Put Some Luxury On It with Da’Vine Joy Randolph

Summary

Dear Chelsea – "Put Some Luxury On It" with Da’Vine Joy Randolph

Podcast: Dear Chelsea
Host: Chelsea Handler (with co-host Kathryn)
Guest: Da’Vine Joy Randolph (Oscar winner, actress in "Eternity")
Date: December 5, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this engaging and lively episode, Chelsea Handler sits down with Oscar-winning actress Da’Vine Joy Randolph. The conversation traverses Da’Vine’s personal journey as an artist and woman, the value of authenticity and resilience, the nuances of relationships, and the joys and struggles of trusting one’s intuition. The episode blends hilarious asides, moving insights, and real-world advice for listeners facing crossroads in life, love, and career.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Power of Authenticity in Personal and Professional Growth

[04:23]-[07:13]

• Da’Vine reflects on how embracing her true self, rather than trying to fit into industry molds, led to her biggest successes.

• She describes striving to mimic traits of already-successful figures, but ultimately realizing:

  "It's here. It's within you. And let those things shine, and the right people will align and attract to those things." — Da’Vine, [06:32]

• Chelsea discusses the universe rewarding self-acceptance:

  "When it clicks in that you want to be who you really are...the universe starts drumming up all of, like, the positivity in your life when you get on your own team." — Chelsea, [06:56]

• The group discusses the concept of “ascension” as women—growing into the person you were meant to be and the importance of ignoring societal hang-ups about age.

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2. Early Lessons, Adversity, and Resilience

[09:20]-[13:05]

• Da’Vine shares her upbringing, shaped by frequently changing schools and being one of few Black girls in white private institutions.

• She notes the emotional resilience and confidence this instilled, imparted largely by her mother.

• She also traces her pivot from opera singing to acting after being flunked for making a role her own:

  "Adversity. That was my junior year, and it was my mom that was like, you go across that street to the theater department." — Da’Vine, [13:40]

• Chelsea and Da’Vine dive into formal training at places like Yale and Oxford, as well as thoughts on Shakespeare, creative genius, and the historic erasure of women’s contributions.

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3. Oscar Season & The Industry’s Realities

[16:20]-[18:32]

• Da’Vine relives the whirlwind of the Oscar campaign during the Hollywood strikes:

  "It was a marathon…It's eight months. It's a very long time." — Da’Vine, [17:35]

• On the emotional release of winning and moving on:

  "I bawled. Because it was a release. Quiet as it kept. It's done. We're done." — Da’Vine, [18:04]

• Discussion about the so-called “Best Actress Curse,” and Da’Vine's feminist boundary about not bringing partners to red carpets:

  "I don't ever want them on the red carpet with me... It's all about what we're here for, my job and what I did." — Da’Vine, [19:45]

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4. Navigating Love, Dating, and Relationship Dynamics

[20:49]-[25:13]

• Da’Vine and Chelsea talk about why dating fellow actors can be a hard “no” (fratty energy!)—and the surprising appeal of dating crew members:

  "Crew. That's yummy. Every woman has had a moment while filming..." — Da’Vine, [21:40]

• They riff on the “ick” factors of actor dating, the subtle power dynamics with directors, and why female directors are refreshingly efficient.

• Chelsea reads listener comments about women opting out of relationships, sparking laughter and solidarity.

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5. Reflections on Past Relationships & Breakups

[27:00]-[31:51]

• Conversation pivots to Da’Vine’s new film "Eternity," which explores the question: Would you choose to reunite forever with a lost love or stay with the partner you built a life with?

• Chelsea and Da’Vine dissect how women and men process breakups differently:

  "Women process a breakup and how a man does literally is in reverse order... We go through all the big feelings first...they're in denial." — Da’Vine, [28:13]

• They reinforce the importance of intuition and honoring when something is over:

  "When we're done, we're done. Because in my mind...I've flushed out every possible option and I've tried my hardest to make this work." — Da’Vine, [29:46]

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6. Women’s Intuition: Knowing and Trusting Yourself

[31:51]-[34:30]

• Chelsea and Da’Vine praise the deep, often unspoken power of women’s intuition:

  "It's one of my favorite things of being a woman. The universe giving us the gift of women's intuition. Oh, God, I love it so much." — Da’Vine, [31:51]

• On how to access this intuition, especially if it’s quiet:

  "I think, essentially, that might be that people are running from themselves and making themselves busy enough distractions. So they don't have that time to sit with themselves." — Da’Vine, [34:13]

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Listener Advice Calls

Caller 1: "How do I survive seven months in a dead-end relationship?"

[40:53]-[43:47]

• Summary: “K” realizes her much older fiancé isn’t her person, but plans to wait for her lease to end before leaving.
• Advice: Da’Vine and Chelsea unanimously urge her to leave as soon as possible for her own well-being.
• Memorable Quote:

  "Sell the fucking engagement ring and get that to get out." — Da’Vine, [43:33]

Caller 2: "Can I turn my love of the outdoors into a career?"

[45:17]-[53:16]

• Summary: Sharia, in a dull legal assistant job, yearns for a fulfilling outdoors-oriented career.
• Advice:
  • Start by exploring all outdoor-related jobs and leveraging AI tools like Anthropic.
  • Use a business degree for entrepreneurship (e.g., luxury travel guiding, concierge adventures).
  • Join or build outdoors communities for networking and exploration.

  “Let’s put some luxury on this!” — Da’Vine, [49:25]

Caller 3: "My boyfriend shut down & canceled our trip. What now?"

[57:46]-[66:08]

• Summary: Christopher’s three-month romance implodes after his boyfriend reacts with suspicion and silence to a minor event and cancels a planned trip to Europe.
• Advice:
  • The silent treatment and tracking are toxic, and he should run, not walk, away.

  "You can't be with someone who can't communicate and that shuts down like that. He needs to go to therapy, and until he goes to therapy, you have nothing to do with him, period." — Chelsea, [60:09]

  • Da’Vine emphasizes gratitude for early red flags:

    “Thank you for showing me who you are. Thank you for not wasting my time.” — Da’Vine, [64:25]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On self-acceptance:

  “It's here. It's within you. And let those things shine, and the right people will align and attract to those things.” — Da’Vine, [06:32]

• On Oscar campaign exhaustion:

  "I bawled. Because it was a release. Quiet as it kept. It's done. We're done. We did this from November to March." — Da’Vine, [18:04]

• On recognizing toxic relationships:

  "The silent treatment is, like, toxic, bordering on abuse." — Kathryn, [61:10]

• On women's intuition:

  "It's the truest of you." — Da’Vine, [32:43]

• On being a woman in control:

  "There's no way that lady's gonna be in this building. I'm like, oh, no, it’s okay [not to ask]." — Da’Vine (on working with Meryl Streep), [66:47]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [04:23] - Da’Vine on authenticity and career breakthroughs
• [09:36] - Childhood, identity, and lessons from her parents
• [13:05] - From opera to acting, setbacks and pivots
• [16:20] - Oscar season, strikes, and the emotional marathon
• [19:45] - Boundaries for public/private life after success
• [21:40] - Dating in the industry: Why actors are a hard no
• [27:00] - "Eternity" film premise and relationship what-ifs
• [31:51] - Women’s intuition, learning to trust it
• [40:53] - Advice call #1: Leaving a mismatched relationship ASAP
• [45:17] - Advice call #2: Creating a fulfilling, outdoor-centered career
• [57:46] - Advice call #3: Ending a toxic relationship with clear red flags
• [66:47] - Closing reflections, gratitude, and looking ahead

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Tone & Style

The episode is candid, witty, and full of warmth. Chelsea’s irreverent humor and Da’Vine’s honesty create a space for real talk about the challenges and beauty of navigating modern womanhood and creative life—sprinkled with memorable laughter and “aha!” moments. The camaraderie and support for listener callers is palpable and uplifting, making this episode equal parts practical advice, therapy session, and hilarious girlfriend catch-up.

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For more advice or to listen, search Dear Chelsea wherever you get your podcasts. Da’Vine Joy Randolph’s new film “Eternity” is in theaters now.

