Scheduling Sex with Atsuko Okatsuka

Summary

Podcast Title: Dear Chelsea
Host/Author: iHeartPodcasts
Episode: Scheduling Sex with Atsuko Okatsuka
Release Date: June 19, 2025

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Introduction to the Episode

In this episode of Dear Chelsea, comedian and author Chelsea Handler is joined by co-host Catherine Law and returning guest Atsuko Okatsuka. The episode delves into personal anecdotes, the dynamics of relationships on the road, and offers insightful advice to listeners grappling with various life challenges.

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Chelsea’s Family Trip to Greece

[02:32 – 05:14]

Chelsea Handler opens the episode by sharing a personal update about her family trip to Paros, Greece, celebrating her sister's 60th birthday. She humorously navigates the complexities of family gatherings, especially highlighting the absence of men and the all-female household dynamics.

Notable Quotes:

• Chelsea: "We're on a Roman holiday. We've been here for two days, three days, and we're here for a full week. And it's beautiful and it's Grecian, and we are eating the best food in the world." [03:03]

• Chelsea: "So, like, there is really nothing better than being with all the women in your life without men." [03:10]

Chelsea emphasizes the joy of family bonding, portraying a light-hearted and affectionate view of her family's interactions during the trip.

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Introducing Atsuko Okatsuka and Her New Special

[05:14 – 07:44]

Chelsea introduces Atsuko Okatsuka, her special guest, who has recently released a new comedy special titled Father on Hulu and Disney+. The introduction is playful, with Chelsea teasing Atsuko about her name and appearance.

Notable Quotes:

• Chelsea: "Atsuko Okotsuka's here, everybody. That took me a long time to say that name properly, and now it just rolls right off the tongue." [05:50]

• Atsuko: "Happy Asian Month." [08:04]

Chelsea and Atsuko engage in a humorous exchange about haircuts and aging, setting a relaxed and candid tone for the conversation.

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Discussion on Aging and Self-Perception

[07:44 – 09:57]

The conversation shifts to a discussion about aging, body changes, and self-acceptance. Chelsea shares her positive outlook on aging, contrasting it with societal negativity.

Notable Quotes:

• Chelsea: "I always heard such negative things about aging. And I have to say I'm having a positive aging experience." [07:24]

• Atsuko: "It's always a Surprise. Your own body." [07:10]

The dialogue highlights the importance of embracing bodily changes and maintaining a positive self-image as one grows older.

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Atsuko’s Comedy Journey and New Special

[09:57 – 14:07]

Atsuko discusses her new special Father, touching upon themes of reconnecting with her father and the moniker "Mother" given by her fans. The conversation explores the blend of humor and personal storytelling in her comedy.

Notable Quotes:

• Atsuko: "Mothers have it together. Right. So I'm more father." [09:57]

• Chelsea: "I have to get on stage and start getting your stage time." [29:09]

Atsuko elaborates on her comedic style, emphasizing the mix of jokes and personal narratives, similar to Chelsea's approach.

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Life on the Road: Relationships and Touring

[14:07 – 20:46]

Chelsea and Atsuko delve into the nuances of maintaining relationships while touring. They discuss the challenges of spending extensive time with partners on the road, managing conflicts, and the importance of finding balance.

Notable Quotes:

• Chelsea: "It's like you're surviving your own tour." [19:12]

• Atsuko: "We do. Yes, we do, but we mostly fight about simple things like where to put the keys." [16:49]

The conversation underscores the significance of communication and compromise in sustaining healthy relationships amidst the demands of a busy travel schedule.

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Listener Questions and Advice Segment

[26:40 – 39:31]

The latter part of the episode features a Q&A session where Chelsea and Atsuko provide advice to listeners facing various personal dilemmas.

Question 1: Transitioning from a Dream Job

Listener: Ann Marie from the UK seeks advice on transitioning from a successful legal career to stand-up comedy.

Chelsea’s Advice:

• Chelsea: "First of all, what are you talking about? You made all these great decisions for your own mental health." [33:07]

• Emphasizes the importance of stage time, starting small, and gradually building comfort with performing.

Atsuko’s Additions:

• Encourages watching other comedians, taking stand-up classes, and blending storytelling with humor.

Question 2: Navigating Family Tensions

Listener: Sarah describes a falling out with her sister-in-law after feeling excluded from a family event.

Chelsea’s Advice:

• Advocate for direct communication: "Send her a text or an email and ask her why she’s upset." [45:14]

• Suggests addressing the issue in person to foster clarity and resolution.

Atsuko’s Contributions:

• Recommends addressing the situation face-to-face to avoid misunderstandings and maintain family harmony.

Question 3: Handling Overbearing Friends

Listener: Abby is troubled by a friend who constantly sends voice recordings of her singing.

Chelsea’s Advice:

• Encourage setting boundaries: "I would write, that's beautiful, and then stop responding." [56:47]

• Suggests offering genuine praise initially before gradually reducing engagement.

Atsuko’s Insights:

• Compares the situation to a child repeatedly showing a rock, advocating for minimal positive reinforcement to deter unwanted persistence.

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Closing Remarks and Upcoming Dates

[62:16 – 63:09]

Chelsea wraps up the episode by announcing her upcoming tour dates, including performances in Westhampton Beach, Rochester, and Napa. She reflects on the importance of incorporating humor and relaxation into her schedule, ensuring a balanced approach to her work and personal life.

Notable Quotes:

• Chelsea: "I feel slightly guilty about being in Europe during everything that's happening in America, but I also feel like I'm gathering my strength." [05:14]

• Chelsea: "I'm adding three more dates... West Hampton Beach August 21st, Rochester Fringe Comedy Festival September 13th, and Napa on October 3rd." [62:16]

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Conclusion

This episode of Dear Chelsea offers a blend of personal storytelling, comedic insights, and practical advice. Chelsea Handler and Atsuko Okatsuka navigate through discussions on family dynamics, the challenges of touring, and providing thoughtful responses to listener inquiries. The episode underscores the importance of communication, self-acceptance, and maintaining balance in both personal and professional spheres.

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Notable Quotes Summary:

• [03:03] Chelsea: "We're on a Roman holiday... eating the best food in the world."
• [07:24] Chelsea: "I always heard such negative things about aging... positive aging experience."
• [09:57] Atsuko: "Mothers have it together... So I'm more father."
• [16:49] Atsuko: "We do. Yes, we do, but we mostly fight about simple things like where to put the keys."
• [33:07] Chelsea: "You made all these great decisions for your own mental health."
• [45:14] Chelsea: "Send her a text or an email and ask her why she’s upset."
• [56:47] Chelsea: "I would write, that's beautiful, and then stop responding."
• [62:16] Chelsea: "I'm adding three more dates... West Hampton Beach August 21st, Rochester Fringe Comedy Festival September 13th, and Napa on October 3rd."

This structured summary provides a comprehensive overview of the episode, highlighting key discussions and memorable moments while excluding advertisements and non-essential segments.

Transcript

[Chelsea Handler]

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[Katherine]

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[Chelsea Handler]

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[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Hi.

[Chelsea Handler]

How are you?

[Corinne]

Hi Chelsea. You've got some interesting looking fish behind you.

[Chelsea Handler]

I'm in Greece. I'm in Paros, Greece with my family. It's my sister's 60th birthday. So there are 12 women, 11 women here from our family. We, my sisters, my nieces, my cousins, my aunt and my. Oh, my God. Am I going to say great niece? I'm not going to say that.

[Corinne]

We can fudge the numbers there. It's fine.

[Chelsea Handler]

Please, please fudge them.

