
Shoutout to Portland and Sacramento!! This week Grace is joined by comedian Fiona Cauley! The two kick things off with YOUR shocking voicemails including one from the cooler thief from Grace’s high school graduation party. Fiona opens up about her whirlwind life changes, including getting married, moving, and crushing the comedy scene after her viral Kill Tony sets. She chats about playing Madison Square Garden, opening for Nikki Glazer, and growing up next to Paramore’s Hayley Williams. And of course, Grace puts her through the infamous Disgraceful Receipts segment, digging into Fiona’s colorful past posts, millennial thirst traps, and wicked sorority days. Have a day, much love & enjoy the show!
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Grace O'Malley
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Fiona Cauley
Theo just brought her. Jim Norton and Theo did a episode on Theo's podcast together, and they brought.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, my God. Yeah.
Fiona Cauley
Theo goes, yeah, she's from your red hair, right? And Jim's like, yeah, red hair. He goes, does she up. Seem like she might be in a wheelchair?
Grace O'Malley
Coming at you live from a shady.
Fiona Cauley
Manhattan studio, it's Disgraceful, featuring your Grace's ginger host.
Grace O'Malley
Hey, watch yourself. Only I can say that. Okay, boss, whatever you say.
Mazda/Netcredit Announcer
You pay my bills. Give it up for Grace o'. Malley.
Grace O'Malley
Hi, guys. Welcome back to Disgraceful. We have a very special guest today. I'm very excited. Give it up for Fiona Collie, everybody. Hey, yo, how you doing, dude?
Fiona Cauley
Good. Thank you for having me.
Grace O'Malley
Thanks for coming on.
Fiona Cauley
Hell, yeah.
Grace O'Malley
We were just talking about how. So we. We kind of had a little time to, like, set up the pod beforehand. So we were chit chatting, and I think it's crazy. Some hosts make you just not talk.
Fiona Cauley
Yeah.
Grace O'Malley
In that lull period, that's a little behind the scenes for you.
Fiona Cauley
Think about your sins before.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, I bring it up once an episode, maybe five times. Are you Catholic as well?
Fiona Cauley
Recovering.
Grace O'Malley
Recovering, yeah. Yeah. I'm in the same boat. It's just. It does a number on you.
Fiona Cauley
Did you Catholic school and all that?
Grace O'Malley
I didn't, but I did go to the weekly, like, learning school for sinful children. I was an altar girl. Like, I was in deep. Oh, shit.
Fiona Cauley
Yeah. Are you okay?
Grace O'Malley
No. Well, I'm fine. Because they wanted the boys, you know. Yeah. Kind of left me wanting a little more, if you ask me. And so you. So you just flew in? You're here in New York for how long?
Fiona Cauley
Today and tomorrow.
Grace O'Malley
Today and tomorrow. And then what's next after that?
Fiona Cauley
I get married.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. So that. And. And you also. You're missing a big chunk here because you just Said that you're not only getting married, but you're moving.
Fiona Cauley
I am moving.
Grace O'Malley
Who moves right before their wedd.
Fiona Cauley
Disabled people. Because I don't actually have to do anything. It's on Matt.
Grace O'Malley
That is you. I mean there's a gift and a curse.
Fiona Cauley
You know, you're just asking me. Who sits there and watch people do stuff?
Grace O'Malley
Me. Yeah, that's gonna go over there.
Fiona Cauley
I'm like, it's crooked. And he's like, shut the.
Grace O'Malley
It's also a good cop out because then you never have to help your friends move either. No, that's usually.
Fiona Cauley
That's a big thing is pretend to offer because that's enough. Well, you can put a little wagon on. And I was me.
Additional Guest or Announcer
Yeah.
Liz Miller
Well, you have.
Grace O'Malley
You have a horsepower.
Fiona Cauley
Yeah.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Fiona Cauley
Miles an hour. Not to brag.
Grace O'Malley
I'm not gonna lie. I can go 0.7. So.
Fiona Cauley
Wow. Maybe one is super handy.
Liz Miller
Yeah.
Grace O'Malley
Dude, it's so good to have you on. I. It's a little bit of a. This is a new studio, so I feel like I'm. I think I'm trying to do my best stern right now. So I don't. I don't really know my vibe.
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Grace O'Malley
So to start the episode, we have voicemails that we asked everybody to send them in. And thanks for sending them in, guys. They always blow my mind to these voicemails. I mean, you do voicemails on your podcast as well?
Fiona Cauley
Yeah, I do. I'm excited to hear the kind you get, because ours are very fucking specific.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. So do you. You do prompts, right?
Fiona Cauley
For.
Grace O'Malley
For to send in the voicemails?
Fiona Cauley
No, I'm just like, anything you want. If you have emotions, yell them into the phone. I don't care. Yeah, send it all. And it's like an amalgamation of, like, people being really mean to Matt.
Grace O'Malley
Sorry for your troubles. We got Matt in the studio as well. Also. Congratulations, you guys. I skipped over that. I said it off camera. I look like a dick on camera. Maybe that's why people don't talk.
Fiona Cauley
Whatever. I'm like, she didn't say it off camera.
Grace O'Malley
I think I did, but now am I Fucking asshole.
Fiona Cauley
I'm just trying to start Beef online for fun.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, no, that's always good. That's what gets the clicks and the views. Yeah, yeah. No, it's important that. Love it.
Fiona Cauley
Yeah.
Grace O'Malley
No, I was watching an episode and people were just some complaining going on.
Fiona Cauley
Yeah.
Grace O'Malley
It's like they're just kind of speaking into a void.
Fiona Cauley
Yeah.
Grace O'Malley
When you. When you leave it to be like.
Fiona Cauley
Anything and no one ever thinks they're gonna play it. And then you do, and you're like, I. I told you.
Grace O'Malley
And. And you gave first, last in social. You shouldn't have done that.
Fiona Cauley
One guy gave his height is weight his first and last. And I was like, what? Okay.
Grace O'Malley
I'm like, what, are you trying out for the basketball team?
Fiona Cauley
I know. Signing up for plenty of fish. Like, what are you doing?
Grace O'Malley
Plenty of fish. That's a. That's a throwback. Is that how you guys met?
Fiona Cauley
Yeah.
Grace O'Malley
I thought it was farmersmeat.com.
Fiona Cauley
Farmers only.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, farmers only. Would never touch that.
Fiona Cauley
The porn side of bar.
Grace O'Malley
Dude, I'm hungry. I was thinking like. Like roast beef. Like actual roast beef. All right, let's get to the voicemails. So I did give a prompt for this one last week. I don't know if I did, but this week the prompt was when was something too good to be true. And we've got this one titled Cooler. Let's see.
Mikey Nim
Haha. Yeah, it's me again, Mr. Cooler Thief. I don't know if you remember this, Grace, but your high school grad party, that was me I. You invited myself a couple of my buddies, we showed up.
Grace O'Malley
This is my friend, Mikey Nim.
Mikey Nim
When your friend starts picking a fight, I think your dad stepped in a little bit. Hey, happens. But, you know, we, we left and on our way out, we went to grab a couple beers and realized we might as well have take the whole cooler. So that giant blue cooler you had filled with maybe 3, 4, 30 racks. Yeah, that was us.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Mikey Nim
Mastermind of it all right here. But that thing was dragged down the street, loaded up, and off we went. I don't know where.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Mikey Nim
I even think I heard someone yell, where the cooler? But that thing was already long gone. You know, I thought I'd confess. I think I may have told you in passing. But yeah, that cooler treated us well over the years. Still use it to this day. But, you know, it's. I think it's time to go back to its rightful owner. Alrighty. Take care now, Grace.
Grace O'Malley
All right. So that, that was my friend Mikey Nim. And when did I graduate? Almost like I graduated in 2017. And we have been trying to figure out who stole that cooler since then. And he just confessed. And this, I'm sure nobody gives a shit, but this is like a big deal. Like, this is my uncle's cooler.
Fiona Cauley
Broke wine open.
Grace O'Malley
I don't know if this was a time where it was too good to be true because it was just too good. Like, he just, he had no repercussions of stealing this cooler. I just thank. Thanks for phoning in, Mikey. Great to hear from you. I think he should be a segment once a week, actually. He could be a lot of fun.
Fiona Cauley
He sounded like his name is Mikey.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, he's a Mikey for sure.
