Finally Talking About It: Thank You Whitney Cummings

Summary

Podcast Summary: Disgraceful with Grace O’Malley – Episode: “Finally Talking About It: Thank You Whitney Cummings”

June 11, 2026
Host: Unwell | Guest Co-Host: Whitney Cummings | Featuring: Dylan Mulvaney
Location: New York, NY (The Big Apple)

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Episode Overview

This episode of Disgraceful is a heartfelt and comedic deep-dive into the realities of friendship breakups, the pressures of online authenticity, and the strange landscape of 2020s fame. Grace O’Malley (Dylan Mulvaney) is joined by comedian Whitney Cummings, whose blend of sharp wit and empathy becomes a kind of comedic therapy session. The episode centers on finally, openly addressing the much-talked-about breakup between Grace (Dylan) and former podcast partner/friend Brianna, with illuminating tangents on the nature of female friendships, the pressures of visibility, and the cost of honesty in public-facing lives.

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Key Topics & Discussion Points

1. The Power and Pain of Female Friendship Breakups

• Open Wounds and Silence: Dylan discusses feeling unable to talk about her friendship breakup with Brianna, fearing both public reaction and personal pain.
• Why It Hurts: Whitney frames female friendship heartbreak as more devastating than romantic ones, drawing from her own experiences:

  "When a woman breaks your heart—there’s nothing like it. She knows everything about you and she still chooses out." (95:43)

• Public Pressure: The breakup was exceedingly public, with both Dylan and Bri subjected to online speculation, DMs, and micro-analytic fandom, making grieving and moving on uniquely difficult:

  "People weren’t DMing me when I went through my friendship breakup. Y’all had the internet weighing in." (30:44)

2. On-Stage Honesty vs. Off-Stage Silence

• Dylan’s Reluctance: Dylan explains her hesitance to speak out, concerned about being seen as capitalizing on pain or creating more drama:

  "I just didn’t want it ever to be something I profited off, or, like, made my whole thing." (86:17)

• Whitney’s Pushback: Whitney urges Dylan toward honesty, insisting that true connection with an audience comes from vulnerability, even if messy:

  "The universe is like, 'this is your thing.' It doesn’t have to be your identity, but it’s your story, like Sebastian being Italian." (84:12)

3. Navigating Public Life & Online Authenticity

• Fame’s Double-Edge: The conversation touches repeatedly on the surreal experience of becoming famous overnight, particularly for young women:

  “Fame—no one tells you you can’t undo it. Doesn’t always come with money. You have a lot of acquaintances, no friends.” (81:37)

• Sharing vs. Oversharing: Whitney discusses the bizarre expectation influencers face to share every aspect of their lives, referencing the uproar over Alex Earl’s silence:

  "When Alex didn't respond, everyone’s like, 'Well? Guess you don’t have any real friends.' That’s the deal we made." (81:00)

4. Coping and Comedy as Shield

• Comedy as Defense: Both Whitney and Dylan reflect on how humor and roasting become defense mechanisms for dealing with pain—on stage and off:

  “You don’t make jokes because you’re not in pain.” – Whitney (74:52)

• The Intention Behind the Roast: Whitney distinguishes positive roasting (where "everyone leaves feeling better," 38:14) from malicious attacks, paralleling how she approaches sensitive topics on and off stage.

5. Friendship Dynamics, Work, and Evolving Roles

• Work as a Wedge: Both acknowledge that going into business with friends almost always changes the relationship, and that “authenticity” is risky currency:

  “Loved that you and Bri were authentic. I just knew nobody would let that keep going.” (26:47)

• Changing Dynamics: As Dylan gained confidence and a life outside the duo, the friendship’s dynamic shifted, making tension inevitable

  “Even if you didn’t change, things changed for you.” (80:46)

6. Aging, Growth, and Accepting Change

• Looking Back with Wisdom: Whitney counsels against being too hard on oneself for failed friendships or “wasted time,” stressing that it’s part of finding out who you are:

  “I’m so mad at myself for dating at all in my 20s... but you were chosen for this. All we can do is turn the horror show into laughs, into something positive.” (63:53, 84:33)

• Growing Up in Public: Dylan admits to struggling with growing and changing when followers expect her to stay static, and Whitney reminds her—and the listeners—that true fans stick with you through growth:

  “It didn’t occur to me I could change. I was just doing a bad impression of myself for too long.” (93:18)

7. The Landscape of Modern Influencer Culture

• Metrics and Self-Worth: They both poke fun at the obsessive analytics that drive podcasting and TikTok—one minute something flops, then nonsense goes viral, and posting “rules” are indecipherable:

  “Anyone who says they know the algorithm is lying.” (66:40)

• Drama-Driven Engagement: They lampoon the fact that online shamelessness and drama often breed success:

  “Only the most shameless are gonna succeed... and then they get busted for being psychopaths.” (36:26)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Names, Nonsense, and Comic Origins

[05:41]

• Whitney: “My superhero origin story was having the last name Cummings. At seven, why are we making cum jokes already?”
• Dylan: "Is it coming or going?"

On Roasting and the Point of Comedy

[38:14]

• Whitney: “The key to roasting is that no one leaves feeling bad. Everyone likes all the participants more.”

Friendship, Breakups, and Brutal Honesty

[77:06]

• Whitney: “A breakup with a guy is never out of nowhere. It’s never just, ‘We broke up.’ It’s always been building.”
• Dylan: “I thought it was sustainable... but she wasn’t there as much anymore, and I stopped being a ‘yes man.’”

Heartbreak and Emotional Exposure

[95:43]

• Whitney: "It's like, you're just heartbroken… And when a woman breaks your heart, it's just... she knows everything about you and she still chooses out."
• Dylan: "You broke my heart."

Advice for Young Women and Creators

[63:00, 65:02]

• Whitney: “Stop starting businesses for no reason! Let’s get good at one thing at a time. You’re not a soda mogul in your 20s.”
• “No one in their twenties is cooking and dating and getting married. Get your career together, THEN get married.”

The Reality of Public Growth

[93:18]

• Whitney: “It didn’t occur to me I could change. I was just doing a bad impression of myself for too long. Cool fans are down to watch their faves grow and change.”

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Key Timestamps for Important Segments

• [04:33]: Whitney and Dylan discuss bullying, the power of names, and how it forges character.
• [08:44–10:49]: Debate on being controversial vs. being kind; how comedians manage ruffling feathers.
• [26:10]: Analogy of starting a business with a friend as “opening up a relationship” – on the risks and inherent changes.
• [37:09–38:45]: The principle of proper roasting and the emotional impact of intention.
• [74:00–77:51]: Breaking the silence about the friendship breakup; why holding it in can be self-harming.
• [93:18–94:50]: On growing and changing publicly, and the comfort of intention and true self.
• [95:43–97:19]: They address, in real emotional terms, the heartbreak and process of losing a female best friend.
• [104:28–106:37]: Discussion of trying, failing, and finally accepting the end of a friendship—and the impossibility of “fixing” someone else’s journey.

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Themes & Tone

Despite the pain, the humor is sharp, self-deprecating, and compassionate. The episode veers from periods of outright laughter and roasting (short kings, monocles, Anne Hathaway) to extended moments of real emotional honesty. Both host and guest allow themselves to be direct, vulnerable, and a little messy, in a way that underscores the episode’s message: sometimes the only way through heartbreak is to own it, make fun of it, and let it shape you—without letting it define you.

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Final Thoughts & Takeaway

• Speak your truth (even when it’s messy).
• Comedy is a shield, but sometimes vulnerability is the only cure.
• Stop wasting your twenties on bad dating and too many business schemes.
• True fans—of yourself, or your work—want to see you grow.
• No shame in heartbreak; everyone goes through friendship breakups, even the famous.
• Embrace your sidekick energy—but don’t be afraid to be the main character when it’s your turn.
• The world is watching, but in the end, real friends (and real fans) just want you to be real.

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This episode is a must-listen for anyone navigating the bumpy terrain of friendship, honesty, and public life—or for those seeking laughs that cut close to the bone, but always with love.

Transcript

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[Whitney Cummings]

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[Whitney Cummings]

Let me know. Are we rolling?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

We're rolling. Welcome in.

[Whitney Cummings]

Hey.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Hey, girl. What's up?

[Whitney Cummings]

Dylan, you know how Tim Dillon puts sunglasses on to be able to talk more shit?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

I'm, like, trying to do that, but mine are just clear.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Are they prescription or.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, I could just see better,

[Dylan Mulvaney]

but

[Whitney Cummings]

they're covered in, like, chowder. Like sunscreen. Supergoop sunscreen. So I can't really see that my

[Dylan Mulvaney]

eyes leaking because I just got Supergoop in it, dude. Okay, that's what's going on. Okay.

[Whitney Cummings]

I don't want to lose a promo code. Disgraceful. But Supergoop is my favorite sunscreen that you can't get anywhere near your eyes or mouth.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

No, you cannot. It is crazy. I wear that instead of foundation.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, the shimmery one.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yes, yes.

[Whitney Cummings]

Stunning. You look just like a bronzed jellyfish.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I keep asking them. They're like, yeah, we're good.

[Whitney Cummings]

But good on you. If you cry into a handstand, you will never be able to see again. It's like wild.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I am. I. You know, I picked up. I just picked up Wegovy while I'm here.

[Whitney Cummings]

Promo code.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Promo code. Well, no, I keep saying they're pissed at me because I keep saying no to GLP1 ads.

[Whitney Cummings]

Why?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Because I don't want to tell people to do something.

[Whitney Cummings]

I don't think they're doing it because you're telling them to. I think they would have been doing it anyway, and they just are gonna use your promo code.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I just. I look at it and take a step back and I'm like, I'm thinking, hey, big fatty. It's big fatty talking, and it's time for you to get what I'm doing. Come on now. It's goofy time. That's crazy to me.

[Whitney Cummings]

I don't disagree with you. I have a moral or two. And I don't do vapes.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Me either.

[Whitney Cummings]

But it's. I mean, I don't advertise vapes.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Oh. Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

You know, but also, like, you're gonna do it.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, that's true. Well, it's kind of like, why can we advertise vapes but not cigarettes anymore?

[Whitney Cummings]

I think that just people in the. When were was cigarette advertising outlawed in like, the 70s or 80s? I think that people in the 70s and 80s weren't all on drugs. So they would go, like, pass laws.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

You know what I mean? And they would, like, stop injustice. But now it's just like, oh, 15 kids, lungs imploded while they were playing basketball in Chicago. Like, nah, eat a Tide pod. That'll fix it. Yeah, take some Ivermectin. Like, no one's trying to fix anything anymore.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I don't even know what that word is.

[Whitney Cummings]

Ivermectin. It's a antibiotic.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Okay. Word. Okay.

[Whitney Cummings]

But you know what? If this is on YouTube, I shouldn't say that. Do you have all the YouTube drama where it's like, if you say. Well, then how do you say wegovy? If you say something medical, it counts as medical advice and they demonetize you.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I'll just. I'll just like, sub it in, like, Japanese style. Just say something else, like, holy. Just swap it the first little inside. Inside baseball for you guys. You can't talk about. What is it you can't talk about?

[Whitney Cummings]

In order to get recommended.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

As like, users who like this also might like this. Right. Which is always insulting for me. It's always so insulting. Like, users who like this also watch this video, and it's like a porn star who's like, I just got back from rehab. It's like a black and white video. It's called Dark Underbelly. You know the show Dark? And it's like a porn star who's like, I just. No teeth. Not a tooth in sight. Who's like, I just got out of rehab. And I'm like, is this our.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I wonder what they watch first, her or you?

[Whitney Cummings]

Unclear or simultaneous? I don't know, but good to know. That's my demo. My last name's Cumming, so I'm sure they, you know, it was confusing.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Anyway, but how did you stop the bullying on that?

[Whitney Cummings]

I stopped being bullied.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

How did you shut people down on that? Cause I know you didn't put up with it.

[Whitney Cummings]

I come from some pretty gnarly, like, alcoholism and abuse. But I say, like, my superhero origin story was like, having the last name Cummings because I had to, like, real quick on the schoolyard, like, like, figure out how to defend myself and getting roasted. But also it's like, I'm seven. Why are we making cum jokes already?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, no, that's.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's also. It's just like, so weird. Like, and it's always.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

It's always the kid who's like, his life. No, it's.

[Whitney Cummings]

It was like, dog shit teacher. No, this is like, teachers like, dude, this was like my last name. People be like. And it was like, what are you doing? Like, I'm 12. Even I knew, like, this is weird. God, this is like dance recital. What the fuck are you doing? I would. Yeah, you're my gynecologist. I'm 13, I just want some Accutane. But also, it was even crazier because so my parents got divorced and there was this opportunity to like, take my mom. Like, I could take. There's another name on the table, another last name. My mom's last name, maiden name was Coming with no S. Oh, yeah, that's right. Incoming. So I was like, cummings or coming.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Is it coming or going?

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, the noun or the verb, like, hers is actually the present doing it, you know, I think, yeah, the S.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

S is so much better, I think.

[Whitney Cummings]

But I think it, like, developed a bad habit for me in the beginning of a stand up is like, to just be like, have to address, like, I'd always dress address it because people would think it was like a joke name. And I'd have to say, like, this is not my real name. It's my stage name. My real last name is Cum Shot. Like, because people would say, like, is that a stage name? Why would I pick this for myself? Like, why would I want this in any capacity? But yeah, that was definitely like. But I do think, like, when I was naming my kid, I was kind of like, ah, you want kids? I feel like your name in a weird way dictates your personality. Because everyone I know, everyone named like Ashley, E, I, G, H, or Kaylee K, E, L, E, I G H. They're really outgoing and they're really. Because they have to correct people all the time.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, that's true.

[Whitney Cummings]

They all have to be like, no, it's actually E, I G H. It's actually E, I G H. You know.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah. And they're either very wealthy or rough around the edges. There's like, no in between.

[Whitney Cummings]

No in between. Special way of full garbage. Or like a Swedish princess. Yeah, totally.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Like, they have to be different.

[Whitney Cummings]

You know, when you meet someone, you hear the name and you're like, oh, that's how you got funny.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

But everyone I know named Sarah. I'm like, things are just. Have always been easy for you, huh?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

It's just like. It's a very middle.

