Podcast Summary: Distractible – “Make Wade Do It”

Date: January 9, 2026
Hosts: Mark Fischbach (“Mark”), Wade Barnes (“Wade”), Bob Muyskens (“Bob”)

Episode Overview

In this lively and characteristically chaotic episode, the Distractible trio reunites after the holidays to dive into New Year’s resolutions—and, true to form, wander through tangents, airport horror stories, escalator mishaps, and popcorn bucket innovations. The episode's central game: Mark and Bob must invent creative ways to keep Wade (and, by extension, listeners) motivated on classic resolutions like exercising more, finding happiness, and saving money. Points are awarded, ridiculous stakes are set, and as always, the competitive spirit quickly devolves into playful barbs and unexpected revelations.

Key Discussion Points & Memorable Segments

Small Talk & Holiday Catch-Up

[01:46–09:25]

• Mark’s Film Update & Travel Woes

  • Mark shares details about movie post-production in Austin. “We’re doing color—when you make a movie, you gotta actually do the final color, which is a lot more involved than people would think.” ([03:09])
  • He suffers through a brutal post-holiday flight, finally arriving at his hotel near 3am, only to face a locked entrance and a disinterested key card reader ([04:22]).
  • Mark’s “Sky Club” brags: he details the lavish flight lounge buffets, instigating playful class comparisons.

• Popcorn Bucket Antics

  • The group fixates on the prototype popcorn bucket for Mark’s movie, complete with jokes about dangerous prototypes and Molly's (Mark’s partner) key role in the design.

    “Anaconda wishes they made this popcorn bucket. Let me tell you, that thing is fucking nuts.” – Mark ([08:23])

• Regal Cinema Franchise Dreaming

  • The hosts joke about buying and reopening failed Regal cinemas, convinced they’re “built different” and could make it work ([09:17]).

Resolution Game: “Make Wade Do It”

[16:20–34:39]

Premise: Wade gives Mark and Bob common New Year resolutions; each must contrive unique methods to motivate Wade.

Resolution #1: "Exercise More"

• Bob’s Approach:
  • Turn Wade’s spare room into a home gym fused with a full Brazilian steakhouse: the grill is only operational while Wade is mid-workout.

    “You only get to eat at your own Brazilian steakhouse that is 15 away—15ft away from where you sleep—if you are actively working out.” – Bob ([18:13])

• Mark’s Approach:
  • Reinvents the “carrot on a stick” with steak: A literal steak dangling in front of Wade while he walks, fixed to a backpack so he can’t just grab it.

    “Just a steak on a stick... eventually I’d go faster because I really want the stick, and I think it would really work.” – Mark ([19:18])

• Winner: Bob, for the in-home Fogo de Chão setup ([20:55])

Resolution #2: "Be Happier"

• Mark’s Approach:
  • Every day Wade persists, he earns one hair follicle back on his scalp—motivating “long term happiness.”

    “Every day you keep trucking through this year, I’ll give you one hair back on your head. So you just gotta keep going because next you’re going to look forward to that extra hair.” – Mark ([23:14])

• Bob’s Approach:
  • Ends the saga of the never-arriving German car by buying Wade a real car of his own (of Bob's choosing), so Wade can stop “lying” about its existence.

    “I’ll buy you a car, buddy. That’ll cheer you up, and you’ll actually have a car. Then you Won’t have to lie about it.” – Bob ([27:11])

• Winner: Bob, for resolving the car saga and "lifting a weight off Wade’s mind" ([33:30])

Tangent: Diesel-Electric Truck Tech

• Bob explains the newest hybrid truck designs—diesel generators charging electric batteries—spawning a nuanced debate on efficiency, emissions, and automotive design.

