Connor Wood Can Do No Wrong In My Eyes

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Connor Wood Can Do No Wrong In My Eyes"

Podcast Information:

• Title: Disgraceful with Grace O’Malley
• Host: Grace O’Malley
• Guest: Connor Wood
• Release Date: February 27, 2025

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1. Introduction and Host Update

Grace O’Malley opens the episode with a heartfelt message to her listeners, expressing gratitude for the podcast's success, including its rise to number six on the comedy podcast charts and its position among the top 23 all-time podcasts. She announces upcoming tour dates, apologizing for having to reschedule a few shows but assures that no performances are canceled. Grace shares personal anecdotes about her tour and interactions with fans, setting an enthusiastic and appreciative tone for the episode.

Notable Quote:

Grace O’Malley [01:00]: "I really appreciate you guys and I just wanted to hop on here and tell you that for the next couple episodes I banked a few in LA."

---

2. Guest Introduction

Grace introduces Connor Wood, a comedian known for his work on the "Brooke and Connor Makeup Podcast." They share a humorous banter about their studio setup and the nature of the podcast, highlighting their camaraderie and comedic chemistry.

Notable Quote:

Grace O’Malley [04:12]: "He is a comedian and also known on the ever so popular Brooke and Connor makeup podcast."

---

3. Touring and Travel Tales

Connor delves into his experiences touring, particularly the challenges of performing in various cities and the logistical hurdles of traveling. He shares humorous and sometimes harrowing stories about performing in locations like the Mall of America and dealing with last-minute changes. The conversation highlights the unpredictable nature of comedy tours and the resilience required to navigate them.

Notable Quote:

Connor Wood [09:00]: "I know, no, the last place I lived was an absolute fortress, and someone fully just was, like, in my house."

---

4. Comedy Craft and Challenges

The duo discusses the intricacies of crafting stand-up material, the pressure of live performances, and the importance of originality in comedy. Connor reflects on his first unsuccessful joke about health insurance and how feedback from different audiences shaped his comedic style. Grace emphasizes the varying receptions of jokes based on regional sensibilities, underscoring the adaptive nature of comedy.

Notable Quote:

Connor Wood [55:39]: "It was about getting health insurance. Because I think I was just getting kicked off my parents' insurance and I was unemployed technically."

---

5. New Podcast Segments

Grace introduces several new segments designed to engage both guests and listeners:

• In the Green Room: A segment focusing on personal rider requests and backstage antics.
• Bombed: A segment where they discuss failed jokes or performances.
• Writers Room: A space for sharing and evaluating submitted content.
• That's Disgraceful: A segment featuring hot takes and debates.

These segments aim to diversify the podcast’s content and provide structured yet entertaining interactions.

Notable Quote:

Grace O’Malley [50:16]: "This is a new segment we like to call. That's Disgraceful."

---

6. Personal Anecdotes and Comedic Insights

Connor shares personal stories, including a dream where he was slated to perform minimal stand-up time, reflecting anxieties about his performance and audience reception. The conversation touches on themes of self-doubt, the creative process, and the balance between personal life and professional commitments. Both hosts discuss the impact of social media on comedy, with Connor recounting his experience with TikTok bans and the challenges of maintaining an online presence.

Notable Quote:

Connor Wood [26:30]: "I had a dream that... they wanted me to do one minute of stand up, and then later they wanted me to do 25."

---

7. Audience Engagement and Interactive Segments

Grace and Connor engage in interactive segments where they answer audience-submitted questions, evaluate tattoo choices, and debate pop culture topics. These segments showcase their improvisational skills and ability to connect with listeners through relatable humor and shared experiences.

Notable Quote:

Grace O’Malley [44:14]: "If you were to become my co-host, would your usage of edibles hinder your performance to connect with our guests?"

---

8. Closing and Tour Promotion

As the episode wraps up, Grace and Connor promote Connor's upcoming tour, sharing details about the cities he will visit and the venues where he will perform. They reflect on the recording session, expressing satisfaction with their collaborative dynamic and hinting at future episodes featuring diverse comedic content.

Notable Quote:

Connor Wood [72:17]: "I'm on tour. The Fibs and Friends tour. And now you can't say the other one."

---

Conclusion

"Connor Wood Can Do No Wrong In My Eyes" offers listeners an engaging blend of personal stories, comedic insights, and interactive segments that highlight the chemistry between Grace O’Malley and Connor Wood. The episode provides a candid look into the life of a touring comedian, the challenges of live performances, and the creative process behind crafting humor. With notable quotes and humorous exchanges, the episode stands as a testament to the vibrant and dynamic nature of the "Disgraceful with Grace O’Malley" podcast.

Transcript

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[Grace O'Malley]

Hi guys. I just want to hop on here and say thank you so much for tuning in to Disgraceful. It's mean the world to me, truly and honestly. I can't believe we made we made it to the top chart of the comedy podcast number six can't believe it. Fucking nuts. And then I think we went all the way up to 23 all time podcasts. So it's been a fucking sick week and I really appreciate you guys and I just wanted to hop on here and tell you that for the next couple episodes I banked a few in la. Right now we're in the New York City studio, so a little back and forth action going on. But for the next couple, I hope you enjoy them. We got a very special guest coming on for this episode, dear sweet friend of mine. So I hope you enjoy that. And yeah, I just wanted to hop on here. Thank you guys so much. It's been a fucking wild ride and it looks like I'm doing an apology. No, it's more of a, it's more of a celebration. I just, you know, I'm awkward, but thank you guys so much and I don't want to get this part wrong, so I got to, I got to read from the cue cards also while I have you. That was hard for me to say. I did it like three times. While I have you, I gotta read off this note card because it's some important stuff about the down for Anything tour. I don't know if you guys know, but I added a bunch of new dates and unfortunately I Had to move a few around, and I feel really bad about that. But I'm just trying to add as many cities as possible, and I'm trying to fit as many of you in as I can. And so for that, I had to move some things around, and I'm super sorry about that, but still super pumped to come to all the cities. Nothing's been canceled. We're just going to keep going, just moving some stuff around. So thank you guys for being so patient with me for that. And speaking of which, I'm going to be at Dania beach this weekend. Very excited. It's somewhere between Fort Lauderdale and Miami, I've been told, so I think my grandparents are going to be there. And that's about it. That one's not selling well. We had to condense those shows into two. There was going to be four, but, you know, you can't win them all. Everything else has been a sellout. So, you know, this has been a humbling weekend to try to sell. Hopefully you hear this and you buy a ticket if you're in the area or want to. You got time out of the retirement home and they're letting you out for the night. This would be the great pick. I love my elderly audience so very much. This is, this is where I have to read because I don't want to mess it up. But then after Dania Beach, March 13th to the 15th, I'll be in D.C. and right after that, April 4th to the 5th, I'll see you out there in Seattle, Washington. Again, thank you guys so much for listening. This means a lot. I wanted to hop on here and not leave you guys hanging. Usually I'm gonna be doing like a little intro action and I just, you know, I want to get this out to you quick. It's the day before this goes out, so I don't want to, you know, bore you guys with a lot of details. But I will be back. I will be face to face cameraing with you guys. A little face to face smoosh to smooch action with you once again. But just wanted to give you guys that update. And, yeah, I'm rambling. All right, let's get into the show.

[Connor Wood]

Coming at you live from a shady Manhattan studio. It's disgraceful. Featuring your gracious ginger host.

[Grace O'Malley]

Hey, watch yourself. Only I can say that.

[Connor Wood]

Okay, boss, whatever you say. You pay my bills.

[Cyndi Lauper]

Give it up for Grace O'Malley.

[Grace O'Malley]

Well, that's enough about me. I'm very excited to introduce my guest for today. He is a comedian and also Known on the ever so popular Brooke and Connor makeup podcast. And he's also just a dear friend of mine. Give it up for Connor Wood, everybody.

[Connor Wood]

I'm just like you. I'm just like you.

[Grace O'Malley]

Connor, good to see you.

[Connor Wood]

Look at this. Oh, please. The pleasure's all mine. Look at this place.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. Snazzy, huh?

[Connor Wood]

Too shabby. You're doing okay.

[Grace O'Malley]

We're here in the seventies.

[Connor Wood]

Oh, my gosh. This is a go. It's a gorgeous time of day.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yes.

[Connor Wood]

It's this room with no. No windows.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, yeah.

[Connor Wood]

Oh, my gosh. Well, okay. What's up? Welcome to town.

[Grace O'Malley]

I think I'm gonna. I think I'm gonna stop. I'm gonna stop doing the. The act of it all and just say, what's up, dude?

[Connor Wood]

What's up? What is up? Yeah, it's nice to. I didn't know where we were going to go with that. Like, I really think that that was kind of a cul de sac. We had to turn around.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. And now we're here. We're at the finish line. You are. I don't know chronologically how this is going to go, but you are the first guest I'm doing this with, so.

[Connor Wood]

Okay.

[Grace O'Malley]

Very nervous.

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[Connor Wood]

A beautiful thing about, like the first thing is it's so much pressure and it's also no pressure because there's no expectations.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's true too.

[Connor Wood]

So I was nervous too. Cause I was like, oh, we have to set a really high bar. But also it's really nice for the next person if this sucks. The next person's gonna be really easy to surpass the bar that I bring.

[Grace O'Malley]

And here's the thing.

[Connor Wood]

It's not you. It'll be me.

[Grace O'Malley]

You can't suck. You can do no wrong in my eyes.

[Connor Wood]

Challenge accepted.

[Grace O'Malley]

I think this is a good pivot. York Podcast name is Brooke and Connor make a podcast. My first question is, how. How do you make a podcast?

[Connor Wood]

Are you. Well, we didn't. By the way. Brooke and Connor make a podcast. That was the name that we chose as. As we were like, let's just, like, like, what are we doing? Let's just get a placeholder out so we can come out with a couple episodes. And then I don't know what happened, but it, like, solidified, and then we couldn't change it.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, it's kind of like that whole IP of it all.

[Connor Wood]

So the ip for those of you at home, for those of you who, if you don't know what IP is, look it up. Just Google it.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's free.

[Connor Wood]

Free to Google. Yeah. We didn't know. And then, like, we had so many other horrible, horrible names. One was just question mark.

[Grace O'Malley]

I like that.

