Reverse Charades

Summary

Distractible – “Reverse Charades” (May 4, 2026)

Episode Overview

In this episode of Distractible, hosts Bob Muyskens (Bob), Mark Fischbach (Mark), and Wade Barnes (Wade) dive into a creative twist on traditional charades—Reverse Charades—while sharing personal anecdotes, reflecting on post-wedding adventures, soreness from exercise, wardrobe malfunctions, and the complexities of pool maintenance. The episode exudes the trio's signature blend of absurdity, camaraderie, and quick wit, making for a memorable, often chaotic competition that tests their communication skills, patience, and ability to improvise under pressure.

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Key Discussion Points & Segments

1. Catching Up: Honeymoon Hijinks, Soreness, and Pool Opening

[02:30–14:39]

• Mark's Honeymoon in Iceland & Blue Lagoon Story

  • Mark unpacks an elaborate tale about misreading his Iceland travel itinerary, resulting in confusion over the famous Blue Lagoon geothermal spa.
  • Memorable misunderstanding: Mark only realizes the Blue Lagoon isn’t a hotel but a spa when Amy (his wife) confronts him for not packing swim trunks.
  • Quote:
    “How can you not know what the Blue Lagoon is? It was on the itinerary. We’re going there first. Do you have your swim trunks?”
    — Amy, as retold by Mark (05:10)
  • Reflection on future travel: Mark jokes about preparing for any scenario, hinting at packing overkill for the Norway leg.

• Wade’s Battle With Exercise and Wardrobe

  • Wade discusses post-basketball soreness ("my arms still hurt" — 08:04) and realizes his old, baggy basketball shirts from high school now showcase his "beer belly."
  • Finds humor in “birds are going to laugh at you,” contemplating a wardrobe upgrade and pondering the existential implications of aging.
  • Musings on college podcasting classes and aspirations to guest lecture, despite not hearing back from alma mater—“I don’t know what my small talk was, but that was it.” (13:13)

• Bob’s Adventure With Pool Maintenance

  • Bob reveals he’s “crispy” from spending the day balancing pool chemicals and inaugurating the summer with an all-day swim.
  • Quote:
    “I’m definitely going to show up to some episodes over the course of the summer and be catastrophically sunburnt.” (13:39)
  • Brainstorms a future “boat episode” (on the pool) and reminisces about ad-reads and sample yacht requests.

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2. Game Introduction: The Mechanics of Reverse Charades

[17:21–19:44]

• Reverse Charades Rules
  • Bob explains the twist: Instead of acting out clues, one player describes an action for another to perform, who must then guess the word they’re embodying.
  • Example Setup: "One person is given the card...has to 'tell' the other what to do; the actor guesses."
    (17:59–18:31)
• Anticipation and Skepticism
  • Wade shares he wrote “Pictionary podcast” as a late-night podcast idea, confusing the games.
  • Jokes about “suffering if you don’t participate” set the competitive and playful tone.

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3. Reverse Charades: Hilarity, Frustration, and Notable Rounds

Early Rounds & Notable Moments

• Wade Describing “Spider Web” to Mark
  ([20:41–23:09])

  • Confusion and physical pantomime ensue; Wade struggles to convey “spider web” via “spider finger wiggling.”
  • Mark, after much misdirection: “I walked into a spider nest?... Spider web?” (23:02)
  • Bob: “That was the craziest shit you could have possibly done.” (23:13)

• Mark’s Approach With “Sheep” ([24:17–25:35])

  • Mark sets up a mental scene: “There’s a fence... go and jump over it again and again... Now sit and watch it."
  • Wade: “Counting sheep?” (direct and correct, 25:31)

• Wade's Frustrating “Alive” Prompt ([26:12–29:04])

  • After CPR, Pinocchio, and “mummy/vampire” actions, Mark barely misses “alive,” guessing “undead” instead.
  • Bob points out: “You just kept giving up right when Mark was on the precipice and being like, let’s try something else completely.” (29:24)

• Mark’s “Computer” Challenge ([30:14–33:00])

  • Mark’s complex sequence: “Get flat... Flatten out... Make a humming sound. Now the humming loses pitch... Bring it down.”
  • Wade: “A tea kettle stepped on by a T. Rex?”
  • Correct answer—computer—is not guessed in time, leading to mutual confusion.

Mid-Game Standouts

• “Rocket”

  • Wade finally lands an efficient set of instructions: stand, countdown, shake, then “slowly rise.”
  • Mark nails it immediately: “Am I the Artemis rocket?" (34:09)
  • Wade: "Thank God. I felt so much better than alive and spider web..." (34:18)

• “Line” (Standing in Line)

  • Mark: “Look at your shirt, now your leg, you’ve got people in front of you and behind you...”
  • Wade: “Line!” (36:53)

• Increasing Difficulty and Escalating Chaos

  • Bob bumps the challenge to medium/hard, removes time, and words get more complex (“loiterer,” “doubloon,” etc.).
  • Wade is lauded for pulling off “loiterer”—leaning on a “post,” reacting to a cop, then smugly re-assuming the position.
  • Mark, quick on the uptake: “I’m loitering... I’m a loiterer!” (43:49)
  • Both hosts acknowledge a shared reference: “Brian Regan—‘What are you in for?’ ‘Loitering’” (44:32–44:34), further cementing their inside-joke dynamic.

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4. Finale: Scoring, Spinning the Wheel, and Winner’s/Loser’s Speeches

[48:34–53:50]

• Tallying Points

  • Bob awards points not only for correct answers but also for particularly funny or memorable moments (“being a sore old man, needing clothes, education” for Wade; “finally going on honeymoon,” etc. for Mark).
  • Final Score:
    • Wade: 8
    • Mark: 7

• Sudden Death via the Wheel

  • The infamous “wheel spin” (podcast tradition) is applied as a tiebreaker, leading to comical computations about the chance of hitting a razor-thin segment.
  • The wheel declares sudden death and ultimately grants the win to Mark.

• Closing Quotes

  • Mark's Winner Speech (51:50):
    “I was down. By all accounts I should have lost. But fate is the only thing that matters. And it smiled upon me today just like it will smile upon ye if ye decide to follow this podcast... Until the entire algorithm doesn’t know what to do with us.”
  • Wade's Loser Speech (52:33):
    “Listen. I started a little slow. Spider web and alive. But as we went along, the parabolic curve was really moving in my favor... But alas, we didn’t have that final round and the true champion was crowned.”

