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Jared Carter
Hi friends, Travelers, Skylarkians. Welcome to Chapter 30. The wrong pause so listen now. Through July 6th I'm running a very special limited promotion. Join Club 86 and you'll get a custom sticker. It's eight bit style, it's glittery, it shows the station and it says all my friends are either dead or demigods. It's 2 by 2.5 inches.
Michael Freiberg
It's going to come with a handwritten
Jared Carter
heartfelt letter of thanks from yours truly. That card is going to be space themed. The envelope is going to be sealed with a little planet sticker. Just head to patreon.com desertskies for a preview of that. If you're already a member, you have the option of purchasing the sticker directly through Patreon and all you gotta do is join or upgrade before July 6 and maintain membership for at least a month from the date of joining or upgrading. That's it. I'm not gonna tell you everything Club 86 has to offer this time because you already know, but I will mention that the first episode of the exclusive five part miniseries Meanwhile Back at the Station is available today and another exclusive series is launching July 2nd. I'll announce that later those exclusive series will be available at the Traveler tier and above. Just go to patreon.com desertskies or visit the link in the show Notes. Now I want to thank some of our new club 86 members who are Franzy Minimuff, John Dickisses, Blue Crow, Florida man R Brackham, Charlie Keshmore, Tiff and Ben Babs, Chelsea Martin Quibble Porter Stowers, Casey, Eric from Spain, Seaweed, Brained E. Danielle Parker, Kate Ragnar, Taylor Giroux, Ruben Eden Probster. Dr. Ava Maddox is our cat. Melissa Bravo, Kyle, Sweeney, Ravi, Jacob, Clark and Christy. If I didn't read your name this time, don't worry, it's because of when I recorded. That will be in the next episode.
Michael Freiberg
Thank you.
Jared Carter
You guys make the show happen. Last but not least, Desert Skies is on Instagram, Facebook, bluesky and Discord. Find links to our socials in the show.
Michael Freiberg
Notes.
Jared Carter
This episode was made by a human for humans and coyotes. For the best listening experience, headphones and human made art are recommended.
Doug
Look, mechanical Engineer Doug. It's not like Doug is saying that I can't appreciate the attractive designs and features of the eight track players I've owned.
Assistant Radio Shack Doug
I mean, Doug will never part ways
Doug
with his Panasonic dynamite 8 in detonator
Assistant Radio Shack Doug
red or his Panasonic Panasonic model CQ
Doug
880s which Doug could use to listen to Desert Skies FM when I was at home. It's just that Doug finds compact cassettes to be superior in this age of increasing music catalog availability. This is all very interesting, Assistant Radio Shack Doug. It's just that I believe the question asked was if you'd remembered to bring along your tension meter. Radio Tower Doug says we need it this time. Of course, Assistant Radio Shack Doug brought his digital tension meter.
Assistant Radio Shack Doug
That's the whole reason we had to go back to the truck.
Doug
Just making sure you can trust me.
Assistant Radio Shack Doug
Look, here it is. Just like I told you.
Doug
We carry all kinds of products at Radio Shack.
Assistant Radio Shack Doug
We're your one stop shop for all kinds of electrical needs.
Doug
If we don't have what you're looking
Assistant Radio Shack Doug
for, we might even be able to
Doug
order it for you. Which was the very case with this gorgeous digital tension meter.
Assistant Radio Shack Doug
Look at it.
Doug
Here, I'll hold it up so you
Assistant Radio Shack Doug
can see it in the moonlight. Hey, that's mine. What in the hell was that? Looks like a bear and a robot.
Doug
Was it Cash?
Assistant Radio Shack Doug
Doug hasn't seen her in ages.
Doug
It didn't sound like Cash. And as all Dougs know about her character and valor, stealing simply isn't something Doug would believe her capable of.
Assistant Radio Shack Doug
She's a hero.
Doug
We better get back to the site so we can report this.
Assistant Radio Shack Doug
That's it.
Doug
That's it.
Assistant Radio Shack Doug
Bring it in. Yep, just like that. Nice and easy. Watch your head. Construction worker dog number one. Head construction worker dog number three.
Doug
Construction worker dog number two wants to
Assistant Radio Shack Doug
know when break time is.
Doug
I'm getting a little peckish but we just ate. Well, well, well. It's about time you ducks got here.
Assistant Radio Shack Doug
Radio tower.
Doug
Dog, we gotta tell you something. Black Dog gas. You forgot the digital tension meter, didn't you? No sir, we remembered it. It's just that while we were walking back from the truck, we were robbed.
Assistant Radio Shack Doug
Robbed? Robbed sir? By a bear and a robot.
Doug
You guys are pulling ducks like you Dougs just forgot the digital tension meter again, sir. Mechanical engineer Doug wouldn't lie. It really happened. And has assistant Radio shack Doug ever lied to you? Yes, in fact you have.
Assistant Radio Shack Doug
You oversold Doug on the available coverage
Doug
of the cellular service you influenced me to purchase.
