Desert Skies Presents: THIRST

Summary

Desert Skies Presents: THIRST
Host/Author: Jared Carter
Release Date: July 31, 2025

---

Overview

In this compelling episode of Desert Skies, host Jared Carter explores the dark and intense world of reality competition through a special presentation titled "Desert Skies Presents: THIRST." This episode delves into the harrowing experiences of contestants navigating a sinister game designed to test their limits both mentally and physically. The narrative seamlessly blends meta-commentary with in-universe storytelling, offering listeners a multifaceted perspective on perseverance, morality, and survival.

---

Introduction to "Thirst"

The episode begins with Dennis Cruz expressing excitement about introducing a show called "Thirst," highlighting its horror elements and dystopian backdrop.

Dennis Cruz [00:31]: "In a future America somehow even worse than the present, four couples must survive a dangerous reality competition designed by a sadistic host and a cheerfully violent algorithm."

Harley Takagi Kaner adds context about the creators and warns about the show's intense nature.

Harley Takagi Kaner [01:45]: "Thirst is much more explicit and a lot darker than our other series, so I would not recommend it for children."

---

Premiere of "Thirst"

Listeners are transported into the premiere of "Thirst," where contestants Claudia Marcus and Marcus Williams are introduced. The host orchestrates a psychological game, compelling contestants to reveal their deepest, darkest secrets for a substantial prize.

Key Moments:

• Claudia's Confession:

  Claudia Marcus [06:13]: "When you were in the hospital... I was with Chris."

  This confession unveils Claudia's infidelity and her role in her brother's disappearance, setting a tense tone for the competition.

• Marcus's Revelation:

  Marcus Williams [08:22]: "I know where Martin is. Dead or alive. He's dead. He has been for 20 years."

  Marcus admits to his brother's murder, escalating the stakes and emotional turmoil within the competition.

---

Host's Reactions and Insights

Back in the Desert Skies universe, Dennis Cruz and Harley Takagi Kaner discuss their reactions to the intense content of "Thirst."

Harley Takagi Kaner [05:19]: "Wow. That's really extreme, isn't it?"

Dennis Cruz [15:01]: "It's not your fault. Competition shows stress you out. They aren't for everybody."

These reflections highlight the psychological impact of such reality shows on both participants and observers.

---

Unexpected Turns: Participants Become Players

As the episode progresses, reality blurs as Dennis and Harley find themselves entangled in a real-life scenario resembling the "Thirst" competition. They become contestants themselves, facing unforeseen challenges in a remote, wooded setting.

Key Developments:

• Stranded in the Woods:

  Harley Takagi Kaner [17:11]: "Did we just stop?"

  The sudden halt in their journey raises suspicions about the true nature of the competition they are part of.

• Encounter with Contestants:

  Dennis and Harley interact with other contestants like Georgia Whitaker, Murdoch Whitaker, and Rain Randolph, each bringing their unique backgrounds and secrets to the fore.

• Discovery of a Deceased Deer:

  Harley Takagi Kaner [22:00]: "Dennis, your phone always falls out of those pockets."

  A strange discovery in the woods adds a layer of mystery and danger, suggesting that the competition may have lethal consequences.

---

Climactic Revelations

As tensions mount, Dennis uncovers unsettling truths about the competition's production:

Dennis Cruz [48:25]: "See, my specialty is encoding thinking systems into interactive digital spaces."

This admission reveals his expertise in artificial intelligence, casting doubt on the authenticity of the competition and hinting at manipulative forces at play.

---

Final Confrontations and Open-Ended Questions

The episode crescendos with confrontations among contestants and the realization that "Thirst" may be more than just a scripted reality show. Harley and Dennis grapple with the possibility that they are trapped in a controlled environment where nothing is as it seems.

Dennis Cruz [49:38]: "But how? How horrible."

The unresolved tension leaves listeners pondering the ethical implications of reality competitions and the fine line between entertainment and exploitation.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Dennis Cruz [00:31]: "In a future America somehow even worse than the present, four couples must survive a dangerous reality competition designed by a sadistic host and a cheerfully violent algorithm."

• Harley Takagi Kaner [05:19]: "Wow. That's really extreme, isn't it?"

• Claudia Marcus [06:13]: "When you were in the hospital... I was with Chris."

• Marcus Williams [08:22]: "I know where Martin is. Dead or alive. He's dead. He has been for 20 years."

• Dennis Cruz [15:01]: "It's not your fault. Competition shows stress you out. They aren't for everybody."

• Dennis Cruz [48:25]: "See, my specialty is encoding thinking systems into interactive digital spaces."

• Harley Takagi Kaner [22:00]: "Dennis, your phone always falls out of those pockets."

• Dennis Cruz [49:38]: "But how? How horrible."

---

Conclusion

Desert Skies Presents: THIRST masterfully intertwines meta-narrative with immersive storytelling, offering a profound exploration of reality competition's psychological and ethical dimensions. Through its layered narrative and engaging dialogues, the episode invites listeners to reflect on the nature of entertainment, the human psyche under pressure, and the fine line between reality and manipulation.

Listeners are left contemplating the true intentions behind such competitions and the potential consequences for those involved, making "THIRST" not just a story of survival but also a commentary on societal obsessions with fame, wealth, and sensationalism.

Transcript

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Paquetes expedia vivies paradis frutar de la musica contodos tu sentidos vivimos parabrindarte Paquetes experiencias pormenos Expedia vivimos paraviajar Organizador de viajes de expedia vivies paratenertu propio opinions.

[Dennis Cruz]

Oberre la rena bibimos prajudarten contradugar con.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Alberca y playa Expedia V Vimos paraviajar.

[Dennis Cruz]

Hi friends. I know, I know you're still waiting for the start of season three of Desert Skies, and I hear you. I'm excited for it too. You'll get an announcement from me about it soon. But while you wait, I'm excited to share a show I think you're gonna like. It's called Thirst. I've told you before, I'm a big fan of horror, and the more ridiculous, the better. In a future America somehow even worse than the present, four couples must survive a dangerous reality te competition designed by a sadistic host and a cheerfully violent algorithm. Outside, sea levels rise and temperatures climb. Inside, tensions quickly reach their boiling point. Ridiculous and horrifying, Thirst asks how much the residents of this crumbling empire are willing to trade away for a chance at wealth and safety. Thirst is from the award winning creators of the beloved Penumbra podcast, and you can find Thirst on the Penumbra podcast feed on Spotify or any podcast app. Without further ado, here's the first episode of Thirst.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Hello, this is Harley Takagi Kaner, one of the creators of the Penumbra podcast. If you're just checking out the feed for the first time, welcome. If you've been a listener of the Juno Steel or second Citadel series, welcome back. We are so excited to share our new story, Thirst with all of you. If you are familiar with our previous.

