Distractible – "How To ABCs"

Date: March 6, 2026
Hosts: Mark Fischbach (Markiplier), Wade Barnes, Bob Muyskens (MySkerm)

Episode Overview

In this episode of Distractible, Wade takes the reins as host, selected by the show's signature "Wheel". The trio delves into a hilarious, raucous mashup of two classic “Distractible” games: how-to guides on absurd, everyday scenarios—presented via the Alphabet Game, where responses rotate through each letter. The episode is packed with rapid-fire improvisation, surreal storytelling, relentless point-giving, and the trademark banter that defines Distractible. Along the way, they also swap updates about red carpets, award show escapades, and Kafkaesque dealership woes.

Key Discussion Points & Memorable Moments

1. Small Talk: Award Shows, Diarrhea, and Jury Duty

[02:44 – 20:49]

Mark's Oscar Adventure

• Mark reveals he’s been invited to the Oscars:
  • Not as a nominee, but through a YouTube connection.
  • Dreads (but is curious about) the red carpet: "I'm about to be ruined by Hollywood." (07:50)
  • Grapples with the risk/reward of participating in the celebrity 'Glambot': "I don't think there's any winning for me of doing that." (09:11)
• Hilarious speculation about sitting among celebrities:
  • "You'll be breathing the same farts as those people." (08:30, Bob)
  • Worries over being meme-ified by a camera robot.

Bob’s Recalled Car and Faux Golden Globes

• Bob recounts a battle with an unresolved car recall:
  • Annoying dashboard messages outlast actual repairs:
    "Now for the rest of eternity, my car is just gonna be like, there's a recall. Fix me." (13:15)
  • Absurdist detour: claims he's also "going to the Golden Globes", then admits it's a fabrication.
    "I'm going to buy a three-day pass, get a meet and greet..." (14:51, Bob – joking about award show access)
• Bob’s relatable “good poop” day gets celebrated.

Mark Gets Jury Duty

• Explains how jury duty works in LA (on-call for a week; could be selected for boring cases).
• Strategizes a “disheveled” look to avoid selection:
  • "Gotta show up disheveled, dirty, just absolutely uncaring." (17:45)
  • Entertaining ideas to get vetoed by attorneys, drawing on comedy routines.
• Tosses out YouTuber jury vlog ideas: "That's content to me, baby." (19:04, Bob)

2. Ridiculous How-To Challenges: The Alphabet Game

[22:13 – 45:37]

Game Setup

• Wade explains the merged game format:
  • Each scenario is a "how to"
  • Each sentence must start with the next letter in sequence
  • Rotating who starts, with letters chosen by wheel spin

A. How to Train for a 5k When You Hate Running

(Starts at 23:53)

• Bob and Mark spiral into an infomercial for a predatory "pleasure-based" running product line:
  • Mark: "Orgasmic pleasure awaits you with the runner's high..." (24:06)
  • Subscription scams, bizarre gear, and pseudo-science proliferate.
  • “You’ll never compare to Xerxes...but you could get close.” (25:33, Mark)
  • Ongoing callback: “Nobody likes the swallower. Never swallow. No, no, no.” (32:53, Mark)

B. How to Escape a Zoom Call Without Anyone Noticing

(29:04)

• Creative dodges: mannequins, paper masks, gum chewing.
  • Mark: "Take a screenshot of your webcam...print out a full copy" (29:34)
  • Xanthan gum is canonized as a prop.
  • Butts, dicks, and other bodily features become a running gag: “Butts are the most distracting of the human body part, so don't get it in frame at all or they'll pay attention to you." (30:37, Mark)
  • Climax: "Fucking run—get out of there. Go. You're free." (33:05–33:08, Bob/Mark)

C. How to Fake Knowing What You’re Doing at a Wine Tasting

(33:39)

• Lampoons wine snobbery:
  • Mark: "Dumbasses, all of them. They think that one wine is better than the other. Everyone knows it's all grapes all the way down." (33:51)
  • Bob: "Swine and wine are almost the exact same word. They go together." (37:42)
  • Mark invents the word: “Orchard. Or ‘roarcherd’—the original pronunciation." (37:31)
  • Wine described as “liquefied fungus from feet” and “zaza juice”.
  • Mark (on connoisseurship): “Boredom. It's just the way it's gonna be.” (39:42)

