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- [00:00]
Chelsea Handler
This is an iHeart podcast, Guaranteed Human. Ever been to the pharmacy counter and your mind goes blank when the pharmacist asks any questions? That's why you need to listen to beyond the script from CVS Pharmacy and I Heart Media. Hosted by Dr. Jake Goodman, each episode features real conversations with CVS pharmacists, the health experts you see most, breaking down the questions you wish you'd asked, from which meds may not mix well to what vaccines you need before a big trip. They will bust myths, decode trends, and share practical advice that you can actually use. Listen to beyond the script on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
- [00:43]
Laura Day
Hey, this is Wells Adams with By Order of the Faithfuls podcast alongside my fellow faithfuls and co hosts Tamara Judge and Dolores Catania. The three of us have been watching this season of the Traders, and we've been inside that castle, so we have insight. Unlike many others, this season of the Traders may be the best we've ever seen. Listen to, by Order the Faithfuls on America's number one podcast network, iHeart, followed by order the Faithfuls and start listening on the free iHeartRadio app today.
- [01:12]
Chelsea Handler
Okay, guys, I am officially on my high and Mighty Tour. March 13, Cleveland, Ohio. March 14, Columbus, Ohio. March 15, Cincinnati, Ohio. And then March 20 is Denver, Colorado. March 27, Portland, Maine. March 28, Providence, Rhode Island. March 29, Springfield, Massachusetts. April 10 is Chicago. I'll be at the Chicago Theater. April 11, Indianapolis, Indiana. April 12, Louisville, Kentucky. April 16 is Albuquerque, New Mexico. April 17 is Mesa, Arizona. April 23 is Kansas City, Missouri. April 24 is St. Louis, Missouri. April 25 is Minneapolis, Minnesota. April 30, Nashville, Tennessee. May 1 is Charlotte, North Carolina. May 2 is Durham, North Carolina. May 6, I'm doing Netflix is a joke festival. I will be in Los Angeles. That is a new announcement. Along with Atlantic City. May 15th, Saratoga, California. May 16th, Monterey, California. May 17th, Modesto, California. And then June 4th, Portchester, New York. June 5th is Boston, Mass. And June 12th is Portland, Oregon. And then Seattle is June 13th, so suck on that. Everybody go to chelseahandler.com for tickets. Hi, Katherine.
- [02:34]
Katherine
How are you? Hi, Chelsea. You've got a full house today.
- [02:37]
Chelsea Handler
I do. I'm Mack and Whistler. I went to Finland. Then I went to Istanbul. Then I went to LA for one night. Then I went to Vegas for my show in Vegas. And then now I'm in Whistler. It's a tilt a whirl. It's a tilt a whirl Truly.
- [02:50]
Katherine
Okay, tell me about Istanbul, because you seem like you had a really magical time there.
- [02:54]
Chelsea Handler
It was pretty. It was pretty beautiful. It was a beautiful trip. It was just so cultural. Like, you learned so much. It was like a history. It's not considered a Muslim country. It's considered a secular country, but it's 99.9% Muslim, so they call for prayer all day long. And we got like a huge history on the Ottoman Empire, the Byzantine Empire, Mehmet the Conqueror. It was like full on. And then one side is Asia, one side's Europe. So you can, like be on two continents, you know, in one trip. So, yeah, it was really beautiful. Finland was absolutely stunning. One of the most beautiful, most peaceful place as I've ever seen in my life. And then we went to Helsinki. Not as beautiful. That felt like I was in a Russian bathhouse. There was ice everywhere. There was more ice in Helsinki than there was in Antarctica. So let me just put it that way. And it wasn't the good kind. It was just slush. Everywhere was a shit show.
- [03:47]
Katherine
Oh, no. So it was like warming up and getting slushy and mushy.
- [03:50]
Chelsea Handler
Yeah, yeah, it was just all bad. It was like black snow. And all they do in Finland is sauna and karaoke. So they may as well just put the karaoke inside the sauna and kill two birds with one stone and not even leave the fucking hills.
- [04:05]
Katherine
Do you have a karaoke song?
- [04:07]
Chelsea Handler
Do you have a go to? No, I don't.
- [04:08]
Katherine
I don't do that.
- [04:08]
Chelsea Handler
I don't participate in karaoke. Don't participate?
- [04:11]
Laura Day
No.
- [04:11]
Chelsea Handler
I don't have a good enough voice to make anyone listen to that. I know better. My dancing is bad enough, so I figure I just bless people with that and then I'm back on the road this weekend. I'm in Cincinnati. Or no, Cleveland, Columbus and Cincinnati this weekend. So I am on the go. The LSD is here and ready to stay. Guys, I got a permanent injection.
- [04:32]
Katherine
I mean, speaking of things that'll change your mental state, our guest today is an intuitive.
- [04:37]
Chelsea Handler
Yes, exactly. So hopefully this will help you deal with everything that's going on in the world. Because I just keep bouncing around trying to avoid everything, which I know is not a solution, but I'm trying to gather my strength. She is an intuitive, as you said, and an author of the new book. It's called the Seven Steps to Heal youl Past and Transform youm Future.
- [04:55]
Laura Day
Right.
- [04:55]
Katherine
And you can also find free intuitive activations on her YouTube page and live events on her website. @lauraday.com events, please welcome Laura Day.
- [05:04]
Chelsea Handler
Okay, Laura Day, who is the author of the Seven Steps to Heal youl Past and Transform youm Future. And who does it need to Heal Their Past and Transform Their future? Katherine?
- [05:15]
Laura Day
I sure do.
- [05:15]
Chelsea Handler
So this is a great book about. Well, it's a guide. It's kind of a workbook. It gives you things to do. I've done a couple of them so far. How do you self describe, like, what do you describe yourself as?
