Ramble On

After the excitement of the last couple of days revelations it looks like we are back to waffle today. I really can’t think of anything noteworthy to write about so I’ve just started typing in the hope something comes in to my head worth mentioning.

I know it’s only day 104 of 183 but it really feels like I’m on the down slope now. As I have mentioned already these dispatches will the drop down to weekly at the six month mark. I’m struggling now to come up with things daily but I’m loathed to change the plans so I’ll soldier on. Six months was the daily guide for future cessationists so six months it is.

I’ve no idea what might reveal itself between now and then and it would just look odd with days missing here and there. As I’ve said before, some days waffle some days milestones.

All The Worlds A Stage

Having discovered that I seem to be able to stop the PFC from locking up I suppose the next step is testing the theory on a comedy stage. I passed the “returning to the music stage” with flying colours but there was no real pressure there. Although I still had to remember the chord structures to the songs which I managed no problem, but standing on a stage, just me, a mic and a room full of faces staring at me is a whole different and quite frankly terrifying prospect.

I mean I’ve literally done it 100 times before but this is different, what happens if I fall flat on my face? Do I risk it now or leave it until the “full” repair has been complete? If I go too early will I put myself off for life? Who knows. The synaptic pruning will continue for another 6 months minimum but the substance withdrawal and rebuild phase should be pretty much done. I’ve seen a couple of local comedians looking for acts in May and July and I know I would get a spot if I wanted one, hmm decisions, decisions.

There doesn’t seem be any improvement in my procrastination though that’s for sure. If I can put it off I will without hesitation. Now that the financial year has come to an end I need to sit down and do the books for the year but I will keep putting it off until I have no choice but to get it done. Weird thing is I’m okay when I get going. I was hoping I might have seen slight improvement but maybe that’s just me.

Hello Me, Meet The Real Me

I’ve no real idea who me is if I’m honest, so anything that lingers after the repair will just be me I suppose. It’s been 35 years since I last saw me and given I was only 22 was that even the real me. I am s**t in the mornings that much I know, anything else is just a guess, I can’t think of one other thing I know for a fact about me.

My whole adult life has been shaped by cannabis and alcohol, okay maybe a few other things along the way but nothing regular.

MDMA/Ecstasy: My favourite of all time, especially when sex is involved. (IYKYK)Speed: Loved it on a night out or a wedding, anywhere when drinking copious amounts of alcohol was required.Acid: Okay but if you hit a bad trip it’s very difficult to pull out of a tail spin.Mushrooms/Truffles: Like acid but more spiritual and pulling out of a tail spin possible.Cocaine: Disgusting drug with no redeemable features, tried it no more than a few times. Expensive and the buzz lasts twenty minutes.

Here’s a funny thing, having moved in the very circles where all those drugs where available, not once was I ever offered heroin, I’ve never even seen it, how odd that is. I would never have taken it anyway for one simple reason - I would have loved it.

Okay, I really am starting to waffle now but I did manage to bash something out in the end.

#cannabiswithdrawal #PAWS #neuroplasticity #cognitiverepair #recoveryjourney

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