Squid Game (Even Too-er)

Summary

Distractible – "Squid Game (Even Too-er)"

Date: December 19, 2025
Hosts: Mark Fischbach, Wade Barnes, Bob Muyskens

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Episode Overview

In this lively episode, Bob hosts a Distractible twist on the hit series "Squid Game," challenging Mark and Wade to pitch deadly childhood games fit for a Squid Game-style elimination tournament. The trio swaps stories about public attention, viral internet moments, and reminisce about the sometimes brutal world of kids’ games. The episode is packed with banter, playful competitiveness, and signature self-deprecation.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Life Updates & Small Talk

• Mark’s Home Lab Reddit Debacle: Mark shares about being "ripped apart" on the Home Lab subreddit for his janky server setup (04:44). While some applauded the relatability, others questioned his professionalism, sparking a humorous discussion about online criticism.
• Wade’s Tire Pressure Woes: Wade recounts a comical misadventure failing to inflate his car tires correctly, bemoaning unreliable gas station compressors and his struggle with modern car expectations (05:34).
  • Quote (Wade, 07:26): “Everyone at the gas station, I did it. Kind of. I kind of like, look around, make sure no one's like...my fingers have the weird little oily nastiness on them because I am putting air in my own tires like a big, strong man, you know?”
• Cinemark and Internet Fanbases: Mark describes overwhelming a Cinemark representative with fan email requests for movie theater screenings, highlighting how online communities can surprise the uninitiated with sheer collective action (10:25).
  • Quote (Mark, 11:29): “The guy from Cinemark is like, our team is just...the email is just, can you please calm down, please? I’m just like...”
  • Quote (Bob, 13:24): “It's funny when normies have to interface with Internet types, they have no idea what they're getting into.”

2. The Distractible Squid Game: Deadly Childhood Games

• Game Premise: Bob tasks Mark and Wade with "designing" life-or-death versions of their favorite childhood games, Squid Game-style. The games must be inventive, with elimination upon losing.
• Selection & Mechanics:
  • Chutes and Ladders (Wade): A life-sized obstacle course where rolling dice moves you and chutes lead to instant doom (19:15).
    • Quote (Wade, 19:26): “So if you get to a point where you go down the chute, it's death.”
  • Jump Rope (Mark): An electrified, laser jump rope—touch it, and you’re sliced apart (21:00).
    • Quote (Mark, 21:28): "The rope is obviously some kind of laser, like, from Kingsman...like a lightsaber, but controllable.”
  • Musical Chairs (Wade): Every round, a brutal safety device ensures only the fastest survive; latecomers lose limbs, at best (22:50).
  • Dodgeball (Mark): Features explosive balls and potential "neck bombs" for instant elimination, with referees acting as executioners (23:49).
    • Quote (Bob, 24:48): "You inject a small explosive into the base of everyone's neck...referees confer...and then they just go, boop."
  • Hopscotch (Wade): Hazards are added to the course; missing a square or stumbling brings fatal results (25:53).
  • Life-Size Battleship (Mark): Teams of players are “boats”—correct guesses send real missiles or sharks, with survival dependent on teamwork and tactics (27:25).
    • Quote (Mark, 28:07): “Maybe it's sharks underneath the water and they come and grab you.”

3. Who Survives the Distractible Squid Games?

• For each game, Bob and the group debate who between Mark and Wade would survive. Their assessments draw on both past sporting ability and their self-deprecating humor about physical prowess.
  • Chutes & Ladders: Luck-based; Wade wins a coin flip (29:01).
  • Jump Rope: Wade used to train for dunking in basketball—he has the edge in jumping (29:50).
  • Musical Chairs: Mark claims the anxiety would spur his performance (31:11).
  • Explosive Dodgeball: Both terrible, but Mark is smaller and more nimble; Mark wins (32:55).
  • Battleship: Both claim mixed records; Mark confesses to cheating as a kid (34:54), which would get him killed in Squid Game rules.

4. Point Tally & Outcome

• Points are awarded for humor, creativity, and (ironically) accuracy.
• After tallying, Bob declares a tie (eight points each), leading to a “spin-off” for the final winner. Wade clinches the win through the added “worst weather near you” point (38:18).

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Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• On Internet vs. Real World
  • Mark (12:49): “It looks insane, but...there are translations to real life that have tangible effect but it's not always the case. So it's kind of hard to judge where it is.”
• “Schrodinger’s Handshake Deal” (15:05):
  • Bob (15:14): "Honestly, I think maybe that should be one of the...it should be for the good of all three hosts. But it's at our discretion..."
• Bob's Hosting Announcement
  • Bob (17:07): “Have you guys seen Squid Game?...I want you to pitch me what games from your childhood or our collective childhood would we make the Squid Games games.”
• On Jump Rope Lethality
  • Mark (21:04): "You have to jump in the middle there...The rope is obviously some kind of laser, like, from Kingsman, where he had the whip that was just, like, somehow electrically cut things."
• Dodgeball Mechanics
  • Bob (24:48): “You inject a small explosive into the base of everyone's neck, and then you have a series of referees watching...then they just go, boop.”
• Life-Size Battleship
  • Mark (28:07): “It’s on the water, too. Maybe it’s sharks underneath the water and they come and grab you.”

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Final Winner & Speeches

• Wade wins the Distractible Squid Game!
  • Wade (38:43): “Fun episode. I'm glad I got to learn everything. That was the squid game...can't wait to not have to compete, but to get to help Bob host one.”
  • Mark’s loser speech (39:00): "I went into this one thinking that I would win. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen, which is really a surprise. I usually win these things, and the fact that I didn’t kind of makes me suspicious..."

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Fun & Memorable Moments

• Running Weather Commentary and Life Updates: Recurring gags about not seeing the sky, bad weather points, and the uselessness of the outdoors for introverts.
• Continual Callbacks to Internet Culture: They joke about "normies," subreddits, and how internet actions translate to real-world bemusement.
• Meta-Jokes on Podcasting & the Listener Experience: The hosts playfully mock their own structure and their listeners ("If you’re a loser, you’re listening...I don’t blame you...it’s just the facts.” - Bob, 03:21).
• Evolving Banter about Handshake Deals & Emergency Rules: "Schrodinger’s handshake," in-air agreements, and imaginary contractual loopholes.

