Chris Klemens Stole From The White House

Summary

Podcast Title: Disgraceful with Grace O’Malley
Host/Author: Grace O’Malley
Episode: Chris Klemens Stole From The White House
Release Date: April 3, 2025

---

Introduction

In this episode of Disgraceful with Grace O’Malley, Grace welcomes her guest, comedian and YouTuber Chris Clemens, as he auditions to become her new co-host. The duo immediately establish a playful and comedic rapport, setting the tone for an engaging and humorous conversation.

Notable Quote:
Grace O’Malley [00:56]: "Only I can say that."
Chris Clemens [00:56]: "Okay, boss. Whatever you say. You pay my bills. Give it up for Grace O’Malley."

---

Audition Segment: Sharing and Trust

Grace begins the audition process by asking Chris a series of questions designed to evaluate his compatibility as a co-host. The focus is on trust, sharing secrets, and their ability to work together without overshadowing each other.

Notable Quotes:
Grace O’Malley [03:15]: "Would you like to give yourself a whirl here?"
Chris Clemens [03:20]: "That usually leads to great things."
Grace O’Malley [05:05]: "I want you to be authentic. I want you to be honest."

Chris demonstrates honesty and openness, crucial traits for a potential co-host, though he humorously struggles with questions about sharing secrets and personal anecdotes.

---

Green Room Segment: Food Fiascos and Psychedelic Experiences

The conversation shifts to more personal anecdotes, with Chris sharing a vivid story about a recent uncomfortable meal at a sushi restaurant while under the influence of mushrooms. This leads to a humorous exchange about the sensory overload experienced during such trips.

Notable Quotes:
Chris Clemens [14:43]: "Oysters are so fucking disgusting."
Grace O’Malley [14:51]: "That's probably one of the worst things I would ever pick if I were on mushrooms."

The segment highlights their candidness and ability to find humor in uncomfortable situations, enhancing their chemistry.

---

Stand-Up Journeys and Challenges

Grace and Chris delve into their experiences with stand-up comedy. Chris recounts his initial forays into stand-up, the impact of the pandemic on his career, and his ongoing efforts to refine his craft. Grace shares her own challenges and learning experiences, emphasizing the importance of persistence and continuous improvement.

Notable Quotes:
Chris Clemens [20:24]: "I have a folder on my computer where I like to put all of my performances."
Grace O’Malley [21:03]: "This feels so validating."

Their mutual understanding of the ups and downs of a stand-up career fosters a deeper connection and mutual respect.

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Family Dynamics and Comedy

A substantial portion of the episode explores their familial relationships, particularly interactions with their parents. Both Grace and Chris share humorous yet heartfelt stories about their mothers heckling them during performances, illustrating how family dynamics influence their comedy.

Notable Quotes:
Grace O’Malley [45:00]: "How far of a fall?"
Chris Clemens [42:17]: "My mom is one of my favorite people on earth."

These stories not only provide laughs but also offer insights into how their personal lives shape their comedic styles.

---

Interactive Games: "Quote Me on That" and More

To further entertain and engage, Grace introduces interactive games such as "Quote Me on That," where they challenge each other to distinguish between true, fake, or elaborated stories. This segment showcases their quick wit and improvisational skills, keeping listeners thoroughly entertained.

Notable Quotes:
Grace O’Malley [52:09]: "This game is called 'Quote Me on That'."
Chris Clemens [55:05]: "I will make it to the end of Traitors. Literally my entire life is just my campaign to get on the fucking show."

Their competitive yet friendly banter adds a dynamic layer to the episode, highlighting their chemistry.

---

Walkout Songs and Creative Endeavors

As the episode nears its conclusion, Grace and Chris discuss their walkout songs—a light-hearted segment that reveals their personalities and preferences. Chris even unveils a custom walkout song he created using technology, illustrating his creative side.

Notable Quotes:
Grace O’Malley [67:18]: "What is a song that has sent you into another dimension?"
Chris Clemens [68:11]: "Ladies and gentlemen, Final Cut Pro. And this is AI Chris Clemens."

This exchange underscores their innovative approaches to comedy and performance, blending technology with traditional stand-up elements.

---

Closing Remarks and Final Games

In the final moments, Grace wraps up with more audience-interactive games and a reflection on the shared experiences throughout the episode. Their ability to seamlessly transition between deep conversations and playful antics solidifies the episode's engaging nature.

Notable Quotes:
Grace O’Malley [73:35]: "This is awesome."
Chris Clemens [72:43]: "Come see me live. It's fun."

The episode concludes on a high note, leaving listeners eager for future episodes and the potential addition of Chris as a co-host.

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Key Takeaways

• Chemistry and Compatibility: Grace and Chris exhibit strong comedic chemistry, essential for co-hosting.
• Authenticity: Both hosts emphasize the importance of being genuine and honest in their interactions.
• Family Influence: Personal family stories play a significant role in shaping their comedic narratives.
• Adaptability: Their ability to engage in games and improv showcases their flexibility and quick thinking.
• Creative Integration: Incorporating technology into their creative processes highlights their innovative approaches to comedy.

Conclusion

"Chris Klemens Stole From The White House" is a testament to the dynamic interplay between Grace O’Malley and Chris Clemens. Their blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and interactive segments creates a rich and engaging listening experience. This episode not only entertains but also offers a glimpse into the potential synergy of their collaboration as co-hosts.

---

Note: Timestamps correspond to the podcast's transcript timing and serve to highlight key moments and quotes within the episode.

Transcript

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[Chris Clemens]

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[Grace O'Malley]

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[Chris Clemens]

Coming at you live from a shady Manhattan studio. It's Disgraceful. Featuring your gracious ginger host.

[Grace O'Malley]

Hey, watch yourself. Only I can say that.

[Chris Clemens]

Okay, boss. Whatever you say. You pay my bills. Give it up for Grace O'Malley.

[Grace O'Malley]

Welcome back to Disgraceful Show. I'm here with comedian, YouTuber and house man on the street, Chris Clemens.

[Chris Clemens]

Oh, my God. I wasn't expecting that third one.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, right. That was kind of like a. Like a teetering joke that could go either way.

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah, and I'm just gonna stop talking because I usually end up picking the wrong route.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yes, I'll be the bad guy, don't you worry. Welcome in.

[Chris Clemens]

Thanks for having me.

[Grace O'Malley]

Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for making the trip from delaw.

[Chris Clemens]

You're one of my, like, legit favorite people.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, my God.

[Chris Clemens]

I've, like, ever met in this, like, Internet, like, I don't know what to call it in showbiz.

[Grace O'Malley]

Come on now, Barbara. So it's speaking of the la di di, la di da of it all, we've really only hung out at events and this will be our first time, like, actually chilling. I know, but there had to be cameras involved because two narcissists. Really?

[Chris Clemens]

No, it's like, let's just, like, have this be like the. Not finger play.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, finger play. Foreplay.

[Chris Clemens]

Foreplay, yes.

[Grace O'Malley]

Finger play, foreplay. It's all the same. Really.

[Chris Clemens]

No, I'm like, editor. Cut that one out. That's not ideal. The finger play. Well, no shit.

[Grace O'Malley]

Now is your time to get into.

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[Grace O'Malley]

So let's, let's start with our first segment here. So basically what I've been doing is I've been auditioning each guest to be my new co host. And would you like to give yourself a whirl here?

[Chris Clemens]

Absolutely. I would have prepared something.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, well, don't worry, I've got you covered. That's why we got the cards.

[Chris Clemens]

That usually leads to great things.

[Grace O'Malley]

All right, so, Chris, you're known for your man on the street style interviews, so you're very familiar with interviewing. But, but can you share a mic like at once? Like, if you were to be the co host, would you give me time to talk?

[Chris Clemens]

Well, have I not been. Well, no offense.

[Grace O'Malley]

Like, so far, so good. Get.

[Chris Clemens]

It's your gig. But I think I've been doing a pretty good job.

[Grace O'Malley]

I thought that was a mean question. A mean question for me to ask.

[Chris Clemens]

Oh, no. I have two brothers. I'm the middle child. It's that I was like, that's hence your company.

[Grace O'Malley]

And how are you with sharing being a middle child and all?

[Chris Clemens]

Ooh. Well, if it's food, it's like survival of the fittest. It's like you get that food while you can. You get that box, Kraft Mac and cheese while you can.

[Grace O'Malley]

You have to.

[Chris Clemens]

You have to. It's like you. Like, even yesterday, I like, at dinner, I was eating dessert and my friend was like, can I have a bite? And I was like, totally. And she was so busy during dessert that I was, I was like, quickly eating. And I was like, chris, this is psychotic. But I am good at sharing like, other shit.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay, good. All right. That was the next question. When you go to a restaurant, do you prefer. Prefer sharing entrees or do you like to get your own?

[Chris Clemens]

I do prefer sharing entrees because you get more food to try.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yes, I know. I always, I always try to.

[Chris Clemens]

If you can't tell. Food has been very strategic for me.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, well, I have a whole thing with food. It's, you know, it's. Some would say a problem.

[Chris Clemens]

Some, yeah, most of them Being experts.

[Grace O'Malley]

I found out Ozempic just stops the thoughts. I'm like, oh, well, it sounds real good now, you know. Yeah.

[Chris Clemens]

I don't care about losing weight. I just would like the brain to shut the fuck up.

[Grace O'Malley]

I would like to. For them to stop saying hungry. You are hungry. Hungry, hungry.

[Chris Clemens]

No, literally. That's why I drug myself every night.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Chris Clemens]

Keeps them real quiet.

[Grace O'Malley]

It does it.

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Wow.

[Chris Clemens]

I don't know if this is the kind of info should be sharing in.

[Grace O'Malley]

An audition, but, you know, I want you to be authentic. I want you to be honest and. And that's what we're doing here.

[Chris Clemens]

Fortunately, it's like the only gift I have.

[Grace O'Malley]

Truly. Same here. My next question is, would you share my secrets?

[Chris Clemens]

No.

[Grace O'Malley]

No.

[Chris Clemens]

Only if you were like, no, I. No.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay. That was probably where you should have started.

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah. No, I'm a very trustworthy, like, I want the same courtesy.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay. Yes.

[Chris Clemens]

But if it's stuff that, like, you tell me and you're like, it's not that big of a deal. And my mom asks, like, how is so and so. It's like, I do share that.

[Grace O'Malley]

You have to assume that my mother.

[Chris Clemens]

Knows everything, but not even the stuff. Like, I don't share secrets because she is a talker.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, she is.

[Chris Clemens]

Love you to death if you're not watching this. But she will talk.

[Grace O'Malley]

Your mother's not a fan of the show?

[Chris Clemens]

My mom barely know how to watch, like, my YouTube videos.

[Grace O'Malley]

Really?

[Chris Clemens]

Oh, yeah. No, she like, loves it low key.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, that's awesome.

[Chris Clemens]

She's in it sometimes, but yeah, you.

[Grace O'Malley]

Keep it in the fame.

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah. People are like, where's your mom? We miss her. And I'm like, guys, but what about me?

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, come on.

[Chris Clemens]

Keeping this ship afloat for over 12 years, that bitches pops in and out.

[Grace O'Malley]

She's merely just a supporting lead.

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah. But no, I would never share your secrets.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay. Thank you.

[Chris Clemens]

That was like a really. Like, that only seemed suspicious.

[Grace O'Malley]

This first half is all about sharing.

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

And I got my mind just kind of wandered and I was like, well, trustworthy person. Well, don't trust me too much because now I'm going to ask you to share one of your secrets. Only if you oblige.

