Two Tops with Luenell

Summary

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Dear Chelsea Podcast – “Two Tops with Luenell”

Date: May 21, 2026
Host: Chelsea Handler
Co-host: Catherine Law
Guest: Luenell (comedian, actress, “Hacks,” “Borat,” Vegas headliner)

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Episode Overview

This episode of Dear Chelsea features comedian and legendary “bad girl of comedy” Luenell, joining Chelsea Handler and Catherine Law for an unfiltered, hilarious, and heartfelt dose of advice. The trio, joined by a little weed, tackle listener questions about sugar dating, unexpected pregnancy, flight anxiety, and international romance. With candid stories about drug use, relationships, and life’s curveballs, this episode is both uproarious and raw—full of wisdom earned the hard way, alongside raunchy jokes and deep moments.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Catching Up: Stoned, Sore Throats, and Vice

• Chelsea’s Raspy Voice: Chelsea jokes about losing her voice due to a weekend smoking marathon with fellow comedian Yamaneka, musing, “Are her lungs made out of steel? I need a lung transplant. I shouldn’t joke about that, but I do need one.” (03:58)
• Luenell’s Arrival: Luenell and Chelsea light up together in Chelsea’s new podcast room, riffing on how “boring” it is that “most people are sober these days” and swapping stories of past overindulgence. (06:19–07:02)

2. Deep Dive: Luenell’s Drug Past and Recovery

• Crack Era Confessions: Luenell recounts her drug use in Oakland before she became a mother, matter-of-factly sharing:

  “I was smoking crack. Before, it was powder first, and then crack came on the scene… It wasn’t like I went and did it. It came on the scene.” (08:53–09:09, Luenell)

• On Why She Stopped:

  “I met a man, we fell in love, and two weeks after I met him, I put it down and I haven’t touched it in over 25 years.” (13:32, Luenell)

• Money Lessons:

  “I got one good thing out of smoking crack. Disregard for money… Now I’ll spend that same amount on a watch, or a piece of jewelry, and then I have that forever.” (10:44, Luenell)

3. Work, TV, and Comedy

• Chelsea’s Tour Life: Chelsea plugs her High and Mighty Tour dates and jokes about being gone too much to settle into her new house. (03:00–03:43, 08:25–08:33)
• On ‘Hacks’:

  “They didn’t use me as much as I would have liked… But with the writers that we had, and the scenarios that they wrote, you envy wanting to do some of that fuck shit they were doing.” (12:50–12:56, Luenell)

4. Relationships, Sex & Gender: Candid Talk

• Sex and Opportunity:

  “Well, there’s sex and then there’s sex… Sometimes it just doesn’t get to that (penetration) stage yet. Opportunity.” (16:19–16:56, Luenell)

• On Broken Men and Therapy:

  “All men, especially Black men, need therapy. They really need somebody to listen to them, to talk to, to be honest with and transparent.” (22:36, Luenell) “They’ve inflicted us and themselves.” (24:02, Chelsea)

• On Generational Change:

  “There’s always going to be the assholes… our moms didn’t talk about shit. They’re the secret keepers.” (25:00–25:41, Luenell)

5. Listener Advice Segment

(Multiple Questions; see Timestamps for key sections)

A. Sugar Dating Morality

• Question: Is seeking a sugar relationship anti-feminist or morally wrong?
• Key Take: Chelsea and Luenell agree it’s not inherently anti-feminist if you’re comfortable with it.

  “If you have no qualms about it…and it’s not a moral issue for you…do whatever you want that is going to make you happy.” (29:21, Chelsea) “But it’s gross—you have to handle the grossness… You’re getting what you want. The sacrifice is you gotta be escorted around.” (30:09–33:09, Luenell)

B. Pregnancy and Ghosted by the Father

• Question: Should a listener keep trying to reach the baby’s father or move on?
• Advice:

  “Blow up the fucking spot. Tell every motherfucking body. I’m sick of women being left holding the bag… These motherfuckers can just skeet and you make a baby and walk the fuck away. That’s not fair.” (38:53, Luenell) “He should be accountable, and his family should know… But you have to walk away from it with the understanding he may never show up… You need to be a strong independent woman who is going to have a baby by herself…” (40:12–41:01, Chelsea)

• Memo on Motherhood:

  “You’re never really, really ready. But something kicks in when you have this baby…you become a version of yourself you didn’t know existed.” (43:01–43:45, Luenell)

C. Flight Anxiety—To Drug a Spouse or Not?

• Question: Should a woman secretly sedate her husband, who refuses any help for flight anxiety?
• Panel Verdict (Jokingly):

  “Drug him. Just drug him.” (49:17, Luenell) “But in all seriousness…try hypnotherapy, maybe a beta blocker, or even a melatonin gummy. But you can't keep fucking up the trip, bro!” (51:56, Chelsea & Luenell)

• On Compromise:

  “If you don’t want to take anything, then you have to go see someone to do some hypnotherapy or a therapist about this.” (53:37, Chelsea)

D. International Hook-Ups (Spain)

• Question: Tips for romantic experiences with men abroad?
• Advice:

  “I think it’s more fun to meet European guys. You got an accent, different culture… I’m envious of having a European romance.” (62:14–62:46, Luenell) “Beach bars at night—that’s where the fun starts.” (63:08–63:21, Chelsea & Luenell)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On crack addiction and recovery:

  “I got one good thing out of smoking crack—disregard for money... Now I don’t care about money like that, you know, cause I fucked off so much, it’s like, I’m gunna make some more…” (10:44, Luenell)

• Chelsea on relationship breakups:

  “You don’t have time for this. You’re pregnant now. It’s grown up time. So if he wants to come along, great. Otherwise, no, you’re gonna go do it on your own. And probably better on your own.” (41:01, Chelsea)

• On sex and opportunity:

  “Sometimes it just doesn’t get to that (penetration) stage yet. Opportunity.” (16:56, Luenell)

• On sugar dating:

  “If you don’t mind spending time with this old fat motherfucker, walk on that motherfucker’s arm proudly with your motherfucking Cartier shit and take the trips…” (31:26, Luenell)

• On flying anxiety (solutions):

  “He could take a natural melatonin, a melatonin gummy, and just, he'll go and just go take a little nap. You wake up where you are.” (52:46, Luenell)

• On advice overall:

  “If you’re not having fun in life, then you’re fucking miserable. It’s really only one reason to be here…to have fun.” (64:38, Luenell)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Intro, weed jokes, and “Dark Wizard” doc – 03:43–06:44
• Luenell talks addiction & sobriety – 06:44–13:43
• Discussion about “Hacks” – 12:46–13:27
• Sex, relationships, opportunity – 14:14–17:04
• On therapy & gender roles – 22:36–27:31
• Sugar dating advice – 29:15–33:34
• Pregnancy/abandonment advice – 37:31–45:02
• Flight anxiety & marital sedation – 47:33–56:08
• Advice on international hook-ups (Spain) – 60:32–63:26
• Emotional closing comments – 63:28–65:09

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Tone & Language

• Candid, unfiltered, brash humor: Chelsea and Luenell do not shy away from profanity, raw honesty, or taboo subjects.
• Supportive, but never sanctimonious: Even when advice is serious, it’s laced with humor and realness; the hosts make space for vulnerability and laughter.
• Empowering: The running message is self-agency—own your choices, don’t tolerate bullshit, and do what feels right for you.

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Closing Moment

Luenell to Chelsea:

“I don’t give a fuck about a lot of these bitches…but there are certain people that I really do fuck with… And that’s you for me. I never thought I was gonna know you…But we are…I feel very like minded in a lot of ways. And she’s a lot of fun and don’t give a fuck. And if you’re not having fun in life, then you’re fucking miserable.” (63:36–64:38)

Chelsea: “Cheers!” (64:44)

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For Future Advice or Tickets

• Submit questions: [e-mail]
• Chelsea Handler High and Mighty Tour info: chelseahandler.com

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[End of Summary]

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

fivesides Google is a trademark of Google LLC. Sequences shortened and simulated. Everyone loves a good power shift. Well, Netflix just flipped the ultimate script in the new movie Ladies First. Imagine a total ladies man played by Sacha Baron Cohen, who wakes up in a parallel world where women actually run everything. He goes head to head with a brilliant Rosamund pike, and let's just say the rules have changed. It's sharp, it's hilarious, and honestly, it's about time. Watch Ladies first starring Rosamund pike and Sacha Baron Cohen, May 22nd only on Netflix.

