Hard or Soft?

Summary

Distractible Podcast: "Hard or Soft?" (June 1, 2026)

---

Episode Overview

In this lively episode, the Distractible trio—Mark Fischbach, Wade Barnes, and Bob Muyskens—tackle the age-old dichotomy: Hard or Soft? Building on the spirit of their past "Big or Small" debates, they roam everywhere from tacos and ice cream to keyboards, boats, and even dentists, dissecting the merits and disasters of hardness versus softness in everyday life. Expect hilarious tangents, personal anecdotes, and surprising pseudo-philosophical insights, all delivered in the classic Distractible banter.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Opening Banter & Small Talk (01:27–17:00)

• Wade’s Diablo 4 and Being “Diablo-y”
  Wade shares his deep dive into the new Diablo 4 expansion, lauding its story and admitting to relapsing into Diablo 2. He talks about old knee injuries from playing basketball with his nephew, and jokes:

  "I'm walking around like a pirate...I think I might be a plant. I think I might survive on photosynthesis." (05:05)

• Mark’s Cannes Film Festival Motorcycle Adventure
  Mark describes his surprise when, instead of a limo, he’s picked up by "Taxi Moto"—a motorcycle taxi. He reflects on safety, being attentive, and the unexpected joy of seeing Cannes differently—plus, narrowly making his airport flight thanks to swift lane-splitting by his driver.

  "I didn't want to fall asleep on the back of a motorcycle." (08:00)
  "I tried to get my phone out and I was just like, the wind went like this a little bit. I'm like, no, I'm not gonna do that." (10:54)

• On European Audiences and Stage Setups
  The guys riff on feeling giant in Europe, odd show venues, and the universality (and terror) of motorcycle taxis in cities.

---

2. Hard or Soft: The Game (17:05–65:00)

A. Tacos: Hard vs Soft (17:25–22:50)

• Mark’s Critique: Hard tacos are visually appealing but structurally flawed—first bite and “the entire ass of the taco falls out.”
• Wade’s Soapbox: Hard tacos = adventure (“A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.” —John A. Shedd)
• Bob’s Neutrality: The ideal is the Taco Bell “gordita crunch,” a fusion with both textures.

  "I have experienced hardshell tacos, but I did not imbibe." —Mark (22:33)

B. Ice Cream: Hard vs Soft Serve (23:01–28:31)

• Mark’s Artistic Argument: Praises the aesthetics and nostalgia of soft serve and its “turd cone.”
• Wade’s Insider Scoop: Having worked at United Dairy Farmers, Wade prefers hard ice cream for variety, consistency, and less gross machine maintenance.

  "Hard ice cream...superior by 9,000 miles. I'm not saying soft serve isn't good." —Wade (28:26)

• Bob’s Trauma: Shares a “rage-inducing” story of a twist cone that was really just side-by-side “turds.”

C. Keyboards: Hard vs Soft (28:40–36:07)

• Wade’s Nostalgia: Professes love for slide-out hard keyboards and blames Apple for their demise, alleging a conspiracy.

  "Hard keyboard phones were the epitome of life." —Wade (30:06)

• Mark’s Design Critique: Modern attempts (e.g., Clicks Keyboard) miss the point by not providing landscape options suitable for big thumbs.
• Bob Reminisces: Admits to T9 nostalgia and BlackBerry’s ultimate failure as soon as they went full touch.

D. Drink Containers: Hard vs Soft (36:16–44:52)

• Mark’s Ingenious Hack: Soft drink pouches are ideal heat sinks for electronics—he used frozen Capri Suns to cool his render farm while making Iron Lung.

  "It would last for like an hour...effectively as a little cooling pad for tech." —Mark (39:21)

• Wade’s Eco-Remorse: While loving soft containers, admits hard, reusable containers are environmentally better.
• Bob’s Take: Shares in the fun, marveling at Mark's resourcefulness.

E. Dentists: Hard vs Soft (45:31–51:51)

• Bob’s Stance: Wants dentists who are “hard”—thorough, unsparing, but not mean.

  “I want a dentist who's going to strap me to the chair...and do whatever they need to do.” —Bob (45:44)

• Wade’s Odd Preference: Prefers dentist visits over doctor visits.

  “I've always liked the dentist.” (47:37–48:00)

• Mark on Avoidance: Admits he skipped an appointment three years ago and hasn't returned out of fear they'd be mad.

F. Bags: Hard vs Soft (51:59–56:39)

• Mark: Loves the specificity and security of hard cases—“laser cut to fit”—but admits to actually using soft backpacks in practice.

  “But when I find the bag that's hard and purposely for the thing, I'm like, oh my God. And I buy them and I've got a stack of Pelicans...” (53:39)

• Wade: Soft bags are more portable; hard to store and walk around with Pelican cases at the grocery store.

G. Boats: Hard vs Soft (56:49–61:21)

• Wade: Hard boats (pontoons, speedboats) are safer against underwater hazards.

  “If you have a nice, solid boat, you might still be...less likely to be [in trouble].” (57:21)

• Mark’s Titanic Metaphor: Hard boats can be defeated by other hard things (icebergs), so perhaps soft, inflatable boats are “safer” for survival.

---

3. Running Gags & Notable Quotes

Throughout:

• GoPro for Mark: Ongoing joke about Mark needing a GoPro to record epic moments, especially his motorcycle ride.
• IB Salen/Titanic Motifs: Multiple references to “IB Salen,” Titanic, and the woes of structural integrity in tacos and boats.
• Weird Alliteration: Closing speeches devolve into alliterative nonsense.
• Bob’s Wheel of Points: Bizarre, often unspun scoring wheel includes categories like “most interruptions” and “slowest to touch nose loses a point.”

Notable Moments:

• On Tacos

  “A hard taco is a good idea. Conceptually. It photographs well. It looks appetizing. The second you have to actually encounter that, you realize the fundamental flaw in the human design. Our mouths are not vertical.” —Mark (18:25)

• On Soft Serve

  “You can't make the glorious shape...it's all about presentation.” —Mark (23:41)

• On Physical Keyboards

  “Back in my day, you didn't have to have greedy accessories that just came with the keyboard.” —Wade (30:40)

• On Dentists

  “My philosophy is, I want a dentist who's going to strap me to the chair...Not to fuck up my teeth, but to fix my teeth.” —Bob (45:44)

• On the Titanic

  “A gordita crunch is just trying to be a soft taco to appease those weirdos and freaks of nature that enjoy a crunchy taco.” —Mark (22:13)

• On Soft Drink Pouches as Tech Solutions

  “People at TBD probably wondered if I had an addiction to Capri Sun because I kept grabbing them all.” —Mark (39:11) “Dumb caveman Wade: Capri Sun. Bob: Get technology good out of it.” —Wade (43:20)

---

Wheel of Fate & Winner

• Game Tied: Mark and Wade end tied at 11 points each until Wade loses a point on the post-show Wheel for slowest “nose touch,” giving Mark the win (11–10).
• Final Scores:
  • Mark: 11
  • Wade: 10

Victory and Loser Speeches (67:48–68:51)

• Wade:

  “It was a well fought fight. Finicky, fraught, filling, forlorn. Farewell.”

• Mark’s Alliterative Win:

  “Firmly, fun feelings, filling friends fine. Fanciful feasts for fools. Fancily fairly, financially. Flop, flop, flop, flip flap, floors form blonde.”

---

Notable Timestamps

• 01:27 – Actual episode begins, intro banter
• 05:31 – Wade’s “plant” photosynthesis joke
• 06:56 – Mark’s Cannes motorcycle story starts
• 17:05 – “Hard or Soft” game begins
• 18:10 – Taco debate
• 23:01 – Ice cream (soft serve vs hard) debate
• 28:40 – Keyboard debate
• 36:16 – Drink container debate (+ Mark’s Capri Sun hack)
• 45:31 – Dentist debate
• 51:59 – Bag debate
• 56:49 – Boat debate
• 62:35 – Game scoring
• 67:48 – Winner/loser speeches

---

Summary & Takeaway

The group’s conclusions are less about finding the "one true answer" and more about celebrating the absurdity in daily preferences. Whether it’s a taco falling apart, “turd cone” soft serve, using Capri Suns as render farm heat sinks, or the philosophical need for both hard and soft in life (and boats), it’s clear: debating the pointless is the point.

Quotable takeaway:

“A crunchy taco may be a mess waiting to happen, but it’s an adventure worth embarking because it is the journey that matters more than the destination.” —Wade (20:56)

---

End of Summary
For a hilarious dose of overthinking, playful bickering, and accidental wisdom, this episode is a classic Distractible experience.

Transcript

[Bob]

Ready to soundtrack your summer with Red Bull Summer All Day Play. You choose a playlist that fits your summer vibe the best. Are you a festival fanatic, a deep end dj, a road dog, or a trail mixer? Just add a song to your chosen playlist and put your summer on track. Red Bull Summer All Day Play. Red Bull gives you wings. Visit Red Bull.com BrightSummerAhead to learn more. See you this summer Mornings have a rhythm. You can hear it, feel it.

[Mark]

And at Quaker we fuel it with

[Wade]

100% whole grain oats and a good

[Mark]

source of fiber in every bowl, helping

[Wade]

you turn that rhythm into your soundtrack

[Mark]

for a great day. Fuel to start whatever's next.

