Detox Retox with Tom Schwartz: “Cinco De Drinko with Jesse Lally”
PodcastOne | May 7, 2026
Episode Overview
This special Cinco de Mayo episode blends real talk about Los Angeles real estate with playful (and sometimes boozy) banter, personal stories, and plenty of inside jokes. Tom Schwartz and guest Jesse Lally (real estate agent and Bravo personality) dig into whether homeownership in LA is even possible anymore, what it’s like to start fresh in iconic Laurel Canyon, the brutal realities of rent and mortgages, and behind-the-scenes reflections from Bravo’s "The Valley." Along the way, they toast to change, reminisce about old apartments, offer sharp takes on the housing market, and share their personal margarita recipes.
Key Topics & Insights
1. Setting the Scene: Laurel Canyon Vibes & New Beginnings
- [06:18] Jesse updates Tom & Sandoval on his new Laurel Canyon home—classic mid-century, sweeping views, real neighborhood energy, and a historic address with rock-and-roll legacy.
- Quote: “It's quintessential mid-century... Views from Santa Clarita, Bucco Mountain to the Hollywood sign to the observatory... excited for a change.” (Jesse, [07:41])
- Celebrates the sense of community: “It does. There's a strong sense of community up here. I've come to many parties up here.” (Tom Sandoval, [08:15])
- Personal touch: Jesse shares how his daughter embraced the move and this phase feels like a fresh start.
2. Cinco de Mayo: Traditions & Family Ties
- [09:14] Tequila flows as they toast to Cinco de Mayo (“Cinco de Drinko”)
- Jesse explains the personal significance of this day—his birthday just passed, and it’s also his daughter’s grandmother’s birthday, weaving in memories, traditions, and loss.
- Quote: “Her memory will be lived on through Cinco de Mayo.” (Jesse, [10:50])
- Discussion on the real meaning behind Cinco de Mayo, not to be confused with Mexican Independence Day.
3. REAL TALK: The State of LA Real Estate
- [11:30–23:53] Tom’s housing anxiety—rising prices, wild rent, and sky-high property taxes
- Tom shares his own numbers: bought in 2019 for $1.9M (4.5% mortgage down to 2.98% after the pandemic), sold in 2023 for $2.45M, now thinking he’s “fucked” due to doubling mortgage payments on similar homes.
- Quote: “Fixer uppers in the Valley are $1.5 million. I mean, am I fucked?” (Tom, [13:23])
Jesse’s Realist Advice:
- Buy now or be priced out later: If you wait for rates to drop, you’ll face “a feeding frenzy” (Jesse, [13:50]), with bidding wars driving up prices.
- Calculate if a higher rate for 18 months is better than overpaying by $300K–$500K in a bidding war later.
- Real estate is still a long-term play: “If you have the capital to buy a house in LA, now is the time... Olympics, FIFA are coming, you will be priced out.” (Jesse, [55:11])
- Homeownership vs. investing in income properties—risk, insurance, post-fire premiums, and earthquake insurance realities.
- Quote: “Homeownership is the worst investment you could ever make.” —Grant Cardone, cited by Jesse ([24:04])
Practical Nuggets:
- Assumable loans idea? Jesse breaks down why it’s mostly a pipe dream in 2026.
- Seller financing as a workaround some creative buyers are using.
- Social media and reality TV presence help sell homes—views and stories drive leads.
Memorable Math:
- Cheapest starter home Tom found: “$699,000... one bedroom, one bathroom, 710 square feet. And it looks haunted!” (Tom, [03:34])
- His rent now: $6,000/month for a 4 bed/4 bath.
4. Bravo Behind-the-Scenes & Reality TV Culture
- [26:35–36:41] Candid talk about “The Valley” and their TV personas
- Jesse’s pride in girlfriend Lacy Nicole joining the show: “Rookie of the year… she’s really struggling right now physically, mentally… fertility doctor… endometriosis… trying to be as supportive as possible.” (Jesse, [26:45])
- Navigating fame: dealing with public feedback, trolling, and the emotional toll—“You’re bearing a piece of your soul, even if you're just filming a few times.” (Tom Sandoval, [27:54])
- Self-deprecating humor and owning their quirks: “I think you have many layers to your personality. You have high emotional intelligence. You're hilarious.” (Tom Sandoval to Jesse, [28:21])
- Quote: “I was called the Tom Sandoval of the Valley. I didn’t even know what that meant.” (Jesse, [28:04])
- [33:19–36:41] Reality TV drama cross-talk
- Discussing Summer House, Real Housewives, and Bravo “friendships” and feuds.
- The blurred lines of reality TV and real friendships.
5. Laurel Canyon & LA Nostalgia
- [36:41–45:43] Old haunts & Secret Perks of LA Living
- Jesse reveals the private perks of being a Chateau Marmont neighbor (pool key, last-minute reservations, “felt like a private club”).
- Quote: “Felt like you were part of a private club that nobody knew about.” (Jesse, [38:52])
- Real estate stories: Jesse’s first ever commission and celebrations at Bar Marmont.
- The real power of social media in selling luxury LA homes.
6. Local Eats, Foodie Favorites & Wine Ambitions
- [50:37–53:43] Food and drink recommendations:
- Jesse praises sushi spots (Yumi), and debates the merits of classic Valley staples (Casa Vega vs El Coyote).