- [05:27]
Laura Day
I describe myself as a practicing intuitive, but nobody really knows what that means. Basically, I'm a psychic, but I hate that word. I don't own a crystal ball. I don't, you know, it doesn't really mean anything, really. I'm somebody who in the early 80s was an experimental subject for tests on extrasensory perception, which means your ability to move your attention in time and space, which in the early 80s there was a lot of interest in. It was less esoteric back then and more scientific. So practicing intuitive. And most of my books are really about how do you, as a person, as a company, engage these extrasensory perceptions to create better lives as opposed to complicate your life with more theology? Right.
- [06:16]
Chelsea Handler
And you talk a lot about like space and time continuum. You actually talk about quantum physics in this book. So what a perfect opportunity for you to break that down for us. Why don't you give us a minute mini tutorial on quantum physics? Because I think we could all use one, myself included, obviously.
- [06:35]
Laura Day
Well, although we experience time on a continuum, which means there's a past, present and future, physicists would describe time really as a place where it happens now and that we move ourselves around in that place. That doesn't mean that we can't change, that things are predestined. And it's one of the things I hate the most, the idea of predestination, you know, that somebody else is pulling your marionette strings. But what it does mean is, and there's a lot of research. I mean, I'm basically a math and science nerd. I went to Stuyvesant, which is a think tank for everyone who wears wire rim spectacles. But what it really means is that we can shift things in the moment that maybe even happen, but certainly that will happen. And it's using that skill I used. My day job is I work for four for Fortune 500 companies and I predict the future. And that is my job. But I do it for companies because A, they'll fire you if you're wrong. So it's Your crazy barometer. And B, I think it's very dangerous for people who aren't learning to do it in community or for themselves because people believe anything and you've gotta be. Skepticism is such a wonderful thing. So I really, my soapbox is, do this in community, do it for yourself. Do evidence based things. Make a small shift and notice what changes. Be evidence based.
- [08:06]
Chelsea Handler
And I mean, you focus a lot on your thoughts, right? You know, in this book, it's all about kind of your intention and your thought and making things happen, imagining them to happen for yourself, making them happen for yourself.
- [08:18]
Laura Day
Right.
- [08:18]
Chelsea Handler
Would you say that's an accurate assessment?
- [08:21]
Laura Day
In the beginning, yes. In the beginning, I ask you to set three goals. And that's because goals are the container for our efforts. You know, when we don't have goals, we're just scattering our energy everywhere. But after that, this is really, I think the big difference between this and most self help is this isn't about changing yourself because you can't change a broken system with a broken tool. It's about do something different and then notice what happens. So identify what it is you want to change and then try one small action that's different and notice how the world around you responds. Because one of the things that all sciences are now agreeing on, even biology and medicine, which is miraculous, I come from a huge line of doctors, and changing their minds is nearly impossible, is that we live in an interconnected world. So really, a tiny change doesn't just change you, it changes everything around you. Because I know that things are interconnected. I made my mantra. Wow. Yes. So every time, and I'm someone who says no to everything, every time somebody would say, why don't you try this? Or please come here or please speak here. I'd say, wow, yes, you need a catalyst, something outside of yourself. You cannot think or act outside the box. You are the box. You are the prism. A catalyst is so important, and that's why I write self help, is because it is a catalyst. You do something different. And I always tell people, pick the thing where you say, oh, my God, a psychic did write this book. I cannot even believe she's asking me to try this. Pick the thing that really, you go, yuck. That doesn't resonate with you. Because if it resonates with you, it resonates with an old you.
- [10:07]
Chelsea Handler
Oh, interesting. Okay, okay, wait. Let's circle back to the quantum physics linear time space continuum. Because what you said was basically we all, you know, our conscious, sentient beings here think, okay, it's a we're in a time continuum where it's a linear. Today's Monday, tomorrow's Tuesday, the next day's Wednesday. That idea. So when I want to have a better understanding of how you see things,
- [10:33]
Laura Day
I wish I could say I was wise. People confuse intuition with wisdom. Intuition is where someone gives you a question or target and your attention goes someplace and you report and it responds to that target. It doesn't become part of you, like my husband's wise. I'm not. You give me a question and my attention goes there and I can describe it. And it's usually accurate. I don't experience intuition as mystical at all. It's like almost being in a multidimensional graph and you go to a different place on the graph. And most of what I work with, you know, although, you know, now that I'm 66, I let myself be have fun with a little more of the esoteric. God knows, when I was 20 and working with companies, I didn't. I didn't even speak about some of my more esoteric experiences. And I always pray that my companies don't watch my Instagram.
- [11:31]
Chelsea Handler
But you, you and me both, sister.
