Previously Broadcasted Rerun Special of: Zach Zucker Zoomies

Summary

Disgraceful with Grace O’Malley — “Zach Zucker Zoomies” (Rerun Special)

Host: Grace O’Malley (Unwell)
Guest: Zach Zucker (comedian, performer behind Jack Tucker)
Original Air Date: August 21, 2025
Special Note: Rerun of previously broadcast episode
Context: Each episode, Grace auditions fellow comedians as potential co-hosts, aided by her sister Nora (HR head). This episode is a lively, rapid-fire comedy hangout with Zach Zucker, whose clown-inflected career and “smooch guy” persona prompt both absurdist bits and honest discussion about gig-life, family, and the pains and victories of comedy.

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Episode Overview

In this high-energy rerun, Grace O’Malley welcomes comedian and clown Zach Zucker for a bit-soaked, deeply irreverent, and surprisingly heartfelt audition to become the next Disgraceful co-host. The two riff about time zones, the perils of showbiz schedules (“silly clown time”), life on the road, and the wild ups and downs of gigging as a character comedian—focusing especially on Zach’s chaotic alter ego, Jack Tucker. From accidental brushes with royalty to Fringe Festival war stories, the episode is a rolling showcase of absurd stories, bits, unexpected sincerity, and a lot of mouth sounds, all filtered through absurdist, self-skewering humor. Grace keeps the pace rapid and unpredictable, in her trademark style.

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Key Themes and Segments

1. Meet the Guest: Zach Zucker, The "Smooch Guy"

[01:32–04:53]

• Grace introduces Zach Zucker (initially tongue-twisted as “Jack Tucker”).
• The opening dynamic is established: chaotic, self-deprecating banter, with lots of crowd-improv bits.
• Zach’s “comedy partners” and the camaraderie (and boundaries) of comedy troupes.
• “Silly clown time” — comedians’ notoriously unreliable schedules.
• “[We] run on silly clown time. If we say we’ll be there in an hour, it’s three to eight hours. If at all.” — Zach (02:22)
• Zach riffs on “smooching” as an actor, on/off-screen.
• Involvement in the movie “Sweethearts,” his reputation as “the smooch guy” and the pride (and embarrassment) that comes with it.

2. Showbiz Odd Jobs: Gigs for Royalty & the Baja Men

[06:10–12:27]

• Zach’s comedy collaborators include Britain’s Got Talent-winning clown Viggo Venn.
• Hilarious stories about performing for royalty—a Saudi prince (“I never signed the NDA!”) and the weird, surreal glamour (and discomfort) of those gigs.
• “Down with the Queen, up with the clown.” — Zach (06:21)
• Reflections on audience taboo subjects: religion, background, and bookers’ bizarre caveats (“Don’t mention you’re Jewish… they just don’t know when to laugh.” — Booker, 07:56)
• Dream of meeting and performing with the Baja Men; discussion of turning “Who Let The Dogs Out” into a feminist anthem.
• “Who let the dogs out is a feminist anthem… It’s the men who are making the women feel uncomfortable. Who let these fucking dogs in the room?” — Zach (12:06)
• Social media interactions with admired figures (“I want to be the 20th Baja Man.”)

3. The Biz of Comedy: Auditions, Agents, and Self-Promotion

[13:02–19:55]

• Grace references Zach’s appearance on “The Joe Schmo Show” and the blurring of real/character (“I am a struggling actor—anyone who wants to sign me, please do.”).
• Zach recounts giving his real phone number (“My grandma texted me about that…”).
• Both share stories of family reactions to their careers and odd gigs—awkward family gatherings, supportive but confused relatives.
• A mutual love for dancing (“Dance is the only thing I do earnestly”).
• Discussion about using social media and performing as a “bit,” surprised when people take it seriously.

4. Comedy Philosophy: Hecklers, Bombs, & Fringe Fest

[29:14–46:01]

• Segment “Bombs”: Grace asks about Zach’s worst heckling experiences.
• Zach details a rough show in Tempe, AZ, where an unsuspecting audience (including white supremacists) did not realize his act was a character, making tension in the room and leading to self-doubt.
• “It was what we call a booking error in the biz… The first time I did the Baha Men joke in years and not a single person laughed.” — Zach (29:46)
• Discussing being openly queer in a room full of MAGA types.
• Surviving hecklers, walkouts, and why sometimes “killing off one” (tough crowd members) for the benefit of the show is worth it.
• Segment on the Edinburgh Fringe: stress, humility, constant adjustment, importance for the development of a comedy act.
• “It’s the ultimate humbler… If you’re not good, it will not work.” — Zach (45:46)
• How bombing can be transformed into a performance asset (“The whole show was built off of flops that became staples”).

5. The Audition: Bit Battles and Hypotheticals

[18:41–22:13, 49:12–52:12]

• Grace quizzing Zach with “co-host interview” questions:
  • Favourite soundboard sounds, mouth tricks, and in-jokes (“That’s our trick! That’s the sauce!” — 20:49)
  • Swapping catchphrases: “If you ain’t got the sauce, you lost” (Grace) vs. “You steal that from me?!”
  • Discussing the necessity (or not) of dance ability for a comedian.
• Zach on lying for entertainment (“Should I expect you to constantly lie in my face as a co-host?”)
  • “If that’s what you need from me: yes. And if the crowd wants it: yes.” — Zach (23:50)
  • “At the end of the day, you are a showman.” — Grace (23:55)

6. Clown School, Nicknames & the SNL Dream

[56:09–51:35]

• Zach’s path through clown school in rural France (“The best experience of my life”), learning via immersive, multicultural absurdity.
• “Etampes” → Stamp Town (“My company and show are named after clown school.”)
• Stories of childhood jackass groups: “SOS—Save Our Souls.”
• Reflections on SNL: old audition stories, writing packets, recurring “failed audition” bits, and showbiz pipe dreams.
  • “I think I started bad, picked up steam, then threw in that guy and petered out at the end.” — Zach on his SNL audition (50:02)
  • Both agree: “Matter of fact, you need both of us. It’s a two-for-one deal.” — Grace (51:27)

7. Lightning Segments & Final Bits

Shout Outs (52:27–54:06):

• A rapid-fire minute of personal shout outs, from friends and family to clown teachers and “the big man.”
• “I love giving a nickname, but you can’t give yourself a nickname.” — Grace (59:49)

Green Room/Bombs (25:07–29:14, 29:14–37:32):

• Discussing performer “riders,” favorite green room snacks, striving for the weirdest orders, and stories of carrying odd props through airport security.
• “Job interviews” as characters; tales of barely making flights, and the humiliation and comedy of airport pat downs.

Celeb Encounters & Flirting Fails (34:55–37:23):

• Grace’s run-in with Pete Davidson: “He had kind eyes...I felt bad for him.”
• Flirtation stories, including accidental weirdness with Shane Gillis.

8. Endgame: New York, Roommates, and Sweethearts

[65:13–68:10]

• Grace asks about Zach’s living situation—his roommate is, improbably, Richard Kind.
• “He’s basically my momager, but dad style.” — Zach (66:32)
• Final bits: Zach’s dance ambitions for the Super Bowl halftime show, plugging “Sweethearts” on Max, and wrap-up with more shout outs and thanks.

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Memorable Quotes & Sound Bites

• “We run on silly clown time.” — Zach Zucker (02:22)
• “Down with the Queen, up with the clown.” — Zach Zucker (06:21)
• “Who let the dogs out is a feminist anthem... it’s the men who are making the women feel uncomfortable.” — Zach Zucker (12:06)
• “If you ain’t got the sauce, you lost, but you got the sauce.” — Grace O’Malley (19:04)
• “If that’s what you need from me: yes. And if the crowd wants it: yes.” — Zach Zucker (23:50)
• “It’s the ultimate humbler… if you’re not good, it will not work.” — Zach Zucker on Edinburgh Fringe (45:46)
• “You idiot. I’ve been playing you.” — Grace O’Malley (62:31)
• “He’s my momager, but dad style.” — Zach Zucker on Richard Kind (66:32)
• “I want to be the first standup halftime.” — Grace O’Malley (67:01)

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Notable Moments (Timestamps)

• Silly Clown Time Explained: 02:22
• Performing for a Saudi Prince: 06:26–08:09
• On the Baja Men & Feminist Anthems: 11:32–12:27
• Joe Schmo and Oversharing: 13:02–13:27
• Family Dynamics / Thanksgiving TV Release: 14:23–15:31
• Soundboard/Mouth Sounds Challenge: 20:14–21:13
• Bombing in Tempe, AZ: 29:14–32:21
• Surviving Hecklers/Walkouts: 33:31–40:44
• Fringe Festival Wisdom: 45:12–46:14
• Co-Host Interview Qs (“Should I expect you to lie?”): 23:43–24:07
• SNL Audition/Bit: 49:12–51:35
• Shout Outs Segment: 52:27–54:06
• Clown School, SOS Group: 56:13–59:14
• Living With Richard Kind: 65:29–66:46
• Super Bowl Dance Aspirations: 67:01–67:45

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Podcast Tone and Style

Expect relentless, bit-driven comic pacing, digressive storytelling, affectionate cynicism, and the constant threat of sincere emotion being punctured by a clown horn or ridiculous phrase. Both Grace and Zach excel at making each other laugh hard while admitting to very real vulnerabilities—the self-doubt of bombing, the awkwardness of “making it,” and craving family (or celebrity) approval. The episode is equally irreverent and warm-hearted, making the case that the line between earnestness and irony in comedy is often paper thin.

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For New Listeners

This episode is a showcase not only for Zach Zucker’s clowny, character-driven brand of disruptive comedy, but also for Grace’s hyperactive, no-boundaries, but deeply empathetic hosting style. If you enjoy madcap comedian stories, inside baseball on the business of weird gigs and character work, and two performers actively pushing and supporting each other in real time, it’s essential listening. The episode is as much a crash course in modern alt-comedy camaraderie as it is an ongoing audition, and at its heart, it’s about finding your crew—even if it’s on “silly clown time.”

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End of Summary

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Coming at you live from a shady Manhattan studio. It's disgraceful. Featuring your gracious ginger host.

[A]

Hey, watch yourself. Only I can say that. Okay, boss.

[B]

Whatever you say. You pay my bills. Give it up for Grace o'. Malley.

[A]

Ladies and gentlemen, please help me introduce. Help me, help me in welcoming today's guest. I don't know why I'm reading from a prompt. He needs no introduction. Give it up. You know it from his stage presence, Jack Tucker. Give it up for Zach. Zack Zucker. My apologies.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Tongue twister you have there.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

So many people.

