The Blair Socci Witch Project

Summary

Disgraceful with Grace O'Malley

Episode: The Blair Socci Witch Project

Date: October 23, 2025
Host: Grace O’Malley
Guest: Blair Socci
Note: Ads, intros, and other non-content material omitted.

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Overview

In this episode of Disgraceful, Grace O’Malley welcomes standup comic Blair Socci (named one of Variety’s Top 10 Comics to Watch, with her YouTube special Live from the Big Dog). The two comedians riff on everything from social media to the economics of OnlyFans, to Blair’s recent autism diagnosis, the vagaries of “bad liberal” guilt, and family quirks. Through laughter, candid confessions, and signature playful segments, this is a behind-the-scenes dive into the creative lives, career pressures, and unique hilarities ruling the world of women in comedy.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Blair Socci’s “Ankles Down OnlyFans” Saga

• (02:06) Blair describes her viral OnlyFans experiment:
  • Sparked by a tweet: “Can you just do feet or do you have to show whole?”
  • Blair opened a feet-only OnlyFans (“ankles down, no hole”) for 24 hours, netting “several hundred dollars” before shutting it down.
  • Observes how male consumers are “not good” (“Not good consumers,” 03:10):

    “I want these people to know the product that they’re paying for.” — Blair (03:03)

2. Comedians’ Struggles with Social Media

• (07:13) Blair struggles with Instagram but uses TikTok for entertainment and increasingly for compulsive shopping.
• They both discuss doomscrolling and the addictive satisfaction of online shopping:
  • “I pray to God for relief at some point so that I could have even $1 when I’m older.” — Blair (09:04)
  • Grace on influencer envy: “I think I’m getting PR packages…no, it’s knockoff Nike sneakers from China.” (09:24)

3. On Fast Fashion, Bad-Liberal Guilt, and Paper Straws

• (10:28) Rapid-fire jokes about Amazon, consumer conscience, and being “bad liberals.”
  • Blair’s confessions:

    “There’s two things that really stand out to me of my behavior as being a bad liberal…and that’s Amazon and straws.” (10:41)

  • Grace about paper straw alternatives:

    “The straw thing will turn me into a Republican every day.” (11:36)

• Bemoans lack of meaningful environmental actions and easy scapegoats.

4. Comedy Craft & Writing Pressure

• (13:09) Blair shares pride and anxiety about her debut hour-long special and the pressure of touring with material that must evolve:
  • “It’s really nerve-wracking to put out a special…”
  • Grace shares: “I’m trying to write a second hour while doing my first hour…I want it to be better.” (13:54-13:59)
• They exchange encouragement for comic growth and resilience.

5. Voice Criticism and the Internet’s Meanness

• (14:29) Both riff on the oddly personal criticism women, especially comics, get about their voices:
  • Blair: “I got made fun of for everything…they covered everything.”
  • Grace: “You learn a lot about yourself by being out there.”
• Discuss insensitivity of online comments, developing thicker skin.
  • “Now I don’t feel it anymore…this is just a 1 million percent projection of this person.” — Blair (17:08-17:14)

6. Blair’s Recent Autism & ADHD Diagnosis

• (17:22–19:00)
  • Blair describes getting an adult diagnosis, recontextualizing her entire life:

    “I give myself less shit for needing so many odd sensory accommodations…” (19:11)

  • “I always just wanted to be cozy, wrapped up in soft materials…” (19:55)
  • Sincerity and excitement as positives of neurodivergence:

    “I get really excited about shit…simple stuff. Small things. Which I think is a plus.” (21:50)

7. The Joy of Trains

• (22:02) Playful “train discourse”—trains are relaxing and underappreciated:
  • “There’s something just so relaxing about a train.” — Blair (22:42)
  • “If there’s a hill I’m going to kick the bucket on, I’d happy to be on train Hill.” (22:57)

8. “Disgraceful Receipts” — Photo Memory Lane

• (24:17) Blair explains old photos to Grace:
  • HBO short film still, volleyball days, family beer bong, early days with fellow comics like Nicole Byer.
  • College party culture and drinking now versus then, being “two months sober” (27:11).
  • “I would be so extremely rich if I had that OnlyFans still.” — Blair (29:33)

9. “Dear [Celebrity]” Letter Segment

• (35:02) Inspired by Blair’s Dear Owen Wilson show, they read comedic letters to celebrities—
  • Blair to Keith Urban:

    “Who the hell do you think you are stepping out on AMC’s own Nicole Kidman when you are 5 foot 8 with chunky highlights from 2006?” (36:01)

  • Grace to Denise Richards, riffing on her resilience and “your daughter are so different. One’s Jesus and one’s porn.” (39:42)
  • Blair to Lisa Barlow (Real Housewives): celebrates her unapologetic love for fast food and shiny hair.

10. Comedy Note Share — “Jokes in My Notes”

• (48:17) Blair tries a bit about men who golf deriding astrology:
  • “You genuinely spend an entire day trying to get a tiny ball in a hole over miles of terrain…it’s odd…A needle in a haystack type of thing. Whereas astrology is an ancient 5,000-year-old science…” (48:52–49:29)
• Discussion of alternative phrasing (“fat ass” vs. “plump butt”) and riffing on family inside jokes (51:03–51:18).

11. Rapid Fire Shoutouts

• (52:45) Blair gives impromptu shoutouts:
  • “Huge, huge shoutout to Nicole in her post-divorce look out in Nashville last night—baby, that makeup was on.”
  • “Shout out to Caprese salad…I love you.”
  • “Shout out to the breakfast sandwich I had this morning…it was exquisite.”

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On OnlyFans Boundaries (02:59):

  “I wanted to be very clear that, you know, you’re not getting in any hole on my page.” — Blair

• On Paper Straws, Climate Despair (11:36):

  “The straw thing will turn me into a Republican every day.” — Grace

• On Special Anxiety (13:09):

  “It’s really nerve-wracking to put out a special…then you have to start over.” — Blair

• On Internet Criticism & Self-esteem (17:08):

  “Now I don’t feel it anymore…this is just a 1 million percent projection of this person. It has nothing to do with me.” — Blair

• On Being Neurodivergent in Comedy (18:24):

  “My brain processes in such a way linearly that it doesn’t cross my mind that someone’s not telling the truth…Oh honey, it’s a very dangerous way to live, to be an autistic soul, very sensitive…in Hollywood.” — Blair

• On Simple Joys (21:53):

  “I get really excited about shit…simple stuff. Small things. Which I think is a plus.” — Blair

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Blair’s OnlyFans story: 02:06–03:06
• Shopping & social media confessions: 07:13–09:15
• Bad-liberal guilt (Amazon/straws): 10:28–11:46
• Talk of comedy, writing new hour: 13:09–14:10
• Coping with criticism/voice: 14:29–17:14
• Autism and adulthood diagnosis: 17:22–19:55
• Train fandom segment: 22:02–23:05
• Memory lane photos: 24:17–34:21
• Letters to celebrities (Dear Keith Urban, Denise Richards, Lisa Barlow): 35:02–46:32
• Jokes in My Notes segment: 48:17–50:10
• Shoutouts: 52:45–53:24
• Where to find Blair: 53:28

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Final Notes & Tone

The episode is breezy and irreverent, loaded with comic asides, friendly jabs, honesty about career and neurodiversity, and a behind-the-curtain look at women in the comedy hustle.
Blair’s warmth, openness, and penchant for the offbeat match beautifully with Grace’s quick wit and dry one-liners—a fun, relatable, and self-mocking look into the little moments that shape contemporary comic life.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Coming at you live from a shady Manhattan studio, it's Disgraceful. Featuring your gracious ginger host. Hey, watch yourself. Only I can say that.