- [11:34]
Laura Day
But my experience of intuition is just that. It's data. When people are talking about things, for example, I have a multisensory experience of them. When people lie to me, unless I'm intimately involved with them, in which case I have no boundaries, so I can be taken advantage of easily. But when people lie to me where it's one step removed, I know because I'm seeing the film or experiencing what actually happened. There's a myth that an intuitive knows everything about you. They don't. It's like having one piece of a puzzle, the piece you want them to look at that you about, or if you're not asking anything, the piece you're most stressed about that gathers the most attention. But everybody has these experiences. And when I was in my early 20s and I was being studied and the universities would say, well, basically they were saying, oh, she's a freak, so she can do this. But most people can't. And my first book is taking the experience from the tests done on me and getting everybody to do them, because everybody can do this. It's just we train intellect, we train socialization, we train all of those things over a lifetime. We don't train our intuition. And that is dangerous because, I mean, I'm sure that everyone, especially women who are more aware of it, have had the experience of you're doing something that someone else wants you to do that they haven't even expressed that they want you to do. That's completely not in your best interest, but it feels like your decision. That's telepathy. That's that porosity that we have. And we actually are very porous. And there's a lot of research. You can go on PubMed, for example, and search precognition science, search telepathy science. There's a lot of research now. And when I started in the early 80s, a lot of it was descriptive. So you would be given coordinates and you describe what was there. But now they have tests and they name them these really complex things that you would have trouble looking up. But they have tests where, because we have the instrumentation, you can see that your brain reacts to a photograph that a computer will randomly generate next. So the computer hasn't generated the photograph. But if it's a horrific one, you can see that the brain reaction happens in advance. And when people train this skill, which is why I think it's so important to train it a we live in the moment, which is where our power is. You know, your power is not in the past, your power is not in the future. Your power is in the moment. Of course, you know, having a sense of the future helps you strategize and recontextualizing the past helps you function. Because we have, you know, we're not taught to be the heroes of our own stories. We are. Even if you were victimized, if I come from a family of suicides, if you are standing here, you are the hero of your own story. You are doing well enough. So the past is important in terms of that present context. Because when you are empowered now, all of a sudden your vision opens up. And the reason I like the metaphor of the prism is the prism refracts things and takes in things. And your prism, prism is formed in the first seven years of your life. You want the minute that you have an ego and I, you want to start saying, okay, this is what I want. I have these beliefs that I may not even be aware of. But what's functional right now to have the things I want in my life. And. And that always, again, takes a catalyst.
- [15:31]
Chelsea Handler
Ever been at the pharmacy counter and the pharmacist asks, do you have any questions? And suddenly your mind goes blank? That's exactly why you need to listen to beyond the script from CVS Pharmacy and iHeartMedia. Hosted by Dr. Jake Goodman. This podcast brings you real conversations with CVS pharmacists. I need to get on this the health experts you see most answering the questions you wish you'd asked, like which medications might not mix well, which vaccines should you consider before a big trip? And even those questions you were too embarrassed to say out loud. Each episode bust myths, decodes health trends, and gives you practical, trustworthy advice straight from the people behind the counter. No white coats, no lectures. Just real talk, real answers, and maybe a few laughs. Listen to beyond the script on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
- [16:23]
Laura Day
Hey, this is Wells Adams with By Order of the Faithfuls podcast, alongside my fellow faithfuls and co hosts Tamara Judge and Dolores Catania. The three of us have been watching this season of the Traitors, and we've been inside that castle, so we have insight unlike many others. This season of the Traders may be the best we've ever seen. Listen to By Order the faithfuls on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
- [16:53]
Chelsea Handler
You talk about ego in the book and that it's not a bad thing. So let's talk about why it is a good thing to have an ego.
- [17:01]
Laura Day
Okay, so when people talk about spirit, what they're really talking about is energy. They're talking about that oneness of energy. And the oneness of energy, though it isn't doing anything. It's blended. It's perfect at the stage it's at. Ego is really a mechanical structure, which we are. We're spiritual beings, but spirit is energy. It's a structure that allows us to create. Without an I, you can't create anything. You're just an amorphous mass. So the ego is I love, I create, I want, I hate, I believe in, I fight for anything that is an I. It is literally the structure. It's how we take in information. Because, of course, you put 20 people in the same room and everyone experiences it differently. So it's the facets through which we take in information, but it's also what we put out and what we create outwardly. So people, people without strong egos are really. I mean, intuitives, for example, don't have strong egos because they. Part of the reason they're intuitive is they had to survive early and they didn't get to form that sense of I. When you're born, the difference between you and your environment, you don't sense a difference. There's no mechan, for I am separate from my caretakers. I'm separate from this bed. You know, you have some drives, but you don't have a Separateness. So your separateness is your ego. And if you're not separate, you can't create. You know, people always say, oh, I'm just one with my partner. I'm thinking that relationship's gonna be in trouble. Because you can't have a relationship unless you're separate. You can't impact something unless you're separate. So your ego are all those parts of you that create and that interpret. And it's so important. Ego gets a bad name because we think of ego as damaged ego or
- [19:09]
Chelsea Handler
just as it has a negative connotation.
- [19:11]
Laura Day
Right?
- [19:11]
Chelsea Handler
Yeah, egoist, egotistical. Like there's an egoist and then there's an egotist. I've looked up the difference between those two things a couple of times because I think when you think about spirituality, I know in my experience it's always connected to like the most spiritual people are supposed to be devoid of an ego. Like if you think about the Dalai Lama or you think about, you know, monks, like that's the idea, right? Is that they, they, they have no ego, they're just spiritual beings.
- [19:43]
Laura Day
Of course, we know from the news, and I'm not talking about the Dalai Lama here, who knows? But we know from the news that a lot of those pure spiritual beings are amassing wealth and doing very non spiritual things. I mean, if you think about being in a physical reality, in a physical world, spirituality should be the commercial break and interaction. Creating things, being in community, dealing with your basic needs while still being a generous part of your community. So much harder. Unity is easy, you know, transcending our, our, ourselves, our egos, that's easy. You know, good head injury will do that for you. Drugs will do it for you. Lots of things will do it for you. What's really hard is being true to yourself and negotiating all the time, which is what we have to do. How can I be the person I, I want to be and still get my needs met and still be part of this community? Because we are communal animals and we are interconnected. That's really the difficult part. This is my bias because I think life is really hard enough without having to breathe a certain way for half an hour, do yoga for an hour, chant for an. I mean, I just, I would have to give up hygiene. You know, I think it's hard enough to deal with this life without thinking what did I do in a past life? And so I really deserve that, or am I worthy of. And my bias is really, if it doesn't help you create more soundly in your community, in Your life, then what is it doing for you? We spend a lot of time fixing ourselves, but I think we live in a world. And my experience as a teacher is that we fix ourselves in relationship to our lives, to our world and to one another. And that removing yourself to fix yourself idea. For me, it doesn't feel like it works. I mean, certainly my husband is a longtime meditator and it's like not so secret anymore because he has a big mouth wife. But he is a expert teacher other than the screenwriter of Gurdjieffi. In this really intricate kind of meditation which. And I get why he meditates. Cause he's using his brain all the time and it's like a whiteout for his brain. And I get that 20 minutes. But devoting your life to not being present, I don't quite understand.
