Chapter 30 - The Wrong Paws

Summary

Podcast Summary: Desert Skies

Episode: Chapter 30 – The Wrong Paws

Host: Jared Carter
Air Date: June 22, 2026

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Episode Overview

This whimsical and heartfelt episode continues the adventures at the Desert Skies Astral Plane Fuel and Service Station. The crew finds themselves embroiled in a chase involving a mischievous bear (Kai) and a rogue robot (M4), with the usual cast of quirky astral denizens—including the lovable Dougs, the stoic Cash, and the self-effacing Mack—attempting to restore order. Friendship, purpose, and the importance of authenticity are key themes as Kai’s quest to be a comedian leads to larger questions about identity and belonging in the afterlife.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Radio Tower Robbery & The Chase Begins

[03:46–07:11]

• The Dougs (anthropomorphic dogs, each with comical specific roles) are setting up a radio tower as part of an astral initiative to "Unite the Spheres."
• Their digital tension meter is stolen by a mysterious duo: a bear and a robot.
• Initial confusion as Assistant Radio Shack Doug tries to defend his trustworthiness, but the group quickly realizes they’ve actually been robbed.
• This sets off a bumbling pursuit, highlighting the awkward but tight-knit teamwork of the Dougs.

Quote:
“We were robbed. Robbed sir? By a bear and a robot.” – Doug & Assistant Radio Shack Doug [07:06]

---

2. Kai and M4’s Pranks: The Motive Revealed

[08:27–12:45]

• Cash is questioned about her knowledge of the rogue robot; she reveals the cache units were repurposed for less dangerous tasks, but one (M4) seems to have gone rogue.
• Turns out, M4 is being used by Kai the Bear—who dreams of being a human comedian—to pull pranks in retaliation for being ostracized.
• The line between mischief and genuine malice is explored, with the group oscillating between sympathy and exasperation.

Quote:
“They wouldn’t make a prankster robot. But they would make a robot that responds to commands. Without the right safeguards in place, anyone could get the robot to do what they want.” – Cash [12:36]

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3. The Astral Initiative: 'Unite the Spheres'

[13:06–15:35]

• Doug explains their mission: installing radio towers across the spheres for better communication and shared content—an initiative inspired by the "sphere movers" and the desire to be less isolated.
• This subplot both parodies and celebrates community-building and media in the afterlife.

Quote:
“The afterlife’s better when we’re in it together. Don’t you think?” – Doug [15:07]

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4. Authenticity and Identity: Character Conversations

[17:12–19:33]

• Corson and Tendi reflect on Corson's lost powers and the pressure to be "unique." Tendi encourages Corson to consider identity as a collaborative and evolving journey, not solely defined by power or role.
• Tendi’s perspective is supportive, realistic, and gently challenging.

Quote:
“What makes us who we are is what we do with what we have in the moment. You need to figure out who you are without your powers.” – Tendi [19:09]

---

5. Betty & Mack: The Importance of Small Things

[21:00–22:16]

• Betty reveals Mack took the open/close sign from the station as a memento—causing logistical issues for Greg back home.
• Their dynamic pokes fun at sentimentality and rules while reinforcing the familial bond among cast members.

Quote:
“It’s the one souvenir I could get away with taking without Cash telling me there was no room. I hid it under the driver’s seat. I just needed something that really reminded me of the place.” – Mack [22:22]

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6. Kai the Bear’s Comedy Aspirations

[30:08–38:39]

• Storytime: Corson recounts how Kai, inspired by a passing human comedian, took to the stage but was rejected by other bears for imitating humans and performing jokes they didn't understand.
• Kai’s yearning for acceptance, and his alliance with M4 (who teaches him speech and jokes), is both poignant and absurd.
• Tendi and the group encourage Kai to try his own jokes rather than depend on pre-programmed material. Kai’s “wrong pause” joke is highlighted as his own, even if it gets a mixed reception.

Quotes:
“Kai speak human and didn’t do crimes, just pranks.” – Kai the Bear [34:05]
“I think it’s better to risk being unfunny, because at least it’s from you.” – Michael Freiberg [36:57]

---

7. Resolution: Forgiveness & New Beginnings

[38:41–43:31]

• Jerry, the bear overseer, agrees not to punish Kai harshly, instead giving him a chance to bus tables and tell jokes occasionally.
• M4, the robot, is revealed as incapable of real friendship, emphasizing the difference between tool-like compliance and genuine connection.
• Kai, with a nudge from Tendi and Cash, gathers the courage to try his own material, supported by his new community.
• The Dougs are mollified, the radio tower is repaired, and the group readies to resume their journey.

Quotes:
“Tell your jokes, Kai. Even if they’re not funny, at least they’re yours.” – Cash [42:00]
“Wow. Thanks. That is Kai’s only joke. I make others and I come back.” – Kai the Bear [42:47]

---

8. Cliffhanger Ending

[43:43–44:08]

• The mood shifts abruptly when the group hears ominous footsteps—hinting at an unknown new presence.
• The episode closes on this mysterious note, teeing up the next chapter.

