Raising a Child with Type 1 Diabetes Without Losing Yourself

Summary

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Podcast Summary

Diabetes Connections | Type 1 Diabetes

Host: Stacey Simms
Episode: Raising a Child with Type 1 Diabetes Without Losing Yourself
Guest: Abby Cooper, Parent, Risely Health Diabetes Coach
Date: July 14, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode dives into the emotionally complex world of parenting a child with Type 1 diabetes, with a focus on maintaining personal identity, managing guilt and societal pressures, and balancing confidences and challenges. Stacey Simms is joined by Abby Cooper, herself a T1D mom and health coach, who shares both her family’s journey and insights from working with other parents. Together, they discuss themes like “good enough” management, social media pressures, family dynamics, and the importance of self-care for parents, especially moms.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Abby’s Diagnosis Story & Family Background

• Abby’s Son’s Diagnosis: Diagnosed with T1D in first grade—now in eighth grade, approaching the point where he’s lived half his life with diabetes ([06:28]–[08:24]).
• Family Medical Readiness: Her husband is a paramedic/firefighter. Early symptoms were noticed, and diagnosis was caught before hospitalization was needed.
  • Quote: “It’s like a flip of a switch. Things were one way and then things were not.” —Abby ([08:24])

2. Navigating Adolescence and Independence

• Teen Independence: Abby’s son is responsible in self-managing tasks like site changes for more freedom (e.g., visiting grandparents).
• Brain Fog & Developmental Expectations: Both agree on trade-offs between time in range and building independence.
  • Quote: “We have to be very careful that we’re not placing expectations on children that are not developmentally appropriate … their prefrontal cortex is not formed. This is hard stuff for adults.” —Abby ([09:33])

3. Abby’s Professional Background

• Career Shift: From healthcare management to health coaching, now focusing on digital health, coaching parents through Risely Health ([10:38]–[12:19]).
• Personal Motivation: Her lived experience strengthens her ability to relate to and help other parents.

4. Common Themes from Moms Night Out Check-ins

A. The “Good Enough” Dilemma

• Mother’s Instinct vs. Clinic Feedback: Many moms feel stuck between being told they're doing “enough” and a nagging sense that it isn’t sufficient ([13:38]).
  • Quote: “I am sort of being told to accept what feels like mediocrity in my child’s management … my mother instinct is telling me that it’s not good enough.” —Abby ([14:39])
• Advice: Stay in your lane—focus on your family’s needs and values, not comparison.
  • Quote: “You have to think about what is your version of success around diabetes management, not everyone else’s.” —Abby ([16:21])

B. The Social Media Pressure

• Influencer Overload: Moms feel overwhelmed by wildly different T1D voices on social media.
  • Consensus: It’s okay—even necessary—to unfollow people or groups that cause distress or inadequacy.
  • Quote: “Is this serving me … or does it only stir up feelings of inadequacy, jealousy, or fear?” —Abby ([18:29])
• Memorable Phrase: “It says easy, but it lives hard.” —Abby, about staying true to oneself ([20:06])

C. Losing Yourself After Diagnosis

• Shrinking World: Parents—especially moms—often lose track of who they are outside diabetes management.
  • Quote: “They have completely stopped engaging in their life the way they were pre-diagnosis.” —Abby ([21:14])
• Self-Care Beyond Bubble Baths: Real restoration involves hobbies or interests (“high quality leisure”), not just surface-level self-care ([23:05]).
• Personal Example: Abby rekindled a backpacking hobby for true self-renewal. Stacey (with older kids) finds new outlets now, but recalls being consumed by parenting and T1D for many years.

D. Grief, Identity, and Modeling for Kids

• Adjustment & Grieving: Parents may need to grieve lost opportunities or careers due to caregiving; this is normal and rarely addressed ([28:04]).
• Modeling Balance: Warning against letting diabetes “consume” the family to the point where kids feel responsible for their parent’s loss of self.
  • Quote: “Think about the burden of your child one day reflecting back … and realizing that after I was diagnosed, my mom was never the same again. That is a heavy burden for a child to have to carry.” —Abby ([28:04])

E. Family & Partner Dynamics

• Mom-Heavy Mental Load: Moms often shoulder the majority of the management by default, sometimes unintentionally excluding partners.
• Communication: Openly discuss division of responsibility and honestly assess if you want help.
  • Quote: “If you’re going to have that conversation, you need to have a very honest inward reflection … do you want to hand it over?” —Abby ([32:43])
• Different Coping Styles: Abby shares her husband’s struggle: “The chronic nature of diabetes was so overwhelming … he had so much anger toward it and I had so much grief.” ([34:29])

5. Camp and Letting Go

• Importance of Diabetes Camp: Abby’s son attends Camp S.H. Harris (AL); it’s crucial for his confidence and social life ([38:29]). Stacey seconds this, highlighting how valuable these breaks are for the whole family.
• Parental Nervousness: Initial discomfort with “losing eyes” on your T1D kid while at camp, but it gets easier with experience ([40:10]).

6. About Risely Health

• Behavior Change & Support: Risely offers individual and group coaching for parents and adults with Type 1, emphasizing holistic support and habit formation ([36:07]).
• Upcoming Programs: More group offerings for moms are in the works ([38:04]).

