Make Wade Do It

Summary

Podcast Summary: Distractible – “Make Wade Do It”

Date: January 9, 2026
Hosts: Mark Fischbach (“Mark”), Wade Barnes (“Wade”), Bob Muyskens (“Bob”)

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Episode Overview

In this lively and characteristically chaotic episode, the Distractible trio reunites after the holidays to dive into New Year’s resolutions—and, true to form, wander through tangents, airport horror stories, escalator mishaps, and popcorn bucket innovations. The episode's central game: Mark and Bob must invent creative ways to keep Wade (and, by extension, listeners) motivated on classic resolutions like exercising more, finding happiness, and saving money. Points are awarded, ridiculous stakes are set, and as always, the competitive spirit quickly devolves into playful barbs and unexpected revelations.

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Key Discussion Points & Memorable Segments

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Small Talk & Holiday Catch-Up

[01:46–09:25]

• Mark’s Film Update & Travel Woes

  • Mark shares details about movie post-production in Austin. “We’re doing color—when you make a movie, you gotta actually do the final color, which is a lot more involved than people would think.” ([03:09])
  • He suffers through a brutal post-holiday flight, finally arriving at his hotel near 3am, only to face a locked entrance and a disinterested key card reader ([04:22]).
  • Mark’s “Sky Club” brags: he details the lavish flight lounge buffets, instigating playful class comparisons.

• Popcorn Bucket Antics

  • The group fixates on the prototype popcorn bucket for Mark’s movie, complete with jokes about dangerous prototypes and Molly's (Mark’s partner) key role in the design.

    “Anaconda wishes they made this popcorn bucket. Let me tell you, that thing is fucking nuts.” – Mark ([08:23])

• Regal Cinema Franchise Dreaming

  • The hosts joke about buying and reopening failed Regal cinemas, convinced they’re “built different” and could make it work ([09:17]).

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Resolution Game: “Make Wade Do It”

[16:20–34:39]

Premise: Wade gives Mark and Bob common New Year resolutions; each must contrive unique methods to motivate Wade.

Resolution #1: "Exercise More"

• Bob’s Approach:
  • Turn Wade’s spare room into a home gym fused with a full Brazilian steakhouse: the grill is only operational while Wade is mid-workout.

    “You only get to eat at your own Brazilian steakhouse that is 15 away—15ft away from where you sleep—if you are actively working out.” – Bob ([18:13])

• Mark’s Approach:
  • Reinvents the “carrot on a stick” with steak: A literal steak dangling in front of Wade while he walks, fixed to a backpack so he can’t just grab it.

    “Just a steak on a stick... eventually I’d go faster because I really want the stick, and I think it would really work.” – Mark ([19:18])

• Winner: Bob, for the in-home Fogo de Chão setup ([20:55])

Resolution #2: "Be Happier"

• Mark’s Approach:
  • Every day Wade persists, he earns one hair follicle back on his scalp—motivating “long term happiness.”

    “Every day you keep trucking through this year, I’ll give you one hair back on your head. So you just gotta keep going because next you’re going to look forward to that extra hair.” – Mark ([23:14])

• Bob’s Approach:
  • Ends the saga of the never-arriving German car by buying Wade a real car of his own (of Bob's choosing), so Wade can stop “lying” about its existence.

    “I’ll buy you a car, buddy. That’ll cheer you up, and you’ll actually have a car. Then you Won’t have to lie about it.” – Bob ([27:11])

• Winner: Bob, for resolving the car saga and "lifting a weight off Wade’s mind" ([33:30])

Tangent: Diesel-Electric Truck Tech

• Bob explains the newest hybrid truck designs—diesel generators charging electric batteries—spawning a nuanced debate on efficiency, emissions, and automotive design.

  “You have to refill the diesel generator, but it uses a fraction of what like a diesel combustion engine uses ... It’s a real thing. It’s really interesting.” – Bob ([29:34])

Resolution #3: "Save Money / Improve Finances"

• Bob’s Approach:
  • Bans Wade from ever playing mobile games again, referencing his past “leaks of funds” on gacha and in-game purchases ([35:06]).
• Mark’s Approach:
  • Obvious and meta: Cancel unused subscriptions. “Have you heard of Rocket Money?” he deadpans, parodying their usual sponsor ads ([36:29]).
• Winner: Mark, for the Rocket Money callback ([36:45])

Score Update

Tallying up, Mark edges ahead by a point before the wheel is spun to determine stakes and outcomes ([38:13–41:00]).

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Wheel of Fate & Game Resolution

[41:14–44:00]

• Classic Distractible “Wheel Spin” determines extra challenges. A mishap leads to the rare “One Man Show” penalty for Wade: he must perform whatever script Bob and Mark devise, causing much glee and dread.

  “This is the first Wade One man show ever. I’m gonna write you—the deepest script.” – Mark ([43:04])

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Extended Tangents, Audience Reactions & Merch Plugs

[44:00–End]

• Christmas Gifts Discussed:
  • Mark got a Korean charcoal grill, Bob received a boxing trainer headband (ball on a string), Wade got a high-end razor ([44:06–45:49]).
• Burnout and Social Fatigue:
  • Wade admits, “I feel so introverted that I just want to, like, go live in a cave for about a month... I just want peace and quiet and silence for, like, a month.” ([46:29])
• Mark reflects on newfound sociability with YouTubers post-movie, and the group swaps stories about head shapes and balding.
• “Podcast Out”: Wade concludes with, “Until then, I’m gonna go get some meat and sleep.” ([52:54])

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Notable Quotes (with Timestamps)

• “I’m the dude and the guy. The encumbered man.” – Mark ([02:55])
• “The jizz cut’s going to blow people away. It’s going to be nuts.” – Mark ([03:31])
• “Steak on a stick... eventually I’d go faster because I really want the stick.” – Mark ([19:18])
• “You only get to eat at your own Brazilian steakhouse that is 15ft away from where you sleep if you are actively working out.” – Bob ([18:13])
• “Every day you keep trucking through this year, I’ll give you one hair back on your head.” – Mark ([23:14])
• “I’ll buy you a car, buddy. That’ll cheer you up, and you’ll actually have a car. Then you Won’t have to lie about it.” – Bob ([27:11])
• “Have you heard of Rocket Money?” – Mark, perfectly meta ([36:29])
• “You guys have to help me. I’m spending my money like crazy.” – Wade, launching a new resolution round ([34:39])
• “This is a cry for help. Get me out of the muck. Guys. Pull me out.” – Wade, bringing the episode to a close ([48:31])

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Structural Highlights with Timestamps

• [01:46] – Episode begins, hosts catch up post-holidays
• [03:31] – Mark jokes about "the jizz cut" of his movie
• [08:09] – Popcorn bucket prototype discussion
• [16:20] – Game rules: Resolutions as competitive motivational pitches
• [18:13] – Bob’s Brazilian steakhouse gym
• [23:14] – Mark’s “one hair per day” happiness reward
• [27:11] – Bob offers to buy Wade a car to end his “fiction”
• [33:39] – Mark’s joke about “the finest heads of the richest celebrities”
• [36:29] – Rocket Money meta-advice
• [41:14] – One Man Show twist and mayhem
• [43:04] – Mark relishes writing the script for Wade’s punishment
• [46:29] – Wade’s admission of holiday burnout

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Tone & Takeaways

The episode is classic Distractible: rapid-fire, absurd, and self-referential—with competitive games giving way to running gags, deeply specific in-jokes (meat, lunk alarms, lost luggage, hair loss), and a cheerful, unfiltered glimpse into three friends’ relentless attempts to mess with each other. For listeners, it’s a potent mix of New Year self-improvement gone awry, peppered with airline buffets, technical escalator details, and the ever-present threat of the infamous Wheel. Even the motivational bits are more about roasting Wade than helping him—and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

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Transcript

[Bob]

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[Intro Announcer]

Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractable. This episode, waggling lunk Wade cuts to chit chat and calls for pep talks to keep him on track. Brazen Bob resolves to wander as escalator flashbacks redecorates Wade's and bans games. Movie maker Mark cuts jizz, shows off his bucket, gives stick and suggests rockets from witness protection to Wade's mighty meat. It's time for make Wade do it. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

[Wade]

Hello, everyone, and welcome back to Distractable. I was gonna say welcome to 2026, but I guess I'm an episode behind on that one, so.