Transcript

[Kathryn]

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[Chelsea Handler]

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[Erin Levine]

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[Chelsea Handler]

It's called the High and Mighty Tour. I'm coming to Washington, D.C. norfolk, Virginia, Madison, Wisconsin, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Detroit, Michigan, Cleveland, Columbus, and Cincinnati, Ohio, Denver, Colorado, Portland, Maine, Providence, Rhode Island, Springfield, Massachusetts, Chicago, of course, Indianapolis, Indiana, Louisville, Kentucky, Albuquerque, Mesa, Arizona, Kansas City, Missouri, St. Louis, Missouri, Minneapolis, Minnesota, Nashville, Tennessee, Charlotte, North Carolina, Durham, North Carolina, Saratoga, California, Monterey, California, Modesto, California, and Port Chester, New York, Boston, Massachusetts, Portland, Oregon, and Seattle, Washington. I will be touring from February through June. So go get your tickets now if you want to come see me perform. I will be on the High and Mighty Tor. Hi there, Katherine.

[Erin Levine]

How are you?

[Kathryn]

Hi, Chelsea. I'm doing great. We have two episodes this week.

[Chelsea Handler]

In case you missed it.

[Kathryn]

We had an episode with Elizabeth Olsen that came out yesterday, so be sure to check that out.

[Chelsea Handler]

So our guest today was named one of the 100 most influential people in 2024. She is a best supporting actress Oscar winner. And her new movie, Eternity is out now. So please welcome Da' Vine Joy Randolph. Oh, yay. We're sitting down with Da' Vine. Joy Randolph. Do you know that we have the same middle name?

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Oh, I love that.

[Chelsea Handler]

Chelsea Joy Handler.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

That's beautiful. They did a good job.

[Chelsea Handler]

You're beautiful.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Thank you. Yeah, that's nice. Chelsea Joy.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. First of all, da' vine is joining us on her wedding day. She is in a beautiful white wedding dress, and she's on her way to get married and had time to squeeze in an episode of Dear Chelsea. Thank you.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Thank you for having me.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, I was so. I'm so excited to meet you. I don't know if I met you when you won your Oscar a couple of years ago. I feel like.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

I feel like during that time, Right.

[Chelsea Handler]

We were at a party at. At around an awards season. Cause I said something and you go, chelsea. And like, like, shut up. And I was like, how does this. You, like, rolled your eyes, but in a way, in an affectionate way where you understood me right away. And I appreciated that. I want to. Before we talk about your current movie that we're going to discuss, I want to talk about that period of time in your life because you had such a powerful acceptance speech when you won. You won more than an Oscar. Didn't you win a couple of other awards as well? Yeah. Okay. So you said some really powerful things. And one of the things that you said. Do you ever go back and watch did you go back and watch that speech ever? Okay. One of the things that you said was that you spent so much time trying to be something that you weren't. And only when you started or really became who you are, did you start to get rewarded for that.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Right. Cause I think in this industry or wherever, right. Like, you want to figure out how you can make yourself the most marketable or like, you know what I mean? I think I was still in the process of the becoming and figuring myself out, but I think where I misstepped or where it took a longer process for me to get to the thing is that I was trying to figure out my similarities in other established things that was successful and try to find those things within myself and not realizing it's just work on this. This is the thing. Do you know what I mean? Like, oh, well, I. I guess I have this part of this person that everyone loves and enjoys. Let me bring that out. Or this aspect and then it. Through that process. And that's a huge reason why I do like acting. Because you're. At least for me, I always say, if I wasn't an actor, I'd be like a behavioral psychologist. Cause I'm very fascinated into the how and the why that people move and tick and do the things they do. And what I like about acting is that it requires me to develop a skill set to not only examine other people, but I hope we're also examining ourselves. So in this process of this career, it took me some time, but that I finally landed on. Oh, no, no, no. It's here. It's within you. And let those things shine, and the right people will align and attract to those things.

[Chelsea Handler]

And when you have that feeling about yourself, right. When it clicks in that you want to be who you really are, Isn't it crazy the way the universe starts drumming up all of, like, the positivity in your life when you get on your own team?

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

There's an ease, there's a fluidity, there's an abundance. And things just. Yeah, it just clicks in. And you're like, gosh, why didn't I?

[Chelsea Handler]

And it's like this sooner. It's like not resisting. No, you're. Because what you're talking about. And I, as women, we all have done this. Resisting who you really are instead of embracing who you really are.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Yeah, because I think in life, you know, like, at least for me growing up, you see these things in women that are older than you that you aspire to. I remember it used to be like my aunt and her jewelry and how it was just. It seemed so feminine. I used to love the bracelets she used to have. Right. So we Lock these things of like, okay, when I grow up, I want that. When I grow up, I want to do that. And I think I was collecting all of these things, which I think is beautiful, of women in my life that I loved, and in the process, overlooking who I was becoming as a woman and that I already had some of my own things.

[Kathryn]

Well, and I do think when you're developing your creative voice, you're at first sort of seeing what you like and copying those things. But after a while, if you're successful at it, you do get into your own voice. You find through what you like, you find your own voice.

[Chelsea Handler]

That can help. Yeah. And it's also nice. It's powerful. We were just talking about ascension, like, the idea of ascending as a woman. The idea of you are growing into the woman that you're supposed to become. And I like to think of that. I had a friend at Glastonbury this year, of all places, where we were discussing this. Like, we're ascending. Like, it's not. That's why I hate when people complain about their age.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

It's like, I don't get into it.

[Chelsea Handler]

No, age is a.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

What do you mean? I don't fuck with age.

[Chelsea Handler]

I just do it.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Just live.

[Ad Voice]

What do you mean?

[Chelsea Handler]

Lean into it.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

And I think women, especially now that we're all kind of realizing how important it is to stay together rather than to separate, that, like, you can help. Like what you're saying about your aunt's jewelry. Like, I can totally relate to that as being a young child and looking to things that you want as part of your identity, you know, like when you grow up. And that is. That's like part of our ascension. That's when our ascension starts. Like when you're a little kid and you start to envision who you're gonna be.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Yes, exactly.

[Chelsea Handler]

You know, and then all of the things along the way that kind of maybe bump you off track and then getting back on the right track. What do you think, like, in terms of adversity, something that really shaped you in your younger years that helped you?

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Totally. I didn't know what I wanted to be when I grew up. And I was really grateful that my parents, they knew I had a gift in performance, but they let me do any and all of it. Like, I was like the after school kid. I did all the programs and stuff. Cause I wasn't quite sure where I wanted to land. But I started off by way of singing. And I think growing up as a black woman, you. There's certain Things that you have to deal with, especially when you want your gifts to be displayed in public, like through performance. That very quickly I understood, sometimes quicker than other kids did, the differences and how to celebrate them, own them, not shy away from it and actually, like we were saying, lean into it. And so it required me to have this kind of actually quiet but grounded confidence and resilience at a very young age.

[Chelsea Handler]

How young?

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Like elementary school. Because my mom. My mom is an educator, and so education was really important. I lived in the same city all throughout high. Well, up until high school. But nonetheless, I had an army brat kid mentality because I changed school so much. Until graduate school, I had never stayed at a school for more than two years because it was never good enough for my mom. Or in some weird ways, the school burned down or it stopped at grade five or whatever. And so because education was important, I went to predominantly white private schools. And so some of these schools would require me to do testing to get in that they did not require other people to do later we found out. And so they. That kind of sense of, like, competition, but also, like celebr. My mom celebrated it. I remember when I would do the testing, she would, like, pull me out of school to go test for this other school, and then she would, like, take me out to a really nice lunch. And she kind of like, hid the fact. It wasn't till later that I realized, why am I testing to get into this school? And sometimes it was like, so you can get a scholarship. Because to be honest, we couldn't afford to go to these private schools. But I think it was early realizing, like, not everyone in the world wants you, do you know what I mean? And is as open and as inviting. And I learned that early. And so what my parents did that I'm really grateful for is they just kind of. They were like, look, this is the world and it is what it is, but we're not going to be victims or completely change, you know what I mean? Or you bow your head in any way. You're going to be polite, you're going to be a good person, you're going to treat people well, and you're also going to have a confidence and a knowing within yourself. And so that was early, and I'm grateful for that because now with this as a career, like, it's tough, and you need that tough skin. I think sometimes when people comment on those kind of essences of what they see, I'm like, oh, well, I had to do this young. It's just now Transitioning to a different platform, medium, whatever. Because you're, you know, you're out there on display and on your own.

