Ride or Die PONIES with Emilia Clarke

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dear Chelsea – “Ride or Die PONIES with Emilia Clarke”

Podcast: Dear Chelsea
Host: Chelsea Handler (with co-host Catherine Law)
Guest: Emilia Clarke
Date: January 22, 2026
Episode Theme: Real talk, advice, and laughter about relationships, self-discovery, and the life of an actor, with a special focus on Emilia Clarke’s career, her new show “Ponies,” and heartfelt advice to listeners.

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Episode Overview

This episode features beloved British actor Emilia Clarke joining Chelsea Handler and Catherine Law for an advice-filled, candid conversation. The group discusses Emilia's new project “Ponies,” her on-set experiences, overcoming serious health challenges, and what it means to maintain your identity through success and relationships. As always, Chelsea and her guest offer listeners their trademark blend of humor and genuinely thoughtful advice on everything from messy boyfriends to starting over in comedy and embracing happiness.

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Episode Breakdown

I. Warm-Up & Chemistry (03:36–07:35)

• Chelsea and Catherine open with playful banter about handjobs and relationships.
• Chelsea introduces Emilia Clarke, highlighting her full, regal-sounding name and her MBE honor.
• Emilia calls in from a hotel room in New York, kicking off a cozy, energetic vibe.

Quote:
"It's quite a title. My parents didn't know what to call me, so they called me everything."
— Emilia Clarke (07:08)

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II. Emilia’s New Series “Ponies” & Collaborations (08:47–11:12)

• Discussion about “Ponies,” Emilia’s new show, and her working relationships with co-star Haley Lu Richardson and director Susannah Fogel.
• The group gushes over Haley Lu Richardson’s unique, lovable personality.
• Emilia explains learning Russian for the role—a major challenge that pushed her personally and professionally.

Notable Quotes:
"I have never worked harder on any job, ever, ever. Half my lines are Russian. I did not speak Russian." — Emilia Clarke (10:54)
"She [Haley Lou] is such a pure, rare human who just is so full of love..." — Emilia Clarke (09:32)

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III. Emilia’s Life on Set & Acting Process (13:19–18:11)

• Emilia reflects on her evolution from drama school to major franchises.
• Early in her career, she coped with nerves by hiding between cars on set.
• She discusses balancing preparation with the need to stay loose and present.
• Rejects method acting for an intuitive, collaborative approach.

Quote:
"Sometimes acting is embarrassing. You’re doing a sex scene and you’re like, 'Hey Tim, how are you?'" — Emilia Clarke (17:09)
"The sets are families... it turns into: how do I manage my energy? How do I make sure, when the cameras are rolling, that I'm doing my job?" — Emilia Clarke (15:31)

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IV. Game of Thrones: Dragons, Fame, & Recovery (19:06–25:46)

• Emilia details the unique demands of playing Daenerys—riding horses, acting with tennis balls, and the strange, intense set pieces.
• She reveals the behind-the-scenes technicalities of “dragon-riding.”
• Talks openly about experiencing two brain aneurysms during her time on Game of Thrones, how she coped with almost no recovery time, and the role that work played in her survival.

Notable Quotes:
"Thank God they put me on a dragon." — Emilia Clarke, on her bad horse-riding skills (21:21)
"Having Game of Thrones and having the job was the thing that got me through." — Emilia Clarke, on recovery (23:51)
"I'm in the 0.001% of people who survive what I've had without any real repercussions." — Emilia Clarke (25:04)

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V. Nerves, Confidence, and Creativity (26:24–30:10)

• Chelsea and Emilia discuss reframing nervousness as excitement and caring.
• Emilia shares her biggest nerves come with singing, such as performing at Carnegie Hall.
• They exchange advice about embracing the “ride” of a creative journey, not just the destination.

Quotes:
"It's the same energy that you're experiencing as excitement in disguise." — Emilia Clarke (26:50)
"It's always before I sing... anytime I have to sing publicly, it's fear like I'm gonna throw up." — Emilia Clarke (28:24)
"We get gifted with the gift of wisdom, and then we start having good, healthy relationships." — Chelsea Handler (59:23)

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VI. Listener Advice Segment

A. Dirty Boyfriend Dilemma (Eduardo, 33:58–38:27)

• Eduardo is frustrated with his boyfriend's slovenly habits.
• Chelsea and Emilia both say it’s a major red flag and likely a dealbreaker.
• Key: One conversation should be enough for real change.

Quotes:
"If you don’t know how to take care of yourself, how on earth are you going to take care of me?" — Emilia Clarke (37:15)
"It’s not gonna change... it would be a dealbreaker for me." — Chelsea Handler (36:54)

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B. Starting Over in Comedy & the Illusion of Fame (Jared, 40:20–48:36)

• Jared, mid-40s, is broke but discovering a new creative life and wants to pursue comedy.
• Chelsea emphasizes the importance of financial stability, while both she and Emilia encourage pursuing creativity at any age.
• Deep dive into the reality (and myths) of fame, the need for authenticity, and enjoying the journey.

Quotes:
"There's no expiration date of when you can become something or start anew." — Chelsea Handler (41:48)
"It’s vapor. It doesn’t exist, you can’t hold onto it... whatever fame brings you on Monday, it takes away on Tuesday." — Emilia Clarke (48:59)
"What does success in comedy look like? ... Fame isn’t real." — Emilia Clarke (46:18)

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C. Trusting Happiness in a New Relationship (Julia, 56:24–62:46)

• Julia is worried she may lose her independence in a happy new relationship.
• Chelsea and Emilia assure her: enjoy the present, keep some “single lady” habits, and don’t borrow trouble.
• Advice includes maintaining individuality (solo activities, girlfriend dates) even in a fulfilling relationship.

Quotes:
"You deserve happiness and you deserve to be in something, in a healthy relationship. And that's what you get after being in bad relationships. We get gifted with wisdom." — Chelsea Handler (59:23)
"If you keep waking up every morning wanting to see him, and have a good time and give him head—delightful—then crack on." — Emilia Clarke (61:27)

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VII. Fame: The Double-Edged Sword (50:01–53:12)

• Emilia recounts life after becoming recognizable through Game of Thrones—panic attacks, social awkwardness, and how fame changes social dynamics.
• Both acknowledge fame is not the ultimate goal; connection and joy in work matter more.

Quotes:
"Fame stops that from happening... sometimes, I don't know if you find it, I'm a walking conversation stopper." — Emilia Clarke (50:21)
"We still, as a culture, are coveting fame... but the truth of it is, it's not the aspirational thing." — Emilia Clarke (53:01)

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VIII. Notable Memorable Moments

• Comparing acting with dragons to... tennis balls. (13:04, 19:46)
• Chelsea on method acting:
  “You don’t have to drink in a scene where you’re drinking, if you’re actually an actor.” (21:00)
• The “Runaway Bride” egg metaphor on losing yourself in relationships (62:47–63:13)

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• Emilia Clarke Introduction & Banter: 07:15
• “Ponies” Discussion: 08:47–11:12
• Russian for the Role: 10:51–12:06
• Acting Process Reflections: 13:54–18:11
• Game of Thrones/Fame/Health: 19:06–25:46, 50:01–53:12
• Listener Question 1: 33:58 (Messy boyfriend)
• Listener Question 2: 40:20 (Midlife creative changes)
• Listener Question 3: 56:24 (New relationship, independence anxiety)

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Key Takeaways & Advice Themes

• On Relationships: One hard conversation is usually enough for true change; don’t parent a partner who won’t adult.
• On Reinvention: It’s never too late to become your creative self; stability and creativity can coexist.
• On Fame: It’s not the goal—and if you can do anything else, do it.
• On Anxiety & Growth: Nerves are just excitement, and show you care; the “ride” is as important as the arrival.
• On Love & Independence: Enjoy happiness, but preserve solo rituals—trust you can have both.

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Final Note:
The episode is rich in warmth, candor, and wisdom—anchored by Emilia Clarke’s charm and Chelsea Handler’s sharp honesty. It’s an uplifting, funny, and insightful exploration of how we grow, adapt, and find joy in both our messiest and most magical moments.

Transcript

[A]

This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.

[B]

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[A]

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[B]

Albuquerque.

[A]

Mesa, Arizona. Kansas City, Missouri. St. Louis, Missouri. Minneapolis, Minnesota. Nashville, Tennessee. Charlotte, North Carolina.

[B]

Durham, North Carolina.