[Bob]

Whoops, we're deep there now.

[Wade]

Yeah, we're already deep into 2026. It's already basically over. Joined as always by my co host, Mark and Bob. Hi, guys.

[Mark]

Hello.

[Bob]

Hello.

[Mark]

I hope the editors are putting like that. That, like undercover. What? Sequestered man. What is it called? The dude in the black. The. The guy. The.

[Bob]

The. The, like Witness protection.

[Mark]

Witness protection, yeah. Hope they.

[Wade]

Yeah, the dude and the guy. Yeah, gotcha.

[Bob]

The sequestered man.

[Mark]

God, shut up. I have it.

[Wade]

Oh, and as always, I'm definitely keeping track of points because that's what we.

[Bob]

Do here every time.

[Mark]

Done it for years now.

[Wade]

So I've got my nice score score cord, as we call them. Score chords.

[Bob]

Stop. Chorley. Get your score cord.

[Wade]

Usually we start with small talk and I guess we might as well do that. Again, we had an episode come out a few days ago, but we actually haven't talked to each other since right before Christmas. So how was your holiday? How was everything? How's everything going, Mark? Your witness protection, your dude and the guy.

[Mark]

I'm the dude and the guy. The encumbered man. I'm the. I am in Austin again, still doing movie stuff. Final stretch, guys, it's really almost there.

[Bob]

The final stretch.

[Mark]

Yeah, you wouldn't believe it. We're doing color. So weirdly enough, when you make a movie, you gotta actually do the final color, which is a lot more involved than people would think.

[Wade]

I heard black and white was back in style.

[Mark]

We thought about that, but it got too close to the jizz at it. So it's like, not about that.

[Bob]

That would be. That's the. That's the edit right there. I can't wait for the jizz cut.

[Mark]

Oh, man, the jizz cut's going to blow people away. It's going to be nuts. So I'm in Austin again, and I had a flight and my mistake was, like, I flew out right after Christmas, which is not a good time to go because a lot of people are going home. And also all the people that work on the airlines are also not wanting to be there. Don't worry, my return flight's on New Year's Day. I think it's going to be a really great one. I mean, it's already New Year's. Happy New Year's, everybody. I got to the airport at 2. Our plane took off at 10, and I got into my hotel at 3am when I arrived. So very fun.

[Wade]

At what point do you get to, like, so late to the hotel that they're like, sorry, your room won't be ready till like 5pm because that would have really sucked to get there right in that window.

[Mark]

I got to the hotel and I like, oh, thank God.

[Wade]

I'm so tired.

[Mark]

Pull the door. It's locked. Of course they lock it at night. I was like, oh, look at the key card reader. Forlornly with my bags. I literally have to knock on the door, like, until someone comes by. But I got in.

[Bob]

Oh, fun.

[Wade]

That's awful.

[Mark]

I mean, not the worst thing I've ever had because I have a. I. I'm a Delta Diamond Medallion member. So I got into the Sky Club.

[Wade]

Ooh, Only been in there one time. It was very nice.

[Bob]

I hear they have sandwiches in there.

[Mark]

Dude, they got more than sandwiches. This guy club I was at in la, they got a full buffet, like, not Even just like a little casual buffet.

[Bob]

They have like a hot buffet.

[Mark]

Oh, hot buffet. They got like four big things of like. Oh, they had like spice rice and like with all these veggies, like rice pilaf. And then they had like these braised chicken thighs and they're like a whole spread of salami. And it is amazing.

[Bob]

It seems like a lot. How many, how many people go in the Sky Club. That seems like a lot for the 50 people that use it every day.

[Wade]

I think it was Tampa Bay and Tampa Bay's was like that and also really busy. It was big and busy.

[Mark]

They, they improved the Cincinnati one a couple years back and apparently I've been in that once and it's really nice. It's a lot bigger than you think it would be. And there's like the one I was in in LA actually had two buffets on each side of the. The thing. It's huge.

[Wade]

I'm not diamond, so I only get. I don't know if I'm limited or if like the person you're with is limited to access. I think Molly or I can only get in like two to four times a year or something with where we're at. So because we're not, we're not diamond.

[Bob]

I don't fly enough. God damn.

[Mark]

I get to go in 15 times a year.

[Bob]

We start just flying around randomly.

[Mark]

It is hopefully coming to slow down a little bit. But like the travel of this nonsense is going to be over soon, which would be nice.

[Wade]

I'll believe you when it happens.

[Bob]

You actually get to do the fun part soon. There's a date set. It's going to happen. People are going to see it. You're gonna like theaters full of people. People are gonna tell you what they think. And that's always a good thing.

[Mark]

Always a good thing. Did I show you the popcorn bucket?

[Bob]

Do you have one?

[Mark]

No, not with me, but I have a video of the actual popcorn bucket.

[Bob]

Oh, no, I think you showed us like a. It might be like this, like a mock up or something. But it was.

[Mark]

I have some. They, they made one. A prototype.

[Wade]

They have to test it, like to see if it explodes or something.

[Bob]

I think maybe just to see how it looks. Hey, does it look like we thought it would?

[Wade]

Careful, careful. This is just a prototype.

[Bob]

No idea how many buckets just go off unexpectedly. It's a dangerous business.

[Mark]

I mean it's, it's. Man, I can't find it. If I find it, I'll bring it up later. It's just like I'm using the Apple email app and because the Gmail one was giving me a pain in the ass because I couldn't search anything and there were so many ads at the top. So I was like, I'll go to the Apple one. I can't find shit on the Apple one. Nothing works.

[Bob]

It looks great. It works like. I wish I was using the other one.

[Wade]

I forget. Oh, yeah. So I bought tickets three times to see your movie. I don't get to use any of them because now we have a different plan. So we're still seeing it. I don't know if that plan is public, so I'm gonna keep that one under wraps.

[Bob]

Oh, are you coming to our plan? Yeah, I mean, it can be public as long as it's vaguely public.

[Wade]

Well, I'm coming to your plan. That's it. That's all I'm saying right now.

[Bob]

We have a plan. No, we're still going. We're still going to the Esquire. The first tickets we bought, and then we're doing it again on our plan today.

[Mark]

So this is the real.

[Bob]

Oh, my God.

[Wade]

I'm not gonna. I don't know if Bob can really see, but your resolution. You're coming in for me. I just see red.

[Mark]

It's basically that.

[Bob]

I mean, it's not the highest resolution, but I can see it, and I. That's ridiculous.

[Mark]

Only at Regal, baby.

[Wade]

It looks intricate.

[Bob]

Is that what they're. Is that the final design that they're going with?

[Mark]

Yeah. Molly made this.

[Bob]

That's so fucking co. Wade.

[Mark]

Molly made it.

[Wade]

I can't wait till she gets another Enterprise text. Make sure you send payment for that promptly.

[Mark]

Anaconda wishes they made this popcorn bucket. Let me tell you, that thing is fucking nuts.

[Wade]

You are gonna set a couple aside, right? I want one of those.

[Bob]

You're not gonna go hunt it down. You're not gonna go buy it.

[Wade]

Wait. A week and a half ago, you're like, oh, I'll definitely get you guys something. Now you can't hear me. What the fuck?

[Mark]

Listen, I'm a big shot now. I'm in 2,500 theaters. It's gone to my head.

[Wade]

Oh, I thought it was cause of the popcorn bucket. Not even the.

[Mark]

I actually am more shy. Popcorn.

