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Decoded | Unlock The Secrets of Human Behavior, Emotion and Motivation
Projection Psychology: Obsession, Dopamine & Nervous System Dependency
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Not every intense experience is actually manipulation. Not every strong reaction is harm. Not every structured environment with an SOP is a cult. Sometimes the work isn't actually in taking down a system. Sometimes it's learning how to rebuild your nervous system so that you no longer interact with other systems in a way that actually creates the very cold environment in which you speak. Your brain is wired for deception. But here's the truth. Patterns can be broken. The code can be rewritten. Once you hear the truth, you can't go back. So the only question is, are you ready to listen? There's a phenomenon that keeps repeating in modern culture. People experience being controlled or manipulated or pulled into a cult like experience, even when there's no real system of control, no enforced dependency, and no punishment for leaving. So what is actually happening? Last week we took a deep look at the mechanics of cult environments. And today we are going to look at a counterpart to that. The role projection and obsession through a neuroscientific lens play not simply as character flaws or pathology, but as what can only be seen as a predictable nervous system response that is rooted in early childhood. Wiring our episode after this, we're going to go more specifically into nervous system patterns and what sorts of nervous system regulation tools are truly science based versus woo. So get excited for that one. Because let's be honest, sometimes what looks like power being taken away is actually power being handed over. And when the handoff process collapses, the brain starts to scramble. To explain why. Let's take a look at projection and what the brain is actually doing when projection is being experienced. Projection is not a conscious form of deception. I know we've talked about this on multiple episodes. This is a regulation strategy. It is also a psychological mechanism in which the person is not consciously aware they are doing it. To them, it feels real. From a neuroscientific standpoint, projection happens when the limbic system, which is the emotional threat detection center of the brain, becomes overloaded and the prefrontal cortex cannot maintain a stable sense of self reflection. We've talked in previous episodes about the importance of metacognition. When somebody goes into projection, what ends up happening is that their ability to operate within metacognition drops out because they are not in that part of their brain. They're in their emotional centers of their brain. In simple terms, first step is that emotional activation is going to rise. Second step is that cognitive regulation drops down and then the brain starts to seek immediate relief. Think about in previous episodes where we've talked about the distinction between those who naturally self regulate and those who seek out external, either people or objects in order to co regulate. When we're talking about the brain seeking relief, the brain is typically seeking relief through some sort of CO regulation. CO regulation can come out in addictive behaviors like co regulating with alcohol or with drugs. It can also come out in co regulation with people. Or when we talked about how this shows up in early childhood environments, this could be a very intense attachment to a blanket, a stuffed animal, a pacifier that's gone on too long, et cetera, even honestly, mommy. And instead of processing the distress that they're experiencing from the internal place, right, that self regulation, the brain actually relocates it to something external. So instead of being able to say to themselves, I, I feel destabilized, or I feel unsafe, or I realize I am craving dependency, the mind actually shifts externally and says, you caused this, you did this, you took something from me. So the projection is the shift away from self and metacognition toward some other person or pattern of cause. What this ends up leaving the person feeling is victimized. Most important thing here is that this is not rooted in objective truth. This is very much about bringing the nervous system back to a state of equilibrium as fast as possible. Example, for a little kid, if their brain determines the fastest way to get back to equilibrium is to cling to my stuffed animal, it will reach for the stuffed animal. If a adult who had that same brain pattern go unchecked to age 40, if they're feeling that instability or that out of equilibrium, they might decide in that moment, even through self deception, where they may know that's not the right step to take, that they need a drink of alcohol in order to regulate. Is the drink actually helping them do better and be better in their lives? No. But their brain, through a process of trial and error and building up these rules in early childhood, has determined that that is the fastest, most familiar way to get back to nervous system regulation. So I know that that might be challenging for some people to think of, but this is why, if you've ever known someone struggling with add, sometimes it can be hard from the outside looking in to understand, like, how could you not see this, right? And I mean, even some of the conversation topics we've been unfolding in this podcast, especially over the last month or so, sometimes it's hard to go from the