including Bigfoot and aliens, emphasizing that while much of his reality show "Lo Files" involved humorous adventures, he genuinely believes in paranormal activities (05:03 – 10:46). He remarks, “When people literally ask me... sometimes it's leading to where they're going to be on top” (11:05).

Relationship with God: Chelsea connects her own spiritual awakening to Rob’s discussion, sharing a personal anecdote about how a bad experience led her to believe in Jesus (11:18 – 12:32). Rob clarifies that sobriety in programs like AA focuses on higher powers rather than strictly religious figures, advocating for a personal interpretation of a higher power (12:32 – 13:32).

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4. Marriage and Relationship Dynamics (14:12 – 24:41)

Optimism as a Superpower: Rob identifies his optimism as his greatest strength, explaining how it helps him navigate disappointments without holding onto resentments (17:13 – 18:08). Chelsea appreciates his positive outlook, noting its importance in maintaining sobriety.

Handling Career Disappointments: Rob recounts a significant career disappointment where a successful show was canceled due to network disputes, highlighting his ability to detach emotionally and view such setbacks as business realities rather than personal failures (18:16 – 20:20).

Marriage Longevity: Chelsea inquires about Rob's 34-year marriage, asking who in the relationship is more annoying. Rob humorously admits that he is the annoying one, often talking during movies unless they’re good, leading to playful banter about relationship quirks (04:20 – 24:41). He praises his wife Cheryl’s work ethic and dynamism, emphasizing the mutual attraction and respect that have sustained their marriage (22:26 – 24:41).

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5. Listener Questions and Advice

a. Forgiveness After Adultery (Rebecca) (28:52 – 35:36)

Situation: Rebecca seeks advice on forgiving her husband after he cheated in the 10th year of their marriage, confessing upon the birth of their second child. She has spent six years healing and is now with a husband she trusts deeply but faces judgment from others.

Rob’s Advice: Rob advocates for the power of forgiveness, criticizing society’s overemphasis on boundaries at the expense of reconciliation. He emphasizes the importance of considering the child’s well-being and trusts Rob when he says, “It is not personal. And believe me, I'm sure they would like to continue to do it just as much as I would” (30:11 – 35:36).

Chelsea’s Perspective: Chelsea supports Rebecca’s decision, encouraging her to disregard others' opinions and affirming that her healing journey justifies her forgiveness. She emphasizes that Rebecca’s sustained trust and renewed relationship deserve recognition (28:52 – 35:36).

b. Managing Workplace Friendships (Laura) (37:10 – 43:12)

Situation: Laura, a 44-year-old manager in a male-dominated field, feels a platonic yet deep admiration for a high-performing male coworker. This friendship has positively impacted her mood and personal life but raises concerns about workplace dynamics and marital boundaries.

Rob’s Advice: Rob reassures Laura that platonic friendships with the opposite sex can be healthy and beneficial if they are transparent and not kept secret. He suggests integrating the coworker into social settings to prevent emotional distance and potential misunderstandings, stating, “You’re not having an emotional affair if your husband knows he exists” (37:14 – 43:12).

Chelsea’s Perspective: Chelsea echoes Rob’s sentiments, urging Laura to maintain open communication with her husband and enjoy the friendship without overcomplicating it. She downplays the potential for romantic entanglement, reinforcing the idea that friendships can thrive without jeopardizing existing relationships (37:10 – 43:12).

c. Sexual Satisfaction and Communication (Kristen) (43:27 – 56:40)

Situation: Kristen, influenced by euphemisms in her communications, expresses frustration that her boyfriend has never engaged in foreplay activities like touching her vagina, impacting her sexual satisfaction and relationship fulfillment.

Rob’s Advice: Rob advocates for honest and direct conversations about sexual needs and boundaries. He role-plays scenarios to help Kristen articulate her desires clearly, emphasizing the importance of mutual understanding and willingness to improve (45:18 – 56:40).

Chelsea’s Perspective: Chelsea encourages Kristen to prioritize her own sexual satisfaction and communicate openly with her boyfriend. She dismisses societal stigmas around discussing genital intimacy, advocating for proactive dialogue to enhance relationship intimacy (43:27 – 56:40).

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6. Closing Remarks and Future Plans (56:50 – End)

Chelsea and Rob engage in light-hearted banter about skiing and future plans, including Chelsea’s upcoming European tour and Rob’s skiing adventures showcased on TikTok. They wrap up the episode by highlighting Rob’s podcast "Literally" and his game show "The Floor" on Hulu, expressing enthusiasm for future collaborations and interactions.

Notable Quotes:

• Rob Lowe: “You must keep orgasming as you continue to age.” (04:20)
• Chelsea Handler: “You have to have a really honest conversation with him and see if there's a reason.” (46:04)
• Rob Lowe: “My superpower is my optimism.” (17:13)
• Chelsea Handler: “You did the right thing.” (63:30)

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7. Key Takeaways

• Forgiveness and Boundaries: Balancing forgiveness with healthy boundaries can lead to stronger, more resilient relationships.
• Optimism in Adversity: Maintaining a positive outlook helps navigate personal and professional setbacks effectively.
• Healthy Friendships: Transparent and inclusive friendships in the workplace contribute to personal well-being without compromising existing relationships.
• Sexual Communication: Open and honest dialogue about sexual needs is crucial for relationship satisfaction and intimacy.

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Note: This summary excludes all advertisements, introductions, and outros, focusing solely on the substantive content of the podcast episode. For more insights and detailed discussions, listeners are encouraged to tune into the full episode of Dear Chelsea on iHeartPodcasts.

Transcript

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[Chelsea Handler]

Hi Katherine, hi Chelsea.

[Katherine]

Hi.

[Chelsea Handler]

This is we're doing two episodes today.

[Katherine]

Because it's our 200th episode.

[Chelsea Handler]

It's 200th episode so we decided to put out two episodes. One is with Tinks and one is with our Guest today who is a ridiculous person whom I love. I love him very much. He really, really always I. Something about him. I have to come up with a word for him. I learned a great other. I learned a great word. I learned a great word the other day. Magisterial. Somebody who walks with confidence, Somebody who is like an authoritary figure. Somebody who exudes confidence and authority. Magisterial.

[Katherine]

Magisterial.

[Chelsea Handler]

Love. Magisterial in a positive way, not in a negative way, like Dipsy Doodle, who's running the White House. But that's not how I would describe Rob. That isn't the word I was thinking of. I thought that was a good word to describe myself, actually, because I'm so full of my own piss and vinegar. Um, but anyway, Rob is an actor, a producer, He's a podcaster and an author, and he tries to pretend he's an amazing skier. We'll see about that. To be determined is what I like to say about that. We are doing a special double episode back to back with his podcast. So you can catch the first half of his episode of our episode is his podcast, and then the second half is ours. So please welcome Rob Lowe. I want to get him pre ejaculation. Can we do that before. Can we switch over before there's a. Okay. Hi, Katherine.

[Katherine]

Hi. We just switched over from literally with Rob Lowe.

[Chelsea Handler]

I love this. How cute are we? Okay, so good. We have Rob Lowe today, everybody. We just came from his podcast. So for the first half of this episode, you're gonna wanna go listen to Rob Lowe's podcast. Literally.

[Rob Lowe]

Literally.

[Chelsea Handler]

And then this is the second half of the episode. Rob, were you about to say something about orgasming?

[Rob Lowe]

Yes, I was.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay.

[Rob Lowe]

I was about to say that I enjoy it and that it is just a spasm, as Steely Dan says, and you must keep orgasming as you continue to age.

[Chelsea Handler]

This was very profound, Rob. Thank you for sharing that insight. You must keep orgasming. Famous quote from Rob Lowe. You must keep orgasming as you age. End quote.

[Rob Lowe]

Well, I think there are plenty of people who aren't.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. I go, yeah, Yeah.

[Katherine]

I mean.

[Rob Lowe]

I mean, look, I get it. It's. That sounds like the most lame asked orgasm idea. But then look around you at all.

[Chelsea Handler]

The people that aren't orgasming.

[Rob Lowe]

Yeah, go to the ski chalet. Get. Get in the line for the chicken fingers and the hot cocoa.

[Chelsea Handler]

And look at all those people who haven't ejaculated in days, weeks, or months. In some instances, we're actually gonna be.