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Important Segment Timestamps

• Mark's Home Lab Story: 04:44–05:40
• Wade’s Tire Pressure Saga: 05:34–08:27
• Mark's Cinemark Email Fiasco: 10:25–13:24
• Game Pitch Intro: 17:07
• Chutes and Ladders Pitch: 19:15
• Jump Rope Pitch: 21:00
• Musical Chairs Pitch: 22:50
• Dodgeball Pitch: 23:49
• Hopscotch Pitch: 25:53
• Battleship Pitch: 27:25
• “Who Would Win?” Debates: 29:01–34:41
• Scoring & Winner Announcement: 36:41–39:00

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In Summary

"Squid Game (Even Too-er)" is a classic Distractible blend of creative nostalgia, clever game design, inside jokes, and relatable gripes about adulthood and the internet. The trio’s banter is sharp, balancing ridiculous stakes with the childish fun of schoolyard games—dosed with that uniquely Distractible blend of humor and humility. In the spirit of the show, it’s more about the laughs and chaos on the way than the outcome itself. And, as always, the listeners get the last word...on the subreddit.

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Winner: Wade
Best Quote:
"You inject a small explosive into the base of everyone's neck, and then you have a series of referees watching...then they just go, boop." – Bob (24:48)

Transcript

[Bob]

This episode is brought to you by Facebook. You know when you get that gift that is just like so you. It's perfect. Feel, seen, heard, smelt even. Especially when it's a Secret Santa gift. Like, how did Jack from accounting know that I collect vintage action figures? How do. That's almost creepy, but actually it's just impressive and sweet. You know, on Facebook, a little connection goes a long way.

[Mark]

You mean Facebook Marketplace? Because all of my gifts that I got you guys are from other people that I found on Facebook Marketplace and the incredible deals that I got from them.

[Wade]

I made my own Secret Santa group so I could give things to myself. And I have been shopping on Facebook Marketplace since you guys mentioned it and boy oh boy, the amount of things I can get. For me, there are so many things. Everything is here on Facebook.

[Bob]

True connection is only a click away. Let's reconnect this holiday season with Facebook and turn polite presents into meaningful moments. This episode is brought to you by Panda Express. If someone wanted to tell me that they love me, all they would need to do is get me some honey walnut shrimp from Panda Express. The message would not be lost in translation. In fact, I might even rather have honey walnut shrimp than words from an actual human mouth hole. If you're trying to get a message to me honey walnut shrimp, however you want to say it, say it with delicious, authentically cooked American Chinese cuisine from Panda Express. Have you eaten yet? Order now or visit the Panda Express near you. This episode is brought to you by Petivity.

[Wade]

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[Mark]

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[Bob]

Visit petivity.com all December long for a site wide sale sale on all smart devices and at home health tests. This episode is presented by Panda Express. It shouldn't be difficult and maybe it's a bit silly, but we've all been there. Sometimes saying I love you is just hard. Whether it's your partner, someone in your family, a good friend. But when you order tasty, authentically cooked American Chinese cuisine from Panda Express, they'll know what you mean. Because sharing some delicious orange chicken or my personal favorite, the honey walnut shrimp. That means more than words, right? So have you eaten yet? Order now or find your nearest Panda Express.

[Narrator]

Good evening gentle listeners or watchers and welcome to Distractable. This episode. Bopper Bob scans a subreddit conspires with Wade, then recruits the rascals for nefarious trials. Cinemark has audience issues, gains accolades, proposes lethal swinging deadly balls, and battles. Shit Wonder Woman. Wade gets gassed up by hoes, shoots his load. Table slaughter sitting and scotch from killing it to festive merch.

[Mark]

Ha.

[Narrator]

It's time for squid game even tour. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

[Bob]

Hello, and welcome back to America's favorite game show, America's favorite trio, and America's favorite homemade dinner. That's right, you're watching Distractible. Or if you're a loser, you're listening. Distractible. I don't blame you. It's just the facts. I'm your host. My name is Bob. Whoa, no, no, don't, don't. No, I said what I said. They know how we feel about them.

[Wade]

You know, the losers defeated Pennywise.

[Bob]

Huh?

[Wade]

That's true.

[Mark]

Yeah, he's right. No, he's right.

[Bob]

Oh, okay. I'm the host because I won the last one, and I'm gonna be hosting, and we're gonna be playing a game, and I'm gonna be giving points. And the guys who are trying to win this one and host the next one, as always, are Mark and Wade.

[Mark]

Hi.

[Wade]

Hey.

[Mark]

I'm the first one of those.

[Wade]

My name comes with a W baked in.

[Mark]

Flip my name upside down, you get.

[Wade]

Flip mine upside down, you get map 3.

[Bob]

If you flip my name upside down, you get a bop. Welcome back to another episode of hit podcast, Distractible. Thank you so much for joining us, and if you are a listener, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that we're so hard on you, but you deserve it. Boys, how you doing? I'm losing my voice, apparently. I'm gonna stick a cough drop in, but who's got small talk? Who wants to talk about how their life's going?

[Mark]

It's old news by now, but I've been ripped apart on the Home Lab subreddit for the state of my render farm. Did I mention that before in the.

[Wade]

I don't know if I think we talked about that. Yeah, because I hadn't. But only.

[Mark]

I think we talked about between us. Not on an episode.

[Bob]

The pictures are great.

[Wade]

I thought it was on an episode. I remember looking at the pictures.

[Bob]

Never mind.

[Mark]

Ah, whatever.

[Wade]

Okay.

[Mark]

Just in case. If it did, I'll. I'll say I got. Tore it apart for good reasons, yada, yada. If I didn't, you'll never know. You'll never know.

[Bob]

Never gonna know. I can't imagine what they were ripping you apart for.

[Mark]

Well, they weren't actually ripping me apart. Some people were like, hell, yeah, this belongs on this subreddit because all we have are piece of shit home lab setups. And then, like, other people are like, this is not professional at all. And everyone's like, you're on the wrong subreddit if you think we're doing that here. But also, yeah, I don't blame them.

[Wade]

I don't know if I've been featured on any subreddits that aren't directly involving me.

[Mark]

It's most of the time not for good reasons.

[Wade]

Yeah, I kind of hope I've not. I can't imagine when I'm like, oh, yeah, I made it. I made it to the top of shittiest bald people or whatever the hell exists. There's gotta be worse. There's a few worse bald people than me. I think I'm okay. I learned that whenever your car tire pressure isn't default 32, apparently tire pressure places around Cincinnati don't know how to handle that. Even whenever you can set the pressure to what you need to inflate your tire, it's cold. So my car's tires are like. My car's like, you need air. You're gonna die. Get air. I was like, all right. I like to tip people that put air in my tires because you can go to, like, a tire discount or something. They'll put air in your tires for free. But I usually tip the person who comes out in the cold of the rain to do it. I didn't have any cash, so I was like, well, I guess I'll go put air in my own tires. So I just went to, like, a gas station, put some air in my tires, set the thing to whatever, like, 35 and 38 or whatever it was, because it was always 32. Before, every car had 32. This one now 35 and 38.

[Mark]

What do you mean they're all different now?

[Wade]

They've all been the same for me, all two cars. I've owned the same. Therefore, they're all the same. And I put. I put air in the tires. It was like, you did it. You got the correct pressure. Like, yeah. Victory sound. Get in my car, drive for a bit, park the car. Like, man, maybe next time I turn the car, it'll tell me my tire pressures are right. Turn the car back on. Oh, dear God.

[Bob]

Your tire pressures are a mess.

[Wade]

What could they possibly be? Let me look at the fancy Interface that shows me 33, 31, 2935. None of these are what I said to be. But the beep, beep, beep. I had the victory noises. Why did they lie to me?

[Mark]

Are you sure it wasn't a warning?

[Bob]

Warning?

[Wade]

What, do you still need more hair?

[Bob]

Warning.

[Mark]

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

[Bob]

I did it.

[Wade]

Everyone at the gas station, I did it. Kind of. I kind of like, look around, make sure no one's like. If they're looking, it's like, yeah, I'm doing this. My fingers have the weird little oily nastiness on them because I am putting air in my own tires like a big, strong man, you know?

[Bob]

But if you need it, you can come over to my. I have. I have the tool to do that. It's good. It's called an air compressor.

[Wade]

Yeah, I don't have one of those. So I just go to, like, the gas station.

[Bob]

They sell them. Gotta hit the Ryobi days.

[Wade]

They sell really, like, nice little ones, too, that, like a little handheld battery powered ones that are like. It's not like a whole giant air compressor. Compressor.

[Bob]

But the only real downside with those is they're kind of small, but like. Or they're kind of slow because they're kind of small, but, like, those work fine. They go. They generally. They go. You set the thing. You could have one, or you could come borrow mine. You don't have to go to the gas station.

[Wade]

Gas station was a little bit close. See, the thing was, the gas station was on my way to where I was going, and I used to put air and tires at that gas station with the old car, and it was fine. But apparently it can't go past 32, even though it says it can.

[Mark]

I mean, it can.

[Wade]

Why is that?

[Mark]

I don't know the science of it, but. Well, that's it. I don't know the science of it.

[Wade]

That's my life, okay? In the last three episodes, my life has been. I lifted a couch and I failed to get air in my tires. That's all I do.

[Bob]

So is your car still upset at you about the air situation?

[Wade]

Livid. My real car is mine and exists. Is mad at me.

[Bob]

I was giving you that. I was always taking that.

[Wade]

Not everyone has yet. I'm still very touchy about that.

[Mark]

I have security footage of Wade's approach to the. The gas station that the editors have thankfully provided. Oh, yeah, here's him, Flintstone style, sitting in just air, kind of scooting up with a steering wheel up to the gas station air compressor. He gets out, he grabs the hose and just goes around his. Nothing. And he puts in there and he. Through the side of his mouth, you hear?

[Wade]

And then he goes. I'm like Invisible Woman with her wonder. Wonder Woman with her visible, invisible. Never mind, never mind.

[Mark]

No, no, you right, you right.

[Wade]

Come on, brain.

[Mark]

Anyway, sorry, editors. I don't know what the hell you just did there, but I'm sure it was compelling security footage.

[Wade]

They probably just showed like an Ms. Paint image of like a stick figure just standing, holding what looks like a gas pump. It just says air and then nothing else in the picture.

[Mark]

That reminds me, next time I host, I gotta do a sequel of that drawing from Description game that we did a while back.

[Wade]

All the listeners loved that one. I can't wait.

[Mark]

They did.

[Wade]

It was a great episode. It was a great episode. Is that the one where I had to describe someone, like, leaning in through a window or bars or whatever? It was. And Bob was.

[Bob]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we did really good.

[Wade]

We should do it again. Yeah, we should do it again. It's very stressful.

[Mark]

Sometimes the winners get an episode, sometimes the listeners get an episode. It's, you know, it's all. It's all.

[Bob]

It's all.

[Wade]

Whatever it is. Sometimes the winners, sometimes the listeners. Damn.

[Mark]

I didn't say much small talk there.

[Bob]

But you don't have to have much small talk.

[Mark]

Okay, So I had a. At this point, it's probably I. So movies in Cinemark, right? So I had a call with Cinemark and they were. First, they were like, do you have some kind of automated system sending out emails to get, you know, people requesting tickets? And I say, like, no, I actually do have a large fan base. And yes, they're real. And, you know, sometimes they get a little nervous, so they copy and paste other people. They ask, like, how can I email these people? And someone will say, like, this is what I email.

[Wade]

Great.

[Mark]

And copy. Anyway, they asked me to slow down and I had to explain to them, okay, when it's something like this, I can't control them that much because it's kind of very up to their whims. Like, the community will sometimes really latch onto something and they'll be super adamant about it. And I don't even need to say much of anything because it's all started from just me. One comment saying, if it's not your local theater, let them know, ask for it. And apparently Cinemark has. The guy from Cinemark is like, our. Our team is just. The email is just, can you please calm down, please? I'm just like.

[Wade]

But the thing is, if people hadn't reached out. Would they ever talk to you?

[Mark]

No, they wouldn't. But if I say to my audience, oh, guys, slow down, it's working.

[Bob]

They're not going to stop. They're going to go harder. Yeah, that'll just make him do more.

[Mark]

Yeah, they're going to do it more.

[Wade]

Slow down, guys, it's working. Yeah.

[Mark]

Anyway, but this is all things now.

[Bob]

That is. I did see. I. I saw a thing on Reddit. I don't even know if it's true, but I'll talk about it. Like, it's true. I saw a thing on Reddit where someone in like a subreddit that's like theater employees or something was like, this guy has a bot farm setting emails, spamming emails about his movie. He was like moaning about it, and then a bunch of people jumped in and were like, no, that's just us, man. And like that same guy, I don't know if it was the same thread or the same subreddit. He came back later and was like, oh, it's real. Sorry.

[Wade]

I guess I thought he's going to double down now. They found me here too.

[Bob]

No, he was. It was like, oh, you know what it is? People, leave me alone.

[Mark]

No, I did see that they were very nice because they did come back and they show a screenshot of like, yeah, okay. Because they thought at first it was just going to be. They put it up in only like three sales. But that's because not a lot of people get confirmation when it's up.

[Bob]

They have to check.

[Mark]

So then like a few hours later, he's like, oh, it all. Oh, it's almost sold out. So he showed a screenshot of like, the. The screen and all the seats were almost taken. So. Oh, it's real. So it's very nice. I totally understand. From any other perspective, this looks insane, but that's kind of just the nature of online stuff that not a lot of people understand that there are translations to real life that have tangible effect, but it's not always the case. So it's kind of hard to judge where it is. But yeah, no, this has been a real, real fun adventure so far, so.

[Wade]

Can'T wait to do this once a year.

[Bob]

It's funny when normies have to interface with Internet types, they have no idea what they're getting into.

[Wade]

It is strange because, like, before doing YouTube and stuff, Internet culture seems so alien to me. And now I've been a part of it for so long. Like, the thought of not being a part of it's Weird. So when people are like, oh, I can't believe these people are messing. It's like, you idiot. Do you not know our industry or something? It's like, oh, wait, you're not probably.

[Mark]

Yeah. I mean, you guys remember going to Indie popcon and if we tried to tell people that we were stuck at a convention for four days, literally not able to not spend a single second to ourselves, and we had to meet fans every second of that time we were there, I don't think that many people could understand that.

[Wade]

That Friday, it was like 8 or 9am until I think close to 10pm and we did not leave. Yeah, we took bathroom. We would run to the bathroom and I think we had like a sandwich or something brought to us so we could eat, like during the day. But we did not leave that. That staging area at all that day, like, not once.

[Mark]

Yeah, it is a fascinating different world. That is huge. But a lot of these people just never see it, so they don't. They couldn't believe that it exists. Oh. Oh, my packages. Wait, hold on, I got to answer this.

[Bob]

Packages.

[Wade]

Oh, man. We should make another handshake deal that we forget about.

[Bob]

I think at any point we could just be like, so, Mark, we have this handshake deal, and it does exactly what we need it to in this moment.

[Wade]

Perfect. Schrodinger's handshake deal.

[Bob]

Official handshake deal that we just have an in the air, in the air handshake deal.

[Wade]

Emergency.

[Bob]

Handshake emergency, get out of one man show handshake deal. And whatever. Whatever comes up between you and me, whatever the other person says, you just have to jump in and be like, yep, yeah, we made that exact handshake deal. Yeah, that's.

[Mark]

We agreed.

[Wade]

It's a thing to be really awful if we have like, one of the best wins of our career. And then the other person's like, but we have this handshake deal, like, yes.

[Bob]

I think we should use it for mutual benefit. Honestly, I think we should. I think maybe that should be one of the one thing about it is, like, it should be for the good of all three hosts. But it's at our discretion, between you and me, to jump in and do.

[Wade]

Whatever with the thought of it just annoying the crap out of Mark. Knowing it's there, not knowing what it is, but then it actually being good is really funny. I'm back.

[Mark]

Oh, it's something from Spotify. I don't know.

[Bob]

That seems relevant to what we're doing right now.

[Mark]

I got an award.

[Bob]

What is that? What does that say?

[Mark]

The armchair athlete wrapped awards 2025.

[Bob]

What? Hey, if you're getting that, this is.

[Wade]

Unrelated to our episode. So I have a management team I work with for, like, sponsors and stuff. I just got a message from them asking if iron lung is scary. They want to go see it, but they're afraid of taking their kid to see iron lung.

[Mark]

Afraid it are? Well, it depends on how old the kid is. I mean, it's fine for anyone that watches my videos, but does get pretty bloody.

[Bob]

I actually just honestly forget what we were talking about.

[Wade]

Yeah, same something.

[Bob]

Probably not important.

[Mark]

We can move on.

[Wade]

This episode is brought to you by Uber. You know that feeling when someone shows up for you when you need it most? Yeah, we all need that sometimes. And Uber knows that. Uber isn't just a ride or a meal delivered. It's showing up no matter what.

[Mark]

I think that might be them knocking on the door. And because they're, you know, Uber's really good about getting them right to where you are. To them or the FBI. I'm not 100% sure.

[Bob]

Yep.

[Wade]

When it really matters, whatever it is, you show up or there's a will. We're on our way. Uber on our way. Download the app today.

[Bob]

Anyway, I have a game. Let's play a game. This is good. This is kind of. I won't say it's collaborative, but it's almost collaborative. But not really because there's still a winner and a loser. Have you guys seen Squid Game?

[Mark]

No, I've seen the first season.

[Bob]

Okay, first season is enough. Wait, I'll fill you in. So there's a whole flock of squids, and they live in the ocean and. No. Okay, so Squid Game. The premise is they recruit. There's this society of. Spoiler alert. I guess. I don't know if this is old at this point. There's a society of like, hyper wealthy individuals who basically recruit a bunch of people who are in financial dire straits into a tournament where they play games and losers are killed and the one surviving winner wins a fuck jillion dollars and all of their problems are solved. The games that they play are versions of like, childhood games. So they play like red light, green light. They play this. Apparently this is a game in Korea where there's like, shapes made into these little sugar candies and you're supposed to cut the shape out of the. It's like a circular candy, but it'll have like a star stamped in it or like a. Some kind of shape.

[Wade]

Okay.

[Bob]

And you're supposed to get the shape without breaking the shape out of the whole thing. It's like little kids games, right? They play marbles, they play tug of war, stuff like this. I am in charge of throwing the next squid games bash, but I want to spice it up and I want you to pitch me what games from your childhood or our collective childhood would we make the squid games. Games. And I just kind of want. I'm just gonna go back and forth and we're gonna see who comes up with what. So I don't know how many games you guys remember from like recess, elementary school, or if you had any favorites or whatever, but I just kind of want to talk about games we played in our childhood in the context of how are they deadly? Squid game style elimination murder games. Heads is weight, tails is mark. One es is going to go first and then we're just going to go back and forth and you're going to pitch me.

[Mark]

Okay. Got it?

[Bob]

Yep. That is heads. Because the lady is heads.

[Mark]

I don't remember whose heads was.

[Wade]

Yeah, I don't either.

[Bob]

Wade was heads.

[Wade]

That's right.

[Bob]

Bald head heads.

[Wade]

My first proposal is Chutes and Ladders or Snakes and Ladders or whatever version of that you want to have.

[Bob]

Sure.

[Wade]

So without knowing the context, this is like people's deaths and stuff, right?

[Bob]

Yeah, if you. The way these games work is there were multiple rounds, but if you lose a game, you die is supposed to be the premise. So, like, if you get caught in red light, green light, moving on a red light, bullet to the head. Okay.

[Wade]

So the way this is set up is kind of like an obstacle course, whatever, to look like chutes and ladders where you like, run around, climb the ladders, but each like, section is blocked off and you have to like jump on a device that rolls a big dice that tells you how many ahead you get to go. And if you get to a point where you go down the chute, it's death. And if somebody gets to the end, does everyone else die? Like one person gets in and everyone else dies or.

[Bob]

So each game doesn't have to result in one single winner, but the point is to narrow it down from hundreds of people down to one winner.

[Wade]

Okay, so kind of like fall guys, where you have like 13 out of 20.

[Bob]

Okay.

[Wade]

So you have like that kind of number. Okay. So Chutes and Ladders don't go down the chute.

[Bob]

But it's not like you're just playing the board game. It's like some sort of real life.

[Wade]

Oh. It's an obstacle course where you're Running, you have to, like, jump to see how far you get to go with the dice roll how many doors open for you.

[Bob]

Did you play that when you were a kid?

[Wade]

The board game? Yeah. Not the one that involved death.

[Bob]

Did you play Murder, shoots and Ladders when you were a kid?

[Wade]

Well, clearly, I was the winner. All it cost was my whole family.

[Bob]

Dude, no wonder Monopoly gets so heated. Shit, I'm bankrupt.

[Wade]

Sorry, Grandma.

[Bob]

Like that your shotgun. Sounds like a kiss. I appreciate the.

[Wade]

Sorry, grandma. The kiss of death.

[Mark]

All right, I got one.

[Bob]

Go for it.

[Mark]

Jump rope.

[Bob]

Right.

[Wade]

I had that one in mind.

[Mark]

So it's. It's both. You have other players that have to. It's. It's traditional, like schoolyard jump rope, where you have other players that are swinging it. And then you have to jump in the middle there and do your dance and sing the whatever. And then you have to get out without touching the rope. The rope is obviously some kind of laser, like, from Kingsman, where he had the whip that was just, like, somehow electrically cut things.

[Wade]

Sure.

[Mark]

Actually like a lightsaber, but controllable. But this one's always on. It's like, lightsaber will cut you to shreds. So obviously, if you get hit, your foot gets cut off and you kind of fall and you get sliced to ribbons. And all the other players are like.

[Bob]

And you have to jump into the gore to continue playing.

[Mark]

Exactly. So it gets slippery and you. Well, maybe a little cleanup, but.

[Bob]

So you're saying that the people spinning the ropes are also players, so they have a stake in the game or.

[Mark]

So the way I've seen some extreme games go is, like, they're rotating out from who's holding it. So you not only have to do this. Sometimes they get two, sometimes it's one, and then they can rotate out who's holding it, and they kind of switch out and do this dance. But let's just assume for the sake of balance in this one, it's the guards doing the swinging. Or else they could, you know, make it not fair. Or it's a robot or something that gets faster. The big robot thing.

[Bob]

Jump rope robot. I like that.

[Mark]

Just so it's consistent.

[Bob]

Right. There's the red light, green light. Robot in the original Squid in the first season of Squid game. So, like, I could see that it could be the same robot. You just get an arm on it, and then she could say the creepy stuff. She says, I like that. I would be awful at that.

[Wade]

Yeah.

[Mark]

I would not be good either.

[Bob]

Ignoring how out of shape I am. I Couldn't even jump rope when I was at my best physical peak of performance. I don't understand how it works. It's like wizards shit. I accept it, Wade.

[Wade]

Musical chairs, do they have to.

[Bob]

Do you have to kill people to take the chairs, or how do they die? What part of that is deadly?

[Wade]

I think, like, there's some kind of safety device that comes down. So, like, if you get in the chair in time, like, the moment you sit, something closes really quickly. So if someone goes to try to grab you out, they're likely going to have, like, a limb severed or something. So maybe. Maybe they pull you out and hurt you. But, like, ultimately, you, or whatever is left of you when that device comes down is safe. And if you're not safe, incinerator or something horrible happens.

[Bob]

Man. I was thinking I couldn't remember a lot of games from my childhood that would be good for this, but you guys are all over it. I think those are all winners so far.

[Wade]

Yes.

[Bob]

And, like, musical chairs could be funny because you could play songs that are, like, ironic because the people are all killing each other for money, you know? Could be like that. What's that? Money, money, money, money, money. Stuff like that. Very funny. Mark, hit me.

[Mark]

Dodgeball. So it's dodgeball with explosive balls, right? So it's keyed up somehow to only explode when it hits the enemy.

[Wade]

Okay.

[Mark]

No, I got it. Because you have to have all the rules of dodgeball. So if it bounces off you and it flies in the air and someone catches it, it's still a save. And if you catch it, it somehow has to reassemble the exploded person that died in your team to bring them back in.

[Bob]

Right? No, I think. I think the way around that is you have a line of people waiting to get into the game. And if someone dies, we don't undy them. Someone else comes in.

[Mark]

That's right. A new person comes. Until you're out of new people or your whole team loses. This is great. This is great. Yeah. So it's somehow explosive, but only after being thrown, and only if it hits the ground after it hits you or something like that. Maybe it's just on contact. I think it might be a little unrealistic to be able to.

[Bob]

No, no, I think we could. What I'm. What I'm seeing is you inject a small explosive into the base of everyone's neck, and then you have a series of referees watching. And as long as the referees confer, they're watching. The. They're like, that player is out and they get. You get confirmation and then they just go, boop.

[Mark]

There's a flag on the play. We're going to review the call to see if it's valid.

[Bob]

Number 133 might be dead. We're going to review the play. You stand over there in the box until we come to. They're just standing there like, well, wait a minute. No, I like that, that we can make that work. We have all the money in the world, basically. So the technology you don't have to worry about too much as long as the rules make sense. I feel like that makes sense. Is it. Do we split the whole group into two teams then? Is it just like 1/2 versus 1/2 or is there multiple.

[Mark]

I think it's like the, the tug of war thing where there's multiple teams.

[Bob]

There's like groups.

[Mark]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think so. It depends on where in the competition it is.

[Bob]

I'm going to run out of slots here. Wait, do you have another one?

[Wade]

Yeah, it's a little bit of a work in progress here. It's collaborative. Right. So work with me here. Hopscotch. So hopscotch is the game where you draw like squares on the ground, like one square or two squares, and you throw something, it lands on one of the squares. I think you have to like, you know, one foot, hop on the single square, put one foot in the two, one, whatever. The thing is, I think you have to skip the square you threw the thing in and like turn around, come back, pick it up and finish hopping. So imagine like a more like hardcore version of hopscotch where you have to do the hopping and whatnot, but there's like things in the way and hurdles and then you have to throw your whatever, skip that square. And as time goes on and people are like weeded out, the last however many left get to live. But if you miss your square or trip over one of the obstacles, not gonna go well. Like pressure plates or something.

[Mark]

I like it also.

[Wade]

I gotta be honest, I actually confused hopscotch and tic tac toe for a minute, name wise. And I was like, yeah, tic tac toe. That game where you hop. Wait a minute, Hopscotch.

[Mark]

They have to go down and come back, right?

[Bob]

You have to go down and come back. And there's something about throwing a rock.

[Mark]

There's something about. Yeah, the rock throwing.

[Bob]

There's.

[Mark]

There's more to it than I think there was being.

[Wade]

Yeah, I never actually did hop. I saw people play hopscotch, but I never actually did it.

[Bob]

I never did it correctly. I always just goofed around in the hopscotch area. I feel like that works. I'm not like in love with that one. That's like a bubble one. I'm going to give you a provisional point which I'm going to say for wheel purposes counts as a lie point.

[Wade]

I'll take it.

[Bob]

I'll take it. Mark. Wow me. You've been killing it. Way better than Wade so far.

[Mark]

Thank you. Life sized dipping into board games. Life size battleship. Right, so it's the two teams. They can't see each other. You have one person that's calling the shots and everyone else is like strung together on a boat. Right, A boat. And so they have to position themselves and it's real missiles coming in, short range explosions. And it's enough that if you're in a chain of three, then the middle guy gets missiled in his blood. But you're still there. You're still. And it's on the water too. So you're actually floating. You got little lifesavers. That's what the boats are. They're chained together. Lifesavers. And you're just like. Or maybe it's sharks underneath the water and they come and grab you.

[Bob]

Ooh, drama. I think the sharks are the backup. I think if someone tries to escape or if someone is a coward and tries to move because they think they're about to get hit, then that's when the sharks come in. I like the sharks though, because you. It is. You have to think about the presentation. We're trying to entertain a room full of the hyper wealthy here. They've seen it all. Trained sharks would be quite the thing. I like that. I honestly think that's pretty much a full slate.

[Wade]

That's all the squid games.

[Bob]

So we have our own squid games. This next part, I just want to go through these. What we've picked out, I want us to decide between the three of us which one of you two we think would win. And we'll have to just pick the winner of the squid games, which doesn't mean you're the winning of the episode, but it just means you would win the squid games. I like those games a lot. I'm impressed. And this first one, I might say is a coin flip. I'm not sure. Chutes and Ladders. It's kind of random, right? It's not really skill.

[Wade]

Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

[Bob]

Is that one kind of a coin flip?

[Wade]

I would say if you're playing the right way. It is.

[Bob]

All right, well, I'm just gonna do a coin flip for it. Heads his way. Tails his mark. That is another lady of heads. Woo. Well, Wade suggested chutes and Ladders, and Wade win. Shoots and ladders.

[Wade]

I love luck when it's on my side. It's over here right now. Isn't that right, luck?

[Bob]

Jump rope. I glad I'm not competing because I would definitely lose between the three of us. But it's between you guys. Mark, you were. I don't know if it was this one. No, it was a recent episode. You were talking about how you want to get back in shape and work out more. So I don't know how you feel about your current, but, Wade, I feel like you moan a lot about not being in shape. You recently hurt your back. You got knee problems.

[Wade]

I will say, when I was in shape, jumping was a thing I loved to do. I would. I used to practice jumping because I wanted to dunk so badly that I would just, like, sit there, jump, slap the backboard. Jump, slap the backboard. So, like, I did a lot of jump rope, like, things in order to get to the point where I could dunk a basketball. I don't know how well I'd handle it now, but jumping was actually the one thing I didn't mind doing.

[Bob]

That's true. You did play a jump focused sport. I don't know, Mark. I don't. Honestly, I know you guys pretty well. I feel like I have no sense of how good you are at jump rope. Mark, have you ever done it?

[Mark]

I've jump roped, but even when I was doing it working out, I'm never really able to keep it up for that very long, even just by myself. So doing it for a minute straight would be an impressive feat for me. No pun intended.

[Bob]

Cut it. Cut it out. Cut it out. Cut that out. I guess we're giving that to Wade. Jumping Wade is our jump king.

[Wade]

Like, the jump king. Oh, okay.

[Bob]

Yeah. I was getting there. I was going musical chairs. This is another tricky one.

[Wade]

I was terrible at musical chairs because, like, I take a moment to process, and whenever the song ends, it's like my brain, like, continues humming the song rather than hurrying to a chair. Like, it kind of like you do.

[Bob]

Have questionable reaction times sometimes.

[Wade]

I'm not very dexterous.

[Bob]

Yeah, Mark, I feel like you'd be pretty good at musical chairs.

[Mark]

Musical chairs gives me stress, like, anxiety. The idea of even being in a game of musical chairs gives me more anxiety than almost any other game you could think of.

[Bob]

Is it, like, positive, like, on your toes? Very Performance, you know, like, you do better under the pressure, or is it, like, you would crumble?

[Mark]

I think. No, I think I would perform fine. It's just, like, I don't like the idea of doing it, but I feel like that might spur me on to be quicker with my reactions. Hopefully, I might be clumsier.

[Wade]

When people's lives weren't on the line, kids were fucking aggressive with musical chairs. They would, like, knock people on the floor. Like, there was. It was very violent. I can only imagine how awful that would be. Like, life or death. Musical chairs. That sounds terrible.

[Bob]

Does sound terrible. I think we should do it. Okay, next one. Mark's explosion. Dodgeball.

[Wade]

I was terrible at dodgeball, too. I'm big. I'm a big target. So, like, I was easy to hit.

[Bob]

I know you. You played a ball sport, Wade, but I feel like you're kind of. You're kind of taller, like, lankier, like, unless you have some very hidden talents.

[Wade]

Baseball, soccer, and dodgeball were the three that never clicked. I could tennis. I could. Volleyball, basketball, football, baseball, soccer, and dodgeball. I fucking hated. Everyone was always so excited on dodgeball days. I hated dodgeball day in gym class. I hated it with a passion. That's my. One of my least favorites because I just got hit a lot, never caught the damn ball.

[Bob]

That sounds like you're just conceding to begin with, but.

[Wade]

Well, kind of, because I was terrible at it, and I'm big and easy to hit.

[Bob]

Mark, how bad are you at dodgeball? Are you worse than Wade at dodgeball?

[Wade]

I'm actually.

[Mark]

Because I am a slightly smaller target. Slightly.

[Bob]

Very.

[Mark]

It's really close, but I got to give it to him on.

[Bob]

You're a perfectly average target.

[Mark]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Really? Truly. I mean, honestly, you could catching, too.

[Wade]

When we played football and stuff, you were good at catching things.

[Mark]

I was decent at catching. I. I think that I. I am a little nimble. I think I can do some of this.

[Wade]

That's the thing. I'm not nimble. Big, not nimble.

[Mark]

I think I might have a little bit of an edge on this one.

[Bob]

I'm gonna give you that. I'm gonna give you the dodgeball.

[Mark]

Thank you.

[Wade]

That's. I. I think that's. I. I can't even argue dodgeball in my favor. I was terrible at. And hated it.

[Bob]

And then the last one, I think we're gonna go with the Battleship. This one is also kind of random, but it is a skill game. And you guys are like. We joke about how Wade pretends to Be stupider than he is. And he plays a fool and stuff and like you are, you are a clever guy. But I feel like in different ways I could see both of you being pretty good at Battleships.

[Wade]

I was bad as a kid. I remember. Okay, I can't say, but I had one time where my dad fooled the hell out of me. We played Battleship and he grouped all of his ships together and I hit one and I started going across and he was like, hit, hit, hit. And I got to like six in a row and I was like, you're cheating. There's no ship that big. Because I was hitting him like this one, I got mad and like rage quit. And he had to show me I'm.

[Mark]

Getting too much success here. How dare you.

[Wade]

So that's when I learned like different strategies for Battleship as to how to group your stuff and not group you. Like you can kind of really mix it up and then like trying to strategically find things across the board because you don't want to spend too many pips in one like corner. But you do want to make sure you narrow things, especially that one by two, that little tiny ass boat. So I got to be okay at Battleship, but I've also not played that.

[Mark]

In like 20 years. Perfectly reasonably sized boat, by the way. Just because it's two, it's not tiny, itty bitty. It's actually pretty, pretty normal.

[Wade]

Very small. Barely fit a normal human sized person on it.

[Mark]

I don't know about that. I think you can fit a lot on it. Perfectly reasonable.

[Wade]

I always like the big aircraft carrier. You would, you would. I don't know. I don't know who would win that.

[Bob]

What's your personal history with battleships, Mark?

[Mark]

I was very good at cheating, but only if my brother was around. So he, we would give each other signals of like we had a little, little system to tell each other where they were.

[Bob]

Well, if you can get your brother recruited into the game, then you guys could kind of.

[Mark]

I'm sure that won't end in a horribly traumatizing way for one of us.

[Bob]

Yeah, I think that probably be fine. No, but in the, in the, in the series, don't cheaters just get executed in that thing? Probably, yeah, probably. If you're. If your strategy would be to cheat, I think that would get you in trouble.

[Wade]

What can you do?

[Bob]

Well, you could not cheat, I guess.

[Mark]

But what could you do?

[Bob]

Thanks for playing along, boys. Now I know what's going to happen when I host this year's annual Squid games.

[Wade]

We host, right? We don't have to compete, right?

[Bob]

You guys could play if you want. You want. You want to get recruited?

[Wade]

You playing with us?

[Bob]

Come on, dude. Come play.

[Wade]

You want to play?

[Bob]

Come play.

[Wade]

Bob's like, I play from up here in this chair in the safety zone. You play down here on the murder board.

[Bob]

Yeah. We all have our roles. And your role is. Is down there with the people. Mark, you got points for Home Lab Gore. I forgot, but I gave you a point. Bot farmer. Mark. Jump rope. Explosive dodgeball. Life size battleships. Winning musical chairs and Winning dodgeball. Wade, you got points for being correct, as admitted by Mark being a big strong man. Chutes and ladders. Obstacle course. The musical chairs game. I gave you a lie point. You won Chutes and Ladders. You won jump rope. And you won Battleships making the final score eight to eight. Ooh, dam.

[Mark]

I'm hoping for the mythical zero on.

[Wade]

The number of spins or a two or a one that goes to listeners or viewers.

[Bob]

Yeah, no, there's a lot of ways this could become a problem for me. I see what you're getting at.

[Wade]

Sudden death.

[Bob]

I. Or what if it was just normal and one of you just won because of how the number. The number of points that happened.

[Mark]

That's BO. We want this show to be exciting and thrilling.

[Wade]

Unless we're the host. Then we want normal.

[Bob]

Two it is. That's what I like to see.

[Wade]

Oh, Daddy's got ribs on the grill with some barbecue sauce. What?

[Bob]

What's happening?

[Wade]

I don't know. I'm hungry, I guess.

[Bob]

Again, I want to give a point to whomever has the worst weather.

[Wade]

I've not seen the sky today. Bob, what's it like in Cincinnati?

[Bob]

It's not bad. It's cold.

[Wade]

I haven't seen this.

[Bob]

Two spins. Please help me. Spin number one is no point. Fuck you.

[Wade]

Come on. Okay, well, no re spinning that. It's pretty straightforward.

[Bob]

Spin number two is also no point. Fuck you. But it would be me.

[Wade]

Wow.

[Bob]

It's the one I just added. Worst weather near. Well, I mean, it's probably Wade, I guess.

[Wade]

41 degrees, mostly sunny.

[Mark]

Wait, hold on.

[Bob]

We don't go outside. I don't know why I added this. This is a terrible idea.

[Mark]

It's like we could pretend it's really nice out today. It's like 80, you know.

[Bob]

Oh, geez. Do you have any, like, tsunamis or anything or.

[Mark]

No, no. It's nice.

[Bob]

That's a weight point right there.

[Wade]

Yes. Take a lot. Well, no, there's times where Mark will win that one.

[Bob]

Yeah, I mean, it's Certain, Like, I think weather includes, like, if there are wildfires within a mile of your house. And, you know, I think Mark. Mark has ups and downs, but that one might be a little skewed. And against Mark, I don't know. That's total, total accident. It's fine, Wade. You're the winner. Give us a winner speech. Eh?

[Wade]

Fun episode. I'm glad I got to learn everything. That was the squid game, so I'm glad we got to build one. And I can't wait to not have to compete, but to get to help Bob host one. So I look forward to that. Thanks, man.

[Bob]

Mm. Absolutely. I'm excited to have you. Assuming my overlords allow it. Mark, loser speech.

[Mark]

You know, I went into this one thinking that I would win. Unfortunately, that didn't happen, which is really a surprise. I usually win these things, and the fact that I didn't kind of makes me suspicious of things, but not enough to say any words that are gonna have any negative impact. So I think that I'll just leave it at that and just say, hey, the truth is out there.

[Bob]

Yeah, I know. Yeah, the truth is out there. Congratulations, Wade and Mark. I'm sorry. Honestly, it felt like you were winning the whole time.

[Wade]

It really did.

[Mark]

But, you know, it's okay.

[Bob]

It happens. That doesn't always translate into, you know, actually being the winner, but that's fine. Thank you so much, both of you, for playing. I once again can't tell if that game was any fun at all. I'm sure the listeners and viewers will let me know in the subreddit. I'm curious. I hate it. So that probably means that you'll think it's the best episode we've ever done. Well, I don't hate it. I just. I just had to. I thought it'd be funnier. And then I started talking, and then. It's probably my fault.

[Wade]

As an intellectual, I enjoyed it.

[Mark]

Intellectual as in what? You heard him.

[Bob]

Make sure you follow us on Socials. Markiplier Lordminion777 micekirm merch.

[Mark]

Yes, we do have a brand new selection of Christmas merch available right now, including ornaments and if you go to distractible shop, not any other form of it, there are fake ones out there. There's a fun Christmas sweater and a Christmas ornament.

[Bob]

The ornament is really cool. I like it. It says, editors make it. Christmas is very cool.

[Wade]

You can get in red or green.

[Bob]

The colors of Christmas. Also, hey, make sure you check out iron lung ironlong.com cool movie spam your local movie theater with as many emails as you can get through your. You know, just make them confused. Make them think it's a. Mr. Mark.

[Wade]

Is crying right now. No, no, like Cinna. His name is Cinnamon Mark.

[Bob]

Oh.

[Mark]

Oh, I see.

[Bob]

That's his father. Anyway, that's it. Wade's going to host the next one because he's a bajillionaire now because he wins the squid game. Thanks for playing. Thanks for listening, thanks for watching. Podcast out and I'm dead.

[Mark]

I'm dead in Guam. Put me floating in Guam.

[Narrator]

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