[Corinne]

That's wonderful. How long, how long are you guys there? How long are you going to be there?

[Chelsea Handler]

We're on a Roman holiday. We've been here for two days, three days, and we're here for a full week. And it's beautiful and it's Grecian, and we are eating the best food in the world. And our family is together and without men. So, like, there is really nothing better than being with all the women in your life without men. I mean, there are no men that even come to the house to like, work at the house. It's all women. My aunt goes, do you only request female chefs? I'm like, no, but that's a great idea.

[Corinne]

Oh, my gosh. I was listening to some interview with a pop star who shall not be named, and she was like, you know what? Usually I'm the only woman in the room. And I was like, you're big enough that that's your choice. So I'm glad that you're choosing to be with women. Just makes things a little more peaceful.

[Chelsea Handler]

Totally. And more reasonable. Like last night, all the girls, the young girls made dinner together and they made fish tacos. And it was Jordan and Charlie and Ella and they were all just like, it was so cute to see these little butterflies roaming around and like going from the outdoor kitchen to the indoor kitchen. And we're just sitting there like, you know, I'm drinking, obviously, because that's what I do. And I was just observing it. I was like, this is so, so sweet, you know, watching all of the family members kind of, you know, interrelate. It's just so sweet. We have so many girls in our family, so it's so nice.

[Corinne]

Yeah. And it's great that, like, everybody seems like they vibe really well. And if there is any sort of, you know, interpersonal, there's a problem.

[Chelsea Handler]

It's me, by the way. I'm always the problem. So I, I, I'm always the biggest problem.

[Corinne]

Excellent. Well, I'm glad we, you know, we're all self aware. We can take responsibility for our stuff. Awesome. Well, Chelsea, you have some new dates.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yes, I'm doing, I'm adding some dates. Well, I'm doing Vegas on July 5, so come to that and I added a couple of standup dates to round out the year. I'm doing West Hampton Beach, August 21st. I'm headlining the Rochester Fringe Comedy Festival September 13th, and I will be in Napa on October 3rd. So that's how I'm rounding out the year. I feel slightly guilty about being in Europe during everything that's happening in America, but I also feel like I'm gathering my strength.

[Corinne]

Yes, you have to, like, sharpen the axe before you can go back to work. And also, like, you are someone because you have such a large following. It's like you can also still be doing the work from other places. And you are. So I think that's great.

[Chelsea Handler]

Thanks, Katherine.

[Corinne]

Yeah. We have a lovely returning guest who we love today.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, yeah. Yes, we love her. And she has a new special called Father out on Hulu, which you all must go watch. And you know how much we love female comedians on this podcast. So please welcome Atsuko Okotsuka.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Chelsea, my daughter, is that you?

[Chelsea Handler]

You're my baby, and I'm your mother.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

That's all right.

[Chelsea Handler]

I'm not your daughter. You're my baby. And my baby got a new bow cut because it looks very, very fresh. Did you just cut it right now?

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Yeah, she's been trimming it. She's talking about your work, Corinne. She says your hair. Here, I'll put. This is Corinne.

[Corinne]

And if you're not watching on YouTube, just. So Matsuko's finishing up a haircut right now.

[Chelsea Handler]

I don't know if her cut actually, I thought maybe her cut. Her hair actually just starts cutting itself when it gets too long.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Well, let's not talk about that, Chelsea. I'd be out of a job.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, okay. Copy that. So there is somebody tending to it. Okay. Like a gardener. Okay, got it.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

I'm a gardener.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yes.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Thank you. I am. Yeah. No. Can you believe. Yeah, this is today for. I said I'm gonna see Chelsea. Let's get that pristine cut going. And. Hi, Katherine. Hi.

[Corinne]

How are you?

[Chelsea Handler]

Atsuko Okotzuka's here, everybody. That took me a long time to say that name properly, and now it just rolls right off the tongue. Atsuko Okotsuka. You're going to tell me I'm saying it wrong, are you?

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

No, not at all. And it was. And it was Chelsea.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, it's Shelly, actually.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

We love a woman that's always updating herself, you know?

[Chelsea Handler]

Absolutely. I mean, yeah, there's so many seasons to being a woman.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

It's just. It's always a Surprise. Your own body.

[Chelsea Handler]

Now that I'm 50, I'm like, oh, God, so many different things. Like, I remember when I. When I was younger, my boobs were so big. Right? They were so big. And now as I've gotten more in shape and, like, leaner and older, they've gotten to the exact size that I like. They're not too much. Like, I can contain them and like, all of these different changes that you go through in your body. Like, I always heard such negative things about aging. And I have to say I'm having a positive aging experience. And I wish the same for you, Otsuko, because I know you're not old. How old are you?

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

I am 36.

[Chelsea Handler]

36. Okay. So I'm 14 years older than you. And I want you to know, well, you're Asian, so your Asian experience is already going to be superior to Caucasians. Asian aging. Aging experience. Aging is not to be confused with Asians.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Hey, Happy Asian Month. Which is May.

[Chelsea Handler]

Happy.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Yeah. Which is. Which is May. Yeah. Anyway, you know. Yeah. Wait, right. I'm wondering, have we started recording?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, we're recording. Yeah.

[Corinne]

He's rolling for you.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Incredible. No, I. I was like, we're catching up so good already.

[Chelsea Handler]

No, no, we're all. We're going to use all of this. Don't worry. We want our audience to know the ins and outs of all of our relationships.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

No, I appreciate that. What you just said about that aging. I don't relate to the big boobs, to the finally good B.O. or like, perfect size boobs. For me, it's always been the same.

[Chelsea Handler]

Double A since you were born?

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Pretty much. Yeah. Yeah. Which is nice. I like consistency. So.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. And a double A. That's almost like you don't even have to wear a bra. Right? Or do you. Do you wear a bra?

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

I was being humble. I just realized I'm actually a B. Thank you.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, excuse me. Oh, I didn't realize that. So you've graduated now you're a baby.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Okay. And my grandma D's. Double D's. Who knew?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. See, some people get bigger boobs as they get older. Did she always have bigger boobs?

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

We never. I don't think she ever was measured until more recently when we were buying bras for her. And she didn't seem phased because it's not like she really has girlfriends that she talks about bra sizes with. So I said, grandma, what was the measurement? She goes, 36 dd. Like a soft flex. My mouth. My jaw dropped. And she said, what? That's not normal. I said, mm. I mean, it's not what I have. I thought we were related.

[Chelsea Handler]

Atsuko has a new special out on Hulu. It's called Father. By the time this comes out, your special will be airing. This is your sophomore special on Hulu and Disney. It's called Father. Now, without giving away any of the jokes in the special, why did you call it Father?

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Well, so I do talk a little bit about reconnecting with my dad in it, but also, like, my fans call me Mother. You know, we were talking about, well, I call you Mother, but my fans call me Mother. And, you know, but mothers have it together. Right. So I'm more father.

[Chelsea Handler]

Right. You know, I'm also kind of more of a father than a mother. You know, a stepfather is where I come into my own, you know?

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Yeah. Well, we're, like, both thriving in life, but sometimes clueless about everyday basics. Like, we're like, the sun and the moon are different. Or that was you, but.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, thank you.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Just to. Or that. I didn't know I hadn't been doing the laundry for the past seven years. Like, that kind of thing.

[Katherine]

Who.

[Chelsea Handler]

But is Ryan doing the laundry? Ryan is Atsuko's husband.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Yes.

