Hannah Berner: On the Road Without a License - Disgraceful with Grace O'Malley

Summary6 min read

**Podcast Summary: "Hannah Berner: On the Road Without a License"
Podcast Title: DisGRACEful with Grace O’Malley
Host: Grace O’Malley
Guest: Hannah Berner
Release Date: May 8, 2025

Introduction and Episode Overview

In this lively episode of DisGRACEful with Grace O’Malley, host Grace O’Malley welcomes comedian and podcast host Hannah Berner as her potential co-host. The episode blends comedic banter, personal anecdotes, and insightful discussions, all aimed at determining if Hannah has what it takes to join Grace as a permanent co-host. Throughout the episode, Grace and Hannah engage in various segments, including family memory dives, the Sister Fight game, and an in-depth interview with Hannah promoting her latest book.

Family Memories and Shared Stories

Grace and Hannah begin the episode by reminiscing about their childhoods, sharing notable family sayings and funny memories that have shaped their sense of humor.

Notable Quote:

Grace O’Malley [02:44]: "We always quote from Maggie's two guys cut him in the neck video."

Grace recounts a childhood video where her sister Maggie, then a child, humorously claims her mom was attacked, leading to a frantic dance to the tune of "Moves Like Jagger" by Maroon 5.

Hannah adds personal anecdotes about their family dynamics, highlighting moments like running the haunted mansion family tradition and the hilarious mishaps that occurred during their outings. These stories not only showcase their tight-knit relationship but also their ability to find humor in everyday situations.

Sister Fight Segment

Transitioning into the Sister Fight segment, Grace and Hannah engage in a playful debate prompted by audience-submitted topics. This segment is designed to spark friendly competition and highlight their differing comedic perspectives.

Sample Interaction:

Grace O’Malley [14:32]: "We're going to fight."
Hannah Berner [14:38]: "Actually, no, I'm your boss."

They tackle various light-hearted topics, such as opinions on comedians like Al Pacino and Joaquin Phoenix, preferences for non-traditional silverware, and humorous takes on everyday dilemmas like jury duty and shopping habits.

Interview with Hannah Berner

The core of the episode features an engaging interview with Hannah Berner, delving into her career, personal challenges, and creative processes.

a. Stand-Up Comedy and Performance Anxiety

Hannah shares her journey into stand-up comedy, discussing her experiences with performance anxiety and the strategies she's employed to overcome it. She candidly talks about using beta blockers to manage her anxiety before performances, providing listeners with an authentic look into the mental challenges comedians face.

Notable Quote:

Hannah Berner [75:56]: "I'm not chasing adrenaline. I wake up with enough self-induced adrenaline from just surviving on this planet."

Grace and Hannah discuss the importance of authenticity in comedy and how personal struggles can fuel creative expression.

b. Use of Beta Blockers

Hannah elaborates on her use of beta blockers, explaining how they help her manage the physical symptoms of anxiety without affecting her mental state.

Notable Quote:

Hannah Berner [76:20]: "I took it before my Netflix special, and it was great. It's not something you take during a panic attack, but preemptively."

This honest conversation sheds light on the often-overlooked aspects of mental health in the entertainment industry.

c. Experiences with Self-Tapes and Acting

Hannah discusses the challenges of auditioning for acting roles, particularly the difficulties of creating effective self-tapes without professional equipment or coaching.

Notable Quote:

Hannah Berner [80:11]: "I've been doing self-tapes lately, and obviously I haven't gotten anything. As soon as I do, you'll find me first to know."

Grace empathizes, sharing her own struggles with self-taping and the competitive nature of the acting world.

d. Book Promotion: "How to Giggle"

Hannah proudly promotes her book, "How to Giggle," a New York Times bestseller that serves as a guide to taking life less seriously. The book is described as a coffee table favorite with humorous blurbs from notable comedians like Amy Poehler and Chelsea Handler.

Notable Quote:

Hannah Berner [82:14]: "It's a beautiful coffee table book, like a magazine. You can open any chapter and laugh about something."

Grace praises the book's unique format and the clever blurbs, highlighting its appeal to both casual readers and comedy enthusiasts.

Games and Interactive Segments

Throughout the episode, Grace and Hannah introduce interactive games that engage both themselves and the audience, adding layers of humor and spontaneity to the conversation.

DisGRACEful Receipts

In the DisGRACEful Receipts segment, Grace and Hannah review past social media posts, reacting to them with humor and relatability.

Sample Interaction:

Grace O’Malley [86:00]: "Proud of my calves for being in their first Adidas campaign."
Hannah Berner [86:22]: "I was sweating. I thought I was going to be so famous."

They laugh over nostalgic posts, offering commentary on the evolution of their online personas and the absurdities of social media fame.

DisGRACEful Receipts Game

Later in the episode, they play a game where they draw cards containing prompts to tell true stories, fabricate tales, or spin elaborate lies. The other must guess the nature of each story, leading to hilarious revelations and shared laughter.

Notable Quote:

Grace O’Malley [95:14]: "What's the dumbest lie you've ever told in a job interview? Has anyone not lied in a job interview?"

This segment not only entertains but also provides deeper insights into their personal lives and histories.

Concluding Discussions

As the episode draws to a close, Grace and Hannah reflect on the importance of authenticity, the pressures of public perception, and the value of genuine connections in both personal and professional spheres.

Notable Quotes:

Hannah Berner [91:21]: "If it affects your creativity, like, if you stop telling a joke on stage or don't want to post something because you have like those voices, that means they win."
Grace O’Malley [93:12]: "Yeah. I know. I just gotta do it."

They emphasize embracing one's true self and the necessity of staying true to personal values amidst external pressures.

Highlights and Takeaways

Family and Memory: The deep bond between Grace and Hannah is evident through their shared family stories and childhood memories, showcasing how formative experiences contribute to their comedic styles.
Mental Health in Comedy: Hannah's frank discussion about performance anxiety and the use of beta blockers highlights the often-hidden struggles comedians face, fostering a more nuanced understanding of the profession.
Authenticity and Creativity: Both hosts stress the importance of being authentic in their work, whether it's through personal anecdotes, candid interviews, or interactive segments, reinforcing the podcast's commitment to genuine engagement.
Interactive Humor: The inclusion of games like Sister Fight and DisGRACEful Receipts adds an engaging and dynamic element to the episode, keeping listeners entertained while providing deeper insights into the hosts' personalities.
Promotion and Community Building: Hannah's promotion of her bestselling book serves as a seamless integration of content and marketing, encouraging listeners to support her work while maintaining the episode's humorous tone.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

[02:44] Grace O’Malley: "We always quote from Maggie's two guys cut him in the neck video."
[14:32] Grace O’Malley: "We're going to fight."
[75:56] Hannah Berner: "I'm not chasing adrenaline. I wake up with enough self-induced adrenaline from just surviving on this planet."
[76:20] Hannah Berner: "I took it before my Netflix special, and it was great. It's not something you take during a panic attack, but preemptively."
[82:14] Hannah Berner: "It's a beautiful coffee table book, like a magazine. You can open any chapter and laugh about something."
[91:21] Hannah Berner: "If it affects your creativity, like, if you stop telling a joke on stage or don't want to post something because you have like those voices, that means they win."

Conclusion

This episode of DisGRACEful with Grace O’Malley beautifully balances humor with heartfelt discussions, offering listeners an intimate glimpse into the lives of two talented comedians. Hannah Berner’s candidness about her challenges and Grace O’Malley’s infectious energy create a dynamic and engaging listening experience. Whether you're a long-time fan or new to the podcast, this episode provides valuable insights, laughter, and a deeper appreciation for the art of comedy and the individuals behind it.