---

Notable Quotes & Moments

• “I puff therefore I am.” — Wade riffing on philosophy professors’ love of cigarettes (11:53)
• “Get flat, flatter, stay flat.” — Bob summarizing Mark’s frequent charades instructions (48:28)
• “Put your leg up on a barrel and hand me alcohol. Who are you?” — Bob lampooning Wade’s Captain Morgan impression attempt (39:17)
• Inside joke: “If you just follow and unfollow Distractible infinitely, you’ll eventually achieve infinite luck and be an unkillable God.” — Bob, exploiting the “algorithm” glitch (52:18)

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Structure & Flow

• The banter is sharp and relentlessly self-deprecating, blending personal anecdotes with improvisational gamesmanship.
• Reverse Charades proves a delightfully clumsy experiment, highlighting each host’s strengths and (especially) weaknesses in articulation and pantomime.
• Recurrence of running gags (e.g., Mark’s perpetual confusion, Wade’s wardrobe, the infamous point system, “get flat” instructions) reinforce the show's unique, chaotic flavor.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Timestamp | Segment/Topic | |-----------|------------------------------------------------------------| | 02:30 | Mark’s Iceland/Blue Lagoon Honeymoon Anecdote | | 08:04 | Wade’s Soreness & Shirt Mishaps | | 13:39 | Bob’s Pool Opening, Sunburn & Boat Episode Planning | | 17:21 | Explanation of Reverse Charades Game | | 20:41 | Wade’s “Spider Web” Instructions & Chaos | | 24:17 | Mark’s “Sheep” Instructions | | 26:12 | Wade’s “Alive” (Fail) | | 30:14 | Mark’s “Computer” (Fail) | | 34:09 | “Rocket” Charade Success | | 36:53 | “Line” – Standing-in-Line Charade | | 43:49 | “Loiterer” Succeeded (Brian Regan Reference) | | 48:34 | Point Tally & Final Winner Decision | | 51:50 | Mark’s Winner Speech | | 52:33 | Wade’s Loser Speech |

---

Overall Tone

The episode delivers a high-energy, slapstick-infused listening (and viewing) experience, embracing the absurdity of friendship, competitive improv, and the joy of being “not as smart as you think.” Long-time listeners and new fans alike will be rewarded with plenty of laugh-out-loud moments and signature Distractible chaos.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractable. This episode, Bobbly Bob gets burnt balancing his pool, then starts a pantomime party. Merrily married Mark pans his honeymoon, gets hot and wet in Iceland, crashes Wade and deftly describes wardrobe wonder. Wade gets sore, considers a sartorial upgrade, and gives impossibly vague descriptions from statistically snuffing it to having a huge O. Yes, it's time for reverse charades. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

[C]

Hello, and welcome back to your mom's favorite podcast. Yeah, I've probably used that one before. Who cares? This is distractible and I'm allowed to reuse ideas. That's what we do here. My name's Bob and I'm the host because I won the last one. Oh, I'm fine. That's.

[D]

No, that's.

[C]

They'll cut that out. I'm sure. I won the last one because I'm so smart and good at not dying on camera. I'm joined today, as always, by the two competitors in this episode. They will be competing to see who wins and gets to host the next one. That's the whole thing here. That's what we do. My competitors are, as always, Mark and Wade.

[D]

Not always. Sometimes I've been known to host.

[E]

Pleasure to be here, Robert. Thanks for having me.

[C]

So that was very serious. Did someone die?

[E]

Probably. I think the. Statistically the answer that's yes.

[C]

Well, that's not good.

[E]

And again, just now.

[C]

Okay, calm down. Welcome back to another episode of Distractable. If you're here, you know what's gonna happen. Unless you're new, in which case, God, I hope you're watching the video. God, you better be watching. You know how we feel about listeners. But yeah, I have a game prepared for today and it's going to be really funny, just like they always are. We never miss here. But before we get into the definitely funny game. How you doing, guys? How's it going?

[D]

By the time this has come out, I will have honeymooned. I'm going to tell you what's going to happen ahead of time. And as if it's already happened.

[C]

Holy shit. This is all planned out. Mark.

[E]

Mark. Some of this could stay secret. It's okay. You don't have to vlog everything.

[D]

Here's an hour by hour breakdown of exactly how this adventure is going to go.

[E]

Hour is pretty generous, but all right.

[D]

Minute by minute.

[C]

That's pretty generous, but all right.

[D]

By hour. By. By hour. Semi. Hour by semi. Hour.

[C]

That's pretty generous, but all right.

[D]

First, I arrive.

[C]

Where? I don't know.

[D]

Let me tell you a story that has nothing to do with this and is relating to something that happened in the past. I arrived in Iceland, and when I. When we were landing, I had read over the itinerary, right?

[E]

We.

[D]

We were going on a little vacation package. So this is going to relate to this somehow. You'll see. It'll back together.

[E]

You got some leniency. But get you make it to the point, counselor.

[D]

I looked at the itinerary and I was like, oh, we're going to the Blue Lagoon Resort, right? Or hotel or something like that. I don't know. It's a blue lagoon.

[E]

Just a lagoon.

[D]

And I was like, iceland? Yeah. They got weird names over there. It's probably just a funny hotel. You know, Iceland, with their funny names and all that stuff and silly words and the way they eat. They eat their horses. It's funny. I see all over, there's like advertisements on the plain little screen that's like the Blue Lagoon. You know? Icelandic.

[C]

Yeah, Icelandic. Yeah, the famous Icelandic accent.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, that Blue Lagoon. And I'm like, wait, why is everyone swimming in the Blue Lagoon? I'm like, well, that's weird. Everyone's swimming because we're arriving at 6am right? So I'm like, whoa, I'm going to be tired. I'm going to be ready to take a nap, go this hotel, maybe lay down for a bit, relax. And then Amy leans over to me, is like, you pack swim trunks, right?

[E]

I'm like, why would I need swim

[D]

trunks in a hotel?

[E]

Like a Bond villain Hideout is where you just swim to the hotel under the lagoon.

[D]

And so I basically started. I leaned over to the person in the seat next to us and I asked, what's the Blue Lagoon? And they looked at me like I was crazy. They kind of chuckled them themselves and they didn't answer right.

[E]

So now they only spoke Icelandic. You had to, what is the Blue Lagoon?

[D]

What is the Blue Lagoon?

[C]

Yeah, you didn't say it right.

[D]

And then I ask Amy, like, what's the Blue Lagoon? And she's like, how can you not know what the Blue Lagoon is? It was on the itinerary. We're going there first. Do you have your swim trunks?

[E]

And I'm like, what's the Blue Lagoon?

[D]

So, the Blue Lagoon. I don't even know if that's the name of it. Blue Lagoon, Iceland.

[E]

Really funny if it's not.

[C]

It is now.

[D]

It is a. Is a very large, world renowned geothermal spa in Iceland. So by asking around, or trying to anyway, Amy was extremely embarrassed by me asking what the most famous geothermal spa in Iceland was.

[E]

Might as well just ask, what's Iceland?

[D]

But she didn't tell me. The entire time we were walking through the airports, there's big wall billboards of Come to the Blue Lagoon.

[E]

And I'm like, I don't know what it is.

[C]

Why won't anyone tell me?

[E]

No one tell me.

[D]

And literally, Amy goes like, I'm not telling you. I am not going to tell you. You should have read the itinerary. And I did, I swear. So she refused to tell me until I got outside. And then we had a local guide drive us to the Blue Lagoon, and I was not allowed to ask him what it was. Amy forbade me from asking. It's a big geothermal pool. It's very nice.

[C]

Sounds fun.

[D]

Yeah, it was pretty nice. So I'm not going to read the itinerary for what's coming in Norway, but I assume there's some kind of lagoon over there.

[E]

You really learned your lesson. So, yeah, I'm going to know even less this time, so I won't be confused.

[C]

You're just sitting on the plane in swim trunks and, like, arm floaties, looking at Amy like, where's the lagoon?

[D]

What color is the lagoon?

[C]

Tell me about the lagoon.

[E]

You've got your mountain climbing gear, right?

[C]

Is that your parachute backpack or your regular backpack?

[D]

So, yeah, I got that. That's. That's going to be the entire crux of the. Of the honeymoon. And that's all that's gonna happen.