[Chelsea Handler]

Who I refer to as her captor because he takes care of all things Atsuko. And if Atsuko didn't have Ryan in her life, Atsuko, she probably wouldn't even be alive.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

I would live outside and, you know, and maybe thrive, you know, because of my personality. But Ryan is Mother. Yeah. He's the one that's been doing the laundry this whole time. We were both surprised, though. It was like this devastating moment where we both realized, wait, that means you. That means it's been you this whole time.

[Chelsea Handler]

And that was a surprise to you?

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Yeah. And it always.

[Chelsea Handler]

Was it a surprise to Ryan who was doing the laundry?

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Yes. Because sometimes you just go, oh, here's fresh new laundry, and you forget that. You know what I mean? Sometimes you just don't know you're the one that's been doing it. And the times he's not doing it, he thought I'd been doing mine, but I just wasn't washing my clothes.

[Chelsea Handler]

Right. Does that make sense? I believe. No, no, it doesn't make sense at all. But I believe you. I believe you. When I come to Whistler, I don't have a housekeeper here. It couldn't be farther afield than my life in la or my life anywhere else, for that matter. I have a cleaning lady that comes, like, once a week, and that's it. And my place here is small enough that I can't really blow anything up. But when I first came here for two weeks in Covid, I was using the. I was washing my own clothes for the first time in many, many years. And I was using the dryer as a washer, and I was putting the detergent in the dryer, and then my clothes would come out and they were like stained and tie dyed. They were dry, though. And so I was so confused because the dryer's on top of the washer, the washer, and it' one of those stacked things. And so for the longest time, I was like, I don't understand. It's like, I can't be this bad at washing clothes. And then it struck me that I was. Yes, that was a big wake up call for me. I thought, wow, you're a real fucking idiot.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Oh, my God, me too. Why are we twins? Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

I don't know. We don't look like twins, but we have a lot in common.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Yes. Yeah, we're literally.

[Chelsea Handler]

We're fraternal.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

We're fraternal. Fraternal.

[Chelsea Handler]

We're fraternal from different continents.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

In the seventh grade, I did have blonde hair, so I did wonder. Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. Well, that was you looking for your real mother. So you were in the New York Times talking about the joke that changed your life. It says that there's a joke that Tig Notaro told that. What was that joke from Tig?

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

It's called no moleste. If we name jokes, right? And yeah, it's just about how when she was performing in Mexico, right, Every time she's in a hotel, she puts the do not disturb sign up, but in Spanish, it's no moleste. And you just laugh if you're like an English speaker, because, you know, that's scary to have to put that up every night.

[Chelsea Handler]

Which, by the way, we should have signs that say that at our hotel rooms in America anyway. We should have signs that say no moleste.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

You know what? Actually, that's very true. That joke didn't age well because these days you do need that. Literally.

[Chelsea Handler]

I remember that joke from Tig. Tig has a great joke writing ability. You do that too, because you have great jokes, but you're also telling personal stories. So you combine the two because, you know, there's comics that just tell jokes set up, premise set up, and like a punchline. Whereas many comedians are storytellers. I'm a storyteller. I tell stories. And there are jokes within the stories and punchlines. Within the stories. But you blend both of those things together, I think, very nicely.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Thank you. I mean, we all didn't live 40 years each year like you did. You know what I mean? Every time I hear your stories, I'm like, okay, but she's only 8 years old and she already did. What? She's spiking people's lemonades. You know what I mean? Like, you know, at a young age.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, yeah, I know what you mean.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Yeah. I need to blend, you know, sometimes jokes about the weather because I'm like, you know, big old things didn't happen every month.

[Chelsea Handler]

Right. Absolutely. I understand. Atsuko. So how has it been going with you and Ryan on the road? Where have you guys been lately? I mean, I can't. I didn't see. I haven't seen you in almost, like. I don't know. Has it been a year? I don't think it's been a year. I haven't seen you since we had a dinner party at my friend's house while she was upstairs in her bedroom.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

I know, right? We just took over her place and her dinner time. I feel like we were just eating your friend's tacos. It was meant for her kids, and we were eating them.

[Chelsea Handler]

I said I was staying at my friend Alison's house, and I was like, alison, can I have some people over for dinner tonight? No, I wasn't even staying there. I just said that was a good meeting point because you guys are so far east. And my house wasn't really fully done, and I was dating someone at the time. Oh, yeah. I had my mountain man there. And I was like, oh, let's all have dinner. And I was like, this is a good middle spot. So I just called my friend and I said, can I have some people over for dinner? And she's like, well, I'm getting my eyelashes done. And I'm like, no, no, you're not invited. Like, can I have people over for dinner? And we're doing our own thing. And she's like, oh, oh, oh. Yeah, absolutely. So that was the last time I think we saw each other, right?

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Yes. Yeah. It's like a very classic hang out with Chelsea Handler moment. Yeah. At one point, we were hanging out, drinking tequilas, eating tacos. I went inside and saw kids. I screamed because for a second I was like, wait, right? This isn't Chelsea's house. I was like, who are they?

[Chelsea Handler]

Who are they? Exactly.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

This is their house.

[Chelsea Handler]

Imagine how I felt when I saw the kids. And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. I Just asked to have a dinner party here. I didn't sign up for this sort of chicanery.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

That's right. I didn't know we were all eating the same meal. Oh, this is your meal.

[Chelsea Handler]

Where are you on the subject of having children? Are you ever gonna procreate, do you think?

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

No. Remember, that's our sisterhood promise.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay. I just wanted to make sure nothing has changed.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Yeah, no, that biological clock they talk about, that doesn't exist within me. I don't even own a real clock.

[Chelsea Handler]

Right.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

So no, I don't. You know, that's such a big thing that supposedly quickly changes within you. No, it's not like my favorite color changing.

[Chelsea Handler]

Right, I understand that. So how has it been traveling with Ryan? What have you guys learned? Like your relationship? You spend so much time with your husband. I mean, I don't know anyone who spends more time with their husband. Do you guys ever fight?

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

We do. Yes, we do, but we.

[Chelsea Handler]

What do you fight about?

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Mostly it's, you know, oh, Atsuko, you have to put the keys in the right place every time, the same place. It's very simple. You know, it's a lot of that. I do ask a lot of him because he works with me and, you know, for me. And so, yeah, sometimes it's that. And I've been, I've been keeping up. I've been trying to be more organized because it's a reciprocal thing, right, Relationships. But we've been to Asia, we've been to Australia, New Zealand and Europe with my tour together.

[Chelsea Handler]

And you brought your. Did you bring your grandmother or your mother on one of those trips? I mean, on a couple of those trips, right.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

I wanted to, but honestly they're too old now, so, yeah, so it's just me and Ryan, you know, going to see Paris together. Took him to a cabaret. That was fun, you know. And so, yeah, I love seeing different cultures. We love traveling together. And just based on how people laugh, I feel like you can really learn a lot about a culture, you know?

[Chelsea Handler]

Uh huh. Like what? What culture surprised you? Like which cultures were the most surprising to you?

