Swimming Naked with Elizabeth Olsen

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dear Chelsea – "Swimming Naked with Elizabeth Olsen"

Podcast: Dear Chelsea
Host: Chelsea Handler (with co-host Kathryn Law)
Guest: Elizabeth Olsen
Release Date: December 4, 2025
Duration: ~70 minutes

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Episode Overview

This engaging episode of “Dear Chelsea” features actress Elizabeth Olsen joining Chelsea Handler and co-host Kathryn Law for an honest, lively, and refreshingly vulnerable conversation. The group dives into topics ranging from craft and career, privacy in the public eye, astrology, journaling, and relationships, to the value of community. Elizabeth and Chelsea deliver thoughtful advice to listener questions about family, dating, and self-respect, infusing the show with both humor and emotional intelligence. The episode showcases both celebrities' relatability as they each open up about their own experiences, preferences, and deeply held beliefs.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Chelsea’s Recent Adventures & Antarctica Stories

Timestamps: 04:07–06:14

• Chelsea recaps her whirlwind travel: Antarctica, Las Vegas, New York.
• Describes Antarctica as “redonkulous,” blending a conference on psychedelics with scenic majesty and camp-like shenanigans.
• Saw penguins up close, kayaked next to humpback whales, and participated in a (slightly ill) polar plunge.
• Says the trip was one of the best in her life.
  • Quote: “It was like adult camp... I had a blast. Antarctica was majestic and gorgeous and I just was blown away.” (Chelsea, 04:47)

2. Elizabeth Olsen’s Acting Philosophy & Work Ethic

Timestamps: 06:15–10:56

• Discussing her performance in “Love and Death” and her love for mixing humor with drama—even in dark roles.
• Takes preparation and the craft very seriously but tries not to take herself too seriously outside the work.
• Values respect for colleagues by coming prepared; feels it’s important not to “learn lines on the day.”
• Struggles with being a public figure; anxious about offhand comments being overanalyzed in the press.
• Addresses a misreported quote about preferring movies in theaters vs. streaming.
  • Quote: "The fun part to me is the preparation... But I don’t take myself seriously. I do take everyone else showing up to work seriously… that’s a form of respect." (Elizabeth, 08:12)
  • Quote: “I get anxious that I’m gonna say something that... then afterwards you’re like, why does everyone care that I think people should go to movie theaters?” (Elizabeth, 09:13)

3. Navigating Privacy and Public Life

Timestamps: 10:56–12:26

• Elizabeth values keeping her personal life private.
• Chelsea affirms the importance of not caring too much about outside perceptions, especially as women.
• Mutual admiration for each other’s authenticity and boundary-setting.
  • Quote: “We all have to say this over and over to ourselves—who gives a shit—until it breaks through and it is inside of us... because it doesn’t matter.” (Chelsea, 11:06)

4. Family Dynamics & Childhood Roles

Timestamps: 11:55–14:06

• Both women are from large families; Elizabeth is 4th of 6, Chelsea is the youngest of 6.
• Discussion on being a baby/middle child, observing, learning from siblings, and negotiating with parents.
• Elizabeth shares precise strategizing with her parents about curfews, underage drinking (“There is vodka in my room because when I go to parties, I wanna bring my own.” 13:18) and applying rules set for older siblings.
• Chelsea’s rebelliousness versus Elizabeth’s people-pleasing.

5. Acting Training and Process

Timestamps: 14:14–16:12

• Elizabeth dives into actionable tools from acting school: voice work, dialects, physical presence, script analysis.
• Explains working with dialect coaches, script partners, and the spiritual alignment with characters.
  • Quote: “Where they hold their breath, how deep are those breaths... I feel there’s so many realizations... that make you feel aligned with their universe in some spiritual way.” (Elizabeth, 15:42)

6. “Eternity”: Plot & Themes

Timestamps: 16:12–18:48

• Elizabeth outlines the plot of her movie “Eternity”: an elderly woman must choose in the afterlife between her two husbands—comfort of a 65-year marriage or the path not taken (first love who died in the Korean War).
• Explores philosophical dilemmas, choices late in life, and the movie’s thought-provoking questions on love and purpose.
• Discussion of personal beliefs in the afterlife: Elizabeth doesn’t believe, but finds comfort for others in spiritual beliefs; Chelsea is open to energy and psychic phenomena but skeptical of reincarnation.

7. Astrology, Spirituality, and Everyday Rituals

Timestamps: 23:03–26:41

• Both discuss birth charts and personally relevant astrological readings.
• Elizabeth describes being deeply moved by an astrologer describing her need for travel, aligning with her self-knowledge.
• Journaling and swimming naked: Elizabeth journals by hand every morning and jumps in her pool naked to start the day.
  • Quote: “I love swimming naked so much... I want to be naked in water all the time.” (Elizabeth, 26:53)
• Journaling provides self-reflection, problem solving, and is part meditation/therapy for her.

8. Somatic Therapy

Timestamps: 28:36–30:50

• Elizabeth shares newfound interest in somatic therapy (“only a month” in), describing how it connects physical responses with emotional talk therapy.
• Chelsea chimes in about EMDR and therapy techniques for reframing trauma.

9. Listener Advice Segment Highlights

Gunkle with Mean Girl Nieces

Timestamps: 35:15–41:51

• Listener Dustin asks for advice about nieces turning into “mean girls.”
• Advice: Speak with the parent (brother) honestly, reinforce positive behavior by example, have 1:1 conversations with the girls, and highlight good role models (Taylor Swift mentioned).
  • Quote: “You can demonstrate how cool it is to be a nice girl... talk about women who are supportive of other women and instill that in your time with her.” (Chelsea, 38:25)
• Elizabeth adds the value of highlighting positive actions over just warning against negative ones.

Dating as a Busy Single Mom

Timestamps: 46:12–52:15

• Amy, a single mom in Southern Oregon, feels stuck dating in a small, conservative town and asks for advice.
• Chelsea and Kathryn encourage joining groups (hiking, tennis, etc.), traveling to bigger cities (“Go to Portland for a weekend”), and dedicating a realistic time frame (six months) to the search.
  • Quote: “I think it’s important when you want something in your life to say it, write it down... focus energy towards it.” (Chelsea, 50:06)
• Group laughs over men with “fish in their profile pics”; Elizabeth surprises with fishing lessons (but clarifies she’s married).

Relationship Stuck in “Casual” Mode

Timestamps: 57:31–61:54

• “Stella” wonders if she’s being strung along after three years with a non-committal boyfriend.
• Panel’s consensus: If he avoids conversations about the future and moving in, it’s not worth staying—value yourself, don’t “campaign” to be chosen.
  • Quote: "If you love someone, there should be no problem talking around anything. You shouldn’t be campaigning to be someone’s choice." (Chelsea, 60:03)
• Elizabeth analogy: “What you want is the full fucking meal. And all they’re doing is giving you a crumb...” (Elizabeth, 61:02)

10. Healthy Relationships & Elizabeth’s Engagement Story

Timestamps: 62:04–65:36

• Discussion of what healthy relationships look like.
• Elizabeth shares a charming, funny, extremely personal proposal story involving her neurotic (but wonderful) husband, cheese boards, fire lighting failures, and a dock proposal.
• Chelsea highlights importance of communication, comfort, support, and laughter in a partnership.
  • Quote: “His goal every day is to make me laugh, which is also annoying when I’m mad at him, but he does it very quickly and early in the morning.” (Elizabeth, 65:10)

11. Community & Social Connection

Timestamps: 42:05–45:48

• Discussion of importance of community and shared rituals, especially as America becomes more politically divided.
• Both women advocate for in-person connections absent of politics—like local theater, sports, bartering in their towns, and creating traditions.
  • Quote: "We have more rituals in other countries than we do around that, especially in-person rituals.” (Elizabeth, 45:48)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• “The fun part to me is the preparation and the discoveries that you have during that time. But I don’t take myself seriously. But I do take everyone else showing up to work. I have to show up also prepared. And that’s a form of respect...” — Elizabeth Olsen (08:12)
• “We all have to say this over and over to ourselves—who gives a shit—until it breaks through... because it doesn’t matter.” — Chelsea Handler (11:06)
• “If you frame it that way as a child, to the parent, what does the parent— they’re like—wait, wait, I just lost that argument.” — *Chelsea Handler on Elizabeth’s teen logic (13:30)
• “If you can’t have that conversation, I don’t, I don’t think it’s worth your time...” — Elizabeth Olsen, on relationships stuck in neutral (59:51)
• “What you want is the full fucking meal. And all they’re doing is giving you a crumb.” — Elizabeth Olsen (61:02)
• “His goal every day is to make me laugh, which is also annoying when I’m mad at him, but he does it very quickly and early in the morning, and it’s really annoying often.” — Elizabeth Olsen, on her husband (65:10)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Segment | Timestamp | |-----------------------------------------------------------|------------| | Chelsea’s Antarctica Story | 04:07–06:14| | Acting Philosophy & “Love and Death” | 06:15–10:56| | Privacy, Anxiety, & Public Persona | 10:56–12:26| | Family Dynamics & Childhood Roles | 12:26–14:06| | Acting Tools & Training | 14:14–16:12| | “Eternity” Movie—Plot & Themes | 16:12–18:48| | Spirituality & Afterlife | 18:48–21:19| | Astrology, Journaling, Swimming Naked | 23:03–27:04| | Somatic Therapy & Self-care Tools | 28:36–30:50| | Listener: Mean Girl Nieces (Dustin) | 35:15–41:51| | Listener: Single Mom Dating (Amy) | 46:12–52:15| | Listener: Stuck Relationship (Stella) | 57:31–61:54| | Engagement Story & Relationship Reflections | 62:04–65:36| | Final Reflections on Community and Healthy Relationships | 42:05–45:48|

