Gabby Bryan: Self Described Temu Nepo Baby

Summary

DisGRACEful with Grace O’Malley: “Gabby Bryan: Self Described Temu Nepo Baby”

Host: Unwell
Guest: Gabby Bryan
Date: April 9, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this raucous, rapid-fire episode, comedian Gabby Bryan joins Grace O’Malley and co-host Shayna Gillis in New York for a classic DisGRACEful audition. Together, they cover everything from weird morning routines and childhood neuroses to the perils of living with too much New Jersey in your soul. With Shayna acting as HR and bit police, the trio are off and running with daily bits, stories of near-death experiences, comedic origin tales, and a goofy debate about Nepo babies—plus plenty of candid takes on self-care, the comedy grind, and why the best candle scent is “Jersey Shore: Old Spray Tan.”

This episode is a wild ride through neurotic New England/Boston/Jersey culture, bits about health hacks, family quirks, the insider world of standup, questionable superfoods, and the joys of being “just disgraceful.”

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

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1. Perfect Mental Health and Morning Routine (01:07–03:01)

• Gabby’s Claim of Perfect Mental Health

  • “I have perfect, perfect mental health. And do you want to know how and why I do it?” (Gabby, 01:15)
  • Gabby attributes her zen to a supportive dad ("because you have a dad who loves you") and a unique morning routine.

• Gabby’s “Potion” Ritual

  • Wakes up and makes an elaborate health potion ("colostrum, creatine...cocaine, kelp...").
  • Sits on the couch and stares at a tree for one hour.
  • No phone until noon, except for airport emergencies.

• No News, Only From Gays

  • "I don't do news... I call a local gay guy...and I say 'what's happening right now?'" (Gabby, 02:43)
  • Rejects doomscrolling, relies on friends, especially gay men, for news updates.

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2. The Olfactory Joy of “Trash” Scents & Regional White Trash Pride (05:03–08:01)

• Spray Tan Nostalgia

  • Gabby and Shayna bond over loving the “trash” smell of spray tan:
    “The smell of a thick old spray tan...put it in a candle.” (Gabby, 05:46)
  • Joke about marketing “Jersey Shore” candles with scents like old spray tan, Four Loko, and cigarettes.

• Aromatic America

  • Gabby: “All of America. I love it.” (06:02)
  • Shayna: “I bet Trump smells delicious. Could you imagine?” (06:02)
  • They riff on the smells of politicians and old clothes (“your dead grandpa sweater”).

• The Bisexual Hatchback & Getting Off the Train

  • Gabby flexes not taking public transit because she has a “bisexual hatchback.”
  • “It’s not a car, but it’s not a truck. It’s bisexual.” (Gabby, 07:16)
  • Elegant wordplay on identity, regionality, and "clean" living.

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3. Social Media, Dating, and "Love Languages" for Psychos (10:00–13:35)

• Love Language: Stalking

  • “What is your love language?... Stalking.” (Gabby, 11:02)
  • They riff about the perils and cringe of social media when dating (“I pretend like it's not there sometimes.”).

• Double Lives and Online Personas

  • Gabby describes living “Hannah Montana style”—her online comedy persona is wild, while her real life is more grounded.

• Boston, Jersey, and Long Island: The Holy Trinity of Regional Toughness

  • “Jersey, Long Island, and Boston, [are] the fucking same. Holy Trinity.” (Gabby, 14:02)
  • Extended metaphor about each region's "weapon": Boston has a gun, Long Island a knife, Jersey will break a chair.

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4. The Quest for Sentimental Value vs. Click Shopping (15:39–16:34)

• Brooch Era
  • Gabby collects vintage brooches, mostly via eBay and Amazon.
  • “I’m not in the business of hunting for vintage items.” (Gabby, 16:21)

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5. Awards, Nepotism & Comedic Origins (19:24–39:50)

• The Bryan/Rashbam Name Game

  • Gabby explains her family’s surname chaos, Jewish identity, and her dad’s career as a touring musician (20:00–22:04).

• Gabby’s Emmy

  • Won for a documentary about fraternities in her early 20s (22:04).

• Comedic Roots, “Temu Nepo Baby” Take

  • “Nepotism has never done anything for me...I've paraded my dad around that school.” (Gabby, 34:24)
  • Despite being labeled a “Nepo Baby,” Gabby insists comedy is one of the few meritocracies left.

• Comedy Bootcamp: YKWD, the Comedy Cellar

  • Gabby describes her start as a producer and “mic” on Robert Kelly’s “You Know What Dude” podcast, getting “wrecked, roasted, destroyed” by New York legends.
  • “It made me absolutely titanium...made me invincible.” (Gabby, 37:04–38:20)

• On the Comedy Grind

  • Both mock comics who complain about standup being hard:
    “We have the easiest job in the world. Half of these are sitting down!” (Gabby, 39:26)
  • “We stare at a tree for an hour... don’t work till 7pm earliest, do hahas... three hours tops.” (Gabby, 40:00–40:27)

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6. Cigarettes, Mimosa Culture, and Being Boring in Your 30s (25:03–46:07)

• Longing to Smoke Like a Parisian

  • Gabby fantasizes about being the “fashion” girl with cigarettes in every finger (10:00–10:04).
  • Recalls a pivotal “smoked crack by accident in Romania” story.

• The Ebb & Flow of Drinking in Comedy

  • Shayna and Gabby trade stories about drinking before shows, getting shots from fans, and the joys of day drinking.
  • “It’s a slippery slope with standup. You have to keep it tight.” (Gabby, 45:48)
  • Gabby: “I want to be on top of the Mormon mountain with my tits out.” (46:02)

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7. Health Bit Deep Dive: Peptides, Biohacking, and Supplements (26:32–31:59)

• Gabby’s Peptide Regimen

  • “I’m a peptide princess right now. I’ve done a lot of research, aka dated a guy who has Bitcoin.” (Gabby, 26:45)
  • Microdosing GLP3 (RETATrueTide), NAD+, GHK-Cu, plus others for immune function and "creativity."
  • "It redoes the elasticity of your skin.” (Gabby, 29:04)
  • Enthusiastic sales pitch for peptides as the fountain of youth.

• Creatine and Women’s Health

  • “Women should be on creatine for our brain health... It brings H2O into your muscles...but you know what's also a muscle? Your brain.” (Gabby, 48:08)

• Biohacking for Ten More Years

  • “I will set you up with a morning routine.” (Gabby, 48:58)
  • “We gotta live forever. Well, society’s trying to kill us.” (Gabby, 30:52)

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8. Saving Lives in Underwear: Gabby’s Wildest Story (52:12–67:29)

• The Puppet Commune Incident

  • Gabby recounts a night in Maine when she saved a woman who was bleeding out after a freak accident in a commune’s bunk bed.
  • She makes a tourniquet, organizes the rescue while “fundamentally naked,” and races her to a closed rural hospital.
  • “I’m a born soldier. Literally, the fact that I’m not a lieutenant shocks me.” (Gabby, 61:39)

• The Twist: The Woman's Reaction

  • The rescued woman returns the next day, bandaged, and acts as if nothing happened:
    “She was like, yeah—why?” (Gabby, 65:43)
  • Gabby’s exasperation: “I should have let her die.” (Gabby, 65:47)

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9. Bit Segment: "Nepo or No No" (67:34–71:05)

• Gabby and Shayna play a rapid-fire game identifying celebrities as “Nepo Babies” or otherwise.
• Gabby quips: “I’m a Temu Nepo. I’m just a Nepo for comedy."
• They agree: Nepotism in the arts mostly just gives “the freedom to fail.”

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10. Shoutouts, Plugs & The Business of Comedy (74:01–77:35)

• Gabby
  • Shouts out her favorite South Brooklyn gas station where a Lebanese man pumps her gas: “I’m a Jersey girl. I have a hard time letting that go.”
• Tour Plugs
  • Gabby’s upcoming “Gabby Bryan is My Best Friend” tour, Netflix Is a Joke Festival (May 7th), plus Toronto and Dallas dates
• Socials
  • Instagram & TikTok: @gabbyisbryan
  • Snapchat: gabbybryanis
  • Encourages listeners to support “small local business: Gabby Bryan LLC.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Mental Health:
  • "My mental health is perfect. It's absolutely perfect." (Gabby, 02:18)
• On Nostalgia Scents:
  • "The smell of a thick old spray tan...put it in a candle." (Gabby, 05:46)
• On Comedy:
  • "We have the easiest job in the world...Half of these are sitting down." (Gabby, 39:26)
  • “I was boot camp. It was literally army boot camp for comedy.” (Gabby, 38:05)
• On Nepotism:
  • “I’m a Temu Nepo—comedy’s the only thing nepotism doesn’t work on.” (Gabby, 68:09)
• On Health & Biohacking:
  • “I’m a peptide princess right now.” (Gabby, 26:45)
  • “You know what’s also a muscle? Your brain.” (Gabby, 48:08)
• On Regional Toughness:
  • “Jersey, Long Island, and Boston—same place, the fucking same. Holy Trinity.” (Gabby, 14:02)
• On Saving a Life:
  • “The woman was dying. I was in the hospital watching Twilight Zone in a crop top and underwear.” (Gabby, 66:17)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:07 – Gabby’s morning routine/mental health
• 05:46 – Spray tan candlemaking and white trash pride
• 10:00 – Love language: “Stalking,” social media & dating
• 14:02 – Jersey/Boston/Long Island as the “Holy Trinity”
• 22:04 – Gabby’s Emmy and early career
• 34:24 – Nepotism in comedy
• 37:04 – Getting roasted at the Comedy Cellar
• 39:26 – “Easiest job in the world”
• 46:02 – On drinking/being “boring” in your 30s
• 26:45, 30:52 – Peptides, health hacks
• 52:12–67:29 – Story: Gabby saves a woman’s life at a puppet commune
• 67:34 – “Nepo or No No” game
• 74:01 – Shoutouts, tour & social plugs

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Tone & Style

The episode is fast-paced, irreverent, honest, and heavy on comedic riffs and regional in-jokes; the humor swerves from self-deprecation to gleeful braggadocio with plenty of asides about “trash” roots, comedy lifestyle, health obsessions, and interpersonal weirdness. It captures the wild blend of vulnerability, bit-delivery, and camaraderie that defines the podcast’s style.

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For New Listeners

This episode is an energetic, banter-filled hang with sharp observations about the comedy world, family oddities, biohacking trends, regional identity, and the sometimes absurd life of self-aware “Nepo babies.” You’ll come away with a few life-saving tips, a desire to try jazz as your morning alarm, and a fresh appreciation for trashy candle scents and the supportive power of a brooch collection.

Transcript

[Gabby Bryant]

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[Shayna Gillis]

Eat.

[Gabby Bryant]

If you thought HBO's euphoria was intense in high school, saddle up. Starring Zendaya, Sydney Sweeney and Jacob Elordi, Season three of Euphoria picks up five years later, and life looks very different now. These characters are on their own with the freedom to make choices that can build them or break them. No matter what they're chasing. Money, fame, power, love or redemption, no one can escape their fate. Don't miss the third season of Euphoria, premiering April 12th on HBO and HBO. Max.

[Shayna Gillis]

I'm a comic, baby.

[Gabby Bryant]

Oh, comedy. It's literally the easiest job. Hi, I'm Gabby Bryan. And I'm just. Disgraceful.

[Shayna Gillis]

You're disgraceful.

[Gabby Bryant]

I think I'm disgraceful because before we

[Shayna Gillis]

started airing, you said you have perfect mental health.

[Gabby Bryant]

I do have perfect mental health.

[Shayna Gillis]

Heard anyone even say that?

[Gabby Bryant]

I hate to brag about that. That's great. I have perfect, perfect mental health. And do you want to know how and why I do it?

[Shayna Gillis]

Because you have a dad that loves you.

[Gabby Bryant]

That's a part of it for sure.

[Shayna Gillis]

That's a big part.

[Gabby Bryant]

But I have mommy issues.

[Shayna Gillis]

Okay. So there's always something.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah. But this is what I do. I wake up, I make a potion.

[Shayna Gillis]

Like what?

[Gabby Bryant]

I'll tell you. I put a bunch of different powders. Colostrum, creatine. Another one.

[Shayna Gillis]

Cocaine.

[Gabby Bryant]

Cocaine. Kells are gaining it. I had bowed as I mix it all together. I take it.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

I take it to the couch. On the couch. I stare at a tree for one hour.

[Shayna Gillis]

What the fuck?

[Gabby Bryant]

I haven't looked at my phone at this point. I don't look at my phone until noon every single day.

[Shayna Gillis]

Okay.

[Gabby Bryant]

Unless I have to go to the airport.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yes, of course.

[Gabby Bryant]

And I've gotten into situations where I'm on the way to the airport. I haven't looked at my phone. I look at my phone. Flight cancelled.

[Shayna Gillis]

Wow.

[Gabby Bryant]

That. That's happened to me six or seven times. That's how little I look at my phone.

[Shayna Gillis]

Wow.

[Gabby Bryant]

So my mental health.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

Is perfect.

[Shayna Gillis]

It is perfect. It's absolutely perfect. Where do you get your news? The good oldfashioned newspaper?

[Gabby Bryant]

I don't look, no news. I don't do none of that. I don't do news. Listen, there's nothing I can do to help. I know that I'm useless in terms of the news.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

So I don't see why I have to be. Be looking at it. And I usually what I do is I call a local gay guy.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yes. And I say, God forbid, it's a woman gay. I'm not gonna trust a woman gay to tell me my news.