Loading summary

Transcript1,345 lines

[00:00]
Grace O'Malley
The New Balance 1080 is the ultimate daily trainer, blending reliable comfort with their top tier performance. Whether you're logging serious miles, I don't know if you've been to JFK in a while, but it is a hike to get through there. And I need my 1080 new balances to help me out because they can seamlessly transition from coffee shop to a run to the gate. It's built for everything from everyday to race day. And for me, race day is racing to the airport with a cushioned midsole that keeps your foot supported and secure. It's. It delivers the propulsive comfort athletes need for smooth and effortless runs. Shop the 1080@New Balance.com ever since switching.
[00:35]
Hannah Berner
To T Mobile, something weird has been happening. I get to cut lines.
[00:40]
Nora
Oh, right this way.
[00:41]
Hannah Berner
Who, me? I can stream shows at 30,000ft and I was able to buy reserve tickets for my favorite band.
[00:51]
Nora
It's not just you. With T Mobile, everyone can get VIP status. That means access to exclusive events and experiences. Just for being a customer. At t mobile, VIP means y o u check out the VIP treatment@t mobile.com benefits.
[01:06]
Grace O'Malley
Hey, guys, welcome back. We haven't really done much since we last updated you, but we wanted to get this Hannah burner episode out to you guys because, you know, I love her. I adore. You love her. You adore. And not only do we love and adore, she's got a book to promote. All right. It's already a New York number one seller. We found out that day when we recorded. But, you know, more promo is the best promo. So we decided we're gonna sit here, Nora and I. Hey, guys, again, she's. She's got to be here, so always here. It's not like I'm a surprise. So we decided to do a little sister segment for you guys. I'm here with Nora.
[01:41]
Unknown
Hey, guys, here again, we got.
[01:43]
Grace O'Malley
We got like little segments we're gonna do. And then we'll get right into that episode because I know you got him for it. So up first, we've got pop culture family sayings. What are things we say in our family that is from a movie, family moment or a time in pop culture? I'll go first. We always quote from Maggie's two guys cut him in the neck video. Yeah, so I recorded my sister when we were younger. Yeah, that sounds crazy. Out of context, I'm realizing my little sister Maggie, I used to babysit her all the time. And she was my little. She was like my little doll. And so I set up a camera one time, and I interviewed her, which is pretty full circle, Maggie. You know, that's what we're doing here every day. And so I sat her down, pretending she was a pop star, and I asked her all kinds of questions, and she had a lot of great answers. Like, I. I said, what. What do you call your fans? And she said, her Jojo's. I call them Jojos. And. And one. I call them Strawberry Joe. And so we'll say that if something's like strawberry flavor.
[02:44]
Unknown
Well, we'll put part of the video in here. Yeah, yeah.
[02:48]
Grace O'Malley
What else did she say? Oh, are you talking about my daughter? Yeah, she looks twins like me.
[02:53]
Unknown
So anytime that we say that, like we're matching, we say that she's twins like me.
[02:57]
Grace O'Malley
There's actually a lot of quotable things from this. From this video.
[03:00]
Unknown
There's so many things from that video, like, in real life, or like our mom, Maggie, and us. That's about it.
[03:06]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, we. We do be quoting this. And, yeah, one of another one of the things, I asked her what her new fragrance was called, and. And she said, oh, it's called Perfect Presto.
[03:19]
Unknown
Perfect Presto.
[03:20]
Grace O'Malley
So if something's awesome and we get good news, we're like, that's perfect.
[03:24]
Unknown
That's my Perfect Presto.
[03:25]
Grace O'Malley
And then she ended the video with saying. I said, oh, and. And tell me about. And tell me about your parents. And she goes, I have no mom.
[03:34]
Unknown
Oh, that's too bad. Yeah, but I have a dad.
[03:39]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, that's good.
[03:39]
Unknown
My mom passed away. My God, that's awful.
[03:46]
Hannah Berner
And some guys cut her in the neck.
[03:49]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, my God. And then she goes into a frantic dance. It's really crazy.
[03:54]
Unknown
She was literally, like 5 years old, and she was just saying that her mom got cut off, literally, by two guys cutting her in the neck and that she was dead. It was the first time her mom was fully alive. And we never went through any sort of tribulation.
[04:06]
Grace O'Malley
No, ever. And it was the first time I ever found myself speechless. I was absolutely speechless.
[04:12]
Unknown
In the video, you're, like, fully interviewing her the whole time. And then she says, two guys cut her in the neck. Dead silence. And then Moves Like Jagger starts playing on the tv. And she goes, turn this up.
[04:22]
Hannah Berner
It's my song.
[04:22]
Unknown
And she starts doing cartwheels. It's so crazy. It's the craziest video. We have to post it. It's the craziest video that has ever surfaced our family, ever.
[04:31]
Grace O'Malley
I will say this is the sister that claims she's not funny. She is crazy. I mean, it's right there.
[04:38]
Unknown
She's for sure crazy.
[04:39]
Grace O'Malley
I mean, truth don't lie. Yeah, I've got footage of her when she was a kid killing off our mother.
[04:44]
Unknown
Yeah.
[04:49]
Nora
The Slayer has been activated.
[04:52]
Grace O'Malley
All the power of hell powering of.
[04:55]
Nora
All one man ID Software presents the Dark Ages.
[05:01]
Grace O'Malley
Pre order now. Rated mature As a small business owner, my favorite thing about posting a job on LinkedIn is that when I hit post Iclock out and LinkedIn clocks in.
[05:12]
Nora
LinkedIn makes it easy to post your job for free, get qualified candidates and manage them all in one place. Plus, LinkedIn extends the reach of your job post by allowing you to share it with your network. And hiring managers that add a hiring frame to their LinkedIn profiles receive two times more. Qualified applicants. Go to LinkedIn.com acquire to post your job for free. Terms and conditions apply.
[05:37]
Grace O'Malley
What else do we kind of.
[05:38]
Unknown
Anything from any Christmas.
[05:40]
Grace O'Malley
So, like, oh, the Grinch.
[05:42]
Unknown
The Grinch. Jury duty. Jury duty. Blackmail. Jury duty. Anytime anyone brings up jury duty ever.
[05:48]
Grace O'Malley
You know who just quoted that?
[05:49]
Unknown
Who?
[05:49]
Grace O'Malley
Trixie.
[05:50]
Unknown
Oh, yes.
[05:50]
Grace O'Malley
Trixie said that they send out tick tocks like it's the jury duty scene. I love Trixie in the Grinch.
[05:57]
Unknown
I love Trixie so much.
[05:58]
Grace O'Malley
Trixie's performing while we're here, but we're not gonna be able to see it.
[06:00]
Unknown
So up. Something else from the Grinch. We say, perfectly packaged.
[06:05]
Grace O'Malley
Perfectly packaged.
[06:06]
Unknown
Perfectly packaged. Perfectly packaged, my dear. Like, when anything's, like, wrapped nice. Whatever. We also quote, we got Annie.
[06:14]
Grace O'Malley
We got Annie. Oh, when someone gets in trouble, we. We quote a lot of movies. We. So many musicals, if you will. If somebody gets in trouble, like, he had it coming.
[06:24]
Hannah Berner
We.
[06:24]
Unknown
When we were little, my mom played Chicago in our car. Our car had, like, one of those TVs when we were, like, had it nice for a little bit. But that movie would play all the time, and we were way too young to be watching people murdering their husbands.
[06:37]
Grace O'Malley
It took me till, like, five years ago I rewatched it and I was.
[06:40]
Unknown
Like, oh, I had no idea what the movie was about when I was little, though.
[06:43]
Grace O'Malley
These women are actually killing their husbands for personal gain. But it's a feminist movement, really, because these guys, they had it coming.
[06:50]
Unknown
They had it coming. And they. I just thought that it was like, women in, like, cool outfits dancing in jail cells.
[06:57]
Grace O'Malley
And then it never, like, occurred to me that, like, how. How could she have gotten pregnant in jail? Yeah, it's crazy stuff.
[07:05]
Unknown
That was crazy to watch as a little kid.
[07:07]
Grace O'Malley
It's crazy. What you look back when you. When you're From. When you're younger. What. What you watch, and you're like, oh, wow. This has a completely different.
[07:13]
Unknown
Yeah. One movie that I hated watching. Remember we had, like, one of those DVDs that had three movies in one, and there were three of the worst movies, and I hated all of them.
[07:22]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, it was always those ones that were, like, on clearance at, like, the. At the grocery store. Yeah. It was Witches.
[07:29]
Unknown
Witches, which is horror. Oh, my God. Oh, I don't like that movie at all because they get so creepy scary so fast.
[07:36]
Grace O'Malley
Well, here's the thing. Nora was a little pussy fritty cat growing up, and she was too afraid to go downstairs by herself. So what she would make my mother do, she would have my mom do Happy Feet. And that would make that. That just means my mom would move her feet around as if she was, like, tap dancing, like the movie Happy Feet, like the Penguins, so that I.
[07:56]
Unknown
Knew she was at the top of.
[07:57]
Grace O'Malley
The stairs so that she just knew she was there. And you would think you. You have abandonment issues, but nobody ever left you.
[08:03]
Unknown
No one knew that I had anxiety until I was like, dude, I literally, like, have physical reactions that are really bad.
[08:09]
Grace O'Malley
I think it wasn't until you learned personally what it was in school. Yeah. Oh, shit.
[08:16]
Unknown
When they were like, yeah, your body can have a physical reaction that it might feel like you have a heart attack. I literally was telling doctors, and they were like, yeah, I don't know.
[08:22]
Grace O'Malley
You can also just like, be a little scaredy cat, though.
[08:25]
Unknown
I was such a scaredy cat. We went to the haunted.
[08:29]
Grace O'Malley
It's called Barrett' Haunted Mansion. Incredible. It's great stuff. Family ran, like, the best haunted mansion you could ever come across in all of Massachusetts. Really?
[08:39]
Unknown
Yeah.
[08:40]
Grace O'Malley
And I would go there every year for my birthday because my birthday is around Halloween, and it was very big deal for me. And one year, I would go with my dad because my mom's a scared little bitch like Nora is. And so I'd go with my dad every year, but my dad had to work overtime one time, and he wasn't there to take me. So my mom stepped to the plate, and that was, like, the coolest thing that she's ever done because it took everything in her to take me in there, but it was, like, a tradition, and so I would literally go there every year. And then as you get older, you go with your friends, and this was, like, the last year I could have went because we were getting a little too old for it. It was like, literally the last year I could have went. And Nora also went with her friends.
[09:17]
Unknown
That year with my friends. And then in order to get your tickets, you have to go through a mini haunted house. My friends tapped out at the mini haunted house that literally you have to walk past a clown with a chainsaw. They said, we're not getting tickets. Are you kidding me? So they called their parents to go, and I was like, I'm going in. My sister's still here. I'll just go with her. So I go and meet her.
[09:36]
Grace O'Malley
She lost her mind. I was like, pulling people's hair.
[09:42]
Unknown
I was 11.
[09:43]
Grace O'Malley
You were so scared. And like, that part, I. I feel bad, cuz. You're so scared.
[09:48]
Unknown
Horrified.
[09:48]
Grace O'Malley
But the other thing is you have to wait in line for like, it.
[09:52]
Unknown
Was like two hours.
[09:53]
Grace O'Malley
Two hours. But the line is like a really fun part of all of this because you're still getting scared while you're in line. But we waited in line for two hours my last year I could have ever went to this thing. And I got my kid sister with me, so I can't even say the stuff I want to say around her because she was a little narc ass. And we get to the very top, we're about to go in, and she. She goes, I can't do it.
[10:20]
Hannah Berner
I can't do.
[10:20]
Grace O'Malley
She threw us. I think you threw yourself to the ground.
[10:22]
Unknown
I think I threw myself.
[10:23]
Grace O'Malley
I think you threw yourself to the ground.
[10:24]
Unknown
No, I was. You were trying to pull me in, and I, like, pull. I like, put weight down so that you wouldn't be able to drag me in.
[10:31]
Grace O'Malley
And so then I was like, can't leave my kid's sister out here with all these crazy clowns because she's gonna probably run into the woods.
[10:39]
Unknown
Then you scalped your tickets in the front.
[10:41]
Grace O'Malley
Did I?
[10:41]
Unknown
Yeah, you go. You go. I'll give you them for 20 bucks.
[10:44]
Grace O'Malley
Speaking of scalping, one year, my grandmother, she. She was like, I'm gonna take you guys Red Sox game. That's my favorite New York City. And like New York Yankees vs. The Boston Red Sox. That's a rivalry. That's a. That's. That is gonna be incredible. I'm in like sixth grade, and we took a. We. We went with my cousin and. And Nora and my grandmother, and we get all the way there, and she goes to the box office to go buy tickets for opening day.
[11:13]
Unknown
We didn't have tickets for a four hour drive to an. To another state to go to a game that we were supposed to go to.
[11:19]
Hannah Berner
All Day, and we were, we were.
[11:20]
Grace O'Malley
Just getting in that car and going home. So that was, like, our whole thing we were doing that day. And so they didn't have any, Any tickets at the box office. So they said. So my grandmother said, oh, I guess we're gonna have to do scalpus. I think she also said, like, I don't really feel like dealing with that. And so I was like, I guess I'll do it.
[11:35]
Unknown
Peak. Middle of the Bronx.
[11:37]
Grace O'Malley
I'm running around the Bronx. Sixth. Sixth grade, maybe. No, younger. Fifth grade. Fifth grade. Running around the Bronx going, how much for three? How much for four? All right, how about. How about two from you and two from you? I was, I was trying to. And I go back to my grandma. Like, they just said 200. She's like, oh, that's too much. Go ahead.
[11:55]
Unknown
She'd be like, standing in the corner. She used to wear, like, this big wind. Not, not a windbreaker. Like a, Like a, you know those coats that people stack each other in?
[12:03]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. What? A trench coat.
[12:04]
Unknown
A trench coat. She would wear a trench coat and a baseball cap. So she probably was just standing in.
[12:08]
Grace O'Malley
The corner like this, smoking a cigarette. Literally smoking a thing.
[12:11]
Unknown
She's probably like, go back and get my next offer.
[12:14]
Grace O'Malley
And, And I did. And my cousin, who was older than me, was too scared to speak up. And I'm like, all right, listen, this guy said he's given to me for 200. How about 150? And then we got a deal. And my grandma never budged. It was. All the tickets were too expensive, and.
[12:28]
Unknown
So we literally never went. We took, we took the subway to Times Square.
[12:33]
Grace O'Malley
We went to an Irish bar in the middle of Times Square, and we watched her drink a, A Jameson and we went home. Yeah, we, that was it. I don't even think. No, she wouldn't, she wouldn't get lunch.
[12:42]
Unknown
No, she wouldn't get lunch. I think it was tough times, but I don't know why she would go to New York to go to the Red Sox Yankees game.
[12:50]
Grace O'Malley
I don't know, man.
[12:51]
Unknown
I, I, she really, she really was trying to get us to have a very good. It's one of my favorite memories, though, still.
[12:56]
Grace O'Malley
I know. It still rocks.
[12:57]
Unknown
I mean, the best. It was so funny. And also, her car literally didn't work. It was overheating all the entire ride there. Yeah, she had, like, a clunker. It sounded like there was seagulls in her trunk. And when we were driving, it was overheating. It was so funny.
[13:10]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, it was the best and that all, that all came about around the Easter dinner table. She was like, you guys want to go see the Red Sox in New York tomorrow?
[13:17]
Hannah Berner
Like, yep.
[13:20]
Grace O'Malley
And, yeah, so that. I've still never been into Yankee Stadium. Yeah, I don't want to go unless it's a Red Sox game, but I.
[13:26]
Unknown
Will, I won't go unless it's a Red Sox game.
[13:28]
Grace O'Malley
I'm not gonna wear the hat.
[13:29]
Unknown
I'll never, I will. You will never catch me wearing Yankees.
[13:32]
Grace O'Malley
I think I, I.
[13:33]
Unknown
Have you worn Yankee stuff?
[13:34]
Grace O'Malley
No, I haven't. And I, I said, I think maybe after five years, you can't, you can't.
[13:39]
Unknown
Conan o' Brien just said this. You, you're, you're, if you're born in Massachusetts, you're, you have the Red Sox, the Patriots, the Celtics, and the Bruins. You're born with those teams. He's lived in LA for probably 35 years. He said he has never switched up.
[13:54]
Grace O'Malley
I got a little screwy last year, all right? I, I, I ended up being a fan of any, any team that will put me on the field. Sue me. And that was just for football. You're trying to tell me if the Mets allowed me to throw out a first pitch, God forbid, I wouldn't wear.
[14:08]
Unknown
Their, I wouldn't wear their outfit.
[14:10]
Grace O'Malley
You have to. When I went and I, I sat, I sat on the court with Whitney Cummings, whatever. For the, the Knicks game. You can't wear another team's jersey if you go there.
[14:21]
Unknown
Yeah.
[14:21]
Grace O'Malley
On the court. That's crazy to me.
[14:23]
Unknown
Oh, if, if they're given to you, you can't.
[14:25]
Grace O'Malley
I think so. Oh, okay. I think that's what it is. I don't know. I just saw it in the email. I was like, oh, that's interest. Little, little inside scoop for you guys.
[14:33]
Unknown
Inside scoop.
[14:34]
Grace O'Malley
We're going to wrap this segment up, and then we're going to get you guys to. Hannah, I know you, I know you got blue balling you, but real quick, we're going to do this thing called Sister Fight. Now, we asked you guys, the live studio audience, to see if you can start a sister fight by giving us topics to see if we agree or disagree on these things. And starting off hot, we've got an actor who is liked by everyone but hated by you. Who is it?
[14:58]
Unknown
Oh, Al Pacino.
[14:59]
Hannah Berner
What?
[15:00]
Unknown
Yeah, the. I know. Nah, nah, no, he played, he played like a diva in Jack and Jill. So I just have that stuck in my head that he's a diva guy and that he, like, sucks.
[15:13]
Grace O'Malley
The historically great, amazing Film Jack and Jill.
[15:18]
Unknown
No, he is the best. Al Pacino is one of the best actors, but I think that he's probably a bad guy. Sorry. Sue me.
[15:25]
Grace O'Malley
Joaquin Phoenix kind of scares me.
[15:27]
Unknown
Really?
[15:29]
Hannah Berner
Yeah.
[15:30]
Unknown
Really?
[15:31]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, a little bit.
[15:32]
Hannah Berner
That's crazy.
[15:34]
Grace O'Malley
He's got this. This thing about him.
[15:37]
Unknown
Damn. Well, is it? Because he played the Joker and he.
[15:39]
Grace O'Malley
Played Johnny Cash and he plays both those roles.
[15:42]
Unknown
Yeah. But when I was younger, I thought he was so hot when he played Johnny Cash.
[15:45]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, wow.
[15:46]
Unknown
Really? You didn't. No, when he was sweating, I thought it really says a lot.
[15:51]
Grace O'Malley
What is the best non traditional silverware? Chopsticks. But that's traditional in other cultures. A corkscrew.
[15:59]
Unknown
Yeah.
[15:59]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, you know what I'll do If I'm in a hotel room and I don't feel like it's too late at night, I don't feel like doing anything. They have these, these coffee stirrers.