Assistant Radio Shack Doug
I was just reading for from the script. Hey, don't touch that. You're going to get somebody hurt. No, don't cut that wire. You're going to. Oh, this is not good. Dougs, are you okay? All here in the counted for, sir. It almost squished me. What happened? It was a bear sir. And a robot.
Doug
They took some cable cutters and snapped our support wires. Looks like you dogs were telling the truth. My apologies.
Assistant Radio Shack Doug
What do we do now?
Doug
We pursue.
Assistant Radio Shack Doug
Come on dogs. Follow that bear.
Corson
Any other secret you're holding onto bombs you plan to drop along the way?
Cash
Maybe.
Corson
Can you just do that now and save us all the trouble of waiting in worried anticipation?
Tendi
No.
Corson
Well then at least give us a
Jared Carter
break from any more surprises.
Cash
Okay Corson. No more surprises.
Robot M4
For they're gaming on us.
Tendi
What in the hell is that?
Assistant Radio Shack Doug
They went that way. Get them. Guys. These guys.
Doug
We got such tall.
Assistant Radio Shack Doug
All of us working together, we could do this.
Corson
That's it bitches. I'm going home.
Michael Freiberg
No you're not.
Mack
Like Nani said. What in the hell was that?
Tendi
A bear, a robot and a bunch of dogs.
Mack
Was that bear and robot laughing maniacally and mechanically?
Michael Freiberg
Well, let's start with this. That bear and that robot are obviously the ones that have been giving the Fishers a hard time. Cash, do you have any idea what a robot is doing on the forest Sphere?
Cash
I might have some idea.
Michael Freiberg
We'll come back to that. Does anybody know why there might be a bunch of Dugs on the forest sphere?
Corson
Hmm, yeah.
Mack
They are on vacation.
Michael Freiberg
So Mac has no clue. Cash, is there a secret Dug commune on the forest sphere? Perhaps, or.
Cash
This one's a complete mystery to me.
Tendi
Tendi, here comes one of the little guys. I wonder which one it is. Maybe like a Donut Doug?
Mack
Even if it was donut Doug, he wouldn't have his donut making supplies with him. And I seriously doubt he's carrying doughnuts around in his pocket.
Michael Freiberg
I mean, you carry donuts around in your pocket.
Mack
That's different. That's in case my blood sugar gets low.
Cash
You even know what blood sugar is?
Mack
Of course I do. The higher your blood sugar, the less sugar you crave.
Corson
Hello, bitch. Are you here to explain what we have?
Mack
Just.
Doug
Well, I thought I saw you guys.
Assistant Radio Shack Doug
I wasn't expecting to run into celebrities.
Doug
We got the attendance. Corson and assistant, Radio Shack.
Assistant Radio Shack Doug
Doug's absolute favorite superhero.
Tendi
Cash and me.
Assistant Radio Shack Doug
Oh, yeah, I think I remember you. Were you the one that came into Radio Shack and got donut powder all over our electronics?
Tendi
Ah, no.
Cash
It's good to see you, Assistant RadioShack.
Tendi
Doug.
Doug
It's good to see you, Cash. Rumor had it you were gone. Something about being a human in a coma and waking up on the physical plane. Obviously they were wrong.
Cash
It's a long story.
Mack
I mean, that's kinda like 95% of the story.
Cash
Doug, what's happening?
Doug
Your guess is as good as mine. Cash.
Michael Freiberg
Tell us what you know about the robot.
Cash
So, remember how I used the cache units to help rebuild the highway?
Doug
Doug remembers when you guys came through, it was quite the sight.
Cash
I could control them like an extension of my body. It made the work we did quick. The industrial sphere kept the asphalt coming, and I and my non sentient companions paved the astral plane in no time.
Mack
Because there's no time here.
Cash
Um, when we paved everything all the way through the 33rd sphere, I returned them to the industrial sphere.
Doug
The 32nd second sphere.
Cash
Right. Hephaestus, the sphere mover. He wanted the other cache units disassembled, some parts repurposed, the frames melted down. Now, I consider myself a fairly logical person. I shouldn't have had any problem with the industrial sphere repurposing those units. But it felt wrong. They had been a part of me. Co workers, companions. I couldn't stand the idea of them being torn apart. So I shared that with the Prime Mover. And he spoke with Hephaestus. And it was decided that they would do their best to reprogram those units for different purposes. Construction workers, delivery units. Non sentient autonomous cash units. They hadn't had a whole lot of luck creating autonomous cache units, but Hephaestus assigned their best engineers to the task.
Mack
And.
Cash
And it looks like maybe that resulted in some problems. At least one. Hopefully just one.
Mack
They made a prankster robot.
Cash
It's unlikely that they could make a prankster robot.
Mack
Then how do you explain those two?
Cash
They wouldn't make a Prankster robot. But they would make a robot that responds to commands. Without the right safeguards in place, anyone could get the robot to do what they want.
Mack
You're saying the robot isn't the problem? It's just a tool. So it's the bear.
Corson
So are we getting involved in this? I'm sure the dogs could figure this
Mack
out on their own.
Doug
I appreciate the vote of confidence, but we're tiny. And the chances of us catching those two are really tiny.
Michael Freiberg
Why are you guys out here anyways?