---

Notable Quotes & Moments (With Timestamps)

• On the Robot’s Nature:
  “They wouldn’t make a Prankster robot. But they would make a robot that responds to commands.…”
  – Cash [12:36]

• On Community:
  “The afterlife’s better when we’re in it together. Don’t you think?”
  – Doug [15:07]

• On Self-Acceptance:
  “What makes us who we are is what we do with what we have in the moment.”
  – Tendi [19:09]

• On Authentic Comedy:
  “I think it’s better to risk being unfunny, because at least it’s from you.”
  – Michael Freiberg [36:57]

• On Vulnerability:
  “Kai go too far. He thinks it is the long pause, but it was not the long pause. It was a different paw. So Kai is like long paws? More like the wrong pause.”
  – Kai the Bear [36:13]

---

Summary Table: Important Segments

| Timestamp | Segment | Highlights | |--------------|--------------------------------------------|---------------------------------------| | 03:46–07:11 | Radio tower theft & Doug’s pursuit | Prankster bear & robot introduced | | 12:36 | Cash on robot autonomy | Problem is not the robot, but who controls it | | 15:00–15:35 | "Unite the Spheres" Initiative | Afterlife community media project | | 17:12–19:33 | Corson & Tendi talk self-identity | Insightful advice and reflection | | 21:00–22:16 | Betty & Mack and the missing sign | Sentimentality, station logistics | | 30:08–38:39 | Kai’s stand-up ambitions & acceptance | Rejection, perseverance, original jokes | | 38:41–43:31 | Kai’s redemption and support | Forgiveness, authentic voice | | 43:43–44:08 | Cliffhanger | Ominous, suspenseful close |

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Tone and Style

The episode maintains a warm, oddball, and compassionate tone—balancing sharp character humor with gentle existential musings. Jared Carter’s multi-voiced performance brings life to the myriad personalities, ranging from the witty to the wistful.

---

Final Takeaways

"The Wrong Paws" is a playful meditation on authenticity, creative risk, and the rewards of community. Through the antics of a would-be comedian bear and his unwitting robot sidekick, Desert Skies continues to blend absurd astral logic with deeply relatable human—or bearly human—truths.

Memorable Message:
“It’s better to risk being unfunny, because at least it’s from you.”
– The episode’s heart, as delivered to Kai the Bear.

---

End of summary.

Transcript

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[Jared Carter]

Hi friends, Travelers, Skylarkians. Welcome to Chapter 30. The wrong pause so listen now. Through July 6th I'm running a very special limited promotion. Join Club 86 and you'll get a custom sticker. It's eight bit style, it's glittery, it shows the station and it says all my friends are either dead or demigods. It's 2 by 2.5 inches.

[Michael Freiberg]

It's going to come with a handwritten

[Jared Carter]

heartfelt letter of thanks from yours truly. That card is going to be space themed. The envelope is going to be sealed with a little planet sticker. Just head to patreon.com desertskies for a preview of that. If you're already a member, you have the option of purchasing the sticker directly through Patreon and all you gotta do is join or upgrade before July 6 and maintain membership for at least a month from the date of joining or upgrading. That's it. I'm not gonna tell you everything Club 86 has to offer this time because you already know, but I will mention that the first episode of the exclusive five part miniseries Meanwhile Back at the Station is available today and another exclusive series is launching July 2nd. I'll announce that later those exclusive series will be available at the Traveler tier and above. Just go to patreon.com desertskies or visit the link in the show Notes. Now I want to thank some of our new club 86 members who are Franzy Minimuff, John Dickisses, Blue Crow, Florida man R Brackham, Charlie Keshmore, Tiff and Ben Babs, Chelsea Martin Quibble Porter Stowers, Casey, Eric from Spain, Seaweed, Brained E. Danielle Parker, Kate Ragnar, Taylor Giroux, Ruben Eden Probster. Dr. Ava Maddox is our cat. Melissa Bravo, Kyle, Sweeney, Ravi, Jacob, Clark and Christy. If I didn't read your name this time, don't worry, it's because of when I recorded. That will be in the next episode.

[Michael Freiberg]

Thank you.

[Jared Carter]

You guys make the show happen. Last but not least, Desert Skies is on Instagram, Facebook, bluesky and Discord. Find links to our socials in the show.

[Michael Freiberg]

Notes.

[Jared Carter]

This episode was made by a human for humans and coyotes. For the best listening experience, headphones and human made art are recommended.

[Doug]

Look, mechanical Engineer Doug. It's not like Doug is saying that I can't appreciate the attractive designs and features of the eight track players I've owned.

[Assistant Radio Shack Doug]

I mean, Doug will never part ways

[Doug]

with his Panasonic dynamite 8 in detonator

[Assistant Radio Shack Doug]

red or his Panasonic Panasonic model CQ

[Doug]

880s which Doug could use to listen to Desert Skies FM when I was at home. It's just that Doug finds compact cassettes to be superior in this age of increasing music catalog availability. This is all very interesting, Assistant Radio Shack Doug. It's just that I believe the question asked was if you'd remembered to bring along your tension meter. Radio Tower Doug says we need it this time. Of course, Assistant Radio Shack Doug brought his digital tension meter.

[Assistant Radio Shack Doug]

That's the whole reason we had to go back to the truck.

[Doug]

Just making sure you can trust me.

[Assistant Radio Shack Doug]

Look, here it is. Just like I told you.

[Doug]

We carry all kinds of products at Radio Shack.

[Assistant Radio Shack Doug]

We're your one stop shop for all kinds of electrical needs.

[Doug]

If we don't have what you're looking

[Assistant Radio Shack Doug]

for, we might even be able to

[Doug]

order it for you. Which was the very case with this gorgeous digital tension meter.

[Assistant Radio Shack Doug]

Look at it.

[Doug]

Here, I'll hold it up so you

[Assistant Radio Shack Doug]

can see it in the moonlight. Hey, that's mine. What in the hell was that? Looks like a bear and a robot.

[Doug]

Was it Cash?

[Assistant Radio Shack Doug]

Doug hasn't seen her in ages.

[Doug]

It didn't sound like Cash. And as all Dougs know about her character and valor, stealing simply isn't something Doug would believe her capable of.

[Assistant Radio Shack Doug]

She's a hero.

[Doug]

We better get back to the site so we can report this.

[Assistant Radio Shack Doug]

That's it.

[Doug]

That's it.

[Assistant Radio Shack Doug]

Bring it in. Yep, just like that. Nice and easy. Watch your head. Construction worker dog number one. Head construction worker dog number three.

