Get Ready For A Lot of Ligolo

Summary

Distractible Podcast Episode Summary

Episode: Get Ready For A Lot of Ligolo
Date: December 22, 2025
Hosts: Mark Fischbach, Wade Barnes, Bob Muyskens

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Episode Overview

In this lighthearted and chaotic episode, the Distractible boys—Mark, Wade, and Bob—dive into a holiday-tinged improv adventure. They swap stories about bizarre deliveries and home ownership, celebrate birthdays and snowblowers, then launch into a hilarious, largely disastrous alphabet improv game. The episode is filled with banter about windows, mysterious late-night packages, accidental inventions (including Ligolo, the "sluttiest elf"), and riffing on the challenges of running a movie (and captioning it), before capping off with multiple rounds of improv where the alphabet proves a mightier foe than expected.

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Key Discussion Points & Segments

1. Small Talk and Life Updates

[02:55–09:57]

• Window Woes & the Blessings of Sunlight

  • Mark complains about a delayed blackout curtain, Wade discovers the joy of opening his window.
  • Bob laments his basement office’s lack of natural light.
  • Memorable Quote:
    • Mark [03:14]: “God, it’s so bright. What the—”
    • Wade [03:45]: “All these lights are orange... I gotta change the white balance, I guess, a little bit. That’s actually really nice. God, I see a tree.”

• Household Mishaps

  • Bob’s shower sprays him in the eye due to hard water buildup.
  • The group jokes about how each of their homes have signature flaws.

• Mark’s Son’s Birthday

  • Mark’s son James recently turned three.
  • Mark [06:21]: “He’s three now. Can you believe he’s three years old?...He’s having a great time.”

2. Strange Delivery Stories

[09:01–12:15]

• Bob’s Mysterious 2:30am Package:

  • A car comes to Bob’s house late at night, then returns at 2:30am to deliver a package addressed to Molly. The group jokes about possible stalkers or serial killers.
    • Bob [09:15]: “There is the same car in our driveway at 2:30 in the morning... Scared the crap out of me.”
    • Wade [10:35]: “That’s a trap. They want you to come outside so they can go in your house... slipping in behind you and now they’re in your walls.”

• Mark’s Pizza Delivery Mishap:

  • Mark’s household receives a neighbor’s pizza at 11pm; he meets his neighbors for the first time in sweatpants and sandals.
    • Mark [11:11]: “I carried their pizza over and was like, hey, I didn’t touch it. You can eat it. I promise. I’m your neighbor, bye.”

3. Movie Distribution Woes

[13:10–15:32]

• Wade discusses paperwork and the bizarre rules for submitting trailers to the MPA, including having to edit out blood for a wider audience, and how inefficient it is to outsource closed captioning.
  • Wade [13:20]: “Blood was a problem, right. It was too much blood, they said for anything that wasn’t already an R-rated movie.”
  • Wade [15:27]: “The default is to do this path that takes three to four weeks and is just at the whims of someone else...when in reality the task...is just writing down what everybody says in the movie, which I’ve already done in the script.”

4. Homeowner “Man Stuff” – Snowblowers and Gasoline

[16:00–19:48]

• Mark recounts buying a gas-powered snowblower, reveling in the “manly” aspects—oil changes, carburetors, spark plugs.

• Discussion about gasoline shelf life devolves into jokes about alchemy.

  • Mark [18:31]: “God, I can’t wait till I have to do an oil change on it, put it up on some stands, drain the oil, check the spark plug. You know, man stuff.”

• STI Vehicle Tangent

  • Imagines the “Wagon of Syphilis” and the “Chlamydia Convertible.”
  • Bob wonders about historical horror surrounding syphilis and its modern treatment.

5. Alphabet Improv Game

[22:40–46:18]

• Setup:

  • The game mimics the “Alphabet Game” from “Whose Line Is It Anyway?”: each speaker’s line must start with the next letter of the alphabet.

• Giggling over Ligolo (the Erotic Elf):

  • An improvised character “Ligolo” (initially an accidental misspelling of “gigolo”) is born.
    • Mark [24:37]: “That’s the sluttiest elf in Lord of the Rings.”
    • Wade [25:04]: “‘I never imagined I’d die next to an elf.’ ‘What about dying next to Ligolo?’”

• Scene Highlights:

  • Elf of the Year Rivalry:

    • The group flails through the alphabet with Mark’s loser character and Wade’s attempts to keep pace.
    • Bob [26:14]: “We’re not smart enough for it.”

  • Police Officer Mark arrests Santa Bob:

    • Absurd dialogue about home invasion and Santa’s “magical barrier.”
    • Multiple running jokes about forgetting the next letter.

  • AI Naughty List Debate:

    • Elves debate if AI should decide who’s naughty or nice, peppered with insults, callbacks, and increasing chaos.
    • Mark [34:43]: “Incels exist in the world. There’s no hope.”

  • Frosty vs. the Burger Grill:

    • Frosty the Snowman sues his manager for making him run the grill and melt. Xenia, Ohio gets an unwanted shoutout!
    • Mark [38:00]: “Xenia, Ohio needs their Wendy’s. And I need you to go grill some square meat patties right now.”

  • Toy Prison Break (starting with X):

    • The group embraces the challenge (and mostly fails) of starting alphabet improv on “X”.
    • Mark [40:37]: “Xmas is coming. Are you ready to execute the plan?”

6. Scorekeeping & Points Shenanigans

[44:16–51:00]

• Wade tracks points for everything: windows, jizz jokes, syphilis puns, callbacks, and more.
• Spirited discussion over who gets “loudest,” “most accents,” “will to live” spins.
• Mark wins by a single point: 20 to 17.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Mark [24:37]: “That’s the sluttiest elf in Lord of the Rings.”
• Bob [09:15]: “There is the same car in our driveway at 2:30 in the morning... Scared the crap out of me.”
• Wade [13:20]: “You don’t want this movie before, like, Pixar’s baby movie, Dora the Explorer before that. Check out Iron Lung.”
• Mark [18:31]: “God, I can’t wait till I have to do an oil change on it...man stuff.”
• Wade [10:35]: “That’s a trap. They want you to come outside so they can go in your house...slipping in behind you and now they’re in your walls.”
• Bob [26:14]: “We’re not smart enough for it.” (Alphabet game breakdown)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Window Talk & Lighting [02:55–03:59]
• Shower Mishaps [07:30–08:53]
• Haunted Delivery Stories [09:01–12:15]
• Movie Trailer (Blood/Gore) Issues [13:10–14:05]
• Snowblower Bragging [16:00–18:51]
• Syphilis Sidetrack [19:09–20:17]
• Alphabet Improv Game Begins [22:40–24:26]
• Ligolo is Born [24:19–25:17]
• Improv Scenes: Elf Rivalry, Santa’s Arrest, AI Naughty List, Frosty Meltdown [25:49–43:54]
• Alphabet Game Woes (“X” Struggles) [40:32–41:43]
• Points Tallied, Winner Declared [44:16–51:00]

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Final Results

• Winner: Mark, with 20 points.
• Memorable Win/Lose Speeches: Technical mishap interrupts Mark’s winner speech.
  • Bob [50:01]: “He’s frozen. Mark. Hi.”
• Upcoming: Next episode, Mark hosts Bob and Wade.

