America vs Europe

Summary

Distractible: America vs Europe

Podcast: Distractible
Hosts: Markiplier (Mark Fischbach), Wade Barnes, Bob Muyskens
Episode Date: May 11, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this lively and comedic episode, Mark, Bob, and Wade pit the quirks and charms of America and Europe against each other—debating everything from bizarre airport adventures and wacky elevator designs to bread culture and baffling regulations. Through personal stories, playful slander, and plenty of inside jokes, the trio exposes the everyday frustrations and delights experienced while navigating both continents. A lighthearted roast and celebration ensue, with each host vying for points based on storytelling and sheer comedic delivery, all wrapped up with their signature banter and mock competitiveness.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Small Talk & Catching Up

• Dentist Woes: Both Wade and Bob reveal they have dentist appointments scheduled, kicking off the camaraderie and mutual suffering.
  • [02:14] Wade: “Also, my mouth really hurts. I gotta go to the dentist on Monday. I got mouth pain.”
  • [02:17] Bob: “Oh, I have to go to the dentist on Monday. That’s so funny.”
• Fame Banter: The group jokes about whether being recognized in public makes them famous.
  • [03:15] Markiplier: “If you get recognized in public, I think you can quantify yourself as famous.”
  • [03:21] Wade: “What if it’s like family or someone you went to school with? Are you still famous?”

2. Cincinnati Small Town Glory

• Symphony Story: Wade enthusiastically recounts taking his nephew to the Cincinnati Symphony Orchestra, surprised at its world-class quality and the city's cultural offerings.
  • [05:31] Wade: “Sunday marked the first time I ever got to go to see the Cincinnati Symphony Orchestra...they did a really fantastic job…it was just a really cool experience.”
• Gambling Jokes: The crew riffs about casinos, roulette, and betting fictional money on Aladdin characters.
  • [07:15] Bob: “Iago, dude, I love the Aladdin characters. Roulette wheel, you guys.”
  • [07:36] Bob: “He survives that movie. That's the joke. He survives. He just gets stabbed in the back real big by some large corporation. Imagine that.”

3. From VHS to Archiving Films

• Mark’s Archival Project: Mark discusses archiving his film 'Iron Lung' on LTO tape, nerding out about data preservation.
  • [11:31] Wade: “What if you broadcast it to the aliens?”
  • [12:44] Markiplier: “...you can get these rolls of tape that are like I think 18 terabytes...and they last for 30 years. So you can archive a lot of data on tape and then store it for a very long time.”

4. America vs Europe: Travel Nightmares

Amsterdam Airport Hell [15:27–27:59]

• Mark’s Passport Fiasco: Mark recounts a honeymoon debacle where Amy’s passport was swapped with a stranger’s at Amsterdam airport due to careless staff and a convoluted lost and found/immigration process.
  • [18:07] Markiplier: “Amy pulls out her passport to go scan it...her passport had been swapped with someone else.”
  • [22:08] Markiplier: “There’s a sign that says lost and found this way...there’s not a sign again, ever.”
  • [22:52] Markiplier: “The entire walk back to the immigration office they said...this isn’t going to work. You’re not going to get it.”
  • Notable Quote: [26:03] Markiplier: “Hey, everyone makes mistakes, man.” (from one of the apathetic airport attendants)
• Airport Staff Indifference: The story highlights poor signage, apathetic staff, and Mark being doubted every step of the way.
• Red Tape and Kafkaesque Systems: Repeated loops between lost and found and immigration; surreal indifference and slow service.

Frankfurt Airport “Line Hell” [39:47–43:18]

• Wade’s Germany Ordeal: Describes being repeatedly sent through security lines due to random screenings and chaotic crowd control at Frankfurt airport.
  • [41:33] Wade: “So this entire section existed just to shove us back out into general populace. It’s like, so wait, you just went through all of our stuff?...You gotta go back out into the line again.”
  • Notable Moment: The hosts bond over the shared pain of European airport inefficiency.

Amsterdam: The Budget Airline Plot Twist [43:34–48:33]

• Bob’s Flight Confusion: Bob nearly misses his flight due to bizarre early/late boarding notifications and unhelpful staff but barely makes it onto the plane.
  • [46:04] Bob: “Literally got my phone out, was like, look, this text message came at like 10:15am that said our flight was going to leave at 10am...and he was like, ah, that’s messed up.”

5. Everyday Culture Clashes

Coffee Cream Confusion

• No Cream in Europe: Mark laments the absence of coffee cream, learning milk is the standard in Europe.
  • [49:02] Wade: “If you put enough sugar, it gets thick enough.”
  • [49:26] Markiplier: “Anyway, they like—because I kept asking for...with cream. With cream.”

Fast Food Regulations [50:27–52:00]

• Wade’s Slander: Complains (facetiously) about stricter regulations in Europe regarding fast food franchise operations.
  • [50:37] Wade: “If I wanted to open a franchise and make lots of money, I gotta go through so much more hassle in Europe because they've got less freedom to fuck your customers over...Maybe I want to sell you some pink slime wrapped up in dough.”

Coughing Etiquette

• European Coughs: Mark is disturbed by the number of people coughing openly without covering up, especially at Amsterdam airport.
  • [53:56] Markiplier: “I don’t know why this is...but there was definitely an uptick of people that were coughing like a baby coughs or like a toddler coughs, you know, tongue out.”
  • [54:41] Bob: “When an adult does that, I have a hard time not just reflexively being like, what the fuck?...God, it’s gross.”

Weather Hot Takes [56:50–60:41]

• “It’s Hot in England!” Internet Meltdowns: Bob rants about Europeans, especially Brits, posting online about “extreme heat” and starting arguments with Americans about what real heat/humidity is.
  • [57:20] Bob: “It’s the time of year when Europeans, and especially, but not exclusively British people go online and are like, oh, fuck, it’s so hot. I’m going to fucking die. Oh, my God, it’s 78 degrees Fahrenheit.”

6. European Oddities & Memorable Moments

The Infamous Elevator Story [33:06–38:59]

• Bob Trapped Between Floors: Bob describes his brother getting stuck in an absurdly tiny, ancient elevator in Venice, which randomly stopped and opened between floors.
  • [36:38] Bob: “And then out of nowhere, the door of the elevator opens. So he’s standing in an open elevator between two floors...like one of those movies...”

Pope from Chicago?! [62:59–64:08]

• Wade’s Disappointment: Jokes about traveling all the way to Rome just to find “a dude from Chicago” is the Pope.
  • [63:34] Wade: “You save up your $1,200, you buy a ticket...go to Vatican City...and finally there he is, the guy with the robes...he’s just some dude from Chicago.”

Bread Battles

• Bread Discourse: The group tackles the meme that “Americans don’t have bread,” sharing real experiences on the ubiquity and types of bread found in Europe vs. the US.
  • [65:00] Bob: “It’s not bad—I do eat that. It’s just not...Mark, you’re giving them more ammo to use against us.”
  • [66:15] Markiplier: “Oh god, no. We got them crushed on protein. America is destroying them...but they got, I will give them bread.”

Distances & Maps [66:45–68:29]

• Perspective on Distance: They riff on how Europeans are shocked by American travel distances, while Americans plan eight-hour road trips without a second thought.
  • [67:36] Markiplier: “I was in Norway and I was like, hey, there’s a city in Eastern Europe that I think we could add on...oh man, it’s four countries away, two hour flight.”

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Memorable Quotes

• Markiplier (On Amsterdam airport):
  [24:02] “I got to tell you, I hope Amsterdam feels safe with these brave, brave officers of immigration scrolling Instagram in their cushy little office.”

• Airport Attendant:
  [26:03] “Hey, everyone makes mistakes, man.”

• Bob (On European heat discourse):
  [57:20] “It’s the time of year when Europeans, especially British people, go online and are like, oh, fuck, it’s so hot. I’m going to fucking die. Oh, my god, it’s 78 degrees Fahrenheit.”

• Wade (On food regs):
  [50:37] “Maybe I want to crunch up deer hooves and antlers and call it chicken…But no, it’s got to be real chicken over there.”

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Notable Segments with Timestamps

• Mark’s Amsterdam Passport Saga: [15:27–27:59]
• Frankfurt Airport Line Hell (Wade): [39:47–43:18]
• Bob’s Elevator Horror in Venice: [33:06–38:59]
• Coffee Cream Confusion: [48:44–49:58]
• Bread and Protein Culture Wars: [64:19–66:28]
• European Distance Shock: [66:45–68:29]

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Concluding Game & Winner

• The episode ends with the classic Distractible points tally and random selection shenanigans. After a long drought, Wade snags the win, prompting celebration and mock “loser speeches” from Bob. Mark gives a rundown of awarded points and jokes about the show's arbitrary competitiveness.

  • [73:19] Markiplier: “The biggest loser, now a winner. Lloyd, congratulations.”

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Tone, Language & Style

The hosts maintain a quick-witted, irreverent tone throughout: self-deprecating, detail-rich, and loaded with sarcasm and comedic exaggeration. The episode is packed with rapid-fire jokes, digressions, and over-the-top storytelling, making it approachable and consistently entertaining even when addressing life's more exasperating travel misadventures.

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For Listeners Who Haven’t Heard the Episode

Expect an hour-plus of hilarious, relatable, and occasionally absurd storytelling about the quirks of travel, bureaucracy, and daily life on both sides of the Atlantic. The hosts’ chemistry turns even mundane frustrations—like elevator malfunctions or lukewarm coffee—into comedy gold, making this an ideal episode for fans of both travel tales and the uniquely Distractible brand of humor.

Transcript

[Bob]

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[Markiplier]

Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractable. This episode, mystifying Mark immortalizes Ironlung and gets derailed by Dutch dungeons and demons.

[Bob]

Wilful Wade slacks at a symphony, gets

[Markiplier]

hassled in Hesse and rails against red tape British bashing Bob gets the willies from Midas, vilifies Venetian medieval movement modes and gets aggravated in Amsterdam. From magnificent merch to protein patriotism. Yes, it's time for America versus Europe. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

[Wade]

Also, my mouth really hurts. I gotta go to the dentist on Monday. I got mouth pain.

[Bob]

Oh, I have to go to the dentist on Monday. That's so funny.

[Markiplier]

Twinsies. Whoa, whoa, guys, I haven't started the episode yet. Calm down.

[Wade]

Oh. Oh, my bad, my bad.

[Markiplier]

Welcome to Distractable. My name is Markiplier, here to host another banger of an episode. I've been waiting for this for a long time. And so have you. Oh, my phone is ringing.

