Chasing Clout (or Just Dating) in Cabo with Kiana Carroll

Summary

Podcast Summary: Detox Retox with Tom Schwartz

Episode: Chasing Clout (or Just Dating) in Cabo with Kiana Carroll

Release Date: May 13, 2026
Host: Tom Schwartz
Guest: Kiana Carroll

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Overview

In this lively, candid, and playful episode, Tom Schwartz and his girlfriend Kiana Carroll record from their vacation at Garza Blanca, an all-inclusive resort in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. The episode touches on travel joys, realities of reality TV exposure, social media “clout chasing” accusations, relationship dynamics, travel pet peeves, and the sheer luxury of all-inclusives—all with cabana-side banter, meta-commentary on internet trolls, and memorable moments of couple humor.

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Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Power of Taking a Vacation (01:11–04:23)

• Tom underscores the transformative benefits of travel and urges listeners to “book that trip,” emphasizing how anticipation alone can re-energize daily life.
• He offers shoutouts to travel hack sources like The Points Guy and Costco Travel Girl, suggesting, “Even if you love your job… it could be nice to break up the monotony.”

  "You deserve a vacation. It’s time to get that passport." (01:22, Tom Schwartz)

2. First Impressions: Cabo & All-Inclusive Life (04:23–08:04)

• Kiana is excited for her first all-inclusive experience, sharing a fun haul of their room service order.
• The couple humorously reviews the resort’s amenities and food, referencing positive recommendations from Vanderpump Rules’ Brittany, Lala, and Janet.
• Mango Deck: Tom and Kiana discuss the infamous Cabo day party spot, with Kiana warning, “Don’t enter sober”—it’s “very overstimulating” but also “the great equalizer.”

  "You will meet people there from all walks of life… Like, you might see Mark Cuban there. You might see Kiana Carroll there… you might see Tom Schwartz." (10:18, Tom Schwartz)

3. Navigating Reality TV & Internet Criticism (05:20–06:46, 19:13–26:40)

• Kiana explains her reality TV debut was a “favor” for Tom, not a career move, pushing back on accusations of “clout chasing.”
• Both reflect on how quick and intense online reactions can be to brief screen appearances.
• Sunglasses Judgments: Kiana laughs about viewers criticizing her for wearing sunglasses on camera, explaining it was due to nerves, offering a glimpse into on-screen vulnerability.

  “If you’re chasing clout, I don’t think Tom Schwartz is at the top of the clout list. There’s better ways to get clout if that’s what you’re after.” (01:40, Tom Schwartz)
  “I wanted to make eye contact… but then I don’t want to take [the sunglasses] off. So, yeah, whatever. I look like a diva, and if that’s the worst thing you guys are saying…” (20:36, Kiana Carroll)

4. Addressing Social Media Trolls & Snap Judgements (22:28–26:40)

• They read and dissect both kind and harsh internet comments, from autism/ADHD speculation to accusations of drug use (“there were a lot of comments that suggested I was high… both of which I would literally need to go to the hospital”—25:08, Kiana).
• Tom advocates for trolls to “at least be funny,” while Kiana appreciates positive support from viewers and the “Valley girls” cast.
• Discussion of Kiana’s “weak handshake” becomes a running joke, with self-deprecating banter about being in the fashion industry and not learning a “formal handshake.”

5. Couple Dynamics & Relationship Breakthroughs (16:38–17:16, 32:42–34:40)

• They highlight their differences—Tom is the social “golden retriever,” Kiana the introverted “black cat” (“Boy, does this man mingle, and boy, do I not” – 16:45).
• A playful revelation: Tom’s contact for Kiana was “Kiana NYC,” which she found “impersonal” until it was changed to “Kiana, my love.”

  “When you put NYC, that’s how you remember the guy you met at the club and where he lives. Like, it’s very impersonal.” (18:16, Kiana Carroll)

• They muse about whether their relationship would survive being quarantined together on a cruise ship during a hypothetical pandemic—ultimately agreeing it’s a true relationship “apocalypse boot camp.”

6. Travel Styles & Pet Peeves (15:17–16:38, 28:58–30:22)

• Kiana lists her travel “nightmares:” early flights, being forced into activities, being out all day, and mingling with strangers.
• Tom loves “laying by the pool all day,” while Kiana wants minimal activities—and plenty of chicken tenders.
• Kiana’s misophonia (strong aversion to chewing sounds, etc.) is discussed with anecdotes and definitions, adding relatability and humor.

  “If anyone that I work with happens to be listening to this… can you guys please stop chewing gum loud on set after lunch. It’s my biggest pet peeve. I hate the sound of chewing.” (28:55, Kiana Carroll)

7. All-Inclusive Resort Praise & Travel Tips (12:04–13:35, 31:21–33:33, 44:15–44:53)

• Both rave about Garza Blanca’s “best all-inclusive food ever” and layout—with multiple pools for different vibes.
• Tom explains the “cognitive ease” of all-inclusives—no budgeting, no stress about costs, and more generous tipping due to overall relaxation.
• They share tips: Always tip, pay for the full all-inclusive package, and beware swimming in the ocean’s dangerous undertow in Cabo.

8. Internet & Fame Reflections (36:13–39:22)

• Kiana acknowledges how “Bravo fans” can be both ruthless online and sweet in person.
• She gives shoutouts to the “Valley girls” for their support during her TV debut.
• They agree: “Life is sometimes a horror movie”—making peace with public exposure.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote/Context | |-----------|----------------------|----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 01:22 | Tom Schwartz | “You deserve a vacation. It’s time to get that passport.” | | 04:23 | Kiana Carroll | “We’re in Mexico, baby.” (kicking off the Cabo segment) | | 05:34 | Tom Schwartz | “Is dating Tom Schwartz a humiliation ritual?” | | 07:20 | Kiana Carroll | “Don’t enter [Mango Deck] sober.” | | 10:18 | Tom Schwartz | “Mango Deck is the great equalizer...You might see Mark Cuban there. You might see Kiana Carroll there...”| | 16:45 | Kiana Carroll | “Boy, does this man mingle. And boy, do I not.” | | 18:16 | Kiana Carroll | “When you put NYC, that’s how you remember the guy you met at the club and where he lives...it’s very impersonal.”| | 19:52 | Tom Schwartz | “If you really were chasing clout, would you be chasing Tom Schwartz?” | | 20:36 | Kiana Carroll | “Wearing sunglasses feels safe...Whatever, I look like a diva, and if that’s the worst thing you guys are saying, okay.”| | 24:15 | Kiana Carroll | “People who leave hate comments, you guys are weird.” | | 28:55 | Kiana Carroll | “Can you guys please stop chewing gum loud on set after lunch. It’s my biggest pet peeve. I hate the sound of chewing.”| | 33:04 | Tom Schwartz | “It’s just nice not having to think about money...Money can buy happiness. We all know.” | | 44:15 | Tom Schwartz | “Viva la Mexico...Vamos a la playa. Thank you guys for chilling with us.” | | 46:50 | Kiana Carroll | “Detoxification complete.” (Episode wind-down) |

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Timestamps for Key Sections

• Vacation inspiration, travel hacks: 01:11–04:23
• All-inclusive resort impressions and food haul: 04:23–06:46
• Cabo, Mango Deck experiences: 07:11–10:38
• Bravo/reality TV exposure & sunglasses dialogue: 19:13–21:10
• Internet trolls & reading comments: 22:28–26:40
• Relationship breakthroughs & “Kiana NYC” contact bit: 17:16–19:13
• Travel nightmares & couple differences: 15:17–17:02
• All-inclusive praise & tipping: 31:21–33:33, 44:15–44:53
• Shoutouts to the Valley cast: 38:36–39:22
• Misophonia and travel pet peeves: 28:55–30:22
• Wind-down, advice, and gratitude: 41:00–end

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Final Takeaways

• Travel is self-care: The anticipation and act of getting away is vital, even for “happy routine people.”
• All-inclusives can be magic: Garza Blanca is top-tier for food, pools, and vibes.
• Internet haters are relentless but can be funny: Don’t let a five-minute TV appearance define your worth.
• Not all reality TV partners are fame-hungry: Kiana’s appearance was driven by love, not clout.
• Travel as a couple is revealing: Contrast in styles (mingler vs. homebody) can work, but communication and humor are key.
• Book that trip: Memories and resets are worth it—and “money always comes back.”