[Gabby Bryant]

I'm not gonna call a lesbian. Okay, I'll page a lesbian.

[Shayna Gillis]

Oh, yeah, that's what they're called.

[Gabby Bryant]

I call a gay guy, any gay guy. And I say, what's happening right now?

[Shayna Gillis]

What's going on?

[Gabby Bryant]

And then that's when I sort of learned that we're at war. General stuff like that. But that's the only way I will take my news is, um. It's really like a.

[Shayna Gillis]

It's a. That's a fun way of doing it. That's kind of like getting, like a hatch. It's like. It's like a nuanced way of waking up.

[Gabby Bryant]

What's a hatch?

[Shayna Gillis]

It's that little alarm clock. Everyone loves that.

[Gabby Bryant]

That rises like the sun.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

[Gabby Bryant]

I've done that.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah. I got one. I don't fuck with it.

[Gabby Bryant]

You don't like it?

[Shayna Gillis]

I don't like it.

[Gabby Bryant]

Why?

[Shayna Gillis]

Because I'm not enlightened.

[Gabby Bryant]

I'm not very girl. Start staring at a tree.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah, I think it's time to stare at a tree.

[Gabby Bryant]

I just.

[Shayna Gillis]

I don't need. I don't need some gay guy waking me up. And slay.

[Gabby Bryant]

Get that.

[Shayna Gillis]

I don't.

[Gabby Bryant]

It says, slay, wake up.

[Shayna Gillis]

Slay mama. That's one you can pick.

[Gabby Bryant]

That was the heavy.

[Shayna Gillis]

The heavy sleepers one. That's what I needed.

[Gabby Bryant]

That's a heavy sleeper's one.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

What about a gay guy's voice takes you out of rem.

[Shayna Gillis]

Apparently. You have to be very homophobic for this to work.

[Gabby Bryant]

You know, some straight guys, like, oh, my God. Oh, my God, there's one in my room.

[Shayna Gillis]

What's that.

[Gabby Bryant]

What's it called when a demon goes into your body? Possessed.

[Shayna Gillis]

Possessed. Possessed.

[Gabby Bryant]

Imagine being possessed by a gay guy. I would say a lot of people think I am possessed by a gay guy.

[Shayna Gillis]

I would say so.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah.

[Shayna Gillis]

With all those brooches.

[Gabby Bryant]

With all these brooches. I'm in my brooch era now.

[Shayna Gillis]

Now, off camera, you did say this is something that happens to you in your 30s.

[Gabby Bryant]

This is what happens when you enter your 30s, is suddenly you are drawn to brooches. And I'm on ebay. I'm looking up vintage brooches. I want. I want emblems. I want. What's it called when a necklace has a spell in it?

[Shayna Gillis]

Oh, cursed.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yes. But what's the necklace called?

[Shayna Gillis]

I don't. I don't know. Craft. I don't. I don't know.

[Gabby Bryant]

I don't know. Craft.

[Shayna Gillis]

I don't know the craft. I don't know.

[Gabby Bryant]

Craft.

[Shayna Gillis]

I don't know. Witches.

[Gabby Bryant]

What's it called when it's at the end of a neck? It's a big necklace that has a spell in it.

[Shayna Gillis]

I don't know. Don't. Don't say that. That's a matter of effect.

[Gabby Bryant]

And it has a spell in it. And that's, you know, it's the thing that's on the chain that contains the spell. Spell. Pendant.

[Shayna Gillis]

Oh, very good, Nora.

[Gabby Bryant]

Pendant. But there is a more witchy name for it. Whatever. So I have a bunch of brooches on. I threw out my back this morning by doing a spray tan and then peeling a hard boiled egg. I.

[Shayna Gillis]

Which one? Which what came first?

[Gabby Bryant]

I think it was. It was a combination.

[Shayna Gillis]

It's a combination of both.

[Gabby Bryant]

I did the spray tan and then I started peeling the egg and I said, something's not right.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

And I threw a lot of smell. It's a lot of just like a niche movement.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah.

[Shayna Gillis]

You get a lot of crevices between the egg and your own egg.

[Gabby Bryant]

And then. Yeah. And then I threw out my back. Thank you. It's baking right now. I smell like shit.

[Shayna Gillis]

So I want to say something. Yeah, I like that smell.

[Gabby Bryant]

I like that smell too. And I think that's cuz you're from Boston and I'm from New Jersey. And we are trash.

[Shayna Gillis]

White.

[Gabby Bryant]

White trash. Yeah, White trash. So the smell of a thick old spray tan. Yeah, I love it. Dude, put it in a candle.

[Shayna Gillis]

People, people, people say h. Disgusting. All of America. All.

[Gabby Bryant]

All of America.

[Shayna Gillis]

All of Americ. I love it.

[Gabby Bryant]

I love it.

[Shayna Gillis]

I bet Trump smells delicious.

[Gabby Bryant]

I love to get up in there and sniff. Could you imagine?

[Shayna Gillis]

Excuse me, Mr. President, can I get a whiff?

[Gabby Bryant]

You know, he smells like spider webs.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah. Like a dusty basement.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah. Unfinished basement. And not in a fun way.

[Shayna Gillis]

Do you know the smell of mothballs by chance? Yes. Yeah, that's what I think he smells like.

[Gabby Bryant]

It's a. It's a. Your dead grandpa sweater.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

That looks good. So you wear it.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah, of course. But it's Irish knit. It was made with love.

[Gabby Bryant]

It's Irish knit.

[Shayna Gillis]

Of course.

[Gabby Bryant]

It's got a schwool.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yes.

[Gabby Bryant]

But it smells like death.

[Shayna Gillis]

It smells like. Yeah, that's. That's the real. We dug it up from my real grandpa's grave.

[Gabby Bryant]

There's something about like. You get it. You do a spray tint in the morning, you put on deodorant. Confirmed. You have to.

[Shayna Gillis]

You have to do that unless you

[Gabby Bryant]

want to kill everyone in a 10 mile radius.

[Shayna Gillis]

I'm sick of this shit.

[Gabby Bryant]

What?

[Shayna Gillis]

These. These motherfuckers.

[Gabby Bryant]

Which ones?

[Shayna Gillis]

The motherfuckers from Brooklyn. They're not using. They're not using deodorant. They're. Oh, they're not. You're not on public transit.

[Gabby Bryant]

No, I have a. I have a bisexual hatchback.

[Shayna Gillis]

No. What's this?

[Gabby Bryant]

This is my car. I have a hybrid hatchback.

[Shayna Gillis]

Okay.

[Gabby Bryant]

Which feels bisexual.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah, I'd say so hybrid means two.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah. And then the hatchback of it all, it's not. It's not a car, but it's not a truck. It's bisexual.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah. It's confused.

[Gabby Bryant]

It's confused.

[Shayna Gillis]

That's a confused lady truck.

[Gabby Bryant]

Or it's certainly right in the middle, you know?

[Shayna Gillis]

Or it's. Yeah, it's so KE of being happy.

[Gabby Bryant]

So I'm not on the trains anymore. I'm not smelling these smells.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah, these smells are bad.

[Gabby Bryant]

But I will say, when you do the spray tan, you put on the deodorant and then 7pm rolls around, you get a whiff of just your left armpit. And it is one of the most toxic smells you ever smell in your life.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah, they're combating a lot of.

[Gabby Bryant]

I like that smell because it means it's summer.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah, it's summertime. Of course it is. You're not sweating in the winter. No, I am.

[Gabby Bryant]

Well, I am too, but I'm not putting on a spray tan in the winter.

[Shayna Gillis]

That's, you know. You're not.

[Gabby Bryant]

No. I go pale. I go. I go Bella swan.

[Shayna Gillis]

Okay, so. So April Fool's Day is. This is your start of summer?

[Gabby Bryant]

This is my first spray tan of the year. Wow.

[Shayna Gillis]

This is really.

[Gabby Bryant]

And I did it for you.

[Shayna Gillis]

Thank you so much.

[Gabby Bryant]

You're welcome.

[Shayna Gillis]

And it looks fantastic.

[Gabby Bryant]

Thank you. I feel moist.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah, you're glowing.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah. Sweat and. And goopy. I feel goopy.

[Shayna Gillis]

Okay, now, now, now. Who's that? Who's the goop lady? Come on, you guys love the goop lady. Who's the goop lady? Gwyneth Paltrow.

[Gabby Bryant]

Speaking of candles, she Makes the vagina candle.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yes.

[Gabby Bryant]

I would appreciate the old spray tan candle.

[Shayna Gillis]

So she does not like toxins. I think you're gonna have to make that.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah. Mine's more chemical based. And I love microplastics. Well, it's like, you know those candles that are like, smells like home.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

And it's like Nebraska, and it smells like the woods. Whatever.

[Shayna Gillis]

What is Air.

[Gabby Bryant]

You know, the smell of air they put into a candle. I want the smells like home one. It's the Jersey shore. It smells like old spray tan. And a empty four loco can.

[Shayna Gillis]

And a cigarette.

[Gabby Bryant]

And a cigarette.

[Shayna Gillis]

Oh, my God. I got excited just thinking about it.

[Gabby Bryant]

I think I want to smart start smoking cigarettes.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah. Everybody's doing it.

[Gabby Bryant]

I've never. No, I. Well, I.

[Shayna Gillis]

You are a goody two shoes.

[Gabby Bryant]

I'm not. One time I smoked crack in Romania, so I'm not.

[Shayna Gillis]

That's.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah, that was an oops.

[Shayna Gillis]

In Romania. Romania. So phrase. I can't even say it.

[Gabby Bryant]

Romania. You're familiar. It's where the vampires are from.

[Shayna Gillis]

Oh, yes.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah.

[Shayna Gillis]

Weird stuff.

[Gabby Bryant]

I was actually alone on this one. Oh, wow. But all roads lead back to staff.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah, I was staff. Vampires, Romania. That all kind of. That makes me think of her.

[Gabby Bryant]

I always end up, like, in a relationship with a goth friendship, smoking crack. Boy, I like a goth. So finding Steph was really just coming back home.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah. Yeah. You know what I mean? It brings it back full circle.

[Gabby Bryant]

But I want to smoke cigarettes. Picture us in Paris. Skinny cigarette in between every single finger.

[Shayna Gillis]

Oh, my God.

[Gabby Bryant]

That's. That's fashion.

[Shayna Gillis]

Both hands. Oh, my God.

[Gabby Bryant]

I want to do that so bad.

[Shayna Gillis]

That's so incredible. I'm picturing this day with you, and it's a lot of fun. And I'm following you around like. Like the skunk in the cartoon. You ever see the skunk?

[Gabby Bryant]

Yes. Pepe Le Pew.

[Shayna Gillis]

Peppa Le Pew. Pepe Le Pew following you around going, she's so cool. This is so awesome.

[Gabby Bryant]

I had a real crush on Pepe Le Pew.

[Shayna Gillis]

It's okay. So. Oh, my God. He's the one.

[Gabby Bryant]

I was like, oh, he's European.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah. And he's. He's in love. And he's a stalker.

[Gabby Bryant]

And he's a stalker, to be clear.

[Shayna Gillis]

But, you know, they. They tell the girls this. The. The more they're mean to you, the more creepy they are. That's love.

[Gabby Bryant]

And I stand by that, by the way. I love getting love bombed. I love being star.

[Shayna Gillis]

What's it like?

[Gabby Bryant]

You'd love it. Like, it's Just. I'm sure it's harassment at its core.

[Shayna Gillis]

I love that.

[Gabby Bryant]

But with sprinkles on top.

[Shayna Gillis]

Oh, my God. Because they'll send you shit.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah. Because it's like. What. What do you mean?

[Shayna Gillis]

And what is your love language?

[Gabby Bryant]

Stalking.

[Shayna Gillis]

Stalking.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah.

[Shayna Gillis]

You do. You do the stalking in your. And your bisexual hatchback in my bicep.

[Gabby Bryant]

You can't hear it because it's hybrid. Oh, So I could Smart. No, I don't stalk. I don't like a man on social media. So I don't even look. I pretend like it's not there sometimes.

[Shayna Gillis]

It's never good.

[Gabby Bryant]

It's never good. But listen, they have to do it too. Okay? They have to make. If we're making cringe content, they have to make cringe content. But that doesn't mean that I have to look at it.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

And I think that's okay because that's cool. Yeah.

[Shayna Gillis]

I think you just. You start dating someone, you block them.

[Gabby Bryant]

I think the idea of a man looking at my social media, I'm mortified.

[Shayna Gillis]

I don't know how I feel because I'm. I'm putting out a vibe personally on mine.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah.

[Shayna Gillis]

Where? I mean, I just posted my. My real face on Kylie Jenner's bl. Body.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah.

[Shayna Gillis]

So that just kind of shows you, like, where I stand. And if you don't with that, then I don't really.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah.

[Shayna Gillis]

My dating profile is my. My social media.

[Gabby Bryant]

Mine couldn't possibly be. I hope not.

[Shayna Gillis]

No.

[Gabby Bryant]

It's scary.

[Shayna Gillis]

So you're living a double life, Hannah Montana style.

[Gabby Bryant]

I'm living a double life in that my social media is crazy. I'm screaming at strangers.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah, that's true too.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah, I. I mean, I am screaming

[Shayna Gillis]

at strangers, but you do it in a lovely way. I. I gotta find the line.

[Gabby Bryant]

What do you mean?