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Okay. The Scandinavians really surprised me in a pleasant way. I didn't know anything about them. I had seen the movie Frozen. It's an animated movie. I said, is it kind of like that? You know? And because I was so worried, I said, all my life, right, in America, I've had to teach people how to pronounce my name. Atsuko. The U is there, but it's silent, right? So I said, how Am I gonna, you know, connect to Norway? How am I gonna explain that to people in Iceland? Are they gonna understand me? Are they gonna get my jokes? And then I go there and they're like, bitch, my name is Djoriberg, Jon's daughter. Okay, Okay. I. My cousin. I have a cousin. Her name is Yurch4E's art school is not a problem for me. I felt so seen, you know what I mean? And so I loved the Scandinavians. They're true weirdos. You're doing Scandinavia too, right?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yes, yes. I think we're doing like 16 shows, 13 countries. Yes. So I fucking love this schedule. I mean, I would like a little bit more downtime in between, but fuck it. I mean, I go. You know what? It's like, you go at this pace and then you acclimate to this pace and then you just survive it. Like, it's like you're surviving your own tour.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Right? Totally. Yeah. We extended it. We did it over a month. We have the same tour, people. I knew you were going to Europe. I was so excited. I was like, ah, I want to tell her all about it. And you know the. I ranked the countries based on shyest to liveliest that I've performed in.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay, which ones are the shyest?

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

The shyest. Number 28. Sitting at number 28 is the Belgians.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, really?

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

My opener did a backflip to silence during his set, and then he had to. That's the Belgians. He had to then walk back to the mic, also in silence, because he was far away from it by then. Isn't that wild?

[Chelsea Handler]

That's good to know, though. That's good to know. Yeah. I'm going to Brussels, so I'll be there.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

What about the Swiss?

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

The Swiss? The Swiss. Oh, they were pretty lively, actually. They were pretty. They were more lively. The Swedish too. And Parisians, I was told they were going to be very quiet, but they were one of the liveliest crowds I had. They were very locals too. They're getting weirder and they're getting into English speaking standup. It's really beautiful.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, I know. Because half the places I'm going, I'm like, are we sure they speak English? My friend who lives in Sweden, he's like, listen, no one speaks English in Sweden. I'm like, what are you fucking talking about? I've been there. Everyone speaks English in Sweden. He's like, nobody speaks English. So I don't know if he's fucking with me. I assume he's fucking with me. Cause I just stopped Responding. I don't like those kinds of antagonistic texts.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

I agree. He just wants to see if you'll get on stage and speak slower because you've been lied to.

[Chelsea Handler]

I know, I know. It's so hard for me to speak slowly, you know, I just don't have that clip. Even when I was recording my book, they're like, can you slow it down? I'm like, that's not authentic. I'm like, me slowing down. My talking doesn't sound like how I tell a story. I have to tell a story like this. So. Yeah. And so either they're gonna catch on or they're not. The great thing is I'll just be in one place for each day, and then I'm out. So, you know, we'll see.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Oh, gosh. It was my favorite. Yeah. One day is enough. I feel like my opener also was newly single, so it was fun to see him going out every night to hook up with different men, you know?

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh. Oh, yeah. Of course. I love that. Well, I'm bringing Yamaneika to a few of my dates, you know Yamaneika? Yes. And she is horny for dick. So we are hoping to just get her plucked left, right, and center throughout Europe. Europe is not gonna know what hit them once they meet Yamanika.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Oh, my God. The two of you together arrested J.L.

[Chelsea Handler]

I know, I know. We have a real hard time together keeping our shit together. It's one bad decision after another.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Yeah. You are that White Castle movie. Harold and Kumar.

[Chelsea Handler]

Kumar. Yeah.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

That's the two of you trying to find weed in Sweden.

[Chelsea Handler]

Exactly. Yes. Because I can't travel with drugs anymore because I've talked so openly about my love for them, so I can no longer transport them. So that leaves me with having to find drugs when I get there. But luckily, my reputation precedes itself. And people are very hip to bringing, as you've seen yourself. People are very hip to bringing me drugs, and I encourage that.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

That's where. That's the only. That's where our brands differ a little bit. Where people do throw, like, mushrooms at you from the crowd on the stage. Right. And then for me, people show up to my shows in wigs of my bow cut. So it's a little different. I'm more like Minnie Mouse. You know what I mean?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. Right?

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Yeah. Yeah. And you're like. You're like Papa Smurf.

[Chelsea Handler]

I'm more like Papa Smurf. And you're more like Minnie Mouse.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

I knew it. Papa Smurf was definitely A drug dealer. Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay, we're gonna take a break and we'll be right back with atsuko Okatsuka.

[Ryan]

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[Katherine]

Hi, Zoe Saldana. Welcome to T Mobile. Here's your new iPhone 16 Pro on us.

[Chelsea Handler]

Thanks. And here's my old phone to trade in.

[Katherine]

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[Chelsea Handler]

There's always a trade in. Not right now.

[Katherine]

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[Chelsea Handler]

I feel like I have to give you something in return for karma.

[Katherine]

That's okay.

[Chelsea Handler]

I don't really have much in my purse. Oh, let's see. Hand sanitizer. It's lavender.

[Katherine]

I'm good.

[Chelsea Handler]

Seriously, Let me check this pocket.

[Corinne]

Oh, mints.

[Katherine]

Really, I'm fine.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, I have raisins. I'm a mom. Wait, wait one sec. I've got cupcakes in the comments. Car.

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[Chelsea Handler]

You know what's better than being a jittery mess after your third coffee? Actually functioning like a normal human being? Beyond Brew by Live Conscious is a six in one mushroom blend that won't make you trip balls, but it will give you mental clarity and focus to get through your day. Thanks to mushrooms like cordyceps and reishi, Beyond Brew also has pre and probiotics so you'll feel less bloated and avoid seven trips to the bathroom every day. I love it because you can put it in your coffee or just mix it into hot water or milk. It also tastes great in smoothies. Look, Forbes called Beyond Brew a deliciously potent coffee alternative, and 400,000 people can't be wrong. With barely any caffeine, it won't have you crashing midday, and at just 20 calories per serving, you'll get all the benefits and none of the guilt, unlike going to your favorite coffee chain. Plus, it comes in cacao, caramel macchiato and vanilla latte because we are not savages. Trust me, I genuinely feel better after taking this stuff. Your mind and body will thank you later. Go to liveconscious.com and use code Chelsea for 15% off. We're back with Otsuko. Okay, we're gonna take some callers. Catherine, what do we what have we got? Caller? Write her in.

[Corinne]

Yeah, so this first one is a written one. This is Ann Marie. She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a listener in the uk. I listen every week and love the show. This is an off piste topic, but one that I'd love for you to answer. I'm a writer, mainly TV comedy shows and more recently I turned my attention to drama. I'm the same age as you, Chelsea, and I want to write a show to perform myself. It'll be kind of stand up, but despite my ability around creating a story, I don't really know where to start with stand up. Do I just go to a comedy club and watch and learn? Do I just get up? My TV writing centers on complicated female dynamics and I'd love to expand on that. I'm not exactly shy in retiring, but I've never done anything near standup. So I'd love your advice, as I love your comedy and the way you present yourself in the world. I'm also super impressed, envious by how you vacation. The people, the locations, the edibles. Anyway, thank you, Ann Marie.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, Ann Marie. Well, that's easy. Atsuko, don't you think you gotta get up on stage. First of all, you have to just get up on stage, and you don't have to have a huge plan. You have to have, like five minutes, an idea. Like you. If you have, like three or four premises. I mean, some people beat out every single joke that they're gonna tell. And your storytelling will evolve once you start getting comfortable being on stage. So I wouldn't worry about getting into the story so much as I would be as just getting stage time in front of people and exercising that muscle. Have a couple of jokes, but they don't have to be like, you don't have to have 15 jokes set up. You can take your time, like, connecting with the audience, doing crowd work, asking questions, because that could spur something in you, and that could spur a joke. You know, it's very easy to talk to people and then get a new idea about how to come back with something. But the most important thing is to get on stage. Just get on stage and start getting your stage time. Prepare. Like, look at this. I just got a text. My phone just lit up. Yamaneka Saunders. I swear. I swear I watched this. This is off topic, but I want to talk about it. I swear, when you talk about people, that the texts are being held in the icloud, and then they come through when your phone hears that name, because your phone wants you on your phone as much as possible. So that some of these texts are just waiting and waiting and waiting, and then when you say their name, they come up. I saw this in a movie and I didn't believe it. I'm like, there's no way they're holding the text. But I believe they are, and today is proof.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Yeah, I swear. That's the real science. Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Don't you think, Atsuko? Don't you think you just have to get on stage? Like, what was your first time on stage like?