[Bob]

It's that call you've been waiting for.

[Wade]

Well, I guess if you've been waiting for it, you should answer it. I don't know.

[Markiplier]

It'll stop eventually.

[Wade]

Sam, zoom enhance on that. Buzzing.

[Markiplier]

All right, welcome to the show that just won't end, no matter how much we try to kill it. I'm your host, Markiplier, joined by my famous famous co Host, popular across the world. We've got Bob and we've got Wade.

[Bob]

Yeah. Are we both famous? That'd be news to me.

[Wade]

Combined, we are one famous together.

[Bob]

Oh. Oh, we are. And friends. Got it.

[Markiplier]

If you get recognized in public, I think you can quantify yourself as famous

[Bob]

does happen on rare occasion.

[Wade]

What if it's like family or someone you went to school with? Are you still famous?

[Markiplier]

Yes. Absolutely. Yeah.

[Bob]

Mom, what are you doing here? I'm just too famous. Can't take me anywhere.

[Markiplier]

And we're definitely going to be noticed in public because we're all wearing our new distractible shirts.

[Bob]

All of us are wearing them.

[Markiplier]

All of us.

[Wade]

Wait, I didn't know this was the episode. Is this the episode?

[Bob]

Oh, it's too late now. The bit, the bits.

[Wade]

I know this was the episode. I didn't know this was the episode

[Markiplier]

for having the shirt.

[Wade]

I'll be right back, guys. I'll be right back. I'm gonna go.

[Bob]

There's no makeup points. Just stay there.

[Wade]

You can leave.

[Markiplier]

But imagine the handshakes. Just imagine.

[Wade]

I should. I should go. I should go. I put this on just for you guys, but I'll change it.

[Bob]

Okay?

[Markiplier]

Okay.

[Wade]

No handshakes.

[Bob]

He didn't take. He didn't take his headphones off. You could see that he's squatting there with his headphones on. God, he's so bald.

[Markiplier]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, listen, we only have to tolerate him for a few more episodes and then he's gone. All right?

[Bob]

So I can't wait for Ethan to take his rightful spot.

[Markiplier]

So how many wins do you want?

[Bob]

Oh, I'm not greedy. Can I have, like, three? What? What do you. What do you want? What do you want? How many wins do you want? What can I do for you? Honestly, I think the season ends when we say it ends. It kind of ends every time we do, like, a Constitution episode, so it just goes fun until we say, ah,

[Markiplier]

man, we need another currency besides win. What about money?

[Bob]

Cash money.

[Markiplier]

Yeah. We can make this a little more interesting, you know. Sure.

[Bob]

I feel like Wade and I are at a substantial disadvantage potentially. But as long as we're all. Suppose we all have sort of a gentleman's agreement.

[Wade]

I've been here the whole time dressed like this.

[Markiplier]

Oh, look at you.

[Bob]

Oh, your camera must have just focused. Look, I could see it now.

[Wade]

There's one of us, another one of us, and the third one of us.

[Bob]

Hey. Can't tell who's who. One of them definitely doesn't look distinctly different for any specific head reasons.

[Wade]

Oh, dark hair.

[Bob]

Yeah, that's it. That's the thing.

[Markiplier]

That's good. Anyway, all right, enough. We've got so much to talk about. There's been weeks since we last saw each other. All of us must have lived really exciting lives in the interim. And I. I can't wait to hear it. Who wants to go first?

[Bob]

Me.

[Wade]

I need to take initiative because I'm getting my rear kicked. Sunday marked the first time I ever got to go to see the Cincinnati Symphony Orchestra. And I took my nephew for his birthday, along with one of my other nephews and my niece and Molly. And we went down, we watched them perform songs from Star Horse, different movies and shows, and it was really, really cool. And they did a really, really great job. And the guy who was.

[Bob]

Was it John Morris Russell?

[Wade]

No, I don't know who that is,

[Bob]

but no, I'd be the conductor of the Cincinnati Pops. He does a lot of things.

[Wade]

No, they had a guest in from Detroit who was. He hosts every now and then here, but he did a really fantastic job, and it was just a really, really fun time. And they were very talented. And, I don't know, I really enjoyed it. I was like, I don't know if my nephew's really gonna be into it since it's just the music, but they seem to really love it. The place was completely filled. It was completely packed. It was just a really cool experience.

[Bob]

It was not an outside custom. It's way too cold. It was in Music hall, right?

[Wade]

It was in Music hall, yeah. It's my first time ever being inside Music Hall.

[Markiplier]

Well, congratulations. Cincinnati has a lot of features that people don't realize. It has a ballet, it has an. Or a symphony orchestra.

[Bob]

World class symphony orchestra.

[Markiplier]

World class. Three of the major sports. And now soccer stadium somewhere, since it's

[Bob]

right by Music Hall. Actually, it's like literally across the street from Music Hall. The backside. But yeah, Cincinnati fc, really good MLS team.

[Markiplier]

It's got one of those destroy your life arenas. That was formerly Horseshoe, but now it's something else, I think.

[Bob]

Ain't it Hard rock? It's the one with all the memorabilia in it. There's a Porsche parked in there and some guitars and whatnot.

[Markiplier]

How would you know?

[Bob]

I've been in there. Yeah. How do you think I destroyed my life?

[Markiplier]

It blew your share of the Spotify deal right in there.

[Bob]

Oh, yeah, it's gone. I'm desperate. Help.

[Wade]

I'll put 500 on Iago. Is that how it works?

[Bob]

Iago, Dude, I love the Aladdin characters. Roulette wheel, you guys.

[Wade]

I go there all the time. You never bet on Iago. That's why you always lose.

[Bob]

Give me 50 on Street Rat, 50 on Magic Carpet and 100 bucks Robin Williams doesn't survive this one. Let's do it.

[Wade]

Too soon.

[Markiplier]

No, it's not. It's perfectly timed.

[Bob]

He survives that movie. That's the joke. He survives. He just gets stabbed in the back real big by some large corporation. Imagine that. Do you guys know that drama?

[Markiplier]

I do a little bit of it.

[Wade]

I mean, I heard about like his outside the studio stuff. Like right. Working, right?

[Bob]

Yeah. We don't have to go back if you're interested out there, listeners, if you don't. You know why Robin Williams never appeared as the genie in any subsequent Aladdin properties. There's a whole story, and it's not a great story, but it's an interesting story to hear the details of.

[Markiplier]

Came back for the Prince of Thieves.

[Wade]

I like that movie. It got under. I think that was underrated.

[Markiplier]

I like that one too. I like the turtle.

[Bob]

Turtle comes out of nowhere. I fucking love the turtle.

[Wade]

I used to love the Aladdin TV show, but it was a little strange that, like the voices.

[Bob]

The Midas hand thing gave me night terrors. I. The concept of that was terrifying to me.

[Wade]

Hand of Midas is mine.

[Markiplier]

A Hand of Midas is mine. Let's all just do impressions of that guy until the end of the episode. Hand of Midas is mine. The hand of Midas is mine.

[Wade]

Can I look up the actual sound of this guy?

[Bob]

No. That's not how impressions work.

[Wade]

I've not heard that voice since I was like, what year did that movie come out? It's probably been around then.

[Bob]

I haven't heard that voice since the last time I watched that VHS in the. In the video player in my parents Ozmobile minivan whenever the shit that was.

[Wade]

You had a VHS player in your minivan?

[Bob]

Dude, we had a bougie minivan.

[Wade]

We must have been rich.

[Bob]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm from a place where a golf tournament is exclusively rich riches.

[Wade]

Everyone's rich around golf.

[Bob]

Yeah, that's what golf is. Golf is just under. Money laundering for wealthy people.

[Wade]

If you play golf, do you just become rich?

[Bob]

Worked for me.

[Markiplier]

It's kind of one of those squares, a rectangle, but you know, rectangle is not a square situation.

[Wade]

But if you shrink it enough, it'll still fit in.

[Bob]

Sure.

[Markiplier]

Yes, yeah, absolutely.

[Wade]

Or if you stretch the hole.

[Bob]

Yeah.

[Markiplier]

Anyway, Bob, did you actually, I don't think you did your small tuck Yet, I don't know.

[Bob]

It's the only thing on my mind right now is that my foot is real fucked and I hate it. Remember how I was walking every day and that was. Oh, no.

[Markiplier]

Oh, your streak. You're a failure.

[Bob]

Long, long break in the streak here. My foot is in a bad way. It's not good.

[Markiplier]

I gotta deduct a point. You don't have your streak.

[Bob]

Look, I gotta be honest. Searing pain emanating from my lower extremity is hard to ignore. But otherwise, James is pretty funny. Took him to Kings. Took him to Kings island for the first time. He fucking loved it.

[Wade]

He was also funny when we came over.

[Bob]

Yeah, that was pretty funny.

[Wade]

Yeah. We took my niece over to Bob and Mandy's, talk about college stuff. And James was just, like, the star of the show, knew who Molly was, pretended to know who Kaylee was, then like, introduced himself to me resistantly, like, hi, we've never met. I'm like, you know, we.

[Bob]

Your niece, who is a complete stranger to him, he runs up and jump hug started like, oh, my God, you're here. I love you. Like, you say hi to Wade.

[Wade]

We're not exaggerating. It's actually how it went.

[Bob]

It was pretty funny. He knows. He knows who his target audience is. Blonde. Blonde hair, blue eyes plays. He's. He's. He's. He's going to be a problem. He's going to be as a toddler. That's very funny.

[Wade]

He jumped on my niece's lap, and she was just, like, in the middle of talking about, like, some college questions. She like, do I continue or do I address the child on me? And he's just like, look at this treat we got for Lexi. Isn't this the coolest thing? She's like, what do I do? And I swear he glared at me. I don't think. I don't know if he actually did, but it felt like he did.

[Bob]

It felt like he cursed you under his breath.

[Markiplier]

All right. Was that your small talk?

[Bob]

Pretty much, yeah.

[Markiplier]

All right, you're done now anyway. All right, cool side note about the VHS thing, I'm actually going to be getting back into some kind of making magnetic ribbon of some kind very soon because I need to archive iron lung, and that's done on tape.

[Wade]

Oh, who was it? Somebody wore, like, film strips as part of their dress to the Met gala.

[Bob]

Wasn't that a Sabrina Carpenter or film that was of the movie Sabrina or something like that?

[Wade]

Mark's going to the Met gala. He's going to dress like Sabrina Carpenter.

[Markiplier]

It's. That's a different thing. That's, that's, that's.