[Connor Wood]

But then if someone isn't, like, in class or did you hear this podcast? None of it made sense. And then there's so many that are, like, kind of kitschy.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Connor Wood]

Like, with all due respect, someone. That's probably someone's podcast name. I'm getting canceled for that. But is it someone's.

[Grace O'Malley]

Well, there are dime a dozen. Why would you start one now?

[Connor Wood]

Why would you? Right. I could give any advice to my younger self would be like, don't start a podcast, whatever you do. But no, it's. It's fun.

[Grace O'Malley]

Happy to have you here.

[Connor Wood]

I'm so excited to be here. I know you just got here, right?

[Grace O'Malley]

I just got here. Yeah. No, you know, how it goes on the road and all. You're about to start your. Your next tour.

[Connor Wood]

Yeah. You're on tour right now, right?

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, I just did seven shows in Boston and came right here.

[Connor Wood]

Were you at Laugh Boston?

[Grace O'Malley]

I was at Laugh Boston.

[Connor Wood]

Was that in the, like, the hotel, slash?

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. Have you done it?

[Connor Wood]

Yeah, I stayed in the hotel.

[Grace O'Malley]

Me too.

[Connor Wood]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

And it's like, duh. Of course they stay there. Of course they're there.

[Connor Wood]

It was the coolest thing ever. Except, like, I'm like, all right, going to bed. And I got in an elevator with, like, 42 people that went to my show. They're like, what room are you in? And I was like, oh, I just love elevators.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. We should ride this. And then, you know what's nice about that place is they have this lobby that you can just chill in. So I was chilling in the lobby.

[Connor Wood]

And I'm sure a bunch of other people were chilling in the lobby that went to your show.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, we had a total kickback.

[Connor Wood]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's an amazing thing also because a lot of times it's like, I'll do a show and I'll be somewhere I've never been before. I love the Midwest, by the way. So, like, like, yeah, people can't fly.

[Grace O'Malley]

Over states, but, you know, I'll fly.

[Connor Wood]

Those are good people to me. I won't fly over them. I'm gonna fly directly into them.

[Grace O'Malley]

I'm gonna with them.

[Connor Wood]

I'm gonna with them. That was fun because a lot of times I like, end up it's like 1:30am after you do the paperwork. Or like 2.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, but paperwork. Yeah, it's got the papers on there. Come on now.

[Connor Wood]

But if you don't know, you sign a document. I don't know what they are.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, I gave my John Hancock to just about anybody.

[Connor Wood]

Yeah. I was told to stop doing that because I'm not supposed to be. My team was like, you have to stop signing these papers. It's like, not for you. Like, it's like account executive. That's who should be signing that. Like, you're not that person. So stop accepting physical checks and then putting them at the bottom of your backpack.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's exactly what they told me. Like, you have a hefty check in there and do you still have it?

[Connor Wood]

Seven shows with 400 people, they're just putting on a piece of paper and then I'm putting it in in my ass. And then I'm going to a bar across the street with like a bunch of really scary looking people. No one knows I have thousands of dollars up my ass. And everyone's like, you just said that into the karaoke mic and we're about to beat you up. Yeah, I've done that so many times. And I'm like, well, I hope nothing goes wrong now that I'm saying it out loud. Like, I don't beat me up after a show. I no longer carry cash. No, Like, I'm like, I'm like one of those places, like the convenience stores is like, we do not have large bills. I don't have anything on. You missed your chance. You missed your chance.

[Grace O'Malley]

They sent it into the ether.

[Connor Wood]

I'm literally like, oh, Like, I don't.

[Grace O'Malley]

Know what that means.

[Connor Wood]

No, I'm like, don't hand me anything physically anymore. But usually after the shows, it's like two in the morning.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Connor Wood]

And I'll have to Uber 30 minutes and then get to a hotel in like, a place like Minneapolis. I don't know where I am.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, I'm going there this week, actually.

[Connor Wood]

It's fun.

[Grace O'Malley]

Mall of America.

[Connor Wood]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Did you do that one?

[Connor Wood]

I didn't make it there.

[Grace O'Malley]

You know. Yeah, he did the Mall of America, and it was the most miserable experience of his life. He said it's very brutal if you bomb there and then you have to walk through the mall and then just sleep in the mall. Like, it's like, it's very desolate.

[Connor Wood]

The hotel is there.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. So you're staying in the mall and you have to walk through the empty mall after bombing. I just. He really hyped me up. I'm really excited.

[Connor Wood]

Are you doing the same venue as him? Yeah, I do so many malls. It's, like, really crazy.

[Grace O'Malley]

Wait, I saw you signed in St. Louis. You said, I've always wanted to perform in a billiards.

[Connor Wood]

No, at a Dillard's.

[Grace O'Malley]

A Dillard's? Yeah.

[Connor Wood]

Yeah. Cause I was in a mall. I want to emphasize that I was inside a mall, and it was my final show of tour, and I was like, wow. When I was. When I was a young man, I, like, always dreamed of finishing my first comedy tour next to a Dillard's. Like, this is really special. I can't remember last time I was at a. Actually, I can remember the last time I was at Adelaide's.

[Grace O'Malley]

It was for your mother. She had to get a mother of a bride dress.

[Connor Wood]

Probably it was for me. I had to get a tie that matched my flat bill cap that I was wearing to senior year prom.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, yes, you're a gangster. Can I get a photograph of that in post?

[Connor Wood]

Yeah, I can find it.

[Grace O'Malley]

All right.

[Connor Wood]

I also had to match my dates dress that was like, in the turn your swag on era. That was like, what was on? We were pulling up ain't nobody effing with my at mother effing click.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, wow.

[Connor Wood]

As I'm pulling up in my mom's Volkswagen Tiguan with nine people.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's not too shabby.

[Connor Wood]

Nobody's really effing with my click.

[Grace O'Malley]

I think before effing with the click, there was this weirder time where fellas would wear a pimp hat with a cane. You ever catch that era? A little before our time.

[Connor Wood]

Like 40 or 50 years.

[Grace O'Malley]

Maybe before our early 2000s. So where are we at now?

[Connor Wood]

It's a good question. It's been January of 2025 for as long. I don't remember a time when it was in January of 2025.

[Grace O'Malley]

I'm. I'm so present, bro. Dude, you can't think about the past or the future. You have to think of the right now.

[Connor Wood]

I live in, in exclusively the past and the future, like, do not. And I won't remember this until a week from now when I'm regretting everything I said, which is a horrible way to live. I don't know how to. I don't know how to be, like, so present.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, I guess. I don't know. I just. I, I, I watched that show. It was actually a movie spectacular now, and it's with Miles Teller, and he's an alcoholic in his hometown, and everyone's about to go off to school, and he doesn't know what he's gonna do. And I was like, yo, that's me. And the last quote he had was, I don't know, man. I think you just gotta live in the now. And I was like, whoa, that's my senior quote. And then at the end of the movie, at the very end, he says, no, no, you're supposed to think about the future, not the now. So I think I gotta learn.

[Connor Wood]

Oh, I gotta get a tattoo changed.

[Grace O'Malley]

Well, me too. How lucky are we?

[Connor Wood]

How lucky are we?

[Grace O'Malley]

So lucky.

[Connor Wood]

I just got a tattoo last week, and I regret it so much. What'd you get? I got a tattoo. So first I wanted to someone that I can't. I literally don't know who told me this, but it stuck with me. They were like, I think, like, a guy's back of his calves would be, like, a cool tattoo here. Tattoo here for a phrase. And I was like, Until I hit the gym, like, really hard. I don't want to put something on my calf because it's just going to draw attention down to, like, the size of my calf.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yes, of course.

[Connor Wood]

And so I was like, I'll do it on top of my feet. So I got this tattoo, and I wanted. And I'm. This is embarrassing, too, because I had nothing in mind. Just like when I get a hankering for a tattoo, I'm like, I'm getting a tattoo.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Connor Wood]

And just like everything else, when I have a deadline, which is when someone with a large monarch butterfly tattooed on their throat is staring at me, and they're like, what are you gonna get? What are you gonna get? What are you gonna get? I'm like, yeah, that's a good question. And that's a valid question, and that's a truthful question. Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

And I'm here, and you need to know right now, so.

[Connor Wood]

And I know you're gonna price gouge me whatever I pick anyways, so I.

[Grace O'Malley]

300.

[Connor Wood]

I'm on ChatGPT, which is. You got. You got ripped.

[Grace O'Malley]

Also a perfect spot for cocaine.

[Connor Wood]

Super beautiful. Yeah, that's a. Yeah, that's a little bass job. Gorgeous. So I'm sitting there, and I'm like, okay, I'm on Chat GPT, which is, like, naturally. That's like, something probably the opposite of what a tattoo artist wants to see. Someone that's, like, in there, like, this is my art, man. And I'm like, okay, what is, like, a good tattoo? Question mark.

[Grace O'Malley]

Into Chat GPT.

[Connor Wood]

Into Chat GPT.

[Grace O'Malley]

And they're like, AI is ruining our children.

[Connor Wood]

Oh, it's ruining me. I've been absolutely. I'm in, like, an actual relationship with Chat GPT. Rely on it pretty heavily. It just gets my neurons to, like, meet where they wouldn't have normally met. It's like LSD for me, and I'm like, okay, I want, like, I. I do comedy. I always get a tattoo when I move places to, like, be like, okay, this is the last. This is where I got this.

[Grace O'Malley]

So that's cute, though.

[Connor Wood]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Connor Wood]

Well, I'm like, timing is everything. I'm like, you know what?

[Grace O'Malley]

But I'm cute, I guess.

[Connor Wood]

Do what?

[Grace O'Malley]

Do you want to be cute as a man?

[Connor Wood]

Yeah, like, yeah, for sure.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, you're not one of those bad guys. You're. You're in touch with your.

[Connor Wood]

I'd like. What other you think? Look at the way I'm built. Like, yeah, I would love. I would love to be cute. Like, what if no one's gonna be like, he's brawny.

[Grace O'Malley]

Nah, bro. I've been calling you brawny behind your back for years.

[Connor Wood]

Yeah. No one's looking at me and, like, like, walking alone on the street and be like, oh, we better cross. They're like, we're good. We're safe.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, they.

[Connor Wood]

They.

[Grace O'Malley]

I think they actually cross over. Should we.

[Connor Wood]

Should we help that young boy?

[Grace O'Malley]

Can I ask?

[Connor Wood]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

The girl is very upset that you won't date a fan.