Fiona Cauley
Hey, Grace again.
Grace O'Malley
Is that your Boston?
Fiona Cauley
Boston?
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, that's. I think that's. I think that's Jersey.
Fiona Cauley
Fuck Jersey.
Additional Guest or Announcer
I can't.
Grace O'Malley
I mean, I'm not gonna do Nashville.
Fiona Cauley
Oh, but she in Nashville.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. Did I nail it? I don't. There's is it. It's regional though. Like, there's like Mississippi.
Fiona Cauley
Yeah. Which is like a little more like that absolute heart. Yeah.
Grace O'Malley
Bless your heart. You don't be astir.
Fiona Cauley
Boston.
Grace O'Malley
And Boston's like. Well, you know, I try not to do it and it just happens.
Fiona Cauley
Ah, yeah. I feel that.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. Yeah. You know, and I, I, I talk like I have marbles in my mouth. And it is what it is.
Fiona Cauley
You talk like you're busy, lady.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, I got no, no, no. Ass.
Fiona Cauley
No.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. We don't say our Rs.
Fiona Cauley
Good. No, I can't I'm not even gonna. They pack the car, pack the cat.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, there it is. You just. Oh, I'm sorry.
Fiona Cauley
Netflix.
Grace O'Malley
It's Duncan. You're gonna be in the super bowl ad with Matt Damon. That's huge. Congratulations.
Fiona Cauley
Thank you so much. We have to go.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, no, I'm busy now.
Fiona Cauley
Oh, bug.
Grace O'Malley
Okay. So dad, was Mikey nimpsy on the cooler? Anti climatic for you. Very big deal for me. My Uncle Jacka. My Uncle Jack, Uncle Cracker. He's gonna lose it. He's. Every time I've seen him for the last fucking nine years, he's like, where's my cooler? So the point where, like, one Christmas, I almost got him a cooler, but I decided not to because. Yeah. All right, let's go in for this next one. We've got Covid. Oh, my God. We're still talking about COVID Three weeks in a row we've talked about COVID I'm trying not to talk about COVID All right, sorry, guys.
Fiona Cauley
You want to know what's too good to be true? I got Covid and now I got off work today.
Grace O'Malley
And. Are you on lean right now, too? You're on. Off that scissor as well. That was.
Fiona Cauley
That was, like, kind of scary.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, I feel like she gave herself Covid.
Fiona Cauley
Yeah, she has great.
Grace O'Malley
No, this one, I don't. I don't usually know them. That was just a willy nilly one.
Fiona Cauley
She also sounds like Mikey.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, that's Mikey's sister. Math dude. That's also.
Fiona Cauley
I got Covid and I got off work.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, yeah. All right. Well, congratulations.
Fiona Cauley
No, that's awesome.
Grace O'Malley
I don't know what to do with that one. Move on.
Liz Miller
Hey, Grace, it's Liz Miller. I'm so excited to.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, hell yeah.
Fiona Cauley
See you.
Liz Miller
And host the Providence. Hey, I think this week's theme is something that's too good to be true. And I'm gonna say every time it's men, it's straight men. If you think you got a good one, you didn't.
Caller or Listener
This week.
Liz Miller
I've been context. I've been dictimized for months. I've been a victim of the dick. Four months of this dick owner man. And I've been pining after him, you know, and I've been making excuses for him. And, you know, he's like, so embarrassing that, like, I have to, like, lie to my friends, like, about him because, like, they would be like, bitch, you have no self respect. But anyway, I finally just wanted to announce men are too good to be true. Thought I found a good one. And last night he didn't want to hang out with me because he wanted to watch Dancing with the Stars. I was like, oh, my God.
Fiona Cauley
Vulnerable.
Liz Miller
He's like admitting to me that he likes to get the show. And like, that's sweet and cute of him. But then actually he wanted to do open mic comedy. So, yeah, instead of having sex with a woman, the guy lied about watching Dancing with the Stars and then went to bomb at open mic. Men. Too good to be true every time. Bye.
Fiona Cauley
Okay, hot take. Don't date comedians, you fucking psycho.
Grace O'Malley
You are getting married to one.
Fiona Cauley
Yeah, but it's different because I'm in a wheelchair.
Grace O'Malley
Okay, why is that different?
Fiona Cauley
And because everyone feels bad for me. All right. No one can be mean.
Grace O'Malley
So he has permission since he's a comic, to be mean to you?
Fiona Cauley
Yeah.
Grace O'Malley
Okay. All right.
Fiona Cauley
Also an open mind comedian.
Grace O'Malley
Hey, you know, don't.
Fiona Cauley
Don't figure their out before you try to date them because.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, well, she's also a comic. She's actually open for me. She's opening for me in Providence, which I. It's very funny. I know everybody on this call line.
Fiona Cauley
Apparently it's like a Providence. I was just in Providence.
Grace O'Malley
Really?
Fiona Cauley
Yeah.
Grace O'Malley
Which one did you do?
Fiona Cauley
East Providence.
Grace O'Malley
Comedy Connection.
Fiona Cauley
Yeah.
Grace O'Malley
Fuck, yeah. How was it?
Fiona Cauley
Literally one of the best shows I've ever had.
Grace O'Malley
I'm not going to lie. And no offense to you guys, you cannot beat a northeast crowd. How do you feel?
Fiona Cauley
I think you can.
Grace O'Malley
Well, here. Here's my thing. I'm not in with Kill Tony. That's electric. They have like a cult following.
Fiona Cauley
Yeah.
Grace O'Malley
So, like, it's a given. It's going to be on fire.
Fiona Cauley
My two favorite cities. I've comedy in our Portland, Oregon.
Grace O'Malley
No.
Fiona Cauley
Yeah. Like that. Joe, it was so good.
Grace O'Malley
Really? Oh, I'm excited. I have that coming up.
Fiona Cauley
Sacramento. Random. I know, Ma. To be fair, those both sold out. I don't know.
Caller or Listener
Sell out.
Grace O'Malley
So I'm like, well, yeah, no, any sellout is like, this is money. Like, hey, this is electric.
Fiona Cauley
I like bombed the whole show. But I'm talking about the check.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, shit, dude. Okay. So, yeah, she got dictimized. I liked that. That's a good tag.
Fiona Cauley
Dictimized. It happens to the best of us.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. Or it doesn't happen to some of us at all. So this one's called Luke Combs. Speaking of Nashville.
Fiona Cauley
Oh, I got this.
Liz Miller
Hey, yo.
Grace O'Malley
Hey.
Caller or Listener
Last summer I went to Luke Combs concert with my mom, my sister, and my sister's friend. We had the worst seats in the house. Basically, nosebleeds of the nosebleeds. Very high up. I love nosebleeds, you know, but, you know, me and my mom were just happy to be there.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Caller or Listener
As we were in the nosebleeds, my sister saw that a local radio station was giving some nosebleed attendees an upgraded seat. So we both entered, obviously, and we're enjoying the opener. And the radio station comes up with a camera, all these people, and say to my sister, like, congrats, you won. You're getting upgraded. Front row, blah, blah, blah. Me and my mom are jumping up and down. We're so excited. We're like, oh, my gosh, lovely combs.
Fiona Cauley
We're going to go see them panning.
Caller or Listener
Meanwhile, my sister was chatting with the radio people, and they were like, but you only have two tickets, so you have to choose somebody. Yeah. She obviously chose her friend. They were featured in a large video on social media of how excited she was. And you can see me and my mom in the background very upset. So, you know, at the end of the day, it was too good to be true. But me and my mom did have a good time. And my mom, I am her favorite daughter now because of this.
Grace O'Malley
So thanks. Thanks. I think that at first I was like, that's bullshit. Family first. But when you really think about it, if she. If the sister brought the other sister, the mom and the friend would have had just been bullied by themselves. Yeah, that's weird.
Fiona Cauley
I think it was the right choice.
Caller or Listener
Yeah.
Grace O'Malley
It just sucks.
Fiona Cauley
Being the favorite daughter pays off more than.
Grace O'Malley
That is long term. She's seeing things clearly now, which. Oh, yeah, she could have brought the mom. I didn't even think about bringing the mom.
Fiona Cauley
I know. That would have been bland. Fucking chestnut Jaggers. You know what I mean? Yeah. I also thought. Didn't she sound like she was whispering?
Caller or Listener
Yeah.