[C]

Just every day, every activity, Amy is like, oh, you better get dressed. And you start pulling out your, like, polar ski outfit or swim. You're, like, gauging Amy's reaction. Like, tuxedo, not tuxedo.

[B]

Nope.

[C]

Didn't like that. Oh, what do we do? I packed for every occasion because I have no idea what the occasions are.

[D]

And then I just laugh it off when she gives me the look and I'm just like, that was a joke. Remember when I didn't know what the Blue Lagoon

[E]

she puts on Like a Hazmat suit. And you're like, the one thing I didn't pack.

[C]

That's when you put on your tuxedo, you go out with style.

[D]

Anyway, so, yeah, I will have a honeymoon. And it will be great, I think.

[E]

I hope it will be. Was a good time.

[D]

It will was. It will was.

[C]

You will have done it, or you had already have done it. Wade, what honeymoon mystery are you experiencing in this past week? Have had you?

[E]

You know, I don't have any alcohol down here, so I'm just gonna take a sip of water, but pretend. Been awake, Bob. Been a week.

[C]

Oh, okay. There it is. Yeah.

[E]

Didn't get to play Slay the Spire with you guys at all this week. And I actually ate pretty well. I'm sore. You know, the people who tell you that you only get sore for, like, two days after exercising are liars. I played basketball on Monday. We got together Tuesday, right? I was like, I'm a little sore for playing basketball.

[C]

Yeah, we already talked about this.

[E]

This week, I'm still fucking sore. My arms still hurt. That's been four days ago. But still been moving around trying to get some exercise. And, like, my legs are fine because I've been walking but did not play more basketball since Monday. So tomorrow, whenever I finally stop crying, go shoot some big old hoops, I put on a sleeveless shirt to play. And it's one that I had when I was, like. It was, you know, the style when we were in high school was, like, baggy clothes. So I had this baggy basketball shirt. I put it on, and I've got, like, beer belly hanging out, though. Every time I jump, my, like, belly falls out of the bottom and the shirt, like, sits on top. And my nephew's looking at me like, oh, man, you really sure you want to play that? Wear that in front of your neighbors? And, you know, birds and stuff, like, people and animals are watching here. Really?

[C]

Birds are going to laugh at you a lot.

[E]

I think they did. So it might be time to upgrade my wardrobe a little bit.

[C]

I've learned you are allowed to buy new clothes. I mean, obviously good on you for making clothes last. Because that is, you know, fast fashion has its downsides. And, you know, you don't. You don't need to be going burning through clothes. But since high school, I think you're allowed to. Oh, yeah, I think you're allowed to have bought some shirts since then. Not saying we're old, but I think we're all feeling that we're kind of old.

[E]

Older than Half my life ago. Some of these shirts I still wear. Yeah. Like, junior. I still have a couple of sleeveless shirts from junior high that I'm like, ah, my lucky sleeveless shirt. I put it on twice a year. The logo, it was like a UC Bearcat shirt, but all of the logo is gone. So now it's just like a blank red shirt with, like, one little black splotch where there was once a paw.

[D]

You know, you buy more shirts, but

[E]

I know what shirt it is. I know what the logo used to look like.

[C]

You could buy UC shirts at gas stations in Cincinnati. It's not hard.

[E]

I want UC to call me and let me go and talk to their, like, streaming podcasting classes. I know they've got them.

[C]

They have.

[E]

That took my niece to Georgia State. They had a whole building that was like, technology and something. I should probably know what this building was called. But, like, yeah, we have this big podcasting room, and there's, like, different classes where they're. It's like they teach podcasting. What do they. What? I just want to be fly on the wall.

[C]

And you could really benefit from that.

[E]

I could use a lot of help. Yeah.

[C]

Do they let seniors audit classes? You know, like a keep active sort of thing?

[E]

I'm your age.

[D]

Oh. I was thinking seniors, like college.

[E]

I was like, well, yeah, no, he

[C]

met grandparents, senior citizens. There's like, you know, there's those elder education programs where it's like, hey, you want to do something fun? Come take. Come take some classes.

[E]

I grade and I bottled. I bottled. I grade and bottled early, but I'm still young,

[C]

man. That really rewrites some of our most iconic bits. I just can't get out of my head. Now you just going. And I'm bottled.

[E]

I keep getting recommended our shorts lately. I keep watching them. They're all pretty good. We have funny moments. I didn't know we were funny.

[D]

Yeah, occasionally. Sometimes. If only we had our clips. Game on. That's a bad way to say it. Our highlight. Real goodness posting. You know, if we did that good, think of where we would be.

[E]

A little bit further ahead.

[D]

Yeah. Or something like that. Yeah.

[C]

A little bit louder now.

[E]

I really liked being at college, and there was a time where I thought I was going to go into, like, being a college professor of philosophy, till all my philosophy professors, like, pulled out a cigarette. I don't know. And they're like, don't do it. You don't want to be like, us. Do something. Anything else. I was like, all right.

[D]

And they all smoke like this.

[C]

That's how philosophy professors smoke.

[E]

It's.

[C]

It's part of the rules.

[E]

I puff therefore I am. That's how they flick. I don't know. I never smoke.

[C]

Yeah, that's how cool people flick cigarettes.

[D]

I don't know.

[E]

I think that'd be fun. It'd be fun to go just be a guest or be a fly on the wall or even just not to get a degree, but just to go, like, sit in some of these classes and see what they're teaching. Because, like, I'm fascinated to know how do you have a whole class on doing something that. I think we're pretty. Well, I shouldn't say we are. I'm pretty stupid, and somehow it's worked out. But, like, what am I supposed to be doing to get here? I don't know.

[D]

I don't know, man.

[C]

Probably exactly everything we did on the way here.

[E]

I know a couple of our friends have gotten to go and be, like, guest speakers at colleges and high schools. And I'm like, I want to know. It's like wanting to be a juror. I've never got to be a juror. They never called me for that either. It's like the things I want to do, no one ever calls me for. I'm not going to call the college. Be like, please let me come teach you. I'm begging you.

[D]

Do you have a business email with which they could somehow.

[E]

Yeah, I never checked that.

[D]

Okay. All right then. Well, all you university people who are typing up that email, throw it in the trash. It's not going to be seen.

[E]

I get the alumni emails where they ask me for money and.

[D]

Do you give money? Do you give money?

[E]

No. I hate those kids.

[C]

Maybe that's. Maybe that's how you get into the classroom, is you need to give them the money first and then they'll let you teach.

[E]

I want to teach your class. Here's money. Is that how you become a teacher? I guess it is how you become a teacher. Yeah.

[C]

I'm pretty sure that's how it works.

[E]

I don't know what my small talk was, but that was it.

[C]

I wrote down points.

[E]

Great.

[C]

I know I'm the host, so my small talk really doesn't matter and I'm not important, but get ready for a lot more of this. I don't know if you can tell, but I'm real crispy. Today was the official opening day of our pool. This is the first time since we moved six plus months ago where the pool was open, the chemicals were balanced, which I've been battling with for like a week and a half has been really fucking annoying. And we did it and we swam in the pool, like, all day today. And so I'm pretty red and crispy. And I'm definitely going to be kind of sunburning for the whole summer.

[E]

I'm used to pools that open to, like, May or June. So it's wild that you guys are, like, able to swim and stuff.