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Memorable Quotes

• On Comparison:
  “You have to think about what is your version of success around diabetes management, not everyone else’s.” —Abby ([16:21])

• On Social Media:
  “Is this serving me … or does it only stir up feelings of inadequacy, jealousy, or fear?” —Abby ([18:29])

• On Parenting Balance:
  “We have to be very careful that we’re not placing expectations on children that are not developmentally appropriate … their prefrontal cortex is not formed. This is hard stuff for adults.” —Abby ([09:33])

• On Losing Yourself:
  “They have completely stopped engaging in their life the way they were pre-diagnosis.” —Abby ([21:14])

• On Grieving Identity:
  “We do need to grieve that process … that is something that … nobody ever invites people into conversation around.” —Abby ([28:04])

• On Modeling for Kids:
  “Think about the burden of your child … realizing after I was diagnosed, my mom was never the same again. That is a heavy burden for a child to have to carry.” —Abby ([28:04])

• On Self-Care:
  “This is not about being in an echo chamber of I’m only hearing the things I want to hear. It’s not that. But again, so many of those spaces … it just feels like, ‘Oh, I’m not good enough.’” —Abby ([19:27])

• On Family Dynamics:
  “If you’re going to have that conversation, you need to have a very honest inward reflection … do you want to hand it over? … Sometimes we don’t want to hand it over.” —Abby ([32:43])

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [06:28] – Abby’s diagnosis story and parenting perspective
• [09:33] – Developmentally appropriate expectations for kids with T1D
• [13:36] – Most common themes in parental questions
• [15:09] – Advice on comparison and staying in your lane
• [18:29] – Social media: knowing when to unfollow and protect yourself
• [21:14] – Losing yourself as a parent to T1D’s demands
• [23:56] – Rediscovering personal passions and true self-care
• [28:04] – Grief, identity, and long-term modeling for your child
• [31:33] – Division of responsibilities with partners/family
• [38:29] – Importance of summer camp for both kids and parents
• [36:07; 38:04] – Overview of Risely Health and upcoming offerings

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Additional Insights

• Self-Awareness is Key: Abby emphasizes that neither burnout nor over-vigilance is sustainable. Rediscovering joy outside diabetes is crucial for parental and family health.
• Communication Tools: Honest internal reflection and clear conversations with partners about diabetes labor division are vital.
• Peer Support is Powerful: Both in-person (Moms Night Out) and via coaching/group programs, connecting with others facing similar challenges can be transformative.

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Final Thought

This episode is a must-listen for parents and caregivers feeling the weight of T1D management, offering reassurance and permission to both “stay in your lane” and proactively cultivate your own happiness alongside your child’s health.

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Transcript

[A]

Hey everybody, quick note before we jump in. This episode was supposed to come out last week, but just with the way the episode numbers fell, we bumped it a week to make room for our 800th episode celebration. So you're going to hear me talking about heading to Friends for Life and mentioning a few conference promo codes, but by the time you're listening, Friends for Life has wrapped up. It's always an incredible conference. It was one of their biggest ever this year and as you can tell from my voice, I was very busy and I talked to a lot of people, which was incredible. It was so great to see so many people that I know catch up with old friends and meet so many new people. So the good news is that we are keeping these promo codes active through this week so you can take advantage of them. Thank you so much for listening. And now let's get to the podcast. This week on Diabetes Connections, we get into the emotional side of raising a child with Type one, the pressure to be perfect, the guilt that social media can create, and the way so many parents slowly lose themselves after diagnosis without even realizing it. Now we do check ins at our Mom's Night out events where you can ask any questions of a diabetes expert and I thought it would be helpful to bring some of those questions and answers to you here. My guest is Abby Cooper, mom of a child with Type one and a Risely Health diabetes coach, and she was one of our check in experts. This year we're going to talk about the balance of independence and time and range. Middle school, brain fog camp, and what happens when your entire identity as a parent starts revolving around your child's diagnosis. This podcast is not intended as medical advice. If you have those kinds of questions, please contact your healthcare provider. A very smart doctor told us ages ago, probably close to 19 years ago, when Benny was first diagnosed with diabetes. The person with the most data wins. Along with the most data. You need good data and the Dexcom G7 CGM systems are the most accurate sensors on the market, and accuracy is what builds confidence. Benny can make decisions about food and activity in real time, and we can easily follow his numbers remotely. The Dexcom Clarity app shows glucose trends and even a projected A1C in as little as two weeks. This isn't just about seeing numbers, it's about understanding them and living better because of it. Find out [e-mail] welcome to another week of Diabetes Connections. I'm your host Stacey Sims. We aim to educate and inspire about diabetes with a focus on people who use insulin. If you're new around here. My son was diagnosed with type 1 right before he turned 2 back in 2006. He is now 21. My husband lives with type 2 diabetes. I don't have any type of diabetes, but I have a background in broadcasting in local television and radio news and that is how you get the podcast. This is episode 801. We have been doing this show for a very long time. So again, if you are new, I just say that to flag. We have a very robust search on the website over at diabetes-connections. Com. You can use that search box in the upper right hand corner to look for episodes on everything from technology to stem cell research to tzeald. You know, whatever is on your mind, definitely head on over to the website and check that out. I am at Friends for Life this week. I am so excited to see some old friends and to meet so many new people to continue to learn about our community, see what is new at this very large diabetes conference that happens in Orlando every July. Of course I'm there to talk about Diabetes Connections, our podcast and our events. We do lots of in person events now. We have our Mom's Night out events coming up in the fall. We will be in Detroit in September and Seattle in October. And we have a coupon code for Friends for Life. If you use the promo code FFL, that will save you 15% and it is good on the early Bird special for those fall events. Those early bird specials are going away soon, so please do not wait. I would love to meet you at Mom's Night out this fall. And we are going to be continuing this into 2027 with four new cities next year. And you know, one of the most popular parts of Mom's Night out is what we call our check ins. And I was really excited to have this week's guest, Abby Cooper as one of our check ins at the Washington D.C. mom's night out earlier this year. She's going to share her story. She's a mom of a child with type one and she's going to spend most of our interview talking about what the moms she speaks with want to know. Now we are going to be opening the check ins for Detroit next month and for Seattle shortly after that. You have to be registered for the event to sign up and the check ins fill up fast. I will tell you that this interview with Abby became more of a conversation than an interview. You know, more of a conversation than I intended. But I do have some strong feelings about a lot of this and it was really Fun to get into it with her. My conversation with Abby Cooper right after this. This episode of Diabetes Connections is brought to you with support from Sanofi. From the very beginning, they mean everything to you. And that means you'd do anything for them, especially if they're at risk. So when it comes to type 1 diabetes, screen it like you mean. Even if just one person in your family has type one, you're up to 15 times more likely to get it, too. Screen it like you mean it, because one blood test could help you spot type 1 long before you need insulin. Talk to your doctor about how to screen for type 1 diabetes, because the more you know, the more you can do. So don't wait. Visit screenfortype1.com to learn more. Again, that's screenfortype1.com. Abby Cooper, welcome to Diabetes Connections. It's good to see you again. How are you?

