My Cousin From Another Uncle: Molly Kearney

Summary

Episode Summary: "My Cousin From Another Uncle: Molly Carney"

Introduction

In this episode of Disgraceful with Grace O'Malley, Grace welcomes her sister and fellow comedian, Molly Carney, as they dive deep into their recent adventures, comedic insights, and dynamic interactions. The episode, released on April 24, 2025, offers listeners an engaging blend of humor, candid conversations, and behind-the-scenes glimpses into the lives of these two comedic powerhouses.

Recap of Moon Tower Comedy Festival

Grace kicks off the episode by recounting their experience at Moon Tower, a renowned comedy festival in Austin, Texas. She shares her excitement about headlining four shows, including her first-ever theater performance at the Thompson Theater. However, things took an unexpected turn when the venue's setup deviated from her expectations.

Grace O'Malley [03:52]: “I was prepared to do my first ever theater, the Thompson Theater. And I was super jazzed. And when we got there, I still have yet to do my own theater, you know, because it is. It was in a conference room.”

Memorable Moments on Stage

One of the standout moments Grace discusses is her encounter with Neil Patrick Harris (NPH) during their performance. Grace narrates how a lighthearted joke from her friend Joey led NPH to approach her with a humorous declaration:

Grace O'Malley [07:18]: “Neil Patrick Harris was told not to trust me as a joke. So he came up to me in the green room and said, I do not trust you.”

This unexpected interaction left Grace flustered, exemplifying the unpredictable nature of live performances. Despite the chaos, Grace and Molly managed to find humor in the situation, fostering a jovial atmosphere backstage.

Backstage Dynamics

The sisters delve into their backstage camaraderie, highlighting how their synchronized laughter and shared experiences enhance their performances. Their ability to connect and support each other is evident as they navigate the highs and lows of the comedy circuit.

Unknown Co-Host [08:30]: “Same laugh.”

Grace O'Malley [08:33]: “You can only guess who. And so we were letting each other laugh because we were laughing at the same time, sounding like the witches we're laughing.”

Upcoming Tour Highlights

Grace outlines their ambitious tour schedule following the festival, expressing enthusiasm for upcoming shows across the United States and even in Canada. The itinerary includes stops in Tampa, LA, La Jolla, Naples, Charleston, Honolulu, and Calgary, showcasing their dedication to reaching diverse audiences.

Grace O'Malley [02:15]: “We're back here in New York City in the studio, and then we're ripping some more shows... We're bringing our baby sister, Maggie Mei Mae... heading right to LA... doing shows in La Jolla and Naples.”

In the Green Room Segment

The heart of the episode lies in the "In the Green Room" segment, where Grace interviews Molly in a playful audition to become her permanent co-host. The segment features a series of humorous and personal questions that reveal the sisters' unique chemistry and comedic styles.

• Cussing on the Show:

  Grace poses the question of whether cussing should be allowed on their podcast. Molly enthusiastically agrees, emphasizing the importance of raw and unfiltered humor.

  Molly Carney [25:02]: “1,000% the state of the world. Are you fucking kidding me?”

  Grace concurs, reinforcing that profanity is integral to their comedic expression.

• Childhood Stories:

  Molly shares anecdotes from their childhood, including Grace's infamous shovel incident that inadvertently left a mark on their sister.

  Grace O'Malley [41:41]: “Everybody. I imprinted my sister with the shovel one time. It was an accident.”

  These stories not only provide laughs but also illustrate the enduring bond between the sisters.

Games and Audience Interaction

Adding to the episode's interactive flair, Grace and Molly engage in the "Who's More Disgraceful?" game. They draw prompts from a fishbowl and exchange stories, discerning whether each tale is true, fabricated, or entirely made up. This segment is both entertaining and revealing, showcasing their improvisational skills and mutual trust.

Grace O'Malley [47:50]: “This is our first time playing that game. Thank you so much for popping that cherry.”

Following the game, they transition to audience confessions, where listeners share their most disgraceful deeds. From pooping on a cousin's floor to frustrations with fast-food ordering mishaps, the confessions add a relatable and humorous dimension to the episode.

Grace O'Malley [54:14]: “I pooped on my cousin's floor so I could have her J. Crew necklace in 2010.”

Notable Quotes

Throughout the episode, Grace and Molly deliver memorable lines that encapsulate their comedic personas:

• Grace O'Malley [11:08]: “And I didn't have to go in there and say, excuse me, Father.”

• Molly Carney [57:06]: “I want to shake this person's hand. That's so trash.”

• Grace O'Malley [62:22]: “This is confession.”

Conclusion

The episode concludes with Grace and Molly reflecting on their Chicago experiences, reaffirming their commitment to maintaining their comedic synergy. Their genuine camaraderie and shared humor make this episode a standout, offering listeners a blend of laughter, heartfelt stories, and insightful reflections on the life of comedians.

Grace O'Malley [72:32]: “Waffle stomp.”

Molly Carney [72:33]: “I love it. You're the best.”

Takeaways

Disgraceful with Grace O'Malley delivers a comprehensive and entertaining exploration of the sisters' comedic journeys. From festival antics and unforgettable stage moments to playful games and audience interactions, the episode provides a multifaceted look into their lives and love for comedy. Not only does it offer plenty of laughs, but it also highlights the strength of their familial bond and collaborative spirit.

---

Key Quotes with Timestamps:

1. Grace O'Malley [07:18]: “Neil Patrick Harris was told not to trust me as a joke. So he came up to me in the green room and said, I do not trust you.”

2. Molly Carney [25:02]: “1,000% the state of the world. Are you fucking kidding me?”

3. Grace O'Malley [41:41]: “Everybody. I imprinted my sister with the shovel one time. It was an accident.”

4. Grace O'Malley [54:14]: “I pooped on my cousin's floor so I could have her J. Crew necklace in 2010.”

5. Grace O'Malley [62:22]: “This is confession.”

6. Grace O'Malley [72:32]: “Waffle stomp.”

These quotes encapsulate the humor, spontaneity, and deep connection shared between Grace and Molly, making the episode both entertaining and memorable.

Transcript

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[Unknown Black Woman in Recovery]

Substance use disorder and addiction is so isolating. And so as a black woman in recovery, hope must be loud. It grows louder when you ask for help and you're vulnerable. It is the thread that lets you know that no matter what happens, you will be okay.

[Unknown Announcer]

When we learn the power of hope recovery is possible, find out [e-mail] brought to you by the National Council for Mental well Being, Shatterproof and the AD Council.

[Molly Carney]

Hi, guys.

[Grace O'Malley]

Welcome back to another episode of Disgraceful. Like every talk show, we have a little bit of an opening monologue, which is really just narcissistically me filling in. And Nora. I'm sorry, Nora's back. Hi, guys. Of us filling you in on what you've missed in our personal lives. Nothing. Pop culture y. Nothing of this week. And I have a question for you guys. Would you rather see this segment at the top of every episode, or would you like it to be a second? That's what we're debating. We're trying to figure things out while we do this little talk show of ours here. So whatever you guys decide, that is what we'll do. Because I'm a woman of the people. Even though I told you guys to fuck off about the guests, I promise you're gonna end up loving what you see. All right, to fill you in on what we have going on, we just came back from Moon Tower, which is a comedy festival in Austin, Texas. Texas. Texas. And we're. We were blasting off.

[Unknown Co-Host]

We were blasting off. We had a good time.

[Grace O'Malley]

We had a great time.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Had a great time. We were there for, like, almost a week.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. From Tuesday to Sunday. I felt like we lived there. It was quite the wild ride. Yeah.

[Unknown Co-Host]

At the end of. At the end of the week, I turned to someone that we met there, and I was like, doesn't it feel like we've been here for a month? And he was like, yeah, a month.

[Grace O'Malley]

A month. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're readjusting to the real city life. We're back here in New York City in the studio, and then we're ripping some more shows. We've got Tampa this weekend. We're bringing our baby sister, Maggie Mei Mae. She's gonna come down. I'm going with Steph Daggs, my good pal. She's gonna feature and then we're heading right to LA for a couple of weeks and then gonna go do shows in La Jolla. La Jolla and Yeah. Then heading back over to Florida for some shows in Naples.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Country to country to coast to coast.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. I mean, from Florida to California to Florida. That makes so much Jack sense.

[Unknown Co-Host]

So much sense.

[Grace O'Malley]

I'm very excited though. Yeah. So Moon Tower was crazy. I had four of my own shows headlining shows while I was there. And the night before my first show, I got a lot of good rest. Cause I was prepared to do my first ever theater, the Thompson Theater. And I was super jazzed. And when we got there, I still have yet to do my own theater, you know, because it is. It was in a conference room. And vibes were weird. Vibes were a little weird. I had one girl walk out, double birded me on the way out because she wanted to tell me a story. I wanted to, you know, do my job. And I told her to please sit down. It wasn't the time for stories. And then she stood back up, proceeded to tell the story. And I said, no, baby girl, please shut the fuck up and sit down. Jokingly. And she didn't like that. So she double burdened me on her way out, which is, I guess, fair. I kind of wish now I would just listen to the story, you know, But I was trying to do jokes. It's kind of hard.

[Unknown Co-Host]

It was the middle of your set though. It wasn't even like prompted to tell a story. She was like, I want to tell a story. And Grace was like, no. And then she goes, okay, well, you. It was crazy.

[Grace O'Malley]

I'm still waiting for her to post some kind of a TikTok about that. I'm sure it'll drop any minute now.

[Unknown Co-Host]

So if that comes out, there's some context clues behind that. Yeah, it was a one sided beef.

[Grace O'Malley]

She was a vibe crusher. Yeah, she kind of crushed the vibes.

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[Grace O'Malley]

No judgments. But that's weird. Okay, one judgment.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Anyway, give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront.

[Unknown Announcer]

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[Molly Carney]

Equivalent to $15 per month required.

[Grace O'Malley]

Intro rate first 3 months only, then.

[Unknown Announcer]

Full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra.

[Molly Carney]

See full [e-mail] Substance use disorder and.

[Unknown Black Woman in Recovery]

Addiction is so isolating. And so as a black woman in recovery, hope must be loud. It grows louder when you ask for help and you're vulnerable. It is the thread that lets you know that no matter what happens, you will be okay.

[Unknown Announcer]

When we learn the power of hope, recovery is possible. Find out [e-mail] brought to you by the National Council for Mental well Being, Shatterproof and the AD Council.

[Grace O'Malley]

But moving right along. We had a pool day. We blasted off in the pool.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Lovely.

[Grace O'Malley]

I wore lots of sunblock. I will never, ever, ever get burnt ever again. If you see me with the burn, kill me on the spot. That's fine.

[Unknown Co-Host]

I'm so proud of Grace. She literally. We sat down in the sun. She goes, I forgot sunblock. I go, okay. She goes, no, I have to go get it. And then she did. She went up and got it.