[C]

Yeah, I mean, it was. It was not, like, hot today, but it was warm enough and sunny and. And the pool is heated, so if you were in the water, it was great. And as soon as you got out, it was kind of like, let's go inside.

[E]

You probably like cool water. See, I like bath water.

[C]

I mean, it's heat. It's a heated pool. It's warm pool. Seated to, like, I don't know, 80 some degrees, 84 degrees or something. It's pretty warm.

[E]

See, I'm the guy that went to Florida in July in the pool that's been sitting in the sun, baking. Could basically boil a lobster. Hop. And I'm like, oh, that's great. I go to the ocean. Like, that's a little chilly.

[C]

Even though, like, well, the ocean is cold. The ocean is still.

[E]

I'm talking about, like, the Gulf in summer where it's not cold, still cold.

[C]

So it's natural. Water is always cold. So cold. I think.

[E]

Jinx. You can have it, though, because you're the host.

[C]

Anyway, I'm definitely going to show up to some episodes over the course of the summer and be catastrophically sunburnt. So you'll have that to look forward to. It's probably going to be pretty funny.

[E]

It's a big pool, right? We could fit a pontoon or something in there. So we do a boat episode.

[C]

No, we're doing a boat episode in the pool. We have to.

[E]

Okay, cool.

[C]

It's big enough to fit. Very funny things.

[E]

Carnival or one of the cruises will sponsor us and they're going to put a cruise ship in your pool.

[C]

Was that private yacht collection we read commercials for? Can we get a private yacht in my pool?

[E]

Oh, yeah, that was the. It was the hotel. The famous hotel. But they have a yacht club.

[D]

Wait, when the hell did you guys read a. You guys read. Did you guys get a sponsorship that I wasn't there for?

[C]

No, no, we talked about this. You were there.

[E]

A luxury thing. Did you go on?

[D]

What do you mean we talked about this? I don't remember it.

[E]

We did a Ritz Carlton Yacht club

[C]

read the Three of us did it because I remember talking about it.

[D]

We did a Ritz Carlton ad read.

[C]

It was the Ritz Carlton private yacht collection. Something, something. And I'm not going to say it was during the part of the final, final stretch of movie production where you were absolutely killing yourself working 20 hours a day, fitting podcasts in whenever you could around the clock, but you might not remember it for a reason.

[D]

Oh, did you guys get yachts and I didn't?

[C]

I wish. I literally said a couple of emails and was like, hey, I know we get samples. Sometimes I would take a sample of a yacht. I don't know how you get yach

[E]

yacht samples, but just send the money. I learned from watching that Oprah car giveaway that the people that won the car still had to pay taxes and stuff on them. I don't know if I want to pay taxes on a free yacht.

[C]

It's why modern car giveaways, it's always like, win a 20, 26 Chevy Corvette and $25,000. You don't get to keep the money. That's to cover the taxes on the car.

[E]

Yeah, that makes sense. I don't. What's the tax on a yacht? Probably high.

[C]

Well, don't rich people not pay taxes or. Probably no tax on a yacht. There's probably a tax exempt.

[E]

So if they give you the yacht, you become rich, you don't pay taxes anymore.

[C]

It's a yacht for educational purposes, so there's no taxes to learn about how yachts are.

[E]

Yeah, educate. That's stupid. I'm not going to finish this word.

[D]

Wait, I don't even know where you were going.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

And education. But it didn't. Yeah, education. Just education with a. Yeah, it was. It was stupid. It was stupid. That's why I said stupid. I didn't want to move.

[D]

I want to move on education.

[E]

That's better than education.

[D]

Yachtication.

[E]

Educate.

[D]

Yacht zication.

[E]

Educate. Yeah, education.

[C]

I didn't. That was too. That was something. I didn't like it. It was off putting.

[D]

Sorry, sorry.

[C]

You guys want to play a game? You don't have a choice because I'm the host and that's what we do here. But it's really easy. You guys familiar with charades?

[E]

There's no way.

[D]

What?

[E]

This is a quick aside. Last night, apparently I like woke up

[D]

last night and I had a moment

[E]

where I was like, man, I've got this great idea for a podcast episode. I typed myself a note to remember today. And all I typed on the note Pictionary podcast. That's Literally all I wrote, and I woke up today and I was like, the fuck? What's the idea?

[C]

I stole your idea. And also, this could not have less to do with Pictionary. You know, charades. One person, like, draws a card, they get a thing, they have to act it out, and the other people have to guess what it is. We're not doing that. I like to call this reverse charades. One person is going to be given the card. It's going to. I mean, they're going to be easy. That person has to tell the other person what to do, and the person acting out, whatever it is, has to guess what the word is that they're acting out.

[D]

I love it.

[E]

All right. This is great. Okay.

[C]

It's reverse or inverse charades. I don't know. It's different charades. So we're going to go back and forth, and I'm going to flip a coin to see who gets to go first.

[D]

Getting some more space for this so that I can. I know that there's going to be a lot of physicality here.

[C]

This is. I'm trying to keep it to where, like, you can stay at your desk, but, like, you could get crazy with it. You guys are allowed to escalate this to wherever wants to go. I'm not going to limit you.

[D]

Can I limber up?

[C]

I think that's entirely in Wade's hands at this point. I don't.

[D]

This is my limbering. That's the maximum limbering I can do.

[C]

You look so limber. Lady is Wade, lion is Mark.

[E]

I definitely need to stretch because I just told you I'm still sore as hell.

[C]

All right. The lady goes first. That means I'm going to give. I'm going to send you a word in our secret private chat, Wade, and that's going to be your word. There's going to be a timer on this, right? So you get.

[E]

Oh, good.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

I didn't explain all the rules. It's very. It's not convoluted. It's all. It's fine. There's going to be a timer, and, Wade, you get a point if Mark successfully guesses it, and Mark gets a point if I successfully guess it before he says it. I'm going to write my guesses down in my notes.

[E]

So shouldn't he just never guess it?

[C]

No, you have to participate if you. We don't do that. Come on, now. Come on. Everyone's participating.

[D]

Yeah, we do.

[C]

I need to structure it in a way where you're forced to participate. Otherwise, you suffer.

[E]

No, I will, because I just want to be able to guess it.

[D]

What is it? The first year of the podcast.

[E]

I don't know what year we are. Every.

[D]

Every game, every episode is like, I'm suspicious about something. Something ain't right.

[E]

Something. I'm not doing it.

[C]

True. That's so true. Ever since.

[E]

Was it secret words that really broke us as friends?

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it did. Yeah. Yeah, that's true.

[C]

I'm sett timer at three minutes. Wait. I'm going to send you your word.

[E]

I was going to say I have not even seen the word yet, but. Okay, you haven't said it. That's good.

[C]

Fine. Calm down. I'm going to set the timer at five minutes. We'll see how that plays. I'm going to send Wade the word and then start the timer. It's a good thing Mark's limber.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

Ready?

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Go. I almost just sent it to the wrong person. It's fine.

[E]

Oh, okay. Mark, I need you to. With your two hands, put them together. Like, at the wrist. No, no, no. Like, hands. Hands facing out. Like you're. You're waving with both hands, but you're touching at the wrist.

[D]

But at the wrist.

[E]

Yeah. Then spread your hands out and hide your thumbs.

[D]

Hide my thumbs?

[E]

Hide your thumbs. It's just the eight other fingers. And then I want you to kind of wiggle them and start. Start high.