Grace O'Malley
I think everybody does these in their dorm bathrooms and they don't want anyone.
Fiona Cauley
To hear, like, smug and weed my mom.
Grace O'Malley
And they don't want their roommate to hear or something.
Fiona Cauley
I like that. I like that.
Grace O'Malley
I don't even know my age demo anymore. I still think it's college.
Fiona Cauley
I can't relate. I'm aging out. I can feel it.
Grace O'Malley
So what's your demo? For the most part, is it majority men?
Fiona Cauley
Because Kiltoni, I think at first it was, but it's been really cool, actually. I have a ton of girlfriends of these guys coming.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, hell yeah.
Fiona Cauley
They're like, we Fucking hate kill Tony. But my boyfriend made me watch you and we're obsessed.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, that's awesome.
Fiona Cauley
So I'm kind of like an introduction into this, like, world.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, that's crazy. Yeah, I totally get that too. And I can only imagine like all the girlfriends who like, I'll get this for him for his birthday and we'll go and do that and they're like, so they don't want to go. And then they end up like loving feels.
Fiona Cauley
I like female fans. Like, that feels like. I mean, I'm grateful for all my.
Grace O'Malley
Fans, but yeah, you're being a politician right now.
Fiona Cauley
I'm grateful for my fellow Americans fitting for President 2028. Oh, really?
Grace O'Malley
Is that the move?
Fiona Cauley
That's the next step comedian.
Grace O'Malley
I do think that someone's probably going to stay there, but we don't have to get into that. Let's do a voicemail.
Caller or Listener
Hi, Grace. So basically me and my best friend got so scammed trying to buy Morgan Wallen tickets off of Facebook.
Grace O'Malley
That's your first problem.
Caller or Listener
At first the tickets were only like 85 each, which was honestly should have been our first red flag because that sounded way good to be true at the time because they were going for like 400. But anyways, we were looking at this person's profile on Facebook. They look normal. They had previous posts. They weren't like a bot or anything. So we thought they even sent us a confirmation email and a code. So we thought, okay, maybe this is real. Then as we were talking, the price suddenly keeps going up. 85 per ticket turned into more and eventually it was like 300.
Grace O'Malley
Well, that's your third problem.
Caller or Listener
We should have walked away, but we were so set on going that we just went with it. We sent the money through the Venmo.
Grace O'Malley
Reading this off a piece of paper.
Fiona Cauley
That's what I was about to say. I was like.
Caller or Listener
So we sent it again, then another account and then they hit us with another excuse. And before we knew it, we were out $300 each with no tickets. This was honestly so embarrassing because we thought we were being smart about it. Getting cheap tickets like off a nice person. But that was not the case. And the happy ending is that this year we actually saw Morgan Wallen bought the tickets off of Ticketmaster like we should have done in the first place.
Fiona Cauley
And he threw cherry book.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. And he walked out like a WWE wrest. Wait, that's so funny to me. Thanks for. I. I feel so bad cuz people will send these in. Then I just shit on them.
Fiona Cauley
But oh, we do, though.
Grace O'Malley
I think it's so funny to write it down.
Fiona Cauley
Dude, that was actually adorable.
Grace O'Malley
That's really.
Fiona Cauley
I think your demo might be fucking college.
Grace O'Malley
I think we're going down to high school, actually. That was MLA format.
Fiona Cauley
Either way, thank you, comma, for. She's like, it was so polite and well said.
Grace O'Malley
Well, like, well thought out. I appreciate you taking the time writing it down. I also think there was a furthermore in there.
Fiona Cauley
That was it. Furthermore.
Grace O'Malley
Furthermore.
Fiona Cauley
I'm like, you might be a fucking bot, my girl.
Grace O'Malley
You're not getting scammed by bots, baby. You the bot.
Fiona Cauley
The bot's inside the house.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, shit. Well, that. That was voicemails. That's a good way to get all warmed up. Moving right along. Thank you so much for calling in, everybody. I don't know why I'm talking like, we're in a radio room, so I feel like I have to talk like a radio host. You know what I mean?
Fiona Cauley
Today's weather is well, so I kind.
Grace O'Malley
Of being, like, listening to the radio as a kid, I was like, that's, like, a really sick job. You get to, like. You get to be like, good morning, everybody. I'm so happy to be in your speaker. Like, I. I was like, I could probably do that.
Fiona Cauley
Okay, wait. I have a really weird memory. You just made me. Okay. I have a broken home. I'm from one. All right.
Grace O'Malley
Sorry for your troubles.
Fiona Cauley
Thank you. It's the worst thing that's ever happened to me. And.
Grace O'Malley
Is that how it happened?
Fiona Cauley
Yeah. Divorce put me in a wheelchair, straight into the camera.
Grace O'Malley
That's how some people be acting these days. Your parents got divorced when you were 12. Relax.
Fiona Cauley
My parents are getting divorced. I'm like, stop crying, you dumb bitch. They're not getting divorced.
Grace O'Malley
It reminds me. So I did. I did. Sorry. Just to pivot real quick, I want to give big compliments to your series that you did on YouTube. I thought it was fantastic.
Fiona Cauley
Oh, my God, it's so great.
Grace O'Malley
If you guys want to go check it out. The title I'm slipping on right now. Capable and people complaining like, that reminds me of the. The one episode with the wine whining.
Fiona Cauley
Dude, you actually watch it.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, I'm not a dickhead.
Fiona Cauley
I always forget to, like, bring it up. I did that before comedy before.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, no shit. Because. Yeah, because it is. It's. It's serious but still funny.
Fiona Cauley
Yeah. I was never sure what I wanted it to be, and my, like, ultimate hope is one day I can, like, redo it. But, like, for, like, Netflix.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, yeah.
Additional Guest or Announcer
Of course.
Grace O'Malley
You know, proof of concept right there.
Fiona Cauley
Right? Yeah. But I'm like, the writing would be so much fucking better now. Cause I'm surrounded by great writers.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Fiona Cauley
You know, but thank you.
Grace O'Malley
I also think the way you did it is great for what it is right now. Cause, like, people's attention spans are gonzo.
Fiona Cauley
Yeah.
Grace O'Malley
And you got like one minute to two minute clips, and it tells such a large part of your life in a story in just like a minute to two minutes. And I think. I think it's fantastic.
Fiona Cauley
Dude.
Grace O'Malley
I think it's really good.
Fiona Cauley
Oh, my God.
Grace O'Malley
Have you ever put those on, like, have you ever put those on, like. I didn't double check, but do you have that on, like, TikTok or anything?
Fiona Cauley
I tried. I may have done like one or two, but I got. I think maybe that material is a little more, like, personal. And so, like, I'm like, hesitant. Even though it's online, it's like, people don't know about. I need to release it, but I'm like, I was young, I can do better now. And I'm scared to be judged, but I need to. Yuray. I should release on TikTok. I think when I first did it, I put all of it on Instagram, but I didn't have a following back then.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, I think you should repost it. I think it's like a. It tells a lot about you with your humor in it. You know what I mean? And I think with everyone, with everything. Also, congrats on all your success. This is absolutely incredible, what you've got going on right now. But with all these new people coming in, I think that's a great introduction to Fiona.
Fiona Cauley
Yeah.
Grace O'Malley
You know what I mean?
Fiona Cauley
I like that. Yeah.
Grace O'Malley
I'm not trying to be a manager or anything, but you're looking for a job. Yeah, I could take on a new client. Wait, so did you. What did you, like, wanna be when you were younger? Always, like a comic or. No, no Shot in Hell.
Fiona Cauley
No Shot. Really Wasn't even, like, a concept I thought was real. I was like.
Grace O'Malley
Well, you thought comics were fake?
Fiona Cauley
Yeah.
Grace O'Malley
AI. Some of them. That's autism.
Fiona Cauley
I wanted to be, like, an attorney for a long time. When you were a child, dude. Yeah, I wouldn't.
Grace O'Malley
I still don't even know the difference between a lawyer and attorney.
Fiona Cauley
And they're the same thing.
Grace O'Malley
Are they? Very cool.
Fiona Cauley
I rest my case.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, there it is. You still have it in you.
Fiona Cauley
Proceed. Wait, I'm a judge now. Yeah, I did mock trial in high school.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, okay. Yeah. What's that called?
Fiona Cauley
It's called different things in different parts of the country.