[Sharia]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

And you've. Yeah. Well, you've been to lots of schooling also. You went to Oxford. You studied Oxford. You saw. You studied singing in Oxford.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Shakespeare. Because I had got into Yale, and I realized, oh, I don't. I don't know this at all, because I came into it. So I got into acting through being rejected from singing. So I was a class, I guess I say was, but I'm a classically trained opera singer. And. And so we were doing Aida, which is a very intense story.

[Chelsea Handler]

Is that she related to Evita?

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

No, no, no. She was, like, a slave. Well, she was first a princess in Egypt, and then gets enslaved by this really hot guy so she ends up falling in love with. And they have this interracial relationship, which totally was not the thing at that time. They get buried alive as they're singing this beautiful song. Like, it's epic. Right.

[Chelsea Handler]

So I was not Evita, but.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Not Evita. No. Different time, different time. Not that I was into acting at all, but I was like, I think I need to do a little more than just, like, sing. And they were not into that. And so I worked with an acting coach on it just so I could, you know, do my job well, and they did not like it, and they ended up flunking me out. And I was like, okay. And it was my mom, right? So adversity. That was my junior year, and it was my mom that was like, you go across that street to the theater department. Probably because most of the credits transferred. But she was like, I actually think you can do this as well. Which, at that time, as a junior in college, you're thinking about, you know what I mean? Like, okay, I'm about to be on my own. I'm now a singer. Like, fly me to Milan, feed me pasta, and I'm about to sing opera. You know what I mean? Like, that was. So My entire world quickly changed. And so that was definitely a moment of adversity. But, like. Yeah, so acting came way later. Got into Yale, but that was an area where I was like, I'm not equipped for it because I didn't have that formal training. And so, yes, that's why I went to Oxford to study Shakespeare.

[Chelsea Handler]

Wow. How cool is that?

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Yeah, it was really cool. Where they filmed the dining hall scenes for Harry Potter was our, like, cafeteria.

[Chelsea Handler]

So what do you think about all the Shakespeare lore that, like, Shakespeare didn't really write? I Know stuff like this.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

What's right?

[Chelsea Handler]

What's your take on that? Because did you read that book? Did you read Hamnet? Have you read that book they're making?

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

But I'm really excited.

[Chelsea Handler]

So that's a lot about that, too, about Shakespeare and, like, you know, a.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Lot of people, part of me believe. I mean, I don't know, maybe there's like, super geniuses. But don't you feel the same thing of, like, I don't want to be controversial, but, like, da Vinci or Michelangelo, like, did you really do all of them? Like, maybe you had a staff, like a team of people, like, team of writers that we collectively. But, like, okay, I get it. He's the figurehead of it all. I don't know. I mean, that's a lot of books.

[Chelsea Handler]

It's a lot to do. It's a lot. But I know. I don't believe, like, I. When you hear about erasure of art and history and all of that, it's just women. And we got no credit for doing it. So I'm sure, definitely, I believe all of it now.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

At first I'm like, that's such a big thing to cover up. But then as you know, as you learn more and more, and you're like, oh, yeah, this is all women. And nobody wanted to give them any fucking credit because totally.

[Kathryn]

Or even, like 200 years later, they'll be like, yeah, it was a man that did that one. It was. Actually, everyone already knew it was a woman that did that, whatever it was.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay, well, wait, I want to circle back, though, to your. You. You winning your Oscar for Best Supporting Actress for the Leftovers, because I just want to revisit and ask you what that time in your life, now that it's. You've had time.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

What does that time in your life mean to you? How did it feel? How do you look at it now?

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Yeah, it was a lot. It was also because the industry was at odds, meaning it was that awards season. There was strikes, you know what I mean, for writers, then the actors. So timeline wise, now was when we. So the movie I'm promoting now and that movie are coming out the same exact day. And so due to the strikes, it wasn't until, I think it was, like, November 10th that we could even get involved. That was part of the bylaws. Like, we could not promote or anything. And so it was a very unique experience. And then once the strike ended, it was just full steam ahead. It's all a blur. I was like, it was a marathon.

[Chelsea Handler]

Those campaign season, award season. I mean, it does turn into a campaign. It's like, let's be honest. I mean. Yeah, that's. I mean, let's be honest.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

And I say camp. Like, so different people could do different things when you say campaign. But at the very least, you gotta show up. You gotta show up to a lot of different places in front of a lot of different people. And I just try to just come from an authentic place of, like, I'm just gonna speak about what I love and what I love to do and why I love this character, because that was the only way I was gonna be able to get through it. Cause it's eight months. It's a very long time.

[Kathryn]

It's a long.

[Chelsea Handler]

It's like having a baby.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

You do. That's. Honestly, I did not. Cause people are like, oh, my God. You cried. I said, no, no, no. I bawled. Because it was a release. Quiet as it kept. It's done. We're done. We did this from November to March. I'm completely.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, yeah.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Do you know what I mean?

[Sharia]

Yeah, I did.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

It just was like, I get it.

[Chelsea Handler]

I get it.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

I had the best sleep that next day because you just. Like, we did. I'm so grateful. But we did it, and it's done.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, a lot of people win an Oscar, and then they end up leaving their partner. Did you do that?

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

No, I didn't know. Is that. Yeah.

[Kathryn]

It's the Best Actress curse, right?

[Chelsea Handler]

Is it Best Actress or Best Supporter?

[Kathryn]

It's the Best Actress curse.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Like, how quick?

[Kathryn]

Like, I mean, within a year. I know it happened to Hillary Swank, Kate Winslet, like, a whole bunch of them.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

I'm trying to think why. Maybe because you are. You're not around. You're not home. You may.

[Kathryn]

But I just figured it's because their husbands weren't carrying their weight, you know.

[Chelsea Handler]

That'S like, I got my Oscar. Now you can get the fuck out of here.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

You know. You know what it makes me think of? You know how, like, if you get a surgery or something. Something done. I've experienced this. You get a surgery or something, you come to and you're like, you know what? Let me do some inventory. Do you know what I mean? Like, maybe it was that, right? Of, like, by doing something else, you had time to think and be like, actually, you're not shit. So my eyes are now open. That's interesting. Yeah. To be fairly clear, I. I've always made a vow to myself, and maybe this is a very feminist thing to Say, I don't care if I'm in a relationship or not. I don't ever want them on the red carpet with me.

[Sharia]

Because.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

It'S not about you. Respectfully, it's not. Slash, you know, as a woman, I don't want that to then be the conversation. It's all about what we're here for, my job and what I did. And I feel like women. I don't think maybe some men get this or within. They're like, oh, my God, tell me about your partner. Da da da, da da da. Do you wanna have babies? Da da da. And it's like, but let's do the job. And so for me, I always made that a thing early that I was like, I love that. And that's like, you know, for me, acting's the job. But all this stuff comes up with it, right? And being in the public eye. But that's something that I want to always keep for myself. I don't ever want the industry to have that. Because the reality is this is very hard to do. You want to make sure that your support, whatever that looks like family. You know what I mean? Your main partner, that that's protected because you need that to be a good, safe space for you to, you know what I mean, have that sounding board with.

[Chelsea Handler]

So would you date an actor? Have you dated actors?

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

No. I've come close to dating them.

[Chelsea Handler]

It's kind of hard to be an actor. I know it's an ick. But, you know, I mean, they treat.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

It like it's a sport. Oh, I gotta go work out. Cause I got this role. Yeah, right. Playing somebody who works at the grocery store. Like, why are you now hitting the iron so hard? They, like, treat it like it's the Olympics. And it's very fratty. It could be very fratty. Energy. That's icky to me. I haven't yet met the actor guy that's like. You know what I mean? Because he's an actor, he's, like, emotionally intelligent and is, like, a little soft with the mask. The ones that are interested in me are, like, bros. And that just makes me want to vomit. But, like, I also think people frown on and, like, miss the opportunity of, like, crew.