[C]

Hi.

[D]

And you're going to see an enemy. See an enemy.

[C]

That's not it. That's not it. Keep going.

[E]

Pretend you have them dropping down from something. Like a.

[D]

That's just pretend I have them dropping down from something. Eh.

[C]

This is the craziest way you could have done this.

[E]

I know, man. I'm much better at the acting than I am the describing. We know this about me.

[C]

All right, continue, continue. Three minutes, 50 seconds.

[D]

Okay, pretend I have them dropping down.

[E]

Like, it's kind of like. Wiggle them around and make, like, a snowflake pattern. How? How? Not with your fingers. Not with your fingers. Then with what?

[D]

Your.

[E]

Both the hands together. You're gonna drop down and kind of like, move in, like, a diamond shape. Move them to keep them together. No, no, no. Wrist. Wrist together.

[C]

No. Yep, keep going. Perfect. Perfect. Yep. Move them down.

[D]

I' all the listeners. My hands are doing nothing. What he's saying.

[E]

Never mind. You know what? We're going to start over. I got a better idea. I got a better idea. Walk like you're kind of just strutting your stuff. Okay. You're going to strut your stuff. You're walking around and all of a sudden stop and look very like Bob. I hate this game.

[D]

Yeah. By doing it. I'm perplexed as hell.

[C]

I want to jump in and do this so badly. Because you're so close to doing it right.

[E]

You're walking and then you're going to come to a sudden stop and start reaching at your face and start picking something off and kind of like flinging it away. Throwing it. Spit a little. You're disgusted.

[D]

I walked into a spider nest.

[E]

Oh. Oh.

[D]

Spider web.

[C]

Spider cobweb.

[E]

I'm so good at this.

[C]

Spider web. Spider web.

[E]

The is this. I was trying to get you to make a web as a spider.

[C]

He was trying to get you to make a spider with your hit. That was like wiggling. That was the craziest shit you could have possibly done.

[E]

I'm crazy. We know this.

[D]

All right, watch me. I mean, yeah, listen to me and I'll watch. You

[E]

got there, didn't we? Also, Bob, I feel like the guessing for you is gonna be really.

[C]

No, you know what? Once I said it out loud, I heard it, because I'm telling you what the word is. So I just gave Mark the point immediately because I was right. It was spider web.

[E]

Okay, good. That's right.

[C]

I write some of these ideas down at 3 in the morning when I can't sleep. And I'm not gonna lie.

[E]

Me too.

[C]

I didn't think that one all the way through until I. It's fine. I'm not. So we're not gonna do that. It's fine. But Mark was a very good sport. And Mark did a very good job guessing. And I'm gonna give Mark five minutes on this next one. But I think we're gonna turn the time down on the next round because you finished that with, like, two and a half minutes. And you did just an awful job, Wade.

[D]

Oh.

[C]

Couldn't have been very much worse to start off on that one. Anyway. Mark, you ready?

[D]

Yes.

[C]

Go.

[D]

Oh, I have it.

[C]

It's in the chat.

[D]

Okay. Okay. Wade, go to the left side of frame.

[E]

My left or your left?

[D]

Either left. Doesn't matter. You gotta go to frame.

[E]

Okay.

[D]

Now, there's. There's a fence in the middle of your camera, right? Okay. So you're gonna. You're gonna go and you're gonna jump over it and then do it again. Well, okay. I mean, yeah, go back to the beginning, and then, you know, just hop.

[E]

Hop.

[D]

All right, whatever. Okay,

[E]

I'm hopping.

[D]

No, over the fence. The fence. Just Get a repetitious action. Repetitious action.

[E]

Hopscotch.

[D]

Yeah, but more. More gently and, you know, do it softer,

[E]

softly. Jump over the fence. Okay.

[D]

All right, now. Now sit back down. And you're. You're watching that happen in front of you. You're watching it. You're. Head.

[E]

Head.

[D]

Track it with your head.

[E]

Okay.

[D]

All right. It's a whole bunch of them. They're not hopping back and forth. They're not. You got that in your mind, counting sheep?

[C]

Oh, I'm going to count that. I'll count that. It's just sheep.

[E]

Oh, okay.

[D]

So I don't know. How would you. Other than go bad like a sheep?

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

Well, isn't that just the bitch of it?

[E]

But I'm glad I got. I was like, okay, that's a bunny. It's hopscotch. It's jumping jacks. It's the horses. It's.

[D]

It was an obtuse way to go. It's the only thing I thought of.

[E]

That's what I thought with the dangling spider, but, you know, it didn't work out for me. All right.

[C]

Since we're doing so well.

[E]

Oh, no.

[C]

I'm going to keep it easy. This is going to be fine. We're going to do three minutes, and, Wade, you have your word. Ready, set, go.

[E]

Okay, Mark, you have to stay on camera, but you're laying down. Okay?

[C]

He needs those. He can't hear you right now.

[E]

That would help if he could hear me. Cross one arm over your left shoulder, your left arm over your. To your right shoulder and your. Yeah, crisscross your arms like that. Okay. Eyes closed. And now all of a sudden, burst your eyes awake and take, like, a big breath.

[D]

I'm a mummy vampire. Not in the living room.

[E]

Let's go back to eyes closed, mouth closed. And shake your body like you're getting electric jolts. And then have your eyes and mouth open.

[D]

I'm a vampire. I'm a mummy. What the fuck else?

[E]

Okay, the electric jolts are stemming from your chest.

[D]

I'm a patient in cardiac arrest. I'm in the rescue position or whatever this is. I'm about to go down a water slide, and they're cattle prodding me to go down because I refuse to make the jump and I passed out at the top.

[E]

Okay, remember, these are like, short, easy, one word things, right? Like one or two words.

[C]

Minute 30.

[E]

Okay, go back to eyes closed. Okay, Mouth closed. Let's drop our arms to our side. And now you're going to feel. Just have your chest kind of like it's being pushed. And then open your mouth a little bit and imagine someone pinching your nose and blowing into your mouth.

[D]

I'm a CPR patient. Wait, I'm an airbag.

[C]

I'm a balloon.

[E]

Uh, okay, got it, got it. Let's go a different direction real quick.

[A]

Move around.

[E]

Move around like your whole body's made of wood. Now, when you talk, pretend your nose grows Pinocchio, but all of a sudden, you're no longer made of wood.

[D]

I'm a real. I'm a real boy.

[E]

Just find some parallel between these things.

[C]

25 seconds.

[D]

Homunculus.

[E]

Eyes closed, mouth closed, arms at side, you. Right now, you're three.

[D]

I am dead. I am.

[E]

But. But when you open your eyes.

[C]

Oh, he said undead.

[E]

Yeah, we were close. You were close, Wade.

[C]

He did really good. You just needed to, like.

[E]

What was the word?

[D]

What was the word?

[C]

It was alive. He got you right to, like, you were dead.

[E]

Well, okay, the thing is, I've got to give him actions, right?

[C]

Yeah, but, like.

[D]

No, I. I see. I see it now. I see it kind of. I don't get the wooden plank thing.

[E]

Well, I was trying to be your Pinocchio. Now you're alive. You're a real boy. You're alive. You're not just.

[D]

Oh, Oh.

[E]

I was panicking with 30 seconds to find another alive parallel.

[D]

Okay, all right, I got you. That's my bad. That's my bad.