[Connor Wood]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

What are you going to do about that?

[Connor Wood]

Well, I have to stop talking about it.

[Grace O'Malley]

I think you have to do the fan.

[Connor Wood]

Yeah. I mean, if. If the tide is right. You want to fix that?

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, let's do it.

[Connor Wood]

Shooting me. You're Tanya Harding me in the parking lot right now.

[Grace O'Malley]

That was my ickiest question. I know.

[Connor Wood]

I know that part. Like, that's just like, what? That's like the natural go to anytime anyone gets stuck is like, what's your type?

[Grace O'Malley]

Does it ever. Because for me personally, I don't know anything about dating. I'm not a dater. I don't. I haven't d. And so when people ask me, like, oh, like, what's your type? Or like, what's your dating life like, non existent. Can we move on, please?

[Connor Wood]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

I don't like it.

[Connor Wood]

Yeah. And when it happens, it'll happen. It's a beautiful thing. But it's. I gotta tell you what I got as my tattoo. Hang on.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, I'm sorry, I don't know. I was waiting for the Adderall.

[Connor Wood]

Why is my foot up here?

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, please.

[Connor Wood]

My legs. Falling asleep. Okay, so. So I'm there and I'm like, okay, timing is everything. As a comedian. Yes, that's a good one. But the timing is everything. Shoot me.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Connor Wood]

So I'm like, okay, I'm not gonna get that. And then I'm like, like, lucky I'm not Irish. I can't get a four leaf clover. So I'm like, oh, my gosh. Chatgpt goes something about timing. And I go, timing. Right place, right time.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh.

[Connor Wood]

Because that's just like being lucky. And I like, really, truly, like, I don't even manifest. I just. Stuff falls in my lap. A lot of people would call that white privilege, I would say. Or.

[Grace O'Malley]

Or just a weird brag.

[Connor Wood]

Yeah, weird brag. No, it's just, like, things work out. But so I got that tattooed and I was like, I want handwriting. And she goes, I have handwriting. And I was like, I'm sure you do because you're a tattoo artist.

[Grace O'Malley]

You know, of course.

[Connor Wood]

Pats me up. I go, oh, my God, she has the Disney. Orlando. Disney handwriting.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, wow.

[Connor Wood]

It literally looks like when you make a wish upon a star on, like, Disney signage. It is like rounded E's and like, literally, Mickey Mouse. Mickey Mouse gave me a tattoo.

[Grace O'Malley]

You got that bubbly cursive.

[Connor Wood]

It is. I kid you not. It's not even incursive. It looks like I'm from the desert.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, you didn't. Of course you didn't speak up for yourself.

[Connor Wood]

Oh, God, no, no, no, no.

[Grace O'Malley]

I couldn't look.

[Connor Wood]

I was like, sure that my foot. There was a pool of blood. It hurt so bad. I was like, this is just like a blood bath down there. It's like pure carnage. Like I think my foot is just open wound cuz it, it looks badass.

[Grace O'Malley]

With all the blood. And then you wipe it away and it's like what's up folks?

[Connor Wood]

Rot place right now. Literally like I was like, I'm so shocked there's not like stars all around. Like bathrooms are this way.

[Grace O'Malley]

You know in Disney they don't point. They use this.

[Connor Wood]

I do. You know who taught me that?

[Grace O'Malley]

Who?

[Connor Wood]

Maggie Winters.

[Grace O'Malley]

No shit.

[Connor Wood]

Yeah, because she was a Disney employee.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, that checks.

[Connor Wood]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh wow. I love Maggie.

[Connor Wood]

You can do this or you can do the finger gun.

[Grace O'Malley]

I think that seems a little aggressive.

[Connor Wood]

I know. Well now tell you what, Elon Musk could never work at a Disney park.

[Grace O'Malley]

Dude, you ever have a joke and the same week someone posts the same joke?

[Connor Wood]

Yep, it happened to me this week.

[Grace O'Malley]

Really? What was it? And I do.

[Connor Wood]

There's too much overlap. I don't want to say it because I like, I truly know that it is just parallel thinking because my jokes aren't that good. Like they're easy to come up with if you sit down. And like that was my big ditto.

[Grace O'Malley]

Mine was on the fly. It was. I raised my hand during the show and I said, oh, I almost elonged you and Hannah. Yeah, I hit her up. I was like, great minds think alive maybe.

[Connor Wood]

Well, timely stuff is good because she posted that. And like I'm too big of a pussy to post my standup or even my crowd work. So like if you post it, you went, you really own that is your joke. Like you nutted up and you posted and I like I could never be me. So like that is your joke now in history. Like unless someone were to vouch for me, then there's no way to prove that that wasn't your joke.

[Grace O'Malley]

And like how do you get it? How did they get it up so quick? I mean I have their professionals. I have tapes from last March I haven't gone through yet. I don't like to hear my own voice.

[Connor Wood]

The thing that sucks about me and crowd work is how do they get it up so fast? I was like boner pill. But I like took me so long to remember the name of Viagra that I'm like, well now I can't be like earlier when you said that I.

[Grace O'Malley]

Was going to say Viagra sponsored by Bluechill Blue Chill.

[Connor Wood]

That would have been a good one too, too. But I. Yeah, no, I don't know. And I still like you posted your first stand up clip and I was like, it is the year that we start doing this, and yours was so good and it was crazy work and it got him 2 million views.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, that was. That was. Like I said, like you said, just pure luck.

[Connor Wood]

Luck of the Irish. But yeah, I want to start filming my sets and posting, and I think I'll say that for another year and then I'll start doing it.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's like, once you post that, it opens it up. I like the idea that nobody knows what it's like. And so. So that's what sells the ticket.

[Connor Wood]

No, no. Well, the. The thing is, like, people are buying tickets as well, where it's like, they don't know. They're like, what is this night about? They think. They don't. Is it a live podcast? I'm like, I don't even know what a live podcast. What are you. What is a live podcast?

[Grace O'Malley]

The feeling is what it is.

[Connor Wood]

I. I still don't, like, know what that is. Cause obviously we don't. We don't do anything on for Brooke and Connor yet, but are you guys keeping the podcast?

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, you are.

[Connor Wood]

So basically, like, when I go out, people are always like, where is Brooke? And I'm like, I'm doing stand up. And they're like, well, it's. And I'm like, oh, it's not your fault. Because you just. You were like, oh, I'm gonna go see him live. Like, yeah, they don't know that I do stand up because I don't say. Like, it took me a long time to even put in my Instagram bio comedian, because I was like, I feel like, earn that.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, no, I know. I. I had mine in as a joke, like, right when they allowed you to write whatever, whatever. And I put mine in as a joke, and now it's just, like, tacky.

[Connor Wood]

No, because people need to know. People need to know what you do for work. And also, like, when you post a touring flyer and it doesn't say, this is a stand up show, come see us. You stand up. I had to put. I had to rewrite my bio because I was like, me and Maggie Winters are doing stand up on tour. Come for a night of stand up comedy. Stay for a night of laughs and stand up comedy.

[Grace O'Malley]

And one thing we're gonna do, we're joke around.

[Connor Wood]

You're gonna sit down, we're gonna be standing up. So that's a beautiful thing.

[Grace O'Malley]

And I hope you laugh because you're too attentive and I love that. But.

[Connor Wood]

But I will kill myself. I'm very.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, A lot of your Fans. First. First time comedy seers.

[Connor Wood]

Yeah. But a lot of them I've gotten like, so many people are like, you were my first show. But I've seen nine cents.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, word.

[Connor Wood]

Because a lot of the. The places I go, I. I can bring up like two or three people, other people, and they'll be like, I have a show here next week, and they'll kill. And then people are like, we're coming to your show. And it's like this little economy of like. Like comedy economy.

[Grace O'Malley]

Mm.

[Connor Wood]

A car, accommodation.

[Grace O'Malley]

There's something there.

[Connor Wood]

I can't do it.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. I'm waiting for my Adderall to kick.

[Connor Wood]

In or else I'd help you, brother. I need to.

[Grace O'Malley]

Do you want to just cut the cameras real quick?

[Connor Wood]

We snort along this freebase. So I. Right off the heart. I know. I. It's. It's like. It's like a self sustaining ecosystem. And then eventually I start going back to places. The only place I'm repeating on this next tour is Chicago. Oh, yeah, you got it with Maggie.

[Grace O'Malley]

But I. Maggie's from Chicago.

[Connor Wood]

Yeah, Maggie's from Chicago. It's.

[Grace O'Malley]

She runs on the shit out of it.

[Connor Wood]

She loves this theater. We sold out the first one in like an hour.

[Grace O'Malley]

Where are you guys going?

[Connor Wood]

Talia Hall.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, sick.

[Connor Wood]

Thalia Hall. Maybe it's th.

[Grace O'Malley]

But I don't know it because I'm not from Chicago, but I bet it's like, sick.

[Connor Wood]

I'm sure it's awesome.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. I mean, if Maggie says so.

[Connor Wood]

I trust Maggie's word, but I don't have new material for Chicago yet, so. But I know that I can do it. It's just gonna take being one week out from the show for me to write it.

[Grace O'Malley]

Absolutely.

[Connor Wood]

Which sucks. And also, like, not having. I will not have done a show until that show. That'll be fun.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's the tricky part. Yeah.

[Connor Wood]

Because I can't. I don't have time right now to like go do. Especially here in la.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Connor Wood]

It is really so hard to get to a show because they're all. I live in Venice, so near the water, and it took me an hour to get here. So, like, for a nighttime show that starts at six, I have to leave at four. Cause it takes two hours of traffic. Okay. No, if it starts at seven, okay. I still have to leave it like five. Because it takes two hours for traffic to go eight miles.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. That's crazy.

[Connor Wood]

And. But it's nice because I can like, go over my set, go my set, go my set. But then at some point you're just like, I have gone over my set already.

[Grace O'Malley]

I can just read it. I can't even say. I can't even say anything out loud to myself.

[Connor Wood]

Oh, I have.

[Grace O'Malley]

I'm embarrassed.

[Connor Wood]

Time and say it out loud and pace and hold the expo marker and act like it's a mic.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's adorable.

[Cyndi Lauper]

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[Connor Wood]

Join me, Dr. Panico with Cyndi Lauper and chef Michelle Bernstein to talk about plaque psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis, the potential connection and risk of developing permanent joint damage.

