← Decoded | Unlock The Secrets of Human Behavior, Emotion and Motivation
Decoded | Unlock The Secrets of Human Behavior, Emotion and Motivation
Go Big and Go Home: Redefining Power, Purpose & Motherhood with Cait Scudder
01:04:19
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- [00:01]
A
Looking at this dichotomy of manifestation versus hustle culture, what do you believe is actually the truth in the middle?
- [00:09]
B
There definitely is hard work and grit and sweat and resilience required. And anyone who's telling you to build a million dollar business without resilience and grit just run away because they're lying.
- [00:22]
A
Couldn't agree more.
- [00:23]
B
It's not all champagne and bathtubs. I love me a bathtub. I love a glass of champagne. But that is not what manifesting a big business looks like.
- [00:34]
A
Your brain is wired for deception. But here's the truth. Patterns can be broken. The code can be rewritten. Once you hear the truth, you can't go back. So the only question is, are you ready to listen? Welcome to another episode of Decoded. I'm busy, Gould. And I'm here with a very special guest who I've had multiple instances of connection with over the last few months. Going on one of her podcasts, recently being on her summit, and now we get to have her here sharing her beautiful knowledge with you. Her name is Kate Scudder. She's a former high school teacher turned multiple seven figure CEO and Forbes featured business mentor. She's the CEO and founder of the Millionaire Mother, a 60,000 woman strong community built for ambitious female entrepreneurs. She's also a TEDx speaker, host of the Millionaire Mother podcast. She's a devoted wife, mother to three kids, all under five. And she is on a mission to rewrite the narrative that motherhood and financial ambition don't mix. And boy do we know that that's the truth. Here on this show she exposes the juggling the realities of motherhood with how to grow business. And she has so many great offerings that we're going to be talking about throughout the podcast, one of which is a summit that I was just recently on and a whole host of other things that she's going to be doing. So welcome to the show, Kate. We're so excited to have you.
- [01:57]
B
Thank you so much for having me busy. So happy to be here.
- [02:01]
A
So in looking through all of your website and materials and just kind of familiarizing myself with who you are and what you do, I saw somewhere that when you found out you were pregnant, you said your very first thought was fear and that motherhood would derail the business that you had already built and obviously you scaled through it. What do you think was causing the fear and how did you actually get through the fear to continue scaling your business anyways?
- [02:25]
B
Oh my gosh, I love that. I will never forget that moment. I had gone on a run, came back. I had like, 20 minutes before a coaching call that I was hopping on. I peed on that stick. I was like, babe, I came out, showed him the pregnancy test, and I'm like, all right, gotta go on a call. And he was like, what's on? Going. Going on? And it was after that initial elation, excitement, kind of shock and surprise, but also in some way, not shock, I went into panic. Like, a real, actual panic. And I think part of what was happening for me is that at the time, I didn't know. I didn't know firsthand. This was back in 2020, any other mother entrepreneurs that I was close to. I didn't have any mentors who were moms. I didn't have any close peers who were mom. And I mean, I think it's just that classic fear of the unknown, busy. I was like, I am gonna have to choose. I secretly, you know, because I also, back then and still now, am. Was and am the breadwinner of our family. So I think the crippling anxiety of all of the uncertainty when you are pregnant for the first time, don't know what it's gonna be like as a new mom. Don't have any firsthand mentor or really close community member to call up and ask. I mean, I have my mom and her friends or what? I didn't have anybody that I saw skillfully balancing both worlds. And so my mind really went to this place that I think a lot of us can relate to. I'm going to have to choose. And then I went into, I've built the wrong business. I remember blubbering on the phone to one of my business coaches at the time, being like, I shouldn't have built a coaching business. I shouldn't have built a business that requires any of my time. As if any business doesn't require your time, which is a whole nother conversation. But I was like, I should have built an Amazon dropshipping company. I was just so fearful that I had done the wrong thing, that what I had built would not blend with motherhood. And I didn't have anybody that I could ring up and be like, tell me how you're doing this. How are you balancing late nights and calls with your clients? How are you balancing marketing and showing up powerfully when your capacity is. I mean, I didn't even know what I didn't know at that point. Right? Like, when you're having breastfeeding challenges or you've got two under two and you're not sleeping at all. I didn't have anyone to turn to. So I think I was really just in a state of overwhelm and kind of convinced myself that it wasn't possible to grow my business, sustain it, let alone grow it in motherhood. And it turned out that the opposite was actually true for me.
- [05:12]
A
And how did you cross that threshold? How did you actually get from, oh shit, I don't think I can do this to like really doing it and doing it all the way.
- [05:21]
B
So a couple things had to happen. One thing that, and I really give a lot of credit to my business mentor at the time who wasn't a mom, but she really helped me dive into one of my major fears, which was this assumed pressure that I put on myself of it's all gonna fall on me. I have to do it all myself. At the time, my husband, who now runs a successful multi six figure business of his own, but at the time he was in pure startup mod mode. He wasn't bringing in any income. And I just felt so much pressure to both want to let myself completely surrender to the portal that is motherhood, pregnancy matrescence. But this feeling of I can't, you know, I can't wince or I can't show any sign of weakness or I can't. It makes me even sad to say that out loud, but it's true. And what I realized was I needed to have just an honest conversation with him and say, babe, I need to know, like, I love my work, but I need to know that if I need to stop or if I need to pause or if I need to pivot that you will be able to bring in money. And it sounds so silly to say that that was the thing that helped me break through, but it was such a weight off my shoulders. He was like, babe, obviously, of course.
- [06:39]
A
That was real vulnerability for you because part of the pattern that you had built up was to prevent having to make your vulnerable and put yourself out there. Like, will you take care of me if I need to take care of me? For some people, and I have a very similar brain pattern type to you, that's the hardest thing to do, is to put yourself out there instead of just be hyper independent and just do everything yourself.