[B]

This is crazy. Calm down, calm down, calm down.

[A]

No, they're absolutely going crazy.

[B]

They're going nuts. Oh, my God. Put them away. Zip it up, boys.

[A]

Saw you.

[B]

Yeah, they saw me. They're like, I'm coming to the interview. I'm coming to the clothes for recording.

[A]

Oh, thank you so much for being here, having me. Even if you were late.

[B]

You know, I was late. I was late by a while. And if it was up to me, I would have been three hours late because I, I had it three hours wrong from the time zones.

[A]

They won't let me schedule anymore because I, I, I scheduled somebody when I was in Minnesota and I was like, yeah, two o' clock will work. But it was actually the time difference. I have no idea.

[B]

No, and we. My. My friends and everyone who works with us, they say we run on like, cst, which is. Or sct, which is silly clown time. And so if we say we're gonna be there in an hour, they're like, cool. So it'll be three to eight hours or you won't show up. And if you have. And you'll come in and be like, you guys won't believe what just happened. I saw a puddle on the ground and I was like, this is hilarious. And I played in it for a little bit. So, yeah, I'm also soaking wet. And I ruined your floor.

[A]

You say silly clown time.

[B]

Silly clown time. Come on, let's fucking go. How were you waiting. How long?

[A]

I didn't know when I was gonna sneak it in, but I was dying to.

[B]

Well, I guess that's it.

[A]

Up your intro. It was gonna be right there, but I, I, you know, I had.

[B]

You have to re. Scrub it back to be able to hit it one more time. Do you know I've been in touch with the Baja Men.

[A]

That is one of my questions.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Which of the 19.

[B]

So, Ty, I have the number of Tyson. Daniel. No way. Yeah, he was at the Canadian Music Awards. The Junos. And my. My two comedy partners. Friends. They're both Canadian and their parents were there.

[A]

I have a question there. You say comedy partners and you say that often. What does that entail? That's a good, like a. To me, it sounds like a holy matrimony of. Of comedic genius. But.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, I love these boys so much. And they're adults, just to be clear.

[A]

Yeah, they're of age.

[B]

They're of age. They're in their 70s. We really. We met. We roll around, we tussle, we. I met. I met most of my. I have like three or four comedy partners that I. I hold in my heart. And it's basically, you know, we do everything except the loud smooching that you're known for. Loud kissing around town.

[A]

We're talking sweethearts, right?

[B]

Yeah, we're talking sweethearts. Yeah. And that was kind of. It was fun to see that. And I was like, in my mind, I looked so hot and sex. And I was like, oh, you know, I felt like I was like, lathered up in oil. Like, okay, muscles are absolutely bursting the fuck out.

[A]

Let's go. Frat bro who fucks.

[B]

Yeah, Frato.

[A]

Frat.

[B]

Frat bro who fucks but is respectful about It.

[A]

Did they add sound effects of smooching or was that.

[B]

I didn't even. We were doing real smooching. We were doing real smooching. I'm now self conscious about how my kissing sounds.

[A]

It was smooching. But, you know, it was a great way to, you know, kick off the movie.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

It's like, all right.

[B]

Yeah. And I was grunting. I was really. They told me to take about eight or nine times because I was like. Well, I thought you wanted. I thought the character was like a fuck lord.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you wanted me to convey that.

[A]

I'm sorry. I can't control who I. I am.

[B]

You don't want me to not be me right now. Okay, So I guess I'm not acting anymore.

[A]

I'm sorry. This is gold. I don't even have to act.

[B]

No, no. Oh, kissing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't even need to read the script.

[A]

I got this been do kiss and.

[B]

I was like somebody doing front boob, back boob. You want me to show you I can undo a bra? That'll take a bit more time, but it'll up my screen time and I can get some more lines in there while I do it. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, good. Well, congrats on the movie.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

I've been in LA for a week and all they're talking about is yes, Merchant. It's like that guy.

[B]

Oh, not the. Not the clown. That's the. No, not the sound effect guy. That's the smooch guy.

[A]

He's a man of many tal.

[B]

The tongue twister. Yeah, that's one of my moves.

[C]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

So I met two of them, my comedy partner, Viggo Ven, who is a Norwegian clown who famously won Britain's Got Talent two years ago.

[A]

Oh, no shit.

[B]

Most talented man in Britain. Suck it, kingdom. He is. He's a Scandinavian.

[A]

Down with the Queen.

[B]

Yes. Down with the Queen. Up with the clown. And so we used to do a.

[A]

Double jester, if you will.

[B]

Well. Oh, my God, I don't even know how much. Fuck it. We both are technically jesters because he has performed for the King. He performed at the Royal Variety Show. That's part of. That's a legitimate jester. And I performed on a secret gig on an island for a Saudi prince.

[A]

That sounds like it's illegal.

[B]

It definitely. Look, here's the thing. I'm not supposed to talk about it, but I never signed the NDAs, and they're probably not gonna invite me back. So let's fucking give Grace what she deserves.

[A]

Absolutely. Thank you very much. Yeah, I don't believe in NDAs, especially. How silly of them to think a jester would.

[B]

You think you're gonna invite me into this place and I'm not gonna talk about it?

[A]

You're out of your.

[B]

I'm the smooch guy.

[A]

That's the smooch guy. Guys, he's not holding back.

[B]

No, no, no, no, no. I'm going tongue, lip, teeth, all of it. Surround sound, surround sound kisses.

[A]

Sorry. Prince is like, all right, let's send that one back.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They invite me back out there and they just kill me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It was crazy. The aesthetic for that was. Did you watch White Lotus?

[A]

I did, yeah.

[B]

You know the second season with the gays who kill Jennifer Koulis?

[A]

Yes. Of course.

[B]

It felt like I was performing to them. And then about 30 high end escorts on a private.

[A]

That is exactly what I was picturing, so.

[B]

It's exactly that.

[A]

I nailed it.

[B]

Yeah, they laughed harder than I thought. And I did Tucker there, which I could not believe. And, yeah, I kind of lived in paradise for like five days. And it was a bit of like a. I'm sorry, is this real? I paid the most money I've ever been paid for a gig. It was funny because I asked if there was anything I should or shouldn't say. And the booker is a South African dude. And he was like, you know, it's not that you can't say anything, but don't mention you're Jewish. And I was like, okay. And he's like, it's not that they have a problem. They just don't know when to laugh. And I was like, all right, so I'm not gonna mention.

[A]

Weird mood.

[B]

Yes, it's a weird mood right away.

[A]

Especially from a South African guy. We've learned they're a little. Yeah, they're nuts.

[B]

Yeah, they're nuts. Yeah.

[A]

My sister had a good joke the other day. She goes, you know how people do a Jeep wave? What do you think they do it at Tesla?

[B]

Come on.

[A]

There we go.

[B]

There we go. They share it from their heart. Dude, I've been really loving. Like, I know it's. It's absolutely nothing, but, like, every single time I see someone in a cyber truck, like, I really. I give it to them. And I'm praying you don't have a cybertruck right now, but if you did, it'd be kind of a slave.

[A]

I don't have a licen.

[B]

Girl, let's go.

[A]

I'm on the Polar Os. Go back.

[B]

Yeah, that rocks. I want to. I want to be the guy that's, like, keying every one of those cars. Like, you know, we kind of do the, like, you know, suck my balls. And I'm like, you probably have the software to tell it's me.

[A]

Yeah, they're doing a retina eye. They have, like, the same programming they do in Vegas where you get kicked out and you're not allowed to come back.

[B]

You're never allowed to come back, but they give you a cool drink, and you can drink about, yeah, get out of here.

[A]

You won too much.

[B]

That.

[A]

I've never won anything in my life, so that would never happen to me.

[B]

But I won one thing once, and it was when I was in, like, third grade. I was in a day camp, and I grew up in Chicago.

[A]

Yes. Yeah.

[B]

And I. I won tickets to a White Sox game that I never went to, but it was awesome. And I got to, like. I felt like I was the coolest kid in the day camp that day.

[A]

That is so sick, though.

[B]

And also, I was a guy where. I think it's kind of elevated to this point, too, where I was like, yeah, look, if you want to win a lottery, you got to talk to me like, I know how to do this. Just giving a number.

[A]

What'd you do to. What'd you do to win the socks tickets?

[B]

They just passed. I think it was a rainy day, and they didn't know what to do, so they probably bought, like, 30 tickets to, like, the cheapest part of a game. I remember they played the Tampa Bay Devil Rays at the time, were a very bad team, and I don't know anything about baseball anymore. But. But back then. But back then, you're a Devil Race fan. You're an idiot. You're an idiot. You have issues. Wow. Yeah.

[A]

You know how I got these tickets?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, I jokered them. You want to know how I got these tickets? My father was a baseball player.

[A]

Yeah. You're good with the impressions.

[B]

Whatever. I can't help it.

[A]

So good.

[B]

I'm trying to do, like, an industry. I'm doing my industry showcase right now. The world's gonna see this.

[A]

I'm gonna see. Sign you. I'm going to sign you right now. I wish I could. I wish I had the power.

[B]

Well, let me tell you this. I'm here to empower you to do whatever you want as a woman. That's a woman. I'm. I'm a. Yeah, whatever. I'm kind of out there trying to be an ally and stuff.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

Yeah. Well, hey, ladies. All my fellows.

[A]

Oh, back to the Baja Man.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yes. So you met them?

[B]

I met. Well. So this is. I feel like the pace of how this is going to go.

[A]

This is how. This is how my brain operates. And I think. I think most people can't pay attention unless it's rapid fire, fast.

[B]

No. And this is how I operate as well. This. You know, my. My whole act is like, undiagnosed, unmedicated illness. What? I know it's crazy, everyone, but he's so grounded and he's so succinct and direct with his words. I'd put this clip out years ago, and then about in 2022 or 2023, there, the photographer of the group was like, hey, I just sent this to the gang.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

And I was like, let's go.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

And then I started following them on Instagram and then we started chatting. And the hope is when we filmed this Tucker special someday, if somebody ever wants it, which. Spoiler alert. Yeah. Well, please. Yeah. As my manager, I would love for you to help me make this.

[A]

I'm gonna. Come on, kid. We gotta work fast.

[B]

We gotta go.

[A]

The Baja Men only have so many days. Well, that's what I'm saying.

[B]

And I think I have, like, one of my goals in my life is to be an honorary Baja Men. To be the 20th member.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And to go on tour with them. But I want to bring them out in the special, and they've seen the clips and, like, every now and then they'll like my posts and, like, you know, I take dance class because I, like, love to dance.

[A]

To this day.

