Distractible – “Size Matters (Part 2)” – Dec 15, 2025
Episode Overview
In this episode, Markiplier (Mark Fischbach) hosts “Size Matters (Part 2)” with co-hosts Bob Muyskens and Wade Barnes. The trio continues their tradition of playful competition, witty banter, and absurd challenges—this time, focusing on a game where they must successively shorten (or later, lengthen) iconic movie quotes while retaining, then losing, their intended meaning. Along the way, they share amusing life updates, commiserate over technology woes, and debate the perils of modern home improvement.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Life Updates and Everyday Struggles
[05:58–11:19]
- Wade’s Home Reno Mishap: Wade shares his ordeal replacing an area rug, underestimating the labor and injuring his back. He details wrestling with a modular couch and ultimately needing family assistance.
- “It took like 2 hours … my back for like three days [was] just fully locked up. I was just like, lemming around.” [07:18, Wade]
- Running joke about “lemming around”—not a “lemon,” but like the video game creatures.
- Parental Love and Awkwardness: A comedic dive into parents texting “I love you” more often and using embarrassing usernames (Wade reveals his mom’s real username is "mama minion666"). [10:24]
- Bob’s Moving Woes: Bob recounts the mysterious disappearance of his Christmas lights, suggesting items vanished or returned through “wormholes” post-move, and reflects on the chaos of household moves.
- “Every time we move, there’s shit where it's like ... it's gone forever, or ... it came back to us. Like, I put this in the dumpster, and it climbed back into our box … like, Toy Story itself back into our lives.” [12:16, Bob]
2. Technology Rants: USBs and Printer Nightmares
[13:57–18:13]
- A loving roast of technological obsolescence:
- Bob laments keeping random cables “just in case” and the inevitability that the exact cable needed will be lost or buried.
- Mark explains the weirdness of USB B: “It's literally their solution to the orientation problem ... but nothing uses it besides printers. And printers are already the most useless piece of shit that you've ever used in your life.” [14:41, Mark]
- Everyone agrees printers remain infuriatingly unreliable—even in 2025, they’re a “necessary evil,” particularly for official paperwork.
- “All in favor of abolishing printers? Aye.” [17:51]
- Bob jokes that switching every device to USB-C would be a million-dollar idea. [38:23]
3. The Shortening Game: Shrinking Iconic Quotes
[19:24–29:32]
Mark introduces the central game:
- The players must take iconic movie quotes and compress them one word at a time, keeping meaning, wit, or context intact.
- Rules allow paraphrasing, scene-setting, or context as long as the message remains clear.
- Hilarity ensues as they break down quotes from Psycho, The Graduate, and Forrest Gump.
- Notable run:
- “A boy’s best friend is his mother.” (Psycho) becomes, through rounds: “Boy, bestie, mom.” and eventually, in Bob’s dramatic scene, “Mom, bestie.” [22:17, Bob]
- Mrs. Robinson (The Graduate) challenge devolves to Wade’s infamous: “So adultery.” [25:42, Wade] which Mark awards a bonus point for comedic succinctness.
- “Life is like a box of chocolates” gets whittled to, e.g., “Mama said life’s like chocolates. What’s there?” [28:22, Wade]
- Notable run:
4. The Lengthening Game: Stretching Quotes Past Meaning
[29:32–34:42]
Mark flips the prior challenge: now, add a word each turn to a short quote, seeing who can go farthest before the phrase loses all resemblance to the original.
- Using “Here’s Johnny!” (The Shining) as the base, they create increasingly ridiculous and verbose monologues, complete with backstory, direct addresses, and comedic digressions.
- “Dear wife, Wendy Torrance ... it is I, Jack Torrance, a.k.a. Johnny, your husband, coming in through the hole in the door. I’ve got an axe and I’ve lost my mind.” [32:52, Wade]
- Bob turns it into a rambling voicemail: “You will not guess what I just had to deal with with those fucking elevators…” [33:07, Bob]
5. Points, Prize Wheels, and Absurd Victory Conditions
[35:44–44:12]
- Points Recap: Mark gives points for moments of creativity and comedy, like Wade’s “lemming around” and “so adultery,” or Bob’s “Mom, Bestie.”
- A Running Joke on Keeping Score: The episode is punctuated by spinning digital “fun wheels” and award categories like “sneezed the most.”
- Victory Decided By Chance: After a tie, Bob wins thanks to a lucky spin—leading to triumphant and loser speeches.
- Bob: “Who needs to win a thing to get the episode win? ... I prefer to leave things up to chance.” [43:02, Bob]
- Wade: “I got the biggest laugh according to the points, but it just wasn’t quite enough to overcome Bob’s wheel luck.” [43:35, Wade]
6. Announcements & Outro
[35:55–36:21, 44:24–45:11]
- Holiday Break Announced: No episodes December 26, 29, or January 2; returning January 5th.
- Gratitude to Editors and Listeners: Special thanks for supporting their show through all the chaos, technical issues and short-notice recording.
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- Threatening the Audience (Jokingly):
- “Hello, and welcome back to Distractable, the only show you’re ever gonna need in your life. Or else. Or else what? Death.” [03:28, Mark]
- On Modular Sofas & Underestimating Tasks:
- “Every single piece came undone... I just had eight pieces of a couch. That might be an exaggeration—I had a lot of pieces of couch.” [08:14, Wade]
- Describing Moving Mysteries:
- “It’s been a few years where I was, like, unpacking a box and I pulled it out and I was like, Holy shit, it’s haunted. It came back to us. Like, I put this in the dumpster, and it climbed back into our box in the thing and like, Toy Story itself back into our lives.” [12:16, Bob]
- On Printer Frustration:
- “Still to this day, it is not easier. ... Hit print. Paper jam. It doesn’t work. Didn’t get anything. There’s no paper anywhere in there.” [16:21, Mark]
- Iconic Quote Game:
- Bob, dropping his boxers in an imaginary monologue: “Mom, bestie.” [22:17]
- Wade, succinct: “So adultery.” [25:42]
- Longest “Here’s Johnny” Parody:
- “Dear wife, Wendy Torrance, it is I, Jack Torrance, AKA Johnny, your husband, coming in through the hole in the door. I’ve got an axe and I’ve lost my mind.” [32:52, Wade]
Important Timestamps
| Timestamp | Segment/Highlight | |----------------|----------------------------------------| | 05:58–07:46 | Wade’s rug replacement story | | 11:32–13:26 | Bob’s moving & “wormhole” anecdotes | | 13:57–18:13 | Tech/USB/printer rants | | 19:24–29:32 | Main “shorten the quote” game | | 29:32–34:42 | Reverse/lengthening quote game | | 35:44–37:55 | Points, spin wheels, and award debate | | 43:31–44:20 | Winner/loser speeches & final bits | | 35:55, 44:24 | Holiday break schedule/announcements |
Episode Tone & Style
True to Distractible’s flavor, the episode is a whirlwind of self-deprecating humor, improvisational “what if” storytelling, and escalating, surreal riffing on everyday annoyances. The dynamic is deeply friendly and teasing—Mark as the chaotic moderator, Wade the earnest “guy having a week,” and Bob as the sly contrarian.
Takeaway
“Size Matters (Part 2)” delivers exactly what Distractible fans expect—irreverent games, chaotic life stories, and the sense that you’re eavesdropping on a trio of old friends trying to make each other laugh, one up each other, and—sometimes—turn a mundane phrase into something unexpectedly profound (or just very, very silly).