[Wade]

I'm a big shot now. I have a popcorn bucket.

[Mark]

Look, I. I gotta say, Regal has been on board 100%. I'm. I'm super happy with them. I'm happy to shout them out, but that's pretty cool.

[Wade]

And to think you wanted to start a Competitive franchise.

[Bob]

Yeah. I guess we need to open a Regal, huh?

[Mark]

We could open a Regal.

[Bob]

They. They. They're. They do franchises and stuff.

[Mark]

I'm sure we could buy that one that failed and then we could franchise it there. That'd be nice.

[Bob]

We buy that one that failed twice in the same decade, and then it'll definitely work this time because we're different.

[Mark]

We're built different.

[Bob]

Yeah, we are built different. That's true.

[Mark]

Anyway, I chewed up all the small talk.

[Bob]

No, you're good. My small talk was just some lame New Year's resolution thing. Don't worry about it.

[Mark]

I love it.

[Bob]

I actually meant to Google this before we talked again. My goal, my resolution is I want to walk 365 miles in 20, 26. Obviously, a mile a day. But the point being, if I have to miss a day, it's not like I fucked it all. It's like, okay, well, I have to make that mile up, right? Like, If I hit 365 miles by the end, that is a success. And presumably, the more I do it, the easier it will be for me to do extra miles. Because right now, I hit a mile, and I'm kind of like, that's enough. That's good. I did it. So I assume I've walked, like, 30 miles by today. What's it, the 9th? I'm just killing it. Way ahead. I just. I'm just assuming.

[Wade]

Nice, man. Except for the Cincinnati weather.

[Bob]

Well, it's. We have a treadmill, too, so a lot of it's going to be inside until it's not Ohio outside, but that's smart.

[Mark]

Yeah. I walked through the airport, and I was tired. Like, I remember I used to walk up and down the airport when I was waiting for my plane because, like, yeah, I'll do some steps in. I forgot my bag at security to go back and get it. And I was like, maybe I'll leave it. I don't know if it's worth it to get.

[Wade]

Was there a guy pushing you on a royal cart this time?

[Mark]

I wish. I had to go get my bag from the security. And it was so funny, because if you see the TSA security, they're usually up in a really high desk. So, you know, I'm perfectly average height, right? But me looking up at this desk is like this guy from A Christmas Story peering down at the kid just like, how did you lose your bag, little boy? And I. And what's even worse is, like. I was like, yeah, I love my bag. He's like, oh, what's it look like it's blue. It's Carry on has a name on it. And he looks at me and goes, what's the name? Oh, no, Mark.

[Bob]

I'm not supposed to tell strangers my name.

[Mark]

And it's like, at first it was creepy. It took me a second to realize he recognized me. But because it was just like a TSA agent looking out at me like.

[Wade]

Mark, I still didn't get that. I thought he was just about to, like, murder you. Yeah. What's the name?

[Mark]

Yeah, he's like, they give her. A guy handed me the bag and, you know, and said he was a fan. So he was very nice. Like, there's nothing wrong about that, but it was just very funny. I saw the smile spreading on his face.

[Bob]

Dude, nothing makes me feel more old and out of shape than airports. I've. I have so many memories because the main bulk of the traveling I've done was for, like, when we did the live shows and shit. We flew a lot. We drove bus places. And I remember, like, just running all around the airports and being like, now we had to catch the flight. And the last time I was in an airport, I had to get from security to the gate, which was a normal distance away. And I got to the gate and I was like, where's the seat? I need a fucking chair. And they were like, and we're now boarding. And I was like, no, God was gonna rest.

[Mark]

Fuck.

[Bob]

Like, man, it just is not. That's so tense, the 365 miles. So it's not going so well. I gotta be able to walk at least to the gate to fly on the airplane. God forbid I forget my bag, dude.

[Wade]

Charlotte, Atlanta, Chicago. I have a lot of experiences like that in those airports.

[Bob]

This was small. This was cvg, which is not a big airport. It's not like I had to walk across the whole fucking Dallas airport or something. Annoying.

[Wade]

And they.

[Mark]

That nice tram and the treadmills.

[Bob]

Or Houston. What's the one that sucks in Texas?

[Mark]

Dallas, maybe. I mean, Austin isn't too great either.

[Bob]

I think one of the ones in Texas everyone talks a lot of shit about, but.

[Mark]

Oh, there's. There's two.

[Wade]

I've had a weird experience lately. The last few times I've flown the escalator up has always been broken. Never the one going down, but always the one going up has been broken. And we got, like, these big bags and, like, the line for the elevator is a mile long. And it's like, yes, they're just annoying metal stairs now.

[Mark]

I would never walk on broken escalators. I'm too paranoid.

[Bob]

Yeah, I know. That scares the shit out of me. I hate that so much. The last time we all hung out, we went and we had a meal together over at Kenwood, right? And we went to that place where we had to go up that escalator. And Mandy and James and I were on that escalator. And I've never been on one that did this before, but it, like, stopped. And then it went like. And we were like, climb, climb, climb. Get off.

[Mark]

Holy fuck.

[Bob]

Like, it was like, oh, my God. God, it's gonna fucking kill us.

[Mark]

And it was.

[Bob]

It just like. Like we. We ran up the last little bit and got off. And then it was just like. Nevermind.

[Wade]

I was gonna say Molly and I came up behind you on that same escalator, you know?

[Bob]

You did. We watched you come up, and we were like, should we tell him? Oh. Cause, like, we could. We didn't see you get on, so, like, we didn't. We didn't not warn you before, but once you were on it, we were like, maybe it won't happen, but we should just not scare him.

[Mark]

If they started shouting, you would have panicked, you would have ran, and it would have broken.

[Bob]

You're standing on the escalator.

[Wade]

We're like, get off the escalator. Get off the escalator.

[Bob]

Why are you guys yelling at us? It's fine, I guess.

[Wade]

I don't know.

[Bob]

Just a baby.

[Mark]

Just murder machines. I don't like them.

[Bob]

Also, can't down escalators be up escalators? Like, I know that there's, like, pathing and there's things. But every time I see an up escalator broken next to an escalator that's going down, part of me is like, why don't we switch? That one isn't one of these ways harder than the other? If we're gonna have a thing, maybe.

[Wade]

It depends on, like, the way that the metal prongs are facing, because they do kind of, like, fit and bend in a certain way. Maybe it can go in reverse.

[Bob]

I feel like they're symmetric. Well, I don't know if symmetrical is the right word, but I feel like they're the same.

[Wade]

Well, I don't know, because it, like, it goes down and crunches this way. Can that mean it also can go down and crunch this way, or does it only crunch?

[Mark]

Wait, what's crunching like?

[Wade]

Like they mesh together. They. They mesh.

[Bob]

I think he means that they. That they. They mesh. Yeah.

[Wade]

I don't know if they mesh in a way that they can go both ways. I gu to because I think they can.

[Mark]

Yeah. I believe in some places they have. Where they have multiple escalators at certain times of the day, they'll have more going up. If it's like beginning of the day or if parking garage, more going into the store, it'll be more down or more going up. When it's end of day, if people leaving, it's like a bridge, you know, they'll change the lanes, I think. I don't know. I'm speaking up my ass here.

[Bob]

I feel like I've seen that. But also, I may have just thought that that should be happening because I'm lazy.

[Wade]

I tried to leave my house, so I don't know if I have. I am going to jump in, though. We're gonna. We're gonna move on and save some of the small talk for next episode because I. I'm known as the guy who lets the small talk go on forever because I just like chit chatting and I definitely always come prepared with the most crazy and insane of games. Per usual. I've got something. And Bob, you got a segue point. Surprise, surprise. New Year's resolutions is part. We've done. We've done resolutions before, and we've talked about resolutions before, but I don't think we've done this. I've got a list here of some of the more popular New Year's resolutions, and if you guys have some you can come up with, that's fine. What we're going to do is to throw back to, like, old distractible days where you guys are just going to come up with the best ways to motivate people to follow through on their New Year's resolution.