[Whitney Cummings]

You have an apostrophe in your name.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I do? Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

Can you even use machines?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Half the time I'm not seen as a real document. It's not like.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's actually.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Like, sometimes they won't let me on the plane. Actually, I was gonna say, you can't

[Whitney Cummings]

just bring like a. Like an apostrophe.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

Computer.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

They allow it, and sometimes they don't. And like. And then a lot of talks about

[Whitney Cummings]

that, like, weird prejudice against Irish last names. Yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

You know, it's no Irish need apply. Everyone forgets that. But my parents don't. But I don't know, it's. And then if. If there is no apostrophe, they. They'll say it like a. Like a telemarketer would be like, hello, Mrs. Amelie. How are you? Amelie?

[Whitney Cummings]

What do you. Oh, like o'. Malley.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, it's.

[Whitney Cummings]

It is. Here's what I will say. There are some things about Irish people that are unnecessarily ridiculous.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

You know, every stereotype is correct. Every. I mean, we are a bunch of mix running around.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's just like. There are some things that are, like, from my point of view. Don't you see how I.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

No, it checks. Everything checks like that. And thank God, because we're like the last group of people you can make

[Whitney Cummings]

fun of, but, like, you fat.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

And it fucking attacks.

[Whitney Cummings]

No, I don't. So many of my friends are Irish, I'm realizing. But the culture is so deeply unserious. I mean, it is such a deeply unserious culture, but the most aggressive, intense people.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah. Yeah. No, it's so true.

[Whitney Cummings]

You can't be like, you don't like

[Dylan Mulvaney]

my leper concert, and they just don't know how to even back it up. That's the other thing. It's like, what the fuck? You just made fun of where I'm from.

[Whitney Cummings]

I guess I feel like it's inappropriate to talk about, like, cultural differences, but I guess you kind of can't. We need to Start controversy. That's what makes people watch things. So let's just start a fight.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

All right.

[Whitney Cummings]

And we got to talk about the roast at some point.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah. Is that why my views are so down?

[Whitney Cummings]

Yes.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Because I'm playing nice.

[Whitney Cummings]

I was talking about this with my cousin Grace on the way here. This is what is going to hold you back in this business, is there is a fear of ruffling feathers. I'm the same way. And I never wanna hurt anyone's feelings. I never want anyone to be mad at me. But I do believe audiences expect their entertainers to throw a couple grenades.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Ah, that's fair.

[Whitney Cummings]

Or, like, do you have any controversial takes?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Um, controversial takes.

[Whitney Cummings]

I actually like this, like. Like, for you.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I mean, the controversial takes for me is just like, a lot of it is just things people wouldn't agree with because I'm gross. Like, I don't wash my face.

[Whitney Cummings]

That's actually why your skin is so good.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

What? Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

Because, I mean, washing your face is abrasive, like I just do with oil.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

Do you do it on purpose or do you see?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Like, I want to be more entertaining, but, like, I have been for the past year just being like, I'm not saying shit. I'm not saying anything. And it is a constant back and forth.

[Whitney Cummings]

Then you need to say something about not saying anything. I'm not saying. I'm not. I'm not saying you need to. I'm not saying you need to.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I'm just totally pretending like nothing has happened and I'm just moving on here.

[Whitney Cummings]

Right.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

So I do, like, it's actually very fun. It's like my. I think it's like a. Like a. Not a bi weekly, but like every three weekly, like, newsletter I'll get in my DMs of a new thing that came to light about myself that I didn't even know.

[Whitney Cummings]

Here's what I think, though. I think that mastering the art of like. And look, stand up like you've made your career out of your defense mechanism. That's what we got to do. We got to, you know, but our coping mechanism. No one is interested. Yeah, the sort of, like, I'm not gonna say anything. I'm gonna choose peace. We forgive others not. Cause they deserve forgiveness. Cause we deserve calm. Like, it's just. There's a certain point you can say something about not saying anything, though, or you can say something in a way that is just not intentionally starting. I think people know the difference between intentionally starting shit.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah. Like calling someone an evil bitch.

[Whitney Cummings]

Don't do that.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, that would be crazy.

[Whitney Cummings]

Don't do that. I think it'. I mean, look, you guys can cut this out if you want. I'll say it again on my podcast. So everything. Yeah, yeah. Everything that they got. Well, there is something that's actually weird. A lot of YouTubers and tick tockers who I've had on my podcast that I was like, oh, my gosh, you guys. Thing is you kind of, like, talk. And I was like, oh, I just don't. They always tell me to cut stuff.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, it's really interesting.

[Whitney Cummings]

I'm never.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

It's really interesting to see what people

[Whitney Cummings]

want, but I'm never like, oh, do you want to save it for your channel? Or.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Or. I just don't think they can think fast enough to say the thing that they want to say. I think that's what it is. Okay. Because, like, everything that they do when it comes to talking shit is premeditated. Usually they have their own time to make cuts and rethink what they're going to say.

[Whitney Cummings]

But I think that it's like, look, you're famous in your 20s, and this is when everybody, like, learns these, like, hard, brutal lessons. Especially about, like, guys, about, like, friendships and stuff. And, like, I learned them off camera, but it's like, I think about you guys and I'm. It's friends that are different. I was just talking about this with Grace because my cousin Grace is going through a version of this. She's not famous, in a different job. That's like best friends. And then they start working together, and it got so weird.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Oh, we gotta talk. And also, fun fact about Grace, I get all of Grace's texts from you. So I thought. I thought Whitney and I were going wedding dress shopping on Sunday.

[Whitney Cummings]

I was like, yeah, I'm so down. So I will always text Grace o'. Malley when I mean to text my cousin, she responds. And then I just am like, I don't fix it by texting my actual cousin after. Yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

So, dude, there's so much I gotta catch you up on.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah. No, by the way. And then I decided that my cousin's a bitch because she never responds to me. But you never text her because I just turn it into a hang with you. And there was a while where my assistant was also named Grace, and all we did was text about Anne Hathaway. Like, just what she was doing, dude. And I would just respond like.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I was just like, all right. I guess we. I must be a drunk because I don't remember, like, having this Anne Hathaway joke with Whitney.

[Whitney Cummings]

This is all before we were tight. Like, not recently at all.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I remember, like, one time you had texted one thing about her, and I, like, was showing everyone I was with, I was like, what do I say? I don't.

[Whitney Cummings]

I don't.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

It's got to be funny. But, like, I don't know.

[Whitney Cummings]

So, like, I guess this is a test. It was before I went on the road with Miserably Cuz. You were like, lol about it. You were just. I was just vibing.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I was like, I can't tell if

[Whitney Cummings]

she likes this or she doesn't like this girl. Like, I don't know what the to say. She's kind of crazy. I'm obsessed with people that have what I want, which is the ability to not care at all. Anne Hathaway was. She was basically canceled, like, I don't know, 10 years ago. What, for wanting it too much. For being a pick me. Oh, for being too talented. For getting her award and going, I love it. For being what we all are.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

And not, like, pretending she was too cool for school. And then she just, like, kept going, and everyone was like, yes.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

She graduated to royalty.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

She's like. She's up there. She's like, George Clooney esque.

[Whitney Cummings]

I don't like this thing where if you try too hard, you're a pick me. If you're ambitious, you're cringe like, okay, oh, I'm sorry.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Movie star wants to be famous.

[Whitney Cummings]

No, this is people trying to get everyone else to not work as hard so that they don't have to. Or so that the winners don't try as hard.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, I know. It's so true.

[Whitney Cummings]

You know what I mean? This is like, in high school, when you would, like, make fun of the people that work hard, you'd be like, loser. You got an A loser.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Can I admit something? I always wanted to do the theater in high school, but I was too cool. I regret it so much. You still think that's silly?

[Whitney Cummings]

No, I.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

You literally just hit. Okay.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's okay.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Sure. That's cool.

[Whitney Cummings]

You know. Do you. I feel like you know what I'm gonna say. You know me by. If you don't know me by now, I feel like you know what I'm gonna say.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

What?

[Whitney Cummings]

Like what? My take on theater.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Oh, yeah. In high school, it's the same take you have of improv.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's just like, I'm fine with. I like theater. It's good. It's a good thing to do.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

It's just. No, you can't get Timothy Chalamet canceled right now.

[Whitney Cummings]

He doesn't need my help, I don't think.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

No, no, no. Not. But he just got canceled because he said he doesn't like ballet.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think he said it. He tried to say no one else did.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Oh, yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

If he had just been like, not for me. Not a creep, I'd be like, love that guy.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah. No, that's so true.

[Whitney Cummings]

Actually, nobody's be fucking with it. Yeah. Yeah, I did. Dude. Ballet, it's. I just. There will just make them 30.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

Just. Why do you have to start at 4? Yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

They don't have to be tiny.

[Whitney Cummings]

And also, can they just wear shorts?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

Sweatpants, maybe. Why are they. Why is it so. Why do they have binoculars? Yeah, that's a good. What are you zooming in on, weirdo? And why do the binoculars have one handle? What are you doing with the other hand?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Oh, my God.

[Whitney Cummings]

At least two hand binochs, guys. Why is it called the Nutcracker? I have questions. I have questions about the ballet. I think that girls should be able to do it and be able to walk later in life. It's like. It's like our foot binding. We go through this whole rigmarole. Yeah. Of like, why do their toe. They can't even go on Onlyfans and sell their feet later in life after they don't have a career in ballet. I don't like any of it.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah. No, it's so f. D, actually.

[Whitney Cummings]

But my problem with thought of any of that, like, wow. Anyway, I mean, I. I enjoy. I'm not against the ballet. I just. There's, like, everything. I don't want to cancel anyone or anything ever. It's just like. Can we just update it?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah. No, 100%.

[Whitney Cummings]

We have to update our phones every two days. Can we update the software of ballet? Can we just update a couple other things work?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

Can the ballerinas just, like, can they eat food? Like, is this. What is the whole thing where they.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

We got to take them down to make them stars?

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah. I don't like. I would love ballet with butts. Yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I mean, different shapes and sizes. I'd love to see a big old bitch doing almost at a parlay. Fuck.

[Whitney Cummings]

What is a parlay?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

A fucking sports betting term.

[Whitney Cummings]

Is this brought to you by DraftKings. I'm back at barstool, guys. Oh, theater. Like, it's fine. It's just that no one that signs up to teach theater to high School. Anyone who does, just show me in jail. I'm not. It's. I'm just. I'm not. I didn't do anything. I didn't check my hard drive. All you want. It's more that.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, no, that's totally. That's.

[Whitney Cummings]

I would love for you to do a theater in high school, but you can't because the teachers decided to. Their passion in life is teenage emotions.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, no, that is really crazy. And what are you pulling from as a teenager?

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, it has to be a woman. It just has to be a woman.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, yeah. There's gotta be an older woman and she's gotta be a spinstar.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah. And you're not doing Cat on a Hot Tin Roof. You're not do. We're not doing.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I love that combo movie.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's not even that one. It's the other Streetcar Named Desire. We're not doing all these things. We're not doing, like every play you think back, you're like, wait, what? Why is everything about non consensual sex? I mean, granted, non consensual sex kind of started like 10 years ago. Like, it's never really. Consensual sex. Wasn't really a thing till like the 80s. I feel like.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Oh, yeah, no, I guess. I guess not.

[Whitney Cummings]

You know what I mean?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

It was just never talked about it or discussed. It was a thing.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's just like, even if it wasn't an explicit. Like, I was like, well, I need a house. I need a place to live.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Perfect example. I'm re watching Rescue Me, Dennis Leary.

[Whitney Cummings]

Hold on. What? Re watching?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Rewatching.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah. She was thinking like, can someone rescue me from this pile?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Whitney Cummings]

He's like, he's like. He's like.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

He's taking advantage of his own wife in the show. And it's like super chill.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, that was Boston. Boston Strong, dude.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, that's a. That's a representative.

[Whitney Cummings]

Was Dennis Leary someone you, like, knew growing up as Boston?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, I knew him as the comics coming home guy. Yeah, that was.

[Whitney Cummings]

I did that show a couple. I toured with them, like back. Back in the day, but I wasn't on. I did like the Rescue Me tour. I don't know why.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

And so like. Yeah. Oh, oh. Because he did stand up and he did show at the same time, so just titled it.

[Whitney Cummings]

That's right. And he did. And there's a lot of stand ups on that show. Adam Ferrara, Len. What's his name? Clark. Letty Clark.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

My boy whose nose fell off. Artie Lang. That's a toughie. That's a toughy.

[Whitney Cummings]

So tough.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

But is that a little bit like, before you.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

Like, you are one of those people that is kind of a 45 out of nowhere.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah. I mean, like, I already told Whitney that you told me the other day that I was never a kid.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

How old are you now?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

27.

[Whitney Cummings]

Okay. Okay. Saturn Returns. This can be the Saturn Returns episode.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Okay, perfect.

[Whitney Cummings]

Okay. Saturn Returns. Saturn returns. Saturn returns. Is this thing that when you're 27 or 28 as a woman, your whole life capsizes?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Oh, is that why sales are down?

[Whitney Cummings]

Who?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Is that why sales are down? Is this supposed to be, like, capsized, like, in a bad way?

[Whitney Cummings]

No. I mean, look, here's the thing that's always bad, right? As someone that's too afraid to do it. And when I do do it, I disappear for, like, a month afterwards because I'm, like, get so terrified and depressed. And you do have to generate some kind of controversy in every episode. Yay. I don't. I'm not happy about it. I'm not happy about it. I'm not happy about it, and I'm

[Dylan Mulvaney]

not happy about it.

[Whitney Cummings]

But you can say controversial things without them being petty and nasty.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

Okay. I don't think anyone is confused that you and Briana weren't always very different people. I met you guys, and I was like, oh. What's so fun about them is they're so different. That's so great. When you're, like, at Coachella and Burning man and out in Boston making money. It's funny. You leave your purse. You don't. You get the cab.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

It's.

[Whitney Cummings]

You almost, like, work as, like, a yin yang unit, and that's what's so funny about it. But going into business, you can't have different personalities. Like, it's, like, no one's fault.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

So then what are you supposed to do? Because then you have two people who are the same. And that still clashes, too. No, maybe.

[Whitney Cummings]

But I think that that tends to work better. Or someone. Two people can't be stars. They can't. There has to be someone who kind of can fall back.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

And I was actually mad. I was, like, super. I always said mad chill. I was mad chill. No, but I was, like, super fine with being, like, sidekick.