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Tone and Style

The tone is raucous, self-mocking, and unfiltered, loaded with inside jokes, running gags, and playful jabs at each other’s intelligence and memory. The improv further devolves into self-aware chaos, with several laugh-out-loud moments birthed from happy mistakes (“Ligolo”), forgotten letters of the alphabet, and escalating nonsense about murdering elves and revolutionizing the naughty list.

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Summary:
“Get Ready For A Lot of Ligolo” is Distractible at its most improvisational and unserious: silly, meandering, and delightfully broken by its own premise, as the trio blunders through personal stories, absurdist improv challenges, and callback-laden banter that feels like an off-the-rails holiday special you never asked for, but can’t help but laugh at.

Transcript

[Mark]

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[Bob]

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[Wade]

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[Mark]

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[Wade]

This episode is brought to you by Monster Ultra.

[Mark]

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[Narrator]

Good evening gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractable. This episode warmed Wade has delivery stalkers, jizzes gases, takes 6 inches, then spins for letters. Benighted Bob celebrates his son, blows snow, talks erections, fudging rolls and channels bad Santa mutilating Mark, reduces blood, confides about captioning rejects syphilis, bites ass and sucks quills. From sunlight to merry mass murder, he's time for get ready for lot of Legolo. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

[Mark]

I swear I ordered a blackout curtain for this window like two weeks ago. Amazon Keeps fucking pushing back the delivery. We've ordered dozens of things for, like, Christmas and stuff, and this is the one item. Every time I get on, I'm like, God, it's so bright. What the.

[Bob]

I mean, we're kind of dark and gloomy, so it's nice to have a little bit of brightness in our podcast.

[Wade]

I know you kind of. It kind of is nice, actually seeing sunlight and stuff. I made me realize I have this window here that I never open.

[Mark]

You have a window in front of you?

[Wade]

Yeah, I got a window right there. I'll.

[Mark]

I mean, you don't have to fuck up your whole thing.

[Wade]

It's going to fuck up my lighting. Not. We're going there, we're going. Doing it.

[Bob]

My windows over the river and through the woods.

[Mark]

Is that just because it's Christmas time or.

[Bob]

Whoa, hey, look who's in the blues era.

[Mark]

Why is the sun blue in la? What happened?

[Wade]

It's because I got. All these lights are orange, so I. White balance for the orange, so I gotta change the white balance, I guess, a little bit. That's actually really nice. God, I see a tree. This office is so much nicer with that open.

[Mark]

You're welcome.

[Bob]

If I put a window in here, I could see some dirt.

[Mark]

You can have one of those basement windows. I think I know where your office is. You basically just have like, trees and stuff out there, right? It's like in the face in your backyard kind of or whatever.

[Bob]

Right. Almost think you had a nice naturey landscape to look at. Hey, everyone. Welcome back to White Balance.

[Mark]

Every comment on every platform this episode gets posted. I would just be like, does Mark look blue to you guys? Did something change with Mark's camera? Hang on.

[Bob]

His face is long and blue today.

[Wade]

That's a little better.

[Bob]

Distractable Season 4, Episode 20, Scene 1. Action.

[Mark]

Wade, you look so dark now. Sure you don't want to pop your window open?

[Bob]

Cut. I don't have a window. I don't have a window.

[Mark]

I think only the director gets to call cut.

[Bob]

That's me today. I'm the host.

[Mark]

No, no, you're just the host. I'm pretty sure you would not be the director. I think if anyone here gets to direct, it's probably Mark.

[Bob]

Oh, no. Sit in the chair and just tell people what they're doing is wrong. I could do that.

[Mark]

You've seen him work. Is that how he is? Mark, the set dictator, sits in his chair, never moves a muscle, asks for.

[Bob]

A coffee, then throws it at the intern. I know how it works.

[Mark]

A different Memory of that.

[Wade]

Oh, man. That's because you don't remember.

[Mark]

Are you going to do the intro or.

[Bob]

Hey, guys. Welcome back to another episode of Distractable. Nothing has happened prior to this. We are starting right now in this moment together, joined as always by my co hosts, Mark and Bob. Hey, guys. Hello.

[Wade]

I'm here as well. Basking in the glorious sun.

[Mark]

Today we taught Mark about windows.

[Wade]

I feel like I've had this discovery on this podcast before and for some reason it got closed.

[Bob]

We are getting brighter. Not me. I have no window.

[Wade]

Well, that's a shame. You should get one.

[Mark]

I.

[Bob]

Once again, I don't know if that's how it works when you're underground. I don't think you can just window.

[Wade]

Do you have a window boxed up on the ground and you just haven't opened it yet?

[Bob]

There is a box here that I have no idea what's in it. I need to open it and see. It's been here while it's a window. If you're just now joining us for the first time, there's a podcast where one of us hosts, the other two compete for points. Whoever has the most at the end gets to host the next episode. We usually and will continue to start off with some small talk. So what's been new in your lives, guys? It's the holidays. It's almost Christmas.

[Mark]

It is. And it was James's birthday.

[Bob]

How'd that go? Or how will that have gone?

[Mark]

Really fun. He got some really fun stuff every day. He's obsessed with his new presents that he got. He's having a great time. It was fun. He's three now. Can you believe he's three years old? Does that sound right? I mean, he's not. You guys don't see him every day.

[Bob]

So I guess I would believe two, three sounds far fetched. It doesn't feel like it's been three years.

[Mark]

I do. Guys remember when he was first born and we were. We were recording this and I would show up and be like, I haven't slept in three days.

[Bob]

Yeah, that feels like it was last week.

[Mark]

Yeah, that feels like it was just happening. This is a very different type of thing than Mark's movie because the movie has also been going on for quite a while and I feel like the baby has had less of a direct impact, maybe, except for just making me real weird and a completely different person. But, yeah, he turned three. It's weird.

[Wade]

I feel like the movie has also made me real weird and a completely different person at times.

[Bob]

So, man, what's my excuse.

[Mark]

They've both been part of the show. Really? And Way does stuff too.

[Bob]

Thank you.

[Mark]

I assume you leave that room that you're in that's really dark.

[Bob]

Not often.

[Mark]

I assume you poop in your toilets that don't flush often enough. Good job, buddy.

[Wade]

Yeah. Is your shower still exploding?

[Bob]

No, though we do have hard water. So we have some buildup happening in our shower head where like one of the little water holes is like shooting crooked. So now whenever you go to get into the shower, like there's one perfectly at eye level. Three times in a row I've gotten in there and just been sprayed right in the eye with like this, like, feels like a fire hose beam of water turkey. Are you taking a shower?

[Wade]

You just walk in.

[Mark]

On?

[Bob]

It's spraying in a surprising direction because, you know, normally it just comes out like. And there's one beam. It's like.

[Wade]

Do you step in the shower and turn it on?

[Bob]

I have to. You don't turn it on before to warm it up? Well, I do, but I still have to step in to turn it on. And then I quickly pull back because our handles like across the shower.

[Wade]

I see it's not as big as.

[Bob]

I'm making it sound, but there's still like, you have to step in to do it.