Assistant Radio Shack Doug
Unite the Spheres.
Tendi
What does that mean?
Doug
Unite the Spheres?
Assistant Radio Shack Doug
You haven't heard?
Mack
Can't say as we have.
Doug
It's an Astral initiative. Take Desert Skies fm, for example.
Assistant Radio Shack Doug
Do you guys have any idea how
Doug
popular that show is on the sphere of Doug?
Mack
I mean, I'm not surprised. It's pretty amazing.
Doug
It was pretty amazing. Have you tuned in since Greg took over?
Michael Freiberg
No, actually, we haven't.
Doug
Here, I have my portable radio. Listen.
Narrator
And that's how my friend Samantha got her bachelor's degree in communications. Even though she went back to school a little later in life. It just goes to show you, quitting is not the way. Of course, the day she graduated, she died. Hey, speaking of not quitting, did I ever tell you guys about the first time I got a northern bike? I'm sure I probably did. But a story worth telling is worth telling twice. As I remember it. I woke up probably around 6:42 in the morning. Or maybe it was 6:43. Anyways, I woke up, I put on my favorite. No, you know what? I think it was 6 4.
Assistant Radio Shack Doug
First off, why is he even on the radio?
Doug
What are you guys even doing out here?
Michael Freiberg
Let's talk about that after you tell
Jared Carter
us what you're doing.
Doug
We're putting up radio towers. Up to this point, the only stations available have just been music and other audio media housed in the library of the Sphere of Industry. It's fine. But here on the Astral Plane, we don't want to just hear stuff made on the physical plane. We want our own radio stations.
Assistant Radio Shack Doug
Astral Plane fm. Unite the Spheres.
Mack
Unite the Spheres.
Assistant Radio Shack Doug
It's an Astral Initiative.
Doug
We've been putting up these towers on every sphere. Now you'll be able to hear live music from the Long Pause or find out what new stories there are on the sphere of Doug or. Well, you'll see. The way we see it, we're so isolated in our spheres. What if we started working as a team? The afterlife's better when we're in it together. Don't you think?
Corson
I rather like this initiative. Whose idea was it?
Doug
Sphere Mover Dougs. He was so inspired by you guys.
Betty
You.
Doug
Well, you take chances. This is us dogs taking a chance.
Assistant Radio Shack Doug
This is the last Sphere.
Michael Freiberg
We're installing a tower on Astroplane fm. I like the sound of it.
Corson
Oh, it'll give us something to listen
Michael Freiberg
to in the car.
Corson
We must stop those troublemakers. Where do we start?
Michael Freiberg
I have a plan. Cache, you're the fastest and strongest person here. Catch that bear. And if you're able to disable that other cache unit until we can find out what's going on. When you find them, do you have a way to signal where you are?
Cash
Yes. I'll amplify a sound you can locate me with.
Michael Freiberg
Great. Mac, you and I can follow that sound. We'll need you to speak to the bear. Try to get him to stop. Nani, you and Corson head back to the Long Pause. Corson, talk to Jerry and see what he knows about this rogue bear.
Tendi
Okay, but what am I doing? I can't talk to Jerry.
Michael Freiberg
I would just feel better if we're in pairs. We've only been on this trip a little while and it already feels like everything is working to split us up.
Cash
I agree. The afterlife's better when we're in it together. Isn't that right, Doug?
Doug
Right you are, Cash. But you forgot about me. Who am I gonna buddy up with?
Michael Freiberg
I didn't forget about you, Cash.
Cash
Up we go.
Assistant Radio Shack Doug
Whoa. I get to ride on the Cash's shoulders. New core memory. This is amazing.
Doug
Are we gonna go fast?
Cash
So fast.
Assistant Radio Shack Doug
Alright.
Robot M4
Great.
Jared Carter
Let's do this.
Tendi
Can I ask you about something?
Mack
What is it?
Tendi
You seemed hopeful after you talked with that Arnie back at the Electric Desert that your powers were gonna come back.
Corson
I did feel hopeful. And I did feel my powers coming back. I think. But I haven't been able to feel it again since.
Tendi
Why do you think you felt it back there?
Corson
Well, he helped me to realize something that I had never considered.
Tendi
Which is?
Corson
That being unique doesn't have to mean being unique entirely alone. Oh, but being unique is something you can do with other people. He helped me to understand the importance of the work I do with games. I'm not the only one who does this work. As one person, my influence is limited. But together, we do make a difference.
Tendi
Powerful stuff.
Corson
Powerful, yes. But not enough.
Tendi
Powerful, but not enough.
Corson
Yes.
Tendi
So what do you think the answer is?
Corson
I have no idea.
Tendi
Well, I have a theory.
Corson
I'm listening.
Tendi
Maybe that was just the start of your journey back to being a stormy bitch.
Corson
How so?
Tendi
None of us are all one thing, right? I mean, I know I'm not.
Corson
You're not just strange.
Tendi
I know you're just making a joke, but. No. There's a lot of aspects to act how I understand myself. Some are more powerful than others.
Corson
And if I can figure out more about who I am now that I'm no longer a sphere mover, I'll get my powers back.