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Yeah, for sure, getting on stage, but also watching a lot of it is nice. So, like, you know, go. Go catch Chelsea when she's in London. You know, like, watching other people and then just the way they storytell is Very inspiring. You know, especially if you feel like stuck. Right. Cause then, you know, just to see someone else and how they structured together a bunch of their stories or what they found interesting about their stories to make into punchlines. That's really helpful. And then going on stage, you know, because just consuming other art is, I think, so good. Even if it's like in the back of your head and you're like, oh, I don't know where I learned to realize the K sound is funny or whatever. Oh, it's because I saw, you know, that comedian do it on stage and that made me laugh. I took a stand up class, so that was how I got up on stage for the first time. So that's a little bit of a different journey, I feel like.

[Chelsea Handler]

But you should map out what you're gonna say, you know, you should map out and have an idea. If you're one of those people who needs like, and you can take it on stage with you. You can take a piece of paper up there. Don't be shy about that to look and see. You know, sometimes with all that adrenaline, you can kind of forget a couple of things that you wanna say, but have a plan of what you're gonna do when you get up there. And it can be a story, it can be jokes, but like, what? Just start to just use that as a way to get comfortable on stage. So that then when you have longer periods of time to be on stage, that's where the storytelling can come in. But I would treat the initial time as just like an introduction, you know, to stand up and to have a couple of good jokes that you're willing to tell. And try and do some crowd work because some people don't even know they're good at crowd work until they do it for the first time. And then it's great. If you're scared of it, then try it once and see if you like it. You might not be scared of it, but definitely just put the hours in. You know, you need the hours to get comfortable with something.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Right.

[Corinne]

Well, our next question comes from Alex. She is calling in. She's 33, so the subject line is tips to avoid identity crisis after quitting your dream job. Hey, Chelsea. I took a gummy before writing this, so bear with me. I was an annoying overachiever my whole life. Double major in college, graduated cum laude while working the whole time straight to law school, graduated with honors, passed the bar exam first time, and got hired at what I thought was my dream job at 25. Blah, blah, blah, gross I have wanted to be a public defender since the moment I found out the job existed. And I started interning at my local public defender's office when I was 19. Everything I know and love came from this office. I met my husband here, many of my closest friends. I got my insane rescue dog from one of our unhoused clients, et cetera, et cetera. However, these last two years and full time mental health rotation. I'll spare you the details unless you're truly thirsty. Reached critical mass. Extreme burnout. I was a pinprick away from sobbing or screaming in your face at any time. I was so emotionally exhausted. After lots of overthinking, doubting self hatred over the last several months, I finally made the brave correct decision and quit. I'm 33 and unemployed. My heart rate spiked just typing that out. But I'm calling it a sabbatical to avoid a few panic attacks if I can. My therapist and I agreed. I'm taking three months off. The first month to truly rest, the next month to get the juices flowing for what the next chapter will look like, and the third month to execute on those ideas. I'm very confident in the decision I made, but shitting bricks over the next chapter? How do I handle these next three months as I figure out the direction I'm going to go? Because when I was 25, I thought this was my end game. And I know that sounds naive as tit, but I believe that to my bones it was my identity. How do I best spend this time disentangling from the job, the job from my identity, and being okay with it. Signed while trying not to increase my SSRI dosage. Alex.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, Alex, you're fucking crushing it. First of all, what are you talking about? You made all these great decisions for your own mental health. You got out of a job that you thought was your dream job that proved to be mentally debilitating to you and mentally harmful to your health. Like that is amazing. Now you have a whole and you're 33. You have your whole life ahead of you to do. Phase two like, you're an example to so many people that are in jobs that they hate to actually walk away. I think you're already on the right track. Everything you said is great. Of course there's gonna be some anxiety about what you're gonna do next. But you should also trust in the fact that you just got yourself out of a situation that was harmful to you. So you are the best person to take care of yourself, which means you're gonna get to the place that you're going, and you're gonna figure out what that next step is in a natural amount of time. You're giving yourself a month to do this, a month to do that. These are all amazing things. Like, you don't even need any advice from me. Atsuko. You could probably give Atsuko some advice. Atsuko. Do you need advice from her? From Alex?

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Help me out. Yeah. I'm like, I have to keep this bowl cut forever. Speaking of an identity crisis, I'm like, can I ever grow my hair out ever again? What happens if I lose my hairstylist friend, you know, to other clients? What am I going to do? No, but for real, it's kind of like a divorce. Whenever someone's reached a point of having to do that, it's because it needed to be done. Yeah. And so this realization is badass. I would just say, like, I would just say clock the moments of joy that you feel when you're trying different things and different. And then you go, okay, so that's what I like. It's good to start to realize what you do, like, now, you know? And so that's all because you knew what you didn't like. Yeah. So that's all.

[Alex]

I guess it's also knowing how much rest is, like, too much rest. I've never rested in my life. My parents are immigrants. Let's go.

[Corinne]

Huge fan.

[Alex]

I know you can relate to this. Productivity is beaten into your head with a bat. So the idea of not doing anything because I have to, and there's an expectation on the other side, but just resting is a very foreign concept. So I guess balancing what is rest and healing versus what is productive steps to be taking. Cause I still have to work at some point. Like, I'm only 33. I still have to actually make money. Have you guys taken time like this before in your lives?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yes, I have. I have all the time. I look at that rest as, like, filling up my bank. Do you know what I mean? Like, my emotional well being. Like, I have burnt out so many times in my life, and now I understand the balance. Like, I understand that the rest is as important as the work. The play and the vacation is as important as the work. And so just because you're not doing anything for a month, like, yeah, if you're not doing anything for six months, that's a different story. If you say, okay, I'm assigning this month to resting and decompressing so that I can get focused and get re. Energized. And you know, get. I almost said get fucked. Maybe you need to get fucked too. But all of these things, like fill yourself up with all of the stuff that you're gonna need to get you to that next, which is gonna be a more productive phase of actually thinking about where you wanna go in your career, what the next steps are. I think you're completely healthy and you know what you're doing. You're breaking a cycle. You're talking about your parents coming to this country and this work ethic, which is, of course, immigrants have. You know, you come to America and you wanna be successful, so you can't really blame people for doing that. But you don't need to be working all the time. You need to be like, mentally healthy. And then your work can be joyful. You know, you want to be able to put everything positive into your work. So I totally think everything you're doing is just spot on. Thanks.

[Corinne]

Yeah. Alex, can I ask, what are some of the things that you're doing in this period of active rest? Like, are you going outside? Are you meditating? Like, what's sort of in your day to day?

[Alex]

So it's actually really funny. So I walk the dog more than he's ever been walked in his entire life. I'm reading all of the nerdy romantasy books that I never had time to read before and making no apologies for it. Like, my husband comes home and I've been on the couch for eight and a half hours. And I'm very. I'm journaling and taking a lot of gummies. Cause it helps me meditate. Like it helps you be creative and study and not judge mental.

[Chelsea Handler]

Explain yourself. I get it. I'm with you. I understand.