[16:08]
Unknown
You do?
[16:09]
Grace O'Malley
I do this. They have coffee stirrers and they usually give you two packets of them. And so I use them as like miniature chopsticks to eat my food. That's something I'll do. Okay. If you were a pill, what early 2000s cocore would you let swallow you?
[16:24]
Unknown
Lindsay Lohan?
[16:25]
Grace O'Malley
I mean. Yeah. My obvious answer is Lindsay Lohan. She can swallow me all she wants. That's my. That's my queen, actually. That's my. We are gonna fight. Because that is. That's. That's my girl. That's. Okay.
[16:36]
Unknown
Blame Lindsay Lohan, though. Okay?
[16:38]
Grace O'Malley
She claimed a child off the side of the street.
[16:40]
Unknown
You can't. Yeah, well, but you can't claim Lindsay Lohan, all right? You're not the only person that likes Lindy Lohan.
[16:46]
Grace O'Malley
You like?
[16:47]
Hannah Berner
I love.
[16:48]
Unknown
Okay.
[16:49]
Grace O'Malley
All right. I guess we are fighting. We're really going to fight here.
[16:52]
Unknown
It's kind of fun.
[16:53]
Grace O'Malley
Mountain Lightning or Dr. Thunder?
[16:55]
Unknown
It's the off brand versions of Dr. Pepper and Mountain Dew. I hate Mountain Dew.
[17:00]
Grace O'Malley
Both of those guys have not been touched. They're at the bottom rack at the 7 11.
[17:05]
Unknown
Yeah.
[17:06]
Grace O'Malley
And they've got dust all over them. But you've only got. You only picked up a couple of coins out of the couch after. After school, and that's all you can get.
[17:14]
Unknown
Yeah.
[17:16]
Grace O'Malley
Because you already. You already had too many Arizonas that week.
[17:19]
Unknown
I have a really good question for you.
[17:20]
Hannah Berner
Yes.
[17:21]
Unknown
When you would go to the mall and you'd get like, say like you went to the mall and you got like 20 bucks from Mom.
[17:25]
Grace O'Malley
I never did. Okay, well, every time I would go to the mall. I had already had a job.
[17:30]
Unknown
I was gonna ask, what would you. What would you get at the mall? And did you go straight to the clearance rack every time?
[17:34]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, clearance rack. Always 100.
[17:36]
Unknown
My friends would, like, stay in the front of the store. I was like, they have so much money.
[17:40]
Grace O'Malley
No. You know what I thought? I'm like, they're bad with their money also.
[17:43]
Unknown
Yeah.
[17:44]
Grace O'Malley
Because I got.
[17:45]
Unknown
I got to bring home, like, 10 things when they brought home also 10 things because, yeah, it was endless.
[17:51]
Grace O'Malley
I'm like, oh, yeah. Nice sweater. You're probably gonna stain it.
[17:54]
Unknown
Yeah.
[17:54]
Hannah Berner
I got.
[17:55]
Grace O'Malley
I got 10 pairs of underwear from Wet Seal for 2 bucks each.
[17:57]
Unknown
I was like, I just got a shirt that's kind of already ripped apart.
[18:01]
Hannah Berner
Like.
[18:01]
Unknown
Like the ones that were studded, but they're missing, like, three, so they put them in the. In the back.
[18:05]
Hannah Berner
Yeah.
[18:06]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. To get my first pair of pink yoga pants, I had to call my mom and ask if I could get them. What the fuck kind of house were we running over there?
[18:14]
Unknown
I had.
[18:15]
Grace O'Malley
Now they just run rampant over there.
[18:17]
Unknown
I think I had such bad Catholic guilt that when I went into Victoria's Secret, I wouldn't look.
[18:21]
Grace O'Malley
Jesus Christ, Nora.
[18:22]
Unknown
I thought that, like, sex was so bad and, like, I was like, why are they showing their whole body? It's like, what the fuck is going on?
[18:29]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, he's in you.
[18:32]
Unknown
I wouldn't look like that. I just would be, like, uncomfortable.
[18:35]
Grace O'Malley
I thought every guy in there was perverted, but he's really trying to be a good husband.
[18:39]
Unknown
Shopping for their lady.
[18:40]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. Valentine's Day. You shitting me? It's so funny. It's like every guy's in there on Valentine's Day going, I'd like to see.
[18:46]
Unknown
You in this shit. I want to see you wearing a.
[18:49]
Hannah Berner
Heart on her ass.
[18:50]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. It's actually a present for me. Yeah. She.
[18:54]
Unknown
She's going to wear the most uncomfortable lingerie she's ever won in her life. It's going to be so tight. You all right like that?
[19:04]
Grace O'Malley
What state best represents a green Kia soul?
[19:08]
Unknown
Wisconsin or Oregon?
[19:10]
Grace O'Malley
I was going to go Oregon.
[19:11]
Unknown
Yeah.
[19:11]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, that's good. Top or bottom bunk?
[19:14]
Unknown
Top. Because when you're in the bottom bunk, it feels like you're being buried alive.
[19:17]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, wow. This is a wonderful sneak peek into your beautiful mind. Jesus Christ.
[19:26]
Unknown
No, because I feel that's relatable. I always get scared that it would, like, come down on you like step brothers.
[19:31]
Grace O'Malley
I saw step brothers too much. I was like, yeah, top bunk. Yeah. If you had to put down an animal. Who's doing it? I'm not doing that. Nobody's doing that.
[19:40]
Unknown
I would never put down I think.
[19:41]
Grace O'Malley
The doctor, like, the veterinarian.
[19:45]
Unknown
Never.
[19:46]
Grace O'Malley
I don't like that question.
[19:48]
Unknown
I kind of just copied and paste all of them without looking.
[19:50]
Grace O'Malley
What's wrong with you? The meanest thing you've ever done to each other. I'd probably go with chasing you with a knife.
[19:56]
Unknown
You also hit me in the head. Well, you didn't mean to do it. The shovel.
[19:59]
Grace O'Malley
She brings up the shovel thing all the time. I hit her in the head with a shovel, but it wasn't on purpose.
[20:05]
Nora
No.
[20:05]
Unknown
Meanest thing you've ever done to me.
[20:06]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, God.
[20:07]
Unknown
Oh, my God.
[20:08]
Grace O'Malley
I think I already answered.
[20:09]
Unknown
No, I think.
[20:10]
Grace O'Malley
I think we're all good.
[20:11]
Unknown
3Rd of July party at our uncle's house.
[20:13]
Grace O'Malley
Okay.
[20:13]
Unknown
I was sleeping on a leather couch. You know how cold you get when you're sleeping on a leather couch. I was probably wearing a bathing suit, too. So I was soaking wet on a leather couch, freezing cold. In ac, you and your friends come in drunk, and you guys start shoving wet, cold hot dogs into my face while I was asleep. That was so mean. And I was like, stop slapping him on my face, like, trying to shove him in my mouth. I was like, I'm trying to sleep and I'm cold.
[20:44]
Grace O'Malley
That's really funny.
[20:45]
Unknown
Oh, that was probably the meanest thing that you guys have ever done.
[20:48]
Grace O'Malley
That was like, my third time ever being drunk.
[20:50]
Hannah Berner
Yeah.
[20:50]
Grace O'Malley
I was like, yeah, what do we put? Hot dog.
[20:52]
Unknown
To my beautiful little sleeping sisters. Whatever meanest thing I've ever done to you, it was an accident. One time, we were fighting, and I had your ipod touch in my hand, and I slapped it down on the. On the coffee table, and it shattered.
[21:08]
Grace O'Malley
First thing I ever bought for myself in my whole life.
[21:10]
Unknown
It shattered so bad.
[21:11]
Grace O'Malley
I saved up for months to buy this thing, and she just shattered it. And what I didn't know was you can use an ipod touch with a broken screen. I thought it was just done. I thought you weren't allowed to touch it. And so my dad tried fixing it, and he bought a DIY fix it pouch. Oh. And he watched a YouTube video and he glued all the buttons together. And so then it wasn't working at all. And then I see a girl on the bus and her ipod touch is broken, and she's just scrolling on it. I'm like, are you me?
[21:42]
Unknown
Yeah.
[21:42]
Grace O'Malley
You can just use this thing.
[21:44]
Unknown
Oh. We had to do confessional for cease for my first communion. I told the priest that I. That I shattered my sister's ipod touch.
[21:52]
Grace O'Malley
He's like, oh, wow, you're a nun. Yeah.
[21:54]
Unknown
That was, like, the worst thing I could ever do. Yet. We were watching.
[21:57]
Grace O'Malley
I was making her watch when two girls kissing on YouTube is. Whatever. We go to a certain friend's house, and she really wanted to put it on the. On the computer, and.
[22:06]
Unknown
And I'll just sit there and have to watch it with you guys.
[22:08]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, well, that's what happens when you're the kid sister who tags along. You get introduced to things way too soon. That's why I was always like, can. Can I get one day to myself, please? I'm trying to go through puberty right now, and me and my friends are trying to figure out what's happening.
[22:23]
Unknown
I had no idea what was going on.
[22:24]
Grace O'Malley
Too much. And they're like, no, you bring your sister. You be a good sister. My God, what if I told you we'd end up working together somewhere down the line, maybe. Can I go watch some porn at my friend's house?
[22:33]
Unknown
Thanks for bringing me along.
[22:34]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[22:35]
Hannah Berner
Of course.
[22:37]
Grace O'Malley
Older siblings have it worse growing up. That is true.
[22:42]
Unknown
Yeah.
[22:43]
Grace O'Malley
Thank you.
[22:44]
Unknown
I didn't do anything that wouldn't get me in trouble.
[22:47]
Grace O'Malley
Who would win in the Hunger Games? Grace or Nora?
[22:50]
Unknown
Me. I'd be sneaky.
[22:51]
Grace O'Malley
Sneaky.
[22:52]
Unknown
I'd be sneaky.
[22:52]
Grace O'Malley
Like, stealthy.
[22:54]
Hannah Berner
Yeah.
[22:54]
Grace O'Malley
My rage would get to me, I think.
[22:56]
Unknown
Yeah, you'd, like, run out and be.
[22:57]
Grace O'Malley
Like, I'm not good under pressure unless it's for my craft. Anything else? I would panic like a crazy person. And then once I'm panicking, I'm so mad that I. I'm not able to complete that thing that I just. I just. I combust and I get crazy. So, yeah, I'd probably explode.
[23:13]
Unknown
I feel like you'd be like, well, we're all gonna die anyways.
[23:16]
Grace O'Malley
No, I wouldn't have that attitude.
[23:17]
Unknown
You wouldn't.
[23:18]
Grace O'Malley
I would really try to survive. I would not win.
[23:20]
Unknown
I also read the book.
[23:21]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, so you've got the cheat sheet.
[23:23]
Unknown
I was like, I want to do that.
[23:25]
Grace O'Malley
Who carried Dairy Twist in its prime? This is the ice cream shop we worked at every summer.
[23:31]
Hannah Berner
You did?
[23:31]
Unknown
For sure when I worked there.
[23:33]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. And then I think. Then I think you. I passed on the torch. And I think you ran, like, the Navy.
[23:36]
Unknown
Yeah, we both ran it like the Navy.
[23:38]
Grace O'Malley
Feels like such a fun job.
[23:39]
Unknown
It was so fun.
[23:40]
Grace O'Malley
Shut up, Michael.
[23:41]
Unknown
Michael.
[23:41]
Grace O'Malley
It doesn't count as stealing clothes if your sister doesn't notice.
[23:44]
Unknown
I would Always tell you if I was taking your clothes.
[23:47]
Grace O'Malley
I also agree.
[23:49]
Unknown
Yeah.
[23:49]
Grace O'Malley
I'm not gonna be mad until I notice. I'm not gonna be mad unless I was literally planning to wear that.
[23:55]
Unknown
Yeah.
[23:56]
Grace O'Malley
Other than that. Free reign.
[23:59]
Unknown
Today, I was wearing that. The hat that you were gonna wear today, like, while I was getting ready. And then I went into your bathroom to, like, grab a piece of makeup or something, and I saw that you took the piece of the paper out of the hat. So I was like, oh, she's wearing the hat. I can't wear the hat.
[24:11]
Grace O'Malley
That's really sweet.
[24:12]
Hannah Berner
Yeah, whatever.
[24:13]
Grace O'Malley
Thank you. Appreciate that.
[24:14]
Unknown
No problem.
[24:15]
Grace O'Malley
Does your mom have a favorite child? Yes.
[24:17]
Unknown
Did you see that? Mom commented that.
[24:20]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, she did.
[24:21]
Unknown
It says, does your mom have a favorite child?
[24:23]
Grace O'Malley
Wait, mom sent that in?
[24:25]
Unknown
Yeah, our mom put that in. And she goes, does your mom have a favorite kid? She wanted to see us fight.
[24:30]
Grace O'Malley
That's like the Hunger Games in itself. What the. Ma.
[24:33]
Unknown
You know it's me.
[24:34]
Grace O'Malley
So how do you feel about hot dogs at Fenway Park?
[24:37]
Unknown
Love them. You do? Actually, no.
[24:39]
Grace O'Malley
Because they switched them up.
[24:40]
Unknown
We have this discussion. Fenway Frank's Snap Dogs.
[24:43]
Grace O'Malley
The Snapdogs. Snapdogs are the good dogs from Kiam, the Blue Box.
[24:47]
Unknown
But the beef ones, like, they're okay.
[24:49]
Grace O'Malley
They're all right. Like, it's all right. Sausage outside. Yeah, yeah. Peppers and onions.
[24:53]
Unknown
Sausage guy.
[24:54]
Grace O'Malley
And then go to the doctor or see how it goes on its own.
[24:58]
Unknown
I don't like going to the doctor.
[25:00]
Grace O'Malley
Okay.
[25:00]
Unknown
So I'd so much rather see how it goes than. But, like, I've been. I've been raw. Dogging anxiety. Yeah, you gotta go, like, so bad.
[25:09]
Grace O'Malley
You gotta.
[25:09]
Hannah Berner
You gotta get. You gotta get some muscle.
[25:11]
Unknown
And I'm the first one to say you have to go to a therapist.
[25:13]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, she's been telling me that a lot lately. And when you're kind of going through the motions of however you're feeling and someone says you should probably go see a therapist, it kind of will just add an extra factor. Maybe wait till after it's over.
[25:27]
Unknown
I try.
[25:28]
Grace O'Malley
You tried. You're just. You're just being good. You said you would. I know, and I will. Thank you so much for making us fight. Let's get into this episode with Hannah Burner.
[25:38]
Nora
Coming at you live from a shady Manhattan studio.
[25:41]
Grace O'Malley
It's disgraceful.
[25:45]
Nora
Featuring your gracious ginger host.
[25:47]
Grace O'Malley
Hey, watch yourself. Only I can say that. Okay, boss.
[25:50]
Nora
Whatever you say. You pay my bills. Give it up for Grace o' Malley.
[26:02]
Hannah Berner
I can't take you seriously with Cards. You're so powerful with your cards. I feel like you're about to read my ass to filth.
[26:08]
Grace O'Malley
I'm gonna try to read like, your.
[26:10]
Hannah Berner
Uncle said this about you. You were annoying in kindergarten. Why did you do this?
[26:16]
Grace O'Malley
Why. Why do you. When you say uncle, I think of something terrible happening. Everyone's got that one creepy uncle. Right, guys? Oh, shit. Okay, I'm gonna try my best. Yeah. All right, well, welcome back to Disgraceful, where we don't know what the hell this show is. And I am here with a good pal of mine, a giggle fest, if you will. Author, a comedian, podcast host of many, many of them. Give it up for Hannah Berner.
[26:53]
Hannah Berner
Many things of them.
[26:54]
Grace O'Malley
She's doing a lot of podcasts.
[26:56]
Hannah Berner
Things are being done. Yes.
[26:58]
Unknown
No.
[26:58]
Hannah Berner
Thank you for. I love this official setup. Yeah, it's very powerful.
[27:03]
Grace O'Malley
Thank you so much. I'm scared. You know, I'm not in the hot seat, but I don't want you to feel like you are. And I don't know who I turn into once the cameras start rolling. Because we were just having fun. Yes, we were, actually.
[27:14]
Hannah Berner
We were murdering. And the second the camera goes on, you're like, how. What's happening?
[27:20]
Grace O'Malley
What do you think of yesteryear?
[27:22]
Hannah Berner
You start using words you've never used before.
[27:24]
Grace O'Malley
You don't even know the definition. I haven't said that in a fortnight.
[27:31]
Hannah Berner
1600S. Is that hot in here.
[27:35]
Grace O'Malley
Go sees. Anywho, so great to have you.
[27:39]
Hannah Berner
Like, an old baseball announcer. Like, actually, I don't know what an old baseball announcer sounds like.
[27:45]
Grace O'Malley
Shane Gills has a great bit about the baseball announcer. It's like, white people were wicked cool with their crazy. Yeah, we're speaking of fragments. Enjoy the show.
[27:55]
Hannah Berner
Why do you have 400 cards?
[27:58]
Grace O'Malley
Because, you know, I'm a. I'm a huge fan, you know, and I want.
[28:03]
Hannah Berner
To make sure we're hitting every element of your life.
[28:05]
Grace O'Malley
I hope you have time, because we usually do. You know how Rogan does three?
[28:09]
Hannah Berner
Yeah, we do.
[28:09]
Grace O'Malley
Six.
[28:10]
Hannah Berner
Yes.
[28:10]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[28:11]
Hannah Berner
Well, because you have to work twice as hard as a woman. That's what you do. I was recently talking about how I hate how people will say, like, women talk a lot. Like, I feel like that's a stereotype sometimes.
[28:20]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[28:21]
Hannah Berner
And I'm like, I never done a pod longer than an hour. 30 after now, 30. I have nothing left to give.
[28:26]
Grace O'Malley
That's true.
[28:27]
Hannah Berner
Why do people say women talk so much? Like, have you watched ESPN before?
[28:31]
Grace O'Malley
That is so true.
[28:32]
Hannah Berner
Have you seen. What's the show with the blonde guy? He just talks for, like, five out. Pat McAfee. McAfee talks for eight hours about what? And doesn't even ask anyone a question.
[28:41]
Grace O'Malley
That's wild.
[28:42]
Hannah Berner
That's crazy.
[28:43]
Grace O'Malley
Does he have guests on?
[28:44]
Hannah Berner
I think so, but he doesn't talk to them.
[28:45]
Grace O'Malley
Does he ever talk about tennis?
[28:47]
Hannah Berner
No.
[28:48]
Grace O'Malley
That's really freaky.
[28:51]
Hannah Berner
Not even pickleball doesn't bring up. Wait, so are you playing tennis? What's going on?
[28:55]
Grace O'Malley
Can't say I am.
[28:56]
Hannah Berner
No.
[28:56]
Grace O'Malley
But have you gotten back on. On the court?
[28:59]
Hannah Berner
I actually. I am getting back on the court. I'm very into tennis right now.
[29:03]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[29:04]
Hannah Berner
And if I just.
[29:05]
Grace O'Malley
The season correct?
[29:06]
Hannah Berner
Kind of.
[29:07]
Grace O'Malley
Or is it always tennis?
[29:08]
Hannah Berner
It's always tennis season in my house.
[29:10]
Grace O'Malley
Rock on.
[29:11]
Hannah Berner
Yeah. But between me and you, we have a similarity of weaknesses.
[29:17]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, yes. We can't drive.
[29:19]
Hannah Berner
We can't drive.
[29:19]
Grace O'Malley
We cannot drive.
[29:20]
Hannah Berner
We can't drive. A conversation.
[29:23]
Grace O'Malley
We can't. We can't drive. Sales again. Go for a joyride on a nice summer's eve.
[29:31]
Hannah Berner
Like, our lives are out of control.
[29:34]
Grace O'Malley
It really is nuts. And I asked you if you wanted to, like, or you. You. I think you came with the idea first.
[29:40]
Hannah Berner
I love our friendship because we like throwing ideas at each other.
[29:44]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, yeah. And then we don't talk for three months.
[29:46]
Hannah Berner
Then we don't talk for three months, and then we're like, we need to start a YouTube channel of us trying to get our driving. I don't even know what it is. Our license.
[29:53]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. H and G go for L. Yeah, the license. The license.
[29:58]
Hannah Berner
And they take an L when they do it.
[30:00]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[30:01]
Hannah Berner
I. I do think that we are low on carbon emissions, and people don't talk about that enough.
[30:06]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[30:06]
Hannah Berner
Like, we're really good for the environment because we don't drive.
[30:08]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, yeah. No, for sure. Yeah. But you. I mean, you fly in private, so that's not really helping things, is it? I don't drive, but I fly private. Just go with it, please.