[Wade]

Quaker Official sponsor of FIFA World Cup

[Bob]

26 I oh, let's go I oh,

[Wade]

let's go make every get together chill this Memorial Day, get up to an extra thousand dollars off select top brand appliances like LG plus get free delivery at the Home Depot. Tackle pool towels and camp laundry with a large capacity washer and host in style with the fridge serving craft ice, mini craft ice, cubed ice and crushed ice. Shop appliance Savings now through June 3rd at the Home Depot offer valid May 14th through June 3rd US only. Free delivery on appliance purchases of $998 or more. See store online for details.

[Mark]

Good evening gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to distractable.

[Wade]

This episode.

[Mark]

BlackBerry Bob requires bespoke mobilization, slays Swedish stages, then asks the eternal question whether dwaid performs with a strained tubiofemoral, celebrates matrimony, becomes a journeyman and has vanilla turds. Motorcycling Mark witnesses Khan's split stuff, eats taco ass, reminisces an anus and a cat Capricoola From Mach moding to IB

[Bob]

sailing,

[Mark]

it's time for Hard or Soft. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

[Bob]

Hello and welcome back to another episode of your podcast, Favorite Uncle. That's right, this is distractible. I am your that's a little early to start in with it. All right, I'm your host because I won the last one because I was so much funnier than Mark that now he can't handle it and he's being a little baby about everything. Competitors for today, just like always, are Mark and Wade. Mark is the one who's going.

[Mark]

You can't prove that to the listeners. That was Wade. That was all Wade.

[Bob]

Listeners. Believe what you will, but it was Mark.

[Mark]

They are highly influenced, easily influenced, as somebody said. Am I right?

[Bob]

Only I'm allowed to be mean to the listeners. Okay.

[Wade]

If there's one thing I've learned so far from this is that I am Wade.

[Mark]

You just learned that?

[Bob]

Yeah.

[Mark]

Pretty impressive. Wow.

[Wade]

I've been going around saying my name is Markiplier for the last 10 years. Really? Awkward.

[Bob]

Explains why people treat you so weird. Anyway, if you've ever seen the show before, we just revised the Constitution, which we have one of. It's not weird.

[Wade]

And in the first episode, we already didn't know if we revised it right or not.

[Mark]

No, no, come on, you didn't. We did.

[Bob]

We have a plethora of new rules, and they're going to be fine.

[Mark]

That's why we have Congress in the first place. Our Congress.

[Wade]

Anyway, I don't remember making Congress.

[Mark]

We made Congress. Oh, trust us, bro.

[Wade]

Don't ever trust anyone that said, trust me, bro.

[Bob]

I didn't say Braille.

[Mark]

That's character assassination.

[Wade]

Well, now you're dead, so I guess I get to write history for you.

[Mark]

He's assassinating my character.

[Bob]

All right, Mark, you get a dead point.

[Wade]

I get, like, an assassin point.

[Bob]

Wade, you get an assassin point. Welcome back to another episode. I have. I'm going to call it a sequel. It's not really a sequel, but I have a sequel episode here today that I'm really excited about, and I think it's going to be a fun time. Before we get into that, how are you guys doing your small talks?

[Wade]

I do.

[Mark]

I'll go second.

[Bob]

All right, Wade on the spot. What do you got?

[Wade]

Well, well, well. Welcome back, everyone. I have been playing a lot of the Diablo 4 recent expansion, Lord of Hatred. And I think I told y'. All. I think I told you all last week. It's one of the better Diablo stories I think we've ever gotten. I just. I thought it was really well told. I thought we got a lot of lore, a lot of backstory, and a lot of interesting stuff, and I was really engrossed in it and really enjoying it. I even went back and installed Diablo 2 because I was like, man, I'm just feeling that Diablo itch. I've been. I've been real Diablo. Otherwise, weather's been good. A couple weeks ago, I went out and played basketball with my nephew. Couldn't last Monday, but my left knee has been, like, a little off. I was like, man, I think I, like, strained an MCL or something or one of the. One of those three letter things that's in your knee. And then yesterday, my nephew was like, hey, you play basketball again? I was like, man, I just started Walking normally again? Yes. Let's do it now. I'm not walking normally again today. Go. Go figure. Apparently, you need more than two or three weeks at our age to heal, which is very sad. I'm walking around like a pirate. But I had fun, and the weather's been beautiful. It was a little hot yesterday, but otherwise, God's been so nice. I can't breathe that my allergies are killing me. But, like, I like sunlight. I might be a plant. I didn't know it, but I think I might be a plant. I think I might survive on photosynthesis.

[Bob]

I think Wade's an industry plant.

[Wade]

I could be. Oh, shit, Bob, you want a GoPro

[Bob]

very much, way more than Mark does.

[Mark]

Can I please be an industry plant? Can I please?

[Wade]

I'll find a way. I've been growing some GoPros in my garden, Bob. I'll have to harvest one and send it your way.

[Bob]

Perfect.

[Mark]

Man, if their marketing department had any brains. No way. I can't insult them. God, I can't do that.

[Wade]

Wait, no.

[Bob]

If their marketing department can get their head out of their ass long enough to see what's good for them.

[Wade]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Mark]

Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please. No.

[Wade]

I mean, that's.

[Bob]

Well, it sounds like you're gonna need a new knee any day now, Wade. But that's. Other than that. That's, you know, that's good.

[Wade]

So tomorrow. Yeah, tomorrow, as of the episode coming out, not when we're recording it, Molly and I will have been married for eight years, which. So we're celebrating that. So we had the podcast anniversary, the US Anniversary. So May's a busy month, but five years podcast, eight years of marriage, and more years than that, dating. I can't do the math, but whenever. 2012 was at least eight years of dating. At least eight years of dating greater than or equal to. As a good husband and partner, I know those numbers. I'm just keeping them to myself.

[Bob]

Yeah, that's private information.

[Wade]

Yeah. Mark, do some small talk while I calculate those numbers real quick.

[Mark]

All right. So my small talk is once again related to the Cannes Film Festival, because I have a story from there that I didn't tell saving it because I was very tired and whatnot. But the experience of getting there is fine. You know, I get there and it's all good and whatever, but I arrive and they've arranged a driver, right? And so I've been through this. Very, very famous. I've experienced this before, obviously, we all have. Right, where they have your name on the big iPad. And they're like one of those triple

[Wade]

length limos where it's just you in it, but it's like nine rows of seats.

[Mark]

Exactly. I mean, that's what I was used to. And I'm sure that's what you. You have had in your experience and of course, in.

[Bob]

Call it the Ego Hauler.

[Mark]

The Ego Hauler. Yeah. That's good. That's good.

[Wade]

The ego is down. The ego is down. Sorry. Ego has landed.

[Mark]

Don't laugh at him.

[Wade]

Don't laugh at him.

[Mark]

Wait, wait for me.

[Wade]

Wait for me. The Giggle Bus, please.

[Mark]

I need to get on. All right, so I get down there and the guy's there. His name is Nicholas and he's very nice. And he's part of a company called Taxi Moto. And I'm like, okay, this is great. All right, awesome. So he leads me out over to the parking garage. I'm like, cool. I'm used to this treatment. Star treatment. I get there and we. We go past all the cars that are parked there and we keep walking. We're now fully past all the cars.

[Bob]

Oh, interesting.

[Mark]

And we turn a corner and we go around and we go through this, like, little turnstile like this. And then I keep. I think, oh, it must be in the next parking lot. And it's like, nope. We come up to a motorcycle. I'm just like, taxi Moto. Taxi Moto. S. But it was fine. It was actually lovely.

[Bob]

I.

[Mark]

May I make it sound, like, awful because I. I used to ride in la. I. I did motorcycle a little bit till I had a close call. So it's not like I was nervous or anything, but it's just. It's one of those things where it's like with the. Going to Iceland and the blue Lagoons, like, the first thing there, it's like, oh, I wasn't. Wasn't prepared for this. I was expecting to sleep in like a cab or something on the way over there. And it's like, I didn't want to fall asleep on the back of a motorcycle.

[Wade]

Why not?

[Mark]

You know, just. But it was. It was really nice, actually. He had his own. He had a jacket for me, had gloves for me, a hat. He made me put on a hairnet just in case for all my lace. And then I put on the helmet. Yeah, yeah, we all got her. We all have lace. Yeah, we all do. It's kind of a thing for us.

[Wade]

I don't know, man. What would they cling to on me?

[Bob]

Beard. Lice.

[Mark]

Bice. Yeah. Anyway, so it was really nice because, number one, I was very attentive because obviously you're on a motorcycle and you, you know.

[Wade]

Oh, I thought you meant you were, like, giving him a massage, like, were attending him while he drove you.

[Mark]

Yeah, well, he's very stressed out. I want him to be relaxed on this.

[Wade]

I was attentive back, but it's like,

[Mark]

you know, you got to kind of hold on because you got the handlebars there. And it was nice. It was like, it was a little thing with that armrest and it had, like, hand grips and all kinds of things. And I got to see all of cans when otherwise I would have literally fallen asleep in a taxi. I was that tired. And it was, it was very pleasant. So I recommend anybody who wants to. And also, on the way back to the airport, this guy saved me like, 30 minutes in traffic because, I mean, he was lane splitting the whole time. But I, I, I also did that. If anyone was like a first time riding a motorcycle, they might have had, you know, might have been a little scary for them, but it's like, it's totally fine.