[A]

May 6th. I'm doing Netflix as a joke festival. I will be in Los Angeles. That is a new announcement. Saratoga, California. Monterey, California. Modesto, California, and Port Chester, New York. Boston, Massachusetts, Portland, Oregon, and Seattle, Washington. I will be touring from February through June. Go to chelseahandler.com for tickets if you want to come see me perform.

[B]

I will be on the High and Mighty Tour.

[A]

Hi, Katherine.

[C]

Hi, Chelsea.

[A]

Hi, it's me, Chelsea Handjob coming to you live from Whistler.

[C]

Looks like it's finally snowy there.

[A]

When was the last time you gave a handjob, Catherine? Have you given an adult hand job?

[C]

Actually, like, three days ago.

[A]

Oh, wow. Yeah.

[C]

Doesn't it all start with a hand job?

[A]

I mean, it starts, but a hand job three days ago? Katherine, in a marriage? I mean, seriously.

[C]

I am on. Doctor requested pelvic rest after some female stuff. So it was like, hand job or nothing from, like, you know, it could.

[A]

Progress, but pelvic rest, what happened?

[C]

Well, we'll get into it off the. We'll get it off the.

[A]

I think it should be on the podcast. Why would you want to talk about that offline?

[C]

You know, my doctor, I'm just like, endometriosis stuff, and my doctor's, like, chill out for a second with the intercourse, which Brad is very not happy with, but.

[A]

Okay, let me just take him up with it. Why, when you have to be on pelvic rest, are you delivering hand jobs? Why isn't Brad just going down on you?

[C]

That's actually a very good question.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Brad, can you come back in the room, please? I don't understand this. Why is she being punished for being on pelvic breasts? That's her first punishment, and now the second one is the hand job. She's not being punished. I offered, you know. Did you?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

And she's like, no, I'd rather give you a hand job. I believe in reciprocity. So, you know, we're.

[C]

He does.

[A]

Okay, okay.

[C]

He's very good. I just want to make sure there's an offer.

[A]

Selfish lover. I was like, hey, get over here. Give me my hand job.

[D]

We're good.

[A]

Get over here. I need my hand job. Okay, what are we talking about?

[C]

I want to know. Chelsea, have you seen Michael Rapaport on the Traitors and the clips that are going around about him.

[A]

I, you know what, I've actually, you know, let me tell you something very interesting. I got this phone service, Noble Mobile, right? This is like the ethical phone. My friend Andrew Yang started this company, Andrew, and they basically reward you for not being on your phone. And since I got this service, I am not on my phone like I used to be. I was, it said my average screen time the other day was 49 minutes. And that's including texting and emailing. I was, I mean, it was a Saturday, so it wasn't a lot happening, but like 49 minutes, it used to be like 4 hours and 45 minutes. So your phone bill is like $50 a month and you have unlimited, like international, all that stuff. And then they, then they, they give you money. Like last month I got a $6 credit for not being on my. So the less you're on your phone, the more money you get back.

[C]

It's nice to have incentives like that.

[A]

Yeah, of course, of course. Especially I want a phone company that doesn't want me on my phone. That's nice.

[C]

Well, let me tell you, Michael Rapaport is going viral because of how he eats.

[A]

Oh, I can only mat. Is it disgusting?

[C]

It's. It's bad, Chelsea. He picks up the whole plate and then he shoves the plate into his mouth and squeezes scoops. That is how he eats. There are multiple shots of this from him on the Traders.

[A]

What is the Traders?

[C]

Oh, it's a reality show. It's the one with Alan coming and Monet X Change is on it this time.

[A]

But why is he, why is Michael Rapoport on it?

[C]

He's a contestant on the Traitors.

[A]

But is he eating like that on purpose? Like to be funny?

[C]

I don't know, I kind of wonder that too. I'm like, is it a bit?

[A]

Yeah, it's a bit. Nobody puts their plate up to their mouth. I mean, I've seen some fucked up eating. I'm Jewish, so I, and I came from a very Jewish Italian neighborhood and it was like people were chewing on their food, was watching like a spin cycle go around. My father being one of those people, you were like, excuse me, get out of my 5 yard radius of the beach. It's disgusting.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Yes. Well, we have a much more elegant guest today.

[A]

Yeah, she's very elegant because she's British. She's someone you know from the Star wars universe, the Terminator franchise and Game of Thrones. Emilia Clarke is here. We have her live in action in studio. Hi, you cutie patootie. Fresh and fruity. So excited to talk to you.

[D]

You, too. You're somewhere beautiful and snowy.

[A]

Oh, my God. I'm in Whistler, Canada. This is where I live in the wintertime. I have to keep my feet on the ground in skis at all times.

[D]

Yes, yes. I've seen you nude skiing down slopes and thought, that looks fun.

[A]

Thank you. Thank you for that. Shout out. I want to first say that the person we're speaking with today, her full name is Amelia Isabel Euphemia Rose Clark, mba, which is a standing for Member of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire. I mean, are you even allowed to be talking to me?

[D]

It's quite a title. I know. That is so funny. My parents didn't know what to call me, so they called me everything. That's how that goes.

[A]

It's very euphonious, though. All of those names kind of like. I mean, if you can remember them all, they kind of roll off the tongue.

[D]

They do. They do ultimately roll off the tongue, yes. But it's a good. It's a good, like, test of the memory. I'll know if something's gone wrong by how. If I can remember how to say my full name.

[A]

Absolutely. Absolutely. Okay. Where am I getting you from today? Where in the world are you, Emelia?

[D]

I am in a hotel room in New York.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

How's that going?

[D]

It's good. Today's day one. We'll see how it goes.

[A]

Oh, good. Oh, good. Today's day one of your press tour.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

You're promoting before we're going to. First, we're talking about the show you're here to promote, which is called Ponies. I saw a bunch of episodes already.

[D]

You did?

[A]

I did. I did. You know who one of my other favorite people is? Haley Lou Richardson.

[B]

So I love her.

[D]

Don't we love her?

[A]

Yes, of course. And Susannah Fogel, who directs this whole project, is another friend of mine.

[D]

Oh, my God. Okay, then. You love us. This is fabulous. This is a warm room.

[A]

Absolutely, Absolutely. You're welcome. Yes, yes. I'm a fan of all of the things. So tell me about what it was like working with Hayley Lou, because you guys are so good together.

[D]

I mean, heaven, she is literally my sister. She's my itty bitty baby sister. I love her with my whole heart. I've never met another human being like her. I never will as long as I live. I want her in my life forever.

[A]

She's very unique.

[D]

Yes. I listened to her episode with you guys. She's just the most beautiful, pure spirit. Like, she is such a pure, rare human who just is so full of love and like. Like, if you paid her to be mean to someone, she couldn't do it. Like, it's just.

[A]

It's physically impossible. She's so lovable. Like, she's so quirky and lovable, and it's almost like she's an actress who's just like. Like, she did my podcast, and then she was leaving, she was moving to Arizona, and I'm like, hey, why? Why are you doing such a thing? And she's like, I don't know. My family's there. And, you know, I'll just come.

[D]

Well, this happened while we were filming. She was like, I'm moving to Arizona. We, like, looked at the houses. She found the house that she liked. She, like, did the thing and was doing this huge move. I'm so. She's so impressive in so many ways. She takes such big risks that to me, sound, like, terrifying. And to her, she's like, this just feels like something I want to do right now. Like, she follows her intuition. She follows how she feels. She's just remarkable.

[A]

And we're going to dedicate this podcast episode to Haley Lou. There we go.

[D]

Shout out to Haley Lou.

[A]

Yeah. Did you. And did you get her book? Her book of poetry that you wrote?

[D]

Of course I did.

[A]

Okay, good.

[D]

Yes, I did.

[A]

She's so cute.

[C]

Yes, yes, yes.

[D]

I pop that on my little Instagram.

[A]

Nice Russian, by the way. Did you have to learn Russian for this role?

[D]

I mean. Yeah, this was massive. This was like the biggest. I. I have never worked harder any. On any job, ever, ever. And I never will again. It was literally like, half my lines are Russian. I did not speak Russian. I'm not a linguist. I speak English and I pretend that I can speak French, and that's pretty much it.

[A]

You speak the Queen's English. So that's actually.

[D]

I speak the Queen's English.

[A]

That's a feather in your pocket as well. You speak the proper English.

[D]

Okay. Double language, double English.

[A]

So you did. You have to learn Russian. Russian is a. I have a Russian sister in law, so I'm familiar with the language. And it's tricky.

