Bert Kreischer: Tour Life, HR Violations, and Being a Girl Dad

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Disgraceful with Grace O'Malley" Episode: Bert Kreischer: Tour Life, HR Violations, and Being a Girl Dad Release Date: March 20, 2025

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Introduction

In this engaging episode of DisGRACEful with Grace O'Malley, host Grace O'Malley welcomes comedian Bert Kreischer as her guest. The episode delves into various facets of Bert's life as a comedian, his experiences on tour, handling mental health, navigating online interactions, and his role as a father. Throughout the conversation, Grace and Bert share anecdotes, insights, and humorous reflections that offer listeners a deep dive into the highs and lows of life in comedy.

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Mental Health and the Transition Off Tour

Grace begins by discussing her mental health journey, particularly the challenges she faced after stopping touring. She shares:

Grace O'Malley [01:35]: "My mental health is good now. It's good. It's good now, but, man, I think when I got off the road and stopped touring, I got, like, depression because I wasn't. I didn't have that immediate reaction with all the fans."

Key Points:

• Impact of Touring: Grace highlights how constant interaction with fans while touring provided her with immediate feedback and adrenaline, which she struggled to replace after taking a break.
• Adrenaline and Satisfaction: She emphasizes that nothing compares to the rush of walking into a room filled with fans, suggesting that performing is her primary source of fulfillment.

Grace O'Malley [02:00]: "Nothing's better. It doesn't get better."

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Handling Online Comments and Public Perception

The conversation shifts to Grace's relationship with online feedback. She recounts a difficult period where she engaged with social media comments, leading to increased stress and a disconnect from her fan base.

Grace O'Malley [02:12]: "I remember one day I was like, I read a shitty comment on Instagram. It kind of got my head."

Key Points:

• Disconnecting from Social Media: Grace explains how she stepped away from reading comments to protect her mental health, feeling that it alienated her from her fans.
• Balance Between Criticism and Support: She discusses the challenge of sifting through negative comments and the impact of isolated negative feedback versus overall fan support.

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The Comedy Writing Process

Grace delves into the intricacies of crafting a joke, highlighting her love for the creative process rather than just the performance.

Grace O'Malley [03:14]: "More than anything, the thing you love. My favorite thing isn't. It's not killing. It's figuring it out."

Key Points:

• Creative Process: She describes her enthusiasm for developing and refining jokes, enjoying the moments of realization and improvement.
• Challenges in Writing: Grace shares anecdotes about failed jokes and the persistence required to make a performance work seamlessly.

Grace O'Malley [04:05]: "And then one night in Columbus, Ohio... That’s my favorite part of stand up right there."

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Touring Life and Team Dynamics

The episode provides an inside look into the logistics and camaraderie involved in life on tour. Grace discusses her tour setup, the roles within her team, and the joy she finds in the collective experience.

Grace O'Malley [09:11]: "We do three tours, we have one is crew, two is crew, and then one is me."

Key Points:

• Tour Team Structure: Grace explains the composition of her touring team, including crew members, tour managers, and assistants.
• Enjoyment of Arena Shows: She expresses her love for arena performances, appreciating the scale and the unified energy of large venues.

Grace O'Malley [10:53]: "One thing about you, you are a good time."

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Interactions with Fellow Comedians

Grace and Bert share stories about their interactions with other comedians, emphasizing mutual respect and the competitive yet supportive nature of the comedy community.

Grace O'Malley [16:06]: "But living in arena with me... Everyone that ever done it has always been like, this is amazing."

Key Points:

• Mutual Admiration: Both Grace and Bert highlight the talent and dedication of their peers, celebrating those who excel in arena settings.
• Comedic Relationships: They discuss the balance between being a "good time" and maintaining professionalism within their network.

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Hosting and Interview Experiences

Grace recounts her experiences with hosting and participating in interviews, both successful and challenging. She shares specific instances where interviews didn't go as planned but ultimately led to positive outcomes.

Grace O'Malley [18:35]: "And I was like, mom and I are getting ready to head to Colorado... Please disregard this text. Obviously this was meant for my D."

Key Points:

• Navigating Interviews: Grace discusses the nuances of being on various shows, dealing with unexpected situations, and maintaining her comedic persona.
• Humorous Mishaps: She shares lighthearted stories about mistaken identities and the ensuing comedic moments that arise from such errors.

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Relationship with Family and Parenting

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to Grace's role as a mother and the dynamics of her relationship with her daughters. She candidly discusses moments of oversharing, privacy, and the challenges of maintaining a healthy parent-child relationship amidst her public persona.

Grace O'Malley [33:09]: "I told my daughter on Conan. I was like, dad, are you being serious?"

Key Points:

• Balancing Professional and Personal Life: Grace reflects on how her career impacts her parenting, sharing personal stories that blend humor with heartfelt moments.
• Reconnecting with Daughters: She talks about efforts to rebuild and strengthen her relationship with her daughters, especially during pivotal life events.

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Therapy and Personal Growth

The duo explores the topic of mental health beyond touring, delving into Grace's personal experiences with therapy and the importance of seeking help.

Tommy [40:35]: "I just recently had a thing with my... my pops."

Key Points:

• Therapy Experiences: Grace and Bert discuss their initial attempts at therapy, the benefits of having supportive friends, and the shortcomings they encountered with traditional therapy methods.
• Support Systems: Emphasis is placed on the value of community and friendships in personal growth and mental well-being.

Grace O'Malley [66:15]: "And that conversation is like the greatest... that speech was so pivotal to me."

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Nicknames and Personal Branding

Grace shares her love for nicknames and how they contribute to her comedic identity. She illustrates how nicknames can serve as alter egos, adding depth and humor to her persona.

Grace O'Malley [69:15]: "You absolutely can."

Key Points:

• Creating Alter Egos: Grace explains the creative process behind adopting various nicknames and the comedic potential they hold.
• Impact on Personal Branding: She discusses how nicknames like "Birdie Boy" become integral parts of her brand, fostering a unique and relatable image.

Grace O'Malley [70:14]: "It's the right way to say it."

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Closing Thoughts and Future Plans

As the episode draws to a close, Grace promotes her upcoming Netflix special, "Lucky," and reflects on the importance of continuous personal and professional development.

Grace O'Malley [82:08]: "I got a new special. It's called Lucky. It's on Netflix, March 18th."

Key Points:

• Upcoming Projects: Grace highlights her new work, encouraging listeners to engage with her latest content.
• Final Reflections: She shares inspirational thoughts on rebuilding and evolving in her career, emphasizing resilience and adaptability.

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Notable Quotes

• Grace O'Malley [03:14]: "More than anything, the thing you love. My favorite thing isn't. It's not killing. It's figuring it out."
• Grace O'Malley [10:53]: "One thing about you, you are a good time."
• Grace O'Malley [18:35]: "Please disregard this text. Obviously this was meant for my D."
• Grace O'Malley [33:09]: "I told my daughter on Conan. I was like, dad, are you being serious?"
• Grace O'Malley [69:15]: "You absolutely can."
• Grace O'Malley [82:08]: "I got a new special. It's called Lucky. It's on Netflix, March 18th."

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Conclusion

This episode of DisGRACEful with Grace O'Malley offers a candid and humorous exploration of the complexities of a comedian's life. Through heartfelt stories and witty banter, Grace and Bert Kreischer provide listeners with an authentic look into the challenges and triumphs of touring, personal relationships, and the ever-evolving journey of personal growth. Whether you're a fan of comedy or interested in the behind-the-scenes aspects of the entertainment world, this episode delivers both laughs and meaningful insights.

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Note: All timestamps correspond to the moments in the provided transcript where the quotes and topics are discussed.

Transcript

[Bert Kreischer]

With the Venmo debit card, you can turn the mini golf outing your co workers paid you back for into a trip to Miami with your best friend, earning you up to 5% cash back. Use Venmo to pay for the things you love to do. Visit Venmo Me Devitt to learn more. The Venmo MasterCard is issued by the Bancorp Bank N.A. pursuant to license by MasterCard International, Inc. Terms apply. Dosh, cashback, term supply.

[Nikki Glaser]

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[Grace O'Malley]

Coming at you live from a shady Manhattan studio, it's disgraceful. Featuring your gracious ginger host.

[Tommy]

Hey, watch yourself. Only I can say that.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay, boss. Whatever you say. You pay my bills. Give it up for Grace O'Malley.

[Tommy]

Okay, so for this episode, we just got right into it because Bert Kreischer is a legend. He's an actor, a comedian, and the goddamn machine. Please enjoy.

[Grace O'Malley]

My mental health is good now. It's good. It's good now, but, man, I think when I got off the road and stopped touring, I got, like, depression because I wasn't. I didn't have that immediate reaction with all the fans.

[Tommy]

Yeah. You know, what did you do to, like, supplement that? I like working out. Like, what? Gets the same adrenaline. Anything else?

[Grace O'Malley]

No.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

No. Nothing's better.

[Tommy]

It's good to nothing's.

[Grace O'Malley]

It doesn't get better.

[Tommy]

Doesn't get better than that.

[Grace O'Malley]

No.

[Tommy]

No.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, I figured there's nothing like walking into a room. I mean, listen, let's be real. I remember one day I was like, I read a shitty comment on Instagram. It kind of got my head.

[Tommy]

You read them a lot?

[Grace O'Malley]

No. No, I don't anymore. But I did for a period, and I. And I'm trying to get back into it. I want to get back into it because I. I feel like it. I feel like. I feel like I stopped it. I feel like it disconnected me from my fans.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Like, I feel like I stopped. And I was like. I was punishing the. The masses. It's almost like they won.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

So now he doesn't recommence. Good. We got him, he's done. And you're like, that's not cool.

[Tommy]

And then you hone in on just.

[Grace O'Malley]

The bad ones, 10 good ones, and then the one bad one talks to you, and that's just real. And I wish I. I wish I didn't even talk about it, to be honest with you, because it stinks. But I remember reading a bad comment, and Leanne called me, and there was a problem at home, and I was like, fuck. I was like. I was like, babe, you realize I'm going on stage right now. And she was like, I know, but we need to talk about this. And I was like, okay, talk about it. And I got these two things in my head, and I'm like, God damn it. And then I walk on stage and 19,000 people, and I'm like, it's okay. This is fucking amazing.

[Tommy]

It's like. It's like injecting yourself with something just, like, immediately, like, we're good, and you're.

[Grace O'Malley]

Doing the thing you love. More than anything, the thing you love. My favorite thing isn't. It's not killing. It's figuring it out.

[Tommy]

Oh, my God.

[Grace O'Malley]

The figuring out of a joke, the untangling of the necklace to get to the thing. I'd argue my favorite part of a joke is the time you went on stage before it worked, where you figured it out and you said, I got it. I got it. I can give you exactly. Example. And this is a horrible example, because everyone's heard the story a million times, but I don't care. But the f. The Machine did not have a good ending. It did not have a good ending. It just ended with, so. So I understand you're the Machine Tonight you parted us and it wasn't working. And I was like. I was like, why isn't that working? And I. I did it like that for like, four years, and it just end. The story ended like. Everyone was like, cool, and. And I would just. I'd have to tell a joke to close on.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

And then one night in Columbus, Ohio, it's back when they had the plant on the stage in the old room. I remember I had a joke, a middle part in the middle of the joke where I was like. I would fuck around and say that I tell a fact that didn't matter. And this guy I really respected was with me, and he was like, why are you saying that? I was like, I don't know. The teacher's Puerto Rican. I thought, that's interesting.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

He goes, yeah, but you're taking away from the joke. No one cares if she's Puerto Rican. And I go, all right. So I just didn't say it. And. And I said something that they said all the time in Russia. That this is Russia.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's my favorite part of stand up right there.