[Dennis Cruz]

Work, I do want to let you.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Know that Thirst is much more explicit and a lot darker than our other series, so I would not recommend it for children. If you have concerns about potential triggers, those will always be listed at the end of the transcript and in the show notes. And here in the series premiere, we have also included a more comprehensive list so that you can decide whether or not the show as a whole is right for you. I do hope you decide to stick around though. And now Thirst can't tear my eyes from you. Chapter 1 Icebreaker.

[Dennis Cruz]

Claudia Marcus, it's been a long road to get here. You've both made great sacrifices, personally and professionally, but if you want a shot at our $10,000 prize. Plus that half acre of landlocked property. Well, I hope you've both got something big up your sleeves. You know the game by now. Your loved ones are in the audience. Your family, best friends. Hell, Marcus, even your boss at the cannery took the day off to come and hear what you've been hiding from him. Hi, Dave. This better be good, Williams. Our producers scoured America and interviewed thousands of applicants to find the deepest, darkest secrets we could. Our private team of investigators is on standby to confirm anything our contestants claim. So, Claudia, Marcus, if you want that $10,000, you're going to have to confess your prize. That's right. And we've learned a lot, haven't we, Marcus? We learned you've been jealous of your little brother ever since he went missing 20 years ago. So jealous you faked your report cards and diploma and, hell, even your job, just to get mommy proud of you again. And, Claudia, hoo, We. Where do we even start? Cheated your way through high school, Plagiarized your valedictorian speech, Beat a girl in your sorority within an inch of her life and blamed it on her boyfriend. I just hope you haven't let your best secrets loose too early.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Me too, Alex. Me too.

[Dennis Cruz]

But now it's our final round. So each of you gets to pull just one last skeleton out of your closet. Most terrible secret verified by our investigators wins. Audience decides who tells first. So, audience, are we ready? Then get voting.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Wow. That's really extreme, isn't it?

[Dennis Cruz]

Is this too much? They're not all like this, I promise. I just picked this one because it's the last thing our producers worked on, so I thought we could, you know, study the lay of the land a little.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Our producers, huh? I'm not sure it quite hit me until you said that.

[Dennis Cruz]

If this is too much, we can stop watching. I promised you.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

I know. I know. Okay. Okay, I'm ready.

[Dennis Cruz]

You're sure?

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

You're right. We should study if we're going to. That's my fault for not watching your kind of show earlier. You can start it up again.

[Dennis Cruz]

Okay? Let's try to enjoy it, huh? These secrets are gonna be juicy.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Juicy. That's good.

[Dennis Cruz]

The votes are in. And, Claudia, looks like you're up first. So, ready to confess your crimes?

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Okay. Bill, I.

[Dennis Cruz]

Bill, as in your supportive husband, Bill. He's in the crowd today. Why don't you stand up, Bill? Let everybody get a good look at you. Yeah. Claudia.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Bill, I. You know I love you more than anything. I love you And I regret it so much.

[Dennis Cruz]

But just say it, please.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

When you were in the hospital, when you had that heart attack, and the doctor said they didn't think you were going to make it, I. I told you, I had no reception. And I missed your mother's calls. That traffic was so bad I couldn't make it there.

[Dennis Cruz]

Claudia.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

No, it's not true. I was with Chris.

[Dennis Cruz]

For those playing at home. That's Chris Lyman, Claudia's ex. You told me you weren't talking to him anymore after last time I saw your calls.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

But we'd had a few drinks and he booked a hotel room, and we. We were. We were you.

[Dennis Cruz]

You. You sick bitch. And Bill has left the building burning bridges with the father of your child. Claudia. That's a hell of a showing. How do you feel?

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm like this. I'm so sorry.

[Dennis Cruz]

Great. Our investigators are on the line with Mr. Lyman now, and we'll get him to corroborate your story shortly. That's gonna be hard to beat. But first, Marcus, I think you know what time it is. I. I do, yeah. Anybody you want to point your confession to? My mom. Mama's boy Marcus strikes again. Lydia, are you out there? Stand on up, Lydia. Help her out, folks. Her knees aren't what they used to be.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Marky, please, you don't have to do this.

[Dennis Cruz]

We lost the house, Mom. What am I supposed to do?

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

We can just leave. Everything you've said so far, I forgive you. Really. We could walk out of here and.

[Dennis Cruz]

Pretend this never happened. So sorry, Mrs. Williams, but we've got a contract with your boy's name on it that says otherwise. Clock's ticking, Marcus. What do you want to tell dear old Ma and all the millions of. Of Americans watching at home? Mom, I. I know where Martin is. Juicy. Go on, Marcus. Don't leave us hanging. Dead or alive. He's dead. He has been for 20 years. I was there when he died. I'm the reason he's dead. A murder confession. You can't make this stuff up, people. That's the magic of live television. I didn't mean to do. Was the lake, Mom. The frozen lake. My grandpa's house. And he had been telling us all these stories about how he used to go ice skating there. And he told us not to. But it was such a cold winter. We'd never seen a frozen before. Martin didn't want to go. He thought it was dangerous. So I called him a chicken and we caught the flight. I Punched him hard. Harder than I meant to. It is. Must be lousy reception. Come on. Come on. Get up. I told him he had to get up, but then the ice cracked, and just before I could reach him, he just. You just. Team of investigators is trawling Firefly Pond as we speak. We'll be back with the bloated corpse of Martin W.E. williams after these messages from Family Oats. Family Oats. A wholesome meal for the wholesome American family. Damn. No service out here in the sticks. I guess we'll just have to look up who won later. So did you, like, confess your crimes?

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

I just don't know if I'm going to be able to do anything like that, Dennis.

[Dennis Cruz]

What? Beat me up and drown me in a frozen lake? That's disappointing. I wouldn't have married you if I knew that's where you drew the line. Are you doing okay?

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Me? Yes. Yes, I'm fine. Of course I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be fine?