[Wade]

I. I just saw you stumbled in, mouth the gate, eyes wide and just stood there and took it.

[Bob]

No, but after I turn it on and it warms up and get in, it's still spraying in a direction that whenever you get in and you're using your eyes to get in to see where you're going, it hits you right in the eye again. We're talking normal spray is in a direction and then one of them is like going off in a direction that would surprise you in an angle. That doesn't make sense.

[Mark]

See, I told you he does stuff.

[Bob]

I do. Have I told you guys about the weird delivery? The late night delivery we had?

[Mark]

Wait, we had one of those too. Let's see if they match up.

[Bob]

We had a car pull into our driveway like, I don't know, six o' clock in the evening. Pulled in, sat there, nobody got out. Sat there like three minutes pass, they back out and they leave.

[Mark]

And I was like, they didn't deliver anything?

[Bob]

No. And I was like, I guess they went to the wrong house. I don't know. That was weird. Maybe they were trying to figure out where they were. Who knows what they were doing. Anyway, they're gone. It's fine. We get an alert at 2:30 in the morning that there's someone in our driveway. And I'm like, I go to look and there is the same car in our driveway at 2:30 in the morning. And the guy goes to the back of his car, opens up the trunk, gets a box, walks, sets it down, gets in his car and leaves. 2:30 in the morning delivery scared the crap out of me. Why would they deliver that?

[Wade]

Sometimes Amazon does that where they'll do an overnight delivery, but you usually have to pick it.

[Mark]

Well, are you allowed to tell us what was in the box or.

[Bob]

I don't know. I don't know what was in the box. What's in the box?

[Mark]

What do you mean you don't know what was in the box?

[Bob]

It was Molly's package. I don't know what's in the box.

[Mark]

Okay, but it was a package that one of you had her name on it? Yeah. Okay. Okay. I thought you just left the box there. And we're like, I'm not gonna touch that.

[Bob]

Well, I did. The next day I told Molly about it.

[Mark]

You can bring packages in for Molly.

[Bob]

That's not 2:30 in the morning.

[Mark]

Oh, you watched on. You weren't curious? I'm not sitting up in bed at 2:30 in the morning watching some stranger walk up to my door and leave a box. And then be like, I'll deal with that later.

[Bob]

I 100% was gonna deal with that later. I was comfy in my bed. What if a person was in there?

[Mark]

They popped out and stabbed me.

[Bob]

I don't want to be stabbed before I slept.

[Wade]

Exactly. Yeah. It's late at night. Some drops off package. That's a trap. They want you to come outside so that they can go in your house. And you didn't notice they went in your house because they slipped in behind you and now they're in your walls.

[Mark]

Yeah. I have heard, especially if you're in the Appalachian foothills, somebody comes and leaves a box on your doorstep at 2:30 in the morning. It's not a person and it's not a box. It's just a box man coming for.

[Bob]

I think that covers everything possibly new in my life.

[Mark]

I don't want to tease this without saying it, so I'll just tell the story really quick. Yours is more interesting than ours. Ours was just a pizza, but I was upstairs in my office doing something with headphones on, and Mandy was downstairs alone. And someone came to our door at like 11 o' clock at night. Like late at night, but not like middle of the night. And we're we're in a new house. And it scared the shit out of Mandy because our front door is kind of like part of it's frosted glass. So you could see. So she could see. Like a guy walked up and, like, rang the doorbell and then. And stood there and she was like. Like, someone's breaking in. What the. It was just pizza. It was. So the neighbors had ordered pizza, and that was how I met the neighbors at 11 o' clock at night in my sweatpants and sandals. I carried their pizza over and was like, hey, I didn't touch it. You can eat it. I promise. I'm your neighbor. Bye.

[Bob]

I also love the thought of a break in. Starting with the doorbell.

[Mark]

And if nobody answers, then you can assume it's an empty house or probably not. I don't know.

[Bob]

I would assume a horrible serial killer ringing the doorbell and holding flowers. And then open the door and they drop the flowers and they just have a machete and start cutting me up.

[Mark]

I checked the box. Imagine if I had left the pizza till morning. Then we would have just had cold pizza and my neighbors would have been.

[Wade]

Sad and they would have starved to death.

[Bob]

Not my problem.

[Mark]

I don't want to tell you your business, but are you keeping score? Because I feel like that story was worth points and I didn't really see you jotting any points down.

[Bob]

I've jotted so many points.

[Mark]

Okay, well, I hope some were for that story because I feel like that was a good story.

[Wade]

Why do I feel my point total increasing all of a sudden?

[Mark]

I cut you off, Mark. I just wanted to. I didn't want to leave that hanging. Because I said we had the same thing.

[Wade]

That's right. No, I mean, all I was going to say is, movie's been doing really good. There's all of a sudden a bunch of things I have to deal with that I forgot about in terms of being the only one distributing the movie and paperwork and international filings and stuff like that. It's all very boring. But honestly, I'll take this work over all the other bullshit I had to deal with. I had to submit the trailer to the MPA for rating. Even though trailers aren't rated, they are rated to be approved in which movies they can be played before. Right. Because you don't want.

[Mark]

Sure.

[Wade]

You don't want this movie before, Like Pixar's baby movie, Dora the Explorer. Before that.

[Bob]

Check out Iron Lung.

[Wade]

I had to make. No, blood was a problem, Right. So the blood was actually. It was too much blood, they said for anything that wasn't already an R rated movie. But if I, if I cut down the blood, then it could play in PG13 movies which would open up to a lot more. So I had to re edit some of the blood out so there'll be a different cut that is going to be in the preview.

[Bob]

It's all just blue. It's like water.

[Mark]

I know this is not how it works. I just had an image of like just you in a room where the real shot is a bunch of blood or whatever happening and you're like, but. But then it's just you dry just being like, like, man, what's he freaking out about? Guess we gotta watch the movie, man.

[Wade]

I wanted to make like the sunshine and rainbows cut, which is just like covering up everything with just like a happy sticker. Just like re editing into like one of those comedy trailers or something like.

[Bob]

That collab with cookie crisp. Just have milk and cookies like flooding in.

[Wade]

Oh, you know the guy who makes the, the. The jizz edit of the.

[Bob]

I was trying to avoid the jizz with the white.

[Wade]

But yeah, yeah, what can you do?

[Bob]

Jizz wants the bringer of life.

[Wade]

Go on.

[Bob]

I'm good.

[Wade]

Finishing up handoffs for the movie. There's like closed captioning I have to do, which, you know, weirdly enough, it's like they want to send it off to a business to do closed captioning. This is, this is indicative of a lot of things in a lot of these spheres where it's like you send it off and three to four weeks later it'll be captioned in one language, English. And I'm like, I could do that in a day, you know, So I will. That's just the really funny thing about a lot of this stuff is the default is to do this path that takes three to four weeks and is just at the whims of someone else. When in reality the task is, if you think about the task is just writing down what everybody says in the movie, which I've already done in the script. And descriptive audio, which, which is a technical thing, but honestly like descriptive audio, there's a pretty basic framework for it and so you can do that.

[Bob]

Closed captioning always seem like a pain in the ass, but I guess if you already have a script and know what your sounds are, it makes it easier.