[Tommy]

Oh, dude.

[Grace O'Malley]

Is when you do that and you go, I figured it out. I fucking figured it out. I figured it out. I figured it out. I figured it out. Shut the up. I figured it out. That's my favorite part of stand up. That's it. I don't like.

[Tommy]

And yeah, the way you. The way you figure out a joke. Is it always like that? Like on stage? Or do you sit back and like, you try to rewrite it? Or is it always.

[Grace O'Malley]

You know. I can barely write anymore.

[Tommy]

Really?

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. I haven't written in so long, my hands forgot all the movements. Have you sat down and written a letter lately? Yeah. Who writes?

[Tommy]

I know.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, I write a lot on stage. I write when I walk. If I walk. That's one thing I miss about New York. If I walk. Today, I was walking. I'll tell you exactly what I wrote because now I just. I voice text it into my phone. Yeah, it's so easy.

[Tommy]

You ever write? You ever put stuff into, like, your notes and you think it's gonna be a banger when you're drunk? And then you open it up and it's like, what is this?

[Grace O'Malley]

Do you want me to read those to you?

[Tommy]

Yes, please.

[Grace O'Malley]

The cashier who didn't know how to cash a 20 bill. I don't know anything about grown up stuff. And then I just wrote that going, riff on that. Bert.

[Tommy]

I'm a bless.

[Bert Kreischer]

With the Venmo debit card, you can turn the mini golf outing your co workers paid you back for into a trip to Miami with your best friend, earning you up to 5% cash back. Use Venmo to pay for the things you love to do. Visit Venmo Me debit to learn more. The Venmo MasterCard is issued by the Bancorp Bank N A pursuant to license by MasterCard International Incorporated. Term supply, dosh cashback terms apply.

[Nikki Glaser]

Ever since switching to T Mobile, something weird has been happening. I get to cut lines.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, right this way.

[Nikki Glaser]

Who, me? I can stream shows at 30,000ft and I was able to buy reserve tickets for my favorite band.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's not just you. With T Mobile, everyone can get VIP status. That means access to exclusive events and experiences. Just for being a customer. At t mobile, VIP means y o u check out the VIP treatment@t mobile.com benefits. I lost a joke book, which is terrifying.

[Tommy]

I have a joke about losing my joke book.

[Grace O'Malley]

You lost your joke?

[Tommy]

I do it on stage. Yeah. I was with Whitney, opening for her, and it was the first time I've ever. I've ever had a collection of jokes like that. And I was petrified. I found mine. I'm sorry, you didn't.

[Grace O'Malley]

Mine has my full name, my address, and my phone number in it. Don't.

[Tommy]

Social in.

[Grace O'Malley]

And by the way, it's got all my dreams. It's got all my dreams, and then it's got all my goals for the year in my joke book. I take it and I flip it upside down, open the back page, and I write my. My goals for the whole year. Every year I have a new book, and. And. And then I write my jokes. And this year, I started a joke book. I wrote all my goals, and I was like, you know what? Fuck that. I don't want anyone touching this. I don't need. I'm. I'm trying to figure out life right now. Yeah. No, I don't. I write on stage primarily, but, like, I walk. I like to take a walk, and I can write one. A walk. Not on a hike. It's got to be a casual walk.

[Tommy]

Yeah. Because you're out of breath.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. And I. Right now, I'm trying to. I'm kind of lost creatively. I've been put on stage. I mean, I've been on stage, but I haven't, like, been. Been on stage the way that you're supposed to be in a while. Because I said I was gonna take a break in July. I'm taking a year off, and then I think I'm gonna take more off.

[Tommy]

And you just. You just consider that taking a year off to you is just not doing your own tour.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. I mean, touring for me is that. That's. That's work.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

The second I. The second I announce a tour, I don't know, I. I could go back on that. It depends on what happens with a couple projects.

[Tommy]

Yeah. Like, what do you call what you're doing on the super bowl, like, for the super bowl week?

[Grace O'Malley]

That's just a show.

[Tommy]

That's just a show.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, I do that. I do shows. Like, I'm doing some shows in. In Canada with Whitney. I'm doing some shows. I'm doing the super bowl show. Are you really?

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, it's gonna be a blast. But I do, like. I'll do material there that I know works.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

But on it, when I set up A tour. For me, that means I've been working on this hour, and I'm crafting this hour to do a special.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

And so I think, as a. As a fan, if you're into my standup, then you're like, cool, I'm ready to see the craft in the process and the. And watch him work it out on stage and have fun with this act. And. Yeah, I. I love. I love touring. It's my favorite thing in the world.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Touring on a tour bus is the greatest, greatest joy of my life, really. Yeah.

[Tommy]

And so who's on your tour bus? Because it's different from musicians to comedians.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Tommy]

Right. Is it just you on your tour bus? Like.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, it's me, Pete. So usually for a tour, I'll travel with three tour buses.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

For, like, fully loaded, we travel with, I think, seven. We do three for a tour, we have one is crew, two is crew, and then one is me. And, like, I'll bring an opener. Two openers, Pete. Oh, and another assistant.

[Tommy]

Okay.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. And then. And then on the other buses, tour manager, caterer, like, it's just. It's like every. Just fill it out. We have a staff of, like, 13.

[Tommy]

Oh, okay.

[Grace O'Malley]

Cool. It's kind of crazy because I think sometimes I go. I really enjoy arena work. I enjoy it. It's fun. It's fun having a group. It's fun. It's a lot of fun. Anyone that's ever done it with me has always been like, this is amazing. Like, Big J. Everyone that's ever done it, Shane, everyone that's ever gone out, Mark Norman, Nikki Glazer, Tony Hinchcliffe. The list is like, if you look at the people I've brought out with me, it's insane amount of talent. And they. Every single one of them loves arena shows. Yeah, they do. The outdoor shows is touch and go for a lot of them because, you know, sometimes, depending on where you go up, the sun's still up. And, you know, usually, like, the guys that go up later like it more because it's a little darker. But, you know, I understand that. I love the outdoor shows. That's for me. That's a present for me. I love them. I think they're so fucking wildly different than anything going on in comedy, and it's something no one ever forgets. And you can bring Jelly Roll on stage, and Jelly Roll goes on before I go on, and he sings three. So I think that's wild. But those arena tours, there's not one person that's ever been out in arena with me. And there's people that on arenas all the time. Every time they come out, they're like, this was incredible.

[Tommy]

One thing about you, you are a good time.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's all I am. That's all I am.

[Tommy]

But like, people. But that's not all you are. But, like, people will walk away. Like, I just had. I. That tour was so much fun. I. I had a blast with Bert.

[Grace O'Malley]

I tell you what. And there's. I mean, I'll just say thank you. That's what I should say. No, but I like. I like having a good time. I just like having a good time. I'll be bummed the day I die because it's over. But, like, I like having a good time. That's it. I like having a good fucking time.

[Tommy]

Dude, I'm right there with you. I, like, care about.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Tommy]

Just have a good time.

[Grace O'Malley]

Life's too short to get caught up. And that's why I stopped reading comments for that period, because I was like, life's too short for me to, like, allow some kid that works at Kmart that is not happy with his life because his dad left his mom when he was young and he lives in her apartment and he doesn't. They share a car and he doesn't have anything nice, and he's maybe like five, six.

[Tommy]

You got a dui and he got.

[Grace O'Malley]

Dui, and his best part of his week is Chipotle with his mom.

[Tommy]

Yeah. He had a coupon.

[Grace O'Malley]

Life's too short to allow him to. My day up.

[Tommy]

Absolutely.

[Grace O'Malley]

If I can't make his day better, then I failed.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

But if the only way to make his day better is a shit on me, I gotta. I gotta step away. It's a good kid. I follow him on Instagram.

[Tommy]

Yeah, I do. You actually. You guys keep in touch.

[Grace O'Malley]

I know the kid. It sucks to be him. It's like, why was like, is. You know, it's like, this didn't exist. This didn't exist in, like, fucking back in the day. There was no, like. Like, General Custer thought he was a badass. He was a dick, okay? In life, he was a dick. If you could have left comments on his page, you'd have been like, bro, lighten up on the fucking Native Americans. Three tribes. Three tribes. You're trying to move to Montana. What the fuck are you doing? Yeah. Oh, think about Napoleon, man. His hate comments because he was short.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

They would have lit that dude up. Like, people find your. Your thing that they think may with your head. Like Kevin Hart. They showed the Picture of him in the end zone, and he was. He looked like a baby, you know, and then he did. Compared to those people, you're gonna. You're. Every one of us is. But they think. They're gonna imagine. They would have lit up Napoleon. Who do you think, out of all the conquerors would have been best on social media? Like, would have just lit up.

[Tommy]

Right now, right here, I'm starting to really realize I should have paid attention in history. I got, like. These are words. And, like, you are. I'm learning.

[Grace O'Malley]

I think I'm getting Alzheimer's. Yeah, that's tough for the career I'm good at. Okay.

[Tommy]

Actually, you'd be hilarious. Once you get Alzheimer's, you get even better.

[Grace O'Malley]

I'd be like, When I was 22, I got involved with the R. When I was 22, I got involved with the. And I just kept it going. And they didn't know if it was a bit or not. I actually thought about that last night. I was like, I wonder if I got dementia or, like, Alzheimer's. I wonder if I could work it into my act, because I think I'm smart enough to figure out a bit, like, I got Alzheimer's. Ay. What. What do you do for a living? Cool. What do you do for a living? Like. Like, I. I know that I would think. I would think in funny terms of ways to do it, but. Yeah, why not? Only fans. I always think only fans is an option for everybody.

[Tommy]

Yeah, I guess. I don't know.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay, hold on, hold on.

[Tommy]

I change by myself like this, though, so I won't. I know. I'm not interested in any of that.

[Grace O'Malley]

You know, I have, like, a dysmorphia because I think I look good. Like, I. Like when I take my shirt off. I look in the mirror, and I go, nice.

[Tommy]

Wait, can I say something about you taking your shirt off? Yeah. Okay. The first time we met was, like, in, like, a very brief way. I was at the super bowl, and I was like, I. I. Well, I think we have the. I think we have the tape. I'm just gonna show you a closer.

[Grace O'Malley]

Are you serious?

[Tommy]

Yeah. Just real quick.

[Grace O'Malley]

Wait, what's Super Bowl?

[Tommy]

Last year's Super Bowl. It's just, like, real quick, but it's very funny. So I was the only employee invited to media day, and this was the only clip we got. It was me meeting my hero.

[Grace O'Malley]

Nice to meet you.

[Tommy]

Real huge fan.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, yeah.

[Tommy]

Diana. Meet you, man.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, yeah. Here we go.

[Tommy]

Thank you.

[Grace O'Malley]

I deliver. You might hear Tommy just left. I'm Sorry.

[Tommy]

No, it's all good.

[Grace O'Malley]

All right, we're heading out. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tommy]

Me and Burt like this. I gotta look at the camera.