[A]

Okay, boss, whatever you say.

[B]

You pay my bills. Give it up for Grace o'. Malley. Hi guys. Welcome back to Disgraceful. I am here with a very special guest, joined by a woman who's been seen across Netflix, Comedy Central, NBC and more. She has been named one of Variety's top 10 comics to watch. Her debut special live from the Big Dog is streaming on YouTube. Welcome Blair Sage, everybody.

[A]

Wow, this is a thrill to be here. What an intro.

[B]

We're keeping late night alive.

[A]

Wow. I mean, thank you for having me.

[B]

Thank you so much for coming on. Also, I have to add your. Your other credit as well. You're also known as Blair Psaki. Ankles down no hole.

[A]

That is true.

[B]

For those of you perverts watching, I.

[A]

I did have an onlyfans for 24 hours called ankles down Blair Psaki. Ankles down no hole. That started after a tweet went viral. I no longer have Twitter anymore. Yeah, nice try.

[B]

No gotchas.

[A]

Yeah, no, nice try. I know you guys are coming for me, but yeah, this I once tweeted out, like, just being silly. Can you just on OnlyFans, can you just do feet or do you have to show whole. And this was like a couple years ago and somehow it just like went viral. Viral. And then I started looking at the responses and I was like, oh my God, this is real. Like, so naive. Like, I didn't understand that there was real. And I was like, there's a market. So I started only fans that day. But I wanted to be very clear that, you know, you're not getting in any hole on my page.

[B]

And that's really good to like give that preface, you know. Oh, yeah.

[A]

I want these people to know the product that they're Paying for.

[B]

And like you said, men, they're not good. They're not good.

[A]

Not good consumers.

[B]

Not good consumers.

[A]

No. We're reading the Amazon reviews. We're, we're thanking the gods for the someone with our same heightened build for posting pictures and reviews.

[B]

Well, I'll tell you what. I'm, I'm not even kidding. I'm sleeping on a blow up air mattress in the. Living, in my living room because I can't decide on a mattress. I can't decide on a mattress.

[A]

We're going to take care of it after this. I'm going to help you through that. Absolutely. We are going to get this done.

[B]

So like maybe men, they'll take what they can get and that might be better because I should be on a mattress sleeping at night. This has gone on for too long.

[A]

No, no, we are going to remedy this in 47 to 94 minutes.

[B]

Okay, perfect.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So Helix, that's a great time for this ad by Hel.

[A]

Then I got in trouble and I had to take it down after 24 hours.

[B]

You have that in common with Kimmel. You got in trouble by Disney.

[A]

Oh, yeah, I am. A lot of people liken me to Jimmy Kimmel.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Hair plugs. Oops, sorry, Jimmy. They look awesome, by the way. And I love one as well.

[B]

Well, you know, everybody's going to Turkey. It's a great. I know, great for tourism.

[A]

No, I know actually a lot of men who have gotten them because they're good now.

[B]

I know one specific man who went and took his whole team and then hired comedians to come entertain for him in his. While he was getting it after. While they had recovery while they were hiding in Los Angeles. Oh, yeah.

[A]

I really want to know. I'm sure everyone at home is like banging on their phone like, who is this?

[B]

Yeah. Oh, oh, yeah.

[A]

I didn't expect you were really going to say it.

[B]

Yeah, it's just the word on the street.

[A]

Wow, you're bad.

[B]

Yeah. Whoever told me that said don't say that. So I might, I might have to cut that.

[A]

Right, right, right, right.

[B]

There were NDAs passed around.

[A]

Oh, there were.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know. I hear mixed things about NDAs online.

[B]

I've heard that NDAs are just phony.

[A]

Because that's what I've heard.

[B]

You could, literally. Because here's the thing about an NDA. You speak up against the person and then they say, hey, you weren't supposed to say that you signed an NDA. You still look like a bad guy.

[A]

You get in trouble. Sure. But the damage is done.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. And you know, some people continue to have a career, and that's okay. I guess It'll get them at some point.

[A]

We are a moral compass.

[B]

So. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're not a laughingstock when you leave this place.

[A]

No, no. So. So I think, you know, we all know where to look deep inside. Yeah. You know what? A girl's best friend is not diamonds.

[B]

Her lawyers. From executive producer Ryan Murphy comes a fiery new legal drama.

[A]

It's our own boutique, women representing women.

[B]

You can't afford to miss. Make it ring.

[A]

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[B]

Stand up straight and breeze into like.

[A]

A storm no one saw coming.

[B]

Hulu Original series All's Fair premieres November.

[A]

4Th on Hulu and Hulu on Disney.

[B]

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[A]

I do only for to post.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I, I, I guess you have to.

[B]

You have to in order to, to.

[A]

Have this career and to sell tickets to my, to my little clown shows.

[B]

Yeah. Come and dance, monkey dance.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I feel like anybody who has just gets rid of the scrolling on Instagram. You have so much more time. What do you do to fill that time?

[A]

I bludgeon myself with TikTok.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I used to be like a very, very prolific reader my entire life. Oh, prolific, prolific. And I'm mourn that that self because now I have the attention span of a dodo bird.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I just absolutely like pummel my mind and eyes and everything every night with TikTok I look forward to it.

[B]

I do too. I'm like, I can't wait for this day to be over so I can doom scroll.

[A]

Right.

[B]

It's terrible and beautiful.

[A]

It's a ruthless addiction.

[B]

It really is. And I don't even realize how long I'm on there.

[A]

Oh, I don't either. Especially you. You pop even like a 5 milli. You can be transported. You're in a portal.

[B]

I'm. I'm commenting on shit that just got posted.

[A]

Oh my God. I find. Oh, obviously. Are you kidd me? I do that all the time. I need everyone to know that I. They have my full support first. I am behind them 1000%.

[B]

I love supporting small creators.

[A]

Yes. I forget to post on there, but I'm really consuming.

[B]

Yeah, you're consuming.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Are you buying?

[A]

Absolutely. Absolutely. No one loves to surprise me more than me with the packages that arrive at my doorstep. It's actually criminal. And I pray to God for relief at some point so that I could have even $1 when I'm older.