- [06:58]
B
Oh my gosh, 100%. And I think for a lot of ambitious founders, that is such a gift. It's really served us in many ways. But you're absolutely right. And what's so beautiful about that is that it was the beginning of us starting to operate more like a family unit and less of, you know, this power couple or these, like, two strong individuals. I really had to be like, I knew he had my back in all ways, but I need. I needed to know you will completely catch me if I need to just take a step back. And what is so interesting about that is having that conversation and knowing even just energetically, he wasn't even making money at that point, but he was like, I will stay. Step up. I have got you. I have got us. I have got our family. It just completely shifted something for me. And it was in the third trimester. I will never forget this. I had, like, a $300,000 month in my ninth month of pregnancy with Ella, and it just. Something just unlocked of, oh, you can let go of this, do it all alone pattern and push. And I am gonna just open. You know that saying, a baby brings a loaf of bread? I always joke, like, for me, she brought the whole French bakery, and it just, like, the floodgates really opened, and there was a big dynamic shift that was able to open when I, yeah, started operating more in that tandem, you know, teammate energy with him, and then showed up to my business in that way as well.
- [08:30]
A
I love that. And it's very apropos that you just brought in a bread analogy, because my next question has everything to do with this kind of recent archetype we've seen of the trad wife at home making sourdough bread, tending to her chickens. And what I've found, at least in myself, is that looking at it, it feels like we're kind of boxed into two very separate roles right now, where you're kind of either the trad wife or you're the boss, babe. And I kind of started a trend last year where I used the hashtag tradwifebossbabe because I really see myself embodying both simultaneously. So do you think that women have to pick a lane, or is that just a false narrative? And how have you found a way to kind of bridge those two aspects? Cause I know you also have a homestead and all that, so how do you. How do you merge the two? And I guess. Do you think it's really possible.
- [09:23]
B
Busy. Ask me if I did my last photo shoot in a red power suit in my barn with my chickens. Like, I'm so right there with you.
- [09:33]
A
If anyone gets this. It's fine.
- [09:35]
B
I literally love that you asked this so much, and I resonate with that. Okay, first of all, what I want to say first is that the space of motherhood, I think, can be so. And this is Just human. I mean, there's nobody that gets this more than you. Human behavior in general. But I think it can be very catty. I think it can be very categorical. I think it can be very. I don't know if I would say prescriptive, but we try to box people in based on what we see in such a small surface area type of way. So you see the lifestyle, you know, content creators who are into the long flowy dresses and baking sourdough, and we're so quick to label that as like, oh, that's the trad wife. We see the fierce cutting, you know, flashing lights, fancy clothes, and we're like, oh, that's the girl boss. And as if there could be no overlap, as if there could be nothing in common. The first thing that I want to say about this is that the real Tradwives, not what the Instagram hashtag, but the actual traditional housewives who are devoting themselves 100% to motherhood and family alone, we none of us have ever seen those people because they're not creating content on social media. The actual trad wives are just doing that. They're like Amish or whatever. And I think that's a beautiful pursuit. But the quote unquote, trad wives, they are doing their own version of being a CEO. They are creating a lifestyle business. They are creating content for a living. And I don't say this with any kind of disdain towards that. I think it's a beautiful expression. And for those, for that avenue of expression, I think it's amazing. But I think we need to stop demonizing, you know, in a very similar way, that more girlboss lifestyle that's also lifestyle content, it just has a different flavor. And so I really see these two different archetypes that we've been given. We're all just trying to find, figure out where to fit ourselves and how to fit ourselves. And I think that what's so beautiful about that hashtag you described, or I think what can be very confounding. Like, some people say to me, I can't really work you out because you're like, fancy and very posh, but you also have chickens and like, what, what? You have a homestead. You seem really earthy. Like, you both wear heels and you don't wear shoes. Like, what's going on with you? And I'm like, this is being a full range woman. This is being a fully expressed human. And the more that I think women like you, like myself, express their truth, their expression of motherhood and being all of who they are, the more space we create for not having to fall strictly in one or the other category.
- [12:26]
A
Totally agree. It's really reductionist. And I think women are walking juxtapositions. And I know that's certainly true for me because I'm either really dressed up and bougie, or like a hippie and bare feet that doesn't need anything and could survive off of nothing.
- [12:40]
B
Literally same.
- [12:41]
A
Which is why I personally love kind of that little Instagram thing that was going around about, like, unfortunately, I really do like. And for me, it's all these things that have nothing to do with each other and look like they have nothing to do with each other.
- [12:53]
B
Totally.
- [12:53]
A
And ironically, the one of mine that I outed myself to that got the most positive feedback was that I admitted that I like smoking an American Spirit every now and again. And people are like, thank you for being honest. I'm like, you're welcome. I do love an occasional American Spirit. It's like one of the. One of my guilty pleasures as an adult, even though I care about health and all these other things. So thank you for sharing that, because I do think that we do kind of get these archetypes that we, in general, were kind of striving for when the reality is you don't have to choose. And I love that what you said, you know, and I agree with you. We don't want to be, like, negative or harsh about it, but a lot of it is a facade. A lot of the people that are projecting trad wife are not necessarily really trad wife in the real essence of a traditional wife. But I think with that, what I personally care about the most in kind of that sphere of the trad wife thing is being able to honor your husband and understand how important the role of being a wife is. And that that doesn't mean that you're any less of a woman or any less of a boss babe. And I find that quite often the more you go toward the girl boss thing, the more you start to see this kind of rise of modern feminism and almost like a denigrating of men. And I've never. I've never really resonated with either side of them because I do really respect and love and honor men. And I do know that for my household to work properly, there is an order in our house. And sometimes I think one thing, but at the same time, I honor my husband. And there can't be two gas pedals and two brakes in a car. The car wouldn't go anywhere. So there are plenty of times that I do what I think my job is supposed to be as a wife and I'm like, all right, honey, like, it's not necessarily what I was thinking, but I support you, I'm here for you. And we understand the kind of the order of power structure in our household and that keeps paying dividends because I am also the primary breadwinner. So I think that kind of goes to my next question, which is all about polarity because it can, as you know, I'm sure it can be challenging to kind of be the breadwinner and be kind of like the boss babe energy and then still find your sweet spot with intimacy and kind of embodying more that traditional wife. So what tips or tricks do you have for how to kind of hold both places and find the flow between kind of, to some extent, being in your masculine and then also being able to drop back and be in your feminine?