[Whitney Cummings]

I've just seen this so many times. And you know Oasis, the Eagles? Oasis, they were brothers. They did just reunite. They're a band.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, no, I know the band.

[Whitney Cummings]

They're brothers.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Oh, no. Dude. Every white boy of all time. Went to that summer reunion tour.

[Whitney Cummings]

But by the way, I don't. I know. That was so weird.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I was like, since when?

[Whitney Cummings]

Since when you just.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Out of nowhere, yo, dude, I've been

[Whitney Cummings]

loving Oasis, but this is actually, like, this whatever. It was, like, no one from your podcast. Like, I was like, straight up being like, guys, like, Oasis, not that good. Where was all this fanfare when Avril Lavigne came back? Yeah. What is that, Hillary Duff? We're handling that well.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

But I'm like, that's good.

[Whitney Cummings]

Two mediocre English guys. We left that island 300 years ago, and we're just dudes. It's fine.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Dudes don't really get to pop off unless it's, like, a country concert.

[Whitney Cummings]

I feel like I'm just like, dude, where's everyone coming out for? Reba's on tour. Dolly came to Vegas. No one cared. Dolly's.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

She canceled it.

[Whitney Cummings]

I mean, she canceled it because she wasn't doing well. Whatever. Alanis came to, like, fine. Yeah, Fine. What they. Just to be clear, all the women I just mentioned, if you ran into them at the mall, they would take a photo with you. If you saw any of the Oasis guys out, they would call the police. If you tried to say, hi, it's a. And you're lining up at the Sphere on mushrooms. Out of here. So, like, whatever. I need to, like, figure out how glasses work at some point. I need this. Is this why they do monocles? I feel like I need a monocle.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Monocle is great.

[Whitney Cummings]

I feel like I need a monocle also.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I'm trying to. Sorry, I don't mean to cut you off, but I just really want to get this off my chest. I'm trying to bring back limos.

[Whitney Cummings]

Limo cars?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah. Like, you know. You know how you get picked up in, like, a black suv? Boring. You should get picked up in a limo.

[Whitney Cummings]

Limos. Okay, so this is. This is where our friendship falls apart. Limos are the only reason there's traffic. The traffic in LA today is from a limo two nights ago.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

For a bachelor at the party, like,

[Whitney Cummings]

it's like the butterfly effect, where, like, one butterfly in Africa causes a storm. I feel like the three limos in America right now are the only reason they're strapping. Yeah, I know. Like, it's the worst. So I like a party bus.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Party bus rocks.

[Whitney Cummings]

I like a party bus. Yeah, I got one of those one time. But I, I, I, I heard. Yeah, there's nothing more fun than a party bus when you're with all your friends. There's nothing more depressing when you're, like, doing a casino or something and they send a limo and it's just you alone and you're just like. There have been a couple times where I'm just like, this is so sad.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, this is so.

[Whitney Cummings]

So there's 50 cups and, like, champagne. It's like neon blue. I know, I know.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

You actually put the. You put the divider down. You're like, so. So how are you?

[Whitney Cummings]

Ukraine's crazy. So can you take a picture of me? Like, what do you. I hate a limo because the pressure to take pictures is so high. But no one wants that photo.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, no, it's terrible.

[Whitney Cummings]

That's not gonna blow up the algo. Just to.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

And then you're. You're. You can always, like, see up your skirt. It's no good. It's no good.

[Whitney Cummings]

I see that you're trying to get me off this topic.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

No, I'm not. I'm not.

[Whitney Cummings]

I just think it's. I just think it's so. Dude, women go getting in the workplace. Like, women work so hard to get to the workplace, but no one was like, we gotta make sure to. Not all start businesses together, though, if we're friends. Like, the temptation. I also think it's a cocaine thing, by the way. I've never done cocaine. People. I think I. I'm not even. No. When I first met you, I went to the podcast and she just goes, this is what. I fell in love with it.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

You had.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, I have a coke problem.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I think I was finally coming to

[Whitney Cummings]

terms with that at the time. Who says coke problem? You say other people have coke problems.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

You know, you just gotta come clean, dude. You.

[Whitney Cummings]

Dude, I'm screaming for help, Remember? I was like, you're gonna be famous. Like, in that moment, I was like, you're gonna be famous.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

And then also, Whitney called it. She goes, and what's your plan when you two start fighting? Us? Never.

[Whitney Cummings]

I was dead serious. I was like, what's. What's going to happen when you guys break up? Like, nothing. Just get a. It's.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I was like, break up?

[Whitney Cummings]

What?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Everything's great.

[Whitney Cummings]

And it is. It is for now. That's why I drove to West Hollywood for this fudgeing barstool podcast. What am I doing here? I just want to know, when you guys break up, where's this episode going to air? That. Is it going to come down?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

No. And they did. They took it all down.

[Whitney Cummings]

I need to know how hard to try today.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, no, I know, dude, but I

[Whitney Cummings]

Remember going like, y' all get along so well. I'm so happy for you that you think this is just. That we get to have it all and that love wins. It just.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I know I did kind of have special confidence on it.

[Whitney Cummings]

You know what it is when you are tight with someone and your friends, starting a business together is like being like, should we open up our relationship? It's like being poly.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah. No. Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

Honestly, in a relationship, like, things are going well. Let's bring another person into it that's gonn to turn us against each other. Especially when you're in your 20s, when you're kind of like. And you guys are in this business that no one knows the rules.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

There's no blueprint.

[Whitney Cummings]

So there's no, like, here's what we should do. Here's what has worked before. And it just was like, let's just be friends and have fun and, like, keep doing what we're doing, which is an awesome plan. I was all for that.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

But here's.

[Whitney Cummings]

You know what? I loved that. You know what mistake you and Bri both make.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

What?

[Whitney Cummings]

Being authentic. Yeah. But I just remember going like, look, I don't. I'm just. You're having a lot of fun here, and no one will let that continue.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah. That sucks, right? That stinks.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah. But when I see there's been a couple podcasts, some of the biggest podcasts in the world. I'm not gonna tell you. The co hosts do not talk off camera.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I mean, I could think of one right off the top of the bat where they had everybody fooled.

[Whitney Cummings]

Exactly. So it's kind of like they don't get along at all. And I'm like, you two genuinely love each other. There's no way to be in this business and not. They're gonna make you hurt each other.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah. And just. I don't know. My whole thing is I genuinely loved her. Like, I loved her say that.

[Whitney Cummings]

The things you say to me.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I don't say negative things about her. Like, online, I could share a story of how we promised to be on our best behavior to see our. It was our friends. She's getting married. So we all had to be together, and we made a big promise. Yeah, we made a big promise because she put us in a group message, and she was like, can you please be good for the wedding? Can you promise to do that? And I'm like, yes, of course. And you guys texted. It was like, she put us in a group message. Our friend who's getting married. Oh.

[Whitney Cummings]

With you three and Say, can you two just.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Can you please, Please. I have nightmares about my wedding being ruined because you guys are fighting. So then we had to see each other. And both times it was just kind of like a hi, how are you? Whatever. And I. I just. I would be like, hey, dude, how are you? It's like weird to not say hi. And she'd like, hello. And then later that night.

[Whitney Cummings]

Sometimes the worst thing we can do is be nice because. Or, like, genuinely, it is an insane

[Dylan Mulvaney]

thing to be friends with someone for 17, 15 or 17 years and just not acknowledge their existence.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yes.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

When you're in a room that is just being a normal person. I'm sorry, I don't mean to get.

[Whitney Cummings]

I'm with you, but, like, this is

[Dylan Mulvaney]

my first time even saying shit.

[Whitney Cummings]

I know. I. I know. And I'm like, I know hurt people, hurt people. And I'm over here. Like, when we're in our 20s, we haven't yet deprogrammed. And sort of like, when we're in our 20s, sometimes we hurt ourselves and we don't realize. We think we're protecting ourselves, but we're also hurting ourselves. And we push away the people that love us the most because we know they'll take it and we know they'll forgive us. You know? But I also think that when a friend gets in a bad relationship. Dude, I lost a friend to a bad relationship. Because you can't tell them, and you can't not tell them.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

You can't meddle and you can't not. No one has ever gotten out of a bad relationship because someone's like, hey, I don't think this person's good for you. It actually, no one was.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

You know what? I was just like, straight up, you know what?

[Whitney Cummings]

I'm out. Thank you. No, I mean, I dying for someone to point that out. I just. I thought we were like soul mates. I just thought when you love someone, you just like, never sleep and you're always crying. But, like, thank you for pointing this out. They're in.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

And I'm gonna go knock on his door.

[Whitney Cummings]

Like, it's just happened like that. And I wish it was zero contact. It makes them actually turn on you.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

And then get more bonded to the toxic person. Cause it's like us against the world. No one understands us stuff. So you just have to kind of like sit by. And then if you don't say anything later, it's like, well, why didn't you? It's like, nobody wins.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

So then my whole thing was, she. We were Butting heads. And she.

[Whitney Cummings]

At the wedding.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

No, when things went awry and she said, fuck you. Fuck the podcast. I'm done. Done. And I'm trying to call her because we're. We're doing this. We broke up via podcast. Zoom.

[Whitney Cummings]

Can I also say one more? I'm so sorry. Also, like, when I went through a big, scary, really heartbreaking friendship breakup, I wasn't, like, in the comment section. Like, people weren't dming going, well, she did this. And I never liked the way that she talked to you, but, like, you guys both had so many other people weighing in on it was.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

There was.

[Whitney Cummings]

Ours was, like, kind of private. So, like, I, you know, could at least just, like, be sad.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

People weren't like, well, she, like. And I went through actually with someone that I did have something public with. He was like, they always talk to you this way. And they always kind of did this. And, like, it started getting in my head, and I was like, oh, maybe like, you were being manipulated in a lot of other ways too. I feel like both of you not minute just you were hearing feed, getting feedback.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I understand that. But, like, I. She blames it on the Internet, and I just blame it on the way I was treated personally, like, in our friendship. And I. I just. I doubt, like, I think that's the biggest, like, cop out of all of it is her saying that I'm very impressionable or something during times of weakness.

[Whitney Cummings]

You did say that you changed your side part to a middle part because your sister bullied you.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Well, that's sisterhood.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah. By the way, that's different than that's life or death traveling part.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

That's a whole different. That is a whole different thing. She's basically just, like, victimized. I know. Like, I'm a big baby, a big dummy, a big silly goose. And I have thought about how many

[Whitney Cummings]

times, by the way, I support being impressionable when it comes to getting paid.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Like, I just. I didn't care about any of that, though. And then, like, now I do because I have a good head on my shoulders. And like, now moving forward, like, that's like. Like you just made a business decision.

[Whitney Cummings]

I mean, what else? By the way, you're actually not impressionable. I give you. I tell you to do so many things that you don't do.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah. Like stop drinking.

[Whitney Cummings]

Oh. Like, truly, constantly. All I is tell you not to do this.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

What else am I supposed to be doing?

[Whitney Cummings]

No, I just mean, like, certain business stuff.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

And like, every time I've ever asked for Advice.

[Whitney Cummings]

I did the other thing she doesn't take. So she's actually non impressionable from my point of view.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Stupid.

[Whitney Cummings]

No, you're just like, you had to listen to a lot of other people and it didn't end well. Like, and you're a comic so like you have to do what works for you mentally.

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[Dylan Mulvaney]

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[Whitney Cummings]

the hotels we stayed in, you would know opening for me is also camping. Straight up. If you saw the way that Grace packs her suitcase. I'm just like, I don't even know how. All this is a tent in Jersey City. How did this all even come out of here?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, that was. I. I tried. I. I did.

[Whitney Cummings]

I tried to keep that from you for a while.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I was like, I didn't know I did that. I was like, oh, I'm naked.

[Whitney Cummings]

She goes, oh, it. I also, like, don't know how making content works. It always seems like you guys are violating each other's privacy a little bit. I'm just like, here we go. And I'm like, oh, I'm sorry. I didn't want to, like, do you guys, like, stage these? I didn't realize this was also strategically staged. I'm just.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I'm just. And then, no. I'm so worried to, like, piss anyone off, like, with doing content that I just don't. Yeah, I just don't bring it up.

[Whitney Cummings]

I do think that's why a lot of, like, James Charles, like, all this, like, drama stuff. We're like, well, yeah, only the most shameless people are gonna, you know, succeed in some way, and then they're gonna be busted for being psychopaths or whatever it is. I don't know the situation, but, like, the people are like. Like, it's such a aggressive skill.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

To. And a shameless skill where you're, like, violating other people's privacy at all times. But you can also just. I just go, like, hey, myself. Can we?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, I know I have to address it.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I have to be like, this sucks, but do you mind?

[Whitney Cummings]

And there's a certain level of grenade throwing you have to do, but I like to just go, okay. The whole thing is authenticity and telling the truth as Long as I'm telling the truth. I'm narrating how you behaved. I'm not gossiping. I'm not talking trash. Like, this is what happened.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah. Just. Yeah, I'm. Yeah, I'm not talking shit and you're

[Whitney Cummings]

not trying to ruin. It was kind of like my issue with the roast the other day is, like, someone who comes from, like, roasting and, like, as a common, like, making fun of people and, like, you know, like, we just, like, all we do

[Dylan Mulvaney]

is, like, roast each other, might I say. And I know I have a bias, but I think you are the best

[Whitney Cummings]

to ever do it, you know? I appreciate that. Yeah, I appreciate that.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I think they should be talked about often.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, I think I'd like to see you say that when Nikki Glaser is a guest.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, I would. I would. Because. And I think she would say it too.

[Whitney Cummings]

Oh, that's nice.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I think she would say it too. Like, 100%. I think she's cool like that. Like, I don't know. Like, Nikki had, like, an awesome moment and it fucking. It was awesome. Like a sick moment for her.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

But she wasn't the first woman to crush.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

It was like, everyone can crush.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, totally. It was live. It was on Netflix. Like, that was. But to me, I think that's not bad. I think part of the reason. No, not in the slightest. I think that the reason that I might be good at it is I actually don't want to hurt any. And I think that's.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

How do you do that?

