Christina Kirkman: F*ck You With Love

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Christina Kirkman: F*ck You With Love"

Disgraceful with Grace O’Malley
Host: Grace O'Malley
Guest: Christina Kirkman
Release Date: July 17, 2025

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1. Introduction and Guest Overview

Timestamp: 01:10 - 02:29

Grace O'Malley welcomes Christina Kirkman to the show, highlighting her as a comedian, actress, podcast host, and dog owner. Christina expresses her admiration for Grace and humorously admits to "kissing her ass" to avoid tough questions. The dynamic between the hosts is playful and candid from the outset.

Notable Quotes:

• Christina Kirkman [01:35]: "I am a huge fan and I am actually just kissing your ass because I feel very submissive in this chair and I don't want you to ask me any tough questions."

2. Auditioning for the Co-Host Role

Timestamp: 08:32 - 13:31

Grace explains the concept of the podcast as an audition platform for potential co-hosts. Christina humorously portrays herself as an unqualified candidate, listing traits that would make her a terrible co-host, such as being selfish and not a team player. The hosts engage in a comedic exchange about these traits.

Notable Quotes:

• Grace O'Malley [08:56]: "Tell me three traits about yourself that would help you be the ideal co-host."
• Christina Kirkman [09:03]: "I am an only child. I don't do well with sharing, and I have a wonderful talent where I can make everything about myself."

3. Discussion on Boston Identity and Accents

Timestamp: 04:18 - 09:01

Christina delves into her experiences with identifying as Bostonian, despite not being from the city originally. She discusses the challenges of fitting into the Boston culture and the humorous exaggerations that often come with being associated with Boston stereotypes.

Notable Quotes:

• Christina Kirkman [04:33]: "Every time I tell someone I'm from Boston, it is like I am inviting them to tell me the most absurd Boston story."
• Grace O'Malley [05:48]: "What happened? Like, you don't have a co-host audition yet."

4. Therapy and Vulnerability in Comedy

Timestamp: 10:16 - 12:48

The conversation shifts to mental health, with Christina sharing her limited experiences with therapy. Both hosts reflect on the stigma and misconceptions surrounding therapy, especially among comedians who use humor as a coping mechanism.

Notable Quotes:

• Christina Kirkman [11:11]: "I went to therapy two times, and then I was like, oh, I cured myself. I'm fine."
• Grace O'Malley [12:24]: "You have to devise responses based on who you're talking to. You know, maybe not necessarily lie."

5. Navigating the Entertainment Industry

Timestamp: 40:00 - 47:30

Christina recounts a troubling audition experience where she was deceived by an older male director who took advantage of her ambition. She shares how this incident, along with similar experiences by other actresses, highlights the vulnerabilities within the industry, especially for young women striving to make it.

Notable Quotes:

• Christina Kirkman [41:18]: "I booked the job and he takes me out to dinner and writes me a check. I thought something's off."
• Grace O'Malley [46:30]: "It was a really fucked up thing."

6. Fashion Week and the Fashion Industry

Timestamp: 53:00 - 55:44

The hosts discuss their experiences with Fashion Week, critiquing its superficiality and the high-pressure environment it fosters. Christina shares her disillusionment with the fleeting and often meaningless nature of fashion shows.

Notable Quotes:

• Christina Kirkman [54:50]: "The fashion shows... are literally 20 seconds. You sit down, everybody takes their Getty images. Music plays, they walk, and it's done."
• Grace O'Malley [55:45]: "That was a great segment about escaping the fast-paced fashion world."

7. Segments: Shout Out and Disgraceful Receipts

Timestamp: 59:58 - 73:47

Shout Out:
Christina gives heartfelt acknowledgments to her support system, including her lawyer, boyfriend, friends, and parents. She humorously notes that even those she considers difficult deserve recognition.

Notable Quotes:

• Christina Kirkman [60:09]: "Shout out to my lawyer. I love my lawyer. Shout out to my whole team, they're putting up with me and I'm a pain in the ass."

Disgraceful Receipts:
Grace and Christina humorously critique nostalgic 2000s trends and products, reflecting on how certain fashion and lifestyle choices have become outdated or "disgraceful."

Notable Quotes:

• Grace O'Malley [61:40]: "Thin brows... Disgrace."
• Christina Kirkman [66:16]: "Dunkaroos. Dunkaroos rock, dude."

8. Personal Anecdotes and Final Thoughts

Timestamp: 73:49 - End

The episode wraps up with both hosts sharing personal stories, including Christina’s childhood antics of disrupting family dinners and Grace’s experiences with misidentification due to her Boston accent. They emphasize the importance of authenticity and the challenges of maintaining genuine connections in the entertainment industry.

Notable Quotes:

• Christina Kirkman [38:48]: "Every time my parents start eating, I would disrupt dinner by farting in my hand and pitching it at their faces."
• Grace O'Malley [79:53]: "Your people don't know they're being given a shout out."

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Insights and Conclusions

• Authenticity vs. Performance: Both hosts highlight the tension between being genuine and performing a persona, especially in the entertainment industry.

• Mental Health in Comedy: The discussion underscores the use of humor as a coping mechanism and the barriers to seeking therapy among comedians.

• Industry Vulnerabilities: Christina's experience reveals the potential abuses within the acting industry, emphasizing the need for better protection and support for aspiring actors.

• Cultural Identity: The challenges of fitting into a specific cultural identity, like being from Boston, showcase the nuances of personal and regional identity in social interactions.

• Nostalgia and Evolution: Through segments like Disgraceful Receipts, the podcast explores how societal trends evolve and how what was once popular can become outdated.

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This episode of Disgraceful with Grace O’Malley offers a blend of humor, personal stories, and critical insights into the lives of comedians navigating personal and professional landscapes. Christina Kirkman's candidness provides listeners with relatable experiences and encourages authenticity amidst the pressures of the entertainment world.

Transcript

[Grace O'Malley]

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[Christina Kirkman]

Hey, watch yourself.

[Grace O'Malley]

Only I can say that. Okay, boss, whatever you say. You pay my bills. Give it up for Grace o'. Malley. Hi, guys. Welcome back to Disgraceful, the late night show. The podcast. We're not really sure. I'm here with comedian, actress, podcast host, and owner of the cutest dog I've ever fucking seen. Give it up for Christina Kirkman.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah, I gotta say, you don't know this, but I am a huge fan and I am actually just kissing your ass because I feel very submissive in this chair and I don't want you to ask me any tough questions. Oh, it's also, you have, like, legit fucking comedians on this show.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

What happened? Like, bookings were slow.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, no, you was. You're a comedian. Come on now.

[Christina Kirkman]

What the fuck, dude?

[Grace O'Malley]

It's. No, I. I'm also a fan of yours.

[Christina Kirkman]

Thank you.

[Grace O'Malley]

See, I don't have anyone on I don't fuck with. That's not true. I'm sure at some point she's lying.

[Christina Kirkman]

She's gonna talk shit about me the second I walk out this door.

[Grace O'Malley]

Sure, I'm gonna have someone on and be like, fuck that bitch. Yeah. Well, thank you so much for coming on the show.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah, thanks for having me. I'm stoked.

[Grace O'Malley]

Boston girl. The Boston girl. You're. You're. You're Rosendale.

[Christina Kirkman]

But I'm so sure I'm not Rosindale. Dad is Rosendale. But I use. I like to int. Because, you know, when you say to people like, oh, I'm from Boston. And then they're like, what part of Boston? You're like, well, I'm actually from the North Shore, but you have to say Boston.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

For someone that's not Boston.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, no, it's easier. And then Boston.

[Christina Kirkman]

So if I need cred to a Boston person, I'll be like, oh, dad's from Roslindale. And then I can segue to I'm from August. And they're like, okay. Like, but I got cred because.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, you gotta. You gotta throw the dad in the loop.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah, I know what I'm doing. I know.

[Grace O'Malley]

I throw my mom in Southie.

[Christina Kirkman]

That's what you gotta do. You gotta start there. Yeah, you gotta start there.

[Grace O'Malley]

You gotta start there. Work your way. I was born, and I was like, we lived in South D for three years. Years.

[Christina Kirkman]

There you go. You're fine.

[Grace O'Malley]

I can't claim that I didn't even have consciousness.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah, but who cares? Do you still.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, we do it. Oh, we got. We got out of there.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

But that's too bad, because then it got gentrified.

[Christina Kirkman]

Right, Right. That happens. Would have been nice. Sony Pictures Classics presents.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, hi.

[Christina Kirkman]

Directed by Sophie Brooks.

[Grace O'Malley]

Starring Molly Gordon and Logan Lerman. Iris and Isaac's first romantic weekend goes hilariously wrong, as Iris tries to prove they're meant to be in incre.

[Christina Kirkman]

Seemingly ridiculous and irrational ways.

[Grace O'Malley]

This dark romantic comedy explores the highs and lows of modern dating situationships and the ways it makes us all a little crazy. A Sundance and Tribeca festival favorite. Catch Ojai. In theaters nationwide on July 25th.

[Christina Kirkman]

Visit ojaimovie.com for more info.

[Grace O'Malley]

Bachelor in paradise is finally back, and we're shaking things up. Our young singles are joined by Golden Bachelor and Bachelorette alumni, and it's all taking place in Costa Rica. With new compatibility challenges, even the strongest relationships will be tested. But don't worry. There'll still be plenty of steamy romances and explosive drama, because finding love in the sun always comes with a little shade. Catch new episodes of Bachelor in Paradise, Mondays at 8.7Central on ABC and stream next day on Hulu.

[Christina Kirkman]

Every time I tell somebody I'm from Boston that's not from Boston, I get, like, one of three responses. It's either like, fuck the Patriots, and I'm like, all right, relax. Or it's, oh, like, Ted. And I'm like, yeah. It's like, ted.

[Grace O'Malley]

What?

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah. Or they. They tell me, like, a. Really? Yeah. They're like, oh, just like Ted. I'm like, yeah, everything's like fucking Ted.

[Grace O'Malley]

Just like Goodwill Hudson.

[Christina Kirkman]

Just like the town Ted Boston is. Yes. Or they'll tell me like a super fucking weird ass story. Like, I met this guy not too long ago and I was like, oh, I'm from Boston. He's like, oh, I was just in Boston. I got a total Boston story. I'm like, oh, God, the suspense is killing me. I can't wait to hear this. He's like, I feel like this depicts Boston so well. He's like, I'm straight, by the way. I'm straight. I'm like, okay, okay. Thanks for the family. He's like, I'm in line. And, you know, we're in line. I'm waiting. There's a guy in front of me. I like his shirt. So I say, hey, guy, I like your shirt. Guy turns around, he goes, what the fuck did you just say to me? He goes, I just like your shirt. He goes, what are you, gay? You hitting on me? He goes, no, dude, I'm straight. I just like your shirt. And I go, all right. Sick, dude. Like, enjoy the show. What the fuck, dude? Every fucking time I tell someone I'm from Boston, it is like I am inviting them to tell me the most absurd Boston story. And, like, I don't know where to go for.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, I've been running into a lot, and this one's tough because I'm really trying to. I really love to represent Boston. Yeah. But when I tell comedians that I'm from Boston, their mind just immediately goes to racist.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah, I've gotten that.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, that's a. That's a tough one. Yeah, it's hard to, you know, go past the past.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah. Where. Because where do you go from there, too? It's like, dude, you know, I live. I live here, you know, I just, you know, it's hard, dude. It's fucking.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, you can't get out of that.

[Christina Kirkman]

No, I'm telling you, it's like one of four things every time. And then I'm like, now I just lie. And I'm just like, I don't know.

[Grace O'Malley]

Never lie. You can't lie about where you're from. I hate that.

[Christina Kirkman]

Well.

[Grace O'Malley]

Well, you could do whatever you want.

[Christina Kirkman]

But I think that you need to form responses based on who you're talking to. You know, maybe not necessarily lie.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, fair.

[Christina Kirkman]

But if I. If I meet someone and they're like, oh, I'm from Southie, I have to say, I'm from Saugus.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, yeah, no, that's an that's an absolute. Yeah, 100%.

[Christina Kirkman]

I'm from Stone.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

But if it's like I'm meeting someone from fucking Nebraska, I can be like, oh, I'm from Boston.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

You know what I mean? Like you gotta, you just gotta play up what's gonna impress people for that.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's good.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Because. Yeah. I don't want to say no when I say Rockland. That sounds like a made up town.

[Christina Kirkman]

Isn't that a bank? Where, where the is Rockland?

[Grace O'Malley]

It's next to Weymouth.

[Christina Kirkman]

Okay. So.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

Okay.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. That's what I tell people. Yeah. Do you know where.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah, but like who's doing anything over there? We were just making babies.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, we were? Yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

I wasn't making any babies, but somebody made.

[Grace O'Malley]

I made babies because we moved when I went my freshman year of high school cuz my mom had a brand new child and there was a quick rumor that it was mine, you know, like 80s style.

