Distractible – Best of P*ssed Off: Part 1 (Compilation)
Podcast Date: January 16, 2026
Hosts: Mark Fischbach, Wade Barnes, Bob Muyskens
Theme: A fast-paced, laugh-heavy compilation of the hosts’ best rants, indignations, and peeves, with extra spotlight on misunderstandings, daily annoyances, and the unique flair the Distractible trio bring to the art of “getting pissed off.”
Episode Overview
This "Best Of" compilation stitches together classic moments of exasperation, hot takes, and hilarious rants about everyday annoyances. The hosts riff on everything from the technicalities of Chapstick to existential rage at plastic forks and funerals, all while playfully blaming one another for convoluted guesses, confusing answers, and the generally infuriating nature of modern life. As always, the chemistry among Mark, Wade, and Bob means relentless teasing, absurd hypothetical questions, and the occasional philosophical aside—all served up with heavy sarcasm and endearing self-mockery.
Key Discussion Points & Highlights
1. The Chapstick Debate
[02:09 - 04:52]
- The Set-Up: The hosts play a game involving clues and guesses about an object related to "sunscreen, lotion, and tissues."
- Bob tries to nudge Wade toward Chapstick by giving “seasonal” as a clue.
- Wade is thrown off by earlier answers about containers and is frustrated when Chapstick is revealed.
- Quote – Wade:
“How the actual fuck is Chapstick related to lotion or sunscreen? Those are liquids.” (02:33)
- Container Controversy: A running gag develops as Wade argues that Chapstick is very much a container, and Bob protests its “primary part” is the balm itself.
- Multiple voices chime in about where they store Chapstick and whether Wade was led astray by bad answers.
- Quote – Bob:
“The primary part of chapstick is the chapstick.” (03:03)
2. Bob’s Pet Peeve – Pets
[04:52 - 06:39]
- Vet Bills and Anal Glands: Bob goes on an unfiltered rant about the realities of pet ownership—medical costs, aging, and the many bodily functions pets subject owners to.
- Quote – Bob:
“You gotta take them to the vet once every month or two and have someone stick their fingers up their ass to release their anal glands.” (05:08)
- Quote – Bob:
- Unpredictable Animal Behavior: The group humorously personifies their own pets’ picky eating, litter box failures, and general chaos.
- Dark Humor: Joking advice on playing the podcast loudly for pets while "putting them in their cage."
3. Mark’s Aversion to the Number Nine (Gas Prices)
[06:53 - 09:19]
- Psychological Trickery in Pricing: Mark launches into an epic rant on the use of nines, especially “.9” in gas prices.
- Quote – Mark:
“It infuriates me that that exists.” (07:46)
"It's not even like a good psychological trick. It's like one fraction of a penny. It's nine tenths of a penny." (09:05)
- Quote – Mark:
- Rallying Cry: They propose opening a gas station with no fractions or nines, just to be different.
4. Bob’s Fridge Story: No Verbs Allowed
[09:33 - 11:18]
- Improvised Skit: The group attempts to retell a notorious “fridge incident” story using only nouns.
- Rapid-fire delivery, lots of laughter, and playful confusions follow.
- Memorable Moment: The relentless "fridge, bush, water shut off" refrain as each tries to out-absurd the other.
- Quote – Wade:
“O, fridge. Two guys, front door. Me, the one guy. Oh, no.” (09:57)
5. The "Revere, Hua" Linguistic Spiral
[11:54 - 14:15]
- Accent Chaos: The group attempts to pronounce and reverse random syllables (“Revere, hua”), devolving into chaotic parodies of dialects, ghost noises, and palindromes.
- Quote – Mark:
“It’s two palindromes inside the same word. It’s river, Revere. River.” (13:31)
- No one is sure what word they're even aiming for—much confusion, much delight.
- Quote – Mark:
6. Counting Celebrities and Silly Spellings
[15:32 - 16:41]
- Celebrity Mishmash: The team tries to keep track of celebrities named throughout the show, with joke spellings and mistaken identities (e.g., "Megan the Stanleyan," "Michael Obama").
- Quote – Mark:
“Did I spell Share right? I know it’s a C... The C’s at the end. It’s a silent C.” (16:08)
- Quote – Mark:
- Endless Bickering: Mock-seriousness about proper tallying and pronunciation, much to everyone’s amusement.
7. Funerals Are the Ultimate Inconvenience
[16:44 - 18:27]
- Wade’s Funeral Rant: A high point of dark, irreverent humor as Wade rails against funerals as narcissistic rituals for the dead.
- Quote – Wade:
“Did I not give you enough while you were alive? … Did you not take enough of my precious time while you could reciprocate anything?” (16:52) “Only the most narcissistic, selfish, unbelievably self-centered people would possibly think that what they need after they have left their family mourning and just torn apart is a party for them.” (17:30)
- Quote – Wade:
- Open Casket Critique: Lampooning afterlife anxieties and typical rituals in a mock-serious tone.