- [22:28]
Chelsea Handler
To devote your life to not being president in order to be present. It's very confounding. It's like quantum physics. I'm like, I can't get a. You know, I don't mean to interrupt you, but like I was watching this.
- [22:38]
Laura Day
No, no, please.
- [22:39]
Chelsea Handler
I was watching this show last night at my friend's house and we were saying somebody mentioned being in a simulation, right? That we're all in a. What if we're all in a simulation? And I'm like, well, who gives a shit if we're in a simulation, we're not gonna know about it and we're in it. So let's have a good time while we're here.
- [22:52]
Laura Day
Right?
- [22:53]
Chelsea Handler
But with relationship to quantum. Sorry to keep circling back on quantum physics. I know you're not a scientist or a physicist.
- [22:59]
Laura Day
I'm not a physicist.
- [23:00]
Chelsea Handler
But I want you to just convey your understanding to. Or you know, help me with your understanding of actual. Like when you say we're not, you know, time isn't linear. Like, I want my listeners to have a clear understanding of what the other possibility is.
- [23:16]
Laura Day
Okay? So the other possibility. So all of you are sitting here right now. Whether you're aware of it consciously or not. There's a part of you that already knows your future. And there's a part of you that actually can take other people's position in your past. There's a part of you that may even be in many different lives that you're not aware of. Because the brain really is a. Is a limiting organ when you think about intuition. And what that means in reality is that if you're living fear based. And I'm a very fear based person, you know, I was Born to save a suicidal, manic depressive mother who had to be told to get dressed before walking out the door. So, I mean, I'm totally fear based on. But I do my own work. I have goals. And so what the goals do is they notice in my future without my having to be conscious of it, they notice this future that exists already because time is a place doesn't create that goal. This future does because there are infinite futures. And it informs my present now. Is it something that I'm always conscious of? No. I'm the kind of person who can walk into a wall. Someone once told me that you can stab me in the back. I'm furious. I want to get back at you. Then a moment later, I forget it. I sharpen the blade, I look for who it belongs to, I give it back to them. And then I get stabbed in the back again. But I've somewhat grown out of that. But you pick. We don't pick our futures, even though we have an infinite amount, because our future is often based on what we've been patterned to see and experience. But what intuition shows us, and I've been a practicing intuitive for really almost 50 years now, is that there are so many futures. And the fact is that the reason what I do works, that I can predict accurately, is I'm predicting a future that one person can't change. So when you're predicting a large market, one person can't change that. You as an individual can change your future because you have infinite futures, but you are. You're aware of them, but your brain limits that. The other thing is what I call mediumship, which is different than the traditional explanation, which is, you know, all of you, if you just notice for a minute, one moment you're suddenly anxious, and then you think of your friend, and a moment later your friend calls you out of the blue and says, I've just had a car accident. So we're so porous. So what we think of as our experience, our thoughts, our bodies, are actually not often totally our own. And again, learning how to train that, learning how to have a stronger filter in your prism, allows you to choose where in reality your attention is and where it should be, is in you in this point in space time. So basically, what intuition is, is all five of your senses. It's not a sixth sense, no such thing. But they move around. You're much more mobile than you think
- [26:36]
Chelsea Handler
you are, and you can improve upon it. You know, first of all, with this book, the prism, which are the seven steps to heal youl past and transform your future. So I get an understanding. I'm getting a better understanding of, like, your explanation of it, which you describe in the book. But, you know, throughout the course of the book. But I also think one of the points that you're making is that, and I believe this, that you can improve upon your intuition by being more aware.
- [27:01]
Laura Day
Right?
- [27:02]
Chelsea Handler
And your porousness, like it is. It's just like anything in life. If you go and play tennis every day for six years, you're gonna get better at tennis, just like you're gonna get better at intuition and intuitiveness if you are actually paying attention to it.
- [27:14]
Laura Day
But. And also, there are two things. One, if you never saw a door before, you wouldn't know how to open it. And that's what intuition is. We don't have receptors for certain things. Like, people give me so much help and so much love. But when I was little, I had no receptors for the generosity of others. I was the oldest of four children born in four and a half years in a traumatized home. Now I feel like I have way too much almost good goodwill and gifts because I grew receptors for that. So one of the things that doing something different does for you, that doesn't resonate with you, because that's an old you, is it allows something to bump into you and open that receptor for what you thought wasn't there. It was like when I was single at 50 and someone said, oh, there are no men out there. It's like, thank God I'm so out of touch with common reality, because that was not my experience. And, you know, I was going through so much that was online at the time that if you searched me, you certainly wouldn't date me. I'm. I'm psychic, for God's sake. You know, so it was, you know, we do create our reality, and that is such a very important. And it's not easy. Of course, we have those old triggers, but you can change it. The other thing is, I do something every morning and whenever I'm feeling off, which is I say, who's inside of me? Because we are porous. So who does this feel like? Is this my anxiety? Because anxiety is supposed to show you the danger and have you do something about it, you know, so anxiety shouldn't be a constant state, which for me, it often is.