[Christina Kirkman]

Dude, that's like. Yeah, well, that's right. Classic 80s, you know? Do you remember the pregnancy pact? That was ips Gloucester.

[Grace O'Malley]

What? No, I don't know this.

[Christina Kirkman]

Okay. This was a Lifetime movie based on a true story. I believe in Gloucester, another town where like, I don't know, they're just sailing boats. I don't really know what they're doing over there. They're fishing.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, that's Manchester. I was like, that's Manchester.

[Christina Kirkman]

They're all doing it over there. They're just fishing. But like a bunch of 15 year old girls, I think there was like 10 of them, made a pregnancy pact that they would all get pregnant together and like stop taking their birth control with their boyfriends. And they all got pregnant. It was. I think it was Gloucester High.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh God.

[Christina Kirkman]

They made a Lifetime movie about it.

[Grace O'Malley]

Wow.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah, I think that's like the only thing that came out of Gloucester.

[Grace O'Malley]

Did they, they succeed?

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah, they did. They fertile myrtles. They all pumped him out.

[Grace O'Malley]

Wow.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah, wow.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, that's. That's actually kind of like a beautiful thing.

[Christina Kirkman]

That's your tidbit for the day especially. Especially if like, you know, girlhood.

[Grace O'Malley]

That is girlhood. The pants that travel, we don't need those. We need a baby in our bellies all at the same time when we're 12.

[Christina Kirkman]

I forgot about the traveling pants. What a time that was.

[Grace O'Malley]

So on this podcast I've been auditioning each guest to be my next co host and see if you'd be a good fit. How'd that sound?

[Christina Kirkman]

I'm all right. I'm 10 year, actually. 12 years of auditioning and I got none of them. So I foresee this is going to be an issue, but please, let's continue. This is audition, like a vibe chat. All right, all right, you know, let's do it.

[Grace O'Malley]

We don't have to think of it as an audition.

[Christina Kirkman]

It's just like, hey, are you a dick?

[Grace O'Malley]

Like, yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

Is that question one?

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. Are you a dick?

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah. No. Okay, perfect. I got the job. I trust you.

[Grace O'Malley]

Tell me three traits about yourself that would help you be the ideal co host.

[Christina Kirkman]

Oh, I didn't say I'd be a good co host.

[Grace O'Malley]

All right.

[Christina Kirkman]

No, I. I am an only child. I don't do well with sharing, and I have a wonderful talent where I can make everything about myself.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay.

[Christina Kirkman]

I actually just did a whole podcast episode about how I don't fuck with escape rooms.

[Grace O'Malley]

Escape rooms?

[Christina Kirkman]

Like, people say, like, oh, this is hell. We're living in hell. No escape rooms. Like, when you die and they say you go to hell, I'm going right to an escape room.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

Because I don't work well with others. I'm not a team player. I don't need, like, a bunch of fucking schmucks yelling directions at me. I get overstimulated, and I just need to do it myself.

[Grace O'Malley]

I'm with you on this too much. I think escape rooms are like purgatory in the sense of like, why are we doing this? For fun?

[Christina Kirkman]

Why? What fudgeing asshole says, hey, Friday night, you guys want to go to an escape room? I feel like my life is an escape room. Like, I'm constantly just trying to get out, and now you want to pay money to. There's, like, puzzles and shit. And then you got random and, like, to. Collectively, we all have an IQ of zero. Wait, is IQ higher means you're smarter.

[Grace O'Malley]

Don't ask me.

[Christina Kirkman]

That's my IQ score right there. We have an IQ of one. And then you're telling me what to do. I can't do it. So I feel like I already bombed this audition, which, surprisingly, is a very familiar feeling for me.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, I'm with you. I'm with you on this. And I did an escape room once, but I was doing it for a brand, and it was like one of my first. First ever brand things I was doing, but I had to do this escape room. And I thought I was gonna do it by myself, but they threw me in with these kiddos, people you never did not know. And they were like. They were like, in college or whatever. And they were so fast. Yeah, they kept looking at me to, like, help. You know, you got. You got. You guys.

[Christina Kirkman]

Well, then you have to figure out, like, you have to be good at figuring out what everybody's like, you know, what's your strength? What's your weakness? And I don't got time for that. Yeah, let me just fucking do this. You guys, sit down, shut up. I'll get us out of here.

[Grace O'Malley]

I can't even delegate.

[Christina Kirkman]

No, same dude. Delegation is. That's my second hill. What I'm going to do is I'm going to go to. When I die, I'm going to go to an escape room, and then I'm going have to go to a room where I just have to delegate.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, shit.

[Christina Kirkman]

Two hells. I cannot delegate, dude.

[Grace O'Malley]

All right, so I'm with you on that.

[Christina Kirkman]

All right, so those are my three. My three traits. I'd be terrible.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay.

[Christina Kirkman]

But, like, there's got to be. Maybe there's like, a redemption question.

[Grace O'Malley]

There's always going to be a redemption question. You're already telling yourself way too short here.

[Christina Kirkman]

No. Under promise, over deliver.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. Low expectations, high results. I like that. Yeah. All right. That's two checks in my book.

[Christina Kirkman]

There you go.

[Grace O'Malley]

So this is funny, because this one actually, I planned for this. Do you think you could turn those. Those negative traits into positive ones?

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah. I mean, if I went to therapy, you know, I'm not there yet. I'm not plug. I'm not there yet. On my healing journey, I actually. I went to therapy two times, and then I was like, oh, I cured myself. I'm fine. And then I never went back. But I think if I went to therapy two times.

[Grace O'Malley]

For real?

[Christina Kirkman]

No, I literally went two times. I went two times.

[Grace O'Malley]

The first one's just like a hi, how are you?

[Christina Kirkman]

No, I know. And I was like, yeah, I did it. That's good. Box checked. I am free of all trauma. The second time, I. I just, like, needed validation of something. And I knew I was in such a bad position because even the therapist, like, broke her broke fourth wall and was like, you got to get out of this relationship. I remember thinking, like, if the therapist is like, tell it. I'm like, this shit's bad.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay. Yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

So I left, and I was like, that was easy. I'm fucking cured.

[Grace O'Malley]

Did you have buddies telling you to scram?

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah, but here's the thing. I am not really good at opening up, so I didn't really tell people it was as bad as it was because I was like, if my Friends have half a brain in their head. They'll tell me to leave.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

So. But I was like, oh, the therapist, she's going to be down the middle. She'll be like. And she was like, you got to fucking get out. And I was like, well, therapy's easy.

[Grace O'Malley]

I mean, yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

I just paid you 400 bucks.

[Grace O'Malley]

You got your results.

[Christina Kirkman]

It wasn't like, oh, make another appointment. Was like, I got. I went in, I got what I needed. I convinced myself that I cured myself. I go, this is fucking easy.

[Grace O'Malley]

That bitch knows nothing.

[Christina Kirkman]

I decided, dude, holy. I could do this. I think if I went to therapy, I could probably turn it around for you. Yeah, I would do it for you, Grace.

[Grace O'Malley]

You know what, don't you? You should never do therapy for someone else.

[Christina Kirkman]

That's true.

[Grace O'Malley]

You can do it for you.

[Christina Kirkman]

Do it for you. I'm not gonna do it for me, so I'll do it for you.

[Grace O'Malley]

I also, I think I went. I might went either twice or three times. And I thought I wanted, like, a little girly pop.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

And I was basically just running bits.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Against the wall, like. And I was, like, trying to make her laugh. And I'm like, what is this? What am I doing?

[Christina Kirkman]

So. And then I get. Then I get insecure because I say something like, I turn something dark into humor. And I'm like, oh, maybe they don't laugh. And you're like, oh, my goodness. I was supposed to be funny.

[Grace O'Malley]

Why don't you write down funny?

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah. And then they start writing and I get really in my head because I'm like, I've been talking for, like, 10 seconds. What the fuck are you writing?

[Grace O'Malley]

Just, like, doodling.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

My girl was just, like, doodling.

[Christina Kirkman]

She was like, this bitch has gotta go. She's drawing. She's like, wish I could. Happy hour.

[Grace O'Malley]

It was just. Yeah, it was not for me. So I hear you on that. Yeah. Okay. If you were to give a one minute monologue at the top of the show about any topic rattling your brain, what would it be?

[Christina Kirkman]

I do have a new pitch. I would love to do a soft pitch here. Weddings are cheugy.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, yeah, for sure.

[Christina Kirkman]

100%. Like, dude, if I have to see another fucking. I can't.

[Grace O'Malley]

I used to think I wanted a big, giant, beautiful wedding, like a princess bride. And now I don't even want to get married.

[Christina Kirkman]

It's so. Like, there are some beautiful weddings.

[Grace O'Malley]

There were dime a dozen.

[Christina Kirkman]

They're so fucking cheugy. And it's like the. The wedding industry is due For a revamp, you know, like, it's due for a little judge. And I have a pitch. Ooh, yeah. I have a pitch. I keep.

[Grace O'Malley]

I'm.

[Christina Kirkman]

I'm tired of being influential. Like, I feel like I'm just, like, always setting trends. So I want to put this out there in hopes that somebody else will do it, and then we can all watch, see if we like it, and then do it if we want.

[Grace O'Malley]

I like this.

[Christina Kirkman]

I think we should swap birthdays and weddings. Here's. Here's my idea. Birthday is like, oh, someone throws you a surprise birthday. Birthday. If it's my birthday, the birthday is not about me.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

I've been alive for 32 years. My birthday is about. Thank you all for being in my life for this long, Even though I'm a piece of shit. You know what I mean?

[Grace O'Malley]

I do feel that. Yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

All these other people that still show up for you.

[Grace O'Malley]

I can't believe you guys are all here. Thank you very much.

[Christina Kirkman]

Still, after I've showed my color so many times. So I should plan my own birthday. I should pay for it. It's my birthday. Thank you guys for being in my life. Wedding. Oh, it's all about the bride. It's not about the bride because the bride's planning. She doesn't get to eat her cake. She's stressed. So that's when all your friends. That's when we throw a potluck. Your friends get together, they plan you your surprise wedding. Everybody brings a different snack. You show up. There's no steaks because you didn't plan it. Boom. That's your fucking wedding.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's good.

[Christina Kirkman]

So it's basically like a potluck, and.

[Grace O'Malley]

I love that because I don't foresee me ever finding love. So I would love to throw myself a little wedding. Right? Yeah, it'll be great.

[Christina Kirkman]

I think it would be. I mean, you can do it for anything, but I think that should be the vibe. I think we need to do a little swappy. Swappy.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

And I just. I. I get Just the. The wedding stuff stresses me out where it's like, oh, it's an engagement, and then it's the bachelorette, and then it's the wedding, and then it's the. My thing is, too, is like, you get one shot. Yeah, you get one shot. If I'm spending money to go to all this stuff, you get one shot. If it doesn't work out, I love you, but I can't support the next venture.

[Grace O'Malley]

See, that's the one I think is true love.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah, the first one's a free trial, 100%.

[Grace O'Malley]

And the second marriage is always 100%.

[Christina Kirkman]

100%.

[Grace O'Malley]

So I'll go to your second wedding.

[Christina Kirkman]

It's like the second child. Like, the second I'm an only child, so I'm terrible. But, like, the second children, I would imagine, are always better than the first one. Which. Which one of you is.

[Grace O'Malley]

Should. Yeah. Nora. Nora is the second born, so I. I would say she's better. Yeah, I would. I would give her that.

[Christina Kirkman]

So, like, first children were kind of like only child to some extent. Like, we're the. We're the trial.

[Grace O'Malley]

Like, I was an only child at one point, Right?

[Christina Kirkman]

Exactly.

[Grace O'Malley]

Three years of bliss.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah. That's what we all need to strive to be more like second children. And I. I think the same for a second marriage.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

You know, there's less pressure.

[Grace O'Malley]

Less pressure.

[Christina Kirkman]

They can say, I'll pass their. Their curfew.

[Grace O'Malley]

They've already done it before, so they. If they're doing it again, they want to really know they mean it. I think. I think second marriage rocks.

[Christina Kirkman]

I think second marriage rocks. I haven't even had one yet.

[Grace O'Malley]

You can't hit a hat trick, right. That's a little three.

[Christina Kirkman]

You're done.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

Or, like, maybe it's kind of five, Right. Okay, so we're just skipping.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's just money, Right.

[Christina Kirkman]

At that point, you're doing it five times. You got to be loaded out your ass, because that shit ain't not g. It's not cheap. Yeah. So hatching. No. Five. Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. I think five is. I'm going to strive for five.

[Christina Kirkman]

Should be wedding planners.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

I think we just cracked the code on revamping the entire wedding industry.

[Grace O'Malley]

Well, I would. So I would school at UMass.

[Christina Kirkman]

Okay.

[Grace O'Malley]

And I did.

[Christina Kirkman]

So you drank a lot.

[Grace O'Malley]

Well, not really, actually. Oh, I. I did community college, and then I transferred.