- [15:28]
B
Oh my gosh, I love this question. And I will say that any wisdom that I have to offer in this has been very much hard won. And not, you know, I think that it is, it's a challenge, especially when you work from home, especially as a woman who is stewarding a big movement. You know, I'm kind of an ambivert, but in my podcast or see speaking on stages or in panels, I'm very much out there. I'm a manifestor in human design enneagram 3. So I have a lot of like, you know, I'm here and I have something to say energy. And it's not that I don't have that or don't want to have that in the home, but what I've learned and why I say this has been, you know, hard earned wisdom, is that that energy of kind of, it is main character energy I had to really learn. Oh, I. We are both main characters here. And my character and the way that my main character interacts with his main character, if I am not careful, if I'm not checking myself, if I'm not mindful, I could steamroll him without noticing. Not because he's not a strong man. I'm talking about even just energetically and inadvertently repel the attraction and attention and desire and providership which I love and which is just the sexiest thing in the world. And so I have really had to learn to check myself. So one of the things that I do, even though his office is directly below mine, we live in a big farmhouse on a 12 acre farm here in Maine. Something as simple busy as before, I get up the end of the day, I take a deep breath, I close my laptop. I have a little. This is so silly, but I have a little rose water spritz on my desk. I spray myself and at that frequency of rose is just like invitation to soften, invitation to transition, invitation to invoke softness, invitation to remember that I am going out. And yes, I may be still thinking about things at work or I may still be, you know, have to dos in my head that I'm wrapping up. But I am going to be present with my family, I am going to be present with my kids. And that has been so, so helpful. I've also found, I don't know if you know Laura Doyle's work, the Empowered Wife. She wrote this incredible book called the Empowered Wife. Melissa Wells, Mel Wells, Melissa Wells Jenkins. She also has a really amazing body of work all about like dropping into the feminine. Especially for, you know, high achieving, high impact women. I found both of their bodies of work really helpful and just mentally shifting. But for me it's that it's something as simple as a ritual. Smelling a rose, taking a deep breath, like having that physical touch. This is also something that has just been. It's so simple and yet it's so effective. In the kitchen, I actively get out of my head, get into my body. I'll touch his waist, I'll kiss his, you know, I'll kiss him in passing. And it's just like I'll do something special for him if I'm going to the kitchen in between whatever I'm doing during the day. Or I'll make him a cup of tea and bring it to him exactly how he likes it. I'm not in there with an apron all day long like baking sourdough from scratch, but I can make him a cup of tea. I can do those little things, those little I love yous. And for him, like I'm such a words of affirmation person. So the other day I went into my bathroom and he had picked me flowers from our garden. He wrote me this beautiful little note. It was like I melted. It was the most beautiful thing ever. If I did something like that for him, sure it might be sweet, but for him it's that physical touch, it's making him a cup of tea. Physical touch, acts of service, those are the things that really go a long way. So I really consciously put at the forefront and try to remember, yes, I might be bossing it up up here in my office, but I am really the wife, the heart of my home and so coming back into my body and into my heart space is absolutely how I keep that chemistry and that polarity alive.
- [19:36]
A
Well, I, too, have learned some hard lessons in that realm, and I totally agree with you. I think it's beautiful that you have that threshold or transition point where it's almost like you're reminding your brain, like, hey, we're switching gears from this to that, because then your nervous system will obviously follow in tandem with that. And I love that you use rose water. It's perfect. I might need to steal that one from you.
- [19:57]
B
I love that.
- [19:59]
A
So this came up naturally in how you were answering that question. So I wanted to dig into it a little bit because people are often throwing around the term work life balance. And I have my own kind of opinion and experience on it as a whole. But I want to know, number one, do you think that true work life balance is attainable? And how do you set up your life to either try to pursue this or not if you don't believe it's possible?
- [20:27]
B
Okay. I used to say when I was asked this question that I don't think that balance is a noun. I think balance is a verb. I will always remember being at Kripalu, the yoga center in western Massachusetts. Yeah. Being in a yoga class when I was doing my certification and doing tree pose and one of the teachers there being like, there is no such thing as balance. It is. Balance is not a noun. It's a verb. We are constantly in balance. So even when you fall out of the pose, rather than being like, darn it, and being all flustered and trying to, like, get back in and stick the landing, how can even falling out of it be part of the pose? How can that, too be welcomed in? And I love that analogy. So there is part of me that feels like I don't really believe in balance as a static noun to chase. I do believe in it as a verb. But what I will say now is that I also believe I don't even know balance is the right word altogether. I really think it is about integration. And I'm smiling because just 10 minutes before hopping on this interview, this weekend we're hosting a big retreat. I have a big annual retreat. I welcome 40 women here to our farm. We have a whole glamping tent company that we set up. It looks like a wedding. There's, like a massive farm table, tiki torches, the whole thing. And so this is a work event, obviously, but my kids are helping Toby stack the wood into the house and move with the little June buggy. Our farm vehicle across the farm. And I was just recording a little video of them doing it, and I'm like, this is integration. This is not separating the work from the family. It's not like, okay, kids, you know, mommy's with you reading a story. I'm super present, but now I'm in boss mode. It's no. How can we weave in a life lesson here? How can you know my. When my daughter sees, mom, are you having another retreat? And she asked me, mommy, what do you do? And I say, ella, I help other mommies be in their power, make more money so they provide for their families, and their families get to do more amazing things and contribute. And, like, she really gets it. And so rather than quarantining and having these silos, which I think is a big cultural inheritance from past generations, like, work is a silo. It's a grind. It's hard. We do it from Monday to Friday, 9 to 5, and then we live for the evenings, we live for the weekends, and personal life comes after. What does it look like to build a life where we can weave them together?
- [23:09]
A
I think that's beautiful, and it's interesting because it brought up something for me that I don't think I was able to put words to it in the moment, but what you just described totally put beautiful words to it. There have been plenty of times that I have to. I don't have a choice but to take care of something when I'm at home or when technically it's like, family time. So there have been times that, like, the kids will all be sitting around the fire, and, you know, like, my older kids will be in the kitchen, and I'll be trying to take care of something on the computer. My husband's like, babe, just go in your room. Like, just leave. Don't be here. And I'll look at him and be like, it's stressing you out. But I actually am enjoying doing this with the kids. If the kids come and grab my ankle or ask me a question, it's not bothering me.
