Iliza Shlesinger Thinks Ambien Is Kinda Fun

Summary

Disgraceful with Grace O’Malley: Episode Summary

Episode Title: Iliza Shlesinger Thinks Ambien Is Kinda Fun
Release Date: July 3, 2025

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In this lively and humorous episode of Disgraceful with Grace O’Malley, host Grace O’Malley welcomes renowned comedian, actress, podcast host, and Survivor of Semester at Sea, Eliza Shlesinger. The episode blends witty banter, insightful conversations, and comedic segments, all while Grace auditions Eliza to potentially become her permanent co-host.

Introduction and Guest Welcome

Grace opens the show with her signature warmth, introducing Eliza Shlesinger and acknowledging her accomplishments, including her podcast A Different Animal. The chemistry between Grace and Eliza is immediate, setting a friendly and engaging tone for the conversation.

Notable Quote:
Grace O’Malley [01:35]: “I am here with stand-up comedian, actress, podcast host and survivor of Semester at Sea.”

Origins and Early Experiences in Comedy

Grace delves into her journey into stand-up comedy, sharing a humorous anecdote about her first gig at the Ice House, where she initially bombed. Eliza relates by discussing the importance of resilience in comedy, emphasizing that bombing on stage contributes to personal growth and confidence.

Notable Quote:
Eliza Shlesinger [05:15]: “Every time you bomb, it contributes to you doing better next time. You become bulletproof.”

Navigating the Comedy Scene and Industry Insights

The conversation shifts to the evolving landscape of comedy, especially with the advent of online platforms. Eliza highlights the reduced gatekeeping in the digital age, allowing comedians to reach broader audiences without traditional barriers.

Notable Quote:
Eliza Shlesinger [44:45]: “There's less gatekeepers. You don't have to rely on late-night shows to get your big break.”

Personal Lives and Parenthood

Grace and Eliza discuss the challenges and joys of balancing personal life with a career in comedy. Eliza opens up about her experiences as a mother, reflecting on how motherhood has influenced her comedic material and perspectives.

Notable Quote:
Eliza Shlesinger [33:56]: “Motherhood is an incredibly cool, beautiful thing. I just want to protect that before I'm, like, I'm so tired and these kids are...”

Creative Processes and Signature Styles

The duo explores their creative processes, with Eliza sharing her development of the Party Goblin persona—a character that has become iconic among her fans. They discuss the importance of authenticity and how personal experiences shape their comedy.

Notable Quote:
Eliza Shlesinger [42:18]: “You have to contextualize anything, you can really understand why we think the way that we think.”

Touring and Life on the Road

Grace inquires about Eliza’s touring experiences, leading to a discussion about the demands of being a touring comedian. Eliza reveals her meticulous planning strategies and how she manages the hectic lifestyle that comes with constant travel.

Notable Quote:
Eliza Shlesinger [17:10]: “I am run and gun. I am a very fast traveler. My greatest medal of honor is that while pregnant, I did a month on tour in Europe.”

Handling Adversity and Audience Interactions

The conversation turns to challenging moments during performances, including dealing with disruptive audience members. Eliza shares stories of maintaining composure and turning negative experiences into comedic material.

Notable Quote:
Eliza Shlesinger [55:35]: “You can always remember, even though I just told you, that I dump fries in someone's laps. You have to stay in charge.”

Future Projects and Collaborations

Eliza discusses her recent projects, including producing mini comedy specials like Eliza's Locals, which showcase up-and-coming comedians. She emphasizes the importance of community and supporting fellow artists in the industry.

Notable Quote:
Eliza Shlesinger [47:53]: “We did season one and that's on Hulu, and we just shot season two for Amazon. And I’m proud of that.”

Closing Remarks and Promotions

As the episode wraps up, Grace and Eliza engage in a playful exchange, promoting each other's projects. Eliza highlights her upcoming Europe tour and her podcast, encouraging listeners to tune in and support her endeavors.

Notable Quote:
Eliza Shlesinger [67:10]: “Watch season two. And I stand by those guys that are...”

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Key Takeaways:

• Resilience in Comedy: Both Grace and Eliza emphasize the importance of resilience, sharing personal experiences of overcoming initial failures in stand-up.

• Impact of Parenthood: Eliza’s journey into motherhood has profoundly influenced her comedy, adding depth and new perspectives to her material.

• Digital Evolution: The shift to online platforms has democratized comedy, allowing more voices to be heard without relying on traditional media gatekeepers.

• Community and Collaboration: Eliza’s role as a producer showcases her commitment to fostering new talent and supporting the comedy community.

• Authenticity: Maintaining authenticity and staying true to oneself is a recurring theme, highlighting its significance in building a successful career in comedy.

This episode offers a blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and industry insights, making it a must-listen for comedy enthusiasts and aspiring comedians alike.

Transcript

[Host of Bachelor in Paradise]

Bachelor in paradise is back on Monday, and we're shaking things up. Our young singles are joined by Golden Bachelor and Bachelorette alumni. And it's all taking place in Costa Rica. With new compatibility challenges, even the strongest relationships will be tested. But don't worry, there'll still be plenty of steamy romances and explosive drama, because finding love in the sun always comes with a little shade. Catch the season premiere of Bachelor in Paradise Monday at 8.7Central on ABC and stream next day on Hulu.

[Tinder Representative]

Meeting new people just got more fun with Tinder's new double date feature. You and your bestie can match together. Tap the double date icon to see.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Profiles built for two. When two pairs match, the group chat kicks off.

[Tinder Representative]

Scope the profiles and keep the chat fun. Hype each other up.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Flirt a little, maybe plan a hang.

[Tinder Representative]

It's better when you're in it together. Try the new Tinder double date. Explore all the possibilities. Tinder. It starts with a swipe. Download Tinder today.

[Host of Bachelor in Paradise]

Coming at you live from a shady Manhattan studio, it's Disgraceful.

[Grace O'Malley]

Featuring your gracious ginger host.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Hey, watch yourself.

[Grace O'Malley]

Only I can say that.

[Host of Bachelor in Paradise]

Okay, boss, whatever you say. You pay my bills. Give it up for Grace o' Malley.

[Grace O'Malley]

Hi, guys. Welcome back to Disgraceful. I am here with stand up comedian, actress, podcast host and survivor of Semester at Sea. Our special A Different Animal is out. Now give it up for Eliza Schlossinger.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Thank you for including podcast hosts. Lest we forget, I also have a podcast.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, no, it's. I mean, everyone's got one. I'm a little late to the game.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I didn't realize I had to promote mine so much. I've had one since, like 2015.

[Grace O'Malley]

That was when it was like the best time to get in. I was in.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

And my producer's always like, tell people you have a podcast. I was like, oh, yeah, I don't have a podcast.

[Grace O'Malley]

And they're like, yeah, no, I've got a podcast. And then I have to promote it for some reason.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

It's like you're lactose intolerant. You're like, yeah. And also, here's this annoying thing I do.

[Grace O'Malley]

You're like, any. Anything. Probably any problems at the table? I'm nervous. Can you tell? I'm just rambling.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Don't be nervous.

[Grace O'Malley]

I am. I just with. I really look up to you. All right, let's get into the interview.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Let's talk about that. Don't ask me. Don't ask me about Semester at Sea. One of these five year olds watching this.

[Grace O'Malley]

Know what that Is I. I have a funny little tidbit of. So I'm friends with Whitney and she. She set me up to do standup one night because I had met her on a podcast and I told her I wanted to get into standup. She was like, how about getting now, tonight? And so she set me up to do a show at the Icebox.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Ice House.

[Grace O'Malley]

Ice House.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

One is an Omarion song and one. That reference doesn't play in this room. One is a comedy club. Oldest comedy club, really. It was in the state or it's in America. It used to be a literal house where you would get ice. Like they would store their ice there.

[Grace O'Malley]

No way.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

That's why it's called. It's not cuz of the audience, which is always warm.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. So I. I went up right before you and I bombed like shit. It was shotgun. Who was this last February?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Do you think Whitney sent you knowing I was up first? No, I'm kidding.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, I'm kidding.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

It was last February.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. You were about to have a baby.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. You were like, I think you had the baby the next week.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

That's the club I played the night before I went to the hospital. I was like, how do I want to go out?

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. It was exactly. I was like, gee. Oh, fine.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

She's gonna boss. I love that. Yeah. And we had him.

[Grace O'Malley]

He's great. Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

It all worked out okay.

[Grace O'Malley]

And you've got the perfect American family. You got boy and a girl.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

That's right. This is the only way to have a family.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

What I've done.

[Host of Bachelor in Paradise]

Bachelor in paradise is back on Monday, and we're shaking things up. Our young singles are joined by golden Bachelor and Bachelorette alumni. And it's all taking place in Costa Rica. With new compatibility challenges, even the strongest relationships will be tested. But don't worry, there'll still be plenty of steamy romances and explosive drama, because finding love in the sun always comes with a little shade. And catch the season premiere of Bachelor in Paradise Monday at 8.7Central on ABC and stream next day on Hulu.

[Grace O'Malley]

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[Eliza Schlossinger]

Wait, so you've been doing stand up a year?

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

How's it going?

[Grace O'Malley]

It's been good. You know, I, I, I did it on and off for like five years, but I, I wanted to get into it like full time and that was, that was my, that was my intro. It was tough to watch everybody do so great there and then just bomb like ass.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I feel that way about my career in general. It was just like watching people, I was like, like, I guess I'll be at the Ice House. No, but you know what? Every time you don, it contributes to you doing better next time. And even though you might bomb next time, like you, you become bulletproof. Like, call me when you've done a corporate gig for a bunch of billionaires at a hotel in Miami where no one wants to laugh at you for an hour. Like, I left invincible the next day. I'm not afraid of any crowd.