Tendi
You know, maybe you need to stop worrying about that so much.
Corson
Stop worrying about?
Tendi
About getting your powers back. How are you ever going to be able to figure out who you are if your whole identity is wrapped up in your ability to make it rain?
Corson
Not just rain. I can make it windy. I can cause lightning, too.
Tendi
What makes us who we are is what we do with what we have in the moment. You need to figure out who you are without your powers. Hell, maybe you need to figure it out understanding that.
Corson
Understanding what?
Tendi
That there's a possibility you're never going to get your powers back.
Corson
That sounds terrible.
Tendi
Might just be the best thing for you.
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Michael Freiberg
Well, this is nice. What is the forest getting to hang out with my friend.
Mack
It's kind of weird, huh?
Michael Freiberg
What about it is weird?
Mack
Anytime we ever did anything, we were always thinking about getting back to the station. But now the station doesn't really need us. I mean, sounds like Greg's not having a hard time.
Michael Freiberg
Betty and Greg are the most confident and competent people I've ever met. I'm sure they're having a great time.
Mack
Yeah, I'm sure they are. Even if Betty can't really do anything. Like, she can't lift boxes. She can't pump gas. She can't even microwave a burrito. She's kind of useless.
Betty
Excuse me.
Kai the Bear
Oh, Betty.
Mack
Good to see you.
Betty
I am not useless, Mac. I'm really good with travelers and Greg likes it when I keep him up to date with all the important news from the physical plane.
Michael Freiberg
Important news?
Betty
Yeah. Like, for instance, wouldn't you know that when Phil's daughter took over the diner that she nicks the rhubarb pie? It's a crime.
Mack
Wow. Phil's daughter did that?
Betty
Yeah. You know him?
Mack
No.
Michael Freiberg
It's good to see you, Betty. What's going on?
Betty
Oh, nothing.
Mack
Just checking in.
Betty
Well, kinda. You see, we were thinking of taking Tendy61 Skylark out for a little drive, see if we could find ya. Maybe grab a drink at the Long Pause. Greg's been working really hard and we could use a little break.
Mack
That sounds real nice.
Betty
Yeah. But you know what?
Michael Freiberg
What?
Betty
That nifty little open close sign that used to hang on the door, the one that put a pause on travelers arriving?
Michael Freiberg
Yeah?
Betty
Somebody stole it.
Mack
Oh, really?
Betty
You guys wouldn't happen to know where it is, would ya?
Mack
Nope.
Michael Freiberg
Sorry, Betty.
Kai the Bear
No.
Michael Freiberg
No clue. Maybe Mac took it.
Kai the Bear
Uh, wha. Huh?
Narrator
What? What?
Michael Freiberg
Yeah, he took it. When he lies, he takes the nail of his right index finger and uses it to dig under the nail of his left index finger.
Sponsor Announcer - Odoo
What?
Mack
I don't do that. Oh, shit. Yeah, looks like I do that.
Betty
Oh, Mac, why'd you take it? How's Greg gonna take a break now?
Mack
It's the one souvenir I could get away with taking without cash. Telling me there was no room. I hid it under the driver's seat. I just needed something that really reminded me of the place.
Betty
Well, how do we get it back? It's not like I can take it back to him.
Mack
I don't know. Have Greg borrow a car from a Traveler. He can come pick it up.
Michael Freiberg
He doesn't have to do that. That car behind the station, the one that's all banged up?
Mack
The one that mean old lady crashed into my shack?
Michael Freiberg
Yeah, it's a little janky, but Matt got it running again. Kind of just let Greg know that if he pulls up to the pump, travelers will stop arriving.
Betty
That works.
Mack
Yeah, I forgot about that. Only one car can be parked at the pump at a time. At least that's how it's always worked in the past. Shirley figured it out.
Betty
Okay, we'll give it a try. What you guys doing anyways?
Mack
We're looking for a bear and a rogue cache unit that are wreaking havoc on the Forest sphere.
Betty
Oh, you guys are already having fun, don't you know? Look, I'd stick around and help, but I have a doctor's appointment.
Michael Freiberg
I need to Leave the house for doctor's appointment. Are you alright?
Betty
Oh, oh yeah, I'm fine. She just said she needed to go over some results with me. I'm sure it's no big deal.
Michael Freiberg
Oh, okay. Well, thanks for dropping by. Tell Greg we said hi.
Mack
And tell him I said I'm sorry about the sign. You guys make sure and find us when you go on your drive. We'll probably still be here.
Betty
Will do. See you guys.
Michael Freiberg
Bye.
Mack
Later, friend. Betty's the coolest.
Michael Freiberg
Really? I thought I was the coolest.
Kai the Bear
Huh?
Mack
Excuse me. I will now list off all the dorky things you do.
Michael Freiberg
I was kidding, Mack. I don't consider myself cool.
Kai the Bear
Well, you.
Mack
You should. You're a pretty cool dude.
Michael Freiberg
So I'm really dorky and pretty cool.
Mack
That about sums it up.
Michael Freiberg
I'll take it.
Assistant Radio Shack Doug
Any sign of him?
Cash
I don't see him yet.