[Mark]

Are you going to give us, like, a resolution that we motivate specifically, or is this like, general?

[Wade]

I will give you guys a resolution. I will give you a resolution. You'll both have a chance to motivate. We'll move on to the next one. And just the sky's the limit with how you motivate. That being said, the answer to each one can't be hold a gun to someone's head. We gotta be more creative.

[Mark]

Oh, man.

[Bob]

How many guns can one person hold?

[Wade]

Depends how good your toes are, I guess. And tongue, I guess. I. Oh, man. Where's my coin Mark? You have a coin in your witness protection just in case.

[Mark]

I mean, I can make a coin happen.

[Wade]

All right, well, we don't. We don't. Hopefully we won't even need one I am known to only host fair episodes. So we'll have heads as Bob, tails is Mark to who goes first. Our first one, so you guys can start thinking about it, is the most popular New Year's resolution, according to this, is to exercise more. Which makes sense because I think that's one we all take into consideration. Heads is Bob.

[Bob]

Me first.

[Wade]

Motivate. It'll just be me. I'm the one who needs to do this. Motivate me. You can be nice. Be mean.

[Mark]

Oh, good, a target.

[Wade]

I need to exercise more. And that's not false.

[Bob]

Wade needs to exercise more. And I know how to make it happen. What's the one thing that Wade loves more than gobbling down huge piles of meat? Gobbling down huge piles of meat in his own house. Preferably on the same level of the house that he woke up on. I am going to take the. Whatever. I don't care what's in there. Fuck it, it's gone. Now. Whatever is in the room closest to your bedroom.

[Wade]

A desk, a dresser, bed.

[Bob]

I am going to build that out into a beautiful home gym, complete with Brazilian steakhouse, open fire pit. And you only get to eat at your own Brazilian steakhouse that is 15 away. 15ft away from where you sleep if you are actively working out. So it's like, you know when you go and you have the little red. Red means stop, green means go. And you turn, it's on red. Unless you're walking on the treadmill. Unless you're doing a set on a weight machine or whatever.

[Wade]

So it, like, keeps track of, like, my Fitbit or something. And it knows. It knows if I've been naughty or nice.

[Bob]

And so you're going to have that smell, like, probably in your whole house for the rest of your life. You're going to hear the clanging of the swords with the meat. There could be a cold salad bar, if you're into that part of it. That could maybe be along the back wall.

[Wade]

Good old pineapple and stuff.

[Bob]

Yeah, no, it's all in there. And there's like a Bowflex and an elliptical and a treadmill. You only get to partake if you do what you gotta do. I'm not saying that that is a healthy balance of activities because I'm not a nutritionist. I don't know if it'll actually make you healthier or more physically fit, but it will force you to work out because I know you won't be able to resist that.

[Wade]

That's pretty tempting. That's pretty tempting.

[Mark]

Okay. I thought of this as a joke at first. And now the more I think about it, the more I think of it like, this actually would work on me.

[Bob]

I smell a business opportunity.

[Mark]

You know, carrot on a stick. See, that's stupid. No one wants a carrot. So a little bit of, like, what Bob was saying, steak on a stick. And I started thinking about it.

[Wade]

I need to change the way people view me at first.

[Mark]

Well, dude, come on. You're the mean man. You like.

[Wade]

You're not wrong.

[Mark]

And so if I can't have a taco on a stick, that wouldn't work for you. But everyone loves a steak, especially vegetarians. Because if you watch videos of vegetarians eating meat for the first time and it's a steak, they basically orgasm right on camera. Like, oh, God, it's so good. They're right. Anyway, so I just imagined myself holding a stick with a stick. And I'd laugh at first on a treadmill, Be like, this is dumb, or walking outside. And then I'd go faster because I really want the stick, and I think it would really work. So just a steak on a stick. Yeah.

[Bob]

Are you holding the stick or is it attached to you? Because I feel like if you're holding it, eventually even. Even we would figure out that you could just move the stick.

[Mark]

It's got to be pull on a backpack or something like that's dangling out like that.

[Wade]

You just lay down, and it falls right into your mouth.

[Mark]

You know that the. The video of the. The backpacker was like the whip Snake edition backpack that was like 20ft tall. That, but with a steak at the side.

[Intro Announcer]

The whip stake. The whip stick.

[Bob]

The whip stake. It writes itself. Yep.

[Mark]

Yeah, by stealing everyone else's ideas. It writes itself.

[Wade]

I like the whipstick, but I like the idea of a Fogo in my house even more. I gotta give that one to Bob. I think.

[Bob]

Don't say pandering. Wait, he didn't set a budget. This is Wade's money. I'll spend it however I want.

[Mark]

That's true. A gold bar on a stick.

[Wade]

I thought Bob was covering this. Not gonna lie.

[Bob]

If you're getting in shape, you're paying for how you get in shape. That's the deal. You don't ask someone else to pay for your gym membership so you can start working out in the new year. You gotta get your gym membership. That's the deal.

[Wade]

Don't underestimate my lazy. Speaking of which, do you guys want to renew my gym membership for me?

[Mark]

What's your gym?

[Wade]

I don't know. I Think I have a Planet Fitness one from like 2016.

[Mark]

You'd set off the lunk alarm as soon as you walk in.

[Wade]

What does that mean? I'm a big lunk.

[Mark]

Fucking knuckles dragging on the floor as you come in.

[Bob]

He thinks you're a lunk. He's calling you a lunk.

[Wade]

I don't even know what a lunk is. Is that good or bad?

[Bob]

It's not good. Does it sound good?

[Mark]

No, not at a plan of business.

[Bob]

Oh, you lunk.

[Mark]

Does the Lunk alarm sound good to you?

[Bob]

I don't know. You should try it on Molly. Next time you see her. Be like, hey, lunk.

[Wade]

All you think of is a lump, like a lump of coal. But a lunk. If you're, if you're a hunk, it's good. If you're a lump, it's bad. But what if you're both? What's a lunk? If you're.

[Mark]

It's very clear. Ligolo. Well, maybe Ligolo is good in comparison to whoever the hell is inspired by Legolas. That's it. You got Ligolo, you got Higelo.

[Bob]

Hunkalo.

[Mark]

I don't know. I don't know where I'm going with this.

[Bob]

Lunkalo.

[Mark]

Lunkalo. Yes.

[Wade]

All right, the next one. Mark, you'll go first on this one. The next one is Just be happier.

[Mark]

I don't think we can do this one, Bob.

[Wade]

I don't think it's gonna work.

[Bob]

I already feel like I. I feel like I want to give up.

[Mark]

I feel like this is on not for Lunka Low.

[Wade]

Doesn't have to be me. I could be an example if you need one. If you guys.

[Mark]

You. It's. It's definitely you.

[Bob]

It has to be you now. Okay.

[Wade]

Make me happier.

[Mark]

All right, this is a New Year's.

[Wade]

Resolution and probably avoid meat. We've done. We did two meats.

[Mark]

No, don't worry. It's not about meat.

[Wade]

Don't worry.

[Bob]

What else does he like?

[Wade]

That's the question.

[Mark]

So look, it's, it's. It's a long term happiness kind of thing, right? So, okay, every day, every day you keep trucking through this year, I'll give you one hair back on your head. So you just gotta keep going because next you're going to look forward to that extra hair.

[Wade]

How many follicles do you think I'm missing at this point?

[Mark]

Let me see. How many follicles are on the human head?

[Wade]

All right.

[Mark]

Hairs on human head.

[Wade]

I mean, I've got some on the side. So it's just the top middle. You got to worry.

[Mark]

Don't worry. There's 90,000 total hairs, but you get one a day. Dude, In a lifetime, that's nearly a third.

[Wade]

Was that. Is that 30 years to get my hair back?