[B]

It's so good to see you. Yeah. Time was at Mom's, not out in D.C. so it's nice to see you again.

[A]

Yeah, it wasn't that long ago. I'm so glad you can help us out with those events. And we're definitely gonna be talking about what people ask you at those events, but I'd love to just start out. Abby, take me through your family's story. Cause you have a kiddo with type one.

[B]

Yeah, absolutely. I'm in this position with you. So, yeah, a little bit about my family. So I have two children. My oldest is 13. My son, and then I have a daughter that's 12. My son is my T1D.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So he was diagnosed. We are closing in on year seven. So he was diagnosed in the first grade. He's currently in the eighth grade. So we're in that whole world. Um, it's an interesting milestone, Stacy, because we're almost at the point to where he's been diagnosed as long as he had been alive when he was diagnosed, you know, so, like, that sort of we've hit the halfway point of he has almost more memories living with it than living without it. We were very fortunate when he was diagnosed in terms of we caught it rather early, so we were not in the percentage of people that had to be admitted to the hospital. We actually went straight from a pediatrician's office to the er but were able to be discharged home after that. So I sort of always laugh and say, my husband is a paramedic, firefighter, Lieutenant. So very good in a crisis, very good in, like, high stress situations, and knows a lot medically. Right. And I come From a healthcare background. So whenever our son was symptomatic, it's like so outside of the realm, right. Of like what this couldn't possibly be going on. That I think it was the only time ever that my husband had taken our son to the pediatrician alone. He was actually headed out of town for a fire training and he was going to do a little father son breakfast at Waffle House.

[A]

Oh boy. And then they're very familiar with Waffle

[B]

House because he had been. Our son had been symptomatic of some stuff where I was like, something's just not right. My mother instinct, like there's just something going on that isn't normal. And called me from the clinic and was like, pack a bag, finger stick is over 500 and we've got to go to the emergency room. And so like most everyone, it's like a flip of a switch. Things were one way and then things were not.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So fast forward to eighth grade.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Um, I hesitate. How is he doing? Because you know, they're all, they all do fine. But eighth grade is also, I gotta tell you, eighth grade is when Benny started to kind of turn the corner in terms of really taking more control of his own care and actually like remembering things. Because we had a couple of years there where there was like serious brain fog.

[B]

Yeah, absolutely. Well, I'm very fortunate in that his wiring is. He is very responsible overall. So I will say from an early age, like he was very motivated to learn how to be like sight change independent and like he wanted to do that. Side note, my parents live about two hours way and he learned early on if he wanted to go and spend the weekend there, he needed to be more self managed and to feel more confident. So he was pretty motivated to learn how to do stuff. And he is not a kiddo. Even in the this like you know, puberty years and middle school years where he, you know, forgets to change his sight out or won't put a new pod on or that sort of thing. He's very good about being responsible from that end. Now he also was 13. Right.

[A]

And in school.

[B]

And it's funny, I know we'll talk about this, but I always remind the parents that I coach. It's like we have to be very careful that we're not placing expectations on children that are not developmentally appropriate. Right. And it's like their prefrontal cortex is not formed. Right. This is hard stuff for adults. So we always have to sort of check that. And so is he the best at Always remembering to pre bolus. No, he isn't right. He always remembers to bolus. He is not a kid that struggles with that but very independent and in the grand scheme of things he does really well. I'm immensely proud of him. But it doesn't mean that we do it perfectly by. By any means. And I think in particular in this phase it is about being willing as a parent to maybe let go of a little bit of time and range loss for increased independence. And I think you, you sometimes you have to be willing to make that trade off.

[A]

You are preaching to the choir. So before we go any further, AB you mentioned your background in healthcare. Can you just tell me a little bit about yourself?