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“This is your sign to take that trip. You can always make more money. Live it up.”
—Kiana Carroll (38:23)

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Transcript

[Tom Schwartz]

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[Kiana Carol]

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[Tom Schwartz]

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[Kiana Carol]

by Grainger for the ones who get it done. It's now time for your weekly detox with Tom Schwarz.

[Tom Schwartz]

Just about 11. It's not one of the sweetest sounds there ever was. Arriving on a vacation that you've been planning for weeks, months, this is your sign to book that trip. The anticipation is almost good as the trip itself, right? Just having something to look forward to changes your energy. You need a vacation. You deserve a vacation. It's time to get that passport. I'm talking to you, Mikey. Yeah, you guys gotta travel more. And I know it's kind of a luxury, but there's so many great resources for travel hacks out there in this day and age. The points guy, the Costco Travel Girl on TikTok, you guys, there's so many great deals out there. This is your sign to book that trip. It is good for the mind, body, soul. There are measurable, quantifiable health benefits help you get out of that rut. Even if you love your job, you're happy, you love your routine. It could be nice to break up the monotony. A nice little reset, a nice little detox retox. That's right. What better place to detox Retox? Cabo San Lucas. That's a quick two hour flight from Los Angeles. I'm gonna go down there. Well, we're here now with my girlfriend Kiana, who is an angel. I love you, Kiana, who's sweet enough to film on the Valley this season with me. And it's been so fascinating to see people's first impressions of her. It kind of sucks. You were on screen for 15 seconds and people are extrapolating, sizing up your whole life, your whole character. Scary. Putting yourself out there really is. But wanted to go in, check in with her and do a Little wellness check. It's fun, but it's scary putting yourself out there. It's so weird to see people say, oh, she's using you for clout. You know, if you're chasing clout, I don't think Tom Schwartz is at the top of the clout list. There's better ways to get clout if that's what you're after. I think I have anti clout, but yeah, I sure love Cabo and I sure love travel. This place came recommended. We're going to Garza Blanca, which is all inclusive. All inclusives can be hit or miss. But we got rave reviews from Brittany, Lala, Janet. A few other of my friends have been here too. Said it's absolutely fabulous and that it might be the best food they've ever had at an all inclusive. So rave reviews. Really excited to be here. You guys are coming with. This is your sign to book the that trip. Kiana. Carol, where are we? What are we doing?

[Kiana Carol]

We're in Mexico, baby.

[Tom Schwartz]

What part of Mexico?

[Kiana Carol]

Cabo, baby.

[Tom Schwartz]

You're in Cabo. You're at Garza Lanka all inclusive resort. Is it the first all inclusive you've ever stayed at?

[Kiana Carol]

First all inclusive.

[Tom Schwartz]

How you feeling?

[Kiana Carol]

Feeling great. This is day three.

[Tom Schwartz]

Day three. Still going strong. Just got room service. Can we do a little haul right now? Guys, check it out. Chicken tendies. Okay.

[Kiana Carol]

Kiki burger.

[Tom Schwartz]

Got the burger.

[Kiana Carol]

It's just chips.

[Tom Schwartz]

Yeah, I guess. Just chips.

[Kiana Carol]

Condiments.

[Tom Schwartz]

And there's shrimp cocktail, obviously.

[Kiana Carol]

And.

[Tom Schwartz]

Oh, a lemon drop. All right, here we go.

[Kiana Carol]

Eye contact, guys.

[Tom Schwartz]

Thank you for tuning in.

[Kiana Carol]

That's too big to be a shot.

[Tom Schwartz]

Oh, my God. That was a giant shot.

[Kiana Carol]

That was way too big, you guys.

[Tom Schwartz]

Okay, we have a big announcement to make. First of all, Keanu's debut on national television. Although you traveled the world, you're not

[Kiana Carol]

never hit the reality TV scene.

[Tom Schwartz]

Did you ever think you would be in this position?

[Kiana Carol]

No.

[Tom Schwartz]

Is dating Tom Schwartz a humiliation ritual?

[Kiana Carol]

No. Well, I love you.

[Tom Schwartz]

It has its moments.

[Kiana Carol]

It has its moments. Ups and downs.

[Tom Schwartz]

It has its moments. Yes. We are in beautiful Cabo San Lucas.

[Kiana Carol]

Beautiful.

[Tom Schwartz]

We got our robes on. Just left the pool. We're in a happy place. Are we in a happy place?

[Kiana Carol]

Oh, we're in the happiest.

[Tom Schwartz]

We're still doing the shade thing, huh?

[Kiana Carol]

And you are too.

[Tom Schwartz]

Oh, okay, listen. You ever seen Big Daddy?

[Kiana Carol]

Wait, there was a comment about that.

[Tom Schwartz]

Really?

[Kiana Carol]

But I haven't seen that.

[Tom Schwartz]

Yeah, when you wear the shades on, it's like everything. Shades are a safe place. They say the Eyes are the windows to the soul. So if I have my shades on, you can't see into my soul.

[Kiana Carol]

It's like someone was defending me in the comments, making this reference, but I've never seen this Big daddy.

[Tom Schwartz]

Oh, yeah.

[Kiana Carol]

So I didn't know that.

[Tom Schwartz]

So Kiana's seen like three movies in her life. One of them is the goofy movie. No. What is it?

[Kiana Carol]

Spy Kids. That's one of my favorite movies, Spy Kids.

[Tom Schwartz]

And that's about it. Yeah, we're beautiful.

[Kiana Carol]

I watch a lot of TV shows. Okay. I'm just not a big movie.

[Tom Schwartz]

No, I'm just kidding. First impressions of the resort.

[Kiana Carol]

Amazing.

[Tom Schwartz]

This game, highly lauded. We had testimonials from Janet, Britney. Britney. Who else? Online. Lala.

[Kiana Carol]

Lala. Lala was here. Oh, Lala.

[Tom Schwartz]

I think Michelle came too, and I

[Kiana Carol]

think Lori came too, and everyone loved it.

[Tom Schwartz]

It's.

[Kiana Carol]

And we do too now.

[Tom Schwartz]

Absolutely stunning.

[Kiana Carol]

Absolutely stunning.

[Tom Schwartz]

Ah, it's.

[Kiana Carol]

I mean, it's pretty hard not to be happy in Cabo.

[Tom Schwartz]

It's a little slice of heaven. Your first time going to Mango Deck? If you know, you know, first impressions of Mango Deck, describe it for someone who's never been there.

