Detox Retox with Tom Schwartz
Episode: Kiana Carroll Comments on Dagger Eyes & “10 Is A 10”!
Date: March 25, 2026
Host: Tom Schwartz
Guest: Kiana Carroll
Episode Overview
This episode is a loose, unstructured "yap session" between Tom Schwartz and his girlfriend, model Kiana Carroll, recorded after a spa day at Voda Spa in West Hollywood. The couple riff candidly about spa euphoria, internet comments, reality TV culture, handling public attention, friend circles, and give listeners an inside look at their dynamic. Much of the conversation centers on addressing recent viral social media moments—most notably criticism of Kiana’s so-called "dagger eyes" during a Vanderpump Rules fan event—as well as their experiences with fame, vulnerability, and online feedback.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Post-Spa State & Voda Spa Review
- The episode opens with Tom and Kiana relishing the relaxed, blissful state after a spa day ("post-spa psychosis" or "sheet-faced"), highlighting the value of self-care and downtime. Tom extols Voda Spa’s chill vibes, full amenities, and perfect balance of "detox and retox."
- Quote: “There’s just something about sipping a cocktail in a robe before you get a massage that feels heavenly.” — Tom (03:05)
- Takeaway: Treat yourself to a spa day for mental clarity and rejuvenation.
2. Kiana’s Muscles & The Joys of Doing Nothing
- Kiana jokes about praise from her masseuse for having "top five healthiest muscles"—despite not working out ("I’m a black lap cat"). This leads to a playful discussion on self-validation via unintended compliments and the value of balanced effort.
- Quote: “If you are working out too hard, you aren’t going to have top five healthiest muscles to a masseuse. And guess who does? Me.” — Kiana (06:58)
3. Relationship Real Talk: The Six-Month Mark & Public Perceptions
- The pair discuss the so-called "six month relationship theory"—the end of the honeymoon phase—and how, thanks to TikTok, every milestone now comes with a viral "theory."
- Kiana addresses internet criticism that paints her as mean or cold ("dagger eyes").
- Quote: “Some people think that makes me a crazy bitch... On TikTok, people think I am mean. I have dagger eyes.” — Kiana (09:06)
4. Comfort Shows & Media Nostalgia
- The duo debate the merits of various comfort TV shows:
- Kiana: "Gossip Girl" is her number one, narrowly overtaking "Desperate Housewives" (14:00).
- Tom: "Friends" is his go-to, but he’s sentimental for "The OC.”
- They discuss how reality TV like "Vanderpump Rules" has become fans’ comfort food, even as it documents real-life pain.
- Quote: “I’m glad that our pain is your pleasure.” — Tom (14:48)
- Kiana's response: “Y’all were a damn mess. And it makes you feel better about when you were a damn mess.” (15:07)
5. Dog-Sitting & the Realities of Pet Parenting
- Kiana shares her first-ever experience dog-sitting Tom’s dogs, being a “cat lady,” and the rude shock of 6am wake-ups. The segment brings out both her admiration for Tom’s dog-dad skills and new respect for pet routines.
- Quote: “I did not... Not only with your communication, but you send constant pictures of them. So happy. Belly up.” — Kiana (17:11)
- Quote: “There’s nothing I hate more than waking up early. He has seen me wake up early for work, and it is like, it feels like cruel and unusual punishment.” — Kiana (19:19)
6. TomTom Update: Processing the End of an Era
- Tom reveals that TomTom Bar has hit the market and reflects emotionally on the end of this business chapter. Both discuss their fond memories tied to the space.
- Quote: “It was like an emotional tidal wave hearing that... It helped mature me... It’s fucking cool to have a bar in West Hollywood with your name on the side.” — Tom (22:11)
7. Vander Brunch Events, Social Anxiety, and Viral TikTok Critiques
- Kiana details what it was like to be in the public eye at a Tampa "Vander Brunch," and addresses a viral TikTok accusing her of giving Tom "dagger eyes" and being unfriendly.
- She explains the nerves and awkwardness of new public scrutiny ("I'm staying in those comments"), and clarifies that her reserved energy comes from being new to this environment—not hostility.
- Quote: “If we got in a fight, I wouldn’t have brought my parents the next day.” — Kiana (36:01)
- Tom recounts a fan asking him to sign her boobs, and both discuss boundaries at reality TV events.
- Quote: “You're gonna admit that I ask him to sign your boobs? Sorry, I can have a boundary. Maybe he don't, but I do.” — Kiana (39:45)
8. Social Media, Boundaries & The Search for Balance
- The couple reflects on being hyper-online, the anxiety of constant connectedness, and how sometimes digital detox is needed—though Kiana pushes back, saying she loves her phone and the distraction it brings.
- Quote: “When’s the last time you climbed a tree or caught a wave? ... I’m sorry, I’m on that phone.” — Kiana (51:33)
9. Friendship Circles: Depth Over Breadth
- Kiana advocates for having a very small, tight-knit circle ("two best friends, literally"), arguing that it keeps life simpler and less stressful.