[Whitney Cummings]

The key to roasting is that no one leaves feeling bad. Whereas, like, the other night, I was like, oh, God. Like, I love all those comics. Like, I loved a lot of the. I just sort of was like, it's like, about the intention behind it. So when you're talking about Bri right now, nothing is to try to, like, embarrass her, ruin her life, ruin her career. You know what I mean? We all overshare for a living. This is what this is, you know, And. And in roasting, the idea is that you leave and everyone likes all the participants more.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

You're like, I thought I hated that guy. I love that guy now because, like, he has a sense of humor about himself. You know, the Donald Trump. When I did the Donald Trump roast afterwards, he started his presidential campaign, cuz he knew that this is how you make people love you, is to have everyone trash you. And then you laugh about it and it makes you look great, you know? Yeah. He. Oh, no, we were all trashing him so hard. I was like. Like, you know, Melania Trump had, like, a jewelry line on QVC or something at the time. Ivanka Trump used to have shoes, and they were actually fire.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, they actually were. They were like. It was almost like the same factory that's doing J. Sims.

[Whitney Cummings]

That's exactly what I. They were like, they. She had good wedges and good, like, just pumps that weren't, like, skinny stiletto heel. They were just, like, solid. And there's. There's definitely a. If you guys ever knew Wendy Williams,

[Dylan Mulvaney]

she's like a. Oh, of course.

[Whitney Cummings]

Oh, dude.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Of course.

[Whitney Cummings]

The killer Wendy Williams is my, like, number one inspo.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

You're on.

[Whitney Cummings]

But she had. She would have a. No, she would have a shoe camera when you would come on her show. And I. And I was. I was never prepared for it. She, like, what are your shoes? I'd be like, Avon. Like, Jessica Simpson. Like, everyone.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I would literally do dirty converse.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, everyone's like, manolo.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

What? Shoe cam.

[Whitney Cummings]

Shoe cam. I'm telling you. I thought you meant she had a camera on her show. No, the guys had a shoe cam look up. Like, I don't know if I would. Would be on there. But, like, when you come and shoe cam, I'm always just. There's, like, the raw sticker on the bottom. Like, it's commercial. Totally. Just like, dress barn. Like, sail rack. Just like. But I think it's about the intention behind it. Like, I think that people and your fans are smart enough to know, like, the intention behind something of, like, sharing something so that you can be a better entertainer and performer. Because if you're biting your tongue or holding back or there's an elf in the living room, no one can enjoy.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I know it has. It has to be addressed, because then everything's gonna.

[Whitney Cummings]

Everyone's gonna read into everything else you're saying all the time.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, that's so true. And then they just kind of like. I don't know. It's the whole entertainment part of it, which breaks any. In all morals that I had of. I won't talk about my buddy that once was. But it is that thing of, like. All right, well, what are you talking about if you're not gonna tell us the stuff that we want?

[Whitney Cummings]

I just think, though, like, I am so. I'm trying to not curse. I, like, so mess with, like. Like, this next generation of girls. Because I think you guys realize that girl friendships are so much more important than guy friendships. Like, a guy breakup is like, whatever, dude. You're Going to go through so many. I was just saying Saturn returns, like 27 and 28 years old. That's when you, like, switch careers. You, like, quit a big job. You, like, get out of a long relationship, a friendship, whatever. Like, huge things happen at this time in your life. Like, expect it. Like, cataclysmic stuff. Like, I like, that's actually really funny

[Dylan Mulvaney]

because I just ran into a friend yesterday in Santa Monica, and the last time I saw her was like, three years ago. She said she was my age, 27, and she was like, last time I saw you, I was like, borderline going to kill myself. Yeah, I have never been happier. I'm like 31 now and everything has fallen into place.

[Whitney Cummings]

And I'm like, oh, it's also like, think about it.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I was like, you look like you. You're like, radiating positivity.

[Whitney Cummings]

And I don't say shit like that. Yeah, I've been in L. A for too long. We got to get out of here. Because there's also other stuff. I'm not making excuses for anyone that is, like, treated you any kind of way, but, like, before I even engage with someone about any kind of, like, conflict or whatever with a woman, I'll just be like, like, what are you on? What, birth control? What antidepressants?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

There's all kinds of factors.

[Whitney Cummings]

Have you eaten today?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

Have you hydrated? Like, there's so much that goes into. Like, how have you been? Let me see your algorithm.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

My algorithm. Like, actually, I'll say it.

[Whitney Cummings]

Let me see. Are you just consuming rage all day? Are you just like. Like, I love Trisha Paytas, but I'm like, is Trisha Paytas your favorite podcaster? Okay, so you want to fight.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

She has reached uncancelability. And so her people will come for you because she.

[Whitney Cummings]

I don't think she's lying.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, she's just fully her.

[Whitney Cummings]

I. I don't. I think that's. She's fearless.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

She's fearless. She's feeling. But, like, you have to go through so many cancellations to get to the point of where she's at right now of just. You can't touch her. She's gone.

[Whitney Cummings]

I don't, like, I get. I'm not, like, in the trenches enough to know when she got canceled before or anything like that. Like, Like, Tana Mojo. Like, I know. And she's like, I got canceled. I got canceled. I'm like, I never saw any of that. Like, I also think that, that we're such Internet heads now that we think everybody sees Everything. Like, when I make a mistake on the Internet, I'm like, it's done. I go to the grocery store, I'm like, oh, my God.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

He knows.

[Whitney Cummings]

Like, no one saw it. Like, no. A million people saw it. That's nobody. Yeah, that's truly nobody.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

Zero people saw it.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Unless they're seeing it in New Zealand, then it doesn't matter.

[Whitney Cummings]

And if they're, like, really into it, they're just using it as a drug for a day, and then they forgot about it. Dude, Rob Reiner's kid stabbed him. That was, like, two months ago. No one's talking about it, dude. No one's talking. Don't. Don't do that to your throat while we do the. Oh, why? He's like, maybe don't act it out. I just feel like, Why are you sitting. Shouldn't we be talking about that every day still?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Here's the. Here's the new conspiracy. Have you heard this one? The. The whole Hannah virus on the cruise ships. It's actually masking the fact that they found a bunch of pedophiles on a Disney cruise ship.

[Whitney Cummings]

That's just true, but don't drag me into this. Thanks.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I just. I know you love this shit.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, I'm not. I don't. I have a kid now. Don't get me.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Disney is conspiracies in general.

[Whitney Cummings]

Disney gets a pass.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Okay.

[Whitney Cummings]

All right, well, I'm cool with Disney.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Okay.

[Whitney Cummings]

I want to get some. I want to get a paid partnership with that cruise.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

My bad.

[Whitney Cummings]

My bad. Mm. Yeah. Yeah. I haven't really looked into it, but that's. Of course. That's like. Of course.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, I know. Yeah. I just. Yeah. Yep. You're right.

[Whitney Cummings]

You know.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Thank you. We love Hulu.

[Whitney Cummings]

I'm like. I'm like, yeah. I'm like, let's. Let's go for YouTubers. Let's not bring in the biggest corporation in the world. I don't know how you pick and choose, allegedly.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

See, you think 10 steps ahead.

[Whitney Cummings]

I'm thinking I have umbrella insurance, so I'm good. But it's also more protected by satire and a couple other things.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

So does that hold up in court?

[Whitney Cummings]

Just be funny about it. You'd have to. It does hold up in court, but you've already spent 100 grand. If it's holding up in court, you've already gone broke. Oh, is the problem. Yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

That is. Have you ever had to go to court?

[Whitney Cummings]

Oh, okay. So my thing is, I think just like, in life in general, you get to a certain point where you're just like. I wish a would like everything you're scared of if you just kind of. I tend to crave it. I have, like, fear to rap, where it's like, everything everyone's scared of. I'm like, that's my. That's this. That's what I want, you know?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Such as therefore.

[Whitney Cummings]

Such as, therefore. When I first moved to la, there was this, like, rigmarole where cab drivers would. I don't think it was only cab drivers. They would see someone on a billboard and sue that person for hitting their car because it was someone who was newly successful and they wouldn't show up to court, and they knew they were on a show and busy, and they would schedule it for December 24th.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Oh, working kind of like, okay, so

[Whitney Cummings]

if you don't show up for small claims court, the other person automatically wins six grand. Right? So it's like a good rigmarole to just, like, sue five people on December 24, because they're probably home with their families. I don't have a family. Okay? You came for the wrong bitch. So I have a business manager at the time who's like, oh, this happens all the time. Like, da, da, da.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

It's so crazy. I've never heard of that.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, and it's a good hustle. Like, there's lots of, like, good little scams like that I'm all for if

[Dylan Mulvaney]

you can get away with it, those little scams where you pocket money like that.

[Whitney Cummings]

But I'm like, I was at the time lying about having diseases because I was in clinical trials for money for 50 bucks cash. Like, don't. You're not gonna scam a scam.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Absolutely not.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah. You're not gonna out. I was like, yeah. Like, I was like. I was limping around UCLA campus pretending I had, you know, all kinds of stuff. So I was just getting poked and pricked all over. Oh, the amount of antidepressants I took that were being in, like, clinical trials that never got approved by the fda. Every time a new med comes out, I'm like, did that one Nubexin, did that ever come out? Was that ever gone bad? I was on it for a couple months.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

You probably just looked like the people outside of the Beacon Theater. Oh, no, sorry. The Wheel Bar.

[Whitney Cummings]

Damn it, the Wheelbar. My business manager's like, it's six grand. Like, we'll find the money other places. So I was like, no, I'm going. How? I'm going. I will be there. And I show up three belt buckles, the Biggest belt buckles, jeans with yellow stitching on the side. Like bell buckles. Like that guy. Like Ed Hardy, like dragon tattoo shirt.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I'm picturing you like coming in through like, like two, like swish windows.

[Whitney Cummings]

Full suit.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Like, like, like a saloon door.

[Whitney Cummings]

Sandra Bullock in the Proposal. Like Gaga. Like briefcase. I was so excited. I like printed out all my stuff of where I was at the time and I was like my dream. I show up. Not only that, I highly recommend getting sued in small claims court. It's so funny. This is why Judge Judy is a zillionaire. Because every case is bonkers. Insane. The guy before me was suing his neighbor because he said that his neighbor stole his prize bull semen and could prove it. Because when he masturbated the bull the next day there was less semen. I was like, I spectate. I literally looked over the people suing me.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I was like, thank you.

[Whitney Cummings]

Like, like love it here. There's about 30 minutes of material edge of my seat. And then.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah. And then especially in la. Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

And they called me up and I was just like, here's where I was, here's the proof. Whatever, whatever. So I got sued. Like that way.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

That is. That's a wild way.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, yeah. Just like a little small claims guy.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I think you saying that's gonna get people going again.

[Whitney Cummings]

Let's go. I would love to. You can't just go down to the courthouse and sit through small claims. Unfortunately, you have to be invited.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Oh, you have to be invited.

[Whitney Cummings]

Sued.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Oh, wow.

[Whitney Cummings]

You have to get sued.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

So that's wild. So how many times did that happen? Like twice?

[Whitney Cummings]

No, only once. Only once. And then that's really it. I've had family members threaten to sue me, but they'd have to borrow money from me to sue me. So I'm not sure what the plan is there. Yeah, they have like a Kickstarter going to try to sue me. I'm like, can I have the millions back I gave you to give you back? What do you do with that?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

You just don't tell.

[Whitney Cummings]

The same way you kind of deal with this situation is I sort of totally ignore because there's people who feed off conflict and that's kind of the way that they exist in the world. And it's not a negative if that's your thing. Like, I think I kind of used to be like that, at least in my personal life. Like, that's kind of all I knew. It says a lot about the way you grew up. And no judgment conflict scares me. I Don't like it. Yeah, I don't like it. Which sounds weird, I think, for us. Cause people see us as, like, you know. I think your silence about it is especially weird to people. Cause you're, like, on stage, like, giving it to. You know what I mean?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah. No, it is interesting. It's almost like in a. Let me know if you wanted to cut this. But it's almost like you saying, like, a big wedding is crazy to you because every night is. You get to do a show.

[Whitney Cummings]

The fact that you think that's controversial is so.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I don't know, Like, I don't know what you say about your personal life and what you keep.

[Whitney Cummings]

Oh. Interesting.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Like, like, you know. Yeah, I just.

[Whitney Cummings]

I'm such a.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

And I'm talking about your wife.

[Whitney Cummings]

I love that. I'm like, like. Like, what do you find Con. I am such a hypocrite. And I'm expecting you to just keep up at all times. Like, I. I know.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I pivot. I. I've gotten.

[Whitney Cummings]

I've never made any sense. And I'm just like, how come this isn't obvious? Well, because then I'm like, what? Is there something about me getting married that I don't know? Like, what do you know? Am I in trouble?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

She was just saying, get married, Mike.

[Whitney Cummings]

I find out things all the time. Like that thing that you said. You're like, I am getting married in Rydia. So it might be a little bit.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

What's the last part?

[Whitney Cummings]

The Rydia Comedy Festival I'm going to give. It was a joke about that. But no, no, I. I actually, like, when I'm not working, I'm kind of shy about attention. So just like, having a wedding, I just. I'm a little embarrassed. Like, I don't know how to do. I want my. You know, my whole thing about the wedding currently is that everyone has to wear a wedding dress. That's the attire. Oh, my God, that's. That is awesome. Like, so.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Oh, also, Grace, I don't know if you got this text. She wants you to be a bridesmaid. So I was.

[Whitney Cummings]

Okay. Wait, did that. Well, Miranda, also. You guys will co. You and Miranda will co.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I got that text by accident.

[Whitney Cummings]

Did you really? I did. And I went with it. I couldn't tell. And I was like, you know what? What? It is weird because when we were in. I'd love to.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

It would be an honor.

[Whitney Cummings]

And then I just drop you. No, I just.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I think he was just like, oh,

[Whitney Cummings]

when I. Cuz when I. When I told you in London, you seem really surprised. I was like, I think you're already booked for this.

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[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, anyway, yeah, the wedding thing, I just, I don't know, I don't know, it's just like, oh God, isn't that boring to everyone?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

No, people fucking eat that shit up. But for you it's funny to. And like, I want to say just

[Whitney Cummings]

an incredible, like what happens when you've been doing stand up for 20 years, how you're able to just segue so beautifully. The problem is I'm scared to have a wedding because it reminds me of all my past friendships that are no longer. And that's when things really get sad, you know, when like birthdays and stuff like, and like, stuff like that. When you're like, how is this person not in my life anymore?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

You know, but other times you're like. Other times you're like, yeah. Why were we ever friends? That made no sense. Like, you know, it goes. It goes different ways. But having it have been like everyone has this like. I think part of the reason everyone flocks so much and to you two going through this is because everyone's gone through this in a micro level. It's like, you know, Jenny and Taylor, best friends in height. Wait, you guys don't talk anymore? Like reunions are just to go back and see who's not friends anymore.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, true.