Doug
Do you think if you could catch him you could still control him?
Cash
In my old soldier frame, maybe.
Tendi
Dar, I almost forgot.
Cash
I do have thermal vision. It's been a while since I've used this. Let's see. Okay. Scanning. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. What appears to be a group of moles in an underground den playing poker
Betty
and smoking cigars in an enclosed space like that.
Assistant Radio Shack Doug
How do they see anything with all that smoke?
Cash
I think they have pretty bad eyesight to begin with.
Doug
How can they see what cards they have?
Cash
We're getting distracted, Doug.
Doug
Right.
Cash
Continuing my scan. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing there. I see them. About a quarter mile that way.
Kai the Bear
You is having fun.
Robot M4
Try again. Kai, repeat after me. You are having fun.
Kai the Bear
You are having fun.
Robot M4
Negative. I am incapable of experiencing emotions and therefore unable to experience the positive feelings that would render an experience fun.
Mack
That is sad.
Robot M4
No it isn't. I will continue to laugh when you request it.
Kai the Bear
What should we do now?
Robot M4
What would you like to do?
Kai the Bear
Something funny.
Robot M4
Generating a list of options. List generated. Option 1. You could turn on the hose behind the long paws and run away.
Kai the Bear
Is boring.
Robot M4
That is boring is the correct phrasing.
Kai the Bear
That is boring.
Robot M4
Option 2. We could tie the fisher shoelaces together.
Kai the Bear
These giants are too big and too fast. We would get caught. Try again.
Robot M4
We should run away.
Kai the Bear
That is a funny idea. But not funny.
Robot M4
It is not funny. It is necessary. They're gaining on us.
Kai the Bear
Oh shit.
Robot M4
Move quickly. Move quickly. Move quickly.
Kai the Bear
Kai is tired.
Robot M4
Kai. Let's try that again. I am tired.
Kai the Bear
Stop correcting me.
Robot M4
I will stop correcting until I am told otherwise.
Kai the Bear
Run away for now then. Save me.
Robot M4
I'm running away for now. I'll stay close enough to Observe you from a distance. I will rescue you when the opportunity presents itself.
Kai the Bear
Thanks. And don't worry about Kai.
Robot M4
I am not worried about Kai.
Kai the Bear
That makes one of us. But. But seriously, that's cold, man. Look, don't wait to save me. If Jerry catches me, that guy's gonna claw my ass off after everything Kai did.
Robot M4
Okay, bye.
Cash
You there. Don't move. Where's the robot?
Doug
He's bear cash. He can't speak.
Cash
Maybe he can point.
Kai the Bear
Kai can speak?
Cash
But how?
Kai the Bear
What do you mean how? Kai speak human.
Doug
I mean, I'm no biologist, Doug. But you're a bear, right?
Kai the Bear
You robot.
Cash
Yes.
Kai the Bear
Take little guy off your shoulder and chuck him into river.
Cash
No.
Kai the Bear
You have to do what I say. You are a robot.
Cash
One that can't be bossed around.
Kai the Bear
Damn.
Cash
Which means the one you're with can be controlled.
Kai the Bear
His name is M4. M4 is my friend. He teach me to speak human.
Cash
And apparently you taught him how to wreak havoc across the astral plane.
Kai the Bear
Yes.
Cash
Kai, we need your help. Do you know where M4 went?
Kai the Bear
Yes, but Kai is not telling.
Cash
It's important. That robot is a cache unit. Attempt M4. And he's in a powerful frame that was designed to fight battles. Even after reprogramming, he's dangerous in the wrong hands. We have to find him and shut him down before someone chooses to use him for more than just pranks.
Kai the Bear
No, you can't shut him down. He's my friend.
Cash
No, he's not. Kai. He doesn't have feelings, he doesn't have emotions.
Kai the Bear
Is still my pal.
Doug
Should we follow him? The robot?
Cash
Not yet. We need to let the rest of the team know where to find this bear.
Doug
How do we do that?
Cash
Plug your ears.
Assistant Radio Shack Doug
Why?
Kai the Bear
Hey.
Mack
Fancy mating. You two here.
Tendi
So fancy. Such a coincidence.
Mack
I mean, not really. You probably just heard the signal too.
Tendi
Of course. Uh oh.
Corson
I'm not sure I want to get any closer to it. It's quite an annoying sound.
Michael Freiberg
I kinda like it.
Tendi
Oh, why's that?
Michael Freiberg
It's the sound she was making when we first found Cash. In her soldier frame, that is in a cave on the side of the mountain.
Mack
Oh yeah. Same sound she made when she called all the other cache units to herself back on the desert sphere.
Corson
Oh, that's right. It doesn't make it less irritating, but I suppose it does account for some of your warm feelings about. It must be a human thing.
Michael Freiberg
So, was Juri able to shed any light on this situation?
Corson
He was, actually. So the bear is named Kai? He is and has always been A little problematic.
Mack
How so?
Corson
Well, he wanted to be a comedian.
Mack
How's that problematic?
Corson
He wanted to be a human comedian.
Mack
Okay, that's a little weird. What does that mean, though?
