Distractible: Best of "Guam" (Compilation)

Podcast: Distractible
Hosts: Mark Fischbach, Wade Barnes, Bob Muyskens
Release Date: March 8, 2026

Episode Overview

This "Best of 'Guam'" compilation features some of the funniest, most chaotic, and memorable moments in Distractible history revolving around the running gag of "Guam." Mark, Wade, and Bob riff on the absurd idea of being edited into Guam, riff about internet memes, and turn virtual podcast spaces into a playground of quick-witted banter, surreal editing requests, and self-deprecating humor. Episode highlights include improvised sketches, listener and subreddit interactions, and relentless callbacks to "Guam," all tied together by the trio’s signature friendly competitiveness.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Guam Gag and Running Bit

• The Genesis of “Guam”
  • The podcast kicks off with a recurring joke where someone inevitably asks the editor to “put me in Guam.” The trio riff on what Guam actually looks like, debating whether it’s underwater and confusing it for guacamole (00:30–01:16).
  • Notable Quote:
    • Mark: “Editors, send me to Guam.” (00:53)
    • Bob: “Guam’s World War III significance is on—”
      Mark: “—view and coming soon.” (01:36–01:42)
• Escalating the Gag
  • They lovingly mock their own ignorance about Guam, and repeatedly ask for various podcast components (sound effects, backgrounds, people) to be teleported or edited into Guam.
  • Memorable Moment:
    • Wade: “Isn’t Guam a place? I think of... Guacamole. Which one’s which?”
      Mark: “Oh, same thing.” (09:37–09:40)
    • Bob: “Put Wait’s car in Guam. It’s a convertible. All the Guam’s getting in.” (09:28)

Chaos with Editors and Absurd Effects

• Directing the Editors
  • The hosts take full advantage of the video format, repeatedly breaking the fourth wall to boss around their editors:
    • “Editors, hit them with all your sound effects. Hong Kong. Wow.” (03:25)
    • “Editors, black out his camera for a little bit.” (01:08)
    • “Editors, put Mark’s head in the ocean.” (07:59)
    • “Editors, kill me in Guam.” (12:19)
• The hosts’ awareness of production (including references to Iron Lung and editing teams) and meta-commentary on how they’re being presented is a recurring theme that blurs the line between content and behind-the-scenes.

Absurd Storytelling & Improv Segments

• Guam as the Multiversal Destination
  • Mark invents ridiculous scenarios for how he got his car, involving boats, underwater missions, and the subreddit fabricating evidence.
    • Mark: “It was on a boat that sank. You swam down to get it out and you drove it out from Atlantis.” (08:52–09:04)
    • Bob: “The lost city of Guam, also known as Atlantis.” (10:46)
• Improv Games & Points
  • The trio riff on gaming mechanics within the podcast: rock-paper-scissors with “Eeny, meeny, miny, moe,” points for mentioning Mark’s height, and ad hoc rules about camera disappearances for callbacks or jokes.
  • Bob: “Peace out. He excitedly wheeled around to try and catch the plans that I tossed. And he smacked his head on the wall of the jail…” (14:10)
• Surreal Roleplay
  • An entire scene about being live-streamed from the Mariana Trench in Guam, ultimately leading to an AI (Grok) hopelessly recreating Mark’s likeness for eternity.
    • Mark: “Editors, put me in Guam. The teleporter activates and I zip out of there.” (14:49)
    • Bob: “Unfortunately, Guam is located at the deepest depths of the Marianas Trench, as far as I know…” (15:07)
    • Mark: “All I had to do was escape Mariana's Trench and I would be cemented as better than Entrapo.” (15:18)

Friendly Competition and Point-Tallying

• Scores, Loser and Winner Speeches
  • Points are arbitrarily given or deducted for everything from mentioning Mark’s height to exploding on camera.
    • Wade: “If you explode randomly on camera, I’ll give you 10 points.” (06:30)
  • At the end, Wade delivers his winner’s speech, though he is mocked for how bad it is.
    • Mark: “That might be the worst winner speech I’ve ever heard in the history of this podcast.” (17:01)

Community Interaction

• Invoking the Subreddit
  • The hosts call on their subreddit to participate in the goofs, from photoshopping cars in impossible places to “defending” Mark.
    • Mark: “Subreddit, get on that. Defend me. I’ve never said that before in my life.” (09:08)
    • Bob: “Subreddit put Wait’s car in Guam.” (09:28)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Guam. Guam. Guam. Guam. Guam.” — Mark, Bob, and Wade volleying the word to kick off the recurring bit (00:30–00:34)
• Bob: “I don’t think Mark has gotten more than a quarter of a sentence out of his mouth without Wade just jumping in on something.” (03:51)
• Mark: “I’m cutting myself out of this podcast. I’m going to Guam. Bonk. Hi, Guam.” (11:44)
• Bob: “Editors, kill him in Guam.” (12:19)
• Mark: “For those only listening, Wade made a peace sign, which means fade me out.” (18:43)
• Bob: “Are we guaming?”
  Mark: “What happens when I do two? Do I go double Guam?” (19:32–19:36)

Segment Timeline

• 00:30–02:00: Launch of the Guam gag, riffing on what Guam is, Mark requests to be “put in Guam”
• 02:10–03:00: Fade outs, mobile games, meta commentary on podcast format
• 03:11–04:30: Sound effects chaos, talking over each other, early era food safety horror stories
• 06:00–07:00: Further Guam requests, visual gags, bathtub explosion joke
• 08:00–09:45: Subreddit challenges, Guacamole confusion, car in Guam riff
• 10:13–11:45: Adam Savage bit, isolation jokes, more “put him in Guam”
• 11:45–13:30: Rock-paper-scissors via “Eeny, meeny, miny, moe,” adding rules to point tallying
• 14:00–16:00: Absurd improv about jail escapes, wheelchair jokes, teleporting to Guam, AI (Grok) perpetuating Mark in digital eternity
• 17:00–19:00: Winner/loser speeches, farewells, callbacks, more fade-outs, double-Guam joke

Episode Tone & Style

The tone is as zany and fast-paced as classic Distractible fans expect: full of meta-humor, quick improvisation, and inside jokes. The trio’s overlapping conversational style, affectionate ribbing, and self-parody invite listeners in on the running gags, making the chaos feel intentional and inclusive.

Final Thoughts

This compilation captures Distractible at its most energetic and self-aware; “Guam” serves as the perfect stand-in for the unpredictable, often nonsensical journeys the hosts embark upon. Mark, Wade, and Bob’s collaborative chaos, their direct appeals to fans and editors, and the absurd escalation of simple jokes epitomize why the Distractible community keeps coming back for more.

Quick Reference Table

| Timestamp | Segment | Memorable Moment / Quote | |------------|------------------------|-------------------------------------------------| | 00:30-01:16| Guam riff launches | “Editors send me to Guam.” — Mark | | 03:25 | Sound effects chaos | “Editors, hit them with all your sound effects” | | 06:08 | Recall of “short” bit | “Put me in Guam. God, that was funny.” — Bob | | 08:52-09:04| Atlantis car story | “It was on a boat that sank…” — Mark | | 11:44 | Self edit to Guam | “I’m cutting myself out of this podcast…” — Mark| | 15:07 | Mariana’s Trench twist | “Guam is located at the deepest depths…” — Bob | | 17:01 | Winner speech roast | “That might be the worst winner speech…” — Mark | | 19:36 | Double Guam | “Take me to double Guam. Wow.” — Mark |

If you love meta-comedy, relentless inside jokes, and creative editing mayhem, this “Best of Guam” episode is pure Distractible at its prime.