Grace O'Malley
Gecko is what we called it, I think.
Fiona Cauley
Okay. We did. We got a mock trial. I've heard it called forensics. Forensic.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, forensic. Yeah.
Fiona Cauley
Anyways, yeah, I wanted to be that for a while and then I started walking weird at 15 and I didn't know why, I just was like, I walk weird and I was too embarrassed to like walk in front of people like a lawyer as to.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Fiona Cauley
And so I was like, fuck that, I'm gonna be an artist. And I started being a. I told you. I got diagnosed at 18, wanted to go to school for painting and drawing and change to graphic design. Cuts, buttons.
Grace O'Malley
But it is sick that you were able to find the turn there, you know what I mean? From wanting to be an artist to graphic design. It's similar in a sense, and I hope I don't offend anyone. Graphic design makes more money.
Fiona Cauley
It truly does.
Grace O'Malley
Artists are one in a million more.
Fiona Cauley
Applicable to real life. I think, you know, that was rude. Feel it. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Grace O'Malley
But you know, it is what it is.
Fiona Cauley
It's what. I can't even imagine doing that now though. Like, comedy, it's a addiction.
Caller or Listener
Yeah.
Grace O'Malley
So when did you. And I'm sorry, cuz I feel like this is all people ever ask. When did you get into comedy?
Fiona Cauley
We asked the same.
Grace O'Malley
It's just like. It's interesting though, because people and my friend, My friend Liam Dalton, he has like this great thing where he says everyone starts comedy when they're supposed to start because like, everyone always thinks like, oh, I wish I started earlier, or oh, I wish I waited, or like, whatever. And whenever you started, it's exactly when you were supposed to start. And I think that's a beautiful thing.
Fiona Cauley
I love that. Yeah, I agree with that too because, like, have you experienced enough? Do you know how to like vocalize what you find funny in a real way? Like, I started. It'll be five years in October.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, no.
Fiona Cauley
Yeah.
Grace O'Malley
Do you get a token like aa?
Fiona Cauley
Yeah, that'd be sick, dude. But you lose your chips when you quit.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. Well, no, you just, you just relapse. Like, all in all.
Fiona Cauley
Relapse in real life.
Grace O'Malley
In real life. Yeah, you just go on a bender.
Fiona Cauley
I like that. That is comedy.
Grace O'Malley
That's comedy. Well, I mean, I don't know. Some of these comics are.
Fiona Cauley
A lot are sober. Yeah. So many, like, the successful ones, it's.
Grace O'Malley
Like what I'm like, I'm so proud of you. But here's the thing. They've. They've gone down the road of like, partying too much, and now they're like, I'm good. I'm never gonna quit. I'm never gonna quit. I think. I think that's for pussies.
Fiona Cauley
I agree.
Grace O'Malley
And for everyone listening at home, I think it's wonderful what you've done. If you. If you are sober, it's such a strong and beautiful thing that you can do, and it takes a lot of willpower. And back to the show. So, yeah, I think they're p. I.
Fiona Cauley
Mean, just like an embarrassment to their family.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Fiona Cauley
I mean, like, other than that.
Grace O'Malley
You'Re already telling dick jokes on stage and now you're not even fun to chill with after.
Fiona Cauley
It's so good to have a beer with your dick joke.
Grace O'Malley
Come on. So you started, what did you say? Five years ago?
Fiona Cauley
Yeah. So was it during COVID It was. Well, and, you know, Nashville did and have Covid. Oh, yeah.
Grace O'Malley
I celebrated a 21st birthday down there. When was Covid started? March. We went down in June. It was. Everything was open.
Fiona Cauley
Yeehaw, motherfucker. Yeah. Yeehaw was actually the cure for Covid.
Grace O'Malley
It was the Woo girls was the vaccine.
Fiona Cauley
That's what really keeps people inside.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, it was good.
Fiona Cauley
Oh, man.
Grace O'Malley
So growing up, did you grow up in Nashville proper?
Caller or Listener
I did.
Grace O'Malley
Okay.
Fiona Cauley
I grew up in Franklin, which is like 30 minutes south of Nashville. Franklin is like very well named town.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, I think I've been there.
Liz Miller
Yeah.
Fiona Cauley
It's like growing up, my fucking neighbor was Haley Williams.
Additional Guest or Announcer
Oh, yeah.
Grace O'Malley
Dude, that's fucking crazy.
Fiona Cauley
Do you know what I mean? It was like, shit like that. And like.
Grace O'Malley
So did you ever knock on her door and be like, we got the same hair?
Fiona Cauley
Well, her news got leaked and my mom was like, stay away from her, you know?
Grace O'Malley
See, that's when you really should have gotten it. Yeah. What you should have done was in the window. Blackmail.
Fiona Cauley
That's a good idea. How old were we? I think we were.
Grace O'Malley
I don't remember her nudes being leaked.
Fiona Cauley
Yeah, that was probably huge for you.
Grace O'Malley
You're very close to it.
Fiona Cauley
Yeah, I was like, I saw the flash go off in her.
Grace O'Malley
I don't right now. I really want to look it up her, like, boobs. She had boobs?
Fiona Cauley
Yeah, it was just her boobs.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, I thought you said she had boobs. I'm like, I thought so. 2010. Oh, I was 11.
Fiona Cauley
Oh, so, yeah, I was.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. I can't do the math for you. Don't Sit there and pretend to think I was 13.
Fiona Cauley
So.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. Okay. Yeah, that's like prime celebrity leak. Nude time.
Fiona Cauley
Oh, yeah. It was a big deal.
Grace O'Malley
So she lived next to you?
Fiona Cauley
Yeah.
Grace O'Malley
Did you like, did you ever see her?
Fiona Cauley
I saw her like in her yard, but I never interacted with her.
Grace O'Malley
In the nude.
Fiona Cauley
Yeah. Doing yoga.
Grace O'Malley
She has one nude leaked and I just think she's a nudist. Yeah. How was stand up like, when you first got started? It's like, were people welcoming?
Fiona Cauley
Yeah, yeah. I mean, the, you know. You know, it's hard. Cause like the first time I did stand up was like seven years ago. And then I was like, never again.
Grace O'Malley
And then I have that initial bomb.
Fiona Cauley
No, it actually wasn't a bomb.
Grace O'Malley
Okay, brag.
Fiona Cauley
I'm like, what's that bombing?
Grace O'Malley
Never heard of her. Golden buzzer, by the way. Tony Hinchco's best friend, by the way.
Fiona Cauley
Like, should I Cal?
Grace O'Malley
Yes. No, I think that would be great for the pod. If you call Tony, I'll call Whitney.
Fiona Cauley
We'll just make him talk to each other.
Grace O'Malley
That's actually very funny.
Fiona Cauley
Domino's and pizza.
Grace O'Malley
I don't want any problems with Tony.
Fiona Cauley
So I don't think he'd answer a phone call from me. I think he'd be like, I don't have time for how slow she talks.
Grace O'Malley
Well, maybe you could do like a. It would be really funny to like collect calls. Like, pretend you're in jail.
Fiona Cauley
Yeah, that'd be really funny.
Grace O'Malley
Do you accept a voicemail from Fiona at rikerscorrectional Rikers. We should try that. Fuck. Call him up. No, I'm not gonna make you do that. That's fucking crazy. No, that's really scary. Yeah, he's dressed.
Fiona Cauley
Mom's dress.
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Grace O'Malley
Wait, so you just did. You did msg?
Fiona Cauley
I did.
Additional Guest or Announcer
How is that.
Fiona Cauley
Insane?
Grace O'Malley
I feel like that's like. That's got to be like an indescribable feeling.
Fiona Cauley
Yeah. I mean, dude, it was surreal. It was my first time in New York.
Grace O'Malley
That's out of control.
Fiona Cauley
Too much.
Grace O'Malley
That's really cool.
Fiona Cauley
It was awesome. Very cool. Very scary. I'm sure I wore a dress very fancy.
Grace O'Malley
Lovely one.
Fiona Cauley
Yes, Fancy.
Grace O'Malley
You got it going on.
Fiona Cauley
But I wore Spanx under it because I was scared.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. I don't know why you even bringing that up. I wear Spanx.
Fiona Cauley
Have you ever tried to pee in Spanx? Huh?
Grace O'Malley
Oh, yes.