- [23:54]
B
You.
- [23:54]
A
You're watching me, and it's bothering you. But to me, I would rather be with the. And be able to spend whatever time I can while also simultaneously doing this other task rather than be, like, banished to my office so that nobody bothers me. And I think that is something that maybe women have a higher capacity for handling, kind of like handling work and simultaneous requests. Where to me, it doesn't agitate me at all. It doesn't break my concentration. I can kind of manage both. And it just made me think that is. That's really. I think why I like doing it, is that I'd rather not be separated and then come back. I'd rather be able to kind of be in the flow of the family environment. And if I have to get up and go get my kids a fruit platter, I can go up and get my kids a fruit platter instead of being banished to my home office so that my husband can do everything. And I think sometimes he'll watch me and feel guilty, like, you should just go save yourself. Like, go be by yourself. But as a mother that also is an entrepreneur, I actually kind of really enjoy those moments where I can be fulfilled working on what I'm working on. But I'm still in the flow of the family, and we're still doing all these things together. So. So thank you for sharing that, because that was a little breadcrumb for me. That was really important. I love that I've been able to properly articulate to my husband. So now I can.
- [25:07]
B
I love that you just spritz yourself with rose water and you go tell.
- [25:11]
A
Honey, I just want to be integrated. So I love that. And I do think you're spot on that there's this compartmentalization. It's almost like this idea to have work balance. You have to have them completely separated and only be in one or the other. And I think you're spot on that it actually, in many ways, especially if you're an entrepreneur that has multiple kids and multiple businesses, that's not possible. And trying to pursue that all the time, you'd constantly being in, like, a striving mode and nervous system dysregulation, which I've always looked at it as finding these kind of natural, spontaneous moments of balance and kind of even looking at it in seasons. There are seasons in a business where you're gonna have more of that downtime. Then there are seasons where you're gonna be a little bit more in grind. And if you're constantly just trying to strive for this, like, perfect balance, you're just typically gonna feel like you're failing. And I, like, threw that out a really long time ago and have found so much natural or spontaneous balance because of that. Cause I'm not just constantly striving for it. And I think my husband, bless him, has finally, in the last few years, kind of gotten on board with that. So now we've been really able to, to your point, really integrate more, which has been a huge to our kids. And just the Overall peace in our household.
- [26:30]
B
I love that.
- [26:31]
A
I know you mentioned it at the very beginning and it's really obviously in the very title of what you do, the Millionaire Mother. I want to kind of center in on this taboo around money because women, I do feel even more so than men, I do think it's cultural, it's social, have a much stronger discomfort about talking about money and wealth. And it does seem like it almost, it does kind of, it creates these separations, right? It almost like kind of it separates the boss babes from other people. Like if you can kind of boldly talk about money or accumulating wealth, or I think what you called like being well resourced, it's almost like people then kind of put that into the same category as that boss babe stigma. So what is your approach to this? And how can women kind of overcome this fear or stigma around maybe being seen as a boss babe just because they care about being well resourced and accumulating wealth? Your brain isn't broken, it's running. An old code break method is a system that maps your neurological patterns, decodes your emotional distortions and rewires your behavior fast. No talk therapy spiral, no getting stuck in your feelings, just logic based rewiring in 20 weeks or less. Head to breakmethod.com and see what your brain is really up to.
- [27:53]
B
I think the first thing that we need to do is examine where our aversion to seeing a woman with money comes from. Like, I know for me, I grew up in a household where mom bought our eggs, milk and cheese and bread on wic. I don't think there were food stamps, but those women and children, you know, government assistance. And I remember going to the grocery store with her and we would go to stop and shop in Glens Falls, New York and we wouldn't buy grapes unless they were on sale for 79 cents a pound. And I loved grapes. Grapes were my favorite, my dad's favorite. And when they were $2.79 a pound, God forbid, 3.29 a pound, like there was no way we were walking home with those. And so it wasn't. We definitely didn't grow up with money. And my story wasn't that, you know, we thought everybody with money was evil, but there was this very clear almost tribalist belonging code which is people like us don't drive cars like that, don't do things like that. And I think that is true for many people on a personal, familial, kind of generational story level. But I think there's a wider cultural story as well. It's not just the girl boss, it's also like the boss bitch, right? It's the devil wears Prada, Meryl Stress Streep, Cruella Deville. There's all of these cultural archetypes of what career woman with wealth and power in a coat and heels equals morally corrupt, evil, cold, nothing remotely resembling a mother. Right. And so we don't have a lot of almost like mythos and examples of what does it look like to be a well resourced mother. Which is why I really love my company is called the millionaire mother. But the archetype of the millionaire mother really is a matriarch, A woman who is well resourced, well nourished, financially abundant. But if you think about a matriarch, she's regal, she's poised, she's powerful. But in order to be and radiate the power that she has, which is benevolent, it is this loving maternal frequency, but in order to radiate that she needs to be poured into. She is incredibly well supported herself. She has people pouring into her and that is what enables her to be so successful. Sorry, hold for the small human.
- [30:39]
A
No worries.
- [30:40]
B
Daddy's doing bedtime by himself.
- [30:43]
A
Not so good.
- [30:45]
B
So when I think about breaking that taboo and stepping in, it really is the recognition and popping this illusion that a mother is more deserving or somehow gets these superwoman credit points for, you know, running on fumes and her adrenal glands and calling it a day. I am really here to be like, well, what does it actually look like to do that sustainably when money. We know that right now in this moment of recording, this podcast, Busy October of 2025, we are standing on the precipice of the greatest wealth transfer in history. Tens of trillions of dollars in the next 10 years are going to transfer into the hands of women. And I truly believe that we are on this cultural precipice of seeing more women and more mothers, specifically stepping into this matriarch frequency, this well resourced woman frequency, this millionaire mother frequency, which is about stewardship and less about striving to prove a point.
- [31:52]
A
What role does engaging the husband play in kind of being able to embody this matriarch? Because a lot of what you talked about is kind of making sure that you're being poured into you and that, that you're being supported. Is that something that you cover in your work? How to kind of bring your partner along for the ride so that they have the tools that they need to pour back into you?