[Wade]

Basically all there is to it.

[Mark]

Bob, I thought I went already, but.

[Bob]

You told me about your pizza delivery.

[Mark]

Didn't I talk before that? Didn't I talk about how it was James's birthday before that.

[Bob]

No, there would definitely be points about that if I. If you had.

[Mark]

Oh, yeah. Cause I was saying about the points and how it seemed like you weren't writing any points down when I was talking. But I had talked. Right. That all happened out loud, not just in my head. Right.

[Bob]

That must have been before we started recording.

[Mark]

I think I have more. More stuff happened. You want more?

[Bob]

Yeah, yeah, please tell me more.

[Wade]

Oh, save it for the next episode. Come on, man.

[Mark]

I own a snowblower now.

[Bob]

Oh, yeah, me too, kind of.

[Mark]

What does that mean? Yeah.

[Wade]

Wait, what the fuck?

[Mark]

Would you go. Would you go halfsies with it on somebody? What do you mean kind of?

[Bob]

Maybe that's just what a snowblower is. But I got what I thought was like a better snow shovel.

[Mark]

Did you get an electric snow shovel?

[Bob]

I thought that's what I got. But the way it works is you push it like a snow shovel and then it just like sucks and blows the snow back out. So it's a snow blower that I thought was just an electric snow shovel.

[Mark]

No, that's a. That's a snow. That's a snow shovel. A snow blower is technically different and the snow shovel is. I've never owned one, but I've heard from everyone I looked at online that they're fucking useless and very unpleasant.

[Bob]

The thing I got.

[Mark]

Yes. Oh, did it work?

[Bob]

Yeah. Better than the shovel.

[Mark]

Now the snowblower is fun though. It feels dangerous.

[Bob]

Is it like gas or electric or nuclear power?

[Mark]

It's gas powered. I. I've been burned on electric powered large devices before. I didn't really want gas powered, but.

[Bob]

I just want to keep gas in my garage because of the smell. I like the smell of gasoline and like, I don't want to. I don't want to be around it.

[Mark]

Those things don't make sense next to.

[Bob]

Each other, but I know I shouldn't.

[Mark]

Having a can of gas in your garage doesn't make the whole garage smell like gas unless you like spill it or leave it open or something.

[Bob]

How long can you have gas in your garage before it like goes bad too?

[Mark]

Like, I mean, gas technically goes bad after maybe three to six months, but I have kept gas in my garage for over a year before. And that's what I mean, though.

[Bob]

I would only use gas in my garage for that one snowblower, which I would maybe use twice a year.

[Mark]

Just sort of loses octane and then doesn't burn as well. But it pretty much works as long as it's not like five year old gas. It turned into varnish. It's probably fine.

[Bob]

Okay, so up to five years.

[Wade]

Is that where varnish comes from?

[Mark]

No, it's not where varnish. But if you. If gasoline sits around for long enough, like the liquid evaporates out of it and it turns into like a sludgy. It looks like varnish. Like, it turns into like a golden, sticky, gooey brown mess of gross stuff. You make gold, probably. It's basically alchemy.

[Wade]

Interesting.

[Bob]

Interesting.

[Mark]

But yeah, like, it's nerdy too. I mean, maybe not nerdy. It's cool. It's cool man stuff, but it's a. It's a carbureted. It's a little carburetor, 212cc engine. And part of me is like, God, I can't wait till I have to do an oil change on it, put it up on some stands, drain the oil, check the spark plug. You know, man stuff. Never done that in my life. But.

[Bob]

So how does yours. Is it like on wheels or something? You just like push it or how's.

[Mark]

Yeah, it's got two back wheels and then it has like the. The blade part at the front that kind of just rides on the ground and the. Just kind of. It. Honestly, it works like a push lawnmower. Like, it's not that different. It feels like you're just pushing a lawnmower on your driveway. But it's cool. And it was so much better than shoveling. Holy shit.

[Bob]

Yeah. For those out that don't know, we had a lot of snow. For us it was like six inches. But for us, that's a decent amount of snow in Cincinnati, for the record.

[Wade]

We don't have any snow.

[Mark]

If you ever got snow, there's no way you're getting up that hill in your driveway.

[Bob]

Not even with the wagon, the wagon.

[Mark]

Of Icarus, the wagon of Sisyphus, wagon of syphilis.

[Wade]

I don't want to ride the wagon of syphilis.

[Mark]

Makes it better.

[Bob]

How? How does it make it better?

[Mark]

I mean, you still have syphilis, but you have a wagon.

[Wade]

Well, I guess there is that better.

[Bob]

Than the chlamydia convertible.

[Wade]

In every movie or show that talks about syphilis, like the Frankenstein movie was the most recent example is like, it is one of the most horrifically depicted diseases that I could ever imagine. Whenever someone talks about it, it's like, was it really that bad?

[Bob]

It's curable. Right. But if you don't cure it, it's a horrible death that it leads to or something.

[Mark]

Yeah. Isn't the Thing that if you don't treat it, it's bad, but like it's treatable by like penicillin and all modern. Well, not all, but like modern medicine treat it easily with like a pill that you take. But if you leave it untreated, doesn't it like make you go crazy or something?

[Wade]

Yeah, well, that's the thing is I don't know if that's what did it or it was the mercury they were drinking to try to treat it.

[Bob]

Right.

[Wade]

So is it really that bad or was the. The cure worse than the disease? In that perspective, I imagine the disease is bad. I'm not saying, hey, syphilis isn't so bad, everybody.

[Bob]

Are you a syphilis apologist?

[Mark]

Look, we want to. We want to form. We want to formally apologize to all our SIFA listeners and our cifle watchers. Anyway, I. I'm with you. I always just assumed it was that they didn't have penicillin, so they were like, guess I'm sick now and then. It ruins your brain or whatever it.

[Bob]

Does because I'm pretty sure modern day you, if you. As long as you treat it, you're okay. But.

[Mark]

But probably drinking mercury is like not great.

[Bob]

No, you put it on your fish.

[Wade]

Horrendous, but cool, real cool looking.

[Bob]

Yeah. You know how like when your temperature goes up, the mercury thermometers, like it will show you your temperature going up. So if you injected mercury in your penis and you got warmer, would you get erect?

[Mark]

Yes. I'm gonna say yes scientifically.

[Bob]

Just asking for a friend, trying to.

[Wade]

Wrap my head around the question.

[Mark]

It expands when it heats up. Wouldn't that just mean that if you inject room temperature quicksilver into your penis, you have a forever boner because your body temperature is warmer than room temperature, so would it would expand from whatever volume you injected initially. You think I need to find a book about this and learn me some stuff.

[Wade]

I'm sure there are books about this.

[Mark]

That we can just go to Google and type in. Penis mercury injection, body temperature.

[Bob]

And while you do that, I'm gonna get started with the game today. Because I just looked at the time and we've been going for a while and whoops, I let this get out of hand again, as I always do.

[Mark]

Well, you made me small talk twice.

[Wade]

You really did. I feel like I should get another small talk opportunity here.

[Mark]

He was so disinterested in my James small talk, he didn't even remember it happened. This episode is brought to you by T Mobile 5G Home Internet. Mark and I have known each other since college and we connected fast.