[Alex]

So I'm journaling a lot. And there's a huge scary part of me that realizes that maybe I don't even want to be a lawyer, which is a bummer because I spent so much time and energy and money towards this education. And I feel like I gained this skill set of not having any fear of public speaking, not being afraid of grumpy old white men yelling at me because they did that every day in a robe. Like, that doesn't scare me in any field. And I really like to write. So there's a huge part of me that wants to take a risk even in that direction and something that's not adjacent to my education at all.

[Corinne]

Well, and as a person who, like everyone in my family is a lawyer except for me, I can say, like, there are a lot of ways to use your law degree that, like, do not involve going to court, that don't involve sort of, like, a traditional sort of, like, legal profession as we think about it. But also, like, yeah, you have the freedom now to, like, reconsider. Maybe you use it again in 15 years when you want to do something different. You know what I mean? It's. You know, it doesn't mean that that's a wasted experience. And like you said, you've gained all these other tools in your toolbox.

[Chelsea Handler]

My sister was an attorney. Hated it. Hated working for a law firm. Quit that and got a job for this health company where she was writing. She was, as a lawyer, writing all of, like, the health care laws, like, helping to create the health care laws around it. So she kind of switched because she was like, I hate this. I hate defending people. I hate, like, this kind of litigation aspect. She's like, I'm gonna take this healthcare degree and turn it into something else where she can use her other skill sets, which is writing and editing and all of that stuff. So she's kind of made a different career out of being a healthcare attorney. And you can do the same thing. You just have to find out what drives you and what moves you and. And your degree is gonna help you in many ways. Yes. I mean, you just listed a bunch of them, so, like, you should be doing a podcast where you're giving advice to people.

[Corinne]

You're so funny.

[Chelsea Handler]

Maybe that's your next move.

[Alex]

Maybe that's the. Yeah. The landmark of the overconfident only daughter.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. Yeah. Right. Dear Alex, there's no reason. Yeah.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Leave it to Chelsea to try to put you back to work. She just said she needed rest, Chelsea. Okay. She's like, oh, you start a podcast, come up with merch.

[Alex]

I love it. Thank you guys so much.

[Chelsea Handler]

Thanks. Okay. Take care, Alex. Thank you.

[Alex]

Take care.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, that was fucking easy. I mean.

[Corinne]

Yeah, I know.

[Chelsea Handler]

Like, that girl was already doing everything that she needed to be told.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

I know.

[Chelsea Handler]

To do.

[Corinne]

I know she's doing great. And, you know, we don't think of, like, taking these periods of rest as, like, rest is part of the work, like you said, Chelsea. Like, we don't think of it that way, but I think it's important to think of it that way.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, yeah, no, I do. I'm a big proponent of that. I mean, how do you feel about that, Atsuko? Do you guys get. Do you guys get rest? Do you actually rest?

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

You said you found the balance of work and play. I'm still finding that But I think it's because if you're really into work and you're afraid to, like, rest too long, you can totally schedule it in. You can put it in a calendar. You know what I mean? So that, you know, oh, this week is for. And then next week is for work. So if you feel anxiety about playing too hard, then you can do that. You know, just like I think you can schedule in sex. I'm a big, you know, scheduler of sex.

[Chelsea Handler]

I actually scheduled the sex between you and Ryan. I don't know if you knew that, but I actually am the one that puts that on your calendar.

[Corinne]

It's in Chelsea for seven years.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Yeah. No wonder I was like, wow, it's very frequent this month for some reason.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yes, yes. I decided to step things up this month. Specifically, I said, we need to work.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Who's making us do it? From 8am to 8pm Yours truly. Thank you.

[Corinne]

Well, our next caller is Sarah. She says, dear Chelsea, I've been in my husband's family for almost 15 years and recently had a falling out with my sister in law, my husband's brother's wife. She's been icing me out ever since I found out she had the whole family over for our niece's birthday and my husband and I were not invited. In her words, it wasn't a quote, party, but a quote, drop by with cake and gifts. I can accept this. But the problem is now my sister in law will not speak to me at family events or text me back. Ever since I expressed my hurt at not being invited, my biggest concern is she's the aunt to my two children and continues to fawn over them while ignoring me at family events. I was in her wedding, yet I feel as though I'm being treated as a complete stranger. I've kept my side of the street clean by reaching out to her, and she continues to talk to members of my husband's family, but not directly to me, about what she's upset about. I need a real bitch's advice on how to move forward from this. Do I humble myself and try to discuss the miscommunication again or just act like nothing happened? We've been close for eight years, so this is quite the proverbial slap in the face. Help. Sarah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Hi, Sarah.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Oh, hi. Hi.

[Chelsea Handler]

Atsuko Okatsuka is our special guest today. Hello.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Hi. Hi.

[Chelsea Handler]

So what was the falling out? What happened?

[Sarah]

Well, so the actual falling out was like it was her daughter's birthday and we had been texting, like that morning I had given her A gift earlier on in the week, like, to give to her daughter, because I knew I wasn't going to see her on her birthday because she's like, you know, well, we're going out of town and all this stuff. So then the morning of her birthday, she actually sent me, like, I sent her a video from my daughter, who's her cousin, saying, you know, happy birthday. Hope you have a great day. And then she sent a video back of, like, the whole family singing Happy birthday to her daughter. There was a cake, you know, there were. The present. The present I had given her, like, earlier that week, and they were all, like, singing, and I was like, so everyone was invited. So I responded and I said, oh, wait a second.

[Chelsea Handler]

I'm sorry. Hold on, Becca. You gave her a gift because you weren't gonna be able to see her on her birthday?

[Sarah]

Exactly.

[Chelsea Handler]

And then she had a birthday party on her birthday.

[Sarah]

Yes. But when I said that, my feelings were hurt because we live three minutes away, literally right up the road.

[Chelsea Handler]

But how did you know you weren't gonna see her on your birthday? Her birthday?

[Sarah]

Because she said that they were going out of town, like her, and, you know, her daughter and her husband were going out of town, and she was like, well, we're just going on our trip, you know, for our daughter's birthday. So, you know, thanks for giving me the gift now, you know, and so I felt like it was kind of omitted, but then when I expressed that, I was, like, hurt, you know, by not being invited because she sent me that video. So I was like, this is kind of, like, really strange, right? I said, you know, I. I'm hurt that, like, you know, we weren't invited because we live right up the road. And then she didn't talk to me after that at all.

[Chelsea Handler]

That was the falling out, that there was no prior falling out?

[Sarah]

Yes.

[Chelsea Handler]

That's confusing.

[Sarah]

Is it even a falling out? Like, what is it?

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, no, I, I. The way I listened to your letter, I. I thought I heard that you guys had a falling out, and then this was, like, the aftermath of the falling out. So this is the actual incident. What is your husband Has. Does anyone in the family. Has anyone conveyed to you what the issue is or why she didn't invite you or.

[Sarah]

No, I was never really given a conversation because she just didn't talk to me after that. So it was in a message with, like, her and her husband, and he did say right away. He was like, oh, sorry, we didn't mean to exclude you. But she was like, radio silent. So I was like, was it something else that happened?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, it sounds like something else happened that you're not aware of. So I would reach out to her again. First of all, you're family members, so like, it's not really helpful to not be speaking, especially when you don't know what happened. So maybe you did something that you don't realize that hurt her feelings. And I would start with that. I would send her a text or an email or whatever's like the best way to contact her and just say, I'm so, so sorry. I don't know. Did I do something to hurt you? Because it feels like I did. And I want to make sure that I'm fully accountable. Like, totally. Just be the bigger person and ask her why she's upset with you. Like, you're not responding to my text. We've been friends for eight years. This is very strange. Please feel free to tell me if I've done something to hurt your feelings. Things.