[30:23]
Hannah Berner
Oh, my God. I'm fully Taylor Swift.
[30:25]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[30:25]
Hannah Berner
No, but, like, I'll be honest. I don't always recycle. Damn it. I'm gonna get canceled.
[30:30]
Grace O'Malley
No, it's all good.
[30:31]
Hannah Berner
Like, because sometimes, I don't know. I live in an apartment complex. It's hard to get to where the recycling is. And every now and then.
[30:39]
Grace O'Malley
I'm not doing it. I'm not. I'm not even, like, compost.
[30:44]
Hannah Berner
I'm fighting for women's rights to compost.
[30:47]
Grace O'Malley
That's fudgeing ridiculous, because New York already smells like shit.
[30:50]
Hannah Berner
I know.
[30:51]
Grace O'Malley
And then in the summertime, we're going.
[30:52]
Hannah Berner
To, you know, compost is my hot garbage outside melting. Yeah, I've been composting.
[30:57]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, have fun with that. Go fudgeing nuts and cats too, right?
[31:02]
Hannah Berner
Yeah.
[31:02]
Grace O'Malley
And so does litter go into the compost?
[31:05]
Hannah Berner
That's a great question. I'm going to talk to New York City Department of Composting and I'll get back to you.
[31:12]
Grace O'Malley
I think you could do an ad with them.
[31:15]
Hannah Berner
Wait, imagine I'm going to Coachella with New York Composting.
[31:19]
Grace O'Malley
Dude. I saw ads are getting so crazy that I saw some kid, a hilarious kid, his name's Benton. He said just went to Midtown. Rmv super easy, amazing. Hashtag rmv. Partner.
[31:32]
Hannah Berner
What is rmv?
[31:33]
Grace O'Malley
The place we need to go get our license.
[31:36]
Hannah Berner
Oh, yes.
[31:37]
Grace O'Malley
Or Registry Motor Vehicles or Department of Motor Vehicles.
[31:40]
Hannah Berner
We. Well, I was. Look, I don't want to extort anyone and I don't want to like, not get my license the right way. But if anyone wants to give us a lesson. And look, if you want a blow job, a box job, whatever you need, Grace and I will do anything to get our license.
[31:58]
Grace O'Malley
And I'll enjoy it. It's been a while for me.
[32:00]
Hannah Berner
True.
[32:00]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[32:01]
Hannah Berner
How long?
[32:02]
Grace O'Malley
Too long. I'm coming up on a year, baby.
[32:05]
Hannah Berner
What?
[32:05]
Grace O'Malley
Angst. I haven't got my willie off in a while.
[32:10]
Hannah Berner
Wait, so after your stand up, do you check your DMs?
[32:15]
Grace O'Malley
So that's my joke is that I have all. I have an all female audience.
[32:19]
Hannah Berner
Yes.
[32:20]
Grace O'Malley
And it's a slumber party. It's awesome. It's great vibes.
[32:23]
Hannah Berner
Yes.
[32:23]
Grace O'Malley
Much like yourself, right? Yeah.
[32:25]
Hannah Berner
Yes.
[32:25]
Grace O'Malley
But when I have male openers that get to pick from the sea full of pussy and go home with just about anybody, I don't have that option. So when I have the boyfriends in the crowd, I address them at the beginning of the show and I'm like, boys, if you like this, please tell your other boys, tell them I know Rogan or some shit. Make something up. And you could give me an alley oop somewhere down the line.
[32:45]
Hannah Berner
Like, it's funny because when I have male openers, they get pumped up like they're going to. Because my crowd, I'm a little biased, but like, they're very good looking girls.
[32:54]
Grace O'Malley
Oh my God, these girls are sexy.
[32:55]
Hannah Berner
So they're so hot. I don't know why hot girls think we're funny, but like, it makes my ego really big. But some of these guys will like want to hook up with girls after the show. But they're just like, where's Hannah? And they're like, oh, she's in the green room. And they're like, can we talk to Hannah? And they're like, no, but I'm here. And they're like, we don't want to talk to you on the Hannah. And I'm like, sorry, they're de men.
[33:14]
Grace O'Malley
I wonder if they'll. They'd say like, you know, yeah, I'll. You. But Hannah has to sit in the chair. Some guys will mess with me.
[33:24]
Hannah Berner
They'll be like, I was talking. This girl, I thought she liked me, but she was really just trying to like, get information on me meeting you for like two days. And I'm like, what? Look, whatever works.
[33:32]
Grace O'Malley
Damn. Yeah, I. I like getting my boys laid.
[33:34]
Hannah Berner
Yeah.
[33:35]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. I like, I like giving them that all my dogs eat. But I'm stopping. You know what I mean?
[33:43]
Hannah Berner
Why did I just envision you? It's like a Britney Spears lucky video. Like, she's a lucky. She's a star. But everyone else getting.
[33:52]
Grace O'Malley
And she cries.
[33:56]
Hannah Berner
Why? But my openers are getting.
[34:01]
Grace O'Malley
No, but you know what?
[34:03]
Hannah Berner
That's good karma. That's good karma. You want the people around you to be happy. And even if you're not happy, that's okay. Cuz it's not about you.
[34:11]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, that's true too. I. I mean, I've. You. Your husband's Irish.
[34:15]
Hannah Berner
Yes.
[34:15]
Grace O'Malley
And I had one of my buddies, he's Irish, and he said the, the women are just so forward. Like American women.
[34:22]
Hannah Berner
American women has ever said anything like that? Well, he's definitely said, well, Irish. A lot of them are Irish Catholic.
[34:28]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[34:29]
Hannah Berner
So like, growing up, there was a lot of shame around them.
[34:32]
Grace O'Malley
You're talking about I am shameful. Just default. There's my default setting.
[34:38]
Hannah Berner
Internalized shame, this fear. And that's. That's just been like in your brain since the beginning. So it's not your fault. But I love how.
[34:47]
Grace O'Malley
One more time, it's not your fault. Okay. It's not your fault.
[34:52]
Hannah Berner
Nikki Glaser has like a good bit where she talks about how male comics get so much because it's like, hot to see a guy, like, commanding a room and like, controlling everyone's laughter and stuff. But then when a girl does it, it's like, okay, you don't need to take up that much space. Yeah, calm down.
[35:07]
Grace O'Malley
I thought that would be hot too.
[35:09]
Hannah Berner
No, it is hot for sure. But I think some guys are like, maybe they get competitive. Like, oh, she thinks she could, like, make fun of me or that kind of thing. I think you should some athletes on the road.
[35:21]
Grace O'Malley
Athletes?
[35:22]
Hannah Berner
Yeah. I think you go into the city, you slide in some. This is me living vicariously through you because I'm bored and married. You got sliding some of these big ass linebackers.
[35:31]
Grace O'Malley
You're gonna help me get some tail.
[35:32]
Hannah Berner
I think you need some. A Green Bay Packer. Defenseman.
[35:35]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[35:35]
Hannah Berner
That's what I see for you. I want a big guy to pick you up, make you feel like a feather.
[35:39]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, I've never felt like a feather.
[35:42]
Unknown
I want to be a dainty little princess.
[35:44]
Grace O'Malley
Look.
[35:44]
Hannah Berner
Will the guys have cte? Yes.
[35:46]
Grace O'Malley
Are those what you're looking for?
[35:47]
Hannah Berner
Yes. Their brains are mashed potatoes.
[35:49]
Grace O'Malley
I want equal playing field, and I'm a little bit smarter. And the only way to do that is with cte.
[35:54]
Hannah Berner
It's hard to text them because they can't spell, but you decipher what they're trying to say. You get their address. I get the gist. Yes. And then they're not gonna bother you because, like, they're busy. You're both traveling.
[36:03]
Grace O'Malley
And then my other thought I said this the other night, UFC fighter. Because they also have cte, and I, you know, I could hit back every once in a while. I know they're known to domestic violence. Every once in a while, you know.
[36:15]
Hannah Berner
When they smack you around a little.
[36:16]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. You know, maybe I'd like it.
[36:18]
Hannah Berner
Look, it depends what you're into.
[36:19]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah? Yeah. I don't know yet. We'll find out. What's your kink? That's on the cards, right? Wait.
[36:26]
Hannah Berner
It's so funny you asked about my kink. Because, like, I want to be so fun and I'm so boring in the bedroom.
[36:32]
Grace O'Malley
No.
[36:33]
Hannah Berner
If I accidentally get scratched or something, I'm like, ow.
[36:37]
Grace O'Malley
That's. Ow. There's something, like, if he, like, sits.
[36:39]
Hannah Berner
On my hair accident, I'm like, ow. If he says anything disrespectful to me, I'm like, did I say something to make you mad at me earlier today? Like, do you not respect me? But then, like, I joke about, like, in a workout class, I want to be ripped to shreds. I want to be so disrespected. Like, I want them to be like, you ass. You weak piece of. You don't deserve anything in life. And then I'm like, I'll do another burpee.
[37:02]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, but it's bad. You like that?
[37:05]
Unknown
Yeah.
[37:05]
Grace O'Malley
In a workout class? Yeah, Because I saw two types of people recently, and this girl was screaming at everyone, basically calling them A bunch of fatties. And I was like, yo, I would fucking bawl my eyes out in this class. And then at the end, she's like, that is a day as a Pilates instructor. I'm like, you were doing Pilates that whole time?
[37:25]
Hannah Berner
She was a dominatrix, Shell. If she leaves the class and she's like, now, everyone, have a wonderful week and know that you're important to go get a smoothie. Let's be grateful.
[37:37]
Grace O'Malley
You just told me that.
[37:38]
Hannah Berner
My parents are disappointed in me. I don't. In the bedroom, I feel very vulnerable, and I really want to, like, I don't want to be called a slut. I don't want to be called, like, a baby girl. I don't want to be. I'm Hannah.
[37:51]
Grace O'Malley
Slut and baby girl. Those are two polars. You just want to be Hannah.
[37:54]
Hannah Berner
I just want to be Hannah. I want to be seen for me. But I'm also like, what about last name?
[37:59]
Grace O'Malley
Let's get a bur.
[38:03]
Hannah Berner
I don't want to stereotype you, but I feel like you would understand this. In college, I somehow got a nickname with the hockey players as Burndog.
[38:11]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, hell, yeah.
[38:12]
Hannah Berner
And that was something that didn't leave me for years. Like, at first it was a joke, and then it became like, I'm at the club wearing my cute dress, and someone's like, burn dog.
[38:21]
Grace O'Malley
So you're talking to someone who strictly goes by last name.
[38:25]
Hannah Berner
We both give last name energy, but I'll be honest. It feels good, too.
[38:31]
Grace O'Malley
It does. Except for, like, I have noticed guys are, like, kind of flirting at a bar, and they're like, yo, o' Malley. I'm like, I don't know how. I mean, like, what's up, my boy? Or, like, yeah, I'd love it.
[38:45]
Hannah Berner
Do you think a guy could you. If he calls you by your last name?
[38:49]
Grace O'Malley
I don't know. I'm happy to fulfill any fantasy. God, it's been a while.
[38:55]
Hannah Berner
11 months. But also. You're busy.
[38:59]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, you know I'm busy, but I'm not.
[39:04]
Hannah Berner
About you after a show. I'm tired. I have nothing left to say. I've put my heart and soul out there on the field. I'm trying to go home.
[39:12]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. You know, not.
[39:15]
Hannah Berner
So you're out and about.
[39:17]
Grace O'Malley
So I. I've. I've started doing this thing where I. I think I'm only gonna have people who drink open for me from here on out, because it is. Nothing's worse than. I'm like, yo, what do we. What do you want? To do after this. They're like, I'm zoo. I'm exhausted. I'm like, what do you mean?
[39:33]
Hannah Berner
There has to be drink. We have to do a vlog of, like, a weekend with Grace and a weekend with Hannah. It is so opposite because we have some. Like, Caroline.
[39:43]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[39:43]
Hannah Berner
Comes on the road, both of us, and she was dying. Oh, yeah.
[39:46]
Grace O'Malley
She shared custody. She really. She likes going to mom's house better.
[39:51]
Hannah Berner
I am so Mom. Mom's house. This is Caroline. V. By the way, you're dead. Dad, stop going to St.
[40:04]
Grace O'Malley
Hel.
[40:05]
Hannah Berner
Dad doesn't even have dinner. We just have, like, snacks.
[40:10]
Grace O'Malley
He's always trying to have my first beer with him. I'm like, dad, I'm not even there yet.
[40:15]
Hannah Berner
There's no clean clothes.
[40:17]
Grace O'Malley
No.
[40:17]
Hannah Berner
When we go into my green room, there has to be a candle lid. I want silence. I want everyone to be quiet, if you will. I put on some spa music. I go find everyone, shut the up. We're relaxing. And then when I'm on stage, I tell the car to be ready. I said, the second I get off stage, there's quesadillas. We're gonna pick up quesadillas, take it in the car, then we're going to our rooms. Text me if you need anything. Wow. I love you. And it's been a beautiful time.
[40:45]
Grace O'Malley
Wow.
[40:45]
Hannah Berner
And we're getting 10 hours of sleep if we can. In the morning. I'll send brunch to your room if you need. And that's pretty much it. I'm Italian. That's how I show.
[40:53]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, you show love.
[40:54]
Hannah Berner
I want my girls to be fed and to be well slept and well kept.
[40:58]
Grace O'Malley
Things are a little different. A little.
[41:03]
Hannah Berner
We get like, what's the password?
[41:05]
Grace O'Malley
Really?
[41:06]
Hannah Berner
Grace. I'm just trying to work. And she's like, do some cocaine to.
[41:10]
Grace O'Malley
Give you a little taste of mine day before. They're like, do I have a flight? I'm like, oh, I got to get that. Sorry about that. And then I get the flight the day before we meet. Willy nilly. I'm like, oh, I'll meet you in the lobby 10 minutes before it's time to leave. Get to the venue 30 minutes before. Do you guys want anything? BS please keep them coming. You want anything to drink? No. Okay, you're not coming back.
[41:38]
Hannah Berner
Shot, shot, shot, shot, shot. And they have a keg. They're like, why is there a keg.
[41:42]
Grace O'Malley
In the small room? Not a bad idea. That's on my writing.
[41:46]
Hannah Berner
You're doing. You're fully, like, in a sorority Hazing.
[41:50]
Unknown
Yeah.
[41:51]
Grace O'Malley
And then you. You say, we're gonna get some sleep. I say, no sleep until the flight. What are you, a.
[41:59]
Hannah Berner
Sorry shout out. I do have to say, though, what I've learned from your openers. Who I. I love a lot of them. You treat them very well.
[42:05]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, I thought you're gonna say something terrible.
[42:07]
Hannah Berner
I was gonna say, did you know Grace o' Malley will smack you in the face if you don't get laughs the entire time?
[42:15]
Grace O'Malley
If you don't use the jokes. I wr.
[42:19]
Unknown
Actually, can you do these?
[42:21]
Grace O'Malley
I have all these cards. I wanted you to say a couple. No.
[42:25]
Hannah Berner
But part of the road is the hang.
[42:28]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[42:29]
Hannah Berner
And the vibes have to be right. And I like that you're curating a vibe that works for you. Cuz sometimes on the road, like, when you first start, they just give you openers and it's like two random guys from Ohio who are asking what New York is. Like, it's exactly. And it's a very small room, so you have to like, like, obviously take a nervous poop before the show. And you're just in the bathroom hoping the two men right outside the door aren't listening to every push.
[42:53]
Grace O'Malley
You're not at the point where you can just say, I'm gonna go take a. I do.
[42:56]
Hannah Berner
But, like, it's not. I don't want to have to do that in my own room.
[42:59]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. That's true.
[43:00]
Hannah Berner
Like, I don't want them to even be there.
[43:01]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[43:02]
Hannah Berner
So now I have like the girls. And then with the girls, I. I bring them in the green. In the bathroom with me. We hold hands.
[43:08]
Unknown
Yeah.
[43:08]
Grace O'Malley
And it's a beautiful poop together seance. Once again.
[43:12]
Hannah Berner
I want to make sure that she's pooped beforehand.
[43:15]
Grace O'Malley
Fed, pooped, wiped, and cleaned.
[43:17]
Hannah Berner
You know what I have all in my green room? White Gatorade. That's my shit.
[43:20]
Grace O'Malley
That's. That's.
[43:22]
Hannah Berner
I'm hydrating like an athlete. I feel like it's a marathon.
[43:27]
Grace O'Malley
Is the worm, which I tried to do when you first came in. Kudos to you. You've got it going on. That's impossible to do for someone like me. But the worm. Is that strictly for the podcast or is that also for stand up as well?
[43:38]
Hannah Berner
Great question.
[43:39]
Grace O'Malley
Thank you.
[43:40]
Hannah Berner
I haven't thought about the worm rules, but I'm teetering on Bert Kreischer, where it's become like, whenever I go on stage, people like. Like, do the worm or go the home. Why do you think we're here? Do the work.
[43:54]
Grace O'Malley
And like. Yeah, she Was funny. But wait, she us on the worm. This is.
[43:58]
Hannah Berner
I know. Be like one star. Yeah, the jokes were good, but no worm in a whole hour. It's like, show us your tits. Now everyone's just like, do the worm. But it's actually full circle. Shout out Alex Cooper. I'd been doing the worm since my college days. You know, like you show me.
[44:15]
Grace O'Malley
That's well practiced and well rehearsed.
[44:17]
Hannah Berner
She is a well with machine. You know when you in college and like a circle forms.
[44:22]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[44:23]
Hannah Berner
And I don't care how drunk you are, you always sober up. Like, oh, like if I get in the middle of this circle, I need to bring it.
[44:28]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[44:29]
Hannah Berner
And suddenly like the room is spinning. You're like, how do I make sure that I don't embarrass myself once I get to the middle? And granted a lot of you were like, why do you have to dance in the middle?
[44:36]
Grace O'Malley
No, no, no. She's a performer. I'm a performer. Something I knew when she started this conversation. I knew it. You should know it too. This is a well oiled machine. Like this.
[44:48]
Hannah Berner
I'm going to be at some. Someone's party. I have to bring like the heat, you know.
[44:52]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[44:53]
Hannah Berner
So I started. I don't know, I think I was just like kind of athletic. Like I don't really do it right, but like I pull it off.
[44:58]
Grace O'Malley
Stop with this kind of athletic. You're an athlete first, comedian second.
[45:02]
Hannah Berner
Look, I'm a humble queen.
[45:03]
Grace O'Malley
Book rider third. Is there a ghostwriter or is this you?
[45:06]
Hannah Berner
This is us. No, there's like a typo on page 52. It's us.
[45:09]
Grace O'Malley
That's awesome.
[45:11]
Hannah Berner
Can't sleep tonight because of it.
[45:13]
Grace O'Malley
That was Paige.
[45:13]
Hannah Berner
That was Paige. No, it's actually my section because we had had a section. But yeah, the worm I would do. And it would be like the. You know when the floor is just full of beer and you're just sticking to the floor. You get up and you have a condom like hanging off your armpit. That was the days. So fast forward Tuesday. That was a Tuesday. Alex Cooper is like, I want you to be my first live guest for my first live show.
[45:38]
Grace O'Malley
No.
[45:39]
Hannah Berner
In Boston. So clearly someone said no.
[45:43]
Grace O'Malley
Okay.
[45:44]
Hannah Berner
Someone was unavailable.
[45:47]
Grace O'Malley