[D]

It's. So they're just. The sounds are not like, you don't hear Slavic sounds all the time in Europe. Like, it's not. It's not a sound that I'm hearing all the time. So I just couldn't get my mouth around it for half of it. And So I had this incredible dialect coach who was completely remarkable and he created this whole. Oh, this whole thing. There's like a memory palace. There were stories, there were like, what does this Russian word sound like in English? And then there were images. And I had to learn the images, to learn the story, to learn the words, to learn the lines. This was like a five step process.

[A]

Yeah, that sounds like. That's like a real pain in the ass. Especially for you to say this is the hardest you've ever worked with. All of the movies that you've done, that's saying a lot. Because being a mother to dragons, being in Star wars, all of the nonsense that you've gotten up to in this, like sci fi world, pretending that you have two dragons as babies is that would. Oh, that's right. 3. What am I talking about? You know what, it's so funny. I just came back from Antarctica and they have these icebergs, right? You go on these excursions and the icebergs are so massive that you. And you get on kayaks and you're like kind of, you know, you're riding around and you're circling the icebergs, and then they're so big that when you get closer, they kind of undulate and they go up and down. And I said, I was like, this is like one of those dragons from Game of Thrones. I was like, this is like a real life eating, breathing thing that's alive.

[D]

And I got a tennis ball. So, like, you definitely experienced a much.

[A]

You're looking at a tennis ball when we're looking at a dragon.

[D]

I'm looking at a tennis ball and I'm looking at three guys trying to not catch my eye holding the tennis ball at the end of a big bowl.

[A]

Yeah, that is difficult. That's some tough stuff.

[D]

That was tough.

[A]

Okay, so tell me, like, with the spectrum of all of this work that you're doing, because this isn't lighter fare, but it's. It's got comedy in it. It's like, it's tongue in cheek and it's chemistry and it's kind of like it's a nice duo of women rather than men doing this show. So I obviously really like that, but with everything you do, I do. I am interested in your process and how you break things down. Like, how do you look at acting and how do you take on these roles? Whether it's something totally sci fi or whether it's more rooted in. This is a period piece that takes place in Russia a long time ago. But, like, how do you approach all of that?

[D]

Okay, so it's definitely changed throughout the years. I mean, I started pretty much on Game of Thrones and I was pretty much straight out of drama school, like a year out of drama school. So I, on Game of Thrones used to hide between parked cars to prepare because I needed to prepare and I needed like space and time and like I'm having a panic attack and what am I doing? And this is my first big job in the 80s. I didn't understand an 80s job was to like make sure they knew where you were and they, that that's their job. I would be like, why, why do they want me? Why are people calling my name? Like, this is. Just give me some, give me a minute. Like it's. And then I realized that they had to and I was not helping them by hiding. And so I think that in the beginning it was very much like drama school training. There's a right way to do this. I'm a, I'm goody two shoes. I want to do the right. I don't want to upset anyone. I want to do the right damn thing. So that was it. And I found that if I. So when you're on a set, people, you have your stand ins to do the lighting, right? And I used to be like, but if I do my own stand in stuff, then I get to have some alone time.

[A]

Alone time to prepare.

[D]

And then you do other jobs and you're like, this isn't tandem. I can't keep this up. This is just not. This is untenable.

[A]

You can't keep the shtick up. First of all, it's a surprise to hear that there were cars on the set of Game of Thrones. Okay, so that's a spoiler alert right there. I had no idea you guys were dealing with any sort of modern day machinery.

[D]

Yeah, in between the dragons. And then, I don't know, you get older and it changes. I think for me, I like, you know, the sets of families. You're there for a long amount of time. It turns into this like, how do I manage my energy? How do I make sure that when the cameras are rolling and if this thing that's gonna last forever or as long as people wanna watch it, that I'm doing my job as best I can. And that literally is, yeah, like an energy thing. So I'll do a lot of preparation before the job and I'll do a lot of reading. I'll reread the script a bajillion times. I'll like Watch the stuff that's helpful. I'll craft the character together. I'll have my little notebook. I'll have my sound, my music, like, playlist stuff. Like, all of those things so that when I turn up, I've done it already. And then I can, like, shoot the shit with everyone on set and feel good that I know what I'm. What I. What is. What's. Yeah.

[A]

Once you're prepped enough, then anything could come your way and you're like, all right, I got this. You know, if, like, you get a curveball, like, it's the same. It's the same for comedy. It's like, as long as you're. You've got your game together and your shit together, if someone is heckling in the audience or someone's drunk or whatever, if something. A joke doesn't. It doesn't matter because you're so well prepared, you can easily pivot.

[D]

Exactly. And, like, I feel, for me, I'm definitely an intuitive actor, so I'm not. I mean, you would not. I'm the furthest thing from a method actor you could possibly imagine. Like, I'll be like. And then she said. And then action. You know what I mean? Like, it's. I don't need that so much, but I do need to feel safe in the environment that I'm filming in. So you want to. Like, I'm friends with. You know, I want to. I want to know the crew well. I want to feel like we're all in this together, and then I can embarrass. Because sometimes acting is embarrassing.

[C]

It is.

[D]

You know, you're doing a sex scene and you're like, hey, Tim, how are you? You had a good day? Yeah.

[A]

Let me.

[D]

I'm just going to get back to. It's so. I think that's kind of one of the. The ways that my process or, like, how I deal with acting has changed throughout the years. But it's also feeling like in the moment, you're ready to pivot. You're. Because it's one thing. Like, when I was a kid, you would. You know, you'd. You'd be in your hotel room, you'd be like, right, stand here. And I say it like this. And he's going to be there, and I'm so prepared. And you're, like, so tense. And that doesn't help because you get on set and everything's. And you're acting with people. Sometimes the tennis ball, but sometimes people. And they're going to bring their own thing, and then they Got a director who's going to have his own opinion. So I like to go with. I'd like to. I like to feel as free as I can in the scene, to be able to react to whatever I need to react to, to be able to like take the right direction, listen to the other person, respond accordingly without having too much of my idea of how I think this should go.

[A]

Yeah. Cause I mean, playing something like Daenerys Targaryen. Did I say that right?

[D]

You said it so right.

[A]

Wow. Another mellifluous name that you have. You have a lot of. You have a lot of syllables in all of your characters names. FYI. I do, yeah. But playing someone like that, like, that's a fucking bold. Like you have to come out and like, you know, you are commanding a massive presence for that show. You're the lead. Like you have and do something that's so not rooted in reality and that's a huge swing. So watching the presence that you had during that show, never. I mean, obviously we're going to cover all your performances, but I just want to say as a viewer, you're like, whoa. Because you have to be a powerhouse to pull that off and make it convincing. Because that would be for me, if someone said you're going to play a mother to dragons, I'd be like, please don't make me do that's anything but that. I don't have the skill set to pull that off.

[D]

Well, I didn't.

[A]

So it's an undertaking.

[D]

I mean, I didn't. And like, you know, from the beginning of the show, I grew with it. She was really like nervous and scared and didn't know anything. And like, as the things. As the seasons went on, she got more and more and more, you know, by the end she's a badass motherfucker. But in the beginning she wasn't at all. So I think I kind of grew with her. And it's weird. The camera turns on and like something else happens. Like you. You just like you can. This is going to sound like a really weird example, but you can tell whenever. So I had to do a lot of riding horses on Game of Thrones in the beginning. I suck at it. I fell off a.

[A]

Why did they just let you ride a tennis ball? Why do you have the horses wheel?

[D]

Exactly. I mean, there was one time where it was going so badly, they put me on the camera dolly and pretended just put a load of anxes around it. And I was like, yeah, I'm riding the horse.

[A]

I'm not riding Horse.

[D]

I'm riding Barry's camera trolley. And as soon as you get on a horse, the horse feels everything that you're feeling, right? So if you're shit scared, the horse is like, get off. I stop it. This. I'm gonna go crazy. And there were times when I was like, I'm calm. Everything's calm. The horse is calm. Everything's good. They yell action. And you can feel, because the horse is like, what? There's a tension. Do you know what I mean? Something changes.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

So I feel. Definitely put me on camera, have someone say action. And I can access something else that is.

[B]

I guess it's called.

[A]

I guess that's what being an actor.

[D]

Is, is being an actress.

[A]

Like, I heard Leo DiCaprio talking the other day. They're like, dude, do you do all your scenes high? When you're high, do you smoke the gaunt when you're playing a stoner in battle? One battle after another, are you smoking? And he goes, no, I'm acting. That's what I'm like, why not? He goes, cause I'm acting. And I was like, good answer. You don't have to drink in a scene where you're drinking if you're actually an actor.

