Distractible – "Get More Faster"
December 8, 2025
Hosts: Mark Fischbach, Wade Barnes, Bob Muyskens

Episode Overview

The trio behind Distractible—Mark, Wade, and Bob—deliver their signature blend of absurdity, competitive antics, and improv with this week’s episode: "Get More Faster." The main event is a rapid-fire game challenging Mark and Wade to explain simple tasks in sequentially shorter periods, devolving from full explanations into barely-coherent noises, songs, and running gags. This episode stands out for its playful rivalry, unscripted musical performances, and relentless riffing on ordinary routines.

Key Discussion Points & Segments

1. Opening Banter & Show Vibes (03:07-06:35)

• Bob describes the podcast as "basically an episode of Saturday Night Live" (03:42).
• The hosts discuss SNL vs. Mad TV influences and the oddly sad nature of internet video recommendations, referencing "watch mojo 20 saddest movie scenes" (04:13-04:43).
• Running joke: They’re contractually obligated to be friends for the show. (“Not that awkward, look, just because everyone knows we aren’t friends anymore...doesn’t mean we can’t talk about that openly.” – Mark, 06:13)

2. Life Updates & “Iron Lung” Movie Plug (06:41-08:54)

• Mark drops the release date for his movie, “Iron Lung” (Jan 30, 2026), and jokes about its coincidental promotional crossover with "Five Nights at Freddy's."
  • “Tickets are on sale now. It’s actually a thing.” (Mark, 07:00)
  • "Finally, after so many years, I can finally say it's coming out." (07:23)
• Discussion of cosplay potential (blood-themed) and the irony of movie trailer timing.

3. Nose Troubles, Surgery Google Reviews & Barbershop Mishaps (09:06-10:09)

• Wade reveals his deviated septum and skepticism over surgery after reading alarming reviews.

  • “One of them was like, I don’t see the same after getting my septum fixed. I was like, that doesn’t seem right.” (09:39)

• Barbershop comedy ensues:

  • Mark: “Oh, you can go harder than that... She grabbed my head, like, stretched it out.” (03:18)
  • “Can I get a hickey while you shave my head?” (Wade, 10:04)

4. The "Get More Faster" Game (11:02–42:01)

Game Mechanics:

Bob hosts an improv-inspired game—essentially a speedrun of explanations. Mark and Wade must instruct on simple tasks (making a PB&J, boiling an egg, mailing a letter, getting dressed, changing a car's oil) in successively halved durations: first a minute, then 30 seconds, 15, 8, 4, 2 seconds, etc., with each retelling expected to include the same (or more) steps, often reduced to hilariously cryptic phrases or sound effects.

Game Rounds and Highlights:

Making a Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich (12:38–16:52)

• Wade’s thorough instructions devolve to, “Three key ingredients upset. Tum dum. Four slice, two. One sandwich spoon. Hike. Time to spare.” (Mark, 15:18)
• Notable confusion over the correct order and number of ingredients, and persistent references to “time to spare.”

Boiling a Hard-Boiled Egg (17:11–20:24)

• Mark over-explains, referencing boiling methods, elevation, and “egg-shaped egg cook timers.”
  • “Buy one of those egg-shaped egg cook timers that you drop in with the eggs.” (17:47)
• Wade and Mark parody each other’s instructions until the process reduces to “hot egg, cold shock, eat.” (Mark, 20:04)
• Running gag: "Shock, shock, shock, shock! Ice that bitch." (Wade, 19:04)

Mailing a Letter (22:13–25:36)

• Wade’s step-by-step guide: “Envelope. Stamp, pen and paper... write your address, stamp on the right, mailbox, flag, boing, you’re done.” (22:29)
• Mark summarizes: “Don’t look at my misconceptions. Look at my paper... mailbox. Boing.” (25:04)
• At the lowest time increments, responses compress to a single evolving sound effect; Wade delivers: “The was the licking and the boing was the mailbox.” (25:57)

Getting Dressed (26:56–31:14)

• Mark turns his instructions into an on-the-fly ballad about the morning dressing ritual:
  • “When you wake up in the morning, and open your eyes and you look down south? Nothing on your thighs...” (27:01)
• Wade attempts a similar rhyme-heavy summary, with priority to critical steps: “Open your eyes, cover your thighs. Go outside with your will, get the big thrill hill. Go inside. Gloves, hat, watch, jewelry...” (30:02)
• Mark jokes his fastest method is “I got dressed the night before.” (30:25)