[Whitney Cummings]

That's what a high school reunion is. Oh my God. You and like Lydia don't speak anymore. Why is everyone. When in high school, did you go to yours? No. No. Wait, you. No.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

You keep in touch with anyone from high school?

[Whitney Cummings]

I do.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Actually.

[Whitney Cummings]

One girl that I went to high school with is a famous actress now. She. We were in theater together in high school and got groomed by our teacher.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Oh, that's why.

[Whitney Cummings]

And pitted against each other in the weirdest way. And she is, her name is Kate Siegel and she's on like all these like Haunting of Hill House, like these shows on like Netflix and stuff. And I had her my podcast and we had a whole thing of like, like you were my nemesis in high school. And we like we both were so jealous of each other and obsessed with each other and like it ate us up. It ate both of us up. And then she wanted to be an actress. I want to be an actress. And I got successful like it was just a little earlier than her, but she was out in LA and even when I was getting successful, I just, I've never felt like a success. I never. I just have to say it. Cause it sounds like insane to be like, oh, you know me, like I've stopped with that self deprecating shit.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, no, that's really good.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's like a. It's not a.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Because it's like, like what the.

[Whitney Cummings]

You're not allowed to have low self esteem at a certain point. Like it's like, it's just like it creates work for other people.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

Like you're just asking other people to caretake you or like it's also just like you're cra. You're like, like needed like a prescription.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, I, I've noticed that too. It's like I have. A lot of my comments are like, can you just like like, have some balls and just, like, have a little more confidence in my life. Easier said than done, though.

[Whitney Cummings]

But no one likes it.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, I know no one likes it. No, I looks like I'm a big old baby pussy. And I get that. I just. A lot of the times I'm interviewing people that I like, really look up to, and I'm just like.

[Whitney Cummings]

But they also go. I remember I. Ron Funches changed my life once. I was ran up to him in New York. We were staying in the same hotel and we. So you know when you give unnecessary details for a story.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Oh, 100%.

[Whitney Cummings]

Just because I don't want anyone think I'm making it up. No, no, no.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, of course. Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

No, because everything we say is comics. It seems like a lie, but we're just choosing the craziest stories. We can't believe it either, truly.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

And there's a little fabrication there, but, like, not zero.

[Whitney Cummings]

I don't. That's. I don't. But. And I took a selfie with him or whatever. He took it and we posted it, and my caption was like, oh, this is like, you know the angle of my tooth where you can see, like, my crooked tooth or something. And he came up to me and he goes, you know, my girlfriend's a big fan of yours. And she just unfollowed you because, like, you're just, like, magnifying a flaw no one else was thinking about. And it made her feel insecure. Cause it's like, well, well, if. If you hate yourself, like, what am I supposed to. You know what I mean? Yeah, but she was. It was just like, you're talking. Why are you insulting the person? I like. Like, I like. I just have to say it first, though.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah. Because you. Because you. You're. You're anticipating that comment to be made.

[Whitney Cummings]

But that's from your. That's your sister's fault. That's your family of origin stuff. Like, you're just always right. I'm always ready for a fight. I'm always ready for an insult. I'm always like, I want to insult myself before you insult me. But your fans, they're called fans.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

They're not here to. For that.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, I'm like, I'm meeting everyone saying,

[Whitney Cummings]

sorry, do that at the Comedy Store.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

You know, walk on eggshells with me. Walk on eggshells around. No, I mean, it's like there's a time and a place where you're like, okay, I know I need to make myself kind of small. Like, as a woman There's. Sometimes you need to make yourself small strategically to stay safe and not get, like, murdered and to maybe get promoted. Like, there's times where you're, like, not necessary to say that. Don't necessarily need to say that, you know, own my mistakes, because I think there's a little bit of, like, me talking at the.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

A Netflix brunch. Just shut the up, dude.

[Whitney Cummings]

This is. By the way, you know, this is why I knew you would be successful, because you have Tourette's, and it is so important to have Tourette's.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

That was like the. That was like one of the.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, yeah. There was actually a couple came in. So this is. Netflix is a joke brunch. This is at Ted's house. I'm like, you know what, Sandra?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

He Netflix. For those of you listening and don't know, he's the.

[Whitney Cummings]

You know, this is like the brunch at his house that. It's like. It is just hitter.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

It's every legend anyone ever. I. I can't thank you enough for bringing me. I'm sorry. I put my foot in my mouth a couple of times there, dude.

[Whitney Cummings]

I. It's. Well, it's. So many crazy things happen.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

So much.

[Whitney Cummings]

So much.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I just.

[Whitney Cummings]

This is where I'm kind of like, okay, can we talk about this?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah. Can't. Yeah. First of all, let me know what to cut.

[Whitney Cummings]

We go in. Who do we. I feel like within two minutes, Eddie Murphy was like, right. Right next to us.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yes.

[Whitney Cummings]

And then. And then you were talking to who? Oh, Adam Divine.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yes. Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

You came in. You.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

You.

[Whitney Cummings]

You paired up with Adam Divine, which. In Chloe, which was like a perfect.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

It was great. They were.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Pals. Got to talk to them right away.

[Whitney Cummings]

I was like, okay, you had, like, good company. There was someone else.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

No. How do you play being a plus one at something so crazy like that? Do you want me in your pocket? Do you want me talking to other people? How does that.

[Whitney Cummings]

This is why we get along. And the people that I. I'm, like, the tightest with are the ones I don't worry about.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

I don't worry about you. You'll find me if you need me. Like, if. If I. If I. Because it's. It's work.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

This is work. First and foremost. I've. It's taken me so much time to. One time, I was with a very successful director, and we were at a movie premiere, and a very beautiful actress who had just had a baby ran up and just said hi to him really quick. It was like Again, this is before I knew anything about how the business. And she came up and she's like, hey, so good to see you. Da, da, da. And just like ran away. And it was like, well, if you could talk to this guy, why wouldn't you talk more like. I just didn't. I don't understand these little check in things.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

It's just like.

[Whitney Cummings]

And he just leaned over and went, she wants me to know she lost the baby weight.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Oh my God. I was like, it's crazy.

[Whitney Cummings]

And I was like, gotta show him I lost the baby. Like you gotta show up to these things to go. Still kickin'.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Still kicking.

[Whitney Cummings]

Haven't done any crazy work to my face.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

The one, the stuff that I did, I had dissolved.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

We're back, baby.

[Whitney Cummings]

You know what I mean? The hairline's on point to get like you. It's really just showing everyone you haven't completely lost your mind and just checking in with everybody. Like my hair's not blue.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

Still functioning. And it's like I have to go in with a little bit of. Not an agenda. But if I go in just like free bald, I will always leave with my feelings hurt.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

I just have to go in being like I want to see how much people I haven't seen. I just want to give people hugs and get in and get. Get out.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah. And that. And. And that is. Makes a lot of sense that that's your game plan.

[Whitney Cummings]

My.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I didn't know I can I say it had one and I just say it.

[Whitney Cummings]

So. So Chelsea Peretti was going through at the time like something like a tick tock, like drama kind of.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yes.

[Whitney Cummings]

And by the way, but I love this about you. When I'm going through like I did this thing and I got like such backlash mostly from threads. But you know, postpartum depression is just

[Dylan Mulvaney]

a place where comics are just yelling at each other other like sub tweeting. Once again. Yes.

[Whitney Cummings]

Threads is like people that think they're the nicest people alive being the meanest people on earth.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

It is.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's like the morally superior people beating up on women.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Women like a, like a bunch of like diaries.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's also just like just be funny about it.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah. I just didn't get bitter.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah. Be funny about it.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

It's so like obvious you're bitter and you're.

[Whitney Cummings]

I'm. I'm a rose comic. Come in. Like I've heard it all. Like, just be funny it about. About it. You know to just be like you're problematic or You're. You're canceled. You're dead. You're trash. It's like, Jesus, guys. Like. But I. Postpartum depression is not a game. And.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Are you out of the woods? Huh? Are you out of the woods?

[Whitney Cummings]

I. I don't. I kind of got ahead of it by having prepartum depression. You've got. I don't know the answer. I think for me, depression manifests in sleeping a lot. And I don't do that.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

That.

[Whitney Cummings]

So I think I'm good.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

What about the opposite of just never sleeping?

[Whitney Cummings]

Joy. De. Just loving being a high on life.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Is that good?

[Whitney Cummings]

Do you never sleep?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I. I go through. I'm like, I guess I'm bipolar.

[Whitney Cummings]

Everybody I know. Everybody I know that has a sleeping problem drinks like 9 Logan Paul Energy drinks a day, and they're confused why they can't sleep.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

We had a plan. Brianna and I, we were going to make a. Our. Our big plan was we were going to make a vodka and dye it black and call it Black out. Great idea.

[Whitney Cummings]

Okay, no, stop. Okay, listen to me. Listen very carefully. If you're listening to this podcast, it's your like, girl ball. Like, yeah, like, stop starting businesses for no reason. There's this. I think this part of the reason. So many, like women entrepreneurs that are working with their friends, things fall apart. They're just trying to do too many businesses.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

We, like, let's get good at one thing at a time.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Well, this wasn't going to be a long game kind of thing. It. Listen, it's never happening.

[Whitney Cummings]

I know.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Maybe actually after this, she'll be like, guys, can't wait to announce.

[Whitney Cummings]

This is a general. This is a general announcement to just women in general. Stop. You're not a soda mogul in your 20s. I know. Everyone's gonna be like, boy crazy and whatever. It's like, the amount of time you are wasting is so shocking. Like, when I look back and I'm like, what I could have achieved. The languages I could have learned, the instruments I could have learned.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah. But these all end up being. Being jokes. That's the thing. Dating is jokes.

[Whitney Cummings]

But no, it's sad, not funny.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

It's. It's.

[Whitney Cummings]

And it's. It kind of like would. What's the word? Like, wore on me and made me like, negative about men. Because in your 20s, you pick the worst people. Like, you like, pick people based on like, your trauma and like the adrenaline addiction. And it made me like, like, hurt my self esteem. Wasted so much of my time.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

100%. Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

And like, it Just was. Was like such a waste. I'm so, I'm so mad at myself for dating at all in my 20s. It didn't like make me figure out who I was. I was just like, why am I pretending to like hockey for this guy who has seven roommates?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah. And you'd be like, so disrespected a lot of the time.

[Whitney Cummings]

You're allowed to say this didn't happen for a reason or the reason was I wasted time.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, that's.

[Whitney Cummings]

I just got older and learned absolutely nothing and ruined three friendships.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I think you learned a lot about yourself though, actually. I don't think you're giving yourself credit.

[Whitney Cummings]

I did, but it's like, I did like, like third drug addict was like, am I still driving downtown in a rental car trying to learn Spanish to fight with a drug dealer? Like, he's not that into you. It's over.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I. It's. It's really crazy because, like, I'll go on other people's podcasts and that's all they want to talk about is. Is dating.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

And I just, I don't have any experience. I've been on three dates in my whole life and I'm just like, there's

[Whitney Cummings]

other no one dates though. No, that's the max date anyone in their 20s has been on. They just text for 6 expense.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, that's true too.

[Whitney Cummings]

And then they like meet up.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

No one goes on dates.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

That's so. Yeah, that's so true too.

[Whitney Cummings]

That's a lot. Three is a lot of dates. You're a. Yeah. You are like boy crazy nightmare.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

You know?

[Whitney Cummings]

No one's cooked in their 20s. Like it's. I think that your 20s. That's why when we did 2 Broke Girls, I was like, I basically wanted to make that show cuz I was like, I don't know anyone in their twenties trying to like find a husband. Like you don't like get your career together, like get what you want to do and then. Then when you're cooked and know what you want, get married later.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, totally.

[Whitney Cummings]

Dude. I had a kid at 40 and it's. I'm still feel like. I feel like a teen mom. I did it way too early. I'm already like, Janet Jackson had a kid at like 56. I'm like, that's the move.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

And also you're gonna live forever.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

So you are like a teen mom.

[Whitney Cummings]

We can't not live forever anymore. It's like a nightmare.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I think it's like, I think it's. It's solidified that you will live forever.

[Whitney Cummings]

I'm just. I'm not. I. That's much to my chagrin. It's like we all have to be, like, living forever people now. It's like a nightmare. It's like all these men that want to live forever. It's like, no, but we. You stop thinking we're hot at four. We don't want to live forever. That's like such a guy thing. We're gonna live forever. It's like, we're good. I think it's like knowing. Cause right now there's so much to do. I feel like you might relate to this. Not a criticism. I go on TikTok and I'm like, what do you guys want? I don't know.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I have no idea.

[Whitney Cummings]

Am I getting dressed? Am I doing my makeup? Do you want me to be useful, Helpful, Funny? I just put out. Put 45 minutes into that. That 2,000.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Like, it's out of control.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's so crazy. Something sloppy and nonsense. 700,000. I'm like, what? I don't get it.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I don't get it either. And the other thing is, like, I used to, like, just post all the time and not give a. And now they're telling me you can only post once a day, if anything.

[Whitney Cummings]

Who say?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

The people who run analytics. And now. Because I'm getting down to the analytics. No, just I've asked everyone everywhere.

[Whitney Cummings]

I think it's actually. Actually scarier than that or worse than that, if I may. I think it's like, different all the time. And nobody knows. And anyone who says they know is a con artist. And no, even the people making.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I don't know if I should say this, but even the people on Tick Tock, they have no idea. I go, what's the deal? They're like, why would they know?

[Whitney Cummings]

Because people are changing. It's like the stock market, stockbrokers. They're like, we don't know. It depends on what's gonna happen tomorrow. Like right now, invest in Apple computers. Tomorrow it might come out that they cause cancer. Like, we don't know. Like, so it's like we're all, all, you know, looking for someone to give us some sense of control or direction because we can't handle the decision fatigue. And I think it's like. It's like knowing I'm at a point in my life where I'm like. And I think everyone, if you can get to this sooner, please do. Is knowing what you have been chosen to do and like, what your calling Is. And just sticking in that. And like, I know the breakup with your best friend, like, sucks, but, like, you were chosen to be a part of this big conversation about friendships and going into business together. You just were chosen.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I just pictured, like, day one of trying to find a new best friend. Day two of.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's so funny. Why. You remember Paris Hilton's first show was my new BFF where she was looking for a friend. It's so funny. Why not?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

And then the other thing was, why don't you have.