[Grace O'Malley]

So do you. Can you with them if you're doing a corporate. Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Oh, you just grab the richest guy there and just rip on him and be like, how many young girls do you like to fuck you loser. And they're like, he loves him so much. Like, well, you nailed it.

[Grace O'Malley]

How'd you know?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Rich conservatives. You say anything and they're like, we have so much money, it doesn't matter.

[Grace O'Malley]

They just eat it up.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

It was a great gig.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's kind of awesome.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I made so much money.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's wild. So how often do you get like, those presented to you?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I don't know. That's like, they're like peppered throughout the year.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

You know, I don't love to do things that I don't love to do. I don't like to put myself in situations where I'm going to be challenged in a way that's uncomfortable.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

But you know, you take these gigs and, and, and you, and the check clears and you always leave knowing just a little bit more about humanity.

[Grace O'Malley]

I always wonder like, like people with like NFT parties, they would have I.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Feel like those checks never cleared for, like, an nft.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Do they have checks? The whole idea behind an NFT is that there's no paper.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. No. I just feel like the people who own those companies, they threw these, like, big extravagant parties and now no one's even heard from them.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I always. For sure.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

They're. They're poor now.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

But, like, I feel like finance bros. I've never not gotten paid. Like, that's never been an issue. And if I ever booked a gig myself, I'm like, you give me half now and I get the second half the second I walk off stage.

[Grace O'Malley]

You're like mob.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I get super mob about it. Like, I. I'm like, you got to pay me in cash. I do not want a check or a Venmo. Don't with me cash in my hands so I can get in my car and go back to my family.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. Yeah. And that's mama mobster. Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I drive my Kia around town just collecting four lanes. Oh, yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

You have a BB gun? No. Real gun.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I have a real gun.

[Grace O'Malley]

You have a real gun?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

No, but you did buy it for a second.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, I did.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

You're from the East Coast. I just heard it. Yeah, I just heard it.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's. It comes out on camera. And when, you know, I just. I don't know who I am. I'm Boston, actually.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

And you know what? I went to school in Boston and I've played a Bostonian and I should have heard it. But you don't really have the. You have vibe. Not the accent.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay, cool.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Of the vibe of Boston.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Yeah. It's like an East Coast.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Vibe. It's just like real casual.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. You know, I. Yeah. Oh, thanks. I. I am wicked casual right now.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Wicked casual. Do you have a. Do you get drunk and that's when it comes out?

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, big time. That's what people say right now, surprisingly, I'm not drunk, so that's. That's good.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Thank you.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. That's why you're not really getting full Boston, right?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I'm half cocked on some NyQuil.

[Grace O'Malley]

Hell yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

But my Boston accent comes out when I'm drunk and I'm not even from there. I'm like, who wants to hear I didn't do it?

[Grace O'Malley]

It's like a little. You're on a little lean right now. A little bit like a rapper.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Yo. When I take, like, if I'm sick and I take like some Robotussen because I'm legitimately sick.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I get in bed and I Like, I just, like, open the Internet and I'm just like.

[Grace O'Malley]

I get it.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Like, here's some thoughts on everything.

[Grace O'Malley]

Hey, boys. I understand, you guys. I could rap.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I could. I thought that I've, like, written it down. I'm like, could I. It's actually very hard.

[Grace O'Malley]

You think so?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I think rapping. I think off the cuff is incredibly, like.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's really hard. No, yeah, I. I won't. I won't try that. I'm not being very. Yes. All right. Hey, everybody, It's. No, no, no, don't do it.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

This is your show.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, this is.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

But I appreciate you saying you're not being very. Yes. And for those of you at home, Google it.

[Grace O'Malley]

You rap.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I rap. I listen to a lot of rap Rap right now. I do it right now. Like, just, like, knock off someone's rap.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's insane.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

And the Ferrari and Jaguar switching four lane. It's because I said switching four lanes earlier, and I was like, oh, cool. Jermaine Dupri. Super topical. Kill me.

[Grace O'Malley]

Well, okay, so on this show, I've been auditioning each guest to be my new co host as, like, a little. Little play, a little. A little interview action. And so I'm just gonna ask you a series of questions to see if you'd be a great fit for the show. Okay?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

All right.

[Grace O'Malley]

In your new Amazon prime special, you discuss the nuances of Gen Z and Millennials as potential Gen Z and Millennial co hosts. What do you think our generations would find common ground on?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Are you the millennial and I'm the Gen Z? Yes. I put on so much moisturizer. I think we find common ground on. It's amazing you let your sidekick talk this much. Good for.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. Co host.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

You mean co host or psychic? You said co host.

[Grace O'Malley]

Right. Sidekick.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Feel like every comic, we say co host. We really mean, like. And you go after me.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, shit.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I love it. I think Gen Z and millennials. I think Gen Z teed up a lot of the things that millennials have solidified, which it would be impossible for you guys, and you do it anyway to, like, ignore the. The groundwork that we did lay. But I think we could all get on board with, like, being annoyed at social issues. I think you guys are more. We're just a little bit. We're just tired and older and we. Tax brackets and responsibility, but you guys have the energy and, like, the chutzpah and the rage behind it. So I think coming together on things that make us angry, whereas we're just like, I guess I'll just get thinner. And you're like, no body positivity, like, in your face. And if you don't like body positivity, you're canceled.

[Grace O'Malley]

Totally.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Body positivity.

[Grace O'Malley]

That is true, I think. Yeah. Coming together on. On common grounds of. Of being upset. I think that's great.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Being upset.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. I think everything, like, issues. Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I guess the world. Yeah, but how do you do it?

[Grace O'Malley]

I don't know.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Because it's not just getting angry online.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. You got to get fired up, I.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Think, being angry about it because we're not our parents yet. So we're at a place where I'm still like, yeah, you know what? I will go. I will sign a petition.

[Grace O'Malley]

A petition, Dude, I tried to start a petition. I wanted to bring Domino's Pizza back at my elementary school. When I was in, like, fourth grade, I, like, got up early.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Where to go.

[Grace O'Malley]

A bunch of kids told me to take it off.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

What do you mean?

[Grace O'Malley]

Like, they said, take my name off, Dad. I don't want to get in trouble. I said, no, we're sticking up to the man.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Yeah, but wait. Pizza back. Meaning they used to do your school lunches.

[Grace O'Malley]

Domino's Pizza. Every Friday. And then they got rid of it, and I was like, nah, let's bring this back.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

They took your pizza potty.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, they took our pizza party. What the fuck?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Did you earn it? Because that's very Gen Z to be like, you took it from us. You can't take what you gave us.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, I think Michelle came in.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Obama.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. And she. She changed the foods. It is. Made him better. She made him better.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

You wanted it back. You wanted on Friday. Everybody got it on Friday or it was a treat.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, everybody got on Friday.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

That's just.

[Grace O'Malley]

That was. That was routine.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Maybe Domino's was tired of, like, subsidizing the required meals at a public school, I'm assuming.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. No, I'd say of course. Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I'm gonna go on a limb here. You know what, though? You did. You stood up.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, I tried.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

You know, you're the Martin Luther of your generation.

[Grace O'Malley]

I would say so.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

I definitely would.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

You just nailed that doctrine to the principal's office wall.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

100.

[Grace O'Malley]

I love that. Okay. It was good. St. You ever start an uproar at your school?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Not at school, but in general.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I find every time I open my mouth, someone's getting real pissed off.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, well, that's kind of the thing. What's the. What's the worst comment you've ever received off the Top of your head.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I don't. You know what I wish I had. I know that the pithy female comic thing is to be like, they told me I was disgusting and I loved it. I stopped reading the comments. I have, like, I. I've done enough of it.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I mean, it's almost like, take your pick. Like, whatever you are, they're gonna come for that.

[Grace O'Malley]

So. Yeah, that's true.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

It's. It's hon. Even though they're hurtful, they're never based in a deep reality. It's based on an observation like, I hate her. And you're like, well, that's not my favorite thing to hear. But, like, you just don't know any better.

[Grace O'Malley]

And that. That's literally just. That's just your opinion. And your opinion sucks and your opinion sucks.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

And you go to their page and it's always like, choose life. Family Therapist Ottawa, Canada.

[Grace O'Malley]

Believe I love my daughter Faith.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

And you're just like, okay, does your mom know that you're a mom? Does your daughter know that you're a gargoyle?

[Grace O'Malley]

And your mother and your mother. I always have. I always have dads of like two young girls being like this, this piece of trash.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Look at that ass.

[Grace O'Malley]

I'm like, no, never get different. They never objectify me. I'm not. I don't really give that.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Once you hit a million on Instagram, I looked at your thing. Once you get there, then they're just gonna start rolling in and they say obscene things.

[Grace O'Malley]

Well, no, I never wear like, like low cut shirts. This is what. It's summertime and so I've busted these boobies out and people can't believe it. They're like, what's going on? So now I'm having guys, are you staring at my tits?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

She's like, I can look at my own. Thanks.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, but now, now that I've portrayed these online, it's now. I'm sorry, Portrayed them?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Yeah, like a version of.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's like, yeah, so a little this, little that, left and right.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

You know, the annoying thing is I used to have very, very big boobs. And I've, you know, breastfed two children, so who knows? But when I was younger, it's this thing where if you have big naturals, society cannot handle it.

[Grace O'Malley]

No.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Women think you always look slutty. And men are always like, those gotta be fake. I'm like, does anyone have real tits to you? Like, someone had to have had real tits at some point for you to base your fetish off of. So it's Whatever. And you have to actually have them out, because if you cover big boobs, you look like a linebacker.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, yeah. And I got that a lot.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Do you feel that way about blazers? Like, I won't wear a blazer.

[Grace O'Malley]

I can't wear a blazer.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

That's right.

[Grace O'Malley]

Well, because then the butch community is like, we knew you were one of us should. A blazer. Yeah, yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

It belongs to them.