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Episode Tone & Speaker Style

• Open, irreverently honest, and laced with self-deprecating humor.
• Chelsea is candid, encouraging, at times blunt but always supportive.
• Elizabeth is thoughtful, slightly shy about public persona, very detail-oriented and introspective.
• Both admire each other’s approach to boundaries, self-respect, and authenticity.

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Summary Takeaways

• On Growth and Boundaries: Preparation, professionalism, and boundaries are crucial to success—whether on a film set or in your daily rituals.
• On Letting Go of Judgment: The anxiety of saying the “wrong” thing is universal, but authenticity and self-respect trump public opinion.
• On Relationships: Don’t settle for crumbs; hold out for genuine commitment and reciprocity.
• On Community: Shared public rituals and community events are vital for social cohesion, especially in polarized times.
• On Spirituality: Birth charts, journaling, rituals (even skinny dipping), and some therapy can anchor one for the challenges of modern life.
• On Self-Discovery: Try new practices (journaling, somatic therapy), have honest conversations (with kids, siblings, or partners), and cultivate connections wherever possible.

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Episode Highlight

“What you want is the full f***ing meal. And all they’re doing is giving you a crumb to keep you along for a certain amount of time until they realize they need to give you another crumb. …And then you’re just addicted to the crumb.”
– Elizabeth Olsen (61:02)

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Overall:
A lively and relatable episode blending clever advice, deep self-reflection, honest tales of vulnerability, and—yes—fun anecdotes about skinny-dipping, cheese boards, and the making of meaningful choices at every stage of life.

Transcript

[Kathryn]

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[Elizabeth Olsen]

Guaranteed human.

[Chelsea]

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[Elizabeth Olsen]

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[Chelsea]

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[Kathryn]

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[Chelsea]

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[Chelsea]

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[Kathryn]

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[Ad Voice 2]

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[Chelsea]

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[Elizabeth Olsen]

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[Ad Voice 2]

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[Chelsea]

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[Chelsea]

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[Elizabeth Olsen]

You won't believe what my new friend just told me about dinosaurs.

[Ad Voice 1]

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[Chelsea]

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[Chelsea]

I just announced all my tour dates. It's called the High and Mighty Tour. I'm coming to Washington, D.C. norfolk, Virginia, Madison, Wisconsin, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Detroit, Michigan, Cleveland, Columbus and Cincinnati, Ohio. Denver, Colorado, Portland, Maine, Providence, Rhode Island, Springfield, Massachusetts, Chicago, of course Indianapolis, Indiana, Louisville, Kentucky, Albuquerque, Mesa, Arizona, Kansas City, Missour, St. Louis, Missouri, Minneapolis, Minnesota, Nashville, Tennessee, Charlotte, North Carolina, Durham, North Carolina, Saratoga, California, Monterey, California, Modesto, California and Port Chester, New York, Boston, Massachusetts, Portland, Oregon and Seattle, Washington. I will be touring from February through June. So go get your tickets now if you want to come see me perform. I will be on the High and Mighty Tour. Okey dokey. Hi, Katherine.

[Kathryn]

Hi, Chelsea.

[Chelsea]

How are you? Well, I am fresh. You know what I've done since we last spoke? I went to Antarctica, then I went to Vegas, and now I'm in New York. I am a globetrotter.

[Kathryn]

You're all over the place. I mean, like, more so than normal.

[Chelsea]

I'm all over the shop.

[Kathryn]

How was Antarctica?

[Chelsea]

It was redonkulous. It was absolute mayhem. I have never been on a trip that was so ridiculous. It was like a conference on psychedelics. So half the people were, like, researching psychedelics and the other half of the people were doing psychedelics.

[Kathryn]

Let me guess which category you fell into.

[Chelsea]

Yeah, well, I was somewhere in the middle. I had a blast. I met so many fun people. I had an incredible time. Antarctica was majestic and gorgeous and I just was blown away. It really was one of the best trips of my life.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Oh, my gosh.

[Kathryn]

That's amazing. Now, did you see penguins?

[Chelsea]

Actually, yeah. We were close up to the penguins. We went kayaking next to whale humpback whales. They breached in front of us. There was a polar plunge. But I was a little bit sick that day because I had a tricky night the night before we crossed Drake's Passage.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Oh, how was it?

[Kathryn]

Was it awful going through Drake's Passage?

[Chelsea]

Crossing Drake's Passage was crazy. I brought my friend Christine. I made some really cute friends. I had a blast.

[Kathryn]

Amazing.

[Chelsea]

I had every element of an incredible. It was like adult camp. We would just run from one floor to the next floor and then go Knock on each other's cabins. There was a lot of shenanigans, like.

[Kathryn]

A very cold summer camp.

[Chelsea]

Yeah, I loved it.

[Kathryn]

Excellent.

[Chelsea]

Oh, and also, I'll be on the Today Show. I'm co hosting the Today show tomorrow with Jana Bush, so anybody can watch us. Yeah, I coast. I co host with her for an hour tomorrow.

[Kathryn]

Well, we have a really exciting week this week because we actually have two episodes coming out today, and tomorrow we'll have new episodes coming out. So our guest today, if you want to tell everybody about that, is very exciting.

[Chelsea]

Well, we have two from the same movie. Elizabeth Olsen is Today and Tomorrow is Divine Joy Randolph. We're releasing two episodes this week to promote their movie, which is called Eternity. Okay. We're sitting here with Elizabeth Olsen. I'm so excited to talk to you. I watched Love and Death, I don't know how many times I thought your performance. You and Lily Rabe together. That was Lily Rabe, right?

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Chelsea]

Your performance in that. Cause they did that show before with some other cast.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

They did, Yeah.

[Chelsea]

I think Jessica Biel, right? Your performance in that was earth shattering. You were so fucking good. I couldn't stop watching your performance. And I'm not some big, ardent acting fan or something. I don't even. Like, I just thought you were. So every nuance and the subtleties of, like, the way that you. I was like, I just couldn't wait to see you in more stuff. Oh. It's like whenever I see your name in something, I know it's gonna be good.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

That is so nice of you. I loved getting to do that so much. I had so much fun. I had the time of my life playing that part. So it's really nice when other people. I think you can tell if someone's having fun with something. Maybe. But she was just a great character, and I felt like I could do no wrong in her shoes.

And I just love humor and drama. Like, I just think there always needs to be humor no matter how dramatic something is. And I had so much fun with her, so it's because that's based on a true story.

[Chelsea]

A woman who murdered her husband. For those of you who haven't seen Love and Death, you need to see.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

It on hbo, Max.

[Chelsea]

It's on hbo, Max. Oh, thank you. Yeah, I forgot about that part.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

I'm here. I'm here for that.

[Chelsea]

But it's based on a true story. But it is the unraveling. It is just the unraveling of a woman. And I mean, how do you even. Like, what did you. Are you a serious. I mean, you're a serious actress, obviously.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Yeah, I take my job seriously.

[Chelsea]

You remember you memorize your lines and go to work?

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Yes, yes, I do a lot of.

[Chelsea]

Preparation, but would you consider yourself a serious actress? Do you, like. Are you very serious when you are working?

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Yeah, I'm very serious. I'm very playful. I feel like every year I've doubled down how much I love doing my job. And I come from so many different types of training that I went to and so many different types of conservatories. And the fun part to me is the preparation and the discoveries that you have during that time. But I don't take myself seriously. But I do take everyone else showing up to work. I have to show up also prepared. And that's a form of respect to everyone else who's showing up to work, in my opinion. And so I like setting a standard of, hopefully people aren't, like, learning their lines on the day, but you get to set a standard sometimes in that way without, like, verbalizing it. And I think that's just a form of respect for, like, everyone who shows up to work.

[Chelsea]

Yeah, I think that's nice.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Yeah. So I. I guess I take myself seriously a little bit, but I also don't take the job of being, like, an actor. Very serious. Right. Like, the other elements that come with it.