[Chris Clemens]

One of my secrets? See, I'm really bad on the spot with, like, historical events in my life or when people are like, what's your favorite food? And I'm like, what's a food? What's a food? What's a food? What's a food?

[Grace O'Malley]

My mind goes blank on those questions.

[Chris Clemens]

That's why I'm like, I need to know questions ahead of time for those, like I need to do like the research on myself. And now that I've stalled, I literally haven't even thought of a secret.

[Grace O'Malley]

Still, it's quite all right. Don't worry about it. You don't have to share your secrets. That was a test.

[Chris Clemens]

Okay.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, I would.

[Chris Clemens]

I'm down.

[Grace O'Malley]

And I think I failed.

[Chris Clemens]

I did too. We have so much in common, it's crazy.

[Grace O'Malley]

Next question. You occasionally create fashion review videos, so I thought I'd just ask. What do you think of my outfit today?

[Chris Clemens]

Well, considering that we're wearing pretty much the same thing, which I don't know if that helps in my audition tape or not, I think you look fucking phenomenal. I want this jacket.

[Grace O'Malley]

Thank you very much. Oh, and describe for the audio listeners what I have on.

[Chris Clemens]

She's got this like tan, like a warmy green beige knee length jacket with this gorgeous like denim patchwork edging on it. She's wearing a denim button down shirt, which I don't live for because I love the denim on the jacket more. And then I don't remember your pants.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's a jeans.

[Chris Clemens]

Oh, great. Jeans.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's a jumpsuit.

[Chris Clemens]

Oh, it's a jumpsuit.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Chris Clemens]

Period.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Chris Clemens]

And then you have got like white like Nikes on or something.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, you're too good. All right, so your memory is good.

[Chris Clemens]

It's actually not though, which is crazy.

[Grace O'Malley]

Well, I was gonna say I don't have a great memory, so that would have been great.

[Chris Clemens]

I think I'd be either the best co host or like the absolute nightmare.

[Grace O'Malley]

Truly. I think, I think we would either match each other too good or bounce off each other.

[Chris Clemens]

Well, I'll get a wig. I'll match.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, okay. And I'll buzz it right off. I'll pull, I'll pull a Brit.

[Chris Clemens]

Oh, yeah. Oh, well, if you're willing to, that's fine. I already have enough wigs, which is not great.

[Grace O'Malley]

Next question. If we work together, will we finally hang out in a normal setting when the cameras are cute?

[Chris Clemens]

That's all I've wanted. It's like literally all I wanted. I was like, please.

[Grace O'Malley]

Well, so after this we're definitely going to go.

[Chris Clemens]

That's why I'm like, yeah, I will absolutely drink. Are you kidding?

[Grace O'Malley]

And what kind of vibe do you bring to a hang?

[Chris Clemens]

Ooh, what happened that day?

[Grace O'Malley]

So let's say we are straight up chilling in an apartment. About 5:30pm's a good day.

[Chris Clemens]

It's been a good day.

[Grace O'Malley]

The day is good. There's a breeze. We're at about 64 degrees.

[Chris Clemens]

I meant more so, like, my life extension experience. It's like a positive.

[Grace O'Malley]

Your day, it's positive.

[Chris Clemens]

Oh, I bring a good vibe.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay.

[Chris Clemens]

I bring, like, a nice good vibe. And a bad day, there's like, a hot chant. I don't have a poker face to save my life. So when people know I'm upset, it's pretty obvious.

[Grace O'Malley]

And that's the old saying of wearing your heart on your sleeve.

[Chris Clemens]

Being an artist is a blessing and a curse.

[Grace O'Malley]

That was another question I have for you somewhere down the line.

[Chris Clemens]

But I hate how, like, in sync we are with this. And I've done this, like, six times now.

[Grace O'Malley]

We're just still on it.

[Chris Clemens]

Wait, we're like twin flames. Did you ever think that?

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, I wrote that in my journal.

[Chris Clemens]

You wrote that in another question.

[Grace O'Malley]

Well, so the question was, where did you get your positive outlook on life?

[Chris Clemens]

Is this a real question?

[Grace O'Malley]

Well.

[Chris Clemens]

Oh, that is so nice. Thank you. Because I feel like the biggest bitch in the world.

[Grace O'Malley]

Well, so that was the joke. Oh.

[Chris Clemens]

I'm so glad that was recorded in 4K times three. Oh, no, no, it's okay. I'm so glad I didn't actually answer it, seriously. Because I was about to.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, that's my fault. All right. That one went.

[Chris Clemens]

Lucky I haven't bought my shotgun yet.

[Grace O'Malley]

I think we need vodka. Okay, this one is a bit of a game. All right. You've had num. Numerous hair colors, patterns, and I got to ask. Has the bleach gotten to your head?

[Chris Clemens]

A hundred percent. I thought you were gonna ask if I bleach my pubes, and I was like, no, but I have thought about it.

[Grace O'Malley]

But my garbage mask, That's a secret.

[Chris Clemens]

I thought about bleaching my pews.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, that's good. Okay.

[Chris Clemens]

I just don't know, like, what I would do with bleach on my pubes for 45 minutes.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, I think that would start to burn.

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah. I guess I was thinking more logistically, like, am I just walking around my house butt ass naked?

[Grace O'Malley]

I have other questions for you to prove if the bleach has gotten to your head. What color is the sky.

[Chris Clemens]

Blue?

[Grace O'Malley]

How many states are there?

[Chris Clemens]

Oh, my God. I just had Instagram reel that someone said 55. So confidently, and I was like, oh, my God, it was in Times Square, so that should say everything 50.

[Grace O'Malley]

Everything 50. I used to think it was 52.

[Chris Clemens]

Well, because. Territories and shit, right?

[Grace O'Malley]

Well, no, because I. I Was giving.

[Chris Clemens]

You an out there babe.

[Grace O'Malley]

I. Well, yeah. No, this is dumb. This is really stupid. I thought Alaska and Hawaii made it for 11 and 2. That makes it 52. I also just found out last year that Alaska is not an island.

[Chris Clemens]

Totally. And the matter. That's why we need the Department of Education now more than ever.

[Grace O'Malley]

More than ever. I'm not gonna question you on these. On these?

[Chris Clemens]

No, you can. Well, I'll just question you back to see if you know the answers.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, I guess this is really just on me.

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah. Like you just thought Alaska was an island.

[Grace O'Malley]

So this is where we're gonna be good. You know you can bring me back down to earth. You have good general knowledge. Like this. Next question. Bill Nye, the Science guy. Thank you. Nine plus ten equals.

[Chris Clemens]

Fuck. I always get so on the spot when I'm doing math and it's always so simple. 10 plus 9?

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Chris Clemens]

19.

[Grace O'Malley]

How many holes are in a straw?

[Chris Clemens]

That one made me think. One, two.

[Grace O'Malley]

I don't think there's a right an answer.

[Chris Clemens]

One or two. How you look at it.

[Grace O'Malley]

I forgot to put answers.

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah, I'm like kind of waiting to see what my grade's going to be. Teacher. I'm like, so is that right or wrong?

[Grace O'Malley]

You know, it's free will and it' forever. Whatever you want.

[Chris Clemens]

You know what? I'll be fine. A straw is two holes and what.

[Grace O'Malley]

Came first, the chicken or the egg?

[Chris Clemens]

I feel like if you're gonna like. Like if I were God. Right? Like that's the route taking on that you're.

[Grace O'Malley]

My God. Oh my God.

[Chris Clemens]

Oh my Chris. If I were like making shit, I think I'd start like with like from the start. Like I think I'd do an egg. So.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Chris Clemens]

And also it's like the egg could become food, but then I guess the chicken could too. Anyways, I don't know where that even comes into play.

[Grace O'Malley]

Well, the price of eggs are too damn high. What are you gonna do to stop that?

[Chris Clemens]

The opposite of whatever's happening right now.

[Grace O'Malley]

Standing there doing nothing.

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah, Just kind of like something. Well, first I give my billionaire besties like a tax break.

[Grace O'Malley]

Who do you have for billionaire besties?

[Chris Clemens]

Oh, like literally not one.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh. Oh, you're talking about.

[Chris Clemens]

You think I'd be working still? You think I'd be trying to have a career? I'd be like, I'd take a check.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. I would do just about anything, you know, to even have a billionaire bestie. Nevermind. Make it myself.

[Chris Clemens]

No, literally.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Chris Clemens]

Although I feel like it Would be not as fun as you think.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, it really wouldn't. The grass is always greener. I actually take that all back. I want my own money.

[Chris Clemens]

I go back and forth on that.

[Grace O'Malley]

Really?

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah. Like, yeah, everyone shits on nipple babies. But, like, I'm straight up jealous. Like, I don't.

[Grace O'Malley]

I've got a hot take on Nepo babies. If their parents is talented, don't you think they would also have the talent as well?

[Chris Clemens]

But also, like, if they're growing up around that, wouldn't they want to naturally get into it? And if they had those connections, like, if I had those, I would still make my kid, like, work and, like, maybe go to a class or something.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yes.

[Chris Clemens]

But, like, I don't know. I. I get the anger towards it.

[Grace O'Malley]

I get the anger.

[Chris Clemens]

Context of everything else is one thing.

[Grace O'Malley]

If they suck ass, and I can think of a few Nepo babies that.

[Chris Clemens]

Suck ass, I could too.

[Grace O'Malley]

But, you know, if the town's there, you know, it is what it is.

[Chris Clemens]

Like, northwest on the Lion King. I mean, that girl's got a voice.

[Grace O'Malley]

Does she? I don't watch children online. Moving right along.

[Chris Clemens]

You making me feel like James Charles right now.

[Grace O'Malley]

All right, this next segment's called in the Green Room. All right? And we're gonna get to know you. All right, so you make incredible food content, including a controversial Mac and cheese.

[Chris Clemens]

All right, Someone read the titles of my videos.

[Grace O'Malley]

Absolutely. Hard work and research over here. Now, you love food, but you also love to complain about food. And I've gotta ask, what's the worst meal you've ever had?

[Chris Clemens]

It's not the worst meal I've ever had, but it's one that just stands out and was pretty recent. I went to a sushi place down the street from me, and I was on mushrooms.

[Grace O'Malley]

Now, was this a microdose or a macro?

[Chris Clemens]

That's a great question, girl. Cause, I mean, I makes everything. Before, I would have said it was a micro. Afterwards, girl, that might have been gargantuan. I was sitting there and I needed a fifth little order. So I was like, what do you like? And the lady's like, I love the fried oyster one. And I was like, fuck, yeah, let's try the fried oyster. Because I like trying things occasionally. You know? Like, I like.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yes, of course.

[Chris Clemens]

And I'm like, if it's prepared in a good restaurant, like, obviously has to be edible, and it won't kill me.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, that's important, bro.

[Chris Clemens]

Oysters are so fucking disgusting. And so I'm so high on mushrooms and I take a bite and I'm like, getting myself into it because it was fried, so it, like, had some crunch there. And like, I can't do, like, raw oysters to begin with, so I bit into it and I just like, between the mouth feel and like, the look of it jiggling within the temper, I just. Ooh. I'm like, kind of haven't recovered still. We're still working through it.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, wow. Were you by yourself?

[Chris Clemens]

No, I was with a friend.

[Grace O'Malley]

So were they also freaking out or were they helping you out?

[Chris Clemens]

No, she told me not to get it.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay. Yeah.

[Chris Clemens]

No, she was like, why did you do that? And I was like, I truly don't know.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's probably. Yeah. One of the worst things I would ever pick if I were on mushrooms.

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah. I think it was too much to look at. It's too much to look at. It's too much story. It's just too much to experience.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Chris Clemens]

You know?

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, that's fair.