[Mark]

Yeah, if you. If you have a third of your hair back, that's 30 years. No. Yes. 10, actually. No. Yes.

[Wade]

10.

[Mark]

It's only 10 years. Get a third of your hair back.

[Wade]

Well, for a third would be. I think. Yeah, yeah.

[Mark]

So 10 years, you'll have all this. Because if you count this as a third. And this is a third.

[Wade]

And this is a third one of the three. Ten years. Yeah.

[Mark]

All you gotta do is just get through the day.

[Wade]

That Midnight might need a brow lift at that point, too. I don't know if you guys. This is unrelated, but I used to work in the eye industry, and I definitely have the. I think, Bob, you might have it too, where you have, like, a little bit deeper orbital set in. So, like, your skin rests on your lids.

[Mark]

Oh, I thought you were gonna insult him somehow.

[Wade]

Oh, just like, if your orbital. If your eye sits back a little bit. Do you see how, like, the skin kind of sits on my eyelid?

[Bob]

How could you possibly tell for the. The man whose eyes are constantly in shadow, no matter how well lit he is?

[Wade]

I have. You can see physically, the skin sitting on my eyelid. People go into the eye doctor. They're like, doctor, I can't see like I used to. I think something's wrong. And the doctor is like, can you see now? Oh, doctor, it's a miracle.

[Bob]

Oh, wait, does that work?

[Wade]

Because literally, it takes the skin off of your eyelids, so your eyelids can open a little bit more whenever you've got feel.

[Mark]

If I do this, it'll be racist. So I don't think.

[Bob]

You just stick with one hand. What you really don't want to do is two fingers on the corners. That's the bad one.

[Wade]

We're not messing with. It's the whole thing, man.

[Mark]

Right, right. Perfectly normal.

[Wade]

I don't know how it works with a bald guy. Also, in all seriousness, but, like, people that have hairlines, they'll go up, like, right on your hairline, and they'll, like, remove a strip of actual skin, like, a literal strip of skin, and they just, like, slide it up and then stitch it.

[Bob]

I know that that's how that works, but hearing you say that out loud is just awful.

[Wade]

I got to watch the surgeries. They're not even, like, in, like, a hospital. They just do it there in the office. It's kind of wild. They just lay you back, local anesthetic and you're awake, I think. So again, this is 12 years ago, but 13 years ago, but, yeah, I'm pretty sure I. Yeah, I had the.

[Mark]

Mallet that I bonked them with, and.

[Bob]

They were right out.

[Mark]

Why do I imagine you with that job? Big clown shoes, big hammer. Open your eyes, Dong.

[Wade]

It was a bit of a scary job because I actually got jabbed with a sharp. That was a used sharp. So I had to go to the hospital and get all those, like, HIV tests and stuff done because, like, whenever you get pricked by a bloody someone else's blood, you have to go make sure you're safe. That wasn't fun.

[Mark]

Do you think you're sticking your hand in the vending machine? Those are the sharps jar.

[Wade]

No, I actually. I can't remember how it happened.

[Mark]

This doesn't feel like my Pop Tart.

[Wade]

Well, you have your disposable sharps, but then you also have some that you actually have. Like, clean and reuse. I think I was cleaning and something happened where either. Something got knocked off. I don't remember exactly how it happened. It's been so long.

[Bob]

Got to be careful with those. They're sharp.

[Wade]

They are, yeah. I was bleeding, but someone else's blood was entering. It was very scary.

[Mark]

Bleed harder, man. Come on. Don't let his blood show you up.

[Wade]

You just need to.

[Bob]

You just need to bleed better than them. Your bleed will win.

[Wade]

All right, so, sorry. I got way per usual. I got way distracted. So just a follicle replacement. One day. One follicle?

[Mark]

Yeah, yeah, that thing.

[Wade]

Okay, Bob. Make me happy.

[Bob]

Wait, I know what would make you happy. You've spent so much time on this topic, and I feel like this might be one of the things that weighs heavily on your mind. This is a lie that you tell every time we're together. You've come up with different versions of it. The current iteration has been going on for a long. Oh, I ordered a car. Oh, it's in Germany. Oh, it's on a boat. Oh, it'll be here in three, six months. Nine. It'll be here next year.

[Mark]

It'll. Ooh.

[Bob]

Oh, no, I have a car. It's here now. They sent a car all the way from Germany to me here in Ohio. All of this fabrication has to weigh on you, Wade. I tell you what. I'll buy you a car, buddy. That'll cheer you up, and you'll actually have a car. Then you Won't have to lie about it. Then you'll be able to let that go. And when we're like, hey, how's the car? You can be like, it's great, and I drove it. And I'll be like, don't say it like that. Say it like you really have a car.

[Wade]

Do I get to pick what car, since you're buying?

[Bob]

No, I'll pick. I'm. I'm a car. I'm the car guy here. I think I'm the car distractible host. So I'll pick you a good one. I think I know what you like. I know what cars you pretend to have. So I get a little picture of your taste.

[Wade]

Okay, dude.

[Mark]

Totally, totally related. Unrelated to the topic, but totally related to that. Did you see they're canceling the Ford Lightning.

[Bob]

They did, but aren't they turning it? They're gonna come out with a new model that works the way that the Scout trucks are gonna work, where it's a diesel generator electric drivetrain hybrid, where the diesel engine is not connected to the drivetrain, but it charges the batteries and it's gonna have like 600 miles of range or something crazy. I thought I saw something like that. That they're canceling the Lightning, but they're moving to like a hybrid onboard generator EV drivetrain situation. That's what I heard. That's what I saw.

[Mark]

Wait, so it's still an electric motor, right? It's an electric motor.

[Bob]

So it's driven by electric motors. There's no internal combustion power that's driving the wheels, but there's like a diesel, a small diesel generator that just generates electricity that goes into the battery pack of the EV itself. So you have to refill the diesel generator, but it uses a fraction of what like a diesel combustion engine uses to like, it's. You should look at Scout Scout Motors or Scout. It's trucks. Scout is a brand. They're coming out with trucks. This is the technology that they're going with. They are EV trucks with onboard generators. I don't know if there's a diesel or gas powered, but there's a combustion engine generator on board of an EV drivetrain truck. And it's like actually a good balance of you get the benefits of the ev, but you get real range. You get like hundreds of miles, like 5, 600 miles of range, not like 200 miles. It's a real thing. It's really interesting.

[Wade]

That's so strange to me because I know, like conservation of energy and such, like there's different laws and. But nothing's perfectly efficient, so you'd lose a little bit. Wouldn't the amount of fuel that powers a generator that then powers the car be more efficient if it just directly powered the car at that point? How does that energy transfer work?

[Bob]

So I don't know the physics of it, but if you think about how like a diesel, a diesel truck works, right. The diesel engine loses power in friction and resistance inside the motor, which it then transfers to an output shaft where it loses power to the bearings and to the shaft itself, which it then transfers into a transmission where it loses power to the gears meshing and the friction and the heat of the transmission, which then goes to another output shaft, which goes to a differential, which potentially splits to all wheel drive, which goes to two other differential. Like, there's a lot of mechanical resistance in a drivetrain, whereas an electric drivetrain, you have one motor on the front axle, one motor on the back axle. There's no gears. There's no like, transmission fluid. There's no drive shafts. And the diesel. So the diesel motor puts its energy directly into the generator, which goes directly into the battery.

[Wade]

Wouldn't those still lose power the same way?

[Bob]

I assume that they've done the math and that it works out because this is a new sort of platform that, that companies are moving towards in terms of EV technology. But I don't know the math. But I assume because modern diesel generators are so efficient, because modern batteries charge so efficient, like I assume they looked at it and this is like a feasible thing, but I have no idea. I just know that these cars exist. And that's what I heard Ford was doing that the lightning tanked super hard, that they're giving up on pure ev, but they're moving towards that, that type of hybrid model, which I think is super interesting.