[A]

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[B]

Hi, Chelsea.

[A]

Hi, everybody. I am high and mightied. My voice is gone. My throat is sore because I was with Yamaneka all weekend and she forced me to smoke marijuana.

[B]

Perfect.

[A]

So I can't breathe, as usual. I have to replace her.

[B]

You're just gonna replace her with somebody who also smokes just as much?

[A]

She just smokes. And I don't even smoke as much as she does. Obviously I couldn't, but I'm like, what, are her lungs made out of steel? I need a lung transplant. I shouldn't joke about that, but I do need one.

[B]

Have you seen this new documentary on HBO called the Dark Wizard?

[A]

No, Is it. Which one is this?

[B]

It's about a guy who does mountain climbing.

[A]

Yeah, I've heard about it. It's awesome.

[B]

Girl, it is.

[A]

I'm gonna watch it tonight.

[B]

I've watched it twice all the way through.

[A]

Really? It's called the Dark Wizard.

[B]

The Dark wizard, which is kind of a weird name, but it makes sense when you watch it. It's this guy who. He was a precursor to Alex Honnold, but Alex is in the movie as well. There's sort of like this competition thing. But, like, I will say, the first five minutes, I was like, do I want to watch a movie about a man who's, like, doing feats of strength and then, like, it really grabs you.

[A]

Yeah, I've seen people talking about it. It's so good.

[B]

It's like, if you like free solo. If you like girl climber with family.

[A]

Yeah, I like.

[B]

You'll love these.

[A]

I like those movies a lot.

[B]

Yeah, it's a really beautiful story, but, yeah, that's what I'm. That's like literally just what I've been doing the last. I was just rewatching that.

[A]

Oh, how many episodes is it?

[B]

It's four. So it's like a pretty fast watch and it's very engaging the entire time. There's all kinds of things. There's a redemption arc. I mean, it's wonderful.

[C]

Wonderful.

[B]

It's all beautiful.

[A]

I like any good television. Yeah.

[B]

Are you watching anything or reading anything right now you like?

[A]

I am reading a book called Kin K I n. That's pretty good. It takes a while to get going though. My friend is reading it with me and she already gave up, so I guess I'm on my own on that. And then we just added some dates to Nantucket. If you are listening, come see me on the High and Mighty Tour. You guys, I'm coming to you. I'm coming to Dallas, Texas. Irving. It's Irving, but it's Dallas and Austin and I'm coming to all the Texas cities. You can go to chelseahandler.com for tickets for any of my dates, but I just added a bunch. So our guest today is going. We are going to get stoned again because the situation calls for it. And who cares about my throat? You know her from hacks, you know her from Borat and her long running Vegas comedy show. Please welcome back the original bad girl of comedy, Lynelle. Should we smoke this joint?

[C]

Yeah, why not? You don't mind my lipstick, do you?

[A]

I'll give you your own.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Hold on. I don't like this. Do you want this one? Yeah, you take that one.

[C]

But I want to do it at the same time as you. You already started without me.

[A]

No, I hadn't. This is from yesterday. I was. I'm so glad that you're the guest today because I was like, I want to. I haven't sat and smoked a joint in my new podcast room for a podcast guest in a while. Most people are sober these days. Have you noticed this?

[C]

Boring.

[A]

Why? Why? Why do you think that is such a thing?

[C]

They went too hard, they did the wrong shit and they got burnt out real easy, real quick.

[A]

Yeah, but I know people that have gone too hard and then they're able to reel it back in.

[C]

Everybody can't really back in, can you?

[A]

Do you ever go too hard?

[C]

Oh, yeah, I went too hard.

[A]

You having a cocktail too? I like this.

[B]

I'm having a cocktail. I'm having a little old Tom gin, which is my new favorite thing.

[C]

That's going too Far. Right there. That's the one right there.

[B]

I have to be able to read later, so I can't fuck.

[C]

I can't fuck with that gin, girl. You need to see my actual.

[B]

Well, that's what we were talking about before. I feel like a lot of people went too hard with gin in college or whatever and they just like. They got sick on it once and they can't stand it.

[C]

No, I got sick on it multiple times and kicks it.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

What is. When did you have your biggest. I know your daughter's here, but she seems to be in on that.

[C]

She knows everything.

[A]

Okay, great. So when was your biggest drug phase?

[C]

Oakland. Visiting la. But mostly in Oakland. When I lived in Oakland before I moved to LA permanently.

[A]

Okay. What time of your life was this?

[C]

Before I had my daughter.

[A]

Good answer, but who cares? During pregnancy. Did you really? Okay.

[C]

And maybe up to four years after. And then that was it. That was my big drug.

[A]

That was your serious drug face. And was that like cocaine or something? Like heroin? Any of those two. Can we crack the doors in there just for the smoking?

[C]

Oh, you don't want a hot box?

[B]

Yeah, I'm getting.

[A]

She's not smoking, so it's totally rude. This is the right amount for me, actually, but this is in my house. This has been a saga, my house, moving in here. I've been trying to get into this house for about four years.

[C]

Yeah, so.

[A]

So I need to break it in with you.

[C]

How long have you been in it?

[A]

A few weeks. Months maybe.

[C]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. So barely. Cuz I'm on tour too, so I could.

[C]

Am I the first black person in your home?

[A]

No, you're not the first black person.

[C]

I'm not the first black female.

[A]

Your daughter walked in first and she's right in front of you.

[C]

Did you hear that? I mean, besides workers.

[A]

Okay, so how did you get your together after that? Eight years of hardcore, basically.

[C]

I was smoking crack.

[A]

Oh, shit.

[C]

Before, it was powder first and then crack came on the scene. It came on the scene. It wasn't like I went and did it. It came on the scene.

[A]

It's not like you went and sought it out.

[C]

No, it came on the scene.

[A]

Got it.

[C]

And when it came on the scene, you know, it's always some man and you try it with a guy and then I didn't get it for a long time. Like, what's this? This is no big deal. Why is everybody selling their shit for this?

[A]

When you. When you got it, I got it. When you say you didn't get it. When you smoked crack, what do you. You just didn't get the buzz or the high? Because when I think of smoking crack and I was around some crack smoking in high school, I'm sure you find that hard to believe, but it's true. I had a boyfriend who was a drug.

[C]

I believe it. I remember that Joan Rivers daughter Melissa was dating a crackhead. It was in. It was in a documentary. Okay.

[A]

Yeah, well, that has nothing to do with me.

[C]

I know, but she.

[A]

I mean, I'm not Joan Rivers or

[C]

her daughter, and so I was.

[A]

Oh, so you believe me? Okay. Cause she's even whiter than I am, that's for sure.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, so that's surprising. I didn't know she did it. A buckeye? Yeah.

[C]

I didn't say he was black. I said he smoked crack.

[A]

Oh, uh.

[B]

Oh, look, Chelsea.

[A]

Whoopsie doodle.

[C]

But she probably did date a black guy.

[A]

But when I was around people that smoked crack and I saw, like, the effect of wasn't a fun drug. Like, people are literally looking out the window for the cops. Like, it's kind of like, you know, coke on coke. I don't know what the draw is. That would never be a draw for me.

[C]

The only thing I can compare it to is, you know, when you go slowly up a roller coaster, you go down.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Imagine going up that fast. Okay. It was like. And then you want to do that again.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Yeah. But it's. I don't recommend it for anybody. It was terrible. I got one good thing out of smoking crack. Disregard for money. Because the money that I spent buying dope and you don't have anything the next day. I'll spend that same amount of money now on a watch or a piece of jewelry, and then I have that forever. So now I don't care about money like that, you know? Cause I fucked off so much, it's like, I'm gonna make some more. I'm blessed enough to be able to say that I'm gonna make some more. Everybody don't make money every week, Chelsea, you know?

[A]

Do you like that, Chelsea? And the vodka lemonade that you're drinking

[C]

could be stronger, but, yeah, it's okay.

[A]

It could be stronger.

[C]

It's a day drink, but I like that. Oh, is that what it is?

[A]

It's kind of like a light drink so that you can have a couple.

[C]

Have you tried the Willie Nelson?

[A]

No, I haven't.

[C]

I want to. Don't you?

[A]

Is it a drink?

[C]

Yeah, it's like this, but I think it's got weed in it?