- [28:59]
Chelsea Handler
And sometimes it's caused by other people's anxiety.
- [29:02]
Laura Day
That's what I'm saying. So I say, who's inside of me? And then I notice, who am I arguing with? Who am I having A negative discussion with negative being. They're saying something about me. You know, what's running through my head and is it helpful? Because if not, let me redirect it with to a helpful discussion. Where am I? Because if I'm not in this room speaking to you, if I'm astral projection or remote viewing, if I'm somewhere else, then my power is not in creating my life. So where am I? And practicing mindfulness, which is not meditation and it's not just awareness. Active mindfulness is being in yourself and then shifting your position if you notice mindfully that your back hurts or taking a breath, if you notice that you're stressed, really making the moment powerfully work for you. And then also, what time zone am I in? Because the only time zone you can make a difference is in the present. Past is easy, you don't have to do anything. Future is easy, you don't have to do anything. And on some level, being in someone else's life is easy because you don't have to do anything. It's all kind of toxic unless you're directing it toward your goals. But it's easy. But being present is hard because you got to do something about it. But when you do and when you document it, Other important point, memory is so misleading. You know, document when you have a goal, document the things that come from left field. Notice and document and document those kind of out of the blue senses of what may happen and allow yourself to place them in time. You know, people confuse intuition with vagueness. And I always get all my students about this. You know, they give readings like, I see love, I see you need to drink more water. No, intuition is. There's a deal you're trying to make. It's going to happen mid September. You're getting paranoid about the delay, but the delay is really fine. I get a J involved in it. Like, it's really just all of these little data points that you spit out. But when you're doing it for yourself, you need to write them down. And what you find, like, I review my data points when I'm neurotic every day, when I'm less neurotic every week. And I notice, oh, I hit here, I hit here, I hit here. This is precognitive in a way. I can trust it. Or, whoa, I was way off here. That lets me know that there's a part of my prism that's not clear, that's not working where I am. We repress what is painful to see, which is legit, you know, right okay,
- [31:44]
Chelsea Handler
on that note, we're going to take a break, and we'll be right back with Laura Day. Ever been at the pharmacy counter and the pharmacist asks, do you have any questions? And suddenly your mind goes blank? That's exactly why you need to listen to beyond the script from CVS Pharmacy and iHeartMedia. Hosted by Dr. Jake Goodman, this podcast brings you real conversations with CVS pharmacists. I need to get on this. The health experts you see most answering the questions you wish you'd asked, like which medications might not mix well, which vaccines should you consider before a big trip, and even those questions you were too embarrassed to say out loud. Each episode busts myths, decodes health trends, and gives you practical, trustworthy advice straight from the people behind the counter. No white coats, no lectures. Just real talk, real answers, and maybe a few laughs. Listen to beyond the script on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
- [32:41]
Laura Day
Hey, this is Wells Adams with By Order of the Faithfuls podcast alongside my fellow faithfuls and co hosts Tamara Judge and Dolores Catania. The three of us have been watching this season of the Traders, and we've been inside that castle, so we have insight unlike many others. This season of the Traitors may be the the best we've ever seen. Listen to By Order the Faithfuls on America's number one podcast network, I heart Follow By Order the Faithfuls and start listening on the free iHeartRadio app today.
- [33:12]
Chelsea Handler
And we're back with Laura Day. She's written several books. The most recent book is called the Prism seven steps to heal your past and transform your future. Are we gonna do colors? Okay, great. Are you ready? We're gonna have some colors.
- [33:25]
Laura Day
Color.
- [33:25]
Chelsea Handler
Call in to get your sagacious advice.
- [33:27]
Katherine
So our first caller is Katie. She says, Dear Chelsea, I always think it's funny how many people ask Chelsea advice on having kids, parenting, etc, when she's so clearly not about that life. And here I am asking for myself. Here is my issue. I've been with my partner for almost six years. We have a really beautiful, healthy relationship, and I'm so grateful for everything we've shared. We've always talked about wanting to have kids, and he used to say eventually. When I was in my 20s, I didn't feel any rush. Now I'm 32, turning 33 this year, and I feel ready to start a family. Although our finances aren't exactly where I'd I'd like to have them be, I trust we'll have what we'll need. The problem is, he says he doesn't feel ready and probably won't be ready for at least two more years. I don't want to wait until I'm 34 or 35, when getting pregnant could be a lot harder, especially because I want to have two or three kids based on my tests. The fertility doctor we met with recommends trying to get pregnant now or freezing my eggs or embryos if we want to wait. But we both have agreed we don't want to do ivf. I'm feeling powerless, and feelings of resentment are creeping in as it feels like he could be taking away the possibility of us having kids naturally, even though I know he can't help not feeling ready. I saw the quote. Being ready isn't a feeling, it's a choice. And since we agree we want to have kids and are up against a biological clock, it just seems time to make the choice. What if we can't get pregnant naturally? If we wait one or two years, how can we preserve our relationship despite the situation?
- [34:50]
Laura Day
Okay, I've got the idea.
- [34:51]
Chelsea Handler
Okay, perfect.