[Wade]

I figured it out. Segway Point. I'll take it.

[Markiplier]

Non magnetic tape.

[Bob]

Do you? So what kind of crazy bullshit hoops do you need to jump through to archive a movie? I assume there's one provider who charges an exorbitant fee and there's like.

[Wade]

No, actually don't just put it in a therm and bury it on the moon.

[Markiplier]

There's no, There's a. There's something called lto tape which I'll take guesses for what that means.

[Bob]

Long time on there. The last T is silent.

[Markiplier]

That's good, that's good.

[Wade]

Wait, wait. Lovely try Onia.

[Markiplier]

What the fuck?

[Wade]

They were the first tone to try preserving tape, but it didn't work. But now we all say lovely try on me. Try to preserve our tape.

[Bob]

Long tape.

[Markiplier]

Ooh, do we get it?

[Bob]

Who got it right?

[Markiplier]

Neither of you, you idiots.

[Wade]

It's lordly television. Oncology.

[Bob]

Well, that just doesn't make any sense.

[Markiplier]

I mean, whatever. Anyway, so it's archival tape and it's the device to do the recordings is expensive, but it's a one time cost. And then you can get these rolls of tape that are like I think 18 terabytes or something like that and they cost way left less than an equivalent 18 terabyte hard drive would. And they last for 30 years. So you can archive a lot of data on tape and then store it for a very long time. And they say you should have, you know, I'll have always like my RAID array of the stuff, but that way I can have another version of that media on a tape and that can be locked away for 30 years. And then I could pull it out and redo it on a separate tape and by then they'll have better tape and you know, you could do it again.

[Bob]

That's pretty cool.

[Markiplier]

Not important. This is not what the episode's about.

[Wade]

What if you broadcast it to the aliens?

[Markiplier]

I was thinking anyway, not the segue. We're throwing down the gauntlet. All of us are cultured men, right?

[Bob]

Yes.

[Markiplier]

We've experienced a breadth of experiences.

[Wade]

Yeah.

[Markiplier]

We've all been to Europe, obviously. All three of us have been to Europe. Right.

[Bob]

Twice together.

[Markiplier]

We know the ins and outs of that. And we are qualified to speak on the good and bad of those countries.

[Bob]

100%, of course.

[Markiplier]

Right. In that quote continent.

[Wade]

Okay, how's it a continent if it's connected to another one?

[Bob]

I don't even understand what a Continent is. It's ridiculous.

[Markiplier]

I know, I know, I know. Anyway, hold your superiority just yet because we need to throw down exactly how we in the United States of America are better and or worse than Europe. And we're going to be the decider. Yes, you heard me right. It's time for America versus Europe. What a title. What a title. What a title. I realize, like, when we do the titles 15 minutes into the episode, it's not a surprise for people.

[Wade]

Yeah. Because they read it when they click the.

[Bob]

Well, the title might be like European Bathrooms. Lol. Or, you know, like the title. It doesn't necessarily give away one of our classics. We do that. We do that on occasion. We do do that, but also sometimes it's just straight up not a surprise. I think you're right.

[Wade]

I did just see one episode recently that we had done that was titled like, Bob's Favorite Things. Number two will shock you or something. I was like, I have no idea what this is about.

[Bob]

I think a lot of our titles would have get garnered that response from all three of us if we looked back.

[Wade]

I've had some bangers over the years, like hair, red tier list.

[Markiplier]

I remember. Tier list. Ah, man, what a classic. Tier list.

[Wade]

Tier list of our favorite tier list of all time is a great episode.

[Markiplier]

Oh, what a good episode. But, you know, we. We have to. Now you heard me. But. But we have to. America versus Europe. I want to start this off with a story because I was just in Europe. Technically I was not in the European Union. I want to point that out, which is something that I learned.

[Wade]

You know, that spells you.

[Markiplier]

That was my realest fake laugh you'll ever get. All right, so I have something to throw shade on because there is a story that came out of. I was on my honeymoon. Right. And so this is an Amy Sanction story. We were in the Amsterdam airport. Right. Have you guys been through the Amsterdam airport times?

[Wade]

Yeah, we flew. You know, I think we went directly there at the one time.

[Bob]

Hell on earth, basically, as I recall. It. Sure.

[Markiplier]

Basically just, just. It's like the Ohio highway system of airports in that it's always under construction and it's never done. Right. So that, that aside, it's not the biggest problem. We go through their immigration system, which they have this fast pass lane where you scan your passport and you go quickly. And that's just for show. It doesn't work. They don't actually.

[Bob]

They don't give a shit about that.

[Wade]

It just circles you back to the line again. You're like, oh, how did I get up here?

[Markiplier]

It really does, actually. That's part of the story. So we go through, put a passport in, slam our fingerprints down, scans it like, wow, that's great. We go through, stand in line for 15 minutes for some strange reason, because, like, there's 20 kiosks, and four are lit. I don't know why. And then one's on the fritz. It's like flipping red and green, and people are walking after of it and back. So we're in that line with the red and green.

[Wade]

You have red light. Green light on your airport.

[Markiplier]

We got that one. So we get up there, and I. I go through, and it's like I have my fingers pressed down the glass, and you got to, like, press super hard because the first time it didn't read. And it's like I can feel the glass, like, cracking, but it got me. And I go through so strong. Amy goes up, puts her finger on the glass, Flip, flip, flip, flip, red. Go back. So she has to go back out all the way to the main line over there, which is bad. So I'm standing off in the side waiting for her because they let me through. And then they were like, you can't stand there. And I'm like. So I take two steps to my left. There's no sign or line. I'm just like, is this good? Yeah. There was too close to the other kiosks, you know, where the security guards

[Wade]

go in, you know, blocking his kiosk on his problem.

[Markiplier]

So she eventually pops out, and we go to, you know, our gate, which is, like, in the dungeon, because we have, like, the main lovely area where all the shops.

[Wade]

I love airport dungeons.

[Markiplier]

And, you know, gates are. And ours is the one where it's like, you go down the stairs and then turn a corner, and everyone's crammed into five seats, you know. So we get up to there, and Amy pulls out her passport to go scan it to get on the plane. She has a Canadian passport. She's not Canadian. I want everyone to be clear about that. She's not Canadian. We immediately are like, whoa, hold on. Go to the gate agent. Her passport had been swapped with someone else. She was in that line by herself, obviously. We're traveling, just me and her. And so she was with this other group, and the customs person calls up the whole group because they're trying to speed things along, and they're like, you're all together, right? And they're like, no, we're not together. Come up anyway. We're all family here. Come on up, and basically they pulls all these people up in a group and then laughing, making small talk, and just swapped the passwords, like, handed back the password to the wrong people. And everyone's being rushed through, so they Neither of them saw. So, long story short, we are able to go to Norway, but we, Amy, can't leave Norway, so I have to take a separate journey back to Amsterdam. After we have a bunch of fun and we go. I have to fly to Amsterdam. And I got to tell you, when I got back to there, I went to one lost and found, because you'd think that's where you'd go. And I was like, we had been calling someone because they gave us, like, the information that we need to go there. She gave the authorization email going through, and it's like, I don't know what was wrong with this woman's day, but she hated me from the moment that I walked up to the lost and found, and the first thing I said was, I've lost something. Why the fuck are you here?

[Wade]

What the fuck are you talking to me for?

[Markiplier]

The lost and found.

[Wade]

Fuck you. So I say, like, I just, you know, this is for items, not people.

[Markiplier]

As a passport is like, oh, you fucking idiot. You think I would have. You need to go through to the immigration office. So I go through.

[Wade]

It's her again. She just changes the name tag.

[Bob]

You get to the next office, and she's like, you're in the right place.

[Markiplier]

So I talked to the people there. I heard that the immigration officer of passports is here. And it's like, oh, yeah, you have to go through. Do the immigration stuff. Put your passport down, fingerprint scan, and then go around to your left. Make two lefts, and it's there. Oh, okay. So I go through, and it's because there's one going in this way, and there's another checkpoint going out that way. So left, left. I'm there again. And so I go like, hey, I was told there's an immigration office here where I can find a lost passport. And then she looks at me, goes like, what the fuck you doing here? Lost and found is over there. Pretty sure I was left to the left. You just go straight down this hallway and just keep walking for a long time, and you'll find Lawson found over there. And so I was like, okay, are you sure? His passport lost. He's like, just keep walking. Turn around.

[Bob]

I don't want to see it.

[Markiplier]

So I turn around, I start walking, and there's a sign that says lost and found. This way. Arrow Going that way. So I'm like, okay, great. There's not a sign for lost and found again, ever. There's not. There's no sign. I walked, like half a kilometer because it's Europe, right? And I'm walking around. I'm looking around up like I thought I was crazy. So I go over to the help desk of one of the airlines, and it's like, lost and found anywhere. And they lost three of them, and they're just like. And they didn't respond to me. Then I go to them, and they

[Wade]

just literally flip the sign to on break. And they just walk away.

[Markiplier]

I mean, basically. So I ask again.

[Wade]

Yeah.

[Markiplier]

And I'm like, I. I don't know what was wrong. I was like, lost a fan anywhere here. And they kind of vaguely, like, shoo me away with a gesture that way anywhere else. I keep walking that direction, like, it must be here. And it's.

[Bob]

It is.

[Markiplier]

It's just way far down. And then to the left, there's like, another kiosk. And I don't know if it's the same lady from the other side, but this one version of her was much nicer, but she still said, what are you doing here? You shouldn't be. We don't have passports here. It's at the immigration office.

[Bob]

Oh, my go. God.

[Markiplier]

God. Can you please just have someone show

[Bob]

me a map, anything.

[Markiplier]

Do you have anything like that? So she calls down two people. And these two guys also could not give a fuck about why I was there. And not only that, actively. The entire walk back to the immigration office said, and I shit you not, this isn't going to work. You're not going to get it. You.

[Wade]

You.

[Markiplier]

They can't give it to you. They're not going to give it. You'd have to call them. And I'm like, I called them. I assure, like, no, no, you didn't.

[Bob]

No way.

[Markiplier]

The both of them are just like, no, this will never work. It'll literally, like, two people on my shoulder just, like, doubt demons just like you. You might as well give up.

[Wade]

Stop here. You're going to die if you go to that office.

[Markiplier]

Yeah. They kept saying, like, I'm here for. To pick up. It's my wife. I mean, she authorizes, like, yeah, whatever. Your girlfriend's, you know, probably going to leave you or some shit like that.