outside in and just say, how can you not put these pieces together? It's like not that challenging of a puzzle. But the problem is because when you're in these patterns, it does Feel stabilizing. It does feel like something your brain has run through some sort of logical checklist and been like, yep, story checks out. So it is checking out to the person. And that is why ultimately, no matter what happens, I always have empathy for people that are in these places, even when they are actively harming myself or others, because they cannot see their way out of this. They would in fact, likely pass a lie detector test that they really believe this is happening. And for that reason, when you're dealing with somebody who struggles, struggling with mental illness or with addiction, you have to find the line between empathy and the boundary. Right? And that's one of the most challenging things to navigate. That's something that I navigate daily with my mom. I was telling a client this the other day. There are some years that I've allowed her more access because she has demonstrated the ability to make better decisions. And then there have been other years where I've had to pull back that access to protect myself and my family. But the thing that doesn't go away is the empathy remains. I don't ever feel just straight up angry and resentful toward her. Even when there is a boundary that needs to be put in place and there is distance put in place, the empathy remains. And I think for each of you listening to this podcast today, that is an important thing for us to navigate toward is being able to have empathy for people who are in struggle, who are in dysregulation, but not let that empathy become something that we allow to be weaponized against ourselves. Right? Not let the empathy be a reason that we justify not putting up a boundary or not exercising some type of self preservation. The next mechanism we're going to take a look at is obsession, because obsession is a different regulatory loop than projection. Obsession is often mislabeled as admiration, loyalty, or intensity. Neurologically, obsession actually functions in a dopamine based regulation loop. So it does function differently. Sure. Can something start off potentially looking like admiring and loyalty? Yes. Can it eventually slip off the edge in intensity and become obsession? Certainly, yes. But true obsession goes beyond admiration and loyalty, and it does have a sort of chemical dependency that is wrapped up in it. So what's actually happening here is when someone lacks a stable sense of emotional regulation, right. That self regulation, the brain learns to stabilize through external proximity to people, predictable access to people, or some sort of symbolic attachment to two people. I know that last week we talked about cult dynamics. Cult dynamics naturally draw people in that seek out this obsessive regulatory loop because they are easy targets because everything we just described technically are things that they do somewhat on purpose. So each interaction, each message, each moment of perceived closeness with whatever that target is, is going to produce a dopamine response. And this temporarily quiets the anxiety. It quiets the messages that I'm not enough or I have to perform better or I won't ever be loved. So the brain actually learns this person, or interacting with this person's words or their identity or their community reduces my personal distress. The thing is, this is not actually rooted in commitment and loyalty. The truth is, when people are oriented toward commitment and loyalty, they're very unlikely actually to experience obsession, validation seeking, etc. So this is something that we look at on brain pattern mapping, for example. So if you've ever done brain pattern mapping, when you get to certain scores in the timeline behaviors, this is going to help us see how loyal you are, how committed you are, what your commitment looks like at different stages. Example, are you slow to commit initially, but once you do eventually commit, then you're completely fixated, locked in and tunnel vision. Do you go fixated, locked in and tunnel vision right away and then eventually overwhelm your system and have to pull out of things, thus looking like you have push, pull, commitment. These are all examples. So when we see somebody who is prone toward obsession, they have two markers that are off the charts. It is not challenging to see. And I will tell you this right now, and we've talked about this on previous episodes, this sort of, this sort of duality between those who are more obsessive and fixated and those who are naturally more self regulated, distracted and detached, they tend to attract each other like moths to a flame. Right? Because the person who's naturally more oriented toward self regulation and possibly detachment, they're a great target for this person to want to chase. Because whenever that type of person does give their full attention to somebody or something, they're usually very present with that thing. But they can't be that level of present all the time. So imagine it like the sun. When the sun is on that person, it's like, oh, the sun feels so good, it's so warm, there's so much light. But eventually that sun's going to go into something else. Maybe it's a work project or now it's their kids. And to the person that is seeking out a dependency or this dopamine regulation loop out of that sun, as soon as the sun shifts away, even if the sun shifting away is not