[Kiana Carol]

Kiana, Carol, don't enter sober. Okay?

[Tom Schwartz]

Okay, okay. Can you explain why? Can you expound truly?

[Kiana Carol]

I entered sober, very overstimulating, and that is literally your whole demographic. So we walked to the table and I immediately left because they're treating you like friggin Okay.

[Tom Schwartz]

A few people recognize me, by the way.

[Kiana Carol]

Shout out to all, which I love, and I think it's great and amazing, but walking into a place that. Overstimulating. It's bright. I had just been tanning. I was in a very Zen mood. And then we're there and that's happening and I've lost you. And I'm like, oh, I just need a drink.

[Tom Schwartz]

Yeah, it's a time. Listen, you got to be in the mood for Mango Deck. Okay. I got in the mood for the uninitiated. It's right by the Cabo Arches, which is like a historic landmark. It's iconic, but it's like the quintessential party. Kitschy. How would you describe it, Kiki?

[Kiana Carol]

Just a big day party.

[Tom Schwartz]

Yeah.

[Kiana Carol]

What? Exactly what you would think. A Cabo day party. Drinking on the beaches.

[Tom Schwartz]

Yeah, exactly. And everyone's drunk. There's like, contest. It was a push up contest. There was a twerking contest.

[Kiana Carol]

Yeah.

[Tom Schwartz]

The last time I was here.

[Kiana Carol]

Feels very Spring break.

[Tom Schwartz]

The last time I remember being here with the whole cast. Vanderpump rules. And they had a wet T shirt contest. And we were all like, no, we're all good. And Peter was the only single guy, and he's like, I guess I'll do it. And there was like 15 people there. And it was awkward. Cause it was like crickets. And it was just us cheering him on.

[Kiana Carol]

It was not crickets. When we went.

[Tom Schwartz]

No, it was crazy.

[Kiana Carol]

A lot of people were there.

[Tom Schwartz]

But do you like it?

[Kiana Carol]

I mean, I'm saying don't go into it sober. And then I ended leaving, falling in my chair.

[Tom Schwartz]

But you weren't even drunk.

[Kiana Carol]

Okay, yes, I wasn't.

[Tom Schwartz]

Yeah.

[Kiana Carol]

But it did look like I was. We were sitting in the sand.

[Tom Schwartz]

What did the headbands say that we bought?

[Kiana Carol]

Am I saying that?

[Tom Schwartz]

Yeah.

[Kiana Carol]

He got one that said, I love my hot girlfriend.

[Tom Schwartz]

We don't have to say the other one.

[Kiana Carol]

We don't have to say the other one. But he got one that says, I love my hot girlfriend.

[Tom Schwartz]

So if you've never been here, they have, like, it's very. It's very kitschy. And, like, there's people on the beach selling braids.

[Kiana Carol]

A little Venice beach vibes.

[Tom Schwartz]

Yeah, a little Venice beach, but with, like, a Cabo flair. But, like, you can get a headband that says, like, butt muncher. Like, I don't know. I love ass. Like, it's the most absurd, like, silly things ever. But it's kind of a. It's kind of a when in Rome situation. Right?

[Kiana Carol]

Winning Cabo, baby.

[Tom Schwartz]

When in Cabo, baby. But you enjoyed it.

[Kiana Carol]

Loved.

[Tom Schwartz]

It's kitsch.

[Kiana Carol]

I honestly, I don't think there is somewhere that you're going to be unhappy in Cabo.

[Tom Schwartz]

It's. I like to think of mango deck as the great equalizer. There's a scene in the Office, and Michael Scott, he's like, pizza. It's the great equalizer. Everyone loves it. Blah, blah, blah. Mango deck is the great equalizer because you will meet people there from all walks of life. Finance, bros, moms, dads, grandmas, everybody in between, every type of human. Like, you might see Mark Cuban there. You might see Kiana Carroll there, You

[Kiana Carol]

might see Tom Schwartz.

[Tom Schwartz]

Definitely see Tom Schwartz.

[Kiana Carol]

And everyone's gonna be real excited.

[Tom Schwartz]

But, yeah, man, I love mango dak in the office. And you dig it. We love Cabo, right?

[Kiana Carol]

We love Cabo. I think we made that clear.

[Tom Schwartz]

Yeah.

[Kiana Carol]

Yeah.

[Tom Schwartz]

Cabo is for people who've never been. It's like, it's still rich with culture and heritage.

[Kiana Carol]

It's kind of definitely touristy.

[Tom Schwartz]

It's touristy. It's kind of what you make.

[Kiana Carol]

I've been to many places in Mexico. Some not touristy, some touristy. This is obviously one of the most touristy, but so fun.

[Tom Schwartz]

Yeah. I mean, it's what you make of it. And yeah, Cabo San Lucas, like, when you stay by the arches, that's like party central. We're not staying there.

[Kiana Carol]

We're not. But we went there.

[Tom Schwartz]

We're at Garza Blanca and it's freaking beautiful. Should we do a room tour in a little bit?

[Kiana Carol]

Yeah, you're going to be the one getting up.

[Tom Schwartz]

Might do a room tour in a little bit.

[Kiana Carol]

I was. We were out by the pool today. I'm still in Zen mode. We were tanning.

[Tom Schwartz]

I love.

[Kiana Carol]

We were drinking.

[Tom Schwartz]

Kiki. The pool layout. There's eight pools.

[Kiana Carol]

There's eight pools.

[Tom Schwartz]

So, like, if you. If someone's giving off a bad vibe. Too many kids, too many bros. Swingers looking to like, complete their threesome. Their trifecta, by the way.

[Kiana Carol]

That didn't happen.

[Tom Schwartz]

Not to bring up the past, but anyways. Yeah, sorry, I just had a memory in Bora Bora after I left. Yeah, we don't have to go there, but like, poor Stassi was left there and I'll never forget she was propositioned by these two Russian people to have a threesome. And I thought it was the funniest thing ever. Okay, sorry, Sorry. But no carsablanca is beautiful.

[Kiana Carol]

It is beautiful.

[Tom Schwartz]

Oh, can we talk about the food for a second, Janet? Oh, my God.

[Kiana Carol]

For an all inclusive, the food is amazing. Janet vouched. She got us very excited for it. Lived up to the hype.

[Tom Schwartz]

I. This hotel understands the human condition because there's a pool for everybody.

[Kiana Carol]

Oh, you were talking about how there's so many pools.

[Tom Schwartz]

There's one pool, there's seven pools.

[Kiana Carol]

I know. And the one we remain dye is the one with a swim up bar. Because that's the best thing ever. Yes, I love a swim up bar.

[Tom Schwartz]

Have you ever seen Daniel Tosh used to do this bit about money buying happiness and he's like, have you ever seen someone sad on a jet ski? That's what it's like at a swim up bar in Cabo. Everybody is the happiest they could ever possibly be. No one's thinking about work or taxes or their mortality or the fact that aliens are here.

[Kiana Carol]

I don't want to be thinking about that right now, actually.

[Tom Schwartz]

So the White House released.

[Kiana Carol]

Like, I don't want to think about

[Tom Schwartz]

Aliens are real, by the way.

[Kiana Carol]

Which we knew by the.

[Tom Schwartz]

We all knew this, by the way. But the funniest part about that is, like, no one cares.

[Kiana Carol]

No, we knew.

[Tom Schwartz]

Everyone's like.