Fiona Cauley
Real hard. I peed on myself.
Grace O'Malley
Myself? Yeah. I mean, and that's. That one's tricky. You should just have a catheter.
Fiona Cauley
That's a really good point.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Fiona Cauley
I didn't drink as many Red Bulls pants, though. Like, I tried to pee in the toilet and I got a little pee on myself.
Grace O'Malley
Pee on yourself. Yeah.
Fiona Cauley
Classic.
Grace O'Malley
Is this before stage or after stage?
Fiona Cauley
Before.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, well, they have date. Yeah.
Fiona Cauley
I'm giving you the insides.
Additional Guest or Announcer
Yeah.
Grace O'Malley
This is good. This is good stuff. Thank you so much for sharing. I'm glad you feel like this. I'm like a safe person to share this with. It's just me and you. No one's gonn. I don't even know how you would prep for msg.
Fiona Cauley
Well, the thing that was so fucking scary about it was I didn't know I was doing it until about four days, five days before, and I found it on accident. They forgot to tell me.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, so you. They would have said. They would have given a big introduction and you wouldn't have been there.
Fiona Cauley
Well, this happened one other time where I. If I could do it, I was like, yeah, I think I'll be in Austin, yada, yada. And there. There's a lot going on backstage, but.
Grace O'Malley
I'm sure it's like there's like 5,000 comedians who are waiting to go on, literally.
Fiona Cauley
And I. They never replied to me when I asked, so I assumed it was like, bugged up or whatever. And then I didn't go to Austin. I stayed home, obviously. Yeah.
Grace O'Malley
And because you were lying, you weren't actually gonna be in Austin?
Fiona Cauley
Well, yeah, I. Yeah, I'll be there. You'll be there.
Grace O'Malley
That's the classic. Like, you gotta do, you gotta do.
Fiona Cauley
My schedule brings me naturally.
Grace O'Malley
Normally I'm just gonna so happen to be exactly where you need me to be.
Fiona Cauley
But I got a text that night from the producer being like, hey, where are you?
Grace O'Malley
Oh no.
Fiona Cauley
And I was like, no one responded.
Grace O'Malley
No one even responded?
Fiona Cauley
No, for this random one in Austin, but for msg.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, this random one. But MSG though, dude, I got a.
Fiona Cauley
Random text from some lady asking me to like fill out paperwork for being on Netflix or something and I was.
Grace O'Malley
Like, oh, wow, did I get a special table?
Fiona Cauley
I took a screenshot and sent it to my team and I was like, what? And they were like, what? And so they figured out what was going on. There's a bunch of moving parts and yada yada. But yeah, the plan I guess was always for me to be on. No one told me.
Grace O'Malley
That's crazy.
Fiona Cauley
Fly out day of holy. Because I had a show in Illinois the night before. So I drove back that night, got home at 3am, blew out at 6am, no sleep. And wait, you drove you? I did.
Grace O'Malley
If you have. Well, if you have an Illinois show, you'll go back to Nashville.
Fiona Cauley
Yeah. Well then just because I had a fly out and was like, cheaper from national.
Grace O'Malley
This is Netflix though. They're not putting it up.
Fiona Cauley
I didn't realize. They didn't give me a number and now I'm like, oh, I could have flown.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, you could have flown. Fucking first class.
Fiona Cauley
Well, okay. No, but business for sure.
Grace O'Malley
Oh my God. Wait, so last minute. That's so nerve wracking. What do you do to like get the nerves off?
Fiona Cauley
Drink?
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, yeah, that's. I mean that's a given and a solid.
Fiona Cauley
Well, literally I'm just like. The biggest thing I hated was like, I had people back there being like. And they're excited and I'm like, in the lift they had.
Grace O'Malley
They made a very big deal about the lift. Yeah. How did you. How do you feel about them making a big deal about that?
Fiona Cauley
To be honest, when I was up there, couldn't really hear what he was saying. So I was like.
Grace O'Malley
You know, and people eat up like your interactions with them too. So like no matter what you do, like, you're like, people are like, yeah, she's with the bed. Bit. Bit.
Fiona Cauley
Bit literally. I mean, I thought it was kind of funny. My biggest thing is everyone online's like, no, they supplied the lift. That was all they do. I don't think they supplied the lift. I think. Which I find interesting.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, that's really wild. Historic venue of all time is not accessible.
Fiona Cauley
You almost have one.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Fiona Cauley
Around. I don't know. Cause like I did Bridgestone with them and they. I think it was the lift or ramp they got for me. And then I opened for Theo at Bridgestone.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, no shit.
Fiona Cauley
Yeah, that was crazy.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Fiona Cauley
And basically they were like, fuck, the lift is like four grand. And I was like, fuck it. Just to have someone carry me me.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, dude, you paid for your own flight. I mean, why are we making a big deal about the. The lift here? We've got Netflix money, my guys.
Fiona Cauley
Yeah, but rich people are cheap. And that's how they stay rich.
Grace O'Malley
They stay rich. God. But I. I just. And then for it to be msg. And then on top of it, Netflix is just like all around. Oh, my God.
Fiona Cauley
I. And I had so many zits on my face. I'm like cake on makeup, trying to hide it. And I'm like, do I smell like piss?
Grace O'Malley
You know they can't SM at home. For the viewers at home, I wreak a piss.
Fiona Cauley
I almost said that right before I went on stage. Everyone back there is like, oh, you should talk about this in the interview or this. And like, in my head I thought I already knew and it fucked me up.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, that. That'll fuck you.
Fiona Cauley
So.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, that sucks. When people are like, no, no, do this real quick. Or like. Or I find it crazy when people, like, will just shoot the shit until the minute they go on stage, you.
Fiona Cauley
Know, I need like five. I'm blown away. So I got to open for Nikki Glaser.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, no shit.
Fiona Cauley
She's top tier, like, human being, comedian, activist. Like, she is just like everything all.
Grace O'Malley
Around can do no wrong.
Fiona Cauley
And I mean this sincerely. One of the best people I've ever met. Yeah.
Grace O'Malley
And she's genuine about it. Cause you know how some people are. Like, you can tell when it's fake.
Fiona Cauley
You can feel it.
Grace O'Malley
She's just so down to earth, so genuine.
Fiona Cauley
Genuine.
Grace O'Malley
So kind to like, up and coming comics, especially women.
Fiona Cauley
So here's the thing that blew my fucking mind about her. So it's a theater, theater show. So there's like a side stage. I go up and then they play this video and then she goes on, Right. So every time I went on stage, she would run down from her dressing room to watch me. Side stage. I would come off stage. It's like a three minute video. And while I'm she like, give me compliments, give me tags. Like she's listening and writing notes.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. Oh, my God, that's so good. And like, coming from. I, like, some people are weird about, like, other people giving tags. Coming from Nikki Glazer, that's just, you know, it's Gonna be a good one.
Fiona Cauley
You don't have to pay me. Like, she's just awesome.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, dude. She really rocks, like, all the way down to. She's so cool that, like, even. She'll even get, like, a getty image and tag the photographer. I'm like, dude, like, nobody does that. That's so cool.
Fiona Cauley
Yeah.
Grace O'Malley
And, like, she understands, like, everybody's. Everybody's, like, value kind of thing. And it's very. It's very sick to see.
Fiona Cauley
It's really insane. I'm like, how do you get like that? Like, I want to be half of a good person.
Grace O'Malley
It's like, I. I just don't know how she has the time or energy, but it just proves that, like, there's no reason to be a dick or, like, half ass, you know?
Fiona Cauley
Exactly.
Grace O'Malley
So it's like, she's like a. She's a great role model.
Fiona Cauley
I 100% agree.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. Even though she's, like, our age. Yeah, we'll give her it.
Fiona Cauley
She's younger than you.
Grace O'Malley
She looks younger than me. She's got. That is. That's one person you get a little bit of money. She's like, I do this, that, and this, and that's because I can.
Fiona Cauley
And she's real open about it.
Grace O'Malley
I know.
Fiona Cauley
I am obsessed with.
Grace O'Malley
It's huge. Because, like, people, if you're, like, a young girl and you don't. You don't realize, you're like, it's unattainable.
Fiona Cauley
Right, Right. Like, setting realistic expectations that you don't hate yourself.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. Like, my mom never telling me she got a boob job.
Fiona Cauley
Oh, no. Oh, my God.