[Chris Clemens]

It feels like doing like anal with the Kardashians. I'm like, there's a lot moving here.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Chris Clemens]

And I like, earthquake. I'm supposed to get into it, but, like, I just can't. Like what's happening here.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's totally fair. Yeah. Yeah, that was a. You know, you would. You were willing to be open, you know, open to new ideas.

[Chris Clemens]

Still hate oysters.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, that's fair.

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah, that's fair.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's the one thing where I'm like, I totally get when people don't like oysters.

[Chris Clemens]

It's the mouth thing. And like scat. Not scallions. Scallops. Like, those are two.

[Grace O'Malley]

Like anything else.

[Chris Clemens]

You don't like mushrooms?

[Grace O'Malley]

I don't.

[Chris Clemens]

Ironic either.

[Grace O'Malley]

But I love the other ones, you know?

[Chris Clemens]

Exactly.

[Grace O'Malley]

And I don't think they taste as bad as everybody says they do when it comes to eating the fun ones.

[Chris Clemens]

But in chocolates or raw?

[Grace O'Malley]

Raw.

[Chris Clemens]

That's crazy.

[Grace O'Malley]

I could do raw.

[Chris Clemens]

My first experience ever, I did it raw.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. That's always how the goals.

[Chris Clemens]

Right.

[Grace O'Malley]

You don't have a voba?

[Chris Clemens]

No, I just did a Raw.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Chris Clemens]

And it took me a while to get that down. It's just the idea that I'm eating dried out mushrooms, like, freaked me out.

[Grace O'Malley]

It is a little freaky. And then. Then you're like. Especially when you have it in mushroom form. I like the chocolates because it's dosed.

[Chris Clemens]

And it's fruity Pebbles flavored.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, my God, they're so yummy.

[Chris Clemens]

It is.

[Grace O'Malley]

You know, this city used to be A. A beautiful place where you could just go to your local bodega and go pick up a thing of shrooms anywhere you looked. It was the best summer I've ever had.

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah. And now I've got to get them imported.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, now you got to know a guy, and that feels wrong.

[Chris Clemens]

No, I'm like, what is this? Marijuana in 2014?

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. It's so stupid and illegal.

[Chris Clemens]

Oh, it's illegal.

[Grace O'Malley]

Mushrooms.

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

One time I thought I was a white rabbit on shrooms. I looked at myself in the mirror and I said, I am a white rabbit.

[Chris Clemens]

Silly rabbit.

[Grace O'Malley]

I didn't see a rabbit, but I felt it in my being.

[Chris Clemens]

Did you take it out?

[Grace O'Malley]

No, I was a rabbit.

[Chris Clemens]

Oh.

[Grace O'Malley]

I was the white.

[Chris Clemens]

Oh, I thought you felt a rabbit inside, and so.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, no, that would have been terrible. No, I was. My brain.

[Chris Clemens]

That was a vibrator joke. It just wasn't landing. But what is landing these days?

[Grace O'Malley]

Listen, you went to nyu, all right? And we're in the city where your campus was. You know, the city is your campus. All right?

[Chris Clemens]

You took the words out of NYU's mouth.

[Grace O'Malley]

What were you, like, in college? And did any of your friends catch the chalamet? Chlamydia.

[Chris Clemens]

Did he go to nyu?

[Grace O'Malley]

Of course. And he gave. This is how I find out women. I do know about the media, apparently.

[Chris Clemens]

I didn't know that that was an NYU thing.

[Grace O'Malley]

I wonder if he. Well, I thought that was, like, a.

[Chris Clemens]

High school on the Upper east side kind of thing or, like, in Queens or wherever the he went.

[Grace O'Malley]

Well, okay, I don't want to talk about children getting chlamydia. So let's move on to the question of what were you like in college?

[Chris Clemens]

Where I was an adult?

[Grace O'Malley]

Yes.

[Steve Buscemi]

I don't know.

[Chris Clemens]

I think, like, looking back on my life, I think I had, like, such a weird, warped perspective on myself because I was insecure. So, like, I'm like, was I a loser? Or, like, did I just think I was?

[Grace O'Malley]

Did you have friends?

[Chris Clemens]

Like, yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay, so, like, yeah usually means no.

[Chris Clemens]

No. Like, I did. I had. Like, I wasn't. But see, then I'm like, did I have a lot of friends? And I just.

[Grace O'Malley]

You don't need a lot of friends.

[Chris Clemens]

No, no, no, no. But, like, I don't want to be like, I. Because I remember having, like, a small.

[Grace O'Malley]

Group, which is perfect.

[Chris Clemens]

Which is my favorite.

[Grace O'Malley]

What you need.

[Chris Clemens]

But then I'm like, saying that. I'm like, oh, my God, was I the prom king?

[Grace O'Malley]

Listen, I don't want to double think anything here.

[Chris Clemens]

Oh, this isn't you.

[Grace O'Malley]

Your personality, maybe.

[Chris Clemens]

Don't you hate that you have to have talent to like. Like, why couldn't I just be an insane person who documents their life and doesn't give a. What people think?

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, my God. You know, it would be. It would be that simple, right? Like, because once you're that person, you're uncancelable. It's perfect.

[Chris Clemens]

You know, once you show, you give an iota of a. People are like, wait, you kind of have a moral compass. You should do better. And I'm like, yeah, but I don't want to. Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Through the Internet, I've learned a lot, you know, And I think it made me a better person, but then it also made me a little too scared all the time. And there are times where we should be joking.

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

And that is what I've found. I. I prefer joking than showing my wristwatch or my new sunglasses.

[Chris Clemens]

100%, whatever. Which that is 100%, you know, I do.

[Grace O'Malley]

And you. Like I said, you've gotten into stand up. Fuck the cards. You've gotten into standup. And so is this. Have you done stand up before? How long have you been doing it?

[Chris Clemens]

I did stand up a little bit in, like, 2016, 2017. Curtis Connor, he would do shows in New York, and I would open for him when he would come.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, fuck.

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah. And then the pandemic hit, like, as I was, like, wanting to kind of pivot.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Chris Clemens]

And so I was, like, doing open mics and the pandemic hit. And then after it was over, I started a podcast. And then that sort of made me feel like I could do standup a lot more because I guess just talking for so long was, like, intimidating. But the fact that I was doing it so much. So. Yeah. But I've really intensely been doing it for, like, the last two, three years.

[Grace O'Malley]

Two, three years.

[Chris Clemens]

But, like, then I'm like, maybe only one.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. No, I mean, I'm kind of like the same.

[Chris Clemens]

I don't know what time is at this point.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's a mirage. It's a hoozy.

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah. I just know I have a folder on my computer where I like, put, like, you know, like, when they film it and shit.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Chris Clemens]

I like, keep that all logged. And so I have a folder from 2023 and I'm like, was I doing something then?

[Grace O'Malley]

But say you have a clip from 2023. Do you think that was like an open mic kind of deal or was that.

[Chris Clemens]

It wouldn't have been an open mic, Mike. I wouldn't have like filmed that. Yeah, I feel like that was maybe like opening for a friend or something.

[Grace O'Malley]

So you would pick up, like, when friends would ask.

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah, totally. I would, like, figure it out.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's kind of what I was doing too. Like, if a friend had a show and they were like, hey, do you still do stand up? And I'm like, yeah, sure. I would just write something new bomb and be like, oh, yeah, hope to.

[Chris Clemens]

Get booked again 100 intensely about it. Otherwise you'll like, disappear.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's what I kind of did. I stopped doing it for a little bit because I was like, this is not my thing. But what I forgot or what I didn't know was you, you have to keep working at the same jokes and not write new ones a day. The day of.

[Chris Clemens]

This feels so validating. I'm not even fucking kidding. I'm not even fucking kidding.

[Grace O'Malley]

This feels good. This is good.

[Chris Clemens]

So validating.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay. Yeah.

[Chris Clemens]

Because I look at all of these. Like, oh, I could like dive in. We're in the pool.

[Grace O'Malley]

Let's do it.

[Chris Clemens]

Woo. With my T shirt on.

[Grace O'Malley]

I have a tankini on.

[Chris Clemens]

I wanted to wear my tankini. Fuck no. But like, I always just like, look at the greats. And I'm like, I feel like behind. I feel slow. And like, even when you're comparing people's chapter ones to your chapter one, it's gonna be different.

[Grace O'Malley]

You can't compare because different people do different things. And like the way, like, you've already had a successful career in one. Like, like, you have a. Sorry. Have a successful career. And I'm just sitting here and like, dissociating. I'm like, you, you were great.

[Chris Clemens]

Thank you, girl. I know. People tell me all the time, I'm like, what the fuck? Oh, yeah. They're like, chris, you've fallen off. And I'm like, okay, first of all, fuck you. Second of all, you grow your career for 10 years. Growing every year, literally. I bought a house, moved to Delaware and took two years off to enjoy my life.

[Grace O'Malley]

Thank you so much.

[Chris Clemens]

Like, more people should be doing that. I will be working forever if I want to be.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yes. And you need that time off or else you'll go crazy.

[Chris Clemens]

But also it's like, if I'm not enjoying any of the shit that I'm crying over and like, busting my ass over, or as Jojo Siwa says, busting a nut over, like, she got big balls. Such a mental image I didn't need. But thank you so much.

[Grace O'Malley]

Not a steal, really, but I just.

[Chris Clemens]

Think if you're not enjoying it, then what are you doing all of it for? And so.

[Grace O'Malley]

And then you're lying to yourself. You're lying to everybody.

[Chris Clemens]

And I'm not gonna lie. Honestly, like, to this day is, like, embarrassing or cringy when I, like, look at my thing and I'm like, oh, wow, this TikTok got like 6K views. But it's, like, not my. This isn't my time. And that's fine.

[Grace O'Malley]

Well, that's not true.

[Chris Clemens]

I don't want to be on and popping all the time.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, well, you get put on a pedestal, they're gonna bring you down.

[Chris Clemens]

Exactly. And so I'm just, like, trying to enjoy life where it is right now.

[Grace O'Malley]

And you are crushing. Because you are one little. Because you are crushing. You just had sold out shows in Boston.

[Chris Clemens]

Thank you.

[Grace O'Malley]

Right. And where else were you? Sorry.

[Chris Clemens]

Philly.

[Grace O'Malley]

Philly. And you said you loved Boston, although, you know, you didn't love it before. Really?

[Chris Clemens]

Boston and Philly, to me are very, like, historical. They're, like, too SM for me. They're, like, too colonial.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay. Yeah.

[Chris Clemens]

You know, like, I just. That's.

[Grace O'Malley]

The cobblestone. Fucks you up.

[Chris Clemens]

Red brick. You can't do it.

[Grace O'Malley]

No townhouses.

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah, it just. It feels, like, too, like, important or something. Or it's like in a museum I don't want to be in.

[Grace O'Malley]

And then you meet the people and they're down to earth, so.

[Chris Clemens]

Oh, my God. In Boston. The people in Boston are fucked up. Which explains so much.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. No, I. I stand by my people, and we are a good time.

[Chris Clemens]

I stand by them, too, because, like, what a fun. What a fun group of people.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's awesome. Oh, my God, it was so fun at your shows. You were doing. You did City Winery, right?

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah. Have you been?

[Grace O'Malley]

I. I opened for Zachariah Porter.

[Chris Clemens]

Love.

[Grace O'Malley]

Love. And I bombed. I bombed really bad. And I was up there and this was the last time. Or I tried for it to be the last time, but I was up there and I was saying, I'm bombing. I'm bombing. And you're not supposed to say that. You're never supposed to acknowledge.

[Chris Clemens]

Did you.