[D]

Exactly. Exactly. Yes. So, yeah, I suppose it's the. Yeah. And then you do it so long. It's your job. And it just. It just. I don't know. I'm kind of hardwired.

[A]

So when you were riding the horses, was that. Were you riding the horses when you were supposed to be riding the dragons?

[D]

No, I was riding the horses when I was riding the horses, but I sucked at riding the horses. Like, thank God they put me on a dragon.

[A]

And so when you were riding the dragon, what were you riding? An actual.

[D]

I was riding a. This was fun. I was riding a big, green, kind of imagine like a ninja turtle shell, but, like, very, very big on this huge hydraulic system. And it all had, like, moving parts on, like, really, really, really big scaffolding in, like, a huge aircraft hangar all the way up the top. And they have it on a. On a, like, program, which makes sense. Like, you know, it took a day to film two minutes worth of me on a dragon, basically.

[A]

Really.

[D]

And so I would be up there, and you'd have to look like you were driving the dragon. Not driving the dragon, riding the dragon. You know, you would tell me.

[A]

No, I think you're right. I think it's called driving the dragon sometimes. It's called chasing the dragon sometimes.

[D]

Sometimes. And so I'm there and you have to predict what the pre programmed thing is gonna be. And then half on one of the shoots, it kept breaking down and they'd be giving me my notes and I'd be like, yeah, carry on. I'm just gonna let this like ride up. It just, it was, it was super intense, but sometimes very fun.

[A]

And I know you were talking publicly. This is something that if you're okay to talk about, I would love to. I know you talked publicly about being, having some two brain aneurysms while you were filming Game of Thrones. How, how are you doing? How was that recovery? Can you talk about that?

[D]

I'm good. I mean, so the recovery was non existent because I didn't have time. So I shot season one of Game of Thrones first. Like, you know, fame or whatever, a job, money, doing the thing that I loved. And then we finished, we wrapped that Christmas and in February of the next year, I had my first brain hemorrhage. I was in the gym. It was obviously a massive shock. Rushed to hospital. They saved my life. I then was in hospital for three weeks and they couldn't tell HBO for two weeks until they knew I wasn't gonna die, that this had happened. And I got to the hospital and in my lucid moments was like trying to pull out the wires to be like, I gotta get to work. What are you doing? And I can't. And so they saved my life. Incredible. The incredible nhs. And then I had like six weeks maybe. And then I was on the press tour for my first ever press tour with morphine.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[D]

Yeah, it was super. It was super, super intense. But having Game of Thrones and having the job was the thing that got me through. And then the second time it happened, that just sucked. That was just super annoying because I spoke to David and Dan and they were like, again, like, how did that. And the second one was a procedure that went wrong and so that resulted in a much bigger bleed. And they had to then do like, I had this big scar. They had to like crack my head open. Oh, and that's. God.

[A]

I mean, how does one get a brain aneurysm? This is just the luck of the draw.

[D]

Um, yeah. So how do you get a brain hemorrhage? I was born with a weakness in my arteries. That's hereditary. That like, if I were to have a baby, I'd be like, get that baby in an MRI machine immediately so I can see if it helps.

[A]

Yeah. And do you have an avenue for preventative? Like, like, is this something like that you can help do certain things to prevent.

[D]

I mean, don't take drugs. Don't do stuff that's going to raise your blood pressure. Don't work too hard, essentially. Don't work too hard. I know, right? Which is the same thing. Honestly, there's nothing. There's. There's like. I'm in a very good spot. I get my brain scanned every year. I. I'm in the, like, 0.001% of people who survive what I've had without any real repercussions.

[A]

Oh, I'm so glad to hear that. I'm so glad to hear that. When you were talking about that publicly a couple years ago, I was like, wait, what?

[D]

Yes.

[A]

Oh, my God. And working through that. I mean, honestly, actors put up with more shit than anybody else. Like, actors work through sickness. And I mean, I know for my. I'm not an actor. I'm a comedian, but I worked through every. We act like we're saving lives. Like, we work through any sort of sickness, anything.

[D]

I know Covid was such a shock because it was the first time I'd ever, ever, ever had anyone on any set be like, you're not well. Do you need to come in? You don't have to work today. Yeah. Brain hemorrhages, broken ribs, broken hips. I did a whole job without realizing I'd broken my hip. The show must go on.

[A]

Yeah, apparently, the show must go on. So what is an ideal day off like for you? If you had your druthers and you have nothing to do and nothing scheduled, what would it look like?

[D]

Okay, so it would look like seeing friends. It would look like going for a very lovely dinner. It would look like, get the papers, read my books, go for walks, go out.

[A]

Are you a big book reader?

[D]

Theater. I'm a massive reader, yeah.

[A]

What's the last book that you've read that you loved?

[D]

That I loved. I did the whole of the Booker prize list. Cause I'm a nerd. And my favorite one on that was this book called Sea Scrapper by Benjamin Wood. It's only itty bitty. It's tiny, and it's incredible.

[A]

Ooh, thank you. We like recommendation book recommendations for our audience. They're readers now. I like that you have a life hack. You talk about flipping nervousness into confidence. I feel like this is something I could relate to. So can you speak a little bit about that? Cause it's not being fearless. It's facing. It's facing fear. Right?

[D]

Yeah, exactly. It's kind of realizing that that same Energy that you're experiencing is excitement in disguise. So, like, you know those nerves. I'm sure you don't. You're too good to get nerves before going on stage. To get nerves before, like, doing your work. But I definitely still get them. Or even just like, I don't know, you're going to a dinner and you know one person and you're like, fuck, this is. I'm out of my comfort zone. It's the same, like, energy frequency as excitement. You've just got adrenaline. You've just got, like, excess adrenaline, which is all that is, is your body telling you that you're ready and prepared.

[A]

For anything and that you care, kind of.

[D]

And that you care. Yeah. Although sometimes me thinking that I care can turn into, like, that. That ends up being the thing of, like, caring too much.

[A]

Oh, yeah, I know. Well, I had it.

[D]

My.

[A]

My therapist put it to me one way. He's like, you know, if you're nervous, that means you care. And I was like, oh, I had never thought about that. I was always in. Was always trying to fast forward the. Like, if I had the fear, it was like, no, no, I'm. I'm okay. Like, you know, to just try and kind of put a shield around it and be like, I'm just gonna power through this instead of. I think it's really important now, as I'm older, to acknowledge the fear and embrace it, because it just. It means you care. And it's not fear. Like, nervousness isn't fear. It's excitement. It doesn't mean, like, you're gonna fail. It means you're excited to get out there and that you care about what you're about to do.

[D]

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. No, I think it's. Yeah. How do you channel your energy? How do. Someone once said, how do you get your butterflies flying in formation.

[A]

Yeah. What do you remember the most nervous you've ever been?

[D]

It's always before I sing. I remember I did a. I sung at Carnegie hall for Richard Laplace leaving do of hbo, and he asked me to sing a song, and I was like, what? To, like, Carnegie Hall.

[A]

Oh, oh.

[D]

To, like, all these.

[A]

Oh, yeah, you guys. You better deliver at Carnegie Hall.

[D]

You're famous people. What the fuck? But anytime I have to sing, like, I did this movie that's gonna come out maybe at some point this year, and I was a singer in that. And anytime I have to sing publicly, it's fear. Like, I'm gonna throw up. Like, I'm gonna. Like, I'm. I'm in the wings being like, I'm just gonna go. I'm just gonna. I'm just gonna. I'm gonna leave. Yeah, yeah. And you'll. And it'll be fine because you'll have missed this terrible car crash that's about to happen.

[A]

I like that. I like that. It's good to know. It's good to know. I mean, I could imagine. Yeah, you, whatever your main gig is, you're like, okay, I'm good with this. But any side hustle, you're like, hold on a second.

[D]

I don't know. I haven't got my 10,000 hours.

[A]

You're not so secretive about other actors that you're obsessed with. Like, who is your. Who are you crushing on now, man? Woman, actor. Like, who are you into right now?

[D]

Who am I into? Haley Lou motherfucking Richardson.

[A]

Yeah, totally.

[D]

Who do I love right now? I mean, Jessie Buckley forever. She's my number one.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

My number one.

[A]

That movie. That was one of my favorite books, too. Did you read Hamnet?

[D]

I did, yes.

[A]

That was a beautiful, beautiful book. And she's so fun to watch win, you know?