[Katherine]

Talking to a caller Today who might be in this situation, so.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, my God. Perfect. How prescient of Rob to have brought this up. Rob, I have a question for you now that we're on my podcast. I think we talked about this last time you were on my podcast, but I always am very curious. Since you've been married, for how long have you been. How many years have you been married?

[Rob Lowe]

34. 34.

[Chelsea Handler]

34 years. So who do you think is more annoying, you or Cheryl within the relationship? Like, who annoys who the most?

[Rob Lowe]

Oh, I annoy her.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. I was gonna guess that 100%. And why. Why are you so annoying?

[Rob Lowe]

Because I'm always doing bits and not trying to be funny, but I'm like, I do asides. Really annoying. Watching. She hates watching television or movies with me.

[Chelsea Handler]

Because you talk.

[Rob Lowe]

I talk all the time. If it's good, I don't. But just.

[Chelsea Handler]

Did you guys watch White Lotus together?

[Rob Lowe]

We did watch White Lotus together, but that's good. So when it's good, I don't talk. I talk when it's bad. And most things are bad. So I'll be like, you know, mm, they clearly shot that. That sequence in Vancouver. You can tell by the telephone poles should be. Shut up. Or that's.

[Chelsea Handler]

That's annoying, Rob. I mean, why. Who are you telling? You're just trying to prove to yourself how perspicacious you are in that instance.

[Rob Lowe]

You know, I'm trying to keep myself awake watching songs.

[Chelsea Handler]

Or you're just trying to show, like, yeah, those things you can keep to yourself for sure.

[Rob Lowe]

Yeah. A lot of times I'll watch something and the performance will be so bad and I'll be biting my lip and biting my lip and biting my lip and biting me a little bit. If I'm just like, oh, my God, shut up. Because she likes a lot of the sort of mommy porn rom coms where everybody's super good looking and terrible acting.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, my God. I find I hate rom coms. Like, unless there is some new spin, I can't stand that formula. It's so. It's insulting to my intelligence. It's like reality shows. I find those insulting too. Like when people. The housewives can blah, blah, blah, and Love island and I just. And autism on the spectrum. Love all of it. I just can't understand how anyone can get roped into that sort of chicanery.

[Rob Lowe]

I keep. So I did kind of a reality show with my sons and I loved it and I'm super proud of it. It's like us in a scooby Doo van driving around looking for supernatural paranormal activity together. It's basically Anthony Bourdain, parts unknown meets Scooby Doo. But really what it is is fathers and sons spending time with each other and it's super silly and super funny and super great. So I feel like there's a zone where I can love it, but most of it is so bad. And then. Can we talk about the music? I was watching Alec Baldwin's Reality.

[Chelsea Handler]

I watched that too. I watched three episodes of I couldn't not.

[Rob Lowe]

It's like Alec's so smart and has such great taste. I just wish he'd go in the editing room and go, why is that Same music cue always used. It's this cutesy pie.

[Chelsea Handler]

He gave up, Rob. He's given up. If you can't tell by that show. Alec Baldwin has officially given up. He's given up his rights. He's given up his self respect. He has given up. He has 57 children and a wife who is half the size of the baby. I don't understand how he could have agreed. Well, obviously they need some money. I mean, I can't imagine. I can't imagine what circumstances led to that being an option.

[Rob Lowe]

People's. Your phone rings with weird. I mean, you must. I've been asked, everybody gets asked, would you ever do a such and such and such and such. It's like, I don't know.

[Chelsea Handler]

Do you turn down a lot of stuff?

[Rob Lowe]

Yeah, I mean, yeah, sure, for sure. And what I try to do sometimes is go, well, I don't want to do that, but I would do this. I feel like, no, but within a good answer.

[Chelsea Handler]

If they send you a script and offer you a role, are you talking about, like, I don't want to play this character, but I play that character or what that.

[Rob Lowe]

And literally, like just circling back to the people at A and E came to me and said, would you ever. You like to build houses and you've crushed it in real estate. Would you ever do a house? Flipping high end house? And I said, no, but I would do a show where I hunt for bigfoot with my kids and they're like.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, right, let's get back to that supernatural reality show that you're referencing. Unfortunately, I haven't seen any of those episodes. Were you guys able to come into some sort of or witness any sort of supernatural activity?

[Rob Lowe]

It's called the Lo Files. I think you can get it on like itunes or something. We did. We absolutely had ghost activity in our very first episode. The ghost was moving like furniture around really 100%. And, like, lights coming off and on when nobody was in the building. Really crazy shit like that. And then we went to, like, we did supposed, like, alien bases in the desert. And a lot of the time, of course, nothing happened. And it was just three idiots sitting around a fire. That was actually my favorite. Was, like, driving and pulling over and getting donuts. And just being idiots was my favorite part of it. But we definitely saw some stuff, 100%.

[Chelsea Handler]

And are you a big. Like, do you believe aliens exist and things like that?

[Rob Lowe]

I'm way down the rabbit hole with all that stuff. Okay? I am very well. There's probably not a wormhole you could bring up that I don't have some sort of functional knowledge of.

[Chelsea Handler]

And do you think that is a result of you spending so much time in Montecito?

[Rob Lowe]

No, I've always been that way. And in fact, the slogan for the show is my motto about this stuff. When people literally ask me, really, do you really believe in Bigfoot? I'd be like, it's more fun to believe.

[Chelsea Handler]

It is more fun to believe. It's more fun to believe in God. Like, it's better to believe in God because it's just nicer. It's like a nicer idea.

[Rob Lowe]

That's how I. That actually is how I came to my relationship with God. That's how it started.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, the real question is, when did God's relationship start with you?

[Rob Lowe]

Well, it's been there forever, but I just didn't know it.

[Chelsea Handler]

Right. You had to tap into it.

[Rob Lowe]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

It's funny. I was on stage on Friday night in Vegas. I have a residency in Vegas. I perform once a month. Cause that's how much time I could spend in Vegas. And I did a joke about Jesus, this new joke I was trying out about Jesus. And. And accepting the fact that the joy that you experience from knowing Jesus is a joy I'll never know. And then when I got food poisoning the next night. And I was violently throwing up into my wastebasket next to my bed, I thought, is this because of what I said about Jesus? And I thought, please, God, I'm sorry. If you need me to believe in Jesus, give me a sign. And then I threw up again. And I thought, that's a sign. And now I believe in Jesus.

[Rob Lowe]

It takes what it takes. I mean, it's like, don't question it. Like, everybody gets there in a different route.

[Chelsea Handler]

I love that because a lot of times. I mean, you've been sober for many, many years. But a lot of times People associate sobriety with God, with Jesus. But there's a lot of people, like, I have a couple sober friends who are like, no, we didn't work the program. We did it another way. Like, they're non believers. They don't believe in God, and they don't believe in Jesus, but. Cause the 12 steps really are about God and a higher being.

[Rob Lowe]

It's about higher powers, not about God. In the literature, there's a lot of talk about God, 100%, but it's very entrenched in modern, even traditional sobriety that you do not have to believe in God, merely something greater than yourself.

[Chelsea Handler]

Right.

[Rob Lowe]

And that's reasonable, and that's super reasonable. I mean, I roll my eyes when it's like, the problem is some people make other people their higher power. Well, my family. And that's a road to palookaville. You can't make another person or group of people your higher power. You cannot, because they're people. And. Okay, if you're not gonna believe in God or Jesus or any of the other great spiritual guides that we have, culturally and different religions, the list becomes kind of small. I believe in animals. I believe in Fern Gully.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, you believe in Bigfoot. You said that already.

[Rob Lowe]

I do believe in Bigfoot. Wouldn't make it my. I would not make Bigfoot my higher power.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay, well, I just did, so there's nothing you can do about it.

[Rob Lowe]

Okay. That is kind of cool, though. That'd be a great bit. That'd be a great bit.

[Chelsea Handler]

What? You believing in Bigfoot as your higher power.

[Rob Lowe]

Yeah. I'm Rob Lowe. I'm an alcoholic. I asked Bigfoot for peace and serenity to say.

[Chelsea Handler]

Do you still go? Do you go to AA meetings? Do you still work the program that way? Or are you so far outside of. You've been sober for 34 years, you said earlier.