harmful, it's not intentional. Literally just like a natural Process of life. Life. Because we can't be everywhere at all times, it can start to cause this level of distress that we're talking about. So that is a sure, sure fire sign that if you are that type of person I just described, and people tend to get really easily agitated and in their heads and take things personally. When you are just kind of reorienting and having to live your life just because that sun went away, it literally is that they are feeling the pullback of your sun or your warmth or your energy or attention, and they're see it as a potential threat. So instead of being able to see it rationally, like this person needs to give this son to multiple people, they're immediately perceiving it as a threat. And what I want to drive home here is that with obsession, not only is this part of this dopamine response system, but there's also implicit expectations that typically only one party is aware of. Okay, so in most cases, and I know for a fact we talked about this in the Power Projection and Collapse of Personal Responsibility episode, there's typically one person that's coming up with. And maybe, you know, to be honest with you, when somebody is experiencing both projection and obsession, they're operating in such a deep level of self deception and arguably some either personality disorder or personality disorder, tangential experience, that they can't see these things consciously or objectively. So they're not necessarily aware that they're holding this person in their mind to like, X, Y, Z expectations. But they've not communicated those things. And I know that I've said this in a previous episode, if that were the case, and they brought those lists of expectations to the other person and been like, these are my expectations of you. The other person, every time would push back their list and be like, no, thank you. Not only do I not want that, and I'm not agreeing to that, but I'm not capable of that. That is not who I am. That's not how I live my life. Thus, the ultimate setup from the outset, which is something that I hope, as you've been listening to these sort of building block episodes, you're starting to the sense that this was a setup from the outset. And it's a setup specifically to mimic early childhood patterns. And with that in mind, let's look at some of the developmental origins of where this sort of obsessive projective wiring starts. Because it always starts in childhood, literally every time. So one of the things that can happen is there is a. In a childhood format, there's often a difficulty Sharing belongings. When a child shows intense distress around sharing objects, the issue isn't often selfishness. Of course it looks like that from the outside if you're looking at as a parent. But this has everything to do with object based regulation. The child's nervous system is actually using that object to stabilize their emotional state, to maintain their sense of control and to preserve their safety. So example, and this happens all the time when I work with families in break method. When you have multiple siblings, right. There are certain siblings that are appear to be adaptable, go with the flow. You can like beat them up, slap them in the face, take their stuff and they're just kind of like whatever, I just want to keep the peace. And then you tend to have the other which covets their belongings, potentially doesn't want to share. Is very specific or particular about siblings going into their room or touching their things. That has everything to do with what we're talking about right here. A part of their brain that is using the control of their belongings and also how they're allowing others proximity to their belongings to regulate their own nervous system. So can it come off as self centered? Of course. But it's really something that is rooted far more than that. It makes them feel like they cannot be safe if they don't understand how to control the proximity to that object. So example, this is why in little kids, and obviously this is somewhat developmentally normal in toddlers, for example, if you're where let's say a toy is on the side of the room and you're not playing with it, but suddenly your sibling wants to touch said toy, you're like, well, I want that. It's like, well, you didn't want it two seconds ago. You just want it because they wanted it. Right? So what they're trying to do is they're trying to control their proximity. Because if you take it, even though I don't want it right now, if you take it, I don't know technically how I'm gonna get it back. So it's like they're already jumping to this future of not necessarily being able to get that object back. Make sense? Great. So neurologically the object itself becomes linked to calming the amygdala in adulthood. This pattern, of course, does not disappear. I think I've emphasized this on multiple decoded episodes. Patterns don't disappear. They get deeper and they find sneakier ways to justify themselves in other aspects of your life. So this object that we talked about, maybe it was the stuffed animal, maybe it was the blankie, maybe it was a specific toy. In adulthood, this object is going to likely translate, transfer into a person a role, access or proximity. And loss of access is going to trigger the same threat response as a toddler or child who doesn't want you to go into the room, doesn't want you to touch their stuff. That's mine. It's mine right in your head, like that's mine. You can't touch