[Grace O'Malley]

Thank you so much. Thank you for being so proud of me for. Very proud of you for wearing sunblock. It's really sweet. And then a lot of the chilling in the day, I really had to refrain from drinking. Cause you know when you're hanging by the pool, you want to pound and pound and pound. But I was trying to keep. I was trying to be a good gal. We did those shows. They were a lot of fun, A lot of them. So throughout the festival for me, and I don't know if this is how it goes for most comics, but this was like my first I've done New York Comedy Festival. But that's different because you get to go home and it's not like you're away from home kind of thing. And a lot of. I don't wanna blame not being at home, but a lot of the shows, it was either good or bad. And it was like a pattern of ups and downs. My mental was all over the place all week. I was like, oh, I just did great. I love stand up. And then I would be like, meh, I should quit. I should be done. And that was the general consensus of what every other comic was going through that week. It was also weird.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Cause it depended on the time of day and also the type of show. Because there were shows that was just a bunch of comedians and then there was some that were just you. So it was like different. I don't know. It was. It was hard to like catch a.

[Grace O'Malley]

Vibe yeah, but, you know, we. We ended up catching, you know, that. That show we always talk about on this show called Stamp Town. I eventually did that. So I did that on the second night, and Grace Rider was just talking about it. We had just put a clip out about how Neil Patrick Harris was wearing a vest and he did the same show that she did. And to my surprise, when I get down there in the green room of the theater, who do I run into but NPH himself.

[Unknown Co-Host]

We were literally recording a portion of the vlog that will come out soon, I promise. I hope. But he came out in the background, and me and Gracious turned to each other. We were like, oh, that's nph.

[Grace O'Malley]

Because when I was reading the lineup downstairs, I was trying to figure out when I was going on, because I got there and nobody really told me anything about the show. I just kind of knew about it through what other people have told me. We had Zack Zucker on, of course, so he has told me about the whole show. And then Grace was telling me about her experience. And I was looking at the lineup, and it said Neil Patrick Harris, question mark. They weren't sure if he was gonna be there. And then as soon as we got there, he had arrived. Yep. Now, Neil Patrick Harris was told not to trust me as a joke. So he came up to me in the green room and said, I do not trust you. And so for the rest of the night, I was just wondering why. And that kind of threw me for a loop. But it was because my friend Joey was fucking around saying, yo, don't trust that girl. Like a joke. But I'm a nervous wreck. You have Neil Patrick Harris come up to you and say, I don't trust you. You're gonna ask some questions in your own mind. And the show was fucking fantastic. All we did was giggle and laugh. One thing that we did that we didn't realize was we were letting each other laugh.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Oh, yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Because we were laughing so much. And we have the same laugh.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Same laugh. Someone told us that we have a witch laugh. And now it's stuck in our heads forever.

[Grace O'Malley]

You can only guess who. And so we were letting each other laugh because we were laughing at the same time, sounding like the witches we're laughing.

[Unknown Co-Host]

But we were laughing so loud and hard, and I feel like on stage you could hear us laughing together.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's kind of like a good vibe.

[Unknown Co-Host]

It was awesome. Like, everyone was. So there was a TV in the backstage, and everyone was looking at it because you can barely see from sidestage, belly laughing. Every single person belly laughing. It was the happiest behind, like, it was the happiest backstage I've ever experienced. It was so lovely.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, free spirits these guys are.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Everyone was having a blast.

[Grace O'Malley]

What's you. What you must remember is that these are clowns. These are people who literally graduated clown school and put on a variety show of madness. And it is nothing but good fun until you're the comedian trying to do stand up. Now that was my role in the show. And I didn't know that they were gonna come out during the show and do silly wacky stuff like, I don't know, come out butt, ass naked, butt naked. Or I don't know, Zach and NPH making out on stage, sitting in each other's mouths in front of me. And so see, there's no problem with that. The problem was I thought I had to do my jokes. I thought I was supposed to finish my set while all this madness was going on. But what I didn't realize was it was just good fun and I could have enjoyed it and taken a step back. So the whole time I'm trying to get through my jokes while they're going apeshit around me and I was holding back tears, I was like, oh, how am I supposed to do this? My ADD is going mental. But the whole thing was that I was supposed to just be a part of it and enjoy that. And I wish I knew that because I look like such a stickler.

[Unknown Co-Host]

But also for context, they usually have someone in this set that is, that's designated to do like a fake stand up set. And they know that this is happening. Grace had no idea that this was going to happen before we went on stage. So the people that are usually on stage are used to everything going crazy around them and they play along with it. But Grace just thought she was doing her stand up set. So she was all like.

[Grace O'Malley]

And I was like, like every time they would go, they would do that crazy thing and then go back, I'd be like, so anyways, and then nobody wanted to hear from me. And I was like, oh my gosh. And I didn't know what time I was getting. They didn't tell me if there was a light or anything. And so I, I thought I saw her light and I go, oh, I. Oh, I did too much time. Oh, I'm go, I'm done, I'm done. And I just walked off stage and I went up to Neil Patrick Harris and I said, I'm sorry I let you down.

[Unknown Co-Host]

I saw him get his pants Ripped. He. He ran off stage and then he got his pants ripped off of him and someone put his pants on.

[Grace O'Malley]

It was.

[Unknown Co-Host]

There was madness behind you, and it was so funny.

[Grace O'Malley]

I'm sure we could add some clips and show you. So many clips. It's madness.

[Unknown Co-Host]

It looks like. Like, you know, the sound. It was everyone just running around and then just sprinting and giggling and it was. It was so funny. And I'm sorry, but it was so funny.

[Grace O'Malley]

And another thing, we talk in fragments. So if you don't know, do. That's. That's just us talking without saying anything. Because we are sisters who live, sleep, breathe, work, and love together. So we'll notice that we'll be out with people and they'll be like, what did you guys just say? Like, oh, you didn't catch that? We talked in fragments the whole time. So that's something we're learning about ourselves. What else happened? Oh, I had shows at Cap City, which is like 30 minutes out from where everyone else was in the festival. And the thing about Cap City is I went and I saw a comedian there one time when I was in Texas. And I remember being like, oh, my God, I would love to do this venue someday. And we got there and I was like, oh, my God, I'm doing that venue I someday wanted to do. And that was, for lack of a better word, serendipitous.

[Unknown Co-Host]

It was an awesome venue. It's run so well. Yeah, I loved everyone that worked there. It was awesome.

[Grace O'Malley]

Awesome. And everyone who came out to those shows where it was fantastic. The people came to my fake theater show were awesome too, except for the middle Finkel girl. Yeah, it was great. It was fucking fantastic. We met up with our cousin.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah, Jilly. Shout Out. Jilly Shout Out.

[Grace O'Malley]

Jillian. Moving right along, we also went to a beautiful natural spring. So we went to Barton Springs. A lot of the comics ended up going there. A lot of the people from Stamp Town. Stamp Town went. And Nora and I treaded water for two hours straight. We had a blast going like this.

[Unknown Co-Host]

In the water, but you don't even realize it when you're having so much fun.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, my God, we're having so much fun. And the thing was, like, we were getting the people going. So the Stamptown Boys, they kept calling in people from the team to jump in. So every time someone jumped in, it.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Would be like a woohoo and a front flip.

[Grace O'Malley]

And we were blasting off so hard that it got contagious. So people just walking by us would be like, I should jump in. Too.

[Unknown Co-Host]

People were coming down from the hill. Everyone was sitting on too, just to jump and leap in. It was so lovely.

[Grace O'Malley]

We'd ask them what their name was first, and then we chant their name and then they jump right in. It was. It was glorious. It really. It was like summer camp vibes. It was awesome.

[Unknown Co-Host]

It was awesome.

[Grace O'Malley]

The main event that I was waiting for all week was I did Dr. Phil live with Adam Ray.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Oh, yes.

[Grace O'Malley]

And it was so sick to be a part of something so awesome. I'm a huge fan of Adam. He's a buddy of mine. I love him. And him and his wife Amanda. They fucking rock. And then his team rocks. Shout out, my boy Jack. Shout out, shout out my boy Norm. We had a lot of fun. We had a blast. People on that lineup were hilarious. I went up to Pete Holmes, who was on the lineup, and I said, hey, man, it goes without saying, I'm a huge fan. He goes, well, it does not. It does not go without saying. Thank you for saying that. He goes, I didn't think I was. I was big with the young kids and I'm like, young kids, young. First of all, thank you. Second of all, I thought we were the same age.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

I thought I was just a little bit behind in my career.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah, we were watching him when we were like 10.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Love you, Pete.

[Grace O'Malley]

I. I met Casey Rocket backstage. That was fun. And then I went on stage and I was nervous because Matthew McConaughey was in the audience, which I thought was a joke, but it ended up being proven true. And we had to cut my. My segment down a little bit. Cause I had to run to one of my shows at Cap City. It was just go, go, go, go, go. Yeah, it was good. I get another opportunity at it. Cause I'm doing it with Adam at Great Outdoors Fest in August, which I'm excited for. We made a lot of pals.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah, so many pals we stayed at the. Last night we went to the, like, closing party.

[Grace O'Malley]

Well, first we pre gamed in the hotel room and then we were like, hmm, I feel like we should go say bye to everyone at the goodbye party. I had a little bit of a mushroom chocolate going on, so I was dancing. But the dj. I've never seen the worst DJ in my whole life.

[Unknown Co-Host]

The head DJ was insane.

[Grace O'Malley]

What's the opposite of DJ Save my Life?

[Unknown Co-Host]

DJ Kill Yourself.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. DJ Kill Yourself. DJ Kill Yourself.

[Unknown Co-Host]

He was DJ Kill Yourself.

[Grace O'Malley]

He wanted everyone to die.

[Unknown Co-Host]

We walked into it playing dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. Crazy song. To walk into it felt like clown time.

[Grace O'Malley]

And then every time you were just about to hit that, he brought the house down.

[Unknown Co-Host]

It was like everybody starts swaying, and it was like, dude, I was just like. I was just moon moonwalking to Michael Jackson.

[Grace O'Malley]

Picture this. Sometimes I cry.

[Unknown Co-Host]

It was the most. Blue Ball.

[Grace O'Malley]

Dj. Oh, my God. DJ Blue Ball. DJ Blue Ball. No shout outs for DJ Blue Ball.

[Unknown Co-Host]

And then at one point, there was no warning. He just goes, all right, everyone, that was it. Grab a donut and leave.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Because they had a donut stand, so everyone just had to leave. And then everyone working there, they were.

[Grace O'Malley]

Like, time to go. Oh, yeah. They were horrific on shrooms. They were screaming in your face.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah. There was no nice bye bye to everyone. So then we went to a hotel room, ours, Grace's hotel room. Until 5:30 in the morning. Because we had a flight to catch.

[Grace O'Malley]

Of course, like, closer towards that flight catching. The security was called because we were being a tad bit loud. And when I opened the door, I asked the security guard if he was a stripper. And he laughed. And he definitely looked like a stripper. He was sexy. And he said, no, no, no, I'm not, but please keep it down. We said, yes, of course. And then a guy right behind him, they didn't communicate. And another security guy came, bashed down the door and said, please keep it down. And we said, we just told the guy, the stripper guy, that we were gonna be good.