[Grace O'Malley]

That was a fun. That was a. That was a. That was a. God, I gotta lose weight. Do you ever look at yourself? All I saw was like, God, my stomach looks good there. Like, it doesn't look too bloated. My shoulders look light, but I think we're bagging. Yeah, I like. I like going to those big events, but the party afterwards, the fun. The only reason I do it is for the party afterwards. I actually, this year was like. Because I was like, you know, I. It's like, the coolest thing is to see the. And I mean this with love. And I know this sounds weird, but, like, the kids that you. That you came up with. Meaning, like, Nikki used to open for me.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

And I used to bring her to radio. But to watch her inarguably blow past where I am, it's, like, kind of cool.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

And Tony has got the biggest. Inarguably, the biggest podcast in the world. Maybe one of the. Hotter Than a Stolen Gun. And Adam Reyes, Dr. Phil, one of the biggest Netflix specials out there. To watch. These dudes that I took out on tour with me, I took all of them on the road with me at one point to see them kind of, like, way outshine me. It's kind of cool. But I was wondering. I was like, I wonder if I should host. I wonder if I'm, like, at, like, am I at that age where I host? Because, like, it's crazy to go last. Those are monsters on stage right now. They're in the pocket. Every single one of them is hitting the stage every single fucking night. And I was like. I was like, God damn it, man. This is like. I don't. I, like, I'm nervous.

[Tommy]

Well, they're so locked in right now. And you're also at the point of your career where you're. You're able to take that break that you needed, and so you can't. You can't think too much on that and how. Can't think like that.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, but it's like, I wondered, like, I was like, should I host and let Nikki close? I mean, Nikki, let me tell you. I'm gonna tell you a secret, okay? Pete was there, so I'm not. You correct me if I'm making any of this up. So I get a. I get a media request to do. And by the way, anyone can discount anything I'm about to say. My recollection is always fucking horrible.

[Tommy]

I get that.

[Grace O'Malley]

The psych. I just can tell you the story the way I remember it. I don't fucking know what you want to hear. I get a media request to do New Orleans. Like, their Good day New Orleans, whatever. And I was like, sure. I was like, yo, I'm gonna be in San Francisco that day. We're doing Winston Churchill Day. It should be fun. But, like, I can do it. But can we do, like, 9:00? And they're like, yeah, 9:30. And. And then I get a text and they're like, yo, can Nikki join? Nikki? Can. Nikki's available? And I was. Can Nikki be on? I was like, yeah, Nikki. And I. I've known Nikki for maybe 25 years. Yeah, I love her. My daughters love her. My wife loves her. We've. She, like, literally a part of our family. We love her to death. Her. Whitney. There's, like. There's, like, women. Any woman in comedy Fortune. I mean, they're like. They're almost like family to us.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

And so I go, yeah, of course. Nicki, can you join? That'd be a blast. I didn't realize what I was getting into. So they start the interview and they do a little bit of a. Like a. Like, not pre interview, but they get us on zoom. And the. The host is Malik Something. And it is very clear he has absolutely zero idea who I am. And he loves Nikki and I. It's. It was. It's humbling. It's humbling. Being humbled is good.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

But he is like, oh, my God, Nikki. And we're both on the screen. And by the way, I'm on screen.

[Tommy]

That's such a thing to do to anybody, though.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, no, no, no. This is. I'm on the screen and I have a. I'm shirtless in a Winston Churchill hat with a glass of scotch, a cigar, and a full English breakfast in bed with me. Okay. I'm not. I'm not, like, kind of on screen also. I have a. I have dressed the set, dude. He's like, hi, how you doing, Nikki? Oh, my God. Nikki, can I ask you some questions about the Golden Globes? Take a look at the picture. Send them the picture so they can show people it is. That's what I look like.

[Tommy]

Picture.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's the picture, dude. And this guy.

[Tommy]

Oh, my God.

[Grace O'Malley]

And then. And then Nikki's like, yeah, that. She's very generous with the guy's time. She's like, it was great. It was great. And he's like, what? And I go, nikki, I'm just curious. I'm part of trying to be a part of the conversation. I just want to be involved.

[Tommy]

Hello.

[Grace O'Malley]

And I was like, hey, Nikki, what celebrities were said that they really loved your set? And he goes, I was going to ask that on show. And I was like, okay, all right. I was like, cool, I guess I'm going to shut the fuck up. We start the interview. And he, like, real quick. So we're here with Bert Chrysler. And by the way, he said to me, he goes, so let me get your names right. It's N I K K I Nicky G L A S E R Glaser. And she goes, yes. And he goes, it's B E R T Bert K R E S H E R Kreischer. And I went, yeah. And he goes, great. All right, we're live in two. Here we go. We're here with Bert Chrysler and Nikki Glaser. Comedians Bert Chrysler and Nikki Glaser. This is the interview I've been waiting to do. Bert, what's going on in your bed? And I say a little something. It was awesome, Nikki. And he pivoted. And by the way, let's be honest. And you can find the footage. They cut to a one shot of Nikki. I'm not even on the screen anymore. It's a one shot of Nikki. And Nikki, I've known her so long, she's giggling because she knows what's going on. And fucking God bless Nikki Glaser. And I texted her this that day. She's like, yeah, the Golden Gloves was awesome. But, you know, this is all about our show in New Orleans. And she kept going back to me. And if she had not gone back to me, he would have never spoken to me. The whole interview. He was like, great, great, great, Burt Chrysler. Anyway, Nikki, who did your dresses, I mean, it was like, listen, we're comics, so we find humor in everything. But Nikki texted me immediately. She's like, oh, my fucking God. And I was like. I was like, yeah, thank you so much for bringing that back to the show. Because she was like, burp was on the best show, Bert. And he's like, who's Burt? And then she's like, the guy. Oh, yeah, Burt Chrysler. So tell me, like, I always feel like that way. Like, you candidly can. I'm not good at, like, listening, and I don't listen the right way, I guess. I don't know. I'm working on that in therapy, I think.

[Tommy]

I think it's good that you. You know that. And you're aware of it. I think that's like the first up. So most people don't care to care to even know that I didn't care.

[Grace O'Malley]

For a long time.

[Tommy]

So therapy is good.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. Better Help. This podcast is sponsored by better help. Listen. 20, 25. You write your own book. There's 365 pages that are all. You be your own editor. But yeah, I don't listen super well. What were we talking about?

[Tommy]

I don't know. You weren't listening.

[Grace O'Malley]

I wasn't listening. I wasn't listening.

[Tommy]

Oh, you get you getting outshined, I guess. Suppose Nikki Glaze.

[Grace O'Malley]

So, like, sometimes when I do my best work, it's really hard for me because I feel like I'm not doing anything.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's like we did a podcast with Matthew McConaughey, Me and Tommy. And I know Tommy is in Love with Matthew McConaughey and, like, he wants to. He's like. I don't know the right way to say this, but, like, he is like, got, like, really good questions and like, he wants to talk about the process and the work and. And I read his book so that I had good questions because if not, I don't know what I'd do. So read his book. But all I came out with was the fucking. They like to catch ketchup.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Tommy]

I mean, that's like, case in point of not listening.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. And that's my only takeaway is the guy likes ketchup.

[Tommy]

Dude, I'm not gonna lie. That's like my favorite part.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, but. Yeah, really funny, but. No, but I, I, but I, but I really felt like I sucked on that interview because I was like. Because Tom's like, talking about the process of acting and your best roles and when you write a book and do you have, you know, like, all these real things that I don't give a about. Like, I don't like, you're like ketchup. I'm not. I'm never gonna act like Matthew McConaughey. I'm never gonna have his career. I'm not gonna write books like him. Like, he's. I think he's cool as. I want to know about whatever happened to Sasha from. From Days of Confused. Like, those my, my questions aren't good questions. The things I'm interested in, but not everyone is interested in. And I, I finally, like, we get to the end of the interview and I was like, all right, bro, I gotta know about catch up. And Tom looks at me like, what the fuck? Like, I'm Fucking the interview up, but turned into a good part because he ended up giving his tuna fish salad recipe.

[Tommy]

Yeah. But, like, people were making it. Did you know that?

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But. But. But it's like I. I feel. But in those moments where I'm listening.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

I feel like I'm fucking up. Like, we did an interview with Arnold and I. And I. I feel like I'm fucking up if I'm not adding. Does that make sense?

[Tommy]

That's exactly how I feel currently right now.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, you're doing a great. I think you're doing a great job.

[Tommy]

Was that.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, no, I think you're doing a great job.

[Tommy]

Okay, cool.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, I think. I think. I think it's good with me because I won't shut the fuck up. So I'm not letting you talk. Really?

[Tommy]

This is perfect and amazing. You are my second guest.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. When I do good on a podcast and I don't talk, it doesn't make sense to me.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Does that make sense?

[Tommy]

It totally makes sense. The job of the only thing you have to do in a podcast is talk.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Tommy]

And I. Sometimes when I'm very nervous, I can't do my one thing I'm supposed to do, which is talk.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Tommy]

And therefore I feel like I'm fudgeing up. Like, when I. When we had Whitney on. As a guest on. On our podcast for the first time, I just kept blurting out, like, you are beautiful. And she was like, okay. And then I. I had to, like, slowly become myself. It took, like, 45 minutes. So I think we're at the point right now where I might start being normal.

[Grace O'Malley]

I think what's sexier on the Internet right now is uncomfortable and casual as opposed to, like, casual and confident like this. Like, my energy sometimes I think it reads, like, a lot like, it reads.

[Tommy]

Hot, you know, I don't know.

[Grace O'Malley]

But here's the deal. Okay, so this is. Okay, let's. Let's dig into. This is a good thing. It's like, you know, there's a whole genre of the Internet that does uncomfortable interviews.

[Tommy]

Right.

[Grace O'Malley]

And. And I think that's cool, but I have a hard time with them sometimes. I've actually done pretty good with no.

[Tommy]

Most classic of all time. I'm sorry to cut you off, but I have to.

[Grace O'Malley]

Please.

[Tommy]

The best fucking video of all time of you is you on Caleb Presley's show, which is, like, one of those awkward ones, you know, I tried to.

[Grace O'Malley]

Get out of that.

[Tommy]

Really? That's fair.

[Grace O'Malley]

I was like, no. But I so So I had seen. I'd seen Caleb. I. I'm friends with Caleb. I'm not. Like, there's no slight on him, but, like, I'm not good with those types of interviews.

[Tommy]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Like, I'm not good because I'm good with this.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Like, I can talk to you like this. I can talk to anyone like this.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

But, like, if the sec. I have a fear of clowns.

[Tommy]

Okay.

[Grace O'Malley]

Like, I have a real fear of clowns. And so the second that you're asking me to pretend with something, sometimes I disconnect entirely and I shut down. And so when that started, I saw it, and I liked watching the interviews, but I was like, I won't be good on it, and I'm afraid I won't perform on it.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

And I was a. I was a fan of Caleb's because I'd seen him do. I had seen him a long time ago do, like, the frat reviews.

[Tommy]

Oh, yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

And I liked him. I just thought he was cool.

[Tommy]

Absolutely. I mean, Caleb's, like, a cool dude.

[Grace O'Malley]

He's a very nice guy. And Glenny. I connected with Glenny, but I was like. Immediately, I was like, they want to do it in West Palm. And I was like, yeah, I'll do it. And then I was like, get me out of it. I'm like, I'm not going to be good on it because I don't know how to. I don't know the right way to respond to those questions. Like, when they go. I don't know what the question is, but, like, hats. I don't know. You know how it is.