[D]

Yes. And then also, I do have to say, the joy of seeing Gwyneth Paltrow again is heaven. I'm like, gwynnie's back.

[A]

I know, I know. And you know what's so funny? I was like, gwyneth, you know what? You have been talking about vaginas. You have been selling us vagina goodies. You have been interviewing people about sex. It's about time we got to see you have sex. We need to see you more having more sex. In my opinion, she needs to keep her clothes off on camera.

[D]

Absolutely agree.

[A]

For the benefit of the rest of us. Because she took a big break and now she's back and she needs to fully just release.

[D]

Yes, there we go. You have sex with younger men on camera. All of us, please.

[A]

Message received. Okay, so we're gonna take a break and we're gonna be right back with Emilia Clarke. And.

[B]

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[A]

Been a truly beautiful medical breakthrough. One shot makes you hot, but with terrifying consequences. In the new original series, FX's the Beauty, the glamorous world of supermodels turns deadly as mysterious deaths draw in FBI agents and a shadowy billionaire who will stop at nothing to protect his empire. From executive producer Ryan Murphy. FX's the Beauty now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney for bundle subscribers. Fleur de Mel is known as an It Girl brand for luxury lingerie dresses and bodysuits with a seductive chic and elevated aesthetic. Their fabrics include real silk, refined French lace, and modern stretch materials designed to feel soft, smooth and wearable. One of their most popular pieces is the flared corset knit dress worn publicly by Taylor Swift and recognized for its flattering waistline and versatility. From brunch to evening events. Their bodysuits come in cotton, lace and fashion forward materials. The full collection is available @fleur de mal.com this is Chelsea Handler from Dear Chelsea, I have some very exciting news. I am always looking for companies to support that are ethical. And let's be honest, the phone companies we've all been stuck with are not that. You know, I travel constantly and supposedly I have international free roaming on Verizon, yet my phone bills are still 300, 400, and even $500 a month. It makes zero sense. So I switched to a company with actual ethics, Noble Mobile, and they pay you for staying off your phone. The more you unplug, the more money you save each month. And the most you'll Ever pay is 50 bucks Unlimited coverage when I need it, cash back when I don't. It was started by people I know and trust. So if you trust me and want to join my mission to stop being a phone addicted zombie, come along. Go to noblemobile.com Chelsea right now and try it for just 10 bucks. That's noblemobile.com Chelsea we're back with Emilia Clarke. Okay, so now we're gonna segue into the part of the show where we take some callers. They Call in for life advice, and then we just give it to them straight.

[D]

Okay, Amazing. All right.

[C]

Our first question comes from Eduardo. The subject line is, Chelsea, please tell me why my boyfriend's mattress has no sheets. Dear Chelsea, I'm writing because I think I'm starting to lose my patience and maybe myself in my relationship. I've been dating someone for a little over a year. We don't live together, but whenever I go stay at his place, it somehow turns into a cleaning weekend. I end up washing his dishes, throwing away leftovers he's forgotten in the fridge, kitchen or table, tidying his bed and trying to make the place feel halfway livable. Meanwhile, he just doesn't seem to care. It's not like I'm obsessed with cleaning. I'm really not. But, for example, when he buys vegetables, he just puts them in the fridge with actual dirt still on them. He buys too much food, it goes bad, and he doesn't even bother to throw it out. It's like living in a low budget science experiment. We've already talked about this more than once, but nothing changes. It's reached the point where every time he invites me over on my day off, I feel this mix of discomfort and low key anger. Like I'm going to visit my boyfriend, but I'll be doing chores. I've even caught myself telling him the kitchen must be clean or I won't cook, like I'm his mother. And that makes me feel kind of awful. Last week I noticed his sheets were really dirty, so I took them off and put them in the washer before I left. Six days later, when I came back to spend my weekend off with him, the mattress was still bare. He had been sleeping on a blanket I'd left on the bed, just waiting for the sheets to dry for six days. As soon as I saw the bed, I felt tired already and honestly just wanted to go back home. The real problem is that when I try to talk about how I feel about the mess, he tends to dismiss it or make a joke. I want to be with someone I can grow with, not someone I have to parent. So, Chelsea, what do you think? Am I overreacting or is this the universe's way of telling me it's time to clean up more than just his kitchen. With love and a pair of dish gloves from Buenos Aires. Eduardo.

[A]

Okay, Eduardo, let's wrap on this.

[D]

First of all, heavy.

[A]

There is nothing grosser than when men do not know how to be hygienic in their own place. I had a girlfriend that was dealing with this. My girlfriend was dealing with a guy. She had a long distance relationship and she went to his house and it was the same situation. She said she was so grossed out by the way he lived and how unkempt he was. Like, how he would, you know, like the kitchen and the sheets. It's a real sign of someone's personality when they can't figure out how to adult and grow up. You know what I mean? Like, it's a real sign of, like, and then bringing it to their attention. That should be one and done conversation. Like, if they're interested in maintaining this relationship, and that's important to you, the hygiene of their house, where you're spending time, not taking sheets out of a dryer or a washer for six days is disgusting. Because in their mouth or mattress as an adult is disgusting. So, like, it's not gonna change if you're. You have to decide if this is a deal breaker. It would be for me. It would totally be a deal breaker for me. I mean, I've never been with someone gross like that, but I mean, men are. Men can be gross. But this is a gay man, it sounds like.

[C]

That was what I was most surprised. I was shocked to see Eduardo at the end of this. I'm like, you would expect this from a straight man.

[A]

You would expect this from, like, a hetero man, not a gay man. So. But there's exceptions to all rules. But, I mean, I don't know. Emelia, what do you think? Would you be down to party with someone?

[D]

Fucking kidding. No, Absolutely, categorically not. Put the damn sheets on the bed. If you don't know how to take care of yourself, how on earth are you going to take care of me?

[A]

Like, right, well, there you go. There we go. Period. End of story.

[D]

Done.

[A]

But also, it's gross also buying vegetables and then not rinsing them off in the sink. Like, even I know about that. Like, that is so ridiculous. All of it is just kind of an ick.

[D]

Yeah, no, but also it just speaks to, like, a bigger thing of this man clearly doesn't think much of himself and isn't. Like, he doesn't sound like he knows what's up with him. So how would. How on earth could you trust your happiness and yourself and your Roman? What? Like you're like, yeah, having sexual relations on a mattress. There's no shame.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[D]

All of it's making me really deeply uncomfortable. This gorgeous man needs to get out of this, like, yesterday.

[A]

Also, you should only have to have one conversation about a serious topic in your relationship. In my humble opinion, you should have one serious conversation about something that's important to you. And if that person isn't receptive and makes changes knowing how important it is to you, then. Then it's a moot point. There's no point to discuss it over and over ad infinitum. And that's. And that's the end of that story. What's next, Katherine?

[C]

Okay, well, our first caller today is Jared. And Jared says, ten years ago I moved my queer black ass from the east coast to San Diego to get sober. Then two years ago I moved to LA to be in a more creative and cosmopolitan scene. I had a remote job, but that ended a little over a year ago. I've spent the last year taking every possible action to earn an income, but I cannot get hired to save my life. It's almost comical at this point. I got snubbed for a job begging groceries at Trader Joe's. My car is busted and not eligible to drive uber. I'm 100 pro sex work, but I don't think my 43 year old stock would command a livable wage. My retirement is gone. That old bourbon and cocaine habit wasn't exactly 401k friendly. And there's no secret family money. And I'm in a program to help me earn effectively throughout all this. Losing the job, losing my dog, the space away from boring desk jobs. I've seen my little creative queen come out of her shell. I can't believe all the talent and joy I suppressed for so many years, especially writing and performing. I'm afraid to say it, Chelsea, but I want to learn to be a comedy writer and maybe do stand up. I know I can't just start doing open mics and expect to pay rent. And even though I'm still applying to big boy office jobs, I don't want to stifle my creativity again. Now here I am, mid-40s, broke, embarrassed that I want to start over as a comedian while my peers are buying vacation homes, living off alimony and sending kids to college. So, Chelsea, how do I balance getting out of financial and emotional survival mode while also trying to enter a new industry? I didn't move to LA to be in quote unquote, Hollywood yuck, but I did move to be more of myself. I've always been told I have a special talent and energy and that I should get hired just to be myself. I just don't know what to do in order to get the ball rolling and not end up evicted or in another soulless job in the process? Am I too old to start over, Chelsea? What do I need to do to be strong and confident, to make a living spreading light and making others feel better? Sincerely, Jared.