[Unknown Co-Host]

You have a whole hotel full of comedians.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yes.

[Unknown Co-Host]

You don't expect them to have a fun time at nighttime. That's like the whole point of having comedians at a hotel kind of ended up being the funniest part of the whole week.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. That was the best night.

[Unknown Co-Host]

That was the best night.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, we had a blast.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Everyone in that room rocked.

[Grace O'Malley]

Moon Tower Festival overall success had a blast. Also, moving forward, what is. What are some things you'd like to see on the show that we could do for you? Because you know what? We're trying to figure this out. We're trying to figure out some segments. What would you like to see? We want to take your advice, your suggestions, and put them to good work, because this is for you, baby. All right. This is all you. It's all for you, Pearl, on your 13th birthday. That's gonna do it. Thank you so much. And before we go, I gotta plug those shows. All right, real quick. I'm gonna be in Tampa this weekend at side splitters, April 25th to the 27th, and then May 9th to the 11th. I'll be in La Jolla, California, at the Comedy store. And then May 15th to the 18th, I'll be at off the Hook Comedy Club in Naples, Florida. And then after that, we're going June 5th to the 8th to Charleston, South Carolina, at Wits End. July 2nd, Honolulu at Blue Note. August 22nd, we're going to the Great Outdoors Fest in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. Okay, back to the show. Coming at you live from a shady Manhattan studio. It's Disgraceful, Featuring your gracious ginger host. Hey, watch yourself. Only I can say that. Okay, boss. Whatever you say. You pay my bills. Give it up for Grace O'Malley. Hi, guys. Welcome back to the Disgraceful Show. I'm Grace O'Malley here with Molly Carney. Welcome in, Molly.

[Molly Carney]

Thank you, buddy.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's good to be here.

[Molly Carney]

I feel so honored.

[Grace O'Malley]

I wanted to get right into it, and I skipped over all your credits.

[Molly Carney]

Oh, it doesn't matter.

[Grace O'Malley]

Well, cousin. Oh, yeah.

[Molly Carney]

Cousin. Friend.

[Grace O'Malley]

Family.

[Molly Carney]

Family.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. Hilarious. Talented comedian.

[Molly Carney]

Right back at you, sister.

[Grace O'Malley]

Come on now. Welcome, man. Welcome to the 70s.

[Molly Carney]

It's cool.

[Grace O'Malley]

I, like.

[Molly Carney]

I was just gonna say I love the color palette.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's like Carson without the sexism.

[Molly Carney]

It's really n. Really? Yes.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yes. Okay. So I have. I have cards.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah, I like. I. It's a professional.

[Grace O'Malley]

We'll do cards at some point. But we're. We're more pals.

[Molly Carney]

We're.

[Grace O'Malley]

We're more like. We'll get to the cards.

[Molly Carney]

Okay. Okay.

[Grace O'Malley]

We just did shows in Chicago together.

[Molly Carney]

Yes.

[Grace O'Malley]

And boy, did we. We're. We're a duo that should stay far.

[Molly Carney]

Far away from each other. Well, you put two of the two of us in Chicago with no supervision. A fancy hotel.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Molly Carney]

A bar that was very much for us. Made for us. Yes.

[Grace O'Malley]

It was not only after my name, but it was also a very welcoming gay bar.

[Molly Carney]

Oh, my God. I was like, honey, I'm home.

[Grace O'Malley]

Like, oh, and my name's on the Joe. I'm going to go ride it. Yeah. Every night of the night. We were in Chicago for three nights. We went all three nights.

[Molly Carney]

Yes, we did.

[Grace O'Malley]

Shout out Grace Omalleys.

[Molly Carney]

Gracie Omalleys.

[Grace O'Malley]

Gracie Omalleys.

[Molly Carney]

Great group of people.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's good stuff.

[Molly Carney]

Claw machine. Yeah. I think I spent, like, $100 cash on that claw machine.

[Grace O'Malley]

Was it really, like $100?

[Molly Carney]

Well, I mean, I kept putting tens in and tens in, and then the owner came and opened the box with the key and, like, kind of like, moved the doll or the stuffed animals so that we could have an easier.

[Grace O'Malley]

Access rigged in the best Way rigged.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah, we rigged it.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Molly Carney]

And they only have it. They rent that thing for two weeks and then they have skeeball there, too.

[Grace O'Malley]

Wait, so they just switch it out?

[Molly Carney]

I guess.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's kind of sick. Can you do that in your own home?

[Molly Carney]

I know. I was like, I want a papa.

[Grace O'Malley]

Shot, like, one day.

[Molly Carney]

Papa shot?

[Grace O'Malley]

What's pop a shot?

[Molly Carney]

The basketball.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. One day. I want to. I want to get to be that successful, you know? You ever see, like, MTV Cribs?

[Molly Carney]

Always.

[Grace O'Malley]

And they. They walk in and they've got an arcade.

[Molly Carney]

Like, dude, I love. They're rolling in the movie seats.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, my God.

[Molly Carney]

I always wanted to like one of those, like, awesome recliner rooms with like.

[Grace O'Malley]

30, maybe 40 coaches.

[Molly Carney]

But knowing myself, I would have that in my house and then I would just watch. Ended up watching shows on my iPad in my bed.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, no, you got a TV in your room. I. So this is. This is where I think we're similar. I. I bought a TV during Black Friday for my room, and I never set it up. It's still in the setup, still in the box.

[Molly Carney]

So you have an iPad.

[Grace O'Malley]

I got a new computer.

[Molly Carney]

Okay, that's nice.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah. Then I just like to plop it and I like to, like, readjust my, like while I'm watching tv so I can just move it. You can't do that with a tv.

[Grace O'Malley]

Because with the TV you got like this.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

And it's not all that comfortable. Not, you know, but. Yeah. I didn't think we were going to be talking about Black Friday sales and T ball, but I got.

[Molly Carney]

I got my. My TV on Black Friday and it's not. It's out of the box and it is running.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, good. Well, you better go catch it.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah, but I didn't hang it. I should have hung it on my wall.

[Grace O'Malley]

I need my Adderall to kick it, is what I'm thinking right now.

[Molly Carney]

Man, I wool and I'm. I have a upper lip sweat, so. Excuse me.

[Grace O'Malley]

This deal will always be this for me. I always just have to make it go away.

[Molly Carney]

New York just makes me sweaty all the time.

[Grace O'Malley]

It doesn't matter if it's the wintertime or not. Everybody's always saying, yeah, no, summer's the worst in New York. I'm like, you don't get how bad it is.

[Molly Carney]

I feel like I'm sweaty or freezing. And there's no middle.

[Grace O'Malley]

There's webs in this flows, but it never seems to be flowing.

[Molly Carney]

For me, personally, just a couple sweaty Irish people.

[Grace O'Malley]

Well, that brings me to my first talking point. We met at an SNL after party. The second time we met, it was also in the same circumstance, but I had also met your mother.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah, it was the Mother's Day show.

[Grace O'Malley]

How I met your mother. SNL after party.

[Molly Carney]

And my mom was like, what's your name? You're like, grace. She's like, we're. We're practice. We're cousins.

[Grace O'Malley]

I was like, oh, wait, you're actually very correct. I think we are cousins.

[Molly Carney]

And I was like, wait, what? She's like, oh, yeah, yeah. I'm like, okay.

[Grace O'Malley]

Like long family history and for which now we're cousins.

[Molly Carney]

Now we're cousins. That was a crazy night. My grandma stay out to like 5 in the morning.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, it was like the Mother's Day episode. Yeah, yeah.

[Molly Carney]

Stuff. I think that's where I get it from, you know?

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I do this joke where I say if I die with a higher bac than my grandma, I must be doing something right.

[Molly Carney]

Wait, how old is your grandma? Still?

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, she's no longer with us. But she was a goddamn rock star. Oh, she was a good little lady.

[Molly Carney]

Ripped.

[Grace O'Malley]

I recently did shows in Boston and someone I'm like distantly related to an older woman, she came up to me, she goes, oh, isn't it terrible that your grandma's not here to see this? I'm like, oh, that.

[Molly Carney]

That bring me to tears.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, as soon as she said it, I lost it. I was like, excuse me one minute. I was like that.

[Molly Carney]

You.

[Grace O'Malley]

Wait, she.

[Molly Carney]

She really was your.

[Grace O'Malley]

She's like my aunt. Mom's aunt.

[Molly Carney]

Okay, okay.

[Grace O'Malley]

So.

[Molly Carney]

So your grandma's sister.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, it's like through marriage, you know how that. You know how it all goes. But I was like, you know, on.

[Molly Carney]

I know.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's like, why did you say that? It really is. Read the goddamn room. And I'm gonna read these cars real quick.

[Molly Carney]

I'm really intrigued.

[Grace O'Malley]

I'm new to all this.

[Molly Carney]

You're looking so professional today, bud.

[Grace O'Malley]

Well, here's the thing. I. I'm looking for a new co host and everybody who comes on the show is going to audition.

[Molly Carney]

If now I'm really sweating, maybe I have to take the wall off.

[Grace O'Malley]

So I'm gonna ask you a few questions and we'll see if you are a good fit. What do you think?

[Molly Carney]

Let's rip it.

[Grace O'Malley]

All right. You self admittedly love cussing. All right. Yeah. So as a potential co host, do you think we should be able to cuss on the show?

[Molly Carney]

1,000% the state of the world. Are you fucking kidding me?

[Grace O'Malley]

You got to be.

[Molly Carney]

If we say a couple F bombs, you know, I can't help it.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's the whole reason for a pod. I just. I just spit everywhere.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah, it's just going and swearing. Spitting and swearing.

[Grace O'Malley]

All right, moving on to the next talking points.

[Molly Carney]

I feel like you're testing me.

[Grace O'Malley]

I'm like, all right, listen, we're both lefties.

[Molly Carney]

You're right. Yes.

[Grace O'Malley]

You know, we're left.

[Molly Carney]

Yes.

[Grace O'Malley]

So when we write our episodes, can we please use those left handed notebooks we feel so strong about?

[Molly Carney]

Yes, please. I have some and I'll bring you one.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh my God.

[Molly Carney]

But really it's just a notebook flipped upside down.

[Grace O'Malley]

But you know, but I like it. It's good. It's good because it really is a problem. I smear.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Smear all over the place.

[Molly Carney]

I would always. It always looked like I got like had a huge bruise.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, I know. And if you use markers, it's a fudgeing nightmare.

[Molly Carney]

It's nightmare. Try writing on driver's board.

[Grace O'Malley]

Am I right? She shouldn't make possible.

[Molly Carney]

Terrible.

[Grace O'Malley]

Don't make me go up to the older like this. Yeah, I think so. I think so.

[Molly Carney]

Have you seen how Taylor Swift holds a pen?

[Grace O'Malley]

So on this podcast we do not talk Taylor Swift.

[Molly Carney]

Oh, no, it's not just to stay away. I'm not like saying.

[Grace O'Malley]

What are you about to say?

[Molly Carney]

No, the way she holds a pen is crazy.

[Grace O'Malley]

Is it? It's like because she's a genius, right?

