Podcast Summary: Deepen with Pastor Joby Martin

Episode: The Call of a Godly Husband (S24E5)
Date: November 17, 2025
Theme: A Christ-centered exploration of what it means to be a godly husband—relevant for married men, singles, and women alike—unpacking Ephesians 5, real-life struggles, and practical wisdom for Christian marriage.

Episode Overview

In this heartfelt and humorous conversation, Pastor Joby Martin and special guests embark on a deep and practical discussion about the biblical call of a godly husband, seen through the lens of Ephesians 5. They address why this message is crucial for everyone (not just husbands) and examine the challenges, failures, and joys inherent in striving to love one’s wife as Christ loves the church. The episode blends scriptural teaching, transparent personal stories, pastor-to-pastor wisdom, and actionable advice for men at every stage of life and relationships.

1. Why This Matters for Everyone

[00:27-04:25]

• Godly husbands as a linchpin of society: Pastor Joby emphasizes the foundational role of husbands in God’s creation. Regardless of one’s marital status, understanding this blueprint either shapes what to seek in a spouse, how to raise sons/daughters, or how to encourage husbands around us.
  • “The Bible is applicable to us all, regardless of who we're talking about or talking to. So anytime you open the word of God, it's going to be helpful to you, regardless of the subject that you're reading.” — D [01:44]
• For singles:
  • Ladies: “With the exception of your relationship with Jesus, [who you marry] is the single most important decision.” — C [02:09]
  • Men: “You’re not gonna just snap your fingers the moment you say, ‘I do’ and become Ephesians 5. It’s probably a good idea to start working on it before you say, ‘I do.’” — E [03:25]

2. Nobody’s Crushing It—Real Talk About Husbands’ Struggles

[04:29-12:18]

• All husbands fall short: The pastors candidly discuss their failures to meet the biblical standard, underscoring the ongoing need for God’s grace.
  • “Probably my number one failure consistently is not living up to the biblical standard of what Christ has called me to.” — D [04:43]
  • “You play like you practice. ... If you're nothing but a consumer in your dating life, do you think God's gonna be like, 'You're perfectly ready for me to let you have one of my girls?'” — D [03:53]
• Love is an Action, Not a Feeling:
  • “That word, love, is an action. It is not a feeling.” — C [09:25]
  • “A lot of us ... will assess ourselves as crushing it because of what we feel inside; but we’re not actually doing the things.” — D [09:00]
• Humorous truths & early marriage anecdotes: The pastors share stories of marital cluelessness, like prioritizing hobbies (deer season) over spouses, highlighting that self-awareness and growth require time and correction.

3. What Does a Godly Husband Actually Do?

Biblical Foundations & Everyday Realities
[12:18-19:59]

a. Sacrificial Leadership

• Christ’s Example: Husbands are called to love “as Christ loved the church.”
  • “One of the primary ways that Christ loved the church was He loved the church first. ... Jesus didn’t sit back in heaven when we dropped the ball and sinned and failed. … He pursued us. He came to us.” — C [22:58]
• Chief Repenter:
  • “A husband is the chief repenter ... If we don’t lead in repentance, how do our kids know what it looks like?” — E [20:00]

b. Pursuing Her Heart

• Becoming a student of your wife:
  • “Your job is to become a student of her ... and love her the way she needs it—sometimes with not-great clues or misinformation coming at you.” — D [16:23]
• Pay attention to her needs: The panel stresses learning your wife’s “love language” and wiring (words of affirmation, acts of service, etc.), rather than loving her as you’d prefer to be loved.

c. Initiating Reconciliation

• Men must “lose every argument”:
  • “As the Christ figure, you’ve got to wade into that and go, man, I’m gonna take it on the chin, even though I might not be wrong here. ... Get rid of your pride—Jesus did.” — C [34:55]
  • “If you’re married and you get in an argument, you can be right or you can be married.” — D [28:21]