[Tommy]

What do you think about hats and hats on heads?

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. And then, I mean, I think my dad would go, like, the fuck's going on here?

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Right. But then as an entertainer, you have to play the game, and I'm not good at that sometimes.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

And so I was nervous and then. But you.

[Tommy]

You crushed it, though, because you came up with the best answer of all time.

[Grace O'Malley]

But drinking, that's fucking Caleb. That's not me. That's Caleb. And that's the beauty of that show is Caleb creates an energy that's kind of silly.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

And Glenny is doing his thing, and it creates. It's very fun.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

And I. And I, when we got done, I was like, I wasn't supposed to drink that day. I was off booze, and they got me on High Noons. And Glenny was like, dude, you pumped me the fuck up. Let's have a High Noon. And we had a High Noon. And I was like, this is fucking awesome. I was like. And. But that's the energy they create is. They create this fun. So, like, I get nervous about that shit. But you shouldn't be nervous. Just trust the artist to let you do the thing and not worry about your skill set going into it, you know?

[Tommy]

Yeah, totally.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. I'm so grateful for Caleb and Glenny on that because that's, like, my most viral thing, one of the most viral things I've ever done. I just created the most badass shirt.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. I got a design that is me in a total drop squat with a weight where all the words are the speech. Oh, it's so bad.

[Tommy]

I gotta get one for each of my family members.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, it's so badass. That goddamn speech, man. I'm so grateful for Caleb. I'm so grateful for these guys because, you know, these guys are like, my team. My team is like, they're barstool friendly.

[Tommy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

And so, like, they were like, they love Caleb. Like, don't cancel. Cancel. He's a legend. It's worth it. It's worth it. And I was like, I was nervous as.

[Tommy]

You absolutely crushed it. I mean, that is the most classic. I actually play it when I. I feel like I'm. I'm gonna stop drinking.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's the biggest compliment I could ever get. I get it from, like, if I get it from bros ever. It's like, never quit drinking. I'll never quit drinking. The bottom of the mimosas. It's your first kiss. And they recite it back to me, and I said, God damn it. I don't. I don't remember any of it. I remember we got drunk as. That afternoon. We got drunk as.

[Tommy]

The thing about those high news, you can drink 3,000 of them, dude.

[Grace O'Malley]

I got to tell you, if anything, it connected me with Glenny Balls.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

I love that guy. I love. I really love that guy. He is.

[Tommy]

He's a crack up. He. He drinks vodka straight.

[Grace O'Malley]

He's not to be with in brilliant moments of comedy. Like, he. He said something to my. To Leanne, my wife, at the last beer Olympics. That was like the most perfect statement. Where at the beer Olympics, you drink. You start off by drinking three beers out of a boot.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

And Glenny drinks three beers out of a boot, and he turns around to throw up, and he sees my wife, and he goes, three beers with no zic is not great.

[Tommy]

Oh, my God.

[Grace O'Malley]

And I. I. Leanne's like, who is that? And I go, that's Glenny Balls. I love that guy.

[Tommy]

Legend, right?

[Grace O'Malley]

He's just a sweet guy. And he's not. He doesn't like. One of the things I respect about someone like Caleb and Glenny, in my opinion, is they don't push it. They don't push it.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Like, they don't. It's almost like they don't care about money or fame or anything. They don't care about this business.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

I think that's so cool. Like, I clearly care. I care and I care, and I'm. And I hope you understand that me caring is as cool as them not caring.

[Tommy]

Absolutely. Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, you can put your fucking intentions out there.

[Tommy]

I know exactly what you're saying, though, because they're, like McConaughey with it. Almost like, just, like, cool, like school.

[Grace O'Malley]

Hey, if this went away, I don't think either of those would give a fuck. Yeah, I don't think, I don't think they need it. It doesn't define them. And I think that's kind of fucking badass.

[Tommy]

I care too much. Like yourself, it's.

[Grace O'Malley]

Well, you wish you cared more.

[Tommy]

No, no, no. I, I, I care too much.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Tommy]

Care too much.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's okay to care too much, but it's real. It's real.

[Tommy]

It'd be sicker to be, like, bad. Chill with it. I guess. I. Is there anything. Anything's off limits for you or. No. No.

[Grace O'Malley]

Nothing.

[Tommy]

Yeah. Ever. Yeah. And I think maybe that's where I wish I could reel it in a bit.

[Grace O'Malley]

What do you mean?

[Tommy]

I just did shows in my hometown over the weekend, and my father walked away from my show and said, where did I go wrong?

[Grace O'Malley]

That's pretty great as a, as a comedic moment to be walking off stage, high on a kite.

[Tommy]

Like, I'm like. I'm, like, high fiving everyone I've ever known. Like, it's shaking hands, kissing babies and my desk. Where did I go wrong?

[Grace O'Malley]

That's pure comedy. That's like the, that's the definition of comedy is like, just so you know, my dad didn't. Does not get my comedy. Yeah, he doesn't watch it. He watched. He. People attest. He'll sit backstage, away from the curtain and listen to it, but he won't watch me.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

And. But it's not about. It's not about. It's a different generation. It's not about them. It's about. It's about you. Wait, what do you like? Because, like, it's funny that you say this. Because I overshare way too much. Yeah. I Wish I was, like, cool and slick and just, you know, like.

[Tommy]

Just, like. Just know where the sweet spot is, maybe, I guess.

[Grace O'Malley]

Or no. Or just, like, I wish I knew how to not talk. Like, I. I respect that so much. Well, like, out of people that just don't share, I think it's so cool. But it's not me. It's not. It's like. It's like, I listen, I trust me. I've made. I've made money off of sharing my daughter's most intimate parts of their childhood. I. I didn't know. You weren't supposed to do that. Yeah, like, no one did it before me. And then I did it. And then I was like, oh. Or like, maybe I. I remember the first canary in the mine was, like, Georgia. When she was, like, a baby. Not even baby. Like, I don't even know what. Like, I don't remember ages, but, like, whatever Secret Time was. She goes, hey, can I watch Secret Time? And I was like, yeah, of course. And she's like. I was like, don't tell Mom. She was like, okay. So we got my bed, and I hit Secret Time. You got to watch this set. But it's like, Secret Time. I dry my asshole in the bed. Secret Time. Sometimes I spit on the toilet paper before I wipe my ass. Called Mississippi White Wipes. Secret Time. And then, like, there's a thing. And then I was like, all right, let's talk about my daughters. They're fucking idiots. My daughter is a Georgia. Hit pause. And she goes, has I seen this? And I remember going, no, definitely. She goes, I wouldn't show it to her. And I'm. And George was like, 10?

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

And I'm like, for real? She was like, dad, are you being serious? When I told Isla's period party story.

[Tommy]

It'S like a young girl's worst nightmare.

[Grace O'Malley]

I told her on Conan. I told her on Conan. I went on. And by the way, I didn't, like, I didn't plan on telling it on Conan.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Like, I went to Conan with, like, three stories, right? Conan comes backstage. He's like, hey, what's up? I was like, nothing, man. He's like, how's everything been? I said, it's been wild. I only got a period, like, a couple days ago. He's like, what? I said, yeah, I got a period. And she had me throw a period party for her. He was like, what do you mean? I was like, I don't know. I guess kids are doing it. They, like, get a red velvet cake. And he was like, Wait, can we. Can we talk about this on stage? I was like, yeah, sure. I didn't think to, like, call out and be like, yo, can I share with America that you had your period?

[Tommy]

Can I tell everyone you're a woman now, Miss?

[Grace O'Malley]

So I have a flight that night. So you do Conan at like, 5. I have a flight at, like, midnight. Right, right.

[Tommy]

Okay.

[Grace O'Malley]

Conan comes on at like, what, eight or ten, maybe nine. I don't know. I don't even know back then. And so I tell it, and it. It murders. I mean, it murders. I come home and I was like, this is going to be great, guys. You guys are going to love this. And I put on Conan. And Conan's like, so wait, your daughter Isa got her period? And Isla hits paws and goes, do a lot of people watch? And I was like, yeah. She was like, like, how many is a lot, dad? And I go, like, all of America. She was like, all of America's watching this right now. And I was like, yeah. She goes, hit play. We hit play. It's like she threw me a period party. And then the thing that that is. Was harder for her to wrap her head around was, like, the idea that we didn't understand it.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

That me and Conan were like, what the. What this. This a weird kid. You know, that was what bothered her, was that she was different. And that's, like, in my. My regret was like, maybe it's. I don't have no regret. I have no regret. So we hung up. We. We closed. I got on a plane. I left that night. I felt horrible. I was like, did I just. My kid up forever. And then Leanne was like, isla woke up really upset. She's afraid that everyone at school knows she got her period yesterday. And I was like. I was like, I definitely did that. I definitely did that. And then she goes. But I started reading fan mail to her because it went viral.

[Tommy]

Yeah, I remember seeing it. And I'm not gonna lie to you, and I don't want to make you feel bad, but I remember seeing that and being like, I couldn't imagine my father saying this on tv.

[Grace O'Malley]

It went viral. And what happened was little girls had that other. Whose dads were a fan of mine who watched it. They had their dads and their moms write into my email list. This is back when we ran all that, me and Leanne. And they were like, yo, this is a message for Isla. They're like, thank you so much for allowing your dad to share that story. I got my period, and I'm Freaked out. And now I'm going to have a period party this weekend.

[Tommy]

Oh.

[Grace O'Malley]

And so, and, and, and the kid's so bizarre.

[Tommy]

Started a feminist movement. Really.

[Grace O'Malley]

Well, you know what happened? You know what's crazy? I told that, like, so then I calls me. I'm on the road. She's like, yo, I'm cool with you sharing that. Yeah, that's really cool. I like that little girls. Because little girls were emailing. Like, I mean, honestly, like 150 a day were just emailing, like, because it went viral. It was like 20 million views on, I think Facebook, I think.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

And. And it. And she got so many emails and she was like, this is actually pretty cool, dad. Like, this is like a good thing for women.

[Tommy]

So lucky that you got the fan mail to turn it all around. It could have been really bad.

[Grace O'Malley]

By the way. There's worse stories I've told about them that I've never gotten fan mail for. Like, I've gotten fucking. Trust me. And by the way, there's secrets that I never told that they owe me for that are so goddamn funny. So goddamn funny. You have two young girls going through puberty and you don't tear. I have. I have three stories that are bangers. Bangers. And they were like, these don't go on stage. I was like, mother, one time I was going to the Ice House. I was on my way to the Ice House. It happens. Isla goes her. I pay her, right? For the fucking. I pay her. I can't even tell you what I paid her. If she's watching. She knows what I'm fucking talking about. I paid her. And she goes, yo, this doesn't go on stage. I go, I just. I just. We just exchanged money. This is my story now. She was like, nope.

[Tommy]

But that's how a deal works.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, dude, I got. Listen, I got to be pretty litigious with them now, cuz. Like, they're. They're like humans.

[Tommy]

They're adults.

[Grace O'Malley]

They're adults.

[Tommy]

Young. Young women.