[Molly Carney]

I'm not sure.

[Grace O'Malley]

Ye. Yes.

[Molly Carney]

But it looks like it's like a pen inside of a horse hoof or something. Like. It's very bizarre. You should look it up one time. It'll. It'll frighten you a little bit.

[Grace O'Malley]

Have you ever seen Megan Fox's dump Stump Toast?

[Molly Carney]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

No. Yeah. I mean, well, no, I love that because you know, you can't have everything. Yeah.

[Molly Carney]

You can't. There. Everyone has imperfections.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yes, of course. Not to point them out, but I'm glad she has one.

[Molly Carney]

Me too.

[Grace O'Malley]

Truly and honestly.

[Molly Carney]

Me too. But man, her and the.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, you mean Machine Gun Kelly.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's from Cleveland, so I guess.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. It's you, LeBron and MGK.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Molly Carney]

Molly Shannon.

[Grace O'Malley]

Molly Shannon as well. No way.

[Molly Carney]

She's a random bunch. I like it.

[Grace O'Malley]

I feel like there will be a chance when you're all in the same room.

[Molly Carney]

I'd get in a canoe or boat with them.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Molly Carney]

And row it together.

[Grace O'Malley]

Absolutely. Yeah. No you go on a road team.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Harvard style. Yeah, that'd be good.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Molly Carney]

Race the rudders. Race the sails.

[Grace O'Malley]

Race the sails.

[Molly Carney]

Captain, an unidentified ship is approaching. Over. Roger.

[Grace O'Malley]

Wait.

[Molly Carney]

Is that an enterprise sales solution?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Reach sales professionals, not professional sailors. With LinkedIn ads, you can target the right people by industry, job title, and more. We'll even give you a $100 credit on your next campaign. Get started today at LinkedIn.com results, terms and conditions apply.

[Unknown Black Woman in Recovery]

Substance use disorder and addiction is so isolating. And so, as a black woman in recovery, hope must be loud. It grows louder when you ask for help and you're vulnerable. It is the thread that lets you know that no matter what happens, you will be okay.

[Unknown Announcer]

When we learn the power of hope, recovery is possible, find out [e-mail] brought to you by the National Council for Mental well Being Shatterproof and the Ad Council.

[Grace O'Malley]

All right, this next segment is called in the Green Room.

[Molly Carney]

Oh, yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

All right. In 2020, pre Muskification. You know, you wrote lately, I'm not a sing in the shower type of person. I'm a bath and scream underwater kind of. They.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah, I think I might. Going through something then. I think I was taking a lot. I was taking a lot of tubs. I was taking a lot of tubs during the beginning of that pandemic. I was like, I'm just gonna go sit in this tub.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Molly Carney]

And I think baths are kind of gross because you're kind of just sitting in your own soot. And I sure as hell didn't have a claw tub or anything.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, well, yeah. Who does?

[Molly Carney]

Fancy people.

[Grace O'Malley]

People who have the. The kind of arcades in their homes.

[Molly Carney]

Yes, yes. I never really.

[Grace O'Malley]

I wanted to remind Tweeter.

[Molly Carney]

I never tweet.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, I. I don't anymore. For sure.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah, no, none of that.

[Grace O'Malley]

Your Instagram bio says I was a speed skater. Speed skating and comedy actually have a lot in common. Both are high speed, high pressure, and involve a lot of falling on your ass. Is there anything from your skating days that weirdly help you survive doing comedy?

[Molly Carney]

Oh, my gosh. I have really good form.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, yeah.

[Molly Carney]

And when I have a couple alcoholic beverages, I usually bust out my form.

[Grace O'Malley]

Is that right?

[Molly Carney]

I had very strong thighs as a child.

[Grace O'Malley]

Thunder, as they say. Yeah, I was called thunder thighs once and twice in my life.

[Molly Carney]

Really? Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Molly Carney]

I think you would crush at speed skating. Have you ever. Do you know how to skate?

[Grace O'Malley]

I do, but I don't at the same time. I can stay up.

[Molly Carney]

That's Good.

[Grace O'Malley]

I could go like Rockefeller Center. Go a little bit, but I don't think I'll be speed skating.

[Molly Carney]

I don't know. Never say never.

[Grace O'Malley]

All right, next question.

[Molly Carney]

Okay, hit me.

[Grace O'Malley]

Do you have a writer for your shows?

[Molly Carney]

I think for colleges? I do, yeah. You want to know what time?

[Grace O'Malley]

Of course I do.

[Molly Carney]

I think I went through a phase like you did. Chicago one.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Molly Carney]

I like chips. Diet Coke. Chips and Diet Coke. I think that's really it.

[Grace O'Malley]

Chips and Diet Coke.

[Molly Carney]

But that's for college because I didn't have alcohol.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, no, of course.

[Molly Carney]

And I think I have like, Miller Light.

[Grace O'Malley]

Miller. Like. Yeah, no, the. The dad of all that.

[Molly Carney]

Beers. Like when we ordered pizza in Chicago at the club, they didn't give us ranch with the pizza.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, that.

[Molly Carney]

That was pretty. That's probably the pit of that weekend. That's it. That's the only thing which is huge.

[Grace O'Malley]

Because that's a very small, small feat. You know, I. It was funny because you were talking about how nowhere in New York will give you a side of ranch. I'm so glad to be in Chicago because they will have ranch and they didn't have you on the ranch.

[Molly Carney]

Oh, good.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, yeah, yeah. If I can. Yeah. Listen, you worked at a COVID vaccine site.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

You did.

[Molly Carney]

You did some mystery searching on me.

[Grace O'Malley]

I never stop. I never stop. But be honest. Do you feel like the bouncer at the most expensive club in town?

[Molly Carney]

Absolutely. And my mom thought that I was given that. She thought that I was injecting the shots. And I'm like, I think that would be illegal. I am a comedian. Like. Like, can you imagine me? Like, we did 10,000 cars a day in the Dodgers parking lot. Can you imagine me just going. I was the one who wrote the number on the card.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, wow.

[Molly Carney]

And we gave them their story. Some famous people. Did you? I can't say, though.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. Because HIPAA and all.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah, but, you know.

[Grace O'Malley]

But, you know, it was five years ago. Just tell us someone named. Oh, wow. Alec Baldwin. Molly, you lived on an island in Lake Erie.

[Molly Carney]

Yes.

[Grace O'Malley]

Ohio. What the hell does that even mean?

[Molly Carney]

It's like, there's a bunch of islands in Lake Erie above Cleveland by, like, Cedar Point, America's largest roller coast.

[Grace O'Malley]

To which one of my friends, Caroline used to work there.

[Molly Carney]

Really?

[Grace O'Malley]

Yes.

[Molly Carney]

You gotta go to Cedar Point and you gotta speed skate. If we went there, we would have to be like, on like a leash or something. Like, when I go there, it's just a big party island. There's like 54 bars.

[Grace O'Malley]

54 bars. On that island?

[Molly Carney]

Yeah. And it's like, one mile by, three miles around, I believe.

[Grace O'Malley]

Wait, is it put in bay?

[Molly Carney]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, I know this place.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah, I've heard all about it.

[Grace O'Malley]

Put in bay, put in bay. I've heard all about this place. It's honky tonk.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah, it's something like that.

[Grace O'Malley]

That is good stuff.

[Molly Carney]

It's a blast.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's like Margaritaville. Yeah, but I'm like, for the Midwest.

[Molly Carney]

Yes, yes.

[Grace O'Malley]

Ding, ding, ding. We have ding, ding. That means we. You just want to fight to put in bay. Thank you so much. Here I go. Everybody look under your seat. It's a golf ball. I'm sorry. I have dyslexia.

[Molly Carney]

That's okay.

[Grace O'Malley]

I actually don't, but my dad does.

[Molly Carney]

So you think it dribbled down?

[Grace O'Malley]

I think there's something in there that. Where it, like, trickled down. Yeah, trickle. That's it. Yeah, a dribble. Trickle, you know, and it's tricky because he calls it dicklexia.

[Molly Carney]

Dicklexia.

[Grace O'Malley]

He's like, ah, you know, I can't read that. I got the dicklexia. And I'm like, yeah. I feel like you're playing it. Sure do, buddy.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah, big guy. You sure do. You sure do sure, too, pal.

[Grace O'Malley]

My phone calls with my father are few. And in between. Although you have a great relationship with. With your pops, right?

[Molly Carney]

I do. I'm very lucky. Very lucky.

[Grace O'Malley]

I was recently talking to my father, and it was like, the first time in a little bit ski. And he was asking me all kind of questions. He was like, do you ever, like, have a hard time reading? And I was like, yeah, I do. I think I got it from you. He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Molly Carney]

Oh, yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

I'm like, yeah. I don't like reading in public because I feel like everybody knows when I'm flipping to the next page.

[Molly Carney]

Did you used to read ahead? If you had to read out loud, you had to, like, be like, okay. And I'd be like, what's that word? And I'd ask my friend next to me, I'm like, how do you say this? And they're like, you are troubled.

[Grace O'Malley]

I mean. But it's funny because then it ended up being a part of your life where you had to read off literal cards.

[Molly Carney]

You're doing really good.

[Grace O'Malley]

Thank you so much.

[Molly Carney]

Did you switch your letters around when you write?

[Grace O'Malley]

No, it was math. Dyslexia. Okay. Yeah.

[Molly Carney]

What's that one?

[Grace O'Malley]

Math. But that's where I look at that and I go, spaghetti. You're like, it Looks like spaghetti.

[Molly Carney]

Put that in the calculator. And I'm going to ask one of my sisters.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Molly Carney]

An answer.

[Grace O'Malley]

And I'm just going to go to summer school and tell my dad that I'm going to math camp.

[Molly Carney]

Good job.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Molly Carney]

You know, did you really get away with that?

[Grace O'Malley]

My mother and I were in cahoots. It was a. Yeah, it was like a math class. Math. Math club in the summertime.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah, math club.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, sure, for sure. Trying to advance, but I was like.

[Molly Carney]

Oh, wow, good for you.

[Grace O'Malley]

Were you a good student?

[Molly Carney]

I was an anxious student, I think I had a lot of trouble keeping up, but I always got like, B's and C's. A B's and C's.

[Grace O'Malley]

A b's and C's.

[Molly Carney]

That's a lot of different letters.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's like the 1, 2, 3.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Good stuff or you.

[Molly Carney]

You seem like you were really good at, like, school.

[Grace O'Malley]

My mother plays my GPA on Kino.

[Molly Carney]

No, because it's not bad. Wait, that's crazy.

[Grace O'Malley]

She plays a one, she plays a five, and she plays a nine.

[Molly Carney]

Oh my gosh.

[Grace O'Malley]

159.

[Molly Carney]

Is it because you were like, more distracted and doing like you were class clowning around? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Totally respect that.

[Grace O'Malley]

You know, I would get detention all the time. I was kind of like a little shit. Did you get detention? And I wouldn't eat all day. And detention was three hours long.

[Molly Carney]

Three hours.

[Grace O'Malley]

They really collected.