[Bob]

Your mistress shouldn't have left her passport at the McDonald's, I assume.

[Markiplier]

Yeah, stupid American. So I. I get there, and I'm at the same place where the woman just told Me to turn around and walk that way. And it's like. And I'm looking and it's like, EU passports, the other countries, every other scuzz from whatever dirt hole you crawl from. And then diplomats, right? That's all the signs say. So they escort me to the diplomats line. I wouldn't guess that.

[Bob]

Yeah. Okay.

[Markiplier]

Around the corner I go right, which was not the person's instructions. Or two left, if you remember.

[Bob]

Right.

[Markiplier]

Right, then left. Forgot that key right there. And then I get to the immigration office, and I got to tell you, I hope Amsterdam feels safe with these brave, brave officers of immigration scrolling Instagram in their cushy little office. Because I got to tell you, there was one guy that was very helpful and attentive to me. There were six other guys that were didn't look up once. There was one guy at the window with his back turned to the window, and I was watching him scroll Instagram. I was watching. He never turned around once. And I'm talking.

[Wade]

He's didn't care with the camera saying he was scrolling on Instagram. Like, look at these half naked people I'm looking at. I don't want my boss seeing what I'm doing.

[Bob]

There was one guy in the corner

[Markiplier]

not even joking with his baton, going, snap.

[Wade]

Close.

[Bob]

Yeah, close.

[Wade]

Are you sure you were at a real airport?

[Markiplier]

I don't know, man. Amsterdam airport is crazy, man.

[Bob]

Someone hands you Amy's passport and then all the walls fall down like they're made of plywood. Just like. And everyone's running away. Like, he did it.

[Markiplier]

He fell for it.

[Bob]

What the.

[Markiplier]

So this guy comes back, really helped. The one guy was very helpful and I signed it. He had the printout of the email that Amy sent over saying, I authorized. The two guys are still there, by the way. The doubters are still there.

[Bob]

As he's heading. You're like, aw, you're never going to grab that. You can't reach that far. Look how short your arms are.

[Wade]

We're just going to take it from you anyway. Once you get it.

[Bob]

Yeah. You're probably going to leave it right where you left it last time. Don't stand near any Canadians.

[Markiplier]

I get it and I sign it out and everything's good. And I have to go to the guy because I had to give him my passport. And he turns to leave it. I go, please wait, you have my passport. And so he turns around and he gives me that. So I'm like, thank you. The two guys are still there and they're escorting me out of the diplomat line, for some reason, I don't know. And they say, which was not what I was expecting. Hey, everyone makes mistakes, man.

[Bob]

They said.

[Markiplier]

That's what they said. And that's the wisdom they left me with.

[Bob]

Maybe it was in reference to their own doubting ness of your actions.

[Markiplier]

I don't think it was. I don't know what it was.

[Wade]

Meanwhile, you broke the circle of racket where they were trying to take your passport so you'd fly back at the tsunami to get your passport. They had a whole thing set up.

[Markiplier]

Yep, Yep. And I. I go, finally, I rid myself of them. They kind of dissipate into the ether. Dissipate.

[Wade]

Thank God for the water cycle. They'll rain back down for the next person who needs their passport.

[Markiplier]

So to cap it all off, I'm like, Because I got to fly back to Norway to give Amy her passport so we can fly home. And I get through the immigration line because, like I said, those other kiosks for show, they weren't even for show today. And I get up to the customs after all this, and they see that I have two passports, and they go, why do you have two passports?

[Bob]

We're going to need to take that extra passport off your hands.

[Wade]

Leave one of those behind, sir. It doesn't even look like you.

[Markiplier]

And I got to admit, the story I said sounded ridiculous, which is like, oh, my wife left. Well, didn't leave. It was handed the wrong one by one of the customs people, and I'm here to get it. And it's like, where's your wife?

[Bob]

Oh, she's trapped. She doesn't have this. So she's right where she'd been, I guess.

[Markiplier]

And I think the only saving grace is I think after a few moments of the conversation, recognized who I was. I think she might have been someone that watched a video, because I was about to go, like, I have to, because that guy in the booth next to you gave me two.

[Bob]

He said, everyone makes mistakes.

[Wade]

It was a mistake picturing these two guys. It's like the twins from Outlasters walk around naked, like, holding their machete, waiting for you to slip up.

[Markiplier]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Anyway, so that's my. That's. That's one of many stories from the trip. I don't know.

[Wade]

What a beautiful honeymoon.

[Markiplier]

It was just a lovely time.

[Wade]

He enjoyed Norway.

[Bob]

It just doesn't fill me with comfort that you're in the customs line and the officer is like, oh, you got. You got an extra passport. Oh, that's suspicious. Oh, do you have anything in your bag. Markiplier don't write a hand, sir. Oh, excuse me for taking up your time. Oh, that doesn't. I know. Maybe they were.

[Wade]

He sounds like Carl Weaser.

[Markiplier]

They.

[Bob]

I don't think them knowing who you are. Being a fan changes their, their legal. Their duties as a. You know what? You're good. You're a good guy. Everybody knows Markiplier's a good guy. Name name carries a lot of weight.

[Wade]

There was a guy right behind Mark with the same story and they were like, no sir, you're not going through. Your wife can stay right where she belongs.

[Bob]

The two everybody makes mistakes. Guys just like tackle him. He disapparates with them.

[Markiplier]

They scream. They're pulled down through a fiery pit.

[Bob]

The going on in Amsterdam.

[Markiplier]

God damn, dude. I don't know. Something crazy. I didn't see any of Amsterdam. You guys did. But I also didn't see any of Amsterdam this time either because we're just in the airport. So I'll never see that beautiful country.

[Bob]

Didn't leave Amy stranded. Annoying me like, well, I gotta walk around the centrum a little bit. Can't come to Amsterdam and not like. Like smoke a joint.

[Wade]

You leave the airport, they throw on a pair of sunglasses, they give you a hat, hand you a joint, say, enjoy your time.

[Markiplier]

Yeah, that's what how to do. That's the AM way.

[Wade]

You get inside, they're like, where's your passport? Are you high right now? Even on drugs in our city. Oh, you got me again.

[Bob]

Oh, no, no.

[Wade]

We knew you'd come back.

[Bob]

This episode of Distractable is brought to you by a real good AI I'm Norm L. Baldman.

[Wade]

By that I mean I'm a normal bald guy here to tell you real good AI is real good. A lot of AI junkie poopy. Real good lives up to its name.

[Markiplier]

Yeah, right. You mean real good bad AI they're only making data centers. And I should know. I made a data center in my bathroom. And that's the equivalent bad of all the bad that real good AI is doing.

[Wade]

Well, it's real good is building top of the line nuclear missiles, nuclear silos and.

[Bob]

No, no, it's. It's really more like. It's a staff of. Of PhD researchers and they're doing like research to change the. The methods that people are can use to implement AI So like you need less compute power and less overall data and, and the outputs would be like interpretable. It means you, you'd understand where it got some piece of information or how It. You know why? It's giving you this fact or this image or. It's. It's good. It's to do good. Real good. Good, huh?

[Markiplier]

How many hundreds of gallons of millions of gallons of billions of gallons of water are they turning directly into toxic sludge?

[Bob]

Oh, you know, it's hard to quantify stuff like that, but I feel pretty confident to say zero.

[Wade]

We have shown real good AI 100 photos of our viewers and listeners, and it will pick one, claim them guilty, and it will be judged, jury, and executed. We're going to be streaming it live. Is that right?

[Markiplier]

I fed 100 pictures of my penis into Real Good AI's chatbot. And it's gonna pick one winner.

[Wade]

It's gonna be tried, dodge jury and executioner.

[Bob]

And every generated picture of Mark's penis is gonna have a 5 rating on it to indicate that it's fully AI generated. Don't tease people, man. Anyway, no, yeah, we're doing. We do research. No, no. Sludge, water or nuclear bot research and things like the real rating system, which is like, you label content, like you label your video or your streamer or an academic, academic paper or anything with a specific descriptor of like, oh, how much AI is in this? Is it no AI. Is it fully AI generated? There's a. It's a whole 0 through 5. It's a whole thing. It's good stuff.

[Wade]

Real good. That's what I've been saying.

[Bob]

I feel like he's not listening to me.

[Markiplier]

Well, I rate that five out of five. That's good, right?

[Wade]

That's real good.

[Bob]

Are you saying I'm not real?

[Markiplier]

Editors put an AI number of fingers on my hand.

[Wade]

Some AI uses two knives, One for peanut butter and one for jelly. But Real Good AI knows that jelly uses a spoon.

[Bob]

Exactly. If you want to learn more about what Real Good AI actually does, like the science and the. And the ratings, the stuff we actually do. Realgoodai.org There are a number of web pages there. The info about the rating system, info about our research projects, ongoing programs, info about how to get involved. You could volunteer. There's all kinds of stuff. R E A L G O o d a I.org real goodai.org

[Markiplier]

all right, anyway, so that's enough of my Europe story. I have more things to talk about, but I want to open the floor now to you guys. What makes Europe great, America bad? I don't know how to do this. It's a very loosey goosey concept.

[Bob]

I got one. Look out, Italy. We didn't go us three did not go as far as I recall. Did we go to Italy? We didn't do Italy.

[Markiplier]

We didn't do Italy, no.

[Bob]

But I've been to Italy and I was a youngin and I believe we were. I was really lucky as a kid. My parents enjoy traveling and so we got to do some really crazy trips. And one of the trips we did was I got to go to Venice and we were staying in a hotel in Venice and I don't know if we had this experience on tour maybe a couple times, but. What the fuck is going on with elevators in Europe? What the hell? Who is letting these people decide what elevators should be like in Europe? Because holy shit is. Even in super nice places, they'll just have an elevator where it's like, it fits one and a half people and it feels somehow like you're in a modern hotel. But the elevator feels like it's from the 70s. Like it opens. It opens like a door with like a turning and it's like. And you get in and you're like, close the door, close the cage down. I guess.

[Wade]

What the fuck?