[B]

To this day. This Is my. This is my new. You know, it's the only thing I ever really do earnestly.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

And, like, talk about my comedy. I hate you talk about my d. Like, okay. You actually are trying to get in my heart.

[A]

You can't touch my dance. That's my soul.

[B]

That's my soul right there. And they'll like, like some of my dance videos. And I'm like, what are they thinking? Yeah, what are they thinking about this guy who made this, like, joke about them? Or. I mean, it's. It's a celebration of the celebration. And I want to go on record and say, who let the dogs out? Is a feminist anthem. Because the dogs and people thought it was like, they're calling women dogs. They're saying it's the men who are making the women feel uncomfortable. Who let these fucking dogs in the room?

[A]

Wow.

[B]

The party was nice. The party was dump jumping or bumping. Hi. Yeah. Epio. Everybody's a ball hook. Hup. Until the fellas start. The name Colin. There it is. It's. Who let these freaking dogs out?

[A]

Wow.

[B]

And I'll tell you, it was the 19 of them. They created a blockade, like a chain protesting blockade.

[A]

I think what they're thinking when they see you, your dancing videos and they like them. I think they want in, pal.

[B]

I think they're like, okay, you have a go.

[A]

Oh, it's so fun to do it on you.

[B]

It's awesome. And I love it. You know, I do genuinely love it. It cracks me up. And also can't believe, like, I don't know how you feel about this, having so many people watch all the things you do, but I'm like, I put stuff out there. And I'm like, surely nobody actually sees this. And then when people watch it, I'm like, well, that wasn't for you. I was just joking. I was just kidding right there. I wouldn't actually do that for real.

[A]

What are you stupid?

[B]

Yeah, you idiot. Find something better to do, but get me money too. Also.

[A]

Well, I. So I just saw your Joe Schmo show. There's one point where you're like, I am a struggling actor, and anybody who wants to sign me, please sign me right now. And they put your info up, but they blurred it.

[B]

Yeah, I know.

[A]

That was so screwy.

[B]

I did. To be fair, I think I gave my phone number and my full address. So I like, I understand. My grandma texted me about that. She's like, was that serious? Why'd you do that? And I'm like, nah, come on, you.

[A]

Know they can't see.

[B]

They can't see this, but it's all.

[A]

Blurry for her, so she can't tell that it's out.

[B]

Yeah. She's like, I don't even know if that's you. I'm like, it was. Well, it wasn't. Unless people are asking if it's kissing guy from Sweethearts.

[A]

Oh, my God. And your grandma must be so proud.

[B]

That one was awesome. I was in. This will make me sound so much cooler than I am, but I was in the Canary Islands when it came out because it was my prince with different prince, a different one who has yet to pay his debts.

[A]

They never do. They never do.

[B]

And that one, I was really, you know, I was buffed up. I was. I was oiled up. I was in the pool every day, pool boy central. Well, that was. The thing is, I was definitely, like. I was definitely walking around at that gig being like, I'd let him. You trying to pay me? I'll take that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm pay for play right now.

[A]

Come on now.

[B]

What's the point of being bisexual if you won't let a prince fuck you for money?

[A]

Please. Oh, my God. Bisexual with coin, too. Take gold. I'll take jewels.

[B]

I'm trying to get these bigger. I want bigger hoops. I want more piercings. Bigger hoops.

[A]

That's my guy right there. That's it right there.

[B]

But my rest of my family, my mom's side, watched it all. It was Thanksgiving that it came out, so everyone's Thanksgiving, so it's already weird vibes on both sides. Mom side.

[A]

Which side don't. Is, like, not particularly your favorite side. Just out of curiosity.

[B]

Look, I have an answer, but I will very, very diplomatically not say, oh, he's good.

[A]

Yeah, he's good.

[B]

But I. But I. Yeah, yeah, they know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Mine's my dad's side, so how come?

[A]

Racist.

[B]

Yeah. But that's why I love my dad's side.

[A]

Why I love the rad me as a fellow that I. It's.

[B]

It's more that I just. I love their culture. I love to hear what they're up to.

[A]

Fun to watch. It's kind of crazy. It's.

[B]

It's nice to know that they're actively hurting the rest my future and the rest of my life. And they don't see it that way.

[A]

They find it to be classic comedy.

[B]

I think that rocks. I think that's actually really cool.

[A]

They're on their own wave. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. And I'm just trying to ride it Rope.

[A]

It's fun to watch.

[B]

Yeah, I think we completely agree there.

[A]

Yeah. All right.

[B]

Where's your family from?

[A]

We're from Boston. So long history of racism there.

[B]

Nice. Yeah, you guys are some of the best.

[A]

The south wins top tier, and then Boston comes in close second.

[B]

Yeah, we're basically the south, but you're the south of the. Of the Northeast.

[A]

Yeah. My dad's always wanted to be a cowboy.

[B]

I every time I go to Texas, which is maybe twice a year for comedy festivals. Of course, you know, as.

[A]

As we're doing the same one, we're doing Moon Tower together.

[B]

Do you want to do Stamtown there?

[A]

I would love to.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Hell yeah. I just got a gig. I just got a gig.

[B]

Yeah, it's crazy. So it's one of those pay to play.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So you have to pay us hundreds of dollars to be on it.

[A]

And I will.

[B]

And you will.

[A]

Perfect.

[B]

No, that's.

[A]

Wait. Jewels. Diamonds.

[B]

You know, I do.

[A]

I will have to find a Saudi prince, but I will get some to you.

[B]

I feel like you could if you wanted to.

[A]

I don't even know where to acquire jewels. Gems, even. Maybe I could get you. I could probably find like, an old brooch. Is that a word?

[B]

Even. Even if you got me, like, a Juicy Couture sweatsuit with like, the little studs on the butt.

[A]

Oh, they're gonna. On the ass?

[B]

Please.

[A]

Cuz that's all I'm going to get.

[B]

That's what I. I would love that. I would wear a Juicy. I'd wear a matching sweatsuit.

[A]

Do you know. You know how they do the Dunk Kings commercials for the super bowl with bossy guys? Ben Affleck, Matt Damon. Those are Juicy Couture sweats this year. I don't know why I shared that information, but.

[B]

But it's nice to know.

[A]

It is nice to know.

[B]

Would you want to be in a legendary Boston Dun commercial?

[A]

My dick.

[B]

Yeah, kind of. I'm kind of your dick right now, dude.

[A]

I. I would blast off for that.

[B]

Who are your top three Bostonians?

[A]

Oh, that's funny. Somebody else asked that too.

[B]

Sorry. Who are your least favorite Bostonians?

[A]

Mark Wahlberg.

[B]

Yeah, obviously can't stand it. Get your burger restaurant out of here, dog. We don't care.

[A]

Stop waking up at 3am I literally just went on a tangent yesterday. I. I called out Mark Wahlberg, Martha Stewart, and who was the third?

[B]

I feel like I hit a.

[A]

Hit a hat trick on who I couldn't stand in the moment.

[B]

What about Martha is getting you she's just a.

[A]

A bitch. She's a dumb bitch.

[B]

Sorry, Martha.

[A]

Yeah, fuck off.

[B]

Imagine she watches this. She's actually our two biggest fans, and she's like, why would they do this to me?

[A]

I watched her documentary and she was sleeping around. And on top of. And I'm all, forget. Get it where you can. But the second thing they said right after she said she was sleeping around, she didn't really care was she was rude to her staff. And that's where I draw the line.

[B]

That's. That's kind of my thing is if people are. I really. And maybe I'm delusional. Think I have a pretty good professional relationships with everybody.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And the only time I'm ever nasty to anyone is if they're rude to a venue staff.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

Or a production staff from, like. Then I'll go off on those people. But I'm like, dude, you don't. Don't go towards those folks. Don't do that.

[A]

Or people who are like, snappy in a green room, like, get over yourself, Bud Light. I'm like, oh, my God, please can you had a Bud Light. And I'll go get it. And I'm so sorry. And I'll get the I.

[B]

When people. Even if people ever open a door for me or care for, like, a Uber, a taxi driver will offer to hold a. Like, any luggage. I'm like, dude, don't touch this. I have, like, horrible in here. There's yucky props. I don't. You do this. You don't want to do this. You can get sticky. There's loose dynamite in there and bullets and fake money and rubber chicken. It's. It's intense.

[A]

You're explosive.

[B]

Yeah. Sorry. That's what they call me.

[A]

It's about to explode.

[B]

Let's go. It's. It's also. That's damaged my brain because I have so many Pavlovian. Yeah. What do you seem saying loud? Yeah, I'm kind of. I'm kind of epic and chill and normal. That's. That's my. That's my rebrand for 2025 is just be normal.

[A]

Dude. This is the first time we're meeting, and this is the best episode I've had thus far.

[B]

Let's run it back a hundred times.

[A]

This is great.

[B]

This is me vying for your co host.

[A]

Well, so that's, like, one of the questions here.

[B]

Come on. Can I knock them all out?

[A]

Let's knock them out. All right. So the premise of this is I'm looking for a new Co host. And I think you might be the fit. So let's. Let's. I'm going to ask you just a couple questions and see what you have to say.

[B]

Perfect.

[A]

So I say this all the time. If. If you don't got the sauce, you lost, but you got.

[B]

Did you take that from me?

[A]

No.

[B]

Do you want to know something or are you fucking with me?

[A]

I am fucking with you. It's on your website.

[B]

Damn it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I was like, wait a minute. I put that on the bottom of every single mailing list it's on ever. And it's one of the best quotes ever.

[A]

It really is.

[B]

And I love that.

[A]

You know Gucci Mane's legal name?

[B]

Yes. Madric Davis. I love Gucci Gucci. If you're watching this, please, please, brother. Anything you need, Maine. Yeah, anything main you need. You need a bisexual Jew in your crew. Come on, dog. I know the market is. It's growing, unfortunately, but I'm. I'm. I'm there.

[A]

You don't need an agent. You sell yourself perfectly.

[B]

I'm ready to rock. I. I wish you could have felt what I felt in that moment when you started saying that. I'm like, have I met someone else who understands the power of this quote?

[A]

Like, I wish to God I had you and not in a tricky way.

[B]

God, is it. Well, now I'm nervous that all these are going to be tricks.

[A]

This one's silly. So you often use the perfect sound in a soundboard. If we were to be co hosts, what would be good sounds that we could share together?

[B]

Oh, that's a good question.

[A]

It's kind of crazy to come up with sounds with your mouth on the spot. I suppose.

[B]

Yeah. I. I mean, this is. It's so funny because, like, inherently everything about what I do in Clown is like, what is the least funny thing you could do? And how can you try to make that funny? So, like, like, then I remember in these moments, oh, yeah. All of my ideas are bad.