[Rob Lowe]

Yeah. Look, the one thing I in common are people who. Like, I was 34 years sober and I got loaded yesterday. The one thing they all have in common, and you hear those stories, is they stopped. They stopped their active recovery, and I don't do as much of it as I should.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, you probably don't have to.

[Rob Lowe]

Yeah, I understand how to live my life. I mean, if I'm. I know this. If I ever get in enough uncomfortability in my own skin, I know. I know what the cure is. It's not Advil. It's going to a meeting. 100%.

[Chelsea Handler]

Mm. What do you think Cheryl thinks is the most annoying thing about you?

[Rob Lowe]

Mm. Wow. It Used to be how much I slept, she's gotten really good. Cause science has caught up with me.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh. Because how long do you sleep every night?

[Rob Lowe]

Oh, I mean, I get a minimum of nine.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, I'm with you completely. I could sleep for 11 hours a night if.

[Rob Lowe]

You so could me, 100%. Me too. I don't see. I have a lot of shame around it. I don't wanna say it, but why?

[Chelsea Handler]

I mean, most men actually do sleep less than women sleep, but I just. I can't express enough the benefits of sleeping same.

[Rob Lowe]

I mean, like, when people go, how do you look? I mean, maybe a lot of it is that I sleep a lot.

[Chelsea Handler]

It definitely does, because there's no explanation for the way you look.

[Rob Lowe]

They did call it Sleeping Beauty. Not workout beauty.

[Chelsea Handler]

Mm. Well, you could sleep and then work out. I know you're working out once you wake up.

[Rob Lowe]

They didn't say it. No carbs. Beauty. It's fucking Sleeping Beauty. That's the name of the movie.

[Chelsea Handler]

What's the longest sleep run you've ever had?

[Rob Lowe]

Well, not being sick or sleeping something off, like just regular or. No jet lag involved or not.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, yeah, sure, whatever.

[Rob Lowe]

I mean, listen, I've definitely done my share of 12, for sure.

[Chelsea Handler]

I once slept for 20 hours.

[Rob Lowe]

Was it on a plane?

[Chelsea Handler]

No, it was in a bunk bed.

[Rob Lowe]

What?

[Chelsea Handler]

I had a bunk bed at my old house. And I guess I hadn't slept for like a day or so. I had come back from Buenos Aires.

[Rob Lowe]

Jet lag. Jet lag. Jet lag. Jet lag.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, it was jet lag. But when I really needed deep sleep, I go into my bunk bedroom because there's just something so cozy and familial and, like, childlike in there. And I slept for 20 hours and then I peed for almost 20 minutes.

[Rob Lowe]

Un fucking. That sounds like kind of heavy. When I do the big international flights, like Australia or something or South Africa, the ones that are just beasts, I love it because I can go. I could sleep Runway to Runway if I had to. 100%.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, I do it all the time. Are you allowed to take Xanax and stuff like that? Sleeping pills if you're sober?

[Rob Lowe]

There's different theories on it. I certainly wouldn't recommend it or. Nor did I do it for the first, maybe even decade of being sober. But, you know, I was. And if I were a pill person, which I wasn't, I wouldn't. But I have no problem with me doing that now.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, I mean, it's kind of necessary when you're Traveling. I mean, how else are you supposed to adjust to these different time.

[Rob Lowe]

Yeah, yeah, listen. There's a lot of good science out there that they didn't have. Listen, when I got sober, they had fucking horse pills, like a Valium, and that was it. They didn't have.

[Chelsea Handler]

I took one of those once at Jane Fonda's house, and I was never the same. I couldn't move my legs for, like, two days. What do you think is your superpower, Rob? Like, what do you think is your best. The best thing about you?

[Rob Lowe]

My superpower is my optimism.

[Chelsea Handler]

That's nice, for sure.

[Rob Lowe]

And it manifests itself, I think, in a lot of ways where it's like, if something doesn't go my way or which happens to everybody, or there's a disappointment, I just don't ever wallow in it. And I never blame others, ever, ever. I don't blame myself either, but I'm like, okay, all right. Today's another day. Get up. And. And it's not something I learned anywhere. I just think it's part of my. It's in my DNA. I've always been that way. And I think it's. I'm very grateful that I'm wired that way. I don't hold on to resentments, which, by the way, weirdly enough, is the single worst thing you can have as a sober person, is resentments. So I think I was designed not only to be an alcoholic, but then to get sober and succeed, because I don't carry resentments. And I'm positive, optimistic.

[Chelsea Handler]

What do you think that what was. Can you give us an example of a big disappointment that you've experienced? Like your latest big disappointment where you were able to shrug it off?

[Rob Lowe]

Sure. So career wise, without being too inside baseball. So I've been in television since 1999 doing TV series, had hits, had failures. I'd never been able to renegotiate for a raise, ever. 20 years more in television. Never.

[Chelsea Handler]

You mean a raise from each from one series to the next?

[Rob Lowe]

No, within the series of a hit. Like, yes, congratulations, it's a hit. We will be canceling your character, or, congratulations, it's a hit. And so, just when I thought I had every permutation of financial humiliation at the hands of the TV industry, I get this show. 91 1. Lone Star Ryan Murphy producing. The great Tim Meiner writing. Big hit. Big, big, big, big hit. Turns out it's such a big hit that they just aren't going to make it anymore. It turns out they're just not going to make it. Because the studio and the network couldn't agree on what to do with the big hit, so they just canceled it. And anyone else would be like, are you fucking kidding me? It's hard enough to make a show successful and here we have one that's successful. And now the war of the bean counters is going to say, we'd rather have nothing of something than continue. So the way I look at it is I go, you know what that is? It's a fact of the business today. It is. It's not personal. And believe me, I'm sure that they would like to continue to do it just as much as I would. But they. These are the circumstances. It's not anyone's fault. Is it galling beyond belief? But you move on. And I think everybody can relate to that in whatever business they're in, that sometimes success is not rewarded in the way that you would want it to be.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, that would be a pretty big bummer. Are you one of those people who believes everything happens for a reason? Yes, I find that a little bit far fetched.

[Rob Lowe]

But I can trace. I can trace. Now, granted, I don't want to test this theory any more than I already have. I don't need any more roadblocks or bad things to happen. But I can trace things that were traumatic or that I wouldn't like to redo. I can make a direct line from them to things that happened only because those things happened.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, I just have a hard time. I hear you and I feel the same way with many instances in my life. But I just feel like it's very hard to believe that everything happens for a reason for every single person in the world. Like you can't be servicing the energy or God or the universe or whatever we're referring to. Can't be servicing the benefit of every human being in every equation. You know, sometimes things are happening for someone else's benefit and you're just kind of aside like a supporting character. I believe.

[Rob Lowe]

Yeah, But I think that karmically that that person who's on the underneath of that equation needs to be underneath that equation at that moment, because it's leading to the moment where they're going to be on the top of the equation and you literally can't get there unless.

[Chelsea Handler]

You'Re at the bottom.

[Rob Lowe]

At the bottom. I believe that 100% in my being. 100%. Now, there are tragedies that befall people that I can't even imagine. And I can't. I might be whistling a different tune with that. But that said, my experience so far has been that there's a reason.

[Chelsea Handler]

I have a question for you. And if you're listening to this podcast, for the first half of the podcast, you have to go to Rob's podcast, which is called literally. Which is called literally for the first half of our conversation, because we've covered a lot of topics. But one thing before we take any callers. Rob, I want to ask you, what is your favorite thing about Cheryl, your wife?

[Rob Lowe]

Oh, my God, there's a lot. I mean, there's two things. There have to be two, because one is I never thought I could be in a relationship as long as I'd been and still be as sexually attracted to somebody. I thought, oh, fuck, Jesus Christ. And I am. And that's great. I just didn't think that would be in the cards. I really didn't.

[Chelsea Handler]

You didn't think that when you were younger?

[Rob Lowe]

I just didn't think it was possible, frankly, for anybody, much less me.

[Chelsea Handler]

And when did you think that? When you got married? When you were married, in the beginning of your marriage. Like, when did you think that that was true?

[Rob Lowe]

I thought it was probably going to be true when I was, you know, I think I was probably sitting there saying, I do. Going, I'm not gonna be wanting to have sex with this woman in a decade. I'm for sure not going to. And lo and behold, I have and will.