[Bob]

Because that'd be terrifying for a normal person, you kidding me?

[Mark]

If they hadn't done it before. I could see that. But it's like, also, it helped a lot. He, he knew what he was doing and he was like, I told him that I used to ride in la, so that's probably maybe while he was more comfortable with doing that because he tried to make sure. But it was, it was, he got me to that airport and it was like bumper, bumper traffic the entire way over there. So it was, it was really, it really helped out a lot. I might have missed my flight.

[Wade]

Can you imagine the view if you had a GoPro to record your drive over there on that motorcycle?

[Mark]

That's what I was thinking too. I was gonna. Oh, I forgot I was gonna bring that up because I'm like, oh, my God, this would be so perfect for this. I kept asking because I'm like, I'm going to these places that I can film some cool things. And, God, I tried to get my phone out and I was just like, the wind went like this a little bit. I'm like, no, I'm not gonna do that. Just not gonna put that right back, right back in my pants, man. It would have been so pretty. Like, beautiful blue waters, all these boats, like Seaside Road, they were going along. Oh, it was gorgeous.

[Bob]

It would have been perfect.

[Mark]

Go. Probably

[Bob]

Mark will go back to Khan for four hours. He'll fly, he'll get out. He'll. All he'll do is get out of the airport, ride around on a motorcycle for an hour and a half filming stuff, straight back into a plane. But he'll do anything, I presume. I know this is the sort of thing that's planned by people who, like, they know who you are. And it's so. It's like thought. I just think it would be fucking hilarious if. Not that anyone does this, but if I. If someone was like, oh, Bob, you should go to this thing. And they booked me, you know, to go to a thing and I get to the airport and if you can't tell on camera, I'm fucking huge. I'm really tall. I'm 6 foot 4. But I'm also like, just a huge dude. And I did ride. I had a motorcycle in college. And I'm familiar, I would be totally cool on a motorcycle. But like, I just show up and the guy with the motorcycle is like, oh, yeah, yeah. I don't know what the weight limit is for my motorcycle. Interesting. You're just. You're like a perfectly adequately, average height, normal sized person.

[Mark]

Thank you. Thank you, sir. Thank you, sir. Thank you, Mr. Host. Thank you.

[Bob]

I'm sure that no one, you know, no one is going to book me a motorcycle taxi if they're, if it's something where it's like, I'm on, you know, they want me to at this event for a thing and. But it just would be hilarious. I show up and the guy's just like, all right, climb on the back.

[Mark]

I guess he just starts screaming.

[Wade]

Just.

[Bob]

It's like a cartoon I get. I climb up on the motorcycle first. It just goes, oh, oh, no.

[Wade]

I feel like people in Europe are smaller than us, Bob. I feel like, like the average height is a little bit smaller in Europe.

[Bob]

Way smaller than me. You might look really tall over there, but there are tall Europeans. I don't think there are very many Europeans that are the size around that I am. Having been there several times, I can tell you I do feel like I stick out.

[Wade]

I can't remember how tall people were, but I feel like, man, when we were up on that stage in Europe, everyone not on the stage look smaller than us.

[Bob]

Yeah, they were sitting down, so.

[Wade]

Yeah. And they were lower.

[Bob]

Some of those stages were the same height as the audience, I think. And some of the places we did shows in Europe were funny. It was fine. But it was like we showed up and they're like, yeah, yeah, this is the stage. It's a big room and there's chairs on this side and you guys go on this side. We've never used it for a stage before, but it's absolutely a stage for you right now. Whatever, man.

[Wade]

I remember one of those, like in the us I don't remember one of those in Europe, but then again, I've got a terrible memory.

[Bob]

There was a stage, but wasn't it in Oslo where it was literally like in the corner of a much larger room. They just set up a stage and some chairs and we're like, you guys do your little show over there. Might have been in Sweden. It was one of those anyway. That's pretty fun. That's crazy though. I wonder how common that is, because I know like zipping around on, on motorbikes or you know, like scooters or whatever is more common in. Especially in cities in Europe maybe, but I still feel like a lot of people would show up and be like, I'm not riding a motorcycle. Like, what the hell?

[Wade]

I'd be one of. I've on one and I don't know that I, I don't have the balls for it.

[Bob]

If you've never done it before, I get why that would be scary.

[Mark]

Yeah. Because even if you're on the back, you, I. I mean, probably they're used to people not like helping, leaning in the right direction or something, you know, or completely opposite their life trying to go this way.

[Bob]

Everyone tries to sit upright as the bike leans over. They're just like, no, no.

[Wade]

I've just seen too many of like the Fail army type videos where there's assholes that like open their car doors and shit. The motorcycles and like, I don't know. I'd be so scared of like someone doing that.

[Mark]

I mean, it's not going to happen on the highway, but yeah, I totally get on the cities.

[Wade]

I don't know, man. Some people are crazy.

[Mark]

Everyone's crazy everywhere.

[Bob]

Lane splitting is a funny thing. For those who know, lane splitting is when motorcycles drive down between lanes of cars because they can fit, because they're tiny. Because I kind of come down on both sides of it. Because as a person who's ridden a motorcycle, I'm like, yeah, why would I not do that? If it's legal, which it is in a lot of places. Some places it's not. And if you do it where it's illegal, then you should get a ticket, probably. But if it's legal like it is in California, why would I not do that? That's very convenient. But as a person who drives a car 99% of my life I'm like, why the fuck would you do that? You're going to get yourself killed, you crazy ass motorcycle douchebags. I don't know. I come down on both sides. You said you lane split when you rode Mark.

[Mark]

Well, I mean, I did for a while and then I had a close call doing lane splitting. I was like, you know what? I don't know if I ever need this, really. I don't know if this is for

[Wade]

me, like a nice weather day. Sometimes people like put their arms out, stretch their arms, like feel the wind and stuff. I'd be like, I want to get clotheslined or take off someone's arm. I don't know.

[Bob]

I will say one of the things about lane splitting is you're not supposed to go 120 down the highway between cars that are doing like 75. You're supposed to go slightly faster than the flow of traffic. So dudes on sport bikes who lane split at 1,000 miles an hour, that's still uncool even if it's legal wherever they're doing that. But safely, lane splitting is a thing. You could do that.

[Mark]

That's fair.

[Wade]

That's fair.

[Mark]

This guy though, like doing wheels? No, he was.

[Bob]

Yeah, Well, I imagine the professional taxi service was doing wheelies and tricks and shit.

[Wade]

Mark's head is like one foot off the ground the whole way.

[Mark]

I was actually his. I was his brace against the ground. He was using my head as like, you know, make sure he didn't flip

[Wade]

all the way back. So, you know, he duct taped the wheel to the back of your helmet just in case.

[Mark]

Yeah, he actually put like that paper on Matchbox. So I sparked on the way out. It was really cool, actually, from what I could see if my GoPro was there, if I had a GoPro.

[Bob]

If you had a GoPro, bro, imagine

[Wade]

we could have seen so many cool shots. I could have.

[Mark]

I could have.

[Bob]

And unless there's more small talk, should we get to the game?

[Wade]

Game, game, game.

[Bob]

This is a spiritual successor to a game that we played previously called Big or Small, where we talked about if we would rather have big or small versions of things. This one is hard or soft.

[Mark]

Okay.

[Wade]

All right.

[Bob]

Makes more sense than it sounds like it does. Because I gotta be honest, I read this in my notes and was like, it's not a fucking weird idea. That's not a thing. It'll be fine. It's good. If you guys think of anything that you would like to debate, this is kind of an open debate. One it's not really like a kind of game back and forth. As much as I just want to talk about all these different things. The first one I have here might be contentious, but ignore your personal preference for this specific thing. I just want to talk about if you would prefer hard or soft tacos. Maybe it's a taco filled with food that you really, really like. Maybe it's like a hamburger taco. It doesn't have to be. In a way, it has mixed feelings about tacos. That's fine, but just the harder softness of it. Harder soft tacos.

[Wade]

I'm going to stand on a soapbox here for my wife and say she likes crunchy tacos. Therefore, hard tacos, soft.

[Mark]

I'll tell you why. If I'm allowed.

[Bob]

No, I'll allow it.

[Wade]

All right.

[Mark]

Okay. It's because there's a good idea and then there's the execution of the idea. And a hard taco is a good idea. Conceptually. It photographs well. It looks appetizing. The second you have to actually encounter that, you realize the fundamental flaw in the human design. Our mouths are not vertical. And then you have to encounter the other fundamental flaw of the structural design of the thing that if as soon as you bite the cracks which propagate through a hard shell, taco go almost entirely propagate down the bottom of it so that the entire ass of the taco falls out the first bite, or it cracks in half that way. And the same effect is there. It has to be.

[Bob]

When a lot of restaurants put the wet, delicious, but wet, like heavy meat ingredients or other stuff in the bottom, completely ruining the structural integrity of the CR shell.

[Mark]

Yeah, 100%. And it's. It's just like. It's. It needs to be supplemented with like a cardboard box or something like that to just aid in the whole process. And it just makes it difficult. And when I'm eating, I can't be bothered with all of that as I'm whipping through traffic eating my tacos.