- [32:13]
B
Oh, A hundred percent. I mean, in one of my masterminds, the mme, my core container, I have a program in there called Number One. It's a required program. It's all about treating your spouse as the number one. And when I say so, yes, we absolutely address that and look at how is this ecosystem. And I speak a lot in my whole body of work about creating a legacy in the home and a legacy in the world. I think the problem with a lot of the, you know, success, business coaches, success coaches, that whole personal development world, a lot of it was created for men, by men, but a lot of it was then also mimicked for women by maidens or by women who felt like they needed to stuff their motherhood away like a bulge in a pencil skirt and, you know, hide it from view, tuck it in, sneak it away, instead of looking at how are we actually embracing the entirety of our lives? How are we defining success by the entirety of the picture? And that's what I think makes the work that I do quite distinct, is that we are not just measuring success by how quickly can you chase a high cash month. It's, let's get a dashboard that surveys everything. The health and vitality and intimacy of your marriage, the. The quality of your connection with your children, the connection that you feel to your values. And so for me, that's being able to live on land and have a close connection to the earth and raise my children, bringing in firewood. It's not just free labor for my events. It's like, I want them to know how to make a fire. I want my kids to know how to bake cookies. I want them to have that feedback frequency and that feeling of the home. And so, you know, the marriage. And when I talk about the matriarch being supported, yes, of course it's by the spouse and by the partner. But it's also a big part of the work that I do actually is letting women decondition that part of themselves that feels guilty asking for help, hiring help. You would be. I mean, you probably wouldn't be shocked, but so many women entrepreneurs hire assistants and have no idea what to do with it. I feel bad. I should just do it. Oh, she didn't do it the way I wanted. I'm not going to tell her. I'm just going to do it. We don't know how to stand in our power in that stewardship energy, provide clear feedback, define what done looks like. And so my work is really around helping women define what done looks like in the home. For home Support they may have. We have a house manager, we have a nanny. We have several other people who do different things in our house. And being able to embody that queen of your home energy, it's not just a mindset shift and it's not just an identity shift, it's an execution shift. How do you carry yourself in those conversations? How do you provide meaningful feedback that gives people excitement to work with you, to be part of your team? So it's a whole ecosystem. The marriage is certainly a big, big part of it. But it's that energy of receivership and knowing the. Your inherent worthiness of being supported. But it's not just like a personal worthiness of being supported. It's really this unlock recognition that, oh, the more I avail myself to be richly poured into so that I can be of service, so that I can bring my fullest gifts and capacity online, the more everything in the ecosystem flourishes.
- [35:57]
A
I love that. We've got a few more questions that I want to hit before we wrap up for today, and one of them is looking at this dichotomy of manifestation versus hustle culture. And I don't know how you feel about it, but I personally feel like the manifestation culture that's pitched to women is really just a lie. But I also think the hustle culture is equally as toxic. So I'm curious where you sit with kind of this dichotomy between the two and what do you believe is actually the truth in the middle? How do you. How do you walk that out?
- [36:36]
B
I resonate with this so much. I think the best way I can answer this is to talk about my birth story with my second, my son Jack. So, long story short, with my first was planning for a home birth. We didn't have that. It was very long, very intense. I would even say traumatic experience. It was a vaginal birth in the hospital. But I mean, everything that you would just the worst. Like, nurses holding my knees up to my ears saying push. Like, I ended up having a near 4th degree tear. It was just so, so rough. And I really took it upon myself to undergo such a massive healing process and open myself to a totally different experience. Experience. And the reason I want to talk about that birth with Jack because it was the most redemptive, extraordinary experience. I birthed him at home in the water. He was 11 pounds, 10 pounds and 15 ounces. And both of my boys were. James was 11 pounds and 1 ounce and he wasn't born in the tub. That was a little more challenging. But Jack, it was so Wild, busy. So I experienced fer the fetal ejection reflux. So an 11 pound baby born at home. And I didn't push him out, my body expelled him. And this was actually the catalyst, the seed, that birth experience was the seed catalyst to rebrand my entire company to the millionaire mother and devote my body of work. I had been business coaching, built a multi seven figure business coaching business. And that birth experience was the thing that catalyzed me to rebrand because it encapsulated in a single experience what I believe about this. I wasn't just sitting down eating a bag of Cheetos during that labor like I was working. When I say I didn't push, I don't mean there wasn't effort. There was extraordinary effort, there was extraordinary devotion to showing up to each wave to breathe through it. But what I was really doing was I was showing up with the fullness of my strength and capacity not to push and override and force. I was showing up with the fullness of my faculties to surrender, to allow the tsunami like energy to move through me. When we are giving birth, we are literally life is manifesting through us in the most literal way possible. It is so magnificent and I think it is a microcosm of what we do in our businesses and how we birth. The way that we birth a book, the way that we birth a launch, the way that we create a new program. These are all microcosmic examples of a birth itself. And as a mother, for anybody who's listening to this, who has gone through the process of giving birth, we have this incredible lived, somatic experience that we can tap into. And so that for me is the balance. I absolutely showed up with my effort, I did my side of the street. But I also was not overriding to the point of adding in additional strain when it was unnecessary trying to white knuckle and control. And that I think is the hardest part is, you know, I think we want to, where we go off balance, we try to over hustle, over grip, over control because we're terrified of the unknown. And then if we go too far on that other side, it can either look like passivity or it can look like, I don't know, almost this entitlement of I don't have to do anything so it should just land in my lap. I think I feel sort of like a boomer dad saying this, but I definitely, I do have a little Britney gotta work in me. You know, I'm like, there definitely is hard work and grit and sweat and resilience. Required. And anyone who's telling you to build a million dollar business without resilience and grit, just run away because they're lying.
- [40:39]
A
Couldn't agree more.
- [40:40]
B
It's not all champagne in bathtubs. I love. I love me a bathtub. I love a glass of champagne. But that is not what manifesting a big business looks like. Manifesting is going to require you to just go down to your knees and just find the depth of surrender to get out of the way. So it's one part showing up, it's one part letting go. And again, inside of mme, I teach a program called Hardwired. You would be an amazing guest for that. But Hardwired is all about that. In the yoga world, the phrase is tapas, like that fire, that sacred heat, that showing up on our side of the street. But there's also. I also have a program in there called Allow, which is how do we let go, get out of the way, Let what be the channel. And. And this is polarity, right? It's the yin and the yang. It's that sacred fire. It's the riverbanks, the structure, the containment, the devotion and the discipline to actually show up, not just when we feel like it, but because it's what has to happen so that the magic, the feminine, the creative gets to pour through.