[Mark]

I was ready to be all like, man. I just. That actually sounds at least theoretically a little better. I mean, you're still burning gas, so it's not environmentally as conscious.

[Bob]

It's still. Yeah, you still burn fossil fuels.

[Wade]

But something just in my brain, like, there's an alarm going off. It's like, this doesn't make sense. But I hope that I'm just. I don't know the science. So maybe it is.

[Mark]

But like your, your honey sense, right? There's a scam. Where are they getting the rain?

[Wade]

Yeah, the honey it's put with. I'm like.

[Bob]

But if you really think about. I don't know how the scale works. It plays into this. But if you think about how an EV is Charged. If you plug the EV into the wall at your house, whatever. Even if you have like a level 2 chart, it's probably coming from coal burning, natural gas burning, maybe from a nuclear power. It's coming from American power. It's coming from a power source. Right. So it's not like if you have a straight up ev, it's getting its power only from the juicy nectar of the sun. Like maybe if you have solar panels and you live in a place where that works, maybe. But it's just taking the power generation from the grid far away, transferring through your house or through whatever charging port and onboarding it. And I assume it's efficient because they wouldn't make this if it wasn't like a feasible thing.

[Wade]

But I guess that's fair. It's like having an external battery for your phone that you would just always have plugged in.

[Bob]

I don't know. I just think it's really interesting. I really want to like, see. I don't know if these trucks are in the wild yet. I know Scout has like pre production trucks, but I don't know if they have any thing released officially. Like, I don't know if consumers have used this yet. I want to drive one. I want to see what they're like. It sounds cool.

[Mark]

Never even heard of the brand.

[Wade]

I just want to see the science behind the design.

[Bob]

Scout was a truck for a long time in like the first half of the 20th century, and it was one of those American brands that died off. It's a brand that's being revived. It's an old American brand that's being revived in like a new modern EV hybrid thing.

[Mark]

Interesting.

[Bob]

They look cool. They're. Honestly, their design looks really cool. It's kind of like retro truckee.

[Wade]

Like it's going back to the. Be happier while you guys are.

[Bob]

I'll get you a car. Yeah, yeah.

[Mark]

Wade, hold on.

[Wade]

I gotta give. I gotta give the point to Bob with an asterisk because I know the cost for. A friend told me how much like a Bosley cost. Right.

[Bob]

Yeah. You wouldn't know from experience.

[Wade]

A car in theory could and would be more expensive potentially.

[Mark]

So no. You don't know where I'm getting these hairs. Only the finest heads of the richest celebrities.

[Wade]

That's a more concerning statement.

[Mark]

I have only the finest heads for you, my friend. All of those heads that I got, the hair were smiling bright. So you'll be happy too.

[Bob]

You know how hard it is, how expensive it is to harvest follicles from unwilling donors.

[Wade]

What are we Talking about you guys are making me do some New Year's resolutions here.

[Mark]

He wants to be happy, eat healthier.

[Wade]

Is kind of on the same pace as exercise. I'm going to skip that one. We'll go to save more money, improve finances.

[Mark]

You're coming to us.

[Wade]

I just realized my percentages on these on this list adds up to 132%. So I feel like the percentages on the weight of these is a little wrong. Or people have more than one resolution. Maybe it didn't. Maybe I didn't account for that on this, but saving money, improving finances.

[Bob]

Yeah.

[Wade]

You guys have to help me. I'm spending my money like crazy.

[Bob]

I have one thing that will fix all of your problems, Wade. Isn't that what people like to hear? I have one move. If you do this and ignore any of the other consequences that might spin out of it, all you have to do is never ever play another mobile game ever again.

[Wade]

I haven't in like six months.

[Bob]

I don't believe you. I find that hard to fathom.

[Wade]

I've not even. I used to do con all the time. I have not played Dokkan since I think June or July.

[Bob]

Well, fuck me then. I guess it's a good.

[Wade]

It's great advice. Don't get me wrong.

[Bob]

Have you been saving a lot of money? Because maybe that's just proof that it is a great idea.

[Mark]

Probably.

[Wade]

But I don't keep track of that. So hopefully probably being robbed. I don't know.

[Bob]

Geez, you should probably take a peek at that bank account sometime just to see what's going on.

[Wade]

So much effort. But yeah, you're right. I probably should. Yeah. Mobile games are a surprising, surprising leak of. Of funds. Especially if you just like, if you rationalize, like, I mean, one ten dollar purchase won't kill me. And then next thing you know you're Mark and you're trying to stop your old clan by starting a new one. And you're funding everyone to come join you so you can overtake those bastards that scorned you.

[Mark]

This is a weird thing I've never heard of. Who's Mark? I don't know.

[Wade]

Or there's that one new unit on Dokkan that eludes you. So you're like, ah, I just need to buy one more pack. I'll get. I'm close to Mercy. And then you don't quite get there. So you have to buy the second pa. Get to Mercy. And yeah, yeah, there's a lot of rationalization that can go in the mobile game. Spend It's a dangerous place to navigate. There's some fun games, but there's a dangerous place to navigate.

[Mark]

So you're trying to save money. Help me. I bet you have a lot of unused subscriptions that are just piling up around you, right?

[Wade]

No, no, no, no. Have you heard of Rocket Money? It's the.

[Mark]

Whoa.

[Wade]

Oh, man, I gotta give you the point, just for the fucking callback to.

[Bob]

Our Rocket Money, possibly for the first time ever. Just gotta clarify. Not sponsored, just big fans. Just big fans.

[Wade]

You know, it's funny. Every time we talk about them, I'm like, man, I really should do that, because I do have a lot of subscriptions I need to cancel, and I never have. I still have the fucking subscriptions. I'm still paying for the gym membership. I'm still paying for Sweder, and I'm probably Elder Scrolls Online and who knows what else. I think I might have a wow subscription right now.

[Mark]

People are going to think this is, like, the smoothest ad integration. It is actually not. But, man, I wish. I wish we had control of this thing.

[Bob]

What an integration that would have been.

[Wade]

I. And during Christmas, it was actually nice weather here for Christmas. So my nephews and I were outside, like, tossing football, and one of my nephews kept throwing the ball, and I had to, like, run into, like, the. This row of, like, hedges. And, like, I just kept having to go into the bush to get the ball. Kept going to go to the bush and the next ball. I don't remember what joke I made, but I made a manscape joke, and I was like, not sponsored. I was like, man, these ads are really starting to creep into my life. We're rocket moneying and manscaping. We don't even have to. I mean, there's more here, but I just kind of like chatting with y'.

[Bob]

All.

[Wade]

We can. We can. Per usual, I'm going to be chill on these, and I'll. I like that. That was a good. That was a good, fun punch. The rest of these are kind of related, too. They're, like, improving health, losing weight. They're kind of similar. I didn't really think this one through too much, I guess, but I learned something about trucks, and I learned that first thing you guys think about me whenever I come to mind is meat. So that's good to know.

[Bob]

Yeah. Consistently. Yeah.

[Mark]

You're the king of meat.

[Wade]

Oh, this is an interesting score. Okay, let me go through here. Mark, you got points for the jizz edit. Perfectly average height, lost luggage, smart flyer, Lunk the Lightning Gone. Rocket money for a total of seven points. Bob, you got points for special iron lung viewing, Segway point exercise with the letter C next to it. I don't know what that means. Escalator. By where? You didn't warn Molly and I on the escalator. New car, Fogo in the house, diesel truck knowledge. Big. But you lost the point for. I just ignore Wade because I'm the host and I had the ability to take a point for that. Which brings you to six points. So right now, Mark's up seven to six.

[Mark]

I got a good feeling about this one.

[Bob]

I feel like you said, oh, that's point for Bob. Oh, I have to give that to Bob. I feel like he said that a lot.

[Wade]

I did, but we only did three things, so you got two of the three, and you did lose one, so.