So I get the.
[45:48]
Hannah Berner
And I said, alex, baby, I've been waiting for this moment to. I can't wait. And then right before I go on stage, like, I'm a surprise guest and I start panicking. I'm like, people are gonna think it's Miley Cyrus. You know, People are gonna think it's like, someone huge, and they're gonna hear it's me and be a little disappointed.
[46:05]
Grace O'Malley
I don't like this talk, but proceed. I. This is. This is your story.
[46:08]
Hannah Berner
This is my own inner monologue.
[46:10]
Grace O'Malley
That's fair. I'll. I'll allow it.
[46:12]
Unknown
Okay.
[46:12]
Hannah Berner
Thank you. So I go, you know what? If they're disappointed, the least I could do is do the worm when she announces me. So it was out of my own insecurities. Alex Cooper is, like, now special guest Hannah Berner. The crowd went mid. And then I go up, start doing the worm. 5,000 Boston girls start losing their mind.
[46:32]
Grace O'Malley
You lie. Be fucking shitting me, dude. Let's go Red Sox. And that's how we all sound.
[46:38]
Hannah Berner
It's just, like, a dude voice. Boston girls love chant. Chanting something.
[46:44]
Grace O'Malley
Opportunity. We've talked about this.
[46:46]
Hannah Berner
I love it. So they're chanting. Everyone's freaking out. It. It was so loud that Alex and I couldn't hear each other during the interview. But, like, the vibes were amazing. And then I got a Netflix special, and that was another. Thank you, bro. Manifest that for your. So I'm saying I'm feeling insecure again. The voices are coming in. I'm like, netflix special. Like, I have to do more than just show up and tell my jokes.
[47:08]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[47:09]
Hannah Berner
So I told people. I'm like, I'm gonna start it with the worm.
[47:11]
Grace O'Malley
Hell, yeah.
[47:11]
Hannah Berner
And they were like, I don't know if that's, like, a good idea.
[47:14]
Grace O'Malley
Never trust anyone's opinion but your creative self. The artist's way.
[47:18]
Hannah Berner
Yes.
[47:19]
Grace O'Malley
Have you done the artist way?
[47:20]
Hannah Berner
No.
[47:21]
Grace O'Malley
All right. I've read the first page. I've read the first page, and I signed it. I've signed it, and I've seen the first page. I'm thinking about doing it.
[47:28]
Hannah Berner
Dochi. Dochi.
[47:30]
Grace O'Malley
I mean, this is a problem.
[47:31]
Hannah Berner
It requires you to read something longer than a minute.
[47:34]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. And you have to take a. A social media break for a week.
[47:37]
Hannah Berner
Oh, you do?
[47:38]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. On one of the weeks.
[47:40]
Hannah Berner
Yeah. We don't have time for that.
[47:41]
Grace O'Malley
I can't. I can't be doing that. Maybe I'll skip the artist.
[47:43]
Hannah Berner
You know what?
[47:44]
Grace O'Malley
I.
[47:44]
Hannah Berner
This is from watching Beyonce's documentary about Coachella. Bachella. Basically comparing us to Beyonce, of course, as someone would.
[47:54]
Grace O'Malley
Don't put me in that. You ever get attacked by the beehive? No. Thank you.
[48:00]
Hannah Berner
Beyonce is that girl, and creatively, she crushes it every time. And you see how she's so involved creatively, and it makes you realize, like, once you start getting things you can't just then give it to other people to create for you. Like, she's still in the room telling them what she wants.
[48:15]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[48:15]
Hannah Berner
So, like, as you start creating bigger things, you have to do what you did to get you there.
[48:20]
Grace O'Malley
Absolutely.
[48:20]
Hannah Berner
So obviously this is much smaller scale.
[48:22]
Grace O'Malley
But I was like.
[48:26]
Hannah Berner
I'm doing the work. Actually, the first worm. Worm. I am wearing a corset, so. And they go, are you good? Do you want to practice in the outfit? I'm like, it's. I can do a worm in a corset. Okay. The first worm, I immediately realized my top's gonna fall off. Imagine starting your Netflix special with a tit out and being like, let's just.
[48:50]
Grace O'Malley
Continue going women in comedy.
[48:52]
Hannah Berner
And the crowd, the girls are like, okay, this is unnecessary. We didn't need that.
[48:55]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. And if they were was a male audience, they like, yeah, she popped a titty. It was awesome. Five stars.
[49:02]
Hannah Berner
So I. I didn't even. I up my first worm and I was like, second show, I'll do it.
[49:06]
Grace O'Malley
Right?
[49:06]
Hannah Berner
And they were like, are you sure this is a bad idea? But the worm worked.
[49:09]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, yeah, it did.
[49:10]
Hannah Berner
And then Fallon was like, do you want to do the worm? And I was like, I couldn't wait for you guys to ask. So now I literally am like, I'll be on stage and people. So one girl starts the chant. Yeah, do the worm.
[49:23]
Grace O'Malley
Do the worm, baby.
[49:23]
Hannah Berner
And I'm so easily influenced.
[49:26]
Grace O'Malley
Like, I'm not. When are chanting for something, you can't let them down.
[49:30]
Hannah Berner
They could be like, murder that child.
[49:34]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. And sorry, Chucky, you done so you done so you had a good eight year run.
[49:40]
Hannah Berner
Literally, it takes one hot girl tell me to do something and I'm like, yes.
[49:44]
Grace O'Malley
I mean, I don't want to upset anybody. I'm. I'm a people pleaser to the day I die.
[49:49]
Hannah Berner
No, we're the same. So then I was doing all these shows, like, I'm wearing a full dress. I've worn dresses that I should not do the worm in. And I will just do it. And then, you know, my knees started to hurt, my lower back a little. You're flying. You're doing the worm.
[50:02]
Grace O'Malley
It's a mental thing, you know, it's all mental. It's all mental.
[50:05]
Hannah Berner
I just have to get your agent steroid, you know.
[50:07]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, yeah, you gotta get. Oh, yeah, you got. You gotta get yourself on steroids.
[50:10]
Hannah Berner
HR hgh.
[50:11]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[50:12]
Hannah Berner
So that's my career. It's very sad.
[50:15]
Grace O'Malley
You've gone Hollywood, Hannah.
[50:17]
Hannah Berner
Human growth hormone. Ask Whitney about it. Puts it in her horses and then takes it back. Well, Whitney uses the blood of horses for her skin.
[50:30]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, she's talked about this.
[50:31]
Hannah Berner
Yeah, she looks amazing.
[50:32]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, she's. She's aging backwards and gorgeous.
[50:36]
Hannah Berner
Stunning.
[50:36]
Grace O'Malley
You know, she had another kid, but she had to eat it.
[50:41]
Hannah Berner
For her.
[50:45]
Grace O'Malley
I mean, have you seen the house? I would too.
[50:49]
Hannah Berner
Oh, I'm scared to keep. No, keep it in. Whitney's house is a drug rehab center for celebrities.
[50:57]
Grace O'Malley
It is a lot of people. It's useful. A lot of people stay there, too. Like. Like every once in a while. Yeah.
[51:03]
Hannah Berner
You open a random door and you're like. And she just says, the hell you doing here, Chris? Like Usher.
[51:15]
Nora
You see where your business can go. To get there, you may need another 10 trucks. At Sentry Insurance, we put more than 115 years of industry experience to work to help protect you as you launch a new delivery service or expand into a new region and reach your business goals. Sentry right by you. Property and casualty coverages are underwritten and safety services are provided by a member of the Century Insurance group, Stevens Point, Wisconsin. For a complete listing of companies, visit century.com policies, coverages, benefits and discounts are not available in all states. Epolicy for complete coverage details. In golf, precision is everything on and off the course. PGA of America chose advanced 5G solutions from T Mobile for business for smooth operations and seamless transactions. Together we enhance ticketing and concessions for better fan experiences from gate to green. This is pro level efficient efficiency. This is PGA of America with T Mobile for business. Take your business further@t mobile.com now.
[52:20]
Hannah Berner
Anyway, yeah, so I can teach you the worm after this.
[52:22]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, thank you so much. Yeah, I really tried. I tried my best. But just as you, that's your thing.
[52:26]
Hannah Berner
You know, I do have to say, though, just be careful of what you do on stage because it can become a stick.
[52:33]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. Yeah.
[52:34]
Hannah Berner
I wonder if Bert likes taking his shirt off.
[52:37]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, come on.
[52:39]
Hannah Berner
I think he does.
[52:40]
Grace O'Malley
He eats it up. Yeah, I actually, there's a video when I first met him, I was in the. The Super Bowl. I got like, a badge to, like, go to the super bowl conference thing. And so I'm walking around, I'm like, I don't even. I can't even, like, make content here. I don't know who anyone is. Like, I don't know athletes. And then I saw Bert and I was like, like, I got to shake your hand. It was like my first time I ever saw him. And he goes, oh, you want this? And he Just took his shirt off. I'm like, no, no, no. But thank you.
[53:08]
Hannah Berner
It's a video like button. Thank you. I, I just envisioned him like doing small club rooms, just taking off his chair, just slowly.
[53:16]
Grace O'Malley
Cuz at that point, he doesn't get the thunder he wants.
[53:20]
Hannah Berner
He starts getting one of those like, like, you know, those practice pants that you could just like rip off.
[53:25]
Grace O'Malley
That could be a fun one.
[53:27]
Hannah Berner
That's fun.
[53:28]
Grace O'Malley
I want to see you doing that at a Knicks game.
[53:32]
Hannah Berner
Then I get tackled by security.
[53:34]
Grace O'Malley
You move.
[53:35]
Hannah Berner
Oh my God. Thank you.
[53:35]
Grace O'Malley
I think that would be great.
[53:36]
Hannah Berner
Thank you. I would love that.
[53:37]
Grace O'Malley
You should try that with the worm.
[53:38]
Hannah Berner
Yeah.
[53:39]
Grace O'Malley
I mean, but you're trying to ease out the worm.
[53:41]
Hannah Berner
I don't know. I don't know. Because I love it.
[53:44]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[53:44]
Hannah Berner
And I'm thankful and grateful for the worm.
[53:47]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. I mean, you gotta be.
[53:49]
Hannah Berner
I also think, think it's fun for girls on stage to do whatever they want because let's be honest, we're doing one women shows.
[53:57]
Grace O'Malley
That's what it is.
[53:58]
Hannah Berner
This is complex.
[53:59]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. It's. It's not so simple, babes.
[54:01]
Hannah Berner
We're physical comedians.
[54:03]
Grace O'Malley
Are we?
[54:04]
Hannah Berner
Yes.
[54:04]
Grace O'Malley
Okay. We are. We are.
[54:06]
Hannah Berner
We are. I've seen you on stage, as it.
[54:08]
Grace O'Malley
Turns out, you get physical. I do kind of. I got a little, I got the people going. That's. That's one thing I do. I go left side, right side, middle, and I go, go, let's go. To start the show. It is.
[54:20]
Hannah Berner
There's some part of it when you're dealing like with a really drunk show, which I know you have. You become like a DJ babysitter in a way where you're like teaching them. Like, I'm going to say a joke, you're going to laugh.
[54:34]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[54:34]
Hannah Berner
And then we're going to get excited and then we're going to slow, get quiet again list. Listen, listen. Time.
[54:40]
Grace O'Malley
We're going to play quiet game.
[54:43]
Hannah Berner
And then it's someone's birthday and I go, think I'm excited. It's your birthday. I'm going to need you to wait second. We'll celebrate your birthday in a second. Thank you. Then someone's, you know, calling. You just got to navigate the girls.
[54:53]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. And they get a little, you know.
[54:55]
Hannah Berner
They'Re so happy and excited though.
[54:57]
Grace O'Malley
They're jazz.
[54:58]
Hannah Berner
I've lost control of the crowd before.
[55:00]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[55:00]
Hannah Berner
At that point I go, this is your show.
[55:02]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[55:03]
Hannah Berner
I said, take it. Sometimes the girls really make me laugh.
[55:05]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[55:06]
Hannah Berner
They're just yelling out. Who knows what they're saying? But it's not heckling. I always say it's like, positive heckling.
[55:12]
Grace O'Malley
Positive heckling? Yeah.
[55:13]
Hannah Berner
It's like a drunk Quaker meeting. I'm like, if someone needs to express themselves, express it. Who am I to stop you? I mean, thank you. I'm getting paid regardless.
[55:20]
Grace O'Malley
I know. Like, let's just have some fun. Yeah, baby.
[55:23]
Hannah Berner
Some girls will, like, stand up.
[55:26]
Grace O'Malley
Do you have signs?
[55:27]
Hannah Berner
Signs that say, like.
[55:28]
Grace O'Malley
Do people bring signs?
[55:30]
Hannah Berner
Oh, yeah, yeah, there'll be a sign. But sometimes the crowd's really dark and I can't see it.
[55:34]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, and they work so hard for.
[55:36]
Hannah Berner
And they work so hard for Woman of the arts.
[55:38]
Grace O'Malley
Tried really hard, you know, and that's. That's what it is art, though. It's repetition. So, you know, keep buying tickets, keep making signs, and then maybe one day she'll see them.
[55:47]
Hannah Berner
Now I feel like. Like, you need to do the worm on stage once, bro.
[55:52]
Grace O'Malley
Ain't nobody needs to see Gracie doing the Worm. Ski. Just don't dance.
[55:56]
Hannah Berner
What's your move when you're in a dance circle?
[55:59]
Grace O'Malley
I mean, I probably do like the hand to the head, but grab the other leg and go.
[56:04]
Hannah Berner
You could pull it. Yes.
[56:07]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[56:08]
Hannah Berner
You okay? So that. That works.
[56:10]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[56:11]
Hannah Berner
You get a good reaction out of it or.
[56:14]
Grace O'Malley
Hey, I'll never do that.
[56:17]
Hannah Berner
I don't know why.
[56:19]
Grace O'Malley
I don't know why I pretended I ever would.
[56:22]
Hannah Berner
Are you good at chugging?
[56:24]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. So that's what I was doing as my little pre show. That was my worm.
[56:28]
Hannah Berner
Yeah.
[56:28]
Grace O'Malley
And then I had to reel it in because, like, you can't chug a beer and then do show you burp the whole time. It's not that I'm drunk. I'm a tank.
[56:37]
Hannah Berner
Once I got asked to do a fireball shot, and I'm. I'm a. By the way, you know, I'm not good at drink. Thank you.
[56:42]
Grace O'Malley
Remember the first one of. The first times I. I took advantage of having your phone number? I just called you at like three in the morning, was like, hey, Hannah, we're all wondering, do you drink? She was like, no. Are you all right?
[56:52]
Hannah Berner
1:00Am I was like, peacefully my hotel room. Get a FaceTime from Grace O' Malley. I think she's in jail. I think no one is picking up. And she's like, hannah Burner might be able to save me. And like, are you okay? She's like, do you kidnapped? Do you need help? Do you drink?
[57:12]
Grace O'Malley
We had met each other on the street, and you. We exchanged numbers.
[57:15]
Hannah Berner
I said, anything you need.
[57:15]
Grace O'Malley
And that was so sweet. And yeah, actually thinking back to it and. And don't say anything. Hannah was so sweet for that because she didn't have to do that. I saw her on the street and I was like, dude, we've met before, right? She's like, not yet. And I was like, ah, what's your number?
[57:29]
Hannah Berner
No, I want to be your friend, dude.
[57:31]
Grace O'Malley
That's true.
[57:32]
Hannah Berner
You remind me of my best friend from college named Becca on the tennis team. Shout out Becca.
[57:36]
Grace O'Malley
Shout out Becca.
[57:37]
Hannah Berner
But Becca.
[57:38]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, oh. Do you want to. Do we have a shout out portion sometimes?
[57:40]
Hannah Berner
Yes.
[57:40]
Grace O'Malley
You want to just hit it with a bunch of shout outs.
[57:42]
Hannah Berner
Shout out Becca from Arkansas. Lil Rock represent. Shout out. Obviously to my mom's. Shout out my husband. But like, he's not. It's off brand. I don't really. That's not really my thing. Shout out this Shout Ireland. Shout out to the whole country. Ireland. Shout out to the tariffs.
[58:07]
Grace O'Malley
Did. Did you read the prerequisite? We don't do politics because I don't know what I'm talking about.
[58:15]
Hannah Berner
No, but Becca could, like, unhinge her jaw and could chug a beer. Like just the way you just pour a beer that it would just go down her throat.
[58:26]
Grace O'Malley
Oh.
[58:27]
Hannah Berner
So our party trick, because we're competitive, is we'd find like the biggest frat dude at the party. And I'd be like, I bet you.
[58:33]
Grace O'Malley
My friend could be faster than you.
[58:35]
Hannah Berner
And she'd just be sitting there like. And I'd be like, I cute. So I was like, antagonizing all the men and she was literally like my show pony. I'd be like, come on, come on. And then she'd be like, fine. And then she'd chug it with all the way. Like, she chugged in like four seconds. It's truly spectacular. An artist, a living legend. Everyone would start cheering and then we would just like, get a lot of free drinks from it. And she was like, hannah, you have to stop using me for free drinks. And I was like, you have a talent.
[59:01]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, sorry.
[59:02]
Hannah Berner
I'm your agent.
[59:03]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, I'm sorry. I want us both to succeed.
[59:05]
Hannah Berner
You're thinking small. And I'm like, you could be like, like a big deal in this town.
[59:09]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. And this. I mean, in this college town, baby, you're the princess.
[59:14]
Hannah Berner
And this was uw, Wisconsin Badgers. Like, people could drink Wisconsin. It would be like 2 degrees and everyone just look at each other and be like, liquid layer. We used to say liquid layer.
[59:25]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, no coat.
[59:26]
Hannah Berner
No coat.
[59:26]
Grace O'Malley
No coat. Cuz you're going to lose your coat.
[59:28]
Hannah Berner
You're going to lose your coat.
[59:28]
Grace O'Malley
You need that coat for class.
[59:29]
Hannah Berner
But also, like, we didn't have to be wearing no clothes, but we would.
[59:32]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. Well, that. You slot it up in college.
[59:34]
Hannah Berner
Exactly.
[59:35]
Grace O'Malley
Or a lot of leggings.
[59:38]
Hannah Berner
Like, we could have easily done a legging.
[59:40]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, yeah.
[59:40]
Hannah Berner
But during shows, the girls will be like, take a shot. You ever take a fireball shot that, like, it's so spicy, you can't speak for like three minutes after?
[59:50]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, you just have to go.
[59:52]
Hannah Berner
So I'm like, taking it. And you're on stage just with the mic, just like.
[59:57]
Grace O'Malley
That was so good.
[59:58]
Hannah Berner
Thank you, girls.
[60:00]
Grace O'Malley
Thank you for seeking that in your warm, warm tit. That was so warm going down. Oh, fireball.
[60:05]
Hannah Berner
But I got out of it, cuz.
[60:07]
Grace O'Malley
Tastes like Christmas.
[60:07]
Hannah Berner
I get out of it during COVID Because I used to be like, oh, Covid.
[60:10]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, yeah.
[60:11]
Hannah Berner
And now I'm like, co. Like, oh, Hannah sucks. I've gotten drunk at the stand once.