[Grace O'Malley]

But the best one is, we go to Australia and the women on the show are like, hey, will you tell the story about your daughter's period party? I was like, yeah, sure, of course. And by the way, this is. Time is stretched. And. And it's been, like, good. And I was cool with it. So I tell it. And the old dude on the show is like, disgusting. Disgusting. We don't want to know that they do that. I mean, he's like a real fucking curmudgeon. And I was like, wait, hold on. What Are you talking about? I go, my daughters do it. My wife does it. These women do it. Yeah. And I was like, maybe not her, but, like, most women do it. And he was like, it's disgusting. It's foul language, and I won't be a part of it. And the feminists went after him and used my daughter as an icon to attack this man. And I thought that was so fuck. And all of a sudden, we. We had shows. Because this fucking one moron isn't cool with talking about women's periods. And by the way, I'm not by any stretch of means feminine adjacent. I'm just a fucking bro leveraging a woman experience to sell tickets.

[Tommy]

Your daughter at that.

[Grace O'Malley]

And my daughter. My daughter, her most intimate moment. I'm so glad I had chicks. I'm so glad. It's like, the way chicks bust balls is so much more fun.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Like, my daughters fuck me up. I've talked about this on a special. We have a Baby Walrus thread.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

They call me Baby Walrus because apparently when I get excited, I don't remember how I do it. I don't know how I do it. And I tried to replicate it for the special, but I do this thing when I get excited. And they called it Baby Walrus. We got one time, we were in Italy, and they ordered me a Campari spritz with watermelon, but there's nothing better in the world. And I sat down and I had been taking a nap, and they go, hey, meet up with us. We're gonna meet up with our family friends at the park, but we're gonna have a snack and a drink before we go. So we go sit down. And they're like, hey, I think they did this on purpose. They're like, we got you watermelon and a Campari spritz. I went. And they were like, look at Baby Walrus. I was like, what'd you say? And they're like, nothing. And I was like, wait, who's Baby Walrus? But they bust balls. So that when I quit zinning. Right?

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Is because we were at dinner in Hawaii, and I was. I had like, 6 milligrams, 6 milligrams and 6 milligrams. So that's 18 milligrams. And then I was putting another one in, right? And my daughter George goes, buddy, what are we doing?

[Tommy]

I mean, that's part of the walrus thing.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. Oh, I got fucking. But that's. I like. I like female energy. I like female bullying.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Female bullying is the Best. There's no better energy than a female bully.

[Tommy]

It'll put you in your place.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's honest. Sure, it's honest.

[Tommy]

It's honest and it's observed, quiet and not brought up until it's time.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's so fun and it's loving. Yeah, it's meant to love you. But to put you in your place.

[Tommy]

Does it ever hurt your feelings?

[Grace O'Malley]

It did. One time.

[Tommy]

Yeah?

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. Yeah, one time.

[Tommy]

Do you want to talk about it? Okay. Figured.

[Grace O'Malley]

Nope.

[Tommy]

All right, that's fair. I just recently had a thing with my. My pops. I went on deal with Vaughn's podcast, and I was so nervous that I was telling a story about him.

[Grace O'Malley]

Wait, wait. Why do you get nervous?

[Tommy]

I'm a nervous wreck.

[Grace O'Malley]

Why?

[Tommy]

Cuz I.

[Grace O'Malley]

You know, we already love you.

[Tommy]

No, that's the thing.

[Grace O'Malley]

Maybe I should be more nervous.

[Tommy]

No, the mental is, like, so bad. And I just. And here's the thing. Like, I tell people I'm nervous, so it makes everyone feel weird, and I just have to. I'm like, I'm nervous. So that's what it is. And I'm nervous. And at least I. I put it out there.

[Grace O'Malley]

But it's so funny. I never saw you. I never see you as nervous. I see you as. That's not what I see.

[Tommy]

I'm working on it, but. So what you're saying I'm nervous on Theo's pod, whatever. And I was telling a story about my dad, and I put two stories together and made him sound like a. It was really funny, but I made him sound like an idiot and he was pissed.

[Grace O'Malley]

You gotta let go of that. I was so mad. He wants the best for. If he's your father, he wants the best for you. Listen, where did you go wrong? You said fucking. You know, my dad has been. I told a story on a podcast that means absolutely nothing. I don't remember what it was. I get a phone call from my dad, and he goes, hey, buddy, we gotta start telling the truth when we talk.

[Tommy]

Hey, at least he's listening.

[Grace O'Malley]

And I said, no, it was his partner's son that listened. And I go, what are you talking about? And he goes, I never had a van, all right? And I go, what? And he goes, you said I had a van. I've never had a van in my fucking life. You make me look like a guy that would buy a van. I never bought a van in my life. And I go, you definitely had a van. And he goes, no, no, no, no, no. You have an active imagination, and. Which is True. I do. Like, I remember things that maybe kind of happened, but I don't know. I. Maybe. I don't know. I don't know how you guys tell stories. Do you stick. Do you have, like, a ledger where you're like, hold on. On this day. You're right. You're right. You're right. I was five minutes late. I tell the story. I showed up on time. I don't give a. And I go, you had a van. You had a fucking van. When I was in first grade, you had a fucking van. And he goes, I never had a goddamn van. I never had a goddamn van. And you're making me look like a guy in the 80s that would have bought a goddamn van. Which I guess.

[Tommy]

Which is also a bad look.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, right. And I go, dad had captain seats in it. We picked up Aunt Judy at the airport in it. You drove me to school the first week. Goes, I never had a goddamn van. So I call my sister. I call my sister right now, please. I'll call my fucking sister right now. And this is what drives me fucking nuts, is this is your dad. Your dad wants to remember that he was a gangster, right? Yeah. And. And my dad's the same way. And he. Where he goes, I never had a van. He had a. Watch this. I swear to God.

[Bert Kreischer]

Hello.

[Grace O'Malley]

Hey, did dad have a van when we were kids?

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

We're having this conversation again. Yes.

[Nikki Glaser]

It was, like, burgundy, right?

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. And it had captain seats. And we picked up Judy in the airport. Yes.

[Tommy]

And it smelled like Finesse shampoo.

[Grace O'Malley]

I love you so much. I'll talk to you later.

[Tommy]

All right?

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay. All right. Love you. Bye. Love you. Bye.

[Tommy]

Oh, I'm so glad she said that. That is so awesome.

[Grace O'Malley]

So our parents don't remember Sometimes, like, it's tough to remember who you were, and it's tough to hear who you were. And especially when you mash it up a little bit. They go, well, hold on. I gotta represent myself as the guy who killed it.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

And we had a van.

[Tommy]

You totally had a van. I mean, who's gonna forget that you showed up on the first week of school in a van, Grace.

[Grace O'Malley]

I sat in my dad's lap, and I got to use the blinker in the van.

[Tommy]

That's a very huge moment in the young boys.

[Grace O'Malley]

You want to do the blinker? I was like, yeah. By the way, it's highly. My dad now will go, you. You had. You sat in a car seat. Didn't have car seats back then. I was in first grade. I sat in his lap.

[Tommy]

And I can do the blinker like you. You don't forget those things.

[Grace O'Malley]

You don't forget the music you listen to. Stevie Wonder. I remember driving home from baseball practice listening to sticks I like. You don't remember. Those years are so goddamn amazing. Netcredit is here to say yes to a personal loan or line of credit when other lenders say no, apply in minutes and get a decision as soon.

[Tommy]

As the same day.

[Grace O'Malley]

Loans offered by NetCredit or lending part and serviced by NetCredit application subject to review and approval. Learn more at netcredit.com partners. NetCredit credit to the people I know.

[Nikki Glaser]

I'm not alone when I say adulting can be overwhelming. And what we all could use is a drink. That's where Apple and Eve juice comes in. As the rulers of the juice box, they've been making juice joyful for 50 years with refreshing juice blends bursting with bold flavor. One sip sends you right back to childhood. So when the grind dulls your shine, remember to kid yourself. Apple and Eve has delicious juices for at home and on the go shop today.

[Grace O'Malley]

You know, Grace, I said to myself the other day, it was my birthday, I turned 52, and I said, have you belated? I don't think so.

[Tommy]

What's up?

[Grace O'Malley]

What did you say?

[Tommy]

I said, happy belated.

[Grace O'Malley]

But I think I was, are we related?

[Tommy]

I was like, yeah, that too.

[Grace O'Malley]

I don't think you can be related through birthdays.

[Tommy]

Are we related by speaking of 52?

[Grace O'Malley]

No. I turned 52 and I. And I sat in bed and I went, how many birthdays do I remember? I can only come up with, like, 11.

[Tommy]

Yeah, I saw you say that.

[Grace O'Malley]

And I was like, that sucks.

[Tommy]

And is that. I. I can't remember the rest. Were they. Were they the earlier birthdays or always earlier?

[Grace O'Malley]

Well, no, no, no. So I remember. I remember 11. I remember 10 because we moved in that house. I remember. I remember 21. I'm kind of quick. I remember 26. 26 was really important. And because of 26, I remember 27. I remember 30 was a pivotal one to me. I remember 40. I remember 40. 42. I got an owl for my birthday.

[Tommy]

Huh.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. My wife got me an owl.

[Tommy]

Is that what people do when they make it? They get owls?

[Grace O'Malley]

No, I hadn't made it. I was only 42. But it was a gift. It was. I only got it for the day.

[Tommy]

That's awesome.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, but it flew around my. My man cave. It was pretty awesome to have an owl in your man cave. And they were rolling cigars, and it was a really fun day. So I remember. So Now I remember 50. I remember like, I remember the later ones a little better.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

But what I started realizing was, like, you got a tent pole, your life, you got to really, like. Like, why not spend a birthday? Why not have memories? Like, the way we talk about, you know, our parents and their memories. Why not make things huge? You think of the first. You know, your first grade year was, like, such a big year.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Why not make every year that way? Why not do crazy? So when you go, what happened on my 53rd birthday? And you're like, oh, we climb Mount Kilimanjaro.

[Tommy]

Like, I'll never forget it.

[Grace O'Malley]

I'll never forget that birthday. And it's like, cuz, like, listen, if you're gonna. I mean, you'll never forget. Climb out, kill Majora whenever you can. Like, I've swam with great white sharks three times.

[Tommy]

Sick.

[Grace O'Malley]

I've swam with sharks. Oh, there's a part of me that. Is part of me that I. I find fairly interesting that I never talk about. And it's all the I did on Travel Channel. Like, I've swam with sharks. I've swimming sharks probably 12 times. I've swam with whales. I've swam with whale sharks. I've swam with. I tamed lions. I. I've worked with tigers. I've. I fought a bear. I was the first person to jump off the stratosphere. Like, there's these. This whole thing.

[Tommy]

We're the first person to jump on the stratosphere, technically. Oh, the first one who made it.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, no, they would. They were paying Vietnamese women to jump off, like, 150 bucks during their break.

[Tommy]

I wonder how they picked which race.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, it was just Vietnamese people because they worked at the casino. So. Yeah. So they were like, you're the first person to jump off the stratosphere. And I was like, oh, cool. And then they were like, hey, you got to talk to this woman. She's jumping on the stratosphere. And I was like, I thought I was the first person like, no, people obviously have jumped. And so I was like, so. And I'm doing a real interview. This would have been the show I wish I had done. It was called Bird the Conqueror. I was like, so, wait, you jumped off the stratosphere? And she was like, yes. And I was like, I thought I was the first person. And she goes, no. I said, is it scary? And she goes, yes. I said, why did you do it? And she goes, my son is in Prison. I put money in his commissary. I get money to put in his commissary. By the way, that's the greatest answer you'll ever have on Travel Channel. As opposed to, like, I'm in Vegas. Yeah. My son's in prison. I'm putting money in his commissary. And I said, really? She goes, $150 to jump. And I jumped during my lunch break five times. So this woman was eating her lunch in the elevator, then jumping, then getting in the elevator, eating the rest of her lunch, jumping just to make money to put in her son's commissary because he was in prison.