[Bob]

Okay, well. So is it time for the wheel?

[Wade]

It is.

[Mark]

Wait, can we wager? No, we gotta wait until we make an amendment to the Constitution. I really want to wager points. That sounds fun.

[Bob]

It's like Jeopardy. You can get wager up to as many points as you have, or $2,000. All right, well, let's find out if we're doing three wheel spins or not.

[Wade]

Oh, my God. Oh, wow.

[Bob]

One wheel spin.

[Mark]

My God. It's practically in the bag.

[Bob]

That is not a great start for me.

[Wade]

I don't know how we're gonna track this, but the thing I want to add, doing best on New Year's resolution. This way we can motivate each other.

[Bob]

I feel like we could just talk about it and keep it subjective. Yeah, yeah.

[Wade]

Mine. I don't know what you said yours was. Bob, was yours walking? Because mine. Mine is also walking.

[Bob]

Walking 365 miles in 2026. Hopefully a mile a day, but we'll see.

[Wade]

I don't have an exact number, but mine is also just going on, like, daily walks.

[Bob]

It's got to be measurable. It's got to be quantifiable.

[Wade]

One spin.

[Bob]

I don't want to scare you, Wade, but I just want to pop this up.

[Wade]

I'm well aware of how the one man show is. Look. Yeah, we don't have to. If there's any way I can justify giving Mark this point, I just want you to know I will do it.

[Bob]

All right.

[Wade]

But not because I'm scared of that wheel. It's because 100%. Mark was excited to host today because he thought he was hosting. And I did, too. That's why.

[Mark]

Sure, sure, sure. I thought it was.

[Wade]

Oh, that's A point for Mark. Oh, wait, it's not done yet. Best looking. Well, I mean, Mark's in 360p. I don't know what he looks like.

[Bob]

Oh, well, yeah, you know what Mark looks like. I'm gonna be honest. It's been a day and a half since I showered. I'm not feeling. Not trying to throw the game, but I do feel like we have to be honest.

[Wade]

Can I give it to myself?

[Bob]

I mean, I guess.

[Wade]

I mean, I showered today. I feel I'm not 360p.

[Bob]

I don't know. I'm feeling grungy.

[Mark]

Feel like my camera quality.

[Wade]

You know, Bob's camera quality is coming in better. He's saying he's dirty. Mark, how clean are you?

[Mark]

I mean, I sure went.

[Wade]

Hey, hold on.

[Mark]

Wait, hold on, hold on.

[Bob]

Stop.

[Wade]

You never start answering with what I don't want to win.

[Mark]

Hold on, hold on, hold on. No, I was just trying to think of when yesterday I showered. I'm gonna shower tonight before bed. But I didn't shower this morning because I showered yesterday.

[Wade]

I gotta give the point to Bob.

[Mark]

Oh, come on.

[Wade]

His answer at least. No, you start with. Well, I mean, come on.

[Mark]

If he remembered he showered five days ago and I can't remember when I showed you, he would win.

[Wade]

And I. I also can't see you. What do you mean?

[Bob]

Open.

[Wade]

Lift your brow.

[Mark]

Open your eyes, Mark.

[Wade]

There you are.

[Bob]

So it's a tie then, is it?

[Wade]

Take. Take me to the one man show wheel.

[Mark]

There's no way.

[Wade]

I kind of hope not, because we were hoping to do another episode tonight.

[Bob]

I'm terrified to change anything because every time I change something, we lose the stupid.

[Mark]

Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait. Yeah, get the total number that it is before you do that thing you're about to do. Oh, it just changed.

[Bob]

I was too late.

[Wade]

I think it was like three. It was 3%.

[Bob]

I think I wrote it down. Wait, wait, wait, wait. I wrote it down on the back of my thing. It was 35%, 126 degrees, whatever the fuck that means.

[Wade]

And how much do we normally add?

[Bob]

2%.

[Mark]

No, it starts at 6% and then it's 2 each time.

[Bob]

Yeah, I wrote it down. So if you don't win, we have to add another 2%.

[Wade]

Okay, so 7.2 is what you would add. 7.2 is 2% of 360.

[Bob]

Yes.

[Wade]

All right. Just for the sake of time, I hope it doesn't land on one man show.

[Mark]

Come on, baby.

[Wade]

Come on. Oh, no, there it is.

[Mark]

You've never had to do this.

[Wade]

I have not.

[Bob]

This is the first Wade One man show ever.

[Mark]

I'm gonna write you. I'm gonna write the deepest script.

[Wade]

God Damn it.

[Bob]

Oh, Mr.

[Mark]

Drama Free.

[Wade]

No Drama. Wait, everyone. We might be taking more time than we thought away from distract. We're not getting that done tonight. Damn wheel. Foiling our plans.

[Mark]

That's fine. That's fine. I like it better this way. Hey, then we could just spend the rest of the episode chatting if you want. We could add more to this episode.

[Wade]

I've got nothing to say. No, that's fine. I don't.

[Bob]

I mean, it was a really big section of the Wheel.

[Mark]

What about fun for Christmas? We could talk about that before you stew about what you're gonna have to say and do on the One Man Show.

[Wade]

Well, I got lots of food. Molly and I got a new rug for our family room. She got me a really nice razor so I can be bald better.

[Mark]

Nice manscaped razor.

[Wade]

No, I. I have one that they sent us years ago that I have been using. It's pretty good. But. No, this is like. I don't even know how to describe. It's like the little three thing. I don't know. It looks like it's gonna work pretty well.

[Mark]

Is it Gillette? The best a man can get.

[Wade]

Couldn't tell you the brain, right? Top of my head.

[Bob]

Is it Men's Wearhouse? You're gonna like the way you look. I guarantee it.

[Wade]

I don't think there was a suit in the box they sell. They have men's Wearhouse racers.

[Bob]

100%. How else would I like the way I look? And why would he guarantee it?

[Wade]

I don't know. I guess I never thought to ask.

[Mark]

Pretty much every resolution in this episode could have been answered by Men's Wearhouse.

[Bob]

You know what I got for Christmas? Oh, I wish I had it with me. It's way the hell far away in the basement.

[Wade]

We're also not sponsored by Men's Wearhouse. Allegedly.

[Bob]

I got one of those boxing trainers where it's a headband with a ball attached to a stretchy string, and you put it on and then you. And you look really cool is what everyone told me. You look like the coolest guy they've ever seen.

[Wade]

I'm not visualizing this properly. You punch yourself in the head or the balls or what.

[Bob]

The ball is on a stretchy thing, right? So when you punch it, the ball goes and it keeps coming at your face, so you have to keep punching it or it hits you in the face. So it's kind of like a timing trainer.

[Mark]

Yeah. And you have to say, don't come at my face.

[Bob]

No. Oh, bro. Don't come at my face.

[Wade]

Yeah, I say, don't come at the face. Gotta stay camera ready.

[Mark]

Amy got me a really nice charcoal Korean grill. So it's. It's like at a Korean restaurant, you'd see this basically set on the table, but it's an outdoor one, like an.

[Bob]

Indoor Korean barbecue type.

[Mark]

You should probably do it outdoor, most likely.

[Bob]

I mean, I guess if it burns.

[Mark]

Charcoal, but you could, because it's got a nice stand and, like, a.

[Wade]

The Korean barbecue sounds really good right now. Yeah.

[Mark]

Yeah. So it's got, like, a nice charcoal starter, like, little. Little handle. So you can put charcoal in there, and it lights up real fast, and you dump it right in. Super cool. Can't wait to use it. Yeah.

[Wade]

There's probably more, but I'm blanking because I have a terrible memory.

[Mark]

Yeah, actually, me too. And I'm kind of like, man, this looks bad on me that I can't remember the presence that I got that I cherish so deeply.

[Bob]

Man, I.