that. That's mine. You can't take it away from me. That's mine. And it again, it is not coming necessarily from self centeredness, Although there certainly are people that fall into this cluster that are also self centered. But this is much more about regulation and safety at the nervous system level. There's also a prolonged attachment to comfort objects. So we kind of talked before about the more coveting that's mine, not wanting people to touch their objects or to keep them in a certain way and not allow others to share with them. But there's also a childhood pattern of prolonged attachment to these comfort object. These are transitional objects that can be developmentally normal, like I said in some toddler years. But there are people, and I'm sure some of you are listening and this is not coming from a place of judgment, it just is, it's just data. Those of you who maintained the attachment to these objects like through teen years or, you know, maybe some of you even still have your blankie and still have your stuffed animal. I'm talking to you, babe. These are signs that this part of your brain is active. Typically the people on the opposite side of this conversation that are more detached or again can also be disorganized. If you're looking at it from attachment styles perspective, these people tend not to be attached to anything, right? So they were the ones that like, sure, take that. I don't care. More just detached and not caring about their physical objects. And they tend to be the ones that in this dynamic or hierarchy, they tend to chase, right? They're really not available because they're really never going to give this person what they're seeking. So what happens is that whether the brain, if the brain doesn't fully transition out of this process, let's say in the six to eight year old range, the brain actually will never overcome this until you really take a cold, hard look at it as an adult because it does have a soothing effect. And the parasympathetic nervous system in turn will start to rely on these outside anchors to calm down itself. So example, because I know we didn't mention this, we talked about people. But this can certainly also transfer onto food. I know we've done a previous episode on emotional eating. This can transfer onto Ben and Jerry's. This can transfer onto a comfort food or a binge eating disorder as well. We can do a next episode on that because it's definitely its own whole episode. I want to pause for a second because this episode matters to me on so many levels personally. As you know, if you've been following along with my podcast, I did not get into the peptide space for human optimization. I got into them because my body was completely broken down. I was having autoimmune flares, hormonal weight gain that was not responding to any of my strong willpower or time spent in the gym. The only thing that actually made a change was adding peptides to my daily routine. When I did that, I started to understand bioavailability, dosing, stacking, and that is everything. We are covering in today's episode with one of the leading experts, experts in the peptide space. As you know, I am partnered with LEMD so that you don't have to guess where your products are coming from, whether they're black market from China. You can find all of my recommended stacks at LEMD forward slash busygold. And LEMD is E L L I-E M D.com forward slash busygold. And I go deeper into all of my protocols and offer support on my telegram group, which is also going to be linked in the show. Notes, notes. Now back to the show and what ends up happening eventually here is the nervous system learns I am okay because of you. So at that point in the brain when it makes that leap, it's no longer seeing it as regulation around safety. It's putting it into more relationship terms, which is natural as you get older, when hormones are in the mix. So it becomes I am okay because of you, or because I have access to you or this thing. Another thing that's worth looking at in terms of childhood patterns is the role that jealousy plays in the underpinnings of this mechanism. Chronic childhood jealousy reflects a nervous system that is calibrated for relational threat detection, which is the majority of what we're talking about here. Relational threat detection is one of the key components of this. The brain becomes hyper attuned to who has access, who's closer, who might reply, place, this is a true story. And love, love these women. But this is, this is a good example. And if any of you have ever had, you know, a best friend and then maybe there's now distance in between and then Your old best friend, or really like your current, but like, you know, older best friend in terms of the timeline, knows that you have kind of a new best friend and you're trying to introduce them to each other. And this doesn't, by the way, what I'm about to say doesn't mean that this is always the case, but this is just a good real life example. Sometimes those meetings don't go well because it's like, oh, you're the new me. Like, are you trying to replace me? And I literally had a retreat once where I had my previous best friend who was still my best friend at the time. Like, that hadn't changed. It was just somebody that had known me longer than the other person is a better way to say it. And they knew that they were coming into a situation in which they were meeting kind of the. The person who was really playing that role in my life, in the new location in which I lived. And