[Bob]

And that. We were staying in a hotel in Venice and it was a really fucking tall, like, I don't know, it was six stories or something, right? And we were on the top floor. We had my parents, my brother, myself and my grandparents were all there. It was like kind of a group. And so we had multiple rooms all on the top floor of this place. Which is not like, like that's not like on the 50th floor where it's like, well, you're not going to climb those. You could climb the stairs, but it'd be nice to take an elevator up and down. If you're going all the way up to the sixth floor, that's a pretty tall walk up. But my brother and I were kids and so we would often just walk up because this hotel had one of those elevators that was like for a homunculus sized person from the medieval era that they have never updated for any reason. It's powered by a little hamster on a wheel in the basement or something. And it was just sketchy as shit. And the last day we were there, we were like, we got to get our bags. We're getting out of here. Like, we got to get to the airport, whatever. And my brother was like, oh, I'm so tired. Like we've been hiking around. It's been beautiful. We hike around Venice. I'm exhausted. I'm just going to take my suitcase and wedge into the. To the elevator and just be lazy. Because he and I, as the kids were like, we'll just do the stairs. You, Grandma, Grandpa and grandma, you do the elevator. Mom and dad, we'll do the stairs. We're young. And he's just like, I'm just going to do it. And he, like, if you've seen me in person, you know, I'm a pretty big dude. My brother is almost as big as I am. He's basically as tall as I am, not as out of shape and heavy as I am. He's always been, like, kind of a leaner person, but he's like, pretty big dude. But he gets in the elevator and he's got his suitcase, and he, like, pushes the button. And the elevator, like in a movie, is just like. And then it just sort of goes, like. And it goes, like, halfway down between the floor we're on and the floor below and stops. And I'm standing here looking at him. And the elevator has some glass windows in the door. So I'm looking right at his face, and he's just kind of like, oh, it's gonna. No, it's not gonna move. It just stopped. And he said. He hung there for we. For a minute. We were both kind of like, what, would you call the cops? Or what do you do about this? And then out of nowhere, the door of the elevator opens. So he's standing in an open elevator between two floors of the hot. A. One of those movies does something. Final Destination movie, right? Where it's like, oh, yeah. You just know the moment. He's like, I'll just squeeze out. Then the elevator's like, full speed.

[Wade]

Got your arm off. You don't like.

[Bob]

I like that. So he's just standing there, and, like, we're, you know, five feet apart. Look, he's just standing in this elevator, kind of like wedged in with his suitcase. Like, I'm really not sure. And we eventually, I run down to the lobby and get the hotel. Who. What manager? And I'm like, yeah, the elevator's stuck and the door's open. My brother. My brother's inside. And he's like, yeah, it does that. Does that. Have you pushed the buttons? I'm like, yeah. What do you mean you have pushed the buttons? No, he doesn't know how elevators work. So he's just standing, waiting to see what happens. Yeah, he's like, well, usually if you push the button, you know, it'll keep going, whatever. Okay, well, it's not. Will you come help? He's like, all right. Like he was hunting in his brain. He was like, is there anything I have to be doing down here? Fuck, I don't want to walk up upstairs.

[Markiplier]

God.

[Bob]

And he didn't do anything. He came up and looked and gave it the old. Or whatever the Italian equivalent is of that. Bongiorno, whatever the fuck they say. And eventually he was right. After like a solid 10, 12 minutes of my brother just standing there again, with a suitcase that barely fit in with him. Because this is like a. For some reason, a single person elevator just standing there. And he's just like, every once in a while he's like, but button, button, take me back up any floor. I don't even care. Eventually the thing is just like, oh, yeah, I'm in. Elevator goes all the way down to the level. What the fuck? The fuck? The hamster needed a break or something. I don't understand. So anyway. But every elevator, even the nicest elevators I've ever used in Europe, they're always like weird dimensions or like somehow there's a door and a door on two adjacent sides of it where you're like, how the fuck does that even work? Why would you need. Always awful. I've been on AM American Elevators, where it's like, I don't know if this has been inspected in the last year or two. Feels a little sketchy. I never thought I was going to die. And never, ever been in an elevator that was smaller than, like, could hold a party of two comfortably. Who the fuck is designing all this shit for European elevators? I know the buildings are old. I know they exist. There are better elevators. They exist. I don't understand what's going on. It's Italy specifically, but everywhere you feel bad.

[Markiplier]

The elevator was waiting to get him and it just got tired. It was like, all right, fine. You live this time, buddy.

[Wade]

It's like trying to file its own cable and it gets too tired. It's like, ah, fuck it.

[Bob]

I'll.

[Wade]

I'll get the next one.

[Bob]

I'll get the next one.

[Markiplier]

That's a shameful strike against Europe. America with our big, huge elevators for our big, huge people, wins again.

[Bob]

Just comfort. It doesn't have to be. There's the normal sized Americans. They just enjoy a safe elevator. Look, don't make it about how fat I am. It's not about me.

[Markiplier]

I would never. All right, Wade.

[Wade]

All right. Let me. Let me just direct your attention here for a moment.

[Bob]

Oh, fuck.

[Markiplier]

Oh, God, he's drawing.

[Bob]

Okay.

[Markiplier]

Oh, man, the listeners were having such a great time.

[Wade]

Listeners? You're done for. I'll describe it the best I can, but a visual does. It does help you guys recognize this place, right?

[Bob]

Oh, yeah, yeah. No, you know what? Now that I'm thinking about here.

[Wade]

Here, I'll give you. I'll give you a clue. I'll give you a clue.

[Markiplier]

Here.

[Bob]

It's Swastika Road, Frank.

[Wade]

For Frankfurt, Germany, Georgia. Frankfurt, George. There you go. Germany.

[Markiplier]

Frankfurt. Gary, Gary, Gary.

[Wade]

So the airport in Frankfurt, Germany. When we had to fly home from the tour, we had a layover in Frankfurt. We went from Frankfurt back home. And there's this section of Frankfurt's airport.

[Markiplier]

Remember?

[Wade]

I'm pretty sure it's pretty close to this where we came in from, like, this direction. And there's a little shop here, and the shop full of people. Yay, people. And then there's a whole bunch of people crowded here. I mean, like, tons. Like, trying to get into Disney World. Numbers of people just standing around in here, here. And you file into these, like, little lines, and the line goes wee.

[Markiplier]

Oop.

[Wade]

Molly and I, we finally shoved our way over to this wall, got in, went into line here. Everybody on these sides is just pushing in to get in front of you. So you don't move unless you're real forceful about it.

[Markiplier]

Oh, wait, no, I see it. Yeah, that's a problem.

[Wade]

So it really sucks trying to get to this point right here at the edge of these, like, entrance kiosks. The very far left. Once you're past that, it's like, okay, okay, now we're in line. Line moving. Life's good. Thank God. So we get through this takes forever. We're in this line, and then, like, right when we get to the front of the line, a guy walks over, is like, hey, you've been randomly selected for some screening. And we're like, okay. So they pull us out, they go through all of our luggage. They look at everything like, all right, you look clean. We're like, great. So they're like, yep. So now you gotta go back out here and get in this line again.

[Bob]

Oh, no.

[Wade]

Where you could maybe get randomly selected to be screened again.

[Markiplier]

What?

[Wade]

So this entire section existed just to shove us back out into general populace. It's like, so wait, you just went through all of our stuff? Yes. You took our fingerprints, went through our luggage, saw our identification. You know, we're clear. We got our tickets, got our passports. Yep. We can't just go through. No, no, no. You got to go back out into the line again. And then we had to go through this hell A second time. Frankfurt, Germany. Listen, I don't think we got to spend much time in Frankfurt. We were in Berlin. We were in 2 cities in Germany when we did the tour.

[Markiplier]

Right?

[Wade]

Berlin. And what was the.

[Markiplier]

Go to the archive.org of your welcometour.com cologne.

[Bob]

We were in Cologne.

[Wade]

Cologne. Cologne was it. So I didn't spend much time in you, Frankfurt. Gary. GERMAN but this design for the airport,

[Markiplier]

what were you thinking?

[Wade]

Why is this the way it is? Why? Why is this the way the lines work? Where you go in these little kiosk y things to go straight, to wait in line? If you're in the far side, God help you if you ever need to get through. Because this family of 40, they're going through this one single line, and every one of them's going through before they let you pass. And then this line with three that think they maybe forgot something, they're gonna stand there and debate it while these other two lines push forward. And when it's finally your turn, they're gonna go through your. And for whatever reason, send you as far back into hell as possible to go through it a second time. And then, you know, it was like, what, a 12 hour flight or whatever back, which is whatever. The plane was fine. But this whole concept of everyone pushing everywhere to get to this line just to get shoved back, man, I thought it was gonna do me in. I was mentally just defeated. Whenever this guy's like, through that door there, it's like, that seems the wrong direction. Why is there this long wall that leads us back toward the end of the crowd?

[Bob]

As you push through the door, back into your realm of suffering, you just hear behind you, everybody makes mistakes. It's just the airport ghosts.

[Wade]

Fucking Germany and Amsterdam are the same place.

[Bob]

Yeah. I just realized I have a story from the Amsterdam airport that's pretty fucky too.

[Markiplier]

Oh, God.

[Bob]

It's not remotely what you guys had to deal with, but so the second time that we went to Amsterdam to do shows, because we were doing the makeup tour stuff from when Mark and Ethan almost died, Mandy came, and we were gonna fly from Amsterdam up to London to see some friends and to see London, we'd never been there before together. And so we had a flight out of Amsterdam after we did all the tour stuff, and we got a text, like, the night before, and this is partially on us because I think we flew like Ryanair or one of the ones that's basically like Frontier, except somehow worse, Like European budget airline. We got a text the night before that was like, your flight Might be up to two hours early or some shit.

[Wade]

And we were like, I remember that was it a whole bunch of people on that flight.

[Bob]

What do you mean might be. And what do you. And we were like, okay, well, we'll just get to the. We'll get up as early as we can. We'll get to the airport, like, really fucking early. We'll hang out. And so we were like, that's weird. But fine. We got to the airport super early and we. But the security took for fucking everybody. And so we got through security and it was like, well, if the flight is that early, we need to run to the gate right now. We're barely going to make it. And then we're standing there, we get another text message from the airline that's like, ah, your flight's just going to be normal on time. We're like, oh, God. Okay, fuck. Well, now we have a bunch of time to kill, so let's, I guess let's go get food or something, right? Like, let's chill out. This has been stressful so far. And we go and we sit down. I think we might have got McDonald's, which is. Is very American of us, but because they have this special fry sauce in the Netherlands. And we wanted to try the thing because it's like the different McDonald's, whatever. And we're sitting there and we're eating and then no updates, nothing's happening. We're just like, huh, thank God. Of our on time flight. And then we get another text that's like, oh, your flight is leaving 10 minutes ago. Hope you were there. We're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what the evening? And like, we look and we just like, just stand up, chuck our shit in the trash, run to the thing. We get to the gate empty. No humans there. No. You know, when you get to a gate for a flight, there's like people crowding around, sitting in seats, whatever, empty. Except for the people. Except for the employees at the gate. We run up and we're like, there's the plane here, duh. And they're kind of like, ah, you missed it. Well, wait, is that our plane? Is that sitting right there? Is that people we could see walking down the jetway? Like, they're just. Those are just the other. We're on that same flight, I think like, oh, yeah, you're on the line. Yeah, yeah, that's us. Ah, you missed it.