[Doug]

Construction worker dog number two wants to

[Assistant Radio Shack Doug]

know when break time is.

[Doug]

I'm getting a little peckish but we just ate. Well, well, well. It's about time you ducks got here.

[Assistant Radio Shack Doug]

Radio tower.

[Doug]

Dog, we gotta tell you something. Black Dog gas. You forgot the digital tension meter, didn't you? No sir, we remembered it. It's just that while we were walking back from the truck, we were robbed.

[Assistant Radio Shack Doug]

Robbed? Robbed sir? By a bear and a robot.

[Doug]

You guys are pulling ducks like you Dougs just forgot the digital tension meter again, sir. Mechanical engineer Doug wouldn't lie. It really happened. And has assistant Radio shack Doug ever lied to you? Yes, in fact you have.

[Assistant Radio Shack Doug]

You oversold Doug on the available coverage

[Doug]

of the cellular service you influenced me to purchase.

[Assistant Radio Shack Doug]

I was just reading for from the script. Hey, don't touch that. You're going to get somebody hurt. No, don't cut that wire. You're going to. Oh, this is not good. Dougs, are you okay? All here in the counted for, sir. It almost squished me. What happened? It was a bear sir. And a robot.

[Doug]

They took some cable cutters and snapped our support wires. Looks like you dogs were telling the truth. My apologies.

[Assistant Radio Shack Doug]

What do we do now?

[Doug]

We pursue.

[Assistant Radio Shack Doug]

Come on dogs. Follow that bear.

[Corson]

Any other secret you're holding onto bombs you plan to drop along the way?

[Cash]

Maybe.

[Corson]

Can you just do that now and save us all the trouble of waiting in worried anticipation?

[Tendi]

No.

[Corson]

Well then at least give us a

[Jared Carter]

break from any more surprises.

[Cash]

Okay Corson. No more surprises.

[Robot M4]

For they're gaming on us.

[Tendi]

What in the hell is that?

[Assistant Radio Shack Doug]

They went that way. Get them. Guys. These guys.

[Doug]

We got such tall.

[Assistant Radio Shack Doug]

All of us working together, we could do this.

[Corson]

That's it bitches. I'm going home.

[Michael Freiberg]

No you're not.

[Mack]

Like Nani said. What in the hell was that?

[Tendi]

A bear, a robot and a bunch of dogs.

[Mack]

Was that bear and robot laughing maniacally and mechanically?

[Michael Freiberg]

Well, let's start with this. That bear and that robot are obviously the ones that have been giving the Fishers a hard time. Cash, do you have any idea what a robot is doing on the forest Sphere?

[Cash]

I might have some idea.

[Michael Freiberg]

We'll come back to that. Does anybody know why there might be a bunch of Dugs on the forest sphere?

[Corson]

Hmm, yeah.

[Mack]

They are on vacation.

[Michael Freiberg]

So Mac has no clue. Cash, is there a secret Dug commune on the forest sphere? Perhaps, or.

[Cash]

This one's a complete mystery to me.

[Tendi]

Tendi, here comes one of the little guys. I wonder which one it is. Maybe like a Donut Doug?

[Mack]

Even if it was donut Doug, he wouldn't have his donut making supplies with him. And I seriously doubt he's carrying doughnuts around in his pocket.

[Michael Freiberg]

I mean, you carry donuts around in your pocket.

[Mack]

That's different. That's in case my blood sugar gets low.

[Cash]

You even know what blood sugar is?

[Mack]

Of course I do. The higher your blood sugar, the less sugar you crave.

[Corson]

Hello, bitch. Are you here to explain what we have?

[Mack]

Just.

[Doug]

Well, I thought I saw you guys.

[Assistant Radio Shack Doug]

I wasn't expecting to run into celebrities.

[Doug]

We got the attendance. Corson and assistant, Radio Shack.

[Assistant Radio Shack Doug]

Doug's absolute favorite superhero.

[Tendi]

Cash and me.

[Assistant Radio Shack Doug]

Oh, yeah, I think I remember you. Were you the one that came into Radio Shack and got donut powder all over our electronics?

[Tendi]

Ah, no.

[Cash]

It's good to see you, Assistant RadioShack.

[Tendi]

Doug.

[Doug]

It's good to see you, Cash. Rumor had it you were gone. Something about being a human in a coma and waking up on the physical plane. Obviously they were wrong.

[Cash]

It's a long story.

[Mack]

I mean, that's kinda like 95% of the story.

[Cash]

Doug, what's happening?

[Doug]

Your guess is as good as mine. Cash.

[Michael Freiberg]

Tell us what you know about the robot.

[Cash]

So, remember how I used the cache units to help rebuild the highway?

[Doug]

Doug remembers when you guys came through, it was quite the sight.

[Cash]

I could control them like an extension of my body. It made the work we did quick. The industrial sphere kept the asphalt coming, and I and my non sentient companions paved the astral plane in no time.

[Mack]

Because there's no time here.

[Cash]

Um, when we paved everything all the way through the 33rd sphere, I returned them to the industrial sphere.

[Doug]

The 32nd second sphere.

[Cash]

Right. Hephaestus, the sphere mover. He wanted the other cache units disassembled, some parts repurposed, the frames melted down. Now, I consider myself a fairly logical person. I shouldn't have had any problem with the industrial sphere repurposing those units. But it felt wrong. They had been a part of me. Co workers, companions. I couldn't stand the idea of them being torn apart. So I shared that with the Prime Mover. And he spoke with Hephaestus. And it was decided that they would do their best to reprogram those units for different purposes. Construction workers, delivery units. Non sentient autonomous cash units. They hadn't had a whole lot of luck creating autonomous cache units, but Hephaestus assigned their best engineers to the task.

[Mack]

And.

[Cash]

And it looks like maybe that resulted in some problems. At least one. Hopefully just one.

[Mack]

They made a prankster robot.