[Bob]

Can I just say this question was a trap, because I know the actual, factual, correct answer, but you point out a good thing, Mark. You're right. You know what? I would generally go for soft tac. You know what's one of my favorite crunchy tacos? The Doritos Loco crunchy tacos. You know why? Because it comes with its own cardboard sheath. So when you're eating it, you stick out just enough, you take a bite, and it doesn't matter that it fucking disintegrates into a million pieces. It's in a little thingy. It's contained, it's fine, it's great. But the correct answer is I forget what they're called. Exactly. I think there's a thing I've seen at restaurants that are not Taco Bell, but Taco Bell has these as well. It's a crunchy taco shell with a soft taco shell glued to the outside with cheese. I don't know. Is that. Is that what they call a gordita crunch? Is that what that. Because you get all the good stuff about a crunchy taco. It's crunchy, it's delightful. It's like eating really. It's like eating a nacho sandwich, which we all know. I like nachos, but it's glued together. It's like safety glass when you bite it. And the crunchy taco shell disintegrates into dust. It's fine because there's a soft taco shell there to save everything.

[Wade]

Look, if you want a soft taco, we have something called a sandwich or a bun that already exists. Here's a quote from John A. Shedd that I think will ring true. A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for. A crunchy taco may be a mess waiting to happen, but it's an adventure worth embarking because it is the that matters more than the destination. And with food, they both pretty much matter a lot. But that crunchy exploration, that. That's. That's the idea. The epitome of taco. Whereas, listen, me as a non taco guy, give me that butt all day. But you think taco, you think crunch.

[Bob]

I know I think soft.

[Wade]

Wrong.

[Bob]

I think smoosh. You know, smoosh.

[Wade]

Get a hamburger bun and fold a hot dog. A hot dog. A taco. Oh, God, where are we going?

[Mark]

I think I need to remind of the quote from IB Salen, who was on board the Titanic when its crunchy shell was fractured by that mouth of an iceberg and all of its contents came spilling out. A gordita crunch is just trying to be a soft taco to appease to those weirdos and freaks of nature that enjoy a crunchy taco. Look, I appreciate the Doritos Locos. If I have to endure the indignity of a hard shell taco, I will approach one with my mouth and bring it near me. But I will not say I imbibed

[Bob]

bring it near me. What the hell kind of weird Victorian taco experience are you having?

[Mark]

I have experienced hardshell tacos, but I did not imbibe.

[Wade]

Okay, so the Titanic was crunchy and sank. But if I throw bread into the water, you know what happens? Birds eat it and it's bad for them. So if I put a wet thing in the water, what's gonna happen? We're gonna kill ocean life.

[Bob]

Put a pin in this because we're gonna get around to boats. Don't even worry about that.

[Wade]

Oh, man, I really love soft boats.

[Bob]

That one I had a strong opinion on. This next one, I can't decide. I need you to help me.

[Wade]

Oh, we're here.

[Bob]

Hard or soft ice cream? I don't mean like fucking ice cubes with flavor in them. I mean soft serve ice cream. Or like UDF graters scooped hard ice cream out of the cooler. Which one?

[Wade]

I've worked there for a while, so I will defer and let Mark go first before I destroy his incorrect opinion.

[Bob]

Because I don't know if I can pick. And I want someone to tell me what to think.

[Mark]

Oh, so we're talking like from a machine where you pull the lever and it goes.

[Bob]

Yeah, like soft serve, like. And you make the little turd cone and then. Or you make like a milkshake, you know, whatever.

[Mark]

Thank you for bringing up my main point, the turd cone. You can't make the glorious shape. Ignore everything I said about the taco round. It's all about appearances, about presentation. You have to have the picturesque shape of the triangle going down cone, if you will. And then the cone coming up, its symmetry in nature. If it has the two, you can't get two. I don't care about Neapolitan. It doesn't exist. That's basically. It's a freak of nature. It's a random chance. But having the two swirl of color spiraling down so elegantly reminisces me. That's how you use a word, reminiscizes me.

[Bob]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mark]

Of the days of unus annus with its spirals. And I think it's. I think it's important for our culture.

[Wade]

What is your answer? Feels like Billy Madison, where everything you said made me feel stupider by the

[Mark]

end drift into the finish line.

[Wade]

So.

[Mark]

But I could just coast everyone out

[Wade]

of gas halfway through. And I was like, oh, God. I was like, oh, he's going for real ice cream. He didn't mention real ice cream once. What does he feel?

[Bob]

That brought up an experience that maybe is affecting my opinion here. Do you know what is one of the most disappointing things I've experienced about ice cream? Previously what's that? I went to a. I think it was a dairy queue. I went to, like. We were getting like a summer treat, right? And I, as a kid, I was always hardcore. I would either get chocolate or vanilla, but there was a point where I was like, why would I not just get twist? Both is the best. Because then you get some. And I went. We went to this place where we're like, let's get ice cream. And we're getting. And I got a twist cone, which is supposed to be that. That half and half chocolate vanilla. They fucking gave me an ice cream cone with one turd of vanilla and one turd of chocolate on top of it. It was soft serve. They just, like, didn't. Like the machine was broken or something. They gave that to me and I was like. Like, I don't know. Ice cream could make me feel rage.

[Mark]

Like, what the fuck is that?

[Bob]

This isn't a twist cone at all. I've never been more sad about ice cream specifically. Probably been more sad about other stuff.

[Mark]

You got highs, you got lows, but you only felt so sad because you could feel so happy from the soft

[Bob]

as I knew what was possible. All right, Wade.

[Wade]

So as someone who worked in ice cream for. Well, I don't know if I. Whatever his position was, I don't know.

[Mark]

Hey, see, you deferred to me. I. I said you. I get to pick.

[Wade]

I did. And I still don't know what position you have, so I'm gonna give mine. I worked at United Dairy Farmers for a couple of years in ice cream. And I can tell you the soft serve machine was a giant pain in the ass. It was a huge machine that sat. Took up a huge amount of space. And we had two little, like, areas where we'd pour in these little half gallons, right? You had our vanilla, our chocolate, or we'd have seasonal, like peach or something. So we'd have different ones. We have one side, we get a half gallon of vanilla, soft serve liquid. You pour it in the top, something fucking happens, and it becomes vanilla. Soft serve, you get your chocolate, you pour it in the other side, some weird magic happens and it becomes chocolate. Then you have a third nozzle, which is your twist, where the two combine, and that's how you get your twist. So, yeah, if you're. If that's broken, I don't know how you get a twist other than a turd of vanilla and a turd of chocolate. Because that's not how. You can't just. Just wouldn't make a solid cone.

[Bob]

I Don't care why I care that that happened to me, and it was tragic.

[Wade]

I don't disagree with you. So that's how your soft serve stuff works. Then you go to clean the machine. It's not pleasant. Like, the vanilla side's fine, but the chocolate side, every time you clean it, you have to rinse it with, like, water. We'd clean it every day. We cleaned the soft serve machine every day. And watching just, like, the chunks of chocolate that weren't fully liquid that would stick to the sides and look like splatter in the top, it made soft serve really unappealing to me. Whereas with, you know, normal ice cream or hard ice cream, whatever you want to call it, you always know what you're gonna get. I mean, if someone leaves it out or doesn't do a good job or covers it properly, you can get, like, freezer burn, and then it's bad, but you can scrape off freezer burn to get to the good part. If you eat ice cream like a normal person, you take care of it. It's consistent. It's better. There's a lot more options for flavor. The one thing I guess you could say about soft serve is you can make like, the. Like the Blizzards from Dairy Queen and stuff, where it's a lot easier to mix in, like, toppings and make stuff like that. UDF had, like, 200 ice cream flavors, and we only ever had, at most, maybe four soft serve flavors. Two at a time, or three, if you count the twist as its own flavor. Ice cream has infinitely more possibilities. It's more consistent. Hard ice cream, if that's what we're calling it, superior by 9,000 miles. I'm not saying soft serve isn't good. There isn't a day where I crave soft serve, sure, but it doesn't mean it's higher quality or better.

[Bob]

Oh, there's no right answers here, but Wade was right.

[Wade]

I feel slapped and kissed at the same time.

[Bob]

Thank you. Well, I didn't insult you. I know.

[Wade]

But I still felt like that for some reason.

[Bob]

Okay, well, you're welcome. All right, onward. Deeper into the rabbit hole. Keyboards. We all have hard keyboards, I think, in front of us right now because we're all at computers, but we all also use soft keyboards every day of our lives on our phone or our tablet or on the touchscreen thing at the store that you have to use or what have you. And I think it's hard to argue that the user experience of a software keyboard is better in any way than the user Experience of a normal hard keyboard. But would you really carry around a hard keyboard with you every place you went in order to use it for anything you might need to use it for? Isn't there a reason that blackberries died? I don't know. What do you guys think? Hard keyboard, soft keyboard.

[Mark]

It's his turn to go first.

[Wade]

Hard keyboard, you. My favorite phone I ever had was a phone you would hold up and you could slide the back down and there was a little keyboard you could type on. A hard keyboard. And man, my things didn't autocorrect to something stupid. Whenever I tried to hit space, it didn't hit enter all the time or period. I could reach all the letters perfectly. I love, loved that phone so much. And it only died because of like Apple conspiracy where they killed the creators of the real keyboard probably and have them locked in a basement, those other survivors. And they've destroyed all the engineers of small hard keyboards. I'm wearing my tinfoil hat and I know that that's what happened because hard keyboard phones were the epitome of life. And hard keyboard, much better than soft ever could be.