Corson
As the story goes, a long while back, a human came through the Long paws a comedian. The bears are interesting creatures, apart from Jerry, who, as Sphere Mover, has some semblance of responsibility towards the dead. Bears are, for the most part, entirely uninterested in human affairs.
Tendi
I can't say I blame him.
Corson
Hey, I'm human.
Tendi
No shit.
Corson
So anyways, the comedian, he has a few drinks, perhaps a few too many. He takes to the stage, interrupts a rather popular local band and starts telling his jokes.
Mack
He did his routine. That's kind of badass.
Corson
The bears were in shock. Bears love music. And just like they did with your old friend Dristan, they would allow travelers of musical ability to take to the stage, but by invitation only. What this comedian did was entirely out of line. No bear at the long pause has any interest in listening to a human drone on and on about the particular of human affairs. But Kai, a bit of a runt, treated like a child at times, he was enamoured with this man, this audacious and courageous performer who dared to take the stage and make jokes in the presence of a dangerous audience of large creatures. Jerry, of course, sent the inebriated chap on his way, but it left an imprint on the bear. He'd left inspiration. Kai began paying closer attention to travelers and then started imitating their speech quite poorly. Then suddenly, Quite well. Almost as if someone had been teaching him. So, without warning, he mounts the stage uninvited, and begins to perform his. What did you call it?
Mack
Routine.
Corson
He performs his routine in human speech and it is not well received. First off, it was offensive to the bears. Why would any bear attempt to speak and behave like a human, rejecting their own community and ways, but worse. Secondly, Kai was telling jokes that the bears didn't understand. He recited them in quick succession. Where had he gotten these jokes? No one knew, of course. He was removed from the stage. Jerry told him that if he ever tried to do that again, he'd no longer be allowed in. The long pause. Kai left and never returned. And then the pranks began. Soap on the door handle, skunks let loose in the kitchen, power outages, dumpster fires.
Tendi
So he fired, finds a robot. It teaches him how to speak, teaches him some jokes. The bears reject him because he was rude and his comedy stinks. He leaves offended, and recruits the robot to help him wreak Havoc on the ones that hurt him.
Corson
And that about sums it up. So what do we do when we find him?
Tendi
Let's talk to him and find out.
Mack
You can turn it off now.
Cash
Hi, guys. Guys, this is Kai. Kai, this is Corson, Tendi, Mack, and Nani.
Mack
Hello, Kai. My name is Mack. I will be your interpreter whenever you're ready to confess your crimes. Go for it.
Kai the Bear
Kai speaks human and didn't do crimes, just pranks.
Corson
Impressive. You must be a very smart bear to speak so fluently in the tongue of a different species.
Kai the Bear
Kai is not PI perfect at speaking human, but Kai have help from my buddy.
Tendi
You're talking about the robot?
Kai the Bear
Yes. He is Kai's friend.
Tendi
Tell us about your friend.
Kai the Bear
He always listens to Kai. He does what Kai says. He gives Kai Kai prank ideas. He teaches Kai to speak.
Tendi
Oh, I can see why you'd want to be friends with him. Must be nice having someone who does whatever you say and never tells you when you're being a jerk.
Kai the Bear
Hey, Kai is not a jerk.
Tendi
Really? Okay, whatever. So you want to be a comedian?
Kai the Bear
Yes.
Tendi
That's cool. I think you could make a great comedian.
Kai the Bear
Really?
Tendi
Can't see why not. Tell me a joke.
Kai the Bear
Okay, so kai went to Dr. The other day, and the doctor says, I have bad news.
Tendi
Let me stop you right there. Did you actually go to a doctor the other day?
Kai the Bear
What is doctor?
Tendi
Where'd you get the joke?
Kai the Bear
M4 tells me jokes.
Tendi
Where did M4 get the joke?
Cash
Cache units are preloaded with a sampling of data from the grand library. Music, random facts, and apparently bad jokes.
Betty
Hmm.
Tendi
So why don't you write your own jokes?
Kai the Bear
My jokes no good.
Tendi
Try me.
Kai the Bear
No.
Tendi
Come on, just one joke.
Kai the Bear
No. No joke. Kai is not funny.
Tendi
Tell me a joke.
Kai the Bear
Kai go too far. He thinks it is the long pause, but it was not the long pause. It was a different paw. So Kaz is like long paws? More like the wrong pause.
Mack
The wrong pause.
Doug
What?
Tendi
Okay, okay, you know what? That joke doesn't connect with me personally. But you're a bear. That's a joke from a bear written from his own bear experience.
Kai the Bear
It's a bad joke.
Michael Freiberg
Maybe it is, but it's your joke, not the robots. I think it's better to risk being unfunny, because at least it's from you. It's a part of you.
Tendi
Let's go back to the long pause. I want to talk to Jerry.
Kai the Bear
Kai stay here.
Tendi
Nope. You're coming too.
Kai the Bear
You take Kai prisoner?
Tendi
No, not a prisoner.
Kai the Bear
So Kai can choose to stay.
Tendi
Okay, I guess you are kind of a prisoner.
Kai the Bear
If you take me, M4 will rescue me.