[Dennis Cruz]

I'm really grateful that you agreed to do this, you know. I know it's not nothing to you, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't so excited you're here. I really miss you when I'm away filming a show.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

I miss you, too, Dee. And I'm glad we're together. I'm scared, but I trust you. After all, I hear my teammate in this game is a real big deal.

[Dennis Cruz]

Oh, am I a real big deal?

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

The size of the deal. Big.

[Dennis Cruz]

The realness. Oh, you better believe it's real, damn it.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Every time.

[Dennis Cruz]

What can I say? Dennis Cruz does not lose. I'm like one of those heroes in that book you gave me. The one with the naked lady riding the fisherman's platter on the COVID No.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

No, I'm not going to take the bait. You know who that is?

[Dennis Cruz]

You got me. Who could ever forget the great myths about the woman born from the waves? Soggy Catherine.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

You'd better be careful, D. Aphrodite, the goddess of love and beauty, has done terrible things to men for saying much less than that.

[Dennis Cruz]

Goddess of beauty, huh? That's weird. She doesn't look anything like you.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Disgusting.

[Dennis Cruz]

I do my best, but yeah, I'm like a mythological hero when you think about it. One of the good ones. Perseus never lost a fight, did he?

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

I think you're more of an Ajax.

[Dennis Cruz]

Ajax? Ajax.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Think Trojan.

[Dennis Cruz]

No hints. Ajax the great. Second best in the Greek army during the Trojan War. So you do listen when I talk about work. But there's one Big difference between me and him. I'm second best on purpose. Because the thing is.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

The thing is, getting second place in a competition show is actually the smart move. It is, though, because everybody loves an underdog.

[Dennis Cruz]

Don't forget about the prize money.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

And then you get the run up prize without the press banging down your door all the time. Pretty smart, right?

[Dennis Cruz]

Wow, that is such a wise and intelligent and handsome thing you just said. Did you come up with that or.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

I learned from the second best.

[Dennis Cruz]

Not for long I'm not. Because you and me are. Are cashing out, babe. And taking this competition show is how we do it. You don't need to be nervous. It's the end of the world, Anouk.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

What?

[Dennis Cruz]

I said it's not the end of the world. If we don't win this, I can always go on another show. So we'll get in there, I'll try to figure out our win, and if not, who cares? We got a free trip out into the country.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Did you really just call Western Moss the country city boy?

[Dennis Cruz]

It's got trees, doesn't it? That's country enough for me. And anyway, Huntry girl, it's beautiful out here. Air's great. No flood risk. Think of this as a paid vacation. Just one where we could win $100 million in a house somewhere far away from the sea.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

That would be nice. You sure it's 100 million?

[Dennis Cruz]

You prefer your contracts written or verbal? Because I got both flavors. The executive producer, Ms. Laplace, she called me personally to give me the offer.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

She did? You didn't tell me that.

[Dennis Cruz]

I didn't want you to feel pressured to say yes. If you didn't want to, I would have just. Anyway, Ms. Laplace called me the day before we filmed our audition tape and asked me, Mr. Cruz, you're married, right? And I tell her I am. But for the right price, that can be telltale. And she says, how's a chance at $100 million sound to you? And I tell her it sounds great, of course. But you should have heard her, babe. People love rooting for you. And it's time you were paid your due. She even said she liked my videos. Anouk, she mentioned. Recap. Roundup by name. See, the pros want us here, babe. They're not gonna make you do anything you don't wanna do. I promise.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

And this Ms. Laplace also produced that Confess yous Crimes show.

[Dennis Cruz]

I really freaked you out watching that, didn't I? I knew I should have picked 24 hour dodgeball for us to study.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

No, no, it was great. Obviously, I just. All that for a $10,000 prize? That's nothing. That's barely three days in the hospital. And that man threw away his life confessing to murder for it.

[Dennis Cruz]

He'll probably talk him down to manslaughter. And the tears and the shouting and all that, that's just theater. Unwritten rule of these shows is if the audience gets bored watching you, the producers find a reason to give you the axe. So the winners, they just play a good character, right? But that doesn't mean that's who they really are. They're nice. Usually.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

I just feel like I should have done more to prepare, watched more of these shows or studied them like you do. I'm going to be so angry with myself if I let you down.

[Dennis Cruz]

It's not your fault. Competition shows stress you out. They aren't for everybody. Just almost everybody. Listen, I'll say this as many times as you need. I'm glad you're here. I mean, when we win this thing, this is going to be my last competition show ever. The Dennis Cruz swan song. I'll still upload all my videos and stuff, but this is emotional for me. I'm glad you're here to help. And you couldn't possibly let me down, honest.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Thanks, D. It's just.

[Dennis Cruz]

Yeah.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

I'm sorry. Doing these shows has just been so much of your life for so long, even more than your videos, and it's just hard for me to believe it's almost over. But you promise you're done after this?

[Dennis Cruz]

Really? I promise.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Keep your promises. I know.

[Dennis Cruz]

I mean it. Get pumped, babe, because this is the finish line. One more win and we'll have enough for life.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

We already have enough, D. I just have to go full time and.

[Dennis Cruz]

No. Nope. No. When we first met, I promised you I'd support you until your paintings took off. And we're too close to give up now. 100 million. Anuka, play somewhere safe. Somewhere we won't have to move from in 10 years. I have to take that deal. It'd be irresponsible not to. Sure, it's gonna be hard. And sure, these shows are scary, but they can't make you do anything. So what's the worst that could happen?

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

You like that scariness, don't you?

[Dennis Cruz]

I do. But if I need a thrill in the future, I'll take up skydiving. With 100 million, I can buy my own plane.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Maybe you should buy a parachute first.

[Dennis Cruz]

I knew I was forgetting something. Ever tell you how lucky I am to have You. Oh, you're shaking. Don't be nervous. I'm here.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

I know. I'm glad.

[Dennis Cruz]

You'll feel better when this van gets us on set. A little fresh air, a little craft in your belly, and this will all seem much more doable. Hey, driver. Sorry, I didn't get your name. How much longer till we get wherever we're going? I guess he's not very talkative.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Did we just stop?

[Dennis Cruz]

Seems like, yeah. Hope I didn't offend the guy. Everything all right up there, sir?

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

I don't have cell service. Do you?

[Dennis Cruz]

It doesn't look like. I'm just gonna check to see what's up. It'll be fine. He probably just needs help changing a tire or something. Hey, anything I can.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Huh? D. Why did we stop?

[Dennis Cruz]

We're here, I guess.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Really? Welcome to San Narcisse University. Contestants, please follow the signs to the street Student building.