- Discusses the difference between best friends and acquaintances, and embracing being an "ambivert."
- Quote: “It's so sweet not dealing with any guilt because the circle is small. The only people expecting anything from me are just the people I want to give something to.” — Kiana (46:08)
10. Fame, Boundaries, and Model Insecurities
- Tom and Kiana riff on their experiences with fame, comparing their experiences to celebrities like Chapel Roan, and discussing the pressures and boundaries needed.
- Kiana addresses people reading too far into her public body language (covering her face in photos): As a model, she’s only comfortable in front of the camera “in model mode”, not as herself, which is why she’s shy in casual snaps.
- Quote: “When I model, I am no longer Kiana who hates photos being taken of me. I have to switch. I flip a switch, I turn into Kiki... When I am me... I hate photos being taken of me. I’m so scared to look bad.” — Kiana (58:38)
11. "A 10 Is a 10" — Letting People Feel Their Feelings
- Kiana introduces “ten’s a ten” as a catch-all for relative privilege/fairness in feelings—her philosophy is not to compare your happiness or problems with others; everyone’s feelings are valid in their context.
- Quote: “If I’m happy, don’t tell me someone’s having a better day and just won the lottery... If I’m sad and you guys think it’s lame that I’m sad about it, fair enough, but let me feel my feelings. Let that out, girl.” — Kiana (62:01)
- Tom: “A ten’s a ten. It’s simple, but it’s wise.” (61:43)
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- On Spa Euphoria:
- “This is your sign to give yourself a spa day.” — Tom (03:35)
- On Shifting Public Perception:
- “Some people think that makes me a crazy bitch.” — Kiana, on being joking and sarcastic (09:06)
- On Reality TV Comfort:
- “I’m glad that our pain is your pleasure.” — Tom (14:48)
- “Y’ all were a damn mess. And it makes you feel better about when you were a damn mess.” — Kiana (15:07)
- On the End of TomTom:
- “It was like an emotional tidal wave hearing that... I have a very strong sense of pride. I love the staff there. I love West Hollywood.” — Tom (22:11)
- On Social Media Criticism:
- “Would you not be looking up your name and seeing everything said about you? Sorry, I am.” — Kiana (34:38)
- “If we got in a fight, I wouldn’t have brought my parents the next day.” — Kiana (36:01)
- On Boundaries with Fans:
- “You're gonna admit that I ask him to sign your boobs? Sorry, I can have a boundary. Maybe he don't, but I do.” — Kiana (39:45)
- On Being “A 10”:
- “A 10’s a 10. It’s simple, but it’s wise.” — Tom (61:43)
- “If I’m happy, don’t tell me someone else out there is happier... Let that out, girl.” — Kiana (62:01)
Timestamps for Key Segments
| Time | Content | |----------|--------------------------------------------------------| | 03:05 | The spa experience & "sheet-faced" relaxation | | 06:22 | Kiana’s “healthiest muscles” masseuse compliment | | 07:33 | Relationship status; six month milestone theory | | 09:06 | Kiana addresses “dagger eyes” and TikTok criticism | | 14:00 | Comfort TV shows—OC vs. Gossip Girl, Desperate Housewives| | 17:11 | Kiana’s dog-sitting adventures | | 21:15 | TomTom put up for sale; personal reflections | | 36:01 | Viral TikTok: Kiana’s ‘dagger eyes’ at fan event | | 39:45 | Boundaries at reality TV events—signing fans’ boobs | | 46:08 | Kiana on small friendship circles | | 51:33 | Arguments over phone addiction, digital detox trends | | 58:38 | Kiana explains her modeling persona vs. real self | | 62:01 | “A Ten is a Ten”—letting people own their feelings | | 63:06 | Episode wrap: love, friends, and signing off |
Tone and Language
- The episode is playful, candid, and irreverent—the tone swings between goofy banter, self-deprecating honesty, and thoughtful reflection.
- Both Tom and Kiana use light profanity and internet slang ("sheet-faced", "yap session", "let that out, girl").
- There is consistent humor, frequent inside jokes, and self-aware references to their public personas and reality TV backgrounds.
Conclusion
This episode pulls back the curtain on Tom and Kiana’s relationship and personalities. Through repeated references to real-life events, "internet feedback loops," and their vulnerabilities, listeners see the realities of post-reality TV life. Kiana’s assertive responses to criticism—“I’m staying in the comments, sorry”—and Tom’s commentary on change and nostalgia make this a relatable, modern, and highly engaging listen for fans and newcomers alike.
Listeners can expect insight into behind-the-scenes reality TV culture, the pressure of public scrutiny, lessons in self-acceptance, and plenty of fun, lighthearted moments.
Memorable send-off:
“A ten is a ten. It’s simple, but it’s wise... Let that out, girl.” — Kiana (62:01)