[Bob]

You know, there's a company that makes a thing where you could just it like magnets to your phone and you have basically exactly what you're talking about.

[Mark]

Oh man, you're taking my points, man, he's robbing my points right from my point cradle.

[Wade]

Oh, that's fine. It helps me. I'll take it.

[Bob]

Mark, you can have a robbed. A robbed point point. Sorry, bud.

[Mark]

Oh, yeah, I was literally looking up the. The clicks keyboard thing. Or is that what it's called? The clicks?

[Bob]

Yeah, it's called clicks or something.

[Wade]

You know, back in my day, you didn't have to have greedy accessories that just came with the keyboard.

[Mark]

I think, however, there's a problem with the clicks thing. And I don't know how they've overlooked it, but they did is because they just put it at the bottom where it could make the phone longer. I didn't have any of these phones, but you know, in the back of the day, they were like schwa. You turn them, you flip them, you rotate them, you. The keyboard coming out was like part of the thing. It's like, why didn't they just make a landscape they can sell a portrait version of? Why didn't they make a landscape version that could go on sideways so you could have a big. Because this is hard enough on a small keyboard. On a digital one, it's. It's even harder on a physical one where you're your fat thumb can actually press the other ones instead of having the progressively getting worse intelligent features that, you know, secretly make the buttons different sizes based on what it thinks you're gonna get. And it's wrong all the time now, but, you know, I'm just like, it's a. It shows that there is a need, but it shows also that the people designing the products sometimes still don't fully reconcile with what might actually be useful, in my opinion.

[Bob]

Yeah, I will say I did have a couple phones that had physical keyboards. And the vertical ones, all misery. I have big hands, I have big thumbs. I've never used a vertical keyboard that wasn't just pure agony to try and deal with, but the horizontal ones. Oh, man. I had the first Android phone that ever launched. I had the T Mobile G1 back in the day. And it had a screen that like, like, had like a fancy double hinge. And the screen, it didn't just slide it like. And. Oh, God, did that thing have the best physical keyboard. It was so good. It had character. It had a number row. It had character keys. Fucking. I did appreciate that, but I just feel like I do appreciate software keyboards that they exist and that you can have that as a solution. I don't know if I'm going to come down hard on a side of this or not, but nobody does a good job of implementing them. I think is the biggest problem that both kinds of keyboards face. Right.

[Wade]

I had a singular plan. And I think I had like one of my first flip phones. The keyboard was just the number pad, right? It was just like you had to press 2, 3 times to get to the letter C or whatever it was, bro.

[Bob]

T9 texting was the shit I missed. T9.

[Wade]

Oh, man. I remember the top part of my phone broke off, so I no longer had a screen. But for whatever reason, I could still text and, like talk. Like, I could call people and talk to them, but I couldn't hear. So I would text people, be like, I really hope these are the correct letters I am sending. But it was one way. Calls for like two or three weeks.

[Mark]

God damn, that's hilarious.

[Bob]

Every time Wade calls, you pick up and he's just like mid sentence, like, I'm coming home soon. I'm leaving, I'm coming. I'll be there in 25 minutes. You're like, I get. Okay. Fuck. God.

[Mark]

Jesus.

[Bob]

Yell the same sentence for a minute straight, just repeating.

[Wade]

I repeat the message three times to make sure it goes through.

[Bob]

I mean, it definitely should stay dead, but. T9 texting was a good solution in a world where you were trying to type on a keyboard that had 12 total buttons.

[Wade]

I think that might be part of the reason why all these like shortcuts for words were invented. Because it's like any long message you had to type out was like, oh God, why is my name got to be Schmitty Warbinman Jensen? I'm going over to Schmitty Warbin Men Jensen's now. Like by the time I text, it's three hours have gone by.

[Mark]

Schmitty Werber, Jaeger man Jensen.

[Wade]

Oh, even longer Jaeger.

[Bob]

Anyway, we're old keyboards are funny. BlackBerry's should stay where they ended up because BlackBerry keyboards were always awful.

[Mark]

You know, is there anybody at BlackBerry right now that's like, oh, physical keyboards are coming? Guys, fire up the machines, get the belts moving.

[Wade]

Jim Skeleton gets shaken like, Jim, wake up.

[Mark]

We're back at it. I'm sure they've drifted along as a company because I think they have, but it's like this would be their time to be like all that money we've been saving up for this one moment and definitely haven't been spending on CEO bonuses or something like that. It's time go.

[Bob]

The BlackBerry fully touchscreen phone that they launched, this is something just no one will give any shits about. But I had a friend who had that and I remember how sad it was because he was really excited, right? It was in the era when software keyboards were starting to become a thing and the iPhone existed and it was in the era of the Moto. The Moto, whatever. The first Motos Android phones.

[Wade]

I had a ringtone, it said, hello Moto. There was a little beat to

[Bob]

was like, oh, it's a BlackBerry, but it's modern. It has this screen that moves and all. And then after owning it for a brief time, he was like, wow, BlackBerry fucking sucks. The only thing about BlackBerry is that it's the form factor of a BlackBerry. A BlackBerry in the shape of every other cell phone on the market is just a terrible cell phone.

[Wade]

They were like the premier phone for a while. Like if you had a BlackBerry, you were real fancy.

[Bob]

Well, yeah, because of cause business. Because business people needed to send emails and they revolutionized how you could send emails over cellular networks and blah, blah, blah.

[Mark]

According to all the clips of the movie about BlackBerry that I've seen on YouTube shorts and TikTok, they were revolutionary in what they were doing.

[Bob]

Yeah, yeah, that's the thing. I've seen that guy from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia screaming at his employees about something, something client side, something.

[Mark]

Oh, that is that guy. Oh, that's. I thought he looked familiar.

[Bob]

The angry boss guy from the BlackBerry movie is Dennis. It's always sunny. He's such a good actor. Like his arrange is ridiculous because he is actually just becomes different roles and you'll be like, holy shit, that is his the fuck. All right. Deeper. Hard or soft drink containers. And before you think you know the answer and jump to a conclusion, think about it a little bit more deeply because I'm calling squeezy water bottles soft. Even though they're not exactly like, you know, pillows, they're squeezy.

[Wade]

I'm asking this for a friend. What about boobs?

[Bob]

Boobs.

[Wade]

Hard or soft?

[Bob]

You mean milk bags? That's a soft drinking container.

[Mark]

You mean milk bags? Oh, boobs. You mean milk bags. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Bob]

Well, I mean, look, if we're talking about in the context of drink containers. Yes. Austin, did you know that milk comes in bags in Canada?

[Mark]

Yes, I did know that.

[Bob]

What the. Canada.

[Wade]

They got milk bags in Canada?

[Bob]

You buy milk bags at the store in Canada.

[Wade]

Kids see those.

[Mark]

What about, okay, aluminum cans? When you hold them before they're open, they're hard because of pressure, but afterwards they kind of crinkle a little bit. They're a little softer. They are a tiny bit flexible as opposed to what I'm thinking. You're thinking like a cup like this being hard.

[Bob]

Well, even, even like a Capri sun pouch, when it's filled with liquid, it's hard because it has volume inside of it. Right. Like I would say the can, because it's a crushable. It's. You could crush those up with your hands. I would say those are soft. I mean, unless you're a madman, you can't crush like a ceramic coffee mug with your hands down to like.

[Mark]

Right, right. Anything malleable with your own strength. Right. All right. I'm going to go out on a very niche use case for this because in the long run, I'm not sure if it matters that much unless you get some genius thing. But I'll give a niche case for soft things like a Capri sun in general. When I traveled for making iron lung a lot, I had this exterior dock that I brought with me that had its built in power supply. It was very useful, but it overheated a lot, so it got really warm because there really wasn't a big fan in there. I don't even know if there was a fan. But I learned a trick which Is a Capri sun has an aluminum, soft, aluminum based pouch. I don't know if it's fully aluminum, but it's soft. So if you kept them in the fridge and or kept them in the freezer, here's how the order you do it, you get the one from the fridge that's cold, you lay it on top of there, it would kind of mold a little bit to the shape of it, and then it would heat up and it would be a little heat sink. I would take that shape, put it it in the freezer. Afterwards, it would freeze flat on the bottom so that I could put it back on. Then I started a chain of like. Probably the people at TBD wondered if I had like an addiction to Capri sun because I kept grabbing them all.

[Bob]

That's so fucking funny. Why is Mark getting all the Capri Suns from Crafty? Every five minutes he gets another Capri Sun. What the fuck is this? And it worked.

[Mark]

It worked. It would last for like, when it was frozen, it would last for like an hour and it wouldn't really drip onto anything. It didn't. For some reason, it didn't like condens that much. It worked really effectively as like a little cooling pad for tech. No, no one do this. Or it might leak on your tech or something like this. I did this because, like, I. I knew. I didn't know what I was doing. I was just desperate, right?

[Wade]

People, the visions of Mark's server room in his bathroom with like Capri sun cooling.

[Mark]

I'm telling you, it works, man. It's just a thermal heat sink at the end of the day.

[Wade]

GoPro. Listen, I've got ideas for the future. Would you like a wild cherry?

[Mark]

Look, liquid has a really high. Whatever the scientific term for heat capacity is, you know, it has a high that.

[Bob]

So isn't that a specific temperature where how much energy it takes to change its temperature by a degree or whatever or something like that.