- [34:54]
Laura Day
So, Katie, this really isn't an intuitive issue. Using the prism, you go to the second ego center, and the second ego center is really, how am I being nourished and what are my boundaries? And I think that really, just from all of those words, what's really clear is you do have a biological clock. There are realities. Either you guys freeze eggs and zygotes, or this is a bigger relationship issue which clearly has to be dealt with now. And I think my gut is that you're in a kind of anxious, avoidant balance in general. You anxious, your partner avoidant. And that's a very hard balance to get out of. So I would do the psychic ego center and start with, what are creative solutions? But also, what are my boundaries? What am I able to do on my own? Because you've given your power away here. My partner this, my partner that. And again, this is just one person listening. This isn't an intuitive issue. You know, there are too many facts. Yes, miracles happen, but there is a biological clock. So what I would do is do the second egocenter, which is, how am I being nourished in my life entirely? Let me deal with that issue. Let me deal with boundaries. And it sounds to me like your boundary is, I want a family. And so I'm going to have to make some difficult choices. We make contracts in relationships, but I think this is a you issue, not a couple's issue. You know, you need to decide for yourself that having the kind of life you want, because having a child is a life choice. And what you want is more important because the reality is what you're being told doesn't make sense. There is a biological clock.
- [36:56]
Chelsea Handler
I would add to that, Katie, first of all, I mean, I don't think it's just a you issue. I think this is actually something that you. You should bring to a couples therapist with your husband because he doesn't get to make that decision for you. You're in a marriage, you're in a union. You've made an agreement to have a life together. And with the understanding that you were gonna build a family and putting your life and your fertility kind of postponing that when you're kind of in your prime and kind of leaving your prime soon. That's not to say you can't have a baby when you're 38 or 39. Who knows? Maybe you can. Maybe you're one of those women that will be either easily able to get pregnant, but, like, it's not fair that he gets to make that call when you're the one carrying the baby, when you're the one who's ready. No one's fucking ready to have a baby. No matter how long you prepare, nine months is not enough time to have a baby. Walk in the house. And they're not walking. I know, but they may as well be at that point because that's what an impediment it becomes.
- [37:47]
Laura Day
Yeah. What I mean by you issue is don't give that power away to him. Yes.
- [37:51]
Katherine
Yeah.
- [37:51]
Laura Day
Yes. You know, this is about. This is about. And a partner needs to respond to that. It's fine to say, well, one day, but one day, that's not. That doesn't respond to the. You you are. That's some mythical creature.
- [38:07]
Chelsea Handler
Yes. And you've also been together for six years. So it's like. It's not like you're in this marriage and you're like, all right, you're not rushing. You're not changing the game plan. This has been the game plan. And you're trying to stick to the game plan even though you're not financial. I loved what you said about, I trust that we will be fine and that everything that we need will be provided for us. I think that's such a great attitude to have about everything. And I really do think that you. When Laura speaks about boundaries. Absolutely. Like, this is a boundary. You're ready and you wanna start trying. And that doesn't mean you're gonna have A baby by the end of the year or.
- [38:42]
Laura Day
And one of the things that I, the Prism Life asks you to do is look at what the can do is check your insurance right now. It may be in vitro, maybe the harvesting is covered. Look at those things right now when perhaps you're in a position where you have the right insurance, really deal again with the you issue, which is I want to make sure I retain this ability to have something I want in my life. Because we mystify things, we magicalize them and we emotionalize them and then it distracts us from just doing the bare bones things that really can safeguard us in our daily life.
- [39:22]
Katherine
And Katie, I also wanna say last weekend I was at a baby shower. There were 10 women there, three of whom were pregnant, all three in their 30s, all three pregnant through IVF. You know, I know you say you don't wanna have to do that, but like IVF is not somebody something people wanna do. It's something people have to do when they really wanna create a family. You know, everyone would opt for the free baby instead of the hundred thousand dollars baby, but. But I would really, really encourage you to go freeze your eggs and maybe not even embryos at this point. And if money is an issue, there are some places that do what they call a split program where you go and donate your eggs and like half of your eggs get donated to someone who needs a donor egg and then, you know, you keep half of them and it's, I think low cost or free to be able to freeze your eggs. So I would very like intensely encourage you because when you freeze your eggs, you're freezing them at the age you are now. And so when you go to use them later on, you have these sort of quote unquote, younger eggs.
- [40:17]
Laura Day
So Katie, also, I don't think this is a one off issue. I think this is about, you know, I think this has happened in so many different things in your relationship and, and dealing with that issue is super important.
- [40:30]
Chelsea Handler
Oh, okay.
- [40:32]
Laura Day
Are you already in couples therapy?
- [40:34]
Chelsea Handler
No, I'm in my own personal therapy, but we haven't done couples therapy yet. But he's open to it.
- [40:39]
Laura Day
Good. But also there's a time element that I think you should address right away. Like that's not, you know, because you don't want things to delay. This is about, this is about you. And I think we're often not taught, especially as women, to make things about us. This is about, this is about you preserving your choices and not having things withheld from you.
- [41:02]
Katherine
You know, we don't wait around for any man, even when we're married to.
- [41:06]
Laura Day
There we go.
- [41:07]
Chelsea Handler
I like that motto. Thanks, Katie, for calling in. Thank you so much.
- [41:11]
Laura Day
Can I give a suggestion if we do it shorter? Because really, intuition works in the absence of information. So does the prism. It's what's the issue? And you go to that target.
- [41:21]
Katherine
Okay. What I can do, too, is I'll kind of give you, like, the bullet points of the email. Does that feel a little bit perfect?
- [41:27]
Laura Day
That'd be great.
- [41:28]
Katherine
Okay, so our. Our next caller is Erica with a K. She's at a crossroads in her marriage, feels that they are sort of best friends and roommates, and she feels like that's a great thing, but her husband feels like maybe that's a reason they should split up. They're sort of waffling between separation and divorce, but are kind of trying to give it another try. Yeah, I think that that kind of sums it up.
- [41:48]
Chelsea Handler
Hi, Erika. We have Laura Day, our special guest today. She's an intuitive.