That's yummy.

[Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Every woman has had a moment while filming. Oh, yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

I definitely want to have sex with that guy right over there. I definitely. I totally can.

[Kathryn]

Like, lifting stuff all day long.

[Chelsea Handler]

Because they're not in there.

[Kathryn]

Because they've got a beard.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Yes. And they dress like they're tatted. They've got excellent facial hair. They wear hats really well.

[Ad Voice]

Ooh.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

And they're ripped, but, like, just enough. Ripped.

[Kathryn]

Yes.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

That it's like. It's because I lift heavy things all day. Yeah.

[Kathryn]

It's not the glamour muscles. It's just, like, strength.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

And I think it's something really refreshing of. They're so regular that you're like, yum.

Yeah, that's a good one.

[Chelsea Handler]

I like yum.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

I like that.

[Chelsea Handler]

I mean, I was looking at this guy the other day. I was filming something like three days ago with Kevin Hart. He's shooting this show, and I came in to do something on it, and there was a crew guy.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Oh, yes.

[Chelsea Handler]

And I was like, that guy is fucking hot. And I was mic'd and everyone heard me, including him. And that was my intention. I was like, I just want you to know I think you're hot.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Yes, absolutely.

[Chelsea Handler]

You should know. You know?

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

And they love it. They love it, too. Absolutely. Yeah. I don't know. I don't think I could do an actor. And the director thing is weird to me, too. It feels like a dad thing. That freaks me out a little bit, you know, because they think, like, they're, like, over you in some way. They're, like, a little bit smarter than you because they're running things. I don't do well with that. We're equals. Cut it out. You know what I mean? So I always think with the directors, it's like, ew, it feels like a daddy thing. Like, I'm dating this older guy. He could be my same age, but just how they carry themselves. Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. Well, a woman director probably wouldn't act, like, amazing. No. I've worked with female. Have you worked with female directors?

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

More, please. I mean, isn't it the way they get things done? It's astonishing. I literally just try to take notes and be like, pass it along to the next male director that I work with, because you would think they're reinventing everything is baffling.

[Chelsea Handler]

It's amazing how efficacious women are when, like, I just made a. I just posted something on my Instagram the other day talking about how men are. It's just so disappointing. Like, just the most. And it's not all men. We have nice men here. Your husband is a nice man.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Sure.

[Chelsea Handler]

I don't want everyone to think that I'm a man hater, because everyone thinks that, but it really. The comments that came in on my video about why I'm not dating anyone, the women were like. And it's like, every man just needs to read all those comments. Like, women are opting out of, you know, not just actor men. We're talking about men as a whole.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Absolutely.

[Chelsea Handler]

But when you're talking about acting like, you know, men who take themselves too seriously, like, that's gross. That's an ick. But there's so many other problems along with that, you know?

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

And anyone who doesn't understand should go read those comments on my Instagram from all the women, because women were saying stuff and, like, I snapshotted some of them and sent them to you, and I was just like, oh, my God, we are so unified in how we are all feeling. Yeah, absolutely.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Yeah. Like, what is it called? Purple weddings, rainbow weddings, where you, like, marry your gay best friends.

[Kathryn]

Lavender.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Get it?

[Erin Levine]

I understand.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Understand.

[Chelsea Handler]

Do you have a gay best friend?

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

I do.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

We've talked about it several times. I'm like, do we. Do you wanna just. We were like, no, let's just be besties. But I can. I can process and understand why people would do it.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Some people just want to feel safe.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Erin Levine]

Yeah.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

You know what I mean?

[Kathryn]

And, yeah, tax breaks.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

And let's keep in mind, people were doing this for decades all the time, but now, you know, we love to label things in this day and age.

[Chelsea Handler]

But what have people been doing for.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Decades, like, being like, lavender marriage lavender.

And so happy and, like, then, you know, have the agreement. To me, I'm like, it's no different from, like, an open relationship. You just, this is us. And then.

[Chelsea Handler]

And then here I go with someone else. This is us. And this is me walking away from.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Us to my other boyfriend at some point. And you love it. Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay, let's talk about your movie. Eternity. Yes. Okay, so this is a great premise for me.

[Ad Voice]

Movie.

[Chelsea Handler]

We like this because how can we talk about it without giving away the plot? We can talk about it. Right? Because I don't want to give anything away.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Sure.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay. So the choice is basically, if you had the choice, it's two men. If you had the choice to. How do I describe this?

[Kathryn]

Choose between. She's choosing between her husband that she had for a couple years, who she was very in love with and who's very hot. It's a plot point. He's very hot.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Yeah. Please, for the sake of this press tour, please say that both of them are hot.

[Chelsea Handler]

They're both hot.

[Kathryn]

One's like, hot hot. Was every man hot? You know, it's like, one's crew hot.

[Chelsea Handler]

One's hotter. One is hotter.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

One is crew hot. That's funny.

[Chelsea Handler]

That's true, but.

[Kathryn]

And then he dies, and she's choosing between him and the husband that she was with for decades, that she built a life with. So it's sort of like.

[Chelsea Handler]

So she gets the option. So you're suspending disbelief because this is afterlife.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Yes.

[Chelsea Handler]

You get the option to either meet your first husband that d and get back together with him and all the possibilities of what never happened, or you get to stay with the husband that you have now, who you do have those memories with, and you have created a life.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Yeah. It's a valid question. Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

It makes you really think about all of your exes, like, and.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

And if there's anyone you would ever feel like, I understand someone dying and being ripped out of your life, you would always question that.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Right.

[Chelsea Handler]

You would always. As a woman, what if. What if he was alive? What if.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

What if?

[Chelsea Handler]

What would our life have been like? But it's harder to think about in the framework of a breakup because that's.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Yeah, that's different.

[Chelsea Handler]

It's over because it's broken.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Yeah. Are you the type that, like, when it's done, like, when they're your ex, are they your ex? Or do you. Can you, like, still like chit chat?

[Chelsea Handler]

And I don't typically talk to my exes until about 10 years after our relationship ends. And that's usually when we resurface. And then it's nice.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Because there's nothing left there.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

No one cares. No one's angry.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

I don't think people realize that. I don't want to make a generalization about women, but when we are done, we're done. It's gone. And I don't think guys realize. I don't think they really get that. And they're confused. Like, I think they say scientifically, too. Like, women process how women process a breakup and how a man does literally is in reverse order, which is like, Makes sense.

[Chelsea Handler]

So what is it?

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

We go through all the big feelings first. Like, we basically go through it in a healthy way.

[Erin Levine]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Right.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

And in order. And we get to that point when. Then we're, like, at peace with it. They're in denial. They'll go out, party, you know what I mean? Smash other people, whatever, whatever. And right at the point when we are like, I'm at peace. They're now processing it.

[Kathryn]

And that's when the Phone rings.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Oh, 100%.

[Kathryn]

Yeah.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Yeah, yeah. It's so weird. Or like, you know, there's that weird phenomenon. Like, I don't like to say that Men are dumb. But I will say one thing that they do have that's fascinating. You realize, like, when something's going on in your life or like, that next partner you had or that moment where you're like, life is good. They call or text you out of. It's spooky. And you're like, what, like, kinetic thing made. It happens every. And it's a different person. It's not like, oh, that one guy that he's just. Nope. They'll just send a text and you're like, jump.

[Kathryn]

Scare them.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Yeah, yeah. Stay strong.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Kathryn]

That's why you gotta block them.

[Chelsea Handler]

Block and block.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

I'm strong in a block. I'm strong in a block. Don't play with me.

[Chelsea Handler]

I. I'm stronger than a block.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

I don't need a block. Yeah. I mean, I'm not gonna call you, so it doesn't matter. You. I don't need a block. Like, I trust myself now. I do now. When I was young and sure, like, I get drunk and call, you know, booty call people. That was always so humiliating. But I'm so glad that that's not even an option, you know what I mean? Anymore. I don't have to be worried about how I'm gonna act if I have a couple drinks.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

I know. Yeah. It's when we're done, we're done. Because in my mind, it's like, at least me. I've flushed out every possible option and I've tried my hardest to make this work. What are we now doing now? It's like, so then what was all of that for? Do you know what I mean? To think we could just be casual again? No.