[B]

I. I never fell for any of this, but I guess I didn't have money. And now I have a little bit of money and. And like an extra dollar to spare and all the dollars are going to whatever they're pushing at my face.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And. And it feels so incredible, dude. I think I'm to buy shit. It's so sad.

[B]

I think I'm getting PR packages.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

No, I'm like, oh, a PR package. No, it's not. It's knockoff Nike sneakers from China. Dhgate. Yes. I'm like, what?

[A]

I bought one thing on Dhgate. Because, like, my friend. And I was like, I just want to see what it's like. And I was like, oh, didn't. It's not.

[B]

What was it?

[A]

I was like a little mini nylon Prada purse.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Because I had a real one. And I was like, I just.

[B]

Did you compare the difference?

[A]

Yeah, it doesn't look that bad.

[B]

But that's a good, simple solution. Yeah, but they're putting, you know, and I love supporting small business. They're putting the guys on Canal street to shame. They're losing their jobs.

[A]

I also love to support small business when I am not making mistakes on Amazon also.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, sometimes. Sometimes I don't pack well for a show and I have to go down the.

[A]

That is a true comedian.

[B]

Yeah. Like the sad rabbit hole of like, what can get here the fastest.

[A]

Totally.

[B]

And that's called dun dun dun dun. Fast fashion.

[A]

Right. And late Stake capitalism. Totally.

[B]

And down with the hierarchy. But, God, I gotta put clothes on for the show.

[A]

Yeah. No, there's two things that really stand out to me, actually, three things that really stand out to me of, like, my behavior as being a bad liberal that I'm not proud of, and that's Amazon. And straws.

[B]

Well, here's.

[A]

I never could get off the straws when the straws happen. I was perplexed because I was like, we're going with straws as our big thing. Like, what couldn't we have? Getting rid of dodge rams.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

And we're going straws. And then, like, I'm such a straw person. Like, I just love a straw. And then the first alternative they gave us, I said, okay, you can't straw us anymore, but how about this paper alternative?

[B]

How about a flaccid sucker?

[A]

Paper was the first thing that they could think of.

[B]

Like, you know, the thing that disintegrates as soon as it touches water.

[A]

Yeah, that just goes to mush. And I was like, we are not a sophisticated country.

[B]

The straw thing will turn me into a Republican every day.

[A]

No, I say, you want me to be a Republican? You freaking want me to be with those straws? Those paper straws? Really? Nothing else, huh?

[B]

I mean, roll the tapes back as soon as you said straws. I understand, like, this.

[A]

Absolutely. No, I mean, we have. We have, like, cures for, you know, wretched diseases, but the best we can. Well, I already have it, so I'm gonna keep taking it. Thank you.

[B]

How else am I gonna do my stylum shows?

[A]

No, I would love to have a kid like me. So I will continue taking the Tylenol, of course.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And if you want to sponsor me, I am open to that as well.

[B]

And you are a married woman. No, no.

[A]

I don't know where you got that.

[B]

I was literally listening to your special, and you got. You say you got married.

[A]

Oh, no, all my friends got married.

[B]

Oh, all your friends come.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But they, like, all did these shotgun marriages in Covid.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

And then that's my bad.

[A]

Yeah. And then. And then they, like, wanted to get me dating advice, you know, like, as they were. As if they had, like, it all figured out.

[B]

Yeah, that's okay, because I was listening to. And then the second part didn't make sense because I was like, I thought she was married. Dating advice. No. Okay. Yeah, yeah, That's. That's where I need to take my medicine.

[A]

Oh, that's okay. Same. I have to take Mine as well. And I also need captions to watch anything.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, I was, I was trying to, you know, do other things, but I'm not good at that.

[A]

Giving me a stream, baby.

[B]

Oh, yeah, of course. 100. And you should too, right now. 800 pound gorilla get on YouTube right now.

[A]

I'm proud of it. That like they say, usually you put it on an hour like after your first 10 years, it's like the, the best of your first 10 years. And, and then it's like really nerve wracking to put out a special, especially if you're a touring comic, because then you have to start over.

[B]

Start it all over.

[A]

So the first time starting over was terrifying when I have a full calendar full of weekend, which I'm sure you're probably like, some people get thrown into the water quick where you have to write an hour very quickly.

[B]

Very quickly.

[A]

Yeah. And. But then everyone says the second one, they're like, oh, no, trust me, it'll come so much faster. And it did.

[B]

It did. Okay, that's good.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because if you're gonna say the, the opposite, I was gonna be like, oh, I'm in for a fucking rude awakening. No, no, I'm trying to write a second hour while doing my first hour.

[A]

You are?

[B]

Yeah. Cause I, I just, I, I. Because I did get thrown into it and I want it to be better.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know, like the, like when I first started this tour, it was, it was, it was a little rocky. Sure. And now I have my footing and now I'm like, okay, I could do better. I could be even better than this.

[A]

Well, you're in a tough situation because people are coming to see you, like, while, while you're in the beginning trying.

[B]

To figure it out.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. So. But it's cool that, like, everyone supports you that hard.

[B]

That is really cool. And I appreciate you. And if I could kiss you all on the lips, I would, if you'd be okay with that.

[A]

And I double kiss you with her pillow talk.

[B]

Lipstick. Wait, so you also talk about how people give you shit about your voice. Oh, yes, I get that as well.

[A]

You do?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I think any woman on the Internet. Right.

[B]

Well, I mean, I talk. I have a Boston accent that, like, sometimes comes out, sometimes doesn't. So I'm either faking it, and then I also let my wisdom teeth come in. So now I have like a speech impediment.

[A]

I find it very charming and engaging.

[B]

Oh, thank you.

[A]

So please take it from me and not those people who try to make us feel as though God made mistakes with us.

[B]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I mean, your voice is amazing. You. You're a voice actor.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Like, you can't. Like, the person who's giving you shit online is the person who is also tuning into everything you do without even knowing it sometimes because you are a voice actor. Oh, that's very funny.

[A]

It's like, I've actually never thought about that.

[B]

I think that I actually just came to that right now. I'm like, that's pretty fudgeing cool. Actually.

[A]

People always think, like, asked me if I did Kristen Schall's parts. You know Kristen?

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

She's Louise on Bob's Burgers.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I. And it's funny because I'm like, I don't even think we sound alike at all. And I love Krista and she's like, my idol. Would love to have a career like her, but. Yeah. And I think she's so funny, but I. I'm like, I don't hear it. And then also, I always say this. I grew up with older brothers. Like, youngest only girl. And I got made fun of for everything there was.

[B]

Yeah. Gives you thick skin.

[A]

No, but I was like, they covered everything.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then I found I had no idea. Like, I even had an eccentric voice. No one had ever mentioned it, really, until I got into comedy.

[B]

Oh, my God, that's so wild.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's so crazy to go your whole life without thinking one thing about yourself, and then it's like, that's the number one thing we're going to make fun of.