- [41:54]
Laura Day
My intuitive gut is that there's really deep love and attachment between the two of you, but also a lot of disappointment on both of your parts. And that's a very difficult thing to work with because I think that neither of you are really working to be together. You're both in your own disappointments and really focusing. I think the trip may put a lot of pressure on you, whereas focusing in therapy on doing things that build common values. I think both of you had so many plans of what you were going to build, and to some degree, a lot of that didn't work out, wasn't in sync. So I would work on the fourth ego center, which is really about worth and value. Each of you working on your own worth in the world and bringing it back to each other, because I think that will. In a strange way, the marriage is the elephant in the room. It's really about each of you being a little bit disappointed about your own lives. And I think if you work on your life and your partner works on their life, that that's going to be much more helpful to each of you and to the relationship. And I would do the fourth ego center in the prism, which is about, you know, what do I value, how am I valued, and how do I create that sense of value in the world?
- [43:33]
Chelsea Handler
Does that make sense to you?
- [43:35]
Katherine
Yeah.
- [43:35]
Chelsea Handler
You know, I agree that we probably are putting pressure on this trip for
- [43:42]
Katherine
something to come up and to maybe save us and that we have maybe
- [43:47]
Laura Day
not independently grown as two individual adults
- [43:50]
Katherine
and have been a little Dependent on each other as we've grown up.
- [43:54]
Chelsea Handler
And it's only been us, we're childless,
- [43:58]
Katherine
family is an hour away. So we've been very dependent on each other.
- [44:04]
Laura Day
That's not a bad thing. I think more than anything, it's that you've been dependent on each other, but. But you're both a little disappointed in your lives. It's not even just your marriage, it's your lives. And I think that if you helped each other work on your lives, that's really gonna be the key to the excitement coming up. You know, you're getting some help to do the things you want in your life and your partner getting some help also. You know that that was actually initially the spark in the relationship is that you're both such rich people. And that I think would be. So if you've planned this trip and you're going on this trip, what are your goals right now? What are your partner's goals right now? How do you make this trip about. Not about the marriage, but about helping each other find what you need in the world? I really think that's going to be more bonding. And again, that's one intuitive's sense of things, you know, because this isn't, you know, there's a lot of love. I go into a lot of relationships and it surprises me how little kind of respect and love there is in a lot of relationships. There's a lot of respect and love in your relationship. It's that you're. There's a lot of disappointment that doesn't have to do with one another. It's just because you're a pair. It gets projected on one another. You know, it's really about your lives and the wonderful people you are and how you haven't been able to express that and be valued for that in the world. So make that trip, this trip about doing that, not about your marriage. Don't worry about your marriage for right now. Make it about, wow, how do we spread what it is we want to do as individuals in the world together and how do we support each other? I really think that that. And either way things work out, that's going to be a better foundation for us. It agreed.
- [45:55]
Chelsea Handler
I think so too. Thank you.
- [45:57]
Laura Day
Thank you for sharing. That's a big deal to share that kind of vulnerability.
- [46:01]
Chelsea Handler
I think also like a fun exercise for you guys to do together. That is a separate activity, but you'll both do it is like while you're on this vacation, every morning, do like a gratitude journal. Like what do you want to Happen today? What would make today great? What are you focused on today? Like, what are your intentions for the day? You got guys do these separately, but you have your each have your own journal. And then again at night, like, what made today special? What was your highlight of the day? What are you grateful for today? Like, I feel like that those kinds of things are unifying when done separately as like a couple or even with the friendships. Like, do something that takes you out of your comfort zone while you're on this trip so that you can also focus on other things rather than focusing just on your relationship. Okay, thank you.
- [46:47]
Katherine
I like that we can do that,
- [46:49]
Chelsea Handler
you know, and then you can compare notes and stuff and talk about it and like that's another way to connect that you probably haven't tried yet. And it's make and it reminds you of like all that you have to be grateful for and all the like rich experiences. It could be the beach that you go to one day or it could be a restaurant that you go to. And that's fine too. But like expressing that is a, is a nice exercise.
- [47:11]
Katherine
Yeah, yeah, we'll do that.
- [47:12]
Chelsea Handler
And I hope you have a great vacation.
- [47:14]
Laura Day
I think we will.
- [47:16]
Katherine
We're really looking forward to it. All right, thank you, Erica.
- [47:19]
Chelsea Handler
Thanks, Erica.
- [47:20]
Katherine
Bye. Well, our last caller today is Cindy. And Cindy is 48. I'll give you the broad strokes. So she is in a really big life situation. So she recently ended a relationship of six years after family tragedy. Her partner lost both her son and daughter in like motorbike accidents about four months apart. And they found themselves caring for two young children. Cindy never really wanted to raise kids. And so that was part of her deciding to leave the relationship, but also because it just didn't feel like the right relationship anymore. So she's struggling with two things. How to sort of still be a part of these kids lives because she does love them, but also maintaining a friendship with her ex and being there to be emotionally supportive to her. So. Hi, Cindy, We've got Laura Day here. She's an intuitive. Oh, hi. Hello everybody.
- [48:15]
Laura Day
Hi. I think that what you're really talking about is wanting to be part of a foundation, but having for the children for your ex and having them be a part of a foundation for you, but in a way that's doable for you. But my sense is that getting into the emotions of it is not helpful right now. But what your ex could really use help with and maybe can't admit this too much is organization. And if you could just like that is Sometimes the most wonderful gift is without processing because I think there's a lot of, of tangles, there's a lot of brambles you can get into here. But if you just offer to do things that are things you want to do, so they're foundational for you too. Because I think that as you stated, your resentment gets in the way, but I do think that you don't want that this is family for you and that that's important to you and that it's part of your foundation and part of your identity. So if you like honestly say, what are the ways that I can give what's needed, which is kind of organizational support, set the boundary of, you know, I'm only going to do what's really life sustaining for me and because otherwise I'm going to resent it. I think you'll find that there's a lot of crossover in what you want to do and what these children and your former partner need.