[Chelsea]

Like what?

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Like. Like speaking.

As myself. Like, I don't want to be a spokesperson for anyone or anything. No. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do it well. I get nervous doing podcasts because they're long.

[Chelsea]

Yeah.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

And I get anxious that I'm gonna say something that will then I think is, like, great in the moment. And then afterwards you're like, why. Why does everyone care that I think people should go to movie theaters? Or not even that they should read it? Like, I would just.

[Ad Host]

Why was that?

[Chelsea]

I didn't. I read that quote. Why was that? What was the issue with that?

[Elizabeth Olsen]

I don't know. It's just how I conduct my own business.

Is like, that I want to be in movies that are in theaters.

[Chelsea]

That are in theaters.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Right. I'm not telling anyone they have to go to the theater.

[Chelsea]

I think you had a problem with that in the first place, that you said that people should go to the theater.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

I didn't even say that. I said I only want to do movies that are in theaters that are.

[Kathryn]

Not just for streaming.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Right. Yeah. But, like, streamers are very important part of it.

[Chelsea]

Streamers are Great.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

But they then release it in another way. Like, that's an important part of it because we don't have video. I mean, I go to video stores, but most people don't. So I'm not. I don't know. It's just. I always feel like I'm going to say something that I just. I'm not even aware is going to offend people.

[Chelsea]

But also, who gives a shit?

[Elizabeth Olsen]

I know. I wish I were more like. But I feel like that's how you've lived career.

[Chelsea]

But I think that just goes to show you how silly it is. You know what I mean? You didn't say anything wrong. There's nothing wrong with saying you wanted to be in movies that are in theaters. What's wrong with that? That's what an actor wants. But that's good practice to remind yourself that when there is backlash, it's usually. It's so nothing. It means nothing.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Yeah.

[Chelsea]

You know, so you should be less worried about what you're not saying anything wrong in the first place. Like, you know, I. I get it. I mean, you're pretty. You're a private person. You're pretty private.

[Kathryn]

Right.

[Chelsea]

You don't have like a big public profile in terms of your personal life at all. No, no. And I want to respect that for you during this interview also, because you're in a safe place. You don't have to talk about anything you don't want to talk about. But I love this conversation because so many people call in and we are women, so this is how women deal with stuff. But it's like we all have to say this over and over to ourselves. Who gives a shit until it breaks through and it is inside of us, you know, because it doesn't matter.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Yeah. I think that's why I've always been drawn to everything you do is because. Is because it really feels like you don't give a shit. And you're also very intelligent and very. And you're also like. You go to the ends of things. Like you have an interest in something that's small and then you go to the very ends of it. And then you get to let. Let us watch you explore it. And I find that to be so satisfying as someone who is a fearful person and they kind of scared of everything.

[Chelsea]

Generally speaking, I am one of six children, and I know you're one of six children. What number are you?

[Elizabeth Olsen]

I'm four.

[Chelsea]

Four. I'm number six out of six.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

And same parents.

[Chelsea]

Same parents.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

I feel like I know your parents.

[Chelsea]

Do you have Same parents, all six.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Kids from just the first four.

[Chelsea]

Oh, okay. Okay.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

And then different mother for the. For the second two.

[Chelsea]

Okay.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Yeah.

[Chelsea]

And so do you think being number four out of six. So you're a middle child, but kind.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Of a young baby also. Baby.

[Chelsea]

So a middle child and a baby.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Yeah, I really feel like the baby.

[Chelsea]

You feel like the baby?

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Yeah, because it's like 10 years.

[Chelsea]

Okay.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

And.

[Chelsea]

Yeah.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Of being the baby.

[Chelsea]

Because usually the babies are rebellious and less fearful.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Yeah. Well, I didn't get that, gene. I definitely. I watched, I watched, I observed, I decided what I wanted to do, what I didn't want to do. I was very clever with my parents about how they set precedents before me, and I held them to those precedents.

[Chelsea]

Can you give us an example? Yeah.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Like sleeping over at your boyfriend's house in high school.

[Chelsea]

Well, how old were you when you were allowed to do that?

[Elizabeth Olsen]

They. Well, I wasn't. And I was. I was like, well, I'm either gonna lie to you and tell you that I'm not, or you're gonna know where I am and I'm gonna tell you that I'm doing that. And you raise framing.

It's how I spoke to them about underage drinking as well.

[Chelsea]

Well, that's good.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

It's like, I. There is vodka in my room because when I go to parties, I wanna bring my own.

[Chelsea]

That's nice.

[Kathryn]

It's actually smart, too.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Yeah. I didn't wanna drink other things. And, yeah, it first starts off as a fight, but then I think I'm being really rational.

[Chelsea]

Well, you are being rational. That's. I mean, if you frame it that way as a child, to the parent, what does the parent. They're like, wait, wait, I just lost that. Arg.

It's so responsibility forward. Right.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

So you were rebellious, though.

[Chelsea]

I was very rebellious. I'm still very rebellious. I have a problem with anyone telling me what to do.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Right.

[Chelsea]

I don't like that.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Right.

[Chelsea]

Which is why I wouldn't be great on a movie set. Because of all the things that you mentioned about being prepared. I fly by the seat of my pants. So if someone tells me to memorize something, I'm like, you mean, like, I'll spit it back out in my own verbiage is what I think. And they're like, no, no, These are the lines in the script.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

And I'm like the most people pleaser.

[Chelsea]

Of a person when you go to acting school. Because that's serious, you know, that could produce serious actors.

[Ad Voice 3]

Yeah, sure.

[Chelsea]

When you go to, like, What. What is something that you've learned or what are the things that you learn in acting? Because, you know, so many people go to school and then they're in a profession that they went to school for, and they're like, I didn't need to be sure. Like, I didn't even need to get that training. So what are some of the tools that you have acquired from acting class that you could share with us that you still use today?

[Elizabeth Olsen]

So much like, why tell me?

[Chelsea]

I'm interested.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Voice work. Where you place. Where you place your voice, depending on the character, depending on the character's disposition, depending. Like for Candy, for instance, and Love and Death, she. It comes up in a time where she's a very performative woman. So I used, like, way more vocalizing of different registers in my voice that were more feminine than what I naturally rest in. And there's also, like, more of a sing song quality because it's more pleasing as a woman in that time. So those are the kinds of things that you would start with and dialects you. You play around with script analysis so that you're not repetitive in an arc. Like, those kinds of things, I guess.

[Chelsea]

Wow. And so do you use a coach each time you go on to a different project or you just do this work on your own?

[Elizabeth Olsen]

It's a bit of both. There's a dialect coach named Sara Shepard who I've been working with for 15 years, and she's also a great script analysis partner. And so she and I sometimes have discoveries together. It's amazing how much, if you think about. You were just kind of joking about getting more in touch with. What did you say? Not the natural world, but you were talking about just getting in touch with, like, the spirit, the universe, Aligning yourself with the universe. Yeah.

[Chelsea]

Yeah.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

So I feel that way about when you're trying to figure out how the character you're about to play, where they hold their breath, how they breathe, how deep are those breaths, where do they, like, hold their body tension? I feel like there's so many realizations that you have about people just in that kind of discovery that, like, make you feel aligned with, like, their universe in some, like, spiritual way. And I feel so much more comfortable kind of exploring as these other people interacting in the world almost more so than myself at times.

[Chelsea]

Let's talk about your movie, Eternity. Do you want to tell us how to. Because I don't want to ruin anything by describing it myself.

[Ad Host]

Sure.

[Chelsea]

I'll try anything.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

I'll try something.

[Chelsea]

Okay, you try.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Eternity is about an 89 year old woman who dies and ends up in the afterlife. 89 was kind of a number I just chose. I don't actually remember how old she is, but she dies, ends up in the afterlife and her husband who died two weeks before her, who's her husband for 65 years, is there waiting for her along with her first husband who died in the Korean War. And she has to choose which husband she would like to spend eternity with. And it's a struggle and it's a very big struggle because do you choose the easy comfort that you know of 65 years, or do you choose the path that you never got to take? Or do you choose something that's. Neither. And the thing that I loved is imagining this woman who I think went. By the time you're about 90, I'm sure like there aren't too many really big decisions you have to make. Like you've kind of made a lot of big decisions in the first half of your life and not the second half of your life. And how shocking it would be to have to. And how overwhelming it would be to have to make such a big decision. That's not menial tasks about like errands and taxes or something and day to day stuff. Yeah. This is like the biggest. Like it would kill her all over again.

[Chelsea]

It makes you think. It's a very thought provoking movie because it really makes you consider what you yourself would do in that kind of situation.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Yeah.

[Chelsea]

First of all, do you believe in the afterlife? Do you believe that there is one?

[Elizabeth Olsen]

I don't.