- [41:52]
A
I love that. And I can attest to all the same from my own life. And I'm glad that you said that, because I do think that. But you get kind of, you know, archetypally, there's not to specifically call her out, but to me, like, Leila Hormozi is kind of like more the hustle culture boss babe sort of archetype that I see out in the world. And then the manifestation babes are like a dime a dozen. And I just think that there's not enough discussion from female entrepreneurs about this, I think very intentional place in between where there's the place to kind of have bits of both. And that really the hustle culture will burn you out entirely and probably turn your life into a dumpster fire. And then the manifestation piece of it is, I think, really taken out of context and almost used as a tool of financial manipulation, which I would agree.
- [42:41]
B
With that for sure.
- [42:42]
A
It doesn't feel right when I see it.
- [42:45]
B
It's not the whole truth. It's. I think it's misrepresentation.
- [42:49]
A
You watch it and you're like, hi, yeah. As someone with lived experience, like, that's bullshit.
- [42:54]
B
Totally. And here's the thing, I feel like you Know, somebody like on either the hustle side, this coin, or the more manifestation side of the coin, like there is a teacher for everybody. But what I think you and I are describing is that for. And this is my whole thing, like four mothers doing this, you know, grind, cool, keep it up, Just like don't work weekends. I mean, Hormozi, I think he's brilliant, but it grinds my gears. He's like, if you want it, there's no such thing as a weekend. There's no such thing as a Friday night. And I'm like, there is nothing in me that desires to build a business in that way. If I was him.
- [43:31]
A
And you don't even have a life at that point.
- [43:33]
B
Exactly.
- [43:34]
A
But I think also it speaks a lot to even just, you know, obviously I can only observe from the outside looking in, but I think there's a reason they don't have kids and they kind of run their household the way that they do. And I think, you know, to me personally, that wouldn't feel like living. It would be making all this money in pursuit of what, you know, like at a certain point, to me that wouldn't have any value anymore. But I'm also. So I'm not driven by money in general. I'm much more driven by purpose. And the more I've kind of leaned into driving after purpose, the more money I have also made. So I wonder what is your opinion on that? And you know, obviously you work with so many women. Do you notice a distinction between those who are kind of driven by financial goals versus those who are more driven by passion and how their kind of systems or families show up?
- [44:23]
B
I think that when, when we are chasing what is in alignment, when we are pursuing what is in deep alignment with our values, with what matters, it is always going to feel sustainable in the long run. I think that. I don't think there's anything wrong. I think this is part of deconditioning this story like we were talking about of the wealthy woman. There's nothing inherently wrong with pursuing financial wealth at all. I think it's a noble pursuit. I think it's one that I want more women. I want every single mother on this planet to be a well resourced woman. But I think that pursuing it for the wrong reasons, for the reason of I need to do this in order to be personally significant, or if I don't do this, I need to do this to prove it to somebody else, or I need to do it in this career because that's what XYZ person thinks I should do or worse, God, because that's what XYZ influencer on the Internet is doing. We are going to burn out. We're going to get it served back in our face. We are going to fall down and hopefully be given an opportunity to reexamine what our values actually are, what we desire and to build and rebuild with motherhood in the or whatever your life is, but your truest values in the center and not the margins. And I think that you know, these expression of only pursuing dollars, dollars, dollars at all costs, like there may be a segment of the population that that is their highest purpose and that is their highest value and they don't care about having friendships or having children or you know, any of the living close to the earth, cooking their own food, having touching grass. Like if that's not your thing, great. Like I'm not here to tell somebody that's the wrong way to live. But what I am here to do is say if you don't desire a life that looks like that, maybe think about building a different way and not taking the advice of this is how you have to do it. And so I think that those who are putting their values and their, I don't even like the word holistic, but their 360 degree definition of success at the forefront are always going to make more money because they are going to be in a it for the longer haul. And the other thing I want to say about that is entrepreneurship. I'm sure you talk about this all the time on this show busy, but I just want to put a big old like disclaimer like yellow ticker tape, red alarm around this statement. If you are looking for an easy button to just make money, please don't become an entrepreneur. Like back up reverse. You're in the wrong area. You are going to fail, you're going to fall on your face. You're going to have moments that make you question everything. You are going to be humbled time and time again. This is a game of resilience, of grit, of being curious, of refinement, of iteration and exploration and expansion through that. And the ones that I know who have made the most money, the most impact and have a life that they truly love are the ones who are following purpose and for whom that falling down process which is inevitable, no matter how high you climb, no matter how much money you make, it's a, it's a spiral. You're going to have that experience over and over again. They are not dissuaded or put off track. When that inevitably happens because they're driven by something greater than the ego boost of, ooh, I had 100k month, they're driving for something greater.
- [47:55]
A
I'm so glad that you said that, because that is exactly why I brought it up, that I think without that element of some bigger purpose, most people can't have the grit required to navigate through the challenges. And instead, they'll take all the signs presented by a challenge and actually make them, you know, perceive that maybe it's a failure or they should stop. I've had so many roadblocks and so many losses that have ended up turning around to my biggest months or my biggest achievements, or even in some ways, my most innovative creative thinking has come out of being in a time of intense hardship. So thank you for sharing that, because I do think that just in business coaching I've done in the past, you can definitely see the distinction between those who want to be rich because they like the idea of what they think that looks like on Instagram. And their pursuit of wealth is typically fraught with a lot of ups and downs and probably even victimization and things along the way. And then you have the person that. That maybe doesn't necessarily overtly care about wealth, but is so driven by purpose that ends up amassing wealth pretty quickly. And I know that that's certainly been the case for me. And I perpetually, when I have met with other people along the way, they're like, you don't charge enough. And I'm like, for me personally, it's like, if I'm doing the right thing and I'm serving the right people or the right communities that I'm being called to serve, then the rest will kind of. I kind of surrender to that. I'm like, the rest is going to flow for me. So I just love your whole perspective on that. And I know you have a current offering that you're doing. Can you tell us a little bit about how people can best engage with your work and what you have going on, like, right now in this specific moment in time?