[Chelsea Handler]

That's nice. That's really nice to hear.

[Rob Lowe]

Super nice.

[Chelsea Handler]

I wonder if she's still attracted to you because it must be really annoying to be married to you. You know what I mean? With your face and your body and your good looks that don't change. It's just like, ugh. And to have to hear people talk about how good looking you are all the time, like, that would be so annoying.

[Rob Lowe]

She has a. She's like, oh, please, you haven't had to wake up next to it.

[Chelsea Handler]

Exactly.

[Rob Lowe]

Cause nobody's at their fighting weight when they wake up in the morning. The other thing is, I love her work ethic and spirit. Like her dynamicism around every.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, I haven't heard that word, dynamicism.

[Rob Lowe]

I probably butchered it.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. Dynamism, dynamism, dynamicism.

[Rob Lowe]

Maybe being dynamic.

[Katherine]

Dynamism, dynamism, dynamism.

[Rob Lowe]

Yeah, dynamism, dynamism.

[Chelsea Handler]

Thanks, Catherine.

[Rob Lowe]

Thank you. She's here for dynamism, Dynamicism. That thing, whatever that thing I just said was, is what I really like. And it's one of the first things that attracted me to her. You know, she had her own house, had her own job, had her own career, had her own life, had her own network from the day I met her. And I, I, I found that to be really attractive.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, that is attractive. Okay, on that note, we're gonna take a break and we'll be right back with Rob Lowe.

[Katherine]

If you'd like advice from Chelsea, write into [e-mail] we'd love to hear your questions for any juicy story you'd like advice on, but this week we're specifically looking for questions about family issues. If you have an issue with a family member or you need advice about a specific relationship issue, please write [e-mail].

[Chelsea Handler]

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Therapy can feel like an investment, but it's one of the best investments that you can make. And with BetterHelp, it can be more affordable than paying out of pocket for traditional therapy. So let's talk numbers. Traditional in person therapy can cost anywhere from 100 to $250 per session, which adds up fast. But with BetterHelp online therapy, you can save on average up to 50% per session. With BetterHelp, you pay a flat fee for weekly sessions, saving you big on cost and on time. Therapy should feel access, not like a luxury. With online therapy, you get quality care at a price that makes sense and can help you with anything from anxiety to everyday stress. Your mental health is worth it and now it's within reach. Therapy is great for helping you develop coping skills. You'll get feedback about when and how to set boundaries with family and friends. Be empowered to become the best version of yourself. Therapy isn't just for people who've had big T trauma. It's a way for all of us to be a little better every day. With over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 5 million people globally. It's convenient too. You can join a session with the click of a button, helping you fit therapy into your busy life. Plus switch therapists at any time. Your well being is worth it. Visit betterhelp.com dearchelsea to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp. H-E-L P.com DearChelsea what are you looking.

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[Chelsea Handler]

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[Chelsea Handler]

And we're back with Rob Lowe to answer some caller's questions. There's no better person at giving advice than Rob Lowe. He's been through it all. Look at him. You can see just by looking at him everything he's been through.

[Rob Lowe]

That's true.

[Chelsea Handler]

Katherine.

[Katherine]

Yeah, well, our first question. This one's just an email. She's not joining us, but it comes from Rebecca and she says, am I crazy to forgive adultery? Dear Chelsea, My husband cheated on year 10 of our marriage. We are beginning year 25 in 2025, so it's been a little bit.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Katherine]

He had a few relationships that year and then confessed all when I was pregnant with child number two. He wanted a clean slate for his new kiddo. It was a very painful chapter for us both, but obviously for me, the most. It took about six years, but I've been able to move forward.

[Chelsea Handler]

Six years.

[Rob Lowe]

Fuck.

[Katherine]

He is now someone I trust deeply. He earned forgiveness the hard way, but people think I'm nuts. Am I crazy to even attempt forgiveness?

[Rob Lowe]

Rebecca, I have very strong feelings on this.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay, go ahead, Rob.

[Rob Lowe]

Okay. So I'm working on a new book. It's hard to do these podcasts and be working on something so personal and not talk about it. They don't want me to talk about it because it hasn't been announced. But fuck it, I'm working on a new book. And one of the things I'm talking about is forgiveness and its importance. And in our culture, forgiveness has been superseded by boundaries, and I don't think it's serving our society well.

[Chelsea Handler]

Expound on that.

[Rob Lowe]

Okay. So I think, because historically, a lot of people have felt, unseen and unheard, justifiably, that we needed to create a world where there could be the proper boundaries through which we could all see, speak, talk to each other, relate to each other. Got it. Stipulated, as the lawyers would say in court. Got it. But it's since grown into a cottage industry of these rigid worldviews that don't take into account forgiveness. In other words, if you step out of the boundary, you're done. You're done. There's no coming back. And it's funny, in the end of this email, she brought up the very, very the aha, I told you so moment for me, which is, I've forgiven and I trust this man, and it's a new slate, but people think I'm crazy. My issue is with the people thing. They're not in this person's shoes. They don't understand the nature of forgiveness. They're in the boundary mob.

[Chelsea Handler]

Mm. Okay.

[Rob Lowe]

Copy Pitchfork, Unforgive mob. That would what, lead to extrapolating it to the nth degree? What I'm reading between the lines is she gives this guy the boot, they go their separate ways. The kid has no nuclear family together, and for what? That's the hill they're gonna die on.

[Chelsea Handler]

I think that. I mean, I like what you're saying. I don't know if I agree with it, but I also. I don't disagree with it. I think that if you were able. I definitely don't think any other people's opinions matter. Like, I understand how it is you tell people things and then, you know, they kind of seep into your subconscious or conscious because you share and you need advice. But if you spent six years of your life getting over that and you're still with that guy, and you had another child and he wanted to come clean while you were pregnant. I mean, the timing is weird, but okay, then that's you. Like, you've gotten through it. You trust him implicitly. You just said that you're with the marriage. Like you're in it and you love him and you got through a rough patch. Like, kudos to you definitely. Just stop worrying about what anybody else thinks. Like, you've made your decision, you're in it. And I do think a lot of people learn from cheating. They learn that they make a mistake and they never are gonna do that again. Some people are habitual cheaters, but usually, like, they don't come forward when they're not, you know, like, if you're a habitual cheater, you're not gonna volunteer that information.

[Rob Lowe]

And the other thing is, you gotta think about the kid too. I keep coming back to that too. Cause like, I'm a child of divorce.

[Chelsea Handler]

God, Rob, you're drinking so much water.

[Rob Lowe]

I mean, do you think it's a lot of water?

[Chelsea Handler]

So you're making me. I'm gonna drown if you have another sip of water.

[Rob Lowe]

What are you talking about so much, Chelsea? It's these little tiny. Do you crazy woman that it's just. And I'm not. I'm not in any way advocating to. As they would. As the kids would say today to model a relationship that is unhealthy or unhappy. But if it's a fucking jump ball, stay together. Better for the kid.

[Chelsea Handler]

I don't know. I hate that idea that it's better for the kid. I mean, is it better for the kid to stay with someone that you don't trust?

[Rob Lowe]

I didn't say unhealthy as if it's jump ball.

[Chelsea Handler]

I don't know what that means.

[Rob Lowe]

If it could go either way. It's a sports. It's a basketball reference.

[Chelsea Handler]

Wait a minute. But that's your motivation should be how you feel. Not for the sake of the children. We all know that. For the sake of the children. It's bullshit if it's. If you're unhappy, your children are not gonna be as happy, period. If you don't trust your husband Your children are gonna know and pick up on that. It's a nice idea, but I think a lot of people stay in marriages that they don't need to be in because they think their children are gonna fall apart.

[Rob Lowe]

I agree with that. That I agree with 1 billion trillion percent.

[Chelsea Handler]

I definitely think people are forgivable, like when they cheat. And I mean, he said he had multiple affairs that year, so that's sucks on multiple levels. But maybe he was just going through something and maybe he's past it. And apparently he is. So, yeah, you don't even need our advice. You've made your decision. And the only advice I would give you is to stop looking outside of your relationship for validation from your friends and family. It's not their problem.