[Grace O'Malley]

It is theirs. Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Don't appropriate.

[Grace O'Malley]

I did. I loved in your special. You were like, that was for the lesbians. They love a good punchline.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

They do. They love good joke structure.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's really good.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

They're in there. They're in. And you know what? They're not the loudest part of your audience, but they are. They are there for a good time, though. They in conversation, too.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

You ever get in, like, a serious conversation with a lesbian? It is eye piercing.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's. It's locked in.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

It's locked in.

[Grace O'Malley]

And when you think nobody's listening, they'll give you a hey, I hear you.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

There's one in my life. It's a lot of shoulder grabbing. Like, how are you? And I'm like, I'm not gonna. You and cry in a shower. Like, we do not have to bond over shared trauma. Like, we can just do these sets.

[Grace O'Malley]

And we can go, yeah, that's true.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I don't need a trap shoulder rub. Like, we're good.

[Grace O'Malley]

I was like, it's all right. We're gonna be all right. Thank you. Thank you for hearing me.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

But when you want to get into it, a lesbian will.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, it's the perfect. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you so much.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Oh, yeah. My best friend is gay, and we call each other, and I'll just be like, I just need to talk to you about how much I hate this person. You don't know. And she's like, let's hear it. Like, we just. And we'll just. We just fight to the death for each other.

[Grace O'Malley]

All right, next question. As potential co hosts, I know you'll understand that scheduling can be tough. What type of friend are you when planning?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I am the planner, but I love someone else who's a planner.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Like, it's not a control thing. I just do it because I think most people have bad taste and are dumb, and I'm talking about my friends. But I will plan it, however, because I've lived in LA for so long.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

And I'm older than you. I fully understand people who flake, and I understand why. And I don't give shit Mm, not a shit. Like, I don't give you any shit. Like, I do my sets almost every night, and my friends will come, and I have one friend who always overexplains. She'll be like, hey, I'm just not. I'm like, it's fine.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. You don't have to get into it.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I'm going anyway. This is not like a seated dinner where I paid for your ticket. Yeah, Like, I. I'm a big believer in, like, there's a reason they canceled. It's not like, we're fine. Yeah, you cancel me. I was going.

[Grace O'Malley]

The more. The more you lie and make up a story. Well, the more you make up a story, the more I know you're lying.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Well, I'm a big liar, so.

[Grace O'Malley]

You're a big liar. You're good at it, though.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I. I'm. I'm a big, like, little white lie just to spare someone's feelings who I feel like might be not that smart. Like, people are not intellectually, like, emotionally intelligent sometimes. And so sometimes if you can just make the tiniest lie, that makes them feel better and you get what you want, like, no harm, no foul.

[Grace O'Malley]

I think that's totally fair. I think we're just looking out for feelings with that. Next question. If we take the podcast on the road, I need to know, what is your travel style? Oh, do you have any non negotiables?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

No, I need to know your travel style because if you're my co host, like, I will leave you at baggage claim.

[Grace O'Malley]

You can, you can, because you will have to.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

You check a bag.

[Grace O'Malley]

I check a bag. I. I'm all over the place.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

You. I get. I get the vibe. It's like, oh, I'm. I'm a hot mess. This is so fun. This is so marketable. Save it for the stage. You get one carry on and you roll everything. And you never check a bag.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Because you will never get it back.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, yeah, that's true.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

And if you're doing multiple cities, you don't have time to go shopping for clothes in between playing multiple cities. You' like a run. Yeah, you don't have time to wait. You want to spend. You don't want to spend one extra minute in that airport.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, I'm spending a lot of time at these airports, actually.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

You got. What airline do you fly?

[Grace O'Malley]

I'm going to go Delta.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

You got to go Delta. Southern airline, but it is the best. And you got your miles.

[Grace O'Malley]

I got my miles.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

See, these are like, no one told me until, like, a little bit Later.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's really important to know.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

It's so important to get those miles. Have your preferred hotel chain that you stay at. I am run and gun. I am a very fast traveler. My greatest medal of honor is that while pregnant with my daughter and my husband, I did a month on tour in Europe.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, shit.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Never checked a bag. I had one bag and a backpack.

[Grace O'Malley]

With a tiny little child.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

She had her own bag. And we had a nanny and you. But we all moved together, and I was like, no one gets to check a bag. I don't care.

[Grace O'Malley]

Wow. Because this is a tight ship.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I just. I'm a big fan of, like, let's get out of here. So I can go do nothing.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, that's true.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

So that's my style.

[Grace O'Malley]

I like that. Yeah, that's smart.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

So what do you do on the road?

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, it's out of control. Is it? Yeah, it's out of control. I always forget everything. And then I go to Target. I get whatever they have at Target, and that's what I wear on stage right now. Target.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

It's kind of exhausting. You go to a Target, another city, you're like, what do you guys.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, it's awesome. They have the best stuff and they don't even know it.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

It's the same stuff in New York.

[Grace O'Malley]

We don't even have any clothes.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Yeah. It's not accessible. You don't have, like, big retailers like that. There's no. You got to go to, like, Jamaica.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's like a grocery store. Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's wild.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

It is tough. There is, like, the fun of, like, what else does everyone else have? But you got to dial it in.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

But you know what? You're a comic, so you have the whole day. Minus one hour.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

To just be a show.

[Grace O'Malley]

What do you do in your off time? Anything on the road? Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I love doing Pilates, which is an annoying answer, but it's the truth. Oh, and I can't do that.

[Grace O'Malley]

You could do that. My leg will crack.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Just, like, where'd it go?

[Grace O'Malley]

My knees are cracking.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

One. Mine cracked. That's okay. That's healthy. I do that. We try to do something local, like if there's a dope museum or, like, a cool thing to walk around.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

But as annoying as it is, I usually take that time during the day to work on other stuff in, like, a quiet room.

[Grace O'Malley]

Smart.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

And I love to visit coffee shops. It's like a passion of mine.

[Grace O'Malley]

Coffee shops are great. I love a good coffee shop.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I do, too. I'm very serious.

[Grace O'Malley]

About it. I'm serious. I found one with a flight. You could try a bunch of different.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

We love a flight.

[Grace O'Malley]

I love a flight.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

But I will say, especially when I go back to Boston, I just get Dunkin Donuts because I love it.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's my girl.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I really love it. That's my girl. I did a show at TD Garden and they did a whole party goblin, Dunkin Donuts thing. I announced that I was having a boy and they had little blue donuts.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's awesome.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

And so they're forever in my heart because of that.

[Grace O'Malley]

That is great. I love that. Duncan's good people. You should be in a Dunk Kings commercial.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I would move over Ben Affleck.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, not too much, my boy. All right. That's. My God.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I'm gonna have to hurt you.

[Grace O'Malley]

We lost Brady, so that's kind of my guy. Oh, and then what's the story that you wanted to tell on like a. Like a. Like a talk show or a late night show and you couldn't because it wasn't PG enough? Oh, did you of those?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

It's like, I'm getting asked, like, so many talk shows, and I'm like, I have so many stories. That's a. That's a tough one.

[Grace O'Malley]

I don't know, because they really. They. They try to censor you. Like you on the Today show. You can't. You have to be like, hello, good morning, and is your coffee still delicious? Right?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Nobody knows that. When I was on the Today show a month ago, I was coming down off of having done Molly on my birthday, and I did not take a 5 HTP, so I was, like, down just like, yo. Yes. Just like, it was. Was so rough. And I used to, like, put it on and be so excited.

[Grace O'Malley]

Wait, so you did the night before?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

It was a couple nights before. It was my birthday. I had a rave for my. For my birthday.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, that's awesome.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

It was dope.

[Grace O'Malley]

Where'd you have that in la?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I had it at Spotlight. Hell, yeah, the Spotlight. And so we had it for, like, several hours, and we had a theme color. Everybody came out, and it was so much fun. And I just was not aware. I didn't know about, like, the aftercare. And it was. It was a rough week.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, no, it's. It's tough. It's tough to come back from Bali sometimes.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Yeah. There's no place in the world sadder to cry than in a car in midtown.

[Grace O'Malley]

I'll tell you that.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

There's nothing even fun around here.

[Grace O'Malley]

And then, you know. Yeah. You know, to have the 5 HTP.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I didn't.

[Grace O'Malley]

You didn't, you didn't have it.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I, I was just feeling really bad and talking to one of my friends and I was like, I just feel like so bad about Mike. My special is coming out and I just feel like such a loser and I feel so bad about myself. And he's like, you don't think it's because you did a lot of Molly on your birthday and then did nothing? And I'm like drinking an orange juice out of the hotel refrigerator. I'm like, maybe this will do it. Like I messed up.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's so you, you do it on Saturday. And actually the worst day is if you do it on a Saturday is Tuesday. When was your interview?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Oh, I don't know. I'd have to look back at that. But it was definitely, it's usually great.

[Grace O'Malley]

Because it skips like you have like an afterglow on Sunday.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I did have the afterglow. I saw the other people that I had done it with at like an inappropriate kids party and I was like, you guys, the next time we go, let's get more, let's do it now.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh my God.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

One love.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I feel like I'm just now getting my chemicals back to where they should be.

[Grace O'Malley]

It takes a little bit.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I expected better from myself. It's humbling.

[Commercial Voiceover]

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[Eliza Schlossinger]

I'm in.

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[Eliza Schlossinger]

Let's go.

[Tinder Representative]

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[Grace O'Malley]

This next segment's called in the Green Room. This is where we get to know you a little bit. We dive on in. I want to play a little rapid fire game with you. And when I say Something on the list of random topics. You respond the first thing that comes to your head. Ready?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Okay.

[Grace O'Malley]

Pink hair.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Oh, I hate my answer. It was pink because I've had. I saw a clip of her online last night, so she's been in my head like, I'm pink woman. Y.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Pink.