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah, probably. No, I haven't tried it yet. But I love anything that he does. His weed is strong.

[C]

I heard Snoop said that's the only person who out smoked him was Willie Nelson.

[A]

I smoked weed with Willie Nelson? Yeah, in his trailer and on it.

[C]

Best way to do it.

[A]

And his girlfriend or wife, I'm not sure which one. She was there and she. We smoked weed. I was very high. It's on a TV show I did. I'm sure I wasn't just doing this in my spare time. And I was high the next day when I got up fucking with Willie Nelson. Yeah. There was two times where I've gotten so high that the next morning I was still high.

[C]

The one person that I got that high with and we. I was doing it. I was gonna do an interview with them, but we got so high, we did it on the floor. George Clinton.

[A]

Oh, yeah, he's funny.

[C]

That would be fun, baby. But no, this is lovely. This is a responsible drink.

[A]

Yeah, right.

[C]

This is a responsible drink. I'm not driving today, so I'm irresponsible.

[A]

Congratulations on the last season of Hacks and being on that fantastic show.

[C]

I wish I was on there more.

[A]

Yeah, I do too. You're so. You light up the screen.

[C]

They didn't use me as much as I would have liked, but it wasn't my show, his Gene show. So I'm just happy to be on it, period. But you know, you can't help but with the writers that we had and the scenarios that they wrote, you envy wanting to do some of that fuck shit that they were doing. That's a nice compliment, Ava having never done a show before, ever. And getting hacks as her first show. Yeah, and then I found out her lineage that her mother is fucking Lorraine Newman.

[A]

Anyway, back to drugs. So you got off. How did you quit smoking? Crack.

[C]

It's the easiest, simplest thing. I met a man, we fell in love. And two weeks after I met him, I put it down and I haven't touched it in over 25 years.

[B]

Did he give you like an ultimatum?

[C]

No. We got married. We got married in 90 days and he just died a couple years ago and copd.

[A]

Were you together when he died?

[C]

Not really. Because I couldn't take care of him. He was staying with his daughter in Texas, but I would go visit. I'd go to the hospital when he was in, you know, stay in the hospital. Did the whole shit. Did the best I could under my traveling circumstances. This is not my best angle. My fat neck's gonna show.

[A]

Do you wanna lie on your back?

[C]

No.

[A]

Do you wanna sit on the floor?

[C]

You would like that, wouldn't you?

[A]

I would. You know I would.

[C]

You have pictures. I have you humping on me.

[D]

I know.

[A]

I know you could. Biosexual harassment to the people. I'm the worst.

[C]

Let me talk to the people. Chelsea Handler has mounted me on more than one occasion and she's a total stud when she does it too. She grinds on me. I liked it, but I'm just saying. She'll do it. Maybe not to you, but she. She bounces on me.

[A]

I have to find the people very buoyant that will receive my affection. I have to have gotten better keener eye on those who want to seek my affection or receive my affection.

[C]

I fight her.

[A]

That's what I like. Yeah. That's what I'm attracted to.

[C]

I didn't fight her at all. I was like, okay, bitch, what's going on? Remember?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, I do remember.

[B]

That may be the direction.

[A]

Are you coming this weekend to the Vegas show? Let's go gamble.

[C]

I know. I got your invitation. It's in print and I am planning on doing that. I know that. On Saturday, though, when I was planning on flying back. I think I have to tape a promo for the. Netflix is a joke festival with Lizzo. So if they do that early, then I can make my 2 o' clock flight and I'll be at your show. If they run late, I'm. I don't know, but copy that. I'm hoping that. Cause my plan was, come to the show, get high, laugh my ass off, go gamble, be obnoxious and fun and stuff like that.

[A]

Remember the time we first met? It was at Dave Chappelle's 50th birthday dinner and you were trying to smoke a joint and she didn't want to smoke a joint inside. And I'm like, you can smoke a joint inside. She's like, oh, here we go with white privilege. And then I was like, well, let me help you with my white privilege. Let's go do it together.

[B]

See, you're an ally.

[C]

Let me see the lighter.

[A]

That's right. Here, honey.

[C]

Thanks, baby. See, you think you grinded. I was.

[A]

So, what's up with you and men? Are you having sex with anybody?

[C]

Well.

[A]

Oh, sounds like a yes.

[C]

Well, there's sex and then there's sex.

[A]

That sounds shady.

[C]

No, you know when you mess around, but you really don't, like at the penetration stage yet.

[A]

Oh, really? You're not.

[C]

I'm messing around.

[A]

And you're not, are you?

[C]

I like to mess around. I like to kiss. Fondo shit like that.

[A]

Like what you were describing what I was doing to you. Yeah.

[C]

Mess around. Me and Chelsea mess around. Let it be known.

[A]

And so can what's. What's stopping you from the penetration, if you don't mind the question?

[C]

Opportunity.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[C]

Well, they haven't had the opportunity.

[A]

Oh, okay. So.

[C]

And it's a long distance relationship. Oh. Oh, yeah. Entertainer, person.

[A]

Oh.

[C]

And so boom, boom, boom. But. But as soon as the opportunity arises, it's going to go down.

[A]

Is the person you're talking about Bill Cosby?

[C]

Not yet. Not yet. I'm waiting for my pills to arrive.

[A]

I hope you don't get a red pill. Don't you? You know what red pills are like those Maga Bros, right? Red pill.

[C]

What is that?

[A]

Means like you've swallowed the juice or like taken the medicine to believe in Maga Drank Kool Aid.

[C]

What?

[A]

Drink the Kool Aid, girl.

[C]

Girl, wait.

[A]

Thank you for spelling that out for me because clearly I am someone sounding out words.

[C]

Maga pill. No, I'm the anti mega pill.

[A]

Longevity is getting a lot of attention right now, especially when it comes to what we put into our bodies. But one of the most visible signs of aging shows up on the skin, and it's associated with a decline in cellular energy. That's why Obagi Medical approaches longevity skin care differently. As skin loses energy over time, it doesn't regenerate or renew itself as efficiently. And that's when you start to see change like dullness, fine lines, and loss of firmness. Trusted by dermatologists for over 35 years, Obagi is innovating with skin longevity at the skin cell level. Their breakthrough new gen cellular renewal serum is formulated with their proprietary age control complex and powered by NAD to support skin's natural renewal processes and help address multiple visible signs of aging. Ooh la la. In clinical testing, skin appeared up to six years younger after 12 weeks of use. If you're looking to support skin longevity with a clinically backed approach, learn [e-mail] and new customers can use code Chelsea15 for 15% off qualifying orders. Terms apply now. Quick break. Switching topics to one of our favorite sponsors, Vital Proteins. Vital Proteins has introduced their new collagen sparkling waters. Designed to bring together refreshing flavor and clinically backed benefits in one simple daily ritual. These sparkling waters come in three crisp flavors. Strawberry blossom, lemon, lime, and blood orange. Each offering a bright, enjoyable taste that fits easily into any routine. Whether you're starting your morning, taking a midday break or winding down in the evening, they make wellness feel effortless and easy to maintain. Each can contains 2 1/2 grams grams of verosol collagen peptides, which are clinically shown to improve skin health in as little as 30 days. It's a straightforward way to support your skin from within simply by sipping something you already enjoy. The formula also includes 0 grams added sugar, no artificial sweeteners and 100% daily dose of vitamin C. That means you get a refreshing beverage that aligns with your goals while also supporting collagen production, immune support and that healthy, glowy skin look that many people strive for. What sets this product apart is the combination of science and simplicity. The clinically backed collagen peptides provide meaningful benefits, while the sparkling water format makes it easy to stay consistent. There is no complicated routine, no extra steps, just a can you can grab and enjoy at any point in your day. It's a practical, approachable way to incorporate wellness into your lifestyle without feeling like you're adding another task to your list or overhauling your habits. Vital Proteins designed these collagen sparkling waters to help people feel confident in what they're drinking. With clean ingredients, refreshing flavor and research supported benefits, they offer a balanced option for anyone looking to support their skin health in a convenient, enjoyable way. So if you want a daily ritual that feels good, tastes good and supports your skin health in a meaningful way, this is it. Sip your way to better skin health with Vital Proteins Collagen sparkling water. Get 20% off your next order by going to vitalproteins.com and using promo code Chelsea20 at checkout.

[E]

We'll be right back.