[Cash]

It's unlikely that they could make a prankster robot.

[Mack]

Then how do you explain those two?

[Cash]

They wouldn't make a Prankster robot. But they would make a robot that responds to commands. Without the right safeguards in place, anyone could get the robot to do what they want.

[Mack]

You're saying the robot isn't the problem? It's just a tool. So it's the bear.

[Corson]

So are we getting involved in this? I'm sure the dogs could figure this

[Mack]

out on their own.

[Doug]

I appreciate the vote of confidence, but we're tiny. And the chances of us catching those two are really tiny.

[Michael Freiberg]

Why are you guys out here anyways?

[Assistant Radio Shack Doug]

Unite the Spheres.

[Tendi]

What does that mean?

[Doug]

Unite the Spheres?

[Assistant Radio Shack Doug]

You haven't heard?

[Mack]

Can't say as we have.

[Doug]

It's an Astral initiative. Take Desert Skies fm, for example.

[Assistant Radio Shack Doug]

Do you guys have any idea how

[Doug]

popular that show is on the sphere of Doug?

[Mack]

I mean, I'm not surprised. It's pretty amazing.

[Doug]

It was pretty amazing. Have you tuned in since Greg took over?

[Michael Freiberg]

No, actually, we haven't.

[Doug]

Here, I have my portable radio. Listen.

[Narrator]

And that's how my friend Samantha got her bachelor's degree in communications. Even though she went back to school a little later in life. It just goes to show you, quitting is not the way. Of course, the day she graduated, she died. Hey, speaking of not quitting, did I ever tell you guys about the first time I got a northern bike? I'm sure I probably did. But a story worth telling is worth telling twice. As I remember it. I woke up probably around 6:42 in the morning. Or maybe it was 6:43. Anyways, I woke up, I put on my favorite. No, you know what? I think it was 6 4.

[Assistant Radio Shack Doug]

First off, why is he even on the radio?

[Doug]

What are you guys even doing out here?

[Michael Freiberg]

Let's talk about that after you tell

[Jared Carter]

us what you're doing.

[Doug]

We're putting up radio towers. Up to this point, the only stations available have just been music and other audio media housed in the library of the Sphere of Industry. It's fine. But here on the Astral Plane, we don't want to just hear stuff made on the physical plane. We want our own radio stations.

[Assistant Radio Shack Doug]

Astral Plane fm. Unite the Spheres.

[Mack]

Unite the Spheres.

[Assistant Radio Shack Doug]

It's an Astral Initiative.

[Doug]

We've been putting up these towers on every sphere. Now you'll be able to hear live music from the Long Pause or find out what new stories there are on the sphere of Doug or. Well, you'll see. The way we see it, we're so isolated in our spheres. What if we started working as a team? The afterlife's better when we're in it together. Don't you think?

[Corson]

I rather like this initiative. Whose idea was it?

[Doug]

Sphere Mover Dougs. He was so inspired by you guys.

[Betty]

You.

[Doug]

Well, you take chances. This is us dogs taking a chance.

[Assistant Radio Shack Doug]

This is the last Sphere.

[Michael Freiberg]

We're installing a tower on Astroplane fm. I like the sound of it.

[Corson]

Oh, it'll give us something to listen

[Michael Freiberg]

to in the car.

[Corson]

We must stop those troublemakers. Where do we start?

[Michael Freiberg]

I have a plan. Cache, you're the fastest and strongest person here. Catch that bear. And if you're able to disable that other cache unit until we can find out what's going on. When you find them, do you have a way to signal where you are?

[Cash]

Yes. I'll amplify a sound you can locate me with.

[Michael Freiberg]

Great. Mac, you and I can follow that sound. We'll need you to speak to the bear. Try to get him to stop. Nani, you and Corson head back to the Long Pause. Corson, talk to Jerry and see what he knows about this rogue bear.

[Tendi]

Okay, but what am I doing? I can't talk to Jerry.

[Michael Freiberg]

I would just feel better if we're in pairs. We've only been on this trip a little while and it already feels like everything is working to split us up.

[Cash]

I agree. The afterlife's better when we're in it together. Isn't that right, Doug?

[Doug]

Right you are, Cash. But you forgot about me. Who am I gonna buddy up with?

[Michael Freiberg]

I didn't forget about you, Cash.

[Cash]

Up we go.

[Assistant Radio Shack Doug]

Whoa. I get to ride on the Cash's shoulders. New core memory. This is amazing.

[Doug]

Are we gonna go fast?

[Cash]

So fast.

[Assistant Radio Shack Doug]

Alright.

[Robot M4]

Great.

[Jared Carter]

Let's do this.

[Tendi]

Can I ask you about something?

[Mack]

What is it?

[Tendi]

You seemed hopeful after you talked with that Arnie back at the Electric Desert that your powers were gonna come back.

[Corson]

I did feel hopeful. And I did feel my powers coming back. I think. But I haven't been able to feel it again since.

[Tendi]

Why do you think you felt it back there?

[Corson]

Well, he helped me to realize something that I had never considered.

[Tendi]

Which is?

[Corson]

That being unique doesn't have to mean being unique entirely alone. Oh, but being unique is something you can do with other people. He helped me to understand the importance of the work I do with games. I'm not the only one who does this work. As one person, my influence is limited. But together, we do make a difference.

[Tendi]

Powerful stuff.

[Corson]

Powerful, yes. But not enough.

[Tendi]

Powerful, but not enough.

[Corson]

Yes.

[Tendi]

So what do you think the answer is?

[Corson]

I have no idea.

[Tendi]

Well, I have a theory.

[Corson]

I'm listening.

[Tendi]

Maybe that was just the start of your journey back to being a stormy bitch.

[Corson]

How so?

[Tendi]

None of us are all one thing, right? I mean, I know I'm not.