- Chateau Marmont picks: “...best french fries... burger's great, Bolognese famous, salmon setup these days…” (Jesse, [52:12])
- On food & travel: “Pretty much any city or country I’ve been to, I have a two-page cheat sheet for where to go, what to eat.” (Jesse, [53:04])
- Dream destinations: “Paris to Switzerland to Capri would be my ultimate adventure.” (Jesse, [50:10])
7. Margarita Showdown
- [53:04–54:37] How to margarita like Jesse & Tom
- Tom’s “skinny” version: Patron, fresh lime, small splash of agave, fresh OJ (“game changer”).
- Jesse’s take: “Orange juice is disgusting… Four ounces of tequila, splash of mix, squeeze of lime, pinch of sea salt in the margarita, not on the rim.” (Jesse, [54:06])
- Banter over who’d survive drinking Jesse’s super-strong batch.
8. Words of Encouragement (and a Little Reality)
- [55:03] Looking Forward, With Realistic Hope
- Jesse urges action for anyone who can buy in LA now.
- Tom’s still “hopeful,” but conscious of daunting down payments, market pace, and LA’s “sunshine tax.”
- Quote: “We're all gonna be homeowners, right?” (Tom, [57:37])
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
-
“Fixer uppers in the Valley are $1.5 million. I mean, am I fucked?”
— Tom Schwartz [13:23]
-
“If you wait for the interest rates to go down, what's going to happen... There's going to be a feeding frenzy.”
— Jesse Lally [13:49]
-
“Her memory will be lived on through Cinco de Mayo.”
— Jesse Lally [10:50]
-
“Homeownership is the worst investment you could ever make.”
— Jesse referencing Grant Cardone [24:04]
-
“You’re bearing a piece of your soul, even if you're just filming a few times.”
— Tom Sandoval [27:54]
-
“We're friends with all these people and I think the general audience feels... we're all just spying on the backstory.”
— Jesse Lally [35:46]
-
“Now is the time to buy... Olympics, FIFA coming up. You will be priced out of the market if you don't move soon.”
— Jesse Lally [55:11]
-
“I've had six four-ounce margaritas since we started this interview...”
— Jesse Lally, jokingly [54:47]
Timestamps: Segment Guide
| Timestamp | Segment | Topic |
|-----------|---------------------------------------|--------------------------------------------------------------|
| 01:52 | Episode Intro | Cinco de Mayo, real estate dilemma, special guest Jesse |
| 06:18 | Jesse’s New Home | Laurel Canyon, community, fresh start |
| 09:14 | Cinco de Mayo & Family | Traditions, tequila, emotional memories |
| 11:30 | The Hard Truth: LA Housing | Tom’s old home, market jump, personal numbers |
| 13:23 | Are We Fucked? | “Feeding frenzy,” buy vs. wait, Jesse’s strategies |
| 20:17 | Assumable Loans & Seller Financing | Loan landscape explained |
| 24:04 | Ownership vs. Renting | Grant Cardone’s contrarian approach, insurance headaches |
| 26:35 | Bravo Realities | Supporting castmates, TV rookie growing pains |
| 33:19 | Reality TV Friendships/Drama | Summer House, reality-fan divide, public perception |
| 36:41 | Chateau Marmont Stories | Perks, nostalgia, LA lore |
| 40:44 | Real Estate Hustle | Recent deals, social media impact, changing trends |
| 50:37 | LA Food Picks & Local Haunts | Restaurant recs, foodie flexes, dream adventures |
| 53:04 | The Perfect Margarita | Recipe debate, secrets to the best drink |
| 55:03 | Will We Ever Own Again? | Encouragement for buyers, market predictions |
| 57:14 | Wrap: Optimism & Good Vibes | Hopeful sign-off, rent tips, future plans |
Summary Table: Buy or Wait? (Jesse’s Real Estate Take)
| Scenario | Now (6% rate) | Wait (4.5% rate) |
|---------------------------|------------------------------------------------------|--------------------------------------------|
| Price | Lower, if less competition | Much higher due to bidding wars |
| Monthly Payment | Higher (for 12–18 months), then refinance possible | Lower, but only after inflated purchase |
| Competition | Manageable | “Feeding frenzy” (30+ offers per home) |
| Advice | Buy now if you can, refinance later | Don’t wait for rates—prices jump more |
The Takeaway
- The LA real estate market is daunting, but not impossible—if you’re ready to act and have the means.
- Wait too long, and you might face stiffer competition and soaring prices, especially with events like the Olympics/FIFA coming.
- Homeownership isn’t always the best investment for everyone (especially with high insurance/taxes), but there are still ways to get creative (seller financing, investing in income properties).
- Community, food, and friends—especially on Cinco de Mayo—make the chaos worthwhile. And there’s always a great margarita recipe to share.
- If all else fails, scroll Zillow, keep dreaming, and maybe DM Jesse for a cheat sheet or deal.
Listen to this episode for:
- Raw honesty about the LA real estate struggle
- True-to-life Bravo culture and reality TV insight
- Classic West Coast foodie chat and local recs
- Fun, friendship, and a little tequila-induced wisdom
“Less is more. Sometimes it’s just—at the end of the day—one ‘IndyCloud’ soda, and everything just kind of settles… My mind just relaxes, resets for the summer.”
— Tom Schwartz ([15:10])