[Grace O'Malley]

Pink. The woman. I thought. I, I. I thought you were just repeating things.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

What if that's just gaslight? You pink right back at you. Catch this.

[Grace O'Malley]

Like, oh, wow. Showing a little crack.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Showing a little crack.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

You right now.

[Grace O'Malley]

Hey, in the front. In the front, crack. Front.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Crack, clet, crack.

[Grace O'Malley]

Gold flakes on food.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Oh, Dubai food influencers.

[Grace O'Malley]

Furries. Oh.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Smelly sexual experience.

[Grace O'Malley]

Buzzfeed quizzes. Oh.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Millennial journalism.

[Grace O'Malley]

Earth Cafe.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Oh, that smoked salmon salad. I love it.

[Grace O'Malley]

Country music.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Love it. That's such a lame answer. Overappropriated.

[Grace O'Malley]

What do you mean?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Here's what I mean. First of all, the term y' all, it's ours. It's people from the South. It's people from Texas. You got a whole generation of people. Like, y' all. Y' all don't even know about this. I'm like, you're from Vermont.

[Grace O'Malley]

Want.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Like, you can't. Like, what are you doing? Like, let me put y' all onto this.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's actually.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Did you get that?

[Grace O'Malley]

That's one of my things. I. They asked, like, when running these accounts, like, what's something we. We shouldn't say? Like, what's something that you would never say? And I said, y' all.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Yeah, that's fair.

[Grace O'Malley]

I keep y' all out. I say we say, you guys, you.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

And that's fine. Yeah, that's my people. It's this like. Like, this, like, Internet speak, and then, like, people get on the Internet too much, and they all start to sound alike. And as a fan of country music, I've watched people like, we're going to Stagecoach. I'm like, really? Like, did you ever Trace Atkins album? Like, I don't think so. So, like, did the Dixie chick's mom teach your English class? Because she did mine.

[Grace O'Malley]

Is that true?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Yeah. And so. Well, she was in our. In my high school, but she wasn't mine.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's wild.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

So it just kind of feels like that thing that you felt was sacred that people are now just, like, trying on as a personality. Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

I mean, I. I could have sworn a lot of the people I saw go to Stagecoach. They were saying months ago, country music, like, you know, trying to fit in.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

For whatever it is, or they're gonna say they're Wearing the same chaps to Coachella. And I was like, yeah, as well.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

You know, but. But, yeah, so that's my take. But, you know, love what you love.

[Grace O'Malley]

What's your. What's your favorite country artist?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Oh, I'm a. I'm like, case by case song person, but I do like the sound of John Party's voice, for whatever that's worth. I don't particularly know who that is. That's okay.

[Grace O'Malley]

I'm sorry. And that concludes that game. All right. So you're getting ready for your tour?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

No, it just ended.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, my apologies.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Just ended last week.

[Grace O'Malley]

I'm gonna fucking kill myself.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

No, not over that, but something else.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. I think maybe there's things going on. So did you already went to Estonia?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Nope. I'm getting. But I mean, it's in September, so I guess. I guess, in a way. We're always getting ready.

[Grace O'Malley]

You're always gearing up. So this is. This is. Yeah. Estonia, Poland.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

We're staying ready.

[Grace O'Malley]

Slovenia.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Slovenia.

[Grace O'Malley]

Slovenia.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I wanted to do an Eastern Europe tour, and it's taken a few years to find the time and put it together. And a few years ago, I was on tour, and I was in Finland, and these. I think it was Finland. These two girls came up to me, and, like, they just look like cool girls you would be friends with, right? And they made me this dope card, and they made me do this, like, cool pose, and they were just, like, cool chicks. And they're like, we're from Estonia. And I was like, oh, like, you think of Eastern Europe. I'm like, where's your, like, babushka? Like, why isn't it, like, gray and sad? Estonia considers itself Northern Europe. Like, they think of themselves as mixed in with, like, Sweden and Norway and all this because they're right up there. And they were like, you should come. And it. I was like, oh, my God. If girls like that exist there, then I should. Like, there's got to be more of you.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, of course.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

So I put this. And so it's all. It's like Romania and, like, Latvia, Bulgaria. Bulgaria. I know they export a lot of wheat. That's my opening joke. That's all I got. And so we're putting it together, so.

[Grace O'Malley]

All right, so which one are you most stoked to go to? It sounds like Estonia, maybe.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I am excited to see Romania.

[Grace O'Malley]

Romania.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Because that is. I was googling it because I was just like, I don't know the difference. Like, why would you. Right? That is where all of your notions about, like, Dracula. That's where his castle was. The character Count Drag, like based on that.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

And that sort of. We say Eastern European, Austro Hungarian Empire type architecture that's very like evil looking. Like Disney castle evil. Like all the things that we think about that, like those kind of fairy tales come from there.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

So when you look at it all, you're like, oh, this is why I think that about these places.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, shit.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

So I'm excited to see it because I think it's gonna be beautiful in a way. In the kind of architecture where you don't get to see in other countries.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. Like, like really well like made like cathedral Gothic.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I mean like, but weirder looking, like not like, not your everyday Catholic cathedral you'd see in like Italy.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. This is a little different.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

The farther east you get, the weirder the frame of reference.

[Grace O'Malley]

Darker again.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Yes, super dark. So I'm excited to get my mind blown.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's. So are you like a history buff?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I just know some things, but no, no. I guess more than the average person. But not as much as a real history buff.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. Because you, I. You just taught me something. Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I got. I'll show you the picture of the castle.

[Grace O'Malley]

Sounds wild.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

We always want, especially as a comic, you want context. When you can contextualize anything, you can really understand why we think the way that we think.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

And so it's when you see like when you go to your. And you go to like I went to this museum in Sweden, like the national museum, whatever, and you see all of their royal jewels and sashes. Not only do you realize like that every king was super gay, but you realize they blinked out. All of Disney is based on a European idea of that because we don't have royalty here.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, I guess I never really thought of that.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

It's all like, we never had a king. So where do we get all these like sashes and brooches and stuff? It's all from them.

[Grace O'Malley]

That is wild. So some of these places are like non English speaking places.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

The secret is everybody speaks English. America's the only place that is like, we'll skip that second language.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, gotcha. All right.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Or they saw my specials translated and. But they understand enough. You're never going to get it. 100 but everybody there's. I imagine they speak English.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay. Well, I was gonna ask like, are you geared up for it if that's not the case?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

No, I'm not Eddie Izard. Like, I can't do this in like 8 languages. I'll learn like.

[Grace O'Malley]

Hello.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Yeah, it's never well received. Like, nobody ever cares that you say hello.

[Grace O'Malley]

She tried.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Yeah. They're like, okay, that's super easy.

[Grace O'Malley]

So on your podcast, ask Eliza anything, take questions from your viewers and give advice back. What's one thing you gave advice for you'd never imagine addressing 10 years ago?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I guess I wouldn't have had the capacity to give any answer about, like, a mother in law. And I happen to love my mother.

[Grace O'Malley]

In law, but I huge. I heard. I've heard horror stories, cuz that's like, from tv.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Like, oh, my mother in law. But I love my mother in law. And so I guess stuff like that, I'd have to really think on that. That's a complex one. But I guess it's more about, like, learned experiences. Like 10 years ago, if you would ask me anything about a child or a baby, I'd be like, nobody cares because your kid's gross.

[Grace O'Malley]

You actually verbatim said, I don't know what I would do with a kid.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I said that?

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Oh, you listen to one?

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Totally fair. That's. How old was that episode?

[Grace O'Malley]

I think you. I'm trying to think of how old you were at the time.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Did you listen to my podcast then, or did you go back for this and listen?

[Grace O'Malley]

I went back for this, but I have been listening. I am a fan.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Thank you.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yes. That's what. Why I can barely read. I'm so excited.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Oh, my gosh, you're so sweet. That's so sweet.

[Grace O'Malley]

I don't know how to play it cool, and I don't think I ever will.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

No, that's not your brand. You're, like, pumped to be here. You're a good time.

[Grace O'Malley]

I'm stoked.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

You're authentic.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's good stuff.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

The generation loves that.

[Grace O'Malley]

Well, I mean, I'm not put. Imagine I get off the cameras. I'm like, yeah, thanks.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I can. I think. You know what, Can I say something as someone who's older? Like, in comedy, I always appreciate an authentic, nice experience versus someone that's like, I was so nervous, I couldn't even. And you're just like, you can always be like, nice.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Like, I've gotten people that are like, I'm such a fan, but, like, I can't even look at her. And now I'm rude and weird and I'm like, that just comes off as you don't like me.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

And now I'm like, oh, have I offended this young person who. I didn't. And so it's weird. So, yeah, I think you're very charming and bubbly and fun.

[Grace O'Malley]

Thank you very much.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Bubbly.

[Grace O'Malley]

I try, you know.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

No, you don't. That's the thing.

[Grace O'Malley]

I don't try. That's it.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

If you tried, we would hate you. Yeah, that would be so annoying.

[Grace O'Malley]

How do you feel? So this is something I've been doing because I find myself in these rooms with people I adore, like yourself. And I've just kind of been telling everyone that I'm a huge fan, because I am. But, like, is that, like, a weird thing to do? I don't think so, because I feel like a lot of people try to play it cool.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Were you gonna cry in these?

[Grace O'Malley]

No, I just have that.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

No, because your eyes are so big. They got, like, missy eye, and I was like, do it.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, I always have glossy eyes. I don't know what it is. I don't even smoke weed.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Shiny eyes.

[Grace O'Malley]

I got shiny eyes.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

That's.

[Grace O'Malley]

I. What?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Great.

[Grace O'Malley]

I don't know.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

It's good ocular health.