[Whitney Cummings]

Why isn't that a show that you do?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Well, that's what I was kind of trying to do with this show at the beginning. It was like I was interviewing a new co host, and then I found out I'm like, I can't read. So that was like. That threw me for a wrench.

[Whitney Cummings]

Interviewing a new host that you can be a co host to.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Like, I just want to be. I. I want to jump in with,

[Whitney Cummings]

like, I'm the jokes guy.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I don't want to. Like, somebody tells me they get. I don't know what to say. I just go, oh, but, you know,

[Whitney Cummings]

it's like the big. Oh, but you know, like, the big thing right now is like, main character energy. You and I are both like this. I'm sidekick character energy.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah. I love that shit.

[Whitney Cummings]

And I'm being forced to be main character, and I don't wanna be. That's not what I do. I'm little sister. I'm youngest. I'm kowtow to somebody. I'm funny in smaller doses. I like to just come in and be fun. Both of us are being forced to be lead character energy, and that's just not what we do. I'm not like, let me show you my makeup routine. Let me sit next to someone doing it and roast it. Yeah. Ye. What is that called? Like. Like. Like second on the call sheet.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yes. Yeah. That does a but co thing. Because then that would be the same

[Whitney Cummings]

lead character, main character, side character. Like, side character energy. Like, I'm side character sidebar.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Fucking.

[Whitney Cummings]

But it's like, if you just go, like, stop. Supporting lead.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Support.

[Whitney Cummings]

Best supporting.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Okay, so that was actually. Well, I'll shut up. But that was actually an idea I had.

[Whitney Cummings]

Supporting lead is fine. And then you do bras. I like that. That works like, that works because it works. Because if your bra works for you, it works.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Well, I would have to cut this, I think, probably. But I had a show idea at one point, which was. It was called supporting lead, and it would be in the Perspective of the person who would be the side character in a main show.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah. Why cut that. Say it so that no one takes it. Now it's been said and you can't. But I think it's just going like, what have you been chosen for? I think Brianna's very clear on what she's been chosen for. And that's like.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Which is. Sorry,

[Whitney Cummings]

but like you. I'm just saying, as someone that loves you very much, you've been chosen for something and you can either resist it forever or you can just go, this is what I was chosen to do, you know? And like, I remember, like, things started going really well for me when I was like, oh, I was chosen to be the girl who is in terrible relationships and goes on these horrible dates and is treated terribly. And then all of a sudden I start making money and guys are even worse to me. I thought it was gonna solve all my problems. Cause I could date broke guy. Like, I was just. I was chosen for that. Like, that's what I was chosen to do. And I don't wanna be this person. I don't wanna be talking about squirting. I don't wanna be on the Epstein emails. Cause he loved my squirting jokes.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, we also talked about that on your pod, right?

[Whitney Cummings]

Poor. No, no, no.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Whitney's in the Epstein files because he was a fan of the show.

[Whitney Cummings]

Big fan of your boy. He sent email. I think he came to. To shows. I think he came to a Palm beach show. And here's the good news. You've seen me perform. Like, if he was in the first couple rows, I definitely called him a pedophile.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Oh, 100%.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, I would. I didn't know who he was, but I definitely would have.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I mean, he. You could smell it off of him.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, that would have been my thing for him, I'm sure.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Oh, yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

Also the whole. It's all gay. It's all gay. You're trying to like. It's. Yes, it's pedophilia, but it's also just you and your. All these got men.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, dude, Just like high fiving each other.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's just, it's. There's something shady about that whole thing. It's also gay.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

On top of it all, it was

[Dylan Mulvaney]

actually not to pivot from Epstein files to that brunch one more time, but please. It was very interesting to see all these comics that have, like, very polarizing opinions of each other all getting along together. It's kind of like how in the Hamptons, you've said that, like, there's two politicians that are. They go to each other's barbecues.

[Whitney Cummings]

Republicans and Democrats give each other. I got your Amazon package. Like, they all get along.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, yeah. All these comics are all getting along. They're all like, shooting the shit, even though they're like, all supposed to be like, mortal enemies. It was interesting and it was.

[Whitney Cummings]

Well, there was a lot of people that weren't there that I think weren't invited this year. Like, a lot of the people that really start. Have been like, starting stuff online just like, weren't invited.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Okay, gotcha.

[Whitney Cummings]

You know?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

And it's interesting that that's what you saw. Yeah, that's not what I saw.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

What did you say?

[Whitney Cummings]

I saw like, a lot of, like, fiefdoms happening. Like, I saw a lot of sussing out compet. Like, sussing. Oh, yeah. Maybe I've just. Whatever. I've known these people.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I was too busy going, sorry, sorry.

[Whitney Cummings]

Well, but also it's like you've been chosen to say the thing. So we're talking to Chelsea Peretti. Chelsea was going through this. See, I won't let her not finish the story. I'm not gonna let her blue ball her audience. I have ADD too, but I also, like, have you bring it back around. I have the autism to need to finish the story. Story too. Like, I have all these, like, windows open of the stories we need to finish. Don't panic. So that. And Chelsea's there and you were like, hey, what's happening with you is so unfair.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, going, sorry. Going through that. Because there was a lull and I was like, don't say it's coming out.

[Whitney Cummings]

When I've gone through stuff like that. I would have loved for someone to have just said, like, that was so messed up. Like. Or like that. Like.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Or like, sorry. It's like even a discussion.

[Whitney Cummings]

I'm just always sitting there wondering, like, do you guys know about it? Do I need to address it? It awkward because of this. You just like. Like, it didn't go over well.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, no, it didn't. She had an interesting response. It was, you guys can discuss when I walk away.

[Whitney Cummings]

Which, by the way, I think there's more to it that you didn't know about, like, everything, but, like, that's why you're. You remember when we were talking to Honor's home?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

And I said something about, oh, cuz a song of artist that was playing constantly. And he was like, here comes Whitney with her big. That's. That's my thing. Yeah, that's my thing. And I. I can fight it for my whole career. I can, like, try to change it. I can try to shut myself up. I just. It's not gonna happen.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I just, I can't. I.

[Whitney Cummings]

And also, like, you have to surrender that you are the person who puts the foot in your mouth and then you tear yourself up afterwards. And you don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. But you have Tourette's.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I do. I do have Tourette's. And I. I think you saw you're trying to twice everybody else. I was. I was actually doing pretty good. Dare.

[Whitney Cummings]

No, I think you were crying. I would never have brought. I've never brought you anywhere if I thought you were gonna, you know. But also, I wasn't toughy that otherwise. I just think you, because this is your character, it feels like you're actively trying to resist it around the Brianna thing.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, yeah, no, that's totally true.

[Whitney Cummings]

And it's gonna make you sick.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, I know. It's just like. It's a lot of like, Arthur Hands that are about to fucking explode. It's just like, I just, I do. I do think if I do, I don't ever bring it up, I'm going to lose my mind.

[Whitney Cummings]

But we just brought it up.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Oh, what a monster.

[Whitney Cummings]

We just brought it up in a way that nothing feels. I think she could watch this and like, I don't think anything was unfair.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, no, I, you know, I didn't really much.

[Whitney Cummings]

And you're joking when it's like, like, that's also. You're coping.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

You don't make jokes because you're not in pain.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

The same exact thing.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

She also does the same exact, exact thing. A little different. Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

But it's also, look, it's like we all. The Internet is just high school.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

You're the two popular girls.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I just, I could. I could have thought we could get along for our friend.

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[Whitney Cummings]

I think that when, like, big breakup, it's like when a breakup with a guy happens, it's never out of nowhere.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's like you. You know what I mean? It's like whenever my friends, like, we just broke up, I'm like, now can I tell you the billion times everyone else knew this? Or the dynamic was always like this and wasn't sustainable. Whatever. Like, I think that, like, if you were to look back through your friendship and what the dynamic was, it was like, oh, it was my job to protect. It was my job to make laugh and keep, you know, make light of things. It was my job to whatever. And then I think that when things got crazy. But it's your job to defend me. It's your job to protect me. It's your job to like, make me laugh. Whatever. It was on a huge scale. You not being consistently who you were before it was public probably felt personal. But the rules are all different now.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

I don't, I don't know the answer. I just like, I think that when people are wired differently, that can be your favorite friend and your favorite person, but then you go into business together and it's like,

[Dylan Mulvaney]

yeah, no, I mean everything on paper it totally checks out that that was never gonna work.

[Whitney Cummings]

But I mean, I have notes for both of you. Mad at both of you.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, no, I know. I. I really thought that this. I. I thought it was a sustainable thing that could really work, but there was, you know, there was too much going on with the. The hillbilly, and she started changing the way she was, and then I started being upset that she wasn't there as much as she was before. So I get that, like, that's me being a little naggy little bitch of

[Whitney Cummings]

being like, where's my friend?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

You.

[Whitney Cummings]

You left me.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Me. But.

[Whitney Cummings]

And this is also the other thing of people who are too nice, which you're one of those people when people get the bar for, your behavior is higher than everyone else's, which is so unfair. It's like, but you're the nice person. Yeah, but I can walk all over you all the time. Why. Why do you have a spine now? Wait, what is this self respect of which I see? Like, this is.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Well, she disappeared. And I kind of just like, kind of learned how to, like, you know, grow a little. Grow a little backbone and do shit on my own. And so that was, like, what I was doing. And then. And then I just didn't agree with her on things. And I was always the yes man. And so I was no longer yes man. And it was. It was a no go man.

[Whitney Cummings]

It is. It is. It is weird because no one gives you points for being too nice. They only deduct points when you stop being too nice. Yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, because I don't want to sit here and be like, I'm the nice guy. Like, I'm just so nice.

[Whitney Cummings]

You know what I mean, though? Like.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

But, like, I did start to, like, grow a backbone where I would, like, you know, like, not. Not, like, be all the way. Like, let's. Let's get it. Whatever you say. Is it, like, rocks? And I don't. I. I don't know. I, like, I. I didn't change, but the dynamic did. So it was just.

[Whitney Cummings]

Did you not change?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I think.

[Whitney Cummings]

I think you started having your own life. You started getting recognized. You start. Things changed for you. Even if you didn't change, things change for you. I went to. Where were we? Somewhere, and I was like, why are you more famous than me? We were somewhere and I was like, this is embarrassing. This is, like, unacceptable. Like, these people are coming to the show. They're gonna see her for 20 minutes, and they have to sit through me for an hour and a half. Like, I feel like I can't take her on the tour anymore. It's just like, I have to give People refunds. So we're at some place and she's getting mobbed. And it was like, you might not have changed, but things changed for years. You for sure.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

And that's.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I think standup also gave me the. The doing it more often. And I think it, like, it gave me more confidence than I had before.

[Whitney Cummings]

So it's my fault.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Whitney Cummings]

I knew it was about me.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Thank God.

[Whitney Cummings]

Thank God. The universe does revolve around me. I knew it. But, like, I. I just think that. And as someone that loves you so much and as someone that refuses to do the very thing I'm saying I think think you should do. I think that we have to either decide we're going to share our personal lives or not. I think, like, we have to pick.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

Does it, like, is that fair?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, I think that makes sense.

[Whitney Cummings]

Like, it was like with Alex and Alex. It was like, when Alex. Earl didn't respond, we were all like, well, all right, guess you don't have any. It was like, no, you have to share everything. That's the deal we've made, you know? Like, that wasn't my reaction. Yeah, that was. I feel like what I was seeing.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, it's. I just. I think that's the pivot I made this past year. And. And for that, I was punished.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I think I just was like, I'll church and state. But you can't. You can't really do that once you start. Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

I just. For me, what I see with you is just that, like, it broke your heart.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

And you're a very, like, hoes for bros type of girl. You don't know how you could have, like, done a better job given the circumstances. And it's just like, you guys got famous, and it's just like, fame. No one talks. Everyone wants it. No one tells you you can't undo it. It doesn't always come with money. I was famous and broke for a long time, and it's really confusing. You have a lot of acquaintances. No. Friends. You know the type of jobs we do. Like, thank God you have your sisters. Like, no offense, you guys, but, like, they are getting paid. Like. But there's this vibe that we're all kind of friends.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

But we're. They're not. And your personality is getting graded.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

With numbers, like metrics. It is crazy. It's crazy. It is okay.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

And to wake up every day and start your day with you're fat on funny. It's a crazy way to start Your day.

[Whitney Cummings]

Do you put block keywords though?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I don't, but I will block people who say I'm not funny. That's it. That's all.

[Whitney Cummings]

When I tell you, like, my YouTube, like, like podcast, I will get like half a million views, have like 4 comments because I've auto blocked truly every word. People are like, Whitney's got bots. Like, like driving up reviews. Like, no, I have blocked, misspelled four different ways. Like I'm not like skater with an eight. Like I am not tolerating any of it anymore because I will just go to my blocked words. Looks like a suicide note that is out of control.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

But yeah, now you don't get any comments like, you're a bad bitch.

[Whitney Cummings]

No, no, don't like it because I can't. I'll take that as an insult because I'll read it the way I think you're gonna be. Said you're bad, not a bitch. So I just, I don't know, I feel like there's a way to do it that's not, not like sneaky and you're like just doing it on stage. Like, but just like, I don't know. I don't know why you don't get to say that your feelings are hurt and you're sad. Yeah, there's gonna be people that intentionally go out of their way to misunderstand you. They were gonna do that anyway. Like, I just think that when we do that, we find our people.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, totally.

[Whitney Cummings]

We might lose some people, but like we were gonna lose them anyway. We might get. Get.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah. I just also wouldn't like make up either. Like, I just like, I'm just.

[Whitney Cummings]

You don't want it to keep going and going and going.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I don't want that to be my thing.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Like, I cuz one, I made an oath to like never do that too hard.

[Whitney Cummings]

I don't want it to be.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I don't want it to be my thing forever. 3 Like, I don't think it has

[Whitney Cummings]

to be your thing forever, but the universe or whatever kind of is like, this is your thing.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

It keeps. Yeah, keeps.