[A]

Thank you again to our sponsor, Vital Proteins. For business owners and entrepreneurs, there is a constant challenge. Getting things done fast and done well. Why not have both? That's why Wix Harmony stands out. It's an AI website builder that helps create a website quickly without compromising your vision. A fully functional site can be built for any business just by describing the idea. Then you can choose to chat with AI or edit everything manually to get it exactly right. There's also Aria, an AI agent available to answer questions or help complete tasks. And here's what makes it even better. Aria doesn't just live in a chat box. You can click anywhere on your site and ask her to make changes instantly. It's these details that make creating with Wix Harmony feel seamless. Join millions of businesses already using WIX and try WIX Harmony for [e-mail] Harmony that's wix.com Harmony in New Zealand. Quality is an acclaim. It's the standard K9 Natural baked and coated. Starts with premium animal ingredients from grass fed red meat to cage free poultry and sustainably sourced fish. With 40% high protein and no meals, fillers or grains, every bite delivers real nutrition. Light crispy pieces are baked then coated in rich bone broth for incredible taste and whole body health support. Baked and coated from K9 Natural. Use code Chelsea20 for 20% off your first order at US K9feline natural natural dot com. What do you think is wrong with men, Lunel?

[C]

Well, you know, it's funny, I just did a podcast before I got here with two men and the two men that I was with all agreed that all men, especially black men, need therapy. They really need somebody to listen to them, to talk to, to be honest with and transparent. Cause I don't feel like they're even transparent with their mate and stuff like that.

[A]

Because. Yeah, I just was thinking you're not.

[C]

Because you're, you're not gonna tell at all.

[A]

Yeah, you can't. It's too vulnerable.

[C]

You'll tell it all to somebody you're paying though. But you know, not even your friends. That's what therapy is. They hold all the secret, secret, secret secrets.

[B]

Right. It's like my husband will go talk to his friends, one of them will be getting a divorce or something. I'm like, well, what's, what's going on? Like, why are. No information, nothing. Like, why is she leaving? What's.

[C]

They don't ask a pertinent question. They don't do the deep dive that we.

[A]

But it is very refreshing when a man does do that. When they do pay attention and they gossip a little or they're like, I need the tea they want and they have the tea. Exactly. But with that combination, they have to have had therapy and they have to be in touch with their feminine, you know, divine.

[B]

He's in therapy, so hopefully he'll start bringing home the tea.

[A]

Yes. Yeah. Every man should start out in therapy and every woman should too. Well, it's just that women are much more.

[C]

I feel like we need the therapy

[A]

because of the men, because of the men.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I know. They've inflicted us and themselves.

[C]

How about that?

[A]

Indirectly. So they've heard, they've. They've inflicted themselves twice. So yeah, they're hurting.

[C]

Men are broken. If it wasn't, I think. And pussy, of course is always at the base of this. If the bin Ladens of the world and the Terrorists of the world. They're not home being affectionate and getting loved on. They're sexually frustrated. They're pissed the fuck off. Which sexual frustration will make you piss the fuck off at every single motherfucking thing? How do you convince a bunch of guys to commit war? They have no soul, they have no heart because they're not being loved on. And where did that start? Back with the mama, with the daddy, you know, to whatever. Whatever your upbringing is. And if you not loved on, then you can't love.

[A]

Do you think that we're at an acute point, like in history, or do you think this happens pretty much every generation with women figuring out men are kind of.

[C]

I think it. Every generation. You know, our moms didn't talk about shit. They're the secret keepers. The generation before us, they kept the secrets. The generation before them, we don't know. There were housewives mostly in their place type thing. And then before that was Garden of Eden, I guess. I don't know.

[A]

Yeah, before that. Before modern civilization.

[C]

Yeah. And a woman fucked that up.

[A]

Well, we had a patriarchy. We've had a patriarchy for 10 to 12,000 years. So before that it was a matriarchy. So the last 10 to $12,000. 10 to thousand and the dollars and

[C]

the dollars got so much.

[A]

You know what I'm trying to say?

[C]

I do. I like to think that things would change in my lifetime, but I don't think so. I definitely hope things change in my daughter's lifetime, but it's just like, there's always going to be the assholes. There's always going to be, you know, when just, like, not to get up. I don't do politics. But just like when this whole scenario is playing out clearly for anybody who has eyes that can see, there are still people that are going to ride with the fool. So I don't think that we're going to completely be in love and harmony on the planet, but it would be nice if we could. I look back at fucking movies like Forrest Gump, right? And if you just take it at the surface, it's the sweetest thing, the sweetest time. Boys walking girls home from school and carrying books and bikes and lakes and stuff like that. That was amazing. You don't. That's what you want to believe in your head now. Flip the book. And people still being hung, still being shy, still being drugged. So I don't choose to. You know, there's all kind of stuff on Instagram now with the AI and they, you know, flashbacks and, you Know, times had and stuff, and I really. I really wish it could. Those good old days in a lot of ways, were good, you know, but

[B]

they were good old days for a certain type of person, right?

[C]

For a certain type of person. But no, everybody had them. Everybody had good old days. Even in Tulsa, they had good old days until the motherfucking shit got burned down. You know what I'm saying? There was good time. Even back in the 30s, 40s, all that. They had good time. They had brothels and shit back then, too. They had fuck shit going on.

[A]

Do you think you would work at a brothel? I would definitely. I'd probably run the place.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You got Madame.

[C]

I was gonna say no.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

I think I could run one.

[B]

I think you both could run one.

[A]

Yeah, we could open up our own brothel.

[B]

This might be a natural dating service.

[C]

It would have to be my own.

[A]

Well, then we'd have to be sister brothels.

[C]

Well, we'd be compet over the old spot. And I'll take the regular missionary motherfucker.

[A]

Oh, yeah, I'm definitely a fetish.

[C]

As am I.

[A]

We give advice on this podcast. Are you ready to do that?

[C]

Oh, my God.

[A]

We have real people, don't we? Yes, we all in, don't we?

[C]

Oh, they write in email.

[B]

Yeah. I saved some very juicy questions for you for you.

[C]

We've got a good answer, right?

[A]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yes. You've been on this podcast before, right? We've done this.

[C]

It's been a long time. I love. No, I love questions. I don't think nobody gonna take my advice, but we'll see.

[B]

All right, well, our first question is just an email. This one's not a caller. So Angelica says, dear Chelsea, I'm writing to ask for your honest thoughts on sugar dating. Is it morally wrong to seek out an older, wealthy man seeking a much younger woman and is willing to compensate her financially? I keep going back and forth between two schools of thought. On one hand, is this anti feminist. Does this culture perpetuate misogyny and power imbalances? And on the other hand, if these men are willing to pay for my time and attention, why not take advantage? For context, I'm 33, independent, working, and also in school. I can stand on my own two feet, but extra income would make life much less tight and maybe allow me to finally book that trip to Portugal. I need your famous, unfiltered and brutally honest take on this. I'm excited to hear your thoughts, Angelica.

[A]

Would you like to start?

[C]

No, you start. But I definitely have My opinion, since

[B]

we got two madams talking about sugar

[A]

dating with you, top or even though I'm a bottom, even though I've established Louisiana, we're tops, I would definitely say go for it. If you have no qualms about it and it's not a moral issue for you, which it shouldn't be, then do whatever you want that is going to make you happy. And no, I don't think it's. I don't think it's sexist. What was the question?

[B]

You're saying, is it anti feminist?

[A]

No, it's not. Because you know what the situation is and you're getting money in exchange for your services, basically. So go for it. I think I. Yes, I think that's feminist.

[C]

I think they're not just paying for your time and attention, they're paying for your time and attention and some pussy. Now do I think it's.

[A]

That's included. Time and attention is included

[B]

in the attention.

[C]

Anna Marie, what's her name? Anna Marie. He didn't get the pussy. He couldn't. So he in essence was paying for time and attention. There's old guys out there like that, but the ones that can fuck do want to fuck your little ass. Now is it morally wrong? Not, I mean not in my opinion. You know, but it's gross, you know, if you can handle the grossness of it. Cause if this old motherfucker wants to fuck you, you and who wants to a. Oh, ass, right.

[B]

It's like age dependent.

[C]

Are we talking or this big obese wants to. He's got all the money in the world. I got somebody in mind. Please remind me to tell you what I'm thinking about. They got all the money in the world. But I mean you got. What was that? Pretty Woman? Richard Gere is not paying for your time and attention, bitch. It's somebody that you don't want to be with. So you know, if you can deal with it and you can handle it, walk on that motherfucker's arm proudly with your motherfucking Cartier shit and take the trips and do all that. If you don't mind spending time with this old fat motherfucker.