[Mark]

Yeah. And because it's flexible and also has an aluminum pouch, plastic's not very thermally conductive. But the Capri sun pouches, at least if they still make them with aluminum, which I probably chained out of that, they are very conductive. Not as conductive as some metals, but aluminum still conducts heat.

[Wade]

I want Capri sun so bad right now.

[Bob]

That's so fucking funny, though. Oh, my God, that's such a good idea.

[Mark]

Yeah, See, so soft all the way.

[Bob]

No, that's. So you pull up at Mark's house and there's a fucking huge pallet of glaubur salts in the trash. And then there's a Capri sun cooler parked next to his server farm. The fucking silver surfer from the Capri sun commercials. It's just like, whoosh, whoosh. Gotta render these physics sims. Whoosh.

[Mark]

I mean, I'm telling you, man. I'm telling you, it worked. It worked.

[Bob]

I can't believe you never told that story. I know you were in the absolute depths of suffering of making this movie that consumed you for years, but that's so fucking funny.

[Mark]

Can I give another little hack that I did for my render farm real quick? But as an aside, so the, the Mac studio, a lot of people know I had Mac studios in my render farm and people are like, that's crazy. It's like. But it makes sense because power efficiency and, and, and there I'm going to the, the Apple event, the worldwide developer conference. I'm going that I did this. And also I'm going to tell my hack to stack them in a way that made them thermally balanced is because it's a big flat block of aluminum, right? So what I did was I put one like this and then one upside down like that with a thermal pad in between to like exchange heat between the two surfaces. And overall the temperature lowered between both of them. Because as one worked versus the other.

[Bob]

Because you had a bigger heat dissipation.

[Mark]

Yeah, it. Because I had a thermal pad in between, it was able to like exchange heat between the surfaces because it's just a big brick of aluminum. And so I did ba ba ba. Stacked them up like that. Like I did, you know, the coffee creamers in like the, the restaurant, when you go in there, you stack one with a little triangle shape and go one to the other, like to the other to the other. And I did that and it worked. And because it left a larger gap where the fans were, so was able to suck in more.

[Bob]

It worked. Anyway, if you could find a way to get cheap, big heatsink fins and then use the fins as spacers and like, so you'd have like air. Oh my. Well, fuck it. You don't need the fins then. You just need like copper plates, right?

[Mark]

That's what I had. I had a thermally conductive gel pad in between them.

[Bob]

So I'm just thinking like, if you had pipes, if you had heat exchange pipes through them or fins, right? Because then you could extract more out. You could lower the overall temperature even more. You could build like a rack setup where it's like you can put eight Mac studios in this and it's all head to head. Heat sinked with copper, whatever. Or like, man, see, you gotta tell these stories, Mark. That's funny shit.

[Mark]

I try, I try. No one likes them.

[Bob]

Oh, you're always like, oh, lenses, Oh, I need a GoPro. You gotta tell me how you manage heat in your electronic devices, Mark. This is the shit that I'm here for.

[Mark]

That's the one niche.

[Bob]

This is how you score points with me, man.

[Wade]

And it's a story for everyone. Dumb caveman. Wade. Like, Capri Sun, Bob. Get technology good out of it.

[Bob]

All right.

[Mark]

Okay. All right. It works for everybody.

[Bob]

That's so good. I like that.

[Mark]

Yeah. True story, everybody, about the Capri Sun. Very true.

[Bob]

I bet you're going to say that to them and they're going to be like, oh, cool. And then go back to telling about how Apple intelligence is the next great feature in computing and whatever. Wade, good luck.

[Wade]

Look, I think soft is so much fun. I love the portability, usability. I am a soft guy. But even that being said, listen. Boobs, the best evolutionary trait ever. Like, am I right?

[Bob]

We used to have hard boobs back in my day. Soft boobs, God damn.

[Wade]

Changing the world. But part of me always feels bad with all of the soft that I use because, like, it does make a lot of waste. And even with recycling, there's still a lot of waste and byproduct where. Whereas just a nice hard glass, you know, you can clean it out and reuse it, you can dishwash.

[Bob]

Like, it's just.

[Wade]

It's always there and it doesn't produce that amount of waste. So as much as I do enjoy the soft, love the soft. I'm a soft guy. I feel like hard is probably the better answer for the sheer fact that, like, I think of how many water bottles and cans and stuff I go through, how many, like, awful Styrofoam cups and stuff I go through that would be counted as soft.

[Mark]

Like, a lot of waste.

[Wade]

And it's probably really, really bad for pretty much everything.

[Bob]

That is true. Generally. That is just true. That's just true. Fact. Yeah, but Mark's was so much more fun. Good job, Mark.

[Wade]

I agree.

[Mark]

Fun.

[Wade]

Fun is fun. It's so fun.

[Mark]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Bob]

The Capri sun cycling them through the freezer, though, that's so fucking funny because I've had things. I've had laptops and things where, like, it just runs hot and you like, man, I just need, like, a fucking something to get the heat out of this that's not going to, like, drip all over it or some stupid. It's such a good. Such an elegant solution. Plus, they sell Capri Suns everywhere, at least in America. Buy them at every grocery store that exists. Not like Glauber salts.

[Mark]

Hard to come by.

[Bob]

All right, deeper. Hard or soft dentist. This one is more.

[Wade]

I like my dentist direct.

[Bob]

Listen, this is more of a.

[Wade]

It's.

[Bob]

I don't know. It's theoretical. Hard or soft? But. But I don't like the dentist. Right? But my philosophy is, I want a dentist who's going to strap me to the chair. Like I'm a. Like I'm against my will. And it's going to get in there and it's going to fucking and do whatever they need to do. Not to fuck up my teeth, but to fix my teeth. Right? I have had some teeth problems. I would rather. Even though I hate, hate it and it makes me cringe just thinking about. I would rather have a dentist who's like, I'm gonna get the in there. I'm gonna clean every little speck up. Because if you have a soft dentist, then you're like, maybe it's really pleasant. Maybe they play you some Enya. Maybe it's really. But then are they really cleaning your teeth? Enough? Is that enough? You tell me. Hard or soft dentists go.

[Wade]

Okay, Bob for the point. I agree with you 100%.

[Bob]

No, I don't have stake in this. You get points for getting. For making good arguments.

[Wade]

I'm pretty sure you did.

[Bob]

No, no. That's not how this works. I'm completely unbiased. Go.

[Mark]

I love my dentist in my mouth. Who can say, you need to floss

[Bob]

more, but you get what you get up, say, right? You get where I'm coming from, right? Am I crazy here?

[Wade]

Yes. I think a good dentist doesn't feel like they've strapped you down and are torturing you, but do a thorough job. You could have a bad dentist that straps you down. And a bad dentist is just like, you're clean.

[Bob]

Time to go. Like, what the.

[Wade]

I definitely want one that does their job. So I guess if that's hard.

[Mark]

What did they just throw in my mouth? Wait, what was that?

[Wade]

Magical cleaning dust.

[Mark]

They throw the clean grenade into my mouth.

[Wade]

Just. It's just a nice flavor. What flavor would you like?

[Bob]

You're clean.

[Wade]

No, give me the hard one. I guess, because I want them to do their job. But, like, my dentist is both. Like, I get some nice music in the background.

[Bob]

I feel. What did. Both.

[Wade]

I've always liked the dentist.

[Bob]

Dentist.

[Wade]

I'm weird. I Prefer the dentist to the doctor. I do not mind having my teeth scraped.

[Bob]

How many points am I allowed to take away? For one thing, you said apparently a lot. I've always liked the dentist.

[Wade]

Compared to the doctor? Yes. Like, no one likes going to either.

[Bob]

But, like, compared to the doctor, I

[Wade]

will go to the dentist over the doctor any day.

[Bob]

Yeah. The doctor doesn't do anything to you 80% of the time.

[Wade]

I get so much more nervous at a doctor's office.

[Bob]

They touch you and they're like, oh, yeah, it sounds like a heartbeat. And then you leave and then it's fine. What does your doctor do?

[Wade]

There's always shots and enemas and ball squeezes and stuff.

[Mark]

What?

[Bob]

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Mark]

You need to get one of those soft doctors. What the hell?

[Wade]

The dentist just makes my teeth nice and sparkly.

[Bob]

What the fuck, Mark? I have no stake in which answer here is correct, but save us, please.

[Mark]

Look, I'm not 100% on board with my dentist being in the tooth trenches and coming out of the tooth war and going into my mouth and having a tooth flashback. I don't know if I need that. They can talk to you gentle and scrape your teeth with a metal pick. I don't think that's too bad because, I don't know, I just. I don't need to be strapped into my chair.

[Bob]

Well, they can be. They can be hard but nice. But, like. Like a good teacher, right? Like, they don't take any bullshit from your teacher. Right? You know what I mean? You know what I'm talking about.

[Wade]

Don't call them out by name, but,

[Bob]

like, they don't fuck around. That's who my dentist is. They're a good dentist.

[Mark]

What did my teeth do to them? What kind of attitude was I giving them with my teeth?

[Bob]

This teeth better not give me any lip. That doesn't even make sense.

[Mark]

I'm gonna have these teeth expelled if they keep causing problem in your mouth.

[Wade]

Those tongues get in the way of the cleaning. Amputate. We'll put it back later.