4. Practical Wisdom: Loving Your Wife Like Christ Loved the Church

[35:32-54:31]

a. Spiritual Leadership & Prayer

• Pray aloud over your wife daily:
  • “Husbands, step one: pray out loud over your wife every day. ... When y’all open your eyes, she’s gonna be crying and you’re gonna be like, ‘Oh, God, what did I do wrong?’ You didn’t do anything wrong. You’re killing it, Hercules.” — D [39:37]
  • “There are very few things I experience the attack of the enemy in a greater degree than when it comes to praying with my wife.” — C [41:07]

b. Acts of Service & Love Languages

• Serve in her language:
  • “Husbands, find the way that your wife receives love and you love her that way.” — C [43:30]
  • “She really appreciates it when I do the little things like laundry is a thing. ... It took me a while to figure out.” — E [43:52]
• Negotiating for love, not leverage: Non-manipulative negotiation about needs and preferences fosters intimacy and mutual understanding.
  • “Negotiations are very, very central tasks of happily married people. And you’re not trying to negotiate so you get what you want; you’re trying to negotiate so that you can love your spouse well.” — D [45:05]

c. Continual Learning & Observation

• Be a lifelong student of your wife: Notice patterns, anticipate her needs, and ask, “What could I do that would make you feel loved?”—then actually act on the answer.
  • “If you don’t know what your wife’s love language is … ask her … and let her talk.” — C [53:19]

5. Why Is This Core to Biblical Manhood?

[54:31-58:26]

• Spiritual vitality linked to marriage:
  • “Peter says if you don’t love your wife right, God’s not answering your prayers.” — D [54:31]
• Marriage as a gospel display:
  • “Your marriage … the primary purpose of our marriages is to display Christ’s love for the church and man. That ought to mean something to us.” — C [55:55]
• A bride’s daily act of trust: (Most memorable quote)
  • “Every day when she wakes up, she is saying, ‘I'm trusting all of me to all of you.’ … If I can stay in the place where my heart sees that … It's not a competition, it's not, what am I getting out of this? It's like, oh, my goodness. Really? ... All I want to do is love you back.” — E [57:46]

6. Memorable Quotes & Notable Moments

• “God tells Adam ... you’ve gotta listen to her heart. ... Sometimes, even when she says everything’s fine, you need to care for her heart and really make sure everything’s okay.” — D [16:23]
• “At my root, Charles is just selfish. I don't want to be. But Romans 7, oh, wretched man that I am...” — E [21:05]
• “If you're nothing but a consumer in your dating life, do you think God’s gonna be like, 'Oh, yeah, you’re perfectly ready for me to let you have one of my girls?' There’s no chance, man.” — D [03:38]
• “Don't let the sun go down on your anger ... If we don’t lead in repentance, how do our kids know what it looks like?” — E [19:59]
• “Negotiations are a very central task of happily married people ... Not a hostage negotiation—but ‘Here's some things that are meaningful, you do with them what you want. But generally, when people love each other, they want to serve one another.’” — D [45:05]

7. Timestamps for Key Segments

• [00:27] - Why this episode applies to everyone, not just husbands
• [03:38] - The myth of instant marital transformation and the need to “practice”
• [04:43] - Pastoral vulnerability: “Nobody’s crushing it”
• [09:25] - Love as action, not just intention/affection
• [13:23] - Early marriage realities: When husbands think they’re doing great, but aren’t
• [20:00] - The critical spiritual discipline of repentance in marriage and family
• [22:58] - Christ’s pursuing love: the model for husbands
• [28:21] - “You can be right or you can be married” – choosing reconciliation over pride
• [35:51] - Concrete ways husbands can lead and love like Christ
• [39:37] - “Step one: pray out loud over your wife every day” – spiritual leadership
• [45:05] - Negotiation as servant-hearted communication in marriage
• [53:19] - The power of asking your wife sincere questions
• [54:31] - Why marriage is central to biblical manhood and Christian witness

8. Closing Thoughts

This episode paints marriage as an ongoing, grace-fueled journey where husbands are called to Christ-like sacrifice, not just for personal fulfillment but as a witness to the gospel. The pastors urge men to step into repentance, study their wives, serve sacrificially, and make prayer their battleground for love. The rich, vulnerable stories and biblical wisdom woven through the episode offer hope and practical next steps for every listener—married, single, male, or female.

For Husbands

• Pursue your wife’s heart.
• Sacrifice and lead spiritually.
• Be chief in repentance.
• Do the small, practical things.
• Pray over her every day.

For everyone:

• Let God’s transforming love flow through your relationships, making your home an outpost of the gospel to the world.

“Can you imagine? I want people who don’t know the Lord to see Wes and I's marriage and say, ‘Wait, that's a taste of what it’s like to be in a relationship with Jesus.’” — B [58:26]