[B]

Yeah, absolutely. So I kind of have two phases of my career. So probably for the first half of my career I worked in a healthcare setting. So my undergrad and master's is in healthcare management and like health information management. So I used to work for large corporate healthcare chain. I like traveled the country and worked with physicians and electronic health records and a lot of just like in a healthcare environment that was sort of the first 10 years ish of my career was very burned out and coaching, health coaching in particular was a very brand new profession. Literally there was no national accreditation, there was no anything. And I had a family friend that was sort of a bit of a mentor that told me about health coaching and a program actually through Duke at the time where I actually this is old school, Stacy. I had to get on a plane and fly there. I could not do anything. Distance learning, that was not even an option. I'm aging myself and I decided to kind of do a major career pivot and I went back and did this program and then come sort of transition back and have spent the last almost 15 years now in the coaching space. I've worked at an academic medical center. I'm just outside of Nashville. I was at Vanderbilt for a while. I've worked in a corporate healthcare setting where a health coach is embedded in a clinic and you're seeing, you know, patients on a daily basis. And since 2019 I have been in what I call the digital health coaching space. So from a remote perspective and have worked in a variety of settings and so was very fortunate about almost going on four years ago to learn about Risely and I was able to sort of intersect my coaching background with type 1, which obviously is where my heart and passion is.

[A]

Yeah. And that's how we met was through Risely. And we will talk more about Wriothesley a little bit later. On and I will link more information up in the show notes. But I want to talk to you about what moms talk to you about because you've now been to at least two of our moms night out events in our check in capacity. And this is where people can check in with a, we call them diabetes experts. So it could be an endo, a cdces, a health coach, an rn, somebody who's very familiar with type one. The questions that are answered are non medical. I just want everybody to be clear on that. This is something I always wanted when I used to go to a breakthrough T1D summit or someplace else. All these conventions I would go to, there was never a chance for me to sit one on one and ask. I wouldn't say easy questions, but non medical questions. So not like how much basil does my kid need? But I'm thinking about summer camp. What are your feelings on that? Or I feel like the worst mom in the world because I'm sacrificing time and range for what I think is a better relationship with my kid in the long term. Am I okay? Right. Stuff like that. So long story short, Abby's been very helpful and I wanted to talk to you on the show so we could reach a wider audience because let's face it, you're only limited time, you know, at these events you can only talk to a dozen or so people. Do you have a number one question

[B]

that people bring you?

[A]

Is there a very common theme?

[B]

That's a great question. I'm not sure if I have a number one question. I do think, as you know, age dependent, meaning the age of the child usually dictates the types of questions that I'm being asked. I would say one of the most common questions I get like overall and combined with doing the check in sessions and also I do keep a caseload here where I still coach parents, moms primarily. And I would say one question that comes up frequently is, or maybe it's not a question, maybe it's more of a feeling, which is I am sort of being told to accept what feels like mediocrity in my child's management. I'm sort of being told it's good enough and my mother instinct is telling me that it's not good enough. And I'm sort of like stuck with, you know, I'm getting patted on the shoulder every time I go in for a follow up saying, you're doing enough, it's enough. But I know in my bones it doesn't feel like success to me. But I don't know what to do about that. So I feel like that comes up all the time for parents, moms in particular.

[A]

But isn't that just being a mom? I mean, I'm only half kidding, but like, you know, you are doing the best you can often. And, you know, you don't. Parenting is. I mean, I don't want to phrase it this way, but it's like a never ending crapshoot. Like, my kids are 21 and 24. Did the best I could. Would I have done some things diabetes wise and otherwise differently? Of course. And you know, if you have. If you have do over after do over, you can never do everything. Good enough.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Wow. Okay, so editorial comment over. So what do you tell them?

[B]

Yeah, so I think in that situation is, you know, there's a spectrum, Right? So I do think that you can put too heavy expectations on yourself as a parent. Right. And I do think a lot of moms, one of the things I have to teach them often is, I'm sure you've heard this expression, but it's stay in your lane, which is put up your own blinders. And you need to stay in your lane. Because as parents, I think we do this in general is that we look around and just in the topic of parenting, right? We look around and we're like, who's doing it better? Who's doing it different? Who's got the better toolkit? Whose kids are, you know, better behaved than mine, whatever.

[A]

Who's a better athlete, who got into

[B]

a better college, who is constantly standing. Right. Yeah, exactly. And then when we have the layer of type 1, I think that we do that even on an escalated scale. So a lot of moms come to me and they are scanning externally and they are saying, like, I'm afraid that we're not doing it well enough. Should I be doing it differently? I feel bad because I let my kid have a cupcake and should we not have cupcakes? And they're just looking everywhere but within themselves, right? And their own intuition, their own knowing of their child, their own knowing of their family dynamics and their own family values. They're looking everywhere else. And so the whole, like, stay in your lane is advice that I often have to give or conversations we often have to navigate, which is you have to think about what is your version of success around diabetes management, not everyone else's. And that might mean you're putting too heavy expectations on yourself, or it might be you've been told to accept too low of a standard and you do Want to raise that. Right. It could be somewhere in between. But I think that is something that comes up over and over and is sort of unique to the Type one, like, mom experience, specifically.

[A]

It was very interesting at Moms Night Out Nashville, and I know you live right in Nashville.

[B]

We're so sorry.