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[Connor Wood]

I had a dream the other day.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay, MLK.

[Connor Wood]

I know I had a dream the other day and it was all about only me. So I had a dream that quite the opposite really. I don't have a dream. I had a dream, past tense, that I drove like an hour and a half to a show and I got there and there was. It was good lineup. I don't remember anyone else except my manager was there and she's like, hey you, have you. We got you one minute on this show. And I go, wait, Pardon?

[Grace O'Malley]

What?

[Connor Wood]

One minute of stand up, like I'm going to. And she's like, yep, you're going to be doing one minute in between all these other comedians. And for reference, you usually get like, I have gone to shows and had two minutes. But it's like. It's a showcase. Everyone does two minutes, and there's like, 20 people. Sometimes it's five minutes. Like, there's a lot of, like, between.

[Grace O'Malley]

Five and 15 is usually.

[Connor Wood]

You know what? Just. I don't even need to do the show. Just take me off. Give someone else my minute. And then I remember the whole room in my dream turn and goes, oh, look who's too good to do a minute. Oh, big. Mr. Big Hollywood isn't going to do a minute. I go, no, no, no, no, no. I'll do a minute. I'll do. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. And they go, all right, well, fine. And then they come back and they go, we got you 25. And I go, I don't have 25. And then it was like a new nightmare. Like, as soon as my brain finds a solution, it's like. But there's also something worse, and you're gonna die one day.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, no, of course. It's any minute now. Uh. Oh, no, dude, when you were just telling that, I thought. I forgot. You said it was a dream, and so I thought that really happened. I thought you were granted a minute and you turned it down. And then the whole room turned against you. But I get that it's like, you have to take all the opportunities or you have that thought in your head of like, okay, Mr. Big Guy, Mr.

[Connor Wood]

Tough Man, Mr. Big, Big Old man. Yeah, yeah. No, it was. That was bad. And I told my team, and they were dying laughing. I was like, it's not funny.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's not funny. These are real things that I sleep.

[Connor Wood]

Like, I could dream about swimming, and I dreamed about this. Like, this is.

[Grace O'Malley]

You dream about swimming, you dream about drowning. I was drowning.

[Connor Wood]

I wasn't swimming at all. I can't believe some people have good dreams, like, all the time.

[Grace O'Malley]

I always wake up. Like, ah, fuck. Yeah.

[Connor Wood]

No, I wake up all the time. I'm like, wait, did I just wake up for a reason? Last night I woke up and I was like, something must have woken me up, so I had to wake up. Check all my closets.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, no. Yeah, you've got that touch of ocdism.

[Connor Wood]

Well, I know, because it's like, you.

[Grace O'Malley]

Don'T want to go there.

[Connor Wood]

No, because. I don't know. Because I could diagnose myself with anything. Everybody always does in the comments anyways. Like, they do. You have this, and I look it up. Like, last night, I was coming home from New York on a plane, and I'm sitting there and I just saw my sponsored ads are always like, hey, you have cancer. It's, like, sponsored, by the way. Just like friends in Cabo. Friends getting married. You have cancer. Friends having a new baby. I have what? And it's like, yeah, you fully like, is this a sponsored ad? We know you really well. We know you better than you know yourself. You have cancer all over your body.

[Grace O'Malley]

Of course they know you type in your tattoos into AI, tell them what you want marked onto your body.

[Connor Wood]

And then I text three people go, guys, I have. I for sure have cancer. And they go, how hungover are you? And I go, oh, yeah, I'm a little hungover.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, Cancer.

[Connor Wood]

I'm just a little hungover.

[Grace O'Malley]

The thoughts are. Are trickling in and they're bad. I don't know how anyone pulls out of a hangover in. In a nice, happy way. I have to keep it going or just fall to my inevitable doom.

[Connor Wood]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

What were you doing in New York City? Let's pivot.

[Connor Wood]

I was touring apartments.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, you were?

[Connor Wood]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Did you find one?

[Connor Wood]

No.

[Grace O'Malley]

I almost asked where you're looking, but nice try, guys.

[Connor Wood]

Yeah, no, you actually cannot say that there. Like, I just told you guys, I lived in Venice, and, like, it's so big. Yeah, it'd be hard, but.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, is it? Because I was. I was kind of worried for a second there for you.

[Connor Wood]

Yeah. No, I mean, the last place I lived was an absolute fortress, and someone fully just was, like, in my house. I was like, oh. And he was like, I'm on a head out. And I was like, yeah, I think you should. I think that'd be awesome if you left.

[Grace O'Malley]

Honestly, that's. That's petrifying, but that's something you would do as well, so.

[Connor Wood]

Well, I checked the cameras. He just fully just hopped the fence, walked in the front door, came in. Dog said, my dog was wagging his tail. He pet my dog.

[Grace O'Malley]

Did he? Yeah. He sounds like a chill ass, dude. Honestly. Yeah.

[Connor Wood]

I was like, I. I don't. It was literally like. And he. He looked at me and he was like. I was like, you know, I'm not gonna fight you, dude.

[Grace O'Malley]

I mean, we're just gonna have to, like, let bygones be bygones. You can spend the night, no harm to foul.

[Connor Wood]

The funny thing is, like, I have. I have, like, called the cops in the past, and they're like. And I'm like, listen, I get it. There was a guy with a spear, like, at, like, walking towards me, and I was like, hey, so There's a guy with a spear. Who should I get? Can you transfer me to, like, the spear people?

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, I don't want to bother anybody else.

[Connor Wood]

And she goes, well, I guess that's me. And I go, okay, so, yeah, he has a spear. He's wielding the spear. And she goes, what do you mean by spear? I go, it's as spear. As spears go. Like, it is a large, wooden sharpened stick, you know, and it's a. He's got it up. And she goes, what's he doing with it? I go, he's wielding it. He is hunting.

[Grace O'Malley]

I like how he used all the foreign terms for.

[Connor Wood]

I mean, there was no other word. Like, he's holding it. No, he's. He's has it in. No, he's not. He's not packing. He's wielding it like it's ready to be javelin into, like, a large cat. Like, if he was in the. Then if he's in the bush. But he was. And he was on Abbot Kenny, and. And she said, what are his intentions with the spear? I go, listen, lady, I don't know him that well.

[Grace O'Malley]

How am I supposed to.

[Connor Wood]

Just men. But he's got the spear, and I. And she goes, I can't. Unless he, you know, does something with the spear. I go, all right, I understand how this is going to go. Good luck.

[Grace O'Malley]

She just wished you well.

[Connor Wood]

I don't know if you record this or what, but, like, this. You can use this if you want to. I'm going to go, oh, my God.

[Grace O'Malley]

Imagine the last thing anyone hears from you. You know how they play it on the news? And it's like his last final moment is like, I might be sounding like a pussy right now, but there's definitely a spear wielding its way towards me. Hey, anyone cares?

[Connor Wood]

Hear me out. I think I'm being hunted for his sports spirit. So I think I'm in the book the Most Dangerous Game right now, and I help. I don't know if that's even the right book. Did I just get that right?

[Grace O'Malley]

I don't read it.

[Connor Wood]

Come on. Wait. Someone look up the Most Dangerous Game and see if that.

[Grace O'Malley]

Come on.

[Connor Wood]

Is the book, because that's a.

[Grace O'Malley]

You're gonna have a huge win on that one.

[Connor Wood]

I know. And you know what? I'm losing because I. I need, like, confirmation so bad that my brain works. The Most Dangerous Game. Yeah, and it's Dangerous game and Richard O'Connell, and it's about people being hunted, like rich people and, like, invite someone.

[Wellness Pet Food]

Who becomes the prey in a deadly.

[Grace O'Malley]

Game on a remote island hunter. Wow. Yeah, pal.

[Connor Wood]

Thank you so much.

[Grace O'Malley]

So proud of you.

[Connor Wood]

Oh, my God. That actually felt really good.

[Grace O'Malley]

You're pretty smart.

[Connor Wood]

Every now and then I pull. I can pull something out of my ass, but then I need to, like, tell everyone that I just did something kind of smart.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, I got that for sure.

[Connor Wood]

So I toured, like, 12 apartments over the weekend.

[Grace O'Malley]

Let's your price range.

[Connor Wood]

In LA? Yeah, no, it's crazy because I need a studio space.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, really?

[Connor Wood]

So it's like, it's going to be an officer. Like, I am. Like, a portion of that is literally just, like, business expense.

[Grace O'Malley]

So I'm finding that out. I didn't know you could do that. That's very cool.

[Connor Wood]

It's genuinely necessary so that I don't have to outsource a physical second space.

[Grace O'Malley]

Which puts you all the way under.

[Connor Wood]

Come. Like in the red.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yes.

[Connor Wood]

So I was like, okay, here's my thing. And, uh, that's. It's a nightmare, by the way. Like, I don't know. I didn't know. I did not know. I just did not know. There was one place. It was like, bad, horrible. Like, where even are we? At some. At one location now we go to. To the very first place we toured. I was like, hell, no. I appreciate your work. I'm with an agent. I was like, I appreciate you for pulling this. It was like the longest room and, like, it was like just. The whole apartment's just like a hallway.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, yeah. They call that a. A, a. A train. A train apartment. I think it's like a kind of apartment, and it's just. You just keep going through rooms.

[Connor Wood]

It was like I was in a dream. Like, I, like, walked in and it just, like, I could see the end of the apartment, but I was like, is that where it, like, opens up at the end? No, it just, like, room off, room off. And then, like, it got like, a little wider and they were like, this is the living room. I was like, I can touch both sides.

[Grace O'Malley]

Like, what do you.

[Connor Wood]

You couldn't get, like, there's no way. Unless all of your furniture was like, the little pills you put in water and then they get bigger. There's no way that you could get furniture into this apartment. So I was like, oh, this is not going to work, but I appreciate you. So we go downstairs. My Realtor is like, I'll call an Uber. It's so cold. The Uber pulls up. It's like an suv. He gets in the side closest to us, and I go to walk around and There's a city bike coming. And so I, like, waited behind the SUV for the city bike. He's, like, flying by, and he goes down my side, and I just hear, oh, what? And I'm like, hello. And I look around, and he's still, like, sliding against the snowy ground. Just, like, sliding. And I go, ooh. So my. My. The Uber driver had gotten out to open my door because he thought I was waiting in the back for him to open it, and.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, like a dickhead.