[Grace O'Malley]

I don't think you're, like, not the first person who's pointed that out.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

That is so funny.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's actually really funny.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I think when you're younger, it's a compliment. When you're older, it's like, oh, she's near death.

[Grace O'Malley]

I'm like, oh, wow, she's just glaucoma.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Yeah, they're shiny. I think Hollywood lacks a lot. I think there's genuine, like, fandom, and then there's like, oh, my God, I'm a fan of your work. And I. If you are an artist and you create something and someone takes the time to say that and they mean it, I think it's always a beautiful thing, and it always puts you at ease with the person. You should never lose that. I have no problem gushing to people that I'm fans of.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. I think it's credit where credit's due.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I. And I deserve all the credit.

[Grace O'Malley]

You should. You do.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I need it.

[Grace O'Malley]

Geez.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

No. I think it's very sweet. It makes. It puts. At least as a guest, like, it puts you a little bit at ease versus walking in and you're like. The worst is when someone interviewing you doesn't know who you are. And I live in those interviews, and they're just reading your Wikipedia, and they're like, so you have feet and you're like, I know. Like, born in 1983.

[Grace O'Malley]

And you can tell, too.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Oh, you can tell.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's out of control. Like, I know I'm reading off this.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Deck, but no, no, Those are different questions.

[Grace O'Malley]

I have a heart. I'm bad at reading, which is bad for the job.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Can I tell you one of my, one of my least favorite questions is. And you can tell, like, people are at like a bottom of a barrel. Like, I have a body of work, I have hot takes on everything. And they'll be like, uh, huh, huh. So how did you meet your husband? And I'm like, we've been married for seven years. Like, that conversation is so old. Like, do you really want to hear about a dating app? Like, I'm married with two kids. Like, we're beyond. How did you guys meet?

[Grace O'Malley]

Well, what they really want to hear about is the man of it all.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Oh, but the husband.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, of course. Yeah. Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

You and him, he's not here. Yeah, basically.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's crazy.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Yeah. So. But the, the, the kid thing, that's a fair one. And I'm glad that you brought that up. Yeah, I probably couldn't have. I probably wouldn't have cared 10 years ago. I'd be like, I don't want to.

[Grace O'Malley]

Care about your kids. It was pretty crazy. I think, I think like verbatim you said, yeah, I don't know. I don't know what I would do with a kid. Like, I don't know.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I still don't. Yeah, I still. Sometimes she comes into my bathroom and I'm just like, do you want, do you want to watch tv? Like, can I. You can't play with the makeup. What do you want? Like, sometimes I'm like, I don't know what to do with. What are we supposed to do?

[Grace O'Malley]

I like, I like that you, you said on your special that you're not. And I don't want to give anything.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Away, but I think it's past a month you can give away.

[Grace O'Malley]

But you said that you don't want to talk about your kids because it's not fair to them. It lives there forever. But then you do kind of talk about your kids for a little bit.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Yeah, I'll talk about.

[Grace O'Malley]

Where do you stand on that?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Them. Tangentially. I will talk about an expectation society puts on us, but I understand that, like, you know, you've got a teenage daughter and she's being a real bitch and you want to do a joke about it because it's funny. But at three years, like, I just, I don't want to place any judgment or any lore surrounding them because I still am grappling with the life altering thing of becoming a mom. And it is actually, as much as we make fun, it is an incredibly cool, beautiful thing. And I just want to protect that before I'm, like, I'm so tired and these kids are fucking. Like, I just, I don't want to put any negativity on these, like, shiny little souls.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. And, and that's, that's what it is with comedy. Like, everyone wants to hear, like, the, the shitty parts and not that it's, that it's glorious. Cause, like, that's not funny.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Yeah. And nobody wants here if you are having a great time, because that's not as fun. And, and there are plenty of times where I'm never mad at the kids. Like, I'm just tired, or you're spread too thin. But, like, I'm reticent to dive in on that. And I feel like with my comedy, I, I, if, if I become that, then that's. I'm not the comic that I am.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Like, we got to talk about something else. I don't know. You know, call me in 10 years when she crashed my car, then we'll.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Talk about that. Notice I said my car.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. Not your fucking husband's car.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Yeah, that's right. That's right.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, I, I, I find it fascinating because to have you say, I don't know what I would do with a baby 10 years ago, and then come on here and say that motherhood is a beautiful thing. It gives, it gives me a little bit of hope because I'm at the point where I, I don't, I don't, I don't think I have a motherly bone in my body.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

How old are you?

[Grace O'Malley]

26.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

You shouldn't think about, I mean, if you do, great. But, like, I never thought about it.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

And I didn't think about it. And we got married, and I always ended up my. I was like, we'll just, we'll do it one day.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

My mother never put an expectation on me, and I think that's a huge part of it. And you're a comic. You're building your brand. You're on the road. Like, if you do want to have kids, great. You could do it, like, later.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I was busy, like, selfishly, like, building my life and career.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. I don't even know.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

And it is hard to do both.

[Grace O'Malley]

Like, it's just, it's, it's tricky. I don't know.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

It's hard. You're a touring comic. Yeah, it's fucking hard.

[Grace O'Malley]

It is. I don't know. I, I had. It's very funny. I brought this up in a, in another interview. But I had a male comic come up to me, and he said, oh, I heard you're going on a road. I was like, yes. He goes, you got a lot of. You got a lot of dates. I was like, yeah, I'm super pumped. He's like, yeah, I just, I would just look out. Cause I went on the road last year, and now I'm divorced.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I look, look, male comics and female comics are a different breed.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, I guess so.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

And as much as girls want to be like, I'm one of the guys. Like, when you tour with. When we tour, it's elegant. Like, we're getting. Me and Hunter Hill, who opens for me. He's a dad. We have kids at the same age because we're home at the same time, so our schedules with our partners are the same, which is kind of gross.

[Grace O'Malley]

It light things up.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

But we, it is elegant. Like, I've definitely gone out drinking. Like, there are comics. It's like, yo, you're drinking a six pack. We're going jet skiing. I'm like, it's a Pilates class. It's a coffee. It's a nap. And if you need to take a break, that's okay. And, like, when you're younger, you should be, like, just doing whatever the fuck you want to do. But I do think male. I think my heart goes out to any woman who marries a male comic.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yep, I've heard. Yep.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Yeah, but you guys are not the same. You're not married, and I don't know that guy or whatever. But, like, I, I, I am sure you could maintain a normal relationship and respect it and still work the road as I did.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. 100%. I don't, I don't know. I don't know.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Boyfriend in every city. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They go wrong with expectation. I think people get married expecting someone to become something different.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's. Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

My husband knows every night I'm out.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay. This one's kind of a. You tell me if you want to answer. Looking back, is there ever been a moment that made you go, yeah, I made it?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

No, you have to. I'll let you know.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, I, I, that's, that's what I.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

You need to do something significant, and I don't, I genuinely don't feel that I have, so.

[Grace O'Malley]

Well, that's just blasphemy.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I appreciate.

[Grace O'Malley]

There's no, like, that's a big word for you.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I, I don't. Oh, God, I've made it. I don't know. I have to think, you know, I'm only Now if you really want to get. Only now starting to, like, not rest on my laurels, but, like, like know that, like, if I reach out to a brand, they'll, like, send me something for free.

[Grace O'Malley]

That is sick. It is, like, really cool stuff.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Yeah, there's like 23 year olds with 8 million followers getting like free Maseratis and I'm like, ooh, coffee. Yeah, but where's the talent? Where's the talent? You know, where's the work?

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, it's just like glorified reality stars on the Internet for sure.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

You know, I don't have an answer. I don't have a. I don't.

[Grace O'Malley]

I. I feel like that's everybody, though. You never think you actually have hit a point and then you forget how you felt when you were in that moment of being like, wow.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I feel like men always have that. They're like. And I walked in and Eddie Murphy was like, you're funny. And I was like, oh, I made it. I've done plenty of shows with bigger comics and it's usually just like, people come out into the common room, they get like a snack, they go back in their room. There's no, I mean, here in la.

[Grace O'Malley]

It doesn't seem like there's much of like a hang going on, is there?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I think it depends on the club. I think if you go to the Comedy Store on the right night, I think there's that. Yeah, I think there's that. But like a hang, like in terms.

[Grace O'Malley]

Of, of outside of comedy. No. Oh, yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I mean, people have their clicks and their friends. But here's the thing. So when you live in New York, you want to do anything but be in your apartment.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

And that is a driving force for New Yorkers in la. Maybe you have a lawn, maybe you have a courtyard, you've got a local park, it's not too cold. So people are. It's less about, like, scrambling to find somewhere we can all commune.

[Grace O'Malley]

God, I guess I never really thought of that.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

We have more space. It might be on fire, but we have more space.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. And. And you guys have to drive. We can, we can just drink and walk.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

That's. Yeah, it's just a little different.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay. Growing up, are there any specific movies that inspired your comedy?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I don't know if it inspired my standup as it is now, but, like, when I tell you Billy Madison was a bible for me and my best friend Michelle, like, to the point where, like, we got sweaters from Goodwill and we ripped the sleeves off and wrote Frank on the Inside, if that's awesome. Cause we were like, this is so cool.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

And only recently did I show my. This was a mistake. 3 year old daughter, Ace Ventura. And I'm sitting there with my husband and I'm just saying every line all these years later. I haven't seen it recently. You know, and you're just. You don't realize how much these things inform not just me, but like a nation about what was funny.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Your face. Movement, stuff like that. So off the bat, Billy Madison and then I think a little bit later, Romy and Michelle's high school reunion.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Like to this day I'll still be like, okay, it may not be cool, but I say it.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

No, that type. And this is not a movie, but a TV show. It's called Absolutely Fabulous. And I don't know why Gen Z has not been put back like onto this. It is everything. And it's two dysfunctional best friends. And it informed the way that I view female relationships. Like, you want that one friend that will do everything fucked up with you.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

And like you're just obsessed with each other.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's good stuff.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

It's good stuff.