[Christina Kirkman]

Okay.

[Grace O'Malley]

And I couldn't really, like, find any friends, so.

[Christina Kirkman]

You drank a lot.

[Grace O'Malley]

But then I drop out. Yeah. Then I dropped out, but I went to, like, a. A business meeting thing or for women in business there. And some lady came in and she had. Went to the business school, and she was like, I do weddings for a living. Okay.

[Christina Kirkman]

And I was like, what is it? I do, like a wedding planner.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

Like, she gets married or she gets married. She gets married for a living.

[Grace O'Malley]

And I was like, you can throw parties for a living. And so I was like, I think I might do that. And that. For a second there, I thought I was going to be a wedding planner. I Couldn't imagine. That's a lot of bitches. That's a lot of people bitching at.

[Christina Kirkman]

You know. You know, that is. I could. Fudgeing. Never.

[Grace O'Malley]

This idea of a bridezilla. It never goes away.

[Christina Kirkman]

No, it does.

[Grace O'Malley]

Because the show's canceled doesn't mean you.

[Christina Kirkman]

And you have to, like. I guess not so much anymore. But back in the day, like, the customer was always right. Yeah. Now, like, somebody at UPS can tell you to, like, go yourself, you know, and it's acceptable, but you kind of have the. The.

[Grace O'Malley]

Especially the U. S. Post office. Have you been to the post office in a while?

[Christina Kirkman]

I go all the time.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's so scary.

[Christina Kirkman]

It's almost a prerequisite to work there is that they have to make you feel like you shouldn't be on planet earth.

[Grace O'Malley]

And it's so back in my.

[Christina Kirkman]

It's like. And my thing. I have this complex where I kind of like. And maybe it's the Boston in me.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

That, like, I feel like Boston people so many times. So they're. They're misunderstood. Because here's the thing. We're fucking used to just being cold, so we're angsty. And we. We say things quick because we're fucking freezing and we gotta walk in the snow and go to the train. Like, we're just. We're angry, but we're so loving in so many ways.

[Grace O'Malley]

Misunderstood is the best way. Misunderstood Misunderstood.

[Christina Kirkman]

So I feel when I meet people that are. I wanna crack them. So I overcompensate.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

So I go to the same post office, and there's one woman, there's. And every time I go, I'm like, how's it going?

[Grace O'Malley]

I hear you on this.

[Christina Kirkman]

I do everything. And I feel like every day I've gotten a little bit further ahead, and it really does feel like an accomplishment for me.

[Grace O'Malley]

And eventually, I think you might get them.

[Christina Kirkman]

I think I will.

[Grace O'Malley]

You got to keep that can do attitude.

[Christina Kirkman]

I think I will. And sometimes, like, sometimes she's almost cracked a smile. And it, like, it. I like. I get horny. I'm like, oh, my God. Like, I did that.

[Grace O'Malley]

I'm all jazz with my stance.

[Christina Kirkman]

No, it's.

[Grace O'Malley]

Right now.

[Christina Kirkman]

Honestly, it's like. It's seeking validation for me. I just want to get her to smile.

[Grace O'Malley]

I think that's really all it is.

[Christina Kirkman]

Dmv, USPS prerequisite is that they have to fucking hate you.

[Grace O'Malley]

Dude, my. My friend Molly's doing this show on CBS about the dmv. Oh, dude. It's good. I'm sure it's going to be fantastic. Because just the idea of like a. Like an off, like, Parks and Recs type of show at a dmv.

[Christina Kirkman]

Dude. So much content.

[Grace O'Malley]

So much.

[Christina Kirkman]

So much to do with that.

[Grace O'Malley]

So good.

[Christina Kirkman]

And, like, they'll also, like, go out of their way to give you, like. I feel like they say things in a way that it's like, that takes more time to be, like, to go out of your way and, like, just tell me what I need to do.

[Grace O'Malley]

I was there the other day. I'm trying to get my license.

[Christina Kirkman]

You don't have your license, like, ever.

[Grace O'Malley]

It got expired in 2020.

[Christina Kirkman]

Oh, you haven't had one in five years. Right. You need one of those. So what do you do? So you travel with a passport?

[Grace O'Malley]

Yes.

[Christina Kirkman]

That's diabolical.

[Grace O'Malley]

Well, I'll tell you what. When you travel with a passport and you lose it, because I'm subject to loose things all the time, you always get it back.

[Christina Kirkman]

You've lost it and gotten it back three times.

[Grace O'Malley]

Because people see a license and they're like, oh, they can just go get a new one.

[Christina Kirkman]

Right?

[Grace O'Malley]

Right.

[Christina Kirkman]

Passport.

[Grace O'Malley]

Somebody sees a passport, they go out of their way. And I'm not losing it on purpose, and I'm not being less responsible with it because I know that you're drinking.

[Christina Kirkman]

Alcohol and you leave it somewhere.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's a whoopsie doops. But luckily for me, these last three times.

[Christina Kirkman]

Whoa.

[Grace O'Malley]

And now that I've said it, I'm gonna lose it indefinitely. But these last three times, someone has given it back.

[Christina Kirkman]

That kind of should, like, restore your Faith in humanity. 1000.

[Grace O'Malley]

And if I. And if I found someone's passport, I would do it for them.

[Christina Kirkman]

Were these all in the same place? Like what?

[Grace O'Malley]

Were the states very different in the past five years?

[Christina Kirkman]

What state? Do you remember what states you were in?

[Grace O'Malley]

One of the states was Ohio.

[Christina Kirkman]

Okay. They. They had potatoes.

[Grace O'Malley]

They were Ireland.

[Christina Kirkman]

That's Idaho.

[Grace O'Malley]

Idaho.

[Christina Kirkman]

No. You know, uh, Ireland also fancies potatoes.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yes, of course.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yes. Like, all.

[Grace O'Malley]

They eat spuds.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah. Okay. All right. So Idaho has potatoes, not Ohio. What does Ohio have?

[Grace O'Malley]

Good people.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah. Okay. Obviously. Okay, so leave. Right.

[Grace O'Malley]

When people leave Ohio. That's my favorite person.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

The people who live there. I love Ohio as well.

[Christina Kirkman]

I don't know.

[Grace O'Malley]

I think they're nice people. I know they're like, a little, like, they're a little chumpy up there, but, I mean, someone gave you a passport.

[Christina Kirkman]

Back, so, you know. One point for good people.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

Okay. All right. So Ohio.

[Grace O'Malley]

Ohio and then somebody stole my purse in New York. But they, they, whoever. I. I think it's the person who stole the purse. But whoever it was, they said, I found your passport in the middle of the street along with your lipsticks. Do you want those back?

[Christina Kirkman]

Was anything missing?

[Grace O'Malley]

They never gave the purse back.

[Christina Kirkman]

Okay, so we. Yeah, but like, it went right to Canal Street.

[Grace O'Malley]

Here's my thing. Right? So they, they sold the purse right off the side of the street. It was my fault. I had. I had gone. I looked away from. I was doing a show on the side of the road. And in New York, like, we have like those little, like, pop up things. And I looked away for a second and someone had taken it. And then I got a DM from this kid after he said he saw that I lost my. My bag. He said, I found your lipsticks and your passport right next to where I think somebody dumped your bag out. Now how would you assume those are my lipsticks?

[Christina Kirkman]

Right.

[Grace O'Malley]

You know what I mean?

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Like, those are willy nilly lipsticks. I feel like unless you be anything personally.

[Christina Kirkman]

Totally.

[Grace O'Malley]

I don't know the logic.

[Christina Kirkman]

There wasn't logic, but he gave me.

[Grace O'Malley]

He. He put the lipsticks in the passport into a Uber. Uber. And.

[Christina Kirkman]

Okay.

[Grace O'Malley]

Came back. Yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

Okay. So New York okay. A little. Okay. Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

There's a little, Little restoring there. I think if it was in Boston, I would have got my full purse back. But it's all good. Yeah, it's all good.

[Christina Kirkman]

You know, unless you met that guy that, you know, got. Try to fight the other guy for saying he had a nice shirt, you wouldn't have gotten your back.

[Grace O'Malley]

You know, I would have stepped between those boys and said, boys, you turning me on.

[Christina Kirkman]

All right, guys, come on. Take your clothes off right now.

[Grace O'Malley]

Boys, you better knock it off.

[Christina Kirkman]

Okay, and third one. Where was the third one?

[Grace O'Malley]

Third one, I can't remember. Right, right, right. But yeah, you know, all right, go pop off humanity. So use. Use your passport more.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah, you know, they don't. They have pass. My boyfriend has like a passport card. Do you have a passport card?

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, I need it. I need.

[Christina Kirkman]

I don't have one of those.

[Grace O'Malley]

There's a lot of things I need to get right a. I need to get a lot.

[Christina Kirkman]

It's on. It's on the list. Put it on the list.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, but it was at the, at the dmv and I. I needed one more thing, and my sister went to go bring it to me, and she. She did me a huge solid. She brought it up in midtown. DMV and they said, we're close. If you're already in here, you have to finish what you're doing, but you cannot go out there and get that from her.

[Christina Kirkman]

What?

[Grace O'Malley]

And I was like, you are being a dick.

[Christina Kirkman]

So you didn't get it?

[Grace O'Malley]

No, I ended up. They. They took. They took like, just the copy of it. I thought I needed the real one, but they ended up being good about it.

[Christina Kirkman]

What did you do?

[Grace O'Malley]

But the security guy was.

[Christina Kirkman]

It's always. It's always the fucking story. And I was like.

[Grace O'Malley]

I was like, I'm gonna end up on a video. Yeah, I'm gonna end up on a video right now.

[Christina Kirkman]

100%, dude.

[Grace O'Malley]

I was like, I can get, like, crazy with it.

[Christina Kirkman]

Me too. That's literally. That is so 20, 25. Is that sometimes when I feel myself about to pop off, I'm like, don't do it. Because if someone's filming and that someone clips that clip, dude, it's Christina Kirkman fucking punches a dude in the dmv. Like, okay, who cares? Use it as a. Shit happens, right? Viral guys use it as a trending sound.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, I just saw a TikTok that someone said there's going to be more fist fights at the airport right now than ever before. Because. Because it's real ID.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah, dude. And shout out. I've had a real ID since literally, like 2017.

[Grace O'Malley]

All these Californians, they're screaming about how they've had a real idea.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah, well, because they peer pressured me. I walked in there, I was like, I just gotta renew my. They're like, well, you should get a real idea. This is a real id. What do you mean? You're telling me my shit's fake? You're gonna need a real id. What's the difference? No one knew the difference. I'm like, all right, just give me the real ID now. Thank you. Shout out to that for giving me a real id, because now I'm hooked up.

[Grace O'Malley]

Now you got it. Now you got it going on.

[Christina Kirkman]

I'm gooch.

[Grace O'Malley]

No worries.

[Christina Kirkman]

Santa Monica dmv, by the way, classy. No. Is known to be, like, the fastest dmv.

[Grace O'Malley]

Really?

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah. My boyfriend is, like, always spreading propaganda about the DMV in Santa Monica. Like, he'll tell random people. He's like, you gotta go to the dmv. Santa Monica dmv. I'm like, dude, you can't do that. Like, that's a random person.

[Grace O'Malley]

You can't just be like, he's barking.

[Christina Kirkman]

I'm like, you can kickbacks. What's going on. So if you need to go to dmv, Santa Monica DMV apparently is very quick. Watch. Everyone's going to go now. Now it's going to be. I just shouldn't have done. I should have kept it.

[Grace O'Malley]

You should. You should. You kept it. A word of mouth.

[Christina Kirkman]

Like, I know it's going to be community goods now. There's going to be a line down the street.

[Grace O'Malley]

What is the deal with community?

[Christina Kirkman]

I've never been. I don't know, but I know that it's. It's a. It's a long line and people wait, like hours.

[Grace O'Malley]

So it's like a local Whole Foods.

[Christina Kirkman]

With, like, it's a watering hole for assholes.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay.

[Christina Kirkman]

No, I mean, it's like if Erewhon were a coffee shop.

[Grace O'Malley]

My.

[Christina Kirkman]

My best friend loves it and she. For my birthday, she was like, I'm taking community goods. I guess they have the little, you know, the little, like, Hawaiian hamburger buns. You know, the little Hawaiian. They come in like an orange. Those. Yeah, yeah. What is it? What's that? What's that brand? King's Hawaiian Rules. Yeah. Okay, so they basically.

[Grace O'Malley]

A whole bag of those for fun.

[Christina Kirkman]

They do little. Little breakfast sandwiches that basically are in that bun. And they come in like six. And that's what everyone goes feral for. And they do look really dank. Like they look good.

[Grace O'Malley]

Did you get them?

[Christina Kirkman]

No, I'm not waiting an hour.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, yeah, okay.