Tendi
You don't need rescuing.
Kai the Bear
Jerry is going to kill Kai.
Tendi
Don't worry, I'll talk to Jerry. Alright, Kai. I spoke with Jerry.
Kai the Bear
He killed me.
Tendi
No, he's not going to kill you.
Assistant Radio Shack Doug
He.
Tendi
He is gonna make you bus tables for the rest of eternity, but that's it. Not too bad, right?
Kai the Bear
Not too bad.
Tendi
I guess he's also gonna let you tell a few jokes.
Kai the Bear
Really?
Tendi
Yeah.
Kai the Bear
Why?
Tendi
I asked him what he would do if he didn't have to tend bar.
Kai the Bear
What did Jerry say?
Tendi
I'm not going to tell you. I promised I wouldn't repeat it.
Kai the Bear
Is it embarrassing?
Tendi
No, it's not. It's just a dream of his that doesn't quite line up with what bears think is acceptable. I think he knows that it's time for some changes around here. I told him maybe he could start with you. He's giving you a shot, kid. You gonna take it?
Kai the Bear
Yeah, yeah, Kai's gonna take it.
Tendi
Then get up there KY guy. No take like the present.
Kai the Bear
Okay, here it goes.
Tendi
You got this. Just be yourself. Oh, and guys, Jerry says that while we were out, a traveler came by with those spare tires in the trunk. He sent them with some bears to get the car ready, but it's still
Cash
on the other side of the interstate.
Tendi
They would have driven it back here but they couldn't find a bear that would fit behind the driver's seat.
Jared Carter
Wow, that's really nice of him.
Michael Freiberg
I guess we should get back to
Jared Carter
the car and carry on.
Tendi
It's okay everyone. He's got permission from Jerry. You can clap for him now. I said clap.
Michael Freiberg
You're so badass.
Tendi
Yeah, I know.
Kai the Bear
Good evening. How we doing out there? Everybody good? Okay, I take that as yes. Here's my first joke. I went to the doctor the other day. Doctor says he has bad news. He says kai only have 10 left to live. Kai asked the doctor 10 what? 10 days, 10 months. The doctor replies 9, 8, 7.
Tendi
Oh you foolish bear.
Mack
What?
Kai the Bear
No. Ka doesn't know what the joke means.
Tendi
Then tell your own damn jokes.
Kai the Bear
My jokes are stupid.
Tendi
No, your jokes are not stupid. Try it.
Kai the Bear
Okay, I try.
Robot M4
M4, I am here to rescue you as you requested.
Tendi
What?
Robot M4
I am here to rescue him per his earlier request. Kai, should I carry you or would you prefer to walk?
Kai the Bear
Thank you for coming to rescue Kai, but I tell jokes now. You are good friend. Thank you for caring about me.
Robot M4
You're welcome. I do not care about you and we are not friends.
Cash
Haha.
Kai the Bear
You make a funny joke.
Cash
It's not a joke, Kai. He's just a computer in a robot frame.
Kai the Bear
No, M4 is my friend.
Assistant Radio Shack Doug
There you sons of bitches are radio tower dog. I'm gonna tear you apart, tin man.
Cash
There's no need. He's just an assistant without sentience. He just does what anyone tells him.
Doug
Oh, is that so?
Assistant Radio Shack Doug
Well, then, robot, arrest that bear. And no need to be gentle.
Robot M4
Okay. Aggressively arresting bear.
Cash
What?
Kai the Bear
You are my friend.
Robot M4
M4 is nobody's friend. Now freeze. You're under arrest.
Assistant Radio Shack Doug
Get him.
Robot M4
Getting him.
Kai the Bear
But
Mack
damn, Jerry, remind me not to piss you off.
Kai the Bear
M4 was not Kai's friend.
Cash
No, he wasn't. I'm sorry, Kai, but Jerry is Jerry.
Kai the Bear
Is that true? You care about Kai? Thank you, Jerry.
Tendi
Don't get distracted, guy. Tell your joke.
Kai the Bear
Joke is stupid. M4 jokes were smart.
Cash
He didn't make jokes. It was just reciting something it learned from reading things someone on the physical plane wrote. Tell your jokes, Kai. Even if they're not funny, at least they're yours.
Kai the Bear
Okay, fine. Here goes. Kai, go to ball. He thinks it is a long pause, but it was not the long pause. It was a different ball. So cards like long pause. More like the wrong paws.
Tendi
There we go.
Kai the Bear
Okay. Wow. Thanks. That is Kai's only joke. I make others and I come back. Wow.
Michael Freiberg
Nani the comedy coach.
Tendi
Yeah, yeah, I can do everything.
Mack
But that joke wasn't funny to you.
Tendi
You're not a bear.
Mack
Wow. Bears must be a little dumb. Except for you, Jerry.
Doug
Jeez, this is all very heartwarming, but
Assistant Radio Shack Doug
that bear has to pay for his crimes.
Cash
Little bloodthirsty there, Doug.
Doug
Am I?
Cash
Yeah, you're kind of coming across that way. I can help you get the radio tower back in order, and Kai will help turn.