I'm always wanting to hear about other people's experiences with spirits, with aliens, with afterlife, with religions. I. Because I, I find them to be so comforting. And I would love to be comforted myself. But I am not comforted. I don't. I. There's nothing that feels exactly like that I can connect to, I guess. But I'm really happy for other people having these thoughts and dreams.

[Chelsea]

I'm happy that other people are delusional, think there's an afterlife.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

It's really nice and cozy to think about.

[Chelsea]

I love. Exactly. It's a comfort to talk about when people talk about it because obvious we're never gonna fucking know until we die. And we'll probably won't find out then either.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

No.

[Chelsea]

But it is comforting to think that something does happen after. But where I lose it is like I believe in energy and I believe that energy doesn't die. Right. If you've met someone, they're in your heart forever, whether they're Here or they're not. I believe in that. That's science.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Right.

[Chelsea]

And we have a psychic coming on the show in a few weeks. So I just read her book and she talks about all these people who have, you know, near life or past death experiences or people who talk to you from.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Sure, from.

[Chelsea]

Like if I ask my mom to show me an orange out of place. My mom's dead. If I ask her to show me an orange out of place, I'll see it within 24 hours. An oversized orange that's not in a grocery store.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Right.

[Chelsea]

Like, so I. I get that every time. But you could. It's when people start talking about reincarnation that I. They lose me because I'm like, then that involves magic. That involves that. Then we're putting a little potion, you dying, and then. Okay, and then you're going to come back as this dog or this other person. Like when people talk about past lives.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Did you ever see Glaser's film Birth with Nicole Kidman where her dead husband comes back as this little boy?

[Kathryn]

I remember it because of her haircut in it.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Yeah, she did a pixie.

[Chelsea]

What's it. What's it called?

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Birth. Birth, right.

[Ad Host]

No.

[Kathryn]

Is it called Birth?

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Yeah, it's called Birth. Yeah.

[Chelsea]

How did I miss that?

[Elizabeth Olsen]

It was a while ago. I don't know. Yeah, 2000 or. Yeah, 2000s. Early 2000s maybe.

[Chelsea]

And so her husband's reincarnated as a.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Little girl and then little boy. And I mean, it's. She falls in for this little boy, Nicole Kidman, a grown woman debating whether or not she's.

[Chelsea]

Well, that's not the first time for her. She's always with little boys now, remember last year's movie? Or that was two years ago.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

This is like a seven year old.

[Chelsea]

Well, listen, in one of those books, in Many Lives, Many Masters. Is that the book? Have you ever read that book? Okay. Many Lives, Many Masters opens with this story about. Correct me if I'm saying the wrong book. I think I'm saying the right is a story about. It opens with a story about this boy who speaks a foreign language that his parents have never spoken to him. He's like 3 or 4 years old and he talks about having a wife and children in another country, and I think it's Italy or Spain. He speaks fluent Italian or Spanish, whichever the country is. And he talks about his wife and he talks about the village he lives in. And finally the parents, after a certain amount of time, go and research it and they find this woman who has two Small children and lost her husband. And he's like, I'm her husband. So, like, you hear stuff like that and you're like, oh, that is inexplicable. Like, it is inexplicable, but also involves a lot of fairy dust and magic. Like, the magic part is. And the reincarnation. I just find that to be. Do you believe in that?

[Kathryn]

I, I like the idea.

[Chelsea]

I know you don't want. I mean, I also like the idea of her going to heaven and, you know, and there's elevators and people are working. You know what I mean? In this movie.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Like, but it's also, our movie's like, kind of nihilistic in the sense that it's like just like sell. When you get to the afterlife. It's just like a capitalist afterlife that has like belief in nothing. It's.

[Chelsea]

And there are different versions of heaven, right? Yeah, you can say that part.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Yeah, there's a. Yeah, there's a lot of different eternities that you can choose. And some of them are like the workout world or there's the, there's the attorney, where you can be infantilized for the rest of your life and pretend to be a baby and have a mommy. And there's that kind of. There is Queer World. There's world, which I.

There was a studio. Studio 54. Is that what it was called? World where people could just do cocaine and not die.

[Chelsea]

That sounds fun.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Smoke, smoke, smoke and you'll never die again.

[Chelsea]

Oh, that is fun. And that sounds like they would have a casino also. I could get along well there.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Yeah. Do you love casinos?

[Chelsea]

I hate casinos.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Okay.

[Chelsea]

No, I have a residency in Vegas. I perform once a month because that's about as much as I like to work. And not excluding present company excluded, obviously. But I, I, I, I don't like the vibe. It makes me uneasy. I had to, I spent the day in, in Vegas this last time I was there because we went to see Alanis the next night.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Yeah.

[Chelsea]

And spending the day in Vegas makes me uneasy.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Yeah.

[Chelsea]

I don't like to be there when the lights are like, when it's light out.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

I've only been once and I don't remember sleeping.

[Chelsea]

How have you avoided Vegas this your entire life?

[Elizabeth Olsen]

I mean, no one's asked me to do like a one woman show there. I'm not.

[Chelsea]

But don't you have to do like press ever in Vegas? Like, what about shows?

[Elizabeth Olsen]

I've never done Cinemacon or anything. Or Bachelor. No, no. Luckily, no. I have friends.

[Ad Host]

Really.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

And if they're married. I met them. Married, yeah.

[Chelsea]

What about astrology? What do you think? What are your thoughts on astrology?

[Elizabeth Olsen]

So, a few. A few of them. So I think a lot of them sound. All of the signs sound like I could have a piece of myself align with each of them. Yet someone. Patty, who is with me today, who does makeup, she had a friend of hers who reads charts from Iceland. Just. I got. I sent her all the information. Where you're born, what time of day, your birth date. I think that's kind of all you need for Birchart. And she had said something to me that brought me to tears. It was so spooky. And she had made this like 13 minute voice message. And I journal every morning for the most part. And I've been doing that for a few years. And it's kind of where I have my own realizations about where I am in my psyche and my mental health. And I was having this realization a week before listening to this, where I realized I just need to travel more. I am so fulfilled by traveling. And being in one place has never made me comfortable. I always want to be on the go. And I had that realization. And then she took like two minutes to tell me how important travel is for my birth sign. Just days later.

[Chelsea]

What is your birthday?

[Elizabeth Olsen]

February 16th.

[Chelsea]

Okay. On February 25th.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Oh, interesting. You're Pisces.

[Chelsea]

I'm a Pisces.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

But you're Aquarius. Yeah.

[Chelsea]

Yeah.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

So that moved me, like, so I do believe there's something to it.

[Chelsea]

I think there's definitely something about when you were born, what was going on with the planets when you were born. Like, that kind of a Syrian astrology is when they. I think is probably what you did. Because I've done something similar to that. I think that that's pretty. Like, I don't like it when it's a predictor of the future. Like, I find that to be nonsense.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

I also don't want to know, of course, what you're.

[Chelsea]

Yeah, right. I don't want to know either, really.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Because then I'm going to make decisions that are affected by you just saying that sentence to me. And I can't unhear it now.

[Kathryn]

It's like a friend of mine, she, I think went to the same mysterian astrologer that you use. Jane. Yes.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

But she. Jade, the woman in the Valley.

[Chelsea]

It's a guy, Jade Z.

[Kathryn]

But she was told by him, at some point in your life, you're going to break it both of your ankles.

[Chelsea]

So she, like, there's two Ways you.

[Kathryn]

Can go with this, right? At the same time, we don't know. So her reaction was, well, I can't do anything. I can't rollerblade or roller skate. Can't do anything dangerous. I just have to be careful. So I don't. But he said, you're going to. So in my mind, that means go ahead and do whatever you want. It's gonna happen one way or the other and get it over with.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

And, well, she hasn't done it yet.

[Chelsea]

She hasn't broken her ankles yet.

[Ad Voice 3]

No.

[Kathryn]

So she's just afraid.

[Chelsea]

It's a really fucked up thing to tell somebody. It's like, why don't you just leave that part out?

[Ad Voice 3]

Who to wants.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Wants to know about that also, like, now she's gonna not do so many things that could, like, create joy in her life.

[Chelsea]

Yeah. So wait, talk to me about journaling. How did you get into the practice of journaling?

[Elizabeth Olsen]

I don't remember where it started. I think I like writing. Yeah.

[Chelsea]

Do you hand write in your journal? Is that how you do it?

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Yeah.

[Chelsea]

Do you think that's more impactful than writing, like, typing it in?

[Elizabeth Olsen]

I think there's something that happens when you slow down your brain to write out a word slower than you could type it that I think helps you have new thoughts. Like, you're not ahead of it. You have to be slower. And so it helps me slow down how fast my brain is moving. And sometimes it doesn't work and it's completely scattered thoughts. But I started doing it. I don't know. I just started doing it every morning three years ago, along with jumping naked into my pool.