[Christina Kirkman]

I'm waiting an hour and then like, I'm like, what time? There's like, it's. Yeah, it's like going to the dmv. What's the best time to go? Oh, you gotta go at like 8am on a Tuesday. I'm like, I'm not. I'm not even up. I'm not going on 8am on a Tuesday. But apparently that's what they have. And that's the whole thing. And they have good matcha. I don't know. That's. But yeah, it's. It's a long line.

[Grace O'Malley]

Always these LA things. I'm learning them. I've been here for, like, almost two weeks now.

[Christina Kirkman]

Well, our DM exchange was. I. I DM'd Grace Night last night, and I said, dude, I'm so stoked for tomorrow. Actually, let's just read it again. Sorry, I have to get through my million text messages. No one texted me. I have none.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's.

[Christina Kirkman]

I always let me scroll through my messages. It's the first one.

[Grace O'Malley]

You go see a movie, you have your phone away the whole time, and.

[Christina Kirkman]

Then you're like, it's so humbling. You go, oh, dude, no. And then it's like, my mother.

[Grace O'Malley]

Where's.

[Christina Kirkman]

Like, the band wants a code. Everyone hit me up. I said, oh, dude, so amped for tomorrow. And you said, fired up. I love a good mandatory hang. And I said, in L. A. We just call that a hang. Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

I was like, shit. Yeah. Just kind of how things.

[Christina Kirkman]

If you want to hang out with people in L. A, just get them on your podcast.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. You know, have you ever had a podcast episode you didn't air with someone else?

[Christina Kirkman]

Like, I was in somebody else's podcast episode and. What do you mean?

[Grace O'Malley]

Or whichever way you want to.

[Christina Kirkman]

My podcast is only six episodes new.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay.

[Christina Kirkman]

And I haven't had guests.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay. But I didn't know if, like, those trial. Those trial and error ones.

[Christina Kirkman]

No, I mean, I.

[Grace O'Malley]

When it's early on, it's tough.

[Christina Kirkman]

It's fucking. It's humbling, dude. You get up there and you go, I gotta talk for 30 minutes.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

What the fuck am I gonna say? I had one. My. My podcast is, like, fairly new, and you probably relate to this, but, you know, it's called Life's a Joke, and the premise is. Great name, by the way. Thank you. It's actually my dad's business name. Growing up, I put LFSA JK on my funny bone forever. It's.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, that's awesome. And on the funny bone.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah. Right. All the branding and, like, I feel like I put so a more so of a comedic spin on my content. And the reality is, I think most people that lean on comedy as a tool are usually dealing with, like, the darkest shit, and they use comedy as, like. For an example, we'd be in therapy and, like, trying to make the therapist laugh.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

So my podcast, like, sometimes I'm laughing and telling a story, and sometimes I'm, like, being really vulnerable, which is hard for me. So the first couple episodes that I had to be really vulnerable, granted, I was, like, drinking, like, 10. A lot of news, and I'm like.

[Grace O'Malley]

I don't know why I'm tweaking up.

[Christina Kirkman]

My sister's like, you need a Xanax. But I would start recording, and then I would. I'd be like, you need to stop this. I was just having so much anxiety about, like, being vulnerable.

[Grace O'Malley]

Are you doing it by yourself?

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay.

[Christina Kirkman]

Which is, like, you know, it's better.

[Grace O'Malley]

Than crying in front of people.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah. Well, yeah, that's true. That's true. But it's just. Just. I haven't not aired anything yet, but there was one episode that I shared some stuff that I was so stressed about sharing that I stopped it. Fifteen minutes in, I said, you gotta get. Let me go take a lap and I'll come back and do it. But of course, I've been on people's podcasts where I'm like, I wish that didn't air.

[Grace O'Malley]

Really?

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Damn.

[Christina Kirkman]

I was just like, what am I doing? Like, you just have those days. Yeah. You're just like. You feel off.

[Grace O'Malley]

Today's my day.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Just. Just so you know.

[Christina Kirkman]

You would never know. You would never know, but, like, that. That's. You're. I think especially when we. You're somebody that is, like, performative or whatever it is that you do is, like, in a public setting, there's always a pressure, like, naturally. Not every day I feel funny. I'm sure not every day you feel funny, but, like, the circumstance is you have to go to work and you have to be funny, and then you get in your. Like, some days it's just. It comes to you and it's easy, and some days it's not. And I'm in my head a lot, and if I'm on something and I felt like I wasn't funny or I just wasn't like. Like, picking up on things or being quick, I'm like, I hope no one sees that episode.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, dude, I walk away from every. Like, now that I have my sister. Come with me now. Now that I have her, I'll walk away. Because usually I'm just in my own head before, she would come with me, and I just be like, damn.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

And now I tell her, I'm like, dude, I don't think they liked me. She's like, they just asked you to.

[Christina Kirkman]

Hang out another time, so you keep her.

[Grace O'Malley]

I just, like, can't. Like.

[Christina Kirkman]

I don't know. I need that too. I. I feel like I. So much of what we do is an individual sport, and especially when I was acting, too. It's like, I'm auditioning 12 times a week, just me, myself, and I. Sending it into the stratosphere. Like, I'm not getting really any feedback.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, they don't get back to you.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah, they're just like, oh, you did good. Okay, great. What do I do with that?

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, that's good.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah, you get that. But it's like. Then you don't book it, and you're like, okay. Was it good? Yeah, but you need people around that kind of can shake you out of that, I think, especially creatives I think creatives are just absolutely insane. Like, we're all in our head. We're like. We're just mad.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

And we need people around to be like, yo, you're fine, dude. Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

I did a show last night and Lisa Gilroy was on it. You know Lisa? And she was asking people, she's like, what's a fun fact that you guys know? Some guys raised his hand and he goes, robin Williams wasn't actually sad his whole life. I was like, shut the up. Shut the up. And, like, I couldn't believe that's what he really said. I'm like, you think he's Joe Pesci? You think he's walking around a party saying, what am I, clown? What do I amuse you? I. I couldn't believe I was like, you. Why is. And why do you think that's a fact? That's not a. Oh, he. He drove me nuts. I, like, I shat on him. I was out up after her.

[Christina Kirkman]

I was gonna say, you spiraled about that all night.

[Grace O'Malley]

I. I went, adam, dude. And he was like, what? What? Beanie glasses. Of course.

[Christina Kirkman]

Right, right. I could have called that.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

Come on.

[Grace O'Malley]

I went. I just caught on stage. I was like, oh. I had a feeling that's what you look like.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah. You know what? I didn't see you, but I didn't need to. I know. Exactly.

[Grace O'Malley]

You have a good day, sir. I just. I don't know, man. We are. We are. You know, this is. Yeah. It's a bit of a game.

[Christina Kirkman]

It's a hard. And then, you know, you got the whole aspect of the Internet on top of it, which is like, you know, every move that you make is hyper criticized. And that doesn't help if you already are in your head about some.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. But I will say you have a crushing.

[Christina Kirkman]

Thank you.

[Grace O'Malley]

Like, absolutely 100 been crushing. And once I found out you were from Boston, I was like, even more.

[Christina Kirkman]

I mean, I. I knew you're from Boston and I loved you. I also just always feel my. I don't know, my. My real self comes out when I'm around my boss and people. I feel like in LA, I struggled. So, I mean, I've been here for 20 some odd years now, but when I came back out here as an adult, I found it so hard. I always felt. I felt like I had to change a little bit of who I was because we can be a little, like, if I say, hey, you.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

Like, it's a turn of endearment. Like, I only get there with people that I feel comfortable with. And I feel like I was always, like, a lot when I came out here or I had to explain myself. Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

I'm not loving that vibe.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah. Like, I'm just kidding. Like, the amount of times I have to be like, guys, I'm kidding. Like, I'm kidding. Like, I'm not gonna actually kill everybody. You know what I mean? Like, it's. It's. That, to me is like, anytime you get to say just kidding on it, the joke is not funny. So it's a buzz kill.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's an automatic buzz kill. And it wasn't your fault. It was. It was them.

[Christina Kirkman]

Right? Right, of course.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

But, like, you have to make friends.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

Like, do the dance a little bit.

[Grace O'Malley]

I. Yeah, I. I will say I went out. We went out to the bars last weekend, and I was not crushing it.

[Christina Kirkman]

It.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, I was not crushing it. I was.

[Christina Kirkman]

You not crushing it or other people not picking up? Like, just not on your.

[Grace O'Malley]

I don't know. I had these two fellas, they came up to me and then they started calling me someone else's name, and I was like, no, I'm Grace. And. But they were, like, with me. Like, came in with me.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

And like.

[Christina Kirkman]

But it was, like, too much.

[Grace O'Malley]

And I was just like, no, guys. Like, okay. So, yeah, I didn't expect them to know who I was, but they were calling. They were, like, trying to piss me off.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Kind of thing.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

And then they were just like. They were like, with me with a smile. I was like, okay, maybe we're doing jokes.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

And. And I. I went to go grab a round of drinks and I was like, oh, do you want anything? And he was like. Because he couldn't believe that I would get him something even after he was fucking with me.

[Christina Kirkman]

Okay.

[Grace O'Malley]

And so he couldn't come up with a drink off the top of his head. I go, oh, you're not fucking getting anything. And he was like, yeah, yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

Oh, yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

It was like a whole thing. And then he DM me. It was like, thanks a lot for the drink last night.

[Christina Kirkman]

And then you leave. You have, like, fucking whip. I feel like, especially when you first start going out in la, you come back with whiplash. You're like, do these people, they either like to me or they fucking hate me. And I can't. Can't differentiate which one it is.

[Grace O'Malley]

I couldn't do it.

[Christina Kirkman]

You kind of have to go a little insane when you come to la, like, because you're always playing that game. Like, everybody's. Everybody's playing a game, you're just like, okay. And like, you laugh, but like inside you're like, what the is going on?

[Grace O'Malley]

And every time you meet someone, and I don't know if this rings true, but this is just how it's been for me. Every time I meet someone, it's, hi, I'm. Blah, blah, blah, I do this.

[Christina Kirkman]

I just did a whole episode about this.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay.

[Christina Kirkman]

I was saying that, like, if you're working a job that you don't like, or even if you are working a job that you like, it sucks that the first thing that people are like, hi, I'm whatever. I do this. What do you do? Because you know that your answer is going to influence their opinion about you from there on out. And now it's like, dude, what are we doing? Like, what is it? A fucking job interview?

[Grace O'Malley]

That's the LA vibe of it all.

[Christina Kirkman]

It is.

[Grace O'Malley]

I. Because like, growing up in Boston, like, we don't ask each other what we do.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Like, that's like the. We'll be like seven bhd. Like, wait, what? You go. You have work anymore? What do you do too?

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah. And the crazy thing is it's. It's from. It's all the people that aren't even from la. It's from all the people that are from everywhere else that are like, okay, well, now I have to make it and I have to like really hustle and it just gets to be a little bit much. And I think that there are a lot of people that are trying to get something from different people and you kind of just weed those people out and. Yeah, you find you can do. Find your.

[Grace O'Malley]

Smell it.

[Christina Kirkman]

You can smell it.

[Grace O'Malley]

You can smell blood. His dad.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yes.

[Grace O'Malley]

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[Christina Kirkman]

Oh. Oh, my God. This is so embarrassing. So when I was a kid, I've been insufferable my whole life. I'm an only child.

[Grace O'Malley]

Some would say a performer.

[Christina Kirkman]

Sure, Yeah. I was quite obnoxious. So before all that, I was always just a very, very theatrical child. And I did this thing where when my parents were eating dinner and they were sitting at the table every night.

[Grace O'Malley]

Can I stop you for a second? So you. You were very young when you were on all that. How young were you when you're doing this?

[Christina Kirkman]

Oh, well, I was. I got on the show when I was 10. I'm not gonna lie. I continued to do this past the age of 10, but I started to do it at probably the ripe age of six.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay.

[Christina Kirkman]

I would. Every time. And I continue to do it. I actually would probably still do it to this day. When my parents were at dinner and I would hear them start eating, I would run downstairs, I would say, do you guys like baseball? And I would fart in my hand and I would cup it really tight and I would wind up and I would pitch it right to their face in the middle of dinner. And I'll tell you what, go home and try this, kids, because you'd be surprised. You can actually carry a fart smell, like, pretty far.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, you never.

[Christina Kirkman]

Like, there were times that I would. That I would cup it from, like, the living room and I would sprint to the kitchen and throw it, and I'd be like, oh, my God, I took the whole thing. Try it. Everyone's gonna go home now, dude. Just. Just do this. Tonight when you go home, when you fart, just do this. You would be shocked how you can transport gas.

[Grace O'Malley]

It is wild.

[Christina Kirkman]

That would actually probably be the opening scene because I feel like that just represents me. I think I've never told that story. Story?

[Grace O'Malley]

You have it?

[Christina Kirkman]

No, that.

[Grace O'Malley]

Because that just seems like, it would be like, written by, like an adult.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

This came off your nose.

[Christina Kirkman]

That was most of the. That I was doing as a kid.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

But that, that one stands out to me.