[Kiana Carol]

And what about it?

[Tom Schwartz]

Everyone's like, do I still have to pay rent? Release the Epstein files. And how will this affect Sheena Detox retalks is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy. Just drop in some details about yourself and see if you're eligible to save money when you bundle your home and auto policies. This process only takes minutes and it could mean hundreds or more in your pocket. Visit progressive.com after this episode to see if you can save Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states.

[Kiana Carol]

It's Kayl Lowery. Join me for Barely Famous. You might think you know me, but trust me, you don't know this version of me. This is where I say what everyone is too scared to ask and ask the questions that nobody wants to answer. I'm talking exes, unexpected guests, viral chaos, messy relationships. Really, just all of it. Nothing is off limits. Nothing is off the record. And yeah, things can get a little unhinged. It's real, it's raw, and it's probably going to make you gasp at least once. So follow rate and review Big Fairly Famous wherever you get your podcasts.

[Tom Schwartz]

By the way, shout out to my girl Sheena. She just had her birthday and just released new music. Oh, Sheena, Sheena, we love you. Super excited to hear it. I might splice it in later. And yeah, man, I'm super hyped for sheen in the 27s. That's her band, so there's like this Kiki.

[Kiana Carol]

Hi.

[Tom Schwartz]

Hi. Thanks for doing this with me.

[Kiana Carol]

You're welcome.

[Tom Schwartz]

Am I awkward?

[Kiana Carol]

No. I'm wondering when we're going to get

[Tom Schwartz]

Kiki's making me do off the cuff podcast. I don't do this. This is not my thing. I like. I like structured. I like to have questions written down. It.

[Kiana Carol]

Well, let's redo this then. Just kidding with some files, some paperwork.

[Tom Schwartz]

Okay. There's this meme and it's like on Tik Tok. It's like my top five nightmares. What are your top five travel nightmares?

[Kiana Carol]

Leaving with an early flight. So waking up early for any part of the trip. Waking up early. My favorite an activity.

[Tom Schwartz]

You guys, listen, I could have planned the whole itinerary. I like I can go both ways. I love to lay by the pool all day and do nothing. That's this trip, right?

[Kiana Carol]

That's me.

[Tom Schwartz]

We've done nothing. Sweet, sweet nothing.

[Kiana Carol]

But that's my favorite.

[Tom Schwartz]

I also would love to go camelback riding, parasailing, scuba diving. And I wouldn't like gold mining, right?

[Kiana Carol]

No.

[Tom Schwartz]

I want to learn to knit.

[Kiana Carol]

I don't. You don't? When I'm on vacation, I want to be laying down. I want a pina colada in my hand. I want to be getting my tan on. I want to be eating good food. She wants chicken tendies and other food. Okay.

[Tom Schwartz]

I know. Okay, that's three top five travel nightmares.

[Kiana Carol]

An activity, waking up early, a full day where you're out and about. I don't love leaving location for a whole day. I'll hop out, but we need to come back. Like, we went to Squid Row. So fun. We went to Mango Deck. So fun. But, like, I don't want to be out of location for that long. What's another one? Can you name one for me that I can't think of?

[Tom Schwartz]

Do you like mingling with people you meet?

[Kiana Carol]

Oh, no. And this is Mr. Mingler.

[Tom Schwartz]

She's with the wrong man.

[Kiana Carol]

Yeah. Oh, my God. It is so funny. If you guys listen to our last episode we did together, I am very clearly a black cat, and he is very clearly a golden retriever. And boy, does this man mingle. And boy, do I not. I'm very, very nice, but I'm just like. I'm trying to lay down.

[Tom Schwartz]

We had a breakthrough in our relationship. Eight months. Eight months in and.

[Kiana Carol]

Which sounds short, but it's pretty remarkable.

[Tom Schwartz]

For me, for Kiana, that's a big deal.

[Kiana Carol]

Yeah.

[Tom Schwartz]

In Kiana years. That's like three years.

[Kiana Carol]

Yeah. I'm practically married.

[Tom Schwartz]

Wait, no. We had a big deal in our relationship because for the longest time, you guys, in my phone, her name.

[Kiana Carol]

Oh, my God. Oh.

[Tom Schwartz]

Her name said Kiana nyc. Can you explain why that might be problematic? I didn't understand why.

[Kiana Carol]

Okay, so when he first met me.

[Tom Schwartz]

Can you explain to them?

[Kiana Carol]

Yeah, when he first met me, he met me in. You didn't even first meet me in New York.

[Tom Schwartz]

Yeah, but.

[Kiana Carol]

But then the second time we hung out was in New York, and you just viewed me as. I live in New York. At the time, I kind of. I am bicoastal. And at the time, I was spending more time in New York. Hey, wait. Without me, eye contact.

[Tom Schwartz]

Ew. All right.

[Kiana Carol]

Okay.

[Tom Schwartz]

That was massive.

[Kiana Carol]

But I'm, like, still on. Like, I have, like, one more sip of the shot. It's like the Biggest shot ever from

[Tom Schwartz]

a female point of view. Why is that problematic?

[Kiana Carol]

It feels so impersonal.

[Tom Schwartz]

So it used to be Kiana, NYC with a lemon drop.

[Kiana Carol]

It's just like when you put nyc, it's like that's how you remember like the guy you met at the club and where he lives. Like, it's very impersonal.

[Tom Schwartz]

You mean it's like it designates a random hookup.

[Kiana Carol]

Yeah, it's just like, that's Kiana, the one from New York. Like, hello, I should be the only Kiana.

[Tom Schwartz]

Honestly, that's so fair.

[Kiana Carol]

I know. Like, if you were just like shorts la think, would that be weird?

[Tom Schwartz]

No, that's okay.

[Kiana Carol]

Actually, there's a lot of stores. You're okay with everything.

[Tom Schwartz]

There's a lot of Schwartz's out there.

[Kiana Carol]

Totally.

[Tom Schwartz]

Little neutral ass.

[Kiana Carol]

Yeah, well, we changed it. He decided to. I didn't make him, but I did say like, come on. Yeah, let's get like a little bit of a cuter contact name in here.

[Tom Schwartz]

But yeah, I want to show it to them right now. And there's something.

[Kiana Carol]

And I did not make him do this, okay?

[Tom Schwartz]

No, no, of course not.

[Kiana Carol]

He chose it himself. I don't want people to start thinking I'm a crazy.

[Tom Schwartz]

It says Kiana, my love now.

[Kiana Carol]

Kiana, my love. And we still have the.

[Tom Schwartz]

The lemon.

[Kiana Carol]

We still have the lemon.

[Tom Schwartz]

Kiki, we got to talk about something. Your debut. Yes, you have no desire to be on tv, but as a favorite to

[Kiana Carol]

me, you filmed this, which can we emphasize. Yeah, I didn't have a desire. So everyone that's coming for me saying like, oh, she just to be on tv.

[Tom Schwartz]

Cloud chasing demon.

[Kiana Carol]

Guys, I probably could have found a way on TV without this. I didn't want to be on TV necessarily. I'm not upset about it, but let's not start throwing things out like that, okay? This wasn't my plan.

[Tom Schwartz]

Like, also, let's just like Kiana, if you really were chasing clout, would you be chasing Tom Schwartz?

[Kiana Carol]

No.

[Tom Schwartz]

Okay, okay. You answered that a little too fast.