[Grace O'Malley]

It was like. Well, like, I don't know what it was. I was, like, super nervous.

[Chris Clemens]

Did you take anything pre show, like.

[Grace O'Malley]

No.

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah, yeah. Raw Dog did.

[Grace O'Malley]

Raw Dog did. Well, I'm always on Adderall.

[Chris Clemens]

Oh.

[Grace O'Malley]

Because.

[Chris Clemens]

Have you done beta blockers?

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay.

[Chris Clemens]

I say as if it's like.

[Grace O'Malley]

But this is like one of those Hollywood secret things.

[Chris Clemens]

No, it's literally the secret Yeah, I have some in my bag I don't go anywhere with.

[Grace O'Malley]

Really? So what?

[Chris Clemens]

Anytime you have, like, a fucking. They just slow your heart rate down, which, like, I say that out loud, and I'm like, okay, that does sound insane. But, like, I still get, like, a little nervous, like in Boston and Philly, also in Boston. Philly. I, like, actually prepared, and I was like, whoa.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. The world of a difference, huh?

[Chris Clemens]

Oh, my God. So I see why people enjoy this. It is fun when you know what you're gonna fucking talk about.

[Grace O'Malley]

But isn't that crazy that those other instances where you. You were trying your best. You're trying new jokes, and you don't. You didn't have a rhythm, and you're like, oh, no, no, I don't think this is.

[Chris Clemens]

I don't have the right prescription.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yes. Yeah, yeah.

[Chris Clemens]

Highly recommend. The only problem is you can't really drink on them.

[Grace O'Malley]

So, like, I won't be doing that.

[Chris Clemens]

No. But I have, like, one or two drinks on them.

[Grace O'Malley]

Mama needs her juice.

[Chris Clemens]

No, I get that.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, oh. In 2024, your standup special.

[Chris Clemens]

Oh, God. We can gloss right over that one. Speaking of bombing. Oh, my God. In four, fucking K. Me going, oh, my God, I'm forgetting. I forgot everything. I went fucking blank.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, shit. Did you keep it in?

[Chris Clemens]

No. Me being a fucking doing YouTube videos for so long, I knew I left stage. I was like, do you guys mind if I go off stage really quick? I went upstage and I'm going, fuck, fuck, fuck. The mic is on.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, my goodness.

[Chris Clemens]

And then they start doing the. Chris. Chris. And I was like. And then I got back on stage, and I'm like, okay, guys, we're not gonna fucking do that. Okay. And then I remember where I was. So I picked back up from where I was standing. So you. I can't even notice. But, like, natural. Oh, my God, Kill me.

[Grace O'Malley]

Wait, Maybe they thought it was part.

[Chris Clemens]

Of the bit and then that. No, they. They definitely don't, but love the optimism. No, they definitely don't.

[Grace O'Malley]

Wait, so then, was that your worst bomb, you think?

[Chris Clemens]

100%. And then, like, that whole standup social. I have, like, imposter syndrome with.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, okay.

[Chris Clemens]

Just like. I was like, I want to put something of me doing standup online. And then I'm like, ugh, Chris, that was crazy. Why did we choose that?

[Grace O'Malley]

But you learn, you know.

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah, I don't regret anything. I just. Just get cringed out by a few things.

[Grace O'Malley]

Well, that's fair.

[Chris Clemens]

It's like, you know, and I don't even want to.

[Grace O'Malley]

Well, we record these videos of us doing stand up. I've never posted any of them.

[Chris Clemens]

Really?

[Grace O'Malley]

Really? Yeah. Can you watch yourself back, like, doing stand up? I know you can, like, because you edit your own.

[Chris Clemens]

I think, like, I've really, like, been through the trenches in terms of, like, nothing will top, bottom, or verse. What? The first few years of YouTube were like, there's really cringy shit on there. So, like, like, everything now is. I mean, yeah, I guess the first couple ones I watched, I was like, yeah. But, like, now I'm like, let's get down to business.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, you gotta get over that hump.

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah, I guess so. I feel kind of good about that.

[Grace O'Malley]

People always say that you should be so worried about your. Your digital footprint, not you, but just, like, everybody. And I, I. I'm here to say fuck you.

[Chris Clemens]

I'm like, let's talk about our carbon footprint, girls.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. Unless you definitely go on a PJ if invited, right?

[Chris Clemens]

100%. Yeah. Like, I'm sorry. Like, I got invited to the White House twice last year for war. The first time. The first time is crazy. I was invited to speak to, like, senior administration officials about mental health.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, no shit.

[Chris Clemens]

I know.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's really cool.

[Chris Clemens]

Totally forgot my meds that day, which is like, no, no, not even the beta block. Because I was like, can I bring this in? And then I didn't realize that my weed pen was in my bag. So turns out, yeah, you can.

[Grace O'Malley]

Did they throw that out?

[Chris Clemens]

No.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, no.

[Chris Clemens]

I vaped in the bathroom.

[Grace O'Malley]

Weed legal in D.C. yeah, for sure.

[Chris Clemens]

But I want to live as many opportunities as I can in life.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, 1,000%.

[Chris Clemens]

So, like, I would go on a PJ once.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, of course. And also, like, you were there to do a mental health thing, and so.

[Chris Clemens]

You know, the second one was a holiday party that I was invited.

[Grace O'Malley]

Really tricky parties.

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah. Because they spoke at the thing, like, two months earlier, so they're like, we'd love to have you. The whole staff were like, fans. And I was like, oh, that's raw. Fuck, yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's really sick.

[Chris Clemens]

Everyone I went to was like, oh, my God, Gris, we're so excited that you're here. And I was like, why, thank you.

[Grace O'Malley]

So what's like, a. What's a holiday party at the White House?

[Chris Clemens]

Like, it was, like, weird and random and short.

[Grace O'Malley]

Really?

[Chris Clemens]

It was, like, an hour long.

[Grace O'Malley]

Any performances?

[Chris Clemens]

No, but Ali and AJ were there on Flavor Flav.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, rock. Flavor Flav. I'll tell you right now. You say his name Three times. He will be here.

[Chris Clemens]

All right, well, we'll be twice, so we can't say it a third time.

[Grace O'Malley]

I went to school last year or. Yeah, last year. And I had fun. Oh, I like it.

[Chris Clemens]

That's amazing.

[Grace O'Malley]

I like. I like watching the boys tackle. I do. I have fun. And I like every team. I think it's really fun.

[Chris Clemens]

That's how I feel about, like, basketball and shit. I'm like, I don't care about the teams. It's just fun to watch.

[Grace O'Malley]

It really is.

[Chris Clemens]

I hate watching football, though.

[Grace O'Malley]

I like football, but.

[Chris Clemens]

And I love that for you, Tito.

[Grace O'Malley]

To each their own. But I will say. Yeah, don't. Don't quote me on that.

[Chris Clemens]

No, no, that's great, Tito. I was thinking, like, Tito, like the vodka.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, I was. That's what I was saying when I first started saying this, and I was like, like, T, I, T. No. T, E. Yeah, T, E, Tito.

[Chris Clemens]

Still Tito.

[Grace O'Malley]

Still Tito. Yeah.

[Chris Clemens]

You should have just taken it.

[Grace O'Malley]

I'm taking it. I'm taking title, but. All right. But if I'm gonna be honest, I have no idea what I was gonna say, so. That's good.

[Chris Clemens]

That's amazing.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, that's really good stuff, because I.

[Chris Clemens]

Didn'T know what to say either.

[Grace O'Malley]

What's your biggest fear?

[Chris Clemens]

That'll be immortal.

[Grace O'Malley]

That you'll be immortal?

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, God.

[Chris Clemens]

You know, like, I think, like, they were onto something in the 1700s where it's like, we made it to, like, 50.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris Clemens]

That feels like a nice.

[Grace O'Malley]

That seems like prime time.

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah. That, like, someone's already wiped my ass once. I don't need it again.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's not till death do us part. I still wipe ass. Do us part.

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah. No, I won't wipe your ass. I'll hire someone to wipe your ass.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris Clemens]

I won't wipe the.

[Grace O'Malley]

Wiping up the ass is crazy.

[Chris Clemens]

No, it's crazy. So many people in my life have babies now, and I'm like, oh, I want to. Like, if you need help, like, if you want to sleep, I'll come over and hang. And then they like. And I'm like, yeah, I guess, like, I will wake you up.

[Grace O'Malley]

They'll take. They'll take you up on it and you.

[Chris Clemens]

No, but I haven't done it yet. Okay, but I keep throwing out the offer, and I'm like, chris, shut the fuck up.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. No, you don't mean it.

[Chris Clemens]

No, I don't. I couldn't even look, like, my brother was like, chris, you should, like, watch this happen. And he, like, took off the diaper. And I saw just, like, the diaper lined, and I was like.

[Grace O'Malley]

My mom one time came home from work where I used to babysit my sisters, and my mom came home from work one time, and I was wearing oven mitts and a literal, like a chip pen love. And I was using tongs to try to change the diaper.

[Chris Clemens]

That's like a movie innovation.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, it sounds like. Like a Disney Channel.

[Chris Clemens]

Women in stem right there.

[Grace O'Malley]

Quite literally.

[Chris Clemens]

I'm not even lying. That's genius.

[Grace O'Malley]

I was. I was trying my best because that was. I. I don't have a motherly bone in my body.

[Chris Clemens]

That's interesting.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Chris Clemens]

Like, I don't know.

[Grace O'Malley]

I, like, Kids aren't my thing.

[Chris Clemens]

Oh. I mean, like, Yeah, I guess not being an actual mother, but, like, I feel like you have, like, a motherly. Never. You feel like a mother to me. Like, you look like a Susan.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's fair. Moving right along. You have mastered a Karen impression.

[Chris Clemens]

Have I?

[Grace O'Malley]

I think you have. And if your food is wrong at a restaurant, do you speak up?

[Chris Clemens]

No.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, I don't. I wouldn't either.

[Chris Clemens]

I've worked at a restaurant. I know how fucking brutal it is. I'm just gonna sit there and take it every time. And I know people are like, well, you're paying for it. Yeah, I am. You know what? And I'm technically. Didn't cook it and. And neither did the chef.

[Grace O'Malley]

No. Seem to care.

[Chris Clemens]

But you know what? I end up still tipping, like, 50%.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. That's the thing. It's the service could. They could slap me in the face, and I'm still going at least 30%.

[Chris Clemens]

They could literally kick me in the dick.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Chris Clemens]

And I would be like, here, in fact, is my entire banking information.

[Grace O'Malley]

Like, oh, can I get your social. Just wire it all to you.

[Chris Clemens]

No, literally.

[Grace O'Malley]

Listen, I wish I could read better.

[Chris Clemens]

Literally. On my old show, I had to stop doing reading because I, like, literally, it was like, became a thing where it's like, maybe Chris shouldn't be reading. Like, we're comments. And I was like, no, you kind of ate that one up.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, that's fair.

[Chris Clemens]

Like, same.

[Grace O'Malley]

You know, a lot of the times I just want to say the cards. So I'm going to say the cards. All right. We're at the cards. Moment in time. All right. Hands up to God. All right. Don't believe. But it's all right.

[Chris Clemens]

We're always up there.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. Always in my heart. I have a little bit of a game here, and I forgot to come up with the celebrities that I wanted to choose, so I'm just gonna wing it. All right.

[Chris Clemens]

What could go wrong?

[Grace O'Malley]

So this game is called quote me on that. And here I'm gonna tell you a celebrity and then you tell me what you think their senior quote was.

[Chris Clemens]

Okay.

[Grace O'Malley]

All right, John Mulaney, you're doing stand up. You shouldn't have.