[Molly Carney]

That's like borderline abuse. I think three hours after school is crazy.

[Grace O'Malley]

I do believe so. But, you know, I really wanted to go to prom. Turns out nobody asked me. But no, that. Cause I don't know, I just. I. But yeah, no, three hours in detention. So I was like, I'm gonna order a pizza. And then I heard on the loudspeaker that they, they. They called me to get my pizza and the teacher said, you can't eat that in here. I go. Okay. And so I grabbed a chair, put one foot inside, one foot outside, and asked everyone in detention if they wanted a slice.

[Molly Carney]

Wait.

[Grace O'Malley]

Fuck em.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah. I think that's just showing initiative, you know, I think that's pretty frigging impressive.

[Grace O'Malley]

Thank you very much.

[Molly Carney]

What kind of pizza was it? I got it over really quick.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, just cheese. So everyone would share.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Big, big large one though. Yeah, yeah. Pay cash.

[Molly Carney]

And it got into the school because.

[Grace O'Malley]

I guess they dropped it off at the office and they're like, Grace O'Malley, are you in the building? Are you in the building? Come to the office immediately. And I. I went and I was like, oh, word. Thank you.

[Molly Carney]

That's. That's impressive.

[Grace O'Malley]

Thank you. So you were a good kid?

[Molly Carney]

I think so. Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

I guess I was in any clubs or anything.

[Molly Carney]

I was class president.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, so you. Do you have to plan the reunion?

[Molly Carney]

Well, no, no. The school president. The whole school president. My friend Claire, she has to plan that.

[Grace O'Malley]

You sure?

[Molly Carney]

I. I'm not doing it. I was more of like, she had to say the prayers in front of everyone and we. I'd be giggling and then I got to, like, run, like, the rallies.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, see, that's fun. What kind of rallies?

[Molly Carney]

Like, you know, like. Like, you know, like.

[Grace O'Malley]

Are you sweating?

[Molly Carney]

Yeah, I'm like. I'm like, you know, school spirit.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yes.

[Molly Carney]

And I shared it with three other people. There was four of us. Class. It was. It was bizarre. It was like a leadership team. But anyway.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay, well. And that was an all girls school.

[Molly Carney]

Yes, it was.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

[Molly Carney]

You didn't go.

[Grace O'Malley]

You went to a. I had a public education. Okay.

[Molly Carney]

Okay.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. Public. All right. So then you went from your Catholic school down to or up to Ohio University.

[Molly Carney]

I went to Ohio State for one semester.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay. Yeah.

[Molly Carney]

And I needed to go. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You would have done bad there.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, totally.

[Molly Carney]

You would have been. You would have not made it out.

[Grace O'Malley]

O h, I o. That would have been the kicker. The Buckeyes.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

The bucket.

[Molly Carney]

All my cousins. I went to Dayton. University of Dayton in Southern Ohio, which is also like a big. Well, it's a Catholic school. And that was an accident.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. What kind of like an accident was that? Because.

[Molly Carney]

Because all my friends went after I transferred. I was like, I just want to go to school where my friends go. And I was like, whatever.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. You're like it.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah. I'll be Catholic for a couple more years. As long as I can have a beer in my hand while I do it.

[Grace O'Malley]

You're not still practicing every Sunday?

[Molly Carney]

You grew up going to church, didn't you?

[Grace O'Malley]

I did.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

I was an altar girl.

[Molly Carney]

Oh, me too.

[Grace O'Malley]

Really?

[Molly Carney]

Yeah. But I would always get so lightheaded up there.

[Grace O'Malley]

I didn't like it.

[Molly Carney]

Kids would drop like flies. I don't know. It's like. I think, like, I've seen, like, four or five kids in my day drop.

[Grace O'Malley]

It was all the myrrh.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Or whatever the hell that stuff is.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Frankincense.

[Molly Carney]

Got in there hot and dry.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. I just. I didn't like it. And my mom made me tell the priest that I was all done. I wanted to just. Oh, you had to. I wanted to ghost them, but I had to go in there and say, excuse me, Father.

[Molly Carney]

Father.

[Grace O'Malley]

Father, sir, I feel like I am sinning as I tell you this.

[Molly Carney]

I'm out.

[Grace O'Malley]

Forgive me.

[Molly Carney]

How old were you?

[Grace O'Malley]

Think about, like, 11.

[Molly Carney]

Oh, it's so cute.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. Or like, well.

[Molly Carney]

So cutie.

[Grace O'Malley]

Why. How long did you do it, Zane?

[Molly Carney]

But I just think it's, like, funny. I. I guess I didn't really think, like, oh, wow. We're like little children, like, standing up for, like, an hour not knowing what the heck's going on.

[Grace O'Malley]

I heard that.

[Molly Carney]

I never knew the order either. I was, like, bringing up the. What? The wine or the bread or.

[Grace O'Malley]

As long as I get some wine. I was so stoked. But isn't that the craziest thing? That there's a loophole within Catholicism that you. You can drink? Just. This is it. But you can drink.

[Molly Carney]

Yes, you can.

[Grace O'Malley]

When you're eight years old.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah. That is really nuts.

[Grace O'Malley]

It is kind of crazy. And I thought everybody was Catholic.

[Molly Carney]

Me, too.

[Grace O'Malley]

I really did.

[Molly Carney]

I was stunned to find out not everyone was.

[Grace O'Malley]

Do you remember how you found out?

[Molly Carney]

Because I do religion class.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, they gave you a secondary religion class?

[Molly Carney]

I think. Like, we did, like, the world. World religion class in, like, eighth grade.

[Grace O'Malley]

Do they teach it with, like. With angst? Like.

[Molly Carney]

Like, yeah, these are religions, but there's also these other types.

[Grace O'Malley]

Fools.

[Molly Carney]

I know. I don't. I don't really remember.

[Grace O'Malley]

It was my junior year of high school.

[Molly Carney]

No, no.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. No. And we were talking about presidents, and they were like, yeah, JFK was the first Catholic president. I'm like, how that is.

[Molly Carney]

That is late.

[Grace O'Malley]

Well, I was like, everybody's Catholic. We're all Catholic. They're like, no, no, no, no, no, no. Very small community here in Boston.

[Molly Carney]

You're like, what?

[Grace O'Malley]

I was like, hold.

[Molly Carney]

I thought, my pizza's coming to detention. I'll learn after.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. School was a fucking mind fuck for me, I guess.

[Molly Carney]

Well, you did it. And it turned out pretty well for you, I think.

[Grace O'Malley]

Hey, right back at you. You know, let's move right along.

[Molly Carney]

I like you being organized. It's pretty funny.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's so stupid.

[Molly Carney]

It's really funny.

[Grace O'Malley]

I'm impressed. Thank you. I'm trying my best.

[Molly Carney]

Did you write these, like, on the way here really fast?

[Grace O'Malley]

No, these, like, we took time and made these.

[Molly Carney]

They're good. I'm impressed.

[Grace O'Malley]

Thank you. Okay. On the topic, as an Irish Catholic, you're already carrying a fascinating mix of guilt and rage. But if you had to pick. But if you had to pick the most on brand Irish Catholic experience you. You've ever had, what would it be?

[Molly Carney]

You know, when you have your confirmation and you have to hold the candle and the mass. Well, anyway, my mom was holding my candle, and I bent down and she lit my forehead on fire.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. That's classic.

[Molly Carney]

And that was pretty. That was scary. It left, like, a little.

[Grace O'Malley]

I was going to ask. Does it leave a mark?

[Molly Carney]

It did.

[Grace O'Malley]

I think everybody in my life has a little bit of something going on right here.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Everybody. I imprinted my sister with the shovel one time. It was an accident.

[Molly Carney]

Sure.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. You know, everybody that I love near and dear to me has a little bit of a dent on their.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

On their forehead. It was an accident. I feel like I have to go back to that.

[Molly Carney]

It wasn't. Yeah. Well, it was my grandmother's birthday.

[Grace O'Malley]

We were digging a hole with a metal shovel.

[Molly Carney]

Okay. Shoe metal.

[Grace O'Malley]

She wasn't watching us. And Nora looked in to see what progress we had made, and I didn't see her, or. I was so in on the shoveling of it all.

[Molly Carney]

Oh, you.

[Grace O'Malley]

She got it right to the dome.

[Molly Carney]

I mean, my brother got. My little brother got decked in the temple with a horseshoe. A metal horseshoe went down. It's very scary. Oh.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, yeah. I forgot about metal horseshoes.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Like the. Like the lawn game.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah. Like. Yeah. Old school metal. Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Molly Carney]

He could have died. But he's living.

[Grace O'Malley]

He's living. Does he have. Does he have, like a. Like a learning disability or.

[Molly Carney]

No, he's smarter than me, so maybe I'm the one with it.

[Grace O'Malley]

I. I thought for sure you were the youngest.

[Molly Carney]

I know.

[Grace O'Malley]

I thought for sure. Yeah.

[Molly Carney]

You keep calling me the youngest.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, but you're. You're right there in the middle.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah, right in the middle.

[Grace O'Malley]

You're bopped in. That's why. That's why you're so keen on no no's middle. I'm sorry I hit you with the shovel. No, no. All right. Moving right along.

[Molly Carney]

That was very sweet.

[Grace O'Malley]

They made up before you graced the stage. You were riding around in pedicabs.

[Molly Carney]

Oh, yeah. Dude. What was that? Yeah, I was a pedicab driver on Put In Bay for maybe a couple weeks. Not even. I was like, you sound like the.

[Grace O'Malley]

Mayor of this place.

[Molly Carney]

There's many characters like me up there. It's an eclectic group of human beings. The wildest people I know. But, yeah, the pedicab, it was owned by the print. There was like, six bikes. And you used A crown royal bag to put your change in.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, of course.

[Molly Carney]

Clasi and the principal of the school up there owned the pedicab company.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay. Sounds like.

[Molly Carney]

And he was Mr. Poe. So he was pose pedicab. And they have big little mustaches on them.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, so he had a mustache.

[Molly Carney]

No. I don't know why that was the logo, but there we have it.

[Grace O'Malley]

I also think that they made you wear them. Made you wear mustaches.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah. That would be tough because I was already, like, sweating bullets from, like, being hung over. I would be like, oh, my God.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, yeah. That's a tough job to be doing, hungover.

[Molly Carney]

I don't know what I was thinking.

[Grace O'Malley]

What was, like, your favorite memory from that?

[Molly Carney]

From the pedicab.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. I'm sure you had a lot of funny stories with those people.

[Molly Carney]

Well, I worked at a restaurant called the Goat, and this place is made up the Goat soup. It's the goat soup and whiskey. So they have whiskey and soup. It's awesome. Well, the restaurants, it's amazing. But I would pick up whiskey's combo.

[Grace O'Malley]

Just as an outsider. I'm going to say it's the best.