[Rob Lowe]

It is not their problem. And how do I put this? It's a hard concept for me to articulate, but we can't help but sometimes project our own stuff onto other people and our own wants, needs. Envy is a big thing. I think people would be surprised with the amount of envy around people who can navigate the ups and downs of a relationship because the other person is incapable of it. There are people who are like, the minute the going gets tough, I'm fucking out. I am tail lights. And then they look at somebody who's like, when. The minute the going gets tough, I figure out forgiveness. And that is a worldview that can be really jarring to people.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay, well, that's our advice on that subject. Katherine, what do we have next?

[Katherine]

Well, our first.

[Chelsea Handler]

Definitely a caller, because I want some. Okay, great.

[Katherine]

Yes, this is a caller. Her name's Laura. She is 44. Dear Chelsea, here's my situation. I manage a team of men in a male dominant field. So I love men, but I'm pretty immune to their charms. I was working closely with a new hire with impressive skills, motivation and attitude when I had the strange realization that actually I love him. Although it's not in a sexy way. We're both happily married, but I can't wait to see him hang on his funny words and generally enjoy his company. This realization put a pep in my step. And I've had all the benefits of an affair. A good mood, more attention to my looks, and I've lost some weight. It's even improved my marriage. But this co worker's presence haunts my mind. And while the attraction is not physical, it's his silly, funny nature and depth. The feeling is like a childhood friend. I made a conscious decision that I would not resist my feelings so that I wouldn't Psychologically turn it into something forbidden. I go back and forth thinking it over. I want to love and openly appreciate this person, openly appreciate people who inspire that. But do I have enough emotional distance to objectively manage him? He's a direct report, and having favorites on a team is toxic even to the favorite. But he's a high performer, so it's possible we could use this chemistry for good. The most I would ever want is a hug and assurance that he's having the same experience. Maybe a promise to be innocent, friends forever. Can you help me with any guide rails that can help me think straight and keep things in perspective? Am I fooling myself? And is this actually adulterous? Laura.

[Chelsea Handler]

Hi, Laura. This is our special guest, Rob Lowe. Today.

[Rob Lowe]

Hi. How are you?

[Caller (Laura)]

Good.

[Chelsea Handler]

She's great. Obviously, if you listen to Galetta, Pep in her step, she's thriving. I don't think anything's wrong with what's happening. Rob, what do you think?

[Rob Lowe]

Yes, If I have to immediately come down on the side of it, I think it's all good. I mean, tell me this. What does. Here it is. I got it. I got it. I got it. I have my answer. Here's my answer. Your husband, right? You're married. What is your husband's level of knowledge about this relationship?

[Caller (Laura)]

Zero, for sure.

[Chelsea Handler]

Which is perfect. I agree.

[Caller (Laura)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Why does he need to know? Listen, it's like meeting act like, this guy is a gay man. This is your gay bestie. We have these ideas that just because someone is of the opposite sex, we're up to something. There is a total world. I mean, Rob, I feel this way about you. Like, if we got to spend more time together, you and I would be besties. We wouldn't be having sex. We would be besties. Like, I don't feel like just because someone. We have these sexual ideology about that every man or woman of the opposite sex, if you're straight, is, like, a possible threat. It's like you can actually be great friends with someone and, like, their attention. It's like if you had a girlfriend that was like this at work. What if this was a woman and you were excited to see her every day and you were dressing up for her, which is totally normal for women to do for each other. There was no sexual energy there, and you were just excited to see her and hang out with her every day? Like, forget about the work stuff. Who cares if he's, like, your favorite? Everybody's got a fucking favorite as long as you don't just advertise it. But like, it's totally innocent. Your husband doesn't need to know anything about it. Enjoy your friendship. And if it ever gets to a place where he makes a move or you feel like there's some sexual tension, you just have to really nip it in the bud and go, listen, we have such a great thing going. Let's just keep it this way, keep it innocent. Respect our relationships, outside relationships and continue with our friendship because this is a great thing that I do not want to ruin.

[Rob Lowe]

Okay, I agree with all that. I'm gonna add one more thing to inoculate yourself even further from self doubt. Figure out a way to make it not just a siloed off secret from your husband. I'm not in any way advocating. He makes me feel like a million dollars. You don't need to go there. Let's not be crazy. But is it like the 4th of July barbecue? And here's so and so. And he's. Oh, he's my favorite guy's Tony Sick. You'd love him. He's this, that, and the other. And see, that would be the only thing that I might add to inoculate you from somebody going, you're having an emotional affair.

[Caller (Laura)]

That's exactly what I'm worried about. Is that exact thinking that like.

[Rob Lowe]

Well, I'll tell you what, you're not having an emotional affair if your husband knows he exists and some level of. I think he's cool, I think he's whatever. If it's completely siloed off, you're never going to get beyond that doubt.

[Caller (Laura)]

Yeah, I was kind of hoping there was like an opportunity that came up where they could meet.

[Rob Lowe]

Yes. And.

[Caller (Laura)]

But it was so dangerous because I was like, oh, he's going to be able to tell my husband. Right. He'll see it in me. And anyway, I'm 90% sure.

[Rob Lowe]

But here's the thing that. Well, the 90% is that, like, either we agree with Chelsea's thesis, which I do, or we don't. And if. The thing is, you should be able to be best friends with someone regardless of who, what, where they are. Right. Male, female, whatever, however you identify. Whatever. Right. There's nothing wrong with that. What's wrong, potentially is the hiding of it. Although I totally understand why one would do it.

[Caller (Laura)]

Yeah, no, I like that a lot. I do. Because I'm kind of like, yeah, I mean, nothing's happening. We're just good friends and buddies.

[Rob Lowe]

This guy makes me laugh the hardest. At work. Work would be a nightmare. He's. He's fucking great. You'll love him. Boom. Done, done, over.

[Chelsea Handler]

And you can also say to your husband, just to like, inoculate the situation further. You could also. There. Rob goes with the water again. You can also say, hey, like, he. It's like having a gay best friend. I know he's not gay, but that's how it feels. Like I have a gay best friend.

[Rob Lowe]

We don't know he might be gay. Wait, we don't know that yet. I didn't get that piece of information.

[Caller (Laura)]

He's married with children.

[Rob Lowe]

Oh, he's married with children.

[Chelsea Handler]

So definitely gay. Definitely gay.

[Katherine]

But like you said, childhood best friend, you know, I mean, you are beaming right now. Like, let this just be fun.

[Caller (Laura)]

Okay.

[Chelsea Handler]

Are you sure you're not attracted to him?

[Rob Lowe]

Well, no.

[Caller (Laura)]

And the funny thing is, like, I've been to try to help myself. I've been journaling.

[Katherine]

Well, make sure you're locking up your journal too, because we've had some journal snoops on the show recently.

[Caller (Laura)]

So I'm like, journaling like crazy, and I go in these weird circles where I'm like, he's not even really my type. And then like. But actually my husband, he's really good looking. Like, he's is my type. And he's tall, dark, and handsome. And it kind of like makes me go back to my husband. All my circles keep going back, but it's just that weird thing where it's like a feeling of infatuation, but just like, can we swear an oath? Not like, can we get sexy? I don't know.

[Chelsea Handler]

So weird. You can just swear an oath to yourself in your journal that you're not gonna let that happen and not let it go farther than it is, you know, and if it ever comes up with him, do the same with him. But yeah, like, it's not. You're only thinking of this because he's a straight man and you're a straight woman. That's the only reason you're, like, going, oh, what's going on here? Like, it's totally normal to have friendships with men that you're not gonna have sex with and be excited to see them.

[Rob Lowe]

And that. That somehow, who knows in our weirds how our psychologies work, that somehow that actually sparks something additional in our partner. Makes perfect sense.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. And you just said your relationship with your husband's improving anyway because of him. I mean, another kudo. So that's great.

[Caller (Laura)]

Yeah. Well, thank you, guys. I'm so glad because I've just been, you know, turning myself in circles, and that's a New perspective I haven't even thought of.

[Rob Lowe]

Awesome.

[Chelsea Handler]

Great. And have fun in the Bahamas this weekend with your coworker. Just kidding. Just kidding.

[Katherine]

All right, thanks.

[Chelsea Handler]

Thank you. Thanks for calling in, you guys.

[Rob Lowe]

Bye.