[Tommy]

Oh, wow. That. It doesn't get better than that.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's the best reality show in the fucking world.

[Tommy]

It's so fucking good, dude.

[Grace O'Malley]

The interviews you get from people when we did Travel Channel were so awesome.

[Tommy]

Like, authentic, because they. They didn't expect to be on camera. This is before people would just shove a camera in your face.

[Grace O'Malley]

This is a different world. Me, Theo, and Brett Ernst did a show for TBS called Frat Life or something. It was basically old school. We were doing old school.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

We started a fraternity. This is. I. I tried to buy this footage because it's so perfect, but I wanted to buy all the footage. I didn't want to buy the pilot. I want to buy all the footage.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

This is before. I mean, I say this respectfully, but this is before. Theo and I were anything Bread earns was anything. We were all. We knew each other. We were friends with each other, but none of us had made, like, made money. We were doing a pilot for, like, probably five grand each. They literally said, you guys can start a fraternity. And we were like, cool. And they're like, we got you a house in the hills. All you got to find is the guys. We're gonna film it. You can plan everything. You guys plan everything. So I was like, cool. So we put an ad in Craigslist.

[Tommy]

That's awesome. Did they give you a budget for this?

[Grace O'Malley]

I think, like, 50 grand.

[Tommy]

All right.

[Grace O'Malley]

And. And they all. They wanted us to run everything. Methio and Brett. Brett Ernest ran everything. We put an ad in Craigslist not realizing what we would get. We got dudes that were at the end of the ropes. They were like, my life sucks. I'm not happy. I want to turn this around. Being famous would fix it. I'm going to be on this show. When we greeted these guys, I remember Theo being like, this doesn't look like the cream of the Crop. I remember one guy introduced himself to us and he goes, give you a heads up. I got pretty aggressive ptsd. And we're like, cool.

[Tommy]

It's a good warning.

[Grace O'Malley]

They were so. It was the funniest pilot I've ever been a part of in my entire life. And we had things scripted out. Cause it's reality. They script it and they're like, yo, okay, we're all gonna get in this tour bus. Like at Bunn and Murray, we're gonna get in this tour bus and we're all hop in this tour bus and then we're gonna drive and we're gonna take a long drive and we get them lost. I don't know where they're going, but we're ultimately going back to the fucking hills, to Tobago Canyon. We got this mansion with a waterfall attached to it. It's fucking incredible. And like, great first night, we have a party. But that's not what we need to do now. We need a fucking fraternity mascot. And they're like, let's steal a goat. So our producers are like, yo, we've already bought a goat. We bought a go from this guy. We're going to go to his place, we're going to grab the goat, and we're going to go. And we're like, cool. So we go, awesome. So we're in the car, they pull the car over, and we're like, all right, guys, here's the deal. First thing, we need a mascot. We need a goat. We're going to steal a goat. This dude Killian, I think was his name. Fucking bolts out of the thing. And like five dudes go with him. The guy with PTSD is like, I'll scope the perimeter. Theo's fucking got a bandana on. He's like, I'm with you. They go out, they come back within five minutes with a fucking goat. And they've got it, they're holding it up. They bring it into our party bus. They put it down. They're like, fucking, we got a goat. The place goes nuts.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

We start killing fucking beers, taking shots. And the fucking producer goes, all right, so the location for the goat's about five miles from here. And we're like, we already got the goat. And they're like, what? I was like, this isn't our goat. And he's like, God damn it. You stole a fucking goat. And we're like, you told us that we had a goat. And he goes, no, wrong place. And then Theo's like, that would explain that guy shooting at us. And we're like, there was a guy shooting at you, and he's like, we thought it was part of the sketch. They stole a fucking goat from a goddamn fucking farm.

[Tommy]

Oh, my God.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, it gets way worse. It gets way worse. We go the first night, we're like, we'll throw a party. Theo and Brett are like, this party needs to pop off. Let's hire porn stars. So we hired five porn stars to show up. We got a band of naked women who would play music and start pillow fights and spit whiskey in your mouth. I remember one dude coming up to me going, dude, I think I just cheated on my wife. The fucking sound guy comes up to me, and he's like, come here. I go on, he goes, takes his headsets off, puts us off. And I hear a guy getting his dick sucked in the bathroom. I was like, none of this is gonna work for the fucking show. None of this is gonna work. Make the show with the last day. The last day. We have a football game. It's powder puffed. It's women who play football. That's the catch, right? Guys got a football game. Here's the teammates, and it's all women. So we go out. No one wants to hurt a woman. And we're like, all right, let's play. And these women are fucking. These are like fucking diesel fucking women. They're fucking lining up. They got pads on.

[Tommy]

Oh, ain't no lingerie.

[Grace O'Malley]

No lingerie. They're fucking in pads. And they're not like. They were like. Like roller derby. These are like. And they go at it. And we're like, yo, I thought we were playing. They're like, you guys. Brett Ernst is like, bring it in, boys. We're like, what? He goes, I want to see dead lesbians everywhere. I take these horse down. He was like, I got a hundred dollars for any broken kneecaps out there. And we clothesline these whores. They were fucking dead, dead, dead, dead. It was the greatest pilot I've ever been a part of in my entire life. And I swear to God, I offered to buy all of it when I didn't have money. I would double that price. That is the best content I've ever shot this. It was. And, man, you got. I don't. I mean. I mean this with, like, all respect. Theo Vaughn is funny today, but when you didn't know who he was and you didn't understand what he was saying, he was the funniest human being you've ever been around. He was the funniest. He was. He would Say things. And you. And you know, this is like, people know him now, right? So you maybe expect it. I don't know. But, man, that was, by far, hands down, the funniest human being I've ever been around. And I Listen. Amy Schumer will say the same thing. Chris Fairbanks will say the same thing. Donna Rollins will say the same thing. Mo Mandel will say the same thing. I've done two. I did two TV shows with Theo, and, man, that fucking guy, sometimes he wouldn't even make you laugh. He'd make you go like this. I'll tell you what. If I could buy that and if I could buy. We did a pilot. We did a TV show called Reality Bites Back. If I could buy Reality Bites Back. But I want all the footage. I want all the footage. Theo woke up one morning, and he goes, hey, was someone scanning the perimeter? And the guy. We had, a little Asian guy who didn't speak English, he had thrown up in the trash can, and he had fallen into the trash can and couldn't get out of it. And Theo's, like, woke up. Someone's, hey, where the fuck's Wang? He's here. The trash can. God damn it. I mean, it was the funniest pilot I've ever been a part of. And we were like, it's gonna be great. The problem is they were producing. I think they were producing Keeping up with the Kardashians at the same time. So they wanted to look like Keeping up with the Kardashians. And so it didn't read right. It just didn't. They didn't let it breathe. They wanted to be clicky and quick. I would love to hear Theo's recollection of it, because I remember from my perspective.

[Tommy]

Do you think it'd be funny to call him and ask him?

[Grace O'Malley]

No, no, don't call Theo.

[Tommy]

I would never call Theo.

[Grace O'Malley]

I always think, like, there's. There's certain guys that you call, right?

[Tommy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

There's certain guys that are just private. That. I know they're private. Yeah. But you don't call them unannounced because it bothers them. I've no. I FaceTime people. So, like, I FaceTime Chappelle, but Chappelle also FaceTimes me like, I FaceTime. Shaq, what are you shot getting into, buddy? That's the funniest human being alive. Without a doubt, my wife has a phrase, and it's. It kind of sucks that she didn't know that. This is what Stavi called a special. He called himself A special fat rascal, I think.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

But my wife always calls like. Like Gillis. There was a night where she was punching Gillis in the chest at this comedy store in the back bar. She's like, you're a fucking rascal. You're a rascal bully. Rascal bully. And we were just on a. On a fucking call with Shaq the other day, and he was cracking my wife up on low key. Low key. Big zoom. Big zoom. And Shaq's texting my wife low key. There's. That's the right way to say it. Right? He's texting me. He's texting me and my wife. Not privately, but. And she could not keep a straight face. And then we got off the zoom. She's like, God damn it, you're a rascal, Shaq. You're just a rascal. God, you just. You can't stop playing. And Shaq was laughing so hard. He is my favorite. Like, Snoop. Snoop is, like, just awesome.

[Tommy]

Wow.

[Grace O'Malley]

When you talk to him, you're talking to the man, not the. The legend. That's just who he is. And then the legend slips in every now and then you. You. Reminds you, and you're like, oh, it's almost like when you see the people swimming with sharks and they put their hand on the nose, but the shark shakes it away, and you're like, oh, I forgot. I'm with a bad motherfucker. I forgot I'm with a bad motherfucker right now. But Shaq is like a fucking orca who just fucking bumps your snow. He bumps your fucking. I love that I just turned them both into fucking mammals or fucking. But Shaq's like an orca who bumps your paddleboard and just fucks with you a little bit. And you're a older white chick in a. In a wetsuit going, leave me alone. And Shaq's like, nah, we're having fun today. Shaq's the man. I love Shaq. I love Shaq.

[Tommy]

Shaq Or DJ Diesel.

[Grace O'Malley]

DJ Diesel.

[Tommy]

I figured.

[Grace O'Malley]

Man. He's a. You know, he's a unique dude. He really is. He is wildly respectful, wildly, like, polite, wildly cons, like, concerned with, like, just how he represents himself a little bit.

[Tommy]

But.

[Grace O'Malley]

But the. But he is, like, He's a. He's a role model. He really is. Kids that look up to him, and he's aware of that. I think that's so cool.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

But God damn it, he is the funniest motherfucker.

[Tommy]

I will be remiss if I didn't do my little questions. So I don't know if you know, but I am looking for a new co host, and I figured I'm going to audition people and see if they'd be a good fit, and so I'm going to riddle off a few questions and just let me know what you think. Question number one. Would you ever disclose my salary to the public?

[Grace O'Malley]

Nope.

[Tommy]

All right, thank you. Do you think women are funny?

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Tommy]

Name three of them.

[Grace O'Malley]

Bonnie McFarlane, Rosebud Baker, and Nikki Glaser. I tried to go a little deeper because I didn't want to just say the obvious ones. I mean, obviously ones. There's. I think Sarah is a fucking genius. I think Chelsea's a gangster. There's so many. Blair Sochi is, like, fucking amazing. There's so many great women. I would argue women are funnier. Fun. Whitney. I mean, there's like, remiss. Whitney's like a sister to me. But, like, women funny is different than male funny, and it's. And it's so much more enjoyable a lot of the times.

[Tommy]

All right, you pass with flying colors is the hard one. Now, I'm going to share a few scenarios, and you tell me if these are HR violations.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, I'm the wrong guy. I used to play a game called sexual harassment. Oh, no. I used to play a game called not sexual harassment or not, not sexual harassment.

[Tommy]

I like that one better.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, go ahead.

[Tommy]

Ball tapping your boy as a form of endearment. That's not sexual drinking on the clock.

[Grace O'Malley]

Not. No, that's not at all sexual harassment.