Grace O'Malley
I'm like. I found out when I was, like, 17, I was like, why do your boobs sit up so nice? She goes, oh, I got a reduction in a lift lift. I'm like, when the. Were you gonna tell me that? I've been going through puberty. Being like, this is weird.
Fiona Cauley
And you're like, one day.
Grace O'Malley
I'll never forgive her for that one.
Fiona Cauley
My mom says she has no work done, but she looks suspiciously hot.
Grace O'Malley
You got a sus. Hot mom, dude.
Fiona Cauley
She's about to be 60.
Grace O'Malley
Damn, she's sexy.
Fiona Cauley
That's. Man, what's today?
Grace O'Malley
September 22nd.
Fiona Cauley
Oh, my God. Her birthday's the 25th. Don't forget.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, three days.
Fiona Cauley
Sorry.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, yeah. No, you gotta.
Fiona Cauley
She's real hot. She's like, Italian. No shit.
Grace O'Malley
Okay. So you should get her some lingerie for her birthday.
Fiona Cauley
Oh, okay.
Grace O'Malley
She's saying how hot she is.
Fiona Cauley
I like that.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. Take a picture. Put it on the gram. I'll wait. I don't know if I'm gay or not. We'll find out. With your mom?
Fiona Cauley
Yeah. She got d. Yeah.
Grace O'Malley
Wait, so your mom's Italian?
Fiona Cauley
Dude, where do you get.
Grace O'Malley
Where you get your paste?
Fiona Cauley
My other one.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, gotcha. Okay. Yeah. So we talking. We talking lesbians?
Fiona Cauley
No, no, I just. My dad.
Grace O'Malley
Apologies. We can skip right over. I do feel like I. I was just the ovon for a second. So you got two moms that's like lesbian. You gotta roll around with your hot mom. Your sus.
Additional Guest or Announcer
Hot mom.
Fiona Cauley
Theo just brought er. Jim Norton and Theo did episode on Theo's podcast together and they brought.
Grace O'Malley
Oh my God.
Additional Guest or Announcer
Yeah.
Fiona Cauley
Theo goes, yeah, she's from here. Red hair, right? And Jim's like, yeah, red hair. He goes, does she seem like she might be in a wheelchair?
Grace O'Malley
Oh, dude, he's so good.
Fiona Cauley
He's so fucking funny.
Grace O'Malley
He cracks me up. And he's like, like Nikki, he's like down to earth, like, sweetheart. Like, how was opening for him?
Fiona Cauley
Really awesome. I was very intimidated because I didn't know him. Yeah. And he's like, like a mega fucking.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, he's fucking huge.
Fiona Cauley
You know, he's like literally famous.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, he's.
Fiona Cauley
He's like big time, but he is like very. He's goofy. Like Matt was with me, I think, and he kept being like, like everyone. A photo of like all the openers and Theo together. And I went over and they were like, just a photo of Theo and Fiona. And he goes, I can't take a picture with this guy's wife.
Grace O'Malley
And he's. And he's a gentleman, huh?
Fiona Cauley
Yeah, he's a gentleman.
Grace O'Malley
Real gentleman. He's a good guy. I can't say anything wrong about the guy.
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Grace O'Malley
You'Re more than a credit score.
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Grace O'Malley
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Grace O'Malley
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Grace O'Malley
Speaking of, I have no Segue. So we do it. We do a segment on the show show called Disgraceful Receipts. And this is where we go down your digital footprint and I have you explain some of the videos I'm about to show you.
Fiona Cauley
This is the scariest thing.
Grace O'Malley
Now, there's no gotchas, there's no blackface, but there is purple. Now, what are we looking at here? It's all over your face. Foot.
Fiona Cauley
So I'll show you that photo. That's why God put me in a wheelchair. Dude.
Grace O'Malley
Look at you just taking everything for granted. Things are too good. I'm just going to make my foot purple.
Mazda/Netcredit Announcer
Keep that one.
Fiona Cauley
That's on purpose.
Grace O'Malley
You still want to get married? That's what she's going to look like. I know.
Fiona Cauley
That's what I'm wearing for the wedding. Oh, my God.
Grace O'Malley
Stuff on the dress. Yeah. Is there any explanation?
Fiona Cauley
When I used to go outside.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, maybe. Yeah. I like you better indoors. I don't know what the fuck.
Fiona Cauley
You want to go outside, chill like that happen?
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. You know what?
Fiona Cauley
Stay in me and my friends. Okay. Okay. Real explanation.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, that's what I'm looking for.
Fiona Cauley
All my friends growing up were models. Literally, like quite, like getting paid to be pretty. To be pretty. Yeah. They were tall, thin, blonde, gorgeous.
Grace O'Malley
Why would you do that?
Fiona Cauley
Yeah, and I was this short, like, wobbly for no reason. Reddit. And so they like. I think it was their attempt at making me feel involved or.
Grace O'Malley
But they had to smear you with purple to put you down. No one did it.
Fiona Cauley
It was smear pressure.
Grace O'Malley
Okay, we're on fire. That's good. All right, up next we've got the caption is Starbucks, name of the day, Derpina. So you were doing a little bit of jokes in 2012.
Fiona Cauley
That was. That was my big break.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, Derpina. That was a fucking knee slapper.
Fiona Cauley
I have no excuse for that one.
Grace O'Malley
All right, that's fair. Who's that guy?
Fiona Cauley
His name is Blake Helis. Hey. He was like our friend.
Grace O'Malley
Blake Helis is that guy. Yeah. Do you know you get married in a month? Who Were you in 2012? I think this is good for you too. You can get that rock back.
Fiona Cauley
Thought the world was going to end. I thought Derpina was cool.
Grace O'Malley
So it was like, hey.
Fiona Cauley
All right, up next, classic pranks.
Grace O'Malley
So this is. You're a lucky man.
Fiona Cauley
Oh, go listen. Yeah, it was a thirst trap, was the joke.
Grace O'Malley
I was like, like about 10 straws.
Fiona Cauley
Yeah, we get it done fast. That's me in college. I was fully disabled at that point.
Grace O'Malley
Where'd you go to college?
Fiona Cauley
UT Chattanooga. Chattanooga, Tennessee.
Grace O'Malley
That's a fun word to say.
Fiona Cauley
It's dangerous.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, I think that's Chad. That's not Chattahoo hoochie, though.
Fiona Cauley
It is.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, that is. What's Chattahoochee? Oh, what you got down at a Chattahoochee? She gets hotter than a hoochie cahoochee. I. I saw. I heard some girls singing that in Nashville once, so I thought it was just in Nashville. God, you hear a lot of songs there.
Fiona Cauley
I do look good in that photo.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, you're rocking it.
Fiona Cauley
Yeah.
Grace O'Malley
You're blue eyes. Yeah. Yeah. Blue is blue is blue.
Mazda/Netcredit Announcer
Yeah.
Grace O'Malley
Now, this is a child.
Fiona Cauley
A little baby. I'm wearing a collared shirt.
Grace O'Malley
Are you being held at gunpoint?
Fiona Cauley
It does appear that way. That's just what I look like when I try to stand. I have no idea. You zoomed in. Something's happening.
Grace O'Malley
Well, we're zooming in because, you know, we don't want anyone else at fault. Like, we got this guy Dave. What was his name?
Fiona Cauley
Blake.
Grace O'Malley
Blake. Yeah. See, I already forgot. Yeah, so we try to. We, you know, we don't want to get sued.
Fiona Cauley
Oh, I see.
Grace O'Malley
That's not even true. I just.
Fiona Cauley
I have no idea what that is.
Grace O'Malley
It looks like you're at a cave or a winery or. I. I don't know.
Fiona Cauley
Probably both.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. Winery, cave.
Fiona Cauley
Natural activity.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. All right, so that's a little emotional kid. Oh, that's my baby brother. Oh, that's your boy? So your brother's five years apart, and then your oldest brother's five years apart.
Fiona Cauley
Oldest sister.
Grace O'Malley
Sister. My apologies.
Fiona Cauley
Four years older.
Grace O'Malley
Four years older.
Fiona Cauley
Okay, he's five younger.
Grace O'Malley
He's five younger.
Fiona Cauley
Oh, he's so chunky.
Grace O'Malley
What's this chunker's name?
Fiona Cauley
Liam. Liam.