[Kiana Carol]

I'm with you, cuz. I love you. Okay, that's maybe I'm sweet. I'm with you because I love you.

[Tom Schwartz]

I said this on Nick Files podcast. I said in a sea of green flags that I'm your only red flag.

[Kiana Carol]

The comments. So the comments were fully on that until my debut. Now my biggest red flag is wearing sunglasses, which. Can I speak?

[Tom Schwartz]

Sorry, Can I speak? I got you. I got you.

[Kiana Carol]

Guys. I did not know it was going to offend some. So many People that I was wearing sunglasses.

[Tom Schwartz]

It just seemed a little Hollywood.

[Kiana Carol]

Yeah. Can I explain?

[Tom Schwartz]

I love wearing sunglasses.

[Kiana Carol]

I've never filmed on reality TV before. I was nervous. Yeah, you already explained the whole Big Daddy reference that I don't understand. But, like, yeah, that's the. I was a nervous. Guys. Like, wearing sunglasses feels safe. And then the big thing is everyone's like, okay, you're wearing sunglasses, but you keep tipping them down. Like, either have them on or have them off. Having them on felt like a security blanket to me. But then I also do like to make eye contact when I speak with people. So I'm, like, moving them down so I can talk to them, but then I don't want to take them off. So. Yeah, I know. Whatever. I look like a diva. And if that's the worst thing you guys are saying, okay, but you were

[Tom Schwartz]

punchy, you were funny, you're witty. But also. Can we talk about something? What's up with that dainty handshake?

[Kiana Carol]

Oh, actually, let me address this.

[Tom Schwartz]

You gotta get in frame.

[Kiana Carol]

I've gotten shit about this from my dad for quite some time, guys. I don't even think about it. My job.

[Tom Schwartz]

This is how you shake hands?

[Kiana Carol]

No, like, literally, that's fully correct. I can't even defend myself on this one. All the haters on my handshake. You guys are correct. My handshake is so weak, it's pathetic. My dad's giving me shit for it. Everyone's giving me shit for it. I work in an industry where we greet each other with, like, a hug, a kiss on the cheek. I'm in the fashion industry. We're not doing, like, corporate handshakes. I didn't learn a formal handshake. I haven't had, like, a corporate job ever. I don't know. I'll work on this skill now, guys. Okay, you guys have brought it to my attention. I will get a better handshake. At the time of filming, I did not have one. Okay. I didn't even think of it.

[Tom Schwartz]

Kiki. Yeah, No. A weak handshake is usually indicative of a week. A week I don't even know.

[Kiana Carol]

Yeah, so at the same time, you guys are saying I'm coming across too big of a personality. But then also, I'm weak with weak handshake. A lot of things being thrown out that made no sense. Guys, it doesn't add up. Okay? Just listen. I just don't have a good handshake.

[Tom Schwartz]

So you guys, I know we're not doing Valley. We're not doing Valley Recaps. On the show, but I want to know people's first impressions of you. Can we look at some comments?

[Kiana Carol]

Yeah, I sent you some. Do you want me to do it on my phone?

[Tom Schwartz]

Actually, no, I got it. Let's look. Okay.

[Kiana Carol]

And by the way, I don't know if we're going to be addressing the good, the bad and the ugly. I think the funnier is the bad and the ugly. I do want to say that there were a lot of very, very, very sweet people commenting sweet things about me. And I saw them and I appreciate them because obviously I was curious to see what people say about me because this was a very scary, vulnerable thing and everyone. That was nice. I love you.

[Tom Schwartz]

Well, we can start with some mind. All right, Just ease it in. Okay. Check this one out.

[Kiana Carol]

What's it say?

[Tom Schwartz]

It says, schwartz, you have undiagnosed autism. As a mom who's raised a daughter who is so similar to you, I see it and I love you. Mixed signals there. Now that's an insult because.

[Kiana Carol]

No, it's not.

[Tom Schwartz]

But it's I think. Yeah.

[Kiana Carol]

Well, then match made in heaven, I guess, because I got the same comment. Yeah.

[Tom Schwartz]

One of my favorite comments Kiana got

[Kiana Carol]

was, are you on the spectrum?

[Tom Schwartz]

Maybe she was referred to as a clout chasing demon.

[Kiana Carol]

And okay, now we're shifting gears to that.

[Tom Schwartz]

Sorry.

[Kiana Carol]

And also, no, I wasn't. There is a man who made a very, very, very sweet TikTok saying the problem with the Bravo fans are they're so quick to hate on a woman that comes on for two minutes, you have nothing to like go off of to form a real opinion. And he was saying, like, I liked her, she was sweet. Maybe she'll end up being a clout chasing demon. We don't know yet though. So stop making an opinion based off a two minute clip. You guys saw me on TV for like less than five minutes.

[Tom Schwartz]

Oh, I'm judging. I'm judging. It's fun to make snap judgments.

[Kiana Carol]

Well, I don't leave them in the comments. That's what you say with your friends. People who leave hate comments. You guys are weird.

[Tom Schwartz]

It. No, it. It's fun and it just sucks.

[Kiana Carol]

Leave hate comments. Yeah, you leave hate comments.

[Tom Schwartz]

I'm a supporter of the trolls. They make the Internet entertaining.

[Kiana Carol]

I laugh at them, but I don't do that.

[Tom Schwartz]

Like, well, my thing is, if you're going to be a troll, be funny.

[Kiana Carol]

Yeah, like for some of the. Some of the comments.

[Tom Schwartz]

I got one right now. She ain't Stevie Wonder. She should definitely explain herself. This Whole scene was a mess.

[Kiana Carol]

I did explain myself. I was nervous. I had sunglasses on, but I still wanted to make eye contact. Okay, put them down.

[Tom Schwartz]

Oh, this is a random one. I can't. I can't put my finger on it, but I just have a gut feeling. Tom and Tom hooked up at one point.

[Kiana Carol]

Was that ours?

[Tom Schwartz]

No, no. I was looking at comments from the last episode. Oh, no. Me and Tom never hooked up at one point.

[Kiana Carol]

There were a lot of comments also that suggested I was high on either coke or weed, both of which I would literally need to go to the hospital because I would have a panic attack. So I can, like, very confidently say not the case. Actually went in there dead sober. And if I was on weed, you guys would know because I would be freaking the out. I cannot handle weed.

[Tom Schwartz]

Hannah, I need Your response to 29272938. Hssjsbj okay, girl, you tried way too hard to look like a fool in that fit.

[Kiana Carol]

I was wearing a white T shirt and jeans.

[Tom Schwartz]

Can I finish? Okay, who wears sunglasses inside while everyone else is making direct eye contact with you? And you're the only one in sunnies. That was intentional. You are weird.

[Kiana Carol]

I am weird. Okay. Everyone is.

[Tom Schwartz]

I'm kidding.

[Kiana Carol]

Like, okay. Also, with that fit, I literally was wearing a plain white T shirt and jeans. But, yeah, everyone was making eye contact. That's why I did my sunglass dip. I wanted to make eye contact, too. I just didn't want to take them off.

[Tom Schwartz]

What about this? She's adorable and perfect for Schwartzy. Love this match.

[Kiana Carol]

Oh, see, there were a lot of comments like that, you guys, and I really appreciated those. That was very sweet.

[Tom Schwartz]

Thank you. What about this one? Your girlfriend's a hoe.

[Kiana Carol]

And how would you know that?

[Tom Schwartz]

Wait, let's look at a few more girls on coke.