I'll never forget when they met at the door, walking into this retreat, there was this moment where I was like, oh, shit, are they gonna fight what's happening right now? And that is that relational threat detection. Like, who's closer? Are you gonna replace me? And, you know, this kind of brings into the song no New Friends. I think it was the DJ Khaled. And I remember at that time of my life, I. I've arguably had much more toxic friends than I do now. Not saying that these two women were toxic, but just surrounding me at that time. There were more toxic people around me at that time in my life. And they would jokingly be like, no new friends. We don't accept new friends into our group. And I was kind of the new friend in the group and they were kind of taking the position like, you're the only new friend, but no new friends. So that kind of shows this sort of jealousy, competition, cattiness idea that, that they're basically underlying is some sort of scarcity. Like, we can't both have proximity to this person at the same time. So when we're thinking about those of you who have this more inclination toward jealousy, let's just call it what it is. This also wires the Salience Network to prioritize proximity over autonomy. So this will, instead of being independent and feeling good on your own, your Salience Network will actually prompt you to try to keep proximity as much as possible. That will feel safer, it will make you feel more worthy, it will make you feel more stable. So what ends up happening as a byproduct is you start to fixate on attention or ways to get attention. And there is a major sensitivity to perceived exclusion. And there's also emotional volatility around any sort of boundaries. Most of you, I'm sure, can think about a time that you were left out of a sleepover. This is another true story. This one's hilarious. So when I was in. This also tells you a lot about my mom. Okay, so when I was in preschool, pretty sure I was in preschool. I still remember the kids names. This new girl came into my school and I had had kind of like my little. My little group of friends before this girl came. And I think I was probably like the alpha of the group at the time. And I wasn't thinking in these terms, but I think that's basically how it would have been. And this girl moves to town and very clearly tries to take over my group of friends, but tries to do it in a way that very much seemed prompted by her mom. And lo and behold, it turns out they have this tea party and they don't invite me. And for whatever reason, I'm completely blind to this, right? I'm like, like four, but I. This is burned in my memory forever because my mom lost her ever loving mind somehow. She had found out about it. And my mom put me in the car. Was so embarrassing. And she drove over to the girl's house and basically got in the mom's face and was like, you think that you can just move here and push my daughter out? Like, I don't think so. Like, no one does this to my daughter. And I was sitting there like, this is so embarrassing. I don't even want to be here. I don't even care about this birthday party. But it was burned in my mind forever because example, like, to me, I didn't care. I wouldn't have known even if I went to school and I heard the girls talk about this birthday party that I wasn't invited to. I was the type of kid that literally couldn't have cared less. Probably would have been like, oh, it wasn't fun. Just move on with my life. But my mom is one of these type of people, so for her, it like hit this personal wound. Like, you're gonna leave my daughter out. I see what you're doing here. You're trying to, like, you're trying to triangulate and keep my daughter's friends away from her. You're trying to replace the. So this is just an example of how this can transfer into adulthood and then even be played out with your children, which you know, bless it. It was quite the childhood, my friends. But I think this is important to note because sometimes, let's say you. You are. As we're unfolding this episode, you're like, oh, I'm kind of like this. I see this. It is important to take a look at how this plays out with your children, because typically people like this children tend to be extensions of you. So, example, with my mom, obviously this was an extension of me, and she took it personally when I didn't know, probably didn't need to know at all. So for something like this, we just want to make sure that we are very aware of how that emotional volatility to boundaries can happen. Right. Let's say, you know, well, this, you know, this birthday party, we only had room for two people, and we just didn't have room for busy. Okay? Like, that could have been true. That could have been a boundary that was respected. But my mom did not respect the boundary, and she drove us over there and practically started a fight. The sensitivity to perceived exclusion also gets hit in the story that I shared. And then the fixation on attention, maybe not so much, but these other two are obviously very real, tangible examples of activating these other two. But this could happen through something much more under the radar, like subtle looks. Looks it feeling like people are getting. You're looking at the signals that it looks like they're getting closer. And like, are they closer than I'm closer with this person, et cetera. Another thing that we want to look out for is anxious attachment and emotional fusion. And this is what forms when caregivers, especially in early childhood