[60:17]
Grace O'Malley
Okay.
[60:18]
Hannah Berner
Cuz you know how you'll have, like five spots and, you know, a couple espresso martinis and you're like, I don't care about this next spot. I lose all my wit when I'm drunk. Yeah, that's the thing. Maybe it'd be different if I was like, like, good when I'm drunk. I'd be like, grace. Yeah, I drink.
[60:34]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[60:34]
Hannah Berner
I'm the kind of drunk where, like, yeah, I lose all my wit and I like, forget what Senza was saying. Like, I'll get on stage and I'll start laughing before the joke. I'll be like, do you know, one.
[60:43]
Grace O'Malley
Time it's like you're telling a story in front of friends.
[60:46]
Hannah Berner
Like, dude, come on, you.
[60:47]
Grace O'Malley
You can finish it for me.
[60:48]
Hannah Berner
And then, you know what? Wait, you. You were there, right, Jim? You had to be there for like, wait, this is so funny. Wait, wait. And I remember. And I was just, like, bombing. And I was like, oh, no, I can't drink. So now I'm, like, firm. So when. But I've seen people blackout, you know, comics, like, talking to you, blackout. And then they get. Their name gets called, and you're like, oh. Oh, no, you good. You're about to go up.
[61:10]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, yeah.
[61:11]
Hannah Berner
And they just murder.
[61:12]
Grace O'Malley
It's wild.
[61:13]
Hannah Berner
Murder. But it's because, like, they're so fucking free. But they don't remember it. They don't know what they said. But in that moment, I witnessed greatness.
[61:21]
Grace O'Malley
It is. It is fun to watch. It's really good stuff.
[61:25]
Hannah Berner
Because when they start rolling.
[61:26]
Grace O'Malley
And that's the thing about, like, places like the stands. Yeah, that's a one night. One night only, baby. Like you are. You are getting a special kind of a show.
[61:34]
Hannah Berner
I'm in the upstairs shows.
[61:36]
Grace O'Malley
I saw you were up there last night. What were you doing? I do those shows. You're not supposed to be doing those shows.
[61:43]
Hannah Berner
This thing I'm building, my new hour and you got to go in and like, practice some of these bits. I like the upstairs room, cuz it's like no comics watch you.
[61:52]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, that's true.
[61:53]
Hannah Berner
So like, there's a freedom of, like, I could really do anything and I don't feel judged.
[61:57]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, it's kind of like having like a bunch of kids in a. Like, you're like the substitute teacher and you're like, all right.
[62:04]
Hannah Berner
I go, do I look stupid in the shirt? Just tell me, like, what's the curriculum? Shut up, Johnny. Why do you think I got a divorce? No, it does. When you're alone with that mic, there's a, there's a high to it.
[62:19]
Grace O'Malley
I know it stuck with you.
[62:20]
Hannah Berner
It is something beautiful for those 15 minutes.
[62:23]
Grace O'Malley
But if that room is not full.
[62:26]
Hannah Berner
You know, I actually, I, I left, I didn't do the late show and there were like six people downstairs and I was like, have fun, guys. I gotta, I gotta go to bed. Yeah, gotta get my 10 hours.
[62:36]
Grace O'Malley
You gotta get your 10 hours? You gotta get your beauty sweep.
[62:39]
Hannah Berner
You gotta get my beauty sweep.
[62:43]
Grace O'Malley
No, I, I, that's why I've been easing up on drinking. Because not only do I have a, like a speech impediment when I'm sober, when I'm drunk, it's like marbles in my mouth.
[62:55]
Hannah Berner
Sometimes I feel like you'll, you'll get off stage and be like, that was, that was good.
[62:59]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[62:59]
Hannah Berner
And then you, like, see a video.
[63:01]
Grace O'Malley
So that was my whole thing is, like, when I first started out, I was, I was, I had literally not even getting like seven before I'd go up.
[63:07]
Hannah Berner
Well, you were nervous. You were putting yourself in theaters early on. Whitney's crowd, cold open.
[63:14]
Grace O'Malley
She didn't drink for those ones though, because she doesn't drink.
[63:16]
Hannah Berner
Oh.
[63:16]
Grace O'Malley
So that was like a, that kind of opened my eyes to be like.
[63:19]
Hannah Berner
Whoa, I could do this so better when I'm sober.
[63:22]
Unknown
What a revelation.
[63:23]
Hannah Berner
Yeah.
[63:24]
Grace O'Malley
So stupid. But I was like, oh, yeah, that dog.
[63:28]
Hannah Berner
You know when people get so drunk and they, like, won't tell you the subject of what they're talking about? Like, they'll be like. And that's why when you do it, you gotta focus.
[63:37]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, you mean Italians talking about absolutely nothing, but you're like, yeah, no, I know.
[63:44]
Hannah Berner
Yeah, exactly. When you believe it, you know what to do. And I'll be like, what are we talking about?
[63:49]
Grace O'Malley
Are we talking about magic?
[63:53]
Hannah Berner
How has your dressing been with show outfits? Cuz that's difficult.
[63:57]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, this is what I. I love. I think we're on the same page on this.
[64:02]
Hannah Berner
I'm more similar than different. Me and you.
[64:04]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, you, me and you were like two peas in a goddamn part here. Hey, listen, it's a. Shoot me in the face. No, dude, I. With your outfits. And they're so you. And people give you. People always give you.
[64:21]
Hannah Berner
Yo, but look, I'm an artist.
[64:22]
Grace O'Malley
You're an artist.
[64:23]
Hannah Berner
But what always happens to me is like, the only standup videos that go viral is like the day that I, you know, once I like, had a nice dress on, but I like, ate a chicken sandwich and was bloated, as you do. Okay. I had a whole rotisserie chicken and I threw on a blazer because I didn't want my gut out.
[64:41]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[64:42]
Hannah Berner
Every comment is like, why would she wear that blazer with that dress? And I'm like, this is about my words, okay? Every comment. Every guy looks like a school shooter that does comedy. But God forbid I wear a blazer that doesn't really match the dress. And I'm crucified.
[64:56]
Grace O'Malley
I'm sorry. I'm wearing sneakers on stage. Yes. I'm comfy.
[65:01]
Hannah Berner
I would love to eventually collect, like, a jersey in every city.
[65:06]
Grace O'Malley
Nikki's been doing that.
[65:07]
Hannah Berner
She's been doing that. That's what I want. I was inspired by, like, Tate McCray.
[65:11]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[65:11]
Hannah Berner
She'd wear the jersey.
[65:12]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[65:12]
Hannah Berner
And what you can do is you put it on your rider and say, like, get me a local jersey.
[65:17]
Grace O'Malley
Oh.
[65:18]
Hannah Berner
However, what I didn't realize about writers.
[65:20]
Grace O'Malley
They take it off.
[65:21]
Hannah Berner
You're paying for it.
[65:22]
Grace O'Malley
You are paying for it. You are paying for it. Last week, that is actually one of the questions I ask everybody on the show.
[65:27]
Hannah Berner
What is your riders so deranged? Like, I'm a literal grandpa.
[65:32]
Grace O'Malley
So we've got is candle on there?
[65:35]
Hannah Berner
No, but, like, you know when you could tell a girl was involved in the green room versus a guy?
[65:40]
Grace O'Malley
100.
[65:41]
Hannah Berner
When men do my green room, first of all, there's no mirror anywhere. Then they'll be like, like three years worth of tampons. Like, they think. They think I'm bleeding out and, like, tons of makeup remover. I'm like, what do you think?
[65:55]
Grace O'Malley
I do like, oh, she's got to take it off. She's got to take it off. She's got to start over. She's got it. Well, she's got a. I don't know how many holes she has. Probably three for the stage.
[66:06]
Unknown
Right.
[66:06]
Hannah Berner
It literally felt like that astronaut that gave her 100 tampons for like a week. I've definitely had that in the green room. Cuz they're like, we've never had a girl in here before. You don't know what. What you need. Then they'll be like, let us know if you need anything. And then I'll be like, plan B and iud. And they're like, okay, we'll be right back. I'm like, thank you.
[66:24]
Unknown
Can we buy that?
[66:25]
Grace O'Malley
I thought only women could buy that.
[66:28]
Hannah Berner
But I have white Gatorade, turkey slices. Like deli meat.
[66:32]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[66:33]
Hannah Berner
Which I never eat, but it's like, you know, in case you need protein.
[66:36]
Grace O'Malley
I think I knew this about you.
[66:37]
Hannah Berner
It's pretty gross. I at one point said, hard boiled eggs.
[66:40]
Grace O'Malley
That was.
[66:41]
Hannah Berner
That lasted one week. That was disgusting.
[66:43]
Grace O'Malley
That's just wrong for everybody.
[66:44]
Hannah Berner
I just asked for, like, protein bar. I like to see what they bring. Popcorn, which gets stuck in your teeth.
[66:51]
Grace O'Malley
Cradle stuck in your throat. True. You can last for an hour fighting for your life. I'm sorry.
[66:58]
Hannah Berner
You want to be entertained? Is she going to die?
[67:01]
Grace O'Malley
It's over. Red and B.
[67:02]
Hannah Berner
Did you see Lola Young gagging at Coachella?
[67:05]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. The poor thing.
[67:06]
Hannah Berner
That was us coded.
[67:07]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, for sure. I respect that.
[67:09]
Hannah Berner
Yeah. She was like, guys, I'm nervous. It's too hot that I'm gonna puke. Just bear with me.
[67:15]
Grace O'Malley
And that is, like, so perfect. Because just being honest is so much better than being like, I'm okay. I'm fine. No, I'm hot. I'm. I'm. I'm freaking out. This is Coachella.
[67:27]
Hannah Berner
That's my biggest advice to people who go on stage. I'm always like, just tell the audience the truth and they'll connect with you.
[67:34]
Grace O'Malley
They respect you for it. It's funny if you're a mess.
[67:37]
Hannah Berner
Yes, I was. When I was dealing with giggly squad and Paige had like a panic attack before stage. It was her personal life, but she. She wasn't worried. It was her own stuff going on. She's going through some. And I was like. I basically, like, kicked her out onto the stage. I was like, the adrenal hit. Don't worry, you're fine. And she was like, what do I Say. And I'm like, tell him.
[67:56]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[67:56]
Hannah Berner
And we literally were like, hey, we just had a panic attack. Anyone else? The whole room went crazy.
[68:02]
Grace O'Malley
Like, oh, my God, I'm in day two.
[68:04]
Hannah Berner
I'm like, let's all have a panic attack right now, right? Three, two, one, Panic.
[68:08]
Grace O'Malley
But they do. When you guys come out, people eat you guys up. And for good reason. But, like, your girls going crazy.
[68:13]
Hannah Berner
Oh, my. Radio City was crazy. Radio City was crazy.
[68:16]
Grace O'Malley
Paige.
[68:17]
Hannah Berner
This is a funny story about it. They told, we've never done Radio City. And Paige is so pumped up. And they were like, do you guys want to come out from under the stage?
[68:26]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, yeah.
[68:27]
Hannah Berner
And get, like, raised up like the goddamn rocket? Paige was like, abso lutely. And I'm the logical one. So I go, how much is this going to cost us?
[68:35]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, I didn't even think of that.
[68:36]
Hannah Berner
$8,000.
[68:37]
Grace O'Malley
You.
[68:38]
Hannah Berner
My dick go, no. And Paige looks at me, she's like, it's a business expense. Put it on the business. I'm like, we are the business. I'm not paying eight grand for it to, like, for us to potentially look like bad Liberace, like, coming out just, like, too slow.
[68:52]
Grace O'Malley
Like, that's what it looks like.
[68:55]
Hannah Berner
If it were to go. Yeah, like, I know it won't look as cool as she thinks in her head. Unless just the crowds. And then they're like, oh, do we keep having to clap this the whole time? I just envision if it went wrong, I be so. I wouldn't go sleep that night about that $8,000.
[69:09]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. So you didn't do it?
[69:10]
Hannah Berner
I didn't do it. Paige still is mad at me.
[69:11]
Grace O'Malley
I can't believe they charge you for that. But, like, of course they have to.
[69:14]
Hannah Berner
Hire, like, a whole new, like, production crew to, like, do the thing.
[69:17]
Grace O'Malley
Christ. Have mercy.
[69:18]
Hannah Berner
Also reminds me of, like, remember, you know, Katy Perry was, like, getting divorced and they always from Russell Branch. Yeah. And she. And she was, like, crying, getting your makeup done. And they were like, do you want to go on stage? And she's like, yes. And she's, like, sobbing. They put her in the little thing, and then she gets lifted up, and then she, like, smiles at the very end.
[69:35]
Grace O'Malley
Oh.
[69:36]
Hannah Berner
So, yeah, that was. I was like. I was triggered by that moment.
[69:40]
Grace O'Malley
Are you going on Blue Origin next?
[69:41]
Hannah Berner
They actually go up.
[69:43]
Grace O'Malley
They went up for 11 minutes. Hannah.
[69:45]
Hannah Berner
Did they ratchet, though? Oh, because I'm on a weird tick tock. Okay, I'll ask Whitney.
[69:50]
Grace O'Malley
I did see that.
[69:52]
Hannah Berner
She. I know she has a strong opinion on It.
[69:55]
Grace O'Malley
I'm actually curious to see what she has to say about that. I think what she would say is what a lot of people are saying is Jeff Bezos hates her that much. I was just really hoping for a big old Oprah.
[70:07]
Unknown
Sick of Gail.
[70:09]
Hannah Berner
My thing is I'm not like a. It's weird because I'm a stand up comedian, but I don't chase adrenaline. I feel like I wake up with enough of my own self induced adrenaline of just like surviving living on this planet. I don't need to go on a spaceship and possibly die to feel something.
[70:25]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, that's fair.
[70:26]
Hannah Berner
It's like I don't want a roller coaster. I don't want to go skiing. I don't need that shit. Like I'm just sitting on my couch stressed as fuck.
[70:33]
Grace O'Malley
Okay, so I hate this question, so I hate to ask you.
[70:37]
Hannah Berner
Oh, I can't wait.
[70:39]
Grace O'Malley
Do you have hobbies?
[70:41]
Hannah Berner
I've been talking about how no one gets a hobby unless you're in like a really dark place.
[70:45]
Grace O'Malley
That's true.
[70:45]
Hannah Berner
Like no one starts making sourdough unless they were like considering suicide.
[70:50]
Grace O'Malley
Well, that's gun to gun to head. I'm going to divorce you if you don't start making things from scratch for our children. That's a whole different fucking that. Isn't that a speech someone gives at a college?
[71:00]
Hannah Berner
My therapist once told me they were like, I want you to try to do something just for you and not post about it. And I was like, that's called bad business.
[71:08]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, I mean, I think, I think she's, she's off. She's fired. Oh, you're talking about bad business. Yeah.
[71:14]
Hannah Berner
So you want me to be broke? You don't understand my strategy for living.
[71:18]
Grace O'Malley
You know the nice thing I'm gonna do? I'm not gonna pay you. That would be good to me. That would be really nice for this week.
[71:22]
Hannah Berner
Tennis wasn't my hobby. Like, tennis was my everything. Tennis was my ego. Yeah, everything was tennis. That was who I was. It was my identity. I would love. Okay, this is deep. Look at us getting deep. But like, I feel like my whole life has been about like trying to be successful and make people like approve of me. And now that I'm like getting that, I'm realizing, like, oh, I have to go backwards and now realize how to live life and just like in the most simple form, like, like, how can I be happy with like just a day functioning without like chasing these highs? Cuz I was always, it was always tennis. Like I was winning matches or losing. I never was just like, oh, let's plant something today. I want that.
[72:05]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. Like some simple. We're going back to the simple life.
[72:08]
Hannah Berner
Yes.
[72:10]
Grace O'Malley
Hannah, I'll call you in three months. Oh, you know Joey and Pat at Barstool.
[72:22]
Hannah Berner
Yes.
[72:22]
Grace O'Malley
They gave a swing at doing Simple Life. They like, were trying a bunch of jobs in the city. It was hilarious.
[72:28]
Hannah Berner
Yeah. Yeah.
[72:28]
Grace O'Malley
And I. It's really funny because Joey's so high maintenance, he's out of his mind. And the show was fantastic and so we can't rip them off, but it was on YouTube. Yeah, YouTube. They called it Working Girls working.
[72:40]
Hannah Berner
That is so funny.
[72:41]
Grace O'Malley
It was like, now how do you. How do you clean this pooch? Those guys crack me up.
[72:49]
Hannah Berner
No, they're so funny. I love them.
[72:51]
Grace O'Malley
We should do something together.
[72:52]
Hannah Berner
I know.
[72:53]
Grace O'Malley
And I love having these mandatory hangs.
[72:55]
Hannah Berner
Yes.
[72:55]
Grace O'Malley
Because that's what a podcast is. Yeah, it's just a mandatory.
[72:58]
Hannah Berner
It's just like. It's better than getting coffee together.
[73:00]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[73:00]
Hannah Berner
Cuz at least we got content from it.
[73:02]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. And the therapist would be pissed, but.
[73:04]
Hannah Berner
You know, therapist would be so mad at me.
[73:06]
Grace O'Malley
We're killing two birds, one stone.
[73:08]
Hannah Berner
But my thing with messaging you about getting a driver driver's license. Cuz like I need someone to hold me accountable. I need a little. I need a teammate. I need something. Cuz like me is not enough right now.
[73:17]
Grace O'Malley
But I texted you and I said I got all the information. I asked the guys, I asked if we could, we could cut some coolness. And they said no. And then they. And then I said, so there's a five hour class. Hannah goes, yeah, I'm good.
[73:35]
Hannah Berner
I actually, I'm too scared to look to see if my permits expired and I have to do the class again. I already lost it.
[73:42]
Grace O'Malley
I can't find it.
[73:44]
Hannah Berner
No, like the logistics. It's harder than anything to get a.
[73:49]
Grace O'Malley
Driver'S license here in New York City. I mean, come on.
[73:52]
Hannah Berner
I have some friends who like did it in other states that didn't even have to parallel park.
[73:56]
Grace O'Malley
That's wild.
[73:57]
Hannah Berner
And then I was talking to Paige saying like, I know there's people out here. Like there's 80 year old driving way worse than us.
[74:04]
Grace O'Malley
We just take their ID.
[74:06]
Hannah Berner
Yeah.
[74:07]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. I'm Francis McCain. I'm 82 years old and I've never left New York. Francis and s to taking the road. Summer 2025 maybe. Maybe the play is we go to the class and we dress up as grandma's real Hollywood makeup and could be stupid.
[74:28]
Hannah Berner
No, I like it. I Feel like it's less embarrassing as a grandma to get your license. That's cute.
[74:33]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[74:34]
Hannah Berner
Us, we're in this, like, post college era where it's like, we should have done it.
[74:40]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[74:40]
Hannah Berner
And now we have people look at you. Weird.
[74:42]
Grace O'Malley
I know.
[74:42]
Hannah Berner
I mean, I just say, I'm from New York City. I don't know what your excuse is.
[74:45]
Grace O'Malley
I had one once. I had one once. I let it expire during COVID That's what I did.
[74:50]
Hannah Berner
Why did no one tell us? I didn't even get an email.
[74:54]
Grace O'Malley