[A]

But at Moms Night Out Nashville, a really interesting topic came up, and it was basically, how do I tune out influencers in this space that don't work for me? Right? Because. And I'm going to name a few names, not to bash these people, but to say, these are very different opinions. Right? You've got me, like the world's worst diabetes mom saying, you can't be perfect, safe and happy. You've got juice box saying you can do a 5.8. We've got this. We're going to stay on it 24. 7. You've got, let me be 83, who are like, go super low carb. It's the easiest thing in the world. There's all sorts of different opinions and ways of doing this. And what we talked about was we all parent differently. And you've already said this. Yeah. Right. Not everybody does bedtime the same way. Not everybody does school the same way, not everybody does sports the same way, or sleepovers. So why would we do Type one the same way? And what the moms kind of, and I loved it because they came up with it themselves, was, it's okay to stop following people that don't feel right to you. As long as someone's not saying, like, oh, you have a 10A 1C, you're doing okay. Hang in there. Right?

[B]

No, Stacey, literally, I have had clients leave. So in coaching, we call them session commitments. It's like the homework that they leave a call with. I have literally had moms, multiple moms, that one of their session commitments is to evaluate their social media and unfollow and. Or leave certain groups online that are not serving them. I always say, ask yourself, is this serving me in the sense that is it cultivating things in me, feelings, goals, whatever that's actually serving me? Or in reality, does it only stir up feelings of inadequacy, feelings of jealousy? Right. Feelings of fear? Like, whatever it is. And it's like if. If I am engaging with that content and it's cultivating that, then I as an adult have to have the boundary that says, that's not good for me, and I'm unfollowing and I'm exiting from the space. It's so important.

[A]

Isn't it amazing? How hard it is, though. I mean, just to get personal for a minute, I blocked a few people a few years back and it was so hard.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I felt guilty about it.

[B]

It's like, they're gonna know. Well, and even if they do, right,

[A]

I felt like, ooh, why am I. Ooh, why do I feel bad? It was great. It's been great.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I wholeheartedly agree with Abby on this.

[B]

No, I think that that is actually if somebody is listen and they only do one thing, it is cultivating that.

[A]

Your.

[B]

Your social feed in the sense of, am I engaging with content? That, again, is cultivating things in me that I actually want to feel. And again, this is not about being in an echo chamber of I'm only hearing the things I want to hear. It's not that. But again, so many of those spaces are honestly, as a mom, like, condemning, where it just feels like, oh, I'm not good enough. This isn't, again, I'm doing it wrong. And ultimately, if you're doing it right in the sense that it's right for your child and your family and your dynamic and your values and all of that, then it is the right way. Right. It doesn't matter what anybody else is doing. I know that's a Southern expression, maybe that it says easy, but it lives hard. And so I understand.

[A]

Oh, I like that.

[B]

It is so true.

[A]

Yeah. I've actually lived here a long time. I'm in North Carolina. It says easy, but it lives hard.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, that's true. Right? There's like, things that put in that category is easy, but it lives hard.

[A]

I like that. I'm so glad that we touched on that. Social media is so important. It's gotten bananas.

[B]

Other questions that people bring you

[A]

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[B]

yeah, no, I think other questions that are. Or maybe I'll lean toward themes that come up often. I would say a Huge theme and one that I am personally very passionate about is the mom who shows up to coaching and on paper again, everything looks really well. Right. Like they're, they're meeting clinical standards, their time and range as well. Like everything looks good, but when you start to pull the curtain back, their world has gotten so tiny. Meaning they have completely stopped engaging in their life and the way that they were pre diagnosis. Right. The everything from. And these are things that you know, Stacy. Right. Everything from. I've asked moms what is something that you enjoy, like a hobby or an interest, and I get blank stares. They have no idea because they don't. They have completely detached from that part of their world. And everything is about diabetes. They don't allow themselves to listen to podcasts unless it's diabetes related. They don't allow themselves to read books unless it's diabetes related. They've just become so over indexed toward. I have to like master this that they completely lose who they are as a person. And so we talk a lot around when is the last time that you did anything for yourself? Not self care like bubble bath, you know, the stuff that we roll our eyes at. But truly something that nourishes your soul. That actually the version of you pre diabetes, like, who were you? What did you enjoy? What did you love? I've coached parents where they have not gone on a dinner date in over 18 months with one another. Yeah. And that's not good. Right. So again, the whole idea of as a theme of like losing themselves in their child's diagnosis and that in particular will never ever come up and at an endocrinology appointment.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Yeah, good point. Right. They're never gonna say when is the last time that you did something for yourself? When is the last time you and your partner went to dinner and didn't talk about diabetes? Right. No one's ever gonna bring any of that up. And people are sort of like silently suffering in that. And as a mom, we will lay down on the altar of self sacrifice. I mean, that's what we do. Right. And it is something I feel so passionate about, about supporting moms around bringing it up. Let's have the conversation. But that is a theme that is incredibly common, is that they have lost themselves completely.

[A]

Okay, I'll put us on the spot. Yeah. Your child has had type one for seven years. Mine has had type one for 19 years. Yeah. What did you do for fun or what do you do for fun now? No, like, like, like to answer that question, if someone had said to you, like, Five years in. What do you do for fun?