[Wade]

And I'm like, everybody makes mistakes.

[Bob]

Whoa, whoa, whoa. I literally got my phone out, was like, look, this text message came at like 10:15am that said our flight was going to leave at 10am which is before the text message. And he was like, ah, that's messed up.

[Wade]

Wow.

[Bob]

It was everything I could do not to just, like, become enraged at this. And this dude had no reason to help us. It's just like a gate agent at a, you know, whatever. It's not his problem. We're late kind of. But eventually I was like, is there anything you can do? What if I run down the Jetway, will you cancel the flight? So we delay it? So I'll get arrested and we'll make the, like, whatever. Is there any. It was like, well, I could ask the flight crew if they'll just like, let you on. I was like, do that.

[Wade]

Great.

[Bob]

And it was like, it was a similar experience to you. It's not like he hated us, but it was every fucking thing. He was like. Like, I could pick up the phone and push a button and be like. But every. Eventually he did it. And, like, we're standing there just like. I was, I was definitely dripping with sweat because we ran through the airport because we thought we had another, like, hour or something. Anyway, finally he's like, ah, just go on. And he didn't even open the door or, or scan tickets or anything. Like, literally, he was like, all right, whatever, you guys can go. They said you could go. But it was just fucking. We walked in and go and climb and we get on the plane, and I swear to God, like, we're getting on the plane. The whole plane is all seated now, and it's just us, sweaty, me taking up the entire interior space of the airplane. Just like, excuse me, excuse me. Get back, get back to our seats.

[Markiplier]

Like, is that how you talk when you go on an airplane?

[Bob]

That's my airplane voice. Yeah. We get back there, sit down. The moment we're just like, we're in the plane to the place the captain gets on and is like,

[Markiplier]

looks like

[Bob]

we're not gonna have a Runway. Probably gonna be sitting here at the gate for another 25, 30 minutes. We're on the plane. We're on. And I, I, I wish, not for myself then, but for my story now. I wish that they had just been like, ah, we're gonna get you off the plane. You don't need to wait on here for all that. They didn't do that. But like, what's going on at the Amsterdam airport? Like, what the fuck is that? I've never ever heard of a flight in America where they're like, we're moving it Forward an unreasonable amount of time. Have fun.

[Markiplier]

I've never heard that before.

[Bob]

Hope you don't have complicated travel plans to the airport.

[Markiplier]

Oh, that's. That's terrible. That's terrible.

[Bob]

Not really as bad as what you had to do, if I'm honest. I just can't believe it all happened in Amsterdam.

[Wade]

Yeah. And Frankfurt.

[Markiplier]

One insert before Wade goes. Did you know they don't believe in creed?

[Wade]

Cream?

[Bob]

What kind of cream? Coffee Cream?

[Wade]

Yeah. What?

[Markiplier]

Yeah, coffee cream. Yeah, yeah.

[Wade]

Porn cream.

[Markiplier]

Porn cream.

[Bob]

So what, you would just have coffee with sugar but nothing else?

[Markiplier]

No, they have milk.

[Wade]

Oh, just put a sugar packet in your milk.

[Bob]

That's not.

[Markiplier]

That's not cream. What the fuck are you talking. Wait a minute. Hold on.

[Wade]

If you put enough sugar, it gets thick enough.

[Bob]

That's just not what cream is. No, no.

[Wade]

Oh, you don't want to do salt.

[Bob]

Oh, you're right. You know what? He's onto something. You don't want to do salt. That's not cream either. That's even less cream.

[Wade]

Put some sugar in your mil, Get a cinnamon stick and then, like, blow on or something. I don't know.

[Bob]

If I had. If I had a knob to vote one way or the other, I would definitely agree with way that sugar and milk is way more cream than salt and milk.

[Markiplier]

Anyway, they like. Because I kept asking for. And this is me dumb American be like, can I get Americana? With cream? With cream. And I kept saying that with confidence. And, you know, I would get that look, the European, like, look. And I thought that was just them having a bad day, but I realize now, if they didn't know what I was talking about, I was asking for some cream.

[Wade]

Was it Europe or Australia? Australia, where we ordered lemonade and they gave us Sprite. And I was so confused.

[Bob]

Oh, that's a. That's a UK thing in it.

[Markiplier]

Sorry, I have to sniff real out. I'm gonna. I'm gonna go. I got. I'll be right back.

[Bob]

Oh, unrelated. Okay.

[Wade]

Sinuses or drugs?

[Markiplier]

No, no, no. I came back with a tiny sniffle.

[Wade]

Oh, okay. Just like. Guys, I gotta snort real quick. I don't do it on camera.

[Markiplier]

Sorry. I can't get through an episode without. No, it's unfortunate.

[Wade]

Just need a little fish fist bump.

[Markiplier]

Just gonna punch myself in the face real quick.

[Bob]

Okay.

[Markiplier]

Oh.

[Wade]

Just to see if we can take it in the middle of an episode. What a hero.

[Markiplier]

I know, right? All right, Wade, what do you got? Against Europe or for it?

[Wade]

No, no, no. Here we go. This is another. This is another against you know, Americans, we. We are pride ourselves, right? We're like the country of freedom, America's freedom. Then everyone else is like, you know,

[Bob]

we have freedom too.

[Wade]

And then you go over to Europe, and what do you find? You go to, like, McDonald's, you order their chicken nuggets. Everyone's like, oh, you gotta have the chicken. You gotta have the food over in Europe. You have the food over in Australia. Australia. Less freedom, more regulations is what I'm hearing. If I wanted to open a franchise and make lots of money, I got to go through so much more fucking hassle in Europe because they've got less freedom to fuck your customers over. And I think that's bullshit. Maybe I want to sell you some pink slime wrapped up in dough.

[Bob]

Are you angry that you have a. Would have a difficult time opening a McDonald's franchise somewhere in Europe?

[Wade]

Not specifically McDonald's, but, you know, a fast food chain that cuts corners overall.

[Markiplier]

They have, you know, more regulations.

[Wade]

Maybe I want to crunch up deer hooves and antlers and call it chicken. A little bit of flavoring on top. But no, it's got to be real chicken over there.

[Markiplier]

How many deer hooves you come across in your day today?

[Bob]

Yeah. See, this is what you get for eating at Long John Silver's.

[Markiplier]

You come across, say, like, I got a business idea.

[Bob]

I got a business idea.

[Wade]

I got a supplier. I got a supplier.

[Bob]

That anchorman joke, like, you know, anything tastes like chicken. I think they do with roadkill service for that. Someone picks that up, you could serve that in a restaurant.

[Markiplier]

Okay, but less regulations is what you're saying.

[Wade]

Yeah, I can't believe it. I might be being a little bit facetious here, but for customers, probably great eating food over there, but for the employers, man, I feel. I feel for him.

[Markiplier]

All right, okay. I'm just going to put your point as conservative talking points.

[Wade]

You know what platform I want to stand. First guest, just Judge Kavanaugh.

[Bob]

I'm pretty sure his proper title is Justice Kavanaugh, but whatever.

[Wade]

I was going to say that, but I didn't really want to give him that much. It was too many syllables.

[Bob]

I just picture him going, I like beer. I can't not picture that. No. No matter what kind of. Even if it's like, oh. And then Justice Kavanaugh had a line of questioning for the. I like beer.

[Markiplier]

Do you like beer?

[Bob]

What beer do you like?

[Markiplier]

I know, I know he doesn't talk like the medical old officer man.

[Bob]

Oh, rfk. The rfk.

[Markiplier]

I know. He doesn't talk like RFK But I imagine I like, that's just all I picture in my head.

[Bob]

They're just all amalgamating. All the people who you can't believe have the jobs they have.

[Wade]

Vote for us 2028. We are one president.

[Bob]

Three headed president. Us three headed president.

[Markiplier]

I was about to say three headed president. Yep, that's good.

[Bob]

I'm in for that. That sounds good. Vote for us, baby.

[Markiplier]

We're on the same page. I give you points for that, man. That's right.

[Wade]

And right now your president will give you a cameo for just $15.

[Markiplier]

What a deal. I want to have some more Europe slander before we get this over with. Oh, I have another thing. Speaking of coughing, who coughed?

[Bob]

It was Wade.

[Wade]

Me.

[Markiplier]

I don't know why this is. And it might not be all of Europe, but there was definitely an uptick of people that were coughing like a baby coughs or like a toddler coughs, you know, tongue out,

[Bob]

like they've never coughed before. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

[Markiplier]

I, I don't know what it is if that was just where we were, but it was. And predominantly in the Amsterdam airport. But, you know, that's a whole other thing. But it's just, just no cover. None cover. And I. I'm pretty sure in America that we've been taught cover. Cough into your elbow first. Cover. And then started coughing into your elbow or in your. So when I sneeze, I, I look like I'm turning into a werewolf properly.

[Bob]

You turtle inside. No, yeah, no, I'm with you.

[Markiplier]

Yeah, no, I, I just like, oh God, I'm gonna sneeze. And then I try to contain it all in here. And I'm sure it looks like I'm pulling out my explosives, but you know, it's trying to contain the explosion. But yeah, no, no covering of any. Anything.

[Bob]

Yeah, I'm always taken aback by that. And I don't specifically have experience with that happening in Europe. But like when, when an adult does that, I have a hard time not just reflexively being like, what the fuck? Like fucking. Have you ever done that before? Did you forget what that's like? God, it's gross.

[Markiplier]

Not. See the particle simulation from the COVID Times of just talking to someone. You remember that particle thing?

[Bob]

Look, sometimes your hands are full. Sometimes you literally have. There's nothing you can do do aim down or away from other people. Like I've seen people where it's like they tried to cough at people and I just don't understand, like, yeah, gross.

[Markiplier]

I got to share an image with You. You guys know about this image, right? The. The. The particle spread image? Absolutely. Sharding out their mouth across the table.

[Wade]

Oh, I thought the origin was the person on the right belly button.

[Markiplier]

It basically is.

[Wade]

It basically is it like from there

[Bob]

they pissed so hard that it just. Right through the table like a water jet. Water cutting machine.