I'm like, dude, they want you to fail. Yeah. And it once you in the system. And now I get it. I hate to even say this too, but speaking of the grandmas, Bri and I always had this idea that we were going to interview on, and I hate to bring it up. Interview on red carpets dressed as grandma. And I still kind of want to do that.
[75:15]
Hannah Berner
Just the thing. Red carpet interviewing, though. Like, I would love actual grandmas to do it, but, like, it's hard. Red carpet interview. Like, you're standing for, like, three hours. Lot of people.
[75:24]
Grace O'Malley
Do you have cars, cards?
[75:26]
Hannah Berner
When we did Vanity Fair, we actually, like, they told us there might be cards. And then, like, 10 minutes before, I was like, do we have cards?
[75:32]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[75:32]
Hannah Berner
And they're like, no. And I was kind of like, that's okay.
[75:35]
Grace O'Malley
I studied.
[75:36]
Hannah Berner
I got. And you don't know who you're interviewing.
[75:38]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[75:39]
Hannah Berner
And yeah, that was crazy because I'm also not that smart.
[75:42]
Grace O'Malley
And have you. Okay, so this brought up a really big thing for everybody about the beta blockers. This has been Hollywood's little secret. And how long you been doing those?
[75:52]
Hannah Berner
So I started beta blockers pre Netflix special because I was, like, doing great. And then something about knowing I had to record my first special brought on all these old demons of me being like. Because tennis was very, like, result oriented. Like, if you lost your loser, if you won, you're great. And comedy, I was like, I'm not being result oriented. I'm expressing myself through the art of comedy. I'm being nice to myself. I don't care how I do on stage. I'm just having fun.
[76:21]
Grace O'Malley
I.
[76:21]
Hannah Berner
And as a result, I got to be such a better comic because I was, like, enjoying it. And then Netflix came, and I was like, if I mess this up, this is my only chance in my career to be. And I start freaking out.
[76:32]
Grace O'Malley
It's like, that's like, the big show's on.
[76:35]
Hannah Berner
And, like, as a comic, it's a lot of live, great energy. So you hope that when they film it, it's going to capture that the right way. And I got in my head really bad, like, two weeks before, where I just was like, Gave myself no permission to fuck up and then just start spiraling. So I go to the doctor and I was like, what do I do?
[76:53]
Grace O'Malley
Which doctor you go to? Regular.
[76:54]
Hannah Berner
I went to this one medical. I don't have good insurance.
[76:57]
Grace O'Malley
Okay.
[76:57]
Hannah Berner
But I sat down, I said, I'm having performance anxiety. What can I do? I've heard about beta blockers. And she was like, I give it to judges, surgeons. It's like a performance thing where I. I've only taken it, like, a. Like, maybe four times. But it's a specific event where you can't control your physical. Like, you know, like, you're like, I'm gonna shake regardless how much med.
[77:22]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[77:22]
Hannah Berner
And focus I have. So you take a beta blocker and it just. It keeps your body calm, so it doesn't affect your minds at all. So I took it before my Netflix special, and it was great.
[77:33]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[77:34]
Hannah Berner
It's not something.
[77:35]
Grace O'Malley
Keep them around.
[77:35]
Hannah Berner
Yeah. Keep it around. Like, it's not like a. Oh, if I panic attack. Take a beta blocker. It's more like preemptive.
[77:41]
Grace O'Malley
You're doing. That was a big one for me.
[77:45]
Hannah Berner
You're about to do Fallon.
[77:46]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[77:47]
Hannah Berner
Do five minutes. It's a comedy. When you do late night, you can't help but feel the physical effects. And you don't want to shake on stage. Take up one beta blocker.
[77:55]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[77:55]
Hannah Berner
I think it's helping the girlies perform a little. And I'm not a big drug. I. I can't take drugs.
[78:02]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[78:02]
Hannah Berner
Like, I have panic attack when I smoke weed. But beta blockers help me.
[78:07]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[78:07]
Hannah Berner
In a way. Yeah.
[78:08]
Grace O'Malley
Robert Jenny Jr. Brought it up in one of his speeches. He gave, like, two years ago, and he gave a shout out to beta blockers.
[78:14]
Hannah Berner
That's amazing speech.
[78:15]
Grace O'Malley
I don't know.
[78:16]
Hannah Berner
I. I just. I'm all about people. I'm about people chasing their dreams. But, like, Hollywood performers, they make it look so effortless. So I think it was important to be like, I'm so fucking nervous about this, and I'm struggling, and I think it's about just doing things you're scared of.
[78:30]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[78:31]
Hannah Berner
And then that's how you get stronger and proud of yourself. And now I'm, like, more confident, as in myself as a performer.
[78:37]
Grace O'Malley
You've done just about everything. What I said, fuck the cards, because. Thank God this episode's fun, easygoing. Well, it's tough when I don't know anyone or I don't know someone. And I'm like, so you were born in May.
[78:55]
Hannah Berner
How many brothers and sisters do you.
[78:57]
Grace O'Malley
And I'm doing this like old timey, like. And tell me again about your first joke.
[79:03]
Hannah Berner
And what, how does it make you feel?
[79:06]
Grace O'Malley
But what would be something that would make you shake in your boots that you would have to do?
[79:11]
Hannah Berner
Get a driver's license. The last time I took it, I sat down, down. And this guy hated me so much. Like, you know, you could tell they're rooting against you.
[79:20]
Grace O'Malley
We try to do jokes.
[79:21]
Hannah Berner
I was like being smiling, I was like, hey. And he immediately, like, he told me to turn and I didn't realize which turn it was. And he like rolled his eyes and I was just like, I don't like the. I like the vibes you're putting out, the energy you bring to this.
[79:33]
Grace O'Malley
You park the car. I'm not with you guys.
[79:35]
Hannah Berner
Are you mad at me? Are you mad at me already? Because I can't already fail. You start like, like when you fight.
[79:40]
Unknown
With your boyfriend, you're like, I.
[79:41]
Hannah Berner
Did I say something earlier? Know what's going on?
[79:43]
Grace O'Malley
You know, you have my whole life.
[79:46]
Hannah Berner
On the wrong side of the bed, but now you're projecting onto me and I'm just trying to.
[79:49]
Grace O'Malley
Anyway, what are you writing?
[79:50]
Hannah Berner
He literally was like, did you pass this before? And I was like, yes. And he was like, oof. Like, like I just felt like I had such a bad experience and then I just keep imagining it. I feel like I need hypnosis or something. What's something else? I want to get into acting. Yeah, but I'm. I'm not that good at memorizing things. That's my biggest, biggest nerves.
[80:12]
Grace O'Malley
I've been doing self tapes lately and obviously I haven't gotten anything. As soon as I do, you'll find me first to know.
[80:20]
Hannah Berner
I do self. Tapes have gotten zero.
[80:22]
Grace O'Malley
I can't remember any of them. And my poor sister's running them with me now. And I'm. I'm just like screaming.
[80:28]
Hannah Berner
You know this when it's a long scene and you're like three minutes into it and then you're like, oh, no, I'm not going to get this next. And she's like, you can't cut.
[80:36]
Grace O'Malley
You can't all the way through.
[80:38]
Hannah Berner
God forbid you cut.
[80:39]
Grace O'Malley
If we could cut, I'd be the best actress in the world.
[80:42]
Hannah Berner
I had a Nepo baby. I asked them advice once and they were like, make up Your own lines. And I was like, I don't think.
[80:47]
Grace O'Malley
I don't think that's.
[80:47]
Hannah Berner
I think that's gonna work for me.
[80:49]
Grace O'Malley
Sorry. Chet doesn't work like that.
[80:55]
Hannah Berner
I also, my husband would do be doing self tapes too. And every now and then I'll like give him a note and he looks at me, he's like, you haven't gotten one thing. Why are you telling me what to do? And I, and then I'm, I am delusional. One thing about me. And I go, yeah, I haven't heard back from anything, but they clearly have to go through a ton of auditions. And he's like, it's been a full year. I'm like, they haven't decided yet. Until I see the deadline article, I'm in the running.
[81:18]
Grace O'Malley
Dude. That is like, that is the best way to go about things.
[81:21]
Hannah Berner
I assume everything. They're like, they're going to pick me and if they don't, it was a mistake and that's fine. Yeah, but my thing is just like, I'd rather try to do crazy shit than like be bored. Yeah, I mean, I'd rather be scared than bored.
[81:33]
Grace O'Malley
I remember one of the second times.
[81:34]
Hannah Berner
Does it smell like brownies in here?
[81:36]
Grace O'Malley
What's going on on?
[81:36]
Hannah Berner
Someone's baking.
[81:37]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, they be, they be cooking delicious, scrumptious little sweets every single day. It's the best smell.
[81:43]
Hannah Berner
This is incredible.
[81:44]
Grace O'Malley
I think I have a game we could do that. Could be fun, right?
[81:47]
Hannah Berner
Yeah, I love a game.
[81:49]
Grace O'Malley
Do you want to talk about your book?
[81:53]
Hannah Berner
How to Giggle is Out. If it's a guide to taking life less seriously. If you enjoyed this conversation, probably enjoy the book. And it's a great. It's beautiful coffee table and it's like a magazine. I used to love. Love opening any page and having like a fun game or like mystical or like funny blurb. So it's kind of like that. You could open any chapter and laugh about something.
[82:14]
Grace O'Malley
Is this a real quote from Amy Poehler?
[82:16]
Hannah Berner
Actually it is.
[82:17]
Grace O'Malley
Amy Poehler said, this book feels like Hannah and Paige's friendship. Honest, hectic and always hilarious.
[82:22]
Hannah Berner
Wait, read the last quote.
[82:24]
Grace O'Malley
The last quote is by Chelsea Handler. She's a comedian, television host and six time New York Times bestselling author. She said, I think I met them once.
[82:34]
Hannah Berner
It's gold.
[82:35]
Grace O'Malley
That is too good.
[82:37]
Hannah Berner
I was like, we cannot take the blurb seriously.
[82:40]
Grace O'Malley
That is so good. Is that a real quote from her as well?
[82:42]
Hannah Berner
Yeah, we had fun with the blurbs.
[82:44]
Grace O'Malley
That is fun, dude. I mean, just read it because I'LL I'll look at the front.
[82:48]
Hannah Berner
Yeah.
[82:48]
Grace O'Malley
Incredible. I'm already locked in.
[82:50]
Hannah Berner
Thank you.
[82:50]
Grace O'Malley
And then I look at the back, and that's all I'll read at a store. I don't do, like, the whole. Pick the middle, read five lines. I. I look front and back. I. I judge a book by itself cover and, baby, I'm sold.
[83:01]
Hannah Berner
Thank you, baby. Thank you.
[83:03]
Grace O'Malley
Oh. Oh, God. All right, here we go. So this. This game. This game's called Disgraceful Receipts, where I show you things you have posted or put on the Internet forever, and I want you to react to them. All right, Let me. Let me pull them out of my. My desk. I am Fallon.
[83:22]
Hannah Berner
Oh.
[83:23]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, she just put out to go out this picture. Oh, my God.
[83:29]
Hannah Berner
Wait. That was my sports modeling days.
[83:31]
Grace O'Malley
This is your sports modeling days. It has 110 likes and 14 comments. And you got really creative with the. The caption there. It's just boom, boom. Two fist pumps, knuckle, knuckle.
[83:44]
Hannah Berner
Like, I loved an emoji.
[83:46]
Grace O'Malley
You know, I boxed once. We got Derek Jeter. Got to hang out with Derek today. Baseball emoji, emoji.
[83:56]
Hannah Berner
Also, I wrote his name and script on the photo badly.
[83:59]
Grace O'Malley
That. No, I think that I thought that he signed that. I thought that was Derek.
[84:03]
Hannah Berner
That was me. That was me as a Boston girl. What emotions does that make you feel?
[84:09]
Grace O'Malley
I'm pissed. Oh, Derek Jeter. More like Derek Cheater. Okay, Right. Moving right along.
[84:19]
Hannah Berner
Wait. Okay. This.
[84:21]
Grace O'Malley
Proud of my calves for being in their first Adidas campaign. Didn't capitalize Adidas. Hope they don't turn into divas.
[84:30]
Hannah Berner
Okay.
[84:30]
Grace O'Malley
Those caps kind of have turned into divas since this is 2017.
[84:34]
Hannah Berner
So this was during I was trying to be a sports model, and I waited in line with, like, 400 girls for this Adidas tennis campaign. This girl was like, I think you're gonna get it. And I was like, no, there's no way. Way. I get a call, you book this Adidas campaign. I called my mom. I said, sell the house. Things are going to change around here. I literally was like, we booked Adidas. And they were like, you're going to be on the front cover. You're going to be in magazines. You're going to be in Times Square. And I was like, oh, my God. Like, things are going to change.
[85:00]
Grace O'Malley
Life is.
[85:01]
Hannah Berner
Life is worth the living. And I was like, I did one, you know, boxing photo, and now I'm the face of Adidas.
[85:08]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[85:08]
Hannah Berner
I swear to God, I do a whole sheet shoot all day, comes out just my Foot. Just my foot everywhere. Like, that was the home screen on their website for like, a month or two. Good and good.
[85:21]
Grace O'Malley
Cha Ching.
[85:23]
Hannah Berner
No, no.
[85:26]
Grace O'Malley
They get to pay you less if your face isn't in it. Like paparazzi.
[85:29]
Hannah Berner
Any girl's legs.
[85:31]
Grace O'Malley
I was like, but they were yours.
[85:32]
Hannah Berner
Thank you. No one knew it, but I was, like, serving. I was. I was sweating. I was like, oh, my God. I thought I was going to be so famous.
[85:39]
Grace O'Malley
Well, in a different aspect.
[85:41]
Hannah Berner
A different aspect? Well, yeah.
[85:42]
Grace O'Malley
Those calves wrote a book.
[85:44]
Hannah Berner
Wait, I love that you. I love that you found that.
[85:46]
Grace O'Malley
Up next, we have from Facebook. Stay classy, Madison.
[85:50]
Hannah Berner
That was my sports broadcasting era.
[85:52]
Grace O'Malley
My eyebrows are thin.
[85:53]
Hannah Berner
My eyebrows are cousins.
[85:55]
Grace O'Malley
On and gone.
[85:57]
Hannah Berner
Pre Invisalign. One comment, one share.
[86:00]
Grace O'Malley
But 53 likes.
[86:01]
Hannah Berner
50 likes on Facebook. That's viral.
[86:03]
Grace O'Malley
That's not too. Chevy. So you were a news. A news guy.
[86:07]
Hannah Berner
It's funny. I wrote, that's Pat McAfee. I was a newscaster and barstool at one point, reached out to be like, smoke show of the week or something, and I wrote back, and I was like, I do not want to be objectified by your.
[86:22]
Unknown
You wrote that back?
[86:25]
Grace O'Malley
How about, thank you for the opportunity?
[86:28]
Hannah Berner
I said, I'm a. I said, I'm a. A woman in journalism. I'm not posting bikini photos on your jerk off site.
[86:36]
Grace O'Malley
Hell. All right, we've got a tweet. Instead of a flower girl, I want a French fry girl who scatters truffle parmesan down the aisle. And then the groom puts on an onion ring on my finger. And everyone throws chicken nuggets at us. And he ends the night eating my taco babes.
[86:55]
Hannah Berner
You know, I wrote that, and I was like. Like, she ate with that and she's starving. Someone was like, eat a meal.
[87:04]
Grace O'Malley
I'm like, dude, that is so. Did you end up doing that?
[87:06]
Hannah Berner
Yeah. No, I'm just kidding.
[87:07]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, I was going to say no.
[87:09]
Hannah Berner
I think there were. There was a lot of food at the wedding, though.
[87:12]
Grace O'Malley
Can I be honest?
[87:13]
Hannah Berner
Yeah.
[87:14]
Grace O'Malley
This is the most millennial tweet I've ever read in my life, and I'm so glad I can speak freely about this.
[87:20]
Hannah Berner
That was the meanest thing anyone's ever said to me.
[87:25]
Grace O'Malley
That's. You know, I have this.
[87:28]
Hannah Berner
I have this girl Grace, who works for us, and whenever she wants to hurt my feelings, she just goes, that was so millennial.
[87:35]
Grace O'Malley
That's what Nora does to me.
[87:37]
Hannah Berner
M word is a slur. You just dropped it.
[87:41]
Grace O'Malley
I'm so sorry. I know. I Know how I feel when she does it to me. So it's like.
[87:45]
Hannah Berner
But I do have to say I identify as Gen Z and like, the Gen Z girls. Girls have accepted me too.
[87:50]
Unknown
Yeah.
[87:50]
Grace O'Malley
You're the Gen Z queen.
[87:51]
Hannah Berner
Thank you. But every now and then I'm like, I think the Gen Z's are starting to like millennials because we invented iced coffee.
[87:57]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[87:57]
Hannah Berner
And I feel like we just. We get them more than any other generation. We're like, don't come for us.
[88:02]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, yeah.
[88:02]
Hannah Berner
We're with you.
[88:03]
Grace O'Malley
We're confidant.
[88:04]
Hannah Berner
Yeah, we get. We're corny a little bit.
[88:06]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[88:06]
Hannah Berner
We said boss for a while.
[88:10]
Grace O'Malley
One more time into the camera.
[88:12]
Hannah Berner
I'm a boss.
[88:14]
Grace O'Malley
That's right. I'll put music so that it goes.
[88:17]
Hannah Berner
Look, when I take a photo, still, do I go like this? Yes.
[88:20]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, I do that.
[88:21]
Hannah Berner
Okay. I know this and this are different.
[88:23]
Grace O'Malley
W told me to stop doing this, which is fair.
[88:28]
Hannah Berner
I just think if you take a photo, like with the fan and you don't do a weird hand move movement, it's weird.
[88:34]
Grace O'Malley
You know what I've been doing and somebody caught me on it.
[88:36]
Hannah Berner
Like, if you try to, like, hover.
[88:38]
Grace O'Malley
As if I'm some creepy guy and I don't want to get any allegations, I don't touch. I hover. Or I do a fist. Some girl sent me. She was like, why were you. Why were you so mad meeting me? Because I have a fist. I'm like, hey, buddy.
[88:51]
Hannah Berner
You would just say sorry because the photo's so bad.
[88:54]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, my God. Yeah.
[88:55]
Hannah Berner
Like, I'll get off a flight and someone's like, can I take your photo? And I'm like, really, dude?
[88:59]
Grace O'Malley
If you see me, how fucking bloated I am right now, I tell them, oh, sorry, I just woke up. No, I didn't. I've been awake for hours. I have been awake all the time. But in the airport, nobody knows where you're coming from, what you're doing.
[89:11]
Hannah Berner
Then when people don't recognize you, cuz you look so ugly. Like, are you.
[89:15]
Grace O'Malley
Are you.
[89:18]
Hannah Berner
Are you this girl?
[89:19]
Grace O'Malley
Are. Are you.
[89:20]
Hannah Berner
You know, you look like if Hannah got hit by a car. If Hannah was left in the microwave, like, you look just like her.
[89:28]
Grace O'Malley
You look so much like Hannah Burner. Wow. Like Spitting Image.
[89:34]
Unknown
Do you know that?
[89:36]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. And that comes to the conclusion. Oh, thank God.
[89:39]
Hannah Berner
That was torture. That was torture.
[89:41]
Grace O'Malley
I mean, it could have been worse.
[89:42]
Hannah Berner
You go, I didn't take the. The cancelable one.
[89:47]
Grace O'Malley
I sent them to you and said, archive that.
[89:49]
Hannah Berner
Say archive you don't even say delete.
[89:51]
Grace O'Malley
Well, yeah, it's still funny.
[89:55]
Hannah Berner
You know, I'm very. Actually pretty clean because. Because I was playing sports and ncaa. Like, I couldn't even post a photo giving the middle finger. I got in trouble once.
[90:04]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, really?
[90:05]
Hannah Berner