[Molly Carney]

It's the best. I would pick up. I would go to the boat where the ferry boat would come in, and I'd be like, all right, pedicab, Pedicab. These two people got on the back, and they're like, oh, we're going up. We're going up to the Island Club, which is, like, farthest away from where I was. And I was like, oh, God, this is gonna be rough. So I'm riding past the Goat, and everybody who I work with. Cause they have, like, an outdoor patio is, like, screaming and going, like, chanting, like, let's go, Molly. Pump it up. And I was like, I'm trying. Cause it was, like, the only little hill on the island. So I was like, this happens often. And I got off the bike and started pushing these two people uphill because I couldn't. I, like, couldn't find strength. And then my hands were so sweaty because I was so anxious and nervous that they indeed did. They spun off. Like, I let go of the bike, and they went all like. You know how, like, a bike, it's heavy on the back? So it's like, yeah, it was pretty tough.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's pretty classic.

[Molly Carney]

And that was probably my last pedicab shift. Mr. Poe, this has got to stop.

[Grace O'Malley]

This is gonna do it for me. Yeah, that's. That's hilarious. So they. They just kept spinning around. Did they fall over?

[Molly Carney]

No, no, thank God. It kind of like went into the tree lawn, but they had a cooler of beer that went everywhere. Then I just ended up giving them all my money from my sack.

[Grace O'Malley]

That stinks.

[Molly Carney]

And I was like, just take a cab. It's right here.

[Grace O'Malley]

Just have it.

[Molly Carney]

Just take the bike too. I gotta go. I'm gonna go back work at the restaurant.

[Grace O'Malley]

This was fun.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah, this is good.

[Grace O'Malley]

I think it would be very hilarious to be on the back of that pedicab and you would just say, guys, I'm just gonna need you to walk with me.

[Molly Carney]

I'm gonna need you to remove yourself.

[Grace O'Malley]

From the bike, get up and walk with me.

[Molly Carney]

And then people just screaming at, chanting at me. And I was like, I worked there during the day.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's my other job.

[Molly Carney]

That was.

[Grace O'Malley]

How many years you do that?

[Molly Carney]

From when I was 18 to 31.

[Grace O'Malley]

That rocks. So that's rocking. So you'd go. Go back every summer or is it open in the. In the winter?

[Molly Carney]

I would go up there in the winter and we would like, go ice skating on the lake and like, ice fishing and stuff. You would love it.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Molly Carney]

Yes.

[Grace O'Malley]

I don't know if I would. What? I don't really love playing sports.

[Molly Carney]

No, No, I mean the island.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, yeah. No, I love drinking.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

I'm like. I'm like, you wouldn't love it.

[Molly Carney]

We can go drink wine in a cave and you're time. You wouldn't love it.

[Grace O'Malley]

Dude. I. I'm finding out so much about this place and jet skiing and they have. They have pool bars. Yeah, right.

[Molly Carney]

Those are dangerous to go to. A lot of people peeing and drunk and peeing and drunk and peeing, puking. I got to stay clear. I just jump in the lake.

[Grace O'Malley]

I've done many, many, many spring breaks in my day. Yeah.

[Molly Carney]

I feel like you're a real spring break.

[Grace O'Malley]

I'm like, immune to disease. Yes. I have been. Was I? No. But I was definitely getting something in the pool that's like immaculate conception of an std.

[Molly Carney]

I can see you being like, I'm going underwater. She hold my breath. And you're like, you open your eyes. People like, don't open your eyes. It's too cloudy. There's pee everywhere.

[Grace O'Malley]

Like, why are my eyes pink and pussing? Yeah, yeah. Many a days. Cannonballs.

[Molly Carney]

I'm like, Covid. Can't get me this pool. Can't like a.

[Grace O'Malley]

Drinking a beer with my tongue out, going, yeah, like, grace, you're getting pool water in your mouth. So now I have. I gotta go to the doctor. But Anywho, I got a game.

[Molly Carney]

Oh, yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

All right. Let's do a game.

[Molly Carney]

Let's do it.

[Grace O'Malley]

All right. This game's called who's More Disgraceful?

[Molly Carney]

Okay.

[Grace O'Malley]

In this late night game show, we will pull from a fishbowl of cards, prompting us to tell a story.

[Molly Carney]

Okay.

[Grace O'Malley]

All right. So the twist is you can tell a true story, you can tell a fabricated story, or you just make a story up.

[Molly Carney]

Okay.

[Grace O'Malley]

But we have to decide for each other if it's true, fabricated, or just absolutely wrong.

[Molly Carney]

Wrong.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay.

[Molly Carney]

Okay.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, wow, you have a. Oh, we're prepared here.

[Molly Carney]

That's a triple.

[Grace O'Malley]

Welcome to Late night. No, it's not. This is.

[Molly Carney]

I like it.

[Grace O'Malley]

This is definitely.

[Molly Carney]

It's a hand woven bowl.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yes.

[Molly Carney]

Or not wood.

[Grace O'Malley]

Wood carving is Brooklyn. Anyways, I go.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah, here I go. Tell a story about the worst bomb you've ever had on stage.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay.

[Molly Carney]

My cousin Libby came to see me at the Laugh Factory in Chicago, and I was talking about my grandma, and she just kept shouting, that's mommy, Ma.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's mommy, Ma.

[Molly Carney]

And then I was gonna kill her. We've made up. Obviously, I never was really mad, but I was really nervous to be at the Laugh Factory in general at this point in my life. So I was like, shut the hell up. I'm gonna kill you. And then we went out, and then I went home and I walked home and I cried because I had bombed so bad.

[Grace O'Malley]

That is true.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

You just recently told me that story. Shit.

[Molly Carney]

Shit. Well, at least I'm an artist friend.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah, that's true.

[Molly Carney]

Sorry, Libby.

[Grace O'Malley]

All right, let me give this a whirlwind. The time I realized I was the villain.

[Molly Carney]

Oh, God.

[Grace O'Malley]

All right. It was a beautiful Summer's Day.

[Molly Carney]

Okay.

[Grace O'Malley]

July 27, 2000. Something. And I was at the beach across the street from my grandmother's house.

[Molly Carney]

Oh, no.

[Grace O'Malley]

And my sister and I decided to dig a hole. And. And I was using a metal shovel, and my sister, curious as can be, wanted to see if she could see into China. That was the big joke at the time because you could dig a hole to China and so she was looking for China and all she saw was a metal shovel right to the face. And I've always said that it wasn't on purpose, but I meant it. What do you think I'm gonna say? True?

[Molly Carney]

Cause you recently just told me that story. True, but true, but fabricated. Yeah. I think you didn't mean to hit her.

[Grace O'Malley]

Try again.

[Molly Carney]

Okay.

[Grace O'Malley]

Please, be my guest. Enjoy yourself.

[Molly Carney]

Okay. Oh, God. Dumbest thing. I spent a ridiculous amount of money on. Oh, yes. A pair of roller blades that are really fancy for an SNL sketch where I was the robot from the Jetsons and I was, I, I, I speed skated around or roller skated around and I think Lauren rolled his eyes and then the sketch didn't get picked up. So I just have really expensive rollerblades.

[Grace O'Malley]

That is true.

[Molly Carney]

Yes, a bit.

[Grace O'Malley]

Why are you paying? Why are you paying for your rollerblades?

[Molly Carney]

Because it was my sketch. I guess I could have borrowed them, but I think I wanted a pair. So I was like, I'll use this excuse. Yeah, you gotta buy all this stuff.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, no, no, just write it.

[Molly Carney]

I'm just where if I asked for rollerblades, they would have found me them. But I wanted my own pair to rip through. Of course it was a little fabricated though, because they weren't that expensive.

[Grace O'Malley]

Well, how much are blades going for?

[Molly Carney]

A little under 200, I'd say.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay, well, you know, that's not this, it's more than I thought.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

You know, I thought there was 60.

[Molly Carney]

Well, you know. Yeah, well, you can probably get a pair for 60, but then the wheels are going bad. You hit a rock, you eat, you.

[Grace O'Malley]

Know, you hit them till the wheels fall off.

[Molly Carney]

It's hard to lie to you.

[Grace O'Malley]

I'm a bad liar. I was, I was thinking about this the other day. I'm a bad liar if it's about like something that's true. If it's going to affect people's lives, I'm a bad liar.

[Molly Carney]

Right.

[Grace O'Malley]

But when it comes to a comedic bit, I think I can lie pretty good.

[Molly Carney]

Oh, 100. That's a, that's, yes.

[Grace O'Malley]

You know what I mean?

[Molly Carney]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Because I was thinking about the other day. I'm like, I could, I just bold faced lied. But it was because it was for a story. But what I, if you were to ask me like, do you hate me? And I would have to lie and I'd have to say, no, I think you're awesome.

[Molly Carney]

I feel you are a terrible liar.

[Grace O'Malley]

Are you like that? Can you lie? Are you a liar?

[Molly Carney]

I don't think I'm very good liar.

[Grace O'Malley]

No.

[Molly Carney]

You can like see it in my eyes.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, it was the guilt of it all, you know? Yeah. When you gave your first penance, what were some of the things you might have said?

[Molly Carney]

Oh, I told the priest. I was like, I beat the crap out of my brothers. And I think I literally said, end up beating the crap out of my brother.

[Grace O'Malley]

I beat the crap of my brother's big father.

[Molly Carney]

What Was. Do you probably have some funny ones?

[Grace O'Malley]

I don't. I don't know. I think I was like, I'm mean to my sister. And just one. Yeah. Because the other one I treated like an angel because she was like mine. Yeah. Because my parents would work a lot, so I treated her. I treated her better. And I'm sorry, is your name. Her name is Maggie.

[Molly Carney]

Okay. And you have a Molly and I have a Molly.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh. And we were Maggie, Molly, and Grace in Chicago. And we were the triplet. And everybody couldn't tell us apart. And for that, we said, yeah, good luck trying.

[Molly Carney]

Good luck, honey.

[Grace O'Malley]

It ain't gonna happen.

[Molly Carney]

Nope.

[Grace O'Malley]

I'm gonna give this a whirl.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah. I wanna see if most ridiculous thing.

[Grace O'Malley]

I've ever done for a dare. This one time in. What did you say? Fifth grade, my friends didn't know who Popeye was. And so I told them who Popeye was, and they dared me to eat two cans of spinach. And I just kept. I kept doing it, and then they passed me a third and I threw up.

[Molly Carney]

They passed you a what?

[Grace O'Malley]

A third can. Oh, a third.

[Molly Carney]

I think there's a turd. I was like, they threw a turd at you? I think that's true.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's fake. I don't know where that came from.

[Molly Carney]

I forgot about Popeye.

[Grace O'Malley]

Popeye on a spin.

[Molly Carney]

That was good. That was good.

[Grace O'Malley]

Thank you.

[Molly Carney]

You got Mass.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay, good. All right. That was a fun game. I like that game.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah, that was a good game.

[Grace O'Malley]

That was our first time playing that game. Thank you so much for popping that cherry.

[Molly Carney]

We love it.

[Grace O'Malley]

Now, for this segment, we asked the live studio audience if they had anything they want to get off their chest.

[Molly Carney]

Okay, cool.