8. The Plastic Fork Debacle
[18:30 - 21:30]
- Guessing Game Goes Awry: Kim, Mark, and Bob are exasperated for being made to guess “plastic fork,” which to them seemed nearly impossible based on clues.
- Quote – Mark:
“When you said it was not metal, all cutlery went out the window…” (18:59)
- Quote – Kim:
“A plastic fork isn’t even rigid.” (21:07)
- Wade gamely defends his choice as everyone else feels aggrieved by “category error.”
- Quote – Mark:
- Running Joke: Mark appeals to the subreddit, jokingly demanding justice for the unfairness.
9. Cereal: Milk First or Cereal First?
[21:47 - 24:47]
- All-Time Classic Debate: The trio debate whether milk should be poured before or after cereal.
- Quote – Mark (Milk First Defender):
“You pour your milk first so you have a fixed quantity of milk. The elements that you’re fighting is time till sogginess.” (22:06)
- Quote – Bob (Pro Cereal First):
“I don’t have time to pour cereal 30 times for one meal. I fill that bowl like three quarters with cereal.” (23:50)
- Quote – Mark (Milk First Defender):
- Passionate Arguments: Strategies about sogginess, milk-to-cereal ratios, and existential despair when there’s “not enough milk” or “not enough cereal.”
- Skill Issue: Jokes about not being able to properly estimate cereal or milk left.
10. Bear Attacks in Japan
[25:01 - 25:34]
- Quick-Fire Trivia: Bob asks about the "most common animal to fear" in Japan, answers are "bears," then spins off into bear-attack anecdotes and statistics.
11. Kids With Cell Phones: End of Civilization
[25:34 - 27:13]
- Escalating Rant: Bob delivers a high-speed tirade about the ills of children having cell phones—poor focus, instant gratification, education woes, and general societal decline.
- Quote – Bob:
“They’re sitting there googling dumb, responding to their friends, texting their friends, looking at porn, making bombs. Whatever teenagers do these days, that’s not sitting there and learning.” (25:54)
- Quote – Bob:
12. The Legendary Coin Flip Losing Streak
[27:21 - 28:52]
- Wade’s Misfortune: Recurring gag—Wade cannot win a coin flip, loses 8 times in a row, accuses the coin of being cursed or weighted.
- Comedy Peaks: Bob jokes about mailing the "lucky coin," further fueling the playful outrage.
- Quote – Bob:
"I'm 9 and O with this coin. Oh, it's getting light." (28:18)
- Quote – Bob:
- Resignation: Wade tries to calm himself, vowing to remain composed for the end of the episode.
Notable Quotes
- “How the actual fuck is Chapstick related to lotion or sunscreen?” – Wade (02:33)
- “You gotta take them to the vet once every month or two and have someone stick their fingers up their ass.” – Bob (05:08)
- “It infuriates me that that exists.” – Mark, on the ‘nine’ in gas prices (07:46)
- “O, fridge. Two guys, front door. Me, the one guy. Oh, no.” – Wade (09:57)
- “Did I spell Share right?... The C’s at the end. It’s a silent C.” – Mark (16:08)
- “Only the most narcissistic, selfish, unbelievably self-centered people would possibly think that what they need after they have left their family mourning... is a party for them.” – Wade, on funerals (17:30)
- “A plastic fork isn’t even rigid.” – Kim (21:07)
- “You pour your milk first so you have a fixed quantity of milk.” – Mark (22:06)
- “They’re sitting there googling dumb... looking at porn, making bombs. Whatever teenagers do these days...” – Bob (25:54)
Top Timestamps for Segment Breaks
- [02:09] – The Chapstick guessing debacle
- [04:52] – Pets: The unvarnished truth
- [06:53] – Gas stations & the tyranny of “.9”
- [09:33] – Bob’s fridge, no verbs
- [11:54] – "Revere, hua" pronunciation spiral
- [15:32] – Celebrity tally chaos
- [16:44] – Rant on funerals
- [18:30] – Plastic fork outrage
- [21:47] – The cereal-milk standoff
- [25:01] – Japanese bear attacks (trivia round)
- [25:34] – Kids with cell phones rant
- [27:21] – Coin flip losing streak resolved
Final Impressions
"Best of P*ssed Off: Part 1" delivers the Distractible signature blend of rage-fueled comedy and affectionate ribbing, with everyday frustration turned into group therapy—and relentless amusement. The special’s structure lets each host’s strengths shine, whether it’s Mark’s pseudo-philosophical rants, Wade’s world-class indignation, or Bob’s gift for spinning mundane details into epic dramas.
For listeners: Whether you’re in it for relatable outrage or absurdist humor, this episode compiles the purest doses of Distractible’s cathartic style, making this a perfect jumping-in point or nostalgia trip.
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