[Sarah]

Yeah, Hands down, like good old fashioned communication, right?

[Chelsea Handler]

Absolutely. You're part of the same family, so as long as there's not some huge rift, like, this should be fixable, right?

[Sarah]

I. I totally agree. Oh, fantastic.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

You're the best.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, I mean, it's pretty obvious advice. No offense.

[Sarah]

Freaking obvious. But you know what? It's been creating like just so much awkwardness. You know what I mean?

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Yeah, yeah, it's tense.

[Sarah]

Like we have a lot of family events, you know, together. We all live really close. And then like, you know, I'll go to these events and like recently she started kind of being like, hey, you know, like maybe that's her way of trying to get a little closer. But then she still will not text. And this is like going from us texting multiple times a week. You know, our kids are going to the same daycare, like going to exercise classes together to, you know, now she'll talk to me at the events every now and again. Like she'll be like, oh, hey, like at least a high, but still like no text, no personal contact. So I'm like, I wonder if she's trying to just like show face for like the in laws and stuff, you.

[Corinne]

Know, I wonder if this is a, like to pull her aside at one of the family events sort of thing and like get her face to face. Because I feel like sometimes when people are being weird like this, if you actually just like address it to their face, they'll like totally back down. Like, oh, no, no, there's like nothing weird. And then it's like, well, they do sort of have to stick to their guns a little bit more. Whereas via text, like she might give you like a one word, like, I'm fine, everything's fine, or whatever, and then continue to be a weirdo, you know? Right.

[Sarah]

Like humanize myself a little bit.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, yeah, I would say that's right. I would say to do it in person so that she can't just not respond because then it' it's just more of the same. It's so weird to not respond, but something must have happened that you're not aware of.

[Sarah]

Yeah, you're right. You know, I, and I'm like, I was, I've been overthinking it, going through it. Like, I'm like, what could this possibly be? You know, I thought of addressing it with my mother in law myself because she's one of the people that she's been talking to, you know, like, about it. And my mother in law is super cool. Like she, I know that she'd be open to a conversation, but I don't want to open it up to that, you know, Like, I thought I was being the better person initially by not doing that. Like, I was like, this is between her and I, like, let's just knock it out. But I think an in person conversation would have been better. I just thought maybe she needed space. Like, I didn't know really, you know, how to approach it because this has never happened to me before, especially in my tight knit group. You know, your ride or dies. Right. So this is like totally crazy.

[Corinne]

Yeah, I would say like, yeah, talk to her in person. If she's still, it's sort of like, then she has to either commit to like, no, everything's fine, or like if she keeps acting weird after that, you got to address it again and be like, all right, what's the deeper thing here? Is there anything. And then if she keeps being weird, just, I guess just let her be kind of weird, you know, like you don't necessarily have to be talking to her the entire time at family events sort of thing, but just know that, you know, you're still keeping your side of the street clean.

[Sarah]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Because if you ask her what's up and she has and she's like, there's nothing, nothing wrong, then you're like, okay, fine, I tried, whatever. Like, I, I don't know what to do with you. I don't know what happened. You're not going to tell me the truth and there's nothing else you could do. Yeah.

[Corinne]

And hopefully she will change her tune, you know?

[Sarah]

I hope so. I mean, because I. Cause yeah, I feel like I've always been a good friend. Like, I did like a speech at her wedding because her like, sister didn't want to do it. Stuff like that, whatever. But there hasn't been anything I can think of that was just like, oh, I really like pissed her off, you know, it was like just I felt maybe she. I don't know, I've like been going over. I'm like, was she pulling back for a while?

[Chelsea Handler]

Like they hit it straight on and then, you know, if you don't get the answer, you like, then wait a little bit and then talk to her mother, your mother in law, and be like, listen, I don't know what's going on here, but this isn't like a healthy dynamic. Like, we all have kids. I want to be friends. I don't understand what happened. I asked her what happened, she won't tell me, so how can I, you know what I mean? But start with her and just be direct so that she has to answer you.

[Sarah]

Totally. And like. And I'm okay with not being like bestie sister in laws too. We've been friends for a long time, but I'm like, it's all right if that's what it's going to be. You know, us just seeing each other at the family event. It's just there was no. I guess that would be a weird conversation for her to have with me. To be like, hey, I don't want to be as close as we are, you know, like, can we just.

[Chelsea Handler]

But yeah, maybe that is it. But that seems a little odd.

[Sarah]

Weird way to go about it.

[Chelsea Handler]

Right?

[Corinne]

Will you check in with us after you guys have a conversation, let us know if things get better?

[Sarah]

Absolutely.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay, well, good luck.

[Corinne]

Thanks, Sarah.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Good luck. Bye. Bye.

[Sarah]

Thanks.

[Corinne]

Bye.

[Chelsea Handler]

Atsuko, you don't have a sister in law, right? Ryan doesn't have siblings. Or does he?

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

He does. He has two. Yeah. And so that's still a newer dynamic for me too, to learn, you know? Yeah. Because it's like there are relatives, but they kind of are not, you know, and so it's like, how much?

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, they are your relatives, Katsuko, first of all, they are.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Oops. I know. They're like listening. They're like, excuse me, what are we? And I'm like, are you friends now?

[Corinne]

You're gonna be fighting with your sisters in law?

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

I had a small family growing up, so I'm like, okay, I guess it's new. I'm still Learning this chosen family versus regular family thing, you know, because I married Ryan and then suddenly I'm an aunt too. Right. So that's a lot to figure out. It's like, well, maybe I'm not good at being an aunt and I'm okay, I'm not great.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. But you know what? You can always improve on your aunting skills. It's a new role. So, you know, like, I don't know, being an ant is kind of the best of both worlds. You get to be an aunt with no responsibility. You know what I mean? You get to just be like a fun infuser, which is. Yeah, I take a lot of joy in that. And especially I take a lot of joy when things get serious. It's like, get the fuck out of here. You know, like, if you've got real problems, go talk to your parents.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

No, it's true. I know you love it. Yeah, I'm just, I'm always trying. I'm still not completely me around them. I think when I can, that'd be. Cause I'm like still getting to know the sister in law. So I'm like, yes, I, you know, I will not curse around you. And yes, I, you know, I will give you money. And I'm like, God, I'm going broke.

[Chelsea Handler]

That sounds like a great setup. I won't curse around you and I have to pay you. Perfect.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Oh my God. Yeah. I'm like, what am I, in a church?

[Corinne]

Maybe you should start swearing and then you can put money in a tip jar or in a square jar.

[Chelsea Handler]

Every time you swear, you get to give them a dollar. Okay, we're gonna take a break and we'll be right back with Otsuko.

[Ryan]

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[Katherine]

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[Chelsea Handler]

Thanks. And here's my old phone to trade in.

[Katherine]

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[Chelsea Handler]

There's always a trade in.

[Katherine]

Not right now. AT T Mobile.

[Chelsea Handler]

I feel like I have to give you something in return for karma.

[Katherine]

That's okay.

[Chelsea Handler]

I don't really have much in my purse. Oh, let's see. Hand sanitizer. It's lavender.

[Katherine]

I'm good. Seriously.

[Chelsea Handler]

Let me check this pocket.

[Corinne]

Oh, mints.

[Katherine]

Really, I'm fine.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, I have raisins.

[Corinne]

I'm a mom.

[Chelsea Handler]

Wait, wait one sec. I've got cupcakes in the car.