[Corson]

You're not just strange.

[Tendi]

I know you're just making a joke, but. No. There's a lot of aspects to act how I understand myself. Some are more powerful than others.

[Corson]

And if I can figure out more about who I am now that I'm no longer a sphere mover, I'll get my powers back.

[Tendi]

You know, maybe you need to stop worrying about that so much.

[Corson]

Stop worrying about?

[Tendi]

About getting your powers back. How are you ever going to be able to figure out who you are if your whole identity is wrapped up in your ability to make it rain?

[Corson]

Not just rain. I can make it windy. I can cause lightning, too.

[Tendi]

What makes us who we are is what we do with what we have in the moment. You need to figure out who you are without your powers. Hell, maybe you need to figure it out understanding that.

[Corson]

Understanding what?

[Tendi]

That there's a possibility you're never going to get your powers back.

[Corson]

That sounds terrible.

[Tendi]

Might just be the best thing for you.

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[Michael Freiberg]

Well, this is nice. What is the forest getting to hang out with my friend.

[Mack]

It's kind of weird, huh?

[Michael Freiberg]

What about it is weird?

[Mack]

Anytime we ever did anything, we were always thinking about getting back to the station. But now the station doesn't really need us. I mean, sounds like Greg's not having a hard time.

[Michael Freiberg]

Betty and Greg are the most confident and competent people I've ever met. I'm sure they're having a great time.

[Mack]

Yeah, I'm sure they are. Even if Betty can't really do anything. Like, she can't lift boxes. She can't pump gas. She can't even microwave a burrito. She's kind of useless.

[Betty]

Excuse me.

[Kai the Bear]

Oh, Betty.

[Mack]

Good to see you.

[Betty]

I am not useless, Mac. I'm really good with travelers and Greg likes it when I keep him up to date with all the important news from the physical plane.

[Michael Freiberg]

Important news?

[Betty]

Yeah. Like, for instance, wouldn't you know that when Phil's daughter took over the diner that she nicks the rhubarb pie? It's a crime.

[Mack]

Wow. Phil's daughter did that?

[Betty]

Yeah. You know him?

[Mack]

No.

[Michael Freiberg]

It's good to see you, Betty. What's going on?

[Betty]

Oh, nothing.

[Mack]

Just checking in.

[Betty]

Well, kinda. You see, we were thinking of taking Tendy61 Skylark out for a little drive, see if we could find ya. Maybe grab a drink at the Long Pause. Greg's been working really hard and we could use a little break.

[Mack]

That sounds real nice.

[Betty]

Yeah. But you know what?

[Michael Freiberg]

What?

[Betty]

That nifty little open close sign that used to hang on the door, the one that put a pause on travelers arriving?

[Michael Freiberg]

Yeah?

[Betty]

Somebody stole it.

[Mack]

Oh, really?

[Betty]

You guys wouldn't happen to know where it is, would ya?

[Mack]

Nope.

[Michael Freiberg]

Sorry, Betty.

[Kai the Bear]

No.

[Michael Freiberg]

No clue. Maybe Mac took it.

[Kai the Bear]

Uh, wha. Huh?

[Narrator]

What? What?

[Michael Freiberg]

Yeah, he took it. When he lies, he takes the nail of his right index finger and uses it to dig under the nail of his left index finger.

[Sponsor Announcer - Odoo]

What?

[Mack]

I don't do that. Oh, shit. Yeah, looks like I do that.

[Betty]

Oh, Mac, why'd you take it? How's Greg gonna take a break now?

[Mack]

It's the one souvenir I could get away with taking without cash. Telling me there was no room. I hid it under the driver's seat. I just needed something that really reminded me of the place.

[Betty]

Well, how do we get it back? It's not like I can take it back to him.

[Mack]

I don't know. Have Greg borrow a car from a Traveler. He can come pick it up.

[Michael Freiberg]

He doesn't have to do that. That car behind the station, the one that's all banged up?

[Mack]

The one that mean old lady crashed into my shack?

[Michael Freiberg]

Yeah, it's a little janky, but Matt got it running again. Kind of just let Greg know that if he pulls up to the pump, travelers will stop arriving.

[Betty]

That works.

[Mack]

Yeah, I forgot about that. Only one car can be parked at the pump at a time. At least that's how it's always worked in the past. Shirley figured it out.

[Betty]

Okay, we'll give it a try. What you guys doing anyways?

[Mack]

We're looking for a bear and a rogue cache unit that are wreaking havoc on the Forest sphere.

[Betty]

Oh, you guys are already having fun, don't you know? Look, I'd stick around and help, but I have a doctor's appointment.

[Michael Freiberg]

I need to Leave the house for doctor's appointment. Are you alright?

[Betty]

Oh, oh yeah, I'm fine. She just said she needed to go over some results with me. I'm sure it's no big deal.

[Michael Freiberg]

Oh, okay. Well, thanks for dropping by. Tell Greg we said hi.

[Mack]

And tell him I said I'm sorry about the sign. You guys make sure and find us when you go on your drive. We'll probably still be here.

[Betty]

Will do. See you guys.

[Michael Freiberg]

Bye.

[Mack]

Later, friend. Betty's the coolest.

[Michael Freiberg]

Really? I thought I was the coolest.

[Kai the Bear]

Huh?

[Mack]

Excuse me. I will now list off all the dorky things you do.

[Michael Freiberg]

I was kidding, Mack. I don't consider myself cool.

[Kai the Bear]

Well, you.

[Mack]

You should. You're a pretty cool dude.

[Michael Freiberg]

So I'm really dorky and pretty cool.

[Mack]

That about sums it up.

[Michael Freiberg]

I'll take it.

[Assistant Radio Shack Doug]

Any sign of him?

[Cash]

I don't see him yet.

[Doug]

Do you think if you could catch him you could still control him?