[Whitney Cummings]

You know what I mean? Like it's in some way. It doesn't have to be your identity, but it's kind of like think about like Sebastian, like being Italian is like his thing. Like it's. What if he was just like. Anyway, so like football is crazy. You just like talk about the like. You know what I mean?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

It's like your hips.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's like What I'm trying to say am I Just saying this poorly. Like, there's certain, like, gifts that were just thrown in your lap, and they might look like nightmares and, like, horror things. But I was just, like, the only way to see Stay Sane is to sublimate the horror show that is life into, like, either money or laughs or, like, positivity or something. And, like, girls are looking to you to go, how do I get through a friendship breakup? Cause you were thrust into, like, you were just chosen.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

You know?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

And even if it's just like, my last name being Cummings, I always had to address it. I always had to be like, this is my last name. I'm not a porn star now. I can actually talk about all the other things that I'm about. But it's just like, how having some way to just go. Like, I'm not gonna pretend like it didn't happen. Cause then you're just gonna project onto me like, I'm a Rorschach test now. And I think it's kind of eating you a little.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

A little bit, yeah. Cause I've gone from sad to bitter.

[Whitney Cummings]

But you also say the thing. You went up to Chelsea Peretti and was like, hey, this TikTok you on TikTok right now. I mean, you say it.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I thought it was chiller than that.

[Whitney Cummings]

I'm a cokehead. Hi, I'm Grace. I'm a cokehead. You're your genius and your, like, charm and your brilliance, I think comes with. And I'm like, this, too, like, saying the thing that you shouldn't say.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, I mean, that's. That's the whole thing. It's just like. The only thing that sucks is, like, it affects your friend group currently at home, which sucks that you even have to deal with that.

[Whitney Cummings]

But everyone has to deal with that. Yeah. No offense. Like, you're special. Don't panic. Every friend group, not famous and fake famous, has to deal with this. Like, every girl group, every sorority, every, like, girl has beef. Like, where two girls aren't getting along or something happened.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, I just. I just didn't want it to be a something I, like, ever profited off of or.

[Whitney Cummings]

I think you're not. I think you're lewd. But should you lose money off it? Should you actively not, like, I don't think it's profiting off it. I think it's profiting off of just being yourself around it.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

Cause I think sometimes when you have to bite your tongue, at least say it and then cut it later. Because if you're, like, funny people, you can't edit yourself. Cause then your brain is not in a flow state.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

I see you actively trying to avoid it so much, and I want for you to be able to just. Just like again as someone that doesn't do. And I will never tell you the friendship breakups I had. Like, I just. I also feel like it's like. And I hate to say this, cause it sounds like some weird marketing thing, but it's the most relatable thing. Like, no one's relatable. If you actually have a relatable thing to just sit on it. It kind of just drives me. It's pissing me off. Like, I just am, like, you're like. It's like you have steroids and you won't even do them. Like, and you're an athlete. It's just right there, you know? It's like when men don't talk about their kids, and you're like, you would rather cheat and have people that didn't. Like, you have all this material, and you're just not gonna do it.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

That is a great point.

[Whitney Cummings]

You know, but I think it's also, like, it sucks that that's how you got. You know, so. So many people knew you, but, like, they're bonded to you. And I think, like, to actively avoid it is gonna take more of your energy and band.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, that's true, too.

[Whitney Cummings]

And I don't think Bri. I think she's a big girl. I think she's, like, in a. You know, cut to her being like, Whitney, call me fat. She's an adult. Like, there's no there there.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah. I just. I think it's crazy how she brings it up every three weeks, and I just. And it's like. It's like she's edging me to catch the back and forth, and I don't want to do it back and forth with her. I'd rather sit down. I've asked her a couple times. Times, just because our friend's getting married, to, like, sit down and have, like, a. Like, off camera, meet each other off camera. Because that's what I care about more, is, like, her as a person rather than us as a career.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

And so that's my whole thing is, like, why I don't want to talk about it is this isn't a career pivot move thing for me. This is a real thing that me up.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

And I don't have, like, that person anymore. This.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah. But also, like, I'm. I'm with you also. I think what she went through with that dude.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Like.

[Whitney Cummings]

Like, I've been with a known guy, and you. It's that addiction, chemical addiction, like the Internet. It just. You guys, like. It's just you were unfairly, like, thrown into a ring. I feel like there's a move. What is the. There's a scene about the. Is it Fight club? There's, like, where friends have to, like, go at each other? No. How about this? This is it. Okay. Dude, I'm in a deep wormhole on Connor Flagg. He's the. Like, this. Like, he's at the Mavericks, I think. I'm just. I'm pretending there's a man somewhere in the vicinity. I'm like, straight up Mavericks.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

And then so my algorithm is now, like, all these, like, Kobe videos. And then when Kobe. I don't know where, he was playing for the Olympics or something, and his own teammate on the Lakers was on a different team, and out of the gate, he, like, pushed him, like, to let everybody know, I'm not playing.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Oh, yeah. Like, this isn't just like.

[Whitney Cummings]

Do you know what I mean?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah. Like, I'm not gonna. Like, we're on different teams now. We played back at the Lakers together, back home, and it was so savage and, like, psycho.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

But oddly, like, okay, all right.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

We're not just fucking around here.

[Whitney Cummings]

And there's something, like, about that in here.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah. I mean, that is. Girls sports is gossip. I mean, what are we talking about? Why we.

[Whitney Cummings]

I would say Real Housewives is MMA for women, quite literally.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Like, we. We have so much knowledge of all these people that men fill with athletes.

[Whitney Cummings]

Which, by the way, this is why I like the roast, like, of Kevin Hart, which, like, again, like, nothing negative to say, this is the direction roasting is going in. Fine. Or this is the way they wanted to do it. I prefer it feeling like WWE than mma.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

I like watching wwe. They don't. They do really actually kind of get hurt, but they're not on per. They're sort of, like, in. On it together. Whereas, like, mma, you might see someone, like, lose their ability to remember their child's name. And it's not as fun for me to watch and so roast. I prefer feeling fun instead of, like, oh, like, these people are trying to, like, cancel each other.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah. All you can think about is, like, the. The green room in the back afterwards. Like, are you guys.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah. I think. I think it says a lot about the environment that we're in right now, too, of, like, what it was five years ago.

[Whitney Cummings]

And today it's like, oh, everyone's an island. It's like. And controversy, I don't think is as consequential, negatively as it was in your household growing up. Like, I think that that's the other thing. I think we assume everyone holds grudges forever because we grew up in that kind of environment. And, like, and the person will leave forever. And it's, like, super scary. Whereas, like, the Internet's kind of like, blah, blah, and, like, they're just like, both good points. Moving on. Like, no one has time to care as much as we think they care. And I think they're just like, oh, my God, I've been through this. I've been through this. I'm gonna share this with my friend. They've been through this. It's like, quick hit gossip. Funny, funny. Keep going.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

You know, and people follow and support people. People they don't like also. Why did you do that?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Huh? Why do you guys do that?

[Whitney Cummings]

No, there's a lot of people. I'm like, oh, my gosh. Well, this person is getting all this stuff. Like, I follow plenty of people.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

You.

[Whitney Cummings]

Sometimes it's just we don't care about the quality of the watch. Like a hate watch. We think everyone's like, yes. A lot of people are like, oh, like, do you see this?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Like, I guess I do know why I do this. I actually. I love the show Paul American. It's about Logan Paul and Jake. Paul, them.

[Whitney Cummings]

I haven't seen a reality show.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

It's awesome. Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

I'm just. Sometimes we look at people winning who are negative, and we're like, well, look, they're doing so well. And I'm such. It's like, they not. It depends on what you want to get out of your, like, presence at as a standup. As a. Like, I think you just have to, like, you have so many opportunities. You had this weird thing thrown at you. You now don't know. You don't have to sell debrecate. Your personality doesn't have to be like, party girl. Like, people are watching you grow up. Where was I? No, trust me. It's so weird that I'm saying all this because I had this woman come up to me in an airport, and she was like, you know, like, it's meant so much to me to, like, watch you grow up. And I was like, what? And I was like, oh, if someone knew me since I was. Started this at 25, like, you used. This is crazy. She's like, watch me go through bad relationships and different Hair color, it just like. Like weird filler. Like, she. And she's like, I'm so proud of you. And I was like, holy shit. It didn't occur to me that I could grow or change because I was like, well, I have these fans and, like, I have to stay this person. And I stayed stuck in, like, a. Like, on this. This girl. It's like I was just doing a bad impression of myself for too long. And it's just like, I think the cool fans are down. If they're famous people that they follow in their 20s, like, grow and change.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

That's totally true. I just. Yeah, I just. I never even thought of that, I guess, of, you know, growing and changing and everyone watching you do that and just kind of like being with it for you. Yeah. Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

And I guess the thing from the very, very beginning is, like, as long as your heart is in the right place, I think you can never go wrong. You know what I mean? And, like, that's why I think you can't lose. You can't lose. I mean, even at the thing where you brought up that thing which so clear, your intention was to make her feel better. Yeah. It was so obvious.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I wasn't. I wasn't feeling like it because I could see how she could think. It was like, you, like.

[Whitney Cummings]

But no one can misunderstand you except your mom on purpose. No one's. People that are going out of their way to manipulate what you say in order to, like, make you a bad person. Like, you're never gonna get them. You're never gonna. There's nothing ever gonna. But, like, I just think that you can say more than you think. And it doesn't mean you are starting something for clout. It's just part of your journey you didn't ask for.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

That's totally true, too. Yeah, that's a. I. I needed that outlook, I think is what it is.

[Whitney Cummings]

You need a best friend.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yes. Yes. You know what I mean? Well, I mean, we're pals.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah. No.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

I mean, contrary to everybody watching, thinking that I'm yelling at you.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

No, no, no. It's. It's shit that no one will say. My mom doesn't know what to say. My sisters don't know what to say. My friends don't know what to say. Like, you're the only one who knows what to say. And so that is what we call a best friend.

[Whitney Cummings]

Sorry, this is.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Are you yawning? No, I'm feeling my beans.

[Whitney Cummings]

I'm trying not to laugh. Sorry. Actually, like, if you want to really get a comedian to laugh, make them be sincere. Yeah. I just. Sorry. This is the funniest thing. It's just like, it's.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

And I've been here.

[Whitney Cummings]

I know what it is. Like, you're sorry, you're heartbroken. Yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I don't know if you saw that. I yelled fuck. So I didn't cry about 20 minutes ago. It's like, it makes me sick talking.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's like you're just heartbroken. It's the worst.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

It's like you broke my heart. Be

[Whitney Cummings]

like. It's like no one talks about how. I mean. And you know, this happened to me too. And like I got leveled and is when a woman breaks your heart is like there's. And it's not. It's like you know everything about me and you still.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah. You were like, yeah, I'm completely out.

[Whitney Cummings]

You know how I'm hanging by a thread.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

And that's probably why both of us are like here and there going, might be gay. She's saying it.

[Whitney Cummings]

I'm saying it. No, I think it's gay to be too into a man. Man. I mean, the men in New York and LA at this point are so effeminate. Like it's actually gay to date them. But like, it's a girl. Heartbreak is like. It's like they. You've chosen to be sisters, like, and they ch. Like, it's just.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

It's.

[Whitney Cummings]

You're. That's the only way I think I know how to say it. And it's like forever, you know, like who breaks up with a friend? It's just like so ridiculous. Like people stay friends. Friends that they went to high school with, they've nothing in common with. Like, well, that's.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

That's what it was. It's so locked in.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

There's. There was no way of us just being like kind of friendly. So it's like all or nothing. Yeah. Is what it was. Also your personalities, you're both like that. And we're both hard headed as hell. They fought when they were in high school and they wouldn't talk for a year. Yeah. Yep.

[Whitney Cummings]

Okay. So this is. Hold on. So we'll. Hold on.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Hold on.

[Whitney Cummings]

The Internet thinks this was some big brightness. So this happens a lot.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

It happens one time.

[Whitney Cummings]

Okay.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah. For like a year. And then they just became best. I think this was the first thing we said when you were like, what is your plan when you guys fight? Like, we did it one time and it was fine. And we were fine. We made it back. Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, but then it's just like anything where it's like we're best friends and then you, like, move to different cities or you. And it's like, how is this. It's weird. As soon as I had a kid, like a lot of people I thought was. I was really tight with, I was like, oh, oh, yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

That's crazy.

[Whitney Cummings]

We're not. Oh, we were. Okay.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Jesus.

[Whitney Cummings]

Got it.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah. That'll fuck you up.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

Or just like, when I, like, I don't really post in stories. Like, I used to feel like, you know, like the pandemic and everything, we're all doing it and then it was like, people just like, stop by, I guess, to get like a tag. And then I would just hang out with people and they just stopped swinging by. That's crazy in the same way. But you also said something to me, and I feel like I owe this to you. You guys, Grace has emphysema.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

She's.

[Whitney Cummings]

Sorry, guys. She's allergic to healing.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Oh, my God.

[Whitney Cummings]

Is this the vape ad?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I'm allergic to feelings.

[Whitney Cummings]

Is this. Can this be the ad for the vapes promo code?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Shout out. Disgraceful. Now dot com. Jesus Christ. I get him. Be funny.

[Whitney Cummings]

She just corrected. You said to me once, I was like vomiting, like, sadness on you or like telling you this, like, story about something as someone that like, hurt.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I'm gonna say it again.

[Whitney Cummings]

Hurt me. And I was like, sorry to be so boring. Like, I'm sorry, I'm being boring. And she just went. It was actually like very sad the way she said it. She was like, no, this is just friendship.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

She was like. She was like coming to me because she was going through something. She's like, sorry, fucking, I'm boring. You know, that's just what friends do.

[Whitney Cummings]

Because I was like, I know, cuz I. I take you on the road. You have to listen to me. Like, I was just like, it's not what it is. I know. We were on the phone and I was like, sorry, I'm being boring. And you're like, no, like, same thing. It's like, this is just heartbreak. Yeah, it's just heartbreak.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Literally. Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

You know, and I think everyone wants to hear you say something nasty, but it's like, it's like when people talk trash about, like their ex that they were with for 10, 15 years, it was like, it just makes you look. Look bad.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah. I just think the more I bottle up, the more I will start ending up being like this angry person saying negative things. Yeah. Yeah. Because it is like, just ongoing. And she keeps doing it and, and I'm not, I'm not putting it all on her. Like, I, I probably, like, I definitely had some flaws going on. Like, I'm not a perfect person, but.