[B]

Yeah. So this is, again, this is another, I feel very strongly about this and this is actually something I have a practice around and like I have had to work on this. So for the, I'll say this, for the first two years, I didn't have a life. Right. I was in that category of completely lost anything that was not related to focusing on, you know, my kid and his needs. Both of mine are medically complicated. I should say that my daughter has something else that's requires management and oversight. And so I realized it about the two year mark that I, yeah, I don't do anything for myself anymore. This is not. I don't even know what I enjoy. And so I actually read a book there. If you're watching this, there's books behind me and they're, they're color coded. And so there's a book I read a few years ago and it's called Digital Minimalism. It's by Cal Newport. He's written a lot of different books, but in that book he talks about the topic of or the theme of high quality leisure, which is this idea of like activities you can be involved in, things that you love, that you're naturally drawn to, that you're excited about, that are like high quality. Again, not like doom scrolling and Netflix binging, but like think about a hobby you used to love. And immediately. Stacy, when I read that, I love to hike and always have, and I took a backpacking class in college and had not backpacked in 20 something years. And when I read that book, something snapped in me where I was like, it's backpacking. I wish I knew more about it. I wish I could go. I wish I was doing that. And so about now it's been, yeah, four years. I take myself on a, at least a minimum of an annual backpacking trip and I try to go a couple of times throughout the year, but hiking and backpacking is my like number one. I love it. It, like, it's where I feel most alive and happy and I have to make space for it.

[A]

That's amazing. That's great. That's. You could give me 20 choices and I would never say backpacking, I love it. That's great. Well, and I will say it's very different now because my children are young adults.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

In fact, Benny said to me a couple of weeks ago, he said, I cannot believe how busy you are. Because I do. I play a lot of golf, I play a lot of mahjong. I love trivia. I am Always on the go. My husband and I are lucky enough to travel once every couple of months. But all I did for many years was raise children and work. I worked in the mornings. I was an early morning radio show host. And having two little kids, regardless of type one, you know, we were nonstop. And my husband and I are also. We were very involved in the founding of our temple here north of Charlotte. There wasn't one in this area when we moved here. Not something I ever thought I would do. Yeah. But something that, that was our leisure energy was all put into that for many years. So we're making up for lost time. But I will also say, so we're making up for lost time in terms of like what I would consider fun. But at the time we were also very careful to go out together. I remember thinking, gosh, I'm spending my kids college education on their childcare. Because we did, we had, we had daycare. And then I would find babysitters. And when you have a two year old with type one or a three year old or four, you need high quality adult babysitters. So I was paying more for babysitters. But we were, we went out, we went away. We really decided that it wouldn't stop us from doing those kinds of things day to day. We were super busy. But it's very hard. But I see your point about when your whole life revolves around type 1 and the numbers, it can be very difficult to find yourself. But at the same time, we're raising our kids to leave us. And I know a lot of women, even without type 1 diabetes, their kid goes to college and they say, well, who am I now?

[B]

Yeah. They look around.

[A]

It's hard.

[B]

Yeah. Well, a question sometimes I'll, I'll pose to moms. Actually, this came up when I was in D.C. with a mom that I was sitting with that was, you know, had. I won't share specifics, but she had a very professional, big career, like a very like tenured track, you know, really just amazing. Had worked her way up. And then her young child was diagnosed and again all of that pretty much went away in terms of her world got very small and in her own choosing. Right. Of like, I feel like I, I'm gonna have to transition. And so just the. Also grieving that.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Is really important and sitting with that. And I don't think sometimes, I think we rush past that. Sometimes we don't allow ourselves the space to even think about what that means and that we have sort of. We do need to grieve that process of what that looks like. But I feel like that is something that again, nobody ever invites people into conversation around. It's like, can we talk about that? And the question is this, that I often will coach moms around is think about this. Right now you're carrying this like heavy burden of. It's my job to manage their diabetes and to keep them in range and to sort of like, you know, micromanage all of these moving parts. But think about the, this burden if your child is old enough to remember their life pre diagnosis. So I'll put that as an asterisk. Think about the burden of your child one day reflecting back on this time and realizing that after I was diagnosed, my mom was never the same again. My mom used to fill in the blank. My mom used to go to dinner with her girlfriends, my mom used to travel, my mom used to backpack my whatever, like insert whatever your thing was. And it's like after I was diagnosed, she was never the same again. That is a heavy burden for a child to have to carry. Right. So I think sometimes in the day to day tactical part of diabetes, we forget about also what are we mirroring for them, which is, do I have a life outside of this and am I showing what it means to be fully human? Which is that I do have needs and interests and passions. Right. And it can't just be a hundred percent this all the time. And again, everybody gets there on their own spectrum. There's no, I never want somebody to feel like they're, you know, okay, three months after diagnosis, you need to be right back to where you were.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But it's more so about staying mindful of am I on a trajectory where again, my world has gotten very small and I'm mirroring to my child that literally I don't have anything else outside of this that isn't healthy, you know?