[Kiana Carol]

I addressed that.

[Tom Schwartz]

Oh, you did?

[Kiana Carol]

Yeah. No, certainly not. Also, like, sorry, mom, have I been on coke? Yeah, last time was, like, six years

[Tom Schwartz]

ago in the 80s.

[Kiana Carol]

I'm not kidding. I have not done a drug like that in so long, like, since I started modeling, because I have crazy, crazy bad anxiety. I would genuinely freak out and call 911 if I was on coke. Like, I. If I'm acting weird, then just, like, call me weird, but don't say I'm on coke. Whether it's a birthday trip, a family reunion, or just a fun getaway, booking a verbo vacation rental means no worrying about surprises, Verbo Care and 24seven Life Support have your back if something's off. The loved by guest Filter helps you find top rated homes. And verified reviews mean real feedback from real VRBO guests. So you know exactly what you're booking.

[Tom Schwartz]

Honestly, I just booked my VRBO because there was a sweet wine fridge.

[Kiana Carol]

Hey, we all have our reasons. Don't walk into a surprise if you know you. VRBO terms apply. See vrbo.com trust for details.

[Tom Schwartz]

All right, let's switch gears for a second.

[Kiana Carol]

Okay.

[Tom Schwartz]

Do you want the hantaviruses from the little.

[Kiana Carol]

You tell me. Yes.

[Tom Schwartz]

Okay. I don't even know how to describe it, but apparently, like, people are saying it's going to be the next pandemic.

[Kiana Carol]

I'm seeing a little. I'm seeing sprinklings of this.

[Tom Schwartz]

The top comment is, inevitably, I'm going to be an influencer this time. Like, I'm going to be dancing. Right? Everyone's sick of their jobs.

[Kiana Carol]

I better not. Cuz then everyone's going to be like, oh, she was a cloud chaser. So guys, if I start posting on Instagram more, don't think it's because I'm with shorts for clout. Okay?

[Tom Schwartz]

Yeah, I think it's. That would though. That's the antithesis. If you want clout, you do not date Tom Schwartz. I love myself, but don't do.

[Kiana Carol]

No, I love you too, but I don't want clout. Also, being a model, it's not that hard to just like, post a lot and get clout. If I wanted that, I would have done that on my own time. I'm so bad at social media, guys. Like, I'm not good at posting. The camera's not on me.

[Tom Schwartz]

Kiki, we're in bed right now in Cabo. We're living the dream. Room service all, by the way. Can I just say, this is the best all inclusive food I've ever had in my life.

[Kiana Carol]

I think we said that.

[Tom Schwartz]

We did. Yeah. Garza. Blanca. It's the best. The food, it's amazing. Watch this. I'm gonna eat a chicken tendon right now.

[Kiana Carol]

No sauce.

[Tom Schwartz]

Asmr.

[Kiana Carol]

My least favorite thing ever, my number one pet peeve is the sound of people eating. If anyone that I work with happens to be listening to this, can you guys please stop chewing gum? Loud on set after lunch. It's my biggest pet peeve. I hate the sound of chewing anyone out there with misophonia. I see you. I hear you, I feel you. Ever since I was a kid, I was a lunatic about sounds. Oh my gosh.

[Tom Schwartz]

Can you explain what misophonia is to people?

[Kiana Carol]

Let me, like, look up the actual definition. So I can, like, not completely butcher this, but it's pretty much a severe annoyance.

[Tom Schwartz]

It's like a phobia of people chewing on things like.

[Kiana Carol]

No, no, it's more than that.

[Tom Schwartz]

It's.

[Kiana Carol]

It's

[Tom Schwartz]

guys.

[Kiana Carol]

It's decreased tolerance to specific, often repetitive sounds such as chewing, breathing, or tapping, which trigger intense emotional, psychological, or fight or flight responses, which is so true. Guys. Shout out to my mom. I know my mom's listening. There were these flip flops she used to wear when I was younger, and I hated the sound of the flip flops, that I literally stole them and hid them from her. And she was always wondering where they were, but they were the ones that made the most loud sounds, and I couldn't handle it. I have been. I have been cursed with misophonia. I hate the sound of chewing, and I deal with a lot of chewing around me at work. If you're around me, please put out your gum. Okay, yeah. No gum around me. Mints only.

[Tom Schwartz]

Yeah. I'll say this. I do. I do have. I believe in us, Kiana, me and you. But I will say, within the first three months, you were like. Do you always breathe like that?

[Kiana Carol]

Yeah. My mom's laughing right now. I just know she is like, yeah, it's not helping the bitchy allegations.

[Tom Schwartz]

You're the least bitchy person I've ever met in my life. I will say that you literally have missed.

[Kiana Carol]

I literally do.

[Tom Schwartz]

Yeah.

[Kiana Carol]

Like, even, like, my dad can vouch for this. If it was an obituary, he would call me out, but he's like, I got it. You have misophonia. It really drives me crazy. So many sounds. Breathing too loud, chewing too loud, walking too loud. I've gotten so, so much better, though. Oh, my gosh. I also know my best friend Rachel's listening to this, and she knows I've gotten so much better because I used to freak out when she would chew loud. And now she always asks me because I can tell I've traumatized her from when I was younger and I was worse. She's always like, am I chewing too loud? I'm like, no. I actually don't even pay attention that much with you anymore, girl.

[Tom Schwartz]

Wait, before we continue, can we talk about the cognitive ease that comes with being in an all inclusive? Even if you're a baller, you make a lot of money. It doesn't matter. Like, when you're here, like, you don't have to bring your wallet anywhere.

[Kiana Carol]

Oh, my God.

[Tom Schwartz]

Yes, you bring cash to tip, but it's always tip in the wake of this. Like it. We feel like we're getting nickeled and dimed to death. In this day and age, every meal is $200. Chili's 200, whatever. But like, it's nice to come here. Yes. You pay up front. It's a little expensive. Definitely get the all inclusive package. Isn't it nice though?

[Kiana Carol]

Yes. Oh, my God. You're by the pool. You're ordering whatever you want. You have to think about. I think about every time signing and doing this and paying for that. And at the. Every time I stay at a hotel, that bill is crazy by the end of it. It is so nice not worrying about that. And then also I think it's better because people feel more open to tipping better because they're so grateful everything's free. So I actually think it's better for the workers because they're getting more tips than they probably would be.

[Tom Schwartz]

It's just. It's just nice.

[Kiana Carol]

It's just nice.

[Tom Schwartz]

It feels really nice.

[Kiana Carol]

It's relaxing. Free rolling, which a resort should be relaxing.

[Tom Schwartz]

It's a great luxury when you're used to, like every single day of your life. You're just paying out the ass for everything.

[Kiana Carol]

Especially living in LA and New York.

[Tom Schwartz]

I had a question.

[Kiana Carol]

Yeah.

[Tom Schwartz]

So the hantavirus, everyone's worried about. Everyone's worried about the next pandemic. We talked about this before, Kiki. How long we've been dating?

[Kiana Carol]

Eight months.

[Tom Schwartz]

We're on, say, let's, let's just say we're three months in, two months in. We're on that cruise. People are dying. We're quarantined on there. I feel like it's the ultimate test for any relationship. Do you think, do you think our relationship would have survived being quarantined on that? Like, I love you.

[Kiana Carol]

Do you?

[Tom Schwartz]

I do. 100.

[Kiana Carol]

You think we would work out?