Changing Car Oil (32:14–37:45)

• Wade, unsure of actual procedure, constructs a wild rhyming narrative involving “bedpan” and illegal oil disposal:
  • “You go down low, you remove bedpan, the oil drips out... you dump it in the ocean—to get arrested for pollution and now you’re in jail but your car’s nice and won’t fail.” (32:40–33:36)
• Later, narrative twists: Mark dies via electrocution (“Oh. Electrocuted himself to death with time to spare.” – Bob, 34:36), and Wade pivots to inheriting the car: “So your friend just died, he had a shocking ride. He tried to change the oil, but it definitely was spoiled.” (35:03)
• By the shortest responses, players resort to, “I’m rich—come fix, time to spare.” (Wade, 37:17)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On SNL Show Format:
  • “It’s like Saturday Night Live. We started the show before the show. We do cold open sometimes.” – Bob (03:42)
• On PB&J Instructions:
  • “Three key ingredients upset. Tum dum. Four slice, two. One sandwich spoon. Hike. Time to spare.” – Mark (15:18)
• On Deviated Septum Surgery:
  • “One of them was like, I don’t see the same after getting my septum fixed. I was like, that doesn’t seem right.” – Wade (09:39)
• On Dressed-The-Night-Before Hack:
  • “I got dressed the night before.” – Mark (30:25)
• On Making Mistakes:
  • “It is so much more fun playing a fool than it ever is being smart.” – Wade (36:40)
• Best Accidental/Intentional Wordplay:
  • “Did you say pussy pop?...He said Tootsie Pop.” – Mark, Wade, Bob (10:22–10:30)
• Banana Break:
  • “Nothing stupider than saying banana. Nothing.” – Mark (38:53)

Point Tally, Game Results & Finale (40:29–47:32)

• Judges award points for moments of humor, confusion, musicality, and accidental filth (e.g., “pussy pop”).
  • Final Tally: Wade: 9, Mark: 6
• Bob notes, “Points were hard to come by today. I usually give them out. I’m usually a point slut. But today I was in no mood.” (41:12)
• Mark’s “loser” speech is interrupted by laughter and plugs for Iron Lung: “Anyway, I lost. But hey, did I really? When you can buy tickets for Iron Lung right now...” (44:29)
• Wade’s “winner” speech likewise detours into a genuine plug for Mark’s film: “Like, he’s our friend, we want to support him...” (45:03)
• Closing banter includes inside jokes (“mouthful of private parts” about 6/9 scores), life milestones, and merch plugs.

Notable Timestamps

| Segment/Highlight | Timestamp | |------------------------------------|------------| | SNL-Style Show Description | 03:42 | | Iron Lung Release Date & Plug | 06:41–07:23| | PB&J Game Starts | 12:38 | | Mark’s One-Second PB&J Recap | 16:32 | | Boiling an Egg Goes Surreal | 17:11–20:24| | Wade’s “Sound Effect” Mail Answer | 25:36 | | Mark’s Improv Song (Getting Dressed)| 27:01 | | Changing Oil: Wade’s Epic Fail/Saga| 32:40–33:36| | “Banana” Gag | 38:53 | | Points Recap + Pussy Pop Bit | 40:29–41:10| | Final Tallies, Winner & Loser | 43:10–44:29|

Episode Tone & Style

True to Distractible’s brand, the episode is irreverent, fast-paced, and self-referential. The hosts maintain a chaotic but ultimately good-hearted rivalry, with the hallmarks of inside jokes, sarcastic one-upmanship, and gleeful sabotage of both the game mechanics and each other’s dignity. The improvisational "speedrun" format pushes them into comedic territory, yielding accidental hilarity and memorable quotes—from mishaps about “bedpans” to repeated shout-outs to “Iron Lung.”

Summary

"Get More Faster" is a showcase of Distractible’s core: friends goofing off, spiraling through layers of silly competition and meta-commentary until the routines are unrecognizable. Whether distilling egg-boiling to “hot egg, cold shock, eat” or narrating the perils of home oil changes in rhyme, Mark, Wade, and Bob keep things light and unruly. Plugs for Mark’s movie “Iron Lung” and reveals about the hosts’ lives are peppered between punchlines, encapsulating their ongoing theme: life’s funnier and richer when you don’t take yourself too seriously.