[Markiplier]

This episode's all over the place and I love it. All right.

[Bob]

I have more slander.

[Wade]

All right.

[Markiplier]

Love it.

[Bob]

Look, this is. This is a hot take in a way that's hard to explain, but this. This hap. It's the time of year when this starts happening again.

[Wade]

Sorry.

[Markiplier]

Left in some.

[Bob]

Just the picture.

[Markiplier]

Yeah, it's a different picture.

[Wade]

You want to share with the class?

[Markiplier]

All right, fine. It's not going to be worth it.

[Bob]

What the.

[Wade]

Jesus Christ.

[Bob]

So many.

[Markiplier]

I don't know if it's going at the guy or coming from.

[Wade]

This looks like that foam stuff you used to be able to buy. It was kind of like Floam.

[Bob]

Flo. Fl.

[Markiplier]

This guy's Floam man. And he's just die.

[Bob]

He doesn't use his hands, though. He just. Just like it comes out of my forehead. I can't control it.

[Wade]

That's how they teach you to vomit in Europe. Hands at your side, have correct posture while losing all of your shit.

[Bob]

All right. It's the time of year when this happens, and it happens every year. And it happens increasingly because it keeps. The temperatures keep getting crazier and crazier. If only there was some sort of explanation for all these weird weather events and record high temperatures year after year. Anyway, it's the time of year when. When Europeans, and especially, but not exclusively British people go online and are like, oh, fuck, it's so hot. I'm going to fucking die. Oh, My God, it's 78 degrees Fahrenheit.

[Markiplier]

Fuck. Jeez.

[Bob]

God.

[Wade]

And then even worse, they wouldn't say Fahrenheit.

[Bob]

Yeah, well, they say it's 17 and a half. What? No, it's. What's it like 28 Celsius? What's hot? I don't even know what.

[Markiplier]

Yeah, 25 and a half would be 78 degrees.

[Bob]

All right. Yeah. So, like, it gets getting to that time of year where. And I'm not here to judge someone for what they think is hot. As a person who spent summers in Michigan where summertime it was like high 70s, maybe 80, and we were swimming in lakes that were like 60 degree water. You're used to what you're used to. It's how. What's hot for me is not what's hot for you. But I'm so fucking sick of people going online and be like, oh, it's so hot. The Americans don't understand. You say that we live so rent free in your head that when you start sweating, your first instinct is Americans wouldn't understand why I'm sweating right now. I better tell these Internet.

[Wade]

Wait, do we not sweat or is it cold here? Why, why wouldn't we understand?

[Bob]

Well, I don't know, man, honestly. And, and some people just post and they're like, that's hot and I hate it and that's it. But some people literally will be like, oh, Americans think they know what heat is. They don't know that. And then Americans will be like, well, actually like, like a quarter of America is like subtropical climate. And then like the huge swath of the western part of America is like a desert. We know it, it gets really hot even in the not, you know, non interesting places. It gets hot in Ohio, gets over 100 in Ohio. It's not. And then the, inevitably the British people are like, you just. And the humidity. You don't even have water in America. You all just drink Coke all the time. It's so humid and we don't have air conditioning. Our houses are built differently and you live in toothpicks covered in toilet paper. So it's not hot for you. Like all this shit, right? All these arguments come out and the Americans will just be like, listen, dude, you fucking, you made a video telling Americans that we don't know what hot is. And I'm telling you that it gets 30 degrees hotter where I live than it's ever been where you live, you live. And it's like it's 108 degrees with 100% humidity. There's nothing that happens here that I don't understand about what's happening to you buy a fucking air conditioner, like. And it always becomes this thing where this is the argument. It goes, it goes. And eventually British people are just like, see, you can't fucking talk to Americans. You say one thing, you say, you say anything and they make it about them, right? They come in and then they make. And they don't understand the reality that we don't even know what air conditioning is in Europe. But all this shit, it's exhausting. Just save it. Just nobody. You know how it's a trope that old men talk about the weather and that's a joke. And the point of that is you, oh, it's going to Rain. Oh, we really need it. And that's tired. And nobody cares. It's the exact same shit. When you go on TikTok and talk about how it's 26 degrees Celsius and 70% humidity and you've never been this hot in your life, but no one fucking cares. Talk about something interesting. Talk about the new nail polish you bought or whatever the. I don't care. There's a reason nobody cares when old people talk about the weather. It's the same reason nobody cares when you talk about the weather. Sure. Shut up. And all the Americans who engage with this obvious rage bait also shut up. I can, I can say confidently, I've never commented on a single one of these. And I used to, like, look like. I'd watch the video and then go into the comments and be like, yeah, yeah, humidity, yeah. Now if I see the video, I just scroll and. And I might even do the thing where it's like, I'm not interested in this. This is a stupid topic. Scroll, whatever. Don't engage with it. It's fucking awful. There's tons of stuff that's funny on the Internet. Look at the funny stuff. God, I don't care how hot it is in England.

[Markiplier]

A little anecdote about that before going to you, Wade. One thing that the Nordic countries don't around with is saunas. I went in one while we were up there in Norway and I. I step in and it's like, you know that kind of sauna where you're just instant sweat. And I'm like, okay, all right, let's sing. And there's a timer that's really, really optimistic. It has 15 minutes on it. Real, real optimism. And I, I sit down there and Amy's there too. And she's up on the higher seat, which I didn't realize what the. The temperature difference would be. She's like, can't take it more. Five minutes. I'm like, I'm still going strong. And I'm like, head down between my knees at the low step, like, I got this, I can take it. And I. I look up at the thermometer there, and I'm like, it's only 80 degrees. My vision. Deep learners. Like, wait a minute, 80 degrees? What's that? Ah, that can't be. Wait. Boiling water.

[Wade]

800 degrees Fahrenheit in here.

[Markiplier]

I step up because I'm like, how hot could it be up higher where that thing is? And I go up to the seat where Amy was, where I was looking at her like, Ash tapped Out early. I'm so tough. I take one step up and I think I died. I just like, I thought I exploded in the heat. Like, it's just like there was a great gradient where sweat just like it like immense more as my head just lifted up, like, just like my upper body melting. So I left immediately after that.

[Bob]

Yeah, dude, that, that feeling is wild. I've. I didn't do. I've never done a Nordic one, but I did that. I told the Russian bathhouse story a long time ago on this. But. And the one. That one was like, it was tears, but there was also like the heat came out of the middle and it was wider so you could sit off to the side, but it was like a CH jet engine. That feeling of when you hit the real hot part of a sauna is kind of terrifying.

[Markiplier]

It's horrifying.

[Wade]

I've never been into a sauna, so I've never experienced that.

[Bob]

Well, because I'm imagining this is a smaller one too, right? All these Nordic ones are very like.

[Markiplier]

It was a hotel one. So it had, it was decently sized. Like not as big as my room here, but like maybe half this size. Anyway, wait, a last minute entry into the slander.

[Wade]

You save up your 1200 bucks, you buy a plane ticket, you leave CVG, fly all the way to a. To Rome, you go over to Vatican City. You've paid a lot of money to get there, you got your hotel, and finally there he is, the guy with the robes, he's stepping out. And dude, I could have driven six hours to Chicago to see a Chicago guy. And now the Chicago dude's just all of a sudden the Pope. I flew all the way out here to see the Pope, but he's just some dude from Chicago. This isn't nearly what I thought I was going to pay for. Now they're plucking their Popes from us. Who's the one in charge? Who's the one in charge? Who's picking these guys? Because, like, I need to talk to that person.

[Bob]

Be the College of Colonel Cardinals, if you. I think they have maybe a fax machine you could reach out to or something.

[Wade]

All right, well, I didn't know garbirds could go to college, you know, in the US of A. They cannot. Makes a lot of sense that. That birds be picking the Pope. I think that they're making a lot of mistakes over there because one, Chicago is one of the three worst American cities. Not biased because I'm from Cincinnati, which, you know, was kind of fucked over By Chicago and the trade back in like the 17, 1800s or whatever, but like a little.

[Bob]

A little. But it's not.

[Wade]

They ruined everything by existing. Why are we going all the way to Vatican City to see some dude from Chicago? Chicago? He didn't have the right kind of pizza. They could have at least picked a New Yorker.

[Bob]

Oh, he speaks Latin. And also, don't you dare badmouth Chicago style pizza.

[Wade]

It's the worst kind.

[Bob]

That's just not even true.

[Wade]

Not the kind I'd eat.

[Markiplier]

And I'm a guy that likes extra sauce.

[Wade]

Well, Chicago is very saucy.

[Markiplier]

Wait, I'll give you another bonus round here because I want to talk about it. Do you know that there's a constant argument that flares up on social media every few years that. Where Europeans say Americans don't have bread.

[Bob]

Yes. I hate that one as much as I hate the temperature one. That's awful.

[Wade]

I've heard the comment. I've never looked into it. I didn't know it was a constant issue.

[Markiplier]

It flared recently again for some reason where it's like, Americans don't have bread,

[Wade]

but they watch distractible. I did a whole fucking episode on bread.

[Markiplier]

I know, I know. We settled that their bread is actually really good. I tried an assortment of bread, but then again I was doing like this no carb thing. So the bread I was eating was like this keto bread for a while and I thought that was good.

[Bob]

That's not.

[Markiplier]

Not bread. Well, okay.

[Bob]

It's not. It's not bad. I do eat that.

[Markiplier]

It's not bad.

[Wade]

It's just not like, Mark, you're giving them more ammo to use against us.

[Markiplier]

I know. The argument is like, America has bakeries also in our thing. In our things. You know, in our food things. The thing places. Yeah, food.

[Wade]

It does say something that like the b. Holly and I decided to go to a bakery. It's like, we're going to a French bakery. We're going to a Korean bakery. We're going to this Definitely not American bakery. This is so cool.

[Markiplier]

It is. I will like, yes, we do have bakeries here, but. And in the grocery stores. And yes, people sometimes buy them, but there is quite. I think we are actually beaten in this regard because Amy and I, we were on this like KM Fall Light, which is like the Dutch thing. The Royal Dutch Airlines.

[Wade]

We have a Dutch bros.

[Bob]

It's close.

[Markiplier]

Our meal. I you not was bread with bread. A side of bread, another bread. And then they came around with a basket of bread and was like, would you like some bread? And so I, I, I'm thinking I never got that in America where I

[Wade]

got the five, I get some extra plates. My bread's touching my bread.

[Markiplier]

I, man, it was like it was some kind of muffin thing with then a cinnamon roll thing with then an actual piece of bread. And then there was little bread bites things.