[Tom Schwartz]

A hundred percent.

[Kiana Carol]

I think we would drive each other mad. But I think anyone would because it's actually two months in though, maybe. No.

[Tom Schwartz]

What's like.

[Kiana Carol]

I actually think we maybe would have fun with it for two months in, you guys.

[Tom Schwartz]

So you're trapped. First of all, this is a lot of people's nightmares without the virus.

[Kiana Carol]

Oh, I'm terrified of cruise ships. I'll never go on a cruise. I'm so claustrophobic. I would hate going to bed knowing I'm like. Not like.

[Tom Schwartz]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, there's fabulous five star cruises and everything, but it's like all of a sudden you can't leave your room. You know, people are dying. You're on the cusp of a new pandemic. Right. You're in the same room. Like, do you think we would turn on each other? It's like one of the. It's like.

[Kiana Carol]

It's like, turn on each other. Actually, no.

[Tom Schwartz]

It's like. Well, that's just us. But, like, for any couple, imagine. Imagine being you just met someone on, like, Tinder, and you really hitting it off, and it's like. It's like. It's like a month in, and you're on that cruise.

[Kiana Carol]

I'm not doing that. So I can't even put my.

[Tom Schwartz]

It's an apocalyptic boot camp for your relationship.

[Kiana Carol]

It is. I think my anxiety is so bad. This would scare me so bad. I would, like, have to find comfort in you, and I actually think it would probably bring us closer together. Even if I would get really annoyed.

[Tom Schwartz]

No, it's.

[Kiana Carol]

I would have to find comfort in you. I would be freaking out. My anxiety is so bad.

[Tom Schwartz]

It. It. It would either bring the couples closer together or tear them apart.

[Kiana Carol]

Yes. Like you said, it's a very good. It's a good test.

[Tom Schwartz]

It's a very good test. Do you think we.

[Kiana Carol]

So, guys, if you're wondering how your relationship's gonna go, go on a cruise where there's a new disease coming out, and you'll see if you guys are gonna work or not.

[Tom Schwartz]

Am I an idiot?

[Kiana Carol]

Sometimes? Was that, like, with any background info or just a random.

[Tom Schwartz]

I just wrote this down. I was like. I was like, what's it like dating me? Because, like, I say that. I say the sweetest. Guys, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's not get crazy, okay? I say the sweetest, most romantic things ever.

[Kiana Carol]

Yes.

[Tom Schwartz]

I do all the right things in the moment. And then. I like that you said the other day, schwartzy, you're always so close, yet so far away.

[Kiana Carol]

Miss the mark.

[Tom Schwartz]

Right, Right. Like I said, I'll say the sweetest, like, most romantic, poetic, lyrical things, and I'll be like, but this is how all my relationship started.

[Kiana Carol]

Yeah.

[Tom Schwartz]

Which was not.

[Kiana Carol]

No, I'm not mad at any of it.

[Tom Schwartz]

Sounded cynical or jaded, but that's actually not it.

[Kiana Carol]

If you let them talk for too long, there will be something idiotic that comes out.

[Tom Schwartz]

I.

[Kiana Carol]

And it's never with mal. Intent. Yeah, well, I don't think.

[Tom Schwartz]

No, it's not. I'm never malicious.

[Kiana Carol]

I don't think so.

[Tom Schwartz]

Idiotic.

[Kiana Carol]

Dopey. I just think if you let. If you let you go on for too long.

[Tom Schwartz]

Yeah.

[Kiana Carol]

Eventually Someone's gonna get annoyed. And Rachel, my best friend, are, like, practically our child who is with us all the time. Yeah. She's had to have a lot of laughs when she's, like, real schwartzy. You had to keep going.

[Tom Schwartz]

Are people coming out of the woodwork that you grew up with about. What are you doing on Bravo?

[Kiana Carol]

My favorite comment. Yes.

[Tom Schwartz]

Bravo has the best fans in the world. They can be the most ruthless online, but they're also the sweetest in person.

[Kiana Carol]

They are.

[Tom Schwartz]

Yes.

[Kiana Carol]

They're very sweet.

[Tom Schwartz]

It's a dichotomy. It's a weird dichotomy every time you've

[Kiana Carol]

ever had a fan Encounter. Encounter in person. When I'm with you, they're so sweet. They're so sweet to you. They're so sweet to me. But what were we saying?

[Tom Schwartz]

Do you love what first impressions of just being on tv? It's kind of scary, right?

[Kiana Carol]

That's so not what we were saying. We were saying something else. Well, it was kind of all the fan. Wait, I'm totally lost my train of thought.

[Tom Schwartz]

Well, we just took a giant. It's like a giant lemon drop.

[Kiana Carol]

I totally lost my train of shot.

[Tom Schwartz]

That's okay. That's okay. But you guys. So there's no other subjects? I just wanted to hang out with you.

[Kiana Carol]

I wanted to remember what I was gonna say.

[Tom Schwartz]

We're in bed. We got room service. You guys, is this not one of the best places to be? The room? The AC's on. We have no obligations. Like, we can do whatever we want.

[Kiana Carol]

That's a rub, unfortunately. Worst thing to say, though, we do leave tomorrow. I know.

[Tom Schwartz]

That's messed up. We do leave tomorrow.

[Kiana Carol]

I know. It's so sad. Do you guys have the same thing? At the beginning of a vacation, you're like, oh, my God. The minute you get there, you're already sad because you're like, no, I don't want it to be over. I'm already thinking about the end. That's how I felt when we got here. And now I'm like, oh, my God, it's our last day. I'm so sad.

[Tom Schwartz]

That's why I'm a firm believer, like, the best part of a vacation is in the airport before you go on the vacation.

[Kiana Carol]

Oh. Oh, my God. Nothing I love more than landing in the Vegas airport. Hi. Hi.

[Tom Schwartz]

Yeah, I know. Landing in the Vegas airport is.

[Kiana Carol]

Oh, my gosh.

[Tom Schwartz]

Is the most optimistic I'll ever be in my life, ever. I'm gonna hit a jackpot.

[Kiana Carol]

Oh, my gosh. I love Vegas. There's nothing like Vegas. Kiki, are we done?

[Tom Schwartz]

No, we're wrapped up. I just want to. I want to convince people to take that trip.

[Kiana Carol]

Take that trip. This is your sign.

[Tom Schwartz]

This is the best all inclusive I've ever eaten at in my life.

[Kiana Carol]

And this is your sign to take that trip.

[Tom Schwartz]

You can listen, take the trip. Say yes. You could always make more money.

[Kiana Carol]

All right, guys, Money always comes back. Live it up.

[Tom Schwartz]

Money always comes back. The more you spend, the universe rewards you. Or something like that.

[Kiana Carol]

I always tell myself that because I love to shop. So I hope that's true. It's worked out so far, Kiki, you've

[Tom Schwartz]

been such a good sport and I feel like we have to go. Shout out to all. Thank you for all the Valley girls.

[Kiana Carol]

Oh, actually, yes, I would like to say that. Shout out to all the Valley girls for a lot of them were even in the comments defending me. They have texted me, reached out to me. I've hung out with plenty of them, one on one, like, without Schwartz there. And oh, my gosh, love to all of them. Oh, my gosh, I am so grateful for Janet, for Kristen, for Lala, for everyone, for Zach, even though he's on one of the girls, he's one of the gays. But I'm so grateful for everyone from the Valley that has been so accepting and welcoming. Brittany, everyone. I'm so grateful. So thank you, guys. Shout out to the Valley.