[A]

No.

[B]

Well, because in my own, I was like, well, what's the sound effect in my head? I went. And I don't know what if? Why? But that's a good one. That's a good one. My dad taught me this one.

[A]

Dude, I can do that too.

[B]

Yeah, there we go.

[A]

It's so. Dude, that's my trick.

[B]

So there's our trick.

[A]

There it is.

[B]

Look. And that's the sauce.

[A]

Dude, that's. That's not easy to do. No, I try to teach that to people and they. Oh, my God.

[B]

And then I Feel awesome when they can't do it because then they're like. Like clapping in front of their. I'm also so loud, smashing my hands in front of the mic.

[A]

You know that feeling you had about. About the quote? I just had that with the. With the smashing of the mouth. Wow. That was.

[B]

That was that internally is how it feels to be smooch Guy. Wow, Dude.

[A]

I think one day, like, that's kind of like, this is all fun and games, but I want to be smooch Guy through and through.

[B]

Dude, I'm telling you, Smooch guy will get you enough to continue your career. And that's the thing. It gets you to an opportunity like this. I just. Kelly Clarkson. Oh, maybe this is it. Some people wait a lifetime for a moment. You know, a little. That little American Idol got nervous.

[A]

Just start. Just like it goes. It starts dark. And then that's how we started the show.

[B]

Come on.

[A]

Oh, man.

[B]

Well, look, when we do stamped out in Austin, we could just sing it together. We could just play Kelly Clarkson and Justin Guarini back to back.

[A]

That would be lovely.

[B]

People would lose their mind.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I.

[A]

One thing I will say, and I know you're a big dancer. I don't do dance.

[B]

You don't have to.

[A]

I don't have rhythm.

[B]

Look, I don't really either, but I then always tell myself when I can't get it, oh, it doesn't matter because I'm a comedian. But then I. But then I obviously in my heart, I'll go home and be like, God, you're so stupid. Why does your body move like this?

[A]

Why can't I shuffle ball chains?

[B]

For real? And I'm like, I was trying to tiggy, tiggy, wap, wap. And then I got hit it on.

[A]

The 1, 2, 4. 4. Yeah.

[B]

Oh, God, I love dance. Choreographers kill me because they're like, at one point and. And we go and we work and.

[A]

Hit it with up.

[B]

Yeah. Okay, so we're going to dance together.

[A]

All right. Moving right along. I've seen you betray someone face to face on the Joe Schmo show. Just absolutely my life.

[B]

And I'm like, who was this?

[A]

It was real for him.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So for anyone who doesn't know the Joe Schmo show, basically, it's like the show that they had. What is jury duty. And this is same thing, but different. It's a game show. Everybody on the game show is an actor except for one guy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you guys really with them.

[B]

We. Truman showed him. Yeah, but, like, you know, for the amount of money that he makes in the end. Because it's more than that. They advertise. And I'll. I'll let that not be the spoiler. I won't spoil that.

[A]

We're talking Saudi money.

[B]

We're talking Saudi money. Yeah. He saw the money and he took the money.

[A]

There we go.

[B]

Dude, it's. I wish I brought my laptop because it's just all these like post it notes with like blue tack or like taped down, like sticky notes with different symbols on it that are all the hotkeys.

[A]

You're hired.

[B]

Yeah, I'm. I'm really looking for a job right now. I'm looking for a job.

[A]

This is great. To get serious. Should I expect you to constantly lie in my face because you're really good at it?

[B]

No, never.

[A]

Deceitful. Just. Just. Yeah, I fucked up to queue on that.

[B]

Go and take it back. Take it back.

[A]

Okay. Should I expect you to constantly lie to my face as a co to get the outcome you desire is really what it is.

[B]

If that's what you need from me, yes. And if that's what I independently feel the crowd wants. Yes.

[A]

At the end of the day, you are a showman.

[B]

That's what I like to call myself. And sometimes when I say that, I'm like, oh, I understand again why I'm not booking anything.

[A]

What? I'm a showman.

[B]

I'm a showman. I'm an entertainer.

[A]

You don't want me. I'm a showman. Clearly you don't like the show.

[B]

No. And. And you don't like the man either. I would pray for any guest that comes on if the two of us were working together, because there's no room for them to get in. Yeah, I'd have my friends coming in, spilling stuff all over the place. My buddy Dylan, anytime I'm on anything and he's in town, he'll come in to bring me like a water or anything and then trip and fall and then just comes back with more and more and more. We spent £250 on jokes in the Friend at the Edinburgh Fringe last year.

[A]

You are. You are a world traveler. Saying pounds like that.

[B]

Bloody world, man. Any.

[A]

I thought you just worked up a sweat and lost £250.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, I wish.

[A]

I want that gig.

[B]

I want that one too. Maybe they'll take me to fashion week, but unfortunately this year was not my year.

[A]

There's no role for me there. I tried to think of one. There isn't one for me there.

[B]

But that's why? We had this.

[A]

Yeah. You know, thank God we have something.

[B]

Yeah, we just turned this. We just make the disgrace full. You just make it a Z. And that's all it is in there.

[A]

Oh, there. Yeah. Perfect.

[B]

Done.

[A]

It's so easy, this branding. I mean, it's coming together.

[B]

We got this. We got this.

[A]

I've got a new segment. It's called in the Green Room. This is kind of. It's supposed to be like we're in the green room and we're getting to know each other, like a late night hang kind of thing. And the first question I have is, do you have a rider?

[B]

You know, I really don't, but I. And I just found this out. I just did the Kennedy center last week, which is pretty epic. First time in a federal building and probably my last time.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

We walked out a lot of Trump supporters and I was screaming, Die. Kill yourself. Fuck you. Fuck your families. You ruined my life. Matt Gates won't text me back. You know the classics.

[A]

You know the hits.

[B]

Yeah. And they asked for a writer. And I'm like, you know, I'm used to playing like dirt shit venues that smell like piss, not like, you know, places that have funding or multiple people to do actual jobs.

[A]

Ye course.

[B]

And I, in my writer, they're like, what do you want? And they have like a full. You know, I almost had a cantina, but, like, just a restaurant attached to it. And we ordered the funniest boyish order. We ordered like five steak frites, like a bunch of wings and nachos, and a salad that was untouched, you know, of course.

[A]

Yeah, you just have to look at it.

[B]

Exactly. We're like, oh, no, but the greens.

[A]

Here, well, we're all gonna die if we don't just glance at it.

[B]

Yeah. And I got my greens. Actually, my guy. I have a guy in LA who told me if I look at the salad, it's the same thing as ingesting it.

[A]

I just rub it, man. I just.

[B]

Rubbing peanut Thai kale on your ar arms.

[A]

Here we go.

[B]

But then I. I filled out a rider for that. And all I asked for was like, I asked for a jar of peanut butter pita chips. Because like in the show, I then laugh and make a joke where you go, peter Chip. Yeah. And we do the Family Guy sound. And then apples, oranges, bananas. It's a good one, right? It's really fun. It's really good. It's so good. And it never, ever gets what I think it deserves. There's another one too, that we do where I talk about someone falling 50ft and then I go 50ft. Nobody laughs at that ever. And I'm like, that's just for me. That's just for me. I think that's a really funny, stupid joke to make 120 minutes into a show.

[A]

That's great.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, where are they falling flat.

[B]

That's what I'm saying, guys, these out there, it's the liberals. It's the liberals running my life.

[A]

I, you know, and that's what they say. That's what they say in the mainstream media news.

[B]

And. And I believe them. But that's what I basically said to them. I was always was like. They were like, yeah, your writer is like one of the weirdest writers we've ever gotten. And it went completely untouched. And I was like, well, I just need the apples to explode in my act.

[A]

Duh.

[B]

And yeah, duh. Why? Because I have to soften my apples where I bash them on the wall a little bit so they explode.

[A]

And then you should, you should order them in advance, all smushed up. Save yourself some time.

[B]

Rotten, mushy apples. Well, I did find out in my suitcase, this aforementioned packed suitcase with hand buzzers and squirting flowers, that there was two rotting apples in there. And that's why it all smelled. And I was like, oh, okay, so that's why. That's the stank. It's not. Thank God, it's not me.

[A]

You weren't the stinky.

[B]

No, and I was worried it was.

[A]

Me for a little bit. It's just a stinky bad apple.

[B]

A literal apple, which I've also been called.

[A]

Yeah, a bad apple.

[B]

A stinky bad apple. But you find the right guy and they'll pay Saudi money for that.

[A]

Yeah, they will. They sure will. The stinky and a butter in Saudi.

[B]

That's what they say. That's what they say.

[A]

And they've been saying that for years. On the news for years.

[B]

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[C]

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[B]

Let's go.

[A]

Speaking of a bomb, and this segment's just called Bombs.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

All right. Do you recall the first time you ever heckled negatively, and how did you respond to it?

[B]

I don't know if I can remember the first time, because I think the first, like, three years I was doing comedy, I moved out here at 18 to be a star. Classic.

[A]

Oh, yes.

[B]

Of course, I'm only 16 now. It's crazy how it works out like that.

[A]

16 in a mill in Miami.

[B]

Yeah, I, I, I don't like what I, What I will maybe say is I don't remember the first time, but I remember recently I did a show in Tempe, Arizona, where I was heckled by a group. Well, the entire venue. It was a nightmare. It was a, it was what we call a booking error in the biz.

[A]

Oh, rats.

[B]

And I did, I did the Tempe Improv. Blessed, bless them for bringing me out 500 cedar. We had sold 50 tickets on the day of. Yeah, okay. We eventually got to, like, in the 130s, and it was a ton of people who knew they were not, who didn't know they were seeing a character, that this was a clown show, that this was bad on purpose, or that there was any theatrical elements involved, and that really quick, quickly, makes me feel like a loser. And it's pathetic when you play the bad comedian and it's just going poorly and no one laughs. Like, this is the first time I did the Baha Men joke in years, and not a single person laughed. Oh. At all. But I was heckled by, by multiple groups of people, including a group of white supremacists who. Tempe.

[A]

What? Yeah. What?

[B]

And that's, and that was. The thing is, when I kind of look back, I'm like, oh, that's on me for thinking, this guy doesn't get me at all.

[A]

You don't like golf or nothing?

[B]

No, it was, it was a strange one. Usually in the shows where I would, like, joke, being like, all right, let's get down to it. Who voted for Trump? And there's, like, a weird tension when I said that here, everyone cheered. And when I then joked. And I have a joke about saying Hillary Clinton is an American hero and she's in. The punchline is because her husband got a blowjob in the White House and she didn't care.