[A]

Oh, 100%.

[B]

Well, I didn't even know. I. Yeah, I didn't know.

[A]

You learn a lot about yourself by being out there. And I used to not love. Like, I have way less followers than my friends, than all my friends, because I was thought like, oh, I'm. No, I'm going to do it. Not this way. Like, I don't want to put out clips. I want. I care about the art.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, like, it was hard in the beginning. Like, it would really hurt. But anytime, like, a clip went viral or something, you get the meanest comments and it would really hurt my feelings. Now I don't. And like, all my girlfriends, I. I would be like, how do you deal with this? Because I'm so sensitive. I'm such a sensitive person. And they're like, you just get used to it after a while. And that sadly, so sadly, I have to report this is true. Now I don't feel it anymore.

[B]

At all.

[A]

I'm like, oh, this is just a 1 million percent projection of this person. It has nothing to do with me. Yeah.

[B]

And once you realize that, you're better for it. But also you saying that you've become numb.

[A]

If you haven't guessed, I do have autism and adhd, and I only recently got diagnosed, like, eight months ago.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So were you Were you dying for a diagnosis?

[A]

No.

[B]

No, not at all. Oh, it just came too.

[A]

No, I mean, I saw a specialist and stuff, but, like, I started just having suspicions. And I'd always had, like, extreme sensory issues. But then I was also, like. I never had, like, social problems.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

But then there was a lot of things, like, you know, extreme sense of justice and, like, chronic fatigue and just so many, like, environmental.

[B]

Interesting. Yeah. Because it is a spectrum.

[A]

Like, I also never say something I don't mean. And then I'm like. So I can never tell when someone's lying because it doesn't cry. I can figure it out sometimes, like, three minutes, three seconds later.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Or whatever. But it doesn't. My brain processes in such a way linearly that it doesn't cross my mind that someone's not telling the truth.

[B]

Oh, that's how you get really fucked over in this instance. Oh, honey.

[A]

Oh, honey. I've lived a lot. I survived a lot.

[B]

I'm sure of it.

[A]

Jesus. Yeah. No, it's a very dangerous way to live, to be a autistic soul. Very sensitive.

[B]

Yeah. In Hollywood.

[A]

Yeah. And, like, you just stick out without even realizing it.

[B]

But that's what makes you. You.

[A]

Well, thank you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The only reason I really wanted to know was for having kids.

[B]

Oh, okay. Yeah.

[A]

I was like, you know, I can. You have to learn how to like. But it did recontextualize my entire life in a way that I did not anticipate at all.

[B]

Okay. So, like, anything. Do do you see yourself doing anything differently because of now youw know, or.

[A]

I would say I give myself less shit for, like, needing so many odd sensory accommodations and for what feels like a life. Lifelong lethargy and tiredness that I've never really been able to explain. Especially I was, like, a hardcore athlete growing up. And so. Yeah. That I think it's more just, like, I feel. I understand myself and I'm easier on myself because I'd always just be like, my friends are like, why can't you meet up, like, late night after everything? I'm like, because I'm tired, bitch.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I probably. I don't know what the seating situation is going to be. The. The noise, the. You know, all this.

[B]

I just want to talk.

[A]

And I had no idea why I was such a cozy gal.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Why? I always just wanted to be cozy, wrapped up in soft materials.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

And, like, do you have a.

[B]

Do you have a childhood thing that you would have held when you were a kid, like a blanket or a doll or something?

[A]

Oh, yeah. I had a few stuffies that were, you know, my companions. I did at one point have an imaginary friend named Donna Besake.

[B]

Oh, well, that's quite the name.

[A]

Yeah. And none of my family was always trying to deduce the origins of the name.

[B]

Yeah. What the hell? That sounds like you're. I mean, the only. The only thing I can relate this to is one time, my grandmother, she awoke from surgery.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

She goes, drizela's Smith is on the roof. Drizella Smith. With a name like Drizella, you wouldn't think the last name Smith, it's very white.

[A]

I really love that name. And what's your grandma's name?

[B]

Marianne.

[A]

Marianne. Is Marianne still with us?

[B]

No, she sits past Rest in Peace. She's a rock star.

[A]

That's a really cool name you came up with.

[B]

Yeah. Jezebel Smith.

[A]

She's on the roof.

[B]

Is on the roof.

[A]

She's on the fucking roof.

[B]

You better watch the hell out, because she don't fuck around.

[A]

Are you allowed to say the F word?

[B]

Can you say yes? No.

[A]

Oh, you guys are adults listening.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Don't listen to this. In a car with your kids. Okay.

[B]

It's fine. We got some tween ages.

[A]

Yeah. What, you never heard of an F bomb? Get a life. Another great thing about autistic people. This will be my last advertisement. RFK Jr. If you're watching this, get out of here.

[B]

Yes. Cramp.

[A]

I'm not going in your little camps. Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But is that. I do find that, like, the autistic people I know, they're incredibly sincere. So, like, I get really excited about shit. Like, simple stuff.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Small things. Which I think is a plus.

[B]

Should be more of that.

[A]

Yes. I get really excited. I get really passionate about my interests.

[B]

And such as, therefore, trains.

[A]

You know what? I wish it wasn't true, but I'd be lying.

[B]

Be lying to you.

[A]

I said I didn't love a train there. You know, they're. Nod back to yesteryear. A pure time. You know, you. You're not. You're not fighting traffic. You're just watching some beautiful scenery as you chug along. Truly kidding. Me.

[B]

And honestly, they've got a new super fast train that I specifically booked for my shows in Rhode island because I. I want to see the super.

[A]

That's really cool. That's really cool. It's so much better than.

[B]

It goes like 30 minutes faster.

[A]

Y. Yeah.

[B]

No.

[A]

There's something just so relaxing about a train.

[B]

Right? It's the next generation.

[A]

Plus, I love a train. We need to go back. That's the only way we need to.

[B]

Go back is back to trains.

[A]

Back to trains. Let's go back to train here first.

[B]

And I'll die on train Hill.

[A]

Look, if there's a hill that I'm going to, I'm going to kick the bucket on. I'd happy to to be on train Hill.

[B]

That might be a train on hill.

[A]

I'm going Train Hill.

[B]

I'm just choking. Chugga choo choo.

[A]

This season on the Kardashians. Let's do it. I'm shooting a TV show with the most amazing cast.

[B]

I have my podcast. I think I might move back to New York.

[A]

I heard footsteps walk into my room.

[B]

What's happening?

[A]

Don't you want to see all the craziness? I'm freaking out. Some familiar faces are back.

[B]

Is Bob here?

[A]

It's good tv. The new season of the Kardashians is now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney for bundle subscribers, drivers term supply new episodes Thursdays.