[Grace O'Malley]

Wow. That's. That's.

[Christina Kirkman]

Everyone's like, oh, my parents caused me trauma. I'm like, I caused my parents drama.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's classic comedy.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

And you knew from a ripe age.

[Christina Kirkman]

I was like, I should like baseball. And they were like, oh, my God, here we go.

[Grace O'Malley]

How do you like that?

[Christina Kirkman]

How do you like this?

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, that's good. That's the best response I could have ever gotten.

[Christina Kirkman]

There you go.

[Grace O'Malley]

Thank you very much.

[Christina Kirkman]

You're very welcome.

[Grace O'Malley]

Next question. And here's the preface that we've already talked about. As an actor, you're used to auditions. Do you have any audition stories that stand out?

[Christina Kirkman]

Oh, my God. I feel like I've blocked out so many auditions. I will tell you this. So when you. There's like different portals that you have to be on when you're an actor, that kind of show breakdowns of different auditions that are happening in different hubs and like, what's happening. And they'll release news like, do not audition for X and X project. Whether they had like a strike against SAG or like, had a tick against that. Whatever the issue is.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, I didn't know that.

[Christina Kirkman]

They'll tell you, like, do not work for like, I'll get the emails all the time. Just like, actors, especially actors that are working or auditioning without a team, they'll kind of keep you informed, like, what projects aren't great. So I book a. I'm auditioning for the lead of this series. The series was fucking legit. I do all the research. I had just. I don't remember if I dropped my team at this time or what had happened, but I was raw dogging auditions solo by myself. And this, I. I go out for this, like, very reputable show. There were like, names attached to the show. I met some of the names attached to the show and I remember feeling like, ah, this is like getting a little fucking sus. Because, like, the lead, you know, it's sus when like the lead is also the writer is also the director is also like. I was. That sucks. Yeah. I was just like, what are we doing here?

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay.

[Christina Kirkman]

It was just a little like, like, oh, you're also the director and the writer and you're also the lead and you're also the. And you're writing this like, specific role that's letting you like, be the pimp. It was just things started being like, okay, but at that. When you're. When you're at that stage of your, like, trying to make it, you're just like, I gotta pay my rent.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. You do anything?

[Christina Kirkman]

Like, my rent's due tomorrow, and I got nothing.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay. Got a question for you.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

So we brought. We were thinking about this at lunch yesterday. So we saw a Scientology post. It. Okay. Did you go, I'm. I'm at the point where they could really get me.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah, yeah. One bad day off. I'm like, one bad day away from being signed.

[Grace O'Malley]

Like, I want to believe in something. So we were sitting at lunch and we saw a Scientology poster. And first we were thinking, I wonder if those people are actually Scientologists. And if they're not, and they're just. They're just models or actors, what's the cost there?

[Christina Kirkman]

Like, oh, no, they're Scientologists.

[Grace O'Malley]

You think so? Yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah. But, like, I think it's. It's literally like the hazing. Like, it's kind of like the first thing you do when you, like. Like, you have to do, like, community service hours.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

But also, honestly, would. If you said to me, those are actors. They got that job on breakdown services. I'd say 100%.

[Grace O'Malley]

Was there ever a point where you would. You would take that casting role.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yes.

[Grace O'Malley]

And just be the face of Scientology?

[Christina Kirkman]

I would. I like. I remember, like, early days, I'd go out for, like, herpe commercials. I'm like, oh, perfect. That's. That's my rent done. Go out for that, like, Viagra perf. Sign me up. Submit me. I'll be the face of Viagra. I don't need.

[Grace O'Malley]

Is one blue.

[Christina Kirkman]

No, dude. I would have actually crushed it. Kind of pissed.

[Grace O'Malley]

I.

[Christina Kirkman]

That would have changed my career.

[Grace O'Malley]

But, yeah, you want. You want big pharma money? Of course.

[Christina Kirkman]

Right, Right. That's.

[Grace O'Malley]

Got to get into bed with those guys.

[Christina Kirkman]

But there. Yes. There is a time where you kind of hit this moment where you're like, I am willing to just let go of any moral and value and whatever. And, like, I will say, because I was a child actor and I had my parents that, like, watched me, and I was always a little bit mature for my age. Like, I never put myself in a bad situation. That being said, there does get to a point where you sacrifice. You hit this, like, fork in the road where you're like, I've spent all my money on this job. I don't have. I've missed funerals and weddings and birthdays for this Job I don't have. I still can't pay my rent, but I work harder than everybody I know. I will fucking do anything to get my foot in the door. There is that, like, kind of turning point. And yes, there was a time that I was very doe eyed and I would have. I was a little bit more gullible and vulnerable. And this is probably one of those scenarios. When I get this show, I'm like, elated that I get this show. I'm like, I go in, I think I test read like three times, and then I go in for a chemistry read, which is when, if it's like you and the other lead, they'll kind of have you guys read together to make sure you don't look like you hate each other, essentially.

[Grace O'Malley]

Are you doing this in person? Right?

[Christina Kirkman]

Doing this in person. So I go in for the chemistry read. Now, mind you, the guy that is the writer, director, lead is old. This is an older dude. Us being a couple was not a believable thing whatsoever unless it was like a parody. Right? Right. And I remember going in and they were like, okay, you guys are gonna kiss. It wasn't even in the script, but it all happened so fast. And I remember in my gut being like this sketchy. And then I book the job and he takes me out to dinner and, like, writes me a check. And I remember being like, okay, like, I'll take a check, but, like, something's off. Then I'm following up.

[Grace O'Malley]

This is a. This is a. An actual check.

[Christina Kirkman]

Like, he takes out a checkbook.

[Grace O'Malley]

A checkbook?

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah. This dude was like, born in the 40s too. He, like, writes a check and I'm like, it was. I mean, it was like 250. But at that time I was like, holy, that's 250. Writes me a check, gives it to me. Me. Thanks me. I'm so excited for this project. We were supposed to shoot in Texas and I was like, great. Just like, keep me posted on the whatever. So like, I didn't have a lawyer at the time. I had nobody. So I'm following up and I'm like, hey, what's going on? This guy absolutely ghosted me. I never heard from this guy again. And then like a month later, I saw an article like, do not work for. And it was that job and another girl it had happened to, where she also got the lead. The same role that I got went through the same. Had to kiss him. He took her out to dinner, he wrote her a check. And I forget how we got connected. But then that happened. And I was like, oh, dude, what the fuck?

[Grace O'Malley]

So I'm so sorry. That's.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah, you know, it's great character building.

[Grace O'Malley]

You know, of course it's always great to laugh it off, but that's a really fucked up thing.

[Christina Kirkman]

It's. It's fucked up because you get. You have this. And the crazy thing is, is the name of the show was Imposters. Hmm.

[Grace O'Malley]

Go figure. Can you say who it is or.

[Christina Kirkman]

I don't even know the, like, I don't even know. There were people attached that I knew, but I didn't know who this. The lead was. Like the guy that was writing and directing. I was like, oh, he's weird. But the fact that they had, like, said like, other people were involved that, like, I knew. I was like, okay, this has got to be legit. Like, I kept. Anytime I would be like, oh, this is a little off, they would do something that would make it seem like legit, and I'd be like, okay, we're fine. We're like, I'm in my head. I mean, I'm. I have imposter syndrome. Like, I can't believe this is actually happening.

[Grace O'Malley]

So that's so easy to, like, just pull a fast one like that to people.

[Christina Kirkman]

And that happens all especially to, like, young women that are moving here from, like the Midwest that have these, like, big dreams of being an actress or a musician or whatever it is like the industry, like, you will get taken advantage of at some point, you know?

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. And that's like the, the sad truth of it all.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Wow. Shit. I'm so sorry. That's like. That's crazy. Shit.

[Christina Kirkman]

Hey, if it didn't happen, I, you know, wouldn't be here doing this.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's true, I guess.

[Christina Kirkman]

You know.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. All right. That's. Always look on the bright side.

[Christina Kirkman]

Always look on the bright side.

[Grace O'Malley]

There it is. I don't know how to segue. So.

[Christina Kirkman]

So where do we go from here?

[Grace O'Malley]

We're actually. We're going to dive into another segment I like to call in the Green Room.

[Christina Kirkman]

Okay.

[Grace O'Malley]

And so in the Green Room is kind of like. The Green Room's like a place like a. Like a trailer, if you will, where you get to know someone real good. Cuz you're just. You're shooting the times while going by. So these are, these are the more personable questions. Okay, so we're both from Massachusetts. Since you moved to LA at such a young age, is there any Massachusetts in you that still comes out sometimes?

[Christina Kirkman]

Oh, my God.

[Grace O'Malley]

We kind of got It.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah. I mean, this whole episode, my. One of my best friends to this day, when we first met, I had a speech coach when I was on all that, because I had a thick accent. Like, the thickest accent you could ever imagine. And then I. So I had a speech coach, and then I went to school for broadcast journalism.

[Grace O'Malley]

So, like, at Emerson, right?

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah. So if I need to be professional and whatever, like, that's what I'll do. I'll play that card. But if I'm like, you know, that's. I'm. That's. I don't need that most of the time.

[Grace O'Malley]

Can I. Can I watch you code switch real quick?

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah, yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

I do the classic. Park the car in Harvard Yard, I guess. Oh.

[Christina Kirkman]

Oh, God. I can't. I actually can't do. Pack the car. Like, I can't pack the car and have it yard. Like, I can't really do it anymore.

[Grace O'Malley]

I never say it like that.

[Christina Kirkman]

Same, same. I would just say, like. Like, I'm like part.

[Grace O'Malley]

You start thinking about it too much.

[Christina Kirkman]

How do you say the word out? Okay, same. So people thought I was from Canada when I moved here because I say out and about.

[Grace O'Malley]

Out and about.

[Christina Kirkman]

And I say room, and people go, room.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, God. Click.

[Christina Kirkman]

A click. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I say Paki. They're like, the what? I'm like, the. Where they sell the alcohol. I don't know. Don't be a dick.

[Grace O'Malley]

Hacky on the Internet once and someone was like, that's racist. I'm like, no, it's not. No, I didn't think it was.

[Christina Kirkman]

Was Paki. It's. Dude, it's the liquor store.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's a pa. It's. It's literally called a package store.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah. I mean, everybody in Boston says Paki.

[Grace O'Malley]

And then I'm like, now you're just trying to make it racist.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah, right?

[Grace O'Malley]

It was never a race.

[Christina Kirkman]

They'll clip it. They'll take it out of context.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, now I sound like my dad.

[Christina Kirkman]

I'm talking. I'm talking about the place where they sell liquor. It is a liquor store. Anyway, now I can't do, like, a cliche accent anymore. But my. So I kind of. My accent was gone. And then I did voiceover work when I came to LA. And then LA just, you know, LA'd me, and I got rid of it. And my good friend, still, to this day, we became friends. And she was like, I can't believe you're from Boston. I would never know you're from Boston. And one night, I will never forget, we were At Hyde. And this girl like I was drinking and this girl like bumped into my friend. I, I don't care when people with me like, I like, you can do anything to me. I don't really get fed up. But when you start like with people that are with me, I like. So she like bumped into my friend, said something. I turn around, I said, what the did you just say? And my friend looked at me, she goes, oh yeah, no, I take back what you said. You are definitely from Boston.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's in you.

[Christina Kirkman]

When I'm mad, I'm also like Sicilian. So. And then I'm half Irish and I'm half Italian. So like I'm angry by blood.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's the North Shore.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah, I'm angry by blood. And then you add, you know, being from Boston. It comes out when I'm angry when I'm really comfortable with somebody. Honestly, I feel like when I'm not super comfortable with somebody, it's hard for them to tell. But when I start getting comfortable, that's when like I dropped the R's and like, you know, I just, you know. But yeah, it comes up.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, it is funny. You said hide. I took my mom to hide once.

[Christina Kirkman]

Iconic.

[Grace O'Malley]

So funny. It was so good.

[Christina Kirkman]

Hide. I don't know what like the nightlife is here anymore because I don't really go out. But Hyde used to be a banger.

[Grace O'Malley]

It seems like. I, I think it was last year and I, I think it was already. I think it's over.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah, well, that's the thing is like these LA places, they last six months and then a new, new spot comes in and. But yeah, that was a time. Bootsy Bellows one Oak Hide. I was a club.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, that's. That was the good times. That was when it was good times. Yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

Still drinking boxed wine.

[Grace O'Malley]

Pre covered.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah, yeah. Pre covered. It was just diff. Everything was different in. Especially in la. La. Kinda like I feel like there's no nightlife.

[Grace O'Malley]

And it's funny because a lot of these places in LA are also in New York. Yeah, like Lavo in New York is not lava.

[Christina Kirkman]

I don't even know what Lavo is.

[Grace O'Malley]

You see, it's like it's all hit place.

[Christina Kirkman]

God, I'm getting.