[Grace O'Malley]

I haven't seen that. I want to check that out.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

It's a British show. It's from the 90s. It is. It's just fucking. It's called Absolutely Fabulous and they're fabulous. It's Patsy and Edwina.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, hell yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

And it was ahead of its time because like the big reveal is that Patsy was like actually a man at one point and like these women were ahead of like the gay curve before 1000% anyone was even talking about it. Wow.

[Grace O'Malley]

In the 90s like that.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Oh, yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Wow.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

British Fabulous. They're always drinking Stolich, Naya and Ballinger and just shopping and it's just great.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, I love that. I'm going to watch that. I think you're going to. We're going to see a resurgence.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

You heard it here first. I was ahead of the curve and I never get credit for it started here.

[Grace O'Malley]

So you were on season three of Righteous Gemstones. How do you feel that the series finale just occurred?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I didn't.

[Grace O'Malley]

Were you a fan of the show?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I was.

[Grace O'Malley]

You know, I have no thoughts.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I don't. I have no. Season finales are happening around us all the time. That whole team, Danny McBride, like, all of them, they're so lovely. They're good guys. I had a great time working on the show and it's one of the true. It's one of the only like, pure comedy comedies on tv, and they do it well.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Fucking love Edie Patterson.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, she rocks. She's great.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

That's just great.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's good stuff. Yeah. Yeah. You had a good time on that.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I did.

[Grace O'Malley]

Because, you know, sometimes it's like the cast doesn't mesh together or anything, but.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

No, they're all super down to earth. John Goodman was just in the tent with the rest of the cast. In between, like, no one had an attitude. Edie Patterson is great, and she was so nice to me, and she did not have to be like, that's her show. And I always say that to her, and she's like, why do you say that? That would make me awful.

[Grace O'Malley]

It was just great.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Everybody was great.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's great. Yeah. That's what I like to hear, that. Yeah. Stuff.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

It's a good vibe.

[Grace O'Malley]

Is there a character or a bit you secretly want to do but you're worried it won't translate the way you're intending?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Translate to who?

[Grace O'Malley]

Up to interpretation.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I've got, like, lots of little voices and characters.

[Grace O'Malley]

I like that about you. Oh, yeah?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Yeah. Nobody's ever going to find the songs that you sing to your dog as compelling as you do. So there's that. And I've learned that because when I hear other people's songs, I'm like, okay, like, is that funny? And so there's that. Now I'm, like, completely, like, freezing, even though I only speak to my husband. Like, as a character. I'd have to think on that.

[Grace O'Malley]

Well, all right, so the next question is, when did you realize your physical comedy voices and gremlin characters were a signature thing?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Not a gremlin. Whoever prepared this, It's a Party Goblin.

[Grace O'Malley]

Party Goblin.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I think maybe after confirmed kills. So that would have been maybe. That's my third Netflix special. People started calling me Party Goblin. They started making Party Goblin art.

[Grace O'Malley]

Duncan took recognize.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Yeah. And that was even way later. And then people started calling me Mama Goblin, which is, like, a fun thing to step into as you get older. That, like, people see you as that. And so I guess I see it now because people still make art and refer to that. And when we do meet and greet, they always want to do do, like, the Goblin pose. Even though I have not talked about her in so long.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

So she lives with me. Like, it's all part. Are your teeth shiny or do you have a tooth gem?

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, maybe it was something in my teeth.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

No, no, it's just shiny because I have a tooth gem. And I was like, oh, double Tooth gem. Yeah, it's right here.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, snazzy.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

And it looks like yours.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, my gosh.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

It looks like your tooth gem.

[Grace O'Malley]

I mean, I don't know what the going on.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

She's like, I was eating foil.

[Grace O'Malley]

I was hanging out with flavor.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

You should get one because it would look cool on you.

[Grace O'Malley]

I think it would maybe.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Yeah, you would look great with one.

[Grace O'Malley]

I don't know. I. I can't pull something. Some of. Some of those things off.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Yeah, you can do that and you literally can't. It's baked on.

[Grace O'Malley]

Looks great.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

It's great.

[Grace O'Malley]

I had to find. Swallow this. That's okay. It is what it is.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

It's all good compared to what we swallowed in general. Like, that's fine.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's all right. Then the bodily fluids. We're going to be all right. Yeah, I. I just thought of this. So you don't show pictures of your. Of your kids online. Maybe if you, if you wanted to, you could just Photoshop party goblin on.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Just a goblin face. The party goblin doesn't have, have. I mean, I portrayed her once, but like, she. Everybody has their own party goblin. So it would be like putting a face on. God, you'd be like, is that what it looks like? Like, except for, like, Jesus. Like, it's up for interpretation. Or I could give them, like, bat faces and they're just hideous.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, just like, Like a. Some kind of like a character in themselves.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I think it would, it would belie the intention of the post. I'm like, happy Mother's Day. Like, Yeah. I don't know.

[Grace O'Malley]

You were the first and only woman to win last Comic Stand. How do you think the comedy scene has changed since 2008?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Oh, my God. Well, it's all online.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I mean, I wish that we had the Internet in the way that we do now. When I started, because when I started, like, people were still figuring out we hadn't even begun to monetize online content. You know, this is like in the funny or die, like, heyday. What I love about the fact that it's all online. It's not so much that you live and die by your merit, it's that there's less gatekeepers. So it is not. You have a great set. This predates me. But, like, Johnny Carson doesn't have to wave you over. A late night show doesn't have to have you on. And then that's the thing. Even Netflix, they don't have to be kingmakers anymore. Like, you can just have a special, like Matt Rife, for example. Right. And it just blows up. And so there is that risk. Like, showbiz is always about a risk. Like you can make a billion videos and none hit. You could do one. And that's the thing.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

And so I think there's. That there's just more avenues and more people that can see your comedy. I mean, in 2008, it was just like, work the road. I mean, now I see people who just started that have, like a full tour schedule.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

So, I mean, and that's for better or for worse. And I don't. There's no point in judging it because it just kind of is what it is.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. I. I don't love. I don't love the stigma that goes behind how I got into all this.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

How did you get into all this?

[Grace O'Malley]

I was on and off for five years, and then I went full time last year. Witty Comics took me on the road with her. And then now I'm. Now I'm touring and it all happened very, very fast. And there's. I have a tick tock stigma against it, but I don't have clips.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Did people find you on TikTok?

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I mean, I think that is something that you can reconcile. I think, honestly, the truth is, is it's not about what gets you there. It's about if you can stay there.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Like, that's just at the end of the day. Like, we'll call you in five years, and if you're still rising, then you win.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

You know, there's gonna be plenty of people that get a video or a hit, or they're like, I'm the pony girl. Or whatever. And then it plateaus because, like, you said, like, whatever. Like, there's gotta be, like, a voice behind it. Like, where's the work? Where's the art?

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Or it doesn't matter. Or you fucking go viral and you make $30 million and you don't owe anybody anything. Like, it is the wild West.

[Grace O'Malley]

It truly is.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

It's like, it's like its own thing that is constantly changing in real time and that we're always grappling with. Like, podcasting was seen as, like, so lame. And then it's like, just kidding, just kidding.

[Grace O'Malley]

You actually need it and you need to promote it more.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

YouTube used to be like, who cares about YouTube? And then all like, YouTube went like this. And then I was like, who cares? And then it's like, now we're back with a vengeance. Get your YouTube channel. Get that SEO. Right?

[Grace O'Malley]

And so I'd say, like, you, like, you Pointed out millennials. You guys were. You guys had us on Vine. You were standing, you were doing, doing it.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

That was tick tock before it was tick tock.

[Grace O'Malley]

It really was. And I think, I think you guys are the reason that we, we lost our train of focus.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

You could blame us or you could blame yourselves and your addictive personalities.

[Grace O'Malley]

Who's an up and cominging comic that you think is going to be huge?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Oh, you know what? I will take a second to plug this. Actually. I produce these mini comedy specials.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, no.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

It's called Eliza's Locals. So we did season one and that's on Hulu, and we just shot season two for Amazon.

[Grace O'Malley]

Hell yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

And so I put.

[Grace O'Malley]

Picked. How was it switching, Switching networks like that? Is that all right?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

For me?

[Grace O'Malley]

No worries. All right.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I think at, I think at a certain level, like, everybody, the door's open wherever you want to go. Like, no one is like, shoot. It's not personal.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

You know, and I think with Amazon, you get access to a different audience, a different vibe, and they're super supportive of this special. But I picked, I want to say it's 12 comics that are. Some of them are my age, but like up and coming or newer. And so they each do, you know, 10. And we shoot those. So I just got done. We're done with the post for that.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, yeah, that's awesome.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

So watch season two. And I stand by those guys that are.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's really exciting. That's good stuff. So how did you scout them?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I worked with Emily Laford, who used to be the booker of the Comedy Store.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

And she. And I just kind of went through. She's like, here's some people I like. And then I looked at people that I. For me, it's also like, who do I see? I'm out there almost every night. So, like, who do I see and who do I. When I ask other comics. And then I have to watch, which is the hardest part is sitting there and watching it. But you can tell, even if the joke doesn't hit that night, you can tell who's got something 100%. And so this is not to say that those are the only ones, but I like those people. And they were able to tape that night and I'm proud of that.

[Grace O'Malley]

And so it was a one night thing. Cause most. So this is a showcase, technically.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

No, I mean, they're 10 minute specials, but it is showcasing that. Now you have a beautiful piece of tape and it's called the World Can See It.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay. Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

And you didn't have to produce it yourself.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's really cool that you do. Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I mean, I think when you do stand up for a while, it's all about you, and it has to be right. Like, you're not looking to find another grace that's just like, you, and, like, you're. You're building your.