[Chelsea Handler]

How. What's your longest relationship?

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Yep. My longest one now, I think, is five years.

[Ad Voice]

Wow.

[Chelsea Handler]

That's a long time.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

I know. Especially for an actor, right?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

So that's long before it was like two years was my mark.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

I was like, okay, I can't even.

[Chelsea Handler]

Make it past 10 months. That's usually my mark at 10 months is usually when I'm like, okay, that's good.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Bye. And is it that they end up doing something the icks.

[Chelsea Handler]

If once I. There's a. There's a couple of icks. And then I, I. When I hit like 3x, I'm. I can't. I can't look at you. I'm disgusted.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

It's probably healthier, actually, because you're getting. You're going through the process quicker as opposed to staying too long.

[Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

And also, it's not a revulsion.

I don't want to sound so harsh, but it's.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

It.

[Chelsea Handler]

There's just nothing. There's no negotiation in that. It's so final. When it's final, like, you get. It's almost like you can. When you're taking. Like some people say I'm easy, easy to take advantage of. Like, the people who work for me would say that about me, that I'm. Because I'm always like, sure, take it. I'm like, that person's not out to, you know, for anything bad. And people are like, you're so naive. For somebody who comes across as very, you know, in control of my own world. But you can push me, but then there's a stop. So that's what I've learned about myself. It's the same with men. You know what I mean? You can push me a little, but don't push me too hard.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Yeah. And you clock it all the way.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, I don't know. I think as women, you don't. You know, we realize, I think as we get older. You're 39. Are you okay with me saying that?

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Totally.

[Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, you should be. Right? You're 39. We were just talking about aging and how, you know, coming into, you know, now. I trust my gut so much more than I used to. I don't question things. I know what I'm like. Think about it, you know, if I'm on the fence about something, really think about. What does your judgment tell you? Cause this is what got you this far.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

So it's one of my favorite things of being a woman. The universe giving us the gift of women's intuition. Oh, God, I love it so much.

[Chelsea Handler]

And some women don't know to listen to that intuition.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

And that breaks my heart.

[Kathryn]

We block it.

[Chelsea Handler]

We're gonna deal with that today with our callers, by the way. We're gonna take callers and you're gon give advice. And it's going to be a lot about women's intuition because. Because you do. Like, what would you say to anyone listening about knowing what. How to listen to your intuition?

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

I don't. Because to me, it's such a loud voice, and I guess I never thought that in some people that voice would be quieter.

[Chelsea Handler]

Right.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

You know what I mean? To me, it's just a. It's what? I don't know. Maybe it's in layman's terms that. Jiminy Cricket, right? That thing that's like. Or. Yep, go for it. Whatever. Right. It's not always negative, too. And I think people don't realize that it's sometimes it's just that little.

[Kathryn]

It's like a nudge.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Yeah, it's that little you that's the trues. The truest of you. And it's sometimes it's telling you a piece of it, like, right. It's not sometimes telling you this is the game plan of exactly how to do everything. We'd be completely different people if that was the case. But it's. It's a nugget, a significant nugget that sometimes. Right. Initiates that trigger or that red flag. Right. Of like just clock that, watch that. Be observant of that. It can be just that 100% is women's intuition. And then sometimes it could be a little more witchy, if you will. And it's like right before something happens, you're like, yes, hey.

I know you said you're gonna go on that date with that guy. I don't know, girl, you know what I mean? And then they go, something happens. And you're like, I relayed the information. I don't know what to tell you.

[Kathryn]

But I do think it's something. It sounds like you are someone who's been in communication with that still small voice for a long time. I do think that if a woman is just starting to learn to listen to it, especially after having made some mistakes, like the more you listen, the stronger it becomes and the more you follow it, the more in touch with it you can become.

[Chelsea Handler]

I think for people who don't have that gut, you know, when people like that, that it is a matter of actually sitting with yourself and like literally getting into meditation and literally trying to understand who you are when it's quiet and like sitting with your body, you.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Know, that's a key point. Right. So then I think essentially that might be that people are running, running from themselves and making themselves busy enough distractions. That's right.

[Chelsea Handler]

Right.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

So they don't have that time to sit with themselves.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, on that note, we're going to take a break and we'll be right back.

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[Chelsea Handler]

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[Chelsea Handler]

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[Chelsea Handler]

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[Chelsea Handler]

And we're back.

[Kathryn]

We're back.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Didn't even grab from us anyway.

[Chelsea Handler]

She's like what? We're back, we're back. You take Davine Joy Randolph, not to be confused with Chelsea Joy Handler. There's a lot of do you feel I take it. I take my middle name very seriously. Very seriously. As a provider of joy. Do you feel that way about the name Joy?

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Good. I love that.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Yeah. Do and is it actually your middle name? Cuz some people that have Joy have a two name first name.

[Chelsea Handler]

No, it's my middle name.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

It's your middle name only Joy. Yeah. Yeah. But it sounds so beautiful together.

[Chelsea Handler]

Thank you. I didn't really appreciate my middle name.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Until I was with Chelsea. Is is really nice.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, you're right about that. I'm going to just change my name to Chelsea Joy after I marry myself.

[Kathryn]

I don't hate that. That doesn't like that.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

I like.

[Kathryn]

Well, here is a woman who is beginning to learn to listen to her intuition. Kay says, Dear Chelsea, I want to start by saying thank you for giving me the confidence to find my voice. Your podcast has been the nudge I didn't know I needed to start reclaiming my life and made me realize I'm not crazy for wanting more. At 22, I fell in love with a man 30 years older who promised me the world. I had dropped out of college, I moved to California and built my life around him. Now at 31, I've realized this is not my person. And at his ripe age of 61, he's not changing into the man I need or want. Looking back, I can see how much the age gap shaped our relationship. The power dynamic was never balanced. He always had more control financially, emotionally, even in how I saw myself. And it's taken me years to recognize that. Over the past few years, I've started quietly rebuilding myself I got my mental health in order. I started taking happy pills and just landed a full time accounting job that I loved. I finally feel ready to leave, but our lease isn't up till May and I want to hold out until then so I can save enough to move out. Move out on solid footing. The hard part is surviving the in between. He spends part of his time away for work, but when he's here, it's emotionally draining. I have to mentally remind myself to respond when he talks.

Our sex life is non existent and after a long day at work, he's the last person I want to see. It feels like I'm living with the ghost of a relationship that in my head I've already left. I guess my question is how do I protect my peace and stay sane until I can leave? I feel like I'm just trying to play nice to make it to May, which at this point is like seven months away. You've helped me believe that I can start over and actually be excited about it. P.S. is it bad to keep the engagement ring and sell it? K.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Wow, there's so much.

[Kathryn]

There's a lot going on.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

I like feel. Favorite, favorite line I'm about to ask you, girl, are these normal you get.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh yeah all the time. That isn't my one of my favorite lines from a letter ever. I have to remind myself to respond when he talks.

[Sharia]

She's gone.

[Chelsea Handler]

Welcome to the world.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Remember I told you when you're done, you're done.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, but not seven months staying there. No, she got it. She has to get out of there. Why did she say is it a financial she can't afford?

[Kathryn]

Well, she says she.

But she's got a new job. She wants to save up a little bit.

[Chelsea Handler]

I would say get out.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Where's the. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. If she has somebody like parents or.

[Kathryn]

Could she still friend.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, find a roommate, stay with a friend or find some cheap Airbnb, whatever you can afford. But I honestly the energy suck that you're talking about is going to have that's seven months. That's not seven weeks. That's going to have a negative impact.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

On your and they're already there. So yeah, I always say don't let money control you. If money's a thing you'll figure it out and if anything maybe it needs to be a little tough humbling in those seven months because. Because that's part of the rebuilding. Sometimes when you have rock hit rock bottom is where you get the most work done. But sometimes we can't always be in cushy comfort. I mean, it doesn't sound all that comfortable, but do you know what I mean? Like, yeah, it's nice that you're in whatever this house or place is, but, like, what that house and home represents is not what you want. Go somewhere else and begin rebuilding.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. Because your mental health is more important than household.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

I'm glad she's working on it, but.