[Grace O'Malley]

See what I did there? Yes. Oh, I get it. Yeah. Here are their responses. Okay. I pooped on my cousin's floor so I could have her J. Crew necklace in 2010. So that seems like a crazy tit for tat from that cousin.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Are you watching White Lotus right now?

[Molly Carney]

Yes.

[Grace O'Malley]

That sounds like the brother. Something the brother would do.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah, whatever. Wait, this is something that happened to someone.

[Grace O'Malley]

This happened. You should have saw what people were replying. A lot of people were just saying, I hate my boyfriend. Like, this is not the place for that.

[Molly Carney]

Wait, someone. Just to clarify, someone pooped on their cousin's floor, so they grew necklace in 2010. Okay.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay.

[Molly Carney]

That makes more sense. The year makes way more sense. Interesting.

[Grace O'Malley]

So I guess. Yeah. It's kind of like the question I just did. But not really. But, like, what would you what was the worst thing you've ever done? To get something in for exchange.

[Molly Carney]

For exchange?

[Grace O'Malley]

Yes.

[Molly Carney]

Have pooped in a bag before and.

[Grace O'Malley]

Lit on fire in order to get.

[Molly Carney]

No, just to revenge. Revenge.

[Grace O'Malley]

Just for revenge. To get revenge.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah, to get revenge. To get revenge.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's so classic. 80s style.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah, I know. And I wasn't even born in the 80s.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, I know. But, like, I haven't heard of anyone doing that since the 80s.

[Molly Carney]

I know. It really just came to me, and I had to do it. And me and my friends, we put a video camera out, and it was harmless, but the guys were like. The guy who answered the door was like, hey, guys, it's poop again. And I was like, what happened? More than once. So that was the disappointment.

[Grace O'Malley]

Was this in Putin?

[Molly Carney]

No, this was in college. They were our besties, but they came in our house and they flipped over everything, including the refrigerator. They just flipped everything over. So, like, every. Even the cereal boxes were flipped over.

[Grace O'Malley]

Sounds like a prank war.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah, it was. And I was like, I'm going to bag, and I'm gonna light it on fire. I'm like, touch my stuff again.

[Grace O'Malley]

I dare you.

[Molly Carney]

And, like, all the girls were like, oh, my God, they're flirting with us. I'm like, I don't give a. Are not farting with me.

[Grace O'Malley]

I'm gonna shit in a bag and light their asses up. But the fact that they didn't even respond is out of control. Yeah, they just hit it with, oh, yeah, it's poop again.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

What the fuck?

[Molly Carney]

What the. What's going on? A lot of crazy shit.

[Grace O'Malley]

We've got another thing that someone got off their chest. I'm tired of McFucking Donald's charging 60 cents to add cheese to my hot and spicy.

[Molly Carney]

Wait, it's 60 cents to add a slice? That is robbery.

[Grace O'Malley]

I mean, that's crazy.

[Molly Carney]

I want to shake this person's hand. That's so trash.

[Grace O'Malley]

They're just sitting there like, oh, finally, somewhere I can get this off my chest.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah, talk to me. I'll be. That's crazy.

[Grace O'Malley]

It is crazy McDonald.

[Molly Carney]

It's probably, like, a plastic piece of fucking cheese, too. Like, oh, it's that fake cheese, and it's not thick.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, it's not. Oh, them to hell. Unless they want to sponsor this podcast. I love McDonald's.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah. I could go for a big old fry right now.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, absolutely. I got. I got McDonald's for lunch yesterday. Just like, it's a funsy thing. I haven't done that. I haven't got McDonald's not drunk or hungover in forever. And I was just like, you know what? I need a Big Mac stuck today.

[Molly Carney]

Oh, I love a Big Mac.

[Grace O'Malley]

Love a Big Mac fan. I want to see my boyfriend fuck my best friend.

[Molly Carney]

What?

[Grace O'Malley]

All right.

[Molly Carney]

These people are wild.

[Grace O'Malley]

So we went from mcfucking Donald yes to please fuck my boyfriend.

[Molly Carney]

I wonder if it's boy, boy, girl, boy.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, it doesn't.

[Molly Carney]

What's the scenario?

[Grace O'Malley]

You know.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Mint flavoring only belongs in dental products and gum.

[Molly Carney]

I agree.

[Grace O'Malley]

Well, what about, like, you've never had a mint, but Gillicotti's nip.

[Molly Carney]

What did you just say?

[Grace O'Malley]

Mint McGillicuddies?

[Molly Carney]

Oh. Oh, like a shot. Yeah. No, I don't. Like. I agree with this person.

[Grace O'Malley]

You agree with this?

[Molly Carney]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

What about anything. Anything Christmas themed with mints?

[Molly Carney]

No, because it should be chocolate.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay. All right.

[Molly Carney]

And I'm a firm believer in that.

[Grace O'Malley]

I like that. You stand your ground.

[Molly Carney]

I don't want a minty cookie.

[Grace O'Malley]

Nobody wants a minty. Well, yeah, I do. Thin Mints.

[Molly Carney]

Ah, that's chocolate, too, though. You're right. All right. You got me on that one.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. That's a tiebreaker. I pay to get background checks on every guy I talk to, slash, go out with.

[Molly Carney]

I don't think that's too crazy. I think maybe they've been wrong. Yeah, maybe they've been wronged. You know, protect yourself at all costs in this crazy world. Yeah, it seems like it might be a little bit expensive, though.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, this. This sounds like a rich bitch.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah. Because aren't, like, background checks when you get, like, an apartment, you have to pay, like, 20 bucks sometimes. So if she's doing well, maybe she's only seeing.

[Grace O'Malley]

You're calling this young woman a. Oh.

[Molly Carney]

No, I'm sorry, sweetie.

[Grace O'Malley]

No.

[Molly Carney]

You're probably a lovely little lady or tall. I don't know.

[Grace O'Malley]

Well, that's good. I just. I think. I think the mystery of finding out they're a villain is. Is fun, too. Yeah. Because isn't that what life is about? Finding out later on that the person you love is somebody you deeply, deeply hate?

[Molly Carney]

Or it's someone who did a background check on you and didn't tell you till, like, the day you got married or something? Oh, that's kind of.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, that's.

[Molly Carney]

I would want to know.

[Grace O'Malley]

I guess that part's creepy. I. I like being saved and Sorry. But also, at the same time, at some point, you have to say, background check. I did that.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah. Yeah. It's sooner than later.

[Grace O'Malley]

I Think being a mom isn't that great. Jesus Christ.

[Molly Carney]

Okay. Hey.

[Grace O'Malley]

I don't know if I truly want to give my marriage another chance. Jesus.

[Molly Carney]

Oh, my God. We gotta lift up your fan base.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Molly Carney]

Seeming like they're a little sad. Yeah. It's the winner.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's the winner.

[Molly Carney]

It's the winter. Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

They come back around on their kids and their significant.

[Molly Carney]

Say that one again.

[Grace O'Malley]

I don't know if I truly want to give my marriage another chance. The way that's worded. There's a journal in there somewhere and he's gonna find it or she's gonna find it and. Oh, boy.

[Molly Carney]

All right, well, that one stuck to the heart.

[Grace O'Malley]

That one.

[Molly Carney]

Well, wish them well. Maybe it's the best thing for them to break up.

[Grace O'Malley]

I hope they have nothing but happiness in the long run. Yeah.

[Molly Carney]

Hopefully they're doing some couples therapy or something.

[Grace O'Malley]

Christ have mercy. I want the sonic workers to be trained not to put their damn finger in the center of my cheese coney when I order freaking extra cheese. Like, what the fuck would you do that bullshit for?

[Molly Carney]

Whoa. That's a loaded one. So what are they saying?

[Grace O'Malley]

I want the sonic workers to be trained not to be putting their damn finger in the center of my cheese coney when I order freaking extra cheese. Like, what the fuck? What'd you do that for?

[Molly Carney]

Dang. You have. You guys have sonic spot where you're from?

[Grace O'Malley]

No.

[Molly Carney]

Me neither.

[Grace O'Malley]

So I'm not understanding the whole.

[Molly Carney]

They do Rollerblade, though.

[Grace O'Malley]

They do. They do.

[Molly Carney]

I should have worked there when I was younger.

[Grace O'Malley]

I could have been like two birds, one stone. Yeah.

[Molly Carney]

Look at my practice in get my finger in the cheese.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, a cheese coney is a hot dog. Oh, well, I just found out. Thank you so much for that.

[Molly Carney]

Cool. I thought it was. I don't know.

[Grace O'Malley]

I waffle stomped multiple times in college and never told anyone.

[Molly Carney]

Wait, that's very funny.

[Grace O'Malley]

What do you mean you never told anyone?

[Molly Carney]

You just told us.

[Grace O'Malley]

I pick my boogers out, smear them on the back of my hand and let them dry and flick them off.

[Molly Carney]

No. What's going on? I'm really worried about these people.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. Thank you guys so much for listening. But figure it through the up.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Molly Carney]

You guys, enough with the boogers and the poop.

[Grace O'Malley]

The poo. I mean, these are just like yucky things that I do.

[Molly Carney]

Like the excitement of all of it, though.

[Grace O'Malley]

It is. It is good, you know, cuz no one's ever talking about what they're doing with their bogus, you know.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah, that's that's bold. That's someone who knows that they don't have to put their name down.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. That's anonymous. Yeah. This is confession.

[Molly Carney]

Really makes me question shaking people's hands in general.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. I usually go like this.

[Molly Carney]

Them.

[Grace O'Malley]

I've had someone do that to me once. It's awful.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

It meant it too little.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah. Those. That's hurtful.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, it's. It. But it's also, like, you're a clown, bro.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah, right?

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Molly Carney]

Turd. Turd like behavior fool anywh who.

[Grace O'Malley]

This next segment called Jokes in my Notes. And you don't have to share if you don't want to, but it's just this premise where if you have any jokes in your notes that you think you'll probably get rid of or are no longer using, we would love to hear them.

[Molly Carney]

Oh, I think. Do I have to look at my phone notes? Right?

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Sorry. That was probably the prep. I should have. I should have told you about.

[Molly Carney]

My friend is like, a crazy, funny person. Her name is Molly, and she's like, cords make me sick. The look of them makes me sick. So, like, you know how, like, I'm a dumbass right now? Let's see.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, you hate the way the studio's set up.

[Molly Carney]

No, no, not me.

[Grace O'Malley]

Chords in it all.

[Molly Carney]

Not me.

[Grace O'Malley]

Your friend Molly can't stand Molly.

[Molly Carney]

There ain't enough trees in the woods, mama. That's just a line. That's just a random line that I have written.

[Grace O'Malley]

Isn't it funny? Because you go back and you're like, what the hell does this mean?

[Molly Carney]

I slipped two discs in my back jet skiing. I don't treat my body like a vessel. I tend to treat it like a cowbell. And this one. Okay, then I'll stop. This one is. You know when people are like, good to see you.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah.

[Molly Carney]

And it was like, good. It's good to be seen. I hate when people say that. So I want to be like, oh.

[Grace O'Malley]

Are you mocking me?