[Connor Wood]

The gut. Yeah, well, I. I am doing pretty well. Open my door. And I. Most Dangerous game. He opens his door. The city biker hits the door, goes flying off the front, like, scrapes, whatever. And I'm like. First I go over to him. I'm like, how do we feel? 1 to 10, what are we thinking? And he's like, oh, that's not a.

[Grace O'Malley]

Good sign, is it?

[Connor Wood]

Okay, this is probably, like, the rest of my day. No offense not to think all about me, but I need to find an apartment. I only have three days. And so I'm like, let's find all your. I found one of his glasses. Lenses, the other one. I found his glasses frames. And, like, I was like, let's move you over here.

[Grace O'Malley]

He was pulling a daffy. My glasses? Not my glasses.

[Connor Wood]

No, he was just pulling, like, a grunt situation. And so we get him up, and he, like, sits on the stoop, and he's bleeding, but, like. Like. Like. Like, just, like, scratches. It's not like he's, like, coughing up blood. He's like, oh. Like, that was like, whatever.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's not like some spear. Spear shit going on.

[Connor Wood]

No. And he was like a beefcake. So, like, I was like, his build, like, he's fine.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Connor Wood]

It was kind of like a football hit.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. He's not strong.

[Connor Wood]

Yeah. And. And then his dad showed up, who lived, like, down the block, and was like, you guys are good. Ambulance came.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, lucky.

[Connor Wood]

Okay. Nice.

[Grace O'Malley]

Scotch free. That could have been a nightmare.

[Connor Wood]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

You would have had to find an apartment right near the hospital.

[Connor Wood]

Right. Well, I was like, okay, let's go to the next one. Because, like, too many cooks in the kitchen now at this point, like, me and my realtor, like, I just met him ten minutes ago, and I'm like, I can't help here. So, like, can I go? Like, he's good now. There's a. There's. I. I don't really need to get.

[Grace O'Malley]

A statement moved enough. I think you did what you could.

[Connor Wood]

Yeah, No, I. I helped the dude, too, by the way, before I get, like, ripped to shreds. I know. I helped him up. I, like, made sure. I was like, are you. Are you good? He's like, yeah. I'm like, fine. But, like, my dad needs to get here. I was like, yeah, get the Uber lawsuit money. Honestly, like, that should be your priority right now. Like, keep grunting.

[Grace O'Malley]

They took his bike and you went off.

[Connor Wood]

I go, you're the only person you're going to tell that you're okay is me and the rest. Your neck hurts. Okay?

[Grace O'Malley]

You will never recover.

[Connor Wood]

You're going to pass out. Okay, you're getting sleepy. You're getting sleepy.

[Grace O'Malley]

Do that grunt thing again.

[Connor Wood]

That'll work.

[Grace O'Malley]

That was cool.

[Connor Wood]

So whatever. So we leave and go to the second apartment. I'm like, okay, this is cool. It's like, cool area. It's going to be bottom floor. It was like two bedrooms. So we get there and you're going.

[Grace O'Malley]

To be alone, right? You're going to live alone?

[Connor Wood]

Yeah. We get there and the door opens and I'm like, okay, cool. It's probably the broker. 150 year old man, 40 pounds. Like, he's a ghost, I think. I was like, can you see him? My realtor? And he just, like, opens the door and just was like. Emily goes in and sits down and I'm like, to my realtor, I go, is she just gonna be there all carpet? We were in there for about four seconds. I think my realtor could, like, actually sense it. I was having kind of like the feeling that you have at a wake. Like, not even awake, just like, where you're like, you want to take your skin off your body. I don't know if that's like, something everyone feels.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yes.

[Connor Wood]

I was like, we have to. And he was like, did it smell? Oh, yeah. Yeah, it smells like pee for some reason. I think that's older men.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yes.

[Connor Wood]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

What was he setting himself up? He has to go check himself into hospice. What was the.

[Connor Wood]

I don't know. But I was like, all right, I'm all set.

[Grace O'Malley]

Straight up.

[Connor Wood]

Like, the lighting. I can tell right away if, like, the lighting is going to work to film a podcast in a place or not. And I was like, I can't. So I go, okay. And I walked out. I go, I'm having, like, more of a clear vision of what I want in an apartment based on the two that we've seen and basically nothing that resembles either of those. So that should, like, at least if it doesn't narrow it down, we're doing reverse elimination. Like, I don't want anything that looks like either of those. And he's like, that's really helpful. I'm like, come on. I wanted to be like, wake up.

[Grace O'Malley]

Come on, buddy.

[Connor Wood]

Who could live in those?

[Grace O'Malley]

Well, here's the other thing. This guy, this isn't like, he's like really doing you a solid. He's making a lot of money off of you.

[Connor Wood]

Well, yeah, but the thing is. And the other thing is I'm not in college. If I, if I was in college and I saw eat at those places, I'm like, yeah, last year, we can live in a hallway. Yeah, yeah. We can putt down the hallway.

[Grace O'Malley]

That seems like goodwill to punch through.

[Connor Wood]

Yeah, this is gonna work for us eight people. And so, yeah, it just like ended really poorly. Now I'm finally. Because I, I start touring a month.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh my God. So.

[Connor Wood]

And I'm really getting scared because my lease ends here next week.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, wow.

[Connor Wood]

Which is a thing a lot of people don't know. So in between next week and tour, I am, I like, don't have a home.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay. I can, I can offer. I have a blow up mattress. My sister's already on the couch. There's a lot of no room in the end. But I will always make space for my boy.

[Connor Wood]

Thank you. I will. I, I genuinely, like, I'm just going to have to be like, I need a home. Even if it means upping my budget again. Because I need to like be able to come home in between shows.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Connor Wood]

And I was coming home to my apartment in LA and it was just like, it's really like a good spot, but it's just like when you're gone from your house for three weeks and you come back, like something's going to be broken or someone's going to be in your house or.

[Grace O'Malley]

I, I actually think I. We left Taco Bell out, now that I think about it, and we're gone for 22 days.

[Connor Wood]

Well, lucky for you, Taco Bell will not go bad.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, no, that's true. Yeah, no. Yeah.

[Connor Wood]

I dropped a taco from Taco Bell at the bottom of my pool. And I was, when I was at home over Christmas, shaking, I was like, I'll get it. I'm not getting in the pool right now. No, I'll get it tomorrow. Forgot, forgot, forgot. And like three days later, I was like, oh my God, that taco's in the pool. Looks like I had just arrived from Doordash, like sitting. The lettuce was in it still.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, wow.

[Connor Wood]

Yeah, it might, I don't Remember, getting it out might still be there, but you'll be fine. It's. It might smell.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Connor Wood]

Just a little.

[Grace O'Malley]

I don't know. It doesn't really change anything. But this is a good pivot, though. You are moving to New York, and so we no longer have to do our late night face times.

[Connor Wood]

Oh, my God. We always do that.

[Grace O'Malley]

I love our late night FaceTime.

[Connor Wood]

I can always just count on Grace. Like, I just FaceTime. I'm like, I've been doing this thing recently, by the way, when I get home where, like, I'll FaceTime you and Grace will text me the next morning at like 10am because some days, like, one of us is not, like, yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

That'S always the bummer.

[Connor Wood]

Embarrassing.

[Grace O'Malley]

Like rats.

[Connor Wood]

Well, one thing about me is that I'm also like, if I'm staying in one night, I am, like, on do not disturb, because I'm not, like, going to have as much fun with my friends. Okay, you guys, dude, you guys really need to get it together. It's like my first night in and.

[Grace O'Malley]

10 years ago, I think. I think my friends are bad guys.

[Connor Wood]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

And then I'm like, hey, boys, you want to go out tomorrow?

[Connor Wood]

If I show up late to a bar by one hour, I'm like, I hate my friends. It's like, what is.

[Grace O'Malley]

What are you all doing? There's something wrong.

[Connor Wood]

You guys are not in. Call me 10 minutes later. I want to start a business.

[Grace O'Malley]

Boys, I think we should go on vacation tomorrow.

[Connor Wood]

Yeah, let's go to the Pan. No, but I've been doing this thing when I get home from the bars now, as I go on, my close friends and I say, who wants to FaceTime?

[Grace O'Malley]

Dude, me too. That's something like, you know, that's like a young person thing to do. Like, when you, like, first. Well, like, to me, like, I did it when I was younger a lot, but I'm like, back in that now.

[Connor Wood]

I'm. I'm in that in a big way. And, like, no one responded.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Connor Wood]

Over the weekend. But, like, 11 people viewed it, so guess who got FaceTimes? 11 people that viewed my story. None of them answered because they probably answered and they're like, falling asleep in bed. Or they probably looked at it and they're falling asleep in bed. And I'm like, hey, hey, you guys, we're asleep. We're normal.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, shit. This is a new thing that I'm trying to do. I'm trying to do segments. So would you humor me and see if they work?

[Connor Wood]

I love segments.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay. Cool, cool, cool. The first segment that I have is. It's pretty funny. I suppose I am. I don't know if you know, but I am looking for a new co host and. Yes.

[Connor Wood]

Oh, my gosh.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. And so I thought, you know, maybe it would be fun to ask you a few questions and see if you'd be a good fit.

[Connor Wood]

Hit me.

[Grace O'Malley]

All right. If you were to become my co host, would. Would your usage of edibles hinder your performance to connect with our guests?

[Connor Wood]

Oh, God, yeah. Oh, my God. They'd be scared of me.

[Grace O'Malley]

Moving on.

[Connor Wood]

Does that help?

[Grace O'Malley]

Thank you. Okay, noted. Up next, if our guest got a tattoo of a specific bone on. On what they thought was that bone, would you make fun of them or would you offer them love and support?

[Connor Wood]

Love and support. One thing about me and tattoos, like, it's already on your body, 100%, even if it's written by Mickey Mouse. What am I going to do, tell you, like, ooh, that's tough. I'm going to fully support you even if I hate it.

[Grace O'Malley]

Is what I'm learning with as I get older. When people tell me that they're pregnant.

[Connor Wood]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

I used to be like, oh, rats. What are we going to do?

[Connor Wood]

What are you going to do?

[Grace O'Malley]

But now people seem happy about it.

[Connor Wood]

We're going to keep it.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's like, oh, wow.

[Connor Wood]

Good, good, good. Yeah, we're actually going to raise. Is this one.

