Distractible – "Best of Henry (Compilation)"

Date: December 1, 2025
Hosts: Mark Fischbach, Wade Barnes, Bob Muyskens

Episode Overview

This compilation episode spotlights the beloved rescue dog Henry, weaving together humorous, heartfelt, and occasionally harrowing stories told by Mark. The conversations traverse tales of Henry’s intelligence, eccentric habits, outdoor adventures, and run-ins with wildlife—offering a sincere and often hilarious celebration of dogs, their quirks, and their impact on daily life. Along the way, Mark, Wade, and Bob riff about other pets and share their own canine capers, reinforcing the classic Distractible tone of endearing chaos and long-running friendship.

Key Discussion Points & Stories

1. Henry’s Rescue Story and Development

• [02:28] Mark introduces Henry as a rescue with a traumatic past, initially distrustful, especially of men, but transformed through love and training.
  • “He did not trust strangers. He especially did not trust men... but with love and attention and training, he’s way smarter than Chica.” — Mark

2. Henry’s Excitable Nature

• [03:14–04:08] Mark plays an audio clip of an excited Henry, describing his energy and hilarious 30-minute vocalizations during car rides.
  • Mark humorously recounts how Henry will sneeze and shake slobber everywhere, but insists, “Wouldn’t trade it for the world. Love that dog.” — Mark

3. The Legend of the ‘Piss Oranges’

• [04:19–05:55] The group debates whether an orange tree produced actual oranges or limes, recalling an old bit involving Ethan. Mark shares that Henry regularly peed on the tree, and—tongue-in-cheek—suggests that the fruit tasted better the longer he lived there.
  • “What is a tree if not a big life straw? Filters out the piss.” — Mark [05:27]
  • “Dog pee kills grass, flavors orange. Breaking news.” — Bob [05:32]

4. Rain, Walks, and Gross Dog Realities

• [05:55–09:20] Amid relentless LA rain, Mark describes Henry’s determination to walk and unique ‘uphill poop’ technique. After a mishap with diarrhea in the rain, Mark is forced to give Henry a hasty “butt haircut” before the podcast.
  • “...haphazardly with scissors, cutting, giving Henry a butt haircut just because there was no way that I was going to be able to get him in the bath in time.” — Mark [09:09]

5. Hawks, Pet Safety, and Cartoonish Scenarios

• [09:20–10:16] Bob jokes about teams of organized hawks kidnapping dogs. Mark reassures that Henry is too big, but imagines four hawks in a trench coat trying to trick him.
  • “A team of four Hawks drops down with the net... The moment he puts his mouth around the puparoni... they take off in flight in pattern.” — Wade [09:41]
  • “I really do think it was like four hawks in a trench coat that made me sign that blood pact...” — Mark [10:04]

6. Gross, Endearing Dog Habits

• [10:16–11:10] Mark describes Henry’s habit of slow ear scratching followed by licking his foot, drawing parallels to animal hygiene practices, much to his own (and everyone’s) disgust.
  • “You know, I don’t want you, I want you to stop talking.” — Mark, after Bob explains why dogs might taste their ear discharge [10:54–10:58]

7. Dogs as Intruder Alarms and Silly Pranks

• [11:10–12:12] Mark appreciates Henry’s attentiveness as an intruder alarm, noting his quick reactions to suspicious sounds and sharing a story about tricking Henry by peering around a corner.
  • “So he’s the perfect alarm for that. And he goes off too often... if at night he’s not barking, I’m not worried, so I’m fine there.” — Mark [11:44]
• [11:53]: “I play funny pranks on Henry sometimes where if I peer around a corner... Henry will go, Who is that?... Such a cute little dog. I gotta get that on video sometime.” — Mark

8. Chica’s Meltdown and Canine Logic

• [13:51–15:56] Mark recounts how Chica (his other dog) freaked out when he took Henry for a walk and accidentally left her in the yard, marveling at canine reasoning and anxiety.
  • “She goes, no, no... literally sounded like her going, no.” — Mark [15:22]

9. A Bear Encounter: The Adrenaline Story

• [16:04–20:18] Mark tells an edge-of-seat story about a bear wandering up to his house, staring at Chica and Henry, and then later nearly confronting Chica as she “charges” the bear. Mark prepares to “throw down” bare-handed, only to see the bear eventually scared off.
  • “Chica is literally staring down a bear. And as soon as I yell, chica, she charges the bear.” — Mark [18:34]
  • “I was like, all right, I guess I’m going hand to hand with a bear. Here we go. Because I would do that for Chica.” — Mark [19:06]

10. Water Dogs with Water Issues

• [22:08–24:10] Mark explains that Henry hates the ocean while Chica both fears and loves it. The hosts discuss their own dogs’ weird relationships with water.
  • “He’s like the opposite of that character who’s like, hold me back, hold me back. No one’s touching him. Henry’s like, don’t make me.” — Wade [22:31]
  • “Why does she hate pools and the ocean? She’s a literal golden retriever... maybe it’s just specifically rivers that she’s bred for.” — Mark [22:40]

11. Henry Asks for Medicine (and Other Canine Smarts)

• [24:12–end] Mark shares a touching moment about Henry learning to ask for his eye drops, demonstrating intelligence and trust.
  • “He leads me to the kitchen where we have the little eyedropper. And I get the eyedropper, and I pointed at him. He’s like, this. And he goes. Sits, tilts his head up, and I’m like, do you understand this makes your eye feel better? Are you asking for it?” — Mark [24:30]

Memorable Quotes and Moments

• “What is a tree if not a big life straw? Filters out the piss.” — Mark [05:27]
• “I bet it was. I bet it was. But Henry pissed on that tree a lot... those oranges tasted amazing.” — Mark [05:06]
• “A team of four hawks drops down with the net... The moment he puts his mouth around the puparoni... they take off in flight in pattern.” — Wade [09:41]
• “Chica is literally staring down a bear. And as soon as I yell, chica, she charges the bear.” — Mark [18:34]
• “He’s like the opposite of that character who’s like, hold me back, hold me back. No one’s touching him. Henry’s like, don’t make me.” — Wade [22:31]
• “He leads me to the kitchen where we have the little eyedropper... Sits, tilts his head up... Are you asking for it?... Oh, my God, he smart.” — Mark [24:30]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 02:28 – Introduction to Henry, his past, and growth
• 03:14–04:08 – Henry’s car ride excitement
• 04:19–05:55 – The “piss oranges” saga
• 05:55–09:20 – Walk in the rain, poop mishaps, “butt haircut”
• 09:20–10:16 – Hawks and pet safety
• 10:16–11:10 – Gross but endearing habits
• 11:10–12:12 – Dogs as intruder alarms, Henry pranked
• 13:51–15:56 – Chica’s walk-induced meltdown
• 16:04–20:18 – Dramatic bear encounter
• 22:08–24:10 – Ocean/pool/rivers and canine water logic
• 24:12–end – Henry asks for his eyedrops

Tone & Takeaways

True to Distractible’s spirit, the episode blends irreverent, gross-out humor with surprisingly sweet vignettes, painting a vivid picture of pet ownership. Mark’s storytelling—punctuated by Wade’s and Bob’s comedic pivots—makes the “Best of Henry” feel like an affectionate love letter to dogs and the odd, unforgettable moments they bring into our lives. From “piss oranges” to bear chases, listeners come away entertained and reminded of the intelligence, loyalty, and sheer unpredictability of our furry companions.