[Shayna Gillis]

I can't post half my shit because it seems so genuinely mean.

[Gabby Bryant]

We'll pull it back.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

Remember that they're your friend. Yeah, but how do you talk to your friend when they're being fucking crazy? That's what we. That's the juice right there.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah, that's. That's. That's hard to do, you know?

[Gabby Bryant]

You're not like, hey, you're disgusting, cow.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah, yeah. No, I'm not mean like this. I'm not calling people cows and shit.

[Gabby Bryant]

Well, I don't know.

[Shayna Gillis]

You're saying you're mean drunk whores. Drunk whores.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah, but flip it. Say drunk sweat.

[Shayna Gillis]

Okay.

[Gabby Bryant]

You know what I mean?

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah, that's. That's a feminine Touch?

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah, yeah.

[Shayna Gillis]

I'm leaning more towards the be in your feminine. The right men.

[Gabby Bryant]

You're in your masculine right now.

[Shayna Gillis]

I don't know how to be a girl, Gabby.

[Gabby Bryant]

It's so easy. Just put on a little lip gloss and walk outside.

[Shayna Gillis]

I have a dress. Look at this.

[Gabby Bryant]

You're wearing a dress.

[Shayna Gillis]

A real dress. Royal dress. Thank you. You're wearing the pants today. Yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

You just have to be like, how do you treat your friend when they're blacked out? You say girl enough. Yeah, but it's with love.

[Shayna Gillis]

I think I'm just mean.

[Gabby Bryant]

How do I help?

[Shayna Gillis]

I don't know.

[Gabby Bryant]

It's because you're from Boston.

[Shayna Gillis]

I think so. I was, like, around the Rogers, but

[Gabby Bryant]

listen, I'm from the shore. Like, I'm from the shore.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah, you are.

[Gabby Bryant]

So like, we are one in the same. But Boston has. You have a weapon.

[Shayna Gillis]

What is this?

[Gabby Bryant]

Like, if I have a weapon, you have a weapon.

[Shayna Gillis]

Okay.

[Gabby Bryant]

Personality wise.

[Shayna Gillis]

Oh, thanks.

[Gabby Bryant]

You metaphorically. Yeah.

[Shayna Gillis]

Don't you?

[Gabby Bryant]

No, but I'm from New Jersey. I catch the bullet in my mouth.

[Shayna Gillis]

You do. You do. And nobody wants to agree on this but Jersey, Long island, and Boston, same

[Gabby Bryant]

place, the fucking same Holy Trinity.

[Shayna Gillis]

Nobody. I'll throw Staten island in there, too.

[Gabby Bryant]

Staten Island. Sometimes I don't know if I fully accept them.

[Shayna Gillis]

No.

[Gabby Bryant]

They almost have too much of a chip on their shoulder where they're like, everyone hates us. We're like. Where we're like, everyone hates us.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah. Yeah. We're like, it's all cool. Come here.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah. Hate us. Fuck off. Let me talk to you for a second. Yeah. Come in. Come in the dance circle.

[Shayna Gillis]

Stand out and say, everybody hate this. Stop that. Stop the boat.

[Gabby Bryant]

Don't come here.

[Shayna Gillis]

Stop coming here.

[Gabby Bryant]

We have two bridges where, like, you remember being in a dance circle with your friends growing up, and you'd be

[Shayna Gillis]

like, I really love this metaphor. It's really good because it works. It is.

[Gabby Bryant]

Well, I think. This is what I think. I think Boston, you metaphorically have a gun.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

Long island metaphorically has a knife. And New Jersey, we have no weapons, but we'll break a chair over your head.

[Shayna Gillis]

Absolutely.

[Gabby Bryant]

Do you know what I mean?

[Shayna Gillis]

I think. I think. Yeah. I think you could. You just have an. An imminent object inanimate in him, and.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah, like, will weaponize. Like, don't come at me. I'll make this a weapon.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah. You know what I mean?

[Gabby Bryant]

That's New Jersey.

[Shayna Gillis]

And then I'll be like, I got to be right back. I got to get my gun. Oh, it's in my sock.

[Gabby Bryant]

Oh, shit. I'm strapped.

[Shayna Gillis]

I've got the gun now.

[Gabby Bryant]

I have the whole. I feel like people in Boston, they have the holster, ankle monitor thing, this gun.

[Shayna Gillis]

Oh, yeah. So good.

[Gabby Bryant]

Well, if I went like this, just watches, you know what I mean? You want to buy a little.

[Shayna Gillis]

Hey, look at my brooches. I really like them. So I don't love that you haven't collected these and you haven't put the work in.

[Gabby Bryant]

I'm not putting the work in.

[Shayna Gillis]

I really.

[Gabby Bryant]

I'm tired.

[Shayna Gillis]

I would like them to have sentimental value. Like, I wish you could go through every one of these brooches and say, I got this in Oklahoma because I'm retarded. I like, I got this because I love baby, baby kids.

[Gabby Bryant]

Oh, I got. Well, first of all, what are you talking about?

[Shayna Gillis]

No idea, man. What?

[Gabby Bryant]

Both of those adjectives have nothing to do with brooches.

[Shayna Gillis]

No.

[Gabby Bryant]

I got this on ebay. That and took over that on ebay. That on ebay, that on ebay. That on Amazon. Amazon. Amazon, Amazon. Little boutique. I like this.

[Shayna Gillis]

Oh, little boutique. Okay.

[Gabby Bryant]

So actually, the ugliest one I got in real life, but I'm not in the business of hunting and, you know,

[Shayna Gillis]

like, do you like shopping?

[Gabby Bryant]

I love shopping, but I'm not gonna be like, my personality is hunting for vintage items. No.

[Shayna Gillis]

Okay.

[Gabby Bryant]

I walk in there with the intent to spend money and I'll buy something that means nothing to me. Me.

[Shayna Gillis]

I'm so sorry. This cloud is coming right to your face. I'm sorry about that. It's. We haven't had the ac.

[Gabby Bryant]

I wish we had a cigarette. I wish we had a cigarette.

[Shayna Gillis]

I'm sorry. You want some of this? It's. It's.

[Gabby Bryant]

No, I don't even. I don't even vape.

[Shayna Gillis]

Okay, that's. Yeah. Because that's for gross people.

[Gabby Bryant]

No, my mental health's too good.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yes. Can we get to the cards? Yeah. Is that cool? Yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

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[Shayna Gillis]

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[Shayna Gillis]

All right, now these are icebreakers. And you got to tell me what they mean. All right?

[Gabby Bryant]

Okay.

[Shayna Gillis]

All right. Get comfortable.

[Gabby Bryant]

I'm.

[Shayna Gillis]

I'm a.

[Gabby Bryant]

Is this. Does this look comfortable?

[Shayna Gillis]

That's perfect. I'm all twisted up just like your bows. Luna and moon.

[Gabby Bryant]

My. My middle name is Luna and my twin brother's middle name is moon. Oh, that's adorable. Isn't that cute?

[Shayna Gillis]

That is really adorable.

[Gabby Bryant]

It's also crazy.

[Shayna Gillis]

Why?

[Gabby Bryant]

Because my parents are crazy for that.

[Shayna Gillis]

They just, you know, couldn't tell you apart.

[Gabby Bryant]

They're very hippie. They were on a lot of drugs. They were like. They were having fun. Here's what bothers me personally.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yes.

[Gabby Bryant]

Is that my first name is Gabby.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

You're gonna say you went and you

[Shayna Gillis]

hit Luna in the middle.

[Gabby Bryant]

In the middle. And then you didn't even call me Luna. You had. You made the best name hidden from society at large.

[Shayna Gillis]

Nobody even acknowledges a middle name.

[Gabby Bryant]

No one ever. And you God damn name me Gabby.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah, that's pretty up.

[Gabby Bryant]

Couldn't you imagine if my name was Luna? I'd be a nightmare.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah, probably.

[Gabby Bryant]

Unfortunately, my personality is Gabby.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah, you're Gabby.

[Gabby Bryant]

I'm a Gabby, you're Gabby.

[Shayna Gillis]

What's your brother's name?

[Gabby Bryant]

Colton.

[Shayna Gillis]

Colton.

[Gabby Bryant]

Colton Moon.

[Shayna Gillis]

Speaking of which, I don't know. What, I don't know how to say your real last name.

[Gabby Bryant]

Oh, it's Rash. Bam.

[Shayna Gillis]

Rash Bam.

[Gabby Bryant]

And it's actually not my real last name. And let me. Let me myth Bush. Okay, here.

[Shayna Gillis]

You heard it here first.

[Gabby Bryant]

My dad is a Jew. I'm a Jew as well. Okay.

[Shayna Gillis]

But isn't it supposed to be the mother's side?

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah, but my dad's such a Jew that he insisted we be Jews. Perfect. And my mom was like, all right, sure. Yeah. So my mom's Protestant. One of the Jesus ones.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah. I don't know what that.

[Gabby Bryant]

I don't know that. I don't know that. I don't know what's going on over there. So the Jews. So the Jews. So my dad's like, big Jew, Big Jew fro. Totally Jew.

[Shayna Gillis]

Star David around his neck.

[Gabby Bryant]

Star David around his neck. Of course. Total Jew joke. And he. His real last name is David Brian Rashbound.

[Shayna Gillis]

That's a fun one, honestly.

[Gabby Bryant]

And he is a touring musician, and he would have to do press all the time. And they could never pronounce Rashbound.

[Shayna Gillis]

Exactly what I just did.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah. It's crazy.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

Also, I have a rash on my balm. It's a disaster.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah. That's a disease.

[Gabby Bryant]

It's a disaster.

[Shayna Gillis]

Oh, my God. Especially because he probably did have a rash on his brown.

[Gabby Bryant]

All the time. I mean, I'm. I'm covered in rashes all the time as Jews.

[Shayna Gillis]

Oh, no, I. I meant as a touring musician with STDs.

[Gabby Bryant]

Oh, that too.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

And honestly. Same.

[Shayna Gillis]

No Jew jokes here. Thanks. Thank you. Not for me.

[Gabby Bryant]

You.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yes.

[Gabby Bryant]

So he changed his. He dropped his last name. Change it to David Brian long before I was born.

[Shayna Gillis]

Okay.

[Gabby Bryant]

But on Wikipedia, it says that my real. My real last name is Rashbound. And I have changed it in Wikipedia.

[Shayna Gillis]

You can do that?

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah. For. I mean, 12 times.

[Shayna Gillis]

Wow.

[Gabby Bryant]

And someone keeps changing it back to Rash Mouth.

[Shayna Gillis]

Now that is obviously a fan who's sick. Who's sick and probably did a lot of drugs back in the. In the good old days.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah.

[Shayna Gillis]

Like, I just gotta get this right for her.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah. So now when you click on my Wikipedia, I'm two different people on the Internet.

[Shayna Gillis]

That's crazy.

[Gabby Bryant]

It's. I mean, I guess it doesn't really matter, but. Don't. Don't call me Gabby. Rash. Could you imagine if my name was Gabby Rashmouth?

[Shayna Gillis]

No.

[Gabby Bryant]

Coming to the stage, Gabby Rashbound.

[Shayna Gillis]

And I've. As if I'm hosting that show. I'm in trouble if I'm saying Rash

[Gabby Bryant]

and you're looking at it. Give it up, Rash Bug.

[Shayna Gillis]

Because I don't know how to say it.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah. Gabby Ryan,

[Shayna Gillis]

Luna Brian. That doesn't have the same ring.

[Gabby Bryant]

I know. Gabby Bryan is like, hits the nail

[Shayna Gillis]

on the head now. Gabby Brian is a Emmy winner.

[Gabby Bryant]

I won an Emmy.

[Shayna Gillis]

Now, what was this for? I didn't know this about you. I had to look it up and find out.

[Gabby Bryant]

It's so random. I won an Emmy for my day job, which was making documentaries in my early 20s. No. Yeah, about fraternities.

[Shayna Gillis]

Oh, hell yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah.

[Shayna Gillis]

That's pretty right up my alley.

[Gabby Bryant]

Really?

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

You. You are a pro or against sports. All right.

[Shayna Gillis]

Remember that?

[Gabby Bryant]

Well, did you guys. Did you guys.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

Did you know that I found out about Barstool six months ago?

[Shayna Gillis]

Wow.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah, I didn't know that.

[Shayna Gillis]

That's how clinically sane you are.

[Gabby Bryant]

This is how much I'm not online. I only get memes about books and pickles. I just found out about Barstool. I'm so millennial.

[Shayna Gillis]

Pickles.

[Gabby Bryant]

Pickles. It's like, what do you want? What do you want to drink? Pickle.

[Shayna Gillis]

You know, like a pickledini.

[Gabby Bryant]

Pickledini. Of course. Slay.

[Shayna Gillis]

My brooch is a pickle.

[Gabby Bryant]

I like. Like, I collect a bunch of pickle brooches. Like, I'm so embarrassing. I'm so offline. And. And guess what? My mental health is perfect.

[Shayna Gillis]

That's great.

[Gabby Bryant]

But I just found out about Barstool.

[Shayna Gillis]

Literally, you're.

[Gabby Bryant]

You're the person who logged me on to Barstool.

[Shayna Gillis]

I was like, welcome in.

[Gabby Bryant]

I was like, now what's happening?

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah, there's a lot going on. Yeah, there's a lot going on. And when you're in it, you're in it. There's a lot come. Like, I'll come home from. I used to come home from work, and everyone. And. And I. All my friends would say, stop.