[Cash]

In my old soldier frame, maybe.

[Tendi]

Dar, I almost forgot.

[Cash]

I do have thermal vision. It's been a while since I've used this. Let's see. Okay. Scanning. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. What appears to be a group of moles in an underground den playing poker

[Betty]

and smoking cigars in an enclosed space like that.

[Assistant Radio Shack Doug]

How do they see anything with all that smoke?

[Cash]

I think they have pretty bad eyesight to begin with.

[Doug]

How can they see what cards they have?

[Cash]

We're getting distracted, Doug.

[Doug]

Right.

[Cash]

Continuing my scan. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing there. I see them. About a quarter mile that way.

[Kai the Bear]

You is having fun.

[Robot M4]

Try again. Kai, repeat after me. You are having fun.

[Kai the Bear]

You are having fun.

[Robot M4]

Negative. I am incapable of experiencing emotions and therefore unable to experience the positive feelings that would render an experience fun.

[Mack]

That is sad.

[Robot M4]

No it isn't. I will continue to laugh when you request it.

[Kai the Bear]

What should we do now?

[Robot M4]

What would you like to do?

[Kai the Bear]

Something funny.

[Robot M4]

Generating a list of options. List generated. Option 1. You could turn on the hose behind the long paws and run away.

[Kai the Bear]

Is boring.

[Robot M4]

That is boring is the correct phrasing.

[Kai the Bear]

That is boring.

[Robot M4]

Option 2. We could tie the fisher shoelaces together.

[Kai the Bear]

These giants are too big and too fast. We would get caught. Try again.

[Robot M4]

We should run away.

[Kai the Bear]

That is a funny idea. But not funny.

[Robot M4]

It is not funny. It is necessary. They're gaining on us.

[Kai the Bear]

Oh shit.

[Robot M4]

Move quickly. Move quickly. Move quickly.

[Kai the Bear]

Kai is tired.

[Robot M4]

Kai. Let's try that again. I am tired.

[Kai the Bear]

Stop correcting me.

[Robot M4]

I will stop correcting until I am told otherwise.

[Kai the Bear]

Run away for now then. Save me.

[Robot M4]

I'm running away for now. I'll stay close enough to Observe you from a distance. I will rescue you when the opportunity presents itself.

[Kai the Bear]

Thanks. And don't worry about Kai.

[Robot M4]

I am not worried about Kai.

[Kai the Bear]

That makes one of us. But. But seriously, that's cold, man. Look, don't wait to save me. If Jerry catches me, that guy's gonna claw my ass off after everything Kai did.

[Robot M4]

Okay, bye.

[Cash]

You there. Don't move. Where's the robot?

[Doug]

He's bear cash. He can't speak.

[Cash]

Maybe he can point.

[Kai the Bear]

Kai can speak?

[Cash]

But how?

[Kai the Bear]

What do you mean how? Kai speak human.

[Doug]

I mean, I'm no biologist, Doug. But you're a bear, right?

[Kai the Bear]

You robot.

[Cash]

Yes.

[Kai the Bear]

Take little guy off your shoulder and chuck him into river.

[Cash]

No.

[Kai the Bear]

You have to do what I say. You are a robot.

[Cash]

One that can't be bossed around.

[Kai the Bear]

Damn.

[Cash]

Which means the one you're with can be controlled.

[Kai the Bear]

His name is M4. M4 is my friend. He teach me to speak human.

[Cash]

And apparently you taught him how to wreak havoc across the astral plane.

[Kai the Bear]

Yes.

[Cash]

Kai, we need your help. Do you know where M4 went?

[Kai the Bear]

Yes, but Kai is not telling.

[Cash]

It's important. That robot is a cache unit. Attempt M4. And he's in a powerful frame that was designed to fight battles. Even after reprogramming, he's dangerous in the wrong hands. We have to find him and shut him down before someone chooses to use him for more than just pranks.

[Kai the Bear]

No, you can't shut him down. He's my friend.

[Cash]

No, he's not. Kai. He doesn't have feelings, he doesn't have emotions.

[Kai the Bear]

Is still my pal.

[Doug]

Should we follow him? The robot?

[Cash]

Not yet. We need to let the rest of the team know where to find this bear.

[Doug]

How do we do that?

[Cash]

Plug your ears.

[Assistant Radio Shack Doug]

Why?

[Kai the Bear]

Hey.

[Mack]

Fancy mating. You two here.

[Tendi]

So fancy. Such a coincidence.

[Mack]

I mean, not really. You probably just heard the signal too.

[Tendi]

Of course. Uh oh.

[Corson]

I'm not sure I want to get any closer to it. It's quite an annoying sound.

[Michael Freiberg]

I kinda like it.

[Tendi]

Oh, why's that?

[Michael Freiberg]

It's the sound she was making when we first found Cash. In her soldier frame, that is in a cave on the side of the mountain.

[Mack]

Oh yeah. Same sound she made when she called all the other cache units to herself back on the desert sphere.

[Corson]

Oh, that's right. It doesn't make it less irritating, but I suppose it does account for some of your warm feelings about. It must be a human thing.

[Michael Freiberg]

So, was Juri able to shed any light on this situation?

[Corson]

He was, actually. So the bear is named Kai? He is and has always been A little problematic.

[Mack]

How so?

[Corson]

Well, he wanted to be a comedian.

[Mack]

How's that problematic?

[Corson]

He wanted to be a human comedian.

[Mack]

Okay, that's a little weird. What does that mean, though?

[Corson]

As the story goes, a long while back, a human came through the Long paws a comedian. The bears are interesting creatures, apart from Jerry, who, as Sphere Mover, has some semblance of responsibility towards the dead. Bears are, for the most part, entirely uninterested in human affairs.

[Tendi]

I can't say I blame him.

[Corson]

Hey, I'm human.

[Tendi]

No shit.