[Grace O'Malley]

Kill me. It would be.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

It would be awful.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

But then at a certain point, you get old enough to where you're just like, I would like to make it a little bit easier. Nobody ever helped me, and nobody ever gave me the time of day. And it was always like, oh, like, you're a headliner. Like, you don't need anything. You're not one of the cool kids. You didn't write, like, I never in an aggressive way, but I always just felt so alone.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

And I never had anyone to do anything. And I was just like, wouldn't that be nice if, like, I could just be a part of them getting some attention?

[Grace O'Malley]

And I love that you didn't forget that, though.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Because some people, like, they blow up and they forget how hard it was to. To make it in the first place.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Still making it.

[Grace O'Malley]

Still.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Still realizing how hard it is. Come on, now. Just in it. I'm in that mud. That's how Joan Rivers felt, too. Like, you always feel like you're in it.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. I. Somebody. Somebody told me recently, like, why can't you just. Sometimes you just need to enjoy what you're doing right now and not look to the next thing.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Oh, is that like a Zen master? It's like, what is that person? Super centered? Who told you that?

[Grace O'Malley]

They are. They actually are.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I hate that. And I'll tell you why. Because it's always. They're always saying that as if. As if they don't do that. And who are you to critique the way that I'm enjoying whatever I'm enjoying?

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Like, if you see me and I'm, like, hustling and I'm wanting something and I'm talking about things, that doesn't mean that I didn't really enjoy my coffee this morning.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Or my 20 minutes with my kids. Or the time. Like, just because you don't see me doing something doesn't mean it's not happening.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's true.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

It's such, like, lame live, laugh, love. Like armchair quarterback. Armchair quarterback. Armchair psychology. Sunday morning quarterback advice. Like, you just need to enjoy it. You're like, I would be enjoying it more if you stopped telling me to enjoy it.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's true, too. I see. I could be swayed either way all the time.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

And that's a good thing because when.

[Grace O'Malley]

They told me that, I was like, yeah, you're right. And now you're saying this, I'm like, no, that guy's crazy.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Yeah. But you know what is, what's awful is going out of your way to enjoy something.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I'm just gonna sit here and I'm just gonna live in this moment and enjoy this filtered water.

[Grace O'Malley]

I can't.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

It doesn't work like that.

[Grace O'Malley]

I did shows in Tampa and I brought, I brought my sister down and we, we were having like a little sister getaway and I got like a Airbnb with a pool. And the whole time we're around the pool, I'm like, I can't. I don't, I don't like, I don't like sitting.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

That's cuz you had sets. You had sets that night. Yeah, that's right.

[Grace O'Malley]

I just, I was like, I can't. I can't enjoy this.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

It is almost impossible to fully relax knowing you have work that night.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. It so crazy.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Yeah. If you, you know, on a vacation, which you would never take. Yeah, that's different. But like, especially as it gets closer, like around 3 o' clock, I'm like, all right, spa day's over. We're shutting it down.

[Grace O'Malley]

I just, it's. And it's a lot different than like the inevitable, like, waitressing job I had to go to compared to like, no, guys, I can't, like, I can't have a beer. I have to perform.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

That's right.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's like, it's not actually vacation, but like, you're in a vacation setting.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

People don't get that.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's a weird headspace. My sister's like, you can't, you can't just like, sit down and enjoy this. I'm like, not really.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Not really. I work tonight. And she won't get that. And that's okay.

[Grace O'Malley]

Ye. Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

You have, like, to go do the best, coolest, scariest, weirdest thing later. And you gotta be on your game.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

And no, this is not a vacation for me. I paid for it, but it's not a vacation.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. Is that you doing that to her?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Different sister. Okay?

[Grace O'Malley]

Different sister. An 18 year old, she truly doesn't get anything yet. Oh, yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I mean, yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

She's also the sister. She proclaims herself to be unfunny. I hate when people say that, like, oh, I'm not funny.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Oh, you only ever hear women say that, by the way. That's crazy. You'll never hear men be like. Unless it's like, your, like, insurance broker be like, I'm not funny.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's always.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Women are like, I'm not funny.

[Grace O'Malley]

Like a finance probably. I don't know, dude. I'm. I'm not funny.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

You're like, no, but I can still get people to laugh at you when I make fun of you later.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Here at the Tampa Improv, wherever you were, is that still there? Is that where you were?

[Grace O'Malley]

I was at side splitters.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Okay. Ybor City. Is that where it is, or is it in Tampa proper City sounds about right. Wild Roosters. You see the chickens?

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, we did see chickens. What's up with that? It was crazy.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I bring it up every time I play Tampa.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's so nuts.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

It's great. You can't touch them.

[Grace O'Malley]

You can't? No.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

They're federally protected. Protected. Oh, no, that's not true.

[Grace O'Malley]

But.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

But it is weird to see them.

[Grace O'Malley]

What's the. What's the craziest thing that's ever happened.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

To you on stage happen to me or that I've been a part of? And I think the question is more like just in general.

[Grace O'Malley]

I guess where my head was at was like, has anyone ever bum rushed you?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

No, that would be. That would be awful.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Don't get any ideas. I've had. This is so long ago. I must have been, like, 29 or something. Somebody was a guy and a girl. It was a small club. She was crying in the front row the whole show for, like, 45 minutes out of the 60.

[Grace O'Malley]

Out of pure joy or.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Nope, no crying. And the husband's just watching the show. And I am trying to, like, be focusing. You're just hearing in the corner of your ear, like. Like, I'm trying to, like, bring joy. And he never thought, like, let me take her out. Let me address this. I think she. And then I found out later they had, like, flown to, like, Minneapolis to see me. And I guess she had, like. It was her medication mixed with alcohol. The cops. Like, she, like, got in a fight lately. Like, just. That was a weird thing to reckon with. I've had someone shit the seat they were in. Oh, I didn't know about it, but someone told me after I've had a fight start, I've had a fight break out, and I had, like, someone rush across the stage to jump onto the guy. I've started a fight. I have dumped fries in people's laps. Like, when I was your age, age, this guy was being super Disrespectful. And, like, I guess my Boston comes out, and he was on his phone, and I. He was being such a dick, and I dumped a drink on him, which you could never do. Now you get sued, and I dumped fries.

[Grace O'Malley]

You get viral. What the.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Is like. I'm trying to, like, get a love on, though. Oh, I. I would go red so quickly, so that's cool.

[Grace O'Malley]

I had. The closest thing to that I've had so far is some guy was saying some. Some about, like, my personal life, and just. I. I got so mad at Adam, I dropped the microphone. I was like, are you serious right now? You want to do that right now? And I was like, oh, my God. I want to. I want to pick the microphone up and continue front. He was in the front.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Here's the thing. Here's the thing. You can always remember, even though I just told you, that I dump fries in someone's laps. You have.

[Grace O'Malley]

I thought I could share that story.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

You have the louder piece of equipment. You have the microphone. I will talk. You talk over that person until the audience turns on them. Yeah, you just talk. Right. I get super close, and I just get that so loud that they get drowned out, and then they sound stupid for trying because you can always steamroll them. Never forget that you are louder, and.

[Grace O'Malley]

Like, that's just, like, a smarter way of going about it, because what they want is you to dump.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

The guy didn't, but that guy did want it. He wanted to get to you.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Or it's funny. My security will always be, like, at the venue, they'll be like, so what's the code word? You know, if someone's doing something, I'm like, the code word is, get this idiot out of my audience. Like, I don't need to be like, diet Pepsi. Like, I know problem throwing you out.

[Grace O'Malley]

I find that really funny. Like, some people are using code words.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I'm not Beyonce. Like, we don't really keep this Polish performance going. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So never forget that you're in charge.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. That's what I say to them, too. I'm like, I can pretty much handle them because I like drunk girls. Like, oh, that's mainly.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Those are the loudest ones.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. But they say nice things, so I'm like, I don't want to get them getting thrown out. I just have to give them a talking to.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Well, there's a lot. There's a line between, like, I'm drunk and I'm having fun with this. And then it's like, now I tend to worry not about the person, but about them disrupting the people around them who bought that ticket. I will tell you, if we have time for this. A few weeks ago, I too, was in Florida, and I'm on stage. This is my second show of the night. We were in Tampa, and I was dead on my feet. I was so tired. And it was great that we're doing the second show, but I was just like, just bone tired. And I'm like, 45 minutes in, and a woman raises her hand. And I was like, this is really a monologue that people pay to see. This is not a dialogue. She raised her hand and I was like, sure. Because in my head, I was like, yeah, let's eat up some time with crowd work. And she just goes, have you found that since you've become a mom, you don't know how to dance anymore?

[Grace O'Malley]

What the fuck?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

No, because I had talked about this at home, and I was like, were you in la? Did you see that? She goes, no, I'm just wondering. And it gave me this idea. And I was like, does anyone else feel this way? And all these moms raised their hand, and I am not this. Because I'm not like a comic working a cruise ship. But I was like, why don't we get all the moms up here who don't know if they can dance anymore? The DJ started playing something. I invite all these women, we make a Soul Train line, and they, with their mom moves, dance. And I was like, great, this will eat up 15 minutes where I don't have to talk. And I was so grateful for it, and it gave me an idea. And so I'm doing a show for Mother's Day weekend at the Bray Improv during brunch. It's called a brunch of moms.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, I love that.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

And it's like a raucous, like, come show off how bad you dance. What's the worst thing you've said to your kid? Like, good time.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, that's great.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Jello shots.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, I love that. Yeah, that's incredible.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

So shout out to whoever raised their hand that random night in Tampa.