[A]

They didn't love that.

[B]

Yeah. And so when I said, who loves Hillary Clinton? They got, like, really nervous.

[A]

That's when they reach for the Glock.

[B]

The leader of the supremacists and one of.

[A]

Always a leader.

[B]

There's always a leader. And this guy was a bald man who was three fishbowls deep. He had a palm tree tattoo on his head.

[A]

Now, for hating gay people, drinking a fishbowl is a little gay.

[B]

That's what I'm saying. And I'm trying to bring back call as a. As a member of the Bees, I'm gonna reclaim for the whole community. And also, I want to call us the whole community, because I think that's also really funny.

[A]

That's really good.

[B]

It's good.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And that and our show like this.

[A]

It don't matter.

[B]

Hey, it don't matter. LGBT lads, guys, boys, totally cool dudes. We're bringing it back. I've also been saying I'm a bipoc. A bisexual international performer of clown.

[A]

Oh, wow. Yes. That's a niche.

[B]

Yeah. And it's not gotten me any extra funding or any opportunity communities.

[A]

There's got to be a.

[B]

A loophole.

[A]

What's that? What is it called when you get a grant? It's got to be a grant for.

[B]

That or angel investments. I'm looking for anybody like this, but this guy told us that his name was Aryan, and he eventually shouted white power, and that killed the mood. That was already dead, and it was not resuscitateable. And it was a group of six guys. Five white guys, one black guy, two women. And when they said that, they all started pointing to their black friend being. Being like, we're joking. And I was like, oh, this is making it worse. And then it also came out later that they were all felons and couldn't even vote for Trump.

[A]

Oh. Yeah.

[B]

So it was a really strange.

[A]

Always is, you know, this is the case.

[B]

So it was a strange one. And I. I had a rough night after that show. I had a little cry because, you know, there's moments where I'm like, is this good? You know, I. When someone I admire likes this, I'm like, okay, so I must. I must not be the worst performer in the world, or I'm being pranked right now.

[A]

Are You. That is. That's called. That's grounds for pranking. That's. It's just as bad as it can. Yeah, but at least, you know. At least, you know they weren't reaching for their guns because they can't own any.

[B]

But they probably do. Illegally.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I would bet my life on it. Those guys are all strapped.

[A]

Well, they were passing the family. What am I gonna get rid of them?

[B]

You know, these guys.

[A]

My grandpa had this gun.

[B]

They're like, all the ones who, like, put the thing to put the whole thing in there and, like, put the gunpowder back in. All right, here we go.

[A]

When I get to it, I'm gonna get you good.

[B]

I just need a second here and hold on. You stay right there. Don't you. She worked harder. Spits, the secret ingredient to make a gun go boom.

[A]

Just racist saliva, dude.

[B]

Do you think you can tell in saliva molecules that they're racist? Probably.

[A]

You got me there. Yeah, you got me there.

[B]

It's same. I'm like. I'm like, trying to. I'm like, kind of, you know, like slot machine being like, okay, what are the things that could look like? And I'm like, maybe if you look at the little. Their genetic makeup, there's like, little. The snakes from the Don't Tread on Me flag.

[A]

Oh, that's an absolute. They're not little. They're not little. Little like sperm guys. They're little snakes.

[B]

Little snakes.

[A]

Yeah. I guess spit doesn't make sperm. I never knew how baby made.

[B]

Well, I actually talked about this with someone the other day. I. When I was younger, thought that making out was kissing and sex was making out naked.

[A]

Is it?

[B]

No, I mean, that's what I still think. I thought I had sex in that.

[A]

Movie Suck face guy. What are we talking.

[B]

That's. That's what I've been doing. I've been. I guess I've had sex with a thousand people, then kissing killer bodies after Bodies. That movie Bodies, Bodies, Bodies was a biopic of my life.

[A]

I figured as such.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Wow. And you were. You were Peter.

[B]

I was. Yeah, of course. Exactly. Peter Davidson.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

My friends call him Mr. David.

[B]

Mr. David. Do you think you would be friends with him if you guys met?

[A]

I just met him on a football field and I haven't talked about it and I've been jazzed to say such girl.

[B]

Get it?

[A]

He's so kind.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, he seems like he just takes a lot of shit from a lot of people, but is probably a really nice guy.

[A]

He seemed like A really nice guy, and I felt bad for him. Although he was on the field and, you know, like, that's where people will be looking the most. He was wearing, like, a ski mask where you could just see his eyes. But he had kind eyes. Oh, yeah.

[B]

Bless him. Yeah, I still. I was thinking about this the other day. The whole Kanye, Kim Pete stuff, I mean, that's a. That was a pretty wild moment.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

In pop culture right there.

[A]

Totally. 1,000%.

[B]

And he did smooch on Kim K.

[A]

I will say, not for nothing, Mr. Peter David. Mr. David Pete dodged the bullet.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Seems like there's a lot of stuff going on there that you just, you.

[B]

Know, you don't want to be a part of that. No, no, no, no. And he's. I mean, look, he's. He is literally Mr. Smooch Man.

[A]

Yes. No.

[B]

Yeah, he's. He's Mr. Well Endowed.

[A]

He is Mr. Lover Boy. So much so that he had to get all of his love taken off of his skin.

[B]

I saw that recently.

[A]

Yeah. He has so many matching tattoos with all of his lovers, and they're all married. You know what?

[B]

Let's just start.

[A]

Yeah. It's a born again version.

[B]

When it comes to skin, I'm starting fresh. I hear he got a. He got a tattoo of you on his forearm. After that, it was the two of you guys on a football field.

[A]

It's really just my eyes and my freckles.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because that's how we met. Eye to eye. That's it. We were eyeing.

[B]

Have you ever met any celebrity crushes that you were like, wait, hold on a second. Am I going to be flirting here, or do you keep it cordial profession?

[A]

Yeah, I know I've made a rule.

[B]

That I got to stop talking about.

[A]

This, but I used to have a crush on Shane Gillis, and I just kept running into him one month or two months straight, and I. I seemed like a. A real stalker. And it ended with me congratulating him after doing SNL at the afterparty. And instead of just leaving it at that, I also said, yeah, bro. I bet you're going to get my tonight, man. Yeah. And that rules. Yeah, that was just what came up, and that was flirting for me.

[B]

So, dude, I bet you're gonna get it.

[A]

Huh? I bet you're gonna rip through tail tonight, bro.

[B]

Yeah, bro. Damn, dude. Some of you lifeguards gu bringing over here.

[A]

And then I felt bad, so I got him a beer. He was like, thank you. Like, it was like, come on.

[B]

Is that one of those Ones. I sometimes enjoy this in a way where it's obviously never harmful, where I'm like, if I'm seeing myself absolutely spiral downhill, I'm like, well, let's see how far this could go until it's, you know, I don't want anyone to be any. Actually uncomfortable. Uncomfortable. But how bad can I make this moment for myself right now?

[A]

And, like, I. I do it, like, subconsciously.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But the whole time I do it, I'll just tell on myself. And, like, I'm being weird, huh. Real weird, huh.

[B]

You probably hate me and you would never want to kiss me, right?

[A]

Yeah, I know exactly that. Which is unfortunate. Yeah. Have you ever had yourself a little bit of a crush?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Ever in your life?

[B]

In my life, actually, no. I've never crushed on anyone before.

[A]

Not even a teacher?

[B]

No. Oh, yeah. Well, I was. Dude, I was banging teachers back.

[A]

My hero.

[B]

I actually don't know if it's like a fun conversation, but there was definitely one teacher in my senior year of high school who was texting me, which was inappropriate, and asked me out to dinner once. And then. And then I had the wherewithal to be like, hey, I actually don't think we should do this. And then I did.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

And then he was like, we should go back to your apartment. And I was like, no, we actually should not do this.

[A]

What?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Also, what are you doing in an apartment when you're a kiddo?

[B]

I know. Look, source subject. My mom unfortunately had some health issues, and this was a. An apartment that was geographically close to hospital. She was going to, but it was in the city. It's okay.

[A]

So you were kind of living alone A little bit.

[B]

Well, I only went. I would sometimes just go down for fun to clear my head from all my teen angst. Yeah, no, Coach wouldn't let me go to prom. You know, like, stuff like this.

[A]

I hate when coach says I can't rip prom.

[B]

Yeah, dude, Coach, please. I'm just trying to get in there. I even bought a tie in a flask, dude. I actually have one of my latest Tucker props is I have an ankle monitor that's a flask and God, I love that. And it's full of bubble solution. And I got in trouble on a plane and they're like, going through my bag. I'm like, I can't express enough. This is for a character. I'm a comedian. And then the woman was like, okay, tell me a joke. And I'm like, like, so I don't really tell jokes. And then she Turned to the others, and she was like, hey, get a load of this guy. He's comedian. Tell jokes. Everyone's laughing so hard. I'm, like, going to miss my flight. I'm like, this is peak embarrassment.

[A]

Yeah. They're like, oh, we got one. A bad liar.

[B]

Bring me back the white supremacists, please. At least they were having fun.

[A]

We're going to need to pat you down.

[B]

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Someone doing the. Someone's excited to see me joke over and over and over.

[A]

I always get jazzed when I. When they. When it doesn't say clear.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. I'm like, it's been a while. What are we going to do now?

[A]

My right shoulder needs a rub. Oh, yeah.

[B]

I think I have bombs in my shoulders and in the back of my neck.

[A]

Yeah, but they're deep in there. It's high advanced technology. Another question I have here is there is a clip of somebody walking out of your show.

[B]

Allegedly.

[A]

Allegedly. Was it. Was it real?

[B]

Yeah, every. All of those are real.

[A]

That's all real.

[B]

I've had. Probably because you played it off.

[A]

Sorry to cut you off, but you played it off so well that I thought it was planned.

[B]

I mean, if someone's ever going to cut me off and they. They would. I hope they would say something like this. That's complimen you. No, all of those are, like. The whole show actually was built off of, like, all these, like, flops and, you know, all these moments that did not work that were then things that became staples. Like, I have one line that I love, which is like, man, the acoustics in here, Amazing. I can't hear anybody laughing right now. It's like, that was from a real deep moment of, like, 40 minutes in. In Adelaide, Australia, just dying in a sweat box down there.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

And so all these moments came from, like, kind of dealing with everything going wrong so that we know how it goes. Right. And we now, thankfully, have a show that I can, like. We have, you know, minutes of material we can do. So anything that's not that having done the show 500 times now, I would love to do anything else. So when people leave, I'm like, we'll bring it on. This is fresh for me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. And I have no problem making myself look as pathetic as possible, and it makes them feel worse about this. And if I can, you know, juice as much as I can about that, and then these people leave, either hating it or being mad at me. And then also, everyone's loving it on the way out. That's like the perfect.