- [49:38]
B
100%. Well, first thing that I would say, if you want to just get into this world a little bit more, register for the Motherhood and Ambition Summit. Busy is a speaker there. There are 13 incredible speakers gathering to talk all about, like, have these raw, real, unfiltered, very practical conversations and short conversations or 15 minutes each about what it takes to hold both worlds. I think that's going to give you a real taste of what the whole ethos of the community is really about. On the back of that, we're offering a few week boot camp. It's called the Wealthy as a Mother boot camp. It's $47. It's an amazing way to have a little taste of what it looks like to coach with me and also to set up a business that is designed so very much in alignment with this last question that you asked. Busy. Like what does it look like to build with your purpose at the center first? But we're not doing it's either purpose or profit. We're doing them together. This is the millionaire mother, after all. So the Wealthy is the mother. Bootcamp is going to give you a roadmap to building a business that is highly profitable and purpose driven in a way that's designed for motherhood. And then we also have our mastermind community opening up up next month that is called MME the Foundry. And we can give you the link for that as well. For women who want to explore what that looks like, that's really more hands on long term support for women who are wanting to truly scale a sustainable, profitable business.
- [51:05]
A
And we will put all of those links in the show notes. And I loved the conversation that we had on the summit, so I would highly encourage people to go check that out. And the summit is free, correct?
- [51:13]
B
Summit is totally free. Yep.
- [51:15]
A
Okay, great. So yeah, we'll put all of those links in the show notes. Please make sure you go over to the website and check out the show notes. And I think leaving this. If you could just leave the audience with what your biggest takeaway is from just having kind of been through the entrepreneurship journey that you've been through, and then also as a wife, as a mother of three kids, if, when you look back, if you were to kind of go back to the part of yourself that felt fear the second you first found out you were pregnant, what would be the one message you would whisper to her right when that fear kicked in? What would you tell her about what she's about to embark on?
- [51:53]
B
I would say, honey, it was never go big or go home. It was go big and go home.
- [52:01]
A
Wow, I love that. That was a chills moment. I really hope the people listening to this are starting to wrap their heads around and this idea that you don't have to choose career or motherhood and that you don't have to fear getting pregnant and delay until you're 40 or whatever just because you want to focus on your career first, we're both a testament to that not actually being factually true. I started having babies when I was 25, I have kids that range from almost 16 to 3. I've built six companies. I think motherhood prepares you to be an entrepreneur if you're present for both. So this idea that they have to be separated or you somehow have to do one and then the other, I think is really just a socially fabricated myth that I love that you're doing away and dispelling this myth and helping empower women to not be afraid. Because I, too, was deathly afraid when I first got pregnant. And I have a theory. I'm curious to know your thoughts on this. Kind of. Throughout watching mothers over the last, you know, how long, I guess 15 years of having babies, some of the best mothers I've ever met whose kids are delightful and emotionally intelligent and mature, are women who actually weren't ever sure if they wanted to be mothers. So I'm curious about this for you, because I think for some women, in their mind, it's like they're so fixated on, I can't wait to be a mom. And then often, at least in my mental health practice, I find they actually have a lot of challenges. Whereas sometimes the women that didn't really think about it and had all these kind of big dreams and career aspirations that maybe accidentally get pregnant and have that oh, shit, fear moment, actually end up being really extraordinary moms. So I'm wondering, where do you fit into this spectrum?
- [53:51]
B
Oh, I love that. That's so interesting. I didn't. It wasn't like, oh, my gosh, you know, I'm playing with dolls. I was such a tomboy, busy. I got, like, kicked out of ballet. I never had dolls. I was on the boys hockey team. Like, I was very. I was not thinking about being a mom. Um, it wasn't really on my radar. And interestingly, it wasn't until I met my husband that I was like, oh, okay. And I think it was at the risk of tmi. I think it was like the third time we had sex, I was like, it just was the. This cosmic moment of ancient remembering, seeing the future, remembering the future. I was like, oh, you're my baby daddy. That's that. We're gonna do that. We are going to bring life into this world. And that was the moment for me that I. But it wasn't like, oh, I'm just envisioning, you know, the cute little outfits. It was this knowing of, oh, I'm with my person, and we have a soul contract where we are doing this. This thing. So that was my experience.
- [54:51]
A
I love that my it's so out of character for me. But when my husband and I, we were standing in a room at one point and I think there was some underlying tension and we both knew that we liked each other, but it was kind of. We hadn't really like full blown discussed it with each other. There was a moment when our pinkies kind of naturally touched. And I straight up said to him, I think I'm gonna have your babies. And I was like, wait, what did I just say? I was like, that is so not me. And he was like, but you said it. And I was like, I don't even.
- [55:21]
B
Stop it. We have the same story. So I met Toby. It was very Eat, Pray, Love. I was. I mean, it is crazy how much time do you have on this episode? But I had just finished up my 500 hour yoga teacher training. I was set to fly out to Thailand the next night. And Toby had just arrived back. He was living in Bali, but had been in Australia for his brother's wedding. Went down to Bingen beach, which is not where he lived. He lived in Ubud. Went down to Bingen beach, called his friend was like, I think I'm going to meet somebody. Anyway, we happenstance met on the beach at sunset, like we shouldn't have met. Ended up going to the same restaurant for dinner. It was at dinner that I was like, oh, okay, something is going on here. And after dancing for a bit, we went down to the beach. We like went skinny dipping under the stars. And I just was looking at him and the words just came out of my mouth again, so out of character. But I said to him, if I really let you see me and you really let me see you, something magical could happen here. And it was like a spell. I was like, kate, you are not playing it cool. What did you just say? What? Who do you think you are? This is ridiculous. You just met this guy. And the next day we met up again. I canceled my flight out again. I was living in Northampton, Massachusetts, busy. I went to Smith College for my Master's. Like, I had I not just done this deep feminine, you know, sacred feminine training or whatever, I would have been like, get out of here with your, oh, I'll let you stay at my house. Whatever. I would have just completely not been able to receive it. But there was something that wanted to come through. So I really believe in those sacred whispers of what just came out of my mouth. It's like the divine assignment. Our unborn kids, they're like, oh, no, something's happening here. You Guys gotta do this dance.