[Katherine]

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[Chelsea Handler]

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[Corinne]

Kathryn, I have one quickie to wrap up with. Abby says, Dear Chelsea, I have a close friend that has recently started sending me voice recordings of her singing. She sings. She sings beautifully, but her boyfriend doesn't really care to hear her sing. So I think I'm the only one getting these, which makes me sad. I don't ever listen to them in their entirety. Sometimes not at all. How do I respond in a text to the constant voice recording messages? Or should I even respond? Abby, wow.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, wow.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

This is a very specific, very specific, very specific incident and very specific.

[Corinne]

Yeah, but it is like text etiquette. It's evolving.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, etiquette, I mean, the etiquette is blown out the window by the person recording songs and sending them to her fucking friend who does that. Yeah, I mean, I guess somebody who has a boyfriend that won't listen to her sing, which is another problem that she has. I would just write, Honestly, I would write beautiful a couple of times and then I would stop responding. That's what I would do. But I don't know. I mean, you want to give your friend some positive feedback because she clearly isn't getting it at home. And if she is a beautiful singer and you're not telling a lie, even if it was bad singing, I would write, that's beautiful. And then I would write that a couple times I would write the same thing exactly like, that's beautiful. And then the next time, that's beautiful. And then I stopped responding.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of like when A kid is showing you a rock over and over.

[Corinne]

Yes.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

And you're like, that's really good. That's so good. And then they're like, here's a song that's really cute too. That's so good. And then, you know, if you exactly, like, you know, it's like positive reinforcement thing. Once they stop hearing it, they go, okay, I've had my fill of feeling good.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yes. Yes. I mean, I get emails. I have a friend who is like, just keeps sending me emails and she wants, like, our relationship ended a long time ago and she's trying to rekindle our relationship and I'm not interested. But I'm not. I don't wanna be mean. I'm just serious. Like, I'm not interested in rekindling. Like, it's. I don't have the bandwidth. Let's move on. So I wrote back the first time, like, this is very sweet. I want nothing but the best for you. I'm sending you so much love. I really don't have any space in my life right now to rekindle our friendship. I don't mean that as an affront to you. I don't hold any ill will towards you, but that's how I feel. And I'm pretty busy, so let's just move on in our separate ways and let go. Then I get another email. Then I get a fourth email. I got four emails and she's trying to basically harass me into rekindling our friendship. And now I have to be like, So I stopped responding. But if I get another one, I'm gonna be like, now you're harassing me. I set a boundary that you're not like, you know, this isn't the same as getting a voice memo of a song. But.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

But either way, they're both attacks, okay? Either way, they're both attacks and you are trapped and you didn't ask for it. It is.

[Chelsea Handler]

It's an assault. It's an assault.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

We all deserve our own boundaries. You know, her boyfriend created one with that with her, and now you might need two with her too.

[Corinne]

I had a friend years ago who would, like, actually do this in person. She'd be like, oh, a new song from my album would be like, let me just play a little snippet. And then she would play it, but she'd play the whole song and then sing it like a foot from my face to my face. And I'm like, too much of a people pleaser to just, like, go away. But just be grateful. This is a Voice memo. And you can listen to two seconds.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Tell her to post it online. That's validation she can get from somewhere else. There you go.

[Corinne]

Beautiful. You should post this on Instagram.

[Chelsea Handler]

You should post this. That's great advice.

[Corinne]

Brilliant. Brilliant.

[Chelsea Handler]

And hopefully the response is positive, because otherwise you're gonna be dealing with a different friend after she gets some public, public shaming critique. I've hooked up with a couple of guys that are in the industry, and when I've hooked up with them, I've had one guy show me his pilot, an episode of a pilot that he shot from start to finish. And this was before we were supposed to have sex. Of course, I couldn't have sex with him after because I don't wanna see your pilot. And then I had another guy show me a sizzle reel from a movie that he was producing. And I was like, you're killing my boner. Like, I don' People don't understand that. That's like me inviting people over and saying, watch my standup special. Or Atsuko inviting people over and being like, hey. Not even inviting them to watch a special, saying, hey, do you want to hear some jokes from my special? It's like, if they did, they'd fucking come see you perform. It's just all so, like. It's so unselfaware. Like, nobody wants to do that. It's like taking videos. I can compare it to when I'm in Whistler. I take videos for, like, when I'm skiing with the kids. They want videos all the time of them. They're gonna jump off this, or they're gonna go in the park and they're gonna r. And I don't fucking have time for that shit. I'm not here to take videos of children. If I wanted to take videos of children, I would have had children. You know what I mean? I don't. I'm not the one.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

You go, here's a GoPro. What's beautiful is it captures your actions while you move without someone else doing it. You know, it's these things. I had a guy read me poetry before sex too. And I told him the thing. I said, that was good. That was beautiful. That same thing you told me told her to do. And afterwards, he goes, thank you. I'm either thinking of being a poet that travels around the world or be a cop. I said, those are two very different things, sweetie. And by then, it was like an hour in, you know, so. Exactly. It's like, respect. I came here for you. I'm gonna offer you My. My body.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. My body and my choice. And you should actually. Anyone who's on the fence about becoming a poet, who's gonna travel the world, and their other option is a cop, you should just have them become a cop. Yeah, we need more poetry and police work.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Yes, I agree. Yeah. But I don't know. His poems were intense. So, anyway.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, first of all, this is the first I'm hearing that you took another lover before you met Ryan. And does he know about it? Does Ryan know about it? Ryan, do you know about this?

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

You're like, as a. Well, I'll put it in the calendar. Our shared calendar that the three of us share.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, I want to. Yeah, I like that we share a calendar. And I want to continue that. I want to continue that through 2028 at the very least.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Yeah, just put any thoughts, notes in there that you want.

[Chelsea Handler]

I have thoughts and notes for all of us. All three of us. I'll be the leader of our calendar.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Yes, please. Thank you, Mother.

[Chelsea Handler]

Thank you, daughter. Okay. Atsuko, love talking to you. I'm sorry that this is the way we have to catch up now. I mean, with our busy travel schedules. But I'm gonna send you guys. I'm gonna send you guys some dates and see if you can. Wanna come to Mallorca this summer. We'll see what you're doing. I'm only going for a. But I have a little fun group of comics, so maybe you guys can come. I'll send you dates.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Yes.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Sounds good. Yes.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay. Love you. Congrats on your new special. I haven't seen it yet, you guys, because they haven't sent it to me. So otherwise I would be waxing poetic about how funny it is because I know it's fucking funny because it's Otsuko and she's ridiculous. So it's called Father, and you can watch it on Hulu Disney.

[Atsuko Okatsuka]

Plus, you're incredible.

[Chelsea Handler]

Goodbye.

[Corinne]

Thanks, everybody.

[Chelsea Handler]

Have a great day. Bye. So I added a couple of new dates. I'm not on tour yet, but I added a couple of dates just because I felt like we needed a little bit more laughter and a little bit more medicine for the end of the year. And I was wrapping things up, but I thought maybe let me do a couple more. So I'm adding three more dates. In addition to my Vegas residency, I'm doing West Hampton Beach August 21st. I'm headlining the Rochester Fringe Comedy Festival September 13th, and I will be in Napa on October 3rd. So those will be my last dates of the year.

[Corinne]

Do you want advice from Chelsea? Write in to dearchelsea podcastmail.com find full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching earchelseapod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert Executive Producer Kathryn Law, and be sure to check out our merch@chelsea handler.com.

[Chelsea Handler]

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[Katherine]

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