[Mark]

I guess, you know, I'm. Because it makes it sound like the soft dentist is not gonna do a good job. And this is how I am with dentist is. I made a dentist appointment to go because I was having some tooth pain. All the sour candy, I was like, I probably got a cavity. And, you know, they said, I don't think you don't have a cavity. But, you know, we could. We could do something maybe, like, your gums are a little. Like, they might need something here. It's A little low on this one side. I'm like, that makes sense. That makes sense. All right, we'll get you next. Next month. And like, all right, come back. I'm like, okay. Missed the appointment. I never came back. I was so afraid that they'd be mad at me. I don't know why. Just like, oh, man, they're going to be pissed I show up again. They're like, oh, Mark, I was wondering what, you'd show up. And so I'd be like, I don't know why. I just haven't gone back. That was three years ago.

[Wade]

I was like that for a while. All through college, whenever I was no longer the younger. My mom's health insurance. I didn't have any health insurance. And, like, college and stuff. And I was like. Like, I can't afford a dentist. So I didn't go to the dentist for, like, seven or eight years. And the last three years I didn't go were just like, I've not been in four years. If I go now, they're gonna be so mad at me for not going for the previous four. Yeah, they're gonna be mad. They're gonna be mad.

[Bob]

Dope. It's real.

[Wade]

I had that same feeling. I was like, I don't. I don't wanna go.

[Bob]

The fear is real. This is a psa, I guess, for Mark, too, but for everyone. Go to the dentist, guys.

[Mark]

Yeah. Go to the dentist.

[Wade]

Dentist.

[Bob]

Oh, God. Go to the dentist. No matter how bad you think it's gonna be, it's so much worse when you're going to the dentist because a tooth is falling out or you're like, you're bleeding and you're like, oh, why is my mouth bleeding? Oh, fuck it. Just go. Because, like, it's. Maybe you can't afford it. Like, the realities of the world are what they are, but if you can go to the dentist, holy fuck, go to the dentist. Because I am not. I'm gonna have some. Some oral procedures coming up, and I'm not looking forward to it. I wish my teeth weren't so. I really do.

[Wade]

I can't say this for everyone. My dentist office, I think, works with people really well, too, for affordability stuff. I don't know that all of them are like that, but, like, there are dentist office that understand and will work with you, so.

[Bob]

And make sure you find a hard one. No stake in the answers here, but hard was the correct answer. Point for Wade, Objective point for Wade. Played.

[Wade]

I lost an unknown amount of points for my answer, but also I Gained one.

[Bob]

Even though Mark I think said hard also.

[Mark]

So no, I, I don't know if I gave an answer. I was a real loosey goosey, which I think, you know, speaks to my character.

[Bob]

I tried to make this list so that it would get sort of descend into the madness. I feel like, I feel like I'm not sure if any of these are going to get deeper and I guess I'm curious now about that. But I wish that they were more unhinged. I have strong feelings about this one situationally. Personally curious what you guys think. Hard or soft bags all in any bags, it's a hard bag. Like a hard suitcase. You know how they have like coolers where it's like a hard, you know, hard shell bag type of deal. Or like a, like a sturdy purse is like a hard bag, like a nice thick leather purse, you know, hard bag or soft bag.

[Mark]

This speaks to how much better hard bags are because I can put it in a completely different category because imagine like a purpose built system of bags with hard bags all the way around with like they cinch closely, lock tight and like it's like pelican cases all the way down. You know, there's something about like a loosey goosey bag that just can flop around and spill all your contents. You put it in another bag and it's just gonna flop everywhere and it's gonna be all non committal and whatnot. But it's like if you have a hard bag, like what you're saying, it's purpose built for an express solution. And that's the solution I need. I don't need any wishy washiness with my bag. I need it for the intended purpose. It's laser cut to fit the things that I'm gonna put in this thing and it's gonna be secure as hell. I'm all about this. That being said, I dump all my shit in my backpack and then go off to France. It's what I do.

[Bob]

Look, both things can be true.

[Mark]

True. Yeah, yeah. But when I find the bag that's hard and purposely for the thing, I'm like, oh my God. And I buy them and I've got a stack of pelicans, you know, just sitting there empty.

[Bob]

But they're there if they're there.

[Wade]

Yeah, yeah. In theory, hard bag. In practice, soft bag, same thing. What do I transport? I don't transport all my like equipment and stuff. I transport clothes and like some toiletries. And you know what? I need something that's light. Whenever you're running through The Chicago airport and have to get 13 miles in 10 seconds. And I need something I'm not going to hit my foot on and break my toe. Like a hard bag. And space. My God, is space hard to come by? And you can't squish down hard bag. You can squish down soft bag. You fit so many soft bag. And whenever those bags are empty, they maybe not suitcases, but your backpack, perfectly flat. Other back bag, perfectly flat. Those bags, they only let you have in California at the grocery store anymore. You could stuff 500 of those things in one other bag, and then you have infinite bags. I could never run out of bags from going to the grocery store three times because there's so many bags.

[Mark]

I love Wade's California standup routine.

[Wade]

Whereas hard bag, like, what am I going to do? Go to the grocery store, my pelican? Like, I need eggs and two liter here hardback. Soft is so much more useful. Hard. You protect your electronics and grandma or whatever else you're carrying around. Sure, I get it. Soft. Oh, the portability, the lightness, the aerodynamics.

[Mark]

I will say about the California thing, they undid the thing with the plastic because it was like they made just the plastic bags thicker. And so they went back to like, yeah, we use plastic, paper or whatever. And so now paper bags are a thing. And the unfortunate thing is because paper bags used to be at grocery stores, and they were free with, you know, you check out, they're there now. It's the same paper bags that were there before, but they still charge 15 cents for him. And I have to go to the grocery store.

[Bob]

I'm like, hey, wait a minute.

[Mark]

Hey, you. You move the goal post.

[Bob]

Hey, wait a minute. Huh?

[Mark]

Hold on a second.

[Wade]

No, they were always like this.

[Mark]

Yeah, No, I don't think so, sir.

[Bob]

Mr. Grosch, this is hardly a bad conversation at all, but can I just say, you know those collapsible boxes where it's like a little crate and it folds flat kind of deal Feel. Those are what you want for the grocery store. Holy. You get one or two of those, and you put them in the bottom of your cart, and then you just. And then when you go to your car, you take one or two boxes out of the cart into your car. There's no. Like, how many bags. Can I hold 19 bags on one arm and still open the door to the. No, you. One good box. But that's not a bag. That's not. I would not say that. That's like a hard bag. That's a That's a box, so doesn't really count. I just. I really like that I discovered that at some point and was like, God, I love a box. I love a grocery box. You know? Anyway, Trying to decide who's right.

[Wade]

I understand it's difficult, but it's me.

[Mark]

Well, I understand that that might complicate things, but it's me.

[Bob]

All right. No points for that last one.

[Wade]

Okay.

[Bob]

That's a lie. I gave points for that. I was just.

[Wade]

Okay.

[Bob]

I said we would circle back to this. So I basically have to. Or else I'm pretty sure I'm fired. Hard or soft boat? And think about it before you laugh.

[Wade]

Oh, sorry.

[Bob]

Damn it. Now, I knew you do that. Hard or soft is a soft boat, like a raft, like a dinghy. Like those inflatable dinghies where they get rigid when you inflate them, kind of

[Mark]

deal like a pontoon kind of thing.

[Bob]

It depends how you feel about it.

[Wade]

I gotta go. Even.

[Mark]

Even love.

[Wade]

I love a pontoon. I consider a pontoon a hard boat because you don't want to get hit with a pontoon.

[Bob]

Moon.

[Wade]

Whereas I don't know if a dinghy will do much. Maybe it will at high enough speed. But like traversing Lake Cumberland, growing up, beautiful lake, the waves and everything. But there's trees and plants and rocks and things. And the water level changes and storms happen. And sometimes there's just fucking logs and trees. You can't even see. They're floating and stuck just below the surface. And if you hit one of those things with, like, I don't know if you count like, a fiberglass as hard, but like a speed. Some of the speed. But boats, those things touch one of those trees, they're. A dinghy touches one of those trees, you are. But if you have a nice, solid boat, you might still be, but maybe less likely to be, so. So give me heart, Give me diamond crystal boat. That's gonna cut that tree in half. Those underwater trees and their murderous tendencies on the lake. I just want to be on my tube. But you know what? Tubes are soft. And if you hit a tree on a tube, you die in the sky. Explode.

[Mark]

Damn.

[Wade]

Yeah, that's what happens.

[Bob]

I tube wrong.

[Wade]

How cousin Larry went.

[Bob]

Jesus.

[Wade]

Hard boats and soft. Hard boat, soft tube.

[Bob]

Kind of seemed like you were making the case for hard boat. Hard tube.

[Wade]

If I'm honest, probably need to. But like a hard tube sounds really painful to bounce on and land on. Maybe his hard bottom, soft top.

[Mark]

Look. Okay. All right. Let me. Let me clean up his meandering lost answer here with a quote from IB Salem, who as you know, was on the Titanic, one of the hardest boats around. And he still, his quote goes, cuz they died right from their hard boat getting ba doinked by an iceberg and it just split in half, much like a taco. This is a soft situation. When I, when we crash in our hard, hard plane into the water, do I want to be in the hard hard plane or do I want to be in the soft, soft slide. I want to be on the soft slide which doubles as a boat. All of their flotation devices, soft. When you absolutely need to float, you go soft.