[Grace O'Malley]

Well, I don't know. There was like a fashion Nova party or something.

[Christina Kirkman]

Oh, you know what? Actually funny story about Fashion Nova. I was.

[Grace O'Malley]

Did you get stuck in one of those deals?

[Christina Kirkman]

No. Well, no, I've heard horror stories. This is literally like I. This is honestly so iconic that I can tell this story when I was in college. I interned at Comedy Central. I did a semester in LA because Emerson has a. An LA program.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, that is the Emerson. Because I saw. I saw Emerson Call and I was like, arby's. Okay. Yeah, okay. So classic.

[Christina Kirkman]

Like, so classic. So classic. I went out. There was a club that we used to go to called Argyle. And we'd go on Tuesday nights. Used to be industry night. I don't know if it still is industry night, but all like, the industry douchebags would go on Tuesday. So obviously I was like, I fit in. Let's go.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

And I remember I went out to Argyle and this guy is like at our table and he looks over, he's like, oh, you should follow me on Instagram. I just launched this business and I was like, what the fuck is this dude? He, like, hands me his phone and it's Fashion Nova. And it only has like a thousand followers, this account. And he's like, yeah, follow yourself. And I was like, what the fuck is this Fashion Nova? This dude is runs. I was like, all right. So Fashion Nova OG was following Christina Kirkman OG for a short amount of time. And then I remember when Fashion Nova started blowing up, I like went and I'm like. And they weren't following me anymore. Oh, what the fuck? But I was like, that's pretty fucking like meeting, you know, Jeff Bezos before Amazon. Like, no, that's a crazy story to tell. I don't even know his name, but, like, I met the Fashion Nova guy before Fashion Nova was Fashion Nova.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's pretty fucking wild, dude.

[Christina Kirkman]

I know any.

[Grace O'Malley]

I didn't even think there would be like one guy behind it.

[Christina Kirkman]

It was one guy. He had like, Gucci loafers.

[Grace O'Malley]

No shit.

[Christina Kirkman]

You know, he was like smoking cigs, dude.

[Grace O'Malley]

I just downplayed that really hard at the beginning of that. Everything I wear is Fashion Nova.

[Christina Kirkman]

No, Iconic.

[Grace O'Malley]

All I wear is Fashion Nova. You're the only ones size.

[Christina Kirkman]

Give this girl a brand deal, please.

[Grace O'Malley]

No.

[Christina Kirkman]

I want to see Grace do a try on haul. Oh, my gosh.

[Grace O'Malley]

Show not my. My speed.

[Christina Kirkman]

You got to do it. You got to do it.

[Grace O'Malley]

You. You crush the outfits. I will say, oh, my God. You're like a fashion icon right now and always have been, I'm sure. But like, you have really been popping off with these outfits. Have you been. Have you been to some fashion events? How do you be yourself there?

[Christina Kirkman]

I started dabbling in the fashion weeks, dude. Around the bullets to your adrenal glands. Like nothing I've ever experienced. Two days New York Fashion Week feels like I aged 10 years.

[Grace O'Malley]

Like, yeah, it's. You go out after.

[Christina Kirkman]

I have to.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

But, like, I. Here's the thing. I really do love fashion. Fashion can be super douchey. And when I, like, talk to my team about Fashion Week, I'm like, listen, I love fashion in the way that, like, Miley Cyrus likes fashion.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yes.

[Christina Kirkman]

Or, like, Peggy Goo likes fashion or. Or Zoe Kravitz likes fashion. Like, I am not going to change all the things I am to fit, like, a specific, traditional role to be in fashion.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's the way to be.

[Christina Kirkman]

If I can be this. And there are brands or moments that are open to accepting this version, fuck, yeah. Let's do it. But, like, it's just not. I'm always teetering on that line because I have so many interests, and a lot of those interests don't really go hand in hand with one another. So I'm always trying to find a way to do those interests without changing who I am.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

So Fashion Week, like, here's the thing about Fashion Week. I love the actual fashion show. The fashion shows, by the way, are literally 20 seconds. Seconds.

[Grace O'Malley]

Really?

[Christina Kirkman]

Literally 20 seconds. You sit down, everybody takes their Getty images. You just schmooze, schmooze, schmooshmoose. Lights go off, music plays, they walk, and then you clap, and it's done. You're like, oh, my God. I was in hair and makeup for six hours, and it's done.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's wild.

[Christina Kirkman]

So, like, it is a lot of, like, high anxiety of, like, being in hair and makeup and taking paparazzi photos and sitting next to, like, maybe your idol and, like, trying to play it cool, and then the show is over. It's, like, constantly, like. Like, just, you know, know, waiting for the second shoe to drop. You're just putting a lot of people together. So some of the events are douchey. Like, I went to an event after fucking New York Fashion Week, and I walked in, I looked at my. My man. I go, can I go? And she's like, no. Like, you gotta stay for a little bit. And it's not like. It's not because I think I'm, like, above anything. It's just. I know when it's not my scene.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

And, like, if I go somewhere and everybody's just sectioned off and on their phone and just, like, looking at who's looking at them, I'm like, this is just. I. I'm 32.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

If I was, like, 21, maybe I'd have a little Bit more patience about it. But it's like, I go. I'm like, if we're going to have an event at a nightclub, I'm going to be fudgeing, dancing. I'm going to be fudgeing, like, schmoozing, doing whatever. And sometimes it gets a little.

[Grace O'Malley]

Nothing I hate more than when you're at a party, you're talking to someone and they're doing this.

[Christina Kirkman]

Oh, who else is more important that's walking in that door?

[Grace O'Malley]

And for everybody listening, I looked away.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah, yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

I'm trying to be good about my audio. Audio listeners.

[Christina Kirkman]

I was saying that something that I've noticed myself doing is I. I get so insecure when I'm telling a story. And like, in the middle of the story, someone picks up their phone or they look off. So now what I've been finding myself doing is I lie. Like, I get so insecure that I'm not entertaining them that I'll just, like, throw in a random fact. Like, I'm like. And then I. Then I, you know, shit my pants. And then they'll look, and then they'll be like, wait, what? And I'm like, okay, now I have to, like, commit to this narrative. But I get so. And I also have such bad add that if I'm telling a story and you look away, I don't even know what I'm talking about. I forget everything.

[Grace O'Malley]

Dude, it's crazy.

[Christina Kirkman]

And then they're like, sorry, what did you say? And I'm like, it's. The moment has passed.

[Grace O'Malley]

I. I can't even remember, actually. How about that?

[Christina Kirkman]

That's actually all a Fashion Week. If I had to explain Fashion Week, it's having a conversation. Someone looks away. Sorry, what did you say? And you say, it doesn't matter. So, like, if the moment.

[Grace O'Malley]

Your people.

[Christina Kirkman]

You find your people there, you find your people. And like, we. When you get to go to really cool shows and meet really cool people, and if you're lucky enough that the really cool people you meet are actually really cool in person, that's a bonus.

[Grace O'Malley]

Who would are some of those people?

[Christina Kirkman]

You know, I feel like lately in the creator world, I will say, like, Anna Sitar is really, really sweet. I will say, Desi Perkins is really sweet. Honestly, it's crazy. I feel like sometimes the celebrities are nicer than the creators. Sometimes I feel like there is this weird creator war of, like, why are you here? What is your niche? Like, that happens sometimes.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

Like, if you go to something that's beauty specific and you're not I think for me too, like, I'm not like a beauty creator. I'm not a fashion creator. I'm like, I'm kind of just like floating in and out of all of these worlds.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

So I think that sometimes people get territorial of, like, specific niches, which is too bad.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

But then I also think about, like, I. I try to remember that. That this is a pretty young industry. Like, people, for the most part, are pretty young. And, like, I was an at 21, and I was also, like, defensive and protective at 21. So, like, sometimes I try to be mindful of, like, everybody is just trying to do what they got to do, you know?

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, that's true. That's a nice way of looking at.

[Christina Kirkman]

A lot of personalities together. You know, not everyone's going to vibe. I'm just like, I don't have patience anymore. At this point in my life. If I go somewhere and like, you're a dick. I'm like. Or if I can just sense that you're weird, I'm fudgeing out.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. I just. I just to want. I spent a lot of time kissing ass.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Like, just wanting people to like me for a really long time, and it made me lose who I am. So I think now that I have a better head on my shoulders, I might come off as a dick. I'll just leave one at a time and probably never come back to the conversation.

[Christina Kirkman]

I will leave and then never pursue talking to you ever again. I think it's also hard because when you're. Cause I was the same way. I think when you're a people pleaser and you're trying to get people to like you, you play the version of you that you think people will like. And then you wake up one day and you're like, I sustainably can't keep playing this character for these people, and I'm losing who I am. And that happened to me, like, literally all at once. I was playing different characters for different people and, like, being a pick me to everyone like you. I'm gonna play this version of me and this version of me. And then at the end of the day, they still didn't like me.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, yeah. Then you. Yeah, yeah. And then you're like. And then you just have that. That. That one day in the mirror of like.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah, yeah, totally. It's super dramatic. The opening of a. Of a early 2000s/ Rom com. You're, like, not doing it.

[Grace O'Malley]

I will say. Speaking of good people, we have a segment here on the show called Shout Out.

[Christina Kirkman]

Oh, shout out.

[Grace O'Malley]

We look out into the camera and just give whoever you want to give a shout out. I think everyone deserves their flowers.

[Christina Kirkman]

Oh, my God. Shout out. Shout out to my lawyer.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, that's Hollywood, baby.

[Christina Kirkman]

No, but it's so bad. I was literally on a podcast, and they were like, is there anything that you don't want to talk about? And I said. Said, yeah, just this. And. And. And they said, no problem. I said, yeah, that's my only red line. And my manager, she goes, did you just say red line? I go, oh, my God. I'm talking to my lawyer more than anybody else. I'm now using the term redline, and I know what that means exactly.

[Grace O'Malley]

Like, crossed out.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yes. Oh, wow. I said, that's my. Instead of saying, like, that's my boundary, I was like, that's my red line. And my manager was like, red line.

[Grace O'Malley]

Like, God, sign here on the fine print.

[Christina Kirkman]

Terrible. Shout out to my lawyer. I love my lawyer. Shout out to my. My. My whole team, they're. They put up with me and I'm a pain in the ass. Shout out to my boyfriend. Shout out to my couple of friends that I sometimes have. Shout out to my parents because they made me. Shout out to Boston. Shout out to Ohio for giving me your passport.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh.

[Christina Kirkman]

Shout out to fucking anyone. That's not a piece of shit.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, I think that was good. I think that was solid.

[Christina Kirkman]

Everyone who's not a piece of shit deserves flowers.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah, there you go.

[Grace O'Malley]

And you know what? Here's the thing. Those pieces of shit, they don't know it.

[Christina Kirkman]

They don't.

[Grace O'Malley]

They don't know it. They think they just got a shout out.

[Christina Kirkman]

They don't.

[Grace O'Malley]

Fucking fools.

[Christina Kirkman]

Fucking fools.

[Grace O'Malley]

I want to play a little game that might give you a little ptsd, love.

[Christina Kirkman]

Ptsd. Let's do it.

[Grace O'Malley]

Because you're going back in time to the 2000s to critique trends. I'll name a 2000s trend, and then I want you to tell me if it's disgraceful or something. You have no problem rocking it up.

[Christina Kirkman]

Okay.

[Grace O'Malley]

All right. Dresses over jeans.

[Christina Kirkman]

Fucking disgrace.

[Grace O'Malley]

Thin brows.

[Christina Kirkman]

Honestly, kind of slay Page boy hats.

[Grace O'Malley]

Slay exposed thongs.

[Christina Kirkman]

Iconic.

[Grace O'Malley]

Bobby Jack.

[Christina Kirkman]

What's Bobby Jack?

[Grace O'Malley]

The little monkey guy.

[Christina Kirkman]

Wait, Paul Frank, right? Paul Frank. Iconic, yeah. Paul Frank. Wait, Bobby. Oh, yeah. Slay. That's limited. Limited, too.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, is that Bobby Jack, too, though?

[Christina Kirkman]

Bobby Iconic. Iconic, yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Then what are we thinking of?

[Christina Kirkman]

Paul Frank. Frank.

[Grace O'Malley]

Paul Frank.

[Christina Kirkman]

Is. It was. I had a bag. It was just the Paul Frank.

[Grace O'Malley]

They were ripping each other off.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah. But Paul Frank was like the adults.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, okay.

[Christina Kirkman]

Like, they had a. I remember they had a store on Sunset and I would go with my 20 that I got after filming an episode and buy something, dude. I was like, lifestyles are rich and famous.

[Grace O'Malley]

Let's go, dude. It's kind of like that. Do you know Johnny Cupcakes?

[Christina Kirkman]

Yes, dude.

[Grace O'Malley]

So cool, dude.

[Christina Kirkman]

Johnny Cupcakes. And you walked in. It was like a bakery. It was like, smell like a bakery.

