Welcome To The Jungle

Yesterday marked a first for the project: someone on Day 63 of cessation engaged with the YouTube content, this is the first instance of someone using the map. At day 63 they are bang in the middle of the “eight-week wall” - arguably the toughest point of the entire journey so I am delighted they found us. I replied with some encouragement, pointing them toward the relevant data and confirming that while my hardest days were the 60-80 stretch, the intensity does taper off.

I still have tough days but between 60-80 days it was relentless, now it’s just the odd day here and there. That was something that only struck me when I replied to them so it looks like every user of the map is in a position to help the others. It could be a very nice little community of support in the future. Lets hope that is the case, support was definitely something I had envisaged when I started this although I didn’t actually see the community aspect so that’s a pleasant and unexpected surprise.

Fashion

In the afternoon, I forced myself to go clothes shopping - an activity I have always loathed. The minute I walk into a store, I’m hit with a cold sweat. It’s total sensory overwhelm. Between the choices, colours, fabrics, and styles, I lose focus instantly.

I’ve often wondered if this is a neurodivergent trait rather than a chemical one. Without the “chemical buffer” to dampen my sensory intake, the environment feels amplified. I struggle with “sensory gating” - the brain’s ability to filter out background stimuli - and a retail store is the ultimate test of that system.

The Uniform of the Sovereign

I have already documented the boredom factor from quitting alcohol and cannabis so I feel I achieved a couple of things at the end of the day. I killed a few hours and I slightly enhanced my “wardrobe.” I use that term loosely; it’s really just a few drawers and a hanger or two.

When I find something I like, I wear it until it falls apart. I have one “current” pair of jeans and one “emergency” pair (the old ones I haven’t tossed yet). T-shirts and socks are easy to order online, so that’s fine. As for boxer shorts, I prefer briefs - the kind that keep everything “snug and secure” rather than the loose, free-range variety. I hate when my bits are flipping and flopping about when they’re not supposed to be.

I own several hoodies because, during the last shopping excursion, I used a “tactical entry” strategy: I knew my size, I ignored the displays, grabbed three different colours, circled back round and headed straight for the tills. No browsing, no messing about. I have a couple of suits for the “big” occasions, and that’s the limit of my interest. It’s a recurring life problem - the sheer decision fatigue involved in “what to wear”, I’m absolutely hopeless at it.

Anyway enough waffle for today, repair is ongoing, the frequencies are still oscillating, the AI scaffold holds and my uniform is secured.

Get full access to DeepSeek and Me at deepseekandme.substack.com/subscribe

Neurodivergence And Sensory Gating: Cannabis Withdrawal Day (Daily Dispatch 109)