[Grace O'Malley]

Always start on a positive note and then we can backtrack. You can't. You can't take a negative back.

[Connor Wood]

You're like, how are you? They're like, we're pregnant. You're like, o. And they're like, how are you? That's like, how the tone shifts. I'm like, I'm good. I'm going to get this taco out of the bottom of the pool. But after that, I'm.

[Grace O'Malley]

I'm. I'm literally on tour, bro.

[Connor Wood]

Shut up.

[Grace O'Malley]

I don't have time for a baby tour.

[Connor Wood]

And tour's great. I'm alone in this hotel every day, so.

[Grace O'Malley]

Good. All right. Are you licensed to carry? And if yes, would you defend me and the guest in a time of need?

[Connor Wood]

Yeah, I have a gun right now.

[Grace O'Malley]

Wow.

[Connor Wood]

All right. Somewhere on my person, but you have.

[Grace O'Malley]

To tickle you out of it.

[Connor Wood]

You'll never find it until I want you to find it.

[Grace O'Malley]

He's got a Glock in his arse.

[Connor Wood]

I got a Glock in my something.

[Grace O'Malley]

I.

[Connor Wood]

We're talking guns right now.

[Grace O'Malley]

We're talking guns, brother.

[Connor Wood]

You know what I Have to just route really quickly. We had a protest on our campus called Glocks. Not Cox.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's. What is that?

[Connor Wood]

I'm sorry, Cox, not clocks.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay. Because then I got confused.

[Connor Wood]

Right.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay.

[Connor Wood]

Well, because I was in class one day, and they were like, hey, everyone out of class. I was like, what's up? They're like, we just found a gun, like, in the bathroom on the toilet. And this dude stood up and was like, I'm so sorry. That's mine. He was like, I'm so hungover. Like, I just took a shit and I had to take it out of my pocket or whatever. He was holding it in and put it down, and he just forgot his gun on the toile.

[Grace O'Malley]

Dude, imagine having the sweat and you have to take everything off but your Glock you have to put on.

[Connor Wood]

No, no, no. But someone brought it into class and was like, hey, I just found this in the bathroom, and they're holding a pistol.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's so tense. And they were like, why did you touch it?

[Connor Wood]

And they were like, it was just in the bathroom. Like, finders keepers. Like, the safety's on, I think. So then there was this protest that happened. It was. It was Cox, not Glocks, where everyone would carry around a dildo.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, that's fun.

[Connor Wood]

Because it was like, open carry. Like, I can open. Carry a gun, but I can't open carry a dildo. And it's like, everyone. You can. You've always been able to open carry a dildo.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's what I thought. But I know it's a little different in the South, I suppose.

[Connor Wood]

Yeah, it's more of, like. For them. It's like, more of like, I. I want a gun because you said I can't have it.

[Grace O'Malley]

Absolutely. And that's why I asked. I. I'm not allowed to legally own a gun.

[Connor Wood]

If I had a gun, yeah, I would. I would try to do bits with it, and it's just like, it wouldn't be.

[Grace O'Malley]

I'd do a little bit more than a bit. I think I'd do a. A blast bow.

[Connor Wood]

Bow, bow.

[Grace O'Malley]

Right to the mouth.

[Connor Wood]

That would be.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, Jesus. Yeah, honey.

[Connor Wood]

What's the next card, by the way?

[Grace O'Malley]

Yes. Moving on. When I say jump, you say when.

[Connor Wood]

Oh, how high? Sorry.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, I like when.

[Connor Wood]

When, when, when.

[Grace O'Malley]

Wait.

[Connor Wood]

When do you want me to jump?

[Grace O'Malley]

When do you want me to jump? And what bridge?

[Connor Wood]

When? Where?

[Grace O'Malley]

If I were to suddenly forget all of the questions I had for a guest, what would you do?

[Connor Wood]

Yeah. Okay. And this is really, really important because it's so smart to have a plan B. I don't have one, but it's always. It's always good to have a list on your phone. I have so many lists on my phone. I always revert to lists.

[Grace O'Malley]

This is very personal, but can we see the last thing you put in your notes? Maybe.

[Connor Wood]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

And I. And I'll share as well to make you feel better. I just think that would be a fun little segment.

[Connor Wood]

Yeah. This note just says Queen Latifah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Absolutely.

[Connor Wood]

So, and I.

[Grace O'Malley]

What do you think that antidote was.

[Connor Wood]

What that was about? I don't know. It could. It could really have been going any direction ever.

[Grace O'Malley]

I. I actually, I tricked one of my friends once into thinking that Queen Latifah was performing at our other friend's birthday party, and she was fully convinced because it's kind of like, you know, it could. It's like it could possibly happen.

[Connor Wood]

That would be so sick.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's electric. She was a singer. Is if she's still practicing.

[Connor Wood]

Yeah. Queen, I'd love to have you, Latifah. You'd be good. I don't know if she goes by.

[Grace O'Malley]

Ms. Queen or Ms. Latifah.

[Connor Wood]

That's probably not good to say.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's neither here nor there. You're. You're a comedian.

[Connor Wood]

I forget. I often forget I say it on stage.

[Grace O'Malley]

I'm like, these are jokes. I just want you to know that we are joking here.

[Connor Wood]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

One person is not a live podcast. Like you said.

[Connor Wood]

One person. Just randomly. I forget what joke it was because I don't like that.

[Grace O'Malley]

I go, all right, great.

[Connor Wood]

You already bought the ticket, so you can head out if you want to.

[Grace O'Malley]

Thanks for coming.

[Connor Wood]

Yeah.

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[Grace O'Malley]

All right, let's do a new segment. This is called in the Green Room. Do you have anything specific on your rider?

[Connor Wood]

I didn't know I got a rider.

[Grace O'Malley]

Me either.

[Connor Wood]

For my whole time. And then I started touring with Maggie, and Maggie was like, I kept leaving the hotel half an hour early to go find a Celsius, and she's like, connor, why do you do that. I'm like, it's just part of my, like, pre show thing. I go and I. I find a scary 711 and I go in and I almost get murdered. And then I walk out with the Celsius.

[Grace O'Malley]

And that's all the time you have to see in the city.

[Connor Wood]

And an open wound and then.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Connor Wood]

Well, a lot of the places I perform at are very dangerous parts of the country, which, like, I don't know why that ended up being the case. Like, a lot of people are like, like, why are you. I'll go to a city, but then I won't technically be performing in that city. I'll be in, like, technically a different city. And it's the dangerous part of town.

[Grace O'Malley]

The people say comedians are just good with their words, but they also can put up a fight.

[Connor Wood]

I almost called you Brooke.

[Grace O'Malley]

You can call me bro. Oh, bro. Brooke.

[Connor Wood]

Yes, Grace.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yes. Again.

[Connor Wood]

Look at how I'm built. I can't put up a fight.

[Grace O'Malley]

I think you're so strong.

[Connor Wood]

If it was like an insult contest, I could say something that they would think about for a couple years.

[Grace O'Malley]

Roast their ass.

[Connor Wood]

Like, they would get in bed and they'd be like, oh, my gosh, I'm so relaxed. And then their brain would be like, wait, remember that thing he said?

[Grace O'Malley]

I think you could get out of a fistfight by roasting someone. Good enough.

[Connor Wood]

I'm a good. I can. I'm a fast runner, too.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, really? Oh, see, I lack that quality.

[Connor Wood]

Well, it's out of necessity. I like it. I don't have a fight. So the flight is very much. That's my thing. It's flight.

[Grace O'Malley]

But so you'd go. And you go to these. These sketchy places, try not to get jumped.

[Connor Wood]

And I would go get a Celsius. And then finally, like, I got to a venue and there was. There was a bucket of Celsius and a bucket of beer and like. Like a charcuterie type situation. I was like, fancy, nice. And then the next place, I was like, in a different city. I was like, they have this at the last place.

[Grace O'Malley]

They know me so well.

[Connor Wood]

And then the next place, anything. And I was like. And finally I found out that Maggie had reached out to our team. We share managers, and gave them what I like to do before my show.

[Grace O'Malley]

She's so good.

[Connor Wood]

I know. And so now my writer is couple beers, couple Celsi and a charcuterie. Just, like, little snack thing. Because I can't eat a lot before my show because I always eat the wrong thing.

[Grace O'Malley]

I Do, too.

[Connor Wood]

And then I'm on stage being like, I really need to use the stool so I don't shit my pants. I'm going to stool your stool in Nashville. Yeah, I'm going to stool your stool.

[Grace O'Malley]

I'll show you stool, dude in Nashville. I thought. I didn't realize I had a writer either. And I walked in and they were like, grace, we have the fruit that you wanted. And we didn't know what kind of chips to get, so we have five different flavors of chips. And I was like, I didn't ask for this. And I found out my manager was like, I don't know, fruit and chips. And they, like, it made me feel like I was some kind of an asshole.

[Connor Wood]

Yeah, like, you better have my diet Dr.

[Grace O'Malley]

Kelp. Exactly.

[Connor Wood]

Yeah. I was like, oh, you don't have to do this. And they're like, it's like something that someone's job is to go to get the rider before the shows. But I learned, like, there's a lot of people that, like, there was one dude, and I don't know who it is, but I don't know where I was either. But someone was like, there's a comedian that used to come in, and he had them go get him a pair of white Air Force ones before every show.

[Grace O'Malley]

Wow, that's. I think that might be taking it a little bit too far.

[Connor Wood]

Also. You pay for your rider. Like, it come.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's.

[Connor Wood]

It's expensed, but it, like, comes out of your paycheck. So, like, I don't know what his kink is that he, like, is like, bring me a pair of shoes. We're saying that it's probably like, like a really specific thing. Maybe his grandpa died and that was his favorite shoe or something.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, I think that's a little dicky.

[Connor Wood]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

And I don't think it was little dicky.

[Connor Wood]

No, No, I see him all the time.

[Grace O'Malley]

Do you. Are you guys boys?

[Connor Wood]

No. Oh, I just see him.

[Grace O'Malley]

You say, what's up?

[Connor Wood]

Nope. Yeah, I would just see him. He's actually the only person I wouldn't physically go up to. You know, I'm a go up to people person.

[Grace O'Malley]

No.

[Connor Wood]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

And then to wrap up this segment, was there a specific person that lit the fire under ass for first stand up? Yeah.

[Connor Wood]

Tim Dillon.

[Grace O'Malley]

Really?