[Dennis Cruz]

I guess we're supposed to walk from here.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Did the driver say anything?

[Dennis Cruz]

Ask him yourself.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Excuse me, is this.

[Dennis Cruz]

Oh, nobody here but us mice.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Did the driver already go somewhere? I didn't see anyone walk away.

[Dennis Cruz]

I'm guessing it's an automated van. Easier to keep things under wraps. That way nobody can leak our location. If nobody knows we're here.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Wait, Nobody knows where we are? And the nearest city is how far away?

[Dennis Cruz]

I mean, the producers know, and I'm sure they got emergency services on speed dial. Let's give them a chance. I'm sure they got something worked out. Let's just grab our stuff and shit.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Wait, hold on. We don't have our bags yet. What the hell?

[Dennis Cruz]

I mean, at least it's going the same direction we are.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Then why couldn't it give us a ride?

[Dennis Cruz]

Glitch in the programming, maybe? When we get to the student building, we'll figure it out. We should get moving.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

You are sure about this?

[Dennis Cruz]

I am. But also, it's not like we have a choice. Teaser trailer airs tonight and we haven't filmed a minute of it yet. My brothers will be watching. What about your aunt?

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Uh, of course. They can really edit the footage into a trailer that quickly? It's already four.

[Dennis Cruz]

That is pretty quick. But Studio Laplace are some of the best in the business. I guess we should hurry in case we're late, though. Come on. It'll be alright. We've got each other, don't we? Well, I can't say I've ever screwed up this particular way before.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Don't say that. You're making me nervous.

[Dennis Cruz]

I mean, getting lost on a straight path that is next level.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

It's just. It's not even possible. How could we be lost?

[Dennis Cruz]

I don't know what else could have happened, though. If the van was automated and it picked us up on time, it should have dropped us off on time, too, right? And we've been walking this path pretty quickly, but I haven't seen the building yet. I don't know how we're gonna have time to film this thing. Neither of us can tell your aunt about this. I worked hard to get the micro shred of respect she's given me, and I'm not losing it that easy.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

I wouldn't tell her. Honestly. She'd probably kill me for staying out in the woods so long without bug spray.

[Dennis Cruz]

I wouldn't give your aunt's horror stories that much credit. You should have heard some of the stuff she was trying to get me to believe. Last time we went over for dinner, man, eating deer and giant ticks and whatever else. I just kept wanting to be like, you know this is Massachusetts, right? Turkeys, Thanksgiving, you put a fish in the ground to make the corn grow, all that kind of thing. The way she talks, you'd think this is like Chernobyl or the backside of the moon or, I don't know, Florida.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Yeah. Yeah, she's a lot. But she is right about some things. People really do keep disappearing in the woods.

[Dennis Cruz]

Yeah, people always have, though.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

And the wildlife, the mosquitoes. I was watching a report yesterday that said the way they move, the way they swarm, it's almost like they cannot.

[Dennis Cruz]

Watching stuff like that, I don't see the point. If nobody's even figured out why it's happening or what to do about it, I mean, why bother?

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

I just. Well, maybe I shouldn't. Sometimes I think it might be useful to see the bad things coming before they get here. You know?

[Dennis Cruz]

Take it from your TV guy, babe. You can't trust everything you hear on tv. Watching the news. That was your first mistake. If I believe every bad thing they say on the news. Hell, I don't know how you could do that without going completely mental.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Mental, Right. It definitely feels that way.

[Dennis Cruz]

We've been walking way too long to be on the right path. Let me check my phone again, see if I can get a GPS signal. Now. Huh?

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

D. Is something wrong?

[Dennis Cruz]

I can't find my phone. I must have dropped it at some point.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Dennis, your phone always falls out of those pockets. They're too small. I thought you were going to donate those pants.

[Dennis Cruz]

I was, but then I checked again, and I gotta look good for the premiere, you know what I mean? And have you seen my button these?

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Yes, and it's juicy as hell, Dee, but priorities, please. Well, at least it's a straight path. Let's go back.

[Dennis Cruz]

Nope, no time. I can run faster than you. I'll go back for my phone, and you keep walking. I'll catch up with you in a minute.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

I really don't want to be in these woods alone.

[Dennis Cruz]

Why not? You and your aunt used to do that kind of thing all the time, right?

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

That's different.

[Dennis Cruz]

How? Come on. You're tough, babe.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Just feels different right now. I don't want to be tough out here alone.

[Dennis Cruz]

Well, you're always tough, so you'll be okay. I promise. We're running behind schedule and breaking one of these contracts. Trust me, that's something real to be scared of. So keep walking, stay posy, and I'll catch up with you in a minute, okay?

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Dee, we were just talking about the woods being dangerous. What are you going to do if you come back to the disemboweled corpse of your wife?

[Dennis Cruz]