[Wade]

Oh yeah? How fast?

[Mark]

Like t mobile 5G home Internet fast?

[Wade]

Well, in fact, I bet you can literally hop online in less than in 15 minutes and connect with their fast speeds at a great price no matter what your budget looks like.

[Bob]

On top of that, you don't have to worry about your price changing thanks to a 5 year price guarantee.

[Mark]

I didn't feel any air quotes coming from you on that one. I'm not gonna lie.

[Wade]

With their fast 5G speeds, quick 15 minute setup and 5 year price guarantee, you really can't ask for a better Setup.

[Bob]

Visit t mobile.com homeinternet to check availability guarantees monthly price of fixed wireless 5G Internet data exclusions like taxes and fees apply. Service delivered via 5G network speeds vary to the factor affecting cellular networks guarantee exclusions and details. @t mobile.com homeinternet we are playing I don't remember what it's called. I'm gonna call it the Alphabet Game, which is probably what it's called. So, on whose lines? Anyway, there's a game where a scene is set and let's just say Colin and Ryan are in the scene. And Drew Cario turned to the audience, say, give me a letter and they'll say Q. And so Dendril turned to Colin and Ryan and say, all right, the letter is Q. The scene is Ryan, Colin has run off with your wife. A scene. And then Ryan will go, quickly explain yourself.

[Wade]

Why would you take Sandy?

[Mark]

Really? Really?

[Bob]

You would say that to me? So it is true. Qrs, like each sentence starts off with that letter.

[Wade]

I was just in the scene. I was so. Oh.

[Mark]

So yeah, I'm invested now.

[Bob]

So anyway, I'm just gonna randomly get a letter. Is there like a random letter generator?

[Mark]

Like a 1 through 26 random number picker would probably work.

[Bob]

I found even better. I found a wheel with all letters on.

[Mark]

I'll spin the wheel using somebody else's wheel. What the.

[Bob]

Listen, I won't be held down by one wheel. I'm a wheel.

[Wade]

Go on. Yeah, go on. Yeah, you got it.

[Bob]

Those people that. Yeah, fuck a lot of other people. You know those people, huh?

[Mark]

No.

[Wade]

I should have stopped you. I should have stopped you, man.

[Bob]

I'm a wheel. I'm a wheel. Get her around her. Get around her.

[Mark]

What? Deuce Way to low wheel. Gigolo.

[Bob]

Yes.

[Mark]

I don't write a point for that.

[Bob]

I'm writing a point for that.

[Mark]

All right, well, I couldn't figure out.

[Bob]

What Gigolo started with. A G or a J? And I wrote an L. I don't know.

[Mark]

That's the sluttiest elf in Lord of the Rings.

[Wade]

What are your Elf. I see Ligalo.

[Bob]

Oh.

[Mark]

See a couple hotties out there just waiting for me to swing by. Yeah, I don't talk like the other elves. This is how I talk. I'm Ligalo.

[Wade]

I never imagine I'd die next to an elf. What about dying next to Ligalo?

[Bob]

Interesting. Interesting. All right, you guys are starting.

[Wade]

No, I want to talk about Ligolo some more.

[Mark]

You're gonna have to toss me. Oh, when you say it like that.

[Bob]

First. First prompt. You can bring me back Ligelo if you want.

[Mark]

You're ready for a lot of Ligolo.

[Wade]

That's the name of the episode.

[Bob]

God damn it. That's why I'm the worst host I could ever control. My contestants.

[Wade]

Look, when you get some, like, Ligolo out there, when you make Ligolo exist.

[Bob]

I just couldn't pick between G and J, man. I don't know how it became an ally to me. Your scenario. Elf Mark really wants to win Elf of the Year, but Elf Bob seems like the clear favorite. Your starting letter is W. Sorry, I.

[Wade]

Was listening to you. I'm still thinking about legal O.

[Bob]

Elf Mark wants to win Elf of the Year, but Elf Bob seems like the clear favorite. Your letter is W. Why?

[Wade]

Why do you keep doing this to.

[Mark]

Me year after year?

[Wade]

Zounds, man. Have you nothing to say? No, wait.

[Bob]

That's not the right letter.

[Mark]

Jesus Christ. Wait, wait.

[Bob]

We can't play this game.

[Wade]

We're not smart enough for it.

[Bob]

Hold on.

[Mark]

I thought. Did you say Mark was going first?

[Bob]

I didn't, but he just decided.

[Mark]

I thought of a thing to say with W, and then Mark went. And my brain was like, w's not after W. And then I couldn't think of the next letter.

[Wade]

I thought. I thought fucking Z was after W. God.

[Bob]

Wait. I don't know.

[Wade]

I don't know about.

[Bob]

All right, let's start again. Bob, you get to go first. Elf Mark wants to win Elf of the Year, but you seem like the clear favorite. Why you would kick this off, I don't know, but you do now.

[Mark]

Well, have fun with that next letter, which we all know is X.

[Bob]

I thought that was your line.

[Mark]

Okay, I'll start. I'll start it with that. Just to make you happy. Well, looks like I win again. Loser.

[Bob]

You're right.

[Wade]

This is tough.

[Bob]

X comes next.

[Mark]

Okay. What words start with X, you fucking douchebag. God damn.

[Bob]

Just give him a name. I don't know. Call him Xerxes. I don't give a shit, man.

[Wade]

No, he's Ligalo. He's gotta be Ligalo. I can't name him something else like that.

[Bob]

He goes by his middle name. His name is Xerxes Ligelow Elphington. I don't fucking know.

[Wade]

Hey, I gotta. I gotta Google something real quick.

[Bob]

I can't. Even if I take away or give points, I have to do it for both of you because you're both incompetent.

[Mark]

You started with possibly the hardest transition. You were like, let's warm up with a. I spun a wheel. Yeah. And we all always don't fudge those wheel spins that we do.

[Bob]

God, no. I would have missed this golden opportunity.

[Mark]

No game master ever has fudged a dice rol to make something work for their players.

[Bob]

We are legit here at Distractable Studios.

[Wade]

Dude, I'm looking at all these X words and I'm like, man, I do not know if these are spelled right. This is. Hmm.

[Bob]

I got a couple for you. Xylophone. Well, that's the one.

[Wade]

Everyone always does. Hold on.

[Bob]

Okay.

[Wade]

X. The Everything app said that I was the clear favorite.

[Mark]

You always find something that tells you that you're the clear favorite.

[Wade]

0% chance that I win. That's impossible. Anything's possible but me winning, apparently.

[Mark]

Cause you're a loser. And you'll always be a loser, and I'm the best.

[Wade]

Don't resort to name calling. You know that you bribed the judges.

[Mark]

Everyone knows that I bribed the judges. That's why I always win.

[Bob]

Fuck.

[Mark]

Good. You're finally realizing the truth. You're finally gonna accept what's gonna happen here.

[Wade]

Hopefully in a few years, this is all gonna come to bite you in the ass.

[Mark]

I hope that in a few years you'll realize that you were the one biting my ass the whole time.

[Wade]

Just wait till you get in your car.