[Katherine]

Okay, well, before we get to our next caller, Rob, I do want to ask you one question. When Chelsea says the word Pikachu, do you know what she's referencing?

[Rob Lowe]

100%.

[Katherine]

Okay. Okay, good.

[Chelsea Handler]

Did I say Pikachu?

[Katherine]

No, but we're about to, a couple of times.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay, great question.

[Rob Lowe]

Oh, well, maybe. Oh, maybe. Oh, maybe. I don't. I know.

[Chelsea Handler]

I think you do. You'll understand it in the context it's used within. You will.

[Rob Lowe]

Okay. By the way, my mind. Cause it's filthy, dirty, and sexy. Hopes that Pikachu is a.

[Katherine]

It is what you think it is.

[Rob Lowe]

Yeah, we'll see.

[Katherine]

Well, caller, Kristen says, Dear Chelsea, I can't believe I'm writing this email, but I have nowhere left to turn. My sweet boyfriend of two years has never touched my Pikachu. Yes, you heard that right. We've had sex and we've done other stuff, but my boyfriend has never touched my Pikachu. Not once. He's a precious angel, but he's a little too precious. He lost his virginity at 27, and I'm only his second partner. I'm a bit more adventurous with him being the 11th, and I've never, until now, needed to tell a man to touch my Pikachu before the big event. They've all just known, probably since middle school. I've tried to bring it up a couple of times, but I don't want to hurt his feelings when I've managed to bring it up poorly. I'll admit, my boyfriend did immediately take action. Unfortunately, the action was basically to start giving me an over the pants hand job. I swear, Chelsea, he thinks I have a penis and doesn't understand that girls have a cave and the good stuff is inside, not outside. I love this guy, so I'm desperate to make the change here, but I also don't want to humiliate him and make sex some kind of competition that he's inevitably losing. Please help Kristen.

[Chelsea Handler]

Wow. Well, you not wanting to hurt his feelings needs to be, like, thrown in the trash, because it's really not about his feelings at this point. It's about you having sex like an adult with a person that knows what to do. So you have to kind of sit down and lay it out for him in a really sober conversation and be like, listen, this has been going on for a while. You could Say all the things you love about him and all of the things you value in your relationship, but that you're not being sexually satisfied and that it doesn't feel like he's comfortable around your vagina. And there are a million ways to address that. You can sit there and just, like, actually have a discovery session with him to explain all the different parts and what feels good and where your clit is and that, you know, like, it's very strange that he doesn't know how.

[Rob Lowe]

To touch your vagina or doesn't want to. I mean, for all we know, the guy's gonna be a master when he gets actually down there. But he.

[Chelsea Handler]

Do we know that, Rob? I mean, do we know that?

[Rob Lowe]

No, I'm just giving. I'm trying to give a benefit of the doubt here.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, well, that's a big, big jump.

[Rob Lowe]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

So he's never gone down on you?

[Caller (Kristen)]

No, no way. Oh, my gosh. And most people, when I address this problem, because obviously I've brought it up to all my friends, which is humiliating, immediately, just regret, just all over the place. But, you know, most of them think because I'm speaking in euphemisms all the time, all of them think I'm talking about, you know, putting a face down there and saying the Alphabet, when really I'm just talking about, like, the thing a lot of people do in middle school.

[Chelsea Handler]

I feel like, finger blasting.

[Rob Lowe]

Yes.

[Caller (Kristen)]

And like, it's. It's nothing special. I mean, usually that's sort of like the opening act to anything, like.

[Chelsea Handler]

But this is on you. Like, you can't even blame him at this point for two years of tolerating no action in your Pikachu. You're missing fingering, blasting. You're missing fingering, blasting. Finger blasting.

[Katherine]

You're missing the shocker. You're missing. You're missing a lot of different, like, hand signals.

[Chelsea Handler]

I don't think he's gonna be putting his finger in her asshole if he's not putting it in her vagina. But, yeah, by accident. But you know what? Maybe there's an issue and you have to ask. You have to have a really honest conversation with him and see if there's a reason. See if he's had a bad experience or if he's had some woman give him terrible feedback or that he wasn't good at it or someone told him he wasn't good at it. You have to be very careful, but also be like, listen, this just isn't normal. We've been together for two years. You've never gone down on me and you've never fingered me. Like, those are two things that should happen before we even have sex.

[Caller (Kristen)]

You think? I mean, and I've. Now I feel like I'm constantly bringing it up to the point where I'm like, oh, my God, I can't even bring this up one more time because I feel like such a weird pervert to ask for this very basic thing. Thing.

[Chelsea Handler]

You're not a pervert, though. You're not a pervert.

[Caller (Kristen)]

How do I, like, tell you something that should be obvious from the jump also, like, LOL to Rob Low being.

[Katherine]

Now, have you. Have you shown him. Have you tried, like, showing him how you want to.

[Chelsea Handler]

How have you brought this conversation?

[Rob Lowe]

Yeah. Yeah. That's what I. That's what I want to know is, like, what is. Like, you said you can't. I'm tired of bringing it up. What is. What's the. The dialogue? Let's hear. Let's do a. Here. I'm gonna play the part of the guy that won't touch your vagina. Here we go.

[Caller (Kristen)]

It's very realistic.

[Rob Lowe]

This is the biggest stretch I've ever had to do as an actor, by the way, right now. So. Okay, we're gonna do a little roleplay. So you're unhappy. Tell me what.

[Caller (Kristen)]

Yeah, so essentially what I've said a couple times is, hey, don't know what the deal is with, you know, you never touching this area before. Like, I don't know how you haven't done this before. And I tried to bring it up outside of the context of the bedroom because I think it can be kind of scary, and I don't want to do it right after the fact and be like, that sucked because you didn't do xyz, right? So I was trying to sort of bring it up out of context and say, you know, is there a reason that you don't feel comfortable with this? Is there, like, do you have a traumatic thing in your childhood that you.

[Rob Lowe]

So you've said that you've said these things?

[Caller (Kristen)]

Yeah, yeah, totally. And it's just I'm kind of not getting a response, and I don't know if it's because.

[Rob Lowe]

What is he saying? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What does he give me? Give me my dialogue. In this role play, you say you're kind of not getting a response. What is he. What's my dialogue? What am I saying to you? Well, I don't know, man. I just. Okay, well, I mean, what's the non response? What does he say? What do you have to say for.

[Caller (Kristen)]

Himself, it's pretty much a lot of that, a lot of the. I don't really know. And, you know, I asked him if he did that with a former partner, and he was like, oh, maybe incidentally.

[Rob Lowe]

Incidentally, like, oops, I tripped kind of thing.

[Caller (Kristen)]

I'm like, would you fall down? And you had to grab her pubes to get up again.

[Rob Lowe]

Exactly. That's what I was saying. Fell down into her vagina.

[Caller (Kristen)]

Tell me about it.

[Rob Lowe]

So interesting.

[Caller (Kristen)]

Yeah, I also am like, my heart goes out to the guy because I would need a place to put my hands. Like, I'm bored here. I'm just sitting here. I gotta do something. I gotta honk something or grab something.

[Chelsea Handler]

I just don't understand how you've gone two years with, like, this. This is so weird. It's so strange. Like, this is on you. You have to break this cycle and, like, you have to have a serious conversation with him in broad daylight and be like, listen, this isn't normal. Sex between two people should be, like, examining each other's bodies, cherishing each other's bodies, wanting to touch every single part of it. That's what sex is. I've never been in a relationship like this. I thought something was wrong with me, but now I have to put it on you. What is your hesitancy? Are you scared? Did you have a bad experience? Did someone give you bad feedback? Make it so that he is available to talk to you and answer questions that maybe could reveal the reasoning behind it. Do I have a smelly vagina? I mean, you don't, but I'm just saying, like, put it.

[Caller (Kristen)]

Who knows?

[Chelsea Handler]

Put it out there. Well, I think you would know if you had a smelly vagina. I mean, it's not that far away from our nose, but, you know, I think you should really, really, you have to, like, for every woman, you have to do this, because what's he gonna do when you break up with him? Go out with another girl and dissatisfy her for. But, I mean, I don't know anybody who would put up with that for two years. I wouldn't put up with that for two weeks.