[A]

Hi, Jared.

[E]

Hey, Chelsea.

[D]

Hi.

[A]

Hi. Jared, this is our special guest. Emilia Clark is here today.

[D]

Hi.

[E]

Hey, Amelia. Great to see you all.

[A]

Oh, great to see you. Well, I mean, first of all, a couple things, like, this is happy that you are. Your letter says a lot of things. It says, like, you're in a transitional period in your life. You're also, like, you're broke and you're out of work. But while that could be your, like, the lowest point for many people, you're also discovering that you have some other, like, creative outlets that you want to explore, and I think that's a great thing. I think you need to focus on getting a job. We need to get you a job so you have money coming in so you can pay your rent. And then comedy is at nighttime, so don't. They don't have to preclude each other. Like, you can't. You can do both of those things. You know what I mean? You need to be financially stable. That's the most. That's the main priority, I think, for you right now. So we need to get you a job, and then once you're, like, situated in that, then you can spend your time going to open mics and exploring all of the standup. You know, standup's not going anywhere, so. And I wouldn't worry about what age you are. Like, people rediscover themselves throughout their entire lives. There's no age. Don't you agree, Amelia? There's no expiration date of when you can become something or start anew. I think the most important thing is to recognize that you do have that desire. And. Okay, now you're gonna make a plan forward. Like, the job, it's for sustainability and, like, your support, it's not to give you everything in life, because you're gonna go look for that with comedy and other places. So I think that makes it easier probably, to kind of look for more a broader spectrum of jobs than maybe you were looking for initially.

[E]

That's awesome. Yeah. Keeping an open mind for sure. Comedy's at night. That's a great reminder. Although nighttime is hard for me.

[A]

Yeah. Nobody's doing comedy in the morning, so don't worry about that. You're not missing out during the day.

[E]

Perfect.

[C]

And, Jared, I know when I was in a similar situation, like, before I got into podcasting, I was Sort of like, okay, I'm going for these marketing gigs. It's like, quote unquote, what I know how to do. Even though I was already, like, doing podcasting on the side. And finally I was just like, fuck it, I'm gonna go after the jobs that are like, actually in the field I want to be in, rather than sort of selling myself short, going for these other things. And, like, it might be an entry level thing, but at the same time, like, I would. Set yourself up for success and start moving toward. Even if it's like super, super entry level or something, really part time, like, just see what's out there in where you want to be.

[E]

Yeah. I've been doing assistant work and actually sober coach companion work, which is really fulfilling and I think I'm good at it. It's kind of sporadic, but absolutely, you're right. Getting stable. I also feel like this is like, the exact territory I need to be in touch, create some great, actual real comedy. Like, it's funny.

[A]

Yeah. And also sober coaching is also funny. The things that you have to do. And like. And that's actually great. Like, that's a nice, like, little panoply of things you have. Like, you need a job. You can do sober coaching. Does that pay, sober coaching, or is that just kind of like, voluntary? Oh, it does really well.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Oh, great. Oh, great.

[A]

There you go. Emily answered your own problem.

[C]

Emelia, was there anything that you did when you were like, working and catering or whatever else to sort of make sure that you were working on your craft all of the time or not letting sort of that creative spark die?

[D]

Yeah, I mean, I think, first of all, Jarrod, congratulations on the incredible work you've done on yourself. That is more than a lot of people.

[E]

Thank you.

[D]

I think that should, like, remarkable. Absolutely brilliant and amazing that you know very clearly the kind of creative work that you want to do. But I think just because you know that you want to do comedy doesn't mean that you can't do all the other creative things as well in any ways that they might move you, because that's just gonna. I know that when I was doing nine jobs and then like post drama school, pre drama school or whatever, and you're like, the goal is this thing, and then everything else around it just kind of sucks in comparison because I'm just trying to pay my rent. And I think that. So then if whatever other creative avenues you can expect, explore for fun without any pressure, without any, like, this is what I have to do with the rest of my Life. This is, you know, whether you're, like, something arty or something musical or something, you know, in the kitchen or whatever it is to make sure that your soul is still being fulfilled. Because I know that when I worked at a call center and a bar, I got depressed, I got sad, I got really, really sad. Like, where you're like, I'm doing the job thing, but I get to do none of the other stuff. I'm not missing out because I'm not getting paid to do this other stuff that I've decided that's what my career is gonna be. Then everything else sort of pales into comparison. So I think whatever. Are the ways you can do to make sure that your joy bucket is still being full. Yeah.

[A]

And don't think of anything as permanent. You know what I mean?

[C]

You kind of have to.

[A]

We always get this idea of, like, the final. Like, we don't think. Like. I remember when I waited tables for, like, 10 years or seven years, it felt like 10, but, like, I just wanted my life to begin like that. I was like, this isn't my life. Meanwhile, that was my life. Like, that was my life during that time. But I didn't think my life began until I started to have some success. And I kind of, like, I didn't miss those moments, but I miss knowing that this wasn't forever either. Like, I was so impatient about getting where I wanted to go that it's really important to remember the ride is as important as where it's a destination. Like, what you do to get there. And knowing that you're not gonna be doing anything forever, permanently. You know what I mean? Or a situation you're in is never gonna be permanent. So to know, like, you're working towards something and while you're working towards that, to enjoy all of the things that go with it.

[E]

Awesome.

[D]

Yeah. And then also, what does success in comedy look like? Because you know that fame isn't real. Right.

[A]

It's.

[D]

It isn't understanding. Okay. On a daily basis, what would success feel like? Being in doing the thing that you love to do without having the, like, in order to.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

You know, be. Because it's just. It's not. It's not, you know, always the nicest experience. And exactly as Chelsea was saying the bits on the way there, that's the fun. That's the good time. That's the. Like. Chelsea, do you agree with me or no?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, I know you.

[A]

You actually have a great quote about that, Amelia, where you talk about, like, getting what you need out of the work. Right. You know, your reviews don't matter. It's actually like, what you. What are you getting out of? What are you doing? Because we always. There's like, yeah, we have this kind of success system, which means we're noticed, we're famous, we're successful. And that's not the measure of success. That's kind of. It's illusory and it's not real. Like Amelia's saying, even though it looks, you know, from the outside, it can look like that's what you want to attain, but it's really much more full bodied than that.

[E]

Yeah. Connecting with people, making them laugh, sharing.

[A]

Spreading joy, bringing humor, you know, making sure you're like, yeah. And you seem like you have a very high spirit, like you're on a nice high frequency. So, like, make sure you're bringing that, you know, with everything you do. And then it kind of all blends together. I know my life blends together. My professional, my private, all of it's kind of like all washed together. Because that's the kind of vibe I want to have is like, yeah, I'm not, you know, I don't take it too seriously. I'm not precious about my work. I'm like, just truthful and honest. And I know that's my kind of thing. Like, I'm gonna say it like it is. And that's what people like about me, and I like that about myself. So it's like just being very authentic to who you are in the process, I think is. And Amelia, that's something that, you know, I can recognize in you too, you know, like what you bringing to all of these different roles. And especially even in this last show, she's on here to promote a new show called Ponies, which is on Peacock. It's just like, I can see the humanity in you, in everything that you do. And I would say that that is something to aim for as a creative, to be as authentic as you can in every endeavor. And that includes the shit you don't like to do also.

[D]

Yeah, that's great. Authentic then.

[A]

Yeah. Okay, well, good luck to you. I'm so happy to be here.

[E]

Thank you all so much. Really appreciate you.

[D]

Awesome.

[C]

Thanks, Jared.

[D]

Bye, Jared.

[E]

Thanks.

[A]

It's so true what you said about fame, Emelia. Because, you know, like, as a famous person, I know that that's not real, but you people that are aspiring to be in this industry, that's what they think that is the success.

[D]

Yes. And it's like the thing I always say is, it's vapor. It doesn't exist. You can't hold onto it. You can't define it. You can't, like. Cause whatever fame brings you on Monday, it's gonna take away on Tuesday. Don't. You know what I mean? Like, you're. You're the flavor of the month for a second, and then you're not. Or then, like, you know, you don't do a bunch of stuff and people don't recognize you much, and then you do, and then you're suddenly back in it and you're all. It just. All it goes to show is like, it does, doesn't. It's not real. It's not like, yeah, these. When, like, young people come up to me and, you know, they want to be an actor or whatever, my first thing is always, can you think of anything else that you can do?

[A]

Rather be.

[D]

Because pointed out, do that. Because if there's anything else you can do, it has to be the only thing you can do to commit to, like, levels of failure. The level of, like, the rejection, the.