[A]

That's exactly why I had the reaction I had because I kept envisioning myself what the choice I would make is. And that's like I couldn't do it. Like I really couldn't have sex with someone unless I wanted to.

[C]

Well, just say you couldn't do it for a long time. Don't say you couldn't do it because everybody Hits a lick. One year, I'd have been to bed with some hideous motherfuckers. But not for a long time. Maybe for that night, got that lick and moved on. Not gonna be. This cannot be reoccurring, honey.

[B]

Well, and these days there's a lot of different ways to do that. You can, like, just sell feet pics if you don't wanna actually, like, hook up with a guy. Have you really?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

That's incredible.

[A]

But it sounds like if she's positing that question, like she's. She clearly thought it through to a

[C]

certain degree and she has some kind of morals, so she wouldn't be asking about them.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You know, and I. And I don't. But I also don't think it's a moral judgment like I or I don't want to be morally judgmental of that. I think it's like you're able to do that.

[B]

I think it's a fine line between what she's talking about and just like a beautiful woman who dates an older, successful, wealthy guy. Like, where is the line?

[C]

I think successfully wealthy, though, does not equal handsome. See, that's the payoff, is that this gross motherfucker has got a bad bitch on his arm. You're getting what you want. The sacrifice is that you gotta be escorted around. And then there's always the awkward moment when you're with this old fuck and you see the finest motherfucker you've ever seen in your life and you wanna get at him, but you're gonna fuck up the bag if you make big daddy pissed off. Right? So it's a business, honey.

[F]

You're probably hearing a lot about longevity right now. And when it comes to skin, aging is associated with a decline in cellular energy. As that energy decreases, skin doesn't regenerate or renew itself as effectively. Which is why you start to see dullness, fine lines and loss of firmness. Obagi Medical has been trusted by dermatologists for over 35 years. Their new gen cellular renewal serum is powered by NAD and supports skin's natural renewal process. In clinical testing, skin appeared up to six years younger after 12 weeks. Learn [e-mail] and new customers can use code TEAPOD15 for 15% off qualifying orders. Terms apply now.

[A]

Quick break. Switching topics to one of our favorite sponsors, Vital Proteins. Vital Proteins has introduced their new collagen sparkling waters. Designed to bring refreshing flavor and clinically backed benefits in one simple daily ritual. These sparkling waters come in three crisp flavors. Strawberry blossom, lemon, lime and blood orange. Each offering A bright, enjoyable taste that fits easily into any routine. Whether you're starting your morning, taking a midday break or winding down in the evening, they make wellness feel effortless and easy to maintain. Each can contains two and a half grams of verosol collagen peptides, which are clinically shown to improve skin health in as little as 30 days. It's a straightforward way to support your skin from within simply by sipping something you already enjoy. The formula also includes 0 grams added sugar, no artificial sweeteners and 100% daily dose of vitamin C. That means you get a refreshing beverage that aligns with your goals while also supporting collagen production, immune support and that healthy, glowy skin look that many people strive for. What sets this product apart is the combination of science and simplicity. The clinically backed collagen peptides provide meaningful benefits, while the sparkling water format makes it easy to stay consistent. There is no complicated routine, no extra steps, just a can you can grab and enjoy at any point in your day. It's a practical, approachable way to incorporate wellness into your lifestyle without feeling like you're adding another task to your list or overhauling your habits. Habits Vital Proteins designed these collagen sparkling waters to help people feel confident in what they're drinking. With clean ingredients, refreshing flavor and research supported benefits, they offer a balanced option for anyone looking to support their skin health in a convenient, enjoyable way. So if you want a daily ritual that feels good, tastes good and supports your skin health in a meaningful way, this is it. Sip your way to better skin health with Vital Proteins Collagen sparkling water get 20% off your next order by going to vitalproteins.com and using promo code Chelsea20 at checkout.

[E]

We'll be right back.

[A]

Thank you again to our sponsor, Vital Proteins. For business owners and entrepreneurs, there is a constant challenge. Getting things done fast and done well. Why not have both? That's why Wix Harmony stands out. It's an AI website builder that helps create a website quickly without compromising your vision. A fully functional site can be built for any business just by describing the idea. Then you can choose to chat with AI or edit everything manually together. Get it exactly right. There's also Aria, an AI agent available to answer questions or help complete tasks. And here's what makes it even better. Aria doesn't just live in a chat box. You can click anywhere on your site and ask her to make changes instantly. It's these details that make creating with Wix Harmony feel seamless. Join millions of businesses already using WIX and try WIX Harmony for [e-mail] Harmony that's wix.com Harmony in New Zealand. Quality is an acclaim. It's the standard K9 Natural baked and coated. Starts with premium animal ingredients from grass fed red meat to cage free poultry and sustainably sourced fish. With 40% high protein and no meals, fillers or grains, every bite delivers real nutrition. Light, crispy pieces are baked then coated in rich bone broth for incredible taste and whole body health support. Baked and coated from K9 Natural. Use code Chelsea20 for 20% off. Your first order at US K9 Feline.

[B]

Well, our next question, Brad, do we have Hannah on the line? Okay.

[A]

Is it Hannah Einbinder? We were just talking about her.

[B]

You know it is. She wants to talk about Hacks Season six. Okay. So Hannah has kind of an interesting conundrum. She's 35 and she says, Dear Chelsea, I'm writing in because I'm in a situation that feels like it belongs on the podcast and I genuinely don't know what the right move is. I was in an on and off relationship with a man for a long time. I. The connection was intense, emotional, and honestly, pretty chaotic. We always seemed to come back to each other even after saying we're done. When things were good between us, we talked about having kids one day. Once life felt a little more stable and settled, it wasn't a crazy idea in our world. It felt like something that actually might happen down the road. Recently, things blew up between us in a really hurtful way and he's now completely avoiding me. No conversations, no closure, nothing. Then I found out I'm pregnant. He knows, but his reaction was not great. Since then, he's basically disappeared. No real discussion, no plan, just silence. I feel stuck between wanting to handle this in a mature, grounded way and wanting to call his mom, his friends and everyone he knows and ask what the hell is wrong with him. Part of me wants to keep my dignity and move forward on my own. Part of me feels like the situation involves him, whether he likes it or not. And avoiding it doesn't make it go away. Do I keep trying to talk to him or do I accept the silence and move forward without him?

[A]

Hannah, that's heavy. Are you ready for this, Lunel?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

All right. Lunel, did you want to start?

[C]

I've had a relationship like that between the ages of 19 and probably up to about six years ago, on and off. Chaotic motherfucker, best sex ever, very deep and all that shit. I feel like, blow up the fucking spot. Tell Every motherfucking body. Let them know it's gonna come out one day anyway. The kid needs to know, like blow up the spot. Tell your mama. Tell every motherfucking body you fucked with the wrong one. But I'm sick of women being left holding a bag, you know, these motherfuckers can just skeet and you make a baby and walk the fuck away. That's not fair. And so you have decisions to make, which is, do I just take on this burden all alone? Is my heart ready for it? What will I say to the kid? Am I bitter or why should he get off the hook? We're making a whole human being. This kid now has a grandmother, now might have siblings. And it's not fair.

[A]

No, it's not fair. But I also think, like, honestly let it. You have to figure out a way to let it go. Yeah, you can blow it up. Well, yeah, tell everybody about it. Like he should be.

[C]

You gotta get your mind that I'm about to.

[A]

But he should be accountable. He should be accountable for it. And his family should know that he did get you pregnant and whatever. But then let it. Like you have to walk away from it with the understanding that he may never show up. He's already proved himself to be unreliable. And don't hang your hat on something that you don't need. You don't need somebody who's going to be that kind of presence in your life. You need to be a strong, independent woman who's going to have a baby by herself and then is probably going to meet someone else that's gonna end up being her father. Cause he's not the one. Unless he goes to like major therapy or gets major help. Like, don't allow yourself to be constantly disappointed by the same type of behavior because he's already shown you who he is. And you don't have time for this. You're pregnant now. It's grown up time. So if he can wants to come along, great. Otherwise, no, you're gonna go do it on your own. And probably better on your own.