[Chelsea]

Do you do that every morning?

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Yeah, I do.

[Chelsea]

Oh, my God. I love this.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

It's just. Yeah. I don't heat it sometimes. It's not that cold. I love swimming naked so much. And I know you love taking pictures of yourself.

[Chelsea]

I love to be naked. I mean, I like my underwear and bra on.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Yeah.

[Chelsea]

Yeah.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Yeah.

[Chelsea]

I don't like to be full. I mean, I don't have a problem with nudity, but I. I. Yeah, I just want to be in my bra and underwear all the time.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

I want to be naked in water all the time.

[Chelsea]

Yeah, well, naked in water is a nice feeling.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Absolutely. Yeah. And moving through it. I don't want to just, like, sit in a cold plunge. I want to move through a lot.

[Chelsea]

So do you swim every morning or you just jump in?

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Just for, like, three to five minutes. I just slowly swim.

[Chelsea]

So which order do these things happen in? Do you journal first? Or you get in the pool first?

[Elizabeth Olsen]

I get in the pool first.

[Chelsea]

What's the very first thing that happens when you wake up? Did you brush your teeth first?

[Elizabeth Olsen]

I brush my teeth. I make coffee while it's being made, I jump in the pool. I do like 80 year old calisthenics afterwards to warm up my body and mobilize and stretch and get blood flow. And then I journal with coffee.

[Chelsea]

Wow.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

And I do a version of this even when I'm working.

[Chelsea]

That's amazing.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

But it usually involves a bathtub that I don't swim in. But sometimes I'll still do the water part. Yeah.

[Chelsea]

And how long will you journal for each morning?

[Elizabeth Olsen]

It depends. I try and give myself 10 minutes minimum.

[Chelsea]

And what do you think that's brought to your life that you didn't have before?

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Enough like self reflection that I think it's been helpful problem solving, it's been helpful making plans. It's been like for what I want or what I think I need, it's been helpful creating like trying to understand something that had happened or something that's happened to someone else and why they respond in certain ways. So I think it helps. It's to me a version of meditation and therapy without while like trusting your own instincts in some way. But I'm so therapied as a person.

[Chelsea]

You seem very together.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

I spent so much time in talk therapy and I started doing a new therapy that I've become obsessed with. What's this called? Called Somatic Therapy. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kathryn]

Somatic Therapist.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

And I'm really, it's, I'm brand new. It's like truly only a month of a new thing. Yeah.

[Chelsea]

So how does that work? Can you talk about it?

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Sure. I mean, I'm not going to do it. Well, like I'm not. I just. Because it's so new to me. So maybe you can help me.

[Kathryn]

But I was surprised at how she.

[Chelsea]

Your therapist? No.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

You do it.

[Ad Voice 3]

Yeah.

[Kathryn]

I mean there are certain, you know, exercises you can do. Mindfulness.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Yeah.

[Kathryn]

And these sorts of things. But at the same time it kind of just feels like regular therapy. But when I started it, I found I had a real purge for like every time I talked to my therapist it was like, like purging, weeping, like every single time for like six months.

[Chelsea]

Because somatic means your body, Right. Your somatic therapy.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

So. Yeah. And so what's happening right now, at least what I'm experiencing is they listen to whatever you want to speak about that day, maybe for like 15, 20 minutes until something in you is changing that you're having a physical response to, and then they want to talk about that physical response and basically give you tools and exercises that help your physical response that is connected to your brain so that you can at least help yourself have similar. Like, if there's something in a relationship that comes up and that makes you feel a certain way, whether it's, like, rage or overwhelmed, you talk about it. And then you work on an exercise that helps try and rewire your. Your brain's response.

[Kathryn]

Yeah.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

That gives you the message to your body.

[Kathryn]

Yeah.

[Chelsea]

Like, soothe your nervous system. Oh, I see.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

So it's very activated. So it's not just talking like you're doing. You're doing. You're interacting.

[Chelsea]

Right.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

With tools.

[Chelsea]

Yeah. Do you know what EMDR is?

[Elizabeth Olsen]

That's the tool.

[Chelsea]

Oh, okay. Because it sounds like EMDR a little bit.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Where you change. I haven't done that yet.

[Chelsea]

You change your reaction to something. It's like, what you're saying. And, like, if you have a traumatic memory, you go back to that memory while you're holding these kind of instruments. I don't really.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Yeah. They're like vibration rods. I haven't done it yet.

[Chelsea]

Reframe the way that you react to that response. So that's in the neighborhood of what you're talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You seem very together and grounded. You seem very together.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Well, I'm okay. I'm doing just fine.

[Chelsea]

Would people. Would all the people that are closest to you in your life describe you as together?

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Yeah, they would. I. I think the thing that I'm trying really, to explore now in work is like, a wildness, because I think I need that, especially as I get older. I think you become, like, more. I do at least become almost, like, more responsible and. And I kind of want to have fewer responsibilities and be a little bit wilder.

[Chelsea]

Wow.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

And I can do that in a. In a way with work.

[Chelsea]

Yeah.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

And, like, find an edge that I. That I want in my life.

[Chelsea]

I want to see you do that on screen. I would love that. Yeah. I mean, you are like that as an actress, so you kind of. You could see that you're not. You're acting like.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

You know what I mean?

[Chelsea]

And I mean that in the best way.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

But I like watching people act.

[Chelsea]

Yes.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

So it's fun to me to get to, like, act instead of just be a version of my. Just, like a version of myself and, like, be cool or something. Cause I don't know how to be cool. But some people are really good at it. You know and are really charming just being themselves. And I much rather like, like invent.

[Chelsea]

Something else that's a sign of an actor.

We're gonna take a break and we'll be right back with Elizabeth Olson.

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. The holidays are a time of traditions. Some people have big families and some have found family or are just beginning their own. Now's the time to reflect on what the holidays mean to you or to rewrite those traditions and make your own. Like perfecting a new hot chocolate recipe with the kids or carefully following your great aunt's recipe for sweet potato pie. Incorporating therapy into your new and existing traditions can help you take time for yourself during what could be a very joyful but sometimes hectic and lonely time of the year. Some years I like to spend time with my family for the holidays. Others I get cozy in my cabin and whistler and spend the day focused on my own self care. But the holidays can be hard for a lot of people. Scheduling a therapy session during the holidays could be a new tradition for you. One where you make sure to take time for yourself. Trying betterhelp online therapy in December is a great way to close the year with clarity rather than chaos. Our listeners get 10% [e-mail] dearchelsea that's betterhelp.com dearchelsea 10 athletes will face the toughest job interview in fitness that will push past physical and mental breaking points.

You are the fittest of the fit. Only one of you will leave here with an IFIT contract worth $250,000.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

This is where mindset comes in.

[Chelsea]

Someone will be eliminated.

[Kathryn]

Pressure is coming down.

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[Chelsea]

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[Elizabeth Olsen]

You won't believe what my new friend just told me about dinosaurs.

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[Chelsea]

Your father's here.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Why?

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[Chelsea]

I'm a different person. I have never in my life felt this way about any other woman.

[Kathryn]

Jesus, I wasn't counting your mother.

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[Chelsea]

You can use a screen.

[Kathryn]

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[Chelsea]

You should do that every afternoon.

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[Chelsea]

Elizabeth Olsen. And we're back. Do you go by Lizzie?

[Elizabeth Olsen]

You go by Lizzie.

[Chelsea]

I do.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Yeah.

[Chelsea]

Okay.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Lizzie Olsen.

[Chelsea]

Okay. Okay, Katherine. What do we have in store for us today?

[Kathryn]

Well, we're gonna start with dust. His subject line is Gunkle with mean girl nieces.

[Chelsea]

Wait, Gunkle?

[Kathryn]

Gunkle? Gay Uncle Gunkle. So he says, dear Chelsea, I'm a long time fan and I was actually born on your 10th birthday. Did you wish for more gays?

[Elizabeth Olsen]

He says, probably.

[Kathryn]

On your show with Sasha Mamet you mentioned that there is nothing worse than girls who become bullies. My niblings. My brother's kids are being raised to want for nothing, whereas we came from a frugal Jewish household. Not only does this make it impossible for me to spoil them myself, but the eldest literally dressed as a mean girl for Halloween. She's only 11, but she's already a stunning natural blonde. So it's clear as vodka that she's going to be that popular girl and gonna be trouble. I love these kids with all my heart and simply want them to be the beautiful human beings I know they can be. As the childless by choice. Uncle, do I keep my mouth shut or try to push this more? I don't get that much quality time with my family. So I try to be easygoing and conflict avoidant when I'm around them because I'm a middle child. I know you're equally obsessed with your nieces and nephews. What should I do best? Dustin, We've got him here.

[Chelsea]

Hi, Dustin.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Hi.