[Corson]

So anyways, the comedian, he has a few drinks, perhaps a few too many. He takes to the stage, interrupts a rather popular local band and starts telling his jokes.

[Mack]

He did his routine. That's kind of badass.

[Corson]

The bears were in shock. Bears love music. And just like they did with your old friend Dristan, they would allow travelers of musical ability to take to the stage, but by invitation only. What this comedian did was entirely out of line. No bear at the long pause has any interest in listening to a human drone on and on about the particular of human affairs. But Kai, a bit of a runt, treated like a child at times, he was enamoured with this man, this audacious and courageous performer who dared to take the stage and make jokes in the presence of a dangerous audience of large creatures. Jerry, of course, sent the inebriated chap on his way, but it left an imprint on the bear. He'd left inspiration. Kai began paying closer attention to travelers and then started imitating their speech quite poorly. Then suddenly, Quite well. Almost as if someone had been teaching him. So, without warning, he mounts the stage uninvited, and begins to perform his. What did you call it?

[Mack]

Routine.

[Corson]

He performs his routine in human speech and it is not well received. First off, it was offensive to the bears. Why would any bear attempt to speak and behave like a human, rejecting their own community and ways, but worse. Secondly, Kai was telling jokes that the bears didn't understand. He recited them in quick succession. Where had he gotten these jokes? No one knew, of course. He was removed from the stage. Jerry told him that if he ever tried to do that again, he'd no longer be allowed in. The long pause. Kai left and never returned. And then the pranks began. Soap on the door handle, skunks let loose in the kitchen, power outages, dumpster fires.

[Tendi]

So he fired, finds a robot. It teaches him how to speak, teaches him some jokes. The bears reject him because he was rude and his comedy stinks. He leaves offended, and recruits the robot to help him wreak Havoc on the ones that hurt him.

[Corson]

And that about sums it up. So what do we do when we find him?

[Tendi]

Let's talk to him and find out.

[Mack]

You can turn it off now.

[Cash]

Hi, guys. Guys, this is Kai. Kai, this is Corson, Tendi, Mack, and Nani.

[Mack]

Hello, Kai. My name is Mack. I will be your interpreter whenever you're ready to confess your crimes. Go for it.

[Kai the Bear]

Kai speaks human and didn't do crimes, just pranks.

[Corson]

Impressive. You must be a very smart bear to speak so fluently in the tongue of a different species.

[Kai the Bear]

Kai is not PI perfect at speaking human, but Kai have help from my buddy.

[Tendi]

You're talking about the robot?

[Kai the Bear]

Yes. He is Kai's friend.

[Tendi]

Tell us about your friend.

[Kai the Bear]

He always listens to Kai. He does what Kai says. He gives Kai Kai prank ideas. He teaches Kai to speak.

[Tendi]

Oh, I can see why you'd want to be friends with him. Must be nice having someone who does whatever you say and never tells you when you're being a jerk.

[Kai the Bear]

Hey, Kai is not a jerk.

[Tendi]

Really? Okay, whatever. So you want to be a comedian?

[Kai the Bear]

Yes.

[Tendi]

That's cool. I think you could make a great comedian.

[Kai the Bear]

Really?

[Tendi]

Can't see why not. Tell me a joke.

[Kai the Bear]

Okay, so kai went to Dr. The other day, and the doctor says, I have bad news.

[Tendi]

Let me stop you right there. Did you actually go to a doctor the other day?

[Kai the Bear]

What is doctor?

[Tendi]

Where'd you get the joke?

[Kai the Bear]

M4 tells me jokes.

[Tendi]

Where did M4 get the joke?

[Cash]

Cache units are preloaded with a sampling of data from the grand library. Music, random facts, and apparently bad jokes.

[Betty]

Hmm.

[Tendi]

So why don't you write your own jokes?

[Kai the Bear]

My jokes no good.

[Tendi]

Try me.

[Kai the Bear]

No.

[Tendi]

Come on, just one joke.

[Kai the Bear]

No. No joke. Kai is not funny.

[Tendi]

Tell me a joke.

[Kai the Bear]

Kai go too far. He thinks it is the long pause, but it was not the long pause. It was a different paw. So Kaz is like long paws? More like the wrong pause.

[Mack]

The wrong pause.

[Doug]

What?

[Tendi]

Okay, okay, you know what? That joke doesn't connect with me personally. But you're a bear. That's a joke from a bear written from his own bear experience.

[Kai the Bear]

It's a bad joke.

[Michael Freiberg]

Maybe it is, but it's your joke, not the robots. I think it's better to risk being unfunny, because at least it's from you. It's a part of you.

[Tendi]

Let's go back to the long pause. I want to talk to Jerry.

[Kai the Bear]

Kai stay here.

[Tendi]

Nope. You're coming too.

[Kai the Bear]

You take Kai prisoner?

[Tendi]

No, not a prisoner.

[Kai the Bear]

So Kai can choose to stay.

[Tendi]

Okay, I guess you are kind of a prisoner.

[Kai the Bear]

If you take me, M4 will rescue me.

[Tendi]

You don't need rescuing.

[Kai the Bear]

Jerry is going to kill Kai.

[Tendi]

Don't worry, I'll talk to Jerry. Alright, Kai. I spoke with Jerry.

[Kai the Bear]

He killed me.

[Tendi]

No, he's not going to kill you.

[Assistant Radio Shack Doug]

He.

[Tendi]

He is gonna make you bus tables for the rest of eternity, but that's it. Not too bad, right?

[Kai the Bear]

Not too bad.

[Tendi]

I guess he's also gonna let you tell a few jokes.

[Kai the Bear]

Really?

[Tendi]

Yeah.

[Kai the Bear]

Why?

[Tendi]

I asked him what he would do if he didn't have to tend bar.

[Kai the Bear]

What did Jerry say?