[B]

Quite frankly, I feel like solo parenting in this situation is like the best possible scenario. But like, like that also doesn't mean you don't have to file for like child support. Like do file for child support. Do make sure his family knows just in case they want to be involved in the child's life. And even if he doesn't pay child support right away, that doesn't mean you're not getting a big check later, you

[A]

know, and you never know. He might in Six years, be like, oh, my God, you know, what am I doing? This is crazy. But that's not your problem. Your problem is you and your baby.

[B]

Right. And the other thing is, six years from now, like, if you don't say anything to anyone, he could come after parental rights and joint custody and all that stuff. So, like, it's better to get everything out of the bag right now and move forward that way.

[C]

But I agree with you about the. Let it go, because how many times you want your heart to break, what

[A]

do you think you're going to do? What. Based on our conversation, have you. What's your game plan?

[D]

My game plan is I, you know, I do know his mom relatively well. I do know that she would want to know and be a part of this. I'm definitely going to communicate with her. I think right now I'm just focusing on what's best for me and what's best for this pregnancy and the future of the baby.

[C]

How pregnant are you right now? How far?

[D]

Yeah, I just finished the first trimester, so I'm a little over 12 weeks.

[B]

This is a really exciting time for you as well.

[C]

I hope you have a beautiful, healthy baby.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Thank you.

[A]

I know it doesn't sound like what your ideal scenario would look like. It doesn't seem like that. So there's, like, a minute for you to have to adjust, but, like, you can't browbeat somebody into caring about something that they're not interested in.

[C]

Are you working?

[D]

I am. Yep. Yep. I'm working full time, and it's a good job. I recently, in the last few years, purchased a manufactured home. It's newer, so I feel like, considering the circumstances, it's not the worst. And I am thankful you're going to be okay. Yeah. Yep.

[C]

I will say this, too, as. Do you have any children?

[B]

No.

[C]

Okay. As the only woman in the room with children, I know that I was not prepared. I was not ready. I didn't have, you know, all that nursery shit set up, and I had one piece of paper in my purse with five people's phone number on it. Apparently, I'm pregnant. I think I'm gonna have a baby. When I do call them, you don't. You're never really, really, really ready. But something kicks in when you have this baby, and it's a maternal thing, and it's genetic and it's scientific, and you will become a version of yourself that you didn't know existed.

[A]

You might even start smoking crack

[C]

or finish Asshole.

[A]

My bad, my bad.

[B]

You know, Hannah, I Would also suggest pick up a book called. There's a book called Matrescence. It's not a new term, but it's like a term a lot of people don't know about. It's exactly what Lunel was talking about where, like, your gray matter in your brain changes when you become a mom. Like all these different things physiologically. Yeah. It's like a second adolescence.

[C]

Things you see. It's nature.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Like, unless you're physical, change a complete weirdo, fuck, narcissist, or some weird shit like that. If you are just in your hormonal right mind and you have this baby, it's like just how puppies take the dogs. Take care. You're gonna. It's.

[A]

It's.

[C]

It's just. It just happens. You'll be fine.

[B]

Yeah. All right, Hannah, any other questions we can answer for you?

[A]

Yeah, no. I just want to, like, give you a lot of love and support.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Thank you. Yeah, thank you. Thank you so much for taking the time to answer my email. And. And, yeah, it's definitely been probably one of the most challenging situations I've ever had to deal with so far in my life. So thank you so much.

[C]

In six months, we need a follow up email or phone call or something.

[B]

Or like, maybe in eight months when you've like, you know, had a minute,

[A]

like anytime, anytime in your life where something doesn't go the way that you planned for it to go is an opportunity for you to go, oh, my God, I'm going to handle this. This like a pro.

[C]

Yeah, that's.

[D]

Thank you.

[B]

Yes.

[D]

I have been trying very hard to reframe my brain and not just want to cry all the time.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, totally.

[D]

The hormones don't help, but I will definitely send in a photo in about eight months or so.

[B]

Amazing. Yes, please.

[D]

But you'll see how we're doing.

[B]

Yeah. And like, you've got this. Like, you're a full adult. You're 35. Like, you're. You've got this.

[C]

You know what the crying part, though, is? I think it's like when you finally realize I done got. Got like I'm caught. Like I'm pregnant. Like, like, wait a minute.

[A]

I know when you guys talked about the brain stuff, I was like, that could happen. What if that brain stuff gets in the way?

[C]

I know I'm saying this like, oh, my God. Because I was pregnant and I was like, this kid's gotta come out of me.

[A]

Right?

[C]

Where will I be? How does this happen exactly? What's going on? Will I Be in the store. Will I be. Am I gonna be alone? I don't know what to do. How much does it hurt? There's all that shit. I went through all that.

[B]

You're trapped. You're totally trapped.

[A]

Anyway, Hannah, we're gonna let you go. We'll hang up. We'll hang up with you now. Thank you for calling.

[B]

Keep us posted.

[A]

Okay? Keep us posted.

[D]

I will. Thank you so much. Have a great rest of your day.

[B]

Bye. Thanks.

[C]

Have a wonderful life, honey.

[A]

It's so funny that you say the pain of it.

[C]

Cause I was, like, fucking crazy.

[A]

I've never even gotten that far.

[C]

Along with my thinking. That's all I could think about.

[A]

When I think about pregnancy, it stops at nine months of no drinking and no party. That's where it ends.

[B]

I'm like, that's the worst pain you can imagine.

[A]

It's not even about the kid first. It's about that period of time where I have to incubate something like.

[C]

Yeah, but something in you also wants to stop. Wants to stop something in you. I don't want the vodka.

[A]

Oh, yeah, right. Yeah.

[B]

To protect the people.

[A]

Yeah, I get that, too. Which I also don't want.

[C]

Yeah, right, right. I don't blame you.

[A]

Do with that set of circumstances.

[C]

If I wasn't me, I'd be you.

[A]

Yeah, for sure.

[C]

If this hadn't happened over there, I would be.

[A]

Yeah, well, I think you might be me. I mean, there's a lot of similarities

[C]

going on, but with a kid.

[A]

Right? Right.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

All right, well, our next question comes from Cassidy, and she is calling in with her husband, Brandon.

[A]

It's a couple.

[B]

It's a couple.

[A]

It's a couple.

[B]

This is a little lighter question.

[A]

It's gonna be about anal.

[B]

Watch. Cassidy says, dear Chelsea, I'm thinking about drugging my husband. For good reason, of course.

[A]

I told you it was going to be about anal.

[B]

Here's the issue. He hates flying and refuses to take anything for flight anxiety. I'm no fan myself, but I've learned to manage. My husband, however, expresses every trepidation allowed, which gives me a helpful running list of reminders of what to panic about when we're trapped in a metal tube in the sky. He also has the scariest for days leading up to the flight, and especially the return flight. He sometimes even hijacks sweet moments with his anxiety every day at random while on our trip. So on longer, scary flights, I take a nibble of Xanax to subdue the nerves or get some sleep, leaving my poor husband to White knuckle it solo or worse, ruin my high. But he doesn't want to take anything. He won't even trial run it. He's skeptical of most meds, especially not prescribed, and insists he would rather suffer. He calls it exposure therapy. I call it stubborn and childish. The thing is, we fly a lot. He travels monthly for work mostly, but we go back and forth between Austin and NYC several times a year. 4 hours of him catastrophizing and me being the emotional support human. I've listened to every episode and I don't think you've covered the ethics of non consensually sedating your spouse. Hypothetically, should I tell him to try breathing exercises, hypnosis, or should I just drug him and tell him afterward? Help. My marriage is great, but our flights are turbulent. Cassidy and Brandon.

[A]

Dude.

[B]

Hi, guys. Brandon, you can unmute yourself, Brandon.

[A]

Yeah, what an entrance. Brandon, you can't subject. You can't subject the woman who loves you to this kind of behavior. You have to start taking Santa.

[C]

Drug him. Just drug him.

[A]

You have to. You know what it's like what you're doing, Brandon? It's like you have the magic pill. It's right here. It will make your life so easy.

[C]

Drug him.

[A]

It will make your life's wife much easier. There's whatever version of it. It could be Xanax, it could be a Klonopin, it could be a joint, it could be, I don't know, figure it out.

[C]

Ibuprofen.

[A]

And then imagine. I mean, that's a gift that you are giving to your wife and that is decency, courtesy and respect.

[C]

And you'll thank her later.

[A]

You'll thank her later, right? Don't you agree?