[A]

Yeah. And I think to your point of the spectrum, I'll just throw this out as an example. I was a TV reporter when we first moved to Charlotte. I was like a fill in anchor and TV reporter and I loved that job. And then after I had my daughter, I went back to work there and I was like, I don't know that this is for me anymore. Like something had shifted and it wasn't, oh no, I feel like I need to be home with her. It was, I'm weighing these two things and I would rather be home with her than do this job. But I love broadcasting. It's time to find a new job. So I found a new job and that was my dream job that I didn't want to leave when Benny was diagnosed. So sometimes it's just calibrating what you want and what you. But I also wanna lead us into a little bit. And again, I don't know if you've talked to moms about this, but listen, it just came into my mind, what do dads doing? I know we're at mom side out, so we're talking about moms. But I'm so fortunate. When I married my husband, we decided we would follow my career. And my mother at the time was like, well, you have a very non traditional marriage. And Now I think 28 years later, she's really happy and I am too, because I knew what I wanted. Slate has always worked, blah, blah, blah, he's fine, he's very successful, whatever I need to say about him to make him happy. But he's also super hands on dad and was very hands on. Diabetes didn't always do it the way I wanted, but I never had to worry about that. I know that not everybody has that relationship. Not everybody says they want that. Right. A lot of moms are like, I got this, you do your thing, I'm doing the diabetes. But how do you, does that come up? Do you talk to moms about the relationship?

[B]

Yes. And I will also say I've coached plenty of parent couples where, you know, the dad is equally like hands on and involved. And so I do want to acknowledge that I think there's a couple of things that come up in that dynamic. And so one is again, inadvertently, a lot of times moms, because we will over index to, I am going to fix this, solve this. You know, all the things that we do, we sort of pick up that mantle and we carry it. Right. And we've, we've not had a conversation with our partner on how do we want this to look and what is equal management of this. And like, we've just sort of fallen into a pattern that this is how it's managed or this is like who's responsible for what. And so I always encourage, one, if you're not happy with the dynamic, like have you ever had a conversation about it? Because sometimes it's, we just haven't openly said this isn't working or I'm feeling resentful because I'm doing 95% of this and you're sort of checked out. Right. And that doesn't feel good. So one, it does come up, two, inviting them to like have real conversation about it. The third part of this too, Stacy I say oftentimes to moms is if you're going to have that conversation, you need to have a very honest inward reflection with yourself of, do you want to hand it over? Because the reality is sometimes we don't want to hand it over. So we're sort of saying, I wish that my partner would do more. But when invited to do more, we're like, well, you can't do it like me. So actually I'm just going to keep. Keep it anyway. And it's like, well, the reality is you may want to keep that and that's okay if you do. But it's being clear on do I actually want help around this? So what kind of help or support do I want so that there's not again, this like, miscommunication between that. I think what happens around this is. It is subtle because again, as you know, at diagnosis, you're so overwhelmed. It's not like somebody is sitting down with you and saying, okay. As you're trying to navigate these 75 things, you also need to be thinking about how you're communicating with your partner around you. Like, you know, who's gonna, who's gonna be responsible for pharmacy refills and who's gonna get up at 2am or whatever it is.

[A]

Your partner may have a completely different style of managing diabetes. That's okay. And you're like, there's a different way of doing things.

[B]

What I also am very. My husband and I are very open and I guess vulnerable. And in sharing, we always are share this part of our story again. When, when my son was d. Our son was diagnosed again, my husband, like I mentioned, firefighter, problem, emergency. Like, if CPR is needed, he is your guy, right? Like, if we have something on fire, it will be put out. Like, he is problem solution. And the chronic nature of diabetes was so overwhelming for my husband in the sense that he could not fix it. Meaning this is just. There is no finish line. There is no, like, it's resolved. It's just the open ended forever nature of it was so paralyzing for him that he had so much anger toward it and I had so much grief. So, like, he was angry, I was grieving. So, like, our initial year, first year was so hard because we were in completely different places. Also the dynamic of our family is he is a shift worker, right? So he's 24 hours on, 48 hours off. So I was a single parent, right? Every third 24 hours. And so there's this like, there was a natural dynamic that had settled, which is I handle everything because he wasn't here. And so the back and forth was really hard. And so this is why I always say again, you've got to think about your own family dynamics, right. And what makes sense and what do we want. But the bringing your partner into that conversation and actually talking about it is the most important part. It's oftentimes it just falls down the list. And again, people look up years later and they're like, woo. There is a lot of resentment between me and this person because we never had that conversation. And we should have.

[A]

The best solution is to get a job that requires you to leave your house at 3:30 in the morning like I did for 10 years. And then somebody's got to watch the kids in the morning. I mean, I honestly, I do not recommend that. It wrecked my health in my 40s, so. Oh, what a mess.

[B]

Yeah, absolutely.

[A]

Abby, we can talk forever about the things that moms ask you, but I don't want to let you go without asking you about Risely because it's been really fun to watch this organization grow and you've added so many things. What do you want people to know about Risely and what you're up to now?

[B]

Yeah, absolutely. Again, very passionate about our mission and what we do. So we support people living with type 1 diabetes. We support adults and we support, of course, parents of type 1s as well. As you know, I always remind people we're a coaching organization. So we're in the business of behavior change. Right. So again, if it was as easy as you could just watch a YouTube video or read something about making this feel better, you would just do it. Right? We all would insert any type of thing that we want to do better out. If it was that easy, we would just like consume content. But another expression that I love is we don't learn to swim by reading about water. You actually have to get in the water.

[A]

Right. Practice that.

[B]

And so with coaching, it's about getting in the water.

[A]

Right.