[Chris Clemens]

Who that is? Was he on the office? No, he just stand up. He just stand up. Yeah, totally.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's okay.

[Chris Clemens]

I love asmr.

[Grace O'Malley]

I hope no one can hear that. You know, games aren't great. Listen, it's a new show. Thanks for bearing with me.

[Chris Clemens]

I. No, thanks for being with me. I feel like the worst guest ever.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, you're best guest.

[Chris Clemens]

You hear that, Whitney Cummings?

[Grace O'Malley]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Chris Clemens]

Don't do that to me.

[Grace O'Malley]

Don't do that to me.

[Chris Clemens]

I'm coming for the co host position.

[Grace O'Malley]

One of the best guess we've ever had.

[Chris Clemens]

What floor are we on? How far of a fall?

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, you just break your ankle, hon, do you ever get high and write your jokes?

[Chris Clemens]

I like, have to.

[Grace O'Malley]

You have to?

[Chris Clemens]

That's like, I don't have to. I prefer to.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, okay.

[Chris Clemens]

I just. I feel like it takes a lot of the overthinking out.

[Grace O'Malley]

You ever look at a joke you wrote when you were high? Absolutely. And say, what the hell does that mean?

[Chris Clemens]

Most times, yeah. In fact, most times.

[Grace O'Malley]

Do you have any examples on your phone?

[Chris Clemens]

I do, absolutely.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, rock on. This is going to be good stuff.

[Chris Clemens]

When I roll in my grave. I hope it's on Molly.

[Grace O'Malley]

Ooh, yes. I like this.

[Chris Clemens]

Thank you.

[Grace O'Malley]

There's something good there.

[Chris Clemens]

Thank you.

[Grace O'Malley]

Or I just love Molly. Or did they told me to say.

[Chris Clemens]

It stopped and now I'm like, wow. All I had to do was mention drugs and we got the party going.

[Grace O'Malley]

We're back.

[Chris Clemens]

When people say they like movie more than book, it's like, no shit, it's not reading, it's an audiobook. But like with pictures. I want whatever that gummy was right now. That's the kind of lobotomy I'm looking for.

[Grace O'Malley]

There's a fine line between I'm vibing and I need to call my mom. When you're high and what's the highest you've ever been? And how did you get there?

[Chris Clemens]

Oh, it was on a flight home from when I used to live in la. I. This is also on the Internet. Jesus Christ. I brought a 500 milligram brownie through TSA. Like in an open bag. Not even Hidden. Not even just in the wrapper in a bag. I get to my gate and I'm like, all right, I'm gonna eat it. I ate the entire fucking brownie. Not thinking, like. Because this was, like, still pretty early on when I moved to la. So, like, I was just smoking eighths that I would buy from my dealer in New York. So, like, I wasn't. I didn't know anything about, like, amounts. Like, measurements. Yeah, I still don't.

[Grace O'Malley]

I have no idea.

[Chris Clemens]

But I ate 500 milligrams and I just remember that one left. That one left a crater on the cheese.

[Grace O'Malley]

Ooh.

[Chris Clemens]

You know that one? We went to the one, did a number. I laughed and I was still high. And I get my mom's car, and I'm like, it's like seven. It was a red eye too, because I was like, I need to see it.

[Grace O'Malley]

I bet you did.

[Chris Clemens]

The eyes were red as hell. Yeah. I just remember being in my mom's front seat. It's like seven in the morning. It's on camera because I know that some GIF company was like, we'd love to turn you into Joseph back in the day. And I was like, sure. And it's. One of it is I have to, like, fart so bad, I could, like, go through the roof or something. And I'm like, that's. That's so cool. And I'm just high as hell in it. Yeah. See, I've given up on the digital footprint. It's just pretty deep. It's dark.

[Grace O'Malley]

The whole GIF of it all.

[Chris Clemens]

No, it's so tricky.

[Grace O'Malley]

It doesn't make any sense.

[Chris Clemens]

Girl, nothing makes sense.

[Grace O'Malley]

So they needed you to record yourself?

[Chris Clemens]

No, they just were like, we would love to go through your videos and make gifs. And I was like, go for it.

[Grace O'Malley]

I'm like, so that makes more sense. I thought. What I thought was you were making videos to make them happy.

[Chris Clemens]

If I get to a point where I am making content for GIFs gifts, that's when you can say that I've fallen off.

[Grace O'Malley]

Nobody's saying that. All right?

[Chris Clemens]

They are. I'm not, like, trying to, like. I'm not, like, feel bad for. I'm just, like, it's factually happening.

[Grace O'Malley]

Well, let's kill them.

[Chris Clemens]

Don't tell me with a good time.

[Grace O'Malley]

Kill them with kindness.

[Chris Clemens]

I'm buying a gun this year.

[Grace O'Malley]

Really?

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah. Chocolate brown. And why?

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, no reason.

[Chris Clemens]

Oh, totally.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Chris Clemens]

Wait, maybe I won't. I'm like, I gotta delete some content from the Internet real quick. Oh, Wait, they don't do background?

[Grace O'Malley]

No, this is America. Who is your dream Blunt Rotation?

[Chris Clemens]

Well, Seth Rogen. I would love for him to be in there. Weirdly enough, Kris Jenner I think would be. I think she would just lose her mind. And like, that seems like I kind of want to just sit there and like, the show is happening.

[Grace O'Malley]

Observe. And like, once she's like.

[Chris Clemens]

I could see her doing like, cartwheels.

[Grace O'Malley]

She's doing cartwheels. She's laughing. We've seen it on the show where she took one hit once and she was just. She couldn't stop laughing.

[Chris Clemens]

I remember back in the day, she did it with her grandma when Caitlyn was still living with her. And Caitlin's obviously a Republican and she was like, I don't want these drugs in my house. And she is just high as hell. They're just laughing.

[Grace O'Malley]

She's doing the richest of rich laughs.

[Chris Clemens]

Like, like, the grandma's so high. And the grandma has like the funniest one liner comeback. And it's just like she's a high out of her mind. And I'm like, I kind of. Maybe I want to get out with the grandma. Yeah, she seems funny.

[Grace O'Malley]

Here's the thing. Music hits differently when you're hitting a Benjamin. All right, What's a song that has sent you into another dimension? Well, stoned. I don't know why I keep saying stoned.

[Chris Clemens]

I don't. I don't think I have one.

[Grace O'Malley]

No song.

[Chris Clemens]

No, I get like, I get like into playlists. Like, I'll like, get really high and think I'm like the world's greatest music curator.

[Grace O'Malley]

How do you do your playlist there?

[Chris Clemens]

It's like by vibes, which sounds awful to say.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, that's so honest, though. I think a lot of people do it by vibes.

[Chris Clemens]

Like, my playlists are called, like, there's one called Highness. There's one called Indica.

[Grace O'Malley]

That one is.

[Chris Clemens]

There's one called Nicki Minaj smash my pussy.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris Clemens]

So it's just like the ones that are like her big, like, pussy pop songs. Oh, that's the breakup one. Rainy day, night drives. Day drive. Wake up. Sound bath.

[Grace O'Malley]

Sound bath.

[Chris Clemens]

Sometimes I just drive in the car with a sound bath playing.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, you're crazy.

[Chris Clemens]

I'm insane.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. No gun. Okay, that's. That's it. Okay, well, driving around Walmart. Stop watching on the way to get a gun.

[Chris Clemens]

No, I hear that.

[Grace O'Malley]

I hear that for sure. That's crazy.

[Chris Clemens]

That's.

[Grace O'Malley]

See, that's.

[Chris Clemens]

It's so peaceful. Or like classical music. I get the classical music thing now. At the age of 31.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay.

[Chris Clemens]

There's, like, no opinion to have. It's like. Like having stock art on your wall.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. It's like, you know, it's like.

[Chris Clemens]

It's there, and I don't have an opinion.

[Grace O'Malley]

What's your, like. What kind of music will you listen to if you do when you're getting ready for a show?

[Chris Clemens]

I don't listen to music when I get ready for a show.

[Grace O'Malley]

No.

[Chris Clemens]

I'm, like, going over all of my shit like a bitch with an Adderall prescription whose bottle's empty.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's fair. That's fair. Yeah.

[Chris Clemens]

And, like, reading over everything. I'm like, you stupid bitch. You stupid bitch. Why do we like this? Why do I fucking like this? And then I got on stage and I'm like, this was everything. Every time.

[Grace O'Malley]

The webs and the flows, baby. It's good stuff. We put ourselves through the webs.

[Chris Clemens]

It's ebbs.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, I've been saying that for, like, two weeks. You know when you get stuck on a phrase?

[Chris Clemens]

No. That's why I'm like. I would love to be the person to tell you because.

[Grace O'Malley]

Thank you. Nobody stopped me.

[Chris Clemens]

No. I do it on stage and people are like, it's this. And I'm like, you. We have an intruder in the crowd. Please remove them. Security.

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[Chris Clemens]

Usa.

[Grace O'Malley]

What'S your, like, worst heckle story?

[Chris Clemens]

I did a tour over the summer, and I was in Philadelphia, and there was this drunk woman. I would say, like, mom age, because she was my mom and my mom was the heckler.

[Grace O'Malley]

You know what?

[Chris Clemens]

And then. No. And then Mom. I don't. I literally. This is so funny to me. Like, my mom is, like, one of my favorite people on earth, if not my favorite. I get back to my green room after the show. She is passed out in a chair. I have a picture. I'm not gonna give you that, Mom. I'm not gonna do you dirty like that.

[Grace O'Malley]

Come on.

[Chris Clemens]

It's tempting. Trust and believe. But then we went to dinner, and I had to walk her to dinner. She's asleep on a wall at dinner the next morning. I think I was drugged. I go, mom, you need to be for real right now. Okay. You got to my green room before the show. I gave you a full glass of wine because I was like, I can't drink it. Do you want it? And then she got a Long island ice. No, she got two. She got two beers. Not beers, like, the double ones.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, yeah, of course.

[Chris Clemens]

It's like, four.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Chris Clemens]

And then she got a Long island iced tea.

[Grace O'Malley]

That'll do with a floater.

[Chris Clemens]

I go, mom, yeah, you got drugged. By you, gal.

[Grace O'Malley]

You did the floating.

[Chris Clemens]

So that is, like, one of my. So when I went to Philly last week, my mom was like, I'd love to go out. And I was like, no, you're not going. Like, I was joking. Like, she can come, obviously, if she wants, but, like, it's so funny giving her a hard time about it.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, my God.

[Chris Clemens]

It is, like, one of my favorite stories. Like, she's like, all right. Like, this story feels, like, summed up, and, like, I can, like, hear.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's what she said.

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah. Like, hear her. No, not, like, loudly, but, like, I can hear talking. And she's, like, obviously enjoying herself. So, like, she's not whispering.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Chris Clemens]

And so she's like, okay. Like, we got it. And I'm like, oh, God.

[Grace O'Malley]

I will say, like, one of the only clips I've posted from my standup is my mom heckling me. Is my. My mother also heckled me?

[Chris Clemens]

The shit we have in common is honestly alarming. I, like, you give me, like, me in a woman's body.

[Grace O'Malley]

I love that. That's a huge compliment. Thank you very much.

[Chris Clemens]

Oh, my God. I was just about to say. And, like, I mean that truly in the best way.

[Grace O'Malley]

Like, yeah, thank you.

[Chris Clemens]

I feel very seen and, like, understood.

[Grace O'Malley]

We're just, you know, we're one of the same.

[Chris Clemens]

The writing stand up night before, same day will like, literally get me through some days like that.

[Grace O'Malley]

And that's how I was doing things.