[Gabby Bryant]

What is that?

[Shayna Gillis]

Nobody knows what's going on there. I said, well, I'm trying to tell you. And they're like, nobody cares, though.

[Gabby Bryant]

That's a frat house for sure.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah. Okay. Why do you smoke so much, Lily?

[Gabby Bryant]

Smoke.

[Shayna Gillis]

So, no. What does this mean?

[Gabby Bryant]

These are really crazy.

[Shayna Gillis]

Nor is insane.

[Gabby Bryant]

These are actually really crazy. This is a short play by Tennessee Williams that I did when I was 22.

[Shayna Gillis]

Wow.

[Gabby Bryant]

Where I smoked a lot of cigarettes. Okay.

[Shayna Gillis]

Lily.

[Gabby Bryant]

I had to fake smoke cigarettes for this play. And it's like.

[Shayna Gillis]

Like, did you have five on your fingers?

[Gabby Bryant]

I was always smoking cigs. And that's when my. My obsession with cigarettes started. Okay. But I wasn't allowed to smoke them.

[Shayna Gillis]

Why? Who said?

[Gabby Bryant]

Society at large.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah. That's when we were saying no to cigarettes.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah.

[Shayna Gillis]

They are so back in a major way. But I wanted outside to smoke. I think it's such a beautiful sense of community. Yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

I want to be that girl who's like, let's go get a sag, you know?

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah. So then I got to go outside.

[Gabby Bryant]

The time I smoked crack in Romania.

[Shayna Gillis]

Let's go back to that.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah. That was right after I did that play, and I was so wanting to smoke cigs that I smoke. I was like, today's the day I smoke cigarettes. And I smoked 12.

[Shayna Gillis]

Okay.

[Gabby Bryant]

I. Obviously, that's a.

[Shayna Gillis]

That's a heavy. That's a heavy start. That's a heavy, heavy start.

[Gabby Bryant]

Is that That's a pack.

[Shayna Gillis]

Well, how much is in a pack?

[Gabby Bryant]

Because I was like, pack a debt bag a day, you know? Yeah.

[Shayna Gillis]

First day pack a day.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah. Don't worry. I did a play about this into it.

[Shayna Gillis]

I did a play about this. So drama.

[Gabby Bryant]

And I was like, drinking, obviously. 4,000 drinks. I'm in Europe. I'm young in Europe.

[Shayna Gillis]

Know they're spritzes. Yeah. You know, it absolute.

[Gabby Bryant]

I would slam a spritz right now.

[Shayna Gillis]

I think. I think we should have. I think we should do a girls trip. This is a side thing. I think we should do a girls trip.

[Gabby Bryant]

Say more right now.

[Shayna Gillis]

I'll have a blast.

[Gabby Bryant]

I actually was just thinking about vacation today. That we should be.

[Shayna Gillis]

Is that vacation?

[Gabby Bryant]

That's Spanish for vacation, and I knew that.

[Shayna Gillis]

I think I say holiday because I'm British.

[Gabby Bryant]

Holiday. Once again. Holiday.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah. You know, me and my girls, I was. I was thinking we could go on a holiday.

[Gabby Bryant]

We should definitely go on a girls trip. I think we should go to Mexico.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah, Dude.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yep. This.

[Shayna Gillis]

I just went. It rocks.

[Gabby Bryant]

Oh, you did just go.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yes.

[Gabby Bryant]

And we were gonna go, and I didn't.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah. So I think we get the girlies together. We go. I've never been to Cabo.

[Gabby Bryant]

I've never been to Cabo, but I do know a cocaine dealer who lives there. I don't do cocaine anymore, but I'll get it for my friends and more at this. At six.

[Shayna Gillis]

I always. It's. I've already said it online so many times that I. I do participate, but people think I've stopped, which is good. Let's keep it there.

[Gabby Bryant]

Let's let people believe whatever they want. Of course. I need to be in a bikini with my girls now.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah. And that bikini part is so not gonna happen for me. But I just want to be with my girls.

[Gabby Bryant]

Listen, you can wear whatever you want. Wear a tankini.

[Shayna Gillis]

I will not. It'll be a one piece and then I don't have to worry about it.

[Gabby Bryant]

What pieces are in?

[Shayna Gillis]

I know, honey. Thank you.

[Gabby Bryant]

One pieces are in.

[Shayna Gillis]

And I'm gonna get on that Ozempic.

[Gabby Bryant]

I'm on three different peptides right now. Do you want me to tell you now?

[Shayna Gillis]

What are the peptides? I'm so confused by all this.

[Gabby Bryant]

Don't worry. Mommy's here.

[Shayna Gillis]

Thank you, mama. I part of your concoction in the middle in the morning?

[Gabby Bryant]

You bet your ass it is.

[Shayna Gillis]

All right now, Peptides.

[Gabby Bryant]

I'm a peptide princess right now. Okay, I've done a lot of research, AKA data guy who has A bitcoin. And go on TikTok about this peptides. Ozempic is technically a peptide.

[Shayna Gillis]

Got it.

[Gabby Bryant]

It is a GLP1.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yes.

[Gabby Bryant]

I am on a GLP3 microdose called ReTA. True Tide.

[Shayna Gillis]

This is what sounds like a real last name.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah.

[Shayna Gillis]

Gabby, read a true tide. Wow. Good morning America and creatine. You're a boy.

[Gabby Bryant]

No, no, I'm a boy. So I am a bro. I'm on about a True Tide. That. This is what all the bros are on.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yes.

[Gabby Bryant]

I'm microdosing it. I'm really liking it. Okay. It's supposed to redo your cells, basically.

[Shayna Gillis]

Okay.

[Gabby Bryant]

It. It. It maintains. It does whatever Ozempic does in that it's like your glucose or some. But it also is just redoing every cell in your body fundamentally.

[Shayna Gillis]

So you want to live forever.

[Gabby Bryant]

And. Hey, I don't know if that's true, by the way.

[Shayna Gillis]

And you did not hear that first here, right now.

[Gabby Bryant]

You did not hear that from me. Okay. And then I'm on NAD plus. You've heard of this?

[Shayna Gillis]

I've heard of this. I've gotten the drip.

[Gabby Bryant]

The drip. So now they make it injectable. It's amazing.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

I feel like I'm on crack every day.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

I have more energy than anyone in the world.

[Shayna Gillis]

Those things really do work.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah.

[Shayna Gillis]

They're like 900 a bag, though.

[Gabby Bryant]

No. I'll get you a bottle for 50 bucks. You injected where from? A guy I know.

[Shayna Gillis]

Thank God. And that's Jersey right there.

[Gabby Bryant]

I got a guy. Okay. So we're doing I got a peptide guy.

[Shayna Gillis]

You think if I did the NAD now. This is where everyone's tuning off, but I'm actually.

[Gabby Bryant]

I'm such a joke about this. This is what I love to talk about.

[Shayna Gillis]

NAD Plus. If I did that, you think I could stop doing Adderall?

[Gabby Bryant]

Yes. I want you on a couple different peptides.

[Shayna Gillis]

Okay. Okay.

[Gabby Bryant]

For a health and wellness.

[Shayna Gillis]

My doctor's here.

[Gabby Bryant]

I'm a Jew. This is how you know I'm wearing a blazer. I'm a doctor.

[Shayna Gillis]

I trust her professionally. Then.

[Gabby Bryant]

I'm also on something called ghkcu. It's a copper peptide. It's literally redoes the elasticity of your

[Shayna Gillis]

skin, and your skin looks fantastic. I'm looking at you right now.

[Gabby Bryant]

My skin looks really, really good. My brother's on it.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

My brother was balding, and we both have rosacea. He walked into my Gramercy theater show and everyone gasped.

[Shayna Gillis]

Really?

[Gabby Bryant]

He looks gorgeous. Hair completely grew back again.

[Shayna Gillis]

Grew Back.

[Gabby Bryant]

It grew back.

[Shayna Gillis]

Like he went to Turkey.

[Gabby Bryant]

No, like, literally, he's on this peptide. Little baby hair started sprouting. Not. Not balding anymore.

[Shayna Gillis]

So adorable for him. That's amazing.

[Gabby Bryant]

No, it's amazing. Skin clear. People literally went like, this. Is that Colton?

[Shayna Gillis]

Wow.

[Gabby Bryant]

That's how beautiful the transformation was.

[Shayna Gillis]

I need.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yes.

[Shayna Gillis]

Transition. I need to transition. And so that's what I'm gonna.

[Gabby Bryant]

I have.

[Shayna Gillis]

And then Animation Tuesday. That's me.

[Gabby Bryant]

I'm starting two other ones even.

[Shayna Gillis]

What's this?

[Gabby Bryant]

I'm starting one for your immune system because I get sick on the road all the time. And I'm starting one that's for creativity.

[Shayna Gillis]

Now. That one's a lie. Now they're just getting all your money.

[Gabby Bryant]

That one's crazy.

[Shayna Gillis]

And that one is where I draw the line. And now I realize you're a fraud.

[Gabby Bryant]

First of all, I've been a fraud this whole time. No, there's anxiety. Do you have anxiety?

[Shayna Gillis]

No.

[Gabby Bryant]

Okay.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

Depression. Yeah, That's. That. That. There's one for that.

[Shayna Gillis]

Got that.

[Gabby Bryant]

It's called.

[Shayna Gillis]

They said I'm. It's called slay.

[Gabby Bryant]

It's called Celan or it's called cmac. I don't remember. It's one of those two. Okay, so I'll get you that, too.

[Shayna Gillis]

Creatine.

[Gabby Bryant]

No creativity. Yeah. You also should be on creatine. You know, women should be on creatine for our brain health.

[Shayna Gillis]

You're starting to sound like Whitney Cummings right now.

[Gabby Bryant]

No, I'm actually just healthy. And shout out to her.

[Shayna Gillis]

And she is healthy, too. This is the only other person who teaches me these things.

[Gabby Bryant]

We're biohacking.

[Shayna Gillis]

That's what the women in stem, they say.

[Gabby Bryant]

We gotta live forever. Well, society's trying to kill us.

[Shayna Gillis]

So this is where you love your life.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah. And you're happy.

[Gabby Bryant]

I'm happy. And I want to keep this straight forever.

[Shayna Gillis]

Dude.

[Gabby Bryant]

Well, I don't want to live forever. I'm not crazy.

[Shayna Gillis]

Okay.

[Gabby Bryant]

But I want it. I want to be beautiful forever.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah. Gorgeous.

[Gabby Bryant]

I want energy forever.

[Shayna Gillis]

You are gorgeous is what I meant.

[Gabby Bryant]

Thank you. I want.

[Shayna Gillis]

This book is so pretty.

[Gabby Bryant]

I want. We got to keep this up.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

Also, I'm a lot older than you.

[Shayna Gillis]

You're not.

[Gabby Bryant]

How old are you?

[Shayna Gillis]

Spiritually true. You're not.

[Gabby Bryant]

And. And because I'm biohacking, my biological clock is young.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah, it is.

[Gabby Bryant]

How old are you?

[Shayna Gillis]

I'm not saying 27.

[Gabby Bryant]

27?

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

I'm 32.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah, we're the same age.

[Gabby Bryant]

No, you're just entering Your Saturn return, babe. Yeah.

[Shayna Gillis]

And it's all downhill from here.

[Gabby Bryant]

You're gonna have a rough three years, I'll tell you that. And you're gonna come out.

[Shayna Gillis]

I had my rough three years.

[Gabby Bryant]

No, you didn't. Oh, you're gonna have. It's not about you. It's about the stars. And then you come out on the other side at 30 and you're the best version of yourself and life is amazing.

[Shayna Gillis]

What if I get cancer? That's the hope. That's.

[Gabby Bryant]

I don't think that has anything to do with the stars.

[Shayna Gillis]

No, but it is a sign.

[Gabby Bryant]

It's a sign that you better start these Peptides.

[Shayna Gillis]

And she got me back. I'm hooked. Ayo hooked on Peptides. We'll be right back.

[Gabby Bryant]

Bye.

[Shayna Gillis]

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[Shayna Gillis]

YKWD.

[Gabby Bryant]

That is a podcast. That is where I got my start in comedy. That is a podcast hosted by Robert Kelly. It's called you know what, dude from Boston.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yes, Robert Kelly. I. Wait, how did we. I don't know this story.

[Gabby Bryant]

Really?

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

Oh, this is how I got my start in comedy. So I was doing open mics. Like I did kind of a class in college about stand up. I was like, oh, maybe I want to do this.

[Shayna Gillis]

Then nyu.

[Gabby Bryant]

No, Pace. Okay, Timu. Nyu.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yes.

[Gabby Bryant]

I.

[Shayna Gillis]

She. She's humble.

[Gabby Bryant]

I didn't get into nyu. You didn't? No. Nepotism has never done anything for me. And I want to say that I paraded my dad around that school. Paraded him around.

[Shayna Gillis]

I would, too, dude. Like, I was. I was parading a plumber. I was like, look at this guy.

[Gabby Bryant]

Come on. Anytime I've tried to do nepotism, I've gotten a big fat no. And may talk out here is dancing through life.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah, she really is.

[Gabby Bryant]

Okay. And I'm out here being like, my dad. My dad. Look at my dad. And people go, don't care. And by the way, that's a woman,

[Shayna Gillis]

and she's got the best curls around my dad.