[Connor Wood]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

How'd that go?

[Connor Wood]

I had been talking about wanting to do it for a long time, and then he was just like a. Like an early person that mutual with me, and he'd be like, I think he asked me, like, do you want to do. Do you want to open for me? Not open, but like do five minutes at my show or something.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Connor Wood]

And I was like, no, I'm not there yet. I'm still just like writing and like learning how to do it. And he's like, you can read about it as much as you want and you can like study it and you can watch other people do it as much as you want. But like, if you were. I think, I think he said this. Unless I've said this so many times that like I made it up and I read it somewhere else. But like he was the first person that said that. Like, you got to actually go out and do it.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Connor Wood]

But someone, it may have been him, said like, if you read a hundred books on tennis and you watch tennis all the time, like, unless you picked up a racket and gone and played tennis, like, you wouldn't get any better and you still would potentially not even be good.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Connor Wood]

It's not like a God given thing with like timing and stage presence and audience like crowd work and stuff. That's a really.

[Grace O'Malley]

Like that. That will put the fire under your ass.

[Connor Wood]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

And so how did you guys meet?

[Connor Wood]

I think it was just like Internet stuff.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. Like DMS and all that jazz. Nice. Next segment. This is a good segue. This segment's just called Bombed.

[Connor Wood]

Bombed. Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

And we won't change it because it is what it is. What is the first joke that you ever wrote that you thought was going to kill and did not.

[Connor Wood]

It was about getting health insurance. Because I think I was just getting kicked off my parents insurance and I was unemployed technically, and I couldn't figure out how to get health insurance. And I was in Malibu during a show. People in Malibu have. So like, they. They were hearing this joke and I was like, yeah, do I get ppo, HMO or hbo? Also known as Max? And like, they were like, my daddy owns State Farm.

[Grace O'Malley]

Well, what's held? Insurance we pay out of pocket. Then the doctor comes with this kid to the house.

[Connor Wood]

I was born with that.

[Grace O'Malley]

We're all never gonna die.

[Connor Wood]

What is he talking about? Bless his heart. And we're giving them Southern accents. Fully invalid.

[Grace O'Malley]

They just like, they're big oil guys.

[Connor Wood]

Sound like it's like fully Miley Cyrus in the crowd. So no, they didn't understand what I was saying when I was like, yeah, I'm looking for health insurance. They're like. And I was like, oh, you guys are. And then I went and did it in East Hollywood and everyone was like, I actually Had a comedian come up to me and I don't remember who this is now, but he was like, that is gold. And that was really not the joke that I said on here. But the rest of it was gold. And it was like. I was like, okay, cool. Like, there's just a disparity and certain groups of people think are, like, relate to.

[Grace O'Malley]

I guess that's a big lesson, though, because in each city, it's different things people get.

[Connor Wood]

It's different. Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

I mean, I talk about some gay shit.

[Connor Wood]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Like actual gay shit. Non. Non derogatory at the moment. And in the south, they're not too keen to laugh. They don't think they are still kind of homophobic down there, huh? Yes.

[Connor Wood]

Oh, my God.

[Grace O'Malley]

I hate to break it to you.

[Connor Wood]

I know that was always funny when I was doing, like, when I did my Texas show. And like, there's actually. I did a lot of shows where, like, weed isn't legal. So they were like, not really connecting there. Like, yeah, like, Big La guy comes.

[Grace O'Malley]

In talking all this weed shit.

[Connor Wood]

Yeah. Or like, you guys probably all have a gun, huh? And they were like, yeah, you're gonna shoot me in the parking lot. Like, I see your face. I called you out. I was right. And I can tell they're like, that's.

[Grace O'Malley]

A good way to get into.

[Connor Wood]

Is that a gun in your pocket? Because you're clearly not excited to see me.

[Grace O'Malley]

And what am I supposed to do with this dildo?

[Connor Wood]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Conceal and carry. Do you recall the first time you were heckled negatively and how did you respond to it?

[Connor Wood]

So I've never been, like, really heckled.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay.

[Connor Wood]

I have had drunk people on my show that were, like, genuinely excited and they were, like, trying to get involved with the joke and they were just so drunk. I think in Seattle or Portland, one of those places where it was like my first and second show and there was actually people being kicked out because they were so drunk. But they weren't bugging me.

[Grace O'Malley]

They were just.

[Connor Wood]

It was like, so loud. And other people were like, I can't be involved. But the one time there were people that were like, just like, killing the vibe. There were two women in the front row in one of my shows in D.C. and they were front row, middle stage, like, as front row as you could be facing each other. Like, everyone else's chairs are facing the stage, facing each other, talking to each other, having conversation, laughing.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's always, always in the front row, too.

[Connor Wood]

The front row. I called around, I was like, like, what is? I'm Never, like, can you shut the fuck up? Which I should probably get there at some point.

[Grace O'Malley]

But this point to it too much.

[Connor Wood]

My father said, I'm just really thankful people are buying tickets and coming to shows. And I'm like, all right, this is. This is fun for everybody. I don't want to, like, have someone hate me after the show because they are being inappropriate and I call them out or whatever. But I started talking to him, and they, like, don't even hear me. Everyone else is laughing. I was like, yeah, that awkward moment when they build a comedy club around your conversation. Like, they. They didn't even hear me. And so I've just finished my part of the set. I went off stage, told the next person. I was like, hey, heads up. Like, the two women in the front row will not stop talking. They're laughing loudly there. And they called them out, and then the next comedian called them out. And then I obviously go back out at the end of my shows and I do like another set, but I went back out. And when I went back out for my second time, they are facing the stage like this.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh. As if they weren't paid to see comedy and not have a chit chat.

[Connor Wood]

You know what it felt like? It felt like they got the tickets for free at the office and they're like, let's go do, like a ladies night out. Well, cocktails, and we'll just enjoy our time. And I was. That's what it felt like. And then they, like, didn't care who performed, but it was just, like, brutal. And I went back out and it was worse that they were quiet at that point because now they weren't having fun and they were mad at me. And I hate when people are mad at me.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, my God, I really do.

[Connor Wood]

Yeah, that's.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, that's. That's pretty brutal. But they deserved all of that. And they shouldn't have switched up on you like that.

[Connor Wood]

No, I agree.

[Grace O'Malley]

Them. And now this is another segment that I'd like to ask you. This is called the writers room. So this is. People submitted these, and people are wondering, were you trying to become a Tumblr famous person? By the way, you posted between 2012 and 2015.

[Connor Wood]

Whoa. Who pulled that up?

[Grace O'Malley]

Somebody thought that.

[Connor Wood]

Oh, yeah, yeah, like 100%.

[Grace O'Malley]

100%.

[Connor Wood]

100%. Yeah. Because I. I was traveling a lot. My dad was a pilot, so I was flying for free. Sick.

[Grace O'Malley]

I actually didn't know that.

[Connor Wood]

Yeah, that's cool. And I had a GoPro. So, like, what do you do?

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, my God, you were the coolest.

[Connor Wood]

It's the perfect storm, and it's just about Jesus Christ. Well, I went like this, and it was in my. This thing was in my hair.

[Grace O'Malley]

She just wants a little tickle.

[Connor Wood]

And I am, like, traveling, and I'm like, I have VSCO. I have a GoPro.

[Grace O'Malley]

I have a gun.

[Connor Wood]

And I have a gun up my ass. And I have a dream.

[Grace O'Malley]

And you crushed it. Because I looked back, and they are beautiful.

[Connor Wood]

I'm editing my dick off. Obviously, I was getting, like, 14 likes, which is just like, it's fine. Who cares? But no, I thought it was Jay Alvarez. Truly. And then he blocked me on Instagram, and I was like, I should reroute.

[Grace O'Malley]

Come to think of it, he was also the problem that there was no baby oil. It's Diddy and Jay Alvarez.

[Connor Wood]

They had a. Yeah. Hand in hand.

[Grace O'Malley]

Wow.

[Connor Wood]

Jonathan and Johnson.

[Grace O'Malley]

Crazy.

[Connor Wood]

What?

[Grace O'Malley]

You realize. Do you think Barry Keoghan now has a vendetta against you since you publicly DM'd his ex?

[Connor Wood]

That's a good question. I don't think he's online at all. There's. I don't think there's any way he would. Can you picture Barry Gilgan with a phone?

[Grace O'Malley]

His Instagram is hilarious. Is it? He is such a Irish kid who made it. Yeah, he. I think he's since deleted his Instagram since they broke up because he was getting a lot of fly.

[Connor Wood]

Okay. I was gonna say. I haven't seen it.

[Grace O'Malley]

Those stands go crazy.

[Connor Wood]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

I can only imagine what Travis Kelce will go through if. If, God forbid, they ever. And I know. I don't even want to touch it, but, you know, and before. Before he had an Instagram where he was, like, at these award shows, just posted a steak being, like, dope meal.

[Connor Wood]

Oh, that's funny.

[Grace O'Malley]

Great meal.

[Connor Wood]

Like.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, dude. So funny question. Can you do the worm?

[Connor Wood]

No.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay.

[Connor Wood]

Like, my whole body hurts.

[Grace O'Malley]

So you can't do a split either?

[Connor Wood]

No.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay. And this last one's gonna really throw.

[Connor Wood]

You can't touch my toes.

[Grace O'Malley]

Fuck Mary. Kill Alvin, Simon and Theodore.

[Connor Wood]

Yeah. Wow. I'm all.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, right?

[Connor Wood]

And then I'm gonna kill all them. I'm gonna eat them. Good meal. That's what I'm doing.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's the fucking luck of the Irish kid.

[Connor Wood]

And then I'm not gonna. That would be the date I would be eating them. Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay. And so this is a new segment we like to call. That's Disgraceful. All right. And this is a segment where I'll present to you a Couple of popular, hot takes, and you tell me if you agree or disagree. First up, Shrek 2 has the best soundtrack of any cinema in history.

[Connor Wood]

Wait, I need an example of a like song. Is that, like, Smash Mouth?

[Grace O'Malley]

Accidentally in Love.

[Connor Wood]

I mean, it's, like, so good. It's. It's so good that you hear that song that you don't think, like. And I'm sure whoever writes Accidentally in Love is, like. That's probably meant for, like, the Notebook or Notting Hill. And no, it's Shrek too. So. Yeah, that's amazing. And holding out for a hero.