[B]

When's the last time you had a real crush? I'm talking a check your phone every three seconds or getting butterflies in your stomach when you get a Tinder notification from them kind of crush. Those crush feelings are happening on Tinder. There's no pressure to take things too seriously. Just like flirt and vibe with people who actually get you. There are so many heart melting, stomach fluttering, potential matches on Tinder waiting for you. Explore all the possibilities for yourself. Tinder. It starts with a swipe. Download Tinder today so I don't have a segue again. But we are gonna play a game. So this game is. It's memory lane for you.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Okay. So it's called Disgraceful receipts. And this is where we pull up old photographs and I have you explain them. Sound fun? All right, let's get it. All right.

[A]

This is incredible. You've done more investigation than Kash Patel. Wow. And then this. I'm really close to you right now.

[B]

The note says this is from her YouTube.

[A]

That is from my YouTube. So that incredible still is at a punchline to a short film that I where HBO Max, Adult Swim made A short film out of my pineapples bit. And that specific still is when I said that apples and oranges, you know, because basically pineapple is such, like, a heavenly, ethereal star of the fruit world, that apples and oranges will most likely become school shooters soon. That's why they have little banana guns.

[B]

And yes. Now that makes sense.

[A]

All right, I know you're all caught up now.

[B]

Oh, this one's good.

[A]

I'm scared. This is so scary. I gotta go through my Instagram. How did. How would these.

[B]

We do. So what we do do is scare people of how. How good. My. My researcher is Nora.

[A]

I used to be a volleyball player. And that was many years ago in my youth.

[B]

You still balling it up?

[A]

No, absolutely not. I haven't even thought about it in decades.

[B]

Well, maybe it's time to spike one up.

[A]

I think I'm a little busy and tired. My. My greatest exercise is walking these days to and fro.

[B]

Now, college was fun, huh?

[A]

College really was. And thank you for bringing that up. I was a different person. I was a. And that is our family beer bong called the. And it's an octabong, which, yeah, because of my name, became the sock da bong, of course. And then my father built a mechanical pulley system to remote control it up and down. So that's what was happening there.

[B]

Oh, so your dad is the man.

[A]

Yeah, my dad is the man. And that was a time in my life where I could really put the beer away because I thought that was normal, because I was, like, raised on that.

[B]

Yeah, me too. That's where I'm at right now. I'm finding out now that it's a little different. Yeah.

[A]

And, like, when I was in college, I could just, you know, crank them, put it down out with these big men, and now I have, like, half a drink, and I am absolutely blasted.

[B]

I don't think I'll Am ever gonna get there.

[A]

You will. I promise. Look, if it happened to me, it'll happen to you.

[B]

I mean, it's a really big part of my life.

[A]

I know. I. But I feel like there's a similarity. Maybe the similar spiritual drinking essence, you know?

[B]

Yeah, I just. I don't know what I'm even talking about right now. I'm two months sober right now.

[A]

Oh, you are? Yeah. How's that going?

[B]

Well, it's a month and a half. It's. It's 37. What day is it? October 7th. I'm 37 days in, so not two months. I really.

[A]

I really was, but no, I'm taking weeks.

[B]

I'm taking a little break. Taking a little break. It's not going to be forever.

[A]

But how do you feel?

[B]

I feel great.

[A]

That's awesome.

[B]

It is. But then it's like the plan is to go back to drinking and I feel great.

[A]

And it's like, well, I know someone who did that. And then they never went back and they're just like, oh, I'm just taking a break. And then they realize how much their life improved and they never went back. Yeah, but if you do go back, no judgment. You'll get there.

[B]

Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. I talked to one time, I was. I had Nikki Glaser on and she said she just quit one day.

[A]

I know. She always talks about that book, the book that says she read a book. Yeah, the Alan Carr one, like, about drink. I forgot the name of it. I don't know, but it teaches you to like. It tricks your mind into like stopping drinking or something.

[B]

What's it called? The Easy way to control Alcohol. Okay, well, maybe I'll read that when I relapse.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Order it in my spare time. Yeah.

[A]

Have it waiting.

[B]

Oh, up next, we've got a. A themed party, it seems. Oh, no. Oh, that'd be a show or.

[A]

Yeah, that's me and Nicole Byer when we were on the. Of famous, well loved MTV show Ladylike that lasted approximately one season.

[B]

We are all fans here. We're all fans here.

[A]

There's no way you've seen that.

[B]

We've got it on vinyl.

[A]

That was my first job and I was two years into comedy and like I went and auditioned in the middle of my temp job. No way about where I lied. To be a computer coder.

[B]

That's a tricky one to out lie. Oh, honey, you get, get out of that line.

[A]

Nobody was more surprised than me when I got the job. Wow, that's a lot of lion Jesus. Yeah, but I mean, I don't know if I ended up.

[B]

It's only temporary.

[A]

Figuring it out, it's like, that's on them, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They should have done a little background check.

[A]

I know. Well, actually the boss did kept like telling me I had beautiful feet, so I was like, oh, we're even.

[B]

And then somewhere down the line, he ended up paying you again.

[A]

I hope so. I'd love to, you know, get more money. Yeah, I would be so. I would be so extremely rich if I had that. Only fans still.

[B]

So how much did you call in on that first day?

[A]

Well, I had it for 24 hours. I don't know. Like, I made several hundred Jesus dollars off the toes.

[B]

He's unpedicured.

[A]

Yeah, I think they were unpedicured. And then. Yeah, they don't care. They're sick. I didn't even know this was a real thing like, that someone could feel sexually attracted to an appendage. That's like a non genital append.

[B]

Yeah, it's, you know, not going to kink shame. But it's gross, right?

[A]

I just feel. I don't even feel. I think there's way grosser shit than someone being attracted to feet, you know? But I just didn't know it was like a real thing. And no, they're really into it. And I happen to really love my feet. It's like my best feature.

[B]

Oh, hell yeah.

[A]

They're really gorgeous feet.

[B]

Now what do we have here? Oh, my God.

[A]

That's okay. That's pretty. Which look, something has been done to that photo. It's been altered because that's not how it looks in real life. Something you guys did to me. Some evil planning that you did under the full night wound that was also pressed for the same show. Mateo was on it too.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

Yeah, And I did. That was the year I did have bangs. In which the one time in my life I like the bangs. Oh, I got so much shit for it. One time, my. One of my very close friends at the time took me on a girls trip to do mushrooms and took me into the woods to tell me to grow up. My bangs, she was like, they're really bad.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

I think it hurt my feelings at the time. But also later I was like, oh, she really cares about me.

[B]

Yeah, it's gotta be. They had. I mean, I didn't think they were bad, but they must have been bad under that. Under that shroom trip to be like, you gotta get.

[A]

Yeah, they were really straight across for a curly girl. And I tried to straighten them. Heidi Klum. I was like, I want Heidi Klum's bangs. That's just so cool. And yeah, that was all when I lived in New York.

[B]

So you have a bad taste in your mouth. Of New York.

[A]

I haven't come back since the bangs.