[Grace O'Malley]

T shirt place. And it was like a speakeasy, Dude.

[Christina Kirkman]

So sick.

[Grace O'Malley]

It was so sick. I wish. Yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

Was that just Boston or was that.

[Grace O'Malley]

Like a. I think it was Boston then. I don't know why? I have, like, flashbacks of, like, the Jackass. Jackass guys wearing them. No. Oh, it looks like Jackass.

[Christina Kirkman]

I remember exactly where the store was on Newberry Street. Yes. It was right at the. Right next to the restaurant on that corner. And you would walk up the stairs. I remember that dope store.

[Grace O'Malley]

It was so sick. It was like going to a museum, like, real quick. It was so cool. Cool. Oh, actually, this is just a side note. Children's museum. You ever go there in Boston?

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, dude. I want to go back on, dude.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

How sick would that be?

[Christina Kirkman]

Watch one of the exhibitions. Yo, dude, I went with the bubble room.

[Grace O'Malley]

You could have been.

[Christina Kirkman]

Should we do that?

[Grace O'Malley]

Yes. But, like, are you allowed. Yeah. To be there without.

[Christina Kirkman]

Well, they're not going to. I can look really young. I'm. I'm short. All right, Just like. Well, you know what we'll do? We'll just, like, put me in a carriage.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay, perfect.

[Christina Kirkman]

We can make it. It's 20, 25. What are they gonna. We're like. They can't question my age.

[Grace O'Malley]

I just want to. I just want to be a kid again.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Maybe take a little sh. There.

[Christina Kirkman]

We'll do it. It'll be a whole episode.

[Grace O'Malley]

Back to this. Oh, limited to iconic shiny pink lipstick.

[Christina Kirkman]

No. Bye. It looks like butthole lips. I don't like it.

[Grace O'Malley]

Chunky eyeliner.

[Christina Kirkman]

Honestly.

[Grace O'Malley]

Iconic velour tracksuits.

[Christina Kirkman]

Iconic popcorn shirts. Oh, my God. Wait, is that what you're. Are you wearing a popcorn shirt and you take it off and it's like this big iconic. Especially the tie. The tie dye ones.

[Grace O'Malley]

I can't believe I'm wearing one. Are they called asking you if you like.

[Christina Kirkman]

I thought they were called. What's that instrument?

[Grace O'Malley]

Accordion.

[Christina Kirkman]

Accordion.

[Grace O'Malley]

Accordion.

[Christina Kirkman]

They do the same thing. They blow up and then they shrink. It's fine. Same thing.

[Grace O'Malley]

Arm warmers.

[Christina Kirkman]

Oh, you know, I'm Gonna have to go with. With no, because I feel like basketball players wear arm warmers now. Like, they have those weird mom injuries. You know, they were like. They're kind of like. And I'm like, what are you doing, dude?

[Grace O'Malley]

Like, shoot a sleeve.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah, dude, you're fine for your elbow. That shit's lame. No, no, no. Arm warmers. Leg warmers. Slay leg warmers. Yeah, I'll go for a leg warmer.

[Grace O'Malley]

Got your pants.

[Christina Kirkman]

Iconic.

[Grace O'Malley]

Skunk hair. No Jelly shoes.

[Christina Kirkman]

Iconic.

[Grace O'Malley]

And no tear shampoo.

[Christina Kirkman]

Iconic. Yeah, but here's the thing about that stuff hurt.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

Bad Mark. You want to talk about, like, og Bad marketing. No tears.

[Grace O'Malley]

You know what I found out on TikTok blew my mind. They weren't talking about your eyes. They were talking about the hair. It's not going to tear your hair. Hair.

[Christina Kirkman]

But wasn't the logo.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, it was an eyeball. They were tricking us.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah, that was bad marketing.

[Grace O'Malley]

I used to be like, oh, my God, we have to get that shampoo because it's like, right?

[Christina Kirkman]

Because they have a eye on it, dude. Dude, they're. I mean, they're. They're definitely in, like, jail now.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, I mean, they. They really with those kids.

[Christina Kirkman]

They smell so good.

[Grace O'Malley]

And Dan, the Danimals guys, everyone on that animals.

[Christina Kirkman]

I forgot about Danimals. I was more of a gogurt girl.

[Grace O'Malley]

Really. Yeah, like. Like a. Like a. Yeah, yeah. Those were awesome. Sunny D. Oh, my God.

[Christina Kirkman]

Oh, yeah. Good times. Lunchables.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's so funny sometimes I'm an adult now and I remember, you know, you just buy yourself those snacks. The snacks you want.

[Christina Kirkman]

They're dis. Have you had like a lunchable in the last five years? They're dis. I can. The pizza lunchable is disgusting.

[Grace O'Malley]

It.

[Christina Kirkman]

And I used to beg.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's disgusting.

[Christina Kirkman]

Terrible.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's raw cheese with cold tomato sauce.

[Christina Kirkman]

But you know what is fucking good? Dunkaroos. Dunkaroos rock, dude. Dunkaroos. With that fucking, like, funfetti cream that you. Oh, my. I could actually fuck up a dungaroo.

[Grace O'Malley]

I fucking get one after.

[Christina Kirkman]

Did you see Pop Tart has ice cream sandwiches now?

[Grace O'Malley]

No shit.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah. You get them at Walmart.

[Grace O'Malley]

That sounds right.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah. Yeah. Her ears perked up.

[Grace O'Malley]

That sounds awesome.

[Christina Kirkman]

She goes, I know where we're going after this.

[Grace O'Malley]

This next segment is called the Write in Room. So as an actress, your job is to become a completely different person for the love of the game. Game. For this segment, we asked the live studio audience listeners at home to tell us about the time you pretended to be someone you're not, faking an accent, fake job, fake personality, etc, here are their responses. And we'll just get a vibe and we'll, we'll discuss love, my friend. And I said we were Grace's cousin to get a pick and meet her on stage in Boston. Yeah, that was crazy.

[Christina Kirkman]

You. You know who it is.

[Grace O'Malley]

They hopped in my. So I opened for Whitney Cummings Sick. And then Whitney was like, if you're from Grace's family, come on stage age. And these random girls, I literally thought they were like cousins I haven't met yet because, like Boston Irish.

[Christina Kirkman]

Right.

[Grace O'Malley]

And they hopped in my family picture.

[Christina Kirkman]

That's like really ballsy.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's ball.

[Christina Kirkman]

But also like, that would, that would only happen with Boston girls. Oh, yeah. Like, only Boston girls would be like, I respected the.

[Grace O'Malley]

Out of.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah, they're gonna take over the world.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. Okay.

[Christina Kirkman]

See, this is the importance though, of lying.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

You know, lying is more important than people want to. Like, it's important.

[Grace O'Malley]

A little white lie.

[Christina Kirkman]

Look at what they got, where it got them.

[Grace O'Malley]

Because if you lie too hard, you, you end up lying forever in your life.

[Christina Kirkman]

Right.

[Grace O'Malley]

Little white lies here and there. Beautiful stuff.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

I go to estate sales and pretend to be some high class gal. Dress the part and everything.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah. I mean, that, that's, that's what you should do.

[Grace O'Malley]

That, that's like. That sounds like fun little role play with yourself.

[Christina Kirkman]

You should do that. It's like, it's like if you're going to court and you're a piece of. You got a dress like.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. No, you're so right about that.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Faked a bachelorette party at the bar. I was erica Teeni marrying Mr. Weenie.

[Christina Kirkman]

Now, see, the fact that you would fake like, I, I don't even want a bachelorette when I have it. Like, I don't even, I don't even want it when I have to have it. I'm not gonna just be like, guys, I'm gonna. Let's. Let's have a fake bachelorette.

[Grace O'Malley]

Hell, I like the idea only because.

[Christina Kirkman]

They were probably getting free drinks.

[Grace O'Malley]

Getting free drinks. And I love that. I love, I love, I, I love getting a free drink. But if you're gonna.

[Christina Kirkman]

There's other ways to do it.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. And also if you're gonna, you know, come up with an alias for yourself. Let's be, let's, let's be realistic.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah. If you're gonna play the part, like.

[Grace O'Malley]

Really commit the part, you're not getting married to Mr. Weenie.

[Christina Kirkman]

Come on. If you want a free drink, just ask.

[Grace O'Malley]

Some girl comes up to me in a bar and says, is my bachelor. I'm getting married to Mr. Weenie. I'm like, are you just trying to get a free drink?

[Christina Kirkman]

100.

[Grace O'Malley]

I got you. But be honest with me, right?

[Christina Kirkman]

Like, there's other ways you could do it. You could just be like. Especially if you're in Boston, just go up to a guy and be like. Like, hey, you won't buy me a drink? Fucking loser.

[Grace O'Malley]

And they'll be all, bet I'll buy you one.

[Christina Kirkman]

Like, it's all. You have to just manipulate them and you'll get a drink.

[Grace O'Malley]

I just. I just did shows in Boston and I had two of my buddies from New York open for me. And their main takeaway was the way Boston women flirt is aggressive.

[Christina Kirkman]

It is.

[Grace O'Malley]

They said. A lot of the times we thought they were being mean to us, but no, they actually were. Had crushes.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah. I'm like, yeah, we never grew out of that phase. Like when you were kids and. And you know, when you'd come home and be like, mom, he made fun of me. And your mom was like, oh, it's cause they have a crush on you. We never grew out of that. Like, all of us.

[Grace O'Malley]

The more I give you shit, the.

[Christina Kirkman]

More I like you. If I'm nice to you, I'm not interested in you.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, no, it's too much.

[Christina Kirkman]

It's too much.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's just like, yeah, no, I'm just, you know.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah, but that's specifically like, well, yeah, we're aggressive. Whatever.

[Grace O'Malley]

It is what it is.

[Christina Kirkman]

We were never taught also, like, how to deal with trauma.

[Grace O'Malley]

No.

[Christina Kirkman]

So we just like, run around and yell at people, you know? Cause it's was like, nowadays if a kid's like, I'm sad. It's like, okay, let's talk about it. Let's go to therapy. For us, it was like, oh, I'm sad. Okay. Pretend to be not sad.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's like, go outside.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah, yeah. Touch grass, throw the ball around.

[Grace O'Malley]

You're not sad.

[Christina Kirkman]

Then smoke a cigarette off the ground or something.

[Grace O'Malley]

I don't know.

[Christina Kirkman]

You'll be fine. Yeah. Different.

[Grace O'Malley]

My dad found my diary. And when I came home one day, he pulled me aside, he said, I read that I. He had it in his hand.

[Christina Kirkman]

He read it.

[Grace O'Malley]

He read it.

[Christina Kirkman]

That's cruel.

[Grace O'Malley]

It was some. It was middle school. There's some crazy shit in there. Crazy shit in there.

[Christina Kirkman]

Oh, what did he say? What did you. What?

[Grace O'Malley]

He said, this is how he dealt with It. He goes, I'm not going to tell you, mother, but let's just pretend this never happened.

[Christina Kirkman]

And I was like, oh, did you literally die inside?

[Grace O'Malley]

Dude, I. My whole plan. Cuz I'm so. Like I'm. I'm so dramatic. Is like my whole plan was to have. Have this. This journal or all these journals from middle school to today.

[Christina Kirkman]

Okay.

[Grace O'Malley]

To look back on.

[Christina Kirkman]

Right.

[Grace O'Malley]

I never wrote again.

[Christina Kirkman]

Right. You lost.

[Grace O'Malley]

Like, I can't write again.

[Christina Kirkman]

No, you can never write again. I don't even think you should own any kind of writing utensil after that.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, it was.

[Christina Kirkman]

I can't believe he read it.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

I feel like if I were a parent and I found it, I wouldn't even want to. I wouldn't even want to.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

Ballsy with me.

[Grace O'Malley]

Wow.

[Christina Kirkman]

You got to work that one out.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, no, that was. That's.

[Christina Kirkman]

That'd be a great place to start for therapy. You're like, oh, you don't even know.

[Grace O'Malley]

And his. His only thing he asked me about, there was. There was things. You know, you're in middle school, you just find out that you can kill yourself.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yes.

[Grace O'Malley]

Like, I didn't even know that was an option.

[Christina Kirkman]

Right, right, right.

[Grace O'Malley]

Like truly. And the only thing he was honed in on was you drank. You drank a liquor while you. While you were watching the girls.

[Christina Kirkman]

Right, right, right.

[Grace O'Malley]

I was like, I was just trying. I was just trying to sip.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah, right. I drank it in the closet. No. Yeah. He's like, well, that's not my boost.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, well, I'm like, it's water anyways, Pops.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah, yeah, don't worry about it. Sorry. Wow, that's brutal. I'm so sorry.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, it's all good. I mean, it made me who I am today. Oh, this one's insane. My family lied to me about my biological dad and birth name till I was 17.

[Christina Kirkman]

Wow.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's crazy.