[A]

It's good to kill. Kill one off. In, in to gain the rest.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

You know, and I think about the.

[B]

Team for children, for friends.

[A]

I've been saying that.

[B]

I've been saying that.

[A]

I've been saying that.

[B]

I said that to Shane after he hosted snl. You should kill one off, man. You get it? Makes the rest better.

[A]

Beard, dude. Sorry, sorry about that.

[B]

No, I, I wonder which one it was. But I, I've had some, you know, obviously some interactions I've been a little scared of. Like one guy I've had people like throw punches or come on stage and, and try to start a physical altercation.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

And I'm never doing anything that's like too inflam cut to like me doing.

[A]

All these like, yeah, I'm going to beat the fuck out of you.

[B]

I'll kill your first port side. I did actually say at the end of my London run this year, which was like. So I was just, I was fed up. I was so tired and I was.

[A]

Like cranky over there. I was, they're cranky, they're tough to get a laugh. I've heard.

[B]

The thing is, I love them. I think that the best audience and I think most Americans who say that are very funny and they're learning that they're not very funny.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

So, yeah, so sorry. Come at me. American comics.

[A]

Oh my God.

[B]

But this one, I was like, it was my 30th time doing the show this year. Year there I was tired. I had a crazy thing happening that week. I remember when I wasn't sleeping and jet lagged and this one guy heckled me in a moment where I'm like, come on, brother. Like. And this wasn't even funny. Like you've now just taken the mood down. And I was like, I'll kill you. This is a real threat. I will kill you dead. And then people were like, I brought it back as like, no, I'm just kidding. But for you, I will kill you. I was like, all right, maybe I shouldn't do this. Maybe I didn't handle that perfectly.

[A]

But I mean I've dropped a mic before and put my fists up. So, you know, it's.

[B]

I did that with him that night. I ripped my clothes off and I was like, what's the go?

[A]

Yeah, sometimes you gotta.

[B]

Yeah. I was like, eat a vegetable, you British cunt. Just coming at him like this with.

[A]

Your wonky ass teeth.

[B]

You won't get you bloody your cousin, mate. You bloody wanker. Toss pot. I love, I Love to make fun of British.

[A]

Oh, it's so good. And it's easy and, you know, it's. It's the one group where it's okay.

[B]

Oh, yeah. And they. And the best part is they love it.

[A]

They do.

[B]

They're suckers for pain. They're all masochists. I mean, they all eat salt and vinegar, so it's always cutting the inside of their lips, you know, and it's like your mouth is uncomfortable there all the time. It's like, oh, it's all right.

[A]

You can only eat so much fish.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Dude.

[B]

Beans on toast. That is wrong with you.

[A]

That's smooth brain.

[B]

It's smooth brain, dude. It's like, you. You want, like, goopy bread that's covered in, like, bean sauce. Like, I want that.

[A]

Dude. You want sludge for dinner?

[B]

You want sludge?

[A]

Have some sludge.

[B]

For breakfast, lunch, and dinner, you want boiled or potato? Boiled goose. Boiled goose. Let's take boiled goose with king corn sauce, please. Fuck off, dude. Eat a vegetable.

[A]

I. I like smush up peas for a drink, you know, Mushy peas.

[B]

Mushy peasy. I'd make. Got enough on. I can't get blood enough. I got mushy peas. Elf bar. Got a little vape. Mushy peas. Fantastic. You know what I mean?

[A]

They say I'm a tough. I don't even know what that means.

[B]

I don't even know what it means, but it's wicked in it. I love them so much.

[A]

Good stuff.

[B]

They're perfect people.

[A]

You. You've done fringe. How many times have you done fringe?

[B]

This, if I go back, will be my 11th year there.

[A]

Okay. Wow. Jesus Christ.

[B]

Which is a lot.

[A]

That's more than a decade.

[B]

It's more than a decade. Even in. Even in metrics, I would say it's. It's about whatever, however, what I call.

[A]

Over there, it's a long time.

[B]

She's like one chick pot pie of a lifetime, you know what I'm saying? A little Sunday roast.

[A]

Like a tiny grandfather clock.

[B]

Big band. Biggest Ben. Bigger. Bigger. Benjamino.

[A]

You got a Big Ben plus one, huh?

[B]

Oh, God. That's also. I made a joke there that I feel like I don't know. This is definitely not the audience for it, but, you know, I have their. Their country code for phones is plus four. Four.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

And we're plus one if you're doing an American number. And I was like. I did a joke there. I was like. So I went to this party with a plus one. Sorry. A plus four. Four to me. And 45 of my best friends roll up. And again, no one laughed, so fuck you really good. I love that one. I loved it.

[A]

That's where my mind went. When you said, we're plus one and they're plus 44. I'm like, what do they just get? Like, the party's not that sick.

[B]

Exactly, dude. Americans rule. Americans rule.

[A]

I'm feeling patriotic.

[B]

I am. For the first time in probably since Joe Biden won or, sorry, since he lost.

[A]

God damn.

[B]

God damn.

[A]

God damn. God damn. It's going to be all right. We shake it off. We shake it off.

[B]

We shake it off. I love that J.D. vance guy.

[A]

Whatever I have to say to keep things this network going, Elon's cool.

[B]

That's going to be the. That's going to be the one that.

[A]

I'm just going to promo the show. That way Elon's cool and you never get booked again.

[B]

Please, God, honestly, take me out of this misery. It's been too long in the biz.

[A]

Well, Big Ben plus one. For people who don't know what fringe is, basically. Would you want to explain it a little bit?

[B]

Yeah, sure. Fringe Festival, specifically in Edinburgh, is the world's largest arts festival, third most ticketed event behind the Olympics in the World Cup. Is that true?

[A]

I didn't. Oh, I love that fact. And let's keep it fake.

[B]

That's what we say. Yeah, that's what we say. And I'll never look it up, but it's a wonderful celebration of art. It's about 4,000 plus shows a day. Comedy, theater, circus, magic, burlesque, dance, poetry, anything at all. And it's. Yeah, it's changed my life. It's. It's made me, I think, the showman that I am.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I. It's introduced me to a lot of my best friends and just opened me up to all this incredible art that's like, influenced my life.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's really hard. It'll kill you every day. You die like a thousand deaths a day. But similar to the UK audience sense, it's the ultimate humbler. Doesn't matter who you are, how many followers you have, what your team is, what your credits are. If you are not good, it will not work.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And that is the scary and beautiful thing about it.

[A]

And that's like a good place to, like, work on a show.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Oh, you just. You're going, going, doing it. And how else are you gonna get better?

[B]

That's it. And that's the thing is you get like. So you know there's also other fringe festivals and let me just like all of a sudden get serious.

[A]

What the crazy is going on?

[B]

I'm being kissed right now.

[A]

I thought Kiss Boy was crazy.

[B]

I went from Kiss boy to Invest.

[A]

In Me please right into that camera. Hi.

[B]

Thank you so much. My portfolio. Don't, don't worry about it. Don't look at my taxes.

[A]

You're going to bring up taxes?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

In this economy you can't get taxed.

[B]

On jewels or money they don't know about. I shouldn't have said that. The mattress I bank with Tempur pedic. It's pretty cool. It's the only bed brand I know.

[A]

I have mattress frames.

[B]

A front I wrote, actually. Okay. Two bed related ideas. One I've had an idea for years which was a mattress that you can piss into and it's a waterbed kind of full of piss. Because what do we not want to do when we wake up and have to piss is get up out of bed. So what if there was a little hole you could pee into?

[A]

You don't have your morning catheter.

[B]

Well, I did, but the liberals, Obamacare.

[A]

You know, for us women, we're getting those ripped right from under us.

[B]

I know. And they're giving them to the boys.

[A]

Not a damn boy.

[B]

And we're just playing volleyball with them. We're bum setting, spiking lady cat catheters. Lady catheter feels like a Shakespeare character.

[A]

Oh, that's Lady Catherine.

[B]

Yeah, Lady Catherine. Just, you know, cords of piss all over.

[A]

Why, she's a junkie.

[B]

And when will Broadway be brave enough to make a play like this?

[A]

Oh, Mary.

[B]

Oh, Mary indeed. And then the other bed, I just remembered, I, I like, you know, no one ever saw this, but I like when I was a young improviser out here in 1819, thinking I was the funniest guy in the world, I wrote a write writing packet. And for like I wrote like my SNL spec writing packet.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No one ever saw, no one ever sent.

[A]

Well, you know, you know, still time.

[B]

It's still time.

[A]

There's still time.

[B]

There's gonna be 50 more seasons to go.

[A]

Like, oh, we really wanted a 19 year old. This seemed like a 19 year old's packet.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Hey, I could be anything you want.

[B]

Please just. If you shave my face and give me makeup and you put me in puka shells and bright clothes, I will look 19 again. I could do it.

[A]

I'll be your boy.

[B]

I'll be your boy. But I wrote one sketch called like Temper cheetic. And it was a mattress so soft you could have sex next to your partner and they wouldn't feel. Find out.

[A]

That's great.

[B]

That's a great idea.

[A]

That's why they advertise it that way, right?

[B]

Let's dig it up.

[A]

I mean, come on.

[B]

Okay, so we're basically. We're now co hosts and we're going to be on snl. We're. We're weekend update right now.

[A]

We don't even need them. I'm just kidding. I would love the opportunity. Any chance that I could get. I can't really act, but I can learn.

[B]

I think I'm done. I screen tested a few years ago and I think that was as far.

[A]

No, no, it's false.

[B]

I'm done. It's you, Lauren. All y'.

[A]

All.

[B]

I'm done with this. Hey, you missed your chance.

[A]

We can cut this.

[B]

She agrees.

[A]

And we can cut this imposed.

[B]

No, this. This is the clip. Put this with my Saudi money.

[A]

50 years, my ass.

[B]

50 years, my ass. You would have gone 50 more. You cross me, you're done. I'll kill you. Okay, okay.

[A]

That is the. The one, people. I won't. I won't.

[B]

I won't piss off just yet. They all know me and they would have worked with me by now if they wanted to. And it's.

[A]

They all know me.

[B]

They all know.

[A]

They know me as a smooch guy. They know me. That I can do Z.

[B]

It was actually fun to do it because I was like doing my characters in there and everyone's doing, like actual good, you know, like premise based characters. And I'm like, this is a guy who can't find his girlfriend in his apartment. And I walked in, I went, jessica, Jessica, Jessica. Well, I guess she's not in here.