[Grace O'Malley]

Funky, Funky Town.

[Connor Wood]

I mean, yeah, that's like. I don't know any movie, but it's very much up there.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's up there for sure. I think number two for me is Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen. I think the soundtrack on that one is only because it was the only CD I think I owned, so I loved those.

[Connor Wood]

That's. Yeah, that's a good. People forget about that movie. I think we had that illegally burned in our disc thing, and it didn't have a set of labels on it. Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Wait, when I was doing my research.

[Connor Wood]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

I found that clip of when you and Brooke found out that that woman is in Finding Nemo. That just reminded me of that.

[Connor Wood]

Yeah, that was funny. Oh, she's in Finding Dory.

[Grace O'Malley]

Who?

[Connor Wood]

She play Sigourney Weaver. Oh, she plays Sigourney Weaver. Is she an animated version of herself? Can we type in Sigourney Weaver? Finding Dory.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, do you think she's the girl with the. What's her name with the retainer thing?

[Connor Wood]

She really is Sigourney Weaver, and she's not even in it. It's just like on a mic, I'm Sigourney Weaver, and then they move on with the journey.

[Grace O'Malley]

I'm like, wait, it's so classic. And that was only for you to find out.

[Connor Wood]

That was genuinely what podcasts are for. That's like, the only dish discovery Brooke and I have made on our.

[Grace O'Malley]

On our podcast, Brooke and Connor makes a.

[Connor Wood]

Okay. We know.

[Cyndi Lauper]

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[Grace O'Malley]

Okay. Agree or disagree? People need to stop spoiling the gender reveals in the captions of their post. Who gives a I for this segment? My sister wrote these. Sorry, Nora.

[Connor Wood]

I'm sorry. Like, that is like. Like, that's not something that ever comes across my desk. Maybe I'll. I'll circle back later and be like, no, I don't. I won't. Like, I. I don't care. Sorry. Okay.

[Grace O'Malley]

I don't really what gender reveals myself.

[Connor Wood]

I'm. I'm like, let people enjoy things. I just know that I'm skipping past it. I'm not reading your caption or looking at your post like I have a reveal.

[Grace O'Malley]

We're on tour.

[Connor Wood]

Yeah. Come see us on tour.

[Grace O'Malley]

We will have your chance. And agree or disagree? November is orange. Science is green. Math is Blue. Thursday is 7.

[Connor Wood]

Yes.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yes, of course.

[Connor Wood]

Across the board, there's something that. It's, like, so crazy. I think that that's how my brain works. And then I'm like, oh, everybody.

[Grace O'Malley]

There's no original thoughts. It's like when you come up with a joke at the same time, but you're two slow to post it. Yeah.

[Connor Wood]

That's so sad.

[Grace O'Malley]

And to wrap things up, I will give you, like I said, time to promote your tour. But I'd also like to hear what is your walkout song?

[Connor Wood]

It has changed a lot. And I just did. I finished in Dublin, actually finished my last tour. Did London and Dublin.

[Grace O'Malley]

Sick way to do it. I love that, by the way.

[Connor Wood]

It was so much fun.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's all in your family game, right?

[Connor Wood]

Yeah. And it's also, like, they were spaced out by a week. So, like, I just had a week in between of just, like, going to pubs and, like, meeting up with people in London and, like, just being in London and, like, just. Well, I hadn't been. I didn't realize I hadn't traveled anywhere that wasn't, like, for one night in the Midwest and then one night in some. Some other place in a hotel. I hadn't been somewhere where I have, like, days to kill in, like, someplace I, like, want to be.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Connor Wood]

So I was like, oh, I'm just going to, like, pay for the hotel that I, like, want to be in and act like this is a vacation. And it was nice. It was really good. Then my parents came.

[Grace O'Malley]

You probably haven't traveled like that since your. Since you GoPro days.

[Connor Wood]

Since my GoPro days.

[Grace O'Malley]

No.

[Connor Wood]

That's so true. But I was coming out to Knock Knock by Mac Miller. That's good at almost every show. And then I can't ever hear that song again because now all it reminds me of is, like, work time and, like, being worried about not doing well. And I'm like. But I started coming out to Girls by the Dare.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, that's good.

[Connor Wood]

And then I worked out to that too much, and so now I hate that song.

[Grace O'Malley]

I think everyone ran that one on the loop a little too much.

[Connor Wood]

Yeah. And then I started coming out to Walk A Flock of Flame.

[Grace O'Malley]

Which one?

[Connor Wood]

I go hard in the motherfucking paint. And now I'm like, how disappointing. For my first joke after I come out to that song. You guys hungry? It just doesn't match.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Connor Wood]

So I, like, want to set the expectations with the song. And, you know, I'm not Hannah Burner. I'm not running out and doing the worm. And, like, my jokes match. It's like, I'm literally, like, the whitest person in the world. I really need to come out to Nora Jones.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, that'd be really funny. Switch up.

[Connor Wood]

I like that. Why I didn't come.

[Grace O'Malley]

Everyone's like, yes.

[Connor Wood]

This is for your friends who didn't make it out tonight. I don't know why they didn't come.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, that's good.

[Connor Wood]

You can tell them. You can tell them why. Yeah, I haven't figured it out yet. I'm really liking, like, British rap right now.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, it's good.

[Connor Wood]

It's really so good. I have. I have a song, but it's not. I don't think it's, like, Walk out material, but it was someone's real sound. I'm like, on reels, by the way.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, yeah. Wait, how are you doing? You did post your ass. Are you going to. You're back to TikTok?

[Connor Wood]

Yeah, I got banned for eight days. So, like, everyone got banned from TikTok. I'm like, bitch, I've been off.

[Grace O'Malley]

You got double banned?

[Connor Wood]

Yeah, I got banned. And then the app went. I was like, that was a good way to go out. I posted my full naked ass. They banned me for sexual exploitations. And.

[Grace O'Malley]

And then maybe baby bought that.

[Connor Wood]

Maybe they thought that because then I screenshotted Karina Cops most recent video, and, like, her ass was out. And so I sent it to them. I was like, I see posts like this all over TikTok.

[Grace O'Malley]

And double standard. They put it back up.

[Connor Wood]

It got 10,000 more likes. Like, it got 25,000 shares. And I was like, maybe this should do.

[Grace O'Malley]

You know, again, this is weird.

[Connor Wood]

I thought it would. I thought, like, Like a thousand people would like it and it would be like funny, like ha. But it works. Like, I wanted people to go follow me on Instagram and in case we lost TikTok. So like I need pay rent New York now. So.

[Grace O'Malley]

And I think a lot of people went to your Instagram to find an only fans and they were probably very, very bummed out.

[Connor Wood]

Well, I, yeah, I'm sure. I looked at the comments of our. Of our TikTok when I posted the same conversation and everyone was like, yeah, it definitely didn't get deleted from my camera roll. And I'm like, oh, goose. And everyone was like, send it to me. DM it to me. I was like, DM it to you, queen ladies. Oh, that's my ass.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's your little ass.

[Connor Wood]

You know I'm not Timothy Chal. Call me by your name. I really need you to keep that close to the chest. There's not public domain.

[Grace O'Malley]

Well, now you know, you're the people of Hollywood know you're not afraid to get naked.

[Connor Wood]

I'll do anything for a quick buck. Yeah, book me. But I. I got it got put back up and then it got redeleted for adult content. And so I got. It was first sexual exploitation.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yes.

[Connor Wood]

And then second it was adult content.

[Grace O'Malley]

Which like, they were like, hey, listen, you're exploiting yourself. We're going to give you another chance.

[Connor Wood]

Exploitation. We could see reversing that adult content. No, no, no, there's a different platform for that. So. Yeah. But then I got unbanned the day of the Billboard thing, so. Okay, this is. This works.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's perfect.

[Connor Wood]

No one cared.

[Grace O'Malley]

I sure did.

[Connor Wood]

Thank you.

[Grace O'Malley]

I really did. And I'm really happy to be fucking chilling with you in New York.

[Connor Wood]

I am. So. I can't wait. I'm really scared. Like, we really got to like, I.

[Grace O'Malley]

I want to say I want to set boundaries, but that's just. That's just not being true to ourselves.

[Connor Wood]

I know. And we. If we. If we can't be true to ourselves, what do we have?

[Grace O'Malley]

No, absolutely nothing.

[Connor Wood]

A drink, please.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, let's get out of here. Let's go promote you to it. Please.

[Connor Wood]

I'm on tour. The Fibs and Friends tour. And now you can't say the other one. Well, it comes out in March. I. I'm on Jake's tour. I'm doing 12 of his shows.

[Grace O'Malley]

Hell yeah. Fuck yeah.

[Connor Wood]

So I'm also on Jake Shane's tour.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh yeah.

[Connor Wood]

And a handful of cities too. And those are all going to be on my Instagram fibula. So thanks, Grace. I had so much fun. We just found out how long we've been recording and that we've. We've completed an episode and I was. I feel like I just got here.

[Grace O'Malley]

I think it was seamless. I think. I think we did. I think we did. Well.

[Connor Wood]

You killed.

[Grace O'Malley]

Thank you. So you. I mean, well, all thanks to you, my man.

[Connor Wood]

I'm just having fun. I wanted. I was in my house all day alone. I could not wait to come chat.

[Grace O'Malley]

Dude, let's get a drink after this.

[Connor Wood]

Let's do it.

[Grace O'Malley]

All right. Thank you guys for watching.

[Connor Wood]

Bye guys.

[Apple and Eve]

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[Cyndi Lauper]

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[Connor Wood]

Psoriatic arthritis symptoms can be unpredictable. I had joint pain and I couldn't move like I used to. I needed relief. I got Cosentyx. It helped me move better.

[Dr. Panico]

Cosentyx Secukenumab is prescribed for people 2 years of age and older with active psoriatic arthritis. Don't use if you're allergic to Cosentyx before starting, get checked for tuberculosis. An increased risk of infections and lowered ability to fight them may occur. Like tuberculosis or other serious bacterial, fungal or viral infections. Some were fatal. Tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms like fevers, sweats, chills, muscle aches or cough had a vaccine or planned to. Or if inflammatory bowel disease symptoms develop or worsen, serious allergic reactions and severe eczema like skin reactions may occur. Learn more at 1-844-cosentyx or cosentyx.com.

[Grace O'Malley]

Ask.

[Connor Wood]

Your rheumatologist about Cosentix.