[E]

Yeah, I got the vampire, like, coming back. You were undead rather than Al, so I was like, okay, we got to get away from that. Let's go with, like, CPR or the paddles or something. I was trying to bring you back to life.

[D]

I get it now. I get it now.

[C]

I. You just. I feel like you just kept giving up, right when Mark was on the precipice and being like, let's try something else completely.

[E]

Well, it was. It was. I was. I was. I felt like I was only allowed to give him actions as clues. I couldn't just be, like, synonym for, like. I couldn't do that. So it was like, what's another action I can do to come back to life?

[D]

No, I appreciate sticking to the rules.

[E]

At least I didn't switch to the birth canal. I was gonna go there, that route,

[D]

but that would have got me right there.

[E]

I didn't have time. I was like, okay, you hear sperm, you hit an egg. All right?

[D]

You're popping out your baby. Oh, well, then we gotta define exactly.

[C]

People are debating whether you are or are not this thing. How many weeks has it been.

[E]

If only I'd gone that route.

[C]

All right, Mark, are you prepared to instruct?

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

I cannot tell if these are harder or easier. I'm honestly trying to match the difficulty. So there you go. Raise that. There's your word.

[D]

Be small. Well, okay, hold on. All right, we're going there. You're tiny.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Idiot. Bitious. Flatten out.

[C]

Smaller.

[D]

Flatter. Smaller.

[E]

Flatters small.

[C]

Ah, he's nailing this.

[D]

Close. Flat, flat, flat, flat, flat, flat.

[C]

You.

[D]

All right. And now open on one. Hinge.

[E]

For the listeners. He rolled to his right.

[D]

Okay, all right. Okay, let's. This isn't working.

[C]

Two minutes.

[D]

Back out a bit. Back, back out a bit. Back out of it. Make a humming sound.

[C]

Uh huh. Is that the whole instruction?

[D]

Okay, now. Now the humming. Rise the humming in pitch. And then start sweating.

[E]

Start sweating.

[D]

Start sweating. A minute 30 and you can't move, by the way. Oh, okay. And now bring it down. Oh, stop sweating. Back down to idle. No, keep the humming going. What are you,

[E]

A tea kettle stepped on by a T. Rex? I don't know.

[C]

Remember, these are like one or two word things. These are like simple things.

[D]

Yeah. Okay. All right, do the humming now. You've. You just lost power. Okay, turn back on. Hold on a second. Now lose power in a dramatic fashion.

[E]

What the.

[D]

All right. Okay, that's my bad.

[E]

Turmicon.

[D]

Turn off. But in kind of a dish. Descendo.

[E]

I can't remember.

[C]

Oh.

[E]

Power switch. Power off. Toggle surge.

[C]

15 seconds.

[E]

Generator flat hinge.

[D]

Make a box with your arms. A box. Now narrow the box. Narrow the box. Now push your arms out from your forehead. Straight out. Then 90 degrees and then down.

[C]

Last guess.

[D]

Oh, the.

[C]

I'm a juice.

[E]

I'm a woodoosh. No, that's wrong.

[D]

The word was computer.

[E]

What.

[C]

What exactly were you trying to think of with the wa.

[E]

I was thinking of like Dr. Arnold and Jurassic Park. Pulling power.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

All right. Make a humming noise. Okay, now power off dramatically. All right,

[D]

that is dramatic. If my computer did that, I'd be very worried.

[C]

That would be terrible news. If your computer did that, that would not be good.

[E]

Mark, I just want you to remember. Let's both remember this when Bob gets a one man show, because. All right, okay, we'll give him some easy words.

[C]

All right, I have another easy one. Wade, are you ready for another easy one?

[D]

I'm limber.

[E]

Oh, fuck me. Yeah, let's do it.

[C]

Wade, begin.

[E]

Okay, I want you to stand with your arms at your side. Yeah, that's fine. And start counting down from, like, 10 in your mind. And as you get to, like, three, start shaking and get more and more, like, violent with the shaking, and then slowly rise.

[D]

Am I the Artemis Rocket?

[C]

I'm gonna count that. I'm gonna count that. Rocket. It's rocket. The word. The word is rocket.

[E]

Oh, thank God.

[D]

I'm so good at this.

[E]

I felt so much better than alive. In spite, I finally, at least feel confident.

[D]

Oh, I'm the best.

[C]

Oh, man.

[E]

Yes. That's a good description, right? I finally did good.

[D]

That was pretty good. Yeah, but my genius interpretation of it is what gets the point here.

[E]

At least I feel good about myself for a moment. After alive and spiderweb, I was feeling pretty low.

[D]

Get ready. That's good. I'll change that.

[C]

I mean, you can do whatever you want. You know that I give people points for laugh. Causing me to laugh, so.

[D]

That's true. That's true.

[C]

All right, Mark, you ready? Right. Set, Go.

[D]

Be flat. Get flat. Flatter. Get flat.

[B]

Now stretch out.

[D]

Stretch, stretch. Super. Not out. Along.

[E]

Long.

[C]

Get long.

[E]

Now flat. What are you? Am I a rolling, rolling pin? Dough? Am I dough? No.

[D]

Enter a lower dimension.

[E]

Go. Get going.

[C]

What are you here? I am going down. What is.

[E]

I'm in hell.

[D]

Okay, all right, all right.

[E]

Hold.

[D]

Hold your. Hold your hand in front of your face. Now turn. Turn it sideways.

[E]

Thin paper. Skinny, scrawny.

[D]

Go up and down with it.

[C]

Huh?

[D]

Go up and down with it.

[E]

Split, divided, cut.

[D]

Take. Take your finger, put it off. Frame. Now go to the other side. Slowly.

[E]

Eye exam.

[D]

Oh, no. Close your eyes.

[C]

Minute ten.

[D]

Close your eyes. Feel as you do that thing I said.

[E]

Drag.

[C]

Pull.

[E]

Oh, God.

[D]

Oh.

[E]

Okay.

[D]

All right. Forget everything I said. Stand with your hands in your pockets. You're. You're looking out. You're waiting, right?

[E]

Wait.

[D]

Check your watch. Say out loud, man. When's the train gonna get here?

[E]

Time. Pace. Wait.

[C]

Board.

[E]

Nothing. Think 30 seconds.

[D]

Look at your. What's on your shirt right now?

[E]

Nothing.

[C]

Plain.

[E]

Plain fabric. Cotton.

[D]

No, look at its leg across.

[E]

Headphone.

[C]

Earphones. 20 seconds.

[D]

Oh, oh, wait. You've got people in front of you and behind you, and you're standing line.

[C]

Oh, oh. With 10 seconds left. What a comeback.

[E]

Oh. Oh, yeah. You said put me in a line of people. I was right there with you online. Okay, yeah. Scared you. Almost got you there.

[C]

All right, well, I will say I'm using. I'm just using a website for this. I didn't think of these things. I've been keeping it on easy.

[E]

Oh, good.

[C]

I'm going to tweak. The settings a little bit. Well, look, there's easy, medium, hard, and really hard. And I can also pick the number of words. I'm not going to go to the highest of either of them. Does that make you feel any better? No, those aren't related. What the. Hang on.

[E]

Wait.

[C]

This is just too random. I thought it would be like, okay, I'm gonna stick to one word.

[D]

Oh, you thought it was gonna be, like, a phrase?