[Kathryn]

It sounds like she is actually at the point where she's ready. Like, if she was like, I'm just starting to think about leaving, that'd be a different story. But she's mentally gone. Like, she's checked out.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Yeah. I personally just wouldn't let waiting for the lease to end to be the thing. Because also you could be on a payment plan and say, hey, take me off the lease. I'll pay the rest of the lease, my half, whatever. I don't know. But I would never let money be a reason to keep me in a bad situation.

[Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Especially when the future is so bright, like, everything's about to begin.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

30. What?

[Kathryn]

31.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Yes.

[Chelsea Handler]

Good for you for making the decision. Also.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Yeah. I also want to say she is actually quite mature for being 31. And she shouldn't.

[Chelsea Handler]

She's a six year old.

[Ad Voice]

That's right.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Exactly. And she shouldn't beat herself up because she met him at a young age and she's grown up in that process. So I wouldn't beat herself up. And now she's known what she knows.

[Sharia]

Yeah.

[Kathryn]

Yep. So keep listening. Keep listening to your voice.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

That last line. We got the solution for her. Can I curse?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. Yes.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Sell the fucking engagement ring and get that to get out.

[Chelsea Handler]

Sell the engagement ring.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Sell the engagement ring. So you get a down payment on the apartment.

[Chelsea Handler]

Good catch.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Out.

[Ad Voice]

Yep.

[Kathryn]

Excellent.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

We just solved it. Get out.

[Chelsea Handler]

Problem solved. Look, problem solved.

[Kathryn]

Problem solved.

[Chelsea Handler]

What's next? We're on a roll already.

[Kathryn]

All right, here we go. So Sharia is going to be joining us here. We can actually put on our.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Okay, can they see us?

[Ad Voice]

Yes.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Because I have a very expressive face. Okay.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay, Great question.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Behave.

[Kathryn]

All right. So Shariah says, Hi, Chelsea. I'm 27 now, but when I was 23, I got divorced. Thank God I got over that. While I was young. Young, I found that I was solely relying on my then husband to provide financially. I was working a shitty job and had some college experience, but no degree. After we split, I felt like I woke up and thought, what the am I doing? This is like the after of the question we just read. I promised myself to never be reliant on a man ever again. I've worked extremely hard to be where I am now by completing my bachelor's degree and got a job to help me get situated again. However, I'm now a legal assistant, which I find to be a soul sucking job job. I really only got a degree because most relatively good paying jobs require a degree in anything. As I'm sitting at my work desk now, I'm typing this and thinking about how I can incorporate my love of being active and outdoors into my career. But it seems almost impossible. And I don't even know where to begin or if a job like this exists. Do I continue being miserable at my jobs and then go hard on my time off or somehow incorporate my passion for being outside and not stuck in a corporate office office into a career? Thank you, Sharia.

[Chelsea Handler]

Definitely. Hi, Sharia.

[Erin Levine]

Hi.

[Chelsea Handler]

Thanks for your letter. This is our special guest today, Davine Joy.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Hi, sweetheart.

[Sharia]

Nice to meet you.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay, so, yeah, you got to get out of that job. That's not gonna, that's not gonna fulfill you. I don't know what you're gonna do, but you're gonna figure it out, right? It's not an option to stay in an unfulfilling job. We're not doing that anymore.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Yeah. And then this. And in this day and age, like with social media and stuff like that, like just start doing it and it may be like, look, if that ends up being your hustle job and that's how you make your money, make sure you do just enough hours to pay the bills. So like, right on the realistic side of things, you're taking care of that, but invest your creativity in a thing that you love.

[Kathryn]

Yeah.

[Sharia]

Well, I guess, you know, my question is too, you know, in a world where you can do just about anything or like, you know, how do you even start to find out what you want to do or what you want to make your career?

[Kathryn]

Well, let me ask you this. Are you currently located in the type of geography that's the type of outdoors you like?

[Ad Voice]

Like.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Oh, that's a good point.

[Kathryn]

You know, are you a desert person?

[Sharia]

Somewhat. Yeah, I guess I'm happy where I'm at. But that's another thing too, is like I don't have, I don't have kids, I'm not married. I don't have anything holding me anywhere. So it's like beautiful, kind of overwhelming that I have all these that I can do. So it's just like, where do I even start?

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, first of all, Google outdoor jobs and start making a list of things that seem fucking appealing. Let's start at the very beginning, like, go on Anthropic. That's the new one. I'm using Anthropic instead of chatgpt. Delete chatgpt, because those guys are monsters. Okay. Anthropic actually wants to regulate. They care about. They care about AI. They are actually responsible. One of these tech companies that is using really responsible and it's not as quick as ChatGPT, but it's improving all the time and it's gonna get there. So first of all, go out, download Anthropic, go on there and ask them. Outdoor jobs use AI to figure out how to curate the skill sets you have and the experience that you've had in the business world. What kind of degree do you have? Like a business degree or.

[Sharia]

Yeah, business degree in general.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Girl, that's good.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, that's great. I know. Listen, we are. This is all great news. You're not married, you have no children. You're young and you know you're unhappy in your job. We're gonna change. You're gonna change all that. You have your whole life ahead of you.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

It's a good thing.

[Chelsea Handler]

So this is a very exciting time.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kathryn]

I think Divine was right. Like, start with you've got your job and start going hard on the weekends and maybe go ahead, see if you.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Could do it remote. Right. Because I feel like since the pandemic, there's still a lot of remote jobs. So that's. You can still keep that going. And like you were saying, be in a location or at least balance your time that so that you check in the hours and do what you got to do for that one. But that you have more free time and the ability to travel wherever you need to go to tap into that. And I think it's going to be about developing communities too. Yeah, right. So being around other people like minded that you're going to start to figure out where your niche is.

[Kathryn]

Yeah. And if you're finding that like just spending. Going hard on the weekends isn't enough, like my, my brother and his wife, they sort of did that. They got jobs where they could work about four days a week and then they would go. They live in the Pacific Northwest, so they just like go camping every single weekend and see waterfalls and beaches and whatever else. But then that wasn't enough for his wife and she just went and spent a few years extra in school and now she's an arborist and that's her new job. And she got. She took a tree climbing class that was part of her coursework. Like. Like, there are these jobs out there, but as you start exploring, you're gonna find out more about them as well.

[Chelsea Handler]

And your business degree is gonna come in handy because maybe you're gonna start your own business. You know, what, what are your. What are you into outdoors wise? Like, what are your passions?

[Sharia]

I mean, like, I like to hike, I like to trail run and camp, all those things. I like to ski. And like, if I could be a ski bum for the rest of my life, I would love to, but I.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Have jobs, jobs doing.

[Sharia]

But also, you know, I would eventually like to maybe buy a house or.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

So then this is the business part of it all. So you either need to have a company where you're doing hiking tours or you're aligning. What you could do is, let's put some luxury on this. Reach out to like top five star hotels. When you said with skiing, like, hit up the Aspen network, stuff like that, where you can have your own kind of service, whether you're giving tour guys or ski tours or whatever. But as the business where you get to on their dime, experience the things you love, have something where you're teaching them. And then you're staying at these amazing. Do you know what I mean? Hotels and locations. I think right now it's this day and age of what are you an expert in? Expert. It's just your passion. What are you passionate. And you can literally sell that as a commodity now. And you can do it in amazing and beautiful places.

[Chelsea Handler]

It's like an outdoor adventure guide, you know, exactly. Like, start with that.

And just. And then you're gonna like, put that down, you know what I mean? Put that into something. Type that into something and see what comes up, where all the options are. Like, maybe it's a VIP service you offer people. You know, like, when I go on vacation to places, I always have like a concierge service.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

That's right.

[Chelsea Handler]

And then they'll set up my activities. You know, they set up like. And this is all related to business, you know what I mean? Like, you can make anything into a business now, but like something like that, where you're basically planning people's activities and whether that's outdoor stuff only or whether it's like, like vacation stuff or. Are you focusing on skiing? Like, do you live in a mountain town yet?