[B]

Now we've got this. Looks like singing, but I'm sure it's stand up.

[A]

I was actually at my first ever show I ever put on with my friend Farah, who no longer does comedy, but has a very successful marriage in West Nyack with three children.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Some lives are very different.

[A]

Yeah. I do like my Hair and skin there, though.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, she's rocking and she's rolling. Yeah, it does look like you bouncing it up.

[A]

These are from the archives.

[B]

Oh yeah, we really bring the archives out. Cute baby.

[A]

I look like I'm 10 there.

[B]

I wouldn't. I wouldn't let you into my bar with a fake id.

[A]

Oh my God. Cute little Blairy. I. Oh my God. See, I was so puffy. I was drinking so much beer when I left here.

[B]

But then you moved to LA and you switched to soup.

[A]

I am a huge soup guy.

[B]

You big on soup?

[A]

I always have it. My mom is. Makes incredible soup. Shout out, Holly. Love you. Corn chowder for life.

[B]

Corn chowder. That's Troy soup du jour, if you will.

[A]

She's making a lot of corn chowder. And. And I'm always like, you know, I. In the beginning I was a bit flummoxed because I was like, you never. You never stumble upon that flavor anywhere.

[B]

No, you don't.

[A]

And let me tell you, she's excellent at it. If you guys ever get the chance to go to my mom's house for soup, do not pass that shit. She's making a chili, she's making a tomato bisque. She's making some sort of beet lentil, beef lentil.

[B]

You know, she's doing any of the Italian wedding soup.

[A]

No, but I hope, I hope that's in my future. Cuz I. I like an Italian wedding soup.

[B]

Soup is delish.

[A]

Yeah, I love a soup. I love hot foods.

[B]

Me too. Yeah, I'd rather. I'd rather be some hot foods than. Than like dessert.

[A]

Same.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, I love a hot food.

[B]

Now this one's a little blurry, but maybe the time of your life was blurry as well.

[A]

It's true. Beautiful, beautiful metaphor. No, I. That's my freshman year USA volleyball picture. And I did my hair so beautifully. I think I. I might have used even a diffuser then. And what an interesting cut as well.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

A lot of layers for the curly. A lot of short 80s rock band.

[B]

Yeah, that's the hairspray my ass up kind of cut.

[A]

Yeah. And then I think the bang is straightened also.

[B]

Yeah, you loved that.

[A]

I think that was, you know, a thing I fully forgot. I did.

[B]

You went to ucla.

[A]

I did. Wow. I played volleyball there.

[B]

Did you actually play volleyball though?

[A]

You have the pictures in front of you. Yeah.

[B]

But you know how like. You know how they like be taking pictures just to pretend so, you know, I did. Scholarship.

[A]

No, it was like my whole life growing up.

[B]

Did you Row as well.

[A]

No, I didn't do that. I'm a little guy. You have to be. But it is so funny because I, including one of my best friends, got into school, like, got into ucla like, two months before she graduated for rowing.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Like, started it two years before. One year before. And I started when I was 10. But that was the case for so many rowing girls into that. I always say, good for you.

[B]

Okay, so we've got this segment. Dear Owen Wilson.

[A]

Oh, wow. Oh, my God. Someone that you guys like, the private investigator.

[B]

We're pretty fucking good here.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

So back in 2020, you had a show called Dear Owen Wilson.

[A]

I did, yeah.

[B]

Where you would have comedians read letters to celebrities that they loved growing up. Inspired by your show, we're going to do some. Something similar. Okay, so we're gonna have something similar, but with a little. Little twist on things.

[A]

Whoa, Cool.

[B]

We are both going to write a letter with our mouths.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

To someone or something that we pull out of this house.

[A]

Cap. Oh, my God, this is so exciting. Wow. I've never written with my mouth before. So cool. So I'm going first.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Wow. Oh, this, this. I'm going to have to reach down to the depths of my overalls. Let's find it to say something nice about this person.

[B]

Oh, here we go.

[A]

Okay. Drum roll, please. Wow, that's a good drum roll. Thank you. Dear Keith Urban. Oh, we meet again, pal. Okay, just who the hell do you think you are? Stepping out on AMC's own Nicole Kidman when you are, you are 5 foot 8 with chunky highlights from 2006. Is it because she hid your straightener? Where would you in 2025 think that you could do that on Nicole? Okay. And I saw Fresh pick of Nicole post divorce out and about. She said. I think she said, meet me at Skinny Dennis. We're taking the town down. Last night, I think she said that hair was looking good, makeup incredible. Clothes had a slight bagginess, saying, hey, I'm carefree. I'm carefree. Even though my little tiny country troll husband left me because he's not well in the mind. Is this a good letter, Keith? Are you enjoying this so far? And I have to say, Keith, I did draw your name out of a large wooden salad bowl. I never would have landed on your name had I not drawn it out. And I did like you before because I thought you were a really good husband, which I feel is men's. One of only men's purposes so far that I've gathered in my short life. And I was wrong. So I hope you have a good day and that you get a new straightener soon. Even though I shudder to think what happens when you get out of the pool when no one else is around.

[B]

That brought me to tears.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's so beautiful. That was really good.

[A]

Thank you. I appreciate that.

[B]

And you know what? He freaking deserves that.

[A]

That was from my heart. And actually I'll just say I do know nothing that happened. So that's all allegedly and won't hold up in court if you even try.

[B]

Me. Yeah, don't even try.

[A]

That's alleged.

[B]

Well, yeah. And you know these country singers, they like to come for you, so.

[A]

Well, Grace. Firing on all cylinders, baby. Oh, it's electric in here.

[B]

Sorry, Sunny.

[A]

Sorry, Sonny. You just had to have a little scream there. Got too fucking jacked.

[B]

Here we go boys. Now I just got Denise Richards.

[A]

You got such a better one than me.

[B]

Dear Denise, I love you and I think that you are so beautiful. And I love how you operate your life. You are so forgiving. You are dealing with a lot. The guy who you recently just left, he's psycho, man. He was having all of his family members squat in your house. And you were so sweet to let them, but now it's over. Cause he. He tried to out you for the way you live. Honey, come to my house. I have a air mattress in my living room. And gross, gross, gross living quarters, I'll tell you that. But you know, we're busy girls and nobody would even know our houses were because we get so fancy dressed up when we go out on the town. And what you've done for Mr. Charlie Sheen, I think is remarkable. Because you know what? He doesn't deserve your forgiveness. But you still give it to him. And you'll still say what's on your mind. Cause you don't give a fuck. Also, what pills are you on? Cause I want them. And now I leave you with this. Your daughter are so different. They are so different from each other. It's so mind boggling. I can't believe how different they are. One's Jesus and one's porn. And now I must say, after watching Charlie Shane, I get it. And you are my hero. Thank you, Denise.

[A]

That was beautiful epithet that drew me back to the times of Fanny Braun and Keith. And that is really more reflective of what the show was a positive. You're supposed to read a letter to someone you adore. And so I am jealous you got Denise. Because I love Denise.