I love you no matter where your bowels are, babe. Be right back. Love ya. Grab my phone, find my babe, record the teaser. Grab my phone, find my babe, record the teaser.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Love you to. Come on, Anuk. You can't be afraid of Aunt Goats Ghost stories forever. Because she's crazy, right? She always says she's crazy. There's no good reason to believe the world's ending besides, you know, the heat and no safe drinking water and biblical flooding so bad we don't even know where all this salt water is coming from. And the climate of Siberia and the Sahara just switching places and the animals going completely crazy. Just like Aunt Goat's crazy and I'm crazy and everyone's crazy. And isn't life more fun inside the madhouse anyway? D, Is that you? I must have just stepped on a twig or something. Okay. Dennis, are you there? Whoever's there, you better not. It can't. Dennis, I need you to. Dennis, come back, please. Dennis. Here it come. Stop. This wasn't supposed. Said if I never shot it again, then just wouldn't. What the. No, no, no, no, no. Not again. Whoa, whoa. What's going on? Are you hurt? How? I didn't hear you. You didn't hear me because you were making enough noise for both of us. Take a breath and talk to me. Are you in danger? Are any bears or, I don't know, rural sex pests about to come running through those bushes? What? No. I thought I had that body, that dead body, its face. It's a deer. And it's too dead to hurt you now. And that means you only have one job right now, and that's to get your shit together. Okay? We're going to do it together. Can you handle that? I. Yes, I can. Good. Sit up straight so you can have space to receive air. Okay. Nice. Now relax. Get comfortable. Soft gaze. Okay. Right. Okay, now try to place your spirit somewhere down low, low above the buttocks and between the ovaries. Okay. Wait, what? Now's not for talking. Now is for breathing. Ready? Inhale for 1, 2, 3, 4. Hold it in, 2, 3, 4. Exhale, 2, 3, 4. 4. Wow, that was really. And inhale, 2, 3, 4. Hold, 2, 3, 4. EXHALE, 2, 3, 4. INHALE, 2, 3,4. Hold, 2, 3, 4. EXHALE, 2, 3. For. So, are we done yet? The work is never done, but, like, it literally is at some point, right there. Ready to face the world again. Yeah, sorry, I just heard. I thought I heard something that I. Sorry. Yes, thank you. No problem. It's my job. Finding lost women in the woods and helping them through panic attacks. Yeah. Huh. So, like, do they have schools for that or. I would describe most of my clients as women lost in the woods. I'm a spiritual healer. Conduit for the unspoken wisdom of the universe. Yoga instructor. Oh, you meant, like, metaphorically. That makes so much more sense. I thought you were a park ranger or something. I don't really care for that word. Oh, are we all angry at park rangers now? For some reason? I meant metaphorically. I just don't see the point in having a word for things that aren't true. If it isn't true, why would we spend time talking about it? So if we talk about it, it must be true, right? That's. Huh. That's fun. You're much nicer to talk to than my husband. I guess that's another reason to be glad I lost him in the woods here. Your husband? Then Are you here for the competition show, too? I am. And I guess that makes you the competition. I hope I don't end up regretting saving you from that pile of rotting meat that used to be a deer. Ugh. I'm Rain. Rain Randolph. And you? Anuk Kalhara. Exotic. Do you think that's going to give you an edge on the show? I don't know. I don't really watch shows like this. Diving in the deep end first. That's brave. So what's a brave girl like you doing screaming about dead Deer in the middle of the woods. The woods is, like, where dead deer live. Didn't you notice its face? Ugh, no. The flies told me most of what I need to know. Thanks. Its face looks like it's been torn off. But the rest of its body, it looks like it's been out here for a few weeks. But there are no signs of scavengers picking at the rest of its body. Only the face. It's just ripped away completely. Huh. Must just be a gross deer. What? It's. It's just that scavengers don't behave that way. Food is food. And there's a lot of meat on a deer this size. Yeah, the dead deer is super weird and interesting. But you're from around here. With that accent? Not originally, but most of my life, yeah. Huh. Massachusetts. What a concept. What was that?

[Dennis Cruz]

I think I heard her over this way. Come on. I'm moving as fast as I can. All right. These aren't exactly hiking shoes.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Sounds to me like the kind of animal we really should be scared of. Dennis. Dennis? How do you know Dennis? What?

[Dennis Cruz]

Babe? There you are.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Dennis. Oh, that Dennis. I thought you meant Jesus.

[Dennis Cruz]

Cruz. I asked you to wait up.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

That Dennis.

[Dennis Cruz]

Happy to see you too, honey. Let me clear things up before they get too confusing. Anouk, this is my new pal, Dennis Lang. And you must be Rain. Nice to meet you. I'm.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

I know who you are. I've watched TV before. So your guy is the Dennis Cruz, huh? Yes, I. Yeah, he's on a lot of shows like this one.

[Dennis Cruz]

A lot. He's on every one of these stupid shows. Jackpot Triathlon, the Big Sexy House. John McGraw's Last Stand Saloon presented by John McGraw.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Quiz me, Daddy, Sell Me youe Trash, Gambler's Pair of Dice Road Trip, War Zone.

[Dennis Cruz]

Alone in the Mall With a Very.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Big Bear this is the winter when we diss content the Great American Tax Write Off. If you're here, who's driving?

[Dennis Cruz]

Business Boy, Season five and the third All Star season.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Right? The Princess of Profit. Have to ask, were you all really at each other's throats like that all the time or that.

[Dennis Cruz]

No, that was just an act. Except Caleb. Everybody really did hate that guy.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Really? Then the punch.

[Dennis Cruz]

Real. Wait. Punches in the bowl or like the fist?

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Either.

[Dennis Cruz]

Both.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

I knew it. God, that was such good TV.

[Dennis Cruz]

I found All Stars 2 more compelling. Personally.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Uh, Dennis.

[Dennis Cruz]

What?

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Oh, that's not going to get annoying.

[Dennis Cruz]

She said my name. What was I supposed. Rain's right, though. This is gonna get confusing. Hey, here's an idea. Why don't we call you Dennis? L. And what are we calling you? Oh, just Dennis is fine. Ha. Very funny. I'm just absolutely busting about it.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Don't say busting.

[Dennis Cruz]

Oh, I'm busting all over the place. Hither and yon sea to shining sea. I'm just kidding you. Anyway, Dennis. Al, so glad we bumped into each other because. Hey, babe, you're not gonna believe this, but Lang here knows the way to San Narcisse. I was worried we'd be late, but apparently they haven't even set up for filming yet.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

There's no way that's true.

[Dennis Cruz]

I knew you'd say that, so I grabbed one of these on the way way out.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

An invitation to dinner.

[Dennis Cruz]

One of the producers gift this to you? I didn't see a producer while I was there. Just the other contestants. None of them had seen a producer either. They said they'd each found one of these in their rooms. Let's get going then. I'm starving. Oh. Think we have any more Dennises in store for us, fellow Dennis? Guess we'll just have to hope we get lucky. Hey, who's up for an icebreaker while we walk?

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Fascinating. You must be the last person alive who actually likes icebreakers.

[Dennis Cruz]

The world couldn't handle two of us. Here's one that always gets people talking. If you were to be executed by firing squad, would you be a blindfold on or blindfold off kind of guy?

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Oh, my God.

[Dennis Cruz]

What? I think it's kind of fun to think about blindfold on. Obviously, that's the only rational answer. If I'm gonna be dead anyway, why would I add all that suspense on top? What up, party people? Who's ready for dinner? Huh? Well, this wasn't exactly the vibe I was expecting to walk into. Look, Dennis is back with friends. You had us worried. We thought all that screaming in the woods might have been you. Ha, ha. Guess a little gratitude's too much to expect.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

You heard that from here.

[Dennis Cruz]

Oh, and look. Now you made Nanook feel bad.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

It's our nook, actually.