[C]

Yeah. You can't keep fucking up the trip, bro. Listen, just drug him, girl. He's not willing, you know, do it on the plane because he'll think that there's no way for you to do it on the plane.

[A]

He's watching this right now, so I think he probably figured that out.

[C]

He's got his eyes closed. She just drug him, girl.

[B]

But tell him to look out the window at the beautiful view and then you slip it in his drink.

[A]

On a more serious note. I mean, I like that note too, but have you tried hypnosis?

[E]

No.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

You don't look like a hypnosis type of guy.

[A]

Well, okay, but you have to be open to these types of things. You can't just sit around and suffer. You do understand that that's going to be a bigger and big become a Bigger and bigger problem in your life.

[C]

No, he can suffer. He's making her suffer.

[E]

Well, I always get on the plane. It doesn't ruin trips or anything of that sort. It's just I always get on. We've never not got on a flight because I'm too anxious for it, so.

[A]

No, I know, but that's not the point because you're torturing her while you're on the flight. Your sweaty hands, your anxiousness, your anxiety is a problem for her. When there's a solution. Maybe you guys should fly separately. And he.

[C]

Oh, never.

[B]

Well, we. We do that. So he's actually. He's in New York right now and I'm home. So he'll fly by himself on Friday, but I will definitely be by the phone. Like, the pilot's gonna be fine. So that's why I had to come

[A]

to you guys, because I was this

[B]

close to literally doing what Catherine said and just putting a little Xanax in his water bottle, letting him take a good nap. And then when we get there, then he'll understand that it's not that bad.

[D]

Right.

[B]

You know what, Brandon, you might also try is like a beta blocker, like a propranolol.

[A]

Oh, yeah, that's easy. That's a nothing drug. That's not like a Xanax at all. It's not a benzodiazepine. It's called a propranolol and it's a. Like a beta blocker. But she said he won't take anything, right? He won't even take it. Is that a prescription?

[B]

It's a prescription. You can get it with a prescription, but it's not gonna make you feel funny in your head at all. It just, like, slows down your heart. That's actually what.

[A]

It takes away any nervousness, anxiety.

[B]

Yeah, you just don't get nervous.

[C]

Do you have any?

[A]

Yeah, I do, actually. A boatload of it upstairs. Do you want some? I wish I had some for you, but it doesn't sound. I just think, Brandon, like, do you understand the point that you should. It would be nice and respectful to be more open to suggestion when something is kind of being. Become a real thorn in your partner side.

[E]

Yeah, I mean, I understand what. I try to reel it in as much as possible, but I fly enough every time I do it. I don't want to have to take a Xanax. I haven't done it in the past, so maybe it's a lack of knowing what it's going to be like, but I'm flying at Least once, twice, three times a month normally. So having to take Xanax every other week, it seems like something I'm not really interested in.

[A]

Okay, I understand that. That's understandable, but there are, there are other solutions out there. You don't have to become addicted to Xanax.

[C]

I feel if his system is as clean as it is, he could take a natural melatonin, a melatonin gummy, and just, he'll go and just go take a little nap. You wake up where you are. Like he said, he ain't never missed no plane or nothing like that. He size three or four just being a baby. And she just has to. Girl, you said for better or worse, richer, poorer, sickness in hell, psycho or no psycho. So if that's what you got to do to wean your husband through the flight, you might just be stuck doing it, girl. Unless you drug him.

[B]

Well, and sometimes on like a Friday or something, if we're going together, I'm

[A]

like, why don't you get on my

[B]

level a little bit and we'll just hang out, have a little party.

[A]

Yeah, that's fun. Actually. You're missing out too, Brandon, on that. You gotta be, you're so rigid, like, let it go, let it rip a little bit. Life is easier if you're just a little bit looser.

[B]

How about this? I think this might be a good compromise. If you don't want to take anything, then you have to go see either someone to do some hypnotherapy or a therapist about this.

[C]

Or anal.

[B]

Or anal.

[C]

Like you were saying.

[B]

They thought this question was going to be about anal.

[E]

I don't really, I don't really know much about the hypnosis. What, what is that? Like, what would that be?

[A]

I've been to hypnosis for smoking cigarettes and I didn't smoke cigarettes for 10 years after that. It was like a three time thing. There's a guy named Cary Gaynor, he's in Santa Monica, California. I know you guys don't live in Santa Monica, but, but he works. I've had so many friends have gone to him and quit smoking. It worked for me. He does all sorts of, he does fear of flying, he does all different sorts of like phobias. And his name is Carrie Gaynor, spelled with a K. So if you know, that's one. But there's, there's a lot of those. I just know that one because I live in la and that requires like two or three sessions, I think where they kind of hypnotize you and go through the motions of getting on a plane, and it seems to do the trick for a lot of people. So it's worth trying for sure.

[C]

Now, can I ask you this? I don't know if you know anything about me. I'm extremely blunt. Your husband looks like he's a nice guy, but a blowjob? I'm sure he wouldn't be opposed to that.

[B]

Before?

[C]

No, before, maybe in the Uber on the way to the airport.

[A]

I know. It's like, where do you do that in the airport?

[C]

Bring back those days of old, and I bet you he would be so relaxed, he wouldn't even need a melatonin or nothing like that.

[E]

Now we're thinking,

[A]

look who just perked up on this call. Somebody just came on board. There we go.

[C]

I mean, when you're married, you got to do stuff like that.

[A]

We should submit this episode for a Webby. Absolutely.

[B]

Mental Health Awareness Month.

[A]

Absolutely.

[C]

I just know what boys like.

[A]

Wow, you guys, we nailed it. I think we solved everybody's problem.

[B]

All right, do you have your marching orders?

[A]

Great.

[C]

Oh, blow job.

[A]

And no, if he doesn't want to

[B]

try anything, he has to get some hypnotherapy.

[A]

Okay. I love that.

[E]

I'm open to. I'm open to the hypnosis. I'll give that a shot.

[A]

Okay, great. That's good. That's open to something. We'll take that as a win, Brandon. And also the blow job. Let's go. First he finishes the hypnosis, and then he gets the blowjob.

[C]

And you'll be asleep like a little baby.

[A]

Bye, guys.

[D]

Thank you.

[B]

Thank you. Bye.

[C]

See, they're laughing, so that's a good start.

[A]

Longevity is getting a lot of attention right now, but one of the earliest and most visible signs of aging shows up on the skin. And that's linked with a decline in cellular energy. As skin loses energy over time, it doesn't regenerate or renew itself as efficiently, leading to dullness, fine lines, and loss of firmness. Obagi's newly launched facial serum, New gen Cellular renewal Serum, is powered by NAD and designed to support skin longevity. In clinical testing, skin appeared up to six years younger after 12 weeks. Learn [e-mail] and new customers can use code Chelsea15 for 15% off qualifying orders. Terms apply now. Quick break. Switching topics to one of our favorite sponsors, Vital Protein. Vital Proteins has introduced their new collagen sparkling waters. Designed to bring together refreshing flavor and clinically backed benefits in one simple daily ritual. These sparkling waters come in three crisp flavors strawberry blossom, lemon, lime and Blood orange, each offering a bright, enjoyable taste that fits easily into any routine. Whether you're starting your morning, taking a midday break or winding down in the evening, they make wellness feel effortless and easy to maintain. Each can contains two and a half half grams of verosol collagen peptides, which are clinically shown to improve skin health in as little as 30 days. It's a straightforward way to support your skin from within simply by sipping something you already enjoy. The formula also includes 0 grams added sugar, no artificial sweeteners and 100% daily dose of vitamin C. That means you get a refreshing beverage that aligns with your goals while also supporting collagen production, immune support and that healthy, glowy skin look that many people strive for. What sets this product apart is the combination of science and simplicity. The clinically backed collagen peptides provide meaningful benefits, while the sparkling water format makes it easy to stay consistent. There is no complicated routine, no extra steps, just a can you can grab and enjoy at any point in your day. It's a practical, approachable way to incorporate wellness into your lifestyle without feeling like you're adding another task to your list or overhauling your habits. Habits Vital Proteins designed these collagen sparkling waters to help people feel confident in what they're drinking. With clean ingredients, refreshing flavor and research supported benefits, they offer a balanced option for anyone looking to support their skin health in a convenient, enjoyable way. So if you want a daily ritual that feels good, tastes good and supports your skin health in a meaningful way, this is it. Sip your way to better skin health with Vital proteins Collagen sparkling water get 20% off your next order by going to vitalproteins.com and using promo code Chelsea20 at checkout. We'll be right back. Thank you again to our sponsor, Vital Proteins. For business owners and entrepreneurs, there is a constant challenge getting things done fast and done well. Why not have both? That's why Wix Harmony stands out. It's an AI website builder that helps create a website quickly without compromising your vision. A fully functional site can be built for any business just by describing the idea. Then you can choose to chat with AI or edit everything manually to get it exactly right. There's also Aria, an AI agent available to answer questions or help complete tasks. And here's what makes it even better. Aria doesn't just live in a chat box. You can click anywhere on your site and ask her to make changes instantly. It's these details that make creating with Wix Harmony feel seamless. Join millions of businesses already using Wix and try WIX Harmony for [e-mail] Harmony that's wix.com Harmony in New Zealand. Quality is an acclaim. It's the standard K9 natural baked and coated. Starts with premium animal ingredients from grass fed red meat to cage free poultry and sustainably sourced fish. With 40% high protein and no meals, fillers or grains, every bite delivers real nutrition. Light, crispy pieces are baked then coated in rich bone broth for incredible taste and whole body health support. Baked and coated from K9 Natural use code Chelsea20 for 20% off your first order at us k9ftlinenatural.com