[B]

I do. I love Denise.

[A]

Been onto that slimy Anti vaxxer for many moons.

[B]

I didn't know that about him. I didn't know he was an anti vax.

[A]

Oh. Because I watched the show and there was this one extremely awkward dinner party where everyone realized that he was Cuckoo Kachu. Because he started talking about, you know, all these conspiracies and stuff about medicine and all these things, and everyone just started being like, what? What?

[B]

At the dinner table.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. And I was always like, why are your face so fucking red? Stay out of the tin bed. You know?

[B]

And P.S. the DV. That guy.

[A]

You're a loser. I hope you see this.

[B]

Let's get our mind off it with another.

[A]

Oh, my God, we're going. It is funny because I used to be obsessed with Owen Wilson in Obviously. And I did write a real letter to him in college at the height of his Wedding Crashers fame. And I was, like, in love with him. And I was like, there's no one like him. He's just so. There's no one like him. And I wrote a letter when, you know, he had a little bump in the road because I just got so worried that I was like, a man this talented who gives so much to the world could be, you know, down in the dumps.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I don't know if he ever got it, but the only time I've ever done something like that.

[B]

Yeah. How do you get the address?

[A]

I'm sure he never got it. I just. Just. It was whatever. Best address that I could find online.

[B]

For, like, it's some weirdo in misogyny.

[A]

But then I later had multiple chances to meet him and I got too afraid, so I always declined.

[B]

Well, don't meet your heroes because you don't want it to be ruined. You don't want it.

[A]

I don't think. I don't even know if it would be ruined. But it's just, like, you know, that'd be too freaky to know that I had a show and liked him that much.

[B]

I think he'd love to hear that. He's actually the cool guy.

[A]

You know him? No, he just seems like you guys are bros. Me.

[B]

Me and Willie, we go way back.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

But no, I think. I think he would really, like, appreciate hearing that. He seems like the kind of guy would not, like. I don't think he would take it in the wrong way.

[A]

Oh, yeah, no, I'm sure he would be urban. Maybe he'd be extremely gracious. But, you know, I've been fooled before.

[B]

Yeah, that's true.

[A]

By Keith Urban.

[B]

Specifically freaking Blonde streaks. Mother.

[A]

Oh my God, the chunky highlights. Christina Aguilera laid claim on that and dirty era. Okay. The fact that you're still doing it is of kind. Crazy.

[B]

Screwy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, sounds like a good one.

[A]

Dear Lisa Barwell, you have a robust personality that many people I think find abrasive across the country. But I have to say, I've always been an apologist and many of my friends have not understood that. That. But that's because I love how you eat fast food, even though you also constantly tell everyone how rich you are. And I love that ju position. Personally, I find that really compelling. And I hope to be in your spot one day. Where I'm still down to earth enough at the Wendy's, but my bank account is overflowing. So I really look up to you in that way. Like, I can't really figure out your marriage, but I know you guys are probably still banging it out, so I'm happy for you there. And I do like your hair and makeup. And I do get mad when people try to insult you by saying you're old because that's like an absolutely insane insult to say to someone for a woman. Like, what, you want her to die? She's psychopaths. You'll nasty ass psychopaths writing that think old isn't in this. You think that women shouldn't be legally allowed to age.

[B]

Age.

[A]

Maybe you need to talk to God or a therapist. Maybe you shouldn't be writing mean to people on the Internet. Maybe you need to take a good look in the mirror and ask, am I who I want to be?

[B]

Yeah. Andy Cohen.

[A]

Oh, I am a fan. Andy Cohen. Wanna know something crazy? Pause, pause.

[B]

Lisa, relax.

[A]

Lisa, pause. Because, you know, I did grow up in Orange county in a different era. Separate, several different eras than you. I had a crush on Andy Cohen. I didn't know he was gay in the beginning when Bravo first appeared.

[B]

Well, you just, you just thought he was well dressed and well likable and. And you didn't think anything about it.

[A]

I'm like, oh, wow. A man who presents himself nicely. I find that attractive.

[B]

And. And he can mediate women. There's a lot of signs.

[A]

And he asks women questions. He seems like a winner.

[B]

He lets them talk and gives them a pedestal to stand on. Wow. What the hell all.

[A]

Yeah, so, yeah, I didn't have a good gay dar back then, I guess. So, you know, now, now after being years in the industry, it's still off.

[B]

Wait till you find about Anderson Cooper. You're gonna lose it.

[A]

I love that guy. I love that guy. He's got a delightful little chuckle on him, that guy. Yeah, he does a nice way about him. As my mother would say.

[B]

They're much like Mariah Carey. When I see them together for New Year's Eve, it's a. It's a one and done for the rest of the year, but it's great.

[A]

Oh, you look for a holiday season. Yeah.

[B]

I think they're really funny, especially when Andy gets too drunk and Anderson Cooper tries to pretend he's not drunk.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's a fun. It's a fun and playful.

[A]

Totally.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

When they tried to make sure they couldn't drink, it was like. But then everyone revolted and they're like, no, we need our wacky guys.

[B]

Yeah, we need our guys to be celebrating bringing in the New Year with us from the television to tv. James Square. What are we going to do in Minnesota without our Andy all drunk and blizzard?

[A]

My mom always has it turned on. She enjoys it.

[B]

And.

[A]

And I think that I like all the other things accidentally butchering the name just slightly. I am following in her footsteps. I enjoy it as well. On the. Come holiday season.

[B]

It is. It's fun stuff.

[A]

Try to finish Lisa Barlow Unpause and Lisa. Maybe. Maybe sometimes you could, if you were interested in some sort of, you know, extraterrestrial feedback, try listening once to someone. You know, if you ever feel like trying something new, you could maybe try that. Just experiment, have a little try at it and see. See kind of where that gets you. But your hair is really shiny and I wish you all the best.

[B]

Yeah. She doesn't even listen at a concert. How do you know? Because she posted the other day singing over the New Kids on the Block.

[A]

Oh, wow. Which is hard to do. One verse, five.

[B]

Yes. Right.

[A]

That's no small feat.

[B]

Oh, trust me. She was doing it. She was doing it tenfold.

[A]

Yeah, no, she has. She has authority in her voice and she really believes in her authority. And I. And I. I can't remember if I said this because it was 90 seconds ago, but I do love her propensity for going the distance and. And like, investigation, you know?

[B]

She sure is something. I wish I could do her impression.

[A]

Yeah, she's litigation.

[B]

Yes, she is.

[A]

This season on the Kardashians. Let's do it. I'm shooting a TV show with the most amazing cast.

[B]

I have my podcast. I think I might move back to New York.

[A]

I heard footsteps walk into my room.

[B]

What's happening?

[A]

Don't you want to see all the craziness. I'm freaking out. Some familiar faces are back.

[B]

Is Bob here?