- [57:17]
A
Absolutely. And I love that. It's the. My husband and I have been married now for seven years, and still, every once in a while, he'll still be like, babe, I still can't believe you said that to me, because it's so out of character for me. So I love that you said the Divine Whisper because it really came from something else. I had no control over that same. I hear that when I first met his dad, this was shortly after that, my husband had gone to the bathroom, and his dad looks at me and he's like, you know. Cause, you know, I used to be kind of more of like a celebrity trainer early on in my career. And his girlfriend had had my, like, old fitness dvd. And he goes, you know what I just wanna say, while my son is in the bathroom, Marilyn had this dvd. And I kept looking at this picture going, son, you need to marry a girl just like this someday. And he was like, I swear to you, you are gonna have my grandkids. And I was like, all right, Eric.
- [58:07]
B
Oh, my gosh. Okay.
- [58:10]
A
So, yeah, I just think the divine. And I think, honestly, that kind of is this answer. And I'm glad we're closing out with this. Of this kind of between manifestation hustle culture. There's this, like, you have to work hard. You've got to put yourself on the field to play the game. But there is this divine spontaneity that you can't ever account for, but you also, I believe, can't force it. Through taking a manifestation course. It's like putting yourself on the field, acquiring the skills, being committed, being resilient, trusting yourself, and being able to kind of listen to those divine inspirations so that you can also let yourself be led. Because I do believe we all have a really powerful destiny. And so many people get pulled off track by even things like mentors or other people that they're listening to. And there's just. There's something to be said for being a hard worker and being committed and upping your risk tolerance. Because if you can kind of be on the field and be willing to kind of be tackled and still stay on the field despite that, you usually end up wildly successful. And that builds the grit to be an amazing mom. That builds the grit to be an amazing wife. And I just think there's so much to this life that is available to us, and we've just really been fed this lie that you have to have these crumbs or these pieces, but you really can have the whole loaf.
- [59:31]
B
You so Is that how we're gonna end?
- [59:33]
A
You can have a full loaf of bread.
- [59:35]
B
You so care.
- [59:36]
A
The trad white sourdough. Except in my case, gluten free bread.
- [59:40]
B
But just, just tell me we can keep the butter and we're all good butter.
- [59:44]
A
Oh, yeah, let's butter this. I love that thing. Thank you so much for your wisdom. Thank you so much for what you're doing for women. I know obviously we have a huge female audience from all the different things that I've created. And I think that there are more women that if they could be properly mentored or supported, maybe would be able to move past the jealousy that gets activated when they see women who are doing really well. Because I know, for example, as an entrepreneur, I can actually trigger that in people because it's like they don't want me to be able to have it all. And then it puts them into scarcity and it kind of makes them not like me. So thank you for doing the work that you do, because I think more women need to find communities like that. So in a way, they're kind of going through their own healing process so they can stop looking at us as competition, instead, like, want to be around us. Because I personally love being around powerful women who are wealthy, who have kids, who, you know, don't talk down on their husband, but actually really embrace their role as a wife. I think it's a really powerful thing that we can experience through osmosis. And if we let ourselves be triggered by it and kind of go into this sort of like envy, jealousy sort of counterpart, it only makes the situation worse. So if you're listening to this and you recognize that in yourself that you get kind of triggered by women who do embody it all. I think what Kate is offering is for you because you need to heal that. And there's no better way to heal it than actually be shown step by step, how to actually heal that in all the areas of your life.
- [61:19]
B
I'm so grateful you said that. Busy. And thank you for saying that. And yes, and what I will say to that is that, that the majority of the women who hire me experience that, whether that is with me or it's with somebody else. And then there's this moment, this beautiful moment of recognition of, oh, I'm not actually having a reaction to this person. I'm having a reaction to the limitations that I am telling myself that I have that this person is holding up a mirror to. And what's so beautiful is that it's not just the, like, mentorship and step by step guidance. It is that. It is the personal relationship that offers that mentorship that dissolves that feeling. And I'm just thinking about these beautiful women who are about to show up at my house, many of whom I've been working with for years and who joined MME with this story of, I have three kids and I'm doing this and I'm getting my PhD and I have a job and my husband works, and I'm a homeschooler and I'm tandem nursing. And, you know, whatever the. And, and. And is whatever the story of denim.
- [62:25]
A
Nursing, I was like, and I'm out.
- [62:26]
B
Yeah, and I'm out. But it's like the whole story of, oh, I'm not allowed to have that. And then they get to this moment of like, wait a minute, why, why am I fighting for this excuse? Why am I fighting for this limitation? Why am I fighting for this story? If this person is holding up a doorway and I'm feeling some sensation, I'm feeling activated, I'm feeling judgmental or resistant, but it's actually pointing me to a deeper desire. Like, why wouldn't I move towards that rather than away? And what has blossomed on the other side has just been absolutely extraordinary. So just echoing exactly what you say. It's okay if you feel triggered or if you feel activated, use that as information and walk towards the thing that you want. And I'm here. We're here. Like, you don't have to do that. This alone.
- [63:13]
A
Thank you so much for that. And for those of you that are triggered, I hope you take this as an invitation to go explore it a little bit more, because we need to all rise up together. And I think there's nothing better than having a really strong, united group of women that have embodied these sort of opposing opposites. So thank you, Kate, for all the beautiful work that you do. Thank you for the woman that you are and even just some of the personal conversations we have had. I think you're a phenomenal woman, a phenomenal mother and businesswoman, and. And I'm always down to support you in any way that I can. And please do take a look at what Kate is offering and at very least, go jump into that summit and hear some powerful stories of female entrepreneurs that are also mamas. So please take a look at all of Kate has to offer. And thank you so much for being on the show.
- [63:58]
B
Thank you. Busy. Thank you for having me.
- [64:03]
A
Your brain is wired for deception, but here's the truth. Pattern patterns can be broken. The code can be rewritten. Once you hear the truth, you can't go back. So the only question is, are you ready to listen?