[Gabby Bryant]

Looks. She looks amazing. So I didn't get into nyu. I didn't get into any good school. So I went to Pace Shout out, the scrappy fun school that's under the Brooklyn Bridge.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yes.

[Gabby Bryant]

And I loved it, by the way. Did you make any show?

[Shayna Gillis]

Lifelong friends there, of course.

[Gabby Bryant]

You know Zach, senor.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yes.

[Gabby Bryant]

We met in college.

[Shayna Gillis]

No shit.

[Gabby Bryant]

We met at 18 years old.

[Shayna Gillis]

Oh, wow.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah.

[Shayna Gillis]

That's beautiful.

[Gabby Bryant]

Beautiful. So what was the question? Why get every day? So, yes, I started to do stand up. Peptides started to do stand up. I get a call from my bat mitzvah dj.

[Shayna Gillis]

No.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah. Larry Gold, Shout Out. Oh, hell yeah. Larry. Larry's like, your dad told me, you want to start doing stand up. My best friend from Hebrew school is Lenny Marcus. Lenny Marcus is a comedy seller comic. You guys have lunch, he'll take you, he'll show you the ropes. And then me and Lenny, from that moment on, I would run to all of his spots with him. We'd go over his set. He taught me how to write stand up.

[Shayna Gillis]

No shit.

[Gabby Bryant]

He taught me how to work on a joke. Over the span of a night, he like, literally, like, mentored the shit out of me.

[Shayna Gillis]

No way.

[Gabby Bryant]

And then we're sitting at the Comedy Cellar one day at the Olive Tree, and it was the day that Bobby Kelly's the podcast is very big at that point. His producer left suddenly, and Lenny was like, it. I'm gonna introduce you to Bob, Bobby. Let's see what happens. I walk up, Bobby roasts me. I roast him back. He said, let's go to the studio right now. I temp that day and get the job.

[Shayna Gillis]

Hell yes.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yes. I'm there for five years.

[Shayna Gillis]

No way.

[Gabby Bryant]

Fully five years.

[Shayna Gillis]

Wow.

[Gabby Bryant]

And that's how I, like, met every comic in New York. He Took me on the road with him. I was hosting his shows at the seller.

[Shayna Gillis]

No.

[Gabby Bryant]

That's how I completely got my. He gave me my whole start.

[Shayna Gillis]

That is so sick.

[Gabby Bryant]

I used to get wrecked, roasted, destroyed by those men.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah, they did. They give you some balls, huh?

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah, but it made me absolutely titanium, like. Like that.

[Shayna Gillis]

How old are you at the time?

[Gabby Bryant]

22.

[Shayna Gillis]

No.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah.

[Shayna Gillis]

Wow.

[Gabby Bryant]

I just turned 22. Like, they taught me how to be a comic.

[Shayna Gillis]

That's so sick. Yeah, that's really cool.

[Gabby Bryant]

And like, the legends of New York.

[Shayna Gillis]

Were you like. Like a mic on the pod?

[Gabby Bryant]

I was a mic on the pod.

[Shayna Gillis]

Hell, yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah.

[Shayna Gillis]

That's pretty damn good.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah, that's fudgeing awesome. It was actually fudgeing awesome because it was like trial by fire, you know what I mean? Yeah. My friends were, like, coming up in Brooklyn and doing the mics, and it was lovey and dovey, and I was getting dunked on by the best Roast comics in the world, and it just made me, like, psycho. They used to sit in the back. I used to host their shows at the Cellar, Bobby's Hour. And it would be Bobby and Keith Robinson and Rich Voss. These are New York legends. Colin Quinn and I would go up and they'd all sit in the back of the room and live roast me while I was hosting the show. Oh. Oh, la. In front of a audience.

[Shayna Gillis]

What a pleasure and misery all at the same time.

[Gabby Bryant]

I was boot camp. It was literally army boot camp for comedy. And that's why, I swear to God, someone, if I'm doing standup, someone could come on the stage, punch me in the face, and I'd finish my joke.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Gabby Bryant]

Like, I like it. Made me invincible.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah. You can't not.

[Gabby Bryant]

No.

[Shayna Gillis]

Like, that makes you so strong.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah.

[Shayna Gillis]

Oh, that's why you're the gal. You are today on Peptides.

[Gabby Bryant]

That's why I'm on Peptides.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah. Wow.

[Gabby Bryant]

We're working on our health ghost.

[Shayna Gillis]

No, I didn't. I never knew you stopped. That's just. That's like I didn't know each other,

[Gabby Bryant]

that we didn't know each other. You were a baby. You were baby.

[Shayna Gillis]

I was at the time.

[Gabby Bryant]

This is old era of comedy in New York. It was like the comics table at the Cellar Roast comedy. It was before anyone's posting clips. That wasn't a thing back then. We really caught that tail end of. Of New York, New York.

[Shayna Gillis]

You really did. You live. You lived it.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah.

[Shayna Gillis]

And you weren't even smoking cigarettes. No.

[Gabby Bryant]

But I wish I was.

[Shayna Gillis]

You should have been.

[Gabby Bryant]

I should have been smoking outside the cellar. Like, oh, I'm a comic, baby. Oh, comedy. It's literally the easiest job. These comics smoke cigarettes outside of clubs like they're underwater welders.

[Shayna Gillis]

Well, here's the thing. They're the sober guys. They need advice.

[Gabby Bryant]

I don't. I am against any person who says that our job is hard. We have the easiest job in the world. Half of these are sitting down.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

They're not even standing for the full

[Shayna Gillis]

length of the hour for the full,

[Gabby Bryant]

like for a 15 minute set. And they have the audacity to say that we have the hardest job. We have the easiest job.

[Shayna Gillis]

Easy job.

[Gabby Bryant]

Could it be, could it be easier?

[Shayna Gillis]

Oh, my God. It's. It's a, it's a. It's lovely. Really.

[Gabby Bryant]

It's literally a blessing.

[Shayna Gillis]

It truly is.

[Gabby Bryant]

We get up. We get to.

[Shayna Gillis]

We get up. We stare at a tree for an hour.

[Gabby Bryant]

We get up. We said we don't work till 7pm earliest. And then we do hahas.

[Shayna Gillis]

And he makes people giggle. Make me feel good about getting the giggle.

[Gabby Bryant]

It feels fulfilling.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah. I'm filling up the tank like it's Monsters Inc.

[Gabby Bryant]

It's fully Monsters Inc.

[Shayna Gillis]

It's Monsters Inc. Baby.

[Gabby Bryant]

And then we go home after working for tops three hours.

[Shayna Gillis]

That's gonna do it. If you have a double feature night. Three hours tops.

[Gabby Bryant]

Three hours, tops.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

And they feed you the whole time.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah. You gotta watch what you're eating, though.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah. I've been watch. I've been overdosing on hummus and I've been doing this new thing. I need to cut it. I've been eating off people's plates in the front row.

[Shayna Gillis]

That's pretty cool. That's honestly pretty cool.

[Gabby Bryant]

I like that because they're all there eating fries. They're having mozzarella sticks in the. Up there, starving to death on peptides. I'm literally in a starvation state on stage. I'm running on Diet Coke alone. And I end up being like, can I have a mozzarella stick?

[Shayna Gillis]

Give me that.

[Gabby Bryant]

Give me it. This is my show.

[Shayna Gillis]

Give me that. I think there, there's a play where you just don't ask, you just take.

[Gabby Bryant]

I've. If it's a man, I'll take.

[Shayna Gillis]

Take.

[Gabby Bryant]

But with a girl, like, you know when you get. Get a plate of mozzarella sticks and you're like, I have exactly six.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

I would never take one away from a girl without asking.

[Shayna Gillis]

No, you can't. You can't take cheese away from a woman.

[Gabby Bryant]

No, that's harassment. That's sexual harassment.

[Shayna Gillis]

It's. It's truly. It's.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

I say send them a whole new basket and then they're pissed.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

Because they're like, that's six more. And I. That's all. My calculations are off.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah, that. Yeah, that would be. You know what I mean? Too much. Yeah, I. I think. I think I've drank someone's drink before. Before.

[Gabby Bryant]

I've taken sips. I'm taking sips before because they offer you sips.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah. Well, I. I even get a shot brought up to you.

[Gabby Bryant]

Hate that.

[Shayna Gillis]

What is going on?

[Gabby Bryant]

I want you guys seriously to stop doing that.

[Shayna Gillis]

Please stop.

[Gabby Bryant]

Because we're trash. We're white trash.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

We have to take the shot. If you send it to us.

[Shayna Gillis]

I can't say no because then I'm a big loser.

[Gabby Bryant]

Bummer ass that much that I'm a

[Shayna Gillis]

little girl and I just drink beer. Okay. So you give me a shot. I'm up.

[Gabby Bryant]

I'm fucked up. And we have to do another show.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah, I have another show. It's a double feature night. I'm working three whole hours tonight.

[Gabby Bryant]

I'm exhausted.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah. Okay. I can't. I can't be taking. Oh, and then they.

[Gabby Bryant]

They bring you. I mean, they bring you a shot of tequila and you're like, at least it's blanco.

[Shayna Gillis]

Thank you.

[Gabby Bryant]

Thank you. But I don't want to do shots with you guys. Like, bring me a Twizzler and I'll eat a Twizzler.

[Shayna Gillis]

You have the audacity to think I am cool enough to take that shot without a chaser?

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. I can't. It's really hard.

[Shayna Gillis]

I started drinking when I was 12.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah. The pipes are. Are burst.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah. I'm done here.

[Gabby Bryant]

I have acid reflux coming out of my ears from taking shots in high school.

[Shayna Gillis]

I. Yeah. Yeah. I can't even enjoy juice anymore.

[Gabby Bryant]

If you give me an orange juice. Hey, I'm going right afterwards.

[Shayna Gillis]

I can't even if I wanted to act like a rich person because I

[Gabby Bryant]

can't drink a mimosa. I try so hard.

[Shayna Gillis]

I can't.

[Gabby Bryant]

I'm really on a big mimosa train lately because I'm like, this is allowed before a show. It's just a little.

[Shayna Gillis]

I like that. I like that. And class.

[Gabby Bryant]

Then I drink one.

[Shayna Gillis]

You run around with such classy ladies, too.

[Gabby Bryant]

I do.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah. Who. It's you, Hannah Stewart. That's a squad.

[Gabby Bryant]

That is a squad.

[Shayna Gillis]

And that is my favorite squad of all time.

[Gabby Bryant]

Honestly, we are dream blunt rotation.

[Shayna Gillis]

Truly.

[Gabby Bryant]

In that none of us will smoke the blunt. Yeah. No, thank. Thank you. Thank you.

[Shayna Gillis]

Thank you so much. But that's all I know. Thank you.

[Gabby Bryant]

We sit backstage and we look at each other in the eyes and we drink water.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah. I can't believe it.

[Gabby Bryant]

We're literally the most boring people on planet earth now because we're all in our 30s.

[Shayna Gillis]

Stuart, big secret. She wants to drink.

[Gabby Bryant]

I know.

[Shayna Gillis]

She wants to drink.

[Gabby Bryant]

I know.

[Shayna Gillis]

And no one else is drinking, so she does not. She refrains.

[Gabby Bryant]

I know. She. She's really good at matching the energy of the room. See, I want. My disease is that I want to pour a bottle of my tits at any given moment. That's my drug of choice. I want to be in a bikini, cowboy hat, pouring rose all over my tits.

[Shayna Gillis]

And I kind of want you to do that, too. I wouldn't mind seeing that.

[Gabby Bryant]

I think that's fun for everyone involved.

[Shayna Gillis]

I think everyone's going to have a good night one.

[Gabby Bryant]

Now watch.

[Shayna Gillis]

Are we not doing this?

[Gabby Bryant]

So Stuart and I h. After shows, we will go drink ros. In whatever hotel lobby we're at. We'll do that. But Hannah likes to go to sleep right after shows. So when you go on the road with her, we go right to bed. So Stuart and I are in that limbo where we're like, what do we do when we're on the road together with her? Then we go to the lobby.

[Shayna Gillis]

We go to the lobby. Okay.

[Gabby Bryant]

But with Hannah, I'm the healthiest person in the world. When I'm with Hannah, we're drinking water, Gatorade.

[Shayna Gillis]

When I'm with Whitney, she doesn't particularly drink either. So I. I just. I don't drink.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah.

[Shayna Gillis]

And it's a whole. That's a. That's crazy for me because I. I'm a drinker.

[Gabby Bryant]

Well, I don't want you drinking on stage anymore.

[Shayna Gillis]

I don't.

[Gabby Bryant]

Okay, good.

[Shayna Gillis]

Well, I do.

[Gabby Bryant]

Well, don't I?

[Shayna Gillis]

Bring one.

[Gabby Bryant]

I have one. One's fine.

[Shayna Gillis]

I have learned my. I've learned since probably the last time you saw. I've. I haven't been around you.

[Gabby Bryant]

Last time I saw you, you were like. Like, I drink two beers before the show at least. And I said, no, no more of that. We're not doing that.

[Shayna Gillis]

Was that Gabby? That's me being really good.

[Gabby Bryant]

I get that. And I just. So you know, we're cut from the same cloth. I want to be day drinking. I want to drink margaritas at lunch. I want to drink margaritas at dinner. I want to drink bottled wine. I want to, you know, I want to do that.

[Shayna Gillis]

That's my favorite.