[Dennis Cruz]

Jesus Christ. Can't anybody lay off me for, like, two seconds? I'm glad nobody's hurt. We were just discussing whether we should send someone to check and see what the screaming was all about. Bad idea. Splitting the group in the middle of unknown territory is asking for trouble.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

And my husband would know. He's a survival specialist. I'm sorry.

[Dennis Cruz]

That wasn't kind of me.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

It's been a very long day.

[Dennis Cruz]

Georgia Whitaker. And this is my husband. Capote Whitaker.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Pleasure, Capote. And I'm Holiday Murdoch, a psychology researcher at Arkansas College. And the national hero sitting next to me is my husband, Murdoch. His name is Murdoch. Murdoch.

[Dennis Cruz]

Everyone just calls me Murdoch, but some people like to start with Sergeant. Good to meet you, Sarge. You know, my dad was military, too. What branch? Special Forces. That must be a nice life. Taxes bite off enough of my money that I bet you eat better than I do. I'm retired. Thank you for your service. Well, it sounds like you already know my good path, pal. Dennis L. Boy, do we ever. And this is my new friend, Rain. I can introduce my own wife. Thanks, Rain. Everybody. Everybody. Rain.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Wow. I'm so glad you're here to roll out the red carpet.

[Dennis Cruz]

Dennis L. This is, of course, my beautiful wife, Anouk.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Hello.

[Dennis Cruz]

And I'm Cruz. Reputation precedes me, I guess. Cruz here thinks that the producer should be starting things up any minute now. Who's going to tell him?

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Tell him what, exactly?

[Dennis Cruz]

We've all been saying that for how long now, Cap? Eight hours.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Eight hours? How much longer are they going to take?

[Dennis Cruz]

We'll tell you as soon as anybody tells us.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Well, personally, I am just thrilled for this competition show to begin. I'm so very confident in the love my Murdoch and I have built together. And I will represent my country proudly. What's with her?

[Dennis Cruz]

Does she still think the show's already started? She won't talk about it directly.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

I think she thinks it'll make her look bad.

[Dennis Cruz]

What?

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Don't be silly. That would be so paranoid.

[Dennis Cruz]

Best way to make yourself paranoid is to act paranoid. I don't think it's paranoid. Great energy, Holiday. Really fantastic. Just some quick advice from someone who ridden this rodeo a few times before. Try to relax into it and have some fun, huh? The cameras are gonna love that.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Really?

[Dennis Cruz]

Really. Look, people, I think Holiday here has the right attitude. You said you work at Arkansas College, right, Holiday? Where is that exactly?

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Why?

[Dennis Cruz]

Just kidding ya. But since we're sitting in the college dining room right now, that means we're on your turf, so I think we should follow your lead. If the producers told us we're filming the teaser today, you can bet we're filming it. And given that the thing's supposed to air in how long? Half an hour by my watch. Thank you, Sarge. I think it's likely we're already filming.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Really? I. I didn't see any cameras.

[Dennis Cruz]

You never do on these things. Obviously.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Not to burst your bubble, Dennis, but.

[Dennis Cruz]

We'Ve already tried most of the things you might expect for a hidden camera show. So, really, we were starting to wonder if.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Wonder if what?

[Dennis Cruz]

Well, if there's been some kind of production error. Hopefully just scheduling.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Hopefully.

[Dennis Cruz]

What, you think they just drove us out into the woods and abandoned us here?

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Oh, my.

[Dennis Cruz]

It seems unlikely, but the evidence is mounting. There's food in the kitchen, but most of it looks like it spoiled months ago. There's a greenhouse on campus, but we would have to do some serious bushwhacking to see if there's anything edible growing there. It looks like nobody's tended to it in years. And most interesting of all, in my opinion, is the obvious woodlouse infestation.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Ew.

[Dennis Cruz]

Of course, woodlice typically gravitate toward damp wood, which. Never mind. I just think they're interesting. That's weird. Sure. But, hell, we all have Marina Laplace's number, right? So why don't we just call her and see what's up? Someone must have reception out here.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

That's the thing, Dennis. Not one of us does.

[Dennis Cruz]

Landlines don't work either, Chuck. To myself.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Then we're just stranded out here without food or anything.

[Dennis Cruz]

Some canned. Enough to last eight people one week, maybe two.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Jesus. What about water?

[Dennis Cruz]

We'll be thirsty, but we'll live modern life in a nutshell. Isn't it grand?

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Well, there's nothing to stop us from just leaving on our own, is there? We may be in the woods, but this is a small state date. It couldn't take more than a day to. I mean, you don't want to do that. Excuse me.

[Dennis Cruz]

She's right, Holly.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Oh, well, then I guess we'll all figure something out together.

[Dennis Cruz]

I'm going to be honest. I'm not convinced there's anything to figure out here. Respectfully, Dennis, if this is all just part of a game, why would the producers have kept us in the dark without so much as a hello for any eight hours? Well, maybe they were waiting for us. And look, whether or not Studio Laplace has left us out here to die, we're going to be stuck together for a while. So we might as well get to know each other, right? No matter what's going on here, that seems like our next move. Okay, I'm taking a walk. My ice is already broken. Thanks.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Have fun, Dennis.

[Dennis Cruz]

L. Well, it seems like we've lucked into two of the most charming Denises in the country. You'll have to let me interview you.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Before we're done here.

[Dennis Cruz]

I'm sure my viewers would love to hear from you again. Oh, do you have A channel online or something?

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Yes, a small one.

[Dennis Cruz]

Celebrity Gossip. I've covered you before.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

That's so cool.

[Dennis Cruz]

You'll have to send me a link. Georgia. I can't believe I've never seen your stuff before.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Oh, you have. Maybe the name Georgia Akubude sounds more familiar.

[Dennis Cruz]

Sorry. You must be thinking of someone else.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

No. Well, what did you say about him in your videos? You're married to him, I think. You can probably guess.

[Dennis Cruz]

She doesn't watch my shows. Explains a lot. So Capote must help with your channel, then. Oh, no, I'm. Well, I'm a writer of a kind, but.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

A writer. That's so exciting. And what do you write?

[Dennis Cruz]

Nothing anybody reads. Just. Hey, Georgia, didn't you say you already checked the kitchen? Murdoch and I both did. Why? Then what's this exactly?

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Oh, my goodness. Is that a pot roast?

[Dennis Cruz]

It looks like it. Tastes like it, too.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

May I?

[Dennis Cruz]

May you what?