[Chelsea]

Hi. How are you? This is our special guest. Elizabeth Olsen is here today. Hey. Hi, Elizabeth.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Hi.

[Kathryn]

Hi, Chelsea.

[Chelsea]

Hi. Hi. You have nieces and nephews?

[Elizabeth Olsen]

I do. They're very, very little though.

[Chelsea]

They're very little.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Yeah. But I also. I don't know. I'm really scared of conflict. I have conflict myself as well, but I also don't know how to give other people advice on parenting. If they're not your kids or like, like you can only just. I don't know. So that's kind of, that's kind of the first thing that I was thinking about.

[Chelsea]

Yeah, it's pretty tricky. Even though you are an uncle, like, you know, you can only really talk to your. Is it your sister or your brother? It's my brother. I mean, can you, can't you have an honest conversation with him about. Cause like bullies have been bullied. So someone bullied her. Right. Like, and it's an important conversation to have with young girls.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

And she literally went as a mean girl for Halloween.

[Chelsea]

Cause I feel like she emulates and like idolizes that. Uh huh. Well, I think. Okay, first of all, you sh. I mean, would you feel comfortable having a conversation with your brother about it?

[Ad Host]

Yeah.

[Chelsea]

So you should do that first. Just be like, we can't have her grow up to be a mean girl. So as a team, this is a team effort. You know what I mean? You join forces and you're like, okay, listen, let's do this together. Because I don't want, you know, she dressed up as a mean girl. That's a little bit of a red flag, blah, blah, blah. Like we don't want her to look at that as a guide for anything. And then the other thing that you can do is demonstrate how cool it is to be a nice girl. Like you can be blowing those, you know what I mean? You can be talking about women who are supportive of other women and you can instill that in your time with her without being preachy about it, you know what I mean? Just by talking about other women and women helping each other and like, you know, nobody wants to be excluded, nobody wants to be left out. Like all of those themes are, I mean, and that's what uncles are for, you know, that's what an aunt and uncle role is. It's not like it's someone else's kid. You are related to her. They're not necessarily gonna say, you know, I mean, it is a little preemptive what you're talking about, but I understand what you mean and I think you just have more conversations around it. You know, how important is to be a nice person to other people, to care about other people and putting yourselves in those situations. Because sometimes when you are growing up and you are young, you are just like, you're looking to the future as like you're not even understanding the experience you're in. You're looking forward so much to what is going to be right and Actually taking the time as a kid to think about other people and how it makes, how things make people feel and when her feelings get hurt, to also take those moments, you know what I mean, As a teaching moment to explain to her, you know, to remind her. Because nobody wants to feel excluded or left out or bullied like that. So I don't know if any of that's helpful. I feel like you should just start having the conversations around it. I think so.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Well, now I'm going to have to because they're gonna hear about this podcast.

[Kathryn]

So yeah, I also think like you're the cool uncle, so they're naturally gonna gravitate toward you wanna know what your opinions are on things. And what I like to do in these sorts of situations is like have one on one conversations with the kids and like, what's going on, like what's happening, like what's the goss right now? And like, act like you're very interested in it because it is kind of interesting. And it's all sort of high school or, you know, junior high at that age. But when they start telling you about specific situations, that's where you can kind of get into the nitty gritty. Like I had a niece who was saying like, oh, this one girl in the friend group said something means we're all ganging up on her on Snapchat. And I was like, well, you know, we had a conversation about it and I think she made some different choices because we talked about it, but it wasn't in the sort of schooling way. It was like, ooh, tell me what's going on. Like, what's the gas, girl?

[Elizabeth Olsen]

I think it's really helpful with what you said that I'm still learning with people in my own life is that are grown adults, like trying not to just focus on what maybe you shouldn't be doing. But highlighting the examples, like you're saying, of, of the role, like this, this is an example of something positive and showcasing that as opposed to what not to do.

[Chelsea]

Yes. And sometimes people need to learn, like the framework matters. Always applauding the people that are doing the way you want her to behave. Like whether it's Taylor Swift and all the won, I mean, with her money, or whether it's an actual person that you see doing something nice for another person and pointing it out like she's obsessed with Taylor Swift and is loosely named after her. So I think that's a great role model example. And also, like, it's also a warning shot. It's like, be careful who you're, you know, who you're not nice to because you never know when you're gonna run into that person again in your life. And you're never gonna know if they're gonna have an opportunity to help you once. Or you might need something from that person. Like, like some people's brains work better, like with almost like a threat tactic. You know what I mean? Cause when, what's that saying in Hollywood? Like, be nice to the people on your way up because you're gonna need them on your way down. Something like that. Right? Like it's true. You, you, you be, be careful. You never know how people are gonna come in and out of your life or when you're gonna need a favor from someone. So there's also that tactic if you. It depending on what her personality is like, so. So those are a couple of ideas anyway. We're still learning what the personality is, but she's definitely super precocious and outgoing. But good for you for having your eye on it. Precocious and outgoing is all fine. It's all fine. You know, like, that's good. And those things can end up as strong, strong assets and will. But definitely be active about it.

[Kathryn]

Yeah. Okay. All right. Will you follow up with us if you have a little conversation and get some hot gas about what's happening with the 11 year old?

[Chelsea]

I will. I'll let you all know how they respond to this.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Thanks, Dustin.

[Chelsea]

Thanks, Dustin.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Nice to meet you all. Nice to meet you.

[Kathryn]

Bye.

[Chelsea]

I was. Were you bullied ever, growing up at school?

[Elizabeth Olsen]

No. My husband hates me talking about my elementary school experience because I. I had just the loveliest high school. Elementary school.

[Chelsea]

That's nice.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Yeah. I mean, there were definitely, like, we for the most part, all got along and there are probably a few people who don't feel that way, but out of 50 people and then 120 people that graduate, we all cared a lot about having a cumulative high gpa and we cared about supporting the basketball team and the basketball supported the arts. And it was a very. Yeah, like, we would go to rehearsal and then we'd go to the basketball game. The basketball players would go watch all of our ballet performances or whatever it was.

[Chelsea]

There's community again.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Yeah. And so, and so I just, I had a really positive experience.

[Chelsea]

That's amazing. And so let's talk about why that is important community right now in this time that we're living in with regards to. I don't know if that's what you were talking about. Politics. I feel this way about the political situation.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

For me, it's about actually the things that we have in common that aren't politics.

[Chelsea]

Right.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Like a bunch of people going to their local theater to watch a bunch of kids perform in like a Halloween show or a Christmas show. Like my friends in Sonoma, I live there part time. It's like my way of having a life that feels like it's part of a community. It's very. It's very community oriented. Being a second homeowner there was very hard to kind of slip in and be. And ingratiate yourselves with the community. So we started off like Barbara, bartering and trading. Like, genuinely. We're like, we have grapes. Who wants them? We don't want them. We don't want to do anything with them. Who can. Like, we'll trade with you. You guys have it. And then be our friend. And our friends have like a movie night once a month that they curate at the square theater. That's a private theater. And those kinds of things I just think are really important for people to get together and have something else in common. Whether it's that I also feel the same way about sports. I'm a big. I can't say I'm a big baseball fan, but I think I am because of how much I love the Dodgers.

[Chelsea]

Congratulations on winning the World Series.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Thanks. I love those boys so much. And some of them are men, but a lot of them are boys, and I'm so happy for them. It was very surprising. I just think when you. You just don't know what people's political points of views are when everyone has this other thing in common. Yes. That brings them together.

[Chelsea]

Meaning. Are you referencing the Dodgers? Yeah, I see what you're saying.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Yeah.

[Chelsea]

Yes. Yeah. I think it's really important to. Because we're so. Right now, it's really hard to not label people. You want to label people.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Well, so people are choosing to label themselves a lot of the time.

[Chelsea]

Yes. Right. Right.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

We have like a lot of identifiers now and they just become more specific.

[Chelsea]

Yeah. So it is important for us to remember that. Like, I really need to find ways. I know personally, I need to find ways to be more open minded about not being so preoccupied with the political landscape and more focused on the individual person. Like, I have work to do on that. Like, I love what you're saying about. It's funny when you say about community, like, that's how I felt when I was in Spain. Like, there's a community there. I'm not even really part of It. But there is a community there. It's the same guy at the coffee store every morning. It's the same guy at the bike shop. And it's like. And so when I was reading something you were talking about before you came in, I was like, yeah, we need a community reminder. We need like a community update, you.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Know, and we can't do it from our phone. Like, that's creating siloed experiences, not actual interaction.

[Chelsea]

Right, right. You need to be person with people doing something that is absent of politics.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Yeah.

[Chelsea]

So getting back on a more human.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Level, and I think people just have more rituals in other countries than we do around that, and especially in person rituals.

[Chelsea]

Yeah.