[A]

It's good tv. The new season of the Kardashians is now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney plus for bundle subscribers term supply new episodes Thursdays.

[B]

Listen, if you're like me, you could use a good crush right now. I know. I'm looking for any kind of crush. Because when you have a crush, it makes everything vibrant, everything exciting. So let's talk about Tinder. Or better yet, that deliciously dulu stage of having a new crush. When you have that kind of crush on someone, they could send you, hey, smiley face on the worst of your days. And then, boom, suddenly everything's okay. It's so true that a fun crush will have you romanticizing everything. They're just magic like that. And finding that feeling is easier than you think. Thanks to Tinder. Explore all the possibilities for yourself. Tinder. It starts with a swipe. Download Tinder.

[A]

Today.

[B]

We do do another segment here at Disgraceful. We do jokes in my notes. It could be anything you have in your notes that you're working on. If you feel like sharing that, you totally can. But if. If you're your.

[A]

No, I got one.

[B]

All right. Word. Hell, yeah. I try to see if I have any.

[A]

I wrote this one after I had indulged in my sleep gummy.

[B]

Oh, okay. Yes.

[A]

My night, my pre bed.

[B]

Just right before the eyes got heavy.

[A]

Yep. And I found it the next day, you know, once again, flummoxed. So let's try it out, see if this is a keeper or not.

[B]

All right.

[A]

I don't like when men who play golf. Golf on astrology.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Like, you genuinely spend an entire day trying to get a tiny ball in a hole over miles of terrain. It's odd.

[B]

It's odd.

[A]

A needle in a haystack type of.

[B]

Truly.

[A]

Whereas astrology is an ancient 5,000-year-old science that has withstood century after century. Golf is barely even 100. Jail bait. Child ride.

[B]

Ass.

[A]

No wonder billionaires love it.

[B]

Oh, there it is.

[A]

Watch your ass. Golfers Twisted.

[B]

That's really good.

[A]

Thank you. Thank you very much.

[B]

So that's miles of terrain.

[A]

I really picture miles of terrain.

[B]

That's really awesome.

[A]

Yeah. So we'll see. Let me gu. Let me know. And if you don't like it, I won't be hearing from you.

[B]

Yeah. Damn shape these. These.

[A]

Right.

[B]

These.

[A]

The one above that just said plump butt.

[B]

Plump butt.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What do you think that could have been?

[A]

Actually, I know exactly where it was. I had to change some wording for a late night set, and instead of saying fat ass, my buddy suggested plump butt.

[B]

That's good.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's a nice alternative.

[A]

Told me I'm not allowed to use fat ass.

[B]

No fat ass. Would that be saying fat ass? I know, but, yeah, you got to watch yourself nowadays.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

I'm gonna try to figure out something of, when you're younger. You think your parents are the smartest people in the world. Sure. And then you hear something like, my mom thought it was. I love it when you call me big and popular, and then everything kind of resets. It's like, I don't know.

[A]

That is very fair assumption. Cause to her credit, she's using context clues.

[B]

Yeah, but you know, his name is literally Big Papa.

[A]

Right? But I don't think she knows that.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, she. But no, no, no. She doesn't get off the hook. She grew up in the 90s.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. That was like her jam.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Yeah. All these years.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Thank gosh.

[A]

All right. Well, you just absolutely freaking roasted her ass.

[B]

Yeah. Got you.

[A]

Skewered her ass.

[B]

It was really funny when we found out. It was really. We were giggling big time. It was. It was fun for.

[A]

I love to have a family giggle.

[B]

But you know what? Here's the thing about a family giggle. One person has to be excluded out.

[A]

Right. One person bears the weight of the world, the brunt of the abuse.

[B]

Like, my dad was being nuts in the family chat the other day, and my sister Nora reminded him that his youngest daughter was in the chat, and he said, well, it's okay. She can't read. Oh, very funny.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because she can.

[A]

Right? I love that. But that's one actually one of my favorite things to say to a couple of close male friends of mine.

[B]

Yes. Yeah.

[A]

I started, like, years long rumors that they can't read.

[B]

I love that.

[A]

Yeah. No, I love it, too. It brings me a lot of fun.

[B]

It's really good stuff.

[A]

Now it's. I, I enjoy it.

[B]

It. I really. I, I, I. I also used to like to trick the guys and say that there was a vending machine in the girls room.

[A]

Oh. Oh, God, I wish I thought of that. That was fun.

[B]

Yeah. They're like, well, can you get us something? And we, we'd, like, bring a snack in and be like, here.

[A]

I love the way you sort of flipped the script, as they say, because, you know, you always grow up. And they have, like, twice as big a. The men's bathroom is, like, their locker room's. Way better. Their bathroom's way better. Their asses.

[B]

Yeah, we said there's flowers in a.

[A]

Vending machine that is pleasing to me retroactively.

[B]

It's really good. And they believed it because they're what?

[A]

Dumb, Right?

[B]

Yeah, dumb.

[A]

Right. A few good ones. Not all of you. Not all guys. Not all guys.

[B]

Well, okay, so at this point of the show, this is where we do a segment called Shout Out.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

So you just look right into this camera and give a shout out to just about anybody you want.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It could be rapid fire style and just really have fun with it.

[A]

Okay? Hi, I'm Blair Selke and coming to you live from the Disgrace podcast with Grace o'. Malley. And I just want to give a huge, huge shout out to Nicole in her post divorce look out in Nashville last night. Baby, that makeup was on. I want to give a shout out to Caprese salad. I love you. I've always love you. Incredible combination. Someone came up my people. And also a shout out to the breakfast sandwich I had this morning. It was exquisite. My waiter recommended it. And that was at Le Pen. Le Pen. And thank you for that, sir, if you see this, because it was exquisite.

[B]

Hell yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And one more thing to follow it up. Where can they find you and what's going on?

[A]

Oh, please. I'd love to meet all of you. That is so nice. You can find me at blairsocki. B L A I R S O C C I On all social media media platforms. I will be coming out with my own podcast soon, probably November or early December called Spaced out with Space.

[B]

That's a good one.

[A]

And yeah, catch me on tour. I'd love to see you at a show. Come say hi.

[B]

Hell yeah. Blair, everybody. Thank you so much for coming on.

[A]

Dude, time of my life.

[B]

Let's go. Blast off.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Hi, I'm Angie Hicks, co founder of Angie. One thing I've learned is that you buy a house, but you make it a home. And for decades, Angie's helped millions of homeowners hire skilled pros for the projects that matter. Get all your jobs done [e-mail].

[A]

Not sure if you have the experience to start your dream job. Good news. These days, it's the skills that count. Udemy can help you get those in demand. Skills? Want to be an AI mastermind? Learn with us. Game developer. We've got you covered. AWS certified cloud practitioner. We can help you prep. You'll learn from real world experts who love what they do so that you can love what you do. Go to udemy.com for the skills to get you started and get set for your dream job.