[Wade]

There are some things and stuff, but. But also, Today's been, like, 30 days long. Today's that day where literally everyone I've ever known has messaged me for something. It feels like. And it's like the day before New Year's Eve and a holiday spoilers everyone out there. So I get. It's like, right before the holiday, everyone's like, oh, let's try to get this stuff in also before the end of the year. And then also, I guess family and friends are, like, awake from their Christmas food comas or something, because just literally everyone today is like, wait, there's no way you're busy today. You know, Tuesday is just my busiest day of the week, usually.

[Bob]

Great.

[Wade]

So this. Because I'm an exception to the rule of you being busy. Okay. Okay. Yeah. I was on the phone for, like, four straight hours today, and I'm. I'm feeling as the. I think I'm the only extrovert in this group. I feel so introverted that I just want to, like, go live in a cave for about a month and just not bring my phone. I just want to go. I just want peace and quiet and silence for, like, a month.

[Bob]

Relatable.

[Wade]

That's not usually me. That's not usually my mo. But, God, I feel that way right now.

[Mark]

I've been. I've been surprisingly social, which is new for me, but it's kind of like There has been a bit of a weight lifted from having the movie so close to done, and the actual, like, intense pressure of getting it done is there. So, yeah, I've been a little more social. It's weird also, like, I invited a bunch of other YouTubers and streamers to the. The premiere that we did in la, and then all of a sudden, it's like, oh, yeah, there's this whole network of other creators out there that I usually never interact with that I could talk to at any time. And it's kind of like, oh, yeah. I forget that a lot. But no, that's been nice. So that's been pretty cool. Maybe next year my New Year's resolution will just be. Be more so.

[Wade]

Not a bad one mine. Less social. We'll trade places.

[Bob]

All you have to do is make a movie, shave your head.

[Wade]

I'll grow my hair out. I'm sure we'll look like each other.

[Mark]

And we'll probably get similar head shapes. Bob, you got a nice head shape under there.

[Bob]

No, it's not good.

[Wade]

I got.

[Bob]

It's bumpy. I got, like, moles or something. It's not good. I need to keep the hair on my head.

[Mark]

Did all right. Sure, sure.

[Wade]

I'm really tired, so we could chat more, but I'm gonna. We can chat off camera because I'm gonna wrap this one up. I want to go lay down. I can't. That's what I want.

[Bob]

Sounds like you're in a good place.

[Wade]

2025. We did that episode a while back. We were like, would you rather lose all the money you made or the memories of this year? And I was like, take my memories. Take them. Take 20, 25. I still feel that way about this year. It's just one of those years. It's had some good moments. A lot of. Not a lot of a lot of muck. So I'm ready to move on. No muck.

[Bob]

It's a good thing. New Year's always changes everything.

[Wade]

It doesn't. But, man, I keep telling myself it will. No muck. Yeah, sure it will.

[Bob]

This time, it will get me out of the muck. Help me.

[Wade]

This is a cry for help. Get me out of the muck. Guys. Pull me out. And congratulations to our winner today. Who is you.

[Mark]

It's you.

[Bob]

You. You get to host the next episode. So you won.

[Wade]

All right, well, thank you guys for competing. You guys motivated me, and I won. This is, like, the best day ever for me. I can't wait.

[Mark]

Has it historically counted as a win? I actually don't remember whatever it historically did. Yeah, we'll try to do as the annals of history has said.

[Wade]

Do you two have any not winners speech? You guys didn't really lose not winners speeches.

[Bob]

I got a lot of ideas from the script that made Mark wrote that I performed on my one man show. It opened my eyes to what is possible. I'm excited for you, Wade. I'm excited for the opportunity you've been presented with.

[Mark]

But when we originally came up with the one man show idea, I was thinking like the one man show that Tyler and Ethan made me do back in the day where they rented out a theater, wrote a full play, invited people to watch the play, and filmed it all. It was actually embarrassing, but it was. It was really, really, really funny.

[Wade]

Thankfully, we're too lazy here at Distractable Studios to do that.

[Mark]

I'm gonna rent a theater.

[Bob]

Oh, yeah, no, Mark, let's. Let's talk about that. I'm sure there are some spaces we could rent out we could do.

[Mark]

Yeah, I'm sure. Yeah, we can make it happen.

[Wade]

Yeah, that's okay. Don't worry, Wade.

[Bob]

We're gonna put a lot of effort into this.

[Mark]

Actually, we don't rent any place. We send him with a go by pro into like a kid's laser tag place and he has to fight against the children.

[Bob]

Send you into a laser tag place, feed you lines, and the goal is the episode ends when you get kicked out or arrested.

[Mark]

Either or.

[Wade]

You should have said what your dad said when he found out your mom was pregnant.

[Bob]

Abort.

[Wade]

Mark, any words from you, I will.

[Mark]

Say for everyone that's been like, where's Australia?

[Wade]

Where's the. Where's the uk?

[Mark]

Hey, there was a thing called Christmas that happened and people don't talk about business on holidays. So there was a whole period there where it's like there's no one to talk to. They kind of just stop answering their emails, which is really convenient.

[Wade]

Yeah, I got yelled at for you guys not being in Canada. I got yelled at for it. I was like, they are going to Canada. They're like, not Newfoundland. I was like, okay, you know what?

[Mark]

Newfoundland. Everyone hates Newfoundland. We all know you're the wherever you are in Canada and everyone wishes you weren't that part of the body. That is Canada. Where's Newfoundland?

[Wade]

And unfortunately, Mark can't go to Greenland because that's where Gerard Butler's been filming.

[Mark]

I am legally required to be so far away from Gerard Butler. Everyone knows it. Are you.

[Bob]

Are you guys uncool or.

[Wade]

No, it was A joke, because he's literally got a movie coming out called Greenland 2.

[Mark]

Greenland 2?

[Wade]

Yeah, there was a Greenland one, actually. Pretty well received movie. Like a disaster movie. Like comets heading to Earth kind of thing.

[Mark]

Interesting.

[Wade]

Like the movie. What was the one called with Bruce Willis way back when? Armageddon. Like Armageddon, but, like, if the meteor actually hit.

[Bob]

Oh, you mean Deep Impact.

[Wade]

I've not seen that one either.

[Bob]

Oh, and it's Morgan Freeman in it.

[Wade]

So it was well received, though. Like, I like Gerard Butler's films. They're kind of like the silly, over the top action y sometimes. Like this one was. It was. It was pretty solid. I didn't think it got to the realm of, like, crazy as far as, like, the unrealism. So it was a good movie. But there. Yeah, there's a sequel. Anywho, if you haven't already, go follow mark at Markiplier Bob at Mysker Meinion 777 or Lordminion 777. Merch maybe. I don't know. I don't even know what. When this.

[Mark]

We've had merch for a while. One of the shirts is actually. It's a really smart design for a shirt. Have you seen the designs?

[Bob]

I believe I've seen all of them, yes. Which one are you talking about? The.

[Mark]

The Aphantasia one.

[Bob]

Oh, I love that shirt. That's a great shirt.

[Mark]

It's such a smart shirt. Like, I'm shocked. It's for our podcast. Like, it's. It's just really clever. So I. I'm very excited about that one.

[Wade]

Oh, wow.

[Mark]

The look.

[Wade]

You guys have to look because the link's on the screen. There it is. The link for the merch. Because it's.

[Mark]

That's how Spotify works. Yeah, that's. Oh, that's how it works.

[Bob]

I'm sorry, Wade, do you not remember to. You can't say it because you don't remember what it is.

[Intro Announcer]

What?

[Bob]

Yes, it's distractible shop, I think, buddy.

[Wade]

All right, I'd give you a point, but I've already got to do a one man show, so you guys and your points. See you all next time for that.

[Bob]

That was aggressive.

[Wade]

Until then, I'm gonna go get some meat and sleep.

[Mark]

You lost the wheel. Yeah.

[Wade]

Podcast out.

[Intro Announcer]

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