In this episode which is sponsored by our wonderful partners at Inflow , I have a bone to pick with everyone who has ever bought me a coloring book. I know you meant well. I know you love me. I know you saw "mindless activity" and thought of me. But I need you to understand something: there is nothing in this world more stressful than being handed a mandala and a box of markers and being told to relax. Nothing.

Hi, I'm Lauren Howard and my friends call me L2.

Over the coming 20 minutes, I'll be walking through exactly why coloring books are a form of psychological warfare for my brain — the wrong colors, the spacing, the seven shades of gray problem, the blank page that is just failure waiting to happen — and what actually works for me instead. (Paint by number. With the paint pots included. Do not hand me a paint by number without the paint pots.)

I also tell the story behind why I sign off every single conversation — phone call, Zoom, hallway chat — the same exact way. Every time. Have for a decade. Started in a substance use clinic, where "be good" was less a pleasantry and more a genuinely urgent request. One patient called me out the one time I forgot. I didn't realize how much it had followed me until then.

Alison brings us a question from Simone in Oakland, California, who is frustrated by the advice to "listen to your body" because her body keeps sending contradictory signals — tired but wired, hungry but nauseous. I get into why that advice is genuinely incomplete, what those crossed signals actually mean, and when they're a sign something bigger needs attention.

"A blank coloring page is just a sheet of failure. Everything I do from here on out is going to be wrong. Get that thing away from me."

Be good.

Again, please do check out our episode sponsors Inflow at http://getinflow.io/notbroken

Chapters:

CHAPTER MARKERS

For use in podcast players and YouTube.

00:00 — Coloring book dread (the visceral reaction)
00:44 — Why people keep buying them (they mean well)
01:47 — Please stop buying me coloring books
02:30 — Mandalas, marker boxes, and wrong color panic
04:03 — The Golden Girls color-by-number disaster
05:17 — Paint by number: the acceptable alternative
05:22 — You're allowed to make ugly art
05:58 — Decision fatigue and the two-item menu
06:46 — The blank page nightmare (live in my living room)
07:53 — Where 'be good' actually came from
08:53 — The substance use clinic years
09:21 — The patient who called me out
10:57 — What 'be good' means now
12:38 — Small Talk with Alison
12:43 — Simone in Oakland: mixed signals from her body
13:05 — When 'listen to your body' is incomplete advice
16:42 — Dad's sign-off (and how I apparently inherited this)

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Paint by Number is Fine. A Coloring Book is a Threat!