[Kathryn]

We were talking a little while back about the third space. How we used to have, you know, the local bar you'd go to or the Moose Lodge or whatever church, and people would meet in these communal spaces that were not work and were not home. And we just don't really have that anymore. And suddenly it's like online is the third space space. But it's not actually. Like it can't actually be our third space, but it's the place where a lot of people are spending most of their social time.

[Chelsea]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kathryn]

And it's not effective. Yeah, it's not. It's not healing. It's not healthy. Well, our next caller is Amy. Dear Chelsea, I am a 41 year old single mom of two running my own business, juggling kids, pets, a mortgage and about a thousand responsibilities. I've been divorced for over a decade. Try just about everything in the dating world, world, apps, speed dating, matchmakers, even a few ill advised trips back to exes. And I've been truly single for the past two years. Partly because the apps are stupid and exhausting, partly because my kids are in every sport known to humankind, and partly because I lost faith in men, especially with the current political climate. Here's the thing. I want connection. I want a partner. Someone to share the joy and the weight of this full, messy, beautiful life with. Someone who makes me feel cared for, loved and special. But dating feels daunting. My small town is a red pocket in a blue state. The kind of place where you find guys holding a fish in their profile pics and you only get five matches. If you want someone educated. As a Japanese woman with a unique name and a career that requires some privacy, putting myself fully out there online feels complicated and uncomfortable. So how do I start fresh? Do I travel to meet people? Am I overlooking ways to connect and meet people? Or should I just lean into the single life and adopt more dogs. I do want to be surrounded by animals when I retire, so maybe start now. Amy.

[Chelsea]

Hi. Hi. Hi, cutie. This is our special guest. Elizabeth Olson's here today.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Hi.

[Kathryn]

Hi.

[Chelsea]

Nice to meet you.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Nice to meet you.

[Chelsea]

Well, it sounds. Where do you live? I live in Southern Oregon, just across the kind of the border of California. Yeah, I mean, listen, the world we live in, you do kind of have to put yourself out in ways that are not normal. You know what I mean? Put yourself out there if you are interested in meeting someone. First of all, I would say, like, I understand your disappointment in men. Most women are disappointed in men these days. It's not unusual. You're not alone. Like, I, I'm. I can't. I can't even believe men. You know what I mean? I am just so. I. I'm an advocate for, like, remaining true to myself first and foremost. If someone were to come along and blow my socks off, absolutely. I'm down, but I'm not, you know, actively looking for it. But I think if you really are, then you should own it and you should put yourself on the apps and you should go outside of your comfort zone and the. Out of your community and find any ways that you can, like hiking groups, biking groups, tennis groups, whatever those, you know, whatever you're into. Just engage yourself and like, set a period of time to actually activate yourself to go. Okay. For the next six months, I'm gonna focus on finding somebody that I can connect with. You know, like really put all your energy towards it, your free energy. Cause it sounds like you have a lot going on, but your. Your free energy towards it, you know, and travel. Get out of there, get. How are you far from Portland? No, it's about like four, four and a half hour drive.

[Ad Host]

Yeah.

[Chelsea]

Go there for a weekend and. And sign up for things that are going to be like, intersex, you know what I mean? Where there's like. Like my friend, she just got divorced and she went on all the apps and she loved it. She's like, oh, my God, this is so exciting. This is so exciting. And then she just joined a bunch and she lives in Portland, actually, and she. She joined a hiking group. And then the next two weeks later, she was like, dating this guy. She's like, oh, yeah, we're. We're dating. So like, like things like that where you are forced to meet and engage new people because you'll probably meet some really cool friends too.

[Ad Host]

Yeah.

[Chelsea]

You know, so I would just say to, you know, I don't have anything. Any problem with the apps? I just feel like it can be daunting for a single person to be on apps. It's kind of depressing. You know, I know what you mean about men holding fish. Like, I don't know. I don't know who told men to do that? Like, why are they holding a fish in their profile? How many women want to go fishing? Fishing? Not a lot of us. Not a lot.

Would you love to go fishing?

[Elizabeth Olsen]

I'm taking private lessons. Oh, my God.

[Chelsea]

Oh, my God. She. Do you. She's already married, so we can't set her up with the fisherman. Yes, well, and I'm fishing with my kids already, so, you know, I do things for my kids, but do I really want to do that when I'm not doing it for my kids? Not really, no. But I do think, like, I think it's important when you want something in your life to say it, write it down. Like you want to change the energy around it, you know, like the subject matter. You want to meet someone, write down exactly what you want in them. Not. Not in physical, necessarily, but what are you looking for in a partner? What are you looking for in connection and really reminding yourself, spending time with those thoughts a little bit every morning when you wake up, whether it's journaling or just writing some affirmations or develop. Devote some area of your life to putting energy towards meeting somebody and see what happens in about six months. Because, I mean, this is the first step you called in to see about this. And, like, I think things change and your energy changes up when you start to take active steps towards something, you know? Yes. Yeah. And I like that you said put a time frame on it, because it is daunting to be just out there. No. For the foreseeable future. But if I say six months, I'm gonna prioritize this. That feels more doable and not, like, hopeless amount of time. Right. So. Because when you don't meet somebody or when you go on horrible dates, it's like, what am I doing? I could have stayed home with my dog.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Yeah.

[Chelsea]

Totally.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Yes.

[Chelsea]

I mean, I've just been learning to enjoy my company more and more and more as I get older. I really have a good time with myself. And I'm sure you feel the same way. Yes. So it's great that you have that. You know that that's an option too. Because if you put. So if in six months you have not met anyone worthwhile, then you can really just start focus on being by yourself. You know what I mean, you can be like, okay, I made an effort, and I did. I tried, and then see what happens, you know, and get another dog. If I don't meet anybody six months, I get another dog.

[Kathryn]

I think that's your reward.

[Chelsea]

That's the answer, really, for everything. It's just to get another dog. Dog, you know?

[Kathryn]

Yes.

[Chelsea]

Yeah. But I'm glad you have a good attitude about it, and then you have a good attitude in general. Like, you know, that's fun. Thank you. Yeah, totally.

[Kathryn]

All right, well, thanks for calling in, Amy.

[Chelsea]

Thank you. Thank you for having me. Bye. Good luck.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

You guys are so good at this. Oh, God, I love watching you do this live.

[Chelsea]

Wow. Really? Yeah. Oh, my God. Thank you.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Yeah. So quickly and so easy.

[Chelsea]

Well, most people don't. You think about this. This is how I think about this podcast, and I say it all the time. Sorry if you're listening to me and repeating myself as usual, but I think, really, all you ever need when you have a situation is you need someone who has nothing at stake in your life to give you their opinion, like, objectively. And that's what this is. You know, you just need someone else's opinion.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Yeah. They don't need to know any other details. They don't need to know about your past. They just need to know about one thing.

[Chelsea]

What is this situation specific? Right. What's the context of the situation?

[Elizabeth Olsen]

But I would never think about joining groups, like a biking group or a hiking group, whatever it is. I just think that's such great advice for. For people to go and meet people in person instead of it feeling like so. Like this thing that. That's so removed from them on their phone.

[Kathryn]

Yeah. I heard this thing the other day with the apps. It's like, of course the apps are a business. They're meant to keep you on the apps, not necessarily to help you find the person. And. And I read recently they're. They basically, like, siphon off the good peoples. They're showing you kind of the crappy. The crappy ones, so you stay on it for longer.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Well, and I had a friend that told me that you can pay to be put in front of people, but.

[Kathryn]

Then you're like, is she desperate because she's paying to be put in front of people?

[Chelsea]

Yes.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

She was explaining this to me, like, about how it's such a business, basically, and how fucked it is.

[Chelsea]

Yes. Aren't you happy you don't have to deal with.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

With this? Yeah, I. I don't. I don't know if I would be. I don't know how to do now. I do enjoy being on other friends apps, but I like, I find it kind of entertaining, but that's because I'm so removed from it.

[Chelsea]

I like to go through my sister's, you know, and just respond to her, from her to other people. I love you or not. I love that it's so. I'm so much more invested when it's someone else rather than myself. Are we going to take a break and come back? Yeah. Yeah.

[Ad Host]

Okay.

[Chelsea]

We'll take another break and we'll be right back to wrap up with Lizzie Olson.

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[Kathryn]

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Why?

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You should do that every afternoon.

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[Chelsea]

And we're back with Lizzie Olsen. Do we have one last question?