[Caller (Kristen)]

I know. Well, that's what was. And it's one of those things where, you know, the longer it goes. And the longer it did go, the more I was like, you know, because at first, I'm like, okay. A few weeks go by, a few months go by, I'm like, all right. Maybe it's just because there is the occasional encounter that happens even with Normal people with my other normal partners, there's been encounters where it's been like, oh, we just skipped straight to the main event. And, you know, it's. It's quick and whatever and things just happen. But it's never only been that. And I actually, like, burst out. And I wish I gave Rob his better feedback, better lines. But, you know, there was a point where we were out to dinner with friends and he was making a lot of, like, sexual jokes and, like, being silly about, you know, just, like, crass humor. And I was like, okay, dude, like, enough. You know, it got to a point where I was so fed up, I was like, enough. I mean, if you're gonna make jokes like that, then you can't be scared to touch my vagina.

[Katherine]

Yeah.

[Rob Lowe]

Hell, yeah. Hell, yeah.

[Katherine]

If you get the answers to these questions and there's no, like, underlying trauma or whatever, I think looking forward, like, you need to put the onus on what's gonna happen from here. So it's like, I need more before we get to the main event to be turned on, to be excited to enjoy this. And so next time we're in bed together, let's try this. I'm going to show you some moves and, like, we're going to start experimenting for, like, the next six months to, like, get where we need to be in terms of, like, this not just being penis and vagina sex, which is, like, such a limited window of what sex is.

[Chelsea Handler]

I know, because. Are you having orgasms?

[Caller (Kristen)]

I mean, rarely.

[Katherine]

Oh, girl.

[Chelsea Handler]

You need to be having orgasms. Like, yeah. Oh, God, what a conundrum. But I blame you.

[Caller (Kristen)]

Well, take it.

[Chelsea Handler]

I mean, you've been, like, putting up with this. You have to think about something. When you do something like this, you are doing it on behalf of all women. You accepting this is saying, this is okay for all women. And that's how I want you to think about this.

[Caller (Kristen)]

Yeah. And if I had a friend come to me and say this, I would be saying the exact same thing. Like, there's no way anybody should put up with this. It's ridiculous.

[Chelsea Handler]

And you can offer. You can offer and say, listen, if you want to go to, like, a sex therapist, if you want, if you need to talk to someone about it, I'm totally down to do that with you. But like, this, we have to figure out what the problem is. You have to address it.

[Caller (Kristen)]

Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, again, like, for a while, I was thinking, oh, it's gonna happen. It's gonna, like, obviously it's going to happen. Like, there's. There's no way he doesn't know to do this. And the time just kept ticking on with nothing happening. And it just got weirder and weirder to the point where now I'm on a podcast telling people a deep, dark, disgusting scene.

[Chelsea Handler]

I know, I know. Can you imagine? I mean, obviously, we won't show your face on this podcast, but can you imagine if we did? Oh, my God.

[Caller (Kristen)]

Oh, yeah. Well, and that's the thing. I mean, all my friends know, like I said, and they all think I'm nuts.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, yeah. They can't respect him.

[Caller (Kristen)]

Oh, yeah. I mean, that's the thing. They're like, what the hell? You know?

[Chelsea Handler]

You need to get your pussy eaten. Sorry to be so crass, but it's time. It's time to get somebody. You need to go. I honestly think. I mean, this sounds like a lost cause to me, unfortunately. Do you tell each other you love each other?

[Caller (Kristen)]

Oh, yeah. Because it's been some time, you know, and he's got redeeming qualities, but this ain't one of them, girl.

[Chelsea Handler]

No. You're gonna have to sit down and talk to him, and you're gonna need to do it quickly, and then we're gonna need a full report.

[Caller (Kristen)]

Hey, you know I will. My God.

[Chelsea Handler]

Especially. And you can always call in with him. You can always.

[Katherine]

Counseling.

[Chelsea Handler]

You can always call him.

[Rob Lowe]

You can call in with him.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yes.

[Caller (Kristen)]

Oh, wouldn't that be great? I mean, that would be ideal if I could just have, like, y'all and, you know, Rob Lowe in tow. Like, the ultimate.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yes. If you could call in with him, we'll have. We'll make sure Rob Lowe is. So we could address this so he has a straight man here on his team. But, yes, I would really. You need to tell us what happens, because he needs to explain himself.

[Caller (Kristen)]

Oh, you know, I will. There's a lot to be explained here.

[Chelsea Handler]

I'm very fair. I want you to write down on a sheet of paper and stick it to your mirror that every action I take is on behalf of all women everywhere.

[Katherine]

I will.

[Chelsea Handler]

If you think like that, you make different decisions and you make better decisions, because what you would accept for your sister, your mother, your niece, your best friend, you would never accept for yourself. You know what I mean?

[Caller (Kristen)]

100%. Yeah. And this. Yeah, it's really.

[Chelsea Handler]

I mean, I'm sorry. I said that wrong. You know what I mean? But I said that.

[Caller (Kristen)]

Oh, yeah. It sounded great to me.

[Chelsea Handler]

You got that right, Ron.

[Rob Lowe]

100%. I was like, wow, that's very Profound.

[Caller (Kristen)]

It was beautiful. But, yeah, now I'm down to do the experiment and see what happens because, yeah, it's been a long road of like a very. Shaped like Pikachu. And, you know, we're just out here. I'm 33. I mean, things aren't exactly.

[Chelsea Handler]

Don't waste another minute with this guy unless he can figure out what his issue is.

[Katherine]

Give us an update in, like, two weeks.

[Chelsea Handler]

It actually could be fun to have a discovery session with him and imagine how much, like, improvement he could. He could gain and how much growth there could be.

[Caller (Kristen)]

Yeah, from zero.

[Chelsea Handler]

I mean, right? Like, it could be a huge. But he has to be ready to get down to business. So go have the conversation and please report back.

[Caller (Kristen)]

You know I will.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay, great. Thank you for calling.

[Katherine]

Thanks, Kristen.

[Rob Lowe]

Thank you.

[Chelsea Handler]

What does that mean? What does that mean, Rob? What does that mean when a man doesn't go down on a woman or finger her? What is that?

[Rob Lowe]

I.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, you're gonna have to come up with something, Rob.

[Katherine]

I think some guys these days are, like, growing up with porn as their sort of like, this is what sex is, which is mostly just like, wailing away at some woman who's pretending like she's enjoying it. There's not a lot of, like, female pleasure involved in most porn.

[Rob Lowe]

Wow. You know what? That. I mean, that's as good an answer as any, right?

[Katherine]

I listen to a lot of npr.

[Rob Lowe]

What is it? Occam's Razor. If the most obvious answer is usually the answer.

[Chelsea Handler]

So I'm going, what is that? What is Occam's Razor?

[Katherine]

Again, the simplest answer is probably the right one. Right?

[Chelsea Handler]

It's like the opposite of a conspiracy theory.

[Rob Lowe]

That's right. Yep.

[Chelsea Handler]

Right. Okay, we're going to take a break, and we're going to be right back with Mr. Rob Lowe.

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[Chelsea Handler]

Listen up, guys. You know what's better than being a jittery mess after your third coffee? Actually functioning like a normal human being. Beyond Brew by Live Conscious is a six in one mushroom blend that won't make you trip balls, but it will give you mental clarity and focus to get through your day thanks to mushrooms like cordyceps and Reishi. Beyond Brew also has pre and probiotics so you'll feel less bloated and avoid seven trips to the bathroom every day. I love it because you can put it in your coffee or just mix it into hot water or milk. It also tastes great in smoothies. Look, Forbes called Beyond Brew a deliciously potent coffee alternative, and 400,000 people can't be wrong with barely any caffeine. It won't have you crashing midday and at just 20 calories per serving, you'll get all the benefits and none of the guilt, unlike going to your favorite coffee chain. Plus, it comes in cacao, caramel macchiato and vanilla latte because we are not savages. Trust me, I genuinely feel better after taking this stuff. Your mind and body will thank you later. Go to liveconscious.com and use code Chelsea for 15% off.