[Mark]

Cranky. You're too cranky. That's what. That's what they're gonna call you. You're gonna go down as the crankiest man I've ever known. Elf. Elfman Men. Elf. Grow. Nelf.

[Bob]

Ligelo.

[Wade]

You can't even spell right. Cranky is with a C, man.

[Mark]

That's why I bribed the judges. I'm not a speller. I'm a winner.

[Bob]

No.

[Mark]

That's what I do.

[Wade]

Oh, this can't be right. I worked so hard only to come.

[Mark]

Up short once again. I don't know what to tell you. It's not my fault. Porn.

[Wade]

I know about your secret.

[Mark]

A quick tell to call the news stations. Oh, no. Ligolo did porn. Who doesn't know that?

[Wade]

Rawr. You got me.

[Bob]

All right, good warm up. Good warm up. You guys did great. We're on to the real game now.

[Wade]

Oh, that's not the real game.

[Bob]

It is, but that was the warm up. All right, the next scene. Mark, you'll kick this one off. Police officer Mark tries to arrest Santa Bob for home invasion. Your starting letter is I. I don't.

[Wade]

Have a warrant and neither do you.

[Mark]

Just wait a minute. Now, there's a totally reasonable explanation for this clause.

[Wade]

No. Cl. Clause with a C. That's you, isn't it?

[Mark]

Look, look, I don't have any identification, so you're just gonna have to take my word for it. Yes, it's me, S. Claus.

[Wade]

Merry Christmas. Get on the ground.

[Mark]

No. Oh, I thought you were going to shoot me.

[Wade]

Or I'll shoot. Or. Or I'll shoot.

[Mark]

Please don't. I could put you on the nice list.

[Wade]

Really? You do that for me? I've done some terrible things.

[Mark]

Quite awful, really. Quite. Just that I could. But I'll put you on the nice list if you promise not to shoot me.

[Wade]

Stop tempting me. Stop. You're confusing me. I'm getting everything mixed up. Letters, my name, this gun, you.

[Mark]

That's fine. Why don't you just hand the gun to Santa and we can talk this out?

[Wade]

Undoubtedly. I want to trust you, but I can't.

[Mark]

Verily I say unto thee, I am Santa Claus and I will have that gun in my gloved hand.

[Wade]

What's in your bag? What's in the bag?

[Mark]

Xylophones. For the kids. You know, Xyloph. They love xylophones.

[Wade]

Zero chance. I'm not letting you go.

[Bob]

No.

[Wade]

Yes.

[Bob]

Wait.

[Wade]

Shut up. Yes, shut up.

[Bob]

Shut up.

[Wade]

You're confusing me.

[Bob]

You.

[Wade]

You're confusing me. Stop it.

[Mark]

Zero. Zep. Zep. Can I call you Zep? Listen, I know you're not gonna shoot me. You couldn't shoot me. I have a magical barrier. I've just been playing along to try and win you over because you're such a terrible person. But I really have nothing to fear from you, okay? So can we just please.

[Wade]

All Santas are bad and I'm taking you in. Cut that one. I don't want that in there.

[Bob]

Let's just redo that.

[Mark]

I don't know if you get to cut that. I think that's what. No, I think that's the way to go with that.

[Wade]

Okay, cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what I meant.

[Mark]

Big mistake, boy. Now you'll get to see my true power.

[Wade]

Cor blimey, gov.

[Mark]

Don't take an accent with me, you slippery bitch. It's time to suffer for your misdeeds.

[Wade]

Evil.

[Bob]

You're.

[Wade]

You're evil.

[Bob]

You're.

[Wade]

You're some kind of evil. Evil.

[Mark]

Fun. This is going to be so much fun.

[Wade]

F.

[Mark]

I gun.

[Wade]

I've got a gun.

[Mark]

Says Santa magically gets five times bigger.

[Wade]

And looms over you and is.

[Mark]

Ho ho ho. See?

[Bob]

Not through it all. That's all the letters.

[Mark]

That was it, right?

[Bob]

Oh, God, I'm so glad you guys are such masters of the English language.

[Mark]

Well, I used up my 1x, so now I'm in trouble.

[Wade]

Yeah, that's the only one. I got the list of X's here and there's really nothing helpful. Xantham gum, I guess, is also a thing.

[Bob]

All right, Bob, you're leading off. Elf Bob tries to convince Elf Mark that using AI to make the Naughty List is a good idea.

[Mark]

So I have to be. I'm pro AI. Got it?

[Bob]

Yep. And you are Starting with the letter C. Come on.

[Mark]

Who really wants to do all that work? Let's just use the chat thing. Come on.

[Wade]

Don't know about this one, man. It seems kind of risky.

[Mark]

Everybody's doing it. Literally everything you see is probably generated by AI at this point.

[Wade]

Forget well about what everyone else is doing. This could put people on the Naughty List that shouldn't be there.

[Mark]

Good. They deserve it. Nobody's that Nobody's good enough to belong on the Nice list anymore. Do you know how hard it is to be good in modern society?

[Wade]

Happiness still exists in the world. There's hope.

[Mark]

Incels exist in the world. There's no hope.

[Bob]

Nope.

[Mark]

There's only tragedy. Naughty List.

[Wade]

Just because some people have this idea that they're all socially inept and on the odds doesn't mean that there's not hope and happiness.

[Mark]

Kleptomaniacs like you shouldn't be left in charge of what is good and bad about society. I know the truth and I know they all deserve it.

[Wade]

Ligolo, you said you would not bring up my past.

[Mark]

Marcinus, I made no such promises.

[Wade]

No promises. You swore an oath.

[Mark]

Oaths are for idiots. That's what I say about that. I'm gonna copy and paste this bad boy into Chatgpt and have it tell me who's what and we'll just give that to the Big guy. And we'll be done with it.

[Wade]

Pussy.

[Mark]

Quill. Sucker.

[Wade]

Reindeer blower.

[Mark]

Santa licker.

[Bob]

Treat Tucker.

[Mark]

Uncalled for. That was uncalled for. That was. You know, about my personal. Well, let's just back away from that one. That's okay. I'll for. I'll. We'll let that go. We'll just let that go.

[Wade]

Very fair point that. Very fair. I, I. I shouldn't have crossed that line.

[Mark]

Well, anyway, I'm gonna just go ahead and hit enter and have this thing tell us who's what and so we can get the hell out of here and go have some drinks.

[Wade]

Grabs your laptop. Xanthum gum.

[Mark]

You don't look at search history. You don't. You put. You give that back right now so I can get this done and we can get out of here. Come on, Zooks.

[Wade]

God, even I can't believe you would trust this thing, let alone your search history.

[Mark]

Anyone who looks at another man's search history does not get to tell me my business. Enter generating list of naughty and nice.

[Wade]

Not Pokemon.

[Bob]

And there we have it.

[Wade]

Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad.

[Bob]

It was going so strong until the very last letter. Damn it. I like this game. It's always fun to see what happens. Whenever you guys are approaching the letter X mark, you are starting this one off. Frosty the Snowman, AKA Mark, sues manager Bob for putting him in charge of grilling food, which is causing him to melt. And your first letter is S. Su.

[Wade]

Su, su, su, su, su, su, su.

[Bob]

I' ma sue you.