years, are inconsistent with their regulation. So the child learns that safety is unpredictable and that proximity to that person, like, the closer I am, the better, the better chances I have of this going well. And that separation from this person equals threat. And from a neurobiological standpoint, this means that the amygdala is overactive. The prefrontal cortex is recruited to monitor others instead of self. Right? So it's dropping out, no metacognition available, and internal regulation never fully stabilizes. So authority figures become stand ins for early regulation. So another thing that we talked about in previous episodes was how this tends to cause people like this to look to hierarchy, to essentially transpose a parental figure onto a boss or a manager or a mentor, et cetera. From the adult perspective of this wiring, as we know, this persists, and then it often gets sneakier. But this can turn into idealization of leaders, mentors, or systems over investment in proximity. So, like, going way too hard. Example. I mean, this is. I think this term has negative connotation, but it's just the word, right? So you've heard probably the term pick me vibes. This is really easy to spot for somebody who isn't like this. And it, unfortunately, it's a repellent when I'm in a group and I'm, you know, trying to either, like, make selections or pick people that, you know based on a variety of criteria. For example, in Booty, based on a variety of criteria are. Are, I believe, ready to become master trainers based on their leadership qualities, how kind they are to other people, how emotionally regulated they are, how good their practice is from a physical perspective. Those are things that I'm looking to. But one of the things that I have seen often is that if that person has this, like, pick me, like, I would do anything to be here sometimes, that sometimes I'm being nice here, that almost always gives off the signal that this person is. Is unstable and will eventually be weaponized against you. So I actually find that sort of pick me intensity as repellent, especially now as I get older. If I look at virtually everyone that's caused a major problem in my life, they always started off like that. Literally had some person tell me, but, like, you're my Barbie. And I'm like, I'm not a Barbie. I'm literally almost a boy looking like a girl. Oh, nothing about me gives Barbie vibes. So, you know, that's on me. I excused and moved on from that one and, you know, got bit in the butt later on. But those that sort of pick me intensity should be a red flag to you if you are a leader. Because that intensity doesn't go well. That usually turns into all the things that we're discussing right now. And that's different than confidence and commitment to whatever that person's trying out for, whatever they're auditioning for or applying for. Right. So those are things that I now, especially now, know to be red flags in that sort of dynamic. There's also a difficulty tolerating limits. And if you think about as children, they may always push or find a gray area or find a workaround if this isn't properly parented. The kid that found a way to get away with this continues to try to get away with this even when it's completely ridiculous. Like, the amount of former employees that I've had with that sort of mechanism at play that clearly just wasn't corrected in childhood is incredible. The limits that are pushed regarding you Know, invoicing, feeling entitled. It really does not go away. And it can get you into serious trouble when you become an adult if it's not. Not handled through some sort of work, whether it's break method or something else. So that comes from that difficulty tolerating limits. Because your brain just learns. I'm able to push, push, push nervous system destabilization whenever the access changes. Right. That's another key. So this relationship is no longer something that is purely, you know, love or connection or communication. It's something that is deeply rooted in neurological regulation. And when that regulation gets it all disrupted, the brain starts to demand an explanation. And obviously, this is where we kind of come back to last week's uncomfortable AF episode on cult experiences. Because let's say a person like this is fired or is asked to move on. Honestly, you guys, I've seen a couple, like, let's say I were to pick like a random sampling throughout my life. I've seen a couple of people like, like quasi kind of leave on their own. But almost in all cases that I can think of, all these upheavals start from people actually getting fired, like, so from very real boundaries. And the interesting thing that I know we talked about on last week's episode is those interactions are often about, at least on behalf of, like, me or the company, et cetera. They're like, about as amicable as. As you can possibly make it. And obviously this sort of thing is. It's never an enjoyable experience because you're having to lean on real things that happen. Like, no one ever gets fired for no reason. I mean, I'm sure that can happen in, like, in the world in general. But in general, in most organizations, if you are being let go, there is a reason behind it, and it's usually a very justified reason that has a lot of data and evidence that supports it. So if we look at something like this, what often happens is that even if the exit itself is like, amicable and, you know, you try to make sure, like, hey, you know, like, I appreciate your heart, I appreciate