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[Chelsea Handler]

A mother's love deserves a gift like no other. Celebrate her love, strength and style with heartfelt jewelry from Pandora. From iconic charms to sparkling necklaces, rings, earrings and more, there are so many ways to say thank you Mom. Pandora even has in store engraving so you can treat your mom to a trip to the store and have your pieces engraved together with your own handwriting. So on Mother's Day and every day, tell her how much she means to you with a gift from Pandora. Visit Pandora in store or [e-mail] and we're back with Rob Lowe to wrap up today's episode. It was a double whammy episode. We were on Rod's podcast. Literally Rod Lowe.

[Rob Lowe]

Rod Lowe. He's a good. He's a good dude.

[Chelsea Handler]

Rod Lowe. Rock hard. Rod low.

[Rob Lowe]

Oh Jesus.

[Chelsea Handler]

And then we went over to Dear Chelsea. It was a Double whoopsie doodle. Katherine, how shall we close out the show today?

[Katherine]

Well, I have one more question. It is a bit of a quickie. Like, the email's a little long, but it's juicy. But then you can. Pretty quick response. Dear Chelsea, I would love your opinion as a woman who understands the complexities of friendship. As a former party girl, my closest friend of 12 years, Abby, stopped speaking to me after I tried to have an intervention for her. When I went through my divorce, she was there for me in every way and always had my back emotionally. She's wonderful at advice and always there to listen. After moving to her city, though, I saw the darker side of her life. Heavy drinking, cheating on her husband, very reckless behavior and manipulation. To most people in her life before I saw all this firsthand, I was always there to support her. Listen, marriage is tough. Life is hard. No judgment, right? Wrong. She would drive her kids in the car while drinking and take advantage of everyone around her. Manipulation for financial favors, you name it. And she hid it all behind a facade of success as a sweet and smiling teacher. Her behavior affected my life, too. She slept with my boss, crashed a large work event, humiliated me in front of his wife, and constantly made me feel like I had to clean up her mess. And I did. She'd even leave before the check came at restaurants, expecting me to cover the bill. When I started standing up for myself, things grew tense. Everything went to shit. When I planned an intervention for her and she cut me off. Now I'm left questioning if I'm a terrible friend for not setting boundaries sooner or if I'm just codependent. What does it bother me if others think I'm the bad guy? Am I wrong for trying to set up an intervention for a friend? Or should I be relieved that she's no longer in my life? Best, Bridget. Oh, and she says, I truly want to grow from this experience.

[Chelsea Handler]

No, you did the right thing. I think you did the right thing. I've had an intervention that didn't go well. That person is no longer in my life, and my life without her is much better. She couldn't accept what we were saying. She couldn't understand what we were saying. I've had many interventions in my life with people, and every one of them has been great and understanding and fruitful. And those people have all ended up on the other side, and they've all gotten sober. This person. It wasn't really about alcohol and drugs. It was more about their life and life choices and the negative impact they were having. On everyone. And she's not in my life. And you did nothing wrong. That behavior is very toxic, and you should be grateful that she's not in your life, period. That's all you can do, is try to tell somebody the truth. And if they don't want to hear it, then they're not going to hear it.

[Rob Lowe]

Yeah, I 100% agree with that sentiment and have the same experience. I've been a part of many interventions, and I don't know, half of them do not end well. And usually that person continues on the path, and I moved on, and those people aren't in my life anymore. And there's nothing. I just think that interventions have a. I think people go into them maybe thinking that there's some sort of guarantee of success or that the odds are in your face. It's not about that. It's not about any of that. Interventions are about you going in and stating your piece in a way that you can live with yourself. If she kills those kids drunk driving.

[Chelsea Handler]

Absolutely.

[Rob Lowe]

That's what it is.

[Chelsea Handler]

When you're putting other people at risk with your decision making, that justifies an intervention. Justifies an intervention. You're thinking about other people. It's not you being judgmental. It's you worrying about her driving around drunk with your kids. No, absolutely not.

[Rob Lowe]

Yep. You're better off without her.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. And hopefully one day she'll come to, you know, come to Jesus, or she'll have her come to Jesus moment and get her shit together. And in that case, and especially when she has the reaction that she had, then, she's not able to hear you, period. Some people are just not in the place where they can hear you. That doesn't mean they're gone forever. It just means that they're not there yet. So you did the right thing and just move on with grace and be happy that, you know, you don't have to bear the burden of her friendship. Right. Or worry about her decisions.

[Rob Lowe]

Ditto.

[Chelsea Handler]

I mean, Rob, this has just been. What a pleasure. As always, Rob. Always, Rob. Next year, we need to ski together. Okay. Can we make that a goal of ours? Are you gonna come? Why don't you come to Whistler and we can ski together? That way one of us will already be here. So that's the only moving part will be you, right?

[Rob Lowe]

No, I'm in. Whistler, as you know, is one of my favorite places in the world to ski.

[Chelsea Handler]

Find a job in Vancouver, and then you come up here for the weekend and we'll ski together. Because I would really like to see what's happening with your skiing.

[Rob Lowe]

I'm telling you, go to my. Do you have TikTok, Chelsea?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yes, of course I have TikTok.

[Rob Lowe]

Rob, go to my TikTok and look at my postings. You gotta scroll down just a little bit.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay.

[Rob Lowe]

And you're gonna see one of the sickest, sickest powder runs I've ever done at Alta.

[Chelsea Handler]

I'm going right now. I'm gonna look right now. Everybody else, go to TikTok to see Rob low ski. Okay. Well, Rob, that was great. You're a treat. I love how open and ridiculous you are and ridiculous. And I hope I see you at some time in person before we ski or, you know, when we ski. Whatever. I'll take whatever I can get.

[Rob Lowe]

I love it. And I loved. Thank you for being on Literally. And this little, like, crossover event was super cool.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yes. You guys can catch Rob's podcast as Literally. And you can also catch up on his first three seasons of his hit game show the Floor, which is on Hulu. Thank you so much, Rob.

[Rob Lowe]

Thank you.

[Chelsea Handler]

Have a great day.

[Rob Lowe]

Love you, Chels. Thank you.

[Katherine]

Thanks.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay, bye, guys. Do, do, do, do, do, do. Drum roll, Catherine, please. And abroad Broad is my European tour, so I'm coming to obviously find a husband abroad. I need to get the hell out of this fucking country. And it's not as easy as you think. So I'm coming to Reykjavik. I'm coming to Dublin. I'm coming to the uk. I'm coming to Brussels, Paris, Belfast in May and June. I'm coming to Oslo, Stockholm, to Copenhagen, Manchester, London, Glasgow, New Zurich, Vienna. I've never, ever been to Vienna, Berlin, Barcelona and Lisbon. I'm coming abroad is abroad.

[Katherine]

That sounds like fun. I'm going to go see you abroad.

[Chelsea Handler]

I know I want to go. See me abroad. And there I'll be there. I'll be excellent. Okay, my remaining dates for Vegas. There are remaining dates for this year. Summertime is coming. And I will be in Vegas at the Cosmo, doing my residency on July 5th will be the next date that I'm there. July 5th, August 30th, and then November 1st and 29th. November 1st and November 29th, I will be in Las Vegas at the Cosmo, performing inside myself at the Chelsea. It's called Chelsea at the Chelsea for a reason. Okay, thank you.

[Katherine]

Do you want advice from Chelsea? Write in to dearchelsea podcastmail.com find full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching eercelsea pod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert Executive Producer Katherine Lawrence and be sure to check out our merch@chelsea.

[Chelsea Handler]

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[Chelsea Handler]

Listen up. You know what's better than being a jittery mess after your third coffee? Actually functioning like a normal human being. Beyond Brew by Live Conscious is a six in one mushroom blend that won't make you trip balls, but it will give you mental clarity, focus and less bloating. Forbes called Beyond Brew a deliciously potent coffee alternative and 400,000 people can't be wrong. It comes in cacao, caramel macchiato and vanilla latte. Because we are not savages. Your mind and body will thank you later. Go to liveconscious.com and use code Chelsea for 15% off. A mother's love deserves a gift like no other. Celebrate her love, strength and style with heartfelt jewelry from Pandora. From iconic charms to sparkling necklaces, rings, earrings and more, there are so many ways to say thank you Mom. Pandora even has in store engraving so you can treat your mom to a trip to the store and have your pieces engraved together with your own handwriting. So on Mother's Day and every day, tell her how much she means to you with a gift from Pandora. Visit Pandora in store or [e-mail].