[A]

Moving on.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. And I was like, I wonder why I like that. I loved it.

[A]

It's good. You know, it shows range.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. I did an impression of a driving instructor who had a bug in his throat. Oh, yeah. It was just me going, there's some sort of bug in my throat. I was like, this is range right here.

[A]

He's both a literal clown and a literal clown. Exactly.

[B]

And I was like, you know what? It's even just a win for clowns around the world that I'm even in here. And I kind of went in being like, I'm probably not gonna get this. So, like, let me just make myself laugh as hard as I could.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

And I think I started off not great. I picked up steam. I got Cocky. And then threw in that guy, having not prepared to do it, and then petered out at the end.

[A]

How, how long ago was that?

[B]

This is 2023.

[A]

It wasn't that long ago.

[B]

Yeah, but I'm, you know they're going to go for somebody younger and hotter. No, someone's a fatter ass than me.

[A]

I heard that they were looking for a slim ass.

[B]

I'm out.

[A]

A young B boy that smooches. So. Okay.

[B]

Crazy.

[A]

That's just kind of what they've been saying on the streets.

[B]

Actually, I do live in New York.

[A]

I have my ear to the door.

[B]

Okay. Yeah. And that I am outside the venue. Let me in, please. I did. I went to one afterparty after I had auditioned and like, we made eye contact for a second and he just looked straight down and I was like. Yeah. That's how I expected that to go.

[A]

I mean, that guy is like. He is. He, he is the little engine that could.

[B]

Because I was loving to see what you were going to pick there.

[A]

I was going to say something about cocaine and I decided not to. I don't want to put anything out there. You probably quit in the 80s or something.

[B]

But yeah, he will quit. When?

[A]

He'll stay for the first after party. But he'll never go to the after after party.

[B]

No, but he's out late.

[A]

He's out late.

[B]

I was impressed.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, I was impressed.

[A]

I got woken up out of bed to go. And this guy has been going all week. So, damn, I put it past him, you know?

[B]

Is that a dream of yours to do snl?

[A]

It has been. It has been same. It was. And I, I, I still would do it. Of course. I, I would love.

[B]

Who am I kidding? So would I.

[A]

He takes it all back.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Matter of fact, you need both of us.

[B]

Yeah. It's a two for one deal. And if we find out that one of us had to sell the other person out, I give you permission to do that. To get on there.

[A]

And one thing about me, I'm a loyal.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I would never do that.

[B]

Unless. Unless it really is true. Unless that is the only way. Then you have my full permission to do that.

[A]

Absolutely not. We come as a package. I don't know why I keep cutting to camera. It's just.

[B]

It feels right.

[A]

It feels right. And you're gonna, you're gonna be sorry if you don't.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And that's a threat.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Legally.

[A]

Because I can do Boston accent.

[B]

Huh.

[A]

I can do Girl who forces a Boston accent. I could do Girl who doesn't even know who she really is. So does a Boston accent. Yeah, there it is.

[B]

I was like, there it is. Do you know the reality show Star Bar, Boston Rob?

[A]

Oh, yes, of course.

[B]

I love Boston.

[A]

I don't know him personally, but he. He seems to be crushing traders, right?

[B]

Yes. Dude, I love him. I'm a server. I got into Survivor last year. My friend. Shout out to my one of my best friends, good Maddie who lives in Paris. I love you.

[A]

This is actually great. This is a new segment I like to call shout out. 60 seconds. You have 60 seconds to do as many shout outs as you want.

[B]

Let's go.

[A]

Okay, wait, wait. This just has to be prompt. Ready one. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to lift up here. Right? And. And. And a one and two and. Holy.

[B]

Go. Okay, here's the shout outs. Shout out to good Maddie. I love you, gm. We the greatest. Shout out to Arena. Shout out to Sharkman. Shout out to Dylan. Buff up Dylan Brand. We got Johnny on the beat Bugs. We got vgo. Stefan, what the hell's going on down there? Shout out to my best friend Brandon. Shout out to my grandpa Marv. I love you, dog. You rock.

[A]

Still kicking.

[B]

He's still kicking.

[A]

Sorry.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Shout out grandma Lila. Lila Beck. Love you. Shout out grandma Uni. Everybody in the gang. Rest in peace, Grandp. Grandpa Howie, Papa Howe. I'm finna Papa Howe. One day that's gonna be something I'm gonna do. I'll give it to my little brother. Hey, Davey. Good to see you. Oh, who else do I want to shout out? Shout out Kevin, thank you for giving me millions of dollars in the future. Shout out Sharkman again. I love that guy. Oh, God. Who this is? So shout out to my. My. He's never gonna see this. My clown teacher Philippe. I love you. And Michco and Carlo and Tom. Tom, Tom. And shout out to. To the big man. Shout out to the big man.

[A]

Love you, G. Just in time.

[B]

Wow. Wow, what an interesting list to see. That's who I went for.

[A]

I love that. That was a on the cusp segment.

[B]

Wow. And that will get cut.

[A]

No, I love that. I think that's gonna be a new thing.

[B]

Great, dude.

[A]

Good stuff.

[B]

I love it. Damn, there's so many other people I want to shout out. Go back another minute.

[A]

It's too bad.

[B]

It's too damn bad. Bleep out the rest of them.

[A]

They're gonna hate you.

[B]

Yeah. Shout out to Mary.

[A]

She's Jesus Christ. What did I just say?

[B]

I'M sorry. I'm a rule pusher, you know, I'm a smooch guy.

[A]

Well, I hate a rule follower. Those are people who love Star Wars.

[B]

I don't play by the rules. Have you ever seen a Star Wars?

[A]

No.

[B]

Me neither.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Go, dude.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Get a life.

[A]

Dude.

[B]

I'm like. I say that like, have you seen all 40 seasons or 40 something seasons of Survivor? I would never watch Star wars, but, God, do I love Boston Rap.

[A]

That's a real hero.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Shout out. Boston Rob. I did it.

[A]

Oh, my God. I'm gonna kill you. Why? I oughta. One iota. That's how you can get a ticket to SNL is the only way I'm ever gonna get it.

[B]

One iota.

[A]

One iota.

[B]

One iot.

[A]

It's an app. This isn't an ad or anything, but if you. If you live in LA or New York and sometimes Dallas, I think you can go. Really?

[B]

I don't know. I was just trying to. I was just trying to. Yes. And amp up my queen. Over here.

[A]

You can get tickets to live shows, like live tapings. So. That's what I do all the time. I had a ticket to this. Doesn't matter. I did have a ticket to Wendy Williams for her last show and I missed it.

[B]

Damn. What were you doing?

[A]

I was. I overslept.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It started at 5 in the morning.

[B]

I heard you were absolutely piping down 100 models.

[A]

Yeah, no, that's what they said they.

[B]

Sent out to the press.

[A]

I got the models that used to be Abercrombie models, but now they've really let themselves go.

[B]

Like, let themselves go. They're free.

[A]

Yeah, no, they're free. It's not about looks to me. Really.

[B]

What was the.

[A]

More of a. If you're a pompous ass. Yeah. That's what I like to.

[B]

Or if you're trying to pump this ass. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Someone said to me once, and I didn't know what to say, pump that ass. I made that up. I thought that'd be funnier.

[A]

My brain working, not.

[B]

My brain works in knots.

[A]

That's the wind between my ears.

[B]

Damn. That's kind of. Also, there's a sailor theme with the knots there. And I don't know what it means, but I think knots is a sailor term.

[A]

Grace o' Melly was an Irishman pirate. She up my Google search.

[B]

Really?

[A]

I can't stand that.

[B]

Rocks.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Zack Zucker was an unsuccessful clown. Sorry, is.

[A]

Wait, so you went to clown school. Can we touch on this?

[B]

Fully went to clown school. We could. We can actually love on this. We don't have to just touch on this. We could love on this.

[A]

It's you. You're actually the second clown I've ever.

[B]

Interviewed who's number one.

[A]

Stevo.

[B]

That rocks.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I actually wanted my bar mitzvah theme as a kid to be Zack ass. And my parents said, that is awesome. Right? Wasn't that awesome? That is awesome. Z ball. Just generic.

[A]

A bunch of lines.

[B]

Little Z ball.

[A]

Bunch of kids going, I thought that.

[B]

Was pixie ducks having. Having, like, their first dance like this. Just absolutely vibrating. What I did. I. But I had my own jackass group.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

In middle school. Okay, I don't want to.

[A]

No, go back.

[B]

Go shout out to Jordan and Stevie and Schiller and Danny and Tristan, the gang. We were an S.O.S. save our souls.

[A]

A little emo pop group, of course.

[B]

And I was obviously the of the group. Like, I. I talked so much, and I never did anything cool.

[A]

Yeah, you better light your ass on fire. Can you believe this? Shave your eyebrow.

[B]

People did, man. Mike Schiller. Shout him out, man. He branded himself my friend. Danny jumped off a house into a. A plastic. Like a plastic, kind of like kids, like, play fort and, like, fell through the roof of that. And then I dropped a basketball onto Shayla's nuts off of a bridge.

[A]

And see, you're always at the cop out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, yeah, I'll throw the basketball.

[B]

Exactly. Because I was. I was sporty guys. So I'm like, well, let me be Sporty Spice here.

[A]

Yeah, of course.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I have to shine.

[B]

And I was also, like. This was like, my earliest, probably days of me being, like, a producer was like, me just, like, hyping this up like, yo, after school, Robbie's gonna backflip off the garbage can.

[A]

Just you wait, pal.

[B]

Just you wait. It's gonna be lit.

[A]

We're about to blow your mind.

[B]

Yeah. I was like, the hype man for the group who then would fall to the back and then take the credit for the crazy stuff.

[A]

That is perfect.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's basically what Johnny Knoxville does.

[B]

Yeah. Except he also is pretty hardcore, and I lack. I lack the hardcoss of Knoxville.

[A]

Do you have any of those tapes by chance?

[B]

I actually asked Jordan for them not too long ago, because I talked about this with somebody, and I was like, I know he has them somewhere. And it was, like, old. It was like, early imovie when this came out.

[A]

Oh, hell, yeah.

[B]

So we had those like, you know, the electricity and like it's like moving around and it was like S.O.S. save our souls.

[A]

Imovie is a gateway just to a long lasting career.

[B]

Yeah, school shooters. But yes, Clown school was in a small village in France called eTampes. La village D'. ETamp. And etamp loosely translates to stamp. And so my company and show, Stamp Town is named after this clown school.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

And I loved it. It was the best experience of my life. I met some of my best friends there, like my best friend Tom Walker. Hi, Tom. Happy, happy life. Happy life, bud.