[Gabby Bryant]

I get you. But it's a slippery slope with standup. You have to keep it tight.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah, yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

You have to keep it tight. I don't want to. I don't want to be in Salt Lake City drinking water all weekend.

[Shayna Gillis]

No.

[Gabby Bryant]

I want to be on the top of the Mormon mountain with my tits out.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

But saying.

[Shayna Gillis]

Watch this. God.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah.

[Shayna Gillis]

Come.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah, exactly. But we gotta. If we want to do this forever, we have to keep it tight. I mean, I, I say this all the time. My dad is a touring music of 40 years and he travels with a blender.

[Shayna Gillis]

Pardon?

[Gabby Bryant]

He travels with a blender for, for

[Shayna Gillis]

smoothies or for margaritas. For smoothies.

[Gabby Bryant]

He wakes up, he makes his protein, blah, blah, blah. He has his electrolytes, he has his blah blah blah in his blender that he put in a suitcase.

[Shayna Gillis]

Picturing that is hilarious.

[Gabby Bryant]

He has a suitcase face with prescription medication, bands, workout bands, workout pants, and a goddamn blender.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah, but you know what your father did before you got to that point?

[Gabby Bryant]

Crack cocaine, cracking meth.

[Shayna Gillis]

He got to there. Yeah, that's, that's. Yeah, I don't want it. I don't want to get there.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah. So we'd. And then you drink after the show, then he parties till 4am yeah, but before the show we have to, to. We have to travel with the blender.

[Shayna Gillis]

All right, well, I'm gonna get the peptides.

[Gabby Bryant]

You're gonna get the Peptides.

[Shayna Gillis]

I don't know if I could do the creatine. I've heard a lot of bad stuff about the gray.

[Gabby Bryant]

What have you heard about green?

[Shayna Gillis]

People are getting addicted to this. And I, I'm an addicted.

[Gabby Bryant]

I'm an addictive get addicted to creatine.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

Well, what does that even mean?

[Shayna Gillis]

I don't know.

[Gabby Bryant]

I don't think it's a bad addiction.

[Shayna Gillis]

All right.

[Gabby Bryant]

It's like getting addicted to electrolytes.

[Shayna Gillis]

All right.

[Gabby Bryant]

You're gonna have to take.

[Shayna Gillis]

They sell it at the weed store. Okay, that's scary.

[Gabby Bryant]

They do.

[Shayna Gillis]

I don't know.

[Gabby Bryant]

I don't think that's true. I don't think so either.

[Shayna Gillis]

I'm a dumbass.

[Gabby Bryant]

Creatine is just. I don't know what it is exactly.

[Shayna Gillis]

And that's the confusion part.

[Gabby Bryant]

I could call a bitcoin guy right now and he'll tell me what it is, but I know it's for muscle function. It brings H2O into your muscles. That's what it does. Is that true?

[Shayna Gillis]

Sunny's saying, yes, yes.

[Gabby Bryant]

Nice, Nice. Sometimes times I'm such a Jew. It brings H2O into your muscles. But you know what's also a muscle? Your brain. So. And also, women have less of whatever we need. So we need to be taking two scoops of creatine every morning for your body muscles and your brain.

[Shayna Gillis]

All right?

[Gabby Bryant]

And if you get addicted to it. What? You get addicted to being healthy.

[Shayna Gillis]

That's the goal, isn't it?

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah.

[Shayna Gillis]

All right.

[Gabby Bryant]

I don't think it's. I don't think there's anything bad about creatine. It's the most studied thing, right? It's the most studied.

[Shayna Gillis]

We have one guy in here.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah.

[Shayna Gillis]

He's going, yeah. I'm looking at him like, absolutely.

[Gabby Bryant]

It's the most studied supplement. That's the word I was looking for out there.

[Shayna Gillis]

All right, I'm in. So you just. I think you just gained me five more years.

[Gabby Bryant]

I will set you up with a morning routine.

[Shayna Gillis]

I could use that.

[Gabby Bryant]

I don't have a night routine, though. I just scroll. That's where I go.

[Shayna Gillis]

Toxic.

[Gabby Bryant]

That's where you go, okay, but morning feels like enough.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah, the morning's good. I need to start my morning. I need a routine. Yeah, I need to. I need to. You know, I tried with the hatch. That just pissed me off.

[Gabby Bryant]

Well, that sounded like there was a gay demon above your bed.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah. And I don't like that.

[Gabby Bryant]

That was a haunting sound. Yeah.

[Shayna Gillis]

If it was like. Yeah, it's like. And it's asmr.

[Gabby Bryant]

What the fuck?

[Shayna Gillis]

It starts like this, and then it's like, okay, we're gonna go a little louder. We're gonna get his Lego. Wake the. Hello.

[Gabby Bryant]

Why can't it be a song?

[Shayna Gillis]

Dude, there's a Sex in the City one.

[Gabby Bryant]

And what is it? Samantha saying, I'll fuck you if you don't get up right now.

[Shayna Gillis]

I wish it sounded like it was just. I don't know. I did it this morning and I didn't like it.

[Gabby Bryant]

We're trying everyone.

[Shayna Gillis]

There's so many, and they all piss me off.

[Gabby Bryant]

Just put a nice classical song.

[Shayna Gillis]

Classical music makes me kind of angry.

[Gabby Bryant]

Really? What about jazz?

[Shayna Gillis]

I don't know what that is. Jazz. I could do jazz. I'm kind of like a cow. I go right to it.

[Gabby Bryant]

It. There's something about jazz that wakes you up.

[Shayna Gillis]

I like jazz.

[Gabby Bryant]

Do a little morning sometimes. I go, alexa, play morning jazz. It's energizing. Jazz.

[Shayna Gillis]

I like that.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah, that's good. Try that.

[Shayna Gillis]

You ever listen to house music?

[Gabby Bryant]

I love Euro trash house music.

[Shayna Gillis]

Absolutely.

[Gabby Bryant]

I think the song of the season is Cook by Sophie Tucker.

[Shayna Gillis]

Oh, I haven't even heard that yet.

[Gabby Bryant]

It's so good.

[Shayna Gillis]

Usually I'm on. I'm on the ball.

[Gabby Bryant]

I love listening to music that sounds like I would be in a bikini pouring rose on my tits.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yes.

[Gabby Bryant]

It all comes back to that. Yeah, that's. That's big on my playlist right now.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah. All right. Hey, everybody. Everybody in the chat, drop your favorite song right now.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yep.

[Gabby Bryant]

There's a chat.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah, we've been live.

[Gabby Bryant]

What are you guys talking about?

[Shayna Gillis]

Porn, usually.

[Gabby Bryant]

Really?

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah. They're gross.

[Gabby Bryant]

They're talking about porn.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah. I have, like, so many Rogan fans.

[Gabby Bryant]

Oh, hi, guys. You probably loved my peptide stuff. I'm so Joanna Rogan.

[Shayna Gillis]

It's Joanna Rogan.

[Gabby Bryant]

That's my alter ego.

[Shayna Gillis]

And I'm Shayna Gillis signing off.

[Gabby Bryant]

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[Shayna Gillis]

Now. What is this?

[Gabby Bryant]

Makes me look like I a dick.

[Shayna Gillis]

What the hell? You saved a life in upstate New York.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yes.

[Shayna Gillis]

What happened there?

[Gabby Bryant]

I've saved several lives. No way. Yes.

[Shayna Gillis]

Now who's who?

[Gabby Bryant]

I saved a woman in Maine, actually. Specifically, I woman was bleeding out. It's kind. It's a pretty long story, but basically, I was staying at a commune making a puppet show in Maine.

[Shayna Gillis]

Exactly.

[Gabby Bryant]

Exactly, exactly. I was on a remote island in Maine at a commune doing a puppet show. Are we. Are we with me? No, Are we with you?

[Shayna Gillis]

You've completely lost me. But I'm locked.

[Gabby Bryant]

Okay. I have been known to work well under extreme pressure. Okay, yeah, that's where I thought I

[Shayna Gillis]

can get behind that. Yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

I think I could have been a hero, even a soldier.

[Shayna Gillis]

Wow.

[Gabby Bryant]

I think I would have done really good at war. Do you know that we're too old for the draft? When did it cut? What's the cutoff?

[Shayna Gillis]

26.

[Gabby Bryant]

That's so annoying, because. I know, dude, genuinely, I'm on so many Peptides right now, and I could be so good at war. I know you're not supposed to say that, and war is bad, blah, blah, blah. But, like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,

[Shayna Gillis]

blah, blah, blah, blah, Put it on a T shirt.

[Gabby Bryant]

I have an innate need for violence, and I want to attack people, and

[Shayna Gillis]

I want to be the little drummer boy on the front lines. Yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

Give Grace the drum and give me a gun and. And let's. Let's do this.

[Shayna Gillis]

War. Let's go to war.

[Gabby Bryant]

Let's go to war.

[Shayna Gillis]

We are you. Yeah, we're doing. We're doing Rogan is what we're.

[Gabby Bryant]

We're doing Rogan. This is Rogan. This is Joanna Rogan.

[Shayna Gillis]

I can't wait to pull up a WWE fight.

[Gabby Bryant]

We. We start wrestling. We crack the desk, bring out the ros.

[Shayna Gillis]

Let's see those.

[Gabby Bryant]

Okay, so I'm. I. I'm saving a life. I'm always ready for chaos, danger, etc. So I'm at this commune in Maine, mind you, doing a puppet show doesn't scream chaos.

[Shayna Gillis]

I'm learning a lot about you because you don't scream chaos in my mind.

[Gabby Bryant]

No.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah, it's all. It's all. You're gonna break.

[Gabby Bryant]

You're gonna break. At some point, I'm gonna break.

[Shayna Gillis]

I think you are.

[Gabby Bryant]

I've already broken it together, so. Well, I've already broken.

[Shayna Gillis]

You've broken.

[Gabby Bryant]

You've caught me on the other end.

[Shayna Gillis]

Oh, so we're healed.

[Gabby Bryant]

I'm healed.

[Shayna Gillis]

Oh, wonderful.

[Gabby Bryant]

I'm a healed artist.

[Shayna Gillis]

Wonderful. Wow. Wow. I'm.

[Gabby Bryant]

Listen, I'm from the Jersey Shore. I'm crazy easy.

[Shayna Gillis]

Okay? Yeah, you. But, you know, you. You give off.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah.

[Shayna Gillis]

You got it going on.

[Gabby Bryant]

No, exactly. Because I do now. But not in the past. Oh, my God.

[Shayna Gillis]

No.

[Gabby Bryant]

I used to shotgun cans of four Loco.

[Shayna Gillis]

That is my favorite friend.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah.

[Shayna Gillis]

Bring her back.

[Gabby Bryant]

That is my favorite friend. Yeah. Like, I'm fun and cool and crazy.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

I'm just older now.

[Shayna Gillis]

Okay.

[Gabby Bryant]

You know what I mean?

[Shayna Gillis]

But you're aging yourself. You're not that old.

[Gabby Bryant]

Don't make me bring back my chaos here.

[Shayna Gillis]

I'm begging for it.

[Gabby Bryant]

So I'm at this commune.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

It's on a Remote island in Maine. Why are you not that remote? I'm making a puppet show.

[Shayna Gillis]

That's really why you're there.

[Gabby Bryant]

I'm at a theater commune where you make shows. And me and my friends were doing a puppet show. That's really why we're there.

[Shayna Gillis]

Wow.

[Gabby Bryant]

We're doing a puppet show about conservation. So literally the biggest cucks in America making that show. So we have this big, like, it's like the big celebration night. We're all drinking pictures of margarita. That was my favorite meal back in the day. Straw and a picture of margarita.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah, well, because you get. You get a food source. There's a lime.

[Gabby Bryant]

Exactly. I actually have a record at this place called Cowgirl Seahorse in the Seaport in New York for drinking the most pitchers of margaritas in one sitting.

[Shayna Gillis]

That's pretty cool.

[Gabby Bryant]

I used to black out there on my birthday every single year in puke rain. Puke out puke.

[Shayna Gillis]

Wow.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah.

[Shayna Gillis]

Wow.

[Gabby Bryant]

And they said they. If I brought in a framed picture of myself, they put it on the wall. Did you do it? But then I was like, how do we. I. I mean, I'm 22 at the time. How do you frame something?

[Shayna Gillis]

Oh, yeah. Impossible.

[Gabby Bryant]

So I.

[Shayna Gillis]

You. You gave away your trophy all of all for a little. A little bit of extra.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah, yeah. I'm like, I can't imagine getting something framed. No, but that's true. So we're drinking pictures and margaritas. We're absolutely rocked. Blacked out.

[Shayna Gillis]

You and the puppeteers.

[Gabby Bryant]

Me and all the puppeteers. And the guy who owns the commune is this young, good looking guy and he had brought a girl to the commune that night to party with us. She was weird. She was weird. She was so weird that I thought she was like Eastern European and she was from Maine.

[Shayna Gillis]

What?

[Gabby Bryant]

You know what I mean.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

You know when someone's so gay that they're almost Dutch?

[Shayna Gillis]

Sure.

[Gabby Bryant]

It was like she was so weird that she was Eastern European, but she was completely from down the road.

[Shayna Gillis]

This I don't. And I don't want to take away from your story at all, but this just happened to me. I was doing my shows in Vegas this weekend and I asked the lady in the front, she was talking like this. And this is how she was talking. And I go, where the hell are you from? She goes, Indiana. No, Wrong.

[Gabby Bryant]

Hey, that's not how you sound.