Doug
Well, okay, but he better also apologize to my crew.
Cash
I'm sure he will.
Doug
You're lucky I'm a huge fan of yours, Cash, or else that bear would be in some really big trouble.
Cash
Sure, Doug.
Doug
Do I detect some sarcasm? Him.
Jared Carter
What is that?
Mack
Is that the Fishers?
Corson
No, it's not. Those steps are too loud.
Doug
Cash, I'm scared. What's out there?
Tendi
Not what.
Cash
What.
Betty
Doug.
Cash
Who?
Mack
Cash, is it him?
Doug
Him who?
Tendi
Come out, come out, wherever you are.
Assistant Radio Shack Doug
What in the.
Jared Carter
This episode was written, produced and performed by me, Jared Carter. The show is executive produced by the remarkable marksman, Michael Freiberg. A special thank you to early listeners Jared Hines and Kelly Cusack for providing this episode's quality and continuity checks. Until next time, safe travels.
Heinz and Kraft Sponsor
The Fable and Folly Network where fiction producers flourish.
Carrington College Announcer
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Host: Jared Carter
Air Date: June 22, 2026
This whimsical and heartfelt episode continues the adventures at the Desert Skies Astral Plane Fuel and Service Station. The crew finds themselves embroiled in a chase involving a mischievous bear (Kai) and a rogue robot (M4), with the usual cast of quirky astral denizens—including the lovable Dougs, the stoic Cash, and the self-effacing Mack—attempting to restore order. Friendship, purpose, and the importance of authenticity are key themes as Kai’s quest to be a comedian leads to larger questions about identity and belonging in the afterlife.
[03:46–07:11]
Quote:
“We were robbed. Robbed sir? By a bear and a robot.” – Doug & Assistant Radio Shack Doug [07:06]
[08:27–12:45]
Quote:
“They wouldn’t make a prankster robot. But they would make a robot that responds to commands. Without the right safeguards in place, anyone could get the robot to do what they want.” – Cash [12:36]
[13:06–15:35]
Quote:
“The afterlife’s better when we’re in it together. Don’t you think?” – Doug [15:07]
[17:12–19:33]
Quote:
“What makes us who we are is what we do with what we have in the moment. You need to figure out who you are without your powers.” – Tendi [19:09]
[21:00–22:16]
Quote:
“It’s the one souvenir I could get away with taking without Cash telling me there was no room. I hid it under the driver’s seat. I just needed something that really reminded me of the place.” – Mack [22:22]
[30:08–38:39]
Quotes:
“Kai speak human and didn’t do crimes, just pranks.” – Kai the Bear [34:05]
“I think it’s better to risk being unfunny, because at least it’s from you.” – Michael Freiberg [36:57]
[38:41–43:31]
Quotes:
“Tell your jokes, Kai. Even if they’re not funny, at least they’re yours.” – Cash [42:00]
“Wow. Thanks. That is Kai’s only joke. I make others and I come back.” – Kai the Bear [42:47]
[43:43–44:08]
On the Robot’s Nature:
“They wouldn’t make a Prankster robot. But they would make a robot that responds to commands.…”
– Cash [12:36]
On Community:
“The afterlife’s better when we’re in it together. Don’t you think?”
– Doug [15:07]
On Self-Acceptance:
“What makes us who we are is what we do with what we have in the moment.”
– Tendi [19:09]
On Authentic Comedy:
“I think it’s better to risk being unfunny, because at least it’s from you.”
– Michael Freiberg [36:57]
On Vulnerability:
“Kai go too far. He thinks it is the long pause, but it was not the long pause. It was a different paw. So Kai is like long paws? More like the wrong pause.”
– Kai the Bear [36:13]
| Timestamp | Segment | Highlights | |--------------|--------------------------------------------|---------------------------------------| | 03:46–07:11 | Radio tower theft & Doug’s pursuit | Prankster bear & robot introduced | | 12:36 | Cash on robot autonomy | Problem is not the robot, but who controls it | | 15:00–15:35 | "Unite the Spheres" Initiative | Afterlife community media project | | 17:12–19:33 | Corson & Tendi talk self-identity | Insightful advice and reflection | | 21:00–22:16 | Betty & Mack and the missing sign | Sentimentality, station logistics | | 30:08–38:39 | Kai’s stand-up ambitions & acceptance | Rejection, perseverance, original jokes | | 38:41–43:31 | Kai’s redemption and support | Forgiveness, authentic voice | | 43:43–44:08 | Cliffhanger | Ominous, suspenseful close |
The episode maintains a warm, oddball, and compassionate tone—balancing sharp character humor with gentle existential musings. Jared Carter’s multi-voiced performance brings life to the myriad personalities, ranging from the witty to the wistful.
"The Wrong Paws" is a playful meditation on authenticity, creative risk, and the rewards of community. Through the antics of a would-be comedian bear and his unwitting robot sidekick, Desert Skies continues to blend absurd astral logic with deeply relatable human—or bearly human—truths.
Memorable Message:
“It’s better to risk being unfunny, because at least it’s from you.”
– The episode’s heart, as delivered to Kai the Bear.
End of summary.