[A]

Rejection and the failure and the rejection. Even when you're successful, you're like, wait, what? Yeah, you're like, how did that happen exactly?

[D]

Like, it's the same thing, but the goalposts just keep moving. They move with you.

[A]

What was it like for you when you realized that Game of Thrones, when it hit the way it hit, and you realized how famous all of you guys had become? What. How would. Did that. Was that a mind fuck at all for you or how did you handle that?

[D]

Yeah, so I had a. I had a slow build into it because I was not blonde. So I was unrecognizable for the first, like, three, three, four, like, for the first, like, three to four seasons, I'd be walking down the street with Kit, and people would be like, can you take our photo? As in, can I take the picture of them with Kit? I'm like, yes, absolutely, I can. You do it. And then stuff. Something flipped, and I think I became recognizable for the hair color that I had or whatever it was. Anyway, so then as that started to progress, I used to just get panic attacks. Like, it really. It like sucker punched me in a way that I like people. I like talking to people. I like meeting people. And fame stops that from happening. So I bummed hard. I was like, that's. That's really annoying. That's really frustrating that, like, sometimes I don't know if you find it. I'm a walking conversations chopper. Go up to a table of people. You Know most of them, but not all of them. And they see you and you're like, whether or not they know me, like me, seen the work, whatever, it doesn't seem to matter. It's. You're enough of, like, an oddity for everyone to be like, huh, well, this changes things. And you're like, okay, I'll just. Don't worry. Carry on. I'll. Do you want a drink? I'll stay at the bar.

[A]

You know what I mean? I think I like that, what you're saying. That's. It's. Yeah, we don't talk about that a lot on this podcast. We don't talk about the actual act of being famous and what that is because it's so rare, I guess. And it's probably not that relatable to so many listeners because they're like, sorry, yeah, no, but it's insightful. I think it's insightful for people to know because people don't do. I'm very regular. And, like, you know, people come up to me like they know me and. And, you know, they. They kind of do because I'm not acting. I'm just kind of my own personality. But, like, the awkwardness, like, the things that people say are always like, when people go, my favorite thing is, where do I know you from? As if we're gonna sit there and list all of our credits. I'm like, well, it could be from this. Or I'm. Or they go, I know you. Who are you? I'm like, yeah, no, that's not how this is going to go. This conversation making me feel super awkward. Yeah, I know you're famous. Let me take a picture. And I'm like, wait, wait, wait, no, you don't just get famous. You don't even know who I am. But, yeah, it is. It's a. It's kind of. I like to make it the least amount of awkward as I possibly can for people, but people can be incredibly awkward around famous people.

[D]

Yes. But I suppose the reason for me to say it is that, like, we still, as a culture are still coveting fame, coveting success, coveting money, coveting all these, like, how everything looks. And I know this is enough. People have been speaking about this for enough time, but still, the truth of it is not the aspirational thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

You know what I mean?

[C]

Like, it's not what you think it's gonna be before you get it sort of thing.

[D]

No. Yeah, there's, like, other. There's loads of other things that are more fun and more important.

[A]

Yeah, absolutely. Okay, we're gonna take a break and we'll be right back. And we're gonna wrap it up with our last caller.

[B]

If you're looking for a wine that's not just delicious, but also a total crowd pleaser, let me introduce you to Josh Sellars. This California wine brand has over a dozen award winning wines. From crisp Sauvignon Blancs to velvety merlots. Josh Sellars has the perfect wine for every occasion. Serving up a juicy steak at your next barbecue. Josh Sellars Cabernet Sauvignon is the perfect pairing. Unwinding with friends after a long week, you can't go wrong with their Pinot Grigio. With so many delicious wines to choose from, Josh Cellars has something for everyone. Josh Cellars wines are made for sharing with those who matter most to you. And each wine is made to exacting standards. So no matter which varietal you choose, you can be confident it will be well balanced and delicious. Josh Cellars is a proud sponsor of Dear Chelsea. Visit www.joshcellars.com Chelsea and join the Wine Club to get 20% off. Please drink responsibly.

[A]

For the first time ever, there has been a truly beautiful medical breakthrough. One shot makes you hot, but with terrifying consequences. In the new original series, FX's the Beauty, the glamorous world of supermodels turns deadly as mysterious deaths draw in FBI agents and a shadowy billionaire who will stop at nothing to protect his empire from executive producer Ryan Murphy. FX's the Beauty, now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney for bundle subscribers. Florida Mal is known as an It Girl brand for luxury lingerie dresses and bodysuits with a seductive chic and elevated aesthetic. Their fabrics include real silk, refined French lace, and modern stretch materials designed to feel soft, smooth and wearable. One of their most popular pieces is the flared corset knit dress worn publicly by Taylor Swift and recognized for its flattering waistline and versatility. From brunch to evening events. Their bodysuits come in cotton, lace and fashion forward materials. The full collection is available @fleur de mal.com this is Chelsea Handler from Dear Chelsea, I have some very exciting news. I am always looking for companies to support that are ethical. And let's be honest, the phone companies we've all been stuck with are not that. You know, I travel constantly and supposedly I have international free roaming on Verizon, yet my phone bills are still 300, 400, and even $500 a month. It makes zero sense. So I switched to A company with actual ethics, Noble Mobile. And they pay you for staying off your phone. The more you unplug, the more money you save each month. And the most you'll ever pay is 50 bucks. Unlimited coverage when I need it, cash back when I don't. It was started by people I know and trust. So if you trust me and want to join my mission to stop being a phone addicted zombie, come along. Go to noblemobile.com Chelsea right now and try it for just 10 bucks. That's noblemobile.com Chelsea and we're back with the very delightful Emilia Clarke. What do we have to close out our show? Our therapy session today, Catherine okay.

[C]

Well, Julia writes. Dear Chelsea, from the ages of 25 to 30, I was in a really tumultuous on off relationship.

[A]

Who Was it, honey?

[C]

25? That's an extreme understatement. But he's not the reason I'm writing in. When I finally got out of that for good, I settled into being independent and single like a fish in water. I did things for myself, went to therapy, made changes in my life, all for the better. And I did it all on my own. I was totally fulfilled for four years. A little over a year ago, my job went away thanks to a Republican takeover in my state. I moved across the country so I could keep working in my field and honestly for a fresh start in other ways too. I've settled into my new life. It's definitely been harder without a big network of friends, but I like my job, I make more money, and I have made friends with a lot of my neighbors. We have a really nice little pod of people helping each other out with dogs, kids, yard work. We have group dinners, all very wholesome and lovely. One of those friends is my next door neighbor. We spent almost every night hanging out together, just chatting in the backyard. Eventually he told me he liked me and I told him I liked him too. At first I felt mad at him for ruining our backyard vibes, but when I stopped being thrown off balance, we started dating. It's been five months and since we're on two sides of a duplex with a door in the middle, it's very much like a live in relationship. All these things that I thought were dead and buried for me, my sex drive, being cuddly, cooking and watching TV with another person are all back with a vengeance. All of a sudden I find myself thinking about him all the time. Buying groceries that will make him happy, actually wanting to give him head, even doing his laundry. All my friends and family are thrilled that I'm in a couple and thriving. A lot of people had already met him as my neighbor slash bestie, so they're very happy with the turn of events. We also have a year's worth of friendship under our belt, so it really feels like we've got a big head start on the whole intimacy thing. But I can't help but feel like I'm losing something. It took me a long time to build my self sufficiency and independence. It's something that I've guarded fiercely for the past five years, and I feel like it's slipping away in less time than it takes me to commit to buying a new lawn chair. He's nothing like the horrible ex, but I don't want to lose myself in a relationship ever again. Should I just accept that this is going well and making me happy, or should I be freaking out and letting myself?

[A]

Why are you looking for problems where there are none? Your relationship that you had with that other guy is over. You're not repeating that same cycle. You've already learned from your mistakes. I can tell by your letter you're in a good place. This is what we do as women. We question any sort of happiness that just lands at our feet and go, do I deserve this? When's the other shoe gonna drop? Am I gonna lose myself? No, you're not, honey. You're fine. You're good. You have a good thing going. You have a guy that lives across the fucking hall from you. This is the best, best possible case scenario. Just don't move in together and just keep the fucking good vibes flowing.