your effort like this. This isn't a good fit. When we're dealing with a person like this, it doesn't matter how amicable you try to make it or how soft you try to make it. As soon as their nervous system experiences what it's like to be separate of the thing that had been regulating them, them, it's pretty much a guarantee that this is going to happen, right? Either to call it a cult or to leave in some sort of really Explosive, dramatic way that was completely. Number one, not necessary. But number two is used to kind of demonize the thing in which they're leaving so that it's not because of them. There's no self accountability, there's no ownership, there's no like, well, I did this. I see where they're coming from. Like, I wish I didn't come to. That's not possible. Because remember, prefrontal cortex not available to this person. Projection, obsession, loop, right? All the things we just. Those are all the things that are preventing this person from being able to see beyond their own emotions. And again, I have empathy for it. It sucks to be on the other side of it, but I do have empathy for it because it would suck more for them, frankly. So thinking about how a cult experience can actually be internally generated, that's exactly what we're talking about in this episode. So a real cult, as we talked about last time, requires design, dependency, exit, punishment, right where the, the organization is punishing and authority, enforcement, right? All these things, right? Removing you from your friend groups, telling you that your other friend groups are bad, et cetera. Right. So kind of isolating you, much like what can happen in abusive relationships. But projection based obsession that we're talking about right now can create a felt experience of control without any of the control mechanisms being present. Present. The brain actually assigns authority without consent. It builds identity around proximity, and it uses the relationship itself to regulate the internal emotional state. And when boundaries start to appear, the nervous system experiences dopamine withdrawal, amygdala activation. Loss of regulation. And that state to the person is intolerable. So the brain rewrites the entire story. What was once chosen proximity becomes coercion. And what was once internal reliance becomes externalized blame. And this comes down to a misattribution of power. The reframe that most people resist is that not all power is actually taken. Some power is neurologically outsourced. And that is certainly the case in these situations. And when that regulation is externalized, the brain experiences a loss of access as harm. So calling someone a cult leader might be a way for them to explain away their dysregulation. To preserve their self image, to avoid having to take any sort of ownership or self accountability, even to avoid grief or responsibility of the fact that they themselves struggle with self regulation. The accusation itself starts to stabilize their nervous system. And unfortunately, I know we covered in this in the last episode, the way that they do it ironically often creates a real cult environment where they're actually actively recruiting other people into Their distorted narrative, their sly, their, their lies, their slander, their defamation, right? They're pulling everybody into that because they're trying to build up their identity. Like if I'm not alone and these people believe me, like, then I'm safe because now they're rebuilding that same sort of cold framework. So how to tell control from projection? I want you to ask, did this environment strengthen my prefrontal cortex? Was autonomy reinforced or bypassed? Was dependency designed or did I actually assume this dependency was leaving punished or did I leave and actually did the punishing? Because in these cases, typically the person leaving or was fired, they're the ones that actually do the punishment. The organization didn't do the punishment. Control systems actually suppress regulation and projection systems outsource it. And these are not the same. We have to remember that boundaries themselves are neutral. But a nervous system that is wired for external regulation triggers boundaries. Right? So amygdala threat responses are going to come from boundaries. Attachment, panic, dopamine, withdrawal, right? We know that they're in that loop. And the brain reframes that boundary as rejection, harm, betrayal. But that does not mean the boundary itself was harmful. It simply means that it triggered this person's nervous system. Not every intense experience is actually manipulation. Not every strong reaction is harmful. Not every structured environment with an SOP is a cult. Sometimes the work isn't actually in taking down a system. Sometimes it's learning how to rebuild your nervous system so that you no longer interact with other systems in a way that actually creates the very cold environment in which you speak. Agency returns when regulation returns. And for that reason, next week we're going to be focusing specific on nervous system regulation and how to tell what's actually rooted in science versus what is just. Will. I'll see you next week. Your brain isn't broken, it's running. An old code break method is a system that maps your neurological patterns, decodes your emotional distortions, and rewires your behavior fast. No talk therapy spiral, no getting stuck in your feelings, Just logic based rewiring. In 20 weeks or less, head to BreakMethod.com and see what your brain is really up to.