Yeah, that was, like, my thing. Oh, they were like, you have to take that down.
[90:08]
Grace O'Malley
Down.
[90:09]
Hannah Berner
And that's when the. The rebel in me was born.
[90:12]
Grace O'Malley
That's what. Yeah, that's when a star was born. They woke up the beast like a map. Oh. Oh, you're gonna tell me I can't do a middle finger? Well, guess what? I'm gonna make a lot of money doing the worm on stage. How do you like them apples?
[90:26]
Hannah Berner
I feel like you should end every segment just saying, how do you like them apples? And no one laughs.
[90:33]
Grace O'Malley
She's like, wicked corny. Oh, here's another one. I just found this one.
[90:38]
Hannah Berner
Oh, geez.
[90:38]
Grace O'Malley
A funny part of the Internet is when someone uses their pet account to troll me. That's classic. That's actually really funny. I had a doodle named Fluffy tell me to go kill myself, and a chihuahua named Peanut called me a slut. I'm not going to fight with a cute animal, but these pests are testing me.
[90:54]
Hannah Berner
Look at you laughing at.
[90:55]
Grace O'Malley
He's cracking me up. I think that's funny.
[90:58]
Hannah Berner
It's funny how, like, six years ago, I thought that was, like, a really original thought.
[91:01]
Grace O'Malley
Thought that is.
[91:04]
Hannah Berner
I have definitely gotten hate messages from people's pet accounts because they don't want to use their real account.
[91:09]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, yeah. I. I love it.
[91:11]
Hannah Berner
Am I fighting with the animal right now?
[91:13]
Grace O'Malley
I can respect it when it's, like, a father of two young girls and they're in the profile picture, and I'm like, papa, what are you doing?
[91:21]
Hannah Berner
I'm at the point now where I'm trying to just be out of the comments.
[91:24]
Grace O'Malley
I'm. Yeah, I'm. I'm getting there.
[91:26]
Hannah Berner
And that's actually, like, very important because a lot of people. The more popular you get, the more people talk about you. And I think the people with longevity are the people that don't make end. It's not in my business.
[91:38]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, you can't.
[91:39]
Hannah Berner
You can't.
[91:39]
Grace O'Malley
You can't.
[91:40]
Hannah Berner
You can always be in the comments fighting with people. But, like, that's not where I thrive. Some people love that.
[91:46]
Grace O'Malley
Like, yeah, some people really eat it up.
[91:47]
Hannah Berner
Like, not to be a sports podcast, you know, like John McEnroe.
[91:50]
Grace O'Malley
Can't say I do.
[91:51]
Hannah Berner
Wait. He's okay. So he's this tennis player. And the way he would play well was by getting mad so he want to fight with the umpire. So, like, the only way for him to win was to get pissed off and throw a tantrum and then he would win. Oh, no. So, like, some people, like, I'm not, like, I'm above the drama. I'm not above any drama. Yeah, I love drama, but I can't. I'm. I can't handle it.
[92:13]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, no, I won't.
[92:14]
Hannah Berner
Physically, spiritually. Some people though, it. It gives them purpose. With me, I'm like, I need to be on my own safe island and protected from angry chihuahuas. But I also argue. Some people, like, when they're their most famous, they think they're their most hate hated, which they are. But they're also their most loved.
[92:32]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[92:32]
Hannah Berner
But they think they're their most hated and least successful when they're actually at.
[92:36]
Grace O'Malley
Their height on the top.
[92:37]
Hannah Berner
Yeah. So it's like, it helps a lot of people to just be out of the comments. I always say if it affects your creativity, like, if you stop telling a joke on stage or don't want to post something because you have like those voices, that means they win.
[92:49]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. I haven't posted any clips yet.
[92:53]
Hannah Berner
Yeah. That's crazy.
[92:54]
Grace O'Malley
It's so stupid.
[92:55]
Hannah Berner
Oh, my God. But I mean, you're selling tickets. Great. And the people who love you love you.
[92:59]
Grace O'Malley
I'm. Yeah, I'm worried. Like, I'm selling tickets. Then I post. I post clips and they're like, nah, let's put these on resale.
[93:05]
Hannah Berner
That's all in your, in your head.
[93:07]
Grace O'Malley
I know.
[93:07]
Hannah Berner
And also, if it's a clip you're proud of and it makes you laugh or it makes your sister laugh or your friend laugh, like, post that.
[93:12]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[93:13]
Hannah Berner
And you'll connect with more people.
[93:15]
Grace O'Malley
I know, I just gotta do it.
[93:16]
Hannah Berner
People always. A lot of comics are like, I'm so happy. I never posted clips when I was coming up. I posted all my clips coming up. And like, yeah, they've gotten better. But like, it's. But I was post like, I posted my closer.
[93:27]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[93:27]
Hannah Berner
And that's how people discovered me. And it was my best joke at the time. And then I got better. Do you know the Nick Cannon bit? Yeah, I forget it. But it's like, it was very quick, but it was like, Nick Cannon, he has 11 kids and I wasn't judging him until I saw the name of one of the kids is this powerful queen Cannon. That's what I call my vibrator.
[93:46]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[93:46]
Hannah Berner
And it was like, very Quick, very easy. Nick Cannon Saw that was the closer.
[93:50]
Grace O'Malley
Netflix, right?
[93:51]
Hannah Berner
Those are my Netflix. Posted it online and like, it, it was popping.
[93:55]
Grace O'Malley
You got a wilding out offer.
[94:00]
Hannah Berner
Actually, you know, I auditioned for Wild now.
[94:04]
Grace O'Malley
Did you?
[94:04]
Hannah Berner
I did a full rap about tennis or something and I had a beat. I was like, I'm from Brooklyn, New York. This is made for me. But no, I didn't get a call back.
[94:12]
Unknown
I.
[94:13]
Hannah Berner
We've never gotten a call back. But that's what's crazy.
[94:16]
Grace O'Malley
I like the running bit of like. Yeah, no, no, no. They'll come.
[94:22]
Hannah Berner
Still has my name on their desk. They're just waiting for the.
[94:24]
Grace O'Malley
They're going to be on forever. They'll never.
[94:29]
Hannah Berner
But also, it is crazy that like we're, we're doing our thing, but like Hollywood hasn't come knocking.
[94:34]
Grace O'Malley
But it's like it took everyone to realize that New York is cool. Everyone left. L. A. Came here. That took like forever.
[94:41]
Hannah Berner
Like, we've been here.
[94:42]
Grace O'Malley
We've been here, bro. You really been here. I'm a frosty. I'm just lying. Well, you're east coast, I'm east coast, so that's why we fudge with each other.
[94:49]
Hannah Berner
I accept it.
[94:51]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, I think maybe one more game if that's cool. You got to get out of here.
[94:54]
Hannah Berner
I don't know what the time is actually. I'm kidnapped.
[94:56]
Grace O'Malley
You are. This is mandatory. Let me have this.
[95:01]
Hannah Berner
I'm really passionate about this game.
[95:03]
Grace O'Malley
In this late night game show, we pull from the fishbowl of cards right here and we. It prompts us to tell a story. The twist here is you can tell a true story, a slightly fabricated story, or just make up a lie.
[95:14]
Hannah Berner
Okay.
[95:15]
Grace O'Malley
And I have to decide or you have to decide if it was any of those things.
[95:19]
Hannah Berner
Got it?
[95:20]
Grace O'Malley
You got it?
[95:20]
Hannah Berner
Yeah.
[95:21]
Grace O'Malley
Okay.
[95:21]
Hannah Berner
What's the dumbest lie you've ever told in a job interview? Has anyone not lied in a job interview?
[95:27]
Grace O'Malley
I don't.
[95:27]
Hannah Berner
Have you ever had a job interview?
[95:30]
Grace O'Malley
Yes. Oh yeah. I told Barstil that I was. Was mint at editing. I didn't know how I got Adobe.
[95:37]
Hannah Berner
For Dominic 2 with B. I did that too, because they were like, can you edit? Well, I knew a little bit, but I was like, I'll figure it out.
[95:43]
Grace O'Malley
Tell me about me.
[95:44]
Hannah Berner
The dumbest lie I ever told an interview was that I was excited for the job. That is true that this is my dream job. This is what I've always been meant to do, want to do. I always, I always was told to do the. Like when they ask Your weakness. But be like, I just. I'm a workaholic and I put my. I. I work too hard. I don't leave any free time and I just care about the jobs.
[96:08]
Grace O'Malley
Meanwhile, you can't. You don't even ping back.
[96:11]
Hannah Berner
I haven't even downloaded.
[96:12]
Grace O'Malley
What's it called?
[96:13]
Hannah Berner
Slack. I'm like, I'm actually not ignoring anyone cuz I haven't gotten a notification.
[96:19]
Grace O'Malley
Nobody told me about that thing. You guys are all talking about my driver's license.
[96:22]
Hannah Berner
I didn't know how to click something.
[96:24]
Grace O'Malley
What happened to me all the time, like, I slacked. You. I don't know. All right, right here, real quick. Most disgraceful thing I've done at work. I slept there on a Saturday because I got locked out of my apartment. And then the next morning, fights. You know, fights. Kid I work with. Yeah. He was showing his parents the office for the first time. He's worked there for like 10 years. And it was a big day. His parents came to town. And that Sunday they walked in on me sleeping and snoring in my little skirt. They probably saw her up my ass mess. And I heard them. I heard them come in, but I had to pretend to keep sleeping because I was too embarrassed to.
[97:01]
Hannah Berner
You heard them talking about you. They were like, oh, that's.
[97:03]
Grace O'Malley
They're like, oh, that's classic Grace.
[97:05]
Hannah Berner
I was like, oh, do you think she needs help?
[97:09]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, at the time, I definitely did. I definitely did. That is not something.
[97:13]
Hannah Berner
It's like when your parents, you know, when you fake sleep in front of your parents, we. Why was that, like, so fun to do? Be like, got them got their asses.
[97:21]
Grace O'Malley
Or like, you're in the back of the car and like, maybe they'll carry me in.
[97:27]
Hannah Berner
You just got punked.
[97:28]
Grace O'Malley
I seem like, oh, what are we home? This is me. I'm in my bed.
[97:32]
Hannah Berner
Someone give me an Oscar.
[97:34]
Grace O'Malley
Well, I would do that. Would you fake sleep at a sleepover if you were the first one up? Because I would do that.
[97:38]
Hannah Berner
Oh, yeah. You can't be the first one and be a nerd walking around, like, talking to the adult in the morning like, hey, Janet, what's in the newspaper?
[97:45]
Grace O'Malley
And then their parents are like, walking over you in the living room. Yeah. And you just have to sleep it.
[97:51]
Hannah Berner
Out because you're a team. You gotta stay united.
[97:53]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[97:53]
Hannah Berner
You can't go rogue walking around. Around an unknown house.
[97:57]
Grace O'Malley
This is. And this is before phones and scrolling.
[98:00]
Hannah Berner
Yeah.
[98:00]
Grace O'Malley
So I'm just like, with one eye open, waiting for somebody to wake up.
[98:03]
Hannah Berner
You just had A fake sleep back then.
[98:05]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. That's all you.
[98:06]
Hannah Berner
When you're bored, you just close your eyes and saw black.
[98:09]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, it was beautiful, actually.
[98:11]
Hannah Berner
Such a peaceful time. Instead of bullying someone online, you had to just close your eyes.
[98:17]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, that's. That's a great tip. Hey, you think I fell off? Why don't you shut your eyes? That's a. That's a new comment I keep getting from a lot of accounts. Yeah, yeah, she really fell off.
[98:28]
Hannah Berner
The hard thing is like, people are seeing you through their perspective. Like some people. Like I left Bravo and people are like, oh yeah, Hannah's didn't do anything after leaving Bravo. Like, people really believe that. Yeah.
[98:42]
Grace O'Malley
Can't stop talking about you.
[98:47]
Hannah Berner
Please stop talking. They want everyone talking about me.
[98:51]
Grace O'Malley
I'm like, I was.
[98:53]
Hannah Berner
No in between.
[98:53]
Grace O'Malley
The reunion is being filmed right now. Tonight. Yeah, I'm gonna write in on one of those fake questions that Andy fakely asks. And I'm gonna write in something. I'm gonna write, why. Why did you guys keep bringing Hannah's Name up? Grace O' Malley, 26 years old, New York City.
[99:12]
Hannah Berner
Oh, God.
[99:13]
Grace O'Malley
So you think my story is real or what? Yeah, it is. That was a fun game. I feel like we shouldn't keep going stupid. Real businesses rely on Spectrum business for the fastest, most reliable Internet. Starting at $40 a month. When bundled and backed by the Spectrum commitment, get Internet speeds to fit your business needs starting at 500Mbps. Bundle with TV, phone and mobile for more savings, level up your speed. For a three year price guarantee. Find a bundle that is made for your business@spectrum.com business restrictions apply. Services not available in all areas. You guys, I just found the most incredible Mother's Day gift. It's called Goldbelly. Goldbelly is this amazing site where you can get the most iconic foods from restaurants all across the US Shipped anywhere in the country for free in time for Mother's Day Day. We're talking cakes from Ina Garden and Martha Stewart Magnolia Bakery's famous banana pudding and New York bagel brunches. Make Mother's day perfect with Goldbelly.com and get 20 off your first order with promo code MOM. That's Goldbelly.com promo code MOM. My last question for you is what is your walkout song?
[100:32]
Hannah Berner
Oh, okay. So. So it was Problems by asap. Rocky. I love bad. That's my problem. And yeah, I like to. I got a problem, you got a problem. A lot of F bombs right now.
[100:48]
Unknown
It's.
[100:48]
Hannah Berner
It's a rated R show right now. I switched to what you know by ti. So it's like, what you know about that? What you know about that? I know all about that.
[101:00]
Grace O'Malley
Oh.
[101:01]
Hannah Berner
Different vibe, different energy, and I'm liking it.
[101:04]
Grace O'Malley
It's good.
[101:05]
Hannah Berner
Yeah.
[101:05]
Grace O'Malley
When did you switch it up?
[101:06]
Hannah Berner
I switched it up because I feel like it needs to be different for the second hour. I gotta be like, this is a new me now.
[101:11]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. What are some themes?
[101:15]
Hannah Berner
I'm honestly, like, I. I feel like some people are like, this is all about my rebirth. I just want to be funny.
[101:21]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[101:22]
Hannah Berner
So I've just thought of things that are funny.
[101:23]
Grace O'Malley
That's. That's a perfect answer, because a lot of people get way too adept about.
[101:28]
Hannah Berner
Yeah, I'm not.
[101:29]
Grace O'Malley
This isn't.
[101:29]
Hannah Berner
Isn't a speech. Like, I'm just whatever is funny. I do talk a little more about, like, my life with, like, not becoming a tennis player than, like, the other jobs I tried to be. So, like, I get a little more personal and I talk about my husband more.
[101:43]
Grace O'Malley
I would come to that show just to find out what's going on, because you guys.
[101:46]
Hannah Berner
Yeah, we don't. We don't talk a lot. I go in, I'm like, let's talk about my marriage. You got to pay to hear about my marriage.
[101:52]
Grace O'Malley
You gotta pay.
[101:53]
Hannah Berner
All the things that I don't like about him, you gotta pay for that.
[101:55]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. I mean. Yeah.
[101:56]
Hannah Berner
Need to complain about my husband. It's gonna be 35, front row, sit up, listen up. Ask you what you do for a living.
[102:03]
Grace O'Malley
I got some things off my chest. It's a reduction.
[102:06]
Hannah Berner
How long have you been together? Let me talk about my husband. That's my show.
[102:09]
Grace O'Malley
That's great. And then, you know. You know how these pods go right here.
[102:17]
Hannah Berner
Oh, yeah.
[102:17]
Grace O'Malley
Whatever you want.
[102:18]
Hannah Berner
Oh, yeah. How to giggle. My new book, it's New York Times bestseller as of today, which is cool.
[102:24]
Grace O'Malley
Is that true?
[102:25]
Hannah Berner
Yeah.
[102:26]
Grace O'Malley
Congrats.
[102:26]
Hannah Berner
Thank you.
[102:27]
Grace O'Malley
What the.
[102:28]
Hannah Berner
Thank you.
[102:28]
Grace O'Malley
That was the most casually said way of saying that ever.
[102:31]
Hannah Berner
That's the first time I've said it.
[102:32]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. Thank you.
[102:35]
Hannah Berner
First dropping the news. Listen to giggly squad and come see me on tour. I'm going to some places this spring.
[102:41]
Grace O'Malley
Hell, yeah.
[102:42]
Hannah Berner
Yeah.
[102:42]
Grace O'Malley
What's the first one? Do you know?
[102:43]
Hannah Berner
Going to Connecticut this weekend.
[102:45]
Grace O'Malley
Hell yeah, baby.
[102:46]
Hannah Berner
Yeah, babe.
[102:47]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. Guys, you gotta check out this book. That's my Jimmy. Thank you so much, Hannah. You guys are amazing.
[102:55]
Hannah Berner
And he does it. He does a compilation of all the times you made fun of him. And he just looks at you the first interview. He doesn't laugh.
[103:05]
Grace O'Malley
Big Fallon thanks guys. I can't do impressions. Thank you Hannah.
[103:10]
Hannah Berner
I can't do impression. You just do impressions the whole time. Thank you for having me.
[103:14]
Grace O'Malley
Thank you so much for coming on. This is huge for me.
[103:26]
Nora
You have a vision for your business. Your priority might be to expand facilities.
[103:30]
Grace O'Malley
Or bring in the best talent.
[103:32]
Nora
At Sentry Insurance, we listen, learn and work to understand your business and your plans to help protect your new locations as your business evolves and your vision comes true. Sentry right by you. Property and casualty coverages are underwritten and safety services are provided by a member the of of the Sentry Insurance group, Stevens Point, Wisconsin. For a complete listing of companies, visit century.com policies, coverages, benefits and discounts are not available on all state C policy for complete coverage details Tires matter. They're the only part of your vehicle that touches the road. Tread confidently with new tires from Tire Rack Whether you're looking for expert recommendations or know exactly what you want, Tire Rack makes it easy, fast, free shipping, free road hazard protection and and convenient installation options. Go to tirerack.com to see Tire test results, tire ratings and consumer reviews and be sure to check out all the special offers. Tirerack.com the way Tire buying should be.
[104:28]
Unknown
Back pain and stiffness made mornings rough.
[104:31]
Grace O'Malley
Pain made it tough to sleep until I started Cosentyx Cosentyx Secukinumab is the number one prescribed treatment for adults that targets IL17, a molecule that may play a role in inflammation that contributes to.
[104:45]
Nora
Ankylosing spondyloarthritis or non radiographic axial spondyloarthritis, two types of inflammatory arthritis of the spine.
[104:53]
Grace O'Malley
Don't use if you're allergic to before starting, get checked for tuberculosis. An increased risk of infections and lowered ability to fight them may occur like tuberculosis or other serious bacterial, fungal or viral infections. Some were fatal. Tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms like fevers, sweats, chills, muscle aches or cough had a vaccine or planned to or if inflammatory bowel disease symptoms develop or worsen, serious allergic reactions and severe eczema like skin reactions may occur. Learn more at 1-844-cosentyx or cosentyx.com Ask your doctor about Cosentyx. I got real relief with Cosentyx.