[Mark]

This is outrageous. Frosty, get back on the grill. Get out of my face. We're in the middle of rush.

[Wade]

Under no circumstances am I going back there. Look at my ass.

[Mark]

Very funny. We both know you don't have an ass. I'll look at your bottom ball, and then I'll look at it as it waddles away back to the grill. Cook some goddamn burgers.

[Wade]

Well, I do have one now. It's melted right down the crack that I didn't have before.

[Mark]

Xenia, Ohio needs their Wendy's. And I need you to go grill some square meat patties right now.

[Wade]

You made me do my weird scream. That's how angry I am. I'm a snowman. I talk a little funny. Just don't make fun of that.

[Mark]

You always forget about why I always forget about.

[Wade]

You made me do my second weird scream.

[Mark]

Zip your charcoal. I've had enough lip. Here's your option. I'm either gonna write you up right now, kick your Butt out of here. Or you're gonna go cook some burgers. Or if you want, you could do dishes. But that's your only options.

[Wade]

All managers are bad. I'm gonna take you down.

[Mark]

Big man's growing some pants, huh? Just because you think you got a little butt crack now and get some pants on there, you think. You think you're a big man like me? Think you could take me on?

[Wade]

Come spring, I'm dead anyway. Why not start now?

[Mark]

Do it. You won't.

[Bob]

Eee.

[Wade]

Yeah, you right.

[Mark]

Finally. I think you're. I think we're coming to an understanding. I think you're seeing my point. Okay. Are we gonna get back on the grill? We're gonna comply. Gonna be compliant. Compliant employee.

[Wade]

Good employees follow orders. But if I do melt, wouldn't that also not let burgers be made for Xenia's residents?

[Mark]

Hey, if you do melt, I'll put you in some cups and sell you as ice water to customers.

[Wade]

I guess I'd be okay with that.

[Mark]

Got yourself a deal, Frosty.

[Bob]

See what letter we start with?

[Mark]

I don't even remember.

[Bob]

Well, you guys, you started at S and you finished it. I guess you got yourself a deal. But.

[Wade]

Okay, so it ends when we get to the end of the scene.

[Bob]

All right, well, I was going to have you guys go the full loop of the Alphabet, but I didn't know where you'd go after. Guess you've got yourself a deal. It kind of felt like a ending, so it just felt like a natural cut place.

[Wade]

Well, then we, you know, we see where our relationship develops after that.

[Mark]

Mark. Mark. If we just end the scenes really fast, we never have to do X again.

[Bob]

You're right. Your first letter is.

[Wade]

Or if you just forget again and again that it exists.

[Bob]

The goal is to do the full loop. We'll do. We'll just do one more. We'll do one more based on. Mark went first. Okay, so, Bob, you'll go first on this one. The scene is you are both two toys at the North Pole planning a prison break to avoid being given to reckless kids that might destroy you.

[Wade]

Sure.

[Bob]

I swear to you, the first letter is X, But I won't make you start with X.

[Mark]

No way.

[Wade]

Let's do it.

[Mark]

Yeah, let's do it. If you're not gonna cheat the wheel, don't cheat the wheel.

[Bob]

I did not cheat the wheel.

[Mark]

I've got. I've got this. I've got this. We're starting with X. Xmas is coming. Are you ready to execute the plan?

[Wade]

Yes. You Know it. You got me on your side.

[Mark]

Zip, zap, zow. That's good news to hear, partner. We're gonna get out of here. We're not gonna have any kids smashing us up this year.

[Wade]

All you gotta do is tell me who to kill first. I'll kill him dead.

[Mark]

Barry. I need you to kill Barry first. I know he's not a guard or anything. I just hate him. And then we'll get going.

[Bob]

Car.

[Wade]

I'll mess with his brakes.

[Mark]

That's dastardly. I mean, dastardly. The first thing I said was dastardly.

[Wade]

I heard dat. So, you know, everything's good, boss. You don't need to justify yourself to me.

[Bob]

Me?

[Wade]

I'm your loyal soldier.

[Mark]

Fine.

[Wade]

Good.

[Mark]

All right. Once Barry set up, then we cut the bars. We use the rope we made out of bed sheets, we climb down, we float on a block of ice to Manhattan. Boom, we're out of here, just like Will Ferrell.

[Wade]

Guns. I'll use guns to kill Barry.

[Mark]

Hey, I don't. I don't know if we need guns. I. I know I said kill Barry, but implied in there was kind of like make it seem like an accident.

[Wade]

You know, I got loads. I got loads of guns. I had the whole line rigged so they weren't making toy guns. Those are real guns.

[Mark]

Just ditch the gun before we're on the ice block, floating across the ocean. How about that? I don't want that in the same vehicle as me. But whatever. Whatever you got to do.

[Wade]

Kill, kill is what I got to do with the guns. And they've gone all over the world, so we can get them anywhere. They're stashed in everyone's homes.

[Mark]

Now, look, I got it. You're going to kill Barry with the. I don't want to know. You shouldn't even be telling me this. Deniability. Right. Do what you got to do, and I'll see you at the bars. Murder.

[Wade]

Is murder your accomplice to it? I'm. You're my boss. You tell me who to murder, I murder him.

[Mark]

No, hey, look. I'm more like a guy who had a lot of thoughtful suggestions, really. Like this was a team effort. I did. I wouldn't say that I'm in charge of anything.

[Wade]

Oh, no, don't be. You so humble.

[Bob]

You so humble.

[Wade]

Boss, look, you're.

[Bob]

You're.

[Wade]

You're leading the resistance of the toys. No kid's ever gonna wake up on Christmas again.

[Mark]

Pretty sure I never said anything about that. Pretty sure we're leaving all those kids pretty sure. We're staying as far away from the kids as possible. We just don't want them touching us. That's fine.

[Wade]

That's.

[Mark]

There's no other part to that.

[Wade]

Quiet night.

[Mark]

Quick.

[Bob]

Nice.

[Mark]

All is calm.

[Wade]

All is dead.

[Mark]

Really appreciate how excited you are to jump into song. Really brightens the mood and keeps everything. But.

[Bob]

But.

[Mark]

Can't stress enough. We're just escaping. We're just going away. Once Barry's dead, I think no more killing. I think that's the plan.

[Wade]

Santa's already dead.

[Mark]

That was not discussed. That never came up. That's. You did that unprompted.

[Wade]

Unprompted. Unprompted. Unprompted. Yeah.

[Mark]

Vikes, man, I'm really just trying not to say. Very well.

[Wade]

Let's just say Santa's suit is redder than usual. And then all the elves are.

[Bob]

Next scene.

[Wade]

Xenia Ohio is our first target.

[Mark]

Hey, I thought of an X word.

[Wade]

No, No. I love Xenia. I loved it.

[Mark]

Never quite as aware of how rusty your improv skills are until you're thrust into scenes for the first time in quite a while.

[Bob]

All right, let me go over some points here. Arc, you got points for being a window bro. I don't know, Jizz. Not all syphilis.

[Wade]

Hold on, Wait.

[Bob]

Let's unlock my points. Those are my points. Fuck. Elf of the year. Crank with a K. I wrote there. Doesn't know Alphabet. Klaus with a C. Ligalo Sue, Xanthum gum. All blank are bad. Which you used two or three times.