Grace O'Malley
His shirt says the dream. Living the dream. A big sis.
Fiona Cauley
Adorable. I can't. It's a little swoop.
Grace O'Malley
Hair brizz. Other. That sounds like a slur.
Fiona Cauley
It was meant to be one.
Grace O'Malley
Now what's this?
Mazda/Netcredit Announcer
That.
Fiona Cauley
Oh, God. Okay, that is actually a photo from an unreleased capable episode.
Grace O'Malley
Mmm.
Fiona Cauley
Okay, I don't remember why I didn't release it, but the whole. I fell in it. It was fake blood.
Grace O'Malley
You bit your tongue off.
Fiona Cauley
I think I was supposed to have my face on something.
Grace O'Malley
Okay, Gotcha.
Fiona Cauley
All right. I can't even remember. That's an insane thing to post.
Grace O'Malley
And, yeah, I think that's actually. It's like, you could use this as a head shot if they ever bring back Walking Dead. Or something like that? Yeah, yeah, this is good. You have range.
Fiona Cauley
Oh my God.
Grace O'Malley
Is that Britney Spears? Were you blonde?
Caller or Listener
Who are you?
Fiona Cauley
I'm a bleach blonde.
Grace O'Malley
You diet? Oh, wow. Fuck you can pull it off. Most redheads can't pull off blonde. I don't know what this is, but it's like yellow. No, I just don't know what I'm looking at here.
Fiona Cauley
Okay, so I was like 12 in this. Yeah.
Grace O'Malley
What? You look older here than you do right now. Does this not look like Britney Spears right before she broke. Am I crazy?
Fiona Cauley
Oh my God. Ma', am. I used to drink like three monsters every day.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, let's fucking go. Like, you don't do that right now.
Fiona Cauley
I swear to Red Bull and Zelda.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, Red Bull. You trying to get that brand deal. Yeah, you gotta pick one, stick to it.
Fiona Cauley
Salsiest.
Grace O'Malley
That's what I'm talking about. Yeah, we'll talk off camera.
Fiona Cauley
We drank Monster, put tutus on and went downtown Franklin for a photo shoot.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, O.
Fiona Cauley
That's what we did with a. Maggie was a photographer.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, it's your friend. Okay. Thank God. Cuz like imagine I'm picturing like these like 12 year old girls. Like. Yeah. And why don't you go home, put on a tutu and I'll meet you in the center square.
Fiona Cauley
Meet you in the parking garage I think is where.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, no, actually center square is too public. It be better pictures if we do in the parking garage. Okay. Sophomore vibes.
Fiona Cauley
Oh God, that's a lot of dudes. Here's.
Mazda/Netcredit Announcer
Oh, I've seen that one.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. Is it a video too?
Fiona Cauley
Yeah, it looks like a 90s porno.
Grace O'Malley
You know the girl on the couch.
Fiona Cauley
Dude, they.
Grace O'Malley
My man knows what I'm talking about.
Fiona Cauley
Do you know like in yearbooks how like for like the freshman, sophomore, junior, there was like a cover photo and then you get to all the people in it.
Grace O'Malley
You guys did things a little different.
Fiona Cauley
That was.
Grace O'Malley
I'm not understanding why you're the one girl here.
Fiona Cauley
I don't know why either.
Grace O'Malley
I think there's an assumption.
Fiona Cauley
This does look strange. And I have not seen. I was dressed as a Powerpuff girl. It was like, why just get these.
Grace O'Malley
Guys just completely looking down on you. God style.
Fiona Cauley
Josh Philby is his name.
Grace O'Malley
I'm sure he did love that. This looks like they. They tried really hard to do like a. A div. Like diversity ad for the school, but they forgot more women.
Fiona Cauley
Yeah, yeah. And they were like, she'll be disabled one day. That's like, two women.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. Two birds, one stone. She already started walking a little different.
Fiona Cauley
No, this is.
Grace O'Malley
So that's why you started walking a little different.
Fiona Cauley
Who let that happen? That's so insane.
Grace O'Malley
We got this one. See? You look way older here. I don't get it.
Fiona Cauley
That was freshman year of college.
Grace O'Malley
What? You had two kids under the age of five. What, in this?
Fiona Cauley
Yeah.
Grace O'Malley
That's crazy. You're aging backwards.
Fiona Cauley
Thank you.
Grace O'Malley
That's amazing.
Fiona Cauley
Yeah. I can't walk anymore. Like a baby.
Grace O'Malley
You know? As soon as I said. I'm like, this is. I'm teeing something up, aren't I?
Fiona Cauley
Hate it.
Liz Miller
No.
Fiona Cauley
I was in a sorority for, like, a year, and that was. We had to do, like.
Grace O'Malley
You had to post Millennial thirst traps, brother.
Fiona Cauley
Dude, I had to wear, like, wedge heels. And I was like, I can't do that. And they were like, too damn bad.
Grace O'Malley
Wow. Sue them.
Fiona Cauley
Yeah. I fucking dread. I think I still owe them money.
Grace O'Malley
No, you don't.
Fiona Cauley
No. I don't know.
Grace O'Malley
You don't fuck them. You did it for one year.
Fiona Cauley
Yeah.
Grace O'Malley
Did you do, like, initiation type stuff?
Fiona Cauley
No, that's just frats mostly. And I can go to, like, an SEC school. And the sorority I was in was not, like, the cool one. Oh, yeah? Yeah. I actually left that sorority because. So every year there's recruitment, right?
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Fiona Cauley
So I was recruited that year, and then the following year, I had to be part of it. And they're always like, wear comfortable shoes. You'll be standing all day. Yada, yada. And I was like, hey, I can't stand for more than, like, five minutes at a time. Can I have, like, a chair? So something. Someone on the board was like, no, I'll them up.
Caller or Listener
Yeah.
Fiona Cauley
And I was like, okay. They were like, that's not part of our code or whatever. They, like, rules.
Grace O'Malley
This is the nerd one.
Fiona Cauley
Yeah.
Grace O'Malley
What was the name of the sorority?
Fiona Cauley
Kappa Delta.
Grace O'Malley
Thank you so much. I was gonna say, grow up. No. How do you make it go down? Make it go down.
Mikey Nim
Fuck that.
Grace O'Malley
Fuck them. Yeah. Fuck those motherfuckers. Take that, pussies.
Fiona Cauley
Well, then I actually. I was doing a fucking bar show in Nashville a couple of years ago, and this girl showed up that was, like, one of the older girls in that sorority. And we were friends when I first started.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Fiona Cauley
And she, like, watched my comedy and talked to me after and brought up me leaving the sorority. And she was like, yeah. Yeah. So apparently they fucking told this girl who I liked that I left because of her.
Grace O'Malley
What?
Fiona Cauley
Because I, like, smoked Weed with her on my first day in or something when I did.
Grace O'Malley
But, yeah, ain't nothing wrong with that. Why did I leave?
Fiona Cauley
Because of that. And then I was like, no. And so they totally, like, fabricated while I left.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, what? Fucking slime monsters. Yeah.
Fiona Cauley
That was crazy. And this girl had felt so fucking bad about me.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, that's so. Look, she's. She sees you. She's probably, like, nervous to say, like, hey, did you leave because of me?
Fiona Cauley
Literally, she was, like, a little worked up about it. I was like, holy. I stayed because of you.
Grace O'Malley
Damn.
Fiona Cauley
And then.
Grace O'Malley
Then you have, like, a missing friendship.
Fiona Cauley
Yeah.
Grace O'Malley
Because of these dumb sluts.
Fiona Cauley
Yeah.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. I hate sororities.
Fiona Cauley
They're annoying as.
Grace O'Malley
They're not just annoying. They're doing illegal things.
Additional Guest or Announcer
Yeah.
Grace O'Malley
And. Oh, dude, that just got me fired up, dude.
Fiona Cauley
Yeah, I got a lot of that. I used to.
Grace O'Malley
If you want to do something about.
Fiona Cauley
That, like, at any time on end, I went. They have, like, sorority formals and, like, shit like that. But something they don't tell you is once you go, everyone gets on a bus to go to the event, you're not allowed to leave. And people would, like, jump the fence trying to leave, and they catch them and bring them back inside. Like, it was so strained, but I used to do a really fun thing.
Grace O'Malley
What'd you do?