[Molly Carney]

Anyway, that's good. Yeah, thanks.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah. Good to be seen. Yeah. Oh, my God.

[Molly Carney]

I'm like, go, dude. Jump in a river.

[Grace O'Malley]

You know what you want to say that their parents didn't love them enough, but they actually loved them too much.

[Molly Carney]

Yes. It's so good to be seen the.

[Grace O'Malley]

Way my mother did.

[Molly Carney]

Good to be seen.

[Grace O'Malley]

Good to be seen.

[Molly Carney]

It's like, what, were you in a cave for a couple years?

[Grace O'Malley]

What's going on? I got a question for you, and we could skip right past it if you're not interested. Do you have any sketches that you wrote that never made to air that you would have loved to see?

[Molly Carney]

Oh, yeah. There's always. There's many. IO was hosting. J. Lo was the musical guest, and I think JLo was like, maybe gonna be in Skechers. So me and a couple writers, we wrote a sketch where IO and I work at Best Buy. And JLo comes in and we try to sing to her. And it's like all these dumb songs. They're like.

[Grace O'Malley]

You were Kim Kitrellan.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Trying to think of what other stuff. I just did a lot of trying to jump and fall through things.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, yes.

[Molly Carney]

It was a big goal of mine. Did I get to do that goal?

[Grace O'Malley]

No.

[Molly Carney]

But maybe. Maybe on another set, you know?

[Grace O'Malley]

Absolutely. 1,000.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Because you've got a show coming to light. Hopefully.

[Molly Carney]

Hopefully.

[Grace O'Malley]

You know how the Hollywood goes. You never know. And it webs and flows. Hollywood. What is the purpose for that show? For the people listening at home.

[Molly Carney]

We shot the pilot, so we might get picked up. My. It's called dmv and it's about people who work at the east or West Hollywood DMV or East Hollywood dmv.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay, gotcha.

[Molly Carney]

And I'm the manager.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's a great concept.

[Molly Carney]

I'm the manager.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's awesome.

[Molly Carney]

And I believe in it.

[Grace O'Malley]

Where was that filmed?

[Molly Carney]

Montreal.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, no.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Wow.

[Molly Carney]

Didn't think I was gonna say that, did you?

[Grace O'Malley]

I didn't.

[Molly Carney]

Trying to learn French. A lot of people obviously speak French.

[Grace O'Malley]

You speak French?

[Molly Carney]

God, no. I'm working on it, though. I'm working on it.

[Grace O'Malley]

You are? We.

[Molly Carney]

We. Bonsoir. It's still the afternoon, though.

[Grace O'Malley]

Baguette.

[Molly Carney]

Like, when I worked at Starbucks, people would come in and be like, can I have a croissant? And I'm like, we're at a Starbucks, bro. Like, you don't need to say croissant.

[Grace O'Malley]

You don't have to add the italics.

[Molly Carney]

Oh, it was tough.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, God. You just eat Starbucks. They have to write nice things on your cups now. Yes, dude.

[Molly Carney]

Oh, my God. And I live above a Starbucks right now, so it's very like, I want to get one of those mail things where they goes and it, like, shoots up and it, like, lands right in my hand in bed. I'll be like, woo.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, that would be so classic. And they know about a pulley system.

[Molly Carney]

That's what I was thinking as well. I was thinking as well. And this one said, give it your best shot. That's what mine said yesterday. Give it your best shot. I'm like, what?

[Grace O'Malley]

Just give it.

[Molly Carney]

And I go, I'm going to.

[Grace O'Malley]

Something I'm going to do.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

I feel like it's really going to slow down the beverages.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah. And then, like, some of them. Yeah, they're really long sometimes.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yeah, it's really sweet, but at the same time, it's sweet.

[Molly Carney]

But if I were there, especially, like, writing on a cup is always tough.

[Grace O'Malley]

You ever give someone your name and. And they get it wrong? I got crack. No, Greg. I always get Greg.

[Molly Carney]

Greg. Makes sense.

[Grace O'Malley]

Tracy.

[Molly Carney]

Tracy.

[Grace O'Malley]

I must have been saying Gracie that day. Feeling frisky.

[Molly Carney]

Miley.

[Grace O'Malley]

A lot.

[Molly Carney]

People think, because I'm, I'm like, oh, I don't know if it's like the Midwest thing. I go, molly, Miley.

[Grace O'Malley]

Miley.

[Molly Carney]

Or Mikey. I get Mikey.

[Grace O'Malley]

Mikey.

[Molly Carney]

I'm like, what? He'll enunciate more.

[Grace O'Malley]

I guess so.

[Molly Carney]

I'm a mess. Can't even get my name. I can't even say my name right. That is pathetic.

[Grace O'Malley]

God damn it. I, I gotta ask. Do you have any unpopular opinions at this moment in time?

[Molly Carney]

Ooh.

[Grace O'Malley]

I know. I get that. That's. I wouldn't be able to if somebody just asked me that question. I wouldn't be able to come up with that on the spot.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah, I don't know. I, I, I like watching TV in the shower.

[Grace O'Malley]

What's that, your third tv? What?

[Molly Carney]

I just have my. I just bring my phone everywhere. And then my friend Taylor's like, I think that's a sign of depression. And I was like, well, maybe it is, but I'm fighting it with this television inside of my shower.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's just my happy box.

[Molly Carney]

I'm sorry. Watching below deck while cleaning my armpits. Sorry. Sue me.

[Grace O'Malley]

Really getting in your blow? Not really, particularly, no. It's like, it's hard. It's really hard. Christ on a cracker. You know what? You're not getting one out of me.

[Molly Carney]

That's okay. You barely got one out of me. I just, I just said something embarrassing. I didn't really give you one. I just said.

[Grace O'Malley]

All right, well, here's the thing. I, I've got to ask you. Do you have an, do you have a walkout song? Like a Go to walkout song?

[Molly Carney]

I get knocked down but I get up again.

[Grace O'Malley]

That's good. That's a good one.

[Molly Carney]

Do you, you have one?

[Grace O'Malley]

I. Yes.

[Molly Carney]

Or just switch it up.

[Grace O'Malley]

I, I know I've been keeping this one for, for a little bit. Ski. I've got. My girl wants to party all the time, but by Dark Ski, which is a remix of the Eddie Murphy one. It gets people a little more hyped up.

[Molly Carney]

I love that. I know. I think I need to get a more hyped up one, too.

[Grace O'Malley]

No, that one's good.

[Molly Carney]

Okay.

[Grace O'Malley]

Because. Because you know what it is? People are like, I haven't heard this in a while.

[Molly Carney]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Good night.

[Molly Carney]

I loved that song when I was little, too. Good, so.

[Grace O'Malley]

It's a good song, you know? What were you like as a kid?

[Molly Carney]

Sweaty.

[Grace O'Malley]

Okay.

[Molly Carney]

I was very sweaty, and I couldn't say sweaty. I said sveti. So that's runs. Yes. I had a bowl cut. My mom let me dress whatever I want, whatever I wanted to wear, which was pretty cool. I wore cowboy boots every day, all day, for two years.

[Grace O'Malley]

Same pair.

[Molly Carney]

Same pair. And I. Now I have one that's. It's so worn out, and I use it as a flower pot.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, it's adorable.

[Molly Carney]

It is very cute. Yeah.

[Grace O'Malley]

Stinky flowers.

[Molly Carney]

No wonder they're always dying.

[Grace O'Malley]

Like a literal cartoon.

[Molly Carney]

I feel like we would have gotten great. We would have gotten along very well as a little kid.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, we would have been the best of pals.

[Molly Carney]

You guys didn't have bowl cuts, though, did you?

[Grace O'Malley]

My mother let me do Bob.

[Molly Carney]

Okay. That's cutie.

[Grace O'Malley]

I would. It was actually really crazy. And I just thought of this right now. If I could share with you. My dad and I would go to. There was a. A woman's side and a man's side. A barbershop in the lady part. And that was just how it was. My dad would say, go get your haircut. And he trusted the ladies. And he would go get his little barbershop fade or whatever he got. I don't know, Jheri curl or whatever. And.

[Molly Carney]

And you would just be like, I.

[Grace O'Malley]

And I would just go. But I didn't say what you want. Straight and bangs.

[Molly Carney]

Oh, I'm so sorry.

[Grace O'Malley]

I'm gonna give my father a call after this.

[Molly Carney]

You should unpack that.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Does it ever feel like you're a marketing professional just speaking into the void? Well, with LinkedIn ads, you can know you're reaching the right decision maker. You can even target buyers by job title, industry, company seniority skills. Wait, did I say job title yet? Get started today and see how you can avoid the void and reach the right buyers with LinkedIn ads. We'll even give you a $100 credit on your next campaign. Get started at LinkedIn.com results, terms and conditions apply.

[Unknown Black Woman in Recovery]

Substance use disorder and addiction is so isolating. And so, as a black woman in recovery, hope must be loud. It grows louder when you ask for help and you're vulnerable. It is the thread that lets you know that no matter what happens, you will be okay.

[Unknown Announcer]

When we learn the power of hope recovery is possible, find out [e-mail] brought to you by the National Council for Mental well Being, Shatterproof and the AD Council.

[Molly Carney]

Council.

[Grace O'Malley]

These. They're all done.

[Molly Carney]

We did good.

[Unknown Co-Host]

We did good.

[Grace O'Malley]

I think this was fun. Did you have fun?

[Molly Carney]

I had a blast. I forgot where we were.

[Grace O'Malley]

Oh, wonderful.

[Molly Carney]

It's always good talking. It's always good talking with you, bud.

[Grace O'Malley]

Always a blast. We had a lot of fun in Chicago. And guess what? You're going back, right?

[Molly Carney]

I am.

[Grace O'Malley]

I'm going back.

[Molly Carney]

Oh, I forgot.

[Grace O'Malley]

Tell them.

[Molly Carney]

Just check out my Instagram. Meat brick. Molly meet like a meat patty. Molly like a wall. Molly like me.

[Grace O'Malley]

Yes. Thank you so much, Molly.

[Molly Carney]

This was great. I love it. You're the best.

[Grace O'Malley]

You rock. Love ya.

[Molly Carney]

Waffle stomp.

[Grace O'Malley]

Waffle stomp. At Strayer University, we help students like you go from is it possible? To anything is possible by offering access to up to 10 no cost gen ed courses so you can reach your goals affordably and fast. Visit strayer. Edu to learn more. No cost gen EDS provided by Strayer University affiliate SOPHIA. Eligibility rules apply. Connect with us for details. Strayer University is certified to operate in Virginia by Chev and has many campuses, including at 2121 15th Street north in Arlington, Virginia.

[Unknown Black Woman in Recovery]

Substance use disorder and addiction is so isolating. And so, as a black woman in recovery, hope must be loud. It grows louder when you ask for help and you're vulnerable. It is the thread that lets you know that no matter what happens, you will be okay.

[Unknown Announcer]

When we learn the power of hope, recovery is possible. Find out [e-mail] brought to you by the National Council for Mental well Being, Shatterproof and the AD Council.