  “You have to refill the diesel generator, but it uses a fraction of what like a diesel combustion engine uses ... It’s a real thing. It’s really interesting.” – Bob ([29:34])

Resolution #3: "Save Money / Improve Finances"

• Bob’s Approach:
  • Bans Wade from ever playing mobile games again, referencing his past “leaks of funds” on gacha and in-game purchases ([35:06]).
• Mark’s Approach:
  • Obvious and meta: Cancel unused subscriptions. “Have you heard of Rocket Money?” he deadpans, parodying their usual sponsor ads ([36:29]).
• Winner: Mark, for the Rocket Money callback ([36:45])

Score Update

Tallying up, Mark edges ahead by a point before the wheel is spun to determine stakes and outcomes ([38:13–41:00]).

Wheel of Fate & Game Resolution

[41:14–44:00]

• Classic Distractible “Wheel Spin” determines extra challenges. A mishap leads to the rare “One Man Show” penalty for Wade: he must perform whatever script Bob and Mark devise, causing much glee and dread.

  “This is the first Wade One man show ever. I’m gonna write you—the deepest script.” – Mark ([43:04])

Extended Tangents, Audience Reactions & Merch Plugs

[44:00–End]

• Christmas Gifts Discussed:
  • Mark got a Korean charcoal grill, Bob received a boxing trainer headband (ball on a string), Wade got a high-end razor ([44:06–45:49]).
• Burnout and Social Fatigue:
  • Wade admits, “I feel so introverted that I just want to, like, go live in a cave for about a month... I just want peace and quiet and silence for, like, a month.” ([46:29])
• Mark reflects on newfound sociability with YouTubers post-movie, and the group swaps stories about head shapes and balding.
• “Podcast Out”: Wade concludes with, “Until then, I’m gonna go get some meat and sleep.” ([52:54])

Notable Quotes (with Timestamps)

• “I’m the dude and the guy. The encumbered man.” – Mark ([02:55])
• “The jizz cut’s going to blow people away. It’s going to be nuts.” – Mark ([03:31])
• “Steak on a stick... eventually I’d go faster because I really want the stick.” – Mark ([19:18])
• “You only get to eat at your own Brazilian steakhouse that is 15ft away from where you sleep if you are actively working out.” – Bob ([18:13])
• “Every day you keep trucking through this year, I’ll give you one hair back on your head.” – Mark ([23:14])
• “I’ll buy you a car, buddy. That’ll cheer you up, and you’ll actually have a car. Then you Won’t have to lie about it.” – Bob ([27:11])
• “Have you heard of Rocket Money?” – Mark, perfectly meta ([36:29])
• “You guys have to help me. I’m spending my money like crazy.” – Wade, launching a new resolution round ([34:39])
• “This is a cry for help. Get me out of the muck. Guys. Pull me out.” – Wade, bringing the episode to a close ([48:31])

Structural Highlights with Timestamps

• [01:46] – Episode begins, hosts catch up post-holidays
• [03:31] – Mark jokes about "the jizz cut" of his movie
• [08:09] – Popcorn bucket prototype discussion
• [16:20] – Game rules: Resolutions as competitive motivational pitches
• [18:13] – Bob’s Brazilian steakhouse gym
• [23:14] – Mark’s “one hair per day” happiness reward
• [27:11] – Bob offers to buy Wade a car to end his “fiction”
• [33:39] – Mark’s joke about “the finest heads of the richest celebrities”
• [36:29] – Rocket Money meta-advice
• [41:14] – One Man Show twist and mayhem
• [43:04] – Mark relishes writing the script for Wade’s punishment
• [46:29] – Wade’s admission of holiday burnout

Tone & Takeaways

The episode is classic Distractible: rapid-fire, absurd, and self-referential—with competitive games giving way to running gags, deeply specific in-jokes (meat, lunk alarms, lost luggage, hair loss), and a cheerful, unfiltered glimpse into three friends’ relentless attempts to mess with each other. For listeners, it’s a potent mix of New Year self-improvement gone awry, peppered with airline buffets, technical escalator details, and the ever-present threat of the infamous Wheel. Even the motivational bits are more about roasting Wade than helping him—and he wouldn’t have it any other way.