D. How to Build a Throne Out of Office Supplies to Become Leader of the Break Room

(40:43)

• Kingly domination via break room furniture:
  • "Quack like a duck...your dominance will be asserted." (42:04, Mark)
  • Escalating absurdity: undressing, whipping one’s anatomy to demonstrate power.
  • Mark: "Doors. Rip every door off of every other door in the office, bring it to the break room. There's nothing that says king or queen like big doors." (44:41)

3. Point System, Wheel Add-Ons & Winner Determined

[45:43 – End]

• Points are given for wit, callbacks, and clever game moves (and sometimes taken away for errors or lies).
• Bob edges out Mark on points, with a few deductions and bonuses doled out liberally by Wade.
• "You lose harder than anyone else and maybe that's how you really win." (Mark’s “loser speech”, 49:33)
• Bob’s modest winner’s reflection: "I participated in today's episode with my words and my voice out loud, and for that, I earned it." (50:14)
• The "Wheel" introduces new rules or wildcards for future episodes, like “chivalry points” or increasing the “one man show” odds.

Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• Mark on the Oscars:
  • "I'm about to be ruined by Hollywood." (07:50)
• Bob on Car Recalls:
  • "Now for the rest of eternity, my car is just gonna be like, there's a recall. Fix me." (13:15)
• Glambot Fears:
  • “Either I fuck it up...or I'm immortalized as yet another fucking meme for some stupid face I pulled and I didn't. On the fucking Glambot." (09:11, Mark)
• Mark on Wine Tasting:
  • "Dumbasses, all of them. They think that one wine is better than the other. Everyone knows it's all grapes all the way down." (33:51)
• Zoom Exit Strategy:
  • "Butts are the most distracting of the human body part, so don't get it in frame at all or they'll pay attention to you.” (30:37, Mark)
  • "Fucking run—get out of there. Go. You're free." (33:05–33:08)
• Monarchy Instructions:
  • "Quack like a duck. It's going to throw them off a little bit, but your dominance will be asserted." (42:04, Mark)
  • "Rip every door off of every other door in the office, bring it to the break room. There's nothing that says king or queen like big doors." (44:41, Mark)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [02:24] – Show start & host selection
• [04:51 – 15:21] – Small talk: Awards, Cars, Jury Duty
• [22:13] – Alphabet Game Introduction
• [23:53] – “How to Train for a 5k When You Hate Running”
• [29:04] – “How to Escape a Zoom Call”
• [33:39] – “How to Fake Being a Wine Connoisseur”
• [40:43] – “How to Build a Throne in the Break Room”
• [45:43] – Points Review, Wheel add-ons
• [49:33] – Mark’s Loser Speech
• [50:14] – Bob’s Winner Speech
• [51:06] – Outro Bloopers (“Guam” bit)

Tone & Style

• Playful, irreverent, and highly improvisational.
• Full of recurring gags, callbacks ("nobody likes the swallower"), and mock-serious “how-to” expert advice.
• Friendly ribbing and affectionate trolling among the hosts.

Summary

"How To ABCs" encapsulates everything Distractible fans love: inventive silliness, effortless banter, and group improvisation that spirals from the mundane into the absurd. Whether inventing mystical running programs, plotting office coups, or lampooning wine snobbery, Mark, Wade, and Bob’s chemistry and quick wit keep the episode rolling. Their Alphabet Game “how-to” gimmick brings a new layer of unpredictable energy, while real-life anecdotes about award shows and adulting anchor the randomness. Bob clinches the win, but—as Mark’s loser speech affirms—it’s not points, but participation, that really counts.

Recommended if you like:

• Surreal improv comedy
• Group storytelling games
• Laugh-out-loud banter about everyday experiences

For more, visit:
Mark (@markiplier), Bob (@myiskerm), Wade (@LordMinion777)
Distractible podcast, available via Spotify, Apple, and more.