- [49:55]
Katherine
Yeah, that makes sense.
- [49:56]
Laura Day
That makes a lot of sense.
- [49:58]
Chelsea Handler
Are you dealing with any anger from your former partner about leaving the relationship?
- [50:04]
Katherine
Her anger towards me?
- [50:05]
Laura Day
Yeah, yeah, yeah, right.
- [50:08]
Katherine
I am.
- [50:08]
Chelsea Handler
She, she, you know, she reminds me a lot of times like, oh, yeah, well, you don't want to.
- [50:13]
Katherine
Before I left, there was like about eight months where we, where I was
- [50:16]
Chelsea Handler
trying to separate and she's like, oh, yeah, I forgot, you don't want to be here anymore.
- [50:19]
Laura Day
So that kind of, you know, that
- [50:21]
Chelsea Handler
type of stuff going on. Yeah, that's a really hard decision to make. And I mean, I'm happy for you that you were able to make that decision in your best interest because it can be a complicated decision to make and a lot of hurt feelings left behind. So thank you. It's good that you took the steps to take care of yourself in the first place and then are trying to show up in the ways that you can now. Okay, well, I mean, I wish you well and I hope that, I hope that you just, you know, moving forward, you really just take it with you to move with love, you know, to move with love towards them. Because her feelings are gonna be of abandonment, right. And she's gonna. And the kids and all of that. But to move forward in a really loving way. And if at any time she asks you for the space and to not be involved or if there's somebody else in the picture, like to always remember to be respectful of that as well. Cause that's her. She's in this and she doesn't really have a choice in the matter. So you can try to be as supportive. But if she doesn't want that support from you, then you also have to accept that, right?
- [51:27]
Katherine
Absolutely.
- [51:28]
Laura Day
Absolutely. Yeah.
- [51:29]
Chelsea Handler
Yeah. Okay. Well, thank you for calling in, and I'm so sorry about all of those things that have happened. Wow, that's a lot to handle.
- [51:36]
Laura Day
A lot.
- [51:36]
Chelsea Handler
Thank you. Yes. Yeah, it was a lot, but thank you. I appreciate you. Thanks, Cindy.
- [51:41]
Katherine
All right.
- [51:42]
Chelsea Handler
Okay, thanks. We're going to take a break, and we'll be right back to wrap up with Laura Day.
- [51:51]
Laura Day
Okay.
- [51:51]
Chelsea Handler
And we're back. So, Laura Day, the book is called the Seven Steps to Heal youl Past and Transform youm Future. And it's a guide. It's self help. It's how to. How to just kind of really focus on what you want out of life and how you're going to get it, you know, And I think that that helps really change your frequency when you have an idea. You know, I've never been somebody who makes, like, a list of goals or, or I'm kind of like, fly by the seat of my pants. But that seems to have worked out for me more often than it hasn't. I mean, of course, there's been, you know, ups and downs with everything, but the idea of actually really, you know, I wish when I was younger I had all of this information that's in this book and the knowledge to know that, like, when you are patient with yourself and you are very aware of what you want out of life and what your intentions are, that has a grand impact on the outcome of them.
- [52:42]
Laura Day
So what's really important to realize is a miracle does take a moment. Bumping into your love. Sitting next to someone who has the job offer on the train. You know, sitting. Bumping into a social worker at a cafe who can solve your mortgage problem. I mean, a miracle really takes a moment. We tend to get stuck in this idea that now is forever. For better or for worse, now is not forever, and your next move dictates your future.
- [53:10]
Chelsea Handler
Yes. Okay. Well, thank you so much, Laura Day. Thanks for being here today.
- [53:14]
Laura Day
Thank you for having me.
- [53:15]
Chelsea Handler
Take care. Okay, guys, I am officially on my high and Mighty Tour. March 13, Cleveland, Ohio. March 14, Columbus, Ohio. March 15, Cincinnati, Ohio. And then March 20 is Denver, Colorado. March 27, Portland, Maine. March 28, Providence, Rhode Island. March 29, Springfield, Massachusetts. April 10 is Chicago. I'll be at the Chicago Theater. April 11, Indianapolis, Indiana. April 12, Louisville, Kentucky. April 16 is Albuquerque, New Mexico. April 17 is Mesa, Arizona. April 23 is Kansas City, Missouri. April 24 is St. Louis, Missouri. April 25 is Minneapolis, Minnesota. April 30, Nashville, Tennessee. May 1 is Charlotte, North Carolina. May 2 is Durham, North Carolina. May 6 I'm doing Netflix is a joke festival. I will be in Los Angeles. That is a new announcement along with Atlantic City. May 15th Saratoga, California. May 16th Monterey, California May 17th Modesto, California and then June 4th, Portchester, New York. June 4th 5th is Boston, Mass. And June 12th is Portland, Oregon and then Seattle is June 13th. So suck on that everybody. Go to Chelsea handler.com for tickets.
- [54:38]
Katherine
If you want advice from Chelsea, write in to dearchelseapodcastmail.com Dear Chelsea is a production of I Heart Media. Follow Chelsea on All Socials elseehandler and find Katherine on TikTok FlashKadaBra. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brandon Diggirt Executive Producer Katherine Law. Find full video episodes and minisodes now on Netflix and get tickets to see Chelsea live@chelseahandler.com.
- [55:05]
Chelsea Handler
this is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed human.