[Kathryn]

Yeah, so I think this is a quick answer, even though it's a little bit of a longer email. So Stella her subject line is One foot in, one foot out, and I'm paying double rent. Dear Chelsea, I'm 27 years old and in my first year of practice as a lawyer, I met my boyfriend in law school. From the moment we started seeing one another, he was very casual. He made it clear to me that he was not looking for a girlfriend, did not see himself having kids, and was very, very career oriented. Granted, at the time I was okay with taking things slow and being casual. Since we were both in law school, this made sense. And I was also not desperate to get into a relationship, had not given kids much thought, and was focusing on my career. After six or seven months of casual dating, he officially asked me to be his girlfriend and we've been going strong ever since. Now we've been together for three years, and I'm starting to wonder whether casual for him is a permanent state of mind rather than something temporary. While he was going through law school and figuring out what life what I thought was a slow, intentional foundation for a deeper relationship is starting to feel more like a bad omen, one where I'm getting strung along until I finally reach my limit and walk away, everyone around us is moving in together, getting engaged, having kids. Meanwhile, we hardly, if ever, talk about the future. When I bring it up, he brushes it off by saying every relationship is different. When both of our leases were ending last year, I suggested moving in together. At the time, I was living alone and he was with a roommate. He told me he wanted at least one year of being on his own before he could be comfortable settling down. I respected his wishes, although it was a bit frustrating to realize we're spending most most nights together anyway. It feels like we live together just with twice the rent since. This is annoying, I know. Since then there has not been a follow up from him, no renewed conversation about eventually moving in. I'm trying to give him grace. I'm trying to be patient. But with every passing month and still no real conversations about where we're headed, I keep asking myself what he's doing and more importantly, what the hell I am doing here.

[Chelsea]

What are.

[Kathryn]

My best friend's older sister was in a relationship with a man from the time she was 22 years old. When they broke up, just shy of her 30th birthday, she told me, Never waste your 20s on a man who does not see a future with you. It does not take anyone a decade to decide whether they want to be with you. Considering I've been with my partner for the greater part of my 20s, I cannot help but wonder if I'm failing to take her advice. And I'm doomed to make the same mistake. So, Chelsea, what do you think? Am I ignoring the writing on the wall or am I just being impatient?

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Yes, Stella, I, I. If you can't have that conversation, I don't, I don't think it's worth your time if he isn't there to show up just to have the conversation about it.

[Chelsea]

Yeah.

[Kathryn]

Agreed.

[Chelsea]

It's over. It's three, three years. Like, if you love someone, there should be no problem talking around anything. You should be able to talk around marriage or you know, about marriage. Around marriage, around moving in. All of those things are. Shouldn't be. You shouldn't be scared to bring something up and you shouldn't be campaigning to be someone's choice.

[Kathryn]

No.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Or a roommate or a.

[Chelsea]

It's like you're trying to figure out what he's like. You decide how you're treated by people in this world and you're devaluing yourself by being, remaining in this relationship when you're not getting what you want. If these are all the things that you want that you've stated that you want a partner that you're gonna live with and you want a family and you want. And you're like, I don't like the compare game. I don't care that your friends are getting married. Who gives a shit what your friends are doing? You have to figure out what you're and then get that. But also, don't lower your level of respect for yourself. Those are the things you want and you're not getting them. You must walk out the door and go find somebody who's gonna give them to you because somebody will happily be there for that.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Yeah. I also think that when you're in these relationships, the thing that you keep going back for is the crumb that you really what you want is just the full fucking meal. And all they're doing is giving you a crumb to keep you along for a certain amount of time later until they realize need to give you another crumb to keep you along. And it just sounds like you get stuck in that cycle that you can't really see the bigger picture. Yeah. And then you're just addicted to. Yeah, you kind of.

[Chelsea]

It's even the way she framed. Like, he said I was his girlfriend. He started calling me his girlfriend. It's like, that's also your decision. Why does he have to decide when your girlfriend or boyfriend? You're my boyfriend. You know, like, the whole framing of this letter makes me think that you. What's her name?

[Kathryn]

Stella.

[Chelsea]

Stella. You need to like, actually spend some time alone and build up your self worth. Like, because I know I want you to like, respect yourself in a way that you aren't gonna tolerate this behavior from anybody.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Yeah.

[Chelsea]

Any man. You don't need that at all, period.

[Kathryn]

You want somebody who's obsessed with you, who's like, excited to be with you.

[Chelsea]

Not too obsessed with me, honestly.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Healthy, Healthy obsessed.

[Chelsea]

Do you have a. If you don't wanna talk about this, you don't have to. Do you have a cute engagement story about how you got. How you got engaged? Was it romantic?

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Yeah, I think it. I mean, it was romantic in the sense that. I mean, one of the reasons I loved Eternity reading that script is because I really think of my husband as a Larry who will die in his 90s choking on pretzels. Like, my husband is incredibly neurotic. Very uncomfortable all the time. Always has something wrong with anything. Like his coccyx, his, like his pinky, like. And he actually has things wrong with him. But they're always like this like 1% odd thing. And they have real diagnoses. But so he then like tells himself all the stories and so when we got engaged, we went to this place in Northern California. Verness and he was acting just. He was just so annoyed. There wasn't like a cheese board. He asked for a cheese board and we got there and I was like, you've never cared this much about a cheeseboard before. And he was freaking out. This place had a. Had a wood burning fireplace. It was massive. And he couldn't start a fire. And he was like, what kind of man doesn't know how to start a fire?

[Chelsea]

Like, he was.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

He was just so mean to himself trying to figure out how to get this fire going. He was like, it's embarrassing if I had to ask someone to get a fire. And then. And then it was like 30 minutes later. He proposed when we were outside. But like, he needed there to be a cheese board fire going in order for it to feel romantic or something. But the way. And then also he, like, tried to go down on his knee, but we were on. Oh, he's gonna hate me saying this, but it's fine. Cause he's charming. But we are on this wood dock. So he, like goes down on his knee and he's like, oh, sorry, this really hurts.

[Chelsea]

And then he gets back up.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

So just. And it was just the two of us. Like, there's not a single photo. Like, it was just so lovely. I loved it so much just because it was him and all of his. Like.

[Chelsea]

Did you know you were going to marry him?

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Yeah, we talked about it. Like, I. I think it's crazy to not know if you're about to get engaged.

[Chelsea]

Well, no, I mean. Oh, how soon? How soon.

It is, you know, like, what marriage? Very unexpected. It's so unexpected that I have to leave. But how long after you started dating him did you know. Did you know for sure you were gonna marry? Like, was it quick?

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Yeah, we moved. Yeah. And I didn't know I'd even want to get married or have kids or anything like that. But after a year of being together, I was actually renovating a house when we first started dating. And I sort of realized six months in that we'll probably move into this house together and wanted him to be a part of making choices. So it didn't feel like my space. And it felt like our space. And I think after living with each other for a very short period of time, it was. I mean, he's truly the most comfortable person to be around and the greatest support in my life. And he's so sweet and funny and clever and smart. He's very funny. And yeah, his goal every day is to make me laugh, which is also Annoying when I'm mad at him, but he does it very quickly and early in the morning, and it's really annoying often.

[Chelsea]

Oh, that's really sweet.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Yeah, he's great. So we knew. I knew pretty early, and we talked about it.

[Chelsea]

Well, this is a nice way to end the podcast, talking about a nice, healthy relationship and a nice, straight man in the world.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Yes, he is. He's a really good person.

[Chelsea]

That's good for our listeners to hear about, and I'm glad. Thank you for sharing that with us. That's sweet, and I'm happy that you have such a good man.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Yeah, he's a sensitive, kind, very, like, communications, everything.

[Chelsea]

Yeah, no, that's very nice to hear. I was just thinking about Miles Teller in the movie and Callum. Calum.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Yeah, Callum.

[Chelsea]

Callum. His accent was good. He did a great American accent. I was attracted to him in that movie. I was rooting for Callum. I was like, this guy's hot. I don't think I've ever seen him in anything. I know who he is. But I was like, yeah, okay, Nicole Kidman. I mean, it is funny. It's nice to have two men in a movie and you'd be the center of attention. Like, I'm ice.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

I mean, they really wanted to get John early to make them like he wanted. They wanted to make John early laugh the whole time. Like, so it really didn't feel like they wanted my attention unless we were doing the scenes. They truly were just trying to entertain John early the whole time.

[Chelsea]

Got it.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Yeah, got it. John was really enjoying it.

[Chelsea]

Well, he's in the movie too, everybody. It's called Eternity. It's out in theaters now. Go to the theater and see a movie. Everybody go to the movies. Thank you, Elizabeth Olsen.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

Thanks for having me.

[Chelsea]

Oh, it was such a pleasure.

[Elizabeth Olsen]

I really enjoyed this.

[Chelsea]

So great having you. I just announced all my tour dates. It's called the High and Mighty Tour. I will be touring from February through June. So go get your tickets now. If you want good seats and you want to come see me perform, I will be on the high and mighty.

[Kathryn]

Do you want advice from Chelsea? Write in to dearchelseapodcastmail.com Find full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching earchelseapod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Kathryn Law. And be sure to check out our merch@chelsea handler.com.

[Chelsea]

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