[Tommy]

Oh, HR violation.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, no, no, not an HR violation. I was like, jesus Christ. I've been me tooing my whole staff.

[Tommy]

This last one is. It's an obvious no for me, but complimenting a co worker's new chest by saying, let me squeeze those new old honkers.

[Grace O'Malley]

I think that's. I hate to say it. I think that's a HR violation. Is like, let me squeeze those new old honkers.

[Tommy]

Yeah, that was a test.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay, Okay. I was like. I was like, wow. I want to be cool, but Jesus.

[Tommy]

And this. This segment's called in the Green Room.

[Grace O'Malley]

Great.

[Tommy]

All right, so basically, the idea is we get a little personal, get a little intimate, and I want to begin this segment by asking you if you have anything cool on your rider.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, actually, I think I have too many things on my rider. Yeah, my rider is pretty simple. It's a charcuterie board with pork rinds, pistachios. Tito's. Tito's used to be on My rider before Porosos. Tito's is real. I was a ride or die for Tito's until they me.

[Tommy]

Oh, they didn't with you?

[Grace O'Malley]

No, they just. They said something wildly inappropriate that I thought was stupid. They were like, yeah, go yourself. Stop drinking Tito's. What are you gonna do? I was like, I'll start my own vodka. I'm gonna invest way too much money just out of spite.

[Tommy]

It's delicious, by the way.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's delicious. It's delicious. And I didn't like the way they handled that. Like, I just was like, yo, I'm a ride or die for you guys. Like, like, yo, in. Like. I'm not saying, like, make me a part of the company, but, like, bring me in as a brand ambassador. Like, find a way to let. Let's work together. And their exact words were like, you can go yourself and just stop drinking Tito's. We already got you. And I was like, ugh. It just grossed me out. And I was like, okay, cool. And then. And then I was like, I'll just start my own vodka. And so Tito's used to be on. Now it's prosos. I only drink Porosos. I don't with Tito's at all.

[Tommy]

That kind of reminds me of that story you've told about you tried to go back to college and your professor told you to go yourself.

[Grace O'Malley]

That energy always drives me. When someone tells you you're. You're powerless, and you kind of are the powerlessness. It bothers me.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

And it bothers me, and it makes me angry. And, like, I don't forget grudges, and I. And I hold grudges. And Tito's was so, like, the local reps. I got to say this. The local reps were so cool to me for so many years. They bring me product, they bring me merch, they bring me dog bowls. And they're such a cool company. And then when I talked to their execs, I was like, this is the. This is gross. Like, this is like. And I'll say this right now, if you're into Porosos and you want to work with us, dude, I want people that want me. Stabby said it the best. Stavi said it the best. This is one of the. It's like one of those pivotal moments where you hear something on a podcast and you go, that's gold. He goes, you know, I used to want to chicks that didn't want to me. And then one day I realized, why wouldn't I want to the chicks that me yeah. And I was like, yeah, right. Why would I want to join a team that doesn't want me on the team? I don't. Your team. And so I. So I was like, I got burnt from Tito's on that. And sadly, none of the other vodkas I liked. I really didn't. I really didn't. And so I was into whiskeys for a while, and I was, like, kind of lost. And then I was like, it'll start my own vodka with Tommy. And Tommy, what was the question?

[Tommy]

What was on the writer and.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh. Oh, it used to be Tito's. Yeah.

[Tommy]

And was there a specific person that lit the fire under your ass to get into comedy?

[Grace O'Malley]

My dad. My dad didn't like my ass to get into comedy. My dad, on my 26th birthday, had moved to New York. And I've told this before, but it's. There's a reason to tell it a second time, because it's a good story.

[Tommy]

Sorry.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, no, no, no, no. I. I got written up in Rolling Stone magazine as the number one party animal in the country. Moved to New York thinking I just. It would be gifted to me. I thought, though, I'm set. I'm set. It's. It's. You know, it's one of the things. And I'm saying this candidly, but it's one of the things that you'll find with where you're at now, because right now you have a platform, you had this huge pop of success, and right now you're at a rebuilding phase. And this rebuilding phase is really fucking awesome. And figuring out where you want to go, what you want to do, what you want your voice to look like, and what you want to be is, like, amazing. I call it the salad days. So it's like the first meal you get with your course.

[Tommy]

Oh, shit, that's good.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, I love it. There's phrases I attach to that I love. And so for me, I got popped in Rolling Stone, and I thought, yo, I'm on. I'm on. I'm gonna be huge. Moved to New York, and it just didn't happen. And I was like, wait. It's, like, been like, I can't get on stage. I can't get. No one is, like, remembers this article. The article's going away. Like, what am I doing? And on my 26th birthday, my dad called me and told me I was a piece of. And I had no humility, and I had no idea what humility was, and I didn't have a chance of humility. And I was Just a party boy. And if, listen, if you just need me to give you money, I'll just give you money. But you're never going to make amount to anything. And because of that one conversation, it changed my life for the rest of my life. It was the most. I've had this conversation with my dad a couple times and he doesn't remember it that way.

[Tommy]

Of course not.

[Grace O'Malley]

Of course not, of course not. And, but that changed my life. That one conversation on my 26th birthday changed my life. It's the reason I write goals every year on my birthday. It's why I take myself to dinner by myself on my birthday.

[Tommy]

Oh.

[Grace O'Malley]

And, and it was the best conversation I ever had. I went to the comedy club, the New York Boston Comedy Club. I told, I said exactly what my dad said to say. It didn't work.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

That night I went back, I told my dad, I went back the next night, I said the exact same thing. I said, listen, I'm gonna say this every night until you give me an opportunity. And that night he let me on stage, he let me bark at the door, and I started barking at the Boston Comedy Club. And six months later, I signed a deal with Will Smith. No, it was my dad. My dad. That conversation is like the greatest, not adversely we're talking about to women. The problem is that speech was so pivotal to me. I thought that's how you raise children and that's definitely not how you raise little girls.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's just. You're a piece of shit.

[Tommy]

Yeah, so. And then. But that's where they develop stone hard balls and they're like, well, no go yourself.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, yeah, they're fucking. Yeah. Sorry. Next question.

[Tommy]

Sorry.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yep.

[Tommy]

This is called that's disgraceful. It's a segment where I present you popular opinions and you tell me if you agree or disagree with these takes. Kool Aid in the morning.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's perfect. Hold on, stop. Are these written for me? Yeah, because you know that I believe in treats. I believe. Like if I was going to write a self help book, number one chapter, first chapters, give yourself a nickname. Second chapter 100.

[Tommy]

See, I have to disagree. Oh, come on, you can't give yourself a nickname.

[Grace O'Malley]

You absolutely can.

[Tommy]

But you did and you got it.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, I gave myself on accident a Joe Schmo.

[Tommy]

Can't really give you.

[Grace O'Malley]

Like here's how the nickname works. Okay? Right. So you go, hey, guys, from now on, it's thunder.

[Tommy]

Oh, that's.

[Grace O'Malley]

Everyone's like, thunder. And then they make fun of it and then just like A Borat joke. It becomes the joke, becomes the joke, and then all of a sudden, you really become Thunder. And then one day you're at a bar, and you're like, thunder's ready for a drink. I walked into a room. I walked into a room. This is the nickname I've tried to avoid. I. I can't remember the story entirely. I was drunk, I was hammered, and I was ready to go to bed. And Leanne and Peter were still. My wife and Peter were still partying. And they said, oh, come on, now, listen, Everyone knows I like to get loose. Everyone knows I can outlast everybody. But also, we're trying to be responsible. My fucking assistant and my wife are telling me to stay up late, and they know I'm fucking got to work in the morning. And so I. Okay, you guys want to bring out Captain Bad Boy? And they lost their mind. And they're like, captain Bad Boy. And I was like, is that. Is that a good one? And they're like, oh, I'm so sorry, Captain Bad Boy. And for a week, they would call me Captain Bad Boy. And I was like, guys, drop it. It's not. I up. I meant to say. I meant to say something else. So you can actually absolutely give yourself a nickname. Just be careful, because if it's silly, you're stuck with it. Yeah, Mine was the Machine. I walked in, I meant to say, I'm the man, Yamashina. And I said, yamashinu, which means I'm a car. And these guys started laughing. They're like, he's a machine. And I was like, I'm the machine.

[Tommy]

Well, in that sense is the only sense I think it works, because if you have a. A. Just like some idiot kid going, you know, you guys should really call me Smacky or something like that. It's.

[Grace O'Malley]

No. I've given myself a lot of nicknames. The B Man. My sisters to this day call me B Man. They'll go, B Man. What are we doing tonight? Birdie Boy.

[Tommy]

I love Birdie Boy.

[Grace O'Malley]

Birdie Boy is my sister's. My sisters call me Birdie Boy. As a matter of fact, that's my favorite tour I ever had, and I've had a lot of favorite tours. I love people call me Birdie Boy because I. I only hear it from my sisters and my. My wife. My wife and my sisters call me Birdie Boy. So when a stranger calls me Birdie Boy, all I hear is love.

[Tommy]

It's your production company, too?

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, my Birdie Boy Productions. The girls call me Fetus or feet. Isla calls me straight up. Feet. She'll go. Feet I love was. The first one was Fuffitus, and then it turned into fetus, and then it was just feet. I love baby Walrus. I love Baby Walrus. I love. I love a nickname.

[Tommy]

Nicknames are great.

[Grace O'Malley]

Nicknames are great. And if you have a nickname, you have an alter ego. If you have an alter ego, there's a part of you that can get bigger than who you are. And it allows it. It allows it. We were talking about writing a self help book, but that's like my first fucking chapter. What was the other question?

[Tommy]

Oh, Kool Aid in the morning. Oh.

[Grace O'Malley]

And my second chapter was allow yourself a treat at night. You need a treat. If you're not working for a treat, you're not working. You need a treat. For a lot of people, it's alcohol, it's weed, it's. It's food.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

But, man, if you're trying to mend fences, Kool Aid's a pretty great tweet treat. Like, I. When I was not drinking, I would bring Kool Aid on planes with me, and I get a. Get a water bottle filled with ice, and I get. Fill it with water. And then I enjoyed my treat. I'd crack my Kool Aid little one single serving, and I pour my thing and I shake it up. I take my first sip and just my brain would go, yeah, we're here. Can I give you another little bit of self help advice? And I know I'm going, so long.

[Tommy]

No, please.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay. Can I give you another bit?

[Tommy]

Absolutely.

[Grace O'Malley]

This is number one. This is number one. I said this to a bunch of guys today who do drugs and party. Of course, we were doing that before we came here. We got pretty fucked up.

[Tommy]

Oh, let's go.

[Grace O'Malley]

I said, listen, if you're struggling with alcohol or food or porn addiction or gambling, whatever you're struggling with, I get it. Quitting is not the answer. All you got to do is do better today than you did yesterday. Just do better today than you did yesterday. That's it. And a little bit of improvement means a lot. You know, when I was in Hawaii with my daughters and I was putting those sins in my mouth, I woke up the next morning, my hands were shaking. I was partying pretty hard. My hands were shaking, and I was like, fuck, am I there with drinking? And I was like, is that bad? And then I went, I think it might be the nicotine. I did have like 100 milligrams of nicotine before I went to bed. And so I said, you know what? Today I'm just going to do better than yesterday. I'm not going to quit everything because that's like crazy. You're setting yourself up for failure and you're setting yourself up for shame.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

I said, I'm just going to do better today than I did yesterday. And so I said, I'm going to quit Zins today. And I didn't Zen all day and my hands stopped shaking and I went out and we had a good time. We surfed and I had a few drinks. I woke up the next morning, I felt pretty good. More importantly, I didn't. My hands weren't shaking. But more importantly, I was proud of myself because I did better today than I did yesterday.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

And I live my life like that. And that's the way you got to look at things. Don't. Don't set your yourself up for failure and be like, I'm done drinking forever. And then you're like, all right, I fell off the wagon. And then you're living in this shameful spiral. Yeah, just do better today than you did yesterday. That is the key. Sunday I. My first drink was at 4:00. Me only end, we're at the beach. No, Saturday. Saturday it was at 4:00.