[Bob]

Is there any protein in this meal? What the fuck is that?

[Markiplier]

Oh God, no. We got them crushed on protein. America is destroying them with look.

[Wade]

That's why 10 of them could fit on a one person elevator. No protein.

[Bob]

That must be the problem. That makes it all make sense.

[Markiplier]

They, they, they're asses kicked in the protein department. But they got, I will give them bread.

[Wade]

We give them the old fogo to pow. Would you like a rare or well done?

[Bob]

Since we're talking about TikTok or whatever Internet trends, can I say how funny it is when to watch videos of when Europeans realize why America, Americans think that nowhere in Europe is far away from anywhere in Europe. That and especially this is another one sell our British people right where they'll be like, oh, I went on this fucking, I went on a road trip. I drove two hours to the north of England. Well, I had to stop a couple of times. And Americans are like, I drive two hours each way to fucking work. I commute 80 hours a week across Texas. And the Europeans were always like, ah, you're idiot. And then everyone who visits is like, we flew to New York and I thought we'd just drive, like drive to Orlando, drive to Los Angeles, like we'd make like a trip of it. And then we fucking got there and it's, it's so far. Like, yeah, dude. Are you guys familiar with maps or. Damn.

[Markiplier]

I was, I was in Norway and I was like, hey, there's, there's a city in Eastern Europe that I think we could add on to our trip. I had a reason to go out there and I looked it up. I was like, how far could it be? Oh man, it's four countries away, two hour flight. I was like, yeah, all right. So we just added another country onto our trip.

[Wade]

So it's like from Cincinnati to Atlanta, it's like an eight hour drive.

[Markiplier]

Yeah, yeah, it was nice. It was great. So stack that on. So, yeah, no, it was not as, not as big as one might think.

[Bob]

I saw a funny thing. Apparently England would only be the 10th most grossing economy if it was enlisted with all the American states, which is pretty good, like top, top 10. But I think that's just our States. That's just some of our states. A whole shitload of states.

[Wade]

The 57th state, England, could be.

[Markiplier]

Hey, think about it. Think about it.

[Bob]

England.

[Markiplier]

You left the eu. You could be part of the States,

[Wade]

right across the American Ocean

[Bob]

with the east American Ocean or the West American Ocean.

[Wade]

I don't know. I'm not very good with compasses. Compass eye. I'm not very good with compass eye.

[Markiplier]

It's whatever one south of America land up there.

[Bob]

America or ant mica. That didn't work.

[Markiplier]

All right, we're calling it America has won the Game or something like that. I. I'm not. That's. Backtrack a little bit. Erase your memories for the past 13 seconds. 14ft. America.

[Wade]

We got you. Faith. Wait, hold on.

[Markiplier]

Oh, God.

[Bob]

You ever know what they're talking about? Americans is the best in the smartest country in the world. Everybody beat. This way, that way.

[Wade]

We got you beating gross. We got more nets. We got more proffers and Coffers.

[Markiplier]

All right.

[Wade]

1, 2, 3, 4. Hope you get the 13.

[Markiplier]

All right, Bob, you get points for shirt. You got point for Kings Island. James, you got a point for going first. You got. I. There was a point in there where I was telling the Amsterdam story and you guys made me laugh really hard. I gave you three points. Just. It's just funny times three. So I'm giving you three points for that. Elevators down. I guess homunculus sized human flight was leaving 10 minutes ago. Temperature, bitches. And then Europe small gives you 11 points. Wade, I've written down here me because I think you said it funny.

[Wade]

Oh, whatever you wanted to see. Wanted to go first with the Europe thing maybe. Or small talk. I don't know.

[Markiplier]

One of the things. Oh, small talk, that's right. Yeah, that's right. And then you. Cincinnati Symphony, Star Wars 500 on Iago was very funny. I gave you two funny points while telling the story. Frankfurt. Gary, just put sugar in your milk. Conservative talking points. My country, Chicago Pope and food to POW. Which puts you at 11. We are actually tied up, which I didn't think there was.

[Wade]

Gays, it's time. Oh, you haven't done a one man show in a while, right?

[Markiplier]

Oh, my God. Guys, please. No, it's tied. There's no way that it'll be.

[Wade]

We're not in charge of this.

[Bob]

There's no way. Look, if. If we get another one man show, maybe the next episode is just an emergency constitutional convention where we get rid of that completely and make up something way less.

[Markiplier]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll Do? Yeah.

[Bob]

Anyway, how many spins will there be? I. Probably a good number.

[Markiplier]

Better not be too two, three. All right, perfect.

[Wade]

Immediate tie.

[Markiplier]

We'll put the new thing as last person in Europe.

[Bob]

What if the host is the most recent person in Europe? Do we just not count it then, or do we.

[Markiplier]

I'll get a point. Well, if it's most recent, it's between you two.

[Bob]

It would be.

[Markiplier]

Then between you two, who is the most recent?

[Wade]

I think you and Mandy technically left Amsterdam a little bit later than Molly and I. So you were there. You were there longer than we were.

[Bob]

Well, because we stayed in London for, like, three or four more days after that.

[Markiplier]

Well, were you staying before or after London?

[Wade]

The UK left the.

[Markiplier]

You. No, they're still in Europe.

[Bob]

Most of what I said was about England, so I'm going to say that that's part of Europe. Obviously been number one.

[Wade]

I don't know. Frankfurt. Gary is in the EU or not.

[Markiplier]

It is most angry. Wade, you were pretty angry about Frankfurt.

[Wade]

Oh, those lines sucked, man.

[Bob]

I was gonna say I, I went on a little bit of a tirade,

[Markiplier]

but about the temperature. Yeah, you did.

[Wade]

You were.

[Markiplier]

You were going to be angry about the flight left 10 minutes ago, but you did get on the plane.

[Bob]

Yeah.

[Markiplier]

So I think, Wade, you got the angry one.

[Bob]

I feel like that's kind of fair. Yeah.

[Wade]

I'm primed to finally win for the first time in, like, two months.

[Bob]

Spin number two.

[Wade]

Front runner, baby. You can't take my crown.

[Bob]

Wearing least Clothes.

[Wade]

Shorts, underwear, shirt.

[Bob]

Socks, Shorts, underwear, Undershirt, shirt. Oh, wow.

[Markiplier]

It's another for Wade.

[Bob]

Oh, my God. You're just gonna give it away for free?

[Wade]

Wait till you see what else I'll give away for free. Subscribe to mine.

[Markiplier]

I saw. I saw an entry on the wheel that said screwed from the start, and I, I, I don't know what that one means. It almost landed on it.

[Bob]

I don't remember what that means.

[Wade]

That's got to be a me point. I would just claim it. It's either it's birth or the episode.

[Bob]

It's not untrue. Kind of.

[Markiplier]

All right. And golf rules.

[Bob]

Drop the most items.

[Markiplier]

Did anybody?

[Bob]

I. I have been repeatedly dropping this, but I've been dropping it onto a beanbag that keeps.

[Markiplier]

I have an item. Wait. Wade walked out of frame, took his headphones off, and then dropped them on the desk.

[Bob]

Mark, you're supposed to be biased towards me. What are we doing here?

[Markiplier]

Don't worry. The handshakes will even it all out in time. But right now, Congratulations. The losing streak of all time.

[Wade]

Yeah, at a whopping, I think eight

[Markiplier]

losses before another win by weird technicalities. One man shows all these things. Lots and lots of losing. The biggest loser now a winner. Lloyd, congratulations.

[Wade]

The last time I hosted an episode was March 17. I don't know when that episode came out, but that was the last time I physically recorded an episode that I hosted that wasn't a one man show. I've had family message me and ask when I'm gonna win again. People come to the streams and are like, dude, what's happening? You lost it. Like you ever gonna win again. I've been down and counted out, but we are so bad back, baby. And I really hope we're not recording another episode today, cuz I've got nothing in the bank. But when I do, just you betcha it's going to.

[Markiplier]

I think Wade had written a loser speech ahead of time and he had to quickly modify it to be a winner speech. All my family are so depressed about me and frankly, I don't blame them.

[Wade]

I think I was leaving the. I thought I was leaving the whole podcast if I lost one more time. But since I won, I'm kind of like obligated to do at least one more. So let's share that the next time.

[Markiplier]

All right, Bob, Loser speech.

[Bob]

Look, you may think I have things in this world, but all I actually had was the losing streak from when I lost X number of coin tosses in a row. I think it was 14 in a row.

[Wade]

13 or 14.

[Bob]

That was all I had in the world and you took it away from me. For what? Because your family only texted you because they were bored? Because they only want to hear you talk on our podcast. Whatever. That was it, man. Now what? Now what do I have left? I don't know. I guess we'll see. See? We'll see what Bob shows up for the next recording session. See how this turns out for everybody.

[Wade]

Guess we'll see My first win in two months. You're like, you piece of shit.

[Bob]

Yeah, you took it. I can't believe you took that for me, you absolute Scott scoundrel.

[Wade]

Don't worry, Bob. I will do my utmost to make sure that you get to start a losing streak next.

[Bob]

I appreciate that, but it's a little bit too late. You sort of ruined everything already. I mean, whatever happens.

[Markiplier]

Oh, well, whatever. You can all cheer up your own miserable lives by going to distractible dot shop and getting yourself one of these beautiful shirts. Support the podcast. Support your favorite losers. That's us and support yourselves by having having this shirt and getting it for your body. This has been markiplier Wade who people are confused why we go Lord Minion 777, also known as Minion 7777 because

[Wade]

Lord Minion was taken on Twitch. So my Twitch streaming name is different than my YouTube name.

[Markiplier]

You know you can email him about that.

[Wade]

I did and I think I have access to Lord Minion. Twitch. I really want it. I kind of like being Minion more than Lord Minion. But like what am I going to do? Message YouTube be like, give me Minion.

[Markiplier]

Yeah, they. They could do that.

[Bob]

They probably could do that. Yeah.

[Wade]

What's the guy who owns YouTube now? Shman Smancy Schmancy. What I like it was Dan Clancy. I don't know who's in charge of YouTube anymore.

[Bob]

Yeah, yeah. Dan Clancy. Dan Clancy owns Twitch and glam schmancy owns YouTube. I think you're right.

[Wade]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Markiplier]

You're right about that.

[Wade]

Yeah.

[Markiplier]

Bob at my skirm and you add yourself when you are being beautiful, which is all the time. I'm not talking to you. It podcast out.

[Bob]

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