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Maybe you could try a fork instead of your finger. Oh, my goodness. I think that's real beef. That. That can't be right. I am sure of it. Where I grew up in Montana, there used to be cattle ranches. And ever since the water. Well, I obviously haven't had real beef since I was a little girl.

[Dennis Cruz]

Hey, we're really getting the star treatment. This must be how the rich and famous eat. It isn't, though. I'm starving. Bring that bad boy over here, Dennis, and let's dig in. Yeah, I'm happy to provide. No reason to thank me. I just found this while I was looking around and I decided to, you know, share the wealth. It's just the kind of guy I am.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Share the wealth? As opposed to what? Eating it all yourself? Is that the alternative? You want us to be proud of you for sharing our dinner instead of eating eight pounds of beef by yourself?

[Dennis Cruz]

Obviously not. There. Take that off your hands. Sure, whatever. Like I was saying, there are vegetables, too.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

You didn't hunt the cow, Dennis. El.

[Dennis Cruz]

Stop calling me that.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

You haven't provided Shit.

[Dennis Cruz]

Dig in, people. Let's not let a delicacy go to waste. Yeah. Help yourselves, guys. So you're a writer, Capote. That's awesome. I bet you and Anukal have a lot to talk about. She's an artist, too. Tell them about it, babe.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Oh, I. I wouldn't call it the same thing, really.

[Dennis Cruz]

She's being modest. Her paintings are just so. So good. That sounds wonderful. I don't know much about painting, Anouk. She says the paint. She uses this really rare paint that you can't even Find online. It's wild, but I guess something happened and they can't make it anymore. So now it's even rarer, right? It's called.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

We really don't have to get into all that.

[Dennis Cruz]

Why not? Maybe one of them knows where you can get some.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

I really don't think they will. I've interviewed a few painters.

[Dennis Cruz]

Maybe I have a connection.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

What's it called?

[Dennis Cruz]

Oh, really? That'd be great. It's called Venga Black. Don't you mean Vanta Black? Oh, God. See? Thank you. That's what I said. But no, Anuk says it's a totally different thing. And what's crazy is the name's.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

We don't have to act like children just because the lights went out.

[Dennis Cruz]

Look, some kind of projector is playing on the wall. Can't tear my eyes from you Nothing else that I can do. Let me ask you a question, America. What's the craziest thing you would do for love? I went to war for her.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Oh, be serious. We didn't meet until after you enlisted.

[Dennis Cruz]

Well, I didn't know you yet, but I knew you were out there. And I thought even if I never got to meet you, I'd do anything I could to make sure you never went thirsty. And I meant it.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Oh. Oh, Squish.

[Dennis Cruz]

It's a tough world out there, folks. And it feels like it's just getting tougher every. Every day. And times like this make you ask, how are we supposed to make it through? So I was in high school. We don't have to say how long ago. And I was planning this stupid stunt for weeks, right? I broke the lock on the door to the roof of the school. And I had this big banner I made that said, will you go to prom with me, Kelly B. You didn't just wait because it's so much worse than you think, because the fellas, right, they said I should lock the door behind me and knock him off the roof till Kelly B. Said yes. So that's what I did. They had to call the fire department to put me off there.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Then Kelly didn't say yes?

[Dennis Cruz]

No. But even worse, it turns out she was out sick that day. So all I got was an in school suspension and a second degree sunburn. So what do we need to get by? Well, you've probably guessed it by now. It's your favorite four letter word that doesn't rhyme with duck. It's love, baby, and we're just living it.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

I don't think I believe in crazy. Really? If an idea Works. It works. And if it doesn't, it shouldn't matter how it sounds.

[Dennis Cruz]

I'll agree with that. Sure.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

But do you remember that great master I studied under a few years ago?

[Dennis Cruz]

You're not going to convince me that there's a great master in Queen's reign.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

He had himself convinced enough for all of us, trust me. But he did tell me this beautiful story about a spiritual wanderer whose lover died when they were both very young. So she trained. She trained for years on end. To separate herself from her physical body. To travel everywhere else. Everywhere that's real, that matters, but that you can't touch. Well, let me finish. She finds him eventually. But when she returns to her body, she sees that it's nothing but a pile of bones. She'd been gone searching for a thousand years. But the journey had meant so much to her. That she hadn't noticed the time pass her by. I think. I think if I could ever find that kind of strength within myself. That's the kind of thing I might do for love. Even if people think it's crazy.

[Dennis Cruz]

I don't think that's crazy. That's beautiful. That great master, though. Yikes.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Do you remember the hair?

[Dennis Cruz]

Oh, my God. What the hell did he call it? That combination mohawk and white guy cornrows thing.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Cornhawk.

[Dennis Cruz]

Everyone's so negative these days. You'd think the world was ending the way people talk. But just because the problems are complicated doesn't mean the solutions have to be. Love can save you, folks. I mean it. And we're gonna show you how. You know, I used to have an apartment. It was a nice place. It did look a bit like a ghost lived there. Yes. And the walls were totally bare, but. Well, I liked it. But then we got together and I thought, I have to be with this woman. And when you're with Georgia, you're living life at her pace. I can count on one hand the number of nights I've slept in my own bed in the last year. Besides that, it's just hotels all over the country.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Capote.

[Dennis Cruz]

I followed you into a literal war zone. And you think the craziest thing you've done is sleep in hotels? We're on a hunt for love, ladies and gents. And we've got top of the line tech helping us track it down. Our series of highly scientific tests of love. Hell, our entire program will be designed by the most knowledgeable computer mind in the country. And let me tell you, it's not gonna let up until we prove we've found America's. Sweethearts Love will save you we'll show you how all you need to do is tune in and let the magic happen. My name's Jedediah Jordan, and this is can't tear My eyes from you. Catch us Thursdays at 8pm only on America's favorite channel. Well, that was. That was really sweet, don't you all think?

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

I didn't record any of that.

[Dennis Cruz]

Yes, you did.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

What are you talking about? You were with me in that video. You know we never filmed that.

[Dennis Cruz]

Not in that room. Sure, that was from our audition tape.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Ours too. But how could it be from our audition tapes? I've never been in the room they showed in that clip.

[Dennis Cruz]

It's a digital composite. They put our auditions onto new backgrounds. Or their supposed state of the art AI did. At least they've been able to do that for a long time. But it's more expensive and time consuming than just finding a new room to record in, so it hasn't been in vogue for a while. This is obviously just showing off whatever tech they're running.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

I didn't know this show was being put together by an eight.