[Tommy]

Okay.

[Grace O'Malley]

We went to a. We're at the beach. Went to a brewery. 4:00. I was checking because I drank all day the day before.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

And I woke up, I said, just do better. Just do better today.

[Tommy]

That's easy to do, Grace. You. You can achieve that.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's very achievable. So I had a drink at 4 o'clock and I said, not bad. I drank until like, you know, maybe like 10:00. I went to. Had a bunch of water, went to sleep, woke up kind of still hungover, and I went, okay, just do better than I did yesterday. And so that day, we drove in, we watched the Bills game with Peter, and I watched the clock. I had my first drink at 4:05. It was better than the day. It was better than the day before. Right. That's good. And Peter stopped drinking at 7:00, which I. Look, I wasn't checking it. I was checking time.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

And I woke up feeling a little better. Last night I went to dinner. I didn't have my first drink until 7:00.

[Tommy]

What?

[Grace O'Malley]

And I was done by 9:00.

[Tommy]

Wow.

[Grace O'Malley]

And I had four drinks and I smoked a joint. I went to bed. I woke up feeling great. Now, today I started drinking around noon. But here's the deal. You got to, you got to allow yourself these days so that I can do better tomorrow than today. What am I going to fucking not drink at all? No, you got to give the self these days to fuck up and correct the system.

[Tommy]

I 10, 10% agree.

[Grace O'Malley]

We should write a self help book.

[Tommy]

Oh, my God. Well, I think you have all the answers and I'm just learning as I go.

[Grace O'Malley]

How old are you?

[Tommy]

26.

[Grace O'Malley]

You're 26?

[Tommy]

26.

[Grace O'Malley]

God, you're brand new. Yeah, I hadn't even started. I didn't even started comedy.

[Tommy]

Well, you got your foot in the door at 26.

[Grace O'Malley]

The foot in the door. You're dealing with full blown fame at 26. I mean, I can't imagine the world you live in at 26. You in therapy?

[Tommy]

No, it's. I'm getting there. I'm getting there.

[Grace O'Malley]

You got to do therapy?

[Tommy]

Yeah, I tried.

[Grace O'Malley]

Hey, listen, Better help if you're listening. Hang on, being dead serious. Better helps a great sponsor to podcast.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

They've been a friend of mine for probably, what, seven years? Better helps a great source for online therapy. It's convenient, it's accessible, it's affordable, and you can switch therapists for any time for no additional charge. And I'm telling you right now, all you got to do is meet with one of their and you can switch therapists at any time. It's so great. You have to get in therapy. You have to get. There's no way I'm going to give you a heads up right now. There's no way you're going to navigate this safely without therapy. Yeah, there's too much going on in your life. I, I don't have as much going on in my life as you do. You have a lot going on in your life. You need therapy. You have to get in therapy tomorrow. It's so good. It's so helpful. Leanne and I are in couples therapy.

[Tommy]

Oh, that's lovely.

[Grace O'Malley]

And it's awesome. We didn't get in because we're like fighting. We got in because we're in a good place and we're like, let's get in front of it.

[Tommy]

Oh, that's so smart.

[Grace O'Malley]

I've won the last two. But, like, the first time I went into therapy, I went to therapy. Leanne broke up with me. We've been dating like four months and I, I kind of got loose at a dinner party with her and her friends and said wildly inappropriate barstool shit. Like, just the things that you would. The Things you would think that all the barstool guys I love would say casually. I said, right. And they just were like, this guy's a piece of. And Leanne didn't know what to do with me. She kind of dumped me, and I got her back in, like, four days. And then she was like, you need to be in therapy. I got in therapy. Did not take. It did not take. Then I had, like, a big blow up with, like, a friend. And so I went to. I went to therapy. The first day I went to therapy, it was like, I don't know. I don't know what therapy costs. Like 1200 bucks or something. I don't. I don't know what therapy costs. I don't. My wife won't tell me how much my. My therapist costs or my trainer, because she goes, just go, yeah, don't worry about the price.

[Tommy]

Yeah, that's smart. Yeah, she's so good.

[Grace O'Malley]

I went to one day of therapy, the guy didn't know who the guy was. And I was like, we should maybe Google it. Like, I think you can Google it and find it online. And then I went. I was 39, and I went to get tea with Joey Diaz and smoke a joint until. Joey. You know Joey Diaz?

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

I told Joey Diaz I was in therapy. He's like, dog that. He's like, you come here. You have tea with me every day. We have coffee, we smoke a joint, we smoke cigarettes. We fucking talk every day for a month until we get through this shit. That's what friends are for. And I was like, okay. And so I stopped. I didn't go to therapy. And every day for one month, I was sober for one month, wasn't drinking, and I was on a fast. And I'd go and I'd have tea and coffee with Joey Diaz. We'd smoke a joint. He smoked cigarettes, and we talked it through it until the point where he was like. He was like, you gotta let this shit go. There's another fucking day. We're done, buddy. We're done. Fuck the guy. He's nothing. He's nobody. He. Come on, man. I can't hear another story about this guy. And, you know, that's what you need a friend for. And that's what therapy doesn't do, is, like, tell you to shut the up.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

And I love Joey for that. And I got. And by the way, that was the end of me ever giving a. About that one thing.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

That one moment with Joey where he's like, you gotta be done.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

And by the way. Tommy was already done with me talking about it. Everyone was done with but Joe. Joey Diaz was like, like, dog, we're done. And I have not thought about that thing the way you would, you know, ever, ever, ever, ever again. And it's. It's. But therapy can be helpful and it. And it should be. Or a friend where it's like, yo, I gotta dump every day until you tell me we're done. Netcredit is here to say yes to a personal loan or line of credit when other lenders say no, apply in.

[Tommy]

Minutes and get a decision as soon.

[Grace O'Malley]

As the same day. Loans offered by NetCredit or lending partner banks and serviced by NetCredit application subject to review and approval. Learn more at netcredit.com partners NetCredit credit.

[Nikki Glaser]

To the People Ever since switching to T Mobile, something weird has been happening. I get to cut lines.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, right this way.

[Nikki Glaser]

Who, me? I can stream shows at 30,000ft and I was able to buy reserve tickets for my favorite band.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's not just you. With T T Mobile, everyone can get VIP status. That means access to exclusive events and experiences Just for being a customer. At T Mobile, VIP means y ou check out the VIP treatment@t mobile.com benefits. Okay, last story. Last story.

[Tommy]

Of course.

[Grace O'Malley]

So my daughter's name's Georgia. Georgia Hardstark is one of the hosts of my favorite murder, Georgia. My daughter has saved her name in my phone as Georgia. My favorite daughter, Georgia Hardstark has saved in my phone as my favorite murderer. Georgia. My favorite murderer. I just ran into Karen the other night and I shared this with her. It's the wildest story. So as anyone knows, a little girl and their dad disconnect at a certain age. They turn into. You guys get your periods and you disconnect and you don't want anything with your dad.

[Tommy]

You don't know how to deal with it. And then you start being all weird and then you get mad at them for it. There's another side.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, okay. I would like to hear that side because I just saw someone that wouldn't hug their dad and sit on their lap anymore. So Georgia and I disconnect at like 15 during the pandemic. We reconnect a. No, we're still having a hard time when she's in college or like when she's getting ready to go to college. So we're getting ready to go. Look at Boulder. I'm doing Red Rocks and I'm in Red Rocks and I'm. And I know she's flying out and I'm like, yo, I gotta reconnect with my daughter. I'm gonna read you the text. It's so fucking good. We were all getting on the plane. I'm sorry, I said, Georgia, mom and I are getting ready to head to Colorado and I want to tell you that I love you more than anything in the world. And whatever I've done to make you angry or mad at me, I would love to try to make it work and work it out and get past it so we can start having a great relationship again. Let's start this weekend in Colorado. You don't have to fall in love with any of these schools. I just want you to see what college campuses look like and show you how beautiful Colorado is. Three very different schools. Regardless, we're gonna have a great three day trip. Laughing, in a car, staying in nice hotels, having room service. And seriously, no pressure, just fun. I love you more than anyone will ever love you in this entire world. Dad, I sent that to Georgia Hardstark. I wrote immediately. I went, oh, fuck. I'm so sorry. This is Bert Kreis here. Please disregard this text. Obviously this was meant for my D. Who saved on my phone is Georgia, my favorite daughter, and you're Georgia, my favorite murderer. She wrote back. Oh, my God. I'm reading this, crying, thinking it was from my dad and how sweet this is. I've got to tell you, you have the wrong number. But once I was a teenage girl who hated her dad. So all I'll say is just be patient.

[Tommy]

Oh, that's really sweet.

[Grace O'Malley]

Isn't that great? Oh, oh, that's great.

[Tommy]

Yeah, that one. That one almost made me stop crying.

[Grace O'Malley]

I got teary eyed. All right, let's wrap this up.

[Tommy]

All right. Well, thank you, Bart.

[Grace O'Malley]

Hey. Hey. Congratulation. You're 26. Your whole life's ahead of you. I'm your friend and I love you. And remember that. Remember that. I've had friends that go through this business where the business eats you up. And it's just the. The business. Social media eats you up. I love you. I love you, man.

[Tommy]

We're pals.

[Grace O'Malley]

Of course. How do we. How do we end this? How do we end this?

[Tommy]

Promote your new tour.

[Grace O'Malley]

All right. One. I got a new special. It's called Lucky. It's on Netflix, March 18th. Check it out, please. I hope you like it. That's it. I mean, I really hope you like it. I. I put a lot of work into it. It's gonna be fun. I would argue it's my second best. I can't be serious. No, it's a good special. I hope you like it. And Lucky on March 18th on Netflix. Now I'm drunk.

[Tommy]

Yeah, guys, check it out. I can't believe I said tour. That's my bad now.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, no, no, no, no. If I go on tour, it'll be in September, I think. Think?

[Tommy]

Hell, yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

But if I don't, then it's because better things are happening.

[Tommy]

Absolutely. And thank you so much for coming on. It really, it means the world. So thank you very much.

[Grace O'Malley]

Love you, kid.

[Tommy]

Thank you. Put it there.

[Grace O'Malley]

With the Venmo debit card, you can.

[Nikki Glaser]

Turn the spa day that your friends.

[Grace O'Malley]

Paid you back for into concert tickets.

[Tommy]

That you can earn up to 5% cash back on.

[Bert Kreischer]

Where spa day with the girls becomes concert tickets. Visit Venmo Me Debit to learn more. The Venmo MasterCard is issued by the Bancorp Bank N.A. pursuant to license by MasterCard International, Inc. Term supply. Dosh cashback. Term supply.

[Nikki Glaser]

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