Fiona Cauley
At the time, there was no medication for my disability, and when me and my friends all wanted to leave, I'd go and be like, my FA is really acting up today. Not a thing. And I forgot my medicine at home, and I need five of my friends to help me. And they couldn't say no, But I was terrified they'd Google it and find out there was no medicine.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, they're too dumb to do that.
Fiona Cauley
I did that at every sorority event.
Grace O'Malley
That's really smart. That's good stuff. And so God forbid you ask for.
Additional Guest or Announcer
Sorry.
Grace O'Malley
God forbid you ask for a chair. And that's where they.
Fiona Cauley
I was fucking up their aesthetic.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. God, yeah. You're gonna ruin the recruitment video. Wait, if you want to be so clear. We're all standing.
Fiona Cauley
We love standing.
Grace O'Malley
We stand here. We stand together.
Fiona Cauley
Right?
Grace O'Malley
Girl, that just means we're all on the same level.
Fiona Cauley
We would have said it at the same time if I could talk faster.
Grace O'Malley
And then that puts me right back to, sorry, no. Okay, so I have a proposition. Oh, yeah. Next time I'm in Nashville, I'm gonna go to the sorority house, and I'm just gonna put a bunch of lawn chairs.
Fiona Cauley
I like that.
Grace O'Malley
Just a bunch of Chairs fill it up.
Fiona Cauley
They don't deserv.
Grace O'Malley
Trashy ones, though. Like, the ones that are, like, going to be a real eyesore.
Fiona Cauley
Yeah, but let's, like, like, slightly cut, like the butt bird, so when someone sits, they fall through.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I. Yeah, that's. Yeah. No, no. I don't want to get into legal trouble.
Fiona Cauley
Okay, fine. We'll think about it.
Grace O'Malley
We could. Yeah, I'm going to think about it. I have been thinking about it. Now I have. I finally have a reason to retaliate against sorority. This is perfect.
Fiona Cauley
I could give it to you.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, no, and I'm sorry you went through that, but, like, that has put the fire in my ass.
Fiona Cauley
To the vengeance in my ass. Yeah, yeah. So it's fiery, not under. Bending.
Caller or Listener
Whoa.
Grace O'Malley
I thought it was in under. Dude, you know how much I say that? I say that in my set. I get everything wrong. I say every phrase, absolutely incorrect.
Fiona Cauley
As long as that fire under your ass.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, it's under your ass. You're so right. That's so disheartening to hear.
Fiona Cauley
She said fire in your ass.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, I put fire in my ass, but that's condensed.
Fiona Cauley
It's like. You mean it more.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, I need. Yeah, just shove it right up my ass.
Fiona Cauley
It's fucking in.
Grace O'Malley
Well, up, under, around, prepositions, back and forth. You know, at the end of the show, we always. There's a segment we do just call, called Shout Out. Just look right into the camera and kind of like this. Shout out, my sister Nora. She's a pervert.
Fiona Cauley
Shout out to my hot mom.
Grace O'Malley
Happy birthday.
Fiona Cauley
Happy birthday. Shout out to my stepdad, Randy.
Grace O'Malley
Yee haw. Randy.
Fiona Cauley
Yeah. Shout out to my brother Liam. Sorry, you used to be fat. Oh, Shout. Shout out to my fiance, Matt.
Grace O'Malley
He's right here. I can't believe he just.
Additional Guest or Announcer
Shout out.
Fiona Cauley
People are here. Shout out to Matt. Thanks for loving me. Yeah.
Grace O'Malley
All right. The glass, like, anything you want to plug and all that. All that jazz that everyone does at.
Fiona Cauley
A pod, y' all go and subscribe to. Me and Matt have a podcast called Ramping Up. It's R A M P I N U P. Ramping. No G, we couldn't afford that.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, you spent all the money at Kill Tony. I missed you on the lift.
Fiona Cauley
I had to buy it, actually.
Grace O'Malley
You take it home with you.
Fiona Cauley
Yeah, yeah. It's on my YouTube, which is fian Instagram at Fionacauy. Find all my tour tickets@fionacauley.com.
Grace O'Malley
That'S a good domain.
Fiona Cauley
Yeah, I crushed it on that one. Thank you for having me on.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, dude, thank you so much for coming on. This was awesome. I really appreciate it, and congrats on everything, and it's been a goddamn pleasure.
Fiona Cauley
Hey, pleasure is all mine.
Grace O'Malley
Hey, from one redhead to another, we'll see you next week.
Fiona Cauley
Forget about it.
Grace O'Malley
That was good. But that's new.
Mazda/Netcredit Announcer
On October 17th, I'm an angel.
Fiona Cauley
See the wings?
Mazda/Netcredit Announcer
Don't miss the new comedy Good Fortune, starring Seth Rogen, Aziz Ansari, and Keanu Reeves. Critics rave. It's Heaven Sent Me.
Caller or Listener
Out of a budget.
Grace O'Malley
Guardian angel, kinda. You were very unhelpful.
Mazda/Netcredit Announcer
Good Fortune, directed by Aziz Ansari. Rated rich.
Episode: Fiona Cauley: Kill Tony, Comment Sections, & Cooler Thieves
Release Date: October 9, 2025
Host: Grace O’Malley
Guest: Fiona Cauley
Special Segments: Listener Voicemails, Disgraceful Receipts
Additional Participants: Liz Miller, Matt (Fiona’s fiancé), Announcer(s)
In this vibrant episode, host Grace O’Malley welcomes comic Fiona Cauley for an hour-plus of candid, irreverent comedy banter, palpable “redhead energy,” and mutual ribbing. The two delve into Fiona’s fast rise in standup (including opening for comics like Theo Von and Nikki Glaser and her wild Madison Square Garden debut), her roots as a “recovering Catholic,” life with disability, and her penchant for finding the humor in every corner—even purple feet and sketchy sorority rules. Interwoven are lightning-quick bits, commentary on the comedy industry, and listener-submitted stories about “things too good to be true,” with both hosts applying their signature, no-holds-barred takes.
Grace and Fiona bond over being “recovering Catholics.”
Fiona’s humor about her disability is upfront and playful:
Cooler Thief Confession (07:57):
COVID as a Work Excuse (11:56):
“Dictimized” by a Comic (Liz Miller, 12:49):
Luke Combs Seat Upgrade Gone Wrong (16:32):
Morgan Wallen Ticket Scam (20:16):
First MSG Experience ([36:00]):
Spanx and Backstage Realities:
On Accessibility in Big Venues:
On the Comedy Journey:
Nikki Glaser’s Generosity:
On Online Comment Sections:
| Segment | Timestamp | |----------------------------------------------|-------------| | Catholic upbringings & setting the tone | 01:55–03:32 | | Voicemails Round 1 (“Cooler Thief”) | 07:57–10:07 | | COVID as Excuse, Dictimized, Concert Story | 11:56–17:45 | | Comedy crowd discussions, demographics | 14:57–19:49 | | Ticket scam voicemail | 20:16–22:27 | | Fiona’s “Capable” series, early years | 23:44–28:28 | | Comedy beginnings, pandemic, relatability | 28:47–34:43 | | Madison Square Garden/Netflix stories | 36:00–42:07 | | Nikki Glaser & Theo Von | 42:48–48:27 | | Disgraceful Receipts (explaining old posts) | 49:22–62:50 | | Sorority exclusion and activism | 60:13–65:07 | | Shout outs, plugs, wrap-up | 66:00–67:55 |
Consistently sardonic, self-deprecating, and riff-heavy, with plenty of detours into comic bits and “inside the scene” chatter. Both Grace and Fiona blend vulnerability about their backgrounds and challenges with punchy humor, keeping a quickfire pace punctuated by callback jokes and sharp observational asides. Their willingness to admit cringe (childhood photos, scams, sorority drama, and peeing in Spanx) invites listeners into the folds of both their histories and their comedic processes.
This episode of DisGRACEful is a whirlwind snapshot of female comics on the rise: irreverent, raw, and all about finding wit in both adversity and the everyday absurdities of life and showbiz. With a focus on authenticity, accessibility, and the weird magic of comedy connections, it’s both a celebration and a send-up of everything from high-stakes gigs to the humiliations of youth. Fiona Cauley stands out as a grounded, candid comic with plenty to say—and laugh at—about the business, her background, and the ongoing “bit quota” of a life well-lived.