[C]

Yeah, the first one was muscle drums. I was like, that's not a thing. That's not a thing. All right, it's Wade's turn again. And since we're making it more difficult, I'm gonna take 30 seconds away from you.

[E]

Okay, good.

[C]

So you have 2 minutes, 30 seconds. Wade, I'm about to send you your word, and it's not very hard. It's just medium.

[D]

All right.

[C]

Ready, set. I typed that in the wrong box. Ready, set. Your charade.

[E]

All right, put your leg. Stand up and put your leg up like you're propping it up on something. And then reach up and adjust, maybe like a fancy hat on your head. And then put your hands out in front of you and grab a boat wheel. Like a. Like a boat steering wheel.

[D]

Captain,

[C]

you could have not said 90% of that and still gotten captain.

[E]

Well, I was going. For some weird reason, the first thing I thought of was the alcohol. Captain. Whatever the fuck.

[D]

I. I loved it. That was great.

[C]

Put your leg up immediately. I could see Mark's face was like, my leg is up.

[E]

Well, I was like, picture the guy with his leg on the barrel with the captain's head. I was like, wait, I can't say that.

[C]

You know Captain Morgan.

[E]

That's his name. I couldn't think of the name.

[C]

I was like, you know that guy, Morgan?

[E]

Put your leg up on a barrel and hand me alcohol. Who are you?

[C]

All right, this one. This one could be explain elated in a thousand ways. This might be too easy for how good you have been, Mark.

[E]

You know, I'm gonna fucking not guess it. I'm gonna look really stupid now.

[C]

Well, it will be probably easier if I don't send you a typo. Ready. Set. Parade.

[D]

Okay, hold your arm up. Now hold your other arm like this. Perpendicularly, like. Okay, now bring them together. Not that far. Bring it a little. A little closer.

[E]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

Now look. Put your head through that gap. No, not all the way through. Just put. Frame your. Yeah, but step. Lean your head back. Now look at the intersection. And then gesture the intersection towards me.

[E]

Like that.

[D]

Like this. As if I'm supposed to get it because you're playing charades, right?

[C]

Look.

[D]

Look down at the intersection. Go like, look at me and go. Okay.

[E]

All right.

[D]

What are you.

[E]

Stop sign.

[D]

Oh, you're never gonna get this. Okay, all right. Forget this. Everything about this. You're walking upstairs. Can't trip a little bit.

[E]

Stumble.

[D]

Yeah, you got long. She got long.

[E]

Trip up a little bit. Go up those stairs. You got long.

[D]

You got long on.

[E]

Stripped my long pants, my long shorts, my long legs. One minute my long dick is getting in the way of the stairs.

[C]

I see. I see the vision, Mark. Don't surrender. All right, then.

[D]

Then you're done with the stairs. Now you're just walking. Extend your right hand out. Extend your left hand over your right hand with your. The first hand. I forget which one it was. Move it up and down and with your other hand, grab onto something.

[C]

No, it's imaginary.

[D]

Just grab onto something.

[C]

20 seconds.

[D]

Walk away.

[C]

Guess something. You have 12 seconds.

[E]

French maid. Vacuum. Clear.

[C]

What?

[D]

What did you grab?

[E]

Broom. Mop. Vacuum. Sweep.

[C]

Three.

[D]

Flat, become flat. Put yourself on a wall.

[C]

Final guess. Give one more guess.

[E]

Dustpan.

[C]

No, no, no.

[E]

I just threw up words, man.

[D]

It. It's because it's like a different version of the word for the thing. I was like, oh, man, it's degree.

[C]

You are accepting your degree.

[D]

Uh huh. And so this, it was supposed to be. I. I figured this would get you close to angle, but, you know, I

[E]

think you could have got me there more with that. The stairs. I don't. I don't. I. I understand. Except the diploma. You're shaking. Hand grabbing. Okay.

[D]

I couldn't have said. You're walking on stage, you know, in a robe and could have said that, but I didn't.

[E]

Instead, I was just on a random staircase, walking like.

[D]

No, the stairs were done. You.

[C]

You were done with the stairs?

[E]

Sure, I was done with the stairs. That's like Gangnam Style.

[C]

I.

[D]

Look, look, it's.

[C]

It's so pro. You do this and you grab and you take your. You know, and then

[E]

I should have gotten there, but I didn't close.

[C]

You've been doing so well, Wade, that I feel like I had to turn it up to difficulty again. So I'm gonna give you a really hard one. Are you ready?

[E]

How much time do I have? Two and a half. Still.

[C]

I'll leave the time. I feel like we're at a good amount of time. I don't want to torture you too badly. Wait. Here's your word. Go

[E]

the mark. Okay. Okay. You're standing. You're leaning up against a post or something. You know, you got your back leaning up, and you're gonna stand there, look at your watch, and kind of look around with, like, a dirty look. Right now you're just gonna keep on standing there and pretend someone approaches you, a police officer approaches you, and they point and gesture at you and kind of like wave. Yeah, yeah. And then start walking away. And then you stop walking and you lean up against the post again. And then you're going to look smugly back in the direction of the cop and then just stand there and look at your watch.

[D]

I'm. I'm a criminal. I'm. I'm loitering. I'm. I'm a loiter. I'm a loiterer.

[E]

Yes.

[D]

Oh, my God. It's.

[E]

I'm a loiterer. It's literally loiterer. Oh, God, you're so. So smart and beautiful.

[D]

Oh, I really pieced it together after a while there. I really pieced together. Yeah.

[C]

God, I can't. I can't believe you got that.

[E]

Sometimes I feel like I'm like, am I allowed to describe this?

[C]

That was so good. When you started, and he was. He was kind of just doing it. I was like, I don't know if Mark's following him along on this, but he did. He took the journey. That was so beautiful.

[E]

I. If you hadn't gotten there from. I was like, I have no other directions for you. How else do I describe loitering other than someone who is loitering?

[C]

Mark, I'm so sorry.

[D]

That was great. The only reason I know this because. Brian Regan.

[E]

What?

[D]

You're in for loitering.

[C]

As soon as I saw the word, I was like, mark and I could get this in two seconds. You're in prison. A guy looks at you and is like, what are you in for? Loitering. I'm a loiterer. I don't have anywhere to be.

[E]

I didn't have that knowledge.

[C]

Some of us are better friends than others.

[D]

Are we bad friends for not showing him Brian Regan?

[C]

Probably. I'm objectively a bad friend to Wade. We live close enough that we can hang out all the time, and I just don't ever. We don't do that. You don't do it either. It's not like you text me a lot and I say no, but I don't do it either. And I get credit for that for being. For not being a very good friend. That's totally fair.

[E]

Same here, Mark.

[C]

I'm real Sorry about this. By which I mean I'm sure it's going to be fine. And I'm 90% sure this is equally as hard as Loiterer was, but you have to tell it to Wade. Ready, set, Charade.

[D]

Put your leg up on the thing. Now fix your hat like it's real fancy. Now you've got something big and heavy. Carrying with both hands.

[E]

Hobbling along my leg still up.

[D]

Okay. Yeah, yeah. You stand up and you have a big heavy thing and you're one.

[E]

One leg, pirate chest, booty.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

And then you set it. Set it down. Sit back down. All right. Okay. Rub your hands like this.

[E]

Greed, Gold, treasure.