[B]

It is about looking at it through a holistic lens of it's not just about tactics and strategies. Right. But it's also about what's my relationship to insulin as a parent. Right. Am I scared of insulin? What's my relationship and dynamic with my child? Again, like looking at things through a holistic view as opposed to just looking at things through a quantitative lens only. Right. And so we support clients individually working one on one. We also have group programs. We have a brand new group program specifically for moms of type ones that again, selfishly I'm very excited about because I feel like it's such an important topic and program. And so, again, we kind of have the spectrum of support based on what a person needs, but it's really about behavior change, habit formation, and taking diabetes from something that I wish I had a more expanded toolkit around to actually having that toolkit, knowing when to use the tools in it, and feeling empowered and confident around your child's management as opposed to feeling like it's something you've outsourced for somebody else to tell you what to do.

[A]

Yeah. So this episode is airing after your first mom's coaching of the year. Are you doing more? Stay tuned.

[B]

There will be more, absolutely. In terms of when tbd, but there will absolutely be more offered this year.

[A]

Excellent. And one thing I'm doing in 2026 is I'm asking all my guests about an organization that has made a difference for you. Could be Risely. That's fine, but just something that you'd like to give a shout out to in the diabetes community that has helped you personally since your son was diagnosed.

[B]

Such a great question, I would say. Well, again, I am very biased on what we do here at Risely. Again, wish I had known about it early on. And I sort of tease and say I was drowning so much in that first year. I probably would have mortgaged my home to be able to have support around from somebody because I was so desperate. I wish I had known that something like Rise existed. But I would say another organization that has been beneficial. I know you're a huge proponent of Type 1 Summer Camp and diabetes. Camp has been very important for my own kiddo for multiple reasons. The organization is Camp Sil Harris. They're located actually just outside of Birmingham, Alabama. Even though I'm in Tennessee, we drive to this location. They had a junior camp, which our son started at, which was a wonderful experience. And now he's transitioned to the technically, the high school camp. It starts when they're in middle school, and I feel like that has been instrumental for him, for relationships, for confidence. It's like the one week of the year, as you know, that they get to be a regular kid. And I'm extremely grateful for the work they do.

[A]

Are you taking a backpacking trip when he goes to camp?

[B]

I usually take a trip in the fall around my birthday, but I do have a trip on the agenda. I've. I've taken one again the last last four years. I've done a big trip and so I try to theme it around near My birthday.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

Sort of as a celebration. And I turn off all alerts and it is truly like I go off the grid. And so it's my mental health reset.

[A]

Sometimes when my kids went to camp, we would take a trip and sometimes I would just luxuriate. I used to like not having to put them to bed. Isn't that a terrible thing for a mother to admit? Because I loved bedtime and I loved reading to them. But like, when they went to camp, I'd get in bed at 7:30 and watch a movie and then I'd be like, I don't have to do anything. It was the greatest. I love it. Absolutely.

[B]

No, you know, it's funny, when I'm supporting moms and they're making the decision to send their kids to camp for the first time, I'm like, just be prepared. The first 24 hours, you'll realize how dysregulated your nervous system is because you can't see anything. And you, you're just like, you realize your brain is scanning and you're not even aware of that until they go of how much your brain is on alert 24 7.

[A]

Yeah. And I know we're wrapping up here, but I would say as you're listening, if you're sending your kid to camp this summer and if you're a veteran mom of this, you're listening and you're like, ha, ha, that was me the first year. The second year, I barely slowed the car down. Maybe do a meetup in your local area. We used to do this when the newer moms and dads drop their kids off, like say, hey, there's a diner or a restaurant or something nearby. Maybe meet there or have a cocktail party that night. Or if you know a few people, just to be like, I know. Cause it is really tough that first 24 hours when you're not seeing and you're used to it. Even back in the day before cgm, when I dropped Benny off at camp the first year, I was waiting for that phone call. Like, is something wrong? Is something not wrong? It was just the not knowing can be tough. So we laugh when we make light, but we know it's not easy.

[B]

It is not. No. And again, we often equate our presence with their safety. And so it can feel very dysregulating when we don't have eyes on them or like, know what's happening. And so, yeah, I, I understand that.

[A]

Camp is the best.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Abby Cooper, thank you so much for joining me. I really appreciate it.

[B]

I hope to see you soon. Absolutely. Thanks Stacy.

[A]

Please check out more information about Risely and their events. You can do that [e-mail] every episode has its own homepage. You can just click on recent episodes to find all of that. Or like I said at the beginning of the show, just use the search box in the upper right hand corner. Because I am at Friends for Life, I'm not exactly sure what the schedule of shows is going to look like. Might be putting out some bonus episodes if exciting things happen and I might be frankly so worn out from all the travel that we put out fewer episodes. We will find out together. Please stay tuned on Social and I'm laughing because as many of you know, this operation is me. I don't have a producer. I do have a fabulous editor. You hear me talking about him at the end of every episode. But in terms of guest bookings and setting everything up, choosing the episodes, writing the episodes, that's a single woman operation. And I have learned, as I say all the time, to be kind to myself and to not let the schedule overwhelm me. We did put out a bunch of bonus episodes around the ADA Scientific Sessions conference, so I don't plan on taking it easy anytime soon, but just wanted to get that out there. Please make sure to follow along either in Diabetes Connections, the group on Facebook, or on Instagram for stories. That's where I put out most of this information. It's the easiest place to reach people and I'll keep you posted there. Thank you to my editor, John Buchenis from Audio Editing Solutions. Thank you so much for listening. I'll say see you back here soon. Until then, be kind to yourself. Diabetes Connections is a production of Stacy Sims Media. All rights reserved.

[B]

All wrongs avenged.