[Tendi]

I'm not going to tell you. I promised I wouldn't repeat it.

[Kai the Bear]

Is it embarrassing?

[Tendi]

No, it's not. It's just a dream of his that doesn't quite line up with what bears think is acceptable. I think he knows that it's time for some changes around here. I told him maybe he could start with you. He's giving you a shot, kid. You gonna take it?

[Kai the Bear]

Yeah, yeah, Kai's gonna take it.

[Tendi]

Then get up there KY guy. No take like the present.

[Kai the Bear]

Okay, here it goes.

[Tendi]

You got this. Just be yourself. Oh, and guys, Jerry says that while we were out, a traveler came by with those spare tires in the trunk. He sent them with some bears to get the car ready, but it's still

[Cash]

on the other side of the interstate.

[Tendi]

They would have driven it back here but they couldn't find a bear that would fit behind the driver's seat.

[Jared Carter]

Wow, that's really nice of him.

[Michael Freiberg]

I guess we should get back to

[Jared Carter]

the car and carry on.

[Tendi]

It's okay everyone. He's got permission from Jerry. You can clap for him now. I said clap.

[Michael Freiberg]

You're so badass.

[Tendi]

Yeah, I know.

[Kai the Bear]

Good evening. How we doing out there? Everybody good? Okay, I take that as yes. Here's my first joke. I went to the doctor the other day. Doctor says he has bad news. He says kai only have 10 left to live. Kai asked the doctor 10 what? 10 days, 10 months. The doctor replies 9, 8, 7.

[Tendi]

Oh you foolish bear.

[Mack]

What?

[Kai the Bear]

No. Ka doesn't know what the joke means.

[Tendi]

Then tell your own damn jokes.

[Kai the Bear]

My jokes are stupid.

[Tendi]

No, your jokes are not stupid. Try it.

[Kai the Bear]

Okay, I try.

[Robot M4]

M4, I am here to rescue you as you requested.

[Tendi]

What?

[Robot M4]

I am here to rescue him per his earlier request. Kai, should I carry you or would you prefer to walk?

[Kai the Bear]

Thank you for coming to rescue Kai, but I tell jokes now. You are good friend. Thank you for caring about me.

[Robot M4]

You're welcome. I do not care about you and we are not friends.

[Cash]

Haha.

[Kai the Bear]

You make a funny joke.

[Cash]

It's not a joke, Kai. He's just a computer in a robot frame.

[Kai the Bear]

No, M4 is my friend.

[Assistant Radio Shack Doug]

There you sons of bitches are radio tower dog. I'm gonna tear you apart, tin man.

[Cash]

There's no need. He's just an assistant without sentience. He just does what anyone tells him.

[Doug]

Oh, is that so?

[Assistant Radio Shack Doug]

Well, then, robot, arrest that bear. And no need to be gentle.

[Robot M4]

Okay. Aggressively arresting bear.

[Cash]

What?

[Kai the Bear]

You are my friend.

[Robot M4]

M4 is nobody's friend. Now freeze. You're under arrest.

[Assistant Radio Shack Doug]

Get him.

[Robot M4]

Getting him.

[Kai the Bear]

But

[Mack]

damn, Jerry, remind me not to piss you off.

[Kai the Bear]

M4 was not Kai's friend.

[Cash]

No, he wasn't. I'm sorry, Kai, but Jerry is Jerry.

[Kai the Bear]

Is that true? You care about Kai? Thank you, Jerry.

[Tendi]

Don't get distracted, guy. Tell your joke.

[Kai the Bear]

Joke is stupid. M4 jokes were smart.

[Cash]

He didn't make jokes. It was just reciting something it learned from reading things someone on the physical plane wrote. Tell your jokes, Kai. Even if they're not funny, at least they're yours.

[Kai the Bear]

Okay, fine. Here goes. Kai, go to ball. He thinks it is a long pause, but it was not the long pause. It was a different ball. So cards like long pause. More like the wrong paws.

[Tendi]

There we go.

[Kai the Bear]

Okay. Wow. Thanks. That is Kai's only joke. I make others and I come back. Wow.

[Michael Freiberg]

Nani the comedy coach.

[Tendi]

Yeah, yeah, I can do everything.

[Mack]

But that joke wasn't funny to you.

[Tendi]

You're not a bear.

[Mack]

Wow. Bears must be a little dumb. Except for you, Jerry.

[Doug]

Jeez, this is all very heartwarming, but

[Assistant Radio Shack Doug]

that bear has to pay for his crimes.

[Cash]

Little bloodthirsty there, Doug.

[Doug]

Am I?

[Cash]

Yeah, you're kind of coming across that way. I can help you get the radio tower back in order, and Kai will help turn.

[Doug]

Well, okay, but he better also apologize to my crew.

[Cash]

I'm sure he will.

[Doug]

You're lucky I'm a huge fan of yours, Cash, or else that bear would be in some really big trouble.

[Cash]

Sure, Doug.

[Doug]

Do I detect some sarcasm? Him.

[Jared Carter]

What is that?

[Mack]

Is that the Fishers?

[Corson]

No, it's not. Those steps are too loud.

[Doug]

Cash, I'm scared. What's out there?

[Tendi]

Not what.

[Cash]

What.

[Betty]

Doug.

[Cash]

Who?

[Mack]

Cash, is it him?

[Doug]

Him who?

[Tendi]

Come out, come out, wherever you are.

[Assistant Radio Shack Doug]

What in the.

[Jared Carter]

This episode was written, produced and performed by me, Jared Carter. The show is executive produced by the remarkable marksman, Michael Freiberg. A special thank you to early listeners Jared Hines and Kelly Cusack for providing this episode's quality and continuity checks. Until next time, safe travels.

[Heinz and Kraft Sponsor]

The Fable and Folly Network where fiction producers flourish.

[Carrington College Announcer]

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