[Wade]

Counterpoint. What do you think's harder, water or ice? Which one floats? That's right, Hard.

[Mark]

Yeah. Which one's deadly ice? The iceberg from IB Sailing, who was famously on the Titanic once again said, oh, look out.

[Bob]

Hard water.

[Wade]

You know what else is deadly hard? Oxygen. Probably.

[Mark]

I won't deny that. I will concede that.

[Bob]

So what's your point? Hard is bad.

[Mark]

Yeah.

[Wade]

Hard bad.

[Bob]

No.

[Mark]

Hard good.

[Bob]

No, but you said hard oxygen is dangerous. So hard oxygen is also bad. So hard is bad.

[Wade]

Well, hard hydrogen is probably soft hydrogen. What's the one to breathe in?

[Mark]

I think he's on my side here.

[Wade]

I think hydrogen monoxide sounds bad.

[Bob]

I'm not a chemist, so I don't know about these things.

[Wade]

I'm not a crook, Brooke. I'm Richard Nixon.

[Bob]

I was going to make the point and Mark brought it up. You would think hard boat. Titanic sunk by ice. Dangerous.

[Wade]

One boat in 130 years.

[Bob]

So soft is the answer. Titanic is actually a soft boat. That's my conclusion here. Titanic needed to be harder in order to destroy the ice instead of being destroyed by ice. Because I can crush ice with my team. Ice is not that hard. Okay. I'm sure all ice is exactly the same and it works the same way. And when I have a drink and I crunch up ice, there's no way that a boat should be less hard than my shitty teeth that I go to my hard dentist to maintain. So really, Titanic softboat, Titanic 2 need to be hard boat.

[Mark]

In the era we were only able to get so hard in the tunnel. But I gotta say of that time was the Titanic not the hardest boat they made? As Cal Hockley said, it is unsinkable. Even God himself could not sink this ship. So that's pretty hard.

[Bob]

So Cal is saying that God loses to ice too. God dang.

[Wade]

Francis Stokes said the sea finds out everything you did wrong. Hard or soft? Remember the Alternate ending to Titanic where Jack and Rose, instead of having seen sex, were tuck taped to the side of Titanic and just bit their way through the iceberg and saved the boat.

[Bob]

Yes.

[Wade]

Hard teeth. Better than ice. Like you were saying, Bob, you are so smart and. Right. Hard teeth, therefore, hard boat. I have other quotes that make no sense. I could read.

[Bob]

I think that's enough quotes. I think I've heard enough.

[Wade]

The Bible says, go on, let's go

[Bob]

ahead and call it there. I think we really got to the bottom of hard or soft. I think everybody who is watching and listening knows which one they would want. So let's just tally up some points and get out of here. Mark, you earned points for you died Taxi Moto when you realized it was a motorcycle. Yeah, Bice about beard lice for Wade. Imagine having a GoPro. You were correct about Dockos. You had IB sailing who came back a lot. In fact, I actually think I owe you an IB Sailing point. You were robbed.

[Mark]

Oh, yes. Yeah, definitely.

[Bob]

Okay. Caprice on heat sinks. That was genius. That might be the smartest thing I've ever heard. The perfect bag you'd never use. I own some of those. They're the best. And Wade, you earned points for realizing that you are Wade. You were an assassin. Blah, blah, something Diablo. Greater than or equal to eight years of dating. The ego is down. That was a good one. You were correct about ice cream. You hit me with a classic back in my day. You're a soft guy. Self proclaimed. You're correct about the dentist being hard. And you got ass kissing points. That leaves once I add Mark's extra Ivy sailing point. Because Ivy sailing came around a lot.

[Mark]

Lot.

[Bob]

And you have to respect it. Mark with 11 points and Wade with 11 points.

[Wade]

Ooh, ooh.

[Bob]

Wade was actually up by two. But then I realized that I didn't count one of the points that I wrote down. And then Mark earned the extra IB Sailing point. Mark's just out here doing a good job. Thank you, man.

[Mark]

Thank you.

[Bob]

And so is Wade. To a lesser extent. We're tied, but that doesn't mean you're doing an equally good job.

[Mark]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bob]

Come on.

[Wade]

I must be the neighborhood baseball because everyone's taking a swing.

[Bob]

How many wheel spins will we have? It's one.

[Mark]

Oh, my God.

[Bob]

One spin to rule them all.

[Wade]

Wow. Two ones in a row. We never get ones.

[Mark]

Well, getting ones today, I'm gonna say

[Bob]

whoever was the softest. Boy, this episode gets a point.

[Wade]

We will definitely not know what that means when it comes up.

[Bob]

God, that this clear all button. Just existing right here makes me nervous

[Wade]

seeing you h over it.

[Bob]

Like, what if I just put it there and then I just pick up the mouse and I'm just like,

[Mark]

there must be a confirmation. There would have to be, right?

[Bob]

Oh, I should. Maybe I should click it and find out.

[Mark]

Yeah, one way to find out. I mean, you've got a backup of this, right?

[Bob]

That's my confidence. Squeak under nine options on this wheel. I'm sure this one spin will result in and not me spitting for a one man show, eh? Fate. Can we not wait?

[Wade]

We're all here.

[Mark]

We're all here.

[Wade]

We're all at home.

[Bob]

Yeah, everyone's home. Okay. We remember what that means.

[Mark]

It was witness protection. Everyone at home listening.

[Bob]

Oh, yeah, it said witness protection. Sorry, sorry, listeners. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Come on. Got the slap. You know what I mean?

[Mark]

No, it's too late, man. It's too late. It's too late.

[Wade]

What? Since when too late.

[Mark]

Got past tense.

[Wade]

Best Scottish one that we do. This spot.

[Bob]

No one got flat. Mark's correct.

[Mark]

Yeah, I don't think we got flat. Oh, God.

[Wade]

That one's ever going to work though. No one's ever going to get flat for no reason.

[Bob]

Worst guesser. Who the fuck? Did anyone guess anything in this episode? We've never spun any of these ever.

[Mark]

But I do. I guess we do know what that would be. But yeah, it wasn't really a guessing game.

[Bob]

Yeah, I guess.

[Mark]

You guess? Yeah, it's funny.

[Wade]

You both guessed. I guess you did. At least.

[Bob]

Not gonna earn points that way. Most interruptions of the other guy.

[Mark]

Wow, these are crazy different men.

[Bob]

We've never spun any of these.

[Wade]

I usually interrupt the most. It was probably me.

[Mark]

I bet it was me. Not to interrupt my opponent, but I think it was me. Damn it.

[Wade]

You did interrupt me to tell me it was you.

[Mark]

I had a couple. I had a couple different. You know, I went on a tangent or two.

[Wade]

I went on a cosign or a sign.

[Bob]

I. I feel that, but I also just feel like it's fine. I. I just don't know if there were interruptions. You know, whoever puts these on this wheel just has some terrible ideas. They're good ideas and just not applicable. Oh, Wade loses a point.

[Mark]

Holy shit. That one too.

[Bob]

That's such a different.

[Mark]

I forgot about that one.

[Wade]

I've got such bad reception right now. It's unfair.

[Mark]

I used to like try to read the answers before it came up. So I would know if this one was coming up. I forgot about that.

[Bob]

It says last to touch nose loses a point. And Mark and I both frantically touched our noses and Wade didn't even react.

[Mark]

I was kind of debating because it could be one where it's like first to touch his nose loses a point or something like that. Which should be added there.

[Bob]

Yeah, that's latency.

[Wade]

Latency. It was latency.

[Mark]

I'm on the other side of the country. You can't even use that excuse.

[Wade]

Yeah, but you and Bob are so in sync.

[Bob]

We are. It's true. I'm very biased towards Mark. It's just generally a true statement.

[Wade]

I'm more Backstreet Boys.

[Bob]

But anyway, Mark. Mark wins with a score of 11 to 10. Because Wade lost a point for being the slowest to touch his nose.

[Wade]

Shit ass fuck.

[Bob]

Classic distractible goof. Everybody. Congratulations, Mark. Wade loser speech.

[Wade]

It was a well fought fight. Finicky, fraught, filling, forlorn. Farewell.

[Bob]

Mark, you can do a normal winner speech if you want. Or you can pick alliteration. Whichever one you choose.

[Mark]

Firmly, fun feelings, filling friends fine. Fanciful feasts for

[Wade]

fools.

[Mark]

Fancily fairly, financially.

[Wade]

Flop,

[Mark]

flop, flop, flip flap floors form blonde.

[Bob]

That's French cans. That's true. If anybody hears French, it's Mark.

[Mark]

Freedom.

[Bob]

A classic Mark winner speech. Congratulations, Mark.

[Mark]

Thank you.

[Bob]

Well, watchers slash listeners, make sure you're following the podcast because Mark will be hosting the next one. Which is always good. Way better than when Wade hosts the next one. Sorry, Wade. Jesus Christ. Yeah, I said that. Make sure you check out the merch store Distractible shop. The special five year merch is maybe sold out, but maybe there's other stuff. You have to look. You gotta stay on top of that. Follow Mark. Markiplier. Wait at LordMinion777 or Minion777. I am my Skirm. That is the end of this episode. We'll see you with another one next Monday. Hosted by Mark. And until then, podcast out.