[B]

are you guys ready for another question?

[C]

Chelsea's ready.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

Absolutely. You're like I'm surprised like you guys are stoned but like you're pulling it out. You're pulling it out.

[C]

She's a really good voice of reason. I'm like it and almost everything but she really, you know people have got the wrong this is a smart ass right here and she's got a really good head on.

[B]

Just turns it on.

[A]

People have the wrong idea about me.

[C]

Yeah, just like you're slutty and drunk.

[B]

So Jess says Dear Chelsea, I'm going to Spain for my 41st birthday celebration and would love some advice. I'll be there for the entire month of September 2026 with friends and family popping in and out at different times just like you do. Chelsea, I know you love Mallorca. It has been a dream of mine to visit. My most important question what do I need to know about having sex with men in a new country? Not sure if I'll get lucky or not but would love some tips and or knowledge you may have on the topic goes men might be a bit presumptuous more probably a singular man. Love your podcast. My sisters and I listen every week. All the best Jess.

[A]

What is she what do you mean men might be more presumptuous?

[B]

She's saying it's probably to just be one man but like she's on her

[C]

eat breaking up okay.

[A]

Oh I see. Well I don't know what to say about European men. I mean I find it all men to be fun like you can find fun guys in a lot of places is definitely in Spain but I don't know what I would say that like what do you have to look I guess not being circumcised, not eating pussy

[C]

no Jamaica you ain't gonna get your pussy ate. You would get dicked down but you ain't gonna get your pussy ate down

[A]

there in Jamaica, specifically. Just that island.

[C]

Well, I haven't been to all of them, but the ones I've been on, it's very, very rare.

[A]

That's unfortunate. I don't like that.

[C]

That's why I don't go to. Yeah, but like you said, there is circumcisional regional differences. There's. I think that it's more fun to meet guys, European guys. You got an accent, you got a different culture. They show you things, you learn things every day. These motherfuckers here in the States have fucking had it pretty much. And so I'm in envy of going, having a European romance.

[A]

Yeah, it's a good time to go to Europe, period. It's a good time to go to Europe and it's a good time to be with a European man. So there's a lot to look forward to. And I don't know, I've only dated one Spanish guy and I don't know how I would differentiate him.

[B]

Yeah, would you hook up with like a local? Would you hook up with an expat? Like, what's just.

[A]

You gotta find someone you have a vibe with and then have a good time.

[B]

And where are we meeting guys? Is it at a restaurant?

[A]

You have to be out and about.

[B]

Beach.

[C]

Beach bar. Bar.

[B]

Oh, I like that.

[C]

Yeah, beach bars are fun.

[A]

Happens especially at night. A beach bar at night. I like that.

[C]

That's when it's really fun. Day till night.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

The same little wet all night long. Yeah.

[B]

All right, well, those are all our questions.

[A]

That's okay, we can wrap it up.

[C]

I absolutely adore coming to see you in any capacity.

[A]

I love it.

[C]

You know, I don't like. Let me just say this to the people. People, people. I don't give a fuck about a lot of these bitches, okay? I play the game and I be nice, which is a big thing for me because I used to not even be nice, but I'd be nice and I played a game. But there are certain people that I really do fuck with. Like, I really. After a while, I can't go too long without checking in or sending a message or something like that and letting them know I'm thinking about them. And then I watch what they do and study and learn from. And that's you for me. I never thought I was gonna know you, you know? And I definitely didn't think we was gonna get along. And then we are. I feel very like minded in a lot of ways. And she's a lot of fun and don't give a fuck. And if you're not having fun in life, then you're fucking miserable. It's really only one reason to be here is that if you get a kid, raise a viable kid and to have fun. I don't even wanna be involved with any guys if they're not not fun. What are we doing? I don't need you to not be fun. You are the fun I need, motherfuckers. You know what I mean? So. But I really enjoy coming here and seeing you in any capacity.

[A]

I love you. Cheers.

[C]

Cheers.

[A]

Cheers. We've christened the podcast room with a nice day of joint smoking. I appreciate you for that.

[C]

Awesome.

[A]

I need it to break in.

[C]

I need a plaque.

[A]

I need a picture. We should put a plaque caught in this house. I'm down with a plaque.

[C]

A plaque back up in this room. Christened Marijuana by the Great Lunel. Okay, I want that next time I come over. I'll be looking for it.

[B]

If you want advice from Chelsea, write in to dearchelsea podcastmail.com Dear Chelsea is a production of iHeartMedia. Follow Chelsea on all Socials Chelsea Handler and find Katherine on TikTok Flash Cadabra. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brandon Executive Producer Kathryn Law. Find full video episodes and minisodes now on Netflix and get tickets to see Chelsea live@chelsea handler.com.

[A]

The Trump administration and its backers in Congress are messing around with our health care. In case you haven't heard, they already passed a law defunding Planned Parenthood that blocks Medicaid patients from getting life saving care like cancer screenings, wellness exams, birth control, STI treatment, and more. And now these lawmakers want to shut down health centers by defunding Planned Parenthood permanently. Our communities deserve better. So to learn how you can get involved, text UPDATE to 22422 longevity is getting a lot of attention right now, especially when it comes to what we put into our bodies. But one of the most visible signs of aging shows up on the skin and it's associated with a decline in cellular energy. That's why Obagi Medical approaches longevity skin care differently. As skin loses energy over time, it doesn't regenerate or renew itself as efficiently. And that's when you start to see changes like dullness, fine lines and loss of firmness. Trusted by dermatologists for over 35 years, Obagi is innovating with skin longevity at the skin cell level. Their breakthrough new gen cellular renewal serum is formulated with their proprietary age control complex and powered by nad to support skin's natural renewal processes and help address multiple visible signs of aging. Ooh la la. In clinical testing, skin appeared up to six years younger after 12 weeks of use. If you're looking to support skin longevity with a clinically backed approach, learn [e-mail] and new customers can use code Chelsea15 for 15% off qualify terms apply In New Zealand, quality isn't a claim, it's the standard. K9 Natural baked and coated starts with premium animal ingredients from grass fed red meat to cage free poultry and sustainably sourced fish. With 40% high protein and no meals, fillers or grains, every bite delivers real nutrition. Light, crispy pieces are baked then coated in rich bone broth for incredible taste and whole body health support. Baked and coated from K9 natural use code Chelsea20 for 20% off your first [e-mail] a better help ad May is

[G]

Mental Health Awareness Month, a reminder that whatever you're going through, you don't have to do it alone. Right now, most Americans are struggling. Nearly two thirds report feeling anxious. More than half say financial stress is a major source. And even though 85% of people believe seeking support is important, many still don't take that step. That's where BetterHelp comes in. With BetterHelp, you can connect with a licensed therapist who's there with you to listen, understand and support you on your terms. Schedule sessions conveniently via the app and talk to your therapist by video phone or live chat. Chat BetterHelp matches you with a therapist who's with you through life's ups and downs. Because no journey should be alone. Sign up now and get 10% [e-mail] that's better. H E L P.com this is an iHeart podcast.

[A]

Guaranteed Human.