[Grace O'Malley]

Because to me, I'd be like that. Because I can't relate you. Really? You lost your ability to dance, do you?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

It's just the beat's not like I used. I always thought I was a pretty good dancer. And then it's like, now it's just like, a lot of, like, arms. It's that me espresso just like. It's just not. Look like this isn't cool. Like, it's just like, I know I can use my hips because I made two children, but, like, it's just not cool anymore. Yeah, well, it's not cool anymore.

[Grace O'Malley]

Well, you lose your rhythm.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I lost my rhythm. I gotta get it back.

[Grace O'Malley]

And you will date Tay digs at.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Mother's Day, brunch at Mother at Bray Improv. This probably will come out past that.

[Grace O'Malley]

But I love that, though. I think that's great and, like, a great thing that came out of it.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

We got free champagne and jello shots.

[Grace O'Malley]

Fuck. I might just have to be there.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Let me. I will get.

[Grace O'Malley]

I will say, I'll bring a kid. I'll find one.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Find a kid.

[Grace O'Malley]

I'll find a kid.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

You're like, I'll have a kid real quick.

[Grace O'Malley]

Don't worry, I'll find a kid. Yeah, in this city. I'll find a kid.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Find a kid.

[Commercial Voiceover]

Surprise. Beach day. No excuses.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I'm in.

[Commercial Voiceover]

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[Eliza Schlossinger]

Let's go.

[Tinder Representative]

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[Grace O'Malley]

We call this segment Disgraceful Receipts.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I love it.

[Grace O'Malley]

And I pull things from the Internet that you've posted and you just give a little explanation. Whoa.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

This show has production.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's not much of a. It's not a gotcha, but it's.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Well, this is not a live scroll. This is like someone did this.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, this is supposed to be like the 70s.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

No, I got it. Yeah, I'm trying.

[Grace O'Malley]

I get it. Explain this.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I think that's a face mask. That's one of those, you know, like Korean face masks. I don't know why. It has, like, a fake carrot nose. I think that's definitely a hotel.

[Grace O'Malley]

Maybe a Snowman.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Maybe that's a snowman. But the mouth is. But, well, the green. I don't know. But it's definitely a hotel because you can tell by the curtains.

[Grace O'Malley]

This is what you do in the off time.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I. I may have been on an Ambien. If you tell me the date, because that may have been. We shot a movie in Boston, and I had all these free nights, and I was like, I'm gonna take an Ambien now.

[Grace O'Malley]

What's the feeling Ambien gives you? Sleepy, tired, or.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

You ever take an Ambien?

[Grace O'Malley]

No.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I only. I will take one once a year if I just got back from Australia, so I took one the night I got back. I shouldn't say, you know what? This is bad. This is bad. It makes you. You go to sleep, but if you can stay up just a little bit, like you started. Feel safe. Stay up. It's blissful. Do not have access. We've all seen what happens when, like, Roseanne has access to her phone on Ambient. Do not go on the Internet. No, but you can text your friend. Oh, I have made plans, like. And not, like, irresponsible, but you just feel so good. You're just walking around your house, and.

[Grace O'Malley]

You'Re just like, this is.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I wish all the time.

[Grace O'Malley]

Let's plan a brunch.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I advise if you already. If you have access to that, you can do it responsibly.

[Grace O'Malley]

Ambient.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Yeah, that is. We shot a movie in Alabama. I loved the hair, makeup, and outfit, and I played a bad guy.

[Grace O'Malley]

Ooh.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

And I got to shoot a gun, and I had to cock it and shoot it with one hand, and it was so hard, like a large, like, firearm. In movies, it's always just, like, you need, like, a grip strength. Like, it was.

[Grace O'Malley]

So you're shooting real guns.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

It was a gun. It was shooting a blank, but it was still very. It takes a lot of muscle. I remember, like. Like, in the moment, trying to look cool, but you're just like. They cut out a lot of that.

[Grace O'Malley]

Movie, but you look fantastic. And then this is, like, a posse of people getting you ready. That's sick.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Yeah, they were great. We had to do it very quickly. That's my dad's wedding to my stepmom, and that's me. I was just, like. Just so I'm cool with my parents getting divorced.

[Grace O'Malley]

Have you noticed, like, your daughter look like you at all in any pictures?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

In most moments, but it's. Yeah, I think she looks at my husband, but, yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, really? Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I remember I wore leggings under my dress because I was in the second grade. I was like, oh, I might have to, like, climb a tree or do something, so I need to be ready.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I made my mom let me wear pants under it.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's awesome.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

That's obviously Boston.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, of course.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

And that is a shirt a fan made me of. One of my jokes from Elder Millennial about being a gazelle.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

But I bought those oven mitts because I thought they were so funny, and I gave them to my chef husband, and he was just like, what do I do with these? I don't want these.

[Grace O'Malley]

That is the best thing you could have ever done is marry a chef. By the way.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

It worked out.

[Grace O'Malley]

I like what you do in here.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

And not one of the crazy ones that, like, does drugs and, like, only makes eggs at home. Like, he actually makes everything. He's like a normal person. Yeah, that's the party goblin.

[Grace O'Malley]

That is what I think your kids should be dressed as.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Yeah, that's fair. It's a little aggrandizing to be like, you guys should dress up like this. We shot a TV show called Forever 31. When ABC went digital. It was called ABCD, and I thought it was so cute. And it was called Forever 31. And I did a whole episode about the party goblin. And that was me at as her.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's fucking awesome.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Yeah, so that's her, I guess.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

You guys got a color printer and everything?

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, we don't fuck around.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

It's some show called Access Live. But Nick Lachey was on it. And for a Millennial, like, to be like, oh, my God, like, Nick Lachey's here. I'd be like, I miss you and Jessica. He was so sweet. But I made that face because my manager and I, when I do press for stuff, like, we have this joke and there's a picture of me on every set, every Today show, every late night. I do that face and she takes it.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's awesome.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

So it's like, for our chat, he was so good looking.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, my God, he's so handsome.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

He's so nice. Oh, that's the Gazelle joke. This is all, like, around Elder Millennial, I think someone had given me. Oh, that's right. My friend owned this brand called carbon 38. And they sent me a bunch of athleisure.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, hell yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

So this is me showing her that I received the package. Somebody people get my name tattooed on them.

[Grace O'Malley]

Does that blow you mind?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Yeah, that's actually something. It's like a weird reminder that that like, this is. Like, this art is being taken seriously. Like, it is stand up comedy, but like, it's not like. And I'm changing lives, but like, that's.

[Grace O'Malley]

A serious body format.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I mean. Yeah. And look, Massachusetts. That's their name, right?

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. You big with. You big with our guys.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

It's. It's humbling.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, that's.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I mean, that's. That's amazing. I do a lot of. That's just my backyard. I do a lot of.

[Grace O'Malley]

You got like the ET phone home.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

And this is all my artillery. Like, this is all stuff that I have. Yeah, I've got that hyperbaric scientist tent that is at something called a fob, which means Forward Operating Base in Afghanistan. So a FOB is like a camp that gets set up miles from your base, like, in case you're out in the. You. They're out in the field. So it's a small base away from the base. And I do a lot of shows for the uso.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, no shit.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

This Christmas we went to Okinawa, but that one is a chairman's tour. You go, that's that one. It's Afghanistan. And I've gotten to go to, like, Iraq and places like that with different. They bring a group of people, and so whenever they ask, I go if I can go. And so I tried on. It was a girl, I think she was in Venezuela, but she was in America. She was a soldier in our army, and she was smaller than me, and she was. That's the gear she has to carry.

[Grace O'Malley]

Holy shit. I thought you had to wear this while you were there.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

No, you. Sometimes you put on a whatever, but no. And I put it on and I started to tear up because it is so backbreakingly heavy. Cause she's got to take that gun, see, it's got little legs. So she's got to go set up that gun for someone. I don't know if she's. But like, that's her job. And I. I even have goosebumps now because it being mandated that you have to carry that and run in the heat. It's just so much to ask of a person. And these men and women do it just so willingly, and it's their honor and they don't want anything for it. And so I just tried it on and it was at least £70.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's fucking crazy.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

It was the hardest thing I've ever done. It was my greatest sacrifice.

[Grace O'Malley]

How do you. How do you get involved with that? You just get asked.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

They ask, you know, and if you have a rep and it's something you want to do. You should reach out to them. Cause they're always looking for people that would like, fit in. But if you could do a chairman's job tour, you go with the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, you get on like an Air Force two or something, and you go and you visit. You're on his schedule, but you're visiting the troops in places that you would never get to go to otherwise.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's wild.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Kyrgyzstan.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I love doing it.

[Grace O'Malley]

I think that's the only time my dad would respect me. And that was the last one.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

They wrote my parents a note and they were like, thank to thank for your daughter for being such a patriot. And like they sent them to my parents like I'm a child. They each got one.

[Grace O'Malley]

She's a pleasure to have on combat.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Yeah. A minus for paying attention, but yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Well, thank you so much.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Thanks, Grace.

[Grace O'Malley]

I really appreciate you coming on here and I hope I wasn't too fucking weird for you.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

You were delightful.

[Grace O'Malley]

Would you like to promo anything?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

When does this come out?

[Grace O'Malley]

A beautiful camera. Two, two, three weeks.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Yeah, this is in two or three weeks. You can always come see me in Estonia. You can see me on my Europe tour. But we also have very normal dates for Eliza Live. So we're coming to your state probably this fall and you can listen to my podcast, Ask Eliza any anything where they. Where you have them and. Oh yeah, and watch my special and.

[Grace O'Malley]

I always ask everybody, what is your walkout song?

[Eliza Schlossinger]

My walkout song that I use when I'm on tour on the Luna by Foals.

[Grace O'Malley]

Hell yeah.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

Should I get up?

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. Thank you.

[Commercial Voiceover]

Surprise beach day. No excuses.

[Eliza Schlossinger]

I'm in.

[Commercial Voiceover]

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[Eliza Schlossinger]

Let's go.

[Tinder Representative]

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