[Shayna Gillis]

Don't lie to me. You're a lying bastard.

[Gabby Bryant]

That's not how you sound when you're from there.

[Shayna Gillis]

No, you're wrong. You're lying.

[Commercial Announcer]

You're.

[Shayna Gillis]

Don't lie to me.

[Gabby Bryant]

Some people are so crazy.

[Shayna Gillis]

I know. I was like. I see it on your face.

[Gabby Bryant]

You are out of your mind. You would kill. You would eat my skin, wouldn't you? You little freak.

[Shayna Gillis]

You little freak. Line yourself and me.

[Gabby Bryant]

So, like, also, like, I have mommy issues. So every time I meet a girl, I have to be best friends with them. That's how my mommy issues come out.

[Shayna Gillis]

That's good. That's a good way of doing it

[Gabby Bryant]

because you could go the Caddy route, right? No, I need women to love me. That.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

So this woman walks in, and I go, a new victim to be my best friend. Of course, I'm attacking her with, I mean, the best vibes you could ever imagine.

[Shayna Gillis]

Have the puppets in your hands.

[Gabby Bryant]

No, this is. We're not doing the show.

[Shayna Gillis]

Okay.

[Gabby Bryant]

But we could grab. We could grab a puppet at any moment. We're drinking. We're eating lobster where it's like a main. Main dinner.

[Shayna Gillis]

So me.

[Gabby Bryant]

It's so main.

[Shayna Gillis]

Someone's wearing flannel.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah. Everyone's wearing. Right? I mean, we're swimming in cloth. Swimming in clothes.

[Shayna Gillis]

Cloths.

[Gabby Bryant]

So this girl walks in. I'm trying to vibe with her as she is stone cold Steve Austin. She is giving me nothing. And I'm like, if you give me nothing, no one in here can crack you. No, because that. I'm a professional.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

So she's weird all night. Whatever. We all go to sleep hammer drunk. We're sleeping in the farmhouse, the main house of the commune. The owner of the commune, it lives above the barn.

[Shayna Gillis]

Okay.

[Gabby Bryant]

In a makeshift bunk bed that he made on the rafters of the barn with ladders and then put a mattress on top of the ladders.

[Shayna Gillis]

He's doing human chicken coop.

[Gabby Bryant]

He's doing human chicken coop. Exactly. That's exactly.

[Shayna Gillis]

I'm picturing it. He's doing Coop. Is his name Koopa? He's all Coop.

[Gabby Bryant]

So keep that in mind.

[Shayna Gillis]

I'm locked.

[Gabby Bryant]

Okay. We're in the main house. I'm sleeping open, next to an open window. Fresh air, beautiful Maine. I wake up in the middle of the night because I hear screams coming from outside the window.

[Shayna Gillis]

Oh, you don't want to hear that. In a remote island.

[Gabby Bryant]

In a remote island. And I. My mind, because I love gossip, was like, oh. Oh, the guy and the crazy girl are fighting. Oh, let me eavesdrop.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yes, of course.

[Gabby Bryant]

And then I'm. Because I'm drunk and I'm sort of waking up, and I'm realizing that she's screaming, I'm bleeding out. I'm bleeding out.

[Shayna Gillis]

Oh, no.

[Gabby Bryant]

And I go, oh, no.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

And then I look over into the room. I'm sharing a room with, like, four people, and my friend Alec is in there. Who? I've traveled the world with Alec. We've saved countless lives together. I've saved his life. I've saved many lives. He looks at me and he goes, don't you dare. I'm up. Okay? I'm up. I'm running downstairs. I'm electrified.

[Shayna Gillis]

Don't you dare save that woman's life.

[Gabby Bryant]

Don't you dare. Yeah, I'm moving. I'm in a little T shirt and underwear. Okay.

[Shayna Gillis]

I pictured nightgown, candle, wig.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah. Long sleepy hat. No, I'm fundamentally naked. Okay. I run downstairs and the guy who owns the the commune is, like, in shock in the living room, like, trying to lock for the his keys.

[Shayna Gillis]

Oh, my God.

[Gabby Bryant]

But he said, we're all blacked out. Oh, no, I mean, we're not blacked out, but we're. They're blacked out. We're hammered. And he's like, in shock. Alec goes to him. I run outside to find the girl. She is in the driveway in a puddle of blood. She's holding her arm like this. Oh, okay. And I'm like, let me see. And she lifts up her arm and her arm is cut like. Like from here to here. From inner elbow for the listeners to hand. Yeah, veins. Veins.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah, this is. This is suicide veins.

[Gabby Bryant]

Gore Vane's gore.

[Shayna Gillis]

Oh, my God. That's vertical for results.

[Gabby Bryant]

Vertical. Yeah, but accidental attention. Exactly.

[Shayna Gillis]

Family Guy joke.

[Gabby Bryant]

Family Guy joke. Not. Not our belief system.

[Shayna Gillis]

Saw a real comic actually steal that.

[Gabby Bryant]

Really?

[Shayna Gillis]

And it was crazy.

[Gabby Bryant]

That's crazy.

[Shayna Gillis]

I'm like, that's literally from Family Guy.

[Gabby Bryant]

That's crazy.

[Shayna Gillis]

I'm. I'm like, you can't fool a fool.

[Gabby Bryant]

That's. Hey, everyone in here has seen that.

[Shayna Gillis]

I go to bed to that.

[Gabby Bryant]

That's crazy.

[Shayna Gillis]

I know. I was so mad.

[Gabby Bryant]

So I run inside, I get a towel, I make a tourniquet out of the towel. Where I learned how to do this. Don't know. Just knew how to do it because I work well under pressure.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah, well, you were a born soldier.

[Gabby Bryant]

I'm a born soldier. Literally, the fact that I'm not a lieutenant shocks my. Shocks me. So I make the tourniquet. At that point, Alec has gotten the drunk guy out of the house, found the keys, pulled around the car.

[Shayna Gillis]

Wow, he's good.

[Gabby Bryant]

He's good.

[Shayna Gillis]

He's good.

[Gabby Bryant]

Because at, remember, at this point, we've already saved 10 lives.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah. You doing Red Cross?

[Gabby Bryant]

Him and I are your own personal Red Cross. We are a well oiled machine, okay?

[Shayna Gillis]

And Kur

[Gabby Bryant]

Marie Kerr, he pulls up in the car, we load the bleeding girl in, we get the drunk guy in, we sit down. Mind you, we're drunk. We're about to drunk drive to the well.

[Shayna Gillis]

You have to save a life.

[Gabby Bryant]

We have to. We turn to them in the backseat and we go, where's the hospital? And they said it's 45 minutes away.

[Shayna Gillis]

Oh, she's done for.

[Gabby Bryant]

She's dead.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

So she's dead, right?

[Shayna Gillis]

She passed away, so she's dead.

[Gabby Bryant]

End of story.

[Shayna Gillis]

Moral of the story, you're gonna die in May.

[Gabby Bryant]

You're gonna die in May. So we start speed going a hundred down the highway, hoping to get pulled over so they could take this woman out of the car. Of course, not a cop in sight.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah, of course not.

[Gabby Bryant]

Of course.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah, they're. They're all the. The local watering hole.

[Gabby Bryant]

I mean, we're blacked out, driving and she is going like this in the back.

[Shayna Gillis]

Oh, no, that's. We're about to lose her.

[Gabby Bryant]

We're about to lose her.

[Shayna Gillis]

For those of you just listening that that's a limp body. She just did.

[Gabby Bryant]

That's a limp body. She. I'm holding her by her hair.

[Shayna Gillis]

Oh my God.

[Gabby Bryant]

Holding her head up. And I'm like, stay awake, stay awake.

[Shayna Gillis]

You're really doing the stay with us.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah, the stay with us.

[Shayna Gillis]

Wow.

[Gabby Bryant]

And I'll say this, she was being a total. Oh, what a. Yeah, she was being like, don't touch me.

[Shayna Gillis]

Are you serious? You're about to die.

[Gabby Bryant]

Call my mom. It's like, bitch, we've called your mom. She's not answering. Yeah, like the guy who owns the communist sitting there, eyes wide.

[Shayna Gillis]

What did he do to her?

[Gabby Bryant]

In shock. I'll tell you. I'll. It's. It's the punchline.

[Shayna Gillis]

Oh, sorry.

[Gabby Bryant]

So it's okay.

[Shayna Gillis]

I'm doing that thing that people do in the crowd. Like, are you gonna tell us?

[Gabby Bryant]

So you did that. So we get to the hospital, we go, we get her out of the car, we pull her up to the door, and the doors are locked. The hospital's closed.

[Shayna Gillis]

Hey, close the hospital.

[Gabby Bryant]

Since when do you close hospitals? We're banging on the door. Banging. She's being a bitch, mind you. Banging on the door. The doors finally open after like 10 minutes of banging, and a nurse comes out and she goes, what?

[Shayna Gillis]

Clearly we're in Trouble.

[Gabby Bryant]

Hey, let us into the hospital. A girl's dying.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah. Come on.

[Gabby Bryant]

We get the girl. She's like, okay. They have to call a doctor. I mean, I'm sorry. Are we Pilgrims?

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah, it's rural Maine.

[Gabby Bryant]

This is crazy.

[Shayna Gillis]

This is out of control.

[Gabby Bryant]

They take her in the back. Me and Alec go into the waiting room and we sit down. And the Twilight Zone is playing.

[Shayna Gillis]

No.

[Gabby Bryant]

Crazy.

[Shayna Gillis]

No.

[Gabby Bryant]

And eventually the doctor comes. Her mom comes. We are relieved. We could go back. The sun's rising. We drive back 45 minutes to the house, and we're like, I can't believe I'm saying his name. The guy who owns the thing. We go, what happened? You haven't said a word. What has happened? And he showed us. He went back to the barn, and because this was crazy, she had a night terror in the makeshift bunk bed. She rolled off of the monk bed. Her arm got caught on one of the ladders.

[Shayna Gillis]

Shut the up.

[Gabby Bryant]

And it ripped as she fell seven feet to the ground. Slammed her head. No wonder she's being a. She has a concussion.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

There is blood and skin hanging off the ladder all over the ground, all over the steps, all over, everywhere.

[Shayna Gillis]

Oh, my God.

[Gabby Bryant]

And we go, k. Alrighty. Awesome to know that. And then we go back to bed. Everyone's waking up. We're sleeping to death.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

We explain everything to everyone in the morning. And then the next night we have dinner, and she comes back and she's all bandaged up, and I'm like, oh, my God. Like, are you okay? And she was like, yeah. Why?

[Shayna Gillis]

Oh, my God.

[Gabby Bryant]

That I should have let her die.

[Shayna Gillis]

Oh, my God.

[Gabby Bryant]

I should have let her die.

[Shayna Gillis]

She should have bled out.

[Gabby Bryant]

Can you believe that?

[Shayna Gillis]

Oh, you. You're a. You are such a.

[Gabby Bryant]

You're a crazy. I thought you were from Eastern Europe. You.

[Shayna Gillis]

You Dutch.

[Gabby Bryant]

You weird.

[Shayna Gillis]

Oh, Evil Knievel. Oh, my God.

[Gabby Bryant]

Can you believe that?

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah. Why? I don't know. I don't know.

[Gabby Bryant]

I saved your goddamn life.

[Shayna Gillis]

Tourniquet and all.

[Gabby Bryant]

In underwear, by the way. I was in the hospital in underwear. You.

[Shayna Gillis]

You never changed.

[Gabby Bryant]

I never put up. I didn't have time. The woman was dying.

[Shayna Gillis]

Wow.

[Gabby Bryant]

I was in the hospital watching Twilight Zone in a crop top and underwear.

[Shayna Gillis]

You can't write that.

[Gabby Bryant]

You can't write that. That's the. That is the damn truth.

[Shayna Gillis]

I pictured all of it, too.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah.

[Shayna Gillis]

In detail.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah.

[Shayna Gillis]

Wow.

[Gabby Bryant]

So that's the time I saved a life. I have several other stories, but that's. That's the best one, obviously. Wow.

[Shayna Gillis]

And. And you can't cure a.

[Gabby Bryant]

You can't cure. I'll tell you what, that doctor made no marks against that night.

[Shayna Gillis]

No, he did not. He was not doing anything for the medical society.

[Gabby Bryant]

Her.

[Shayna Gillis]

Oh, my God. Her. Oh, I couldn't. I hope she's saving someone's life and then them being mad at you.

[Gabby Bryant]

Mad at me? Mad at me for bringing it up.

[Shayna Gillis]

That must have broke you.

[Gabby Bryant]

I was like, I'm covered in your blood.

[Shayna Gillis]

Did she get any blood on the puppet puppets?

[Gabby Bryant]

No, she wasn't allowed at the puppies. You're like, so. But were you holding up? Did you bring a puppet to the

[Shayna Gillis]

hospital with the puppets there? Did they get harmed?

[Gabby Bryant]

The puppets were good.

[Shayna Gillis]

The puppets were good.

[Gabby Bryant]

They were good.

[Shayna Gillis]

That is so bizarro.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah. Wow. So that's the story. So if anyone's ever in danger, I'm like, yeah, you get.

[Shayna Gillis]

Right.

[Gabby Bryant]

Wow. Yeah.

[Shayna Gillis]

That's nuts. Ma'. Am.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah.

[Shayna Gillis]

Thank you for saving a life.

[Gabby Bryant]

You're welcome. Not that she cares.