[Chris Clemens]

Did you, like, do, like, college assignments and, like, high school assignments, like, the night before they were due? The day before they were. The day they were done. Yeah. See, I think that's, like, what I. All I learned from college was, like, how to. And it's like, I can create great shit in a matter of two hours when I really had, like, two months.

[Grace O'Malley]

And then what I've learned is going Back and working on stuff makes it even better. And that is what I'm learning.

[Chris Clemens]

That realization, it's crazy.

[Grace O'Malley]

That was crazy because, like, I would get, like, a B in college for, like, writing it right before. Oh, no drafts.

[Chris Clemens]

I would get a C. And I was stoked.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, like, it was. It was good stuff.

[Chris Clemens]

C stands for celebrate.

[Grace O'Malley]

Let's celebrate, baby. I graduated high school with a 1.59. So anything I did in college, I.

[Chris Clemens]

Don'T even know out of four. Oh.

[Grace O'Malley]

Which is like, I shouldn't have graduated. Oh, yeah.

[Chris Clemens]

Well, look at YouTube beating the odds.

[Grace O'Malley]

I dropped out of college with a 4.0. I don't want to brag or nothing.

[Chris Clemens]

But wait, that's major. Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, it was really huge for my family, but I was the first one to ever go to college.

[Chris Clemens]

Well, you're the first to ever drop out.

[Grace O'Malley]

I was. No. I guess my parents. My parents also went to college. I was going to be the first one to graduate, but I handed off the torch to my little sister.

[Chris Clemens]

It's really kind of you.

[Grace O'Malley]

I know. So she got to be the first one. First gen. Did she do it? She did it.

[Chris Clemens]

Good for her.

[Grace O'Malley]

She did it. I know. We're all really proud.

[Chris Clemens]

Wow. Oh, wait, she just graduated, right?

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Chris Clemens]

Oh, yeah. I remember seeing that.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, I'm really proud of her.

[Chris Clemens]

Like a random flash of, like, your Instagram. I'm like, oh, I do remember that.

[Grace O'Malley]

Calculating. Yes, of course. No. But my mom, she heckled me in the funniest way. And she was. She was barred from my shows for a little bit, but she. I was telling this story about the way I'm built, like, my, like my physique. And I. I was talking about it and my mom yells out, yeah, it's a bad trait on your father's side. I'm like, all right, Okie dokie. And then we had a lot of back and forth, and at one point, I told my mother to shut the.

[Chris Clemens]

Shut the up. Yeah. No, absolutely.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, God, it killed me. I've never talked to my mother like that, ever. Shut the up. To my mother on stage in front of people. That was.

[Chris Clemens]

No, I mean, yeah, that's fair, but, like, do you talk like that, like, in your day to day life with her?

[Grace O'Malley]

I don't tell her to shut the up. I mean, that was a crazy one. That was. That was. But I will cuss.

[Chris Clemens]

Okay. Like, yeah, I guess I won't seriously be like, mom, shut the.

[Grace O'Malley]

Like, shut the up. I'm like, oh, shut the up.

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah, I would say like, yeah, but.

[Grace O'Malley]

Like, I was like, mom, shut the up. And it killed me. It killed her. It was brutal.

[Chris Clemens]

And then the worst part is everyone else is laughing.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh my God.

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah, they can't get enough of it. And you're like, guys, there's a real rift in our family now, and it's not funny.

[Grace O'Malley]

I felt terrible. And then.

[Chris Clemens]

Does your mom enjoy being like, a private person? I mean, based off that story.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, no, no, no. She, she loves it all.

[Chris Clemens]

She thinks, like, does she like, keeping like, her personal information private?

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, I'd say so.

[Chris Clemens]

Like, she loves being a part of, like, the joke and stuff, but, like, she doesn't, like, like, put too much out there. It's fine if she does.

[Grace O'Malley]

I don't know. I can't really. I, I, she is like a private person. Like, she doesn't like to go out and like, go to parties unless, like, she's here or something kind of thing. Does your mom like to keep things private?

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah, she, like, very much has like, a normal job and like.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, okay.

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah, yeah. I try and respect it because, like, I chose to do all of this and like, be an open book. Do you find writing standup about your family is hard because, like, they won't, they'll take it seriously when, like, to you, it's just a joke?

[Grace O'Malley]

Yes, 100%.

[Chris Clemens]

It's like my, I trying to figure out how to do this, but, like.

[Grace O'Malley]

There'S so much good stuff. But I want to do it the right way. So it's taken me a really long time to try to write stuff about it.

[Chris Clemens]

I want to talk about things that have happened in my family, but like, my, my family doesn't want to talk about them. And so I'm like, oh my God. Me talking about it puts like, it.

[Grace O'Malley]

Is a slippery slope.

[Chris Clemens]

It's just like, for, haha, nothing matters. And it's like I've come to that realization.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. And nobody in the audience thinks twice of it, but this is their life as well, so. And they didn't, they didn't want to share all these induendos about themselves. But guys, why.

[Chris Clemens]

We could have a funny reality show.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's what I'm saying.

[Chris Clemens]

We could be getting paid to do nothing. Guys, come on, get on board.

[Grace O'Malley]

Seriously. I sucks. I try to. I've been trying to go home and like, make videos with my, with my family when I'm home.

[Chris Clemens]

Oh, yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

And that's always fun. But you know, when it comes to the standup jokes, they're not, they're not interested.

[Chris Clemens]

No. That's why I just prefer they don't come, because I'm like, if you don't know what's happening. Perfect. And if I end up filming it and putting it out, I will ask for forgiveness. Well, I'll tell you about it, and then I'm just gonna say it's gonna go in, and then we'll work through that one.

[Grace O'Malley]

Well, so how did. How did your mom feel about when you first started making videos?

[Chris Clemens]

I didn't tell people.

[Grace O'Malley]

You didn't tell anyone?

[Chris Clemens]

No, because it was, like, the word YouTuber wasn't a word.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. Yeah, that's true.

[Chris Clemens]

I wanted to start, like, when I was in middle school, but I was like, I will get bullied. And, like, I can't take that right now.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Chris Clemens]

So I started when I was my freshman year in college, and I didn't tell anybody except, like, my. A few of my friends.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. Would you ever edit a video and be like, I really want you to see this, and, like, show it to them?

[Chris Clemens]

No, no, no. In the beginning or. No, no, no. There's times now where I'm like, oh, mom, did you see, like, this video, like, where I just cleaned up my childhood bedroom? So, like, that, like, ones that, like, I know that my mom would like. I'm like, oh, you should watch that one or something. But no, I don't even do that. No, I just did that for the first time, like, two days ago.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, really?

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah, the cleaning out my childhood bedroom one. I'm like, you should watch that.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's sweet.

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah, that's really nice.

[Grace O'Malley]

Did you find anything, like, silly while you. While you were doing that?

[Chris Clemens]

Really not. Well, I, like, I'm a hoarder.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay.

[Chris Clemens]

Like, I found a frozen yogurt cup from, like, 2009 or something.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's not good. Was it at least.

[Chris Clemens]

No, I cleaned it out. Like, I made sure to preserve it when I. Like, I knew I was keeping it, and I knew that, like, dairy was in it.

[Grace O'Malley]

What was the sentimental value? Was it the Dylan and Cole Sprouse sweep a thon?

[Chris Clemens]

No. What is that?

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, they. They apparently had a big contest to see who could. Could eat the most. Daniel Danimals or. Or somebody. Somebody was going to win a cruise with them at one point. No one knows who won it.

[Chris Clemens]

I would prefer a different prize, honestly.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, right.

[Chris Clemens]

I wouldn't even eat animals for something better.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, I know. The Jonas Brothers, maybe, perhaps. Yeah.

[Chris Clemens]

But if we can replace Kevin with the youngest one, and I'm on board the bonus Jonas. Yeah, the bonus Jonas, he rocks. I love Joe. He's like so funny.

[Grace O'Malley]

He seems like a sweetheart.

[Chris Clemens]

He's is great.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Chris Clemens]

Love him.

[Grace O'Malley]

He's a good guy. I saw recently there was a. I don't know what the debacle of it all was. There was this coffee shop owner that was threatened.

[Chris Clemens]

Buddy's Coffee in Williamsburg.

[Grace O'Malley]

Is that what that is?

[Chris Clemens]

Oh my God. I just went there.

[Grace O'Malley]

You did?

[Chris Clemens]

Okay, yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

So what's the whole stuff to do?

[Chris Clemens]

There was this woman who was like crying in her car and she was talking about like how she owns a coffee company with her partner and they raised the rent. It was just like I could so see like the pain. Like I recognized it so deeply of like having to just be in charge of your own business. And like, it's like that breaking point. I just so saw that and like, oh my God, it crushed me. But basically the landlord was raising the rent to where they wouldn't be able to sustain. And then they were putting in a coffee shop next door.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh yeah, that's what that was. Yeah.

[Chris Clemens]

And so she was just having like a breakdown, I guess some people were saying that like I keep saying, like, it drives me insane.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's okay.

[Chris Clemens]

No, it's so annoying.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's like fun.

[Chris Clemens]

So annoying.

[Grace O'Malley]

I say I do both. My um, is the like kills me.

[Chris Clemens]

That's how I feel with like, I'm like, shut. Anyways, that's our time. They're giving me the lights.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's fine.

[Chris Clemens]

No, but she was just venting and so everybody. I guess it became a thing cuz there was a huge line when I went.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, I. I know. Everyone like really rallied around her.

[Chris Clemens]

It was super close to my apartment. So I was woke up, saw that Tik tok.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh sure.

[Chris Clemens]

I was like, wait, I need coffee. And so I literally was like, I'll vlog this on Tik Tok. And oh my God, the coquito latte. I think about it every day.

[Grace O'Malley]

I'm gonna have to head over there.

[Chris Clemens]

I need like, the line isn't as long because I'm like, I can't wait an hour for coffee every day. Maybe it's great for them though. Yeah, I really like stoked to see. I don't know. The bar is so low for joy.

[Grace O'Malley]

I know, right? And just any scenario where everyone can come together. It's a really nice thing.

[Chris Clemens]

I just think, you know, that's restoring any faith 100%.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh God. This world's. This world sure is something. Wanna play a game?

[Chris Clemens]

Sure.

[Grace O'Malley]

All right. So this is.

[Chris Clemens]

I Hope it's.

[Grace O'Malley]

So here we have a bold. Inside the bowl is a bunch of scenarios, right? And you pull from one of these cards, and then you try to come up. Either come up with a fake story, an elaborated story, or a true story. And I have to guess if it's fake, elaborated, or true.

[Chris Clemens]

Oh, my God. This is like my traitor's audition tape. I'm so fucking excited. Yeah, that's right. My God. Normally I'd be like, I prefer different bowls, but this one I'm down for girl. Is there any reason for the color? It's just, like, fun colors.

[Grace O'Malley]

I have fun colors.

[Chris Clemens]

Okay. Most ridiculous thing I've ever done for a dare. One summer, I was young, but, like, still old enough to know better, and someone offered me $50 if I laid in the road and had a car, like, vertically. So a car, like, basically, would you lay under a moving car?

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, wow.

[Chris Clemens]

Like, it was our friend's car, my friend's brother's car.

[Grace O'Malley]

She know this person?

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It wasn't like, just lay out in the road and pray like a sardine. Yeah. The brother was like, I. And so I was like, 50 bucks. Oh, my God. Yeah, I'll absolutely do that. So that's what I did.

[Grace O'Malley]

I am gonna say that's an elaborated story. You did it for free.

[Chris Clemens]

No, that's. I just made that whole thing up.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, wow. That's good.

[Chris Clemens]

You got me good. Oh, my God.