[Whitney Cummings]

But also, you were a cokehead.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Sorry. Yeah. Well, you know what? Actually, once the cowboy came to town, I took, I started taking it easy. Easy on the blow. She didn't want to do it as much. It's sad to do it alone, you know, so, you know, it actually, it was pretty good. Hey, thanks, Zach. Now go yourself. But I think, yeah, I just think I, I, I, I would build it up and build it up, and I, instead of being my true feelings, like, some monster would come out, and I just like.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Go full in on her because just she keeps saying little tidbit things, and I know she's trying to get me to do it. Yeah. Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

Well, it's like, have you ever seen Desperately Seeking Susan? I. This is like the, it's truly like a black white movie now that Madonna acted in it. It was like way, way back, like,

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I was a kid movie list.

[Whitney Cummings]

And it's like these two women, and they're like, communicating through, like, a newspaper and, like, finding each other. It's like this thing where people. I always think everyone's posting for someone. I'm always like, who's this for? Oh, yeah, who am I doing this for?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

100%.

[Whitney Cummings]

This person that I think is I'm jealous of. Am I doing this Just post a

[Dylan Mulvaney]

song to post a song?

[Whitney Cummings]

No, it's always at someone. I'm just like, who's that at?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yes.

[Whitney Cummings]

And I think that a lot of people communicate through social media, pretending it's for everybody, you know, and so it is. I do think, like, if. As long as you're not trying to, like, bait or just sort of, like, communicate in an immature way, I feel like she's like, this is my business. This is my identity. These are the cards I've been dealt. And this is what I'm gonna talk about.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah. 100.

[Whitney Cummings]

And you're kind of trying to go, I'm evolving and changing the Internet. That's not how the Internet even evolving and changing.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

It's just like, I, I've never been the talk type.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Especially towards a friend I love so much. Yeah. That's my whole thing.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I'll talk about people I think I'll never run into. Yeah. That's always fun. And then you see them at a brunch or something.

[Whitney Cummings]

But it's also like, it's her. It's her job. Like, it's your job. We forget having had you as a friend as part of her job. And I think people that are just straight influencers, like, the same way if you and I worked at Chipotle together and I was like, I, you know, I'm leaving. I'm gonna go to Taco Bell. It's like, I'm not gonna promote Chipotle. I work at Target. Like, everyone, I think, has like a version of this yours. It just happens to be so public and it involves your identity. Like, it's actually kind of wild. But, like, I think she's a little more. I don't want to say matter of fact about it or something.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, yeah, no, yeah. I think she's like, I'm playing these

[Whitney Cummings]

cards, like, whatever cards.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I think she's just like fully like, this is. It is what it is. And this is like part. Part of the career being a reality star. And that's right. A writer, I guess.

[Whitney Cummings]

And being messy is a part of that. And I think she would be the first to say, like, I'm gonna say my unfiltered raw, not thought through.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

And then she gets. And then she gets to, you know, like, she gets to carry the story. Like, she gets to be the narrator of that story that she's doing. And like, that's the win and I'll let her win. I don't want to play a game. Yeah,

[Whitney Cummings]

I just don't think it's. I just think it's weird that you've signed this invisible NDA like, that's going to give you cancer. Not saying you should talk about it or gossip. I think just being able to be yourself of going like, well, I don't have a best friend anymore. Instead of being able to just say it and not like, can you cut it out? I don't want to upset anyone like you. Who knows, Maybe this will backfire horribly. But I just feel like.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I just think if we could get it is through and have a beautiful wedding for my friend, then I'm. I would be happy to write the pilot officially and do it that way.

[Whitney Cummings]

I feel like there's a set of skills every generation of like comedian or whatever has to have have. I'm not interested in having this skill. I'm not learning new skills. But acknowledging like, what's. You were. Guys were. You were in Us Weekly. Like, that's not. That's not.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

That's not normal.

[Whitney Cummings]

No, like, that's. US Weekly is like, I don't know

[Dylan Mulvaney]

if that's for people who ride around in limousines, by the way.

[Whitney Cummings]

I don't know if that matters anymore. Like, Us Weekly was, like, for, like, Sands or Bullets. Like, so it's you. We don't get to pretend this didn't happen. It's like, Nicole Kidman can't. Was married to Tom Cruise. Like, she was. And that's always going to come back at her. That photo of her leaving the divorce office is always going to be on the. Like, it's just. You can't. You know, And I think it's safe to say you've shut your mouth long enough to show that you had been respectful of the situation and her. Her trauma and all this stuff that. But, yeah, that's the other thing.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

She was going through a lot, and I. I do regret, like, not being there for her, but she. She. Clean slate was like, we're done. No, I've been so. I could no.

[Whitney Cummings]

Beg to. I. I've been through this. What's that?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I still tried to help. I did. I tried. But, like.

[Whitney Cummings]

But trying to help is even worse.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

You go on this camping trip or. Or that's kind of it. And I. I.

[Whitney Cummings]

If I'm gonna be honest, I've again been through something like this. And if it's. You can't do this thing, you're out. You were gonna be out anyway.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

It was like looking for a. I remember with this one person just being like, oh, you just are done being friends with me. And it's like when you are in a relationship and you're just like, hope the guy's gonna cheat so that you don't have to do it. It was like there was something about. And then I was really good friends with someone, so I'm just throwing stuff around, I realize, but I'm getting bored of myself.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

No, my gosh.

[Whitney Cummings]

I had a friend who had. Had, like, cancer when he was in his 20s. Like a big tumor in his stomach. I knew.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Funny for you to be like, I'm boring the. Out of you.

[Whitney Cummings]

So my friend, cancer, he's fine. He survived. But afterwards, like, I was like, you know, he was like, I can't be friends with you. You remind me of my cancer.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Oh. Oh.

[Whitney Cummings]

And it was like, you're like, cancer. No, like, you remind me of having it. Like, it was just like a. You know, I was like, good for. But I've never had cancer. I've. I've never been through that. I don't know what I would do. I don't know what I would do. But like I was friends with you and I love you. So I'm going to let you, I'm going to respect that decision. Like my heart's broken but like what am I going to say? You have to be friends with me

[Dylan Mulvaney]

the worst time of your life.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, like it's just like, you know,

[Dylan Mulvaney]

did you ever come back around?

[Whitney Cummings]

We texted. I mean there's, you know, it was weird. I shouldn't have like it wasn't right. Yeah, maybe he was just faked his cancer to get rid of me. I don't know. What a trick. I just mean like some people don't receive our love and sparkly charisma. The way we think in our honesty and our directness and our are like big. Not everyone wants that.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, no, it's totally fair. You know, and I'm. I'm no prize all the time.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's like, I don't know. There's some people that I like lead. I'm friends with leads. Yeah, I like lead characters. But like some people don't want that. Who knows it like it. It has like could have have nothing to do with you. Which is like almost worse to hear in a way. But like I'm done talking.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Here's. Here's my thing. Here's my thing. I reread the text recently of us going back and forth and I was like I must have done something wrong for her to be talking about our friendship like this. And I went back and I didn't go on the trip and I should have been there for her for that part. But other than that, like I was just really just like trying to keep my friends my friend. It just wasn't going to work. And we can't half ass friendship. And so we had, we had a big old dramatic talk over by the beach. Like I was like, I feel like you're like we're, we're. We're. We're distancing. This was like six months before we like officially broke up. But. And we're like that this is so crazy that we're like actually sitting here meeting up in a parking lot to discuss the friendship.

[Whitney Cummings]

So weird.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

That's weird. That's a relationship. That's crazy.

[Whitney Cummings]

But also when you're in like again like always blame the man when you're in a thing. It's like that's that. It's like why weren't you there for me? What does there even mean? Like did you want me to kidnap you? Did you want me to fight the per. Like it's Just like there's no way anyone can support anyone. Cuz no one knows what anyone needs.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

And you're like, well you, you know, I was just waiting to catch you when you fell.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

But I did the other part. Two where I was like too much involved and I was like, oh, dude, I've lost.

[Whitney Cummings]

Well, three technically. One was an acquaintance. Two friendships to telling the girl the truth. And one of them was a long. He would get drunk and he would put his hands under girl skirts. Someone did it to someone's wife and he fought him. Like it was kind of like a. And I was like, not gonna say anything, not gonna say anything or she knows or whatever. And then said something disaster. Someone else told me about not a good friend, but someone like a coworker said, I hear that her guy cheats and like from many people. So I was like, even if it's not true, you should know there's rumors. So you can either address it or like, I just never want everyone to know something I don't. Even if it's not true. Like, I get paranoid as it is

[Dylan Mulvaney]

and to go around and tell other people. So you're spreading.

[Whitney Cummings]

She just said it like, isn't it crazy that you know, he cheats on her? Like she's so amazing and da da, da, da. And I, I, maybe I made it too dramatic or. Because I, I just, I was like, here's something I heard. I don't know if it's true. I just want you to know this person saying it. Why don't you call this. I'm just big on going like, wait, let's discuss where.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, let's be face to face and honest here.

[Whitney Cummings]

I'm fine with people talking shit and gossip like everyone's always going to do it. I just want to know what it is like, you know, Especially if it's,

[Dylan Mulvaney]

you know, your own life.

[Whitney Cummings]

It also was just like this thing where it's like, if a girl's in like her late 30s and a man is wasting her time, I like feel the need.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Oh, you got it.

[Whitney Cummings]

You know what I mean? It's just like this is like between you and your ability to like have kids or not. And I can't watch another woman lose her like late 30s and not get her dreams come true because of some dude in a V neck. Like, I can't watch this happen again. It was, you know what it is? It's just like I was like, why is this in my lap? Why was this told to me? Now I have to either keep a Secret or something. Say something. Yeah, both situations suck.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

You know, both situations suck. And I'm far enough removed from it to where I feel like I can just go, I heard this. I think that's messed up. And I. I think you should know.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Do. Do you want to hear something? They have to just, by the way,

[Whitney Cummings]

didn't speak to me.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

One door is the. The truth and the other is let's play small talk.

[Whitney Cummings]

Made them bond more. It didn't speak to me.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Oh, so they.

[Whitney Cummings]

Things are still weird.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Oh, wow. And.

[Whitney Cummings]

But they broke up. I mean, they. Of course they broke up. That's where. And then one time, this was someone who had. I'm getting so specific. I need to get vayger. They were broken up. And she was like. And she was like, I need to know if he's. And I saw him on a dating app.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Oh my God.

[Whitney Cummings]

And I was like, she's gonna see this. I'd rather her see it. Like, not when she's driving or not when she. You know. And I just showed it to her and was mad at me. Three years. Fuck. Yeah. Yeah. But I was also like, it's not your fault.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Never blamed a woman. Never blamed a woman. Especially. Especially a friend.

[Whitney Cummings]

But it's just like, I'm the messenger. I'm like, I'm the messenger. I'm gonna get in trouble. This is just my lot in life. I say the thing that makes everybody mad and then they'll thank me in five years maybe. But like, I'd rather be that. Cuz I can't be a good friend to you knowing I know something that you don't know. Like, I just can't.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I can't keep a secret.

[Whitney Cummings]

I can't. An omission like that.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

I just can't.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

It. It. And it just feels like every day you're lying.

[Whitney Cummings]

Even though if you said something to her while she. You can't. You just can't.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

But also at the same time, you were being berated by him at the same time. So it was like a very tricky situation in being like, you're not standing up for me, but I'm trying to stand up for you and you're letting him. What are we doing here? I have to remove myself from this because I don't like the way I'm being treated as well. So like every single time you see him, he's saying something demeaning to you. A pussy. Like, I will put up a fight,

[Whitney Cummings]

but I'm not allowed to fight.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

So it's like but she can't take

[Whitney Cummings]

care of you because she needs you to take care of her. And you can't take care of her because you're need care. Like, that's like.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

If I'm going over there trying to be supportive and, like, be, like, cool with what they've got going on and still try to do the friendship, I can't go get over there. And. And when I leave, feel like.

[Whitney Cummings]

Like there's a level of disgust. I gotta take a step away.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

And then she was like, you gave up and you thought you were better than me. And it's like, I hope everybody was not funny in a bad person. Like, he was.

[Whitney Cummings]

He was. He was a little rottweiler when he

[Dylan Mulvaney]

drank, and he never stopped. It was. It was. It was fun.

[Whitney Cummings]

I don't. If you take nothing away from this podcast.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

If this even airs, I would be stunned. If you take nothing away from this, I need you to understand that there is no problem. A short man won't. Cause now these men, this is why we call them short kings. Because we have to try to build them up so they don't kill us. Hitler, Napoleon. Short men are truly the cause of most problems. And men that are. I'm not saying discriminate against short men. If you need, like, a cupboard fixed, if you need a tire changed, if you. You know something, if you need someone to, like, put up the spiderwebs for your Halloween decorations and you need someone who'll, like, crawl up a thing, fine. But it is a sign of some sort of serious genetic problem. Karmic genetic problem. And I just wouldn't. Don't pity them. Don't. Cause they have to develop these wild personalities in order to overcompensate for their size. Because 2,000 years ago, they would have died because they wouldn't be able to reach an apple. So they have to be bullies to get people to get me that thing. Do you know what I mean? Like, they weren't meant to survive. And then grocery stores happened and kept them alive. Alive, you know? So do we cancel grocery stores? That's for you guys to decide.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Okay.

[Whitney Cummings]

Should we go back to just eating fruit from trees? So short men just starve, perhaps die off? You know, it's just the personalities they develop in someone that's dated short guys. I wouldn't.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

You can't. You can't let them smell the weakness.

[Whitney Cummings]

If one of your friends is dating a short guy, I would just put them down.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Put them down.

[Whitney Cummings]

You might have to just put them down. You might have to just. What did Bill Cosby use? Give him roofie your friend first. You gotta get him out of there.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

You might have to roofie your own friend. Carry them out of the club. Just to preserve, you know, the friendship.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

And prevent getting yelled at at a barbecue.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Mm.

[Whitney Cummings]

If you're yelling at people during the day, you need to. And you know what? You know what else? If they still haven't moved to Texas so they can wear cowboy boots, which are heels for men, they're committed to staying short.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

Truly and honestly, there's places you can wear heels. Yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I'll be in Tulsa, Oklahoma this weekend.

[Whitney Cummings]

Will you? Yeah. And that's so that you can cut this together, and that's that.

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[Whitney Cummings]

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[Dylan Mulvaney]

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[Dylan Mulvaney]

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