[A]

He doesn't have a birthday anytime soon. He's just celebrating.

[B]

No, I'm just celebrating his life. Good to see you, bud. And yeah, I met my comed, Johnny and vgo there and I met a lot of some, you know, just a lot of great people in this school. And it was like 75 of the weirdest people from 45 different countries who all feel like they want to perform and have something to share, but like nothing works for them because we're all idiots. And you know, I learned how to like cook and take care of myself and I learned a few languages and.

[A]

Yeah, I was gonna say with that. Language barriers or you just. You find, you find love in the heart of.

[B]

You find love in the heart of miming. You find a little bit of ease.

[A]

Know that?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What Elon should have done.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. You want to give your love to everybody like this. Or like if you did like this, I would have loved it.

[A]

Like that is thrustful love. And you know all about that. Brother.

[B]

Brother. Yo, they call me Thrusty McNuts. Yeah, put that on the bottom.

[A]

There's a lot of things they call.

[B]

You and I've heard them all and they're not great.

[A]

No, I think they're fantastic.

[B]

I'm kind of Mr. Nickname.

[A]

Oh, at least you're not giving yourself a nickname. I, I don't believe in that.

[B]

I've never done that. I, for all of my close friends, I have nicknames for all that.

[A]

Oh yeah, I love giving a nickname, but you can't like walk around like, I can't wait. You guys got to call me Steamy or something like that. You know, like, I'mma steam it down, steam it up. What do you think?

[B]

Yeah, what do you think? Haha. Plug me and I'm going be hot. Yeah, Tap in. Tap in.

[A]

Yeah. They also call me Sauna, but like, you pick.

[B]

Yeah, you pick. Yeah. Cuz I'm, I, I hope you kind of sweat out them toxins. I'M a positive influence. Haha.

[A]

Let me get a me pick too.

[B]

Yeah. I'm excited for us to find nicknames for each other.

[A]

Yeah, this will be fun. This will be good. I'll think on it for the next couple weeks and come back to you in, in Austin.

[B]

Do you know we, we have a rule. We can't speak until then.

[A]

God forbid.

[B]

I was nervous. I sent you a message on Tik Tok just being like, hey, I'm so excited to be here. And I was nervous and I was like, is that like lame of me to do that? But I was, I was really excited and I wanted you to know.

[A]

And I don't, for whatever reason, I don't get notifications on Tik Tok your.

[B]

Brain to do that.

[A]

I post and I go by, I go bye bye. I don't, I try not to, I've been in trying not to look at comments.

[B]

It's hard.

[A]

But I will scroll.

[B]

Of course. I see. I would say almost all of them at some point. It's like I'll go months without looking and I'll be like, wait a minute, I haven't looked for months. Let me see.

[A]

Like, I want to feel something, whether it's good or bad. You suck.

[B]

This is comedy now. Damn, boy. Yeah, it's like, dude, Gucci Mane would hate you.

[A]

No, that's not true.

[B]

People say it. People say it.

[A]

Those fucking rat bastards.

[B]

Those rat fucking bastards. Dude. But yeah, it's, I think from school has taught me to have like a nice, you know, tough skin to all this stuff and you know, you just got to try and laugh at it. And it's like, you know, I've gotten bad reviews for shows in my life, but like the cool thing is, is at least when I do a character where it's like a bad comedian, anything is good. And so we had, when we had first like kind of debuted the show in Edinburgh, kind of tying this all together in 2019, I got mostly good reviews, mostly four and five star reviews, but I ended up getting a five, four and a half, four, three and a half, three, two and a half, two and then a one and a half and a one. And when I got this one star review, it read like I this guy's wife.

[A]

Oh wow.

[B]

Which is not true. But everyone's like, what did you do? How? I just fingered her with my dick finger blasted.

[A]

I think you're leaving that part out.

[B]

Yeah, dude, I, I, we actually took it. I flavor blasted her. I went goldfish style.

[A]

She one of them hot cheeto girls.

[B]

Hot Cheeto girls flavor for you. Yeah, exactly. And it was just once I got the one star review, we started posting all these like videos of me like crying and being sad. And I sold out my whole run and then got all these additional dates. And so that's been the one thing of like when I get a bad review at least, like it's Tucker. I'm like, awesome.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. It's nice to be able to hide behind a facade.

[B]

Exactly, exactly. Then I'm like, well, then myself and people don't like it. I'm like, well, this, this hurts my feelings actually. I'm, I'm just joking. This is a character. Still.

[A]

I am crazy.

[B]

Yeah. You think I'm gonna show you the real me? You think I'm gonna give it to you guys?

[A]

You idiot. I've been playing you.

[B]

I've been playing y' all my life. A literal movie. Get over it.

[A]

Straight up. Oh my God.

[B]

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[C]

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[B]

Let's go.

[A]

I would stay forever. I just have to catch a flight. It's the only one out.

[B]

I have to go to the Super Bowl. Damn, that sucks. I know. I feel bad for you.

[A]

I know, I know. The way I said it, it was so doucheb. Agree.

[B]

Yeah, it's cool. I actually have to go. I have to go somewhere really sick. But I, I can't even actually talk about it. I signed, I signed the NBA, so I can't even talk about it.

[A]

Oh, I, I. You going with Shaquille o'. Neal.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to Sha's house to watch the super bowl.

[A]

No, that's DJ Diesel to you.

[B]

Okay. DJ Diesel. Sorry, sorry. I'm sorry, Mr. Diesel, if you will. Someone's called him Shaquille and I love that.

[A]

What is it?

[B]

They call them Shaquille. They call him Shaquille.

[A]

Shaquille Wild Sh.

[B]

Yeah, it seems like. Oh, I do declare type guy. Shaqu. Good to see you.

[A]

I could do this forever.

[B]

I feel like I suddenly made a pretty epic claim to be a co host.

[A]

I think you totally, like, win. I got to like talk to the guys about this, but I'm in.

[B]

I don't know if this is real or part of a bit, but I would do it. I would literally do it.

[A]

I'm not sure either at this point. It was going. It was supposed to be a bit and now I'm like, dude, we got so.

[B]

I'm having a lot of fun. This guy say, let me you. I'm easy to work with. I have no demands. And I don't know what a writer is.

[A]

It's going to be based out of.

[B]

I hardly even know it.

[A]

Right. That's all you've been doing. Writer.

[B]

We smash that. Just absolutely so hard in front of all this.

[A]

Go see sweethearts on hbo. Max. It's just Max.

[B]

Now it's just Matt, which sucks because I was like, I really wanted that HBO in front of there, you know.

[A]

You were sucking face. Maxing.

[B]

I was. I was. I'm. Look, I'll suck face ratio. I'm not going to suck face for hb for just for Max.

[A]

Come on now.

[B]

No, no, no.

[A]

So this will be based out of New York and you sometimes crash at Richard Kind's house. Can you share that?

[B]

Yeah. I live with my roommate in New York City. Is Richard Kind. Richard. Very, very kind. He saw my shows earlier in 2024 and then offered me a place in his. In his apartment. And so I live with him and I love him so much. And I have nothing but incredible nice things to say about my incredible roommate.

[A]

And he seems like a great guy.

[B]

He is.

[A]

I've heard some people all wrong.

[B]

He's. He's got everything and he is so fun to me. He cracks me up. He's made me laugh some of the hardest ever in my life. And he's given me wonderful. This is. This is just the only moment I'll be sincere here other than vying for your co host spot is. Is just saying nothing but amazing things, Doc.

[A]

It I've already sent an email when you weren't looking, talking about Mr. Kind.

[B]

Yeah, I'm just off looking over here, incriminating myself with the Saudi royals.

[A]

So, yeah, I think me, you, in kind will get dinner when you're in New York sometime. And he's your manager of.

[B]

He's basically. He's my. He's my momager but dad style.

[A]

Oh, gotcha.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And I picture him as a roommate just walking around Ebernier Scrooge style with like a candle and a. In a long nightgown. And that's just how I view him.

[B]

Until we meet in real life.

[A]

Until we discuss business over lamb. Yeah, that's how you do it.

[B]

I love that.

[A]

That's a weird way to end it.

[B]

But I got to go to the Super Bowl.

[A]

Yeah, I sound like a douche rag.

[B]

When will Super Bowl. When will NFL. When will NFL take a risk and make super duper bowl? That's what I want to know.

[A]

I want to be the first. The first standup halftime. Nobody would love it.

[B]

Let me tell you. Nobody would like this at all. No, my dream is to do the halftime show. Actually. Hold on. This is my last brag. I have a dance agent and I. I love to dance. And, yeah, suck it to all the other dancers who. I'm who think I suck. Whatever. I can go out for a guy who looks like he can't dance, but has a little bit of rhythm and this. And the. My agent was like, do you want to audition for the Super. Super Bowl? And I was like, give me like a few years because rather than having this just be a story I tell on a podcast or on stage, I want you to be like, oh, my God, is dancer 402 out of 403? Is that Zack sucker shaking ass on the 30 yard line?

[A]

I know that ass from anywhere.

[B]

Wait, turn around. Yeah, I know that one.

[A]

I know that game very well.

[B]

Wait a second. Hold on. Turn on Max for a second. Is that smooching ass guy's ass?

[A]

By golly, you got it.

[B]

You got him. Shout out Richard K. Shout out nph. Shout out the gang. Shout out Joy Dardano. Shout out to Mary. Shout out Seb. Shout out Seb. Seb does the lights. Shout out Lily. I love you, Lily. And sorry. That's me just passing through by the Haters.

[A]

Sorry, Lauren Michaels.

[B]

Sorry, Lauren. I still will do it. I will.

[A]

I still with you.

[B]

I with you, dog.

[A]

I could do this forever. But we gotta go.

[B]

We gotta go.

[A]

Much love, my man.

[B]

Much love.

[A]

This is well being. Hey, I'll have my people call your people.

[B]

The Jews and the Bostonians.

[A]

No, Mr. Kind.

[C]

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[B]

Let's go.

[C]

Ever since switching to T Mobile, something.

[B]

Weird has been happening. I get to cut lines.

[A]

Oh, right this way.

[C]

Who, me?

[B]

I can stream shows at 30,000ft. And I was able to buy reserve.

[A]

Tickets for my favorite band.

[B]

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[A]

Hi, I'm Angie Hicks, co founder of Angie. One thing I've learned is that you buy a house, but you make it a home. And for decades, for decades, Angie's helped millions of homeowners hire skilled pros for the projects that matter, get all your jobs done well at Angie combined.