[Sharia]

I have. Before I lived in Salt Lake City, but I live in Spokane now.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

That's super outdoorsy, isn't it? Spokane, Washington.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they're super. I mean, everybody in, in Seattle, in that area loves outdoor stuff. So you're in the. You're in a good place to do that. So you just need to start networking a. Get a sense of, like, ideas and, and just. You don't have to figure this out, you know, today, obviously, but you're gonna start thinking about it, and when you start thinking about it and putting your energy towards that, more things are gonna come your way and you're gonna meet more people and who knows, maybe you're gonna meet someone and you're gonna start a business with another person, you know, but. But I would get very active in, like, all of the stuff that you like to do. Get active in the groups around that. Do that. You know, you can start a hiking group. You can start a hiking community for women, you know, between this age and this age who are looking for community or for women only or whatever you're interested in. You know what I mean? You can start that with like three or four girls of your friends and then expand it and then, you know, kind of grows. Think about which different directions you can take from there. But, but you're at the perfect time in your life, so take it seriously and don't. You cannot be in a job that's unfulfilling.

[Sharia]

Okay.

[Kathryn]

And I think just to kind of keep this energy going, I'm sure you have a book you can recommend as well, but go get yourself a copy of you Are a Badass by Jen Sincero. Read. I'm talking like a couple pages a day. And this is going to help keep your energy up, keep you thinking of good ideas and really, like, shift your energy. Because I, it's. I still feel like there's a little, A little humdrum in us, you know.

[Chelsea Handler]

And it's just a little exciting. She's just called. I mean. Yeah, she's going to still have the Humdrumminess.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Let's get you out of there. Give her a minute, Catherine.

[Sharia]

I mean, I still do have to.

[Chelsea Handler]

Go back to work, so you can have to do that for a little bit, but you can't.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

No, no, you can balance it, though. But.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, and it's going to be infused with this energy now because now you're going to be thinking about how you're going to make your way. Is there, is the remote option, a possibility for your job to work remotely?

[Sharia]

Yeah, yeah. And. And I kind of just started, so in a few, in a few weeks, months.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Oh, yeah. Lean into that 100%.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, well, it's great you had this conversation and it's going to ignite more conversations. Yeah, yeah. So keep us posted. Will you let us know y when you make your move and what you do?

[Sharia]

Absolutely. Okay, thank you.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Bye. Bye.

[Chelsea Handler]

Be an outdoor hiking guide.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Kathryn]

And I think luxury VIP those are.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Yeah, well, that's my Jan. I'm not hiking nowhere. Unless. Is it Aspen, Four Seasons? What are we talking about? She could have a real good time.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, I need a guide with me for whatever I do because I can't be trusted to find my way back. You mean know what I. I mean.

[Kathryn]

Well, let's take a quick break and we'll be back with one last caller to wrap up.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay, we're gonna take a quick break.

[Ad Voice]

You know, it's not fun waking up.

[Chelsea Handler]

At 2am drenched in sweat.

[Ad Voice]

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[Chelsea Handler]

Go to 8sleep.com Chelsea use code Chelsea and get up to $700 off Pod 5. You can try it risk free for 30 days. Trust me, better sleep starts here. From nursing and healthcare to business and it Rasmussen has a range of programs to fit your goals and passions no matter what your day to day looks like. Rasmussen's programs allow you to balance school with life while you pursue your degree. So if you're ready to pursue your education goals, Rasmussen is ready to help you take that next step. Head on over to Rasmussen Edu and check out the opportunities waiting for you. Your future is a bright one. Rasmussen University can help you get there. The holidays are here, which means I am stressed, over, committed, slightly buzzed and pretending I know how to cook. But at least my dog does is thriving. He's eating just fresh from Just Food for Dogs, real human grade food with none of that processed junk. It's shelf stable, which means I can toss it in my suitcase when I travel or shove it in a cabinet next to my tequila. And honestly, Doug's living his best life. His coat is shiny, he's got energy, and when guests come over, he's the only one not complaining about their food. Meanwhile, I'm over here eating takeout and calling it festive. So this holiday season, give your dog something better than table screw. Give them just fresh, real food for dogs who have better taste than we do. Go to justfoodfordogs.com for 50% off your first order. No code, no hassle, and thank God, no cooking required. Make your home smell as good as it looks with Purifor, the Smart fragrance diffuser that lets you control your scent from anywhere. Choose from hundreds of premium fragrances, schedule your favorites and set the perfect mood for every moment. And right now, get yours free when you subscribe to 2 cents for 12 months. Don't wait. This limited time offer won't last. Try it risk free for 30 days [e-mail] did you know that over 70%.

[Erin Levine]

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[Chelsea Handler]

And we're back.

[Kathryn]

We're back.

[Chelsea Handler]

So, quickest break in town. I can't speak either now. Quickest break in town.

[Kathryn]

Quickest break. Christopher wrote in his subject line is he shut down and canceled our trip. So Christopher says, Dear Chelsea, I've been with my boyfriend for about three months. Things moved quickly between us, but we both felt it had real long term potential. We had a few bumps. He's very type A and I'm much more easygoing. But we've always managed to talk things through. Recently, we took a short practice trip before he planned a two week vacation in Europe. During a sunset cruise, he got upset with me over something small and completely shut down to the point where he acted like I didn't exist. Exist. It was really painful and we eventually moved past it. Fast forward to now. I planned almost the entire Europe trip, making sure it was romantic and thoughtful. A few days before we were supposed to leave, I mentioned I was playing tennis after work with a coworker. When I got home, he refused to speak with me. And after a day of silence, he told me my location didn't show at the tennis courts. Even though it did, he wouldn't hear me out. He shut down again and ultimately decided not to go on the the trip. I'm heartbroken and confused. I care deeply about him, but I don't know how to move forward with someone who doesn't trust me and can't communicate like an adult. What should I do? Christopher and I think. Christopher, you just got back from the trip by yourself, right?

[Christopher]

Yeah, I went to Amsterdam. I changed the whole trip and did a solo trip to Amsterdam.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, honey, that's ridiculous. Did you get. Did you get any action on that trip to Amsterdam?

[Ad Voice]

Amsterdam.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

He can't say that publicly.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay, okay.

[Christopher]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, A little update on that is. So I went and I shut my location off because I didn't tell him that I was going to Amsterdam.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

And I. Smart. Because he's really into the locations.

[Erin Levine]

And.

[Christopher]

I may have downloaded Grindr, so. Yeah.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay. So have you broken up with this boyfriend yet?

[Christopher]

We are on break. We are supposed to talk this weekend.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Oh.

[Christopher]

About next steps. But I'm kind of hearing from my friends as well that I should run. And they always wanted to tell me that.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Oh, they thought that from jump.

[Chelsea Handler]

How long has it been? How long?

[Kathryn]

Three months.

[Chelsea Handler]

Three months? Yeah.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Yeah, this is. This is around that time together.

[Christopher]

Three months, but like seeing each other about five to six kind of dating.

[Chelsea Handler]

And then just get away from him. Get away from him.

[Kathryn]

You got a lot of work to do.

[Chelsea Handler]

You can't be with someone who can't communicate and that shuts down like that. He needs to go to therapy, and until he goes to therapy, you have nothing to do with him, period. Yeah, sorry.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

It's like.

[Chelsea Handler]

Listen, it's not three years. Be happy. It's only been three months.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

And I'm going to say that you got the sign quickly and it's hard, but you. They showed you. And doesn't mean that people can't change. But you saw what you need to see early. So at this point. Right. You can stay in it if you want to. To. But you know what you're signing up for? Do you know what I mean? So it's kind of like Grindr is.

[Chelsea Handler]

What you're signing up for? Basically.

[Erin Levine]

Yeah.

[Christopher]

I think it's on me too. I think what I need to work on is I become kind of a. A U hauler a lot. And I really u hauled this one to where I'm like, was ready to move in. But then I realized, what if I move in and he kicks me out because I was like, late home.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Yeah. He's unpredictable. Yeah. You don't know what's gonna happen.

[Kathryn]

And the silent treatment is, like, toxic, bordering on abuse.