[Wade]

I got that callback point coming.

[Bob]

I know. Finally remembered the letter Y. Violent night. Quiet night. Look at my ass toy, Prison Break, and the accent man. For a total of 18 points. Bob, you got points for James birthday, late night pizza, twinning with me. I'm not sure what we were twinning on, but you and I were twinning being a window bro with Mark. You wanted points for Christmas. You kept asking me, so I gave you that point. Oh, you made a syphilis pun. But I can't read my handwriting.

[Mark]

Syphil listeners.

[Bob]

Syphilis. That's what it says. Syphilis. Gus Alchemy. That can't be what that says. But it looks like it says Gus Alchemy. Deuce. Wait. A low male gigolo.

[Mark]

Ho, ho, ho.

[Bob]

AI Naughty list. Markinus, Mark I. Mark Anus in all caps. I don't know why, but I think it was Markinus Frosty point. Xenia, Ohio. Bottom ball. Bottom ball.

[Mark]

Don't know.

[Bob]

And Vikes for a total of 17 points.

[Mark]

That's a Lot of points. Wait, what did Mark have?

[Bob]

18 points. Oh, but that's before the wheels and stuff, so right now it's 18 to 17 with the wheels to go. Close game. I will not lie. Mark got a lot of points late to catch back up, because, Bob, you were kind of crushing it with Mark forgetting letters of the Alphabet early. And then Mark just had some bangers there with his violent, accented prison guard.

[Wade]

I was actually a toy, but he.

[Mark]

Was gonna kill the prison guard. All right, how many. How many thingies are we gonna get? Oh, it's three. Look at that.

[Wade]

Wow. What a shock.

[Mark]

I'm shook in.

[Bob]

Do we already have used accents the most on there? We probably do.

[Mark]

I think we think we do. We definitely have one that's like the best Scottish accent, specifically.

[Bob]

Yeah, Scottish accent. I think we have.

[Mark]

Maybe there's not an accents one.

[Bob]

All right. Most accents used because Mark just kept having different accents.

[Mark]

And three spins. Here we go.

[Bob]

All right. The most. I've literally got it written down. Mark has a point.

[Wade]

I do have a point. I do indeed.

[Mark]

I mean, I know I. I said it.

[Bob]

I can't prove who said it the most, but Mark has a point.

[Mark]

Mark does have. I feel like that's a pretty strong argument. Spin number two.

[Bob]

Will to live.

[Mark]

Will to live. I don't remember. I'm not, I'm not. I still have plenty of will to live. I'm not giving up on that. I don't know how we measure.

[Wade]

Yeah, I, I, I got will to live.

[Bob]

Hold on. Bob did have to play Frosty, who was fighting for his life.

[Mark]

No, Mark was Frosty. I was the manager.

[Bob]

Oh, that's true. Okay. Mark was Frosty, had to fight.

[Mark]

But then he. We came to an accord, and he was just gonna do what I said, even though it was killing him.

[Bob]

Ah, fuck.

[Mark]

If anything, that demonstrates a lack of a will to live. But that was also a character.

[Bob]

We'll just re spin it. I don't have a solid answer for this one.

[Mark]

I don't think that reflects Mark's personal will to live.

[Bob]

Yeah, I guess not.

[Mark]

Loudest.

[Wade]

I did my weird scream.

[Mark]

Yeah, Mark did scream. I didn't ever really scream. I laughed pretty loud.

[Bob]

But like, I have in all caps for Bob. Ho, ho ho, and Markinus. I have Fuck Ligolo and Sue in all caps for Mark.

[Mark]

Oh, yeah, you did yell sue at me to start that one.

[Bob]

End the scream. I think that one would go to Mark.

[Mark]

Well, that means I pretty much lose, I guess, but that's fine.

[Bob]

There's always Golf rules or tie.

[Mark]

Come on, Jared. Goff rules.

[Bob]

I'm so mad that they lost.

[Mark]

I couldn't believe that. Add 10% chance to one man show.

[Bob]

Well, thankfully, it doesn't affect me.

[Mark]

We should write that down somewhere. What the percent chance is that we currently have. Fuck. My drawer won't open. My score book is trapped in this drawer.

[Bob]

I actually can't get it out.

[Mark]

Oh, man. Fuck. I just almost ripped the COVID off my score thingy. Okay. I'm gonna document what the current percentage is, and then I'm just gonna start writing on, like, the back cover of my little score sheet what the thing is. So we have it. So we have to add a 10% chance. And currently the winner's wheel is. Wow, that's big. It sure is 90, which is 25%, right? Because it's. It's one quarter of the wheel. So currently.

[Bob]

So we should be at 35%. It goes up 10%. Not of the 360, but 10%. So it would go up whatever 35% of 360 is. Is that right?

[Mark]

That makes it 126 degrees.

[Bob]

Oh. Oh. So it's the most likely thing to land on next time.

[Mark]

There you go. That's what that looks like now.

[Wade]

That looks very fair, you know.

[Bob]

All right, well, our final score is 20 to 17 after the wheel spins. Mark, would you like to give us a win speech?

[Mark]

Mark, did you disconnect?

[Bob]

Hello? He's frozen. He is frozen. Mark. Hi.

[Mark]

Oh, hey. There he is.

[Bob]

Hey, man. Welcome back.

[Wade]

It was my USB thing that has the Ethernet plugged into it, and I kicked it and it.

[Mark]

Oh, no, wait, Mark, he's gone.

[Bob]

Oh, no.

[Mark]

Oh, man. Yeah, I hope he was like, I'm gonna show him how I kicked it. And then he kicked it again.

[Bob]

I'm back. Hey, man.

[Mark]

Hey. I wouldn't kick that thing a third time.

[Bob]

I didn't kick it again.

[Wade]

It just. Riverside caught up and was like, hey, you're not. You don't exist. Kick me out of the session.

[Bob]

Well, welcome back, man. Congrats on winning. Do you have a winner's speech?

[Wade]

Oh, yeah, I won.

[Bob]

Yay. Great winner speech. Bob, do you have a loser speech?

[Mark]

Oh, no, I won't. With an X. Because the. All right. Yeah, whatever that was, that was a fun game, but, man, fucking. I need more. I need to know more words that start with X if we're gonna do that again. Jesus. There are.

[Wade]

There aren't any more. I looked up.

[Bob]

Well, hopefully all of you guys out there watching and. Or listening enjoyed Stay tuned for the next one where Bob will compete with me as Mark hosts us. And whatever comes, I suppose, after the holidays. Have a good holiday season, everybody out there. If you haven't already, go follow Mark at Markiplier, Bob at my skirm Meinion 777 or Lord Minion 777. Iron Lung is in theaters. If you haven't gotten tickets yet, you need to. It's spreading around. It's everywhere. It's up in Canada, I think now, and theaters are selling out. So if you want to get tickets, get your tickets. Go to ironlung.com the book. We might have merch for distractible too, but don't worry about that because I don't know the website for that one. Still after all these years.

[Mark]

Yeah, I can't remember that website site.

[Bob]

See you all, I guess after the new year begins. Until then, podcast out.

[Narrator]

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