[Dennis Cruz]

You didn't? Oh, that's the only reason to be on this stupid thing. It's gonna be a disaster. The stuff they're promising with this AI, it can't even be half true. And you know this how? Glad you asked, Whitaker. See, my specialty is encoding thinking systems into interactive digital spaces.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

He makes video games.

[Dennis Cruz]

I make award winning video games. Strategy mostly. But it's the enemy AI that grabs people. You develop a relationship with it over the course of a game, right? It holds grudges, it gets jealous.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

It really feel Olga.

[Dennis Cruz]

It's just a computer. It doesn't feel anything. My point is, if this AI could do what they say it can, I'd know, and I don't. So it can't.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Huh.

[Dennis Cruz]

And a lot of people pay money for that kind of thing. It's better than watching the news.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Do they usually make fake videos of the contestants on shows like this? Mr. Cruz?

[Dennis Cruz]

Basically. Don't be dense. No, they don't. In that clip, they had me drinking beer. And how do I know I wasn't drinking beer beer when we were recording? Because beer is for idiots drinking all those carbohydrates. You might as well drink a loaf of bread.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

I could drink a loaf of bread right now.

[Dennis Cruz]

If they could make a video of us drinking things we never drank, what else could they show us doing? Nothing our contracts say they can't. Oh, we were supposed to Specify everything we didn't want to be shown doing on our contracts. Then, silly me, I got halfway through the seven deadly sins and ran out of steam. Babe. Everything all right?

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

This is how TV is made, and we signed up for it. But what? How?

[Dennis Cruz]

I've interviewed enough competition show contestants to know that this is not how it's made. And we're not gonna let Mr. Cruz convince us all that this is normal. You need some space. You want to get some air. What I want to know is who turned on the darn projector? Could the AI have done that? Dennis, he's not the goddamn expert on everything here.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

He was talking to you, Dennis.

[Dennis Cruz]

L. Then he should have.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Is she all right, Mr. Perry?

[Dennis Cruz]

Yeah. Well, no, she definitely doesn't.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Feel.

[Dennis Cruz]

The number. And I'll get it for you. What's with all the long faces, lovebirds? Romance is in the air. Was that her water glass?

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Jesus, Anouk. You almost broke his nose. Oh, my God.

[Dennis Cruz]

Good aim. Barely two inches off.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

And all that water. How. How horrible.

[Dennis Cruz]

Guess she's not thirsty.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

I'm so. I don't know why. It's just. But you. I didn't. I'll be right back.

[Dennis Cruz]

A nuke. A nuke. This is starting to play. Just one second. A nuke. Well, the producers were telling me that this crop of contestants were drop dead gorgeous, but I didn't think they meant that literally.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Sam.

[Dennis Cruz]

If you like our stories and you'd like us to keep making them, please follow us and spread the word about us on social media, including Hepenumbra Podcast on Instagram and TikTok, the Penumbra Podcast on Facebook and Hepenumbra Pod Bsky Social on bluesky. If you have a little bit to spare, we have merch galore available for you to buy, including T shirts, mugs, posters, recordings of live shows, official soundtracks, and so much more. You can find those at shop the penumbra podcast.com the kind of support that helps us most of all, though, is a recurring monthly subscription over at the Penumbra Special Edition at the penumbra podcast.supercast.com youm can receive early ad free episodes and a huge amount of behind the scenes content, including production scripts, commentaries, live streams, and more. We have all this available for the same price on our old [e-mail] the Penumbra Podcast as well. But we get a better rate on your contributions over at the Special Edition. So if you want your dollar to go farther in helping us, that's the place to go. We use your contributions to pay our actors and artists competitive rates, purchase equipment and license software that allows us to work and record remotely with a wide range of performers and buy time to work obsessively on these stories to make them as good as they can be. If you want indie art to continue existing, please continue supporting it how you can. Thank you. And hey, speaking of behind the scenes content, one of our favorite rewards is our companion podcast for Thirst, Wet Hot American Doomsday, where Harley and I chat with the actors and artists of Thirst. This week we're talking about chemistry between actors with Melody Pereira and Joshua Elon.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

Okay, I'll be blunt. It is weird because I've never met Joshua. I've only seen him through a tiny little window on Zoom or, you know. And. And what?

[Dennis Cruz]

Do you look through my windows when.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

You were following me on I'm a pervert? Yeah. But.

[Dennis Cruz]

We'D also like to shower thanks upon our endless Gratitude tier supporters who give so generously to keep our show alive. Mikayla Baer, Skyfire Forever Radius Elna the Werners thanking the Penumbra team for preserving and creating Jun Gashoku, Jonathan the Wilkas Wilkes Kiki's Podcast Patronage Service Gregory Seidman, Ari Berry, Jay Hull, Diana Coz Cortu Desert Willow the Lady Guinevere and the Extra Large Snack Eden the Gay Bookworm, Jane Marie Cohen, Tanya's Robot Repair, Chloe De Moulin, Charlie Kane, Joey Minshew, In Memory of spiral, opal and genetic three. Thank you all so much. This episode of Thirst, Chapter 1 Icebreaker was performed by Joshua Elon as Dennis Cruz, Melody Pereira as Anouk Kalhara, Marge Dunn as Rain Randolph, Stephano Purdy as Dennis Lang, Amanda Egboo as Georgia Whitaker, Quinn McKenzie as Capote Whitaker, Mark Pierre as Sergeant Murdoch, Eleanor Cho Fellerhoff as Holiday Murdoch and Alexander Stravinsky as the host. The Can't Tear My Eyes from youm theme was written by Harrison M. Beck. Our composer is Ryan Vibert. Our graphic designer is Jeff Wright. Our head of operations is Ginny d'. Angelo. Thirst and the Penumbra podcast are created and produced by Harley Takagi Kaner, our director and sound designer, as well as Kevin Vibert, that's me, our lead writer. For additional credits, including credits for ensemble roles, our script editing team, our transcripts and more. Check out the show notes for this episode. That's all the apocalypse we have time for today. Thanks for listening and stay hydrated.

[Harley Takagi Kaner]

The Fable and Folly Network where fiction producers flourish.

[Dennis Cruz]

Life is a workout and Smoothie King is here to help you power through. Whether you're crushing morning miles or sprinting through back to back meetings. Give your body the energy, protein and power it needs to help you conquer your goals. Only at Smoothie King.