[Tom Schwartz]

Wait, let's do a little room also. Let's do a room tour.

[Kiana Carol]

Okay.

[Tom Schwartz]

All right, let's go.

[Kiana Carol]

Do I have to join?

[Tom Schwartz]

Yeah, you have to.

[Kiana Carol]

Okay.

[Tom Schwartz]

Love you guys.

[Kiana Carol]

My stuff's out. Okay.

[Tom Schwartz]

Okay. Check this out.

[Kiana Carol]

Oh, my God. It actually looks so beautiful right now. And it's like twilight out. Sunglasses are off. Let me put them back on. I'm nervous.

[Tom Schwartz]

Okay. Hollywood, look at this. How gorgeous is this?

[Kiana Carol]

This is so gorgeous. Smells amazing, too. Yeah, you smell that? Smells like a nice hotel.

[Tom Schwartz]

But we're not supposed to swim in the ocean.

[Kiana Carol]

The waves are crazy. And no one else is out there either.

[Tom Schwartz]

You guys be very careful when you swim in Cabo. You get. The undertow is insane.

[Kiana Carol]

Just stick by the pool and look at the ocean.

[Tom Schwartz]

Stick by the pool or just stay

[Kiana Carol]

in your hammock, which I've spent plenty of time in.

[Tom Schwartz]

Should we do a little room tour?

[Kiana Carol]

Yeah,

[Tom Schwartz]

sorry.

[Kiana Carol]

Excuse our mess.

[Tom Schwartz]

Yeah, we trashed the place.

[Kiana Carol]

Yeah.

[Tom Schwartz]

By the way, like, I'm looking at all the comments for the season of the Valley and they're like, the Valley is a horror movie, you guys. It's life.

[Kiana Carol]

Guys, sometimes life is a horror movie.

[Tom Schwartz]

Yes.

[Kiana Carol]

The amount of times I've had a bad night and I say to Schwartz and Mikey and Rachel, my besties, last night was a movie. Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Yeah, because sometimes life feels like a horror movie.

[Tom Schwartz]

We open that. Kiki, look at this. Full washer and dryer. Come on.

[Kiana Carol]

Washer and dryer.

[Tom Schwartz]

Washer and dryer.

[Kiana Carol]

Fridge.

[Tom Schwartz]

The refrigerator. Forget about it.

[Kiana Carol]

Forget about it.

[Tom Schwartz]

Come on. What else do we got? I guess that's it.

[Kiana Carol]

We got happy anniversary balloons. Yeah, for our eight month aversary.

[Tom Schwartz]

That is pretty cute. Wait, you guys. All right, well, this is a quick one. I just want to say thanks for tuning in and thanks for being so sweet and so evil to Kiana.

[Kiana Carol]

Humble me. I guess I needed to be humble.

[Tom Schwartz]

You know what? She needed to be humble. Hey, look at her. She needed a bite of humble pie.

[Kiana Carol]

And you know what? Take your time to form your own opinion on me. If I wear sunglasses, please know it's because I am nervous and I'm not a.

[Tom Schwartz]

You're actually one of the sweetest people I've ever met in my life.

[Kiana Carol]

Black cat.

[Tom Schwartz]

Not a Kiki. Love you.

[Kiana Carol]

Love you.

[Tom Schwartz]

Ah, Garza. Blanca. Love you, Cabo. Love you. You guys, thanks for watching the Valley. I know it's been a little dark, but it's. It gets more fun. Yeah, it gets more fun. Okay. We go on some dates, yada, yada, yada.

[Kiana Carol]

You'll see more Kiana and more of these sunglasses.

[Tom Schwartz]

I love you guys. Wait, let me. Love you guys. Thanks for tuning in. And yeah, until next time, Detox Retox. We're gonna go retox for our last night. Love you. You guys hear that? By the way, I'm gonna take you down there. If you've never been to Cabo, the ocean is kind of terrifying. There's no one swimming, and it's for a good reason. The undertow is crazy. The waves are ferocious. I'm gonna take them down there in a sec. Kiki, thoughts? Feelings. Day four, all inclusive. Did we make the most of it?

[Kiana Carol]

Yeah.

[Tom Schwartz]

She's a woman. A few words. You are.

[Kiana Carol]

No, I'm not. But it's day four, so I don't have many words left in me.

[Tom Schwartz]

Kiana does this charming thing. I don't think she's ever kept an original flight in her life. It comes so naturally to you. That would give me anxiety. But every time we've ever traveled together, you're like, let's. Let's push our flights back a little bit.

[Kiana Carol]

I'm not ready to leave originally. We would be heading to the airport in 40 minutes. We were at breakfast and I'm like, should I check if there's one later flight? I saw it. I had to. I never keep the first flight I had booked. I never like leaving.

[Tom Schwartz]

I get it. It's hard to let go. I used to get really depressed when I would leave a vacation. Now I love going home because I love my life right now. Mostly because of you and Gordo and Butters. So I don't get sad anymore. But I gotta say, all inclusives like you guys, it's one of the best parts of all inclusives is it removes all the decision making, right? You don't have to budget. You just don't have to think about money. And again, doesn't. Doesn't matter if you're a baller how much money you make. It's just nice not having to think about money. Something that consumes so much of our life. We derive so much joy and misery from it. Money can buy happiness. We all know.

[Kiana Carol]

I was gonna say, yeah, that's great, but it may make you a little toasty, Steve, because those drinks are flowing. Cuz you're not thinking about the money.

[Tom Schwartz]

Yeah, you're not thinking about the money. Also, I will say this, Garza Blanca, one of the best all inclusives ever. The food, we talked about this. 10 out of 10 the service, 10 out of 10, the drinks. I've been to some all inclusives before where the alcohol tastes like it's watered down or they marry it, essentially pouring cheap alcohol into other bottles, which is the thing in the industry. But everything here was legit. Oh yeah, the patron was patroning. I feel like we did it perfectly. We never. We never over indulged. We drank slow, steady, we. We noshed.

[Kiana Carol]

Viva la Mexico.

[Tom Schwartz]

Viva la Mexico. Vamos a la playa. Thank you guys for chilling with us. I'm gonna take you down to the beach just to show you how ferocious the waves are. They are few. Kiana Carol, any last words?

[Kiana Carol]

Sorry, guys, if I was a little bit. Not my sharpest. I'm in Cabo, Okay? Viva la Mexico.

[Tom Schwartz]

And your old ass boyfriend's making you do podcast. So I'm sorry for that.

[Kiana Carol]

Happily. But guys, don't hate me even more now, okay?

[Tom Schwartz]

Now they love you. I love you. All right, I'm gonna take you down to the ocean real quick. Let's spin this around. You guys. Look at. I'll show you. There's no one on the beach. And it is nine in the morning, but still. Okay, here we go. Here we go. Guys, check this out. It might not. Okay? There's a few people at the beach, and it might not look like much. There's the resort. There's Kiki. So gorge. Look at this. I feel like the camera doesn't do it justice. It doesn't do it just. Look at that, though. Yeah, I'm not going in there. Shit's terrifying. Look at that, you guys. Yeah. No, no. Thank you. All right, guys, appreciate the love. Thank you for tuning in to another episode, and I love you guys. Bye.

[Kiana Carol]

Detoxification complete.

[Tom Schwartz]

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