[C]

I love that.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, having a good time, enjoy yourself. Guess what? You deserve it. You deserve happiness and you deserve to be in something. And a healthy relationship. And that's what you get after being in bad relationships. We get gifted with, like, the gift of wisdom, and then we start having good, healthy relationships. I just started a new relationship, too. I'm totally into it. I'm not questioning a thing about it. I'm like, this is. This guy just dropped in my lap, and it's totally unexpected on every level. And I'm like, good for me. Good for me. I deserve it.

[D]

Love that. Thank you.

[A]

Yeah, right, Amelia. Doesn't she deserve it?

[D]

And you absolutely deserve it. 100%. You deserve it. So do you, Chelsea. Muzzle. Tough all around, all parties involved.

[A]

We all deserve it. We all deserve it.

[B]

You should get up.

[A]

You know what's a good practice? I get up. And even when I'm. If I'm in a great Space. I still do it. I get up and I just write down. I have this little journal in my phone. It's like a gratitude journal. And I just get up and say, thank you for this. Thank you for this. I'm grateful for these seven things. It could be your dog, it can be your health, it can be whatever that you're gonna be on this podcast today or whatever it is. Just remind yourself that things are going well and then that's good. And then that becomes a pattern. Even when things are shitty, if you can find five or six things to be grateful for every morning, you're kind of reminding yourself that you're on the right track. So just trust like, that. You know the universe has your back. Just trust that.

[D]

Because it's true.

[A]

No one's out to get you.

[D]

Yeah. The only other thing I'd say to add to it is that if only to just calm your brain to continue to do one or two of the things that you did as a single woman. For you, that doesn't include this beautiful man who's entered your life, right? So that you're in a lovely relationship, but you're also able to still go to the movies on your own, go do your shopping on your own, take a day just for yourself. Be like, hey, babe, I know I'm. I know you know, I'm right next door. We could hang out. But actually, I just want to have a couple of hours to read on my own, or whatever it is that you do and did love about being single. Because I think that it can be. As someone who's been single a bunch in my life, I think that it can be very hard to give it up because it feels so, like I got myself together. Like, this is. This is my space, my time. I get to decide all of these wonderful things. And so, yeah, when the guy does come, then you're like, whoa, hang on, this is. You're messing with my ecosystem. But I completely agree with Chelsea that, like, enjoy. If you are having a good time, and if you keep waking up every morning wanting to see him and wanting to have a good time and give him head, delightful. Then, you know, crack on, have a lovely time. But then give yourself the hours or the days or the half or minutes or whatever it is in your week that is just doing something for you, and then that will just calm whatever worries you might have about, like, losing any sense of self sufficiency that you have.

[C]

And to add to that, don't forget about your girlfriends, too. So, like, whether that's like, A standing date once a week or whatever with your girlfriends or, like, mates before dates? Yes, yes.

[A]

Right.

[D]

Well, he's also my mate, but double whammy.

[A]

Okay, then, we're doing.

[D]

You're good. You're in such a beautiful position to start this year. This is wonderful.

[A]

I think so, too. I'm sorry. It's a silly reason to call in. No, I think it's positive vibes, and it's good for our listeners to hear about that. So I'm glad you called in, but you don't have any problems anyway, so it was nice to meet you.

[C]

Good luck.

[E]

Thanks.

[A]

Julia.

[D]

Lovely to meet you. Lovely to meet you.

[A]

Bye.

[D]

Thank you.

[A]

You're absolutely welcome.

[C]

I think, like, being aware of it is half of the battle because so many people do lose themselves in whatever relationship they're in, Right. It's like the Runaway Bride thing of, like, she doesn't know how she likes her eggs. She just likes them. However, whatever guy she's with at the time, you know, likes them.

[D]

I so thought I was the only person who quoted that ad nauseam, but I'm so glad you did, too. I'm like, yeah, Runaway Bride. My eggs. The amount of times I've fucking said that in my life.

[C]

Yes, exactly.

[A]

Okay, everybody, you can watch Ponies starring Emilia Clarke and Haley Lou Richardson. You can watch Ponies on the Peacock Network. Emilia Clarke, I'm so happy I got to talk to you. I just love you so much. I think you're just such a breath of fresh air.

[D]

Thanks. Thank you so much. It was so wonderful to meet you properly.

[A]

Yes. And I hope to see you in person at some point and have a wonderful press tour. Keep your chin up.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

After talking about yourself for three days, I understand how annoying that could be. So, yes, stay positive.

[D]

I'm glad I got you on the front end. Okay, thank you.

[C]

Take care.

[A]

Bye.

[D]

Bye. Okay, bye, guys.

[C]

The word of the week is euphonious. Adjective, pleasant and in sound, especially in speech, agreeable to the ear. Euphonious used in a sentence. Euphemia is the most euphonious of Amelia's middle names. Euphonious.

[A]

Okay, guys, the high and mighty tour is about to begin. I'm in D.C. february 13th, February 14th, Atlantic City, which I just added. 15th is Norfolk, Virginia. February 19th, Madison, Wisconsin. February 20th is Milwaukee, Wisconsin. February 21st, Detroit, Michigan. February 22nd, Rama, Ontario. That's Canada for those of you who don't speak Canadian. March 13, Cleveland, Ohio. March 14, Columbus, Ohio. March 15, Cincinnati, Ohio. And then March 20 is Denver, Colorado. March 27, Portland, Maine March 28 Providence, Rhode Island March 29 Springfield, Massachusetts April 10 is Chicago, I'll be at the Chicago Theater. April 11 Indianapolis, Indiana April 12 Louisville, Kentucky April 16 is Albuquerque, New Mexico. April 17 is Mesa, Arizona. April 23 is Kansas City, Missouri. April 24 is St. Louis, Missouri. April 25 is Minneapolis, Minnesota. April 30, Nashville, Tennessee May 1 is Charlotte, North Carolina. May 2 is Durham, North Carolina. May 6 I'm doing Netflix is a joke festival. I will be in Los Angeles. That is a new announcement. And May 15th Saratoga, California May 16th Monterey, California May 17th Modesto, California and then June 4th for Chester, New York. June 5th is Boston, Mass. And June 12th is Portland, Oregon. And then Seattle is June 13th. So suck on that. Everybody. Go to chelseahandler.com for tickets.

[C]

Do you want advice from Chelsea? Write in to dearchelseapodcastmail.com Find full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching earchelseapod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickens record Executive Producer Kathryn Law, and be sure to check out our merch@chelsea handler.com.

[B]

If you're looking for a wine that's not just delicious but also a total crowd pleaser, let me introduce you to Josh Sellars. This California wine brand has over a dozen award winning wines, from crisp Sauvignon Blancs to velvety Merlots. Josh Sellars has the perfect wine for every occasion, serving up a juicy steak at your next barbecue. Their Cabernet Sauvignon is the perfect pairing. Unwinding with friends after a long week, you can't go wrong with their Pinot Grigio. With so many delicious wines to choose from, Josh Cellars has something for everyone. Josh Cellars is a proud sponsor of Dear Chelsea. Visit www.joshcellars.com Chelsea and join the Wine Club to get 20% off.

[A]

Please drink responsibly. Fleur de Mel is known as an It Girl brand for luxury lingerie dresses and bodysuits with a seductive chic and elevated aesthetic. Their fabrics include real silk, refined French lace and modern stretch materials designed to feel soft, smooth and wearable. One of their most popular pieces is the flared corset knit dress worn publicly by Taylor Swift and recognized for its flattering waistline and versatility from brunch to evening events. Their bodysuits come in cotton, lace and fashion forward materials. The full collection is available @fleur de mal.com this is Chelsea Handler from Dear Chelsea. I have some very exciting news about an ethical phone carrier I just switched to forget about all these other phone companies. Forget about Verizon, forget about AT&T, forget about T Mobile. There's this new carrier called Noble Mobile and they actually pay you to stay off your phone. You can earn real money, up to 20 bucks back every month just for putting your phone away. If you're like me and you're tired of feeling controlled by your phone, social media, or just disgusted by those screen time alerts, this is the answer. Go to noblemobile.com Chelsea and try it for $10. That's noblemobile.com Chelsea it's time to dump skincare companies that make us feel bad about getting older. I'm 50 years old and guess what? I'm loving life. Froia Organics is completely different. They know they're not going to magically make you look 20 again. And honestly, who wants that anyway? But they do use arctic plants like arnica and sea buckthorn that hydrate, repair and protect your skin's natural barrier, giving you healthy, radiant skin at any age. No fillers, no bullshit, just natural ingredients that actually work. Visit froiaorganics.com now to get 40% off. This is an I heart podcast. Guaranteed human.