[D]

Wiggle your fingers like you're. You're. You're a spider or something. Yeah. Do a little more rubbing. Put your fists at your chin and part it.

[C]

Minute 30.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Reach up into the gap. Pull out like you're pulling out something and kiss it. Move your hand towards the big heavy thing you just set down.

[E]

Key, lock, unlock.

[D]

Okay. Turn.

[E]

Turning the key, opening the chest.

[D]

You sure are. Then move. Yeah. Put your pants both like this. And then move them up and over.

[E]

Okay. Reveal buried treasure.

[D]

Doug, you put your hands at your head and you go with a big. Make your mouth into an O. Breathe out. Hands like this. His hands, pointed, fingers pointed down. Reach down in there, put your fingers kind of together and scoop up coins. Gold.

[E]

Gold coin, silver coin. Doubloons.

[C]

Doubloon.

[D]

Oh, I had to paint the whole picture, right? I had. Had to take you on that journey.

[E]

I was like, okay, it's the beard beads. I need the beard beads. No, I don'. I need. Oh, it's my hat again.

[D]

I was trying to do everything without saying part your beard.

[C]

I feel like you're over restricting yourself. I think you could have. You could have said some more words in there, but you did it. You did it honorably and you did it well.

[D]

I could have told you to get flat. You should be grateful.

[C]

Get flat.

[E]

I got flat so much today.

[C]

All right. That was really good. I am now realizing I may have set the points up in a way that rewarded the wrong person. Wade, in no particular order, you earned points for being a sore old man, needing clothes, education. You got spiderweb, you got rocket. You gave Mark a very dramatic. Shut off. You got captain and you got loiterer. Mark. You got points for finally going on your honeymoon or have had been. Had gone in the whatever. Points for what's the lagoon? Points for keeping your honeymoon a mystery, to keep it spicy. You got points for Getting sheep line and doubloon. And you got points for. Get flat, flatter, stay flat. Leaving the final score, 8 for Wade, 7 for Mark.

[E]

I really thought Mark would be ahead at this point.

[C]

I honestly think there were definitely a couple moments where I really laughed at something that Wade did. Didn't give him a point for it or anything. And then we just continued. I'm not cognitively at my peak. I can't lie, boys. I'm a little tired. All day in the sun will do that to you, you know?

[E]

Yeah. Sounds like it's a really rough day, hanging out at the pool.

[C]

Too much pool and sunshine for me.

[E]

That's terrible. I'm so sorry, man.

[C]

Anyway, how many wheel spins we gonna get?

[E]

Clearly an odd number.

[C]

Oh, no. Interesting one wheel spin.

[E]

Who's in the lead right now? I don't remember. Is it me?

[C]

Wait. Is up by one.

[E]

Okay, good. I don't want golf. I was like, I want to see those golf rules, I think. I don't want golf rules.

[C]

All right, I am going to add. Can I add things that are abstract? I want to add. Got the flattest, but I don't think that makes any fucking sense.

[D]

I don't care. It's your turn. It'll never come up the.

[C]

Yeah. If there's one thing we've learned, it's that these will never, never come back to bite us. And we'll always remember what we meant.

[E]

It'll be just like the Scottish accent. If it comes up, whichever one of us gets the flattest first to get the point.

[C]

You know what I mean? Just. Men mean men. Men.

[D]

You know what I mean? Men.

[C]

You know what I meant? Anyway, one spin. I'm sure nothing bad will happen.

[E]

So hypothetically, if, like, you know, my car gets smashed by a semi again and gets really flat, but then that comes up, and Mark gets really flat on camera. First two wins.

[D]

Wow, man. No question about it.

[C]

Well, I guess it doesn't fucking matter what I do then, does it?

[E]

You are the king of getting this.

[C]

The wheel has declared it is sudden death. And thusly, a tie. And thusly.

[E]

It's a fresh wheel, though.

[C]

It is a fresh wheel. That's not what that's supposed to look like. Give me a second. Hang on.

[E]

Wait. Is that how small that was when Mark hit it?

[D]

It was very. Yeah, it was very.

[C]

It was a very. A relatively small amount. So what do we have? It's 6% to 6.

[D]

Starts at 6. Yes, starts at 6.

[C]

So it's 360 degrees times 0.06. It's 21.6 because this thing uses degrees for some fucking reason. So I'm going to set it at 21.

[D]

Boom.

[C]

That looks better.

[D]

Oh, it's tiny.

[C]

There's no way.

[D]

There's no way it could not not happen.

[E]

No.

[C]

I dare. God, no. Don't.

[E]

You have to hire my parachuting clowns, man. You're gonna talk to God like that? You're gonna need.

[C]

Okay, okay, okay.

[E]

It never slows down. It just stops until it wants to.

[D]

Though sometimes it's very dramatic.

[C]

Yeah, it totally did that to Mark where it was all one manual.

[D]

When it wants to be, Mark wins.

[C]

Yay.

[D]

I feel like I deserved it. For sure.

[E]

I feel like I deserved it too. But you had all the honeymoon points and stuff, so you can you. I won't even use the coin. I'll just let you have it.

[C]

So do we add we had 2% now? Is that what we've decided to do? Yeah, in. In previous times.

[D]

Yes, I believe so. Two percent.

[C]

Oh, Mark wins. Congratulations, Mark.

[D]

Thank you.

[C]

A hard fought victory indeed. Would you like to give your winner speech?

[D]

Yes, I would. I was down. By all accounts, I should have lost. But fate. Fate is the only thing that matters. And it smiled upon me today just like it will smile upon ye if ye decide to follow this podcast. That's the only way to attempt fate. I click follow and unfollow again and again and again and again and again and again and again. Until the entire algorithm doesn't know what

[C]

to do with us.

[D]

Us. Therefore, I win. And you can too.

[C]

It's like a video game with a broken mechanic. If you just follow and unfollow distractible infinitely, you will eventually achieve infinite luck and be an unkillable God. Or win an episode of distract. Either one. Wait. Loser speech.

[E]

Listen. I started a little slow. Spiderweb and alive. But as we went along, the. The parabolic curve was really moving in my. My favor. One more round. That I would have been an undisputed champion. That even sudden death on the wheel couldn't have stopped because I have this bad boy and I would have used it to the fullest. New word I made. You're allowed to do that when you're as cool as me. But alas, we didn't have that final round and the true champion was crowned. And I will live by that.

[C]

You're just throwing out there that you forgot. You could have used your unfair challenge until it was too late. Or did you?

[E]

No, I chose. Chose not.

[D]

He chose.

[C]

Okay. Okay. Good fight, everyone. And good luck Mark. Great luck even. Yeah, thanks for playing the game that was really funny for me so I assumed the viewers and the listeners really enjoyed it. Probably the viewers more than the listeners.

[D]

Maybe.

[C]

But make sure you follow these guys. Markiplier Lordminion777 or Minion777 I am Miceker. Make sure you follow the podcast. Like Mark said, Infinite Luck Glitch totally works. We have Mercy Merch Distractable Dot Shop Man. I used to make fun of Wade for not knowing it and now it's I don't win enough so I don't say it enough I guess. And that is it. We will be back next Monday with another episode hosted by Mark because he earned it with his face.

[E]

I'll start winning again soon.

[C]

You wish. That's it. See you on the next one where I will definitely win and then I'll host and then Mark one then he'll host and then we'll the conspiracy will continue. Love you all. Podcast out.