[Christina Kirkman]

That's a hard lie to upkeep.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, this one too. I had to pretend to be a hardcore criminal when I was in jail temporarily. For 60 days in.

[Christina Kirkman]

Oh, because he. Oh, yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

They were on the show. That's crazy. Narc. I hate that. I hate that. I think it's the most up thing you could do. They're already like. They're just already in jail. Now you're with them while they're in jail? Yeah, we're trying to rehabilitate them. Not.

[Christina Kirkman]

Right.

[Grace O'Malley]

Make them not. I just. I just. I don't think Park. Jesus Christ.

[Christina Kirkman]

That just reminds me of the Heat. Do you seen the Heat? With Sandra Bullock and knock. You're a knock. Great scene.

[Grace O'Malley]

So good.

[Christina Kirkman]

See, if someone came up to me and said. And I said I was from Boston. And they said, oh, like the heat when they're at the dinner table yelling about being a knock. I say, yes.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yes, exactly.

[Christina Kirkman]

That is what Boston is like. 100 people are just not getting the. Right.

[Grace O'Malley]

They're not getting it.

[Christina Kirkman]

They're not getting it. Yeah. No, no, it's not like Ted. It's like Melissa McCarthy and Sandra Bullock and the.

[Grace O'Malley]

He.

[Christina Kirkman]

Look it up.

[Grace O'Malley]

Wait.

[Christina Kirkman]

Underrated movie.

[Grace O'Malley]

I'm sorry. You kind of are like Ted, dude.

[Christina Kirkman]

I. Yeah, I'll take it.

[Grace O'Malley]

Ted. Ted was a child star.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah. And he's small and.

[Grace O'Malley]

And, but, but. No, but that. That's kind of the only thing that ties you in. And he's from Boston.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah, There you go. That's right.

[Grace O'Malley]

He's lovable.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

He smokes pot. He smokes pot.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah. We're basically one of the same.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, There it is. I'm so sorry.

[Christina Kirkman]

That's my alto. I. I've heard Dochi.

[Grace O'Malley]

Alter ego.

[Christina Kirkman]

Worse. All right, now we're pulling out files.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. So this is. This is the last one of the day.

[Christina Kirkman]

I have never felt more submissive in a chair. Like now I'm like, I've always been like, oh, I want to be on a late night show. And after sitting in this chair, I'm like, I don't know if I can handle it.

[Grace O'Malley]

See, this is. This is where I have fun on the late night show of it all. Because you're supposed to be PC on there and it's like quick, right? And easy right Here you can go dark.

[Christina Kirkman]

You just want to. You just want to torture me before death. You don't want to. Great. Love that.

[Grace O'Malley]

This episode is brought to you by Progressive Commercial Insurance. Business owners, meet Progressive Insurance. They make it easy to get discounts on commercial auto insurance and find coverages to grow with your business quote in as little as 7 [e-mail] Progressive Casualty Insurance Company coverage provided and serviced by affiliated and third party insurers. Discounts and coverage selections not available in all states or situations. Looking for a running shoe that does it all? The New Balance 1080 is your ultimate go to. Blending comfort, performance and undeniable style. Whether you're clocking miles or grabbing coffee, it seamlessly transitions from your morning run to your everyday life. They just sent me a pair. I'm not going to lie to you guys. I've switched my regular shoe. I. I am now all in on the new balance 1080. I wouldn't lie to you guys. With plush cushion support your feet, stay secure and comfortable with run after run while you're running around doing errands. I'm not much of a runner for exercise per se, but I'm running around the city day to day. So thanks to the lightweight, breathable materials, you'll stay cool and fresh no matter how far you go. From race day to rest day, The New Balance 1080 delivers the versatility and comfort serious athletes and everyday movers demand. Slip them on and experience what performance really feels like. Like, shop the [e-mail] so this segment is called Disgraceful Receipts. And I'm going to have you explain some things I have in here. All right. It's all things. All things. You.

[Christina Kirkman]

Oh, my God. What the. There's so many pieces of paper. Shut the fuck up, dude. Criminal.

[Grace O'Malley]

This is the only kind of a gotcha I do on the show.

[Christina Kirkman]

What the fuck? Okay, so I don't. This is a Neutrogena. I want to say this was pre Kids Choice Awards.

[Grace O'Malley]

It was.

[Christina Kirkman]

I think it was a gifting suite before the Kids Choice Awards.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, so they've been doing it?

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, we won best TV show in 2003, which is my first year that we went, which I think actually was this year. That year that it was. Yet I was at, like, my awkward phase where I also didn't know how to smile. Like, I didn't know. I'm still learning how to smile.

[Grace O'Malley]

Like, you know, like, most kids don't have to.

[Christina Kirkman]

Like, over here.

[Grace O'Malley]

Over here, you know?

[Christina Kirkman]

Right, right.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's only for your Auntie Lisa.

[Christina Kirkman]

I did, like, this thing. Smile, smile. And the fact, like, you like your brothers. I also. My mom, we were in that, like, stage of fashion where we just clipped, like, those flower brooches to everything.

[Grace O'Malley]

I love that. And there's, like, part of the sweater.

[Christina Kirkman]

I think this needs something. I got it.

[Grace O'Malley]

Put the flower. Oh, honey. You need the brooch.

[Christina Kirkman]

That is ridiculous.

[Grace O'Malley]

My favorite part is you're so on theme. So, like, you've got the blue. You got a little blue going on, but you also got the pink going on. You like cotton candy. Candy. But you didn't forget every aspect. You have pink and blue ponytail.

[Christina Kirkman]

I need to just take a photo of you holding that picture up because this is going to be my Roman Empire. Is you. Hold on. Sorry, guys. We're taking a photo break.

[Grace O'Malley]

Why is it that the phone's always greasy?

[Christina Kirkman]

Because I'M always greasy. That's hilarious.

[Grace O'Malley]

My phone's always greased too.

[Christina Kirkman]

That is hilarious that you have that.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay, up next.

[Christina Kirkman]

That one's actually almost worse because I shouldn't. I should know better. I should know better at this age.

[Grace O'Malley]

This is. You want to be Belle so bad, dude.

[Christina Kirkman]

So bad. I'm like, come on, Disney live action bell, dude. I was like, I'll take anything. I'll play the fucking teapot. I don't care.

[Grace O'Malley]

You know what? You would have been better in Enchanted. I would have casted you.

[Christina Kirkman]

I actually loved Enchanted. That's an underrated movie.

[Grace O'Malley]

It is a great movie.

[Christina Kirkman]

So this was when I was still in Boston and I was like, oh, maybe I'll dabble in acting again. And I got headshots shots. And this was probably the shot where they were like, we want you to have one where you look all American and non threatening. And my mom said, great, well, let's go get those two dollar clip in fake Claire's earrings. And I said, bet Carmela the swoop here. It's this terrible grace. Like, what are we doing here?

[Grace O'Malley]

It's great. I think it's great. What do we got here? Oh, yes, of course.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yes. Well, this is actually recent. This is me holding a dildo from a film I just did called Trigger Happy. And if you were to press play on that photo, I shake it around and I slap it.

[Grace O'Malley]

There you go.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah. And I. My parents saw. And then it jumps to a sex scene. Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

So, yeah, I mean, you. You said you feel submissive here. You look pretty dumb there.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I'm feeling a little out of my element here. I'm used to having, you know, slapping around a dildo. I don't have any comments. Comment for that one. I have no comment for that.

[Grace O'Malley]

It was a different time. It was a different time, dude.

[Christina Kirkman]

Where, like, how deep did you dive? Okay. During the pandemic, I was feeling very creatively uninspired. I was.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

And I launched a business called Woman Childs. And I put all the unemployment money into making a apparel company. And one of the first things we launched were those masks. And I thought I was doing something different because I was like, I'm gonna make sunglass chains and monetize a catastrophe.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay, hold on though. That's smart.

[Christina Kirkman]

Yeah. I mean, at the time it was.

[Grace O'Malley]

That was really smart.

[Christina Kirkman]

But looking back, what is. What are we doing here with that?

[Grace O'Malley]

Like, I honestly think that's great though, because, like, you were. You had nurses in mind I think maybe.

[Christina Kirkman]

Sure. You know what? This is also what I would say if you were to ask me, like, who I'd want to fight. So I'm wearing a Ramones shirt.

[Grace O'Malley]

I don't know one fucking.

[Christina Kirkman]

I don't know one fuck song. And if you are one of those specifically men, I wear a lot of band T shirts, and you come up to me and you're like, oh, name three songs, Jail. I don't want any. Like, I just like the vibe.

[Grace O'Malley]

Right?

[Christina Kirkman]

I like. I don't know. I had rips in it. I like. I. Dude, I. I feel like every time I go on a band shirt, there's always that dude that's like, name three songs. And then my other fear is, normally I'd be like, your mother's a slut.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, of course. Yeah.

[Christina Kirkman]

But my new fear as an adult is I'm always afraid, because my gut reaction, because I am 12, is to say, your mother. And I'm so nervous that someone's gonna be like, my mom is dead.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay. So I.

[Christina Kirkman]

That's like a rational fear.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. I'll tell you, it sucks.

[Christina Kirkman]

Have you done it?

[Grace O'Malley]

I've done it. I was doing man on the street, and I was. I was like. I was saying, your mommy and your daddy's drowned, and who do you save first? And he goes, my dad. I go, why, pussy? You're not a mama's boy. He goes, well, my mom's dead.

[Christina Kirkman]

And I was like, dude, that is literally. Did you. I would have. I would have ran into traffic.

[Grace O'Malley]

I just gave him a hug.

[Christina Kirkman]

I would have ran. I fucked the hug. I would have ran directly into traffic.

[Grace O'Malley]

It was so bad.

[Christina Kirkman]

Oh, that is.

[Grace O'Malley]

I chose to post it. Right.

[Christina Kirkman]

Okay. So it's a you thing.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, it's bad.

[Christina Kirkman]

All right, great. Glad we came to that.

[Grace O'Malley]

It was a beautiful full circle moment, though, I guess. Okay, up next Sunday, fun day.

[Christina Kirkman]

These are getting fucking. I really thought the Neutrogena one was. We're starting on a.

[Grace O'Malley]

On a low.

[Christina Kirkman]

This was before pre Botox. As you can see in my forehead. I can't do that anymore. My forehead doesn't. Doesn't. Doesn't ripple like that anymore. Yeah, this is. This again. When I'm acting. I. I am. They wanted me to be cute. Here's the thing. I wanted to do comedy, but they were like, you can't do comedy. You need to be, like, the lovable fun girl next door. And I was like, no, I want to do comedy. And they were like, no one's gonna take you seriously. In comedy love.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yolo.

[Christina Kirkman]

God, that is really bad. That is really, really terrible.

[Grace O'Malley]

Those are gonna shit.

[Christina Kirkman]

I mean, just put it down.

[Grace O'Malley]

She should have been on Girls.

[Christina Kirkman]

Just put it down. We don't need to look at it now. I know what that is. You can put that one down too. You can put that one. I thought I was be a Roxy model.

[Grace O'Malley]

I did.

[Christina Kirkman]

I was like, I surf and I, I, I, I surf and I live in California. That you, my eyes make. Thank you. Oh, my God.

[Grace O'Malley]

That was, that was it.

[Christina Kirkman]

That was terrible.

[Grace O'Malley]

We ended on your model shot. God, God, thank you so much for coming on how we ended and things. If you want to again look at this camera and give any kind of a tell, tell people where, where to find you. All that jazz. Why we do this in the first place, right?

[Christina Kirkman]

Right? Don't find me.

[Grace O'Malley]

We don't like each other.

[Christina Kirkman]

Right? Right. I am, I am Christina Kirkman on the Internet. You can find me there. And I have a podcast called Life's a Joke. Life's a jokepod is where we post things on the Internet. And I have a dog and I have two ducks. It's your boy Winston, and it's your girl Willa. And other than that, don't fucking find me. Cause I don't want to leave my house, dude.

[Grace O'Malley]

Thank you so much for coming on. This was great.

[Christina Kirkman]

Bye, guys.

[Grace O'Malley]

You rock. Thank you. When's the last time you changed your air filter? Filtreat brand is here to remind you that it's important to change it regularly to help keep your H Vac system running smoothly and efficiently. Multiple factors can impact the life of your AC air filter like pets, cooking and poor outdoor air quality. Filtreat MPR 1900 air filters can help capture these unwanted micro particles, including bacteria and viruses circulating in your home's air. Change your filter today with Filtreat brand. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Commercial Insurance. Business owners meet Progressive Insurance. They make it easy to get discounts on commercial auto insurance and find coverages to grow with your business Quote in as little as 7 [e-mail] Progressive Casualty Insurance Company coverage provided and serviced by affiliated and third party insurers. Discounts and coverage selections not available in all states or situations. With leading networking and connectivity, advanced cybersecurity and expert partnership. Comcast business helps turn today's enterprises into engines of modern business. Powering the engine of modern business Powering possibilities, Restriction supply.