[Shayna Gillis]

Well, speaking of lives.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah.

[Shayna Gillis]

I want to show you. Well, we're gonna play a game.

[Gabby Bryant]

Okay.

[Shayna Gillis]

The game is called Nepo or. No. No. Now, are you gonna. I'm gonna show you a picture of a person. You're gonna tell me if they're a Nepo or. No way.

[Gabby Bryant]

Okay.

[Shayna Gillis]

All right.

[Gabby Bryant]

And I want everyone to know that I'm a Teemu Nepo. Okay. I'm just a Nepo for comedy because there's no other Nepos in comedy. So everyone's like, you're the biggest Nep. Nepo, baby. In the world. I'm like, dhgate Nepo.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah, well, there's. I know, I know. But there is that. Underwhelming. Overwhelming. Underwhelming. You're welming, Napo.

[Gabby Bryant]

I'm whelming.

[Shayna Gillis]

You're welcome.

[Gabby Bryant]

I'm in the mix. You're in the mix, but not as much as I want to be. Yeah, but obviously nepotism. It gives us the freedom to fail. That's what nepotism is. By the way, of course. Nepo. That's the mod sister. Iris.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

No, no. Is she an epo?

[Shayna Gillis]

Not an epo.

[Gabby Bryant]

No, not an epo. Came for nothing. Built everything. He's an icon. He's my number one.

[Shayna Gillis]

He is an epo.

[Gabby Bryant]

He is.

[Shayna Gillis]

His father was a musician.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah, but he was a failing musician. He was a trumpet player,

[Shayna Gillis]

traveling band.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah, but that can mean anything.

[Shayna Gillis]

That is true. Anyone can start a band.

[Gabby Bryant]

That's Meryl Streep's daughter, Kesha. What are you up to? I feel like she's not. Because. I just feel like she's not.

[Shayna Gillis]

It says here, not a Nepo. But dad did. But. But did. Oh, but she did grow up in the music industry.

[Gabby Bryant]

Very sad.

[Shayna Gillis]

It's very sad. Why is it very sad? It didn't work.

[Gabby Bryant]

That's what happened with Will Ferrell.

[Shayna Gillis]

Okay.

[Gabby Bryant]

Fail. Failed musician. Parents. Nepo. I met his mom once. She was in my dad's play. His mom.

[Shayna Gillis]

No.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah. She's a very famous theater actress and personality in England. She's really cool. And I don't. I don't remember her name right now,

[Shayna Gillis]

but she's Denise Welch.

[Gabby Bryant]

Denise Welch. Denise Welch is sick. I love that. Not an epo.

[Shayna Gillis]

No, no, not an epo.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah, no, no, that's.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah. No, no, not an epo.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah, not an Uppo, Obviously. Arnold Schwarzenegger's son and a Kennedy, even.

[Shayna Gillis]

Who.

[Gabby Bryant]

That.

[Shayna Gillis]

This is Eve Houston.

[Gabby Bryant]

Oh, is that Kate Winslet's daughter?

[Shayna Gillis]

It says here that her father is Bono.

[Gabby Bryant]

Oh, well, that. Yeah, that's good. That's gonna be Nepo.

[Shayna Gillis]

That's gonna be.

[Gabby Bryant]

That's gonna be Nepo. I love him. Sebastian. I don't know. No, no, no, no. Nice last one. I don't know. Like, I never even thought that he had parents. You know what I mean?

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah, he's just always been grown.

[Gabby Bryant]

He's. And he's always been that age.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

Since we've been born.

[Shayna Gillis]

Seriously. He's not aging, but also, I could

[Gabby Bryant]

see his mom being, like, some cool jazz singer, like, with his vibe.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah. But surprisingly. No, no, no, no.

[Gabby Bryant]

Whoa.

[Shayna Gillis]

You did pretty good on that.

[Gabby Bryant]

I like to pay attention.

[Shayna Gillis]

And I'm sorry that the Nepo thing keeps coming up.

[Gabby Bryant]

I mean, it's fine. You don't have to be sorry. It's. It's the truth.

[Shayna Gillis]

It just is what it is.

[Gabby Bryant]

It is what it is.

[Shayna Gillis]

Truly and honestly.

[Gabby Bryant]

I listen. I hit it for a long time, and then I was like, maybe I'll start a podcast with my dad. It did nothing for my career, but we have a really nice time together.

[Shayna Gillis]

It's okay. It's great.

[Gabby Bryant]

It's great. I like my dad.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah. That's important.

[Gabby Bryant]

That's key here.

[Shayna Gillis]

That's. That's really a huge part.

[Gabby Bryant]

A beautiful woman. He's a great mom.

[Shayna Gillis]

He really is.

[Gabby Bryant]

He is.

[Shayna Gillis]

He taught you how to do your hair?

[Gabby Bryant]

He taught me how to do my hair, for sure. He also had hair extensions for a while, so we bond a lot about that. No.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah. Wow.

[Gabby Bryant]

You know, he's trash from North Jersey. And he made it, and that's exciting. And I'm happy for him.

[Shayna Gillis]

That's important.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah.

[Shayna Gillis]

And I'm sure he'd say the same about you. Yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

He actually always wanted to be a comedian. Really? Yeah. There's this. This thing that all rock stars want to be comedians and all comedians want to be rock stars.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah, I've heard this.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah. Actually, so he had more comedy albums than rock albums growing up. So when I started doing comedy, like, randomly, he was like, this is the best day of my life.

[Shayna Gillis]

Wow. Yeah. You're fulfilling his dream.

[Gabby Bryant]

He comes to every show he had, calls everyone. One time I left him at the stand in the showroom. He, before the show was over, walked out of the showroom arm in arm with Sidney Washington.

[Shayna Gillis]

Hell, yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

I'm like, how did this even happen?

[Shayna Gillis]

That rocks.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah.

[Shayna Gillis]

That is awesome.

[Gabby Bryant]

Show was happening actively that.

[Shayna Gillis]

The same thing happened with my dad. My dad will come, he'll heckle.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah.

[Shayna Gillis]

He was just yelling out numbers at one point. Totally. At one point, he just yelled Jewish. Yeah. Neither of us are.

[Gabby Bryant]

My dad loved Yamanika set the other day. And he was saying her jokes out. Like, she would say them and then he would repeat them, laughing. And I was like, don't repeat that.

[Shayna Gillis]

What does he think this is, Def Jam?

[Gabby Bryant]

He literally thought it was Def Jam. And he was, like, crying. He's like, this is the funniest woman I've ever seen.

[Shayna Gillis]

That's awesome.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah.

[Shayna Gillis]

What would be your Def Jam slogan?

[Gabby Bryant]

I don't know. What's a deaf. What were they?

[Shayna Gillis]

It's kind of like what's. It's like a one liner that you repeat.

[Gabby Bryant]

Oh, oh, oh. Like a. Oh. I've always said that my catchphrase would be my dick and balls. That's good.

[Shayna Gillis]

That is good. To have it so quick is perfect.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I've thought about this.

[Shayna Gillis]

My dick and balls.

[Gabby Bryant]

My dick and ball balls.

[Shayna Gillis]

What would yours be? And that's my time.

[Gabby Bryant]

That's my time.

[Shayna Gillis]

Every time I. It's so much more fun with an accent, but I'm trying to refrain from that.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah, yeah.

[Shayna Gillis]

You know?

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah, yeah.

[Shayna Gillis]

Don't. Yeah. And that's my time. Sorry. See, it is better.

[Gabby Bryant]

It is better. Right?

[Shayna Gillis]

But that's what you use when. It's when you have a joke that fails.

[Gabby Bryant]

Right, Right.

[Shayna Gillis]

But then you keep going. You never get off.

[Gabby Bryant]

I want people to call me Lil Miss Dick and Balls.

[Shayna Gillis]

Little Miss Dick and Balls. You can hear her swinging from a mile away. Little mystick and balls.

[Gabby Bryant]

Little Miss Sticking Balls.

[Shayna Gillis]

And that's how we end the show now, right here into the camera, we do a little segment where you could shout out just about anybody rapid fire style, and then shout out yourself. And where everyone can find.

[Gabby Bryant]

I have to shout out about anybody?

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah, about anybody.

[Gabby Bryant]

I want to shout out the gas station I found in South Brooklyn that pumps gas for me. I'm a Jersey girl. I have a hard time letting that go. I don't want to touch that gross, gross thing that you're all fucking touching and not making a big deal of it, by the way. That's weird. I don't. That's. That's open to the elements. Okay. So I did find a gas station that does it near me, and a Lebanese guy pumps my gas. And I open my. My window and we chat.

[Shayna Gillis]

He's lesbian.

[Gabby Bryant]

He's. He's Lebanese. Oh, I think they have less a Lebanese lesbian shout out to them. This Lebanese guy was telling me about how he's been collecting everyone's tickets on their cars because he thinks it's too hard to live in New York. And I said, slay king, what do you do with all those tickets?

[Shayna Gillis]

Also, they have to pay those.

[Gabby Bryant]

They have to pay those.

[Shayna Gillis]

They are still attached.

[Gabby Bryant]

You're not making their day. They're getting them again in the mail.

[Shayna Gillis]

You're ruining it.

[Gabby Bryant]

But he says, no matter where I go in the world, I'll always want to come back to New York.

[Shayna Gillis]

Absolutely.

[Gabby Bryant]

And I said, preach. I'm assuming your name's Paul and I. For now. Paul, for now. So shout out to that guy. I am on tour. Come see me on tour. My tour is called Gabby Bryant is my best friend. I'm at Netflix is a joke festival in May. Question mark. Don't remember the date. I want to say May 7th.

[Shayna Gillis]

It's flashing right here.

[Gabby Bryant]

It's flashing. So come see that. I have a big, big room that I gotta sell. And then I'm also in, like, Toronto and Dallas and so many other places I can't think of right now.

[Shayna Gillis]

Hell, yeah.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah.

[Shayna Gillis]

Do you need any openers in Netflix as a joke?

[Gabby Bryant]

What you need? Are you there?

[Shayna Gillis]

I'm gonna be there.

[Gabby Bryant]

You want to do a guestie? I would love to do a guestie.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yay.

[Gabby Bryant]

Do a guestie.

[Shayna Gillis]

Gracie's gonna do a guest.

[Gabby Bryant]

Oh, that'd be so fun.

[Shayna Gillis]

I just invited myself.

[Gabby Bryant]

No, please, please.

[Shayna Gillis]

I've never done that.

[Gabby Bryant]

No, no. You first of all, always do that. Always do that.

[Shayna Gillis]

Okay. On camera. Yeah. She can't really say no, no, no.

[Gabby Bryant]

Great.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah, that Was kind of rude.

[Gabby Bryant]

No, no, please.

[Shayna Gillis]

We could talk about this offline.

[Gabby Bryant]

You can absolutely do a guess.

[Shayna Gillis]

Yeah, I can do it.

[Gabby Bryant]

Yeah. It'd be really fun. Yeah. Well, I am at the same time as Lizzo

[Shayna Gillis]

and if. If you look up what Lizzo show is, it's so many comics. It's like, crazy.

[Gabby Bryant]

What the fuck?

[Shayna Gillis]

It's literally out of control.

[Gabby Bryant]

I'm at the same time as fucking Lizzo. Hey, she's not a comedian, by the way.

[Shayna Gillis]

She's not you.

[Gabby Bryant]

Me.

[Shayna Gillis]

Oh, oh. She's gonna dip her toes into comedy during my.

[Gabby Bryant]

At my slot. That's not fair.

[Shayna Gillis]

That's skinny girl confidence.

[Gabby Bryant]

That's not fair. Whatever. No, I totally support her at any size, but I am mad at her for doing a comedy show when she's not a comedian at my exact time. Because, listen, I'm up and coming.

[Shayna Gillis]

Anything more?

[Gabby Bryant]

Is there anyone else I want to shout out?

[Shayna Gillis]

Social handles.

[Gabby Bryant]

Oh, yeah, right. Follow me on Instagram and tick tock at Gabby is Brian. I think that's my YouTube as well. But then my Snapchat is Gabby Bryan is.

[Shayna Gillis]

Oh, you're making that money on Snapchat.

[Gabby Bryant]

Someone took my damn handle.

[Shayna Gillis]

Oh, damn it.

[Gabby Bryant]

I think I'm also on Facebook. I don't have a website.

[Shayna Gillis]

I just made my Facebook public.

[Gabby Bryant]

Good.

[Shayna Gillis]

That was a big. I heard you.

[Gabby Bryant]

You make a lot of money on that.

[Shayna Gillis]

A lot of money on that.

[Gabby Bryant]

That. I'm not, though. You're not? No, I'm making money on Tik Tok. Oh.

[Shayna Gillis]

I got out of that program because I thought it was hurting me, but

[Gabby Bryant]

I gotta go back. I recently got kicked out of it. I'm trying to get back in.

[Shayna Gillis]

I. I left on my own terms because views are down, but it doesn't matter. They're down anyways.

[Gabby Bryant]

They're down. They're down across the board, but everyone's saying they're making a lot of money on Snapchat. So I just started.

[Shayna Gillis]

Smart.

[Gabby Bryant]

Just started doing that.

[Shayna Gillis]

Smart. So support local business.

[Gabby Bryant]

So support small local businesses. Gabby Brian llc. Have a day. Bye.

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What do I do?

[Shayna Gillis]

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[Gabby Bryant]

I'm so relieved.

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