[Chelsea Handler]

It's called withholding.

[Kathryn]

Really bad.

[Chelsea Handler]

When you give someone the silent treatment, that's withholding and it's abusive because. Yeah. And it's. And it's also so immature. Like, it is so unevolved and so not worth your time. It's disrespectful to you as a person to think that that's okay.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

And I guess to me too, it's kind of a sign of them just wanting to hurt you and not wanting. Because it's like, we have all day. Like, let's talk it out. They're choosing to really lock into that pattern. But they just seem. I think you would just be literally be on pins and needles around this person the entire time.

[Erin Levine]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

And then the location off. Like, I actually would like to hear this conversation that you have next with him because you know that he was tracking you while you were gone and you turned your location off. I'm surprised he's even talking to you.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Right. And not upset the fact that you turned the location off.

[Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Christopher]

I think what hurt me the most, though, was everything was, like, perfect. Like, as in a day before tennis. We were going on this trip, but I honestly did play tennis. And I think for me, it's like I started to get in my head.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Of, like, of course, because you can play tennis.

[Christopher]

Like, I didn't lie. And I think that's what really got in my head of me and me starting to gravel and be like, please, like, let's fix this. But, like, I didn't do anything wrong.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Exactly. Because you want. That's a natural reaction. You really care about this. You may be Even in love or love this person and you wanted it to work. But at the same time it also should reveal to you, like you were saying, the amount of work that this person needs. Because it seems as if to put it politely, they can very easily get triggered and set off on things that aren't even there. Right.

[Kathryn]

So that's not about like his fear of that chance. That's not about you.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Yeah, that's you're experiencing stuff and hurt, which is legit. Right. That you had nothing to do with before you even came into the picture. That's coming up for them and they don't know how to process or deal with it. It's not to say that they're a bad person. At the very least they need the time to work it out. And maybe. But you know what else sucks? Can I just say this? Sometimes the most fun, exciting.

Swept up be the craziest ones. Do you know what I mean? Like it can feel. I sometimes in past relationships would get over time, I was starting to pick up on these kind of. I'm saying this to say you're not the first one to experience this. So don't feel like you're alone in all of this. And sometimes it's not for everyone. But those fast and furious heavy.

You also get fast and furious bullshit too. You know what I mean? Like there's two sides of that coin with that kind of personality. And so it seems like you're also seeing. Not to say it wasn't real and what you got guys felt is. Is what you felt. But sometime, I don't know. Sometimes love is a little bit more boring and a little bit more. It's not always high voltage and it's sometimes because those people are like a little more higher strung. And you're going to also get those highs of the bad highs too. I don't know if that makes sense.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, absolutely, Totally makes sense, I think. But you know, you always have to look at these moments as with gratitude. Like, thank you for showing me who you are. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you for not wasting my time. It's not a struggle. You don't have to make it this big struggle. And like, I don't know, is it. What do I do? What do I do? You know what to do. That's a bad sign. He has work to do. If he wants to do work and come back, great. You can talk to him in a few months after he has had some therapy. But this is not how you're gonna go through life. So that's the end of that story. You got the message loud and clear, right? Problem solved.

[Ad Voice]

Yes.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay.

[Christopher]

Yeah. And I think it's definitely solved because I was also about to. I was going to propose. To.

[Chelsea Handler]

Propose. Propose.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

I'm so glad you called in today.

[Ad Voice]

Please.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Christopher]

It was. No one really knew besides one friend.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, my God. This is a gift.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

You're singing 100%. It was a gift. It was a big, big, big, big decision.

[Chelsea Handler]

The universe stepping in to tell you wrong decision.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

And also, you have a big, beautiful heart. There is someone out there that's going to be down for all of that and will reciprocate the same exact thing back to you. And this relationship and the relationships in the past will all make sense when you meet that person. I promise you that. Without even knowing you. So continue to be your beautiful, full hearted self and the right person will be able to. To handle all of that and give it all back in spades.

[Kathryn]

Yeah.

[Christopher]

And I think I learned I need to take my time. I don't need to rush. I think you said that too.

[Chelsea Handler]

I think there's a lot of men out there. You're going to be fine. Don't worry about it.

[Kathryn]

All right, Christopher.

[Chelsea Handler]

Godspeed. God speed. Thanks for calling in. Yeah, well, that was really good advice.

[Erin Levine]

You know what?

[Chelsea Handler]

I like the intensity with which you are paying attention to these questions. I appreciate.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Oh, this is serious.

[Chelsea Handler]

I appreciate your attention to this matter.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Absolutely. You really, really so left my body when that man said he was going to propose. I got so scared.

[Chelsea Handler]

We didn't even get into only murders in the building. Tayvine.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

That's okay. But thank you for watching everyone.

[Chelsea Handler]

I love that you. I. You got that. You asked for him to do a scene with Meryl Streep because.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Oh, yeah, girl, you gotta ask for certain things.

[Chelsea Handler]

That's right. You do ask for.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

There's no way that lady's gonna be in this building. I'm like, oh, no, it's okay.

[Chelsea Handler]

So you can catch Divine. She's a new movie. It's Eternity. It's out in theaters now. You can catch her on only murders in the building.

[Erin Levine]

And it's.

[Chelsea Handler]

It's such an. It's such a joy to sit down with you. It's such a joy, joy.

Triple joy day. It's a triple joy day. Thank you for being with us here on your wedding day.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Thank you.

[Kathryn]

The word of the week is efficacious adjective having the power to produce a desired effect. Efficacious used in a sentence. Everyone knows that women are more efficacious at problem solving and multitasking than men. Efficacious.

[Chelsea Handler]

I just announced all my tour dates. It's called the High and Mighty Tour. I will be touring from February through June, so go get your tickets now. If you want good seats and you want to come see me perform, I will be on the High and Mighty Tour.

[Kathryn]

Do you want advice from Chelsea? Write into dearchelseapodcastmail.com Find full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching earchelseapod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert Executive Producer Kathryn Law. And be sure to check out our merch@chelsea handler.com.

[Chelsea Handler]

You know that feeling when you come home late from work and those puppy dog eyes just pierce right through your soul? Yep, we've all been there. Pet Parent guilt is real and completely normal. That's exactly why Hill's Pet Nutrition exists. They understand that being a pet parent means being human. Hill Science led nutrition helps you give more love than humanly possible. Whether it's those long work days or trying to balance the tension between multiple times pets. Hill's Pet Nutrition gets it because you're only human. There's Hills Science does more Ready to let go of the guilt? Find the right [e-mail] iheart that's hillspet.com iheart I used to wake up at.

[Ad Voice]

2Am drenched in my own sweat. Not the cutest. Then I found pod 5 from 8 sleep and it changed everything. It's built with women's health in mind and helps with those brutal hot flashes. It is a smart mattress cover that cools your body before a hot flash hits. And when I need an instant relief, I just tap the bed to use the app to activate Hot Flash mode. It's clinically proven to reduce hot flashes by over 50% and it even cools each side of the bed independently.

[Chelsea Handler]

Go to eightsleep.com Chelsea use code Chelsea and get up to $700 off Pod 5. You'll thank me later. From nursing and healthcare to business and it, Rasmussen has a range of programs to fit your goals and path no matter what your day to day looks like. Rasmussen's programs allow you to balance school with life while you pursue your degree. So if you're ready to pursue your education goals, Rasmussen is ready to help you take that next step. Head on over to Rasmussen Edu and check out the opportunities waiting for you. Your future is a bright one. Rasmussen University can help you get there 10 athletes will face the toughest job interview in fitness that will push past physical and mental breaking points.

You are the fittest of the fit. Only one of you will leave here with an IFIT contract worth $250,000.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

This is where mindset comes in.

[Kathryn]

Someone will be eliminated. Pressure is coming down.

[Chelsea Handler]

This is Trainer Games.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Watch it on prime video starting January 8th.

[Chelsea Handler]

Then the space hamster flew his hot.

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[Chelsea Handler]

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Nope.

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[Kathryn]

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[Kathryn]

This is an iHeart podcast.

[Da'Vine Joy Randolph]

Guaranteed human.