[Grace O'Malley]

Thank you. Oh, summer got me.

[Chris Clemens]

I know.

[Grace O'Malley]

That was good. Are you. You're an actor?

[Chris Clemens]

No, but. Oh, my God, you're an actor. Book me somewhat. Oh, you play now?

[Grace O'Malley]

I'm gonna play. I'm gonna play.

[Chris Clemens]

Oh, I thought this was just me on the offense. Damn.

[Grace O'Malley]

Worst thing I've ever done in someone else's house.

[Chris Clemens]

I hate this game now. I'm so competitive.

[Grace O'Malley]

So I was babysitting three towns over, and while the mom was gone, they had, like, one of these closets, like, open, like. Like, one of those, like, walk in closets.

[Chris Clemens]

Okay.

[Grace O'Malley]

And I tried on all of her lingerie. Okay.

[Chris Clemens]

The mothers, I'm gonna say that's elaborated. And you tried on, like, her high heels or something.

[Grace O'Malley]

I would never go in someone's closet.

[Chris Clemens]

Really?

[Grace O'Malley]

No.

[Chris Clemens]

I almost said it was a totally fabricated story. And then I was like, no, I could see you, like, doing dress up or something.

[Grace O'Malley]

Trying to, like, make a video.

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah, like, trying to, like, be funny. Like, I would do the same. That's why I'm like, I should have gone with my gut. This is why I hated Multiple choice questions in school. Because I'm like, like, what's the most disgraceful thing you've done that you can't even believe? It probably won't be the most. Because, like, I will sit here all day, guys, if I try and think that hard.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's true.

[Chris Clemens]

One of the most disgraceful things I've done that I can't even believe. There was a kid in middle school who would pick his nose and eat it, and I slipped a note into his locker and said, stop picking your fucking nose. But didn't sign it. So then he was like low key, making people write things down and then match the thing and found out it was my handwriting.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, that's so true. That's so true.

[Chris Clemens]

No, made up.

[Grace O'Malley]

What the fuck? And the pants of the camera. Fucked. That's diabolical.

[Chris Clemens]

Listen, okay, Like, I'm competitive. I will. I will make it to the end of Traitors. Literally my entire life is just my campaign to get on the fucking show at this point. I treat every day like it's.

[Grace O'Malley]

You can put this in the real.

[Chris Clemens]

This is the real babe.

[Grace O'Malley]

I'm like, worst way I've ever reacted to bad news. I punched a hole through a door.

[Chris Clemens]

And that's the story.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. I mean, causing damage.

[Chris Clemens]

I don't know why I can see you doing that. But then I'm like, also been in.

[Grace O'Malley]

A fist fight about bad news.

[Chris Clemens]

I'm gonna say it's real.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's real.

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's honest.

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah. No, that feels believable. Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

1,000%. Yeah.

[Chris Clemens]

Why did you punch a door?

[Grace O'Malley]

Just arguing.

[Chris Clemens]

Oh, yeah. Just arguing, upset. Love this game.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's a good game.

[Chris Clemens]

I really love this game. Oh, my God. I'm like, are we even still recording the weirdest thing I've ever taken home from a night out? I stole a dinner plate from the White House.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, you didn't.

[Chris Clemens]

You think it's fabricated.

[Grace O'Malley]

I think it's fabricated. No, I think it's false. Oh, I think it's just full false.

[Chris Clemens]

Oh, no, I stole.

[Grace O'Malley]

You did. That's fucking awesome.

[Chris Clemens]

I took two forks. I took two jingle bells from like garland, and then I took another bell from a tree.

[Grace O'Malley]

You are a hoarder.

[Chris Clemens]

And then I think I took a napkin too.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, that's where you draw the line. A fucking napkin.

[Chris Clemens]

But I didn't take a plate because the plate was dirty. I'm just like a memory hoarder. Like I need to have the object with me. Cuz like, oh my God, I have three bells from the white House Christmas decorations.

[Grace O'Malley]

That is really nice. And that was before my mom, so.

[Chris Clemens]

I gave her some, too.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, wow.

[Chris Clemens]

So she's now indicted with me.

[Grace O'Malley]

Well, truly and honestly, those are the American people's bells.

[Chris Clemens]

I paid for those, in my opinion.

[Grace O'Malley]

I think that's how it works.

[Chris Clemens]

Thank you. Me, too.

[Grace O'Malley]

All right, I'll do one more.

[Chris Clemens]

I love that you think I wouldn't steal from the White House.

[Grace O'Malley]

I know. That is awesome.

[Chris Clemens]

When I vaped in the bathroom, of course.

[Grace O'Malley]

Well, I would. I would just vape in vapes.

[Chris Clemens]

Well, duh.

[Grace O'Malley]

I. I have no respect.

[Chris Clemens]

I might have also taken the champagne glass.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, well, you have to.

[Chris Clemens]

I think I took the champagne glass.

[Grace O'Malley]

Absolutely.

[Chris Clemens]

I just. Everything I could fit in my bag, I put in that bag.

[Grace O'Malley]

What did you bring? Fucking Santa's suitcase?

[Chris Clemens]

No, I brought, like, a big, black leather bag.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, okay.

[Chris Clemens]

She had space.

[Grace O'Malley]

A lot of space.

[Chris Clemens]

I don't think I went into it. I don't know why I'm talking this much about this. Thank you. I hear it. Is there a red dot on my forehead?

[Grace O'Malley]

We got him.

[Chris Clemens]

I know. I'm like, take me. Just put me in the prison with Jen Shaw and Elizabeth Holmes. Holmes, please. Or Luigi, I'll keep you warm at night.

[Grace O'Malley]

Have you ever lied to get into a club or bar? What was the lie?

[Chris Clemens]

Oh, my God, yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, of course.

[Chris Clemens]

Oh, wait, Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

I mean, who's the lie?

[Chris Clemens]

I don't know.

[Grace O'Malley]

Because you already know. I have.

[Chris Clemens]

Well, yeah, we all. You had a fake ID, right?

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, of course.

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

100.

[Chris Clemens]

I could play this game literally for the rest of the day.

[Grace O'Malley]

I know. I feel like we're at a slumber party. It's awesome.

[Chris Clemens]

I'm like, bring this game over to my apartment.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, okay. So, yeah. On the subject, since you said fake id. On the subject of fake id, I was in Martis Vineyard once. Me and my buddy.

[Chris Clemens]

You were in what?

[Grace O'Malley]

Martha's Vineyard.

[Chris Clemens]

Oh, okay.

[Grace O'Malley]

Me and my friend, we. We had our fake IDs. She had a real ID, but it wasn't her. And I had a fake ID, but it was me and her scan. She got in, and then mine wasn't scanning. And I said, why don't you do that again? They said, okay, but I said, no, no, no, do it again. They're like, it's not working. We're taking it. And I said, okay, well, I'd like to talk to a manager, please. And this is before Karen days. This was like, pre Covid.

[Chris Clemens]

You were the blueprint.

[Grace O'Malley]

And I said, I'd like to talk to your manager, please. And the manager came out, and he was like, hey, I'm sorry for all this. I was gonna go check with my buddies up the street and make sure we're good up here. And his buddies up the street were the police, because they were on every corner because it was the fourth of July. And the police, they started walking towards me. And the first police officer I saw, I said, oh, how we doing, fellas? And it was a lady cop, and she didn't love that. And so for that, I got slapped on the wrist.

[Chris Clemens]

Physically?

[Grace O'Malley]

No, metaphorically. It was like. Metaphorically, like, they wouldn't even put me in jail. I don't even have a mugshot. But they did take my license away. I couldn't drive, and I was going to community college.

[Chris Clemens]

That feels far too extensive to be fake. I feel like you would have gotten arrested or something. I feel like that's a cop's wet dream. I feel like it's exaggerated.

[Grace O'Malley]

It is not.

[Chris Clemens]

It's real.

[Grace O'Malley]

The jail was too full. It's a tiny little island jail, and it was too full, so they didn't take me.

[Chris Clemens]

That really happened.

[Grace O'Malley]

That really happened. Then I had to go back in the off season and go to court. Court by myself, because my parents were, like, guilty. It was just. Just to say sorry. And then they. They took my license away, and I couldn't.

[Chris Clemens]

I went to court once and doubled down. I lost a stupid parking ticket. I was like that.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, you ever do jury duty?

[Chris Clemens]

I get out of it every time.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, because you say you hate the police? That's a trick. That's a trick people use.

[Chris Clemens]

Amazing. No, I just say that I'm a business owner, and the business can't function without me.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, well, there you go. Classic.

[Chris Clemens]

I know someone at a show is like, you should just lie and say you're a frontline worker. And I'm like, I think that would.

[Grace O'Malley]

Get you in trouble.

[Chris Clemens]

I'm okay.

[Grace O'Malley]

I think. I think they would definitely double check on that.

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Especially if you're in your own community. They'd be like, oh, do you know Bill? I don't know.

[Chris Clemens]

No, literally. And especially in Delaware, where I get called jury duty. I mean, it would be like, oh, I know you. You. You're not. I'm like, have you ever been in.

[Grace O'Malley]

A physical fight with my brothers. With your brothers? Who won?

[Chris Clemens]

None of us.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, not that.

[Chris Clemens]

Family vacation. No one won.

[Grace O'Malley]

Ooh. Nothing like a good brawl on a family vacay.

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah. It was my mom, my little brother, and me, and we were In Costa Rica, my mom had, like, a work trip and we stayed like, a couple extra days. And that shit was gnarly.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, God.

[Chris Clemens]

My mom's, like, crying. Oh, My little brother and I are crying and screaming and then, like, physically beating the shit out of each other.

[Grace O'Malley]

In the room or in public?

[Chris Clemens]

In our room.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay.

[Chris Clemens]

So like, we had, like a. Like an apartment kind of thing.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay.

[Chris Clemens]

And so it was, like, in the room we were sharing.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Chris Clemens]

Not our best sibling fights, but we're, like, close now and, like, it's really nice. It needed to happen.

[Grace O'Malley]

My sister and I used to look at each other because we wouldn't get along so much. We used to look at each other on an off day and say, good sister day. And we'd agree to have a good sister day.

[Chris Clemens]

That feels really healthy.

[Grace O'Malley]

It was. Yeah.

[Chris Clemens]

Or unhealthy, depending on how you look at it.

[Grace O'Malley]

I don't know which one was good or not, but I said it to her recently and we couldn't stop laughing. That's so really sweet.

[Chris Clemens]

Oh, that's so cute. That's really. I love that. I wish I had that when I was younger. Good brother day.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, are we gonna be bros today or what?

[Chris Clemens]

No, Literally, now my brother is a kid and he can't say.

[Grace O'Malley]

All right, so now we have this segment. I've asked the live studio audience.

[Chris Clemens]

So lively.

[Grace O'Malley]

It was on Instagram. I asked listeners to submit their wildest things they've done or seen while high. I'm sorry. Hi.

[Chris Clemens]

I really thought it was you guys.

[Grace O'Malley]

Well, thank you for having us on that guest.

[Chris Clemens]

Okay. Well, the craziest thing I've seen. Hi. Was that.

[Grace O'Malley]

Well, sorry. You really got. I really, like, narrowed in on you smoking weed.

[Chris Clemens]

But that's okay.

[Grace O'Malley]

As somebody, as an uppers only gal.

[Chris Clemens]

I like to hear stories.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, of course.

[Chris Clemens]

Oh, my God. You don't have, like, normal anxiety.

[Grace O'Malley]

I. More of a depressive thing. Yeah. I don't want to make up the fact that I have anxiety when I don't, you know?

[Chris Clemens]

No, I. Thank you.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. Everybody says they have it when sometimes they do not. And.

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah, I have enough panic going through my body that I don't need uppers anymore. I used to love them.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, I know.

[Chris Clemens]

And then I realized that the feeling I get on them is literally just a panic attack.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, yes, that makes sense.

[Chris Clemens]

I'm good. Why is my heart about to stop on this cocaine? Oh, it's making my heart. Heart do that. Got it.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, gotcha.

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah, I'm a downers kind of girl.

[Grace O'Malley]

Fair you know, and that's our ying and yang.

[Chris Clemens]

That's why I should be co host, your honor.

[Grace O'Malley]

Absolutely.

[Chris Clemens]

And I could lie to our guests.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Chris Clemens]

Fake stories to relate to them.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. You're really good at that.

[Chris Clemens]

Thank you.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. Chameleon, if you will.

[Chris Clemens]

I just. That's easy for me because it's like, how do I get. Nobody gets hurt at school. Yeah. And nobody gets hurt.

[Grace O'Malley]

Nobody gets hurt.

[Chris Clemens]

It's just like, I was like, afraid of my parents growing up. So, like, anything at school was like, okay, we've gotta spin this. I really should have worked in pr.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, see, I could. Yes. That's where I was heading was pr. Because were you spin a story. I wanted to make super bowl commercials. So, like, I was. I was like, I'll go pr. I'll go marketing. I'll go advertisement. One of those. That was my plan. What was. Did you have a plan? What were you. What was yours?

[Chris Clemens]

A photography major.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay.

[Chris Clemens]

And a communications minor.

[Grace O'Malley]

Hell yeah. Does that really helps you out?

[Chris Clemens]

Did it?

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. You know how to work a camera?

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah. I was doing that all before I even got the degree.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh.

[Chris Clemens]

I'm then, you know, in one of my classes, they, like, asked me to, like, talk about social media.

[Grace O'Malley]

Really?

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah. One of my teachers, who is a giant, she came in and she's like, I went to the Instagram offices. And I was like, well, no, babe, me too. And she comes in thinking she's like, hot, carrying like a bomb. She goes, oh. She pulls up Instagram, like, on the computer. Maybe she mirrored the phone to it, I don't know. But she's like, oh, see this blue check? That means that they're trending right now. And me with a blue check was like, no, it actually means that they're verified.

[Grace O'Malley]

Did you listen at all, you dumb.

[Chris Clemens]

She goes, no, they told me it means that you're trending. And I was like, I don't care to fight this battle.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Chris Clemens]

No, it's like.

[Grace O'Malley]

And how. How funny of you to be like, actually, you dumb whore.

[Chris Clemens]

No, like, look, literally, I hated this woman. She was just the worst. But, yeah, so it didn't really do much for me. It just allowed me to be in the city, which.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, that's fair. You know what?

[Chris Clemens]

And gotta find the silver lining anywhere.

[Grace O'Malley]

Absolutely. You would, you know, wouldn't have been doing it out here.

[Chris Clemens]

So anyways, I don't know where we are.

[Grace O'Malley]

Truly, I have no idea. So I asked everybody what the wildest thing they have done or seen while high. And here are our answers. Answers. Smashed a spider on my leg that happened to be pregnant, and hundreds of babies spread.

[Chris Clemens]

That feels like an exaggeration of a story.

[Grace O'Malley]

That does.

[Chris Clemens]

Oh, wait, that's a different game.

[Grace O'Malley]

Lying cheese.

[Chris Clemens]

I'm like, I don't think that many. Is that a real thing that spiders come out like that? I thought they were in eggs. That sounds like a nightmare.

[Grace O'Malley]

Like. Like a literal, like, pretend thing in a movie. When you're, like, on Shroom.

[Chris Clemens]

Like in a Harry Potter movie. Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

A stripper dressed up as a ketchup bottle lit a firecracker out of her pussy at my local strip club. That sounds right. That one sounds accurate.

[Chris Clemens]

Did it?

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, my God. In college, I was rolling in Austin, Texas, and saw a man get stabbed.

[Chris Clemens]

That I believe. I believe that it's Texas. I feel like anything can happen.

[Grace O'Malley]

Got so high, I thought I was at my own funeral. And all my friends stood around my bed, and I thought I was looking up at them from my buried casket. That's classic.

[Chris Clemens]

That's real as hell. That's so real. That's real as hel. That we're just guessing now if these are made up or not.

[Grace O'Malley]

I know.

[Chris Clemens]

So sorry.

[Grace O'Malley]

You know? No, I'm not sorry. You guys got creative, and I appreciate that.

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah. See? But I will call it out.

[Grace O'Malley]

I thought I was invisible for an hour. I get that. I think that's real.

[Chris Clemens]

That's so real.

[Grace O'Malley]

I think that's real.

[Chris Clemens]

That's the dream.

[Grace O'Malley]

I thought my hands fell off, so I attempted to do everything with my wrists only.

[Chris Clemens]

What's happened to me before? I carried everything around like this. That happened to me before.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, my God. That's mental illness.

[Chris Clemens]

No, it's straight up mental illness. Like, picture perfect mental. Well, not picture perfect, but.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, that was a good laugh.

[Chris Clemens]

Definition is what I was trying to say.

[Grace O'Malley]

You know, I. I think we should end on a good laugh, you know? I know it's sad. It's sad. But what you guys don't see is that we're gonna go have a blast without you. All right? And I just wanted to ask, what is your walkout song?

[Chris Clemens]

Oh, my God. I made, like, a custom one.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, yeah. Wait, did you really?

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah. Do you want to hear it?

[Grace O'Malley]

Yes, of course.

[Chris Clemens]

It's like my. It's honestly one of my. This is where I'm like, I'm such a creative.

[Grace O'Malley]

I'm not even gonna lie. I was thinking about that the other day. I was like, how sick would it be to come out to your own song?

[Chris Clemens]

It's not. It's not like my song, but, like.

[Grace O'Malley]

Or like, something that's, like, unique to you.

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Nikki Glazer comes out to her own song.

[Chris Clemens]

This one.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh. How do you mix this?

[Chris Clemens]

Ladies and gentlemen, Final Cut Pro. And this is AI Chris Clemens.

[Grace O'Malley]

This is awesome.

[Chris Clemens]

Oh, my God.

[Grace O'Malley]

I comedian, YouTuber, producer, DJ. Are you shitting me?

[Chris Clemens]

Finding the right song, that was, like, hard because people have to know it and it has to get them going. But it can't be, like, too basic.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, I know. It's, like, it's a real niche thing.

[Chris Clemens]

Even that one feels like it's writing a line of, like.

[Grace O'Malley]

Of course. Classic. That's great. Party all the Time by Eddie Murphy.

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Chris Clemens]

That's amazing.

[Grace O'Malley]

Remixed. So it's by Dark Ski.

[Chris Clemens]

Not familiar with their work, but I'm so excited to find out.

[Grace O'Malley]

You should put that on Spotify, because I'm gonna make a Spotify playlist of everybody's walkout songs.

[Chris Clemens]

I will, and I would love to put you on Spotify. I will have to clear not only Wendy Williams, but also Beyonce.

[Grace O'Malley]

I think you can go over Wendy's head on that one. Beyonce, please, please, please, please give me the Wendy.

[Chris Clemens]

I just won't put on Spotify for the bit. Girl, please.

[Grace O'Malley]

Wait. That's the best answer I've gotten so far. Is that you? You've made your own song?

[Chris Clemens]

I'm gonna. Thank you. That's great.

[Grace O'Malley]

That blew me away.

[Dr. Horton Advertiser]

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[Steve Buscemi]

Hi, this is Steve Buscemi. You know, the actor. Well, now I'm an actor and podcast host. From Piece of Work Entertainment and Campside Media in association with Olive Productions, comes Big Time, an Apple original podcast. Each episode follows the story of one misfit with big dreams who isn't afraid to bend a few rules or take a shortcut to get there.

[Chris Clemens]

Well, who steals bees?

[Grace O'Malley]

I was duped. I shoot you in the leg.

[Steve Buscemi]

This is big time. Follow and listen on Apple podcasts.

[Chris Clemens]

I'm, like, a big, like, weird production nerd in a way. I sound so pick me right now. But, like, the idea of, like, high quality, like, three cameras, good lighting, like that all really, like, gets me, like, wet. Because, like, when I would grow up, I would film shitty things on, like, a digital camera.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris Clemens]

And then I would see, like, commercials, and I'm like, wow, that's so high quality. Like, how do they even begin to make that? And so, like, now that I, like, understand it more, I'm like, oh, my God, I want that every time.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Chris Clemens]

So I try and, like, make it fun and, like, stupid.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, of course.

[Chris Clemens]

Like, the Wendy Williams, like, had to be on it. Like Wendy Williams on the masked singer singing.

[Grace O'Malley]

That brings me right back to 2020. It's like a nostalgic, but also, like a time I don't really know if I want to go back to all at the same time. Because when that's. That sound was trending on TikTok.

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Was when I first moved here. Really, like, and I'm walking around New York just like. I'm like, what. What is that song? Stuck in my head? And I was like, it's a TikTok song.

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah. No. 100%. My goal was to have. When she say, this is for New York is like, find a Wendy Williams, AI, and, like, change the city for, like, where I am. But it's just sticking for New York. Guys.

[Grace O'Malley]

Why don't you just call her up?

[Chris Clemens]

Wendy, if there's a good Wendy impersonator, honestly, I'm down for you to just send me a list of cities that you've read.

[Grace O'Malley]

I like that.

[Chris Clemens]

Like, really? I'm like, fuck, AI, let's turn to the people.

[Grace O'Malley]

Literally. Come on now.

[Chris Clemens]

Have you ever gotten, like, the automatic, like, Robot DoorDash or UberEats thing?

[Grace O'Malley]

No, I didn't.

[Chris Clemens]

It asked for a tip.

[Grace O'Malley]

Are you serious? Does it really?

[Chris Clemens]

Yes. For who?

[Grace O'Malley]

For who?

[Chris Clemens]

Here's a tip. No, here's a tip.

[Grace O'Malley]

Stay away from that puddle.

[Chris Clemens]

Like, yeah, water might not be your strong suit, girl. Like, what the fuck?

[Grace O'Malley]

That's fucking insane. This world's gone to shit. Thank you so much for coming on.

[Chris Clemens]

Thank you.

[Grace O'Malley]

Do you have any dates you want to promote or.

[Chris Clemens]

I have some shit coming up in May. I just started an email list. I feel like a fucking boomer. But, like, I'm so tired of these algorithms.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yes, of course.

[Chris Clemens]

Plug it all up. You can just search my name, Chris Clemens. You can find my link tree. I don't even know what to say for this anymore because it's like, I have YouTube. I got TikTok. It's like, okay, I'm everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Get into it. That.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's right, folks. Thank you so much for watching.

[Chris Clemens]

What am I supposed to say? Like. Like, subscribe.

[Grace O'Malley]

Smash that, like, button.

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah, like, I've. Oh, my God. I've done that for too long to see. Come see me live. It's fun.

[Grace O'Malley]

Perfect.

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[Steve Buscemi]

Hi, this is Steve Buscemi. You know the actor. Well, now I'm an actor and podcast host. From Piece of Work Entertainment and Campside Media, in association with Olive Productions, comes Big Time, an Apple original Podcast. Each episode follows the story of one misfit with big dreams who isn't afraid to bend a few rules or take a shortcut to get there.

[Chris Clemens]

Well, who steals bees?

[Grace O'Malley]

I was duped.

[Chris Clemens]

